May 12, 2022 • 58 mins
It's said that people don't quit jobs... they quit managers. But how can a manager be an effective leader at work and at home if they're overwhelmed, burnt out and unchallenged in their own life?
This life on on the podcast, Dan has a conversation with his dear friend and client, Brian McAleer, about how the pandemic led him to his purpose and and an exciting new career pivot.
Brian McAleer is the Senior Vice President of Multi-Platform Strategy at iHeartRadio, a position that didn't exist a year ago, but one he created for himself during his coaching with Dan. He's also the CEO of his own company called GentLife, an influencer brand designed to help men fit in, but most importantly stand out by sharing their love, compassion and knowledge with people who need it most.
Some of the topics discussed include...
- The hidden gift of the pandemic and how it led Brian to discovering his purpose and control of his destiny.
- The importance of immersion and how committing to a new way of being was the key to getting everything he ever wanted.
- How the results you're getting or not getting in your life are simply a product of the rules you live by and how to write a new playbook that works for you.
- Boundaries and how to get intentional with your day so you can eliminate overwhelm and obligation.
- The power of authenticity.
Follow Brian on Instagram at http://instagram.com/broadcastingbmack
Follow GentLife at http://instagram.com/gent.life
Follow Dan on Instagram at http://instagram.com/cscdanmason
Learn more about how you can work with Dan one-on-one at http://creativesoulcoaching.net
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
As a kid, I would watch a hockey player that
I wanted to skate like, and I would teach myself
to skate like him. And when it became business, I
would see people in business executives that I wanted to
be like and I wanted to emulate, so I would
I would dress like them, I would talk like them,
I would learn their lingo. And that was really successful
for me. But when it came to you know, one
(00:20):
of our earlier the foundation question of this podcast, when
you were like, you know, where did you Where did
the burnout begin? Or where? What I think realizes like
I didn't see a path that I want I was
excited about anymore, and I didn't I didn't have any
more people that I wanted to emulate, you know, and like,
and I almost felt like I had no mentor to
(00:42):
necessarily lean completely into. And that's when I kind of realized,
with the pandemic and all these skill sets that I
had had, that I was poised to create myself. It
said that people don't quit jobs, they quit managers. But
how can a manager be an effective leader work end
at home if they're overwhelmed, burned out, and unchallenged in
(01:04):
their own life. This week on Life Amplified, I'm going
to have a conversation with my dear friend and client,
Brian McLear, about how the pandemic led him to his
purpose and an exciting new career pivot. If you want
a roadmap to stop emulating other people's success so you
can create your career on your terms, this is the
(01:26):
episode for you. Welcome back. What is an amplified life.
It's having amplified relationships with people who support and encourage
you to be your best. It's having amplified energy to
conquer the challenges of the day. And it's having an
amplified career, one that's meaningful to you, the world, and
(01:47):
your bank accounts. I'm Dan Mason helping you discover your
calling and create an amplified life on your terms. This
is the Life Amplified podcast. The pandemic did not invent
managerial burnout, but it has certainly illuminated the extent to
which executives feel buried under an avalanche of stress and responsibility.
(02:12):
Think about it. For many middle managers at many companies,
they're trying to please the corporate overlords implementing the new
hybrid work policies while simultaneously trying to take care of
the people that report to them. The result has been burnout.
According to Gallop, sixty six percent of managers and executives
(02:32):
are facing burnout in the workplace. But here's some additional stats.
Seventy six percent are overwhelmed, seventy two percent feel an
increase pressure to deliver, eight four percent internalized fault for
high employee burnout, in turnover and making matters worse. Eight
nine percent of HR leaders agree that managers should lead
(02:54):
with empathy and the hybrid work model, but it meant
their companies aren't making investments and executive wellness. My guess
this week on the podcast decided that he was going
to take responsibility to invest in himself and create a
meaningful second career chapter. Brian McLear is the senior vice
president of Multi Platform Strategy for I Heart Radio, a
(03:17):
position that didn't exist a year ago, but one that
he created for himself through our eighteen months of coaching together.
He's also the CEO of his own company named gent Life.
It's an influencer brand designed to help men fit in,
but most importantly stand out by sharing their love, compassion,
and knowledge with people who need it most. Some of
(03:39):
the topics that Brian and I are going to talk
about today are the hidden gift of the pandemic and
how it led him to discovering his purpose and taking
control of his destiny, the importance of immersion, and how
committing to a new way of being was the key
to getting everything he ever wanted. We'll discuss how the
results you're getting or not getting in your life are
(04:01):
simply a product of the rules you live by, and
how to write a new playbook that works for you.
We'll discuss the B word boundaries and how to get
intentional with your days so you can eliminate overwhelming obligation,
and one of my favorite things to talk about on
the podcast, the power of authenticity. I love this conversation.
(04:21):
I hope it is a gateway to opening up a
bigger discussion in your life on men's mental health. So,
whether you are a man who is feeling overwhelmed or
you're the partner of one, please share this podcast with him.
You can screenshot the podcast, upload it to Instagram, tag
Brian at Broadcasting b MAC, and be sure to tag
(04:42):
me at c SC Dan Mason let us know your
key takeaways for right now let's stare again and talk
about how to stop emulating other people's careers so you
can build one on your own terms with my guest
Brian mcilear. Brian mack Welcome to life amplified, my friend.
(05:05):
Thank you for having me on this Covenant podcast. Yeah,
so many wins in your life to celebrate over the
last year and a half, in an interesting journey for
you to get there. That I think is really important
because one of the things we talked about, you know,
in the age of burnout, you know, the huge epidemic
that's been happening, particularly for managers in the pandemic. Uh.
(05:27):
We we talked a lot, and rightfully so, about the
burnout that women are facing, high performing, high performing women
juggling the responsibilities at work and at home. And there's
been less information out there, probably because as men were
less willing to talk about it about where men were
at over the course of the pandemic. And so let's
(05:50):
just take this back to the beginning. Like at the
end of we're a year into the pandy you're a
high performing man, managerial job, working in the media industry. Uh,
beautiful home in a beautiful community, a beautiful soon to
be wife and a thriving relationship. In your zoom default
(06:13):
photo is a picture of you and Bono from You Too.
Life is good on the surface, but yet there was
some inner pain that was illuminated for you during that
year of lockdown. And I'm wondering if you could speak
just what was going on with you emotionally that led
you to make a change. I'd have to back you
up a little further from that, um, because the pain
(06:35):
was I think longstanding prior to the pandy, and for me,
it was really about the fact that, you know, and
I just didn't realize this. I didn't I didn't have
a very good mindset about being open to new things,
new ways of doing things. Um. Going back to when
(06:58):
I was a young kid and a hockey player, I
I willed success as a hockey player by just grinding,
like literally pushing my body into a place where I
didn't think it, you know, pushing myself physically, mentally, and
emotionally out of a comfort zone constantly, to the point
(07:19):
where I kind of taught myself, if you want to
have real results, you've got to get out of your
comfort zone. And it should suck. Life should suck. For
you to have your achievements. And I kept that. You know,
I had so much success with that in a lot
(07:40):
of ways that I actually I kept applying that to
my life. I applied that to college, I applied that
to jobs. I applied that to relationships. By the time
I had, you know, gotten to age, you know, thirty
forty years old when the pandemic started. For me, I
I had grinded myself out, um. And I was not
(08:02):
open to a mindset change. In fact, when people would
say to me, you should try to be more present,
I would say, what do you mean, I'm right here?
What does that mean? Uh? You know, I wasn't even
open to grasping it. Um. And there we were in
a pandemic. My job relies on radio listeners, which went
(08:23):
to zero overnight. UM. My wife, you know, had made
comments prior to the pandemic that you know, we were
like two passing ships in the night. Because she's also
a high performer. UM. A big piece of why I
fell in love with theirs, aside from the good looks,
of course, and I it just got to a point
(08:46):
where I was I was grinding and grinding and grinding
so much that I just didn't give any other thought
to anything, and by putting yourself in a pending that
it was almost like the universe gave me. I remember
in college I had this art teacher once who said
he was going on sabbatical, and I remember thinking that
(09:09):
sounds lovely. So you essentially just take time off to
find yourself. And I remember thinking, for a long time,
I need a sabbatical. And I never thought the universe
would deliver a sabbatical in the form of a global pandemic,
but I gotta I gotta be honest. It really panned
out for me because it gave me this pause and
(09:30):
suddenly I'm home all the time. I'm not I'm not
getting home at night and giving my my my girlfriend
and now wife the worst of me while work got
the best of me for several hours. And I remember thinking,
this is how I'm going to spend my life, eight
hours a day in this place forever like that sucks.
Um And the pandemic showed us all that now we
(09:53):
can be mobile and we can do podcasts like this. UM.
So I think it it gave me an opportunity to
like really sit and think and reflect. And my wife
was reading a lot of self hook help books at
the time, and she started with a book called She
started me on a book called Blissmore, how to meditate
(10:16):
without actually trying. And the book is perfect, by the way,
for those of you, your viewers and listeners who are
who struggle with the idea of mindset. You know, what
does that mean? What is mindset? You know? I can't
get there. I'm so stressed out, um, And I feel
like this book was the perfect intro because it talks
(10:36):
to you like a normal person. You know, it doesn't
it's not very woo woo. That gave me the opportunity
to not only I now had this opportunity to see
the future of radio and how you know what their
own pandemic, you know, of of listenership and technology that
they were under. Give me time to reflect on how
(10:57):
to change my mindset, both about how I you work,
how I view life. Was like just the perfect alignment
of the stars. So I started reading those books and
I started, you know, we started hiking together on Saturday mornings.
You couldn't go anywhere. Um. So I had a lot
of time being still, a lot of time with you know,
in peace, a lot of time with my wife that
(11:19):
had nothing to do with work. I want to jump
in because you said something really important, right, and that's
about sort of the rules and the blueprint by which
we live our life, and whatever the the situation is
that you're experiencing in your life, for better or worse,
is really just a product of the rules and the
blueprint you set up. And most of the time we
(11:41):
don't even know that we're really operating by these rules,
because you know, we've been with it so long that
it's default. But with masculinity in particular and for many men,
and I don't want to say because I have also
many high achieving female clients who are in their masculine
energy in the workplace. But there's this idea you that
(12:02):
life that performance is tied to work, and it's tied
to effort and energy. And I love what you shared
because in your twenties, that will work when you're young
and and you full, and you've got an abundance of
energy and you can pour yourself into that. But as
(12:22):
we approach middle age, the energy becomes more precious, and
if we're pouring it all into work, it doesn't leave
a lot of rumor space for the other things that
we value, so talk about that idea of like, hey,
I don't want to be passing ships in the night
with my wife, and by the way, I'd like to
(12:43):
pivot and create a really interesting next chapter in my career,
but I need energy to do all that, and I'm
running on empty. What was that process like for you
and how did you get out of it? How did
you start to redirect your energy and ways that could
help build a new vision. Ah, man, It's it's a
complex question to answer because it took many different things
(13:07):
happening at many different points that seemed almost perfectly aligned.
