October 3, 2025 • 12 mins
On this episode of “Tommy Talk,” Tommy discusses how you are so much more than the job you have. We live in a world that likes to tie our identity to our job title. Work is important, and hopefully we deeply enjoy the work that we do. But we are conditioned to think that being stretched too thin, or #TeamNoSleep is a badge of honor. The quiet and calm moments in our lives are equally as important as those job promotions or professional output. For anyone looking to separate (even just a little bit) of who you are from what you do, this episode is for you.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, guys, welcome to today's Tommy Talk. And this is
a Tommy Talk that I am very passionate about. And
the topic today is you are so much more than
your job. We live in a culture that glorifies work, work, work, work, work,
and I am very passionate about what I do. I
love what I do, and it is a huge part
(00:23):
of my identity, just like perhaps your job is a
huge part of your identity. We spend so many hours
of our lives working that of course your job is
going to be a big part of your identity, but
it doesn't define who you are. And I was falling
into a trap of spending every single free moment I
had doing something work related. Especially with the show like this,
(00:46):
there's always something to do. There's clips to make, there's
episodes to record, there's concepts to create, there's scripts to
write for my interviews. I mean, I could do work
for the show every single day along with the other
jobs I have with Extra and IMDb and so on.
So what kind of struck a chord with me is
And this is gonna sound so silly, but I used
to love waking up on a weekend and making my
(01:07):
chocolate chip cookie recipe, So I note they're amazing, and
if you want the recipe, let me know. They are
a healthy, flowerless chocolate chip cookie. And I used to
love making them on a Saturday morning and just having
my tea and putting music on and lighting a candle
and it was just kind of therapeutic for me and
I loved it. And then I realized one day I
hadn't made those cookies in like six months, and I thought,
(01:29):
what am I doing on my Saturday mornings that I'm
not making a cookie that I love? Like what am
I doing? And I realized I was writing scripts on
my computer, working like all of it. I was working,
it's the bottom line. And I'm like, man, this is
my Saturday morning, it's like my day off, and I'm
still feeling the pressure to work. What am I doing?
Like this isn't living, This isn't living. This is my job.
(01:51):
This is not living. If I want to make cookies,
I should go and make my cookies. So I made
my cookies and it just brought me so much joy.
It was a reminder, as silly as it sounds, like
cookies reminding me of this that we are so much
more than our jobs and I am so oh, I'm
so over hearing people say things like Team No Sleep
(02:15):
glorifying being exhausted and not sleeping because they're working so much. Guys,
first of all, that's not healthy, Like you gotta sleep
for your health. I mean, you want to fight diseases,
you want to you want your body to function as
it should. You got to sleep. So this Team no
Sleep being exhausted kind of glorifying it. It's just a
really stupid message to put out because it's detrimental to
(02:36):
your health. And b it makes it seem like having
balance or having a life outside of work is a
bad thing, and it's not a bad thing. You have
to have a balance. I love work. I am a
work horse. I am a work horse, and I put
in so many hours and I love it. But it's
not all of who I am, and it shouldn't be
(02:56):
all of who you are. It certainly shouldn't. So Team
No Sleep is is really something that's just not not
my vibe. And glorifying exhaustion, I think is something we
have to be very very careful of. I also think
that I'm so busy. I'm so busy. I'm so busy,
I'm so busy in conversations with people comes up quite
(03:17):
a lot, and it's also triggering to me because we're
all busy, we all have a lot going on. But
it's again glorifying the being so busy. What's wrong with
being still for a moment. What's wrong with opening up
a kindle or a great book on a morning, on
a Sunday morning and reading and not being so busy?
What's wrong with that? Why do we have to always
feel like we're so busy. It's not healthy, it's not right.
(03:39):
And I think that what's very dangerous about tying your
entire identity to work is if that job goes away,
who are you? Who are you? In my world with entertainment,
I've met a lot of actors before who are between
jobs or having a tough time working or getting a
show or a movie, and there's spiral that happens, and
(04:01):
I see so much depression and so much darkness, and
some of these brilliant artists because they feel like if
they're not working, they have no value or no purpose,
and it breaks my heart. And I've actually played therapists
to a few people before who felt like, you know,
their life had no meaning. And these are people I
(04:21):
wasn't even very close to, but I guess they felt
like I was a trusted friend and source, and I
would never reveal who it is and who they were.
