January 2, 2026 • 5 mins
No one is safe from the sales pushing of Mr. Michael Oppenheimer, including Kelsey!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Don't answer the phone. Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phones.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Tap, Scary, Yes, what's it all about?
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Well, Chris's girlfriend Kelsey hates telemarketers. She doesn't listen to
the show, so that's why she'd be a perfect phone
tap victim, especially by our relentless telephone telemarketer, mister Michael Oppenheimer.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I like, can't you speak about him in the third person?
Like exactly, like I'm not Hammerson and you really are.
So here we go. Let's see what it's all about.
Scary's I mean Oppenheimer's phone tap. Hello, good afternoon. This
is mister Michael Oppenheimer with Zachary's Nuts. How are you
doing today? News? I'm fine. Zachary's Nuts offers a wide
array of nuts for your holiday season. This handsome handled
(00:40):
tree basket includes sun dried apricots, honey, roosted peanuts. I'm
really not interested, Thank you so much. Which is the
quantity you'd like to add to your cart? Hello, good efternoon.
This is mister Michael Opa with Zachary's. Oh how are
you doing today?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I wasn't interested.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
We have for you today a special offer that you
can't refuse. It's the holiday entertaining nuts sampler basket from Zachary.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I'm not interested, thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
This gormy wicker nut basket comes.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
With interested thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Certainly you celebrate the holidays, don't you? Hello? Hello, this
is mister Michael Oppenheimer with Zachary's nuts?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Are you kidding me? Do you know what your nuts?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
If you don't stop calling me, just imagine the look
on your guest's face when you blop Zachary's nuts on
your coffee table for the holidays.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I don't can. I want to speak to a manager.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
And let me speak to a manager right now?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
What's your name?
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I am the manager name. My name is mister Michael Oppenheimer.
You're the worst manager I've ever heard of in my life.
I'm a Telemary.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
You can't call me anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Do you know? Zachary's nuts can also be put in
the oven with you? You can actually the recording? Can
you hear me? Can you can you hear what I'm saying?
I can hear what you're saying. I can hear what
you're saying. Which credit card would you like to use today?
Are you nuts? Yes? In fact, we're full of nuts.
Zachary's also offers the holiday party tray of uncooked nuts,
(02:05):
where you massage each nut with some oil, then you
stuff them in the oven.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
And nurse thee I'm allergic to nuts, My kids are
allergic nuts. Everyone in my family's allergic to nuts.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Introducing for this holiday season our Bavarian nut lollipops. You
lick on the hard candy and when you get to
the center, you've still got a nut to suck up.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
You're wasting my day not you have the most grating
I didn't get.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I've ever heard. You should not be making calls. Let
me dangle these nuts in front of your face.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
You're nuts who listen to me? You.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
We'll also throw in this Christmas rippon, which will be
tied around Zachary's nuts. We have the Merry Christmas Harvest
Nuts Sampler gift box to the pants off of this company.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
You're insulting me, and you're assaulting me with a stone call.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
I'm over it. We do have assaulted and an unsualted
gift box in case you have high blood pressure.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Oh my god, really really, oh a gift box?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Stop going hello? Hey for brains, This is mister Michael
up and ormond with Zachary's holiday entertaining the basket. You
don't want your nuts, but nuts bring cheer to the
mouths of so many.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Already.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Oh, nuts weigh two pounds. Now you can have the
nut mix including cashew, dry fruit, smoke almonds. But wait,
there's more to your family.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
But you're nuts on the coffee table at your own sound.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
We also have little nut secks for just five dollars
and ninety nine cents.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
That's a little nuts. You married?
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Are you married?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Did your wife hate you?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Because right now they make a great stocking stuffer. Hello?
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Hello, Yeah, you like it?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
You like this is? Mister Michael? Hello?
Speaker 1 (03:57):
How do you this is?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
This is? All of Zachary's nuts are carefully handled and handpicked.
What what I can't hear? Your expert team of fifteen
nut pluckers who sort through and choose only the finest nuts.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
What did he say?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
What did you say? I said, how many trays of
these would you like to buy? Today? That's how many
prays I want? Miss. I've been handling Zachary's nuts for
four years myself, and I gotta say that Zachary's are
the best nuts I've ever swallowed. I don't want to.
And though I don't recommend you swallowing nuts whole chritz,
(04:43):
it's going on right now?
Speaker 1 (04:45):
What is going on? Is this? This?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
This is scary Jones, But I was the rand in
the Morning show. That's your boyfriend. I'm gonna kill you,
going to kill you? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
You look at you with your friends and what you do,
and you guys get together, you pick on me.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
It's not my friends.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
It's the radio to this. It's Elvis Duran in the
Morning Show. Don't you listen to the radio in the morning.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
I'm trying to do the Elvis Duran phone tap. This
phone tab was pre recorded with permission granted by all participates.