It was the perfect timing for the universe to kind
of for me to recognize the universe from one and
not just see it as a bunch of stars in
the sky. But you know, aside from having work slowed
down to almost a complete halt, start re evaluating that
(13:28):
completely different, having time with my wife that was uninterrupted,
and creating new adventures. But it was like a taste
of like, this is what life can really be, Like
I can create and manifest the life that I want.
Um And the interesting thing was, actually, you know, I
felt like, aside from the book, the book helping me
(13:50):
to see mindset is we Also one other variable is
we lost a loved one at the end of the
pandemic um our beloved little pop Na. And we don't
have kids, my wife and I, so she in essence
was our kid. And and it wasn't like, you know,
a painful cancer that was you know, months and you know,
(14:12):
I could you know see it coming. And even in
that case like that, I don't even know that we're
ever really prepared for loss like that. But we tragically
lost her in front of us overnight and it was awful.
I wish it on no one um And I know
I even talked to you and our and our one
on one sessions for a long time about how was
this supposed to serve me? You know, Usually in hindsight,
(14:33):
you can look back and be like, I got that
speeding ticket, which seemed to piss me off at the time,
But maybe I didn't crash into a tree because I
got that speeding ticket, you know. Whereas it was really
hard for me to understand and grasp why would the
universe need this from me, you know, and why would
this happen to me? Or how did it happen for me?
(14:53):
And the reality is I think it completely destructed my
priorities because you were talking about how you knows, as men,
we kind of measure our achievement by our work and
how much money we bring home to the family, and
like suddenly, when you experience something tragic, you stopped giving
a shit about everything. And I think that that was
(15:16):
my coupled with what had happened with the pandemic and
all the time with my wife and reading this new
book that you had kind of come back into my life,
and we were talking about working one on one together,
just at a time of weakness enough for me to say, yeah,
fuck it, I'm gonna take some real chances. I'm gonna
take some real risks here because I don't feel good
(15:36):
right now. I haven't felt good in a long time.
I don't know if it was necessarily I was definitely
burnt out, but I can't say it just stops that burnout.
It was more than that. It was I was unchallenged,
and I was on the same game plan and with
no new plan, and you know, I didn't know where
that was going. So you and I started working together
(15:58):
when the universe kind of brought you to me at
the perfect time. The part about being unchallenged is interesting
because I think you know, with anybody in life, but
particularly for men, so much of our journey is about
playing at the edge. Right. If we're not living as
fully as we would like to, then a lot of
(16:20):
men who show up in my programs feel like they're
weakened by that. And there's a huge barrier, especially for
guys when we're in that bread winner role, that we
feel like, well, I can't step away or I can't
take a risk on expanding my career pivoting into a
new role. I know what I'm making where I'm at
right now, Like I think people in a study said
(16:43):
that being a provider was a really important trait for men. So,
as you're getting married and you know you're building this
partnership with your wife, how did you navigate that the
pressure on one hand that I want to be the
best provider and I want to take care of my
fan way, but I also need to find some deeper
(17:03):
level of self expression or some bigger expression of my
gifts in the world. The short answer would be immersion.
You and I started doing Monday's one on ones together,
you know where you were helping kind of support and
put a strategy together with my goals and my dreams
both and you know how I felt about life and
how I was actually pursuing it. Two, I had a
(17:24):
therapist tuesdays, so the day after I would see you,
I would see her and we would you know, I
was like one to punch all while at the same
time I'm reading books from Tony Robbins, Mr Singer. I've
immersed myself in this new mindset. So it made it
difficult for me to go back to the comfort zone. Um,
(17:44):
even though I would always have this like fear of like,
oh my god, am I really gonna quit my job?
That sounds insane, you know, And people will tell you
that who who aren't going through this transition themselves, because
they almost like it's like misery loves company. It's like, no,
no, no no, don't quit the comfort zone. Man, stay here
with me. Um, you're crazy for leaving a steady job.
And like, that's that's a that's a word. By the way,
(18:06):
that I'm working with some of my clients on ridding
themselves of that word, of those two words in their
vocabulary steady job. But we took we did u p
W with Tony Robbins, which was really helpful. We did,
you know, a lot of countless free exercises where you know,
Dean Graziosa or you know, somebody was doing something and
(18:28):
I could if I could pick one thing out of
it and just walk away feeling like empowered, you know,
because I think it's only a matter of time before
you start declining if you're not constantly moving forward on
something in terms of changing your mindset and your pattern.
So the closer I got to completely deviating from my
(18:50):
pattern for so many years, the more uncomfortable life got
to me. When you say deviating from the pattern, what
pattern is that that you had to let go of
in order to get to this next level? What was
what was the old pattern that was keeping you safe,
keeping you secure, keeping the paychecks rolling in, but also
(19:10):
you know, killing your spirit. This is one of the
first things you and I worked on, actually, which was massive, um.
And that was the idea that I got up at
seven am and immediately picked up my phone and I
would start, you know, with the fear and the belief
that something's gone wrong at work and everybody's looking for me.
(19:35):
And I had this a day, day in and day out.
The fear didn't start to go away until somewhere towards
Thursday and Friday and Saturday, I felt good, and then
somewhere around two pm, three pm, four pm on Sunday,
I started getting this crazy anxiety that would like that
was like almost like devastating. Then I would go to
(19:57):
work seven am, read emails, start my day off really angry,
and piste go right to work, sit in. There were
sometimes when I'd go to the bathroom and stay in
there for thirty minutes just to avoid life and sit
with myself. I resonate with that so hard, like in
my last corporate job. Unfortunately there were no windows on
(20:20):
the door to my office, so I would sit in
there and I'd be like, I need to meditate, I
need to reset. I'm gonna set the alarm for twenty
minutes on my phone, and I was so just physically
exhausted at that point in my life. I would get
about three minutes into meditation and then that alarm would
go off after twenty minutes, and I will have been asleep,
like sitting straight up on the couch in my office
(20:44):
with like my head down and drool coming down in
front of my shirt because there was just no energy
left for you. I remember, in particular in our coaching sessions,
you always have this belief that if I walk away,
if I'm not available to everybody at all times when
they need me, this whole house of cards is going
to fall that pattern of over responsibility. Where did that
(21:08):
come from? What allowed you to shift between? You know,
because as managers, as leaders, as men, whether it's at
work or at home, you know, we are here to
be leaders. But how do you tow the line between
matt and almost being over responsible for other people and
taking on ship that's not yours? You know, I have
(21:31):
to go back, you know, almost the hockey days and
stuff like that. I really believe that started with I
have this deep need for belonging, um, you know, and
hockey teams gave me that. No one else I was,
you know, going to school with played hockey. So it
was kind of like it would give me a little
bit of badassness. It would make me feel significant. I
(21:53):
was the hockey player. I was a tough little hockey player,
and I would go off on these tournaments and stuff
all over the tree in the world, and that would
be my pursuit to be significant in the world. And
like I always felt like I was picked on a
lot of the kid um and and I was really
sensitive to it. So I felt like hockey was my protection.
(22:14):
And then later radio became my protection. You know. I
was doing cool things, like you said, I have a
picture with Bono, I must be amazing. But that sense
of belonging to a community, and I think this is
universal coaching for anybody listening right now. We all have
a name for belonging. But sometimes in the process to
(22:34):
fit in or to be long, somewhere along the way,
we quit belonging to ourselves. And that's what I hear
for you, is like you're waking up. You're straight in
the phone before you've even maybe checked in with your wife,
you know, to out of fear, out of fear that
I'll be kicked out of the club. I won't be
if I don't do this from my friend. If I
(22:56):
don't hook up the morning show guy with the tickets,
if I don't, you know, come through for the record label.
If I don't come up big with ratings, if I
don't if I can't make the payments on the house,
if I can't, you know. And I was always operating
from this place, and I think it took you and
I a lot of sessions along with my therapist to realize,
(23:16):
like I was replaying in my head years of childhood.
You know, my my brother and sister had gone on
to college. I was left behind. Um, there were some
issues that we had had where you know, we were
having some struggles financially, we had to um, we had
(23:37):
actually at one point move and UM. You know, I
didn't realize all that time that, you know, like I
was building up things in my mind for what will
happen one day, like this is, this is how it's
going to play out. It's all gonna come tumbling down,
and I have to be way ahead of it to
(23:58):
not let that happen. I was up about, you know,
and still have to some extent about keeping details about
my taxes and keeping details about this and that, because
it's only a matter of time before the tax guy
is gonna get me or I'm going to miss a
payment and then they're gonna take my home. Aware, you know,
So that craziness has been in my mind for a
(24:18):
long long time. Desire for control, right to try to
control everything in the external. Perhaps that's why the pandemic
was such a powerful time of transformation for you. Because
if there's one big life lesson that came out of
living through two years of lockdown, it's that none of
us like controls an illusion. You can try to manipulate
(24:39):
and you know, squeeze and and and by hook or
crook get your way in the world or make everything
the way you want it, and then like a pandemic
blows through and all those models of reality just sort
of fall by the wayside, like it's not sustainable, and
you watch a lot of your brethren, you know, lose
their jobs or could forload, and um, that sucks, you know.
(25:03):
And then we you and I have been in the
corporate sector long enough to watch you know, the mass
exoduses happen and like and how painful that is and
kind of always assume one day it'll be me, you know,
and and you know that's a that's a tough reality
to live in. And like, actually, it's amazing now sitting
(25:24):
on the you know, for lack of a better word,
perch that I sit on now where I'm a little
bit more zoomed out on life than so zoomed in
that I see that pattern now and so many people
that I work with you know that you know, have
made every excuse as to why they can't move forward,
and they just continue the same pattern of I will
(25:47):
work around the clock seven through weekends if I have
to doing something that doesn't challenge me anymore with no
foreseeable pay raise. Um, and I wonder, you know, obviously
I know a lot about the broadcast sector and entertainment tonight,
(26:08):
I wonder is that is that everyone is that you know,
people in the construction world, is that people in U
in in the financial sector? Yeah, well, having coach people
in the financial sector, legal, medical, like every the tech
sector has been a big one where clients have come
through over the course of the pandemic. It's everywhere, and
(26:29):
you know, a lot of times we equate that sense
of security to the money, which is why so many
companies now or you know, it's interesting there was a
study on people who get financial performance incentives in their
job and like the people who are working for to
get to a bonus are less connected to their family.
(26:50):
They're spending less time at home because they're going to
be more apt to make that choice. At six pm.
They're going to happy hour to go schmu as a client,
are going to skip out on the literal league game
for their kids and the ballet recital because they've got
to be out working. There's so much of that that
we you know, people believe that security is tied to
a paycheck. It's you know, tied to the finances. Uh,
(27:15):
it's tied to the approval of of being a high performer.
And again, you know, I think that this has been
a great opportunity for us to all reinvent and redefine
what is security. You know, what is success for you
moving forward? For me personally, I feel like I owe
it two the rest of the world to share this story,
(27:39):
you know of like, like, what I love about being
in the pods with you is the fact that I'm
in there with two other two other guys, and you know,
I can learn from them, but they can also learn
from me. And you know, and and and see that
this was possible. I was able to create a position
that's not only just we're gratifying for me, but it's
going to help our industy street you know, it's going
(28:00):
to help our industry move forward. Um. And then you know,
instead of posting pictures of me seemingly looking and feeling good,
I can actually feel good and write about what I'm
feeling with the pictures and share it and leave breadcrumbs.