But it's a very hard thing when that goes away,
even temporarily, right. I think it's hard for any freelance artist.
I think it's hard for any freelance employee. I think
sometimes you see people who who have a job for
so long and then they get laid off or the
(04:43):
company gets consolidated, and then they're like, I don't know
who I am, and they fall into a deep depression,
not because they lost their job, but because they feel
like they have no purpose anymore. And I just think
it is such a dangerous game we're playing. So there
has to be a fine line between Yes, we are
passionate about our work. It is a huge part of
who we are and what we do and what we love.
(05:05):
But what about the other parts? What about the part
of you that's a friend or a girlfriend or a boyfriend,
or a wife or a husband, or an aunt or
an uncle. What about those people who, in the moments
of freedom that you have from your job, are you
choosing to be present and show up as that person
(05:27):
for the people in your life, or are you solely
focused on work and wrapping your head around I have
to do this still and this still, and it's an
interesting conversation to me, and it's something that I will
admittedly share. I work through a lot too, and I
have to remind myself constantly to be present because work
(05:47):
will pull you away. And actually, a great story for
you guys is I was in Hawaii a few years ago.
The island of Kawaii is so special to Geo and I.
We just we love it and it's one of the
few places in the world that I feel like when
I get off that plane, I can breathe, and I
feel like I am back in my body and I'm
not worried about the things that I have to do
(06:09):
and the things that I haven't done, or what's coming
up with work. I can truly just be Oh. I
can breathe, and I can smell the flowers and the
scent of the air of Hawaii when you get off
that plane, and it is the most magical experience for
me in the world, and I miss it so much,
(06:30):
and it's just it's just special, such a special place
that I could imagine having a retirement home there. One
day and we were hiking in Kawaii with our friends
and we got to the top and it was this
beautiful outlook with waterfalls underneath us and just nature and
the most lush greenery, and I started crying. I actually
(06:52):
started crying. And I'm not a huge crier. It's just
I don't know. I think I suppressed that for some
reason quite a bit, but it overtook my body and
tears were streaming down my face, and I remember Geo
looked at me and I was just like, I'm just
so present. I am so present right now, and that
feeling is a feeling that I want to continue to
(07:14):
fight for, to fight for in my everyday life, because
it shouldn't just be once a year when you're away
on a vacation. You should have those moments of feeling
present and in your body all the time that's unrelated
to the work that you do, because there's so many
different sides to us. And I firmly believe you can't
(07:34):
even bring your best self to the work that you
do if you're not working on yourself as an individual.
And I don't think you can bring your best self
to a relationship if you're not working on yourself as
an individual. So workman, we need it. We got to
bay our bills. And hopefully we're all enjoying the work
we do and we're passionate about it and love it
and want to keep growing. And I have so many
(07:55):
goals work wise that I still want to achieve. And
like I said, it is it is a huge part
of my identity, but it can't be the only part
of your identity. And you have to be so much
more than your work. And I meet some people in
my industry, in my profession who feels like if they're
not constantly talking about who they're interviewing, what premiere they
(08:16):
were at, the success of their interviews, that they have
no value. And it's quite sad. It's quite sad to me.
I don't know. If you ever meet somebody for the
first time and instead of learning about them, like how
are you or you know, inevitably what do you do
might come up? That's a very normal question to ask,
but then the person solely talks about their work, like
kind of nice to meet you, I'm so and so
this is what are you for work? And this is
(08:37):
what I achieved and this is what I'm working on next.
And it's like, oh, okay, I didn't ask for a resume.
I just simply wanted to know how you are and
a little bit more of who you are. But the
resume comes out right, it's like the default for some people,
the here's my resume, here's everything I do with work,
because it's such an identity marker for so many people,
and I just there's there's a real danger in that
(08:57):
because who are you when that goes away? Who are you?
Who are you when you retire? Who are you if
the job goes away? Who are you if you don't
like the job anymore? But you're still doing the job.
But we need to make a transition who are you?
