December 31, 2025 • 18 mins
Dan Harris joins the After Party to break down why motivation dies fast, how tiny habits actually work, and why social media quietly makes us miserable. From meditation myths to the subtle aggression of self-improvement, this one hits a little too close to home.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Get your hairs together, and we're going to start to
party and start the party.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I'm ready to party the Elvis Da Ran After Party.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
It's the After Party Podcast.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
Wait should I say woo too?
Speaker 5 (00:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Sorry, it doesn't seem natural coming out of your mouth.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
No, it doesn't, you know.
Speaker 4 (00:27):
I still I still like I'm once an increment, always
an acreman in a certain amount stuffinus.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Yeah, it's not a little a lot. That's why Dan
Harris is not anchoring anymore. He wants to woo. All right,
paus for a second, here we go. We always love
when Dan Harris hangs out with us. He's a part
of the farm, the family.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
Thank you. I even I even crash your Christmas parties,
I know.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
And I hope you do next year in the year after.
So anyway, Dan Harris. Of course, about eleven years ago
we met Dan became very good friends with him because
we love him. He wrote Ten Percent Happier, This is incredible,
incredible book about meditation. Back that was eleven years ago,
but back in a time where a lot of people
thought meditation was just a freaky, weird, who what are
you doing kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Not the Indians. We've we've loved it for a long time.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Absolutely, you're also invented it.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
It all started right there. But now you're your ten
percent Happier podcast is huge, and you've got this app.
We were loving the new app and look so much
going on. But I'm glad you're here because every time
Dan's on with us, we receive such such great feedback
about how you make everyone feel.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
So they're like, who's this guy, Dan Harris and you're
gonna get to know him. Let's talk to Dan Harris.
Let's go what do you want to talk about?
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Well, let me ask you guys a question. By February,
have you abandoned your New Year's resolutions?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
This is why, This is why I don't make them.
I don't make resolutions at.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
All because you just know that you won't keep them.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I just I'm thinking, you know what, I don't think
of it as okay, starting January one, I'm going to
do this better in my life. If I really truly
want to be better in my life in that aspect,
I will do it right this moment. I don't wait
until midnight strikes.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
I was like that forever, but then I saw there's
a bunch of research that shows that there's a phenomenon
known as the fresh start effect. So if you use
the momentum that naturally comes from a fresh start, like
the beginning of a new year, or even the beginning
of a new week, your birthday, that is, there's power
(02:41):
to that that can fuel the abiding nature of the habit.
You can use that to boot up a habit one.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
But these are New Year's resolutions. I mean, it's a
proven fact that you could go to any gym in
America right after the first of the year and they're
all crowded as hell, and then a week later.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Yes, I mean that most people have fallen off their
resolutions by February first, So this is a real problem.
I mean, I'm just curious for the rest of you.
Do you struggle with this.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
If I set a goal that's like I'm gonna work
out every day, probably by February I fall off. But
because I know that I make mine more of by
the end of the year, I would like to have
accomplished this. Yes, so that is easier for me.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
There's data for that myself. There's research behind that approach
that if you make your resolution very focused and specific,
as opposed to I'm going to get fit, you have
more success. And if you make it smaller rather than larger,
you are also more likely to have success. It's starting
small and doing it in manageable little chunks is the
(03:43):
way to go. So, for example, if exercise is your resolution,
if you put your if you start by simply putting
your running shoes near the door, that is a good
first step.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yes, oh yeah, I read eighty percent of accomplishing something
as getting dressed to do that thing. Yes, so if
you want to go to the gym, just your gym
clothes on. If you're not feeling motivated, and then all
of a sudden you're like, you know what, no reason
not to do this, I'm duress, let's go.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
It's interesting to view this through the lens of evolution.
We did not evolve for long term projects. We evolved
we had we were in a survival situation. So we're
really good at avoiding threats and finding food, and so
that is just the way our minds are wired. Our
brains are wired, and so something like the slow, steady
(04:28):
slog that's required to start a habit, we're just not
wired for that. But if you divide it up into
little chunks, then you can succeeds. Talk about like putting
your say if you say to yourself, I want to
my doctor saying I need to exercise more. If you
start really small and keep it really small all the way,
start with putting your shoes next to the door. Start
(04:50):
with a couple of days a week, I'm just gonna
wear my exercise clothes. Or if meditation is your goal,
I'm just going to get into the position three times
a week. A tiny little steps start to compound over time,
because then you're not cutting against the grain of the
brain that evolution bequeathed us. You're working with what you've got.