You know. It's kind of like gent life is so
(28:21):
many things, but it started out really as like without
me realizing it, like almost like a blog to myself
as a twenty two year old. Here's how, here's how
to crack this, here's how to get past this obstacle,
you know, and and how to get others to love you?
Is really how it started, you know. And um and
(28:44):
now now I have more purpose with it, um at
least a better intention that's more aligned. Um so. And
those two what I'm doing now for I Heart Radio
and what I do for gent life with my wife
are are It's a perfect marriage. You know. They use
a lot of social media, which is great. Um so.
(29:07):
And I didn't even see that that was an inadvertently
happy accident, or maybe it wasn't. I want to talk
about what you're doing with creating this side business with
gent life coming up in just a second, but you
one of the things that happened for you, and I
think a lot of times we tied this idea to
career of career reinvention too. I'm just going to detonate
(29:29):
the career. I'm burning it all to the ground and
I'm just gonna go and build something from scratch. Yeah,
like a lot of and look on this podcast, a
lot of those conversations tend to be in that vein
and people who just like completely blew up and started
from scratch. And maybe that's because that's what career reinvention
looked like to me. But you do represent probably about
(29:52):
the third of the clients that I work with that
we're like, no, I'm going to stay in the industry
that I'm in. But is to you said earlier, to
your point, I need a new challenge. Talk about the
process of just revisioning your life and being able to
make that pivot. You know, when we started out, did
you have this idea that you would be moving into
(30:15):
more of a talent coaching and a content creation role
for the company or how did that all come about
for you? I think a while back I was, you know,
I had been thinking for a long time, like, you know,
how the how the general trajectory for radio works. You know,
you start, you become a program director, then you may
(30:35):
be become an s v PP of the market. And
I remember always thinking like I don't want to be
over a market. I don't want to have to climb
to that rung of this ladder, like that's not it.
I don't want to chase people around for contracts. I
don't want to put fires out just not it wasn't
aligned with what I wanted to be and I felt
pressure by the way to do that. That's really important
talk about that, like is that from the people from
(30:58):
the people above you clar just correct, It's the same
pattern you know of other people who are just doing
what they know to do over and over again. And
actually that's where I really see the big opportunity for
me is it took a long time for me to
recognize that just because they're the CEO or CEO or
(31:19):
an executive in the company doesn't necessarily mean they've thought
of everything. In fact, you know, my hearts run by
really smart radio program directors from the last several decades,
who are you know, who are transcending one another. But
this technology boom is just they're not necessarily sure how
to use it because they don't necessarily use TikTok or YouTube,
(31:43):
you know. And I see that as it was a
big opportunity for me to grow uh my own brands
that I was overseeing, and I used that hotstock to say, hey,
here's an idea on how to scale it. I'll work
with everybody a lot of times, when we think about
the career path that we create, there are so many
people who are either following in their family's footsteps or
(32:06):
doing a job that they watch their parents do or
something that their parents leaned on them to get into.
But we can create that dynamic in a corporate culture
right where you know, the people above us, you know,
the direct supervisor has a plan to leave and move
on to a bigger role and they want you to
replace them, or in some cases, like what you just describe,
(32:29):
some people who are like, well, no, you're not taking
my job. This is where I plan on being. Why
don't you go do this other thing over here? And
sort of lost in all of that is the ability
to choose, Like I think it's so important when people
are talking. You know, a lot of corporations set up
mentorship programs within the company, But if the mentor you
have doesn't have the job that you're aspiring to, it
(32:53):
might not be the right mentor for you. Remember how
I think I think from Tony Robbins is probably where
I learned about the power of proximity, you know, and
the people that you keep in your circle are the
ones that are going to you know, you're gonna emulate
them as is that the right word? Um? And I
(33:15):
had a really good eye for that, you know, as
a as a kid, I would watch a hockey player
that I wanted to skate like, and I would teach
myself to skate like him. And when it became business,
I would see people in business executives that I wanted
to be like and I wanted to emulate, so I
would I would dress like them, I would talk like them,
I would learn their lingo. And that was really successful
(33:37):
for me. But when it came to you know, one
of our earlier foundation question of this podcast, when you
were like, you know, where did you where did the
burnout begin? Or where what I think realizes like I
didn't see a path that I want I was excited
about anymore, and I didn't I didn't have any more
people that I wanted to emulate, you know, and like,
(33:58):
and I almost felt like I had no mentor to
necessarily lean completely into. And that's when I kind of
realized with the pandemic and all these skill sets that
I had had, that I was poised to create myself.
I love that. Let's go. I just want to. I
want to like put a big ass batlight on that.
Right for years of emulating, this is what so many
(34:21):
of us do. Will emulate a parents, or emulate somebody. Yeah.
I mean, I've had so many people who come to
me and they say, well, I didn't really know what
I wanted to do when I left high school, so
I chose the major that my really successful cousin chose,
or I chose the one that my sibling chose, and
(34:42):
so much of our life if we don't have that
strong sense of who we are, and most of us
in high school are not taught to develop that sense
of who we are, then we're going to spend our
life emulating, which is it will work for a period
of time. But what you're talking about here is creating yourself.
That's a big aha moment for somebody today, And honestly,
(35:05):
I can't I would be lying to if I didn't
say that. I still have confidence issues from time to time,
you know, and I started to fall back into an
old pattern or something like that, and generally that happens
after I've fallen out of a pattern, you know, where
I of self care. But I feel like when I
was younger, I felt I got a lot of confidence issues,
(35:27):
and like I was saying too earlier in the podcast,
like hockey was was a big piece for me to
try to, you know, bridge myself out of that and
gain confidence from that. And I did, and then radio
gave me this whole other chunk of confidence and experience,
wealth of experience. But then, you know, at the end
of it, like you said, I didn't know what to
do with it all. I ran out of things. I
ran out of what stepping stones, and I didn't have
(35:52):
a new platform to jump to, and I didn't even
necessarily have the confidence to create my own platform. You know,
I I needed help for that. I came to you,
you know, I went to a therapist. I read tons
of books like all things. By the way, before a
year and a half ago, I did not too. I
did not have a therapist, I did not have a coach.
(36:13):
I wasn't reading. I was just doing my pattern, yeah,
and living in the emulating cycle. So let's talk here
as part of the reinvention we have. You know, you've
mentioned this gent life thing, but for context for our listeners, Uh,
this is a side project that you're building while you're
(36:33):
still incorporate. What is gent life? And how is that
switch for you now that you're you know, actively creating
and not about emulating, Because I feel like that shifted
the trajectory of what you're building there within within that
business as well. Like I said a little bit ago,
I it was tips on how to all the things
(36:55):
that I was emulating from the executives, you know, how
they were addressing, the things they were ordered ring at
the bar, the things that the topics of conversation they
would have generally, you know, it could be about politics
or the economy, and then you know, and how that
related to what we were doing as a business. Um.
You know, as a twenty three year old, that can
be really you know, scary, because like I can't walk
(37:18):
into necessarily a store like Paul Smith and buy things
when I make you know, thirty thousand dollars a year
or something like that. I can't go and order an
old Fashioned at the Fountain Blue, you know, And I
felt like I'm going to show people what to order,
how to look how to you know, how to you know,
(37:38):
how to set themselves up for everything. The thing that
I was not aligned with, though it intentionally was, was
was myself and the reality of I think it was
in the Michael Singer book that actually you suggested I read. Um,
I'm trying to remember which is the big leap? Yeah,
(37:59):
Hendricks right where he was talking about, um, how you
have to have like a strong why. You have to
you have to have a good intention, like you know
you have to. It can't be just you know, this
is why I'm awesome, and you should emulate it. You
should have a you know, a more human intention, humane
(38:20):
intention to it. And that's when I realized, you know,
I could start using some I never had that with
gent life before. It was just cool pictures of how
to dress. It was you know, a cool drink, you know,
or here's me and on a plane in first class.
It wasn't it wasn't really about the why. And that
(38:42):
really that book was what kind of told me like, hey,
you know, you're doing this for a person who's struggling
with their confidence. You're you're trying to help them. Cut
all the years that it took you to figure out
this pathway and shave some of those years off for them.
I think it's Dean Gratziela shows like how you know
you have the divot for everybody and how you can
(39:04):
build a bridge with your knowledge to make it easier
for everybody to get to where you got to faster. Um.
And I I think that's you know, that's my dot
with that is I've got to now show people how
I got here. But it's it's bigger than just my
jacket and tie and my cocktail. Now it's my mindset,
(39:25):
you know what had to change in there? Um? And
that's it's you know. And by the way, it's kind
of like you know, how you write down your gratitude
every morning, uh, to try to remember how good life
really is for you, like you know, and remember how
you know and focus on the great aspects of it.
The fact that I get to write these things on
(39:45):
Twitter and I get to take our conversations and put
them out there and take like a little nugget of
a conversation you and I had or something I got
out of a Gay and Ricks book and share it
with people and be like, yes, this this is this
is what I'm talking about. You know it actually helps
me stay on track. So um uh, there's a lot
(40:06):
more to that. Why now, Yeah, So what was essentially
sort of an outside in approach, which is how most
of us live. You know, you created this ship in
life brand that was like fashion, travel influencer blog, here's
what you need to wear, here's what you need to dress.
What I hear is that you shift it now and
(40:26):
you're really working with people on who they need to
become and to create their path rather than emulate it. Yeah.
It went from here's how to get laid too, here
is how to find yourself, you know, and here's how
to break out of like a lot of people like
(40:47):
you know, I used to think when people teased me
about you know, the pockets, square in the jacket and
all of that. I used to think about it like, um,
maybe this is too much, you know, maybe I'm just
I'm I'm overdoing it. Um. But then over time I realized,
like a lot of those people would come back to
(41:09):
me and say things like, you know, I say those
things too because I don't have the confidence to wear
what you wear. I don't think I can get away
with it. They ordered the bud light because that's all
they've ever ordered, and you know they're they're weirded out
when you know they're going to it and sitting with
an executive and embarrassed that they don't know wines or
whiskeys and that you know, they don't know what's going
on in the world. And the reality is is like
(41:29):
you can have whatever you want, you know, And I've
I've now been able to achieve so many things in
my life. And I'm not I'm not necessarily what I
would gns that are wealthy yet yet, but like I
I feel like I can absolutely do it. I could.
I could be a five nine hundred and sixty three
(41:50):
pound kid who found his way onto a as a
walk on onto a big, a big hockey team. In college,
I you know, I played a couple of national championships.
Like I I got to an IVY League university. And
by the way, when I was in that school, I
thought every day would be my last day there. I
really did. I believed I was only one test away
(42:11):
from being escorted to the door. So I real like
look back at my moments and like the achievements I've had,
and like this this massive achievement of being able to
create what I really wanted to do. Now that I've
done all the work, you know, I mind blown. I
(42:31):
mind blown. Like I wonder if I if I really
wanted to play center field for the Red Sox, could
I have done it? I'm I think I could have,
you know, I really did so Like, it's just that's
not where my path took me. So but I have
so much, so many more things I want to achieve.
