August 15, 2025 • 11 mins
On this episode of “Tommy Talk,” Tommy discusses the power of saying “No.” It’s one of the hardest things for us to say, but why? Let’s dive into how saying that tiny little word can help us step into our power.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. This is a new
weekly series that is part of my I've Never Said
This Before podcasts where I am talking about things that
I have never really publicly talked about before in hopes
that it maybe helps you and gives a new perspective
or two. And today's topic is the power of saying no. Ooh.
(00:23):
This is a big one. How many of you have
a hard time saying no, whether it's saying no to
a colleague, to a friend, to a lover, to anybody. No,
n oh. They are two of the hardest letters put
together by one word that are so hard to say sometimes.
(00:45):
And I think about my journey with saying no, and
it's evolved, it has evolved, which is why I wanted
to do this talk today. So I was always a
people pleaser growing up. I just was. I've been in
the entertainment business a long time, but I started doing
you know, modeling and acting kind of fell into a
(01:07):
bunch of different categories, and then I was in corporate
America running social media before I became a host. So
I've had many lives and many different professional experiences happened,
but a through line for me in my twenties was
I always wanted people to like me. I always wanted
people to feel like I was a team player and
I would do whatever they said and I wasn't difficult.
(01:27):
And I don't know. I think there's probably stuff to
umpact there in therapy. Maybe it's growing up gay and
wanting to be loved and liked and accepted when I
felt like so many people didn't want to love and
accept me in this world. You know there's something there,
But that's I digress. But I say that because I
think a lot of people might feel that way if
they don't feel like they belong. But anyway, I was
(01:47):
notorious for whatever you want, whatever you need. Sure, yes,
let's do it, even when it meant putting my feelings
aside or feeling overwhelmed or stressed or like I didn't
want to do something. I was the king of people pleasing.
And I was in a relationship in my twenties which
was a disaster, and I was always people pleasing that too.
It was never about what I wanted or needed. It
(02:08):
was always whatever you need. So I've come a long
way with this, and I think so many of us
need to hear this, because saying no is so damn powerful.
It's powerful because saying no means you were putting your
needs and your wants and your desires ahead of what
(02:30):
other people may want or need or desire you to do.
And that is really powerful. Because if something is not
gelling with you, if something doesn't feel right for you,
if you know in the bottom of your heart you
don't want to do something or be a part of something,
or it just doesn't feel like it's aligned with who
you are, you got to say no. And it is
sometimes the hardest thing to do, but I promise you,
(02:51):
when you say no, you feel so much freedom and power.
One of the best examples of learning to say no
for me that hopefully helps you is sometimes there are
people who will want to make a plan with you.
Let's go to dinner, let's go for drinks, come to
this event. In my world, there's always an event. There's
(03:12):
always an event somebody wants you to show up to.
And Tommy from I don't know a year and a
half ago even would say, oh my god, I am
so sorry I can't go to this because of X,
Y and Z, and I would give whatever the reason was,
even though the truth is it's nobody's business. Tommy in
twenty twenty five will say I'm so sorry I can't
(03:34):
make it. Period. Do you know how awkward and uncomfortable
that was for me to say and learn and feel
like that period At the end of that sentence, ah,
I was like, oh my god, I want to scream
into a pillow. It was terrifying, terrifying, but it was
also freeing. It was freeing because I don't need to
give you an explanation if I can't make your event
(03:55):
on a Wednesday night at seven pm, I don't need
to give you an explanation if I can't do dinner,
then that you want to do dinner, because it's my life,
it's my business. And learning to just end with that
period and not continue on and say why I can't
go to something or be a part of something is
so refreshing and so real. And let me tell you,
there are plenty of things that will come up that
(04:15):
you'll be invited to that I'm invited to that you
just don't want to go to, and you don't need
to make an excuse. You can just simply say I'm
not available, thank you so much for the invite, I
can't make it period. Period. I love a good period
my new favorite punctuation because it puts into perspective your
needs and your wants and your desires without having to
(04:36):
tell anybody else what they are. That is powerful. It
is powerful to say no in that circumstance. It is
also powerful to say no with work sometimes, but to
do it in a way that is not disrespectful. That's
the caveat right. So we all get asked things in
our work environments to do that we may not want
(04:59):
to do, and sometimes you have to do it. Because
I'm not trying to get you all fired, So don't
be like you got me fired. Not what I'm trying
to do. But I'm trying to tell you that there
is a way to stick up for yourself if something
is outside of your work limit or your workload, or
it's not your responsibility it's a colleagues responsibility being passed
off to you. Like if there's something really intense like that,
there's a way to say, hey, you know what, I
(05:22):
would love to help out right now, I just can't.
