August 15, 2025 • 4 mins
Ralph makes sandwiches and takes a lot of pride in that, so Danielle calls as a customer to let him know his food SUCKS!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Don't answer the phone, Elvis durand Elvis Duran phone tapped.
All right, Danielle, what's it all about?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right?
Speaker 1 (00:06):
And that email does and wanted us to phone tap
her husband, Ralph. He owns Colombo's Market, and she wants
us to call him and complain about the food. And
he takes a lot of pride in his Ralphie Boy Special,
so we're gonna tell him it sticks. Here we go.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Alright, this is Ralph speaking. I canna help you.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, Hi, Ralph, this is Michelle. I was in there
the other day and I ordered your Ralphie Boy Special
U and the purshute tastes like crap because it tasted
like you got it out of the garbage dump. A
serious Yeah, I'm serious. Wait, I'm gonna call you and
lie to you.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
No, I just never had a complain about my brijute
that costs me eleven ninety five a pounds all. It's
hard to believe that de palma would taste like like
you're saying it does.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I don't care what it costs you. It costs me
a stomach ache.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I have to tell you, I haven't had one complain
about a Ralphie boy, if you come in, I'm making
anything you want on the house.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Well, if you ate, would you try it again?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Excuse me?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
If you ate, would you try it again?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Well, first of all, I would never call someplace in
tell them that they made.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm being honest with you. I
just got to call you up. And I never had
such crap food before.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Well, I have to I apologize, but I have to
tell you I've never had one complaint about that sandwich.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Well, I had to take two days off work because
my stomach cart's so bad, you know, and.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
It's it's a big piece of bredoot. Other people are
eating it. Nobody's called me to say that they've gotten sick.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
You're working in such a dump anyway, Maybe you don't
take care of the food and the place.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
And no, I'm sorry now now I have to Now
I have to take offense because I feed a lot
of people here every day, and nobody calls me and
says that my food except for you, you definitely.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Got a bad Proshoot.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Well, Michelle, I've been eating all week. I'm not sick.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I'm never eating in your piece of place again.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
You know you want to call this a piece of place.
But I'm telling you, nobody's called me to tell me anything.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Don't get smart with me.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I feel like you're getting smart with me.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
No, I'm just telling you how it is. I'm just
being honest.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Now you pissed me off. Oh please, now you pissed
me off. I want to make this right for you.
If you want to make it right, fine, Otherwise, don't
come here and eat no more.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I am coming here and eat good.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Columbo's Market Ralph speaking, Yeah, Ralph.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
What the hell? You can't talk to me like a man.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Try to talk to you like a man. You're yelling
at make You're yelling at me, and I'm telling you
that my food is good. I don't get nobody sick.
So I don't know where what you ate with your
bridgoot sandwich or what else you did? You know? And
I'm not trying to be nasty. I was trying to
be nice to you. You call my business a piecience
and that's not right. I wouldn't do that, no matter
what you did to me. I don't have a woman
that comes in every day and eat that sandwich. And
(02:33):
when she comes in today, I'm gonna ask her how
it was yesterday.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Maybe she's got a like a death wish or something.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
No, maybe you do, okay, because if and if I
had a complain about someplace, I would go there and
I would allow that person the opportunity to make it
right for me.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
If I go there, I wind up smacking you in
the face.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
I wish you would come here and smack me in
the face. I really wish you would.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Oh please, what were you gonna do? Hit me back?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
No, I'm gonna stand here with my hands behind my
back and watch watch all the other people watch you
make a fool of yourself. I get it. I got
a sparkling inspection from the health department. They check all
my food. Everything I have here is good.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Maybe you paid them off.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Maybe maybe you know I don't have time for you.
Miss brijuts weigh thirty five pounds. You didn't eat thirty
five pounds of brigute. So somebody else ate that brijute
and didn't get sick for.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Joe, push your breash out and the MutS. How do
I know the Fresh Moods wasn't crap?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Because I make it every day by hand.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Your hands are so great that they make good monds.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
You don't want sweetie, don't call me back anymore because
we're gonna just keep hanging up on you.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Hey, what you goofy?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
All right? Them goofy and your Cinderella. Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Yeah, And who's the goofy looking person that works in
the store with you, that lady, you.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Really got a lot of balls staying that on the phone.
I really wish you'd come in and say it in person.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Well, what are you gonna do? You're gonna hit a girl.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I just want to see who this jerk is that's
looking like that.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
The jerk is talking, that's you.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
All right, listen, have a nice day, Okay. I just
tasted the bajute to make sure that I didn't get sick.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Oh, now you're being as smart as no I did.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I came up here, I tasted the bazute them to know,
and they're both fine.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Uh huh, Well they taste fine. But wait till you're
in the bedroom later on watch you come here. You
can watch me go you make chicken palm? What you
make chicken palm?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, because Elvis.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Durant in the Morning Show would really love some chicken parm.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
And do you have somebody do this? I'll kill you.
I got to take freaking VIAGRAA I mean DANX for this.
Now you did this, I'm gonna kill my wife.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Now you've just been phone tapped.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Holy Jesus Christ, I'm shaking like a leaf over there.
