October 10, 2025 • 13 mins
On this episode of “Tommy Talk,” Tommy discusses how to try to break the habit of comparing yourself to other people. Do you ever catch yourself endlessly scrolling on social media, wondering why you don’t have what someone else has personally or professionally? Comparison Syndrome is very real — we all go through some version of it. But it’s quite unhealthy and can often be toxic. The time we spend comparing ourselves to other people is time that we can instead use to invest in ourselves. Here is my journey with comparison syndrome, and some ways to help you break the habit.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. Today's topic is all
about comparison syndrome. It is oh Man comparison syndrome is
It's It's a big topic, and today's conversation is how
we need to stop comparing ourselves to other people. This
I feel it could be a four hour long conversation,
but I'm going to do my best to keep this
(00:22):
bite size about ten minutes long. But let me tell you,
we as a society, as humanity, love to compare ourselves
to colleagues, to friends, to peers, to public figures. And
there is no upside to doing that. There just isn't.
(00:43):
And I'm going to get a little personal on my
end right now and share with you that I was
literally one of the biggest comparers ever I was. When
I was coming up in this business and transitioning into
this interviewing space, I wanted nothing more than to be
doing these big interviews. I love the entertainment business. I
(01:04):
just I love movies and TV and all of it.
And I just wanted to interview today's artists that make
us all feel so good. And it took me a
minute to get there. And when I was on my
journey of getting there. What I would do is I
would go on Instagram and look at people that were
already there, who I either did a little bit of
(01:24):
work with before or who I saw in the space,
and I would obsessively check their accounts to see what
they were doing, who they were interviewing, what was going
on in their careers, for no other reason but just
to kind of keep tabs on these people in a
somewhat envious way. And it was really unhealthy. And I'm
(01:47):
not sure I've ever said that out loud or I've
ever said that before, but there are people I would
look up who I wasn't friends with, who were also
not very nice people, but I just needed to keep
seeing what they were doing, which, by the way, ended
up making me feel worse about where I was in
my life because I wanted to be there so badly
and I wasn't. It's not like I was going to
their accounts to learn or feel inspired or you know,
(02:11):
get motivated or any of that. I was going just
to kind of be a nosy nelly and see what
they were doing that I was not doing. It was
all kind of like a rubbing salt in the wound
of wanting to be somewhere that I wasn't, so let
me see what these people are doing to show myself
even more that I'm not achieving the goals I want
to achieve. It really was a tough, a tough go
(02:31):
for me for a minute, and I think a lot
of people have been there in doing that and comparing
ourselves to people in a way that's not healthy, in
a way that's like, oh my god, look they're doing
this and I'm not. Oh my life, fuck my life.
Like it's it's a cycle that you have to pull
yourself out of. And maybe it's a part of growing up,
maybe it's a part of human growth, but it's tough.
(02:53):
It is tough, and I think that especially with social media,
we're always seeing what other people are doing and it
can feel very natural to compare ourselves to others, and
you don't have to. It doesn't have to be that way.
It's hard to sometimes think, you know, I'm doing good,
I'm on a good path, I'm really killing it because
there's so much being thrown at you on a regular
(03:14):
basis of what other people are doing. So you have
to have a very strong, healthy mentality and belief in
yourself and a good grounding sense of who you are
to not let the comparison syndrome overtake you. And there
are a few things that I find helpful in doing that.
And look, we're all works in progress. I can't sit
here and say I've never fallen into that again over
(03:36):
the last few years, but what I can say for
sure is I have never been more self assured of
who I am and less interested in what other people
are doing as a result. So I think for number one,
my biggest tip is the time and energy you spend
comparing yourself to other people is the time you should
(03:57):
be using to be proactive in your own life. So
if you're on Instagram scrolling people to see what they're
doing that you're not like I was, or you're complaining
about your life or other people, or you're kind of
sitting in your office not really feeling motivated because you
don't feel valued because other people are maybe having more
(04:18):
perceived success than you are. Be proactive. Use all that
time that is precious and that you will never get
back to focus on you. Put the time back into you.
If there are goals you have and things you want
to achieve, go do it. I got my start in
interviewing because I launched a series on YouTube. I hired
someone who worked at YouTube. I started interviewing people all
(04:40):
around New York City that were business owners and we
would do experiential things together. An example is Macha tea
became popular. I went to Brooklyn to the first Macha cafe.