I have my own things I got to take care of,
you know, And it's okay. Like learning to say no
like that is really really Okay, I'm gonna give you
an example. So in entertainment, in the world I work
in for interviews, you have producers sometimes that will suggest
questions or bosses that will really want you to get
a bite in about something you're covering on a red carpet.
(05:45):
And I was interviewing Ryan Reynolds for his movie The
Adam Projects and it came out a few years ago.
Jennifer Garner was in it, Mark Ruffalo, and one of
the questions somebody wanted me to ask Ryan Reynolds is,
if you could go back in time, would you not
create Green Lantern? When you not be the Green Lantern.
(06:06):
The history behind that question is that was a bomb
of a movie. It did terrible and in the movie
that he was currently promoting, it was about time travel.
So I saw that and I'm like, Okay, first of all,
this is just mean, Like what do you think he's
gonna say to that. You think he's gonna actually like
that question. He's gonna hate it. He might end the
interview abruptly and then we won't get anything. And it's
just not nice, Like it's not funny, it's not quirky,
(06:28):
it's I don't like it. I don't like it. It's
not my vibe. This person really wanted me to ask
this question, kind of dug their heels in and instead
of arguing or continuing the conversation, once I voiced that, like, hey,
I don't know if this is the right time to
do this question respectfully, like there's other things that we
should do that are more interesting. I didn't respond again.
(06:50):
I just went and did my interview. It was an
amazing interview. It went everywhere, you know, bites were all
over the internet, and I just didn't ask it and
it was never brought up again because guess what, I
already said my view once. I don't need to get
in a fight back and forth. It's my face, my voice.
I'm the person doing the interview, and at the end
of the day, if I don't like the question, I'm
not gonna do it like it's coming out of my mouth,
not the person who wrote it from behind the scenes.
(07:11):
So that was a way to say no in my
own way without being aggressive, without being harsh. Right, it's
just putting my foot down. Whereas I don't know taught
me three years ago, may have felt the pressure to
do it, says to please the person who wrote it. Oh,
I don't want the mad at me. Oh my god,
is my job in jeopardy? I don't I no, no, no, no,
no no. Now. There will always have to be a
(07:32):
little compromise. And there's again caveats to all of my
Tommy talks, which is worth saying. So you have to
pick and choo sometimes what you want to really say
no to. You can't be a no person and everything
out of your mouth is no, Like, don't get me wrong,
I can't be you either. There's got to be compromis,
there's got to be given flow. But sometimes it is
okay to say no. It's about how you do it.
(07:54):
It's about your delivery, it's about being kind. But it's okay.
And you don't always have to give an explanation in
the Green lantern, you know, example, I explained why I
don't think that was a good idea, So that was different.
But when I'm talking about like being asked to go
to a lunch or dinner or an event, you know,
everybody who wants you to support me at my book, launch,
my candle, launch my homeware, launch, like, you don't always
(08:16):
have to give an answer. It's okay. You got to
take care of you. You have to take care of you.
There's so much power in saying no. And I also
feel like saying no freeze you up to do the
things that really matter in life. Like if you're feeling
stretched thin, if you're feeling overworked, if you're feeling tired,
guess what you need to save the free time you
have to invest in the things you want to invest
(08:37):
in and the people you want to invest in. It
is hard enough seeing our closest friends all the time.