The Elvis Duran phone tap only on Elvis Duran in
the Morning Show
Don't answer the phone. Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phones.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Tap, Scary, Yes, what's it all about?
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Well, Chris's girlfriend Kelsey hates telemarketers. She doesn't listen to
the show, so that's why she'd be a perfect phone
tap victim, especially by our relentless telephone telemarketer, mister Michael Oppenheimer.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I like, can't you speak about him in the third person?
Like exactly, like I'm not Hammerson and you really are.
So here we go. Let's see what it's all about.
Scary's I mean Oppenheimer's phone tap. Hello, good afternoon. This
is mister Michael Oppenheimer with Zachary's Nuts. How are you
doing today? News? I'm fine. Zachary's Nuts offers a wide
array of nuts for your holiday season. This handsome handled
(00:40):
tree basket includes sun dried apricots, honey, roosted peanuts. I'm
really not interested, Thank you so much. Which is the
quantity you'd like to add to your cart? Hello, good efternoon.
This is mister Michael Opa with Zachary's. Oh how are
you doing today?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I wasn't interested.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
We have for you today a special offer that you
can't refuse. It's the holiday entertaining nuts sampler basket from Zachary.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I'm not interested, thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
This gormy wicker nut basket comes.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
With interested thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Certainly you celebrate the holidays, don't you? Hello? Hello, this
is mister Michael Oppenheimer with Zachary's nuts?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Are you kidding me? Do you know what your nuts?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
If you don't stop calling me, just imagine the look
on your guest's face when you blop Zachary's nuts on
your coffee table for the holidays.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I don't can. I want to speak to a manager.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
And let me speak to a manager right now?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
What's your name?
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I am the manager name. My name is mister Michael Oppenheimer.
You're the worst manager I've ever heard of in my life.
I'm a Telemary.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
You can't call me anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Do you know? Zachary's nuts can also be put in
the oven with you? You can actually the recording? Can
you hear me? Can you can you hear what I'm saying?
I can hear what you're saying. I can hear what
you're saying. Which credit card would you like to use today?
Are you nuts? Yes? In fact, we're full of nuts.
Zachary's also offers the holiday party tray of uncooked nuts,
(02:05):
where you massage each nut with some oil, then you
stuff them in the oven.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
And nurse thee I'm allergic to nuts, My kids are
allergic nuts. Everyone in my family's allergic to nuts.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Introducing for this holiday season our Bavarian nut lollipops. You
lick on the hard candy and when you get to
the center, you've still got a nut to suck up.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
You're wasting my day not you have the most grating
I didn't get.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I've ever heard. You should not be making calls. Let
me dangle these nuts in front of your face.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
You're nuts who listen to me? You.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
We'll also throw in this Christmas rippon, which will be
tied around Zachary's nuts. We have the Merry Christmas Harvest
Nuts Sampler gift box to the pants off of this company.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
You're insulting me, and you're assaulting me with a stone call.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
I'm over it. We do have assaulted and an unsualted
gift box in case you have high blood pressure.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Oh my god, really really, oh a gift box?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Stop going hello? Hey for brains, This is mister Michael
up and ormond with Zachary's holiday entertaining the basket. You
don't want your nuts, but nuts bring cheer to the
mouths of so many.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Already.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Oh, nuts weigh two pounds. Now you can have the
nut mix including cashew, dry fruit, smoke almonds. But wait,
there's more to your family.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
But you're nuts on the coffee table at your own sound.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
We also have little nut secks for just five dollars
and ninety nine cents.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
That's a little nuts. You married?
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Are you married?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Did your wife hate you?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Because right now they make a great stocking stuffer. Hello?
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Hello, Yeah, you like it?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
You like this is? Mister Michael? Hello?
Speaker 1 (03:57):
How do you this is?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
This is? All of Zachary's nuts are carefully handled and handpicked.
What what I can't hear? Your expert team of fifteen
nut pluckers who sort through and choose only the finest nuts.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
What did he say?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
What did you say? I said, how many trays of
these would you like to buy? Today? That's how many
prays I want? Miss. I've been handling Zachary's nuts for
four years myself, and I gotta say that Zachary's are
the best nuts I've ever swallowed. I don't want to.
And though I don't recommend you swallowing nuts whole chritz,
(04:43):
it's going on right now?
Speaker 1 (04:45):
What is going on? Is this? This?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
This is scary Jones, But I was the rand in
the Morning show. That's your boyfriend. I'm gonna kill you,
going to kill you? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
You look at you with your friends and what you do,
and you guys get together, you pick on me.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
It's not my friends.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
It's the radio to this. It's Elvis Duran in the
Morning Show. Don't you listen to the radio in the morning.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
I'm trying to do the Elvis Duran phone tap. This
phone tab was pre recorded with permission granted by all participates.
The Elvis Duran phone tap only on Elvis Duran in
the Morning Show
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