September 9, 2025 • 5 mins
Mr. Michael Oppenheimer has never sold a thing… but that hasn’t stopped him from trying!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Don't answer the phone.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Elvis Duran, the Elvis durand phone tap.
Speaker 3 (00:04):
You know, Michael Oppenheimer has become synonymous with the phone tap. Actually,
I think the phone taps have become famous because of
mister Michael Oppenheimer. Well he is back to strike again, right, Scotty.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (00:17):
Jeremy wanted to play a phone tap on his sister Janelle,
and she hates telephone telemarketers. So our relentless telephone telemarketer,
mister Michael Oppenheimer to the rescue.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Right, see what happens here we go.
Speaker 5 (00:29):
Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with the Scumbuster Extreme
Cleaning Tool. How are you doing today, Mitz?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I'm good.
Speaker 5 (00:38):
The Scumbuster Extreme Cleaning Tool comes with a three to
one extension handle and can be My name is Michael Oppenheimer.
We're practically giving this tool away today at a very
special curry.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Is this a sales call?
Speaker 5 (00:56):
I would call this a necessity call for thirty nine
dollars in ninety nine cents at our introductor.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I'm sorry, I'm not interested. Thanks, thanks for your time.
Speaker 5 (01:07):
Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with the scum Buster.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Extreme called this number equipped.
Speaker 5 (01:14):
With a powerful motor. This easy to use single speed
tool clean four times faster.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
You just called my number.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
Right, but I didn't get to tell you that.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Sorry, I'm not interested at this time.
Speaker 5 (01:26):
You can use it to scrub clean the tub.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I'm interested, thanks for calum.
Speaker 5 (01:35):
Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Uh that interested in your product.
Speaker 5 (01:42):
I'm calling brought to scub Boaster Extreme. Certainly you have
a bathroom, right, of course I do. Is there scum
in your bathroom?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I guess everybody is scumb in the bathroom, right, There's.
Speaker 5 (01:54):
Bound to be a build up of scum in your crevices, right.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I'm sorry. I don't need a scum scrubber. I'm good,
and you just keep talking.
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Everyone has scum in their cracks, and we feel that
for this offer of thirty nine dollars nineteen have scum
in my crack.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
I don't need this scum.
Speaker 5 (02:09):
Also, it also serves as a stain remover.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Don't have scum stains. Okay, goodbye, thanks for calling. Please
stop calling me. I don't want your proctic.
Speaker 5 (02:23):
This is mister Michael Oppenheimer.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
With these scumbus, you're wasting your time. Take your scumbuster
and clean your own crevice?
Speaker 5 (02:31):
Miss? Do you have do you have children?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Do you have anything to do with your life? Do
you have any time?
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Is that I was told you?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
You was talking to me like.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
People to be called today?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Okay, so you want that? You just want to talk
to me? Do you want to know what I'm wearing?
Is that it some sort of pervert keeps calling random women?
Speaker 5 (02:53):
This cleaning tool by Black and Decade is.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
I'm sure you've got a big cleaning tool there, buddy.
Speaker 5 (02:59):
This is not just any scumbuster. This is a black
and Dicker scumbuster.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Oh okay, that sounds great. I'm sure you like a
black scumbuster.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
In your This unit has a unique roller.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
What are you wearing, mister Heimer.
Speaker 5 (03:12):
I'm I'm wearing Savings and Deals.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Stumbbuster and shove it up your stop calling me? Hello?
Speaker 5 (03:24):
Oh yes, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with the scombuster.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Excuse this is mister Michael opened Whimer. Who can I
help you with? I like the scumbuster. Yes, it's got
a big handle and I don't so I have no
thing to do, but harest this lady all day.
Speaker 5 (03:42):
Thirty nine dollars ninety nine cents for.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Thirty nine dollars ninety nine cents, and I still can't
find anybody to love me or scrubby. I can't even
get a hooker for thirty nine dollars and ninety nine cents.
I'm just gonna arouse people. I'm an Oppenheimer.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
Would you like me to send one to your house now?
The hard to reach areas.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Like falls, I dig the scumbuster, and I pleasure myself
in hard to reach areas like the bathrooms. You know.
Other thoughtful details, including thoughtful details, include the fact that
I collect Barbie dolls and I like to dress them
up that night and dance around. Then. Sometimes I wear
my mom's underwear, because of course I live with her.
(04:23):
I'm enough.
Speaker 5 (04:24):
It comes with a rechargeable battery that provides.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I'm sure I need rechargeable batteries because I don't have
a real woman. You have an air pump that goes
with it. Maybe blow one up for me.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
I will tell you that the cleaning tool measures approximately.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Oh yeah, I like to measure my cleaning tools. I
have to use a children's ruler for such things. I
like children that I like pets, and you probably shouldn't
leve be along with your dog. I'm an Appenheimer and you've.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Been Hello, my name is Scary Jones when I was
the Rand in the morning show, and you've been I
you've been phone tapped.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Oh my god, Jeremy did it.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
And you just embarrassed yourself on the radio.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Oh my god, where did you get that creepy guy?