Because life takes you in a million different ways. It's hard.
So if I do have free time, that's what I
want to do. I don't want to be somewhere that's
not serving me. I think about it this way sometimes too.
I think, Okay, if I go to this event or
this dinner or whatever, am I going for me? Or
(08:57):
am I going for someone else? Like am I getting
equally as much out of this as they are? Or
am I not? Like? Am I just a name on
a list that they're gonna check off and say, oh,
look who came to the event, this person who works
in this field and has these followers? Or is it
genuine right? Like I'm about genuine real connection, and I
think that's something also that the word no opens you
(09:20):
up to it lets you focus on the things that
truly matter in life. Life is so freakin' fast. It
is so fast. I am thirty nine, I feel like
I'm eighteen. Like, how in the world am I turning
forty next year? What the actual fuck? Okay? Like, and
by the way, I'm not afraid I bring it on.
I love it. I feel like I'm just entering my prime.
So like, let's go. But you gotta enjoy the life
(09:44):
you have and make it the most that you want
it to be. It goes so fast. So saying no
frees you up to do the things you want to do,
lets you stick to your morals and values more. It
makes you have time and space and energy for the
people that truly, truly, truly fulfill your cup. And They're like,
there are people in my life who are newer friends
(10:05):
or like, you know, not super close friends, but who
I genuinely really like and I would love to grab
a bite with or do something with if I have
a free minute. So that's why you have to make
time for the people that matter. And I just hope
that if you're a people pleaser. You can start learning
to say no a little bit more because it will
free you up from magical, magical things. So the power
(10:26):
of no. Enter it in your mind, put in your vocabulary.
Let's go, and the next time you say no, I
want you to think, thank you, Tommy, thank you, because
now I am stepping into my era of we are
doing what is right for us. Okay, let's go. I've
Never Said This Before is hosted by Me, Tommy Diderio.
(10:48):
This podcast is executive produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio
and by Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've
Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis Duran podcast.
Now work on iHeart Podcasts for more rate review and
subscribe to our show and if you liked this episode,
tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy Diderio
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. This is a new
weekly series that is part of my I've Never Said
This Before podcasts where I am talking about things that
I have never really publicly talked about before in hopes
that it maybe helps you and gives a new perspective
or two. And today's topic is the power of saying no. Ooh.
(00:23):
This is a big one. How many of you have
a hard time saying no, whether it's saying no to
a colleague, to a friend, to a lover, to anybody. No,
n oh. They are two of the hardest letters put
together by one word that are so hard to say sometimes.
(00:45):
And I think about my journey with saying no, and
it's evolved, it has evolved, which is why I wanted
to do this talk today. So I was always a
people pleaser growing up. I just was. I've been in
the entertainment business a long time, but I started doing
you know, modeling and acting kind of fell into a
(01:07):
bunch of different categories, and then I was in corporate
America running social media before I became a host. So
I've had many lives and many different professional experiences happened,
but a through line for me in my twenties was
I always wanted people to like me. I always wanted
people to feel like I was a team player and
I would do whatever they said and I wasn't difficult.
(01:27):
And I don't know. I think there's probably stuff to
umpact there in therapy. Maybe it's growing up gay and
wanting to be loved and liked and accepted when I
felt like so many people didn't want to love and
accept me in this world. You know there's something there,
But that's I digress. But I say that because I
think a lot of people might feel that way if
they don't feel like they belong. But anyway, I was
(01:47):
notorious for whatever you want, whatever you need. Sure, yes,
let's do it, even when it meant putting my feelings
aside or feeling overwhelmed or stressed or like I didn't
want to do something. I was the king of people pleasing.
And I was in a relationship in my twenties which
was a disaster, and I was always people pleasing that too.
It was never about what I wanted or needed. It
(02:08):
was always whatever you need. So I've come a long
way with this, and I think so many of us
need to hear this, because saying no is so damn powerful.