I don't. I don't actually think, you know, my retirement
will be sitting around a house. I think I'll be
(42:52):
building things. Well, once you know your purpose, you know,
you get to work on the things that light you
up and not the things that you feel like. Yeah too,
which is all part of that creating versus emulating, you know,
which is really a big theme of this conversation. Yeah,
I see somebody like yourself, by the way, and like
somebody like Tony Robbins living a very long life, you know,
(43:14):
because I think that's also part of you know, you know, obviously,
aside from not eating shitty all the time and and
getting some movement and challenging your your capillaries a little bit,
I also think it's that fulfilment aspect. Well, thank you
for mentioning me in the same breath as Tony Robbins.
First of all, I always see these people like you know,
(43:34):
in the in the self help world now, who are
like into bio hacking, and they're like, we want to
live to be one and twenty And I'm like, is
slow down? Just well? I suppose it. I mean, like,
who was it the guy that's a little much. I
don't know the guy who was And you touched on
this a little earlier about putting a goal with a
date on it. There was a guy listened to on
(43:55):
the Lewis Hawes podcast um who wrote a book I
think is part of the creators of The Secret. I
can't remember his name, but it blew my mind when
they talked about his age. He does he writes about
the laws of attraction, and he writes about how he
puts a date on something about when he'll achieve it.
And I do that myself, keeping cards in my pocket
(44:15):
with you know, goals I want to achieve with dates
on them in the present tense. And he had said,
at eighty seven years old, he had already booked space
in Las Vegas to do a seminar and a summit
for attraction for his hundredth birthday, and I was like,
I mean, like, who does that? Who creates purpose for
(44:38):
themselves with that kind of timeline and that kind of intention,
Like I could see myself surviving a lot longer if
I could. You know, I've always got that thing in
the future that I'm gunning for, you know, And I
I think that's why I feel like, you know, I
see Tony doing this and into his nineties still jumping
around on stage. Why because it alates him. He doing
(45:00):
good things. Yeah. So you had mentioned this idea of
writing down goals on a piece of paper and time
stamping them um, which is something that you know, we
had created well over a year ago that you had
this idea. By April first, you were going to be
in this entirely new role at I Heart Radio. By
(45:22):
the way, I think it's important for context, the role
didn't exist. They didn't they didn't have anybody doing this
new job that you've created for yourself. But the other
big goal that you have is that you were going
to have your first investment property closed on and and
ready to you know, start Airbn being out for passive
(45:43):
revenue um. And you had a specific date and what
I love is that both those things happened literally within
days of the date that we put down on the card. Yeah,
I almost didn't believe it was going to happen. I
remember a couple of weeks before we came up on
that April first, you and I did a call where
(46:05):
you were kind of freaking out. You're like, well, I
think this whole deal is going to fall apart, and
what the hell? Like I you know, that very sort
of masculine achievement, but I said it was going to
be on April one, so it has to be, which
of course it did. But the difference is, and I
love manifestation stories like that in my client community, and
we do that all the time. But the big difference
(46:25):
for me is like, when I think about when I
first started out on this reinvention journey, I would see
these tactics. I watched the video and Jim Carey talking
to Oprah about riding himself a ten million dollar check
for acting services render and he dated it a few
years into the future. And how within like two days
of that date is when he got paid ten million
(46:47):
dollars to do the mask, And I was like, this
is it. It's all we have to do. We just
got to write some ship down. Awesome, So I wrote
down I just left my corporate career, and I had
wrote down this big amount of money for for coaching
services when Durt and I dated it one year into
the future. And by the way, that didn't work out
for me. And hear what, I think I made about
(47:08):
one tenth of the amount that was on that check.
But the difference is for me is like I was
setting these external goals, but I still hadn't mastered the
inner game. Like one of the big things that I
think we that people should walk away from is to
get something new in your life, a new result. It's
going to require you to become somebody new. We talked
(47:29):
about this journey of you from like emulating all these
people you looked up to versus creating yourself. What was
that for you when you think back on where you
were burned out a year into the pandemic, completely at
the mercy of your iPhone, the people who work for you,
(47:50):
the new initiatives with the company, versus this guy who
literally believes he could go play like center field for
the Boston Red Sox if he wanted to. But having
that level of confident and some clarity. Who did you
have to become in order to reach this new level?
I had to become authentically myself. Mm hmmm. I would
(48:13):
love to tell all of your listeners and viewers that
that's just like a snap of the finger kind of thing. Um.
And I'm and I'm still every day, you know, trying
to figure out who that is a little bit more. UM.
But I now know my my thought process as a
(48:34):
kid of you know, how I applied you know, growing
and in the sport of ice hockey and manifesting that
you know, by just grinding and grinding in uncomfortable situations.
There was something to take away from that, no doubt,
but that that isn't I don't think that's what we're
(48:55):
here for. I don't think we're here to suffer to
see our achievements and um And that mindset has changed,
and I think that was the one thing that I
really had to figure out, like I could be as
strategic with my day and my time as I wanted.
And the other interesting thing is during the pandemic, I
(49:17):
I saw this really cool um. I think it was
on TikTok from Sylvester stallone of all people who was
saying he he just was on TikTok saying He's like,
now in my sixties, I realized that my biggest currency
is time and like that kind of resonated with me.
He you know, he was like, I don't spend time
(49:37):
anymore with people I don't feel like minded with who
you know share similar viewpoints. Um, I just you know,
I don't. I don't spend time doing things that don't
make me happy. Um. And so many people on earth
feel like, like I said earlier, you have to you
have to suck it for a while to get what
(49:59):
you want, want, and you know, and then stuck at
some more. And I don't. I don't feel that way anymore.
I recognize there can be things have just comforts, some
things I might have to do that I don't want
to do, but I'm I'm not going to spend eight
hours a day doing that anymore. And that that was
that was big into figuring out who I was. Yeah,
you know so many so when I think about the
(50:22):
mindset traps that I came up with and that I
can fall into, I always like thought happiness was the
thing that came after success. When I achieved this I'll
have this and then I'll be cool. And then what
you realize is, you know, again from a law of
attraction and metaphysics standpoint, the happier you are in the present,
(50:42):
the more successful you'll be, and the more you magnetize
the opportunities. So you can magnetize your dream investment property,
your dream corporate job literally to the date that's on
a card. But all because you've learned how to to
kind of cree the outcomes you want in the present
rather than delaying them in the future. Yeah. And the
(51:04):
one thing I do struggle with is like, if I
was able to go talk to myself at age two,
would I even listen to myself? You know what I mean?
Because like, at at age twenty two, it's a way
different world. You know, you're you're I was having fun,
you know, I was doing gigs late into the night,
getting paid in cash. I was. I was exploring adulthood
(51:27):
and just having you know, resources for once that you know,
in my own place. Uh. I don't know if I
ever would have been able to really sit and here
the idea of mindset. I know, I don't know that
I would have I think I would have grasped it
as like you know, you would church and prayer and
you're like, yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it.
(51:47):
It's important, you know, but like, but not actually put
any of it into practice. I don't know that I
would have been able to. I don't know that I could.
I could have can I could have achieved that even
if he gave me an hour with myself at age
twenty two. So you know, I think there's something to
be said for that. You know, our our chapters and
our phases of life. We'll wrap it up with this
(52:09):
for the man who's listening today. And by the way,
I know we have lots of female listeners, but they're
probably there could be very well that they're observing the
man in their life in that struggle trying to figure
out who he is, trying to you know, still investing
all of his energy into performance, because we tend to
equate that with masculinity, but we also tend to suffer
(52:33):
in silence as men. You know, women will get together
over a boozy brunch and they'll they'll talk about this. Men.
We we'll hang out over fantasy football or watching a
hockey game, but we tend not to have the conversations
where we open ourselves up. I would also argue, by
the way, as men, when we have those you know,
(52:55):
beers at fantasy football and we'll watch him playoff hockey
or whatever. I think we tend to look outward for
the cause of our problems. Oh well, it's her fault
because she it's always nagging me about this, or it's
my boss is a a dick, or you know, the
company has just got it all wrong, or you know it,
(53:17):
it's always an outside, external source. I feel like women
are better about looking inward. Mm hmm. Yeah. I I
wasted a lot of ears thinking, man, if all these
things outside of me would just change, I'd be so
happy that. By the way, it was a really poor approach.
But for the man who might still be in that,
(53:38):
you know, just we you know, we're all doing the
best we can from our current level of awareness. What's
the first step? What is the first step for him
to turn it around? If you had to give it
when you think about this journey you've been on for
two years, what would be the first thing he could
do today that would make an impact. They might not
(53:58):
be as lucky to I say this reluctantly. They might
not be as lucky to have a pandemic globally hit
them at the time it did for me when I
all the stars aligned. But um, but most jobs give
you PTO in sick days. Use a bunch of them.
(54:19):
Use a bunch of them, and spend some time getting
in touch with yourself. Maybe read that list more book,
do some meditating, try a therapist, give yourself some time
to immerse yourself in this idea that you could have
a different life. Feel what it would feel like, you know,
to not take that seven am call or that seven
am email, and and create boundaries for yourself. Feel, feel
(54:42):
what that feels like, and then just put it in
an action, slowly but surely, and immerse yourself into the
life you actually really do want. And and maybe, by
the way, you're not exactly sure what that is, because
I wasn't right away. It didn't become very clear to
me that I had all of these things that I
could give to to earth, that were that were worth
(55:04):
something and that provided value. But all the rules that
you always believed you know growing up, are not really rules.
And um, I would I would really implore you to
change some of those control rules of control you have
in your head and and start being still a little
(55:26):
bit more and invest in therapy and coaching. Yeah, right,
Mentorship is everything, man. And I when I think of
my first step, it was just allowing for support. It
was the decision to stop trying to figure it out
on my own because that just had me spinning in circles.
So Brian loved the conversation. Proud of you and all
(55:49):
of your success. Always just inspired to see, like all
the things that you're doing in your life, how can
people find you online? And if they want to check
out the gent Life brand, where did they go? Okay,
I mean there's a bunch of platforms, So whatever the
platform of your choice. If it's Instagram, you can follow
us at gent dot life because this uh, this is
(56:10):
really my wife and I, you know, trying to help
people find their path, uh, you know, to greatness. And
um you can follow me personally at Broadcasting b Mac
on Instagram. You can follow us on Twitter at gent
life tweets and um also on TikTok at gent life.
(56:32):
So and you know, I'll turn the mirror around real
quick and say I hope Dan you will also join
me at some point on my podcast Men on Mindfulness
where we talk about these kinds of things for men
specifically who who don't who don't look inward and you know,
who haven't taken the time to stop. And I'm hoping
they'll find us and that they it can make an
(56:54):
impact in their life and help them have their pivot moment.
Let's do it. Ready to do it? So check out
them in on Mindfulness podcast as well. Brian, thank you
so much. Awesome conversation. Mike Wise, thank you. What were
your key takeaways in that conversation? Please let us know
you can screenshot the podcast to upload it to Instagram.
(57:14):
Tag Brian at Broadcasting b Mac and be sure to
tag me at c SC Dan Mason. What I hope
you understand is that even though we're sort of getting
back to whatever the normal way of life is going
to be moving forward, that you didn't miss an opportunity.