Speaker 6 (05:10):
Because if you give up everything, I'm going to eat
better and you give up snacking and sweets, and that's
just too much.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
You can't do all asolution though the resolution is balls
deep from the very beginning. You know.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
That's the thing is you should your resolution should be smaller,
not balls deep. Okay, wow, wow, I love you guys. No, No,
I'm just deciding do I play along and perhaps ruin
my career?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Do I just appreciate you know, to be fair here
in your career that you are rolling with now I
think is perfectly perfectly in tune with what we're saying
and how you could be as irrelevant and not irrelevant,
as irreverent as you want to be.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
I think the title of my next book is going
to be balls Deep.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Here we go, Now we go? Harris, Hey, I got
a caller here, Tatiana from Long Island, talking about meditation. Okay,
I know we're kind of jumping around, but I'm gonna
do it jump around. I am I doing the right
thing here. Hello Tatiana, how are you? Hi?
Speaker 5 (06:16):
Good morning, I'm doing well.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
How are you doing very well? Say hello to Dan Harris.
Speaker 5 (06:20):
Hye, Dan, good morning.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
Hi Tatana, good morning.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
So you're a teacher and you actually employed Dan's techniques
in your school.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
So yeah, I'm the principle of Harmony High School in
Long Island and we're a therapeutic school and we use
so many of the different techniques that Dan writes about
that is incredible.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
So what can you give me an example of a
technique that you've found really effective either for the staff
or the students.
Speaker 5 (06:48):
Definitely, So we use a lot of the mindfulness meditation,
especially with our students and they're kind of getting stuck
in their anxiety. We have a whole clinical team here
that works at them on that it's actually yesterday at
a staff meeting and use your sort of thought behind
this time management and compassion training, and decided to make
(07:08):
our last day before break a remote learning day. So
I said, you know what if it's not really prioritizing
and canceling unnecessary things like let's just make a switch
for the betterment of the students and staff. So we
are consistently using all of these different techniques as part
of our just school's philosophy and therapeutic setting.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
How do you keep it going? One are the things
we're talking about here is so many of us have
these good intentions. We want to have meditation in our life,
We want to exercise more, we want to eat healthy.
How do you not, as we keep saying, fall off
the wagon with these initiatives, I think.
Speaker 5 (07:46):
We kind of hold each other accountable. Also, being a
therapeutic setting, we really try to live by that philosophy.
We try to hold each other countable in the positive ways.
When we catch ourselves or each other kind of being
negative or saying leading with those negative thoughts, we try
to encourage one another to make that change. Our students
are also just such an inspiraate help us to reinforce
(08:09):
those habits as well, because we want to ensure that
we are modeling it for all of the students in
the building, and viceversa. Sometimes build the us stressed and
say hey, you should try one of the techniques like
your strategic worrying, or like take a small bite right
now of what you can handle. And so it's kind
of this cross collaboration environment and working here the past
(08:30):
four years and implementing all of these strategies that we've
learned and reading all the different philosophies you included. I
think it's even helped in personal life be able to
implement those as well.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Tatana, that's beautiful. Want I do want to pick up
on something Tatana said, just for everybody here who's thinking
about how do I actually stick with my resolutions? Because
that's my problem, she says. She said A key word there, accountable.
We hold each other accountable. One of the best ways
to actually make sure you stick with whatever your goal
(09:04):
is is to do it as a team sport.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Well, I know, but okay, let me give you an
example of Tatiana, this is something you do not want
to use at Harmony High School. Gandhi for instance, right here,
she and Andy or Andrew and Josh. They have a
few others. They have a group and they all work
out and they all are accountable to each other with
each other, but they're mean and vicious about it.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Then the feral pig gets tossed around. But you know what,
calling me a feral pig makes me put much shoes
on that or by the door and go to this.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
Wait, somebody called you a feral pig. Yeah, hello, Josh,
that is I'm not down with that. But trash talking.
Trash talking is a great way to, you know, to
build morale. And I think there's I think I think
you're both an example and a cautionary tales. But I'm
trying to say, but I love trash talking. I mean,
(09:59):
this is this of this show, and so a certain
amount of trash talking and camaraderie gets you into the
gym or whatever it is you're trying to do.