We made drinks. What is Macha? We talked about it,
I interviewed him, I put it on YouTube, and I
started doing this on my own for like eight months
before someone in the hosting world at the Rachel Ray
Show found me and gave me my break in television,
(05:00):
in the hosting world, so to speak, in the national
TV world, and that's where my career took off. So
I invested time in me. I stopped complaining, I stopped
stalking people's accounts that made me feel horrible, and I
made action and I did something to further my future.
So take that time to focus on you. I can't
tell you what to do, because that's all dependent on
(05:22):
what your industry is and what you're into, but really
investing yourself, I can promise you the people you're looking
at or comparing yourself to, are not doing that back
at you. They're not. They are like forward thinking and
invested in their future, and that's what you need to
be too. So take the time and energy that you
will never get back again and focus on you. It's
(05:46):
something that sounds crazy because we should be doing that
by default, right, and I haven't over the years at
different points in my life. But you should be doing it,
and it's not selfish. It's preserving your peace and your
future legacy. So invest that time in you because it's men. Oh,
it's so important, and we don't do it enough. I think.
(06:08):
Another important thing is the social media of it all.
You can't follow people that just don't make you feel good,
or if you feel like you're too invested in their life,
don't follow them, or don't even look them up. Maybe
you're not following them, maybe you just keep looking them
up online. Don't do it. Don't do it because it's
not making you feel good. And again, it's taking time
(06:29):
away from your own orbit of what you should be
doing and what you want to be doing. So don't
do it. Right, It's very very simple, and the more
you condition yourself not to do it, the less you'll
do it, and then eventually you'll just stop and That's
what happened to me over the years. I just stopped.
I stopped looking at the people that weren't making me
feel good by the way that I wasn't even following,
(06:50):
which allowed more time to do the things I want
to do. So just stop paying attention to the outside noise,
especially on social media, when it comes to people not
making you feel your best. You don't need that energy
in your life. You really really don't. The next thing is,
oh God, and I feel like this is where an
eye roll might come in. But stay with me. Please
(07:10):
stay with me. I promise you. And this is not
going to sound as cringe as it's sounding in my
head right now. You got to count your blessings. You
have to count your blessings. I don't care if you're
sitting there saying, well, I don't feel like I have
many right now. I promise you you have at least
a couple if you really think about it, because it
can always be worse, and the blessings can be anything
(07:33):
it can be. I'm grateful and feel blessed for a spouse,
a singular friend, a job, health, a roof over our heads.
You know I say that every night. I'm grateful for
a roof over my head because I am and I
don't want to lose sight of those things. So once
you start realizing the things in your life that you
(07:54):
are grateful for and that you can count your blessings with,
it changes mentality. It shifts meant and that is so
important even with work if you're not exactly where you
want to be. But let's say you had a great
day or a great presentation, or led a meeting or
did a great spreadsheet that you're proud of. Acknowledge it
count your blessings. You did it, you did something amazing,
(08:15):
rock on like, I'm proud of you. I am fucking
proud of you. And if no one's telling you that,
I'm telling you that I am proud of you. It
doesn't always have to be something on this grand scale.
So just take stock of what you're grateful for, what
you feel blessed by, big or small, And it really
does shift your personality in terms of not wanting to
always seek validation from other people, because that's a lot
(08:36):
of what comparison syndrome is. It's wanting people to see
you in a certain way, and you wanting to see
yourself in a certain way, and I think that we
just put such an emphasis on the grand scale of
things that it doesn't have to be that grand. It
really doesn't. And man, that will change everything. And I
think lastly, one of the biggest things I can offer
you in terms of you know, not wanting to compare
(08:59):
yourself to others, is be a student. Never stop being
a student. I don't care if you were the most
successful CEO in the world making billions of dollars. I
guarantee you that CEO is still listening to podcasts on
how to better themself or their business or something in
(09:20):
that world. I'm not commenting on anyone's personality. I'm just saying, like,
when when you constantly want to learn and grow and
be a student and never feel like you know what
I made it, I'm where I want to be, I
needed no more future work. That's a problem. But if
you're always investing in yourself and being a student, you're
working towards your goals, You're working towards the things you
want to achieve personally and professionally. So you want to
(09:44):
make sure that if you want to do something that
other people are doing, well, what are you doing about it?
What are you doing about it? Are you just complaining?
