Casey Radumus: Outer Success, Inner Pain. Healing the “Curse of True High Achiever"

People know what goal they're working towards in their life. But have you ever stopped to consider why you want the things you want? Are your ambitions pulled by a purpose that connects you to something bigger than you or are you pushing to prove yourself to someone else?

This week, we're digging deep into this topic with Coach Casey Radumus, where he walked away from a 20 year career playing along some of the biggest names in the music industry and found his purpose as a hypnotherapist and healer.

Coach Casey Radumus is a fourth generation serial entrepreneur, certified clinical hypnotherapist, energy healer and former professional touring musician who spent two decades attempting to fill the empty hole of anxiety depression and self loathing inside of him that prevented him from turning his purpose into a profit in a soul aligned business. After hitting rock bottom, he healed his traumas, had a spiritual awakening, dropped his addictions, lost his 45 pounds and profitably aligned his business endeavors with his higher calling.

Things discussed in this episode include...

• When the appearance of winning in life is actually losing
• The biology of the brain and why so many of the self limiting beliefs that keep us stuck were actually formed between the ages of 0-12 years old.
• The sex drugs and rock and roll lifestyle didn't fill the god sized hole in his heart.
• The path he took to find self healing and self love
• The power of the subconscious mind and how we can access it to heal the hidden blocks to our success

Follow Casey on Instagram at http://instagram.com/coachcaseynow

Find Casey at http://coachcaseynow.com

Follow Dan on Instagram at http://instagram.com/cscdanmason

To learn more about Dan or to work one-on-one with him, visit http://creativesoulcoaching.net

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
People who know me from before their their first question

(00:03):
is still like, well, I mean are you still doing music?
I mean you can still do it like part time
or whatever, like like, how could you not do music? Casey,
Like that's just wrong. The thing that drove me to
that was the pain. The pain is gone. Therefore, the
desire to put in all that time in blood and
sweat and tears and energy and effort to go be
on stage, to go get the accolades, to go get

(00:24):
attention from girls, uh, all that stuff. The motivation is
gone because it was a sick, desperate motivation. Sure, I
mean I do love music all right, right, I mean
there was good stuff with it, but the real driver
was the pain. And the pain is gone. Everybody knows
what gold they're working towards in their life, But have
you ever stopped to consider why you want the things

(00:45):
that you want? Are your ambitions pulled by a purpose
that connects you to yourself and something bigger than you?
Or are you pushing to prove yourself to your parents?
Two exs of the naysayers who didn't believe in you?
Are you is pushing the boulder up the hill so
you can finally feel like you're enough and worthy of

(01:05):
taking up space in the universe. This week on the
Life Amplified Podcast, we're gonna dig deep into this topic
with my dear friend, coach Casey Radomus. He's gonna tell
us about his journey where he walked away from a
twenty year career playing along some of the biggest names
in the music industry and found his purpose as a
hypnotherapist and dealer. The curse of the high achiever is

(01:29):
our topic this week on Life Amplified. What is an
amplified life. It's having amplified relationships with people who support
and encourage you to be your best. It's having amplified
energy to conquer the challenges of the day. And it's
having an amplified career, one that's meaningful to you, the world,

(01:49):
and your bank accounts. I'm Dan Mason, life reinvention coach,
helping you discover your calling and create an amplified life
on your terms. This is the Life Amplified Podcast. It's
the pattern that I ran over and over in my
corporate career, and so many good talented professionals come to

(02:13):
me running the same pattern. You believe that you'll be
happy when length when you get more money, when you
become famous, when you write your book, when you find
the next relationship, when you get the bigger house, or
gain the social media followers, and inevitably, because the law
of attraction is real, we tend to get all the

(02:33):
things we thought we wanted. And if you ever noticed that,
you still find yourself feeling empty. My dear friend, Coach
Casey Radomus calls it the God sized hole that was
in his heart, and this week he's gonna tell us
how he filled it. Coach Casey is a fourth generation
serial entrepreneur, certified clinical hypnotherapist, energy healer, intuitive and former

(02:56):
professional touring musician who spent over two decades attempting to
feel the empty hole of anxiety, depression, and self loathing
inside of him that prevented him from successfully turning his
purpose into profit in a souloline business. After hitting rock bottom,
he healed his hidden traumas, experienced spiritual awakening, dropped his addictions,

(03:17):
lost forty five pounds, found inner peace, and profitably aligned
his business endeavors with his higher calling. Today he helps
other heart centered conscious coaches and entrepreneurs do the same.
This is such a great interview. Casey is just a
really amazing guy. Uh. We've been coaching together on Clubhouse

(03:38):
for close to a year and I just know he
has so much wisdom and insight to offer. Some of
the topics that we're going to discuss this week are
when the appearance of winning in life is actually losing.
We're gonna talk about the biology of the brain and
why so many of those self limiting beliefs that keep
us stuck we're actually formed between the ages of zero