Speaker 6 (10:09):
I think this Dan Harris on the Road is your
next thing, like taking it to a school like Tatiana's
who actually already implements what you do. And you can,
you know, you can charge a lot of money, Dan,
Dan Harris.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
Or you know, just come for free, Dan.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
We need to see your budgets and check your credit score. There, Tatiana,
thank you for starting a conversation in the room with us.
We appreciate it. And thanks for listening to our show too.
Speaker 5 (10:38):
Thank you all so much. Have a wonderful day you
too too.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Let's get back to resolutions, shall we.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Strategies, strategies you already gave us one. Start small, okay.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
Yeah, so start small. Do it as a team sport.
I often say that life is easier and faster in
the hov lane or in the carpool lane. So social
support is the technical term psychologists use. Tatiana pointed at
that that's a massive strategy. So if you have a
goal for New Years, find people to do it with you,
as long as they don't call you a feral pig.
(11:12):
And so starting small is a huge one. And then
also having your resolution be something doable, not something vague
like I'm gonna get fit. It has to be specific
like I'm going to try to go to the gym
two or three times a week. And then start small
with that. Another another huge strategy that I think is
really important is we are stuck in this culture, in
(11:37):
an era of self optimization where everybody's trying to tweak
every aspect of their life. I'm counting my steps, I'm
counting my calories, I'm tracking my sleep, I'm striving for katosis,
I'm trying to be perfect all the time. I'm trying
to match what I'm seeing on Instagram so that I
can look like them. And there is this undercurrent of
self hatred there. This has often been referred to as
(11:59):
the subtle aggression of self improvement. What is motivating you
to make these resolutions? Is it because you want the
best for yourself? Or do you subtly hate yourself? And
can you tune into that and then try to counter
program against it. The tool to counter program against it
is self compassion, which we on the show have talked
about before, which is just this ability to talk to
(12:22):
yourself the way you would talk to a good friend. So,
if you're looking in the mirror and berating yourself for
you know, looking poresign or whatever it is, looking like
a pig or whatever it is, can you say, no, Dan,
you got this. You look great. Can you say whatever
you would say to a good friend in this moment.
(12:43):
That is a massive way to get under the hood
and try to tweak what is motivating you to do
this stuff in the first place.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
So would you say then that maybe a good New
Year's resolution for everybody would be get off of social
media as much as you can, because I think that
it creates the self hatred that you're talking about by
constantly comparing yourself. And I noticed I when it's silent,
go to that. And I also read recently that silence
is not the absence of sound. Silence is actually attention
(13:13):
to the present and to yourself. And I think that
more people are scared of that attention to themselves, and
then we're always scrolling, which that makes us feel bad.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
Yes, there was, there was. There have been studies where
people have been given a choice between sitting alone with
their thoughts or getting an electric shock, and most people
choose the electric shock away.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Why crazy.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
So it's a real fear that we have, like being
alone with ourselves. So I would say start small with that,
with meditation, for example, I often say one minute counts.
It's a great way to start. But the other thing
you said was about social media. This is something I've
been thinking about for myself just in the last few days.
Is I just noticed, with watching my own mind, as
(13:59):
I've really trained myself to do over the last sixteen
years of meditation, I just see how unhappy I am
every time I'm on social media, and so I'm actually
really thinking about deleting the apps and just having my
team do the posting, because I see what it does
for me. It's a reliable source of unhappiness.
Speaker 6 (14:16):
I was telling them that when we went on vacation
last time, I gave it up for two days total
and I put it aside and I didn't look at
it at all, and I have to say that I
got a lot more done. Yeah, my mind was clearer.
And now I even find myself like, if I pick
it up, I go, okay, I'm giving myself two seconds
with this, and I look and I go, that's it.
And I put it down and I'm much better already
(14:37):
with not spending as much time going down that. You know,
that never ending hole.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
It's amazing how quickly you can become convinced that your
life is horrible.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Well, the thing is, but in addition to that, we're
not spending time with ourselves. Yes, when you're online, you're
not with you. You're with others that you don't know. Well,
you're a stupid crap to say, well.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
But you're not even even with them. You're in this
like like purgatory between being with yourself and being with
other people. It's not real social interactions. It's you're having
these curated glimpses into edited, filtered glimpses into other people's
lives that make you feel terrible about your life. By
(15:20):
the way, it also makes you feel terrible about the
state of the world. Why Because these algorithms run on
fear and anger, the human emotions that they know are
the stickiest. They keep you scrolling so and I say
call bullshit on that, call bullshit on what they're trying
to sell you about what this world actually consists of.