It's powerful because saying no means you were putting your
needs and your wants and your desires ahead of what
(02:30):
other people may want or need or desire you to do.
And that is really powerful. Because if something is not
gelling with you, if something doesn't feel right for you,
if you know in the bottom of your heart you
don't want to do something or be a part of something,
or it just doesn't feel like it's aligned with who
you are, you got to say no. And it is
sometimes the hardest thing to do, but I promise you,
(02:51):
when you say no, you feel so much freedom and power.
One of the best examples of learning to say no
for me that hopefully helps you is sometimes there are
people who will want to make a plan with you.
Let's go to dinner, let's go for drinks, come to
this event. In my world, there's always an event. There's
(03:12):
always an event somebody wants you to show up to.
And Tommy from I don't know a year and a
half ago even would say, oh my god, I am
so sorry I can't go to this because of X,
Y and Z, and I would give whatever the reason was,
even though the truth is it's nobody's business. Tommy in
twenty twenty five will say I'm so sorry I can't
(03:34):
make it. Period. Do you know how awkward and uncomfortable
that was for me to say and learn and feel
like that period At the end of that sentence, ah,
I was like, oh my god, I want to scream
into a pillow. It was terrifying, terrifying, but it was
also freeing. It was freeing because I don't need to
give you an explanation if I can't make your event
(03:55):
on a Wednesday night at seven pm, I don't need
to give you an explanation if I can't do dinner,
then that you want to do dinner, because it's my life,
it's my business. And learning to just end with that
period and not continue on and say why I can't
go to something or be a part of something is
so refreshing and so real. And let me tell you,
there are plenty of things that will come up that
(04:15):
you'll be invited to that I'm invited to that you
just don't want to go to, and you don't need
to make an excuse. You can just simply say I'm
not available, thank you so much for the invite, I
can't make it period. Period. I love a good period
my new favorite punctuation because it puts into perspective your
needs and your wants and your desires without having to
(04:36):
tell anybody else what they are. That is powerful. It
is powerful to say no in that circumstance. It is
also powerful to say no with work sometimes, but to
do it in a way that is not disrespectful. That's
the caveat right. So we all get asked things in
our work environments to do that we may not want
(04:59):
to do, and sometimes you have to do it. Because
I'm not trying to get you all fired, So don't
be like you got me fired. Not what I'm trying
to do. But I'm trying to tell you that there
is a way to stick up for yourself if something
is outside of your work limit or your workload, or
it's not your responsibility it's a colleagues responsibility being passed
off to you. Like if there's something really intense like that,
there's a way to say, hey, you know what, I
(05:22):
would love to help out right now, I just can't.
I have my own things I got to take care of,
you know, And it's okay. Like learning to say no
like that is really really Okay, I'm gonna give you
an example. So in entertainment, in the world I work
in for interviews, you have producers sometimes that will suggest
questions or bosses that will really want you to get
a bite in about something you're covering on a red carpet.
(05:45):
And I was interviewing Ryan Reynolds for his movie The
Adam Projects and it came out a few years ago.
Jennifer Garner was in it, Mark Ruffalo, and one of
the questions somebody wanted me to ask Ryan Reynolds is,
if you could go back in time, would you not
create Green Lantern? When you not be the Green Lantern.
(06:06):
The history behind that question is that was a bomb
of a movie. It did terrible and in the movie
that he was currently promoting, it was about time travel.
So I saw that and I'm like, Okay, first of all,
this is just mean, Like what do you think he's
gonna say to that. You think he's gonna actually like
that question. He's gonna hate it. He might end the
interview abruptly and then we won't get anything. And it's
just not nice, Like it's not funny, it's not quirky,
(06:28):
it's I don't like it. I don't like it. It's
not my vibe. This person really wanted me to ask
this question, kind of dug their heels in and instead
of arguing or continuing the conversation, once I voiced that, like, hey,
I don't know if this is the right time to
do this question respectfully, like there's other things that we
should do that are more interesting. I didn't respond again.