(04:00):
and twelve years old, and how they were all associated
with past trauma. He'll explain to us why the sex, drugs,
and rock and roll lifestyle didn't fill the god sized
hole in his heart and the path he took to
found self healing and self love. Plus, he's going to
talk about the power of the subconscious mind and how
we can access it to heal the hidden blocks to

(04:23):
our success. If you love this interview, be sure to
let us know. You can screenshot the podcast, upload it
to Instagram. Be sure to tag Casey coach Casey Now
that is Casey with the CEA and you can tag
me at c S C. Dan Mason. The Curse of
the High Achiever? What is it. How do we overcome it?

(04:44):
You'll find out this week on Life Amplified. Coach Casey,
my dude, finally on Life Amplified. Welcome, my friend. Thank
you for having me down. I'm glad we finally got
to uh got to do this. It's our first time
actually being here on this green looking each other in
the eyes. Although we built like this great friendship through

(05:04):
the Clubhouse App going back to late last year, Casey
and I totally aligned as coaches, although we come at
it from different modalities and different trainings. Um, but a
big believer in trauma healing and somebody that you absolutely
if you are on the Clubhouse App, should be following
and we'll give you all the handles for that later.

(05:26):
But I think a lot of people are going to
be interested in the backstory. You know. One of the
things you and I talked about a lot is this
curse of the high achiever. And you know, so much
of my story was spending years cultivating this image of
success and being the guy who was crushing it and
look great to the outside, but there was so much
inner pain and yet you were doing the same thing.

(05:48):
So talk to us a little bit. Share with the audience,
your history and the music industry, your career as a musician,
your career touring with some of the biggest rock stars
in world, and how it was great until it wasn't. Yeah,
it was great until it wasn't. And you know what,
I uh, part of what I love about our meeting,

(06:09):
Dan is actually that the very first room of mine
that you came into a clubhouse. I just happened to
be using an analogy about a radio program director to
describe the way some subconscious stuff works. And there you
were a radio program director, Like nobody even knows what
a radio program director is, right, yeah, right, You know,
obviously we worked in different facets of the music industry.

(06:32):
You have the sexy part though you were. You were
the musician thousands of fans performing for every night out
on the tour bus doing the thing. Talk about that experience,
your history and the music industry, um and getting everything
that you thought you wanted. Yeah, well, you know, pretty
much from since I was a kid, pretty much all

(06:54):
I wanted to do was to be a professional musician. Like,
that's what I wanted. So as early as let's say,
fourteen years old, is when I got my my first guitar,
and I actually got my first drum set. I put
out my first record when I was fifteen. By the
time I was fifteen, I was the multi instrumentalists, UM
was starting to write songs, put out my first record.

(07:15):
So from about that age, from about fourteen on, like
that was it. UM. You know when it's so interesting
down because you and I we both help people with
tapping into their purpose and finding a life direction right
and like the life life and career reinvention and all that.
We both help people with that. And first for me,
when I was young, that was so foreign to me.

(07:36):
I didn't get it when people are like, I don't
know what I want to do, I don't know who
I want to be. I thought, what I like, this
is all I want to do forever, all day, every day.
I don't care about anything else. So all of my
decisions when I was young, we're all optimized around whether
I thought making that decision, whatever it was, was going
to get me closer to being a successful full time musician,

(07:56):
where all I had to do all day every day
was wake up and play music, rite music, record music,
go on tour. I particularly liked live performance. Uh, the
most story released my first record when I was fifteen
with my band that I had in high school, and uh,
in our little, our little hometown, because I lived in
a small town. In our little hometown, It's sold dan

(08:17):
at the equivalent of a platinum album plantum Montain, come on,
so like is this like, well, you know, people in
the town of two d and fifty bodies. Therefore, if
we scale this the three hundred and seventy million people
in the US, we sold thirty seven million records. That's right,
that's right, but bigger. But yeah, so it did sell

(08:39):
in our in our geography. It's sold at the equivalent
of the other platinum records of the time. And um,
so I kept on that path just I just kept
on that path. And I'm also a fourth generation serial entrepreneur.
So I had this mix that I would do of
music was kind of like the thing that that that

(09:00):
filled my soul. It's what I really loved, so I
wanted to do I wanted to make that financially profitable,
but that was always hard to do. So then I
would do the music to sort of fill my soul,
and then I would use my entrepreneurial skills to do
whatever I had to do over here to to pay
the bills. So there was this kind of split, but

(09:20):
I optimized for the music, the kind of i'd say
peak of where we left off or where I left
off in my journey, because I think I had eight
or nine what I would call relevant bands that I
played in UM. Most of the time I was playing
like pop rock, alternative rock, punk rock type of stuff
mostly and uh so, probably eight or nine bands over