Are you actually investing that time and energy into yourself
and being a student so you can get to a
place that's similar or better or equal? Do you know
what I'm saying. You've got to invest in yourself and
(10:04):
in your time by being a student in anything. Here's
something else, you know. I'm an entertainment reporter by day,
but it's my dream to get a movie made. And
I wrote a script for a romantic comedy and it's
really damn good, if I can say soon myself. I
mean maybe I'm biased, but I have had some people
read it in the business and they seem to really
like it, and I will get it made. I'm determined
(10:27):
to get it made one day. I'm not sitting here saying,
oh my god, X, Y and Z got the movie
made and I'll never do it. I mean, sometimes I
see things and I'm like, how did that get made?
That kind of sucked, But that's just artistic opinion. But instead,
I wrote a movie and I'm trying to work on
figuring out how to get it made. Like that's it.
I'm not wallowing in the you know, oh it will
(10:48):
never happen or this person has four movies made no no,
I just I did it. I did the work. It
took a long time, I did it. Do the work.
Be a student. The bottom line, y'all is comparison can
be motivating and inspiring and uplifting if you're looking to
someone as a mentor figure. And I'm all about that.
(11:11):
I love that I have people that inspire me and
motivate me, and that I want to continue to kind
of look at as someone that's a guiding light in
my world professionally and personally. But when someone starts making
you feel bad about yourself, or furthermore, when you are
making yourself feel badly because you're the ones seeking validation
(11:35):
from these sources that are not making you feel your best,
you got to stop and figure out what to do
to make yourself feel good. And hopefully some of these
tips and tricks will help you. But I just want
you to know I see you, and I feel you,
and I'm proud of you. And I know that's something
we don't all get in general, is a lot of
people don't say that they're proud of us, or we
(11:55):
don't feel seen a lot. So I think it's important
for your friends to do that to you, right, and
I always my friends up as well, and like, I
see you. You're amazing, You're gorgeous, you're a queen, you're
a king, you're killing it, you're crushing, and I fucking
love you. You're everything. You're the best. Like, let's do
that more for each other and it will help along
the way of where we're going to reach our personal
and professional goals. But please, please, please, please stop comparing
(12:17):
yourself to other people as much as you can, and
it will be a journey in a work in progress,
because I promise you, no one is you, Nobody is you,
nobody can offer what you can offer. There is only
one you, and baby, you are fantastic, So don't ever
forget it. I've Never Said This Before is hosted by
(12:38):
Me Tommy Diderio. This podcast is executive produced by Andrew
Puglisi at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy, with editing by
Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said This Before is part of
the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more,
rate review and subscribe to our show and if you
like this episode, tell your friends. Until next time, I'm
(13:01):
Tommy di Dario m h m hm
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. Today's topic is all
about comparison syndrome. It is oh Man comparison syndrome is
It's It's a big topic, and today's conversation is how
we need to stop comparing ourselves to other people. This
I feel it could be a four hour long conversation,
but I'm going to do my best to keep this
(00:22):
bite size about ten minutes long. But let me tell you,
we as a society, as humanity, love to compare ourselves
to colleagues, to friends, to peers, to public figures. And
there is no upside to doing that. There just isn't.
(00:43):
And I'm going to get a little personal on my
end right now and share with you that I was
literally one of the biggest comparers ever I was. When
I was coming up in this business and transitioning into
this interviewing space, I wanted nothing more than to be
doing these big interviews. I love the entertainment business. I
(01:04):
just I love movies and TV and all of it.
And I just wanted to interview today's artists that make
us all feel so good. And it took me a
minute to get there. And when I was on my
journey of getting there. What I would do is I
would go on Instagram and look at people that were
already there, who I either did a little bit of
(01:24):
work with before or who I saw in the space,
and I would obsessively check their accounts to see what
they were doing, who they were interviewing, what was going
on in their careers, for no other reason but just
to kind of keep tabs on these people in a
somewhat envious way. And it was really unhealthy. And I'm
(01:47):
not sure I've ever said that out loud or I've
ever said that before, but there are people I would
look up who I wasn't friends with, who were also
not very nice people, but I just needed to keep
seeing what they were doing, which, by the way, ended
up making me feel worse about where I was in
my life because I wanted to be there so badly
and I wasn't. It's not like I was going to
their accounts to learn or feel inspired or you know,
(02:11):
get motivated or any of that. I was going just
to kind of be a nosy nelly and see what
they were doing that I was not doing. It was
all kind of like a rubbing salt in the wound
of wanting to be somewhere that I wasn't, so let
me see what these people are doing to show myself
even more that I'm not achieving the goals I want
to achieve. It really was a tough, a tough go
(02:31):
for me for a minute, and I think a lot
of people have been there in doing that and comparing
ourselves to people in a way that's not healthy, in
a way that's like, oh my god, look they're doing
this and I'm not. Oh my life, fuck my life.