We have to focus on who we are. And while
people's jobs are cool and I have total respect for
what people do, and there's definitely a lot of interest
(09:17):
in that, I don't find that to be the most
interesting part about somebody. I just don't. What's interesting to
me is who are you as a human? What do
you believe in? Right? Like? What groundbreaking amazing experiences have
you had in your life? Where have you traveled that
I need to go check out? What was your Greatest Love?
Are you in your Greatest Love chapter? What have you
(09:38):
learned from things you've gone through that we're hard? What
is something I want to know about you that I
wouldn't know about you just by looking at you? Like
those are the questions to me that are exciting. What
is your story? What have you survived? What have you
overcome that is human to human connection? What do you
do for workh Okay, cool, But you know there's so
(09:58):
much more to us. So I guess the point of this,
and it's a little bit of a reminder of this
of this for me is that we are so much
more than our work. We don't need to be defined
by our work. While it's cool or impressive or awesome
or great, it's not who we are as humans. It's
just not. It's it's a piece of us, right. There's
(10:19):
a pie that makes us who we are, and it
is a slice. We can't ignore all the other slices
and only focus on that one. Absolutely not. And I
promise you, once you start focusing on things outside of
work and really focusing on who you are as an individual,
you're gonna have so much more happiness. Because even when
work pisces you off, and everyone's annoying you or this
(10:39):
and that. It's like, all right, whatever, I'm leaving that
at the door. I don't need to talk about it
or think about it till tomorrow or when the weekend's done.
Like it's a job, it doesn't have to define you.
So here's a reminder for all of us that we
don't need to be defined by the work that we do.
There's so much more of us that is equally or
I would argue, more interesting about us. And let's just
(11:01):
make sure we don't neglect those other pieces of us. Right, So,
if you see me in the street, or if I
see you in the street, let's have a hard tire conversation.
I mean, you don't have to tell me your deepest,
darkest secrets unless you want to. I mean, let's go, baby,
but let's have a real moment of connection that's not
work related necessarily. I'm down. I'm smiling so hard because
this is making me feel good right now. All right, guys,
(11:22):
love and light until the next time, and don't ever
forget you are so much more than your work. I've
never said this before. Is hosted by me Tommy Dedario.
This podcast is executive produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio
and by me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've
(11:44):
Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis Duran
podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate, review and
subscribe to our show and if you like this episode,
tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy de Dario
Hey, guys, welcome to today's Tommy Talk. And this is
a Tommy Talk that I am very passionate about. And
the topic today is you are so much more than
your job. We live in a culture that glorifies work, work, work, work, work,
and I am very passionate about what I do. I
love what I do, and it is a huge part
(00:23):
of my identity, just like perhaps your job is a
huge part of your identity. We spend so many hours
of our lives working that of course your job is
going to be a big part of your identity, but
it doesn't define who you are. And I was falling
into a trap of spending every single free moment I
had doing something work related. Especially with the show like this,
(00:46):
there's always something to do. There's clips to make, there's
episodes to record, there's concepts to create, there's scripts to
write for my interviews. I mean, I could do work
for the show every single day along with the other
jobs I have with Extra and IMDb and so on.
So what kind of struck a chord with me is
And this is gonna sound so silly, but I used
to love waking up on a weekend and making my
(01:07):
chocolate chip cookie recipe, So I note they're amazing, and
if you want the recipe, let me know. They are
a healthy, flowerless chocolate chip cookie. And I used to
love making them on a Saturday morning and just having
my tea and putting music on and lighting a candle
and it was just kind of therapeutic for me and
I loved it. And then I realized one day I
hadn't made those cookies in like six months, and I thought,
(01:29):
what am I doing on my Saturday mornings that I'm
not making a cookie that I love? Like what am
I doing? And I realized I was writing scripts on
my computer, working like all of it. I was working,
it's the bottom line. And I'm like, man, this is
my Saturday morning, it's like my day off, and I'm
still feeling the pressure to work. What am I doing?
Like this isn't living, This isn't living. This is my job.
(01:51):
This is not living. If I want to make cookies,
I should go and make my cookies. So I made
my cookies and it just brought me so much joy.