(09:44):
the course of being you know, my first band when
I was fifteen up through my late thirties, and so
the band that I had in the kind of two
thousand five to two thousand twelve type of range was
a band called Radomus and UM and I go by
Casey Radomus, and so with Radomus, that was sort of
the peak of I guess the success that I experienced

(10:08):
with that, and in that we opened for um John Mayer,
Kings of Leon, uh Keith Urban, the country singer. Also
there was I played with Papa Roach and uh this
other band that I think is really cool called Flogging
Molly that most people don't know about, but they're really
successful underground Irish punk band. UM. So a lot of

(10:28):
really incredible highlights and traveling around the country and all this.
So what happened was it came it came to a
point where in my mid to late thirties, it came
to a point where it just became clear to me
that I had done everything I knew how to do
to the best of my abilities. I pushed as hard
as I could push for twenty plus years. At that point,

(10:50):
I still hadn't gotten to where I was really trying
to get to, and I just didn't know what the
next step was to take. It was like, I'm maxed out.
It hasn't worked so far. And what was happening is
the band that I had at the time, Radomus, was dissolving.
And so I was at this point to where, you know,
for for somebody who's not a musician, like being in

(11:10):
a band is it's like it's like a family or
like a romantic relationship, if you will, And so people
are just there because they want to be there. You
make decisions together, you know, you've got to do all
the relational things. It's so having whatever it was eight
or nine bands by that point that I had really
invested in over the years, that's like the equivalent of
being married and divorced nine times. You were the Elizabeth

(11:30):
Taylor of Alter Rock. Yeah, yeah, equally as glamorous as well.
When I reached that point, it was like, Okay, do
I really want to do this again? Like do I
want to start over again? And if I do, well,
then what am I going to do differently to make
it work this time? To the point that I wanted
to get to you, I don't know what was the

(11:53):
point for you? Because you were playing sold out arenas
with John Mayer and Kings of Leon. What was the
step after that? Was it that we were going to
win a Grammy Award? Was it? What was your idea
of success at that point, because what I'm hearing on
this end is you were crushing it. You were successful,
yet you didn't feel like you were there whatever there is?

(12:17):
What what did you think it was back in the day?
I I would like the inner monologue for you was
I'll be happy when I do what can pay my
bills and the bills of my band members and the
business expenses to be able to continue to grow this business.
So it was it was financial. It was the financial piece.

(12:38):
So for example, it was okay, in my experience, here's
what it takes for a band or an artist or
whatever to be successful. You know, there's a few different
routes you can take. Right in the music industry. There's
some people take the grassroots route, um, you know, and
other people try to get signed to the big label
and get on the big radio stations and go that way. Right,

(12:59):
There's a kind of a couple different routes. I was
always more for the grassroots route. So the amount of time, energy, effort, focus, work, bandwidth,
um passion heart that it takes to get a band
from zero two successful in basically any capacity you would
think of having a fan base, you know, enough people

(13:20):
that actually want to come to your show enough people
don't want to buy your records, Uh, let alone the
financial piece. It was a lot a lot of time, energy,
effort and so on and so forth. And so what
that meant then was in in my particular case, was
all right, if I'm going to expect my because I
was the leader in like in this particular my final band.

(13:41):
There was some bands I was in where I wasn't
the leader, And man, I gotta tell you that was nice.
That was nice to just have somebody else at the
helm that was booking the shows and doing the work
and writing the songs. I could just show up and
play whole but as the leader, it was again like
having a family, um, like having children or a spouse
or something that you feel a responsibility toward. Well, in

(14:01):
order for my band members and my crew members, anybody
who was going to be involved in the success of
that band, it was going to require full time, full energy,
full heart, full everything you have commitment in order to
get that snowball rolling, to create that momentum, to do
what needs to be done in order to be successful. Um.
And so in order to in order to be able

(14:23):
to have my band members and crew and whoever else
be able to do that, well, they have to be
able to sustain their life. They still have to eat,
you know, they still gotta eat, They still gotta pay
their bills, whatever the case is, whether we're on the
road or at home. In either case, so that was
what success meant to me. I didn't necessarily care about
being the most famous or or or or the most

(14:46):
rich or the most cool. It was enough for me
because I loved it so much. It was enough for
me to just go play in a bar or like
to play to a small audience of people as long
as they're engaged, like I just I loved it. But
the only way to maintain you know, when this gets
into what we're going to dive into down about this
curse of the high achiever, the only way to maintain

(15:08):
the ability to to get my fix. And really that's
what it was, right what I learned later, Um, what
I know now that I didn't know then. The only
way to get my fix that I was really after,
what was really driving me, was to be on stage
in front of people performing for them to be able
to get that feedback, to be able to have that experience,

(15:29):
to be able to experience that connection, that energy, the validation,
the excitement, the rush of the fun. In order for
me to be able to get what I was after,
which was connecting with the audience. Well, I have to
have a band that can join me. We need to
be on stage. If we're gonna be on stage performing
for people, well then you can't play the same city

(15:51):
every night, like you've got to go travel. So you've
got to have the be able to cover those expenses
you've got to have. You don't got to have, But
ideally there's some people in these other cities when you
show up there that actually want to listen to you, Right,
So that's why the financial piece was. So what I'm
hearing is is the financial piece was the biggest stresser.