If you didn't use the pandemic to consciously create your
(57:35):
next chapter. It's never too late to make a new
decision those life results, you know, Brian creating a brand
new job for himself, recommitting to starting his own company,
buying his own investment property, and manifesting that on Miami beach.
Whatever that version of an amplified life is for you
(57:56):
is still available. What it requires, though, is a mentor,
a structure, and a proven implementation plan. And if you'd
like some more info about how my coaching programs can
help you create those results in your life, be sure
to look me up online submit an application. Creative soul
coaching dot net is the website to go to. I
(58:19):
appreciate you listening. We'll be back next week. In the meantime,
turn down the volume on your negativity, turn up the
volume on your purpose so you can live life amplified
As a kid, I would watch a hockey player that
I wanted to skate like, and I would teach myself
to skate like him. And when it became business, I
would see people in business executives that I wanted to
be like and I wanted to emulate, so I would
I would dress like them, I would talk like them,
I would learn their lingo. And that was really successful
for me. But when it came to you know, one
(00:20):
of our earlier the foundation question of this podcast, when
you were like, you know, where did you Where did
the burnout begin? Or where? What I think realizes like
I didn't see a path that I want I was
excited about anymore, and I didn't I didn't have any
more people that I wanted to emulate, you know, and like,
and I almost felt like I had no mentor to
(00:42):
necessarily lean completely into. And that's when I kind of realized,
with the pandemic and all these skill sets that I
had had, that I was poised to create myself. It
said that people don't quit jobs, they quit managers. But
how can a manager be an effective leader work end
at home if they're overwhelmed, burned out, and unchallenged in
(01:04):
their own life. This week on Life Amplified, I'm going
to have a conversation with my dear friend and client,
Brian McLear, about how the pandemic led him to his
purpose and an exciting new career pivot. If you want
a roadmap to stop emulating other people's success so you
can create your career on your terms, this is the
(01:26):
episode for you. Welcome back. What is an amplified life.
It's having amplified relationships with people who support and encourage
you to be your best. It's having amplified energy to
conquer the challenges of the day. And it's having an
amplified career, one that's meaningful to you, the world, and
(01:47):
your bank accounts. I'm Dan Mason helping you discover your
calling and create an amplified life on your terms. This
is the Life Amplified podcast. The pandemic did not invent
managerial burnout, but it has certainly illuminated the extent to
which executives feel buried under an avalanche of stress and responsibility.
(02:12):
Think about it. For many middle managers at many companies,
they're trying to please the corporate overlords implementing the new
hybrid work policies while simultaneously trying to take care of
the people that report to them. The result has been burnout.
According to Gallop, sixty six percent of managers and executives
(02:32):
are facing burnout in the workplace. But here's some additional stats.
Seventy six percent are overwhelmed, seventy two percent feel an
increase pressure to deliver, eight four percent internalized fault for
high employee burnout, in turnover and making matters worse. Eight
nine percent of HR leaders agree that managers should lead
(02:54):
with empathy and the hybrid work model, but it meant
their companies aren't making investments and executive wellness. My guess
this week on the podcast decided that he was going
to take responsibility to invest in himself and create a
meaningful second career chapter. Brian McLear is the senior vice
president of Multi Platform Strategy for I Heart Radio, a
(03:17):
position that didn't exist a year ago, but one that
he created for himself through our eighteen months of coaching together.
He's also the CEO of his own company named gent Life.
It's an influencer brand designed to help men fit in,
but most importantly stand out by sharing their love, compassion,
and knowledge with people who need it most. Some of
(03:39):
the topics that Brian and I are going to talk
about today are the hidden gift of the pandemic and
how it led him to discovering his purpose and taking
control of his destiny, the importance of immersion, and how
committing to a new way of being was the key
to getting everything he ever wanted. We'll discuss how the
results you're getting or not getting in your life are
(04:01):
simply a product of the rules you live by, and
how to write a new playbook that works for you.
We'll discuss the B word boundaries and how to get
intentional with your days so you can eliminate overwhelming obligation,
and one of my favorite things to talk about on
the podcast, the power of authenticity. I love this conversation.
(04:21):
I hope it is a gateway to opening up a
bigger discussion in your life on men's mental health. So,
whether you are a man who is feeling overwhelmed or
you're the partner of one, please share this podcast with him.
You can screenshot the podcast, upload it to Instagram, tag
Brian at Broadcasting b MAC, and be sure to tag
(04:42):
me at c SC Dan Mason let us know your
key takeaways for right now let's stare again and talk
about how to stop emulating other people's careers so you
can build one on your own terms with my guest
Brian mcilear. Brian mack Welcome to life amplified, my friend.
(05:05):
Thank you for having me on this Covenant podcast. Yeah,
so many wins in your life to celebrate over the
last year and a half, in an interesting journey for
you to get there. That I think is really important
because one of the things we talked about, you know,
in the age of burnout, you know, the huge epidemic
that's been happening, particularly for managers in the pandemic. Uh.
(05:27):
We we talked a lot, and rightfully so, about the
burnout that women are facing, high performing, high performing women
juggling the responsibilities at work and at home. And there's
been less information out there, probably because as men were
less willing to talk about it about where men were
at over the course of the pandemic. And so let's
(05:50):
just take this back to the beginning. Like at the
end of we're a year into the pandy you're a
high performing man, managerial job, working in the media industry. Uh,
beautiful home in a beautiful community, a beautiful soon to
be wife and a thriving relationship. In your zoom default
(06:13):
photo is a picture of you and Bono from You Too.
Life is good on the surface, but yet there was
some inner pain that was illuminated for you during that
year of lockdown. And I'm wondering if you could speak
just what was going on with you emotionally that led
you to make a change. I'd have to back you
up a little further from that, um, because the pain
(06:35):
was I think longstanding prior to the pandy, and for me,
it was really about the fact that, you know, and
I just didn't realize this. I didn't I didn't have
a very good mindset about being open to new things,
new ways of doing things. Um. Going back to when
(06:58):
I was a young kid and a hockey player, I
I willed success as a hockey player by just grinding,
like literally pushing my body into a place where I
didn't think it, you know, pushing myself physically, mentally, and
emotionally out of a comfort zone constantly, to the point
(07:19):
where I kind of taught myself, if you want to
have real results, you've got to get out of your
comfort zone. And it should suck. Life should suck. For
you to have your achievements. And I kept that. You know,
I had so much success with that in a lot
(07:40):
of ways that I actually I kept applying that to
my life. I applied that to college, I applied that
to jobs. I applied that to relationships. By the time
I had, you know, gotten to age, you know, thirty
forty years old when the pandemic started. For me, I
I had grinded myself out, um. And I was not
(08:02):
open to a mindset change. In fact, when people would
say to me, you should try to be more present,
I would say, what do you mean, I'm right here?
What does that mean? Uh? You know, I wasn't even
open to grasping it. Um. And there we were in
a pandemic. My job relies on radio listeners, which went
(08:23):
to zero overnight. UM. My wife, you know, had made
comments prior to the pandemic that you know, we were
like two passing ships in the night. Because she's also
a high performer. UM. A big piece of why I
fell in love with theirs, aside from the good looks,
of course, and I it just got to a point
(08:46):
where I was I was grinding and grinding and grinding
so much that I just didn't give any other thought
to anything, and by putting yourself in a pending that
it was almost like the universe gave me. I remember
in college I had this art teacher once who said
he was going on sabbatical, and I remember thinking that
(09:09):
sounds lovely. So you essentially just take time off to
find yourself. And I remember thinking, for a long time,
I need a sabbatical. And I never thought the universe
would deliver a sabbatical in the form of a global pandemic,
but I gotta I gotta be honest. It really panned
out for me because it gave me this pause and
(09:30):
suddenly I'm home all the time. I'm not I'm not
getting home at night and giving my my my girlfriend
and now wife the worst of me while work got
the best of me for several hours. And I remember thinking,
this is how I'm going to spend my life, eight
hours a day in this place forever like that sucks.
Um And the pandemic showed us all that now we
(09:53):
can be mobile and we can do podcasts like this. UM.
So I think it it gave me an opportunity to
like really sit and think and reflect. And my wife
was reading a lot of self hook help books at
the time, and she started with a book called She
started me on a book called Blissmore, how to meditate
(10:16):
without actually trying. And the book is perfect, by the way,
for those of you, your viewers and listeners who are
who struggle with the idea of mindset. You know, what
does that mean? What is mindset? You know? I can't
get there. I'm so stressed out, um, And I feel
like this book was the perfect intro because it talks
(10:36):
to you like a normal person. You know, it doesn't
it's not very woo woo. That gave me the opportunity
to not only I now had this opportunity to see
the future of radio and how you know what their
own pandemic, you know, of of listenership and technology that
they were under. Give me time to reflect on how
(10:57):
to change my mindset, both about how I you work,
how I view life. Was like just the perfect alignment
of the stars. So I started reading those books and
I started, you know, we started hiking together on Saturday mornings.
You couldn't go anywhere. Um. So I had a lot
of time being still, a lot of time with you know,
in peace, a lot of time with my wife that
(11:19):
had nothing to do with work. I want to jump
in because you said something really important, right, and that's
about sort of the rules and the blueprint by which
we live our life, and whatever the the situation is
that you're experiencing in your life, for better or worse,
is really just a product of the rules and the
blueprint you set up. And most of the time we
(11:41):
don't even know that we're really operating by these rules,
because you know, we've been with it so long that
it's default. But with masculinity in particular and for many men,
and I don't want to say because I have also
many high achieving female clients who are in their masculine
energy in the workplace. But there's this idea you that
(12:02):
life that performance is tied to work, and it's tied
to effort and energy. And I love what you shared
because in your twenties, that will work when you're young
and and you full, and you've got an abundance of
energy and you can pour yourself into that. But as
(12:22):
we approach middle age, the energy becomes more precious, and
if we're pouring it all into work, it doesn't leave
a lot of rumor space for the other things that
we value, so talk about that idea of like, hey,
I don't want to be passing ships in the night
with my wife, and by the way, I'd like to
(12:43):
pivot and create a really interesting next chapter in my career,
but I need energy to do all that, and I'm
running on empty. What was that process like for you
and how did you get out of it? How did
you start to redirect your energy and ways that could
help build a new vision. Ah, man, It's it's a
complex question to answer because it took many different things
(13:07):
happening at many different points that seemed almost perfectly aligned.
It was the perfect timing for the universe to kind
of for me to recognize the universe from one and
not just see it as a bunch of stars in
the sky. But you know, aside from having work slowed
down to almost a complete halt, start re evaluating that
(13:28):
completely different, having time with my wife that was uninterrupted,
and creating new adventures. But it was like a taste
of like, this is what life can really be, Like
I can create and manifest the life that I want.
Um And the interesting thing was, actually, you know, I
felt like, aside from the book, the book helping me
(13:50):
to see mindset is we Also one other variable is
we lost a loved one at the end of the
pandemic um our beloved little pop Na. And we don't
have kids, my wife and I, so she in essence
was our kid. And and it wasn't like, you know,
a painful cancer that was you know, months and you know,
(14:12):
I could you know see it coming. And even in
that case like that, I don't even know that we're
ever really prepared for loss like that. But we tragically
lost her in front of us overnight and it was awful.