(06:50):
I just went and did my interview. It was an
amazing interview. It went everywhere, you know, bites were all
over the internet, and I just didn't ask it and
it was never brought up again because guess what, I
already said my view once. I don't need to get
in a fight back and forth. It's my face, my voice.
I'm the person doing the interview, and at the end
of the day, if I don't like the question, I'm
not gonna do it like it's coming out of my mouth,
not the person who wrote it from behind the scenes.
(07:11):
So that was a way to say no in my
own way without being aggressive, without being harsh. Right, it's
just putting my foot down. Whereas I don't know taught
me three years ago, may have felt the pressure to
do it, says to please the person who wrote it. Oh,
I don't want the mad at me. Oh my god,
is my job in jeopardy? I don't I no, no, no, no,
no no. Now. There will always have to be a
(07:32):
little compromise. And there's again caveats to all of my
Tommy talks, which is worth saying. So you have to
pick and choo sometimes what you want to really say
no to. You can't be a no person and everything
out of your mouth is no, Like, don't get me wrong,
I can't be you either. There's got to be compromis,
there's got to be given flow. But sometimes it is
okay to say no. It's about how you do it.
(07:54):
It's about your delivery, it's about being kind. But it's okay.
And you don't always have to give an explanation in
the Green lantern, you know, example, I explained why I
don't think that was a good idea, So that was different.
But when I'm talking about like being asked to go
to a lunch or dinner or an event, you know,
everybody who wants you to support me at my book, launch,
my candle, launch my homeware, launch, like, you don't always
(08:16):
have to give an answer. It's okay. You got to
take care of you. You have to take care of you.
There's so much power in saying no. And I also
feel like saying no freeze you up to do the
things that really matter in life. Like if you're feeling
stretched thin, if you're feeling overworked, if you're feeling tired,
guess what you need to save the free time you
have to invest in the things you want to invest
(08:37):
in and the people you want to invest in. It
is hard enough seeing our closest friends all the time.
Because life takes you in a million different ways. It's hard.
So if I do have free time, that's what I
want to do. I don't want to be somewhere that's
not serving me. I think about it this way sometimes too.
I think, Okay, if I go to this event or
this dinner or whatever, am I going for me? Or
(08:57):
am I going for someone else? Like am I getting
equally as much out of this as they are? Or
am I not? Like? Am I just a name on
a list that they're gonna check off and say, oh,
look who came to the event, this person who works
in this field and has these followers? Or is it
genuine right? Like I'm about genuine real connection, and I
think that's something also that the word no opens you
(09:20):
up to it lets you focus on the things that
truly matter in life. Life is so freakin' fast. It
is so fast. I am thirty nine, I feel like
I'm eighteen. Like, how in the world am I turning
forty next year? What the actual fuck? Okay? Like, and
by the way, I'm not afraid I bring it on.
I love it. I feel like I'm just entering my prime.
So like, let's go. But you gotta enjoy the life
(09:44):
you have and make it the most that you want
it to be. It goes so fast. So saying no
frees you up to do the things you want to do,
lets you stick to your morals and values more. It
makes you have time and space and energy for the
people that truly, truly, truly fulfill your cup. And They're like,
there are people in my life who are newer friends
(10:05):
or like, you know, not super close friends, but who
I genuinely really like and I would love to grab
a bite with or do something with if I have
a free minute. So that's why you have to make
time for the people that matter. And I just hope
that if you're a people pleaser. You can start learning
to say no a little bit more because it will
free you up from magical, magical things. So the power
(10:26):
of no. Enter it in your mind, put in your vocabulary.
Let's go, and the next time you say no, I
want you to think, thank you, Tommy, thank you, because
now I am stepping into my era of we are
doing what is right for us. Okay, let's go. I've
Never Said This Before is hosted by Me, Tommy Diderio.
(10:48):
This podcast is executive produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio
and by Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've
Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis Duran podcast.
Now work on iHeart Podcasts for more rate review and
subscribe to our show and if you liked this episode,
tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy Diderio
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