(15:42):
I'm not trying to gaslight you and say there's no war,
there's no inequality, there's no political polarization. But there are
beautiful acts of generosity, basic human kindness happening all over
all around us. People teaching children, building buildings, holding the
door open for other people. But they're not in your
news feed, and you you have no way of focusing
(16:03):
in on them. If that's your view of the world.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Wow, I'm like preaching preach for the people in the back.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
The algorithm rewards rage because we all look at it.
We see something outrages and we look at it. So
for me, when I'm online, it will have me thinking
that the world is the craziest place and so chaotic,
which it might be. But when I'm in this room
with all of you, I don't feel that same way
because it's real people and that same stuff isn't happening.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Well, are we addicted to it? Is that the problem?
Because it should be so easy to take your phone
and go.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Every time you pick up your phone and interact with
any of it, but especially the social media. It's you
versus the smartest people in the world and the most
powerful supercomputers on earth. Who's gonna win?
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Yeah, Wow, I'm going.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
I'm just a feral pig.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
And I'm addicted to porn, balls deep and porn.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Dan.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
We love you, Thank you for coming in. You guys
think and uh everything you need to know about anything
all of the above, Dan Harris dot com. It really
is the fastest way to get to the uh, the
epicenter of all things Dan.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Yeah, if you want to get started in meditation. We're
doing a free seven day meditation challenge on Dan Harris
dot com.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
Fine check it out and available now.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
Yes, yeah, yeah you get yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Hold on. The app is available now. It's brand new.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Yes, I have a brand new app called ten Percent
with Dan Harris. You can get it through Dan Harris
dot com or wherever you get your apps.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Don'tkay Harris helps a lot.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
Yeah, it's it's probably the most ecocentric website in the
world Dan Harris dot com.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
If you need to know more, go to Elvis Duran
dot com.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
And uh and you can go do his nonprofit ballsdep
dot org.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
We're everywhere you want to be. Dad, we love you.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Did the Elvis Duran after party.
Speaker 5 (18:11):
H
Get your hairs together, and we're going to start to
party and start the party.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I'm ready to party the Elvis Da Ran After Party.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
It's the After Party Podcast.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
Wait should I say woo too?
Speaker 5 (00:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Sorry, it doesn't seem natural coming out of your mouth.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
No, it doesn't, you know.
Speaker 4 (00:27):
I still I still like I'm once an increment, always
an acreman in a certain amount stuffinus.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Yeah, it's not a little a lot. That's why Dan
Harris is not anchoring anymore. He wants to woo. All right,
paus for a second, here we go. We always love
when Dan Harris hangs out with us. He's a part
of the farm, the family.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
Thank you. I even I even crash your Christmas parties,
I know.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
And I hope you do next year in the year after.
So anyway, Dan Harris. Of course, about eleven years ago
we met Dan became very good friends with him because
we love him. He wrote Ten Percent Happier, This is incredible,
incredible book about meditation. Back that was eleven years ago,
but back in a time where a lot of people
thought meditation was just a freaky, weird, who what are
you doing kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Not the Indians. We've we've loved it for a long time.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Absolutely, you're also invented it.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
It all started right there. But now you're your ten
percent Happier podcast is huge, and you've got this app.
We were loving the new app and look so much
going on. But I'm glad you're here because every time
Dan's on with us, we receive such such great feedback
about how you make everyone feel.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
So they're like, who's this guy, Dan Harris and you're
gonna get to know him. Let's talk to Dan Harris.
Let's go what do you want to talk about?
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Well, let me ask you guys a question. By February,
have you abandoned your New Year's resolutions?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
This is why, This is why I don't make them.
I don't make resolutions at.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
All because you just know that you won't keep them.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I just I'm thinking, you know what, I don't think
of it as okay, starting January one, I'm going to
do this better in my life. If I really truly
want to be better in my life in that aspect,
I will do it right this moment. I don't wait
until midnight strikes.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
I was like that forever, but then I saw there's
a bunch of research that shows that there's a phenomenon
known as the fresh start effect. So if you use
the momentum that naturally comes from a fresh start, like
the beginning of a new year, or even the beginning
of a new week, your birthday, that is, there's power
(02:41):
to that that can fuel the abiding nature of the habit.