(16:13):
And you know, I don't think that a lot of
people really understand in the music industry. This is how
like a multi platinum group like tail C back in
the day, members were filing for bankruptcy because there's a
lot of people who were getting a piece of all
that money. There's a lot of people crew members, backup dancers,

(16:33):
you know, musicians, people who are on the payroll. So
the money can go quickly, you know, particularly in the
context of a band versus a solo artist. But I'm
hearing that the stresser for you was to keep the
money rolling in. But the money wasn't the real driver
for you. It was like the vehicle to keep the
band together because what you were desperately searching for at

(16:56):
that point in your life was the connection and the
va addation from the fans and audience. Right. So my
question is where was that missing elsewhere in your life?
That being on the road playing the sold out arenas
became the outlet for you to receive it. Why was it?

(17:17):
What were there other places in your life where that
was missing that kept you on that hamster wheel? And
this so this is what I now you know, as
a hypnotherapist, a business and life coach, that this is
what I now call the curse of the high achiever.
And so the curse of the high achiever is we
we feel this drive to succeed. And it might feel

(17:40):
bad to us, or it might feel good to us,
and we might be tapped into it in a different way.
But there's this drive to to do the thing, to
get the grades, to have the best car, to get
the degree, to make the money, to have the hottest spouse,
or whatever it is, whatever the thing is for you,

(18:01):
or it might be a few things, right, but we
have this drive for it. But the question is, you know,
and this is interesting, Dan, you mentioned this before we
started rolling, uh, Like Dr Gabor Mate talks about um uh,
not why the addiction, but why the pain? So then
in my case, my belief about myself when it came
to music at that time was just that I was

(18:23):
so passionate about it. But why was I passionate about it? Why?
So what was behind that drive that drove me to
optimize for that at the expense and that's the key
that's the key factor. There is at the expense of
all the other parts of my life that over the years,

(18:44):
right because I was on that hamster will as you say,
I think of it more like chasing the dragon. Uh,
more like an addiction of uh. You know, when I'm
on stage, everything's okay. You mentioned this before we started
rolling down, about some of the big names you've worked with,
which was also of my experience, which was, if I'm
on stage, I'm okay. If I'm getting accolades after I'm

(19:05):
on stage, you know about being on stage, or about
the great song I wrote or whatever, then I'm okay.
But as soon as the lights go down, the show's over,
people go home, like that song, what does that song?
The fans get up and they get out of town. Uh. Well,
then the darkness sets in. Now I'm alone again. Now
I'm insignificant again until I can get my next hit.

(19:27):
So the other areas of my life, and I know
this sort of a roundabout way, but I'm getting your
answer your question here, which is the other areas of
my life did not provide me a big enough hit.
It wasn't a big enough high. And so at the time,
this is the story I do. I know you you're
you're really into the stories we tell ourselves, right, the

(19:48):
story that I told myself at the time, For example,
in my romantic partnerships. So most people optimize their life
to a pretty significant degree around finding a life, a
lifelong mate, a partner of some kind, and usually raising
a family or having children, and that's what they optimize for.

(20:09):
And to me, that was always of much less significance
of value or importance to me of being on stage
and being a musician. And this is the story I
told myself. This is fascinating, is when you think about
the the energy, the passion, the that just juiciness of

(20:31):
making love to your partner one you really like right
where you're doing the really good love making that that
that guy, not the bad guy. So but when you
think of that, and you think of that that depth
and that connection and that just visceral experience that comes
over you, Well, what's happening there is the experience between
you and one other person. Well, when you're on stage,

(20:51):
now you can have that same thing multiplied, the intensity
multiplied by however many people are on stage in front
of you. So if it's a hundred people, hundred times
more potent than what you can get with just one person,
thousand people, thousand times more potent. Right, this was sort
of the that was the story I told myself. But
that was how it felt to me. That truly was

(21:13):
how it felt. Um, and that's why I was like, well,
I mean, of course I I don't want to be
alone and and all that, and uh, part of the
way that this played out for me was sex addiction actually,
and so then of course, being being a rock star
guy gave me access virtually unlimited access to females, which