She phone tapped me.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
This is Danielle Monaro.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Are you married?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yes, I am.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
He's I'm gonna be looking for a new wife after today.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I'm gonna be Elvis Durant's phone
Don't answer the phone, Elvis durand Elvis Duran phone tapped.
All right, Danielle, what's it all about?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right?
Speaker 1 (00:06):
And that email does and wanted us to phone tap
her husband, Ralph. He owns Colombo's Market, and she wants
us to call him and complain about the food. And
he takes a lot of pride in his Ralphie Boy Special,
so we're gonna tell him it sticks. Here we go.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Alright, this is Ralph speaking. I canna help you.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, Hi, Ralph, this is Michelle. I was in there
the other day and I ordered your Ralphie Boy Special
U and the purshute tastes like crap because it tasted
like you got it out of the garbage dump. A
serious Yeah, I'm serious. Wait, I'm gonna call you and
lie to you.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
No, I just never had a complain about my brijute
that costs me eleven ninety five a pounds all. It's
hard to believe that de palma would taste like like
you're saying it does.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I don't care what it costs you. It costs me
a stomach ache.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I have to tell you, I haven't had one complain
about a Ralphie boy, if you come in, I'm making
anything you want on the house.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Well, if you ate, would you try it again?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Excuse me?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
If you ate, would you try it again?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Well, first of all, I would never call someplace in
tell them that they made.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm being honest with you. I
just got to call you up. And I never had
such crap food before.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Well, I have to I apologize, but I have to
tell you I've never had one complaint about that sandwich.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Well, I had to take two days off work because
my stomach cart's so bad, you know, and.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
It's it's a big piece of bredoot. Other people are
eating it. Nobody's called me to say that they've gotten sick.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
You're working in such a dump anyway, Maybe you don't
take care of the food and the place.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
And no, I'm sorry now now I have to Now
I have to take offense because I feed a lot
of people here every day, and nobody calls me and
says that my food except for you, you definitely.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Got a bad Proshoot.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Well, Michelle, I've been eating all week. I'm not sick.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I'm never eating in your piece of place again.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
You know you want to call this a piece of place.
But I'm telling you, nobody's called me to tell me anything.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Don't get smart with me.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I feel like you're getting smart with me.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
No, I'm just telling you how it is. I'm just
being honest.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Now you pissed me off. Oh please, now you pissed
me off. I want to make this right for you.
If you want to make it right, fine, Otherwise, don't
come here and eat no more.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I am coming here and eat good.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Columbo's Market Ralph speaking, Yeah, Ralph.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
What the hell? You can't talk to me like a man.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Try to talk to you like a man. You're yelling
at make You're yelling at me, and I'm telling you
that my food is good. I don't get nobody sick.
So I don't know where what you ate with your
bridgoot sandwich or what else you did? You know? And
I'm not trying to be nasty. I was trying to
be nice to you. You call my business a piecience
and that's not right. I wouldn't do that, no matter
what you did to me. I don't have a woman
that comes in every day and eat that sandwich. And
(02:33):
when she comes in today, I'm gonna ask her how
it was yesterday.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Maybe she's got a like a death wish or something.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
No, maybe you do, okay, because if and if I
had a complain about someplace, I would go there and
I would allow that person the opportunity to make it
right for me.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
If I go there, I wind up smacking you in
the face.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
I wish you would come here and smack me in
the face. I really wish you would.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Oh please, what were you gonna do? Hit me back?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
No, I'm gonna stand here with my hands behind my
back and watch watch all the other people watch you
make a fool of yourself. I get it. I got
a sparkling inspection from the health department. They check all
my food. Everything I have here is good.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Maybe you paid them off.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Maybe maybe you know I don't have time for you.
Miss brijuts weigh thirty five pounds. You didn't eat thirty
five pounds of brigute. So somebody else ate that brijute
and didn't get sick for.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Joe, push your breash out and the MutS. How do
I know the Fresh Moods wasn't crap?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Because I make it every day by hand.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Your hands are so great that they make good monds.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
You don't want sweetie, don't call me back anymore because
we're gonna just keep hanging up on you.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Hey, what you goofy?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
All right? Them goofy and your Cinderella. Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Yeah, And who's the goofy looking person that works in
the store with you, that lady, you.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Really got a lot of balls staying that on the phone.
I really wish you'd come in and say it in person.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Well, what are you gonna do? You're gonna hit a girl.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I just want to see who this jerk is that's
looking like that.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
The jerk is talking, that's you.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
All right, listen, have a nice day, Okay. I just
tasted the bajute to make sure that I didn't get sick.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Oh, now you're being as smart as no I did.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I came up here, I tasted the bazute them to know,
and they're both fine.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Uh huh, Well they taste fine. But wait till you're
in the bedroom later on watch you come here. You
can watch me go you make chicken palm? What you
make chicken palm?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, because Elvis.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Durant in the Morning Show would really love some chicken parm.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
And do you have somebody do this? I'll kill you.
I got to take freaking VIAGRAA I mean DANX for this.
Now you did this, I'm gonna kill my wife.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Now you've just been phone tapped.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Holy Jesus Christ, I'm shaking like a leaf over there.
She phone tapped me.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
This is Danielle Monaro.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Are you married?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yes, I am.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
He's I'm gonna be looking for a new wife after today.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I'm gonna be Elvis Durant's phone
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