You can use that to boot up a habit one.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
But these are New Year's resolutions. I mean, it's a
proven fact that you could go to any gym in
America right after the first of the year and they're
all crowded as hell, and then a week later.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Yes, I mean that most people have fallen off their
resolutions by February first, So this is a real problem.
I mean, I'm just curious for the rest of you.
Do you struggle with this.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
If I set a goal that's like I'm gonna work
out every day, probably by February I fall off. But
because I know that I make mine more of by
the end of the year, I would like to have
accomplished this. Yes, so that is easier for me.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
There's data for that myself. There's research behind that approach
that if you make your resolution very focused and specific,
as opposed to I'm going to get fit, you have
more success. And if you make it smaller rather than larger,
you are also more likely to have success. It's starting
small and doing it in manageable little chunks is the
(03:43):
way to go. So, for example, if exercise is your resolution,
if you put your if you start by simply putting
your running shoes near the door, that is a good
first step.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yes, oh yeah, I read eighty percent of accomplishing something
as getting dressed to do that thing. Yes, so if
you want to go to the gym, just your gym
clothes on. If you're not feeling motivated, and then all
of a sudden you're like, you know what, no reason
not to do this, I'm duress, let's go.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
It's interesting to view this through the lens of evolution.
We did not evolve for long term projects. We evolved
we had we were in a survival situation. So we're
really good at avoiding threats and finding food, and so
that is just the way our minds are wired. Our
brains are wired, and so something like the slow, steady
(04:28):
slog that's required to start a habit, we're just not
wired for that. But if you divide it up into
little chunks, then you can succeeds. Talk about like putting
your say if you say to yourself, I want to
my doctor saying I need to exercise more. If you
start really small and keep it really small all the way,
start with putting your shoes next to the door. Start
(04:50):
with a couple of days a week, I'm just gonna
wear my exercise clothes. Or if meditation is your goal,
I'm just going to get into the position three times
a week. A tiny little steps start to compound over time,
because then you're not cutting against the grain of the
brain that evolution bequeathed us. You're working with what you've got.
Speaker 6 (05:10):
Because if you give up everything, I'm going to eat
better and you give up snacking and sweets, and that's
just too much.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
You can't do all asolution though the resolution is balls
deep from the very beginning. You know.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
That's the thing is you should your resolution should be smaller,
not balls deep. Okay, wow, wow, I love you guys. No, No,
I'm just deciding do I play along and perhaps ruin
my career?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Do I just appreciate you know, to be fair here
in your career that you are rolling with now I
think is perfectly perfectly in tune with what we're saying
and how you could be as irrelevant and not irrelevant,
as irreverent as you want to be.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
I think the title of my next book is going
to be balls Deep.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Here we go, Now we go? Harris, Hey, I got
a caller here, Tatiana from Long Island, talking about meditation. Okay,
I know we're kind of jumping around, but I'm gonna
do it jump around. I am I doing the right
thing here. Hello Tatiana, how are you? Hi?
Speaker 5 (06:16):
Good morning, I'm doing well.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
How are you doing very well? Say hello to Dan Harris.
Speaker 5 (06:20):
Hye, Dan, good morning.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
Hi Tatana, good morning.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
So you're a teacher and you actually employed Dan's techniques
in your school.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
So yeah, I'm the principle of Harmony High School in
Long Island and we're a therapeutic school and we use
so many of the different techniques that Dan writes about
that is incredible.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
So what can you give me an example of a
technique that you've found really effective either for the staff
or the students.
Speaker 5 (06:48):
Definitely, So we use a lot of the mindfulness meditation,
especially with our students and they're kind of getting stuck
in their anxiety. We have a whole clinical team here
that works at them on that it's actually yesterday at
a staff meeting and use your sort of thought behind
this time management and compassion training, and decided to make
(07:08):
our last day before break a remote learning day. So
I said, you know what if it's not really prioritizing
and canceling unnecessary things like let's just make a switch
for the betterment of the students and staff. So we
are consistently using all of these different techniques as part
of our just school's philosophy and therapeutic setting.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
How do you keep it going? One are the things
we're talking about here is so many of us have
these good intentions. We want to have meditation in our life,
We want to exercise more, we want to eat healthy.