(21:33):
then fed into this, uh a sex sex addiction type
of behavior, which scratched the same itch. The sex addiction
scratched the same itch that being on stage did, which
was I'm seeing I'm validated, I'm worthy of your attention. Um,
you care about me. I matter, because otherwise why would

(21:54):
you be having sex with me? This was this was
the way it worked in my head. Just like if
I'm on stage age and you're you're clapping for me,
or you're you're here watching the band, or if you're
engaged at all, well then obviously I have value, and
I'm seeing and and I matter and I'm not alone.
So physical sex and being on stage for me, we're

(22:16):
kind of the same, the same type of hit. And
when you think about this in terms of addiction, and
we haven't really talked a lot about sex addiction on
this podcast, but if you think about any sort of addiction,
whether it's sex, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, it is an effort.
All addiction is an effort to self, to self soothe

(22:39):
in some way. It's trying to sue soothe some pain.
And and like I relate, like on a smaller level,
even though you know, I spent many years on the radio,
and there were times when being on the radio and
being a local celebrity in whatever city that I worked
in back in the days when radio is still mattered
by the way I know, buy and law people are

(23:00):
like radio, what's that? Like? I listened to Spotify, Pandora,
But like thousand, two thousand one, when I'm in my
early twenties, there's sort of a local celebrity factor and
there were always at appearances, there were people who were
fans of the radio station. And I know in my experience,
like there was always that desire, like you said, sort

(23:22):
of this superficial connection. If you are sharing my bed
with me, then I matter, then I have value. And
yet at the end of the day, there's no it's
all like this substitute for emotional intimacy, right, there's no
like you can have. I learned a lot like at
that period in my life, where like sex was a

(23:44):
great cure for boredom, not a great cure for loneliness, right,
great cure for boredom sex with your with a partner
in the context of a deeply emotional, emotionally connected relationship
where there's reciprocity and there's accepts and there's unconditional love.
Different experience, But we're talking about when people are using

(24:04):
it as a vehicle and men and women can both
do this. You know, I'm seen it in my practice.
I'm sure you've seen it in yours, where we use
it as a numbing tool to get away from the pain.
It does seem like what was underneath that for you is, Hey,
the physical intimacy is how I feel safe, But what
what was that desire and the lack for the emotional

(24:28):
intimacy that was missing every time you walked up stage
or every time the woman or the fan or the
groupie left the hotel and you're back to being alone.
Was that the inner pain for you when we talk
about outer success, enter pain, Yes, yes, So for me,
the outer success was rock Star Guy Um, which by

(24:52):
the way, was totally freaking awesome, you know, I mean
it was. It was. It was fun, and it was
I loved it was exciting, and so it was that
in that way, in that flashy, fun entertainment industry kind
of way. It totally I absolutely felt successful. I felt
short term it was a good short term fix. Yeah.

(25:13):
But the inner pain, it was a loneliness. It was
a fear of being left alone, a fear of of
being abandoned, to fear that anyone who ever cared about
me will eventually leave, They'll eventually leave. And I experienced
this not just in my romantic relationships, but also in
social relationships. And I remember, even as a young young kid,

(25:36):
having this notion. And as a matter of fact, one
of the very first songs that I ever wrote, I
think I was fifteen, I think it was fifteen, and
I wrote this song called Shades of Gray, and it
was kind of a slow, really pretty ballad e thing. Uh.
And I used the lyrics of the chorus of that
song as my senior quote when I graduated high school,

(25:59):
and so that course to that song was uh, nothing
ever stays the same. The heartless hands of time bring
too much change. Change. Once we always knew just what
to say. But now the black and white fades away
into shades of gray, which really meant we were connected,
we were tight, we were friends, we were whatever. But

(26:19):
now that just dissolved. It dissolved because because change, right
to me, change meant people leave me. We were friends
and now we're not friends. We were together, but now
I'm alone because you decided you like somebody else better,
or I'm not cool enough or whatever, and now I'm alone.
Deep lyrics to be writing at fifteen, like I was
just busy, like playing the clarinet and a jazz band

(26:42):
in junior high man because because they wouldn't give me
a saxophone so I could like pick up girls or anything.
They're like, Noah, you get the clar No girls were
attracted to the clarinetists back in the day. But I
said that jokingly. But there's a lot of emotional pain
and depth at a very early age that was imprinted. Yeah,

(27:03):
it was already there. You know. So if your model
of the world is that people are going to leave me,
things change, no relationships are permanent, maybe I'm not worth
staying for. What was the cost of that in your life?
I mean, was there any piece of that that might
have driven sort of the dissolution of many of these
bands that you were in. Where else was that showing up?