Like it's it's a cycle that you have to pull
yourself out of. And maybe it's a part of growing up,
maybe it's a part of human growth, but it's tough.
(02:53):
It is tough, and I think that especially with social media,
we're always seeing what other people are doing and it
can feel very natural to compare ourselves to others, and
you don't have to. It doesn't have to be that way.
It's hard to sometimes think, you know, I'm doing good,
I'm on a good path, I'm really killing it because
there's so much being thrown at you on a regular
(03:14):
basis of what other people are doing. So you have
to have a very strong, healthy mentality and belief in
yourself and a good grounding sense of who you are
to not let the comparison syndrome overtake you. And there
are a few things that I find helpful in doing that.
And look, we're all works in progress. I can't sit
here and say I've never fallen into that again over
(03:36):
the last few years, but what I can say for
sure is I have never been more self assured of
who I am and less interested in what other people
are doing as a result. So I think for number one,
my biggest tip is the time and energy you spend
comparing yourself to other people is the time you should
(03:57):
be using to be proactive in your own life. So
if you're on Instagram scrolling people to see what they're
doing that you're not like I was, or you're complaining
about your life or other people, or you're kind of
sitting in your office not really feeling motivated because you
don't feel valued because other people are maybe having more
(04:18):
perceived success than you are. Be proactive. Use all that
time that is precious and that you will never get
back to focus on you. Put the time back into you.
If there are goals you have and things you want
to achieve, go do it. I got my start in
interviewing because I launched a series on YouTube. I hired
someone who worked at YouTube. I started interviewing people all
(04:40):
around New York City that were business owners and we
would do experiential things together. An example is Macha tea
became popular. I went to Brooklyn to the first Macha cafe.
We made drinks. What is Macha? We talked about it,
I interviewed him, I put it on YouTube, and I
started doing this on my own for like eight months
before someone in the hosting world at the Rachel Ray
Show found me and gave me my break in television,
(05:00):
in the hosting world, so to speak, in the national
TV world, and that's where my career took off. So
I invested time in me. I stopped complaining, I stopped
stalking people's accounts that made me feel horrible, and I
made action and I did something to further my future.
So take that time to focus on you. I can't
tell you what to do, because that's all dependent on
(05:22):
what your industry is and what you're into, but really
investing yourself, I can promise you the people you're looking
at or comparing yourself to, are not doing that back
at you. They're not. They are like forward thinking and
invested in their future, and that's what you need to
be too. So take the time and energy that you
will never get back again and focus on you. It's
(05:46):
something that sounds crazy because we should be doing that
by default, right, and I haven't over the years at
different points in my life. But you should be doing it,
and it's not selfish. It's preserving your peace and your
future legacy. So invest that time in you because it's men. Oh,
it's so important, and we don't do it enough. I think.
(06:08):
Another important thing is the social media of it all.
You can't follow people that just don't make you feel good,
or if you feel like you're too invested in their life,
don't follow them, or don't even look them up. Maybe
you're not following them, maybe you just keep looking them
up online. Don't do it. Don't do it because it's
not making you feel good. And again, it's taking time
(06:29):
away from your own orbit of what you should be
doing and what you want to be doing. So don't
do it. Right, It's very very simple, and the more
you condition yourself not to do it, the less you'll
do it, and then eventually you'll just stop and That's
what happened to me over the years. I just stopped.
I stopped looking at the people that weren't making me
feel good by the way that I wasn't even following,
(06:50):
which allowed more time to do the things I want
to do. So just stop paying attention to the outside noise,
especially on social media, when it comes to people not
making you feel your best. You don't need that energy
in your life. You really really don't. The next thing is,
oh God, and I feel like this is where an
eye roll might come in. But stay with me. Please
(07:10):
stay with me. I promise you. And this is not
going to sound as cringe as it's sounding in my
head right now. You got to count your blessings. You
have to count your blessings. I don't care if you're
sitting there saying, well, I don't feel like I have
many right now. I promise you you have at least
a couple if you really think about it, because it
can always be worse, and the blessings can be anything
(07:33):
it can be. I'm grateful and feel blessed for a spouse,
a singular friend, a job, health, a roof over our heads.