How do you not, as we keep saying, fall off
the wagon with these initiatives, I think.
Speaker 5 (07:46):
We kind of hold each other accountable. Also, being a
therapeutic setting, we really try to live by that philosophy.
We try to hold each other countable in the positive ways.
When we catch ourselves or each other kind of being
negative or saying leading with those negative thoughts, we try
to encourage one another to make that change. Our students
are also just such an inspiraate help us to reinforce
(08:09):
those habits as well, because we want to ensure that
we are modeling it for all of the students in
the building, and viceversa. Sometimes build the us stressed and
say hey, you should try one of the techniques like
your strategic worrying, or like take a small bite right
now of what you can handle. And so it's kind
of this cross collaboration environment and working here the past
(08:30):
four years and implementing all of these strategies that we've
learned and reading all the different philosophies you included. I
think it's even helped in personal life be able to
implement those as well.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Tatana, that's beautiful. Want I do want to pick up
on something Tatana said, just for everybody here who's thinking
about how do I actually stick with my resolutions? Because
that's my problem, she says. She said A key word there, accountable.
We hold each other accountable. One of the best ways
to actually make sure you stick with whatever your goal
(09:04):
is is to do it as a team sport.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Well, I know, but okay, let me give you an
example of Tatiana, this is something you do not want
to use at Harmony High School. Gandhi for instance, right here,
she and Andy or Andrew and Josh. They have a
few others. They have a group and they all work
out and they all are accountable to each other with
each other, but they're mean and vicious about it.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Then the feral pig gets tossed around. But you know what,
calling me a feral pig makes me put much shoes
on that or by the door and go to this.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
Wait, somebody called you a feral pig. Yeah, hello, Josh,
that is I'm not down with that. But trash talking.
Trash talking is a great way to, you know, to
build morale. And I think there's I think I think
you're both an example and a cautionary tales. But I'm
trying to say, but I love trash talking. I mean,
(09:59):
this is this of this show, and so a certain
amount of trash talking and camaraderie gets you into the
gym or whatever it is you're trying to do.
Speaker 6 (10:09):
I think this Dan Harris on the Road is your
next thing, like taking it to a school like Tatiana's
who actually already implements what you do. And you can,
you know, you can charge a lot of money, Dan,
Dan Harris.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
Or you know, just come for free, Dan.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
We need to see your budgets and check your credit score. There, Tatiana,
thank you for starting a conversation in the room with us.
We appreciate it. And thanks for listening to our show too.
Speaker 5 (10:38):
Thank you all so much. Have a wonderful day you
too too.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Let's get back to resolutions, shall we.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Strategies, strategies you already gave us one. Start small, okay.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
Yeah, so start small. Do it as a team sport.
I often say that life is easier and faster in
the hov lane or in the carpool lane. So social
support is the technical term psychologists use. Tatiana pointed at
that that's a massive strategy. So if you have a
goal for New Years, find people to do it with you,
as long as they don't call you a feral pig.
(11:12):
And so starting small is a huge one. And then
also having your resolution be something doable, not something vague
like I'm gonna get fit. It has to be specific
like I'm going to try to go to the gym
two or three times a week. And then start small
with that. Another another huge strategy that I think is
really important is we are stuck in this culture, in
(11:37):
an era of self optimization where everybody's trying to tweak
every aspect of their life. I'm counting my steps, I'm
counting my calories, I'm tracking my sleep, I'm striving for katosis,
I'm trying to be perfect all the time. I'm trying
to match what I'm seeing on Instagram so that I
can look like them. And there is this undercurrent of
self hatred there. This has often been referred to as
(11:59):
the subtle aggression of self improvement. What is motivating you
to make these resolutions? Is it because you want the
best for yourself? Or do you subtly hate yourself? And
can you tune into that and then try to counter
program against it. The tool to counter program against it
is self compassion, which we on the show have talked
about before, which is just this ability to talk to
(12:22):
yourself the way you would talk to a good friend. So,
if you're looking in the mirror and berating yourself for
you know, looking poresign or whatever it is, looking like
a pig or whatever it is, can you say, no, Dan,
you got this. You look great. Can you say whatever
you would say to a good friend in this moment.