I wish it on no one um And I know
I even talked to you and our and our one
on one sessions for a long time about how was
this supposed to serve me? You know, Usually in hindsight,
(14:33):
you can look back and be like, I got that
speeding ticket, which seemed to piss me off at the time,
But maybe I didn't crash into a tree because I
got that speeding ticket, you know. Whereas it was really
hard for me to understand and grasp why would the
universe need this from me, you know, and why would
this happen to me? Or how did it happen for me?
(14:53):
And the reality is I think it completely destructed my
priorities because you were talking about how you knows, as men,
we kind of measure our achievement by our work and
how much money we bring home to the family, and
like suddenly, when you experience something tragic, you stopped giving
a shit about everything. And I think that that was
(15:16):
my coupled with what had happened with the pandemic and
all the time with my wife and reading this new
book that you had kind of come back into my life,
and we were talking about working one on one together,
just at a time of weakness enough for me to say, yeah,
fuck it, I'm gonna take some real chances. I'm gonna
take some real risks here because I don't feel good
(15:36):
right now. I haven't felt good in a long time.
I don't know if it was necessarily I was definitely
burnt out, but I can't say it just stops that burnout.
It was more than that. It was I was unchallenged,
and I was on the same game plan and with
no new plan, and you know, I didn't know where
that was going. So you and I started working together
(15:58):
when the universe kind of brought you to me at
the perfect time. The part about being unchallenged is interesting
because I think you know, with anybody in life, but
particularly for men, so much of our journey is about
playing at the edge. Right. If we're not living as
fully as we would like to, then a lot of
(16:20):
men who show up in my programs feel like they're
weakened by that. And there's a huge barrier, especially for
guys when we're in that bread winner role, that we
feel like, well, I can't step away or I can't
take a risk on expanding my career pivoting into a
new role. I know what I'm making where I'm at
right now, Like I think people in a study said
(16:43):
that being a provider was a really important trait for men. So,
as you're getting married and you know you're building this
partnership with your wife, how did you navigate that the
pressure on one hand that I want to be the
best provider and I want to take care of my
fan way, but I also need to find some deeper
(17:03):
level of self expression or some bigger expression of my
gifts in the world. The short answer would be immersion.
You and I started doing Monday's one on ones together,
you know where you were helping kind of support and
put a strategy together with my goals and my dreams
both and you know how I felt about life and
how I was actually pursuing it. Two, I had a
(17:24):
therapist tuesdays, so the day after I would see you,
I would see her and we would you know, I
was like one to punch all while at the same
time I'm reading books from Tony Robbins, Mr Singer. I've
immersed myself in this new mindset. So it made it
difficult for me to go back to the comfort zone. Um,
(17:44):
even though I would always have this like fear of like,
oh my god, am I really gonna quit my job?
That sounds insane, you know, And people will tell you
that who who aren't going through this transition themselves, because
they almost like it's like misery loves company. It's like, no,
no, no no, don't quit the comfort zone. Man, stay here
with me. Um, you're crazy for leaving a steady job.
And like, that's that's a that's a word. By the way,
(18:06):
that I'm working with some of my clients on ridding
themselves of that word, of those two words in their
vocabulary steady job. But we took we did u p
W with Tony Robbins, which was really helpful. We did,
you know, a lot of countless free exercises where you know,
Dean Graziosa or you know, somebody was doing something and
(18:28):
I could if I could pick one thing out of
it and just walk away feeling like empowered, you know,
because I think it's only a matter of time before
you start declining if you're not constantly moving forward on
something in terms of changing your mindset and your pattern.
So the closer I got to completely deviating from my
(18:50):
pattern for so many years, the more uncomfortable life got
to me. When you say deviating from the pattern, what
pattern is that that you had to let go of
in order to get to this next level? What was
what was the old pattern that was keeping you safe,
keeping you secure, keeping the paychecks rolling in, but also
(19:10):
you know, killing your spirit. This is one of the
first things you and I worked on, actually, which was massive, um.
And that was the idea that I got up at
seven am and immediately picked up my phone and I
would start, you know, with the fear and the belief
that something's gone wrong at work and everybody's looking for me.
(19:35):
And I had this a day, day in and day out.
The fear didn't start to go away until somewhere towards
Thursday and Friday and Saturday, I felt good, and then
somewhere around two pm, three pm, four pm on Sunday,
I started getting this crazy anxiety that would like that
was like almost like devastating. Then I would go to
(19:57):
work seven am, read emails, start my day off really angry,
and piste go right to work, sit in. There were
sometimes when I'd go to the bathroom and stay in
there for thirty minutes just to avoid life and sit
with myself. I resonate with that so hard, like in
my last corporate job. Unfortunately there were no windows on
(20:20):
the door to my office, so I would sit in
there and I'd be like, I need to meditate, I
need to reset. I'm gonna set the alarm for twenty
minutes on my phone, and I was so just physically
exhausted at that point in my life. I would get
about three minutes into meditation and then that alarm would
go off after twenty minutes, and I will have been asleep,
like sitting straight up on the couch in my office
(20:44):
with like my head down and drool coming down in
front of my shirt because there was just no energy
left for you. I remember, in particular in our coaching sessions,
you always have this belief that if I walk away,
if I'm not available to everybody at all times when
they need me, this whole house of cards is going
to fall that pattern of over responsibility. Where did that
(21:08):
come from? What allowed you to shift between? You know,
because as managers, as leaders, as men, whether it's at
work or at home, you know, we are here to
be leaders. But how do you tow the line between
matt and almost being over responsible for other people and
taking on ship that's not yours? You know, I have
(21:31):
to go back, you know, almost the hockey days and
stuff like that. I really believe that started with I
have this deep need for belonging, um, you know, and
hockey teams gave me that. No one else I was,
you know, going to school with played hockey. So it
was kind of like it would give me a little
bit of badassness. It would make me feel significant. I
(21:53):
was the hockey player. I was a tough little hockey player,
and I would go off on these tournaments and stuff
all over the tree in the world, and that would
be my pursuit to be significant in the world. And
like I always felt like I was picked on a
lot of the kid um and and I was really
sensitive to it. So I felt like hockey was my protection.
(22:14):
And then later radio became my protection. You know. I
was doing cool things, like you said, I have a
picture with Bono, I must be amazing. But that sense
of belonging to a community, and I think this is
universal coaching for anybody listening right now. We all have
a name for belonging. But sometimes in the process to
(22:34):
fit in or to be long, somewhere along the way,
we quit belonging to ourselves. And that's what I hear
for you, is like you're waking up. You're straight in
the phone before you've even maybe checked in with your wife,
you know, to out of fear, out of fear that
I'll be kicked out of the club. I won't be
if I don't do this from my friend. If I
(22:56):
don't hook up the morning show guy with the tickets,
if I don't, you know, come through for the record label.
If I don't come up big with ratings, if I
don't if I can't make the payments on the house,
if I can't, you know. And I was always operating
from this place, and I think it took you and
I a lot of sessions along with my therapist to realize,
(23:16):
like I was replaying in my head years of childhood.
You know, my my brother and sister had gone on
to college. I was left behind. Um, there were some
issues that we had had where you know, we were
having some struggles financially, we had to um, we had
(23:37):
actually at one point move and UM. You know, I
didn't realize all that time that, you know, like I
was building up things in my mind for what will
happen one day, like this is, this is how it's
going to play out. It's all gonna come tumbling down,
and I have to be way ahead of it to
(23:58):
not let that happen. I was up about, you know,
and still have to some extent about keeping details about
my taxes and keeping details about this and that, because
it's only a matter of time before the tax guy
is gonna get me or I'm going to miss a
payment and then they're gonna take my home. Aware, you know,
So that craziness has been in my mind for a
(24:18):
long long time. Desire for control, right to try to
control everything in the external. Perhaps that's why the pandemic
was such a powerful time of transformation for you. Because
if there's one big life lesson that came out of
living through two years of lockdown, it's that none of
us like controls an illusion. You can try to manipulate
(24:39):
and you know, squeeze and and and by hook or
crook get your way in the world or make everything
the way you want it, and then like a pandemic
blows through and all those models of reality just sort
of fall by the wayside, like it's not sustainable, and
you watch a lot of your brethren, you know, lose
their jobs or could forload, and um, that sucks, you know.
(25:03):
And then we you and I have been in the
corporate sector long enough to watch you know, the mass
exoduses happen and like and how painful that is and
kind of always assume one day it'll be me, you know,
and and you know that's a that's a tough reality
to live in. And like, actually, it's amazing now sitting
(25:24):
on the you know, for lack of a better word,
perch that I sit on now where I'm a little
bit more zoomed out on life than so zoomed in
that I see that pattern now and so many people
that I work with you know that you know, have
made every excuse as to why they can't move forward,
and they just continue the same pattern of I will
(25:47):
work around the clock seven through weekends if I have
to doing something that doesn't challenge me anymore with no
foreseeable pay raise. Um, and I wonder, you know, obviously
I know a lot about the broadcast sector and entertainment tonight,
(26:08):
I wonder is that is that everyone is that you know,
people in the construction world, is that people in U
in in the financial sector? Yeah, well, having coach people
in the financial sector, legal, medical, like every the tech
sector has been a big one where clients have come
through over the course of the pandemic. It's everywhere, and
(26:29):
you know, a lot of times we equate that sense
of security to the money, which is why so many
companies now or you know, it's interesting there was a
study on people who get financial performance incentives in their
job and like the people who are working for to
get to a bonus are less connected to their family.
(26:50):
They're spending less time at home because they're going to
be more apt to make that choice. At six pm.
They're going to happy hour to go schmu as a client,
are going to skip out on the literal league game
for their kids and the ballet recital because they've got
to be out working. There's so much of that that
we you know, people believe that security is tied to
a paycheck. It's you know, tied to the finances. Uh,
(27:15):
it's tied to the approval of of being a high performer.
And again, you know, I think that this has been
a great opportunity for us to all reinvent and redefine
what is security. You know, what is success for you
moving forward? For me personally, I feel like I owe
it two the rest of the world to share this story,
(27:39):
you know of like, like, what I love about being
in the pods with you is the fact that I'm
in there with two other two other guys, and you know,
I can learn from them, but they can also learn
from me. And you know, and and and see that
this was possible. I was able to create a position
that's not only just we're gratifying for me, but it's
going to help our industy street you know, it's going
(28:00):
to help our industry move forward. Um. And then you know,
instead of posting pictures of me seemingly looking and feeling good,
I can actually feel good and write about what I'm
feeling with the pictures and share it and leave breadcrumbs.
You know. It's kind of like gent life is so
(28:21):
many things, but it started out really as like without
me realizing it, like almost like a blog to myself
as a twenty two year old. Here's how, here's how
to crack this, here's how to get past this obstacle,
you know, and and how to get others to love you?
Is really how it started, you know. And um and
(28:44):
now now I have more purpose with it, um at
least a better intention that's more aligned. Um so. And
those two what I'm doing now for I Heart Radio
and what I do for gent life with my wife
are are It's a perfect marriage. You know. They use
a lot of social media, which is great. Um so.