It was a reminder, as silly as it sounds, like
cookies reminding me of this that we are so much
more than our jobs and I am so oh, I'm
so over hearing people say things like Team No Sleep
(02:15):
glorifying being exhausted and not sleeping because they're working so much. Guys,
first of all, that's not healthy, Like you gotta sleep
for your health. I mean, you want to fight diseases,
you want to you want your body to function as
it should. You got to sleep. So this Team no
Sleep being exhausted kind of glorifying it. It's just a
really stupid message to put out because it's detrimental to
(02:36):
your health. And b it makes it seem like having
balance or having a life outside of work is a
bad thing, and it's not a bad thing. You have
to have a balance. I love work. I am a
work horse. I am a work horse, and I put
in so many hours and I love it. But it's
not all of who I am, and it shouldn't be
(02:56):
all of who you are. It certainly shouldn't. So Team
No Sleep is is really something that's just not not
my vibe. And glorifying exhaustion, I think is something we
have to be very very careful of. I also think
that I'm so busy. I'm so busy. I'm so busy,
I'm so busy in conversations with people comes up quite
(03:17):
a lot, and it's also triggering to me because we're
all busy, we all have a lot going on. But
it's again glorifying the being so busy. What's wrong with
being still for a moment. What's wrong with opening up
a kindle or a great book on a morning, on
a Sunday morning and reading and not being so busy?
What's wrong with that? Why do we have to always
feel like we're so busy. It's not healthy, it's not right.
(03:39):
And I think that what's very dangerous about tying your
entire identity to work is if that job goes away,
who are you? Who are you? In my world with entertainment,
I've met a lot of actors before who are between
jobs or having a tough time working or getting a
show or a movie, and there's spiral that happens, and
(04:01):
I see so much depression and so much darkness, and
some of these brilliant artists because they feel like if
they're not working, they have no value or no purpose,
and it breaks my heart. And I've actually played therapists
to a few people before who felt like, you know,
their life had no meaning. And these are people I
(04:21):
wasn't even very close to, but I guess they felt
like I was a trusted friend and source, and I
would never reveal who it is and who they were.
But it's a very hard thing when that goes away,
even temporarily, right. I think it's hard for any freelance artist.
I think it's hard for any freelance employee. I think
sometimes you see people who who have a job for
so long and then they get laid off or the
(04:43):
company gets consolidated, and then they're like, I don't know
who I am, and they fall into a deep depression,
not because they lost their job, but because they feel
like they have no purpose anymore. And I just think
it is such a dangerous game we're playing. So there
has to be a fine line between Yes, we are
passionate about our work. It is a huge part of
who we are and what we do and what we love.
(05:05):
But what about the other parts? What about the part
of you that's a friend or a girlfriend or a boyfriend,
or a wife or a husband, or an aunt or
an uncle. What about those people who, in the moments
of freedom that you have from your job, are you
choosing to be present and show up as that person
(05:27):
for the people in your life, or are you solely
focused on work and wrapping your head around I have
to do this still and this still, and it's an
interesting conversation to me, and it's something that I will
admittedly share. I work through a lot too, and I
have to remind myself constantly to be present because work
(05:47):
will pull you away. And actually, a great story for
you guys is I was in Hawaii a few years ago.
The island of Kawaii is so special to Geo and I.
We just we love it and it's one of the
few places in the world that I feel like when
I get off that plane, I can breathe, and I
feel like I am back in my body and I'm
not worried about the things that I have to do
(06:09):
and the things that I haven't done, or what's coming
up with work. I can truly just be Oh. I
can breathe, and I can smell the flowers and the
scent of the air of Hawaii when you get off
that plane, and it is the most magical experience for
me in the world, and I miss it so much,
(06:30):
and it's just it's just special, such a special place
that I could imagine having a retirement home there. One
day and we were hiking in Kawaii with our friends
and we got to the top and it was this
beautiful outlook with waterfalls underneath us and just nature and
the most lush greenery, and I started crying. I actually
(06:52):
started crying. And I'm not a huge crier. It's just
I don't know. I think I suppressed that for some
reason quite a bit, but it overtook my body and
tears were streaming down my face, and I remember Geo
looked at me and I was just like, I'm just
so present. I am so present right now, and that
feeling is a feeling that I want to continue to
(07:14):
fight for, to fight for in my everyday life, because
it shouldn't just be once a year when you're away
on a vacation. You should have those moments of feeling
present and in your body all the time that's unrelated
to the work that you do, because there's so many
different sides to us. And I firmly believe you can't
(07:34):
even bring your best self to the work that you
do if you're not working on yourself as an individual.