You know I say that every night. I'm grateful for
a roof over my head because I am and I
don't want to lose sight of those things. So once
you start realizing the things in your life that you
(07:54):
are grateful for and that you can count your blessings with,
it changes mentality. It shifts meant and that is so
important even with work if you're not exactly where you
want to be. But let's say you had a great
day or a great presentation, or led a meeting or
did a great spreadsheet that you're proud of. Acknowledge it
count your blessings. You did it, you did something amazing,
(08:15):
rock on like, I'm proud of you. I am fucking
proud of you. And if no one's telling you that,
I'm telling you that I am proud of you. It
doesn't always have to be something on this grand scale.
So just take stock of what you're grateful for, what
you feel blessed by, big or small, And it really
does shift your personality in terms of not wanting to
always seek validation from other people, because that's a lot
(08:36):
of what comparison syndrome is. It's wanting people to see
you in a certain way, and you wanting to see
yourself in a certain way, and I think that we
just put such an emphasis on the grand scale of
things that it doesn't have to be that grand. It
really doesn't. And man, that will change everything. And I
think lastly, one of the biggest things I can offer
you in terms of you know, not wanting to compare
(08:59):
yourself to others, is be a student. Never stop being
a student. I don't care if you were the most
successful CEO in the world making billions of dollars. I
guarantee you that CEO is still listening to podcasts on
how to better themself or their business or something in
(09:20):
that world. I'm not commenting on anyone's personality. I'm just saying, like,
when when you constantly want to learn and grow and
be a student and never feel like you know what
I made it, I'm where I want to be, I
needed no more future work. That's a problem. But if
you're always investing in yourself and being a student, you're
working towards your goals, You're working towards the things you
want to achieve personally and professionally. So you want to
(09:44):
make sure that if you want to do something that
other people are doing, well, what are you doing about it?
What are you doing about it? Are you just complaining?
Are you actually investing that time and energy into yourself
and being a student so you can get to a
place that's similar or better or equal? Do you know
what I'm saying. You've got to invest in yourself and
(10:04):
in your time by being a student in anything. Here's
something else, you know. I'm an entertainment reporter by day,
but it's my dream to get a movie made. And
I wrote a script for a romantic comedy and it's
really damn good, if I can say soon myself. I
mean maybe I'm biased, but I have had some people
read it in the business and they seem to really
like it, and I will get it made. I'm determined
(10:27):
to get it made one day. I'm not sitting here saying,
oh my god, X, Y and Z got the movie
made and I'll never do it. I mean, sometimes I
see things and I'm like, how did that get made?
That kind of sucked, But that's just artistic opinion. But instead,
I wrote a movie and I'm trying to work on
figuring out how to get it made. Like that's it.
I'm not wallowing in the you know, oh it will
(10:48):
never happen or this person has four movies made no no,
I just I did it. I did the work. It
took a long time, I did it. Do the work.
Be a student. The bottom line, y'all is comparison can
be motivating and inspiring and uplifting if you're looking to
someone as a mentor figure. And I'm all about that.
(11:11):
I love that I have people that inspire me and
motivate me, and that I want to continue to kind
of look at as someone that's a guiding light in
my world professionally and personally. But when someone starts making
you feel bad about yourself, or furthermore, when you are
making yourself feel badly because you're the ones seeking validation
(11:35):
from these sources that are not making you feel your best,
you got to stop and figure out what to do
to make yourself feel good. And hopefully some of these
tips and tricks will help you. But I just want
you to know I see you, and I feel you,
and I'm proud of you. And I know that's something
we don't all get in general, is a lot of
people don't say that they're proud of us, or we
(11:55):
don't feel seen a lot. So I think it's important
for your friends to do that to you, right, and
I always my friends up as well, and like, I
see you. You're amazing, You're gorgeous, you're a queen, you're
a king, you're killing it, you're crushing, and I fucking
love you. You're everything. You're the best. Like, let's do
that more for each other and it will help along
the way of where we're going to reach our personal
and professional goals. But please, please, please, please stop comparing
(12:17):
yourself to other people as much as you can, and
it will be a journey in a work in progress,
because I promise you, no one is you, Nobody is you,
nobody can offer what you can offer. There is only
one you, and baby, you are fantastic, So don't ever
forget it. I've Never Said This Before is hosted by
(12:38):
Me Tommy Diderio. This podcast is executive produced by Andrew
Puglisi at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy, with editing by
Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said This Before is part of
the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more,
rate review and subscribe to our show and if you
like this episode, tell your friends. Until next time, I'm
(13:01):
Tommy di Dario m h m hm
Elvis Duran and the Morning Show ON DEMAND News
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