(29:07):
And I didn't even see that that was an inadvertently
happy accident, or maybe it wasn't. I want to talk
about what you're doing with creating this side business with
gent life coming up in just a second, but you
one of the things that happened for you, and I
think a lot of times we tied this idea to
career of career reinvention too. I'm just going to detonate
(29:29):
the career. I'm burning it all to the ground and
I'm just gonna go and build something from scratch. Yeah,
like a lot of and look on this podcast, a
lot of those conversations tend to be in that vein
and people who just like completely blew up and started
from scratch. And maybe that's because that's what career reinvention
looked like to me. But you do represent probably about
(29:52):
the third of the clients that I work with that
we're like, no, I'm going to stay in the industry
that I'm in. But is to you said earlier, to
your point, I need a new challenge. Talk about the
process of just revisioning your life and being able to
make that pivot. You know, when we started out, did
you have this idea that you would be moving into
(30:15):
more of a talent coaching and a content creation role
for the company or how did that all come about
for you? I think a while back I was, you know,
I had been thinking for a long time, like, you know,
how the how the general trajectory for radio works. You know,
you start, you become a program director, then you may
(30:35):
be become an s v PP of the market. And
I remember always thinking like I don't want to be
over a market. I don't want to have to climb
to that rung of this ladder, like that's not it.
I don't want to chase people around for contracts. I
don't want to put fires out just not it wasn't
aligned with what I wanted to be and I felt
pressure by the way to do that. That's really important
talk about that, like is that from the people from
(30:58):
the people above you clar just correct, It's the same
pattern you know of other people who are just doing
what they know to do over and over again. And
actually that's where I really see the big opportunity for
me is it took a long time for me to
recognize that just because they're the CEO or CEO or
(31:19):
an executive in the company doesn't necessarily mean they've thought
of everything. In fact, you know, my hearts run by
really smart radio program directors from the last several decades,
who are you know, who are transcending one another. But
this technology boom is just they're not necessarily sure how
to use it because they don't necessarily use TikTok or YouTube,
(31:43):
you know. And I see that as it was a
big opportunity for me to grow uh my own brands
that I was overseeing, and I used that hotstock to say, hey,
here's an idea on how to scale it. I'll work
with everybody a lot of times, when we think about
the career path that we create, there are so many
people who are either following in their family's footsteps or
(32:06):
doing a job that they watch their parents do or
something that their parents leaned on them to get into.
But we can create that dynamic in a corporate culture
right where you know, the people above us, you know,
the direct supervisor has a plan to leave and move
on to a bigger role and they want you to
replace them, or in some cases, like what you just describe,
(32:29):
some people who are like, well, no, you're not taking
my job. This is where I plan on being. Why
don't you go do this other thing over here? And
sort of lost in all of that is the ability
to choose, Like I think it's so important when people
are talking. You know, a lot of corporations set up
mentorship programs within the company, But if the mentor you
have doesn't have the job that you're aspiring to, it
(32:53):
might not be the right mentor for you. Remember how
I think I think from Tony Robbins is probably where
I learned about the power of proximity, you know, and
the people that you keep in your circle are the
ones that are going to you know, you're gonna emulate
them as is that the right word? Um? And I
(33:15):
had a really good eye for that, you know, as
a as a kid, I would watch a hockey player
that I wanted to skate like, and I would teach
myself to skate like him. And when it became business,
I would see people in business executives that I wanted
to be like and I wanted to emulate, so I
would I would dress like them, I would talk like them,
I would learn their lingo. And that was really successful
(33:37):
for me. But when it came to you know, one
of our earlier foundation question of this podcast, when you
were like, you know, where did you where did the
burnout begin? Or where what I think realizes like I
didn't see a path that I want I was excited
about anymore, and I didn't I didn't have any more
people that I wanted to emulate, you know, and like,
(33:58):
and I almost felt like I had no mentor to
necessarily lean completely into. And that's when I kind of
realized with the pandemic and all these skill sets that
I had had, that I was poised to create myself.
I love that. Let's go. I just want to. I
want to like put a big ass batlight on that.
Right for years of emulating, this is what so many
(34:21):
of us do. Will emulate a parents, or emulate somebody. Yeah.
I mean, I've had so many people who come to
me and they say, well, I didn't really know what
I wanted to do when I left high school, so
I chose the major that my really successful cousin chose,
or I chose the one that my sibling chose, and
(34:42):
so much of our life if we don't have that
strong sense of who we are, and most of us
in high school are not taught to develop that sense
of who we are, then we're going to spend our
life emulating, which is it will work for a period
of time. But what you're talking about here is creating yourself.
That's a big aha moment for somebody today, And honestly,
(35:05):
I can't I would be lying to if I didn't
say that. I still have confidence issues from time to time,
you know, and I started to fall back into an
old pattern or something like that, and generally that happens
after I've fallen out of a pattern, you know, where
I of self care. But I feel like when I
was younger, I felt I got a lot of confidence issues,
(35:27):
and like I was saying too earlier in the podcast,
like hockey was was a big piece for me to
try to, you know, bridge myself out of that and
gain confidence from that. And I did, and then radio
gave me this whole other chunk of confidence and experience,
wealth of experience. But then, you know, at the end
of it, like you said, I didn't know what to
do with it all. I ran out of things. I
ran out of what stepping stones, and I didn't have
(35:52):
a new platform to jump to, and I didn't even
necessarily have the confidence to create my own platform. You know,
I I needed help for that. I came to you,
you know, I went to a therapist. I read tons
of books like all things. By the way, before a
year and a half ago, I did not too. I
did not have a therapist, I did not have a coach.
(36:13):
I wasn't reading. I was just doing my pattern, yeah,
and living in the emulating cycle. So let's talk here
as part of the reinvention we have. You know, you've
mentioned this gent life thing, but for context for our listeners, Uh,
this is a side project that you're building while you're
(36:33):
still incorporate. What is gent life? And how is that
switch for you now that you're you know, actively creating
and not about emulating, Because I feel like that shifted
the trajectory of what you're building there within within that
business as well. Like I said a little bit ago,
I it was tips on how to all the things
(36:55):
that I was emulating from the executives, you know, how
they were addressing, the things they were ordered ring at
the bar, the things that the topics of conversation they
would have generally, you know, it could be about politics
or the economy, and then you know, and how that
related to what we were doing as a business. Um.
You know, as a twenty three year old, that can
be really you know, scary, because like I can't walk
(37:18):
into necessarily a store like Paul Smith and buy things
when I make you know, thirty thousand dollars a year
or something like that. I can't go and order an
old Fashioned at the Fountain Blue, you know, And I
felt like I'm going to show people what to order,
how to look how to you know, how to you know,
(37:38):
how to set themselves up for everything. The thing that
I was not aligned with, though it intentionally was, was
was myself and the reality of I think it was
in the Michael Singer book that actually you suggested I read. Um,
I'm trying to remember which is the big leap? Yeah,
(37:59):
Hendricks right where he was talking about, um, how you
have to have like a strong why. You have to
you have to have a good intention, like you know
you have to. It can't be just you know, this
is why I'm awesome, and you should emulate it. You
should have a you know, a more human intention, humane
(38:20):
intention to it. And that's when I realized, you know,
I could start using some I never had that with
gent life before. It was just cool pictures of how
to dress. It was you know, a cool drink, you know,
or here's me and on a plane in first class.
It wasn't it wasn't really about the why. And that
(38:42):
really that book was what kind of told me like, hey,
you know, you're doing this for a person who's struggling
with their confidence. You're you're trying to help them. Cut
all the years that it took you to figure out
this pathway and shave some of those years off for them.
I think it's Dean Gratziela shows like how you know
you have the divot for everybody and how you can
(39:04):
build a bridge with your knowledge to make it easier
for everybody to get to where you got to faster. Um.
And I I think that's you know, that's my dot
with that is I've got to now show people how
I got here. But it's it's bigger than just my
jacket and tie and my cocktail. Now it's my mindset,
(39:25):
you know what had to change in there? Um? And
that's it's you know. And by the way, it's kind
of like you know, how you write down your gratitude
every morning, uh, to try to remember how good life
really is for you, like you know, and remember how
you know and focus on the great aspects of it.
The fact that I get to write these things on
(39:45):
Twitter and I get to take our conversations and put
them out there and take like a little nugget of
a conversation you and I had or something I got
out of a Gay and Ricks book and share it
with people and be like, yes, this this is this
is what I'm talking about. You know it actually helps
me stay on track. So um uh, there's a lot
(40:06):
more to that. Why now, Yeah, So what was essentially
sort of an outside in approach, which is how most
of us live. You know, you created this ship in
life brand that was like fashion, travel influencer blog, here's
what you need to wear, here's what you need to dress.
What I hear is that you shift it now and
(40:26):
you're really working with people on who they need to
become and to create their path rather than emulate it. Yeah.
It went from here's how to get laid too, here
is how to find yourself, you know, and here's how
to break out of like a lot of people like
(40:47):
you know, I used to think when people teased me
about you know, the pockets, square in the jacket and
all of that. I used to think about it like, um,
maybe this is too much, you know, maybe I'm just
I'm I'm overdoing it. Um. But then over time I realized,
like a lot of those people would come back to
(41:09):
me and say things like, you know, I say those
things too because I don't have the confidence to wear
what you wear. I don't think I can get away
with it. They ordered the bud light because that's all
they've ever ordered, and you know they're they're weirded out
when you know they're going to it and sitting with
an executive and embarrassed that they don't know wines or
whiskeys and that you know, they don't know what's going
on in the world. And the reality is is like
(41:29):
you can have whatever you want, you know, And I've
I've now been able to achieve so many things in
my life. And I'm not I'm not necessarily what I
would gns that are wealthy yet yet, but like I
I feel like I can absolutely do it. I could.
I could be a five nine hundred and sixty three
(41:50):
pound kid who found his way onto a as a
walk on onto a big, a big hockey team. In college,
I you know, I played a couple of national championships.
Like I I got to an IVY League university. And
by the way, when I was in that school, I
thought every day would be my last day there. I
really did. I believed I was only one test away
(42:11):
from being escorted to the door. So I real like
look back at my moments and like the achievements I've had,
and like this this massive achievement of being able to
create what I really wanted to do. Now that I've
done all the work, you know, I mind blown. I
(42:31):
mind blown. Like I wonder if I if I really
wanted to play center field for the Red Sox, could
I have done it? I'm I think I could have,
you know, I really did so Like, it's just that's
not where my path took me. So but I have
so much, so many more things I want to achieve.
I don't. I don't actually think, you know, my retirement
will be sitting around a house. I think I'll be
(42:52):
building things. Well, once you know your purpose, you know,
you get to work on the things that light you
up and not the things that you feel like. Yeah too,
which is all part of that creating versus emulating, you know,
which is really a big theme of this conversation. Yeah,
I see somebody like yourself, by the way, and like
somebody like Tony Robbins living a very long life, you know,
(43:14):
because I think that's also part of you know, you know, obviously,
aside from not eating shitty all the time and and
getting some movement and challenging your your capillaries a little bit,
I also think it's that fulfilment aspect. Well, thank you
for mentioning me in the same breath as Tony Robbins.