And I don't think you can bring your best self
to a relationship if you're not working on yourself as
an individual. So workman, we need it. We got to
bay our bills. And hopefully we're all enjoying the work
we do and we're passionate about it and love it
and want to keep growing. And I have so many
(07:55):
goals work wise that I still want to achieve. And
like I said, it is it is a huge part
of my identity, but it can't be the only part
of your identity. And you have to be so much
more than your work. And I meet some people in
my industry, in my profession who feels like if they're
not constantly talking about who they're interviewing, what premiere they
(08:16):
were at, the success of their interviews, that they have
no value. And it's quite sad. It's quite sad to me.
I don't know. If you ever meet somebody for the
first time and instead of learning about them, like how
are you or you know, inevitably what do you do
might come up? That's a very normal question to ask,
but then the person solely talks about their work, like
kind of nice to meet you, I'm so and so
this is what are you for work? And this is
(08:37):
what I achieved and this is what I'm working on next.
And it's like, oh, okay, I didn't ask for a resume.
I just simply wanted to know how you are and
a little bit more of who you are. But the
resume comes out right, it's like the default for some people,
the here's my resume, here's everything I do with work,
because it's such an identity marker for so many people,
and I just there's there's a real danger in that
(08:57):
because who are you when that goes away? Who are you?
Who are you when you retire? Who are you if
the job goes away? Who are you if you don't
like the job anymore? But you're still doing the job.
But we need to make a transition who are you?
We have to focus on who we are. And while
people's jobs are cool and I have total respect for
what people do, and there's definitely a lot of interest
(09:17):
in that, I don't find that to be the most
interesting part about somebody. I just don't. What's interesting to
me is who are you as a human? What do
you believe in? Right? Like? What groundbreaking amazing experiences have
you had in your life? Where have you traveled that
I need to go check out? What was your Greatest Love?
Are you in your Greatest Love chapter? What have you
(09:38):
learned from things you've gone through that we're hard? What
is something I want to know about you that I
wouldn't know about you just by looking at you? Like
those are the questions to me that are exciting. What
is your story? What have you survived? What have you
overcome that is human to human connection? What do you
do for workh Okay, cool, But you know there's so
(09:58):
much more to us. So I guess the point of this,
and it's a little bit of a reminder of this
of this for me is that we are so much
more than our work. We don't need to be defined
by our work. While it's cool or impressive or awesome
or great, it's not who we are as humans. It's
just not. It's it's a piece of us, right. There's
(10:19):
a pie that makes us who we are, and it
is a slice. We can't ignore all the other slices
and only focus on that one. Absolutely not. And I
promise you, once you start focusing on things outside of
work and really focusing on who you are as an individual,
you're gonna have so much more happiness. Because even when
work pisces you off, and everyone's annoying you or this
(10:39):
and that. It's like, all right, whatever, I'm leaving that
at the door. I don't need to talk about it
or think about it till tomorrow or when the weekend's done.
Like it's a job, it doesn't have to define you.
So here's a reminder for all of us that we
don't need to be defined by the work that we do.
There's so much more of us that is equally or
I would argue, more interesting about us. And let's just
(11:01):
make sure we don't neglect those other pieces of us. Right, So,
if you see me in the street, or if I
see you in the street, let's have a hard tire conversation.
I mean, you don't have to tell me your deepest,
darkest secrets unless you want to. I mean, let's go, baby,
but let's have a real moment of connection that's not
work related necessarily. I'm down. I'm smiling so hard because
this is making me feel good right now. All right, guys,
(11:22):
love and light until the next time, and don't ever
forget you are so much more than your work. I've
never said this before. Is hosted by me Tommy Dedario.
This podcast is executive produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio
and by me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've
(11:44):
Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis Duran
podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate, review and
subscribe to our show and if you like this episode,
tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy de Dario
Elvis Duran and the Morning Show ON DEMAND News
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.