(27:28):
I think the only place? And this this gets back
to what we've talked about, Dan, with this curse of
the high achiever. We have not on this podcast episode,
but you and I have talked about before. The thing
with the curse of the high achiever is that it
goes undiagnosed because if you're out undiagnosed by others and
undiagnosed by yourself. Because if you're out there being successful,

(27:48):
if you're working hard, you get praise. If you're making money,
you get praise. If you're playing sold out shows, you
get praise. Nobody thinks there's a problem, right in terms
of the way the world views what matters in the
in the most um materialistic or ego driven sense, you're winning,

(28:08):
You're you're doing the right thing. In terms of that
driving force only led me to succeed as a musician,
as with my band and stuff, because uh, you know,
when it comes to musicians, like with most artists, Um,
I just I feel really fortunate in this way that
I'm kind of one of these people that has this

(28:32):
sort of fifty fifty blend of like the analytical critical
science mind and then the artsy woo woo head in
the clouds shind But most musicians are mostly just artists,
and somebody has to be there to provide direction and
provide structure and to make a plan and execute the
plan and so on and so forth. So I was
able to do that, and so it didn't cause too
many problems in terms of the those kinds of relationships. Um.

(28:55):
I was definitely kind of a h an asshole when
I was younger, just because I didn't I didn't know
a better way. But my leadership skills and my empathy
got better as I went on and I began to
take more responsibility for what was happening in the band.
I just sort of assumed this eventually, not when I
was younger, but eventually I assumed this idea of like
every single thing that happens with this band is my responsibility.

(29:17):
I take responsibility. So so the only thing I'm going
to uh you know, this gets back to uh expectations.
You know when when we set up expectations and then
we set ourselves up for fail and sadness and suffering. Right,
So I realized, Okay, the only expectations I'm gonna have
of my band members is just these things that I
absolutely cannot do without them, Like I cannot go on

(29:38):
stage and play a band song without a band, like
show up on Saturday at this time, bring your drums,
play them and and that's good enough. Right, So I
lowered all my expectations. So I actually got better at
the leadership, which was it was helpful. But that's to
say that the really the place where it caused the

(29:59):
most damaged was in my romantic relationships. And this is
why I mentioned this at the beginning because for me,
all through my life, there was this split of I'm
a fourth generation serial entrepreneur. My family has has four
generations of being entrepreneurs, being in business and being very

(30:20):
successful at it. Both of my parents, my grandparents on
both sides, my aunt's uncle, so and so forth. It's
it's not um. And then even the members of my
family that just to work normal jobs, they have like
really good jobs and there, and they're really successful at it.
So that's to say I did not have a poverty consciousness.

(30:41):
I was not raised with the poverty consciousness. So I
it's almost like you might say I knew better in
terms of I know that if I want to be
a millionaire or whatever, I can go do that. I
can do that. I have modeling for that. I know
how to do that. But because I was chasing the
dragon to get a hit, to heal this inner paine,

(31:01):
as you said, to soothe this inner paine. This and
what I say is it was I had a god
sized hole inside of me that I was trying to
fill with sex, drugs and rock and roll. And it
was this whole into me. It felt black and alone
and eternal and like like the walls were closing enemy

(31:23):
like I was in this black box where time had
stopped and I was alone and isolated. That's how it filmed.
So that's what I was. That was the pain that
I was running away from. That's what I was trying
to soothe. And as the case with many high achievers,
that pain wasn't necessarily the results of the music industry

(31:44):
or anything that happened later in life that dissolutes, you know,
some bands dissolving, you know, some short term love affairs
with a groupie on the road that didn't work out.
That model of the world is created really early in life.
I think that's to take away for everybody here. Whatever
you sort of believe the world is insert, corporate America

(32:06):
is blank. Men are blank, women are blank, money is blank.
Whatever you're filling in a lot of times those things
were created at a really early age and then continue
to drive the bus and just remanifest and happen over
and over where we create the same life results. What

(32:27):
for you was the moment, how did you learn? How
did you heal what you said was the God sized hole?
And what did you learn about yourself? And where all
that was imprinted in the first place. Yeah, and I
really appreciate what you said about how far it goes back,
because for me, I can remember as early as seven
years old in second grade, feeling very concerned about what

(32:50):
my classmates and other people thought of me and whether
they would like me or not, or be around or
not in this being becoming a sort of like an
obsession at a very young age, even even by the
time I was like in ten years old, like in
fourth grade, that was my primary concern. Where my classmates
at least you know back then that the world's a
little different now, but back then, right, we didn't have

(33:12):
Instagram influencers, So it was the kids were just thinking
about what they're going to play on the playground and right,
and their back to school and stuff. Right, But I
was I was in this How popular am I? And
in this thing? So yes, it started way back. And
then just as you said, I was writing lyrics like
those lyrics by the time I was fifteen. So yes,
it was always there, right, so always as long as
I could remember. So then what was the moment you