First of all, I always see these people like you know,
(43:34):
in the in the self help world now, who are
like into bio hacking, and they're like, we want to
live to be one and twenty And I'm like, is
slow down? Just well? I suppose it. I mean, like,
who was it the guy that's a little much. I
don't know the guy who was And you touched on
this a little earlier about putting a goal with a
date on it. There was a guy listened to on
(43:55):
the Lewis Hawes podcast um who wrote a book I
think is part of the creators of The Secret. I
can't remember his name, but it blew my mind when
they talked about his age. He does he writes about
the laws of attraction, and he writes about how he
puts a date on something about when he'll achieve it.
And I do that myself, keeping cards in my pocket
(44:15):
with you know, goals I want to achieve with dates
on them in the present tense. And he had said,
at eighty seven years old, he had already booked space
in Las Vegas to do a seminar and a summit
for attraction for his hundredth birthday, and I was like,
I mean, like, who does that? Who creates purpose for
(44:38):
themselves with that kind of timeline and that kind of intention,
Like I could see myself surviving a lot longer if
I could. You know, I've always got that thing in
the future that I'm gunning for, you know, And I
I think that's why I feel like, you know, I
see Tony doing this and into his nineties still jumping
around on stage. Why because it alates him. He doing
(45:00):
good things. Yeah. So you had mentioned this idea of
writing down goals on a piece of paper and time
stamping them um, which is something that you know, we
had created well over a year ago that you had
this idea. By April first, you were going to be
in this entirely new role at I Heart Radio. By
(45:22):
the way, I think it's important for context, the role
didn't exist. They didn't they didn't have anybody doing this
new job that you've created for yourself. But the other
big goal that you have is that you were going
to have your first investment property closed on and and
ready to you know, start Airbn being out for passive
(45:43):
revenue um. And you had a specific date and what
I love is that both those things happened literally within
days of the date that we put down on the card. Yeah,
I almost didn't believe it was going to happen. I
remember a couple of weeks before we came up on
that April first, you and I did a call where
(46:05):
you were kind of freaking out. You're like, well, I
think this whole deal is going to fall apart, and
what the hell? Like I you know, that very sort
of masculine achievement, but I said it was going to
be on April one, so it has to be, which
of course it did. But the difference is, and I
love manifestation stories like that in my client community, and
we do that all the time. But the big difference
(46:25):
for me is like, when I think about when I
first started out on this reinvention journey, I would see
these tactics. I watched the video and Jim Carey talking
to Oprah about riding himself a ten million dollar check
for acting services render and he dated it a few
years into the future. And how within like two days
of that date is when he got paid ten million
(46:47):
dollars to do the mask, And I was like, this
is it. It's all we have to do. We just
got to write some ship down. Awesome, So I wrote
down I just left my corporate career, and I had
wrote down this big amount of money for for coaching
services when Durt and I dated it one year into
the future. And by the way, that didn't work out
for me. And hear what, I think I made about
(47:08):
one tenth of the amount that was on that check.
But the difference is for me is like I was
setting these external goals, but I still hadn't mastered the
inner game. Like one of the big things that I
think we that people should walk away from is to
get something new in your life, a new result. It's
going to require you to become somebody new. We talked
(47:29):
about this journey of you from like emulating all these
people you looked up to versus creating yourself. What was
that for you when you think back on where you
were burned out a year into the pandemic, completely at
the mercy of your iPhone, the people who work for you,
(47:50):
the new initiatives with the company, versus this guy who
literally believes he could go play like center field for
the Boston Red Sox if he wanted to. But having
that level of confident and some clarity. Who did you
have to become in order to reach this new level?
I had to become authentically myself. Mm hmmm. I would
(48:13):
love to tell all of your listeners and viewers that
that's just like a snap of the finger kind of thing. Um.
And I'm and I'm still every day, you know, trying
to figure out who that is a little bit more. UM.
But I now know my my thought process as a
(48:34):
kid of you know, how I applied you know, growing
and in the sport of ice hockey and manifesting that
you know, by just grinding and grinding in uncomfortable situations.
There was something to take away from that, no doubt,
but that that isn't I don't think that's what we're
(48:55):
here for. I don't think we're here to suffer to
see our achievements and um And that mindset has changed,
and I think that was the one thing that I
really had to figure out, like I could be as
strategic with my day and my time as I wanted.
And the other interesting thing is during the pandemic, I
(49:17):
I saw this really cool um. I think it was
on TikTok from Sylvester stallone of all people who was
saying he he just was on TikTok saying He's like,
now in my sixties, I realized that my biggest currency
is time and like that kind of resonated with me.
He you know, he was like, I don't spend time
(49:37):
anymore with people I don't feel like minded with who
you know share similar viewpoints. Um, I just you know,
I don't. I don't spend time doing things that don't
make me happy. Um. And so many people on earth
feel like, like I said earlier, you have to you
have to suck it for a while to get what
(49:59):
you want, want, and you know, and then stuck at
some more. And I don't. I don't feel that way anymore.
I recognize there can be things have just comforts, some
things I might have to do that I don't want
to do, but I'm I'm not going to spend eight
hours a day doing that anymore. And that that was
that was big into figuring out who I was. Yeah,
you know so many so when I think about the
(50:22):
mindset traps that I came up with and that I
can fall into, I always like thought happiness was the
thing that came after success. When I achieved this I'll
have this and then I'll be cool. And then what
you realize is, you know, again from a law of
attraction and metaphysics standpoint, the happier you are in the present,
(50:42):
the more successful you'll be, and the more you magnetize
the opportunities. So you can magnetize your dream investment property,
your dream corporate job literally to the date that's on
a card. But all because you've learned how to to
kind of cree the outcomes you want in the present
rather than delaying them in the future. Yeah. And the
(51:04):
one thing I do struggle with is like, if I
was able to go talk to myself at age two,
would I even listen to myself? You know what I mean?
Because like, at at age twenty two, it's a way
different world. You know, you're you're I was having fun,
you know, I was doing gigs late into the night,
getting paid in cash. I was. I was exploring adulthood
(51:27):
and just having you know, resources for once that you know,
in my own place. Uh. I don't know if I
ever would have been able to really sit and here
the idea of mindset. I know, I don't know that
I would have I think I would have grasped it
as like you know, you would church and prayer and
you're like, yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it.
(51:47):
It's important, you know, but like, but not actually put
any of it into practice. I don't know that I
would have been able to. I don't know that I could.
I could have can I could have achieved that even
if he gave me an hour with myself at age
twenty two. So you know, I think there's something to
be said for that. You know, our our chapters and
our phases of life. We'll wrap it up with this
(52:09):
for the man who's listening today. And by the way,
I know we have lots of female listeners, but they're
probably there could be very well that they're observing the
man in their life in that struggle trying to figure
out who he is, trying to you know, still investing
all of his energy into performance, because we tend to
equate that with masculinity, but we also tend to suffer
(52:33):
in silence as men. You know, women will get together
over a boozy brunch and they'll they'll talk about this. Men.
We we'll hang out over fantasy football or watching a
hockey game, but we tend not to have the conversations
where we open ourselves up. I would also argue, by
the way, as men, when we have those you know,
(52:55):
beers at fantasy football and we'll watch him playoff hockey
or whatever. I think we tend to look outward for
the cause of our problems. Oh well, it's her fault
because she it's always nagging me about this, or it's
my boss is a a dick, or you know, the
company has just got it all wrong, or you know it,
(53:17):
it's always an outside, external source. I feel like women
are better about looking inward. Mm hmm. Yeah. I I
wasted a lot of ears thinking, man, if all these
things outside of me would just change, I'd be so
happy that. By the way, it was a really poor approach.
But for the man who might still be in that,
(53:38):
you know, just we you know, we're all doing the
best we can from our current level of awareness. What's
the first step? What is the first step for him
to turn it around? If you had to give it
when you think about this journey you've been on for
two years, what would be the first thing he could
do today that would make an impact. They might not
(53:58):
be as lucky to I say this reluctantly. They might
not be as lucky to have a pandemic globally hit
them at the time it did for me when I
all the stars aligned. But um, but most jobs give
you PTO in sick days. Use a bunch of them.
(54:19):
Use a bunch of them, and spend some time getting
in touch with yourself. Maybe read that list more book,
do some meditating, try a therapist, give yourself some time
to immerse yourself in this idea that you could have
a different life. Feel what it would feel like, you know,
to not take that seven am call or that seven
am email, and and create boundaries for yourself. Feel, feel
(54:42):
what that feels like, and then just put it in
an action, slowly but surely, and immerse yourself into the
life you actually really do want. And and maybe, by
the way, you're not exactly sure what that is, because
I wasn't right away. It didn't become very clear to
me that I had all of these things that I
could give to to earth, that were that were worth
(55:04):
something and that provided value. But all the rules that
you always believed you know growing up, are not really rules.
And um, I would I would really implore you to
change some of those control rules of control you have
in your head and and start being still a little
(55:26):
bit more and invest in therapy and coaching. Yeah, right,
Mentorship is everything, man. And I when I think of
my first step, it was just allowing for support. It
was the decision to stop trying to figure it out
on my own because that just had me spinning in circles.
So Brian loved the conversation. Proud of you and all
(55:49):
of your success. Always just inspired to see, like all
the things that you're doing in your life, how can
people find you online? And if they want to check
out the gent Life brand, where did they go? Okay,
I mean there's a bunch of platforms, So whatever the
platform of your choice. If it's Instagram, you can follow
us at gent dot life because this uh, this is
(56:10):
really my wife and I, you know, trying to help
people find their path, uh, you know, to greatness. And
um you can follow me personally at Broadcasting b Mac
on Instagram. You can follow us on Twitter at gent
life tweets and um also on TikTok at gent life.
(56:32):
So and you know, I'll turn the mirror around real
quick and say I hope Dan you will also join
me at some point on my podcast Men on Mindfulness
where we talk about these kinds of things for men
specifically who who don't who don't look inward and you know,
who haven't taken the time to stop. And I'm hoping
they'll find us and that they it can make an
(56:54):
impact in their life and help them have their pivot moment.
Let's do it. Ready to do it? So check out
them in on Mindfulness podcast as well. Brian, thank you
so much. Awesome conversation. Mike Wise, thank you. What were
your key takeaways in that conversation? Please let us know
you can screenshot the podcast to upload it to Instagram.
(57:14):
Tag Brian at Broadcasting b Mac and be sure to
tag me at c SC Dan Mason. What I hope
you understand is that even though we're sort of getting
back to whatever the normal way of life is going
to be moving forward, that you didn't miss an opportunity.
If you didn't use the pandemic to consciously create your
(57:35):
next chapter. It's never too late to make a new
decision those life results, you know, Brian creating a brand
new job for himself, recommitting to starting his own company,
buying his own investment property, and manifesting that on Miami beach.
Whatever that version of an amplified life is for you
(57:56):
is still available. What it requires, though, is a mentor,
a structure, and a proven implementation plan. And if you'd
like some more info about how my coaching programs can
help you create those results in your life, be sure
to look me up online submit an application. Creative soul
coaching dot net is the website to go to. I
(58:19):
appreciate you listening. We'll be back next week. In the meantime,
turn down the volume on your negativity, turn up the
volume on your purpose so you can live life amplified
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