(12:43):
That is a massive way to get under the hood
and try to tweak what is motivating you to do
this stuff in the first place.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
So would you say then that maybe a good New
Year's resolution for everybody would be get off of social
media as much as you can, because I think that
it creates the self hatred that you're talking about by
constantly comparing yourself. And I noticed I when it's silent,
go to that. And I also read recently that silence
is not the absence of sound. Silence is actually attention
(13:13):
to the present and to yourself. And I think that
more people are scared of that attention to themselves, and
then we're always scrolling, which that makes us feel bad.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
Yes, there was, there was. There have been studies where
people have been given a choice between sitting alone with
their thoughts or getting an electric shock, and most people
choose the electric shock away.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Why crazy.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
So it's a real fear that we have, like being
alone with ourselves. So I would say start small with that,
with meditation, for example, I often say one minute counts.
It's a great way to start. But the other thing
you said was about social media. This is something I've
been thinking about for myself just in the last few days.
Is I just noticed, with watching my own mind, as
(13:59):
I've really trained myself to do over the last sixteen
years of meditation, I just see how unhappy I am
every time I'm on social media, and so I'm actually
really thinking about deleting the apps and just having my
team do the posting, because I see what it does
for me. It's a reliable source of unhappiness.
Speaker 6 (14:16):
I was telling them that when we went on vacation
last time, I gave it up for two days total
and I put it aside and I didn't look at
it at all, and I have to say that I
got a lot more done. Yeah, my mind was clearer.
And now I even find myself like, if I pick
it up, I go, okay, I'm giving myself two seconds
with this, and I look and I go, that's it.
And I put it down and I'm much better already
(14:37):
with not spending as much time going down that. You know,
that never ending hole.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
It's amazing how quickly you can become convinced that your
life is horrible.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Well, the thing is, but in addition to that, we're
not spending time with ourselves. Yes, when you're online, you're
not with you. You're with others that you don't know. Well,
you're a stupid crap to say, well.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
But you're not even even with them. You're in this
like like purgatory between being with yourself and being with
other people. It's not real social interactions. It's you're having
these curated glimpses into edited, filtered glimpses into other people's
lives that make you feel terrible about your life. By
(15:20):
the way, it also makes you feel terrible about the
state of the world. Why Because these algorithms run on
fear and anger, the human emotions that they know are
the stickiest. They keep you scrolling so and I say
call bullshit on that, call bullshit on what they're trying
to sell you about what this world actually consists of.
(15:42):
I'm not trying to gaslight you and say there's no war,
there's no inequality, there's no political polarization. But there are
beautiful acts of generosity, basic human kindness happening all over
all around us. People teaching children, building buildings, holding the
door open for other people. But they're not in your
news feed, and you you have no way of focusing
(16:03):
in on them. If that's your view of the world.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Wow, I'm like preaching preach for the people in the back.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
The algorithm rewards rage because we all look at it.
We see something outrages and we look at it. So
for me, when I'm online, it will have me thinking
that the world is the craziest place and so chaotic,
which it might be. But when I'm in this room
with all of you, I don't feel that same way
because it's real people and that same stuff isn't happening.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Well, are we addicted to it? Is that the problem?
Because it should be so easy to take your phone
and go.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Every time you pick up your phone and interact with
any of it, but especially the social media. It's you
versus the smartest people in the world and the most
powerful supercomputers on earth. Who's gonna win?
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Yeah, Wow, I'm going.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
I'm just a feral pig.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
And I'm addicted to porn, balls deep and porn.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Dan.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
We love you, Thank you for coming in. You guys
think and uh everything you need to know about anything
all of the above, Dan Harris dot com. It really
is the fastest way to get to the uh, the
epicenter of all things Dan.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Yeah, if you want to get started in meditation. We're
doing a free seven day meditation challenge on Dan Harris
dot com.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
Fine check it out and available now.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
Yes, yeah, yeah you get yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Hold on. The app is available now. It's brand new.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Yes, I have a brand new app called ten Percent
with Dan Harris. You can get it through Dan Harris
dot com or wherever you get your apps.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Don'tkay Harris helps a lot.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
Yeah, it's it's probably the most ecocentric website in the
world Dan Harris dot com.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
If you need to know more, go to Elvis Duran
dot com.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
And uh and you can go do his nonprofit ballsdep
dot org.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
We're everywhere you want to be. Dad, we love you.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Did the Elvis Duran after party.
Speaker 5 (18:11):
H
Hosts And Creators
Elvis Duran
Garrett
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