(33:34):
know that I was able to do something about it? Interestingly,
so in a super fast snippet, um to bridge the
gap from ending my music career to solving my problem
as my my final band was was dissolving. I didn't
know how to solve the problem. I didn't know that
I had the gumption to to do it again. Uh
So I I hit bottom. I I hit total bottom

(33:56):
for me, I lost my sense of identity. If I
wasn't Casey the rock start getting up to be a
rock star and entertain people. Then who was I? Why
was I even here? You know? So I lost my
sense of identity, I lost my sense of purpose. And
because again, like I said, remember I was honest, straight
line from at least fourteen years old, like this is
who I am, this is what I do, this is
what I want. Anything else is there was never a

(34:18):
question about it. So when that just vanished, then yeah,
I I crumbled. So I began drinking too much, eating
too much, and I gained a lot of weight. I
became very physically unhealthy. I was very mentally unhealthy. And
what I did at that time, I said, okay, well
I I switched dan all the way to the other lane.
So I had been like music, music, music, music, music, music,

(34:40):
get my fix, Get my fix, get my fix. And
then once I came to the conclusion that that wasn't
gonna work anymore and it was just time to do
something else, then I just said, Okay, well screw it.
Then I'm gonna go full on entrepreneur and I'm gonna
go full on make money. Whatever I have to do
to make money, I'm just gonna make money. So I
my my focal point, switched gears to optimize for as
much money as possible, as soon possible, as fast as possible,

(35:01):
and I just started working myself into the ground again
curse the high achiever. So that same type of insatiable drive,
but now in the career sense, right, because if I
have money and I'm making a lot, and I'm a
successful entrepreneur, I get what according to the pattern for you,
like if if being successful as a rock star, I

(35:22):
mean I got love and connection. The chase for more
money was a search for what. Well, this does go
down a little bit of a side a side tangent,
but we'll just go there really quick. Because the process
of me truly fully letting go of being Casey the
rock star, fully letting go of that identity, it was

(35:42):
ripping off the band aid slow, but just making that
first initial sort of decision of I don't know what
to do to fix this. It was sort of like
I have to let it go because I don't know
how to make it work. It's not because I really
want to, I just don't know what else to do.
So that was the initial part, and then over the
course of the next you years, it was just letting
go of that identity and that idea and that desire

(36:04):
more and more and more and more and more, um
and so so at that specific time, more money. What
it was gonna get me was well, just I know
how to make money, and it would be nice to
have money, so I might as well just do that
if I'm not going to be spending my time at
band rehearsal and on the road all the time and
all that. But the other thing was the solution, and this,
you know what, this goes back to again, the curse

(36:25):
of the high achiever, where on the outside it would
just look like uh, it would look like stick tuitiveness,
it would look like never give up. It would look
like commitment, and it was commitment, but it was still
driven from that sick, desperate place, which was this. When
my band was dissolving, I said to myself, Okay, I
already mentioned this in the interview. I said, Okay, what

(36:46):
are the only things that I absolutely cannot do without
my band, without my band members, without those humans to
help me. Well, I'm a multi instrumentalist. I'm the one
that writes the songs. For the most part, I whatever
or they play on stage, I could play on stage
or well enough, So the only thing that I can't
do without them is to be on stage playing all

(37:09):
of the instruments at the same time. How can I
be the one on stage playing all of the instruments
at the same time. Then I don't have to pay
for a band or or you know, I don't have
to do what would need to be done to UM
to financially support these people, because it would just be me.
And so what I actually began doing was I went
into beta development of the world's first and only one

(37:31):
man holographic live band. And so if you recall that
that Tupac hologram that was really famous, I think it
was a Coachella or something. I went to research with
those people. I got on the phone with those people.
I started talking to the smartest people I knew, and
I said, how can I build this? I want to
build a virtual show where me in the flesh can

(37:51):
be the front man, singing, playing guitar, doing whatever the
frontman would do. But I want a holographic version of
me playing the drums, playing the he's playing the bass,
playing the other guitar, where it's a full band of
clones basically, so that I can still go play, and
how can we make this experience be so incredible that
if you're actually in the audience in real life in

(38:12):
the flesh, you're standing in front of me, and I'm
here in the flesh in front of you, but there's
a hologram next to me, but it looks the same
and you, you, and the audience can't tell the difference,
even though you would know it was a hologram, right,
But that's what would be makeing awesome. That was this
like that was my last my hail Mary Ditch effort
UM and I did. I did, in fact build that.
I built a beta version of that UM. But really

(38:34):
even even the technology that they used for the twopoc
hologram and and that company, I wanted to do a
lot of other similar things. That's just the one they're
most well known for. They did Michael Jackson stuff as well,
but um, even those guys, I was like, this is
what I want to do, and they said, listen, man,
the way we make this technology work is, uh, you

(38:55):
have to have this film the screen in front of
the audience at a forty five degree goal that covers
the whole uh sort of footprint of however big the
stage is, and you can only use it once because
it stretches out like a drumhead, or like a trampoline
or like a balloon. And then once you put it there,
if you take it off, it's ruined. And those are
ten thousand dollars apiece. So if you Casey, like, if

(39:17):
you want to set up this show, I mean, it's
it's all good, Like you can do all of it.
We can do all of it. But if you're going
to go on tour, every single show is going to
cost you ten grand to replace the screen. Replace the screen,
replace the screen. You know at the time, that's uh
in this thousands, like fifteen, that's how that went. So money.
If I could succeed at business, I'm like, all right,
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna let's try the money route.