That is a creepy guy, Elvis
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Durand's phone tap
Don't answer the phone.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Elvis Duran, the Elvis durand phone tap.
Speaker 3 (00:04):
You know, Michael Oppenheimer has become synonymous with the phone tap. Actually,
I think the phone taps have become famous because of
mister Michael Oppenheimer. Well he is back to strike again, right, Scotty.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (00:17):
Jeremy wanted to play a phone tap on his sister Janelle,
and she hates telephone telemarketers. So our relentless telephone telemarketer,
mister Michael Oppenheimer to the rescue.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Right, see what happens here we go.
Speaker 5 (00:29):
Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with the Scumbuster Extreme
Cleaning Tool. How are you doing today, Mitz?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I'm good.
Speaker 5 (00:38):
The Scumbuster Extreme Cleaning Tool comes with a three to
one extension handle and can be My name is Michael Oppenheimer.
We're practically giving this tool away today at a very
special curry.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Is this a sales call?
Speaker 5 (00:56):
I would call this a necessity call for thirty nine
dollars in ninety nine cents at our introductor.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I'm sorry, I'm not interested. Thanks, thanks for your time.
Speaker 5 (01:07):
Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with the scum Buster.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Extreme called this number equipped.
Speaker 5 (01:14):
With a powerful motor. This easy to use single speed
tool clean four times faster.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
You just called my number.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
Right, but I didn't get to tell you that.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Sorry, I'm not interested at this time.
Speaker 5 (01:26):
You can use it to scrub clean the tub.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I'm interested, thanks for calum.
Speaker 5 (01:35):
Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Uh that interested in your product.
Speaker 5 (01:42):
I'm calling brought to scub Boaster Extreme. Certainly you have
a bathroom, right, of course I do. Is there scum
in your bathroom?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I guess everybody is scumb in the bathroom, right, There's.
Speaker 5 (01:54):
Bound to be a build up of scum in your crevices, right.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I'm sorry. I don't need a scum scrubber. I'm good,
and you just keep talking.
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Everyone has scum in their cracks, and we feel that
for this offer of thirty nine dollars nineteen have scum
in my crack.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
I don't need this scum.
Speaker 5 (02:09):
Also, it also serves as a stain remover.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Don't have scum stains. Okay, goodbye, thanks for calling. Please
stop calling me. I don't want your proctic.
Speaker 5 (02:23):
This is mister Michael Oppenheimer.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
With these scumbus, you're wasting your time. Take your scumbuster
and clean your own crevice?
Speaker 5 (02:31):
Miss? Do you have do you have children?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Do you have anything to do with your life? Do
you have any time?
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Is that I was told you?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
You was talking to me like.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
People to be called today?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Okay, so you want that? You just want to talk
to me? Do you want to know what I'm wearing?
Is that it some sort of pervert keeps calling random women?
Speaker 5 (02:53):
This cleaning tool by Black and Decade is.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
I'm sure you've got a big cleaning tool there, buddy.
Speaker 5 (02:59):
This is not just any scumbuster. This is a black
and Dicker scumbuster.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Oh okay, that sounds great. I'm sure you like a
black scumbuster.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
In your This unit has a unique roller.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
What are you wearing, mister Heimer.
Speaker 5 (03:12):
I'm I'm wearing Savings and Deals.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Stumbbuster and shove it up your stop calling me? Hello?
Speaker 5 (03:24):
Oh yes, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with the scombuster.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Excuse this is mister Michael opened Whimer. Who can I
help you with? I like the scumbuster. Yes, it's got
a big handle and I don't so I have no
thing to do, but harest this lady all day.
Speaker 5 (03:42):
Thirty nine dollars ninety nine cents for.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Thirty nine dollars ninety nine cents, and I still can't
find anybody to love me or scrubby. I can't even
get a hooker for thirty nine dollars and ninety nine cents.
I'm just gonna arouse people. I'm an Oppenheimer.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
Would you like me to send one to your house now?
The hard to reach areas.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Like falls, I dig the scumbuster, and I pleasure myself
in hard to reach areas like the bathrooms. You know.
Other thoughtful details, including thoughtful details, include the fact that
I collect Barbie dolls and I like to dress them
up that night and dance around. Then. Sometimes I wear
my mom's underwear, because of course I live with her.
(04:23):
I'm enough.
Speaker 5 (04:24):
It comes with a rechargeable battery that provides.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I'm sure I need rechargeable batteries because I don't have
a real woman. You have an air pump that goes
with it. Maybe blow one up for me.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
I will tell you that the cleaning tool measures approximately.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Oh yeah, I like to measure my cleaning tools. I
have to use a children's ruler for such things. I
like children that I like pets, and you probably shouldn't
leve be along with your dog. I'm an Appenheimer and you've.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Been Hello, my name is Scary Jones when I was
the Rand in the morning show, and you've been I
you've been phone tapped.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Oh my god, Jeremy did it.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
And you just embarrassed yourself on the radio.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Oh my god, where did you get that creepy guy?
That is a creepy guy, Elvis
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Durand's phone tap
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