(39:39):
And if I get enough money that I can fund
the production of of this because it was gonna take
a lot of gear, a lot of equipment, a lot
of fancy stuff. What I'm hearing underneath even all that,
and I'm wondering because you said the biggest pain in
your life was in relationships and romantic relationships. So if
Casey can work really hard and make all the money

(40:01):
so you can make the rockstar technology right there was
was there a piece if you look back on it now,
that's like, then I can do it all myself and
I don't have to depend or rely on anyone else,
which is the emotional intimacy piece, that god sized hole
that you've been talking about the whole time. So it's

(40:23):
almost like the money can further fuel the avoidance or
the isolation of never having to lean on anybody else,
because then I can be safe if it's just me exactly.
We haven't brought this up in this conversation yet, but
you know, much later in the story of I learned
about attachment theory, and instantly right it was like, oh yeah,

(40:45):
I've got I've got a disorganized attachment style where I'm
swingingdoors from majorly avoid avoidance to majorly anxious and so.
And I recognized it right away when I learned and said,
oh yeah, because you know, one of the hallmarks of
avoidant attachment style behavior is I can do it myself.
I was totally that guy obviously, right, I'm trying to

(41:07):
make an entire band out of myself so I don't
have to count on anybody else, because they're gonna leave
me anyway. Dan, They're gonna leave me anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
And that's the anxious, right, So I'm so certain. And
when we talk about disorganized attachment on this podcast, it's
the combination of anxious and avoidance. So it's like, I'm
so anxious that people are going to leave me, and
I'm so certain that that will be the outcome, then effort,

(41:30):
I'll leave them first, and now I can just lean
on me and kind of about this whole thing to myself. Yeah,
it's great logic, great short term logic. Again, good way
to meet a need, but obviously something that was hurting
you in terms of working into the ground because it
led to this workaholic need is an entrepreneur to make

(41:52):
it work, and I'm sure also created you know, that
lack of emotional vulnerability, or that lack of being able
to try would absolutely wreck one's romantic relationships now that
they're no longer on the road or touring as a
rock star. So my question is, how the hell did
you did you figure all that out? So I hit

(42:14):
bottom with the music thing and I switched to just
working really hard. I got overweight, unhealthy, drinking too much,
all of that. And there was a particular point where
I will bother with the story, but there was a
particular turning point where I realized, Um, the way that
I am behaving is not okay, Like I need to

(42:35):
make changes, Like this is not healthy. I'm off the rails.
I've gotta I gotta get the ship turned around. And
and so I did that. So I I that began
my health journey physical health, and I lost forty five pounds.
I got down to eight percent body fat um at
forty years old. My doctor was telling me I had
numbers that people my age would kill for. So not

(42:57):
not just you know, external fitness, but internal it as well. Um.
And so this was like a four year transformation. It
wasn't like this overnight boot camp thing, like I really learned, right.
So one of the things I came away from that
experience is is being a nutrition expert and learning about
healing and all this other stuff. So over that four
year health transformation journey, by the end of that people

(43:20):
saw the difference in me and they started asking me
for help coaching them with weight loss and fitness. People
started asking me, and I was like, yeah, I am
absolutely qualified to help you like I I've been. So
I started coaching people with with weight loss, and in
a very short amount of time, as basically any leader

(43:40):
or coach of any kind camp comes across, or doctor
or therapist, I came across really fast that what people
really needed was whatever the internal shift was going to
be for them that was going to allow them to
actually do what they already knew that they should do
without having to have an accountability coach. There's plenty of
weight loss strategies. If if the strategy she was enough,

(44:01):
everybody would be at their ideal weight. It's usually the
underlying causes that would drive one to over eat or
you know, to to get into the unhealthy behaviors, drink
too much, et cetera in the first place. Right, That's
what put me on the on the on the hunt
for how can I help people make the mental shifts?

(44:23):
Because I recognized I had made the mental shifts, but
I didn't actually know how I had done that. I
was unconsciously competent. I'm like, wait a minute. I went
from a guy who would get Starbucks Frappuccinos drive through
every morning for breakfast and then jack in a box
double cheeseburger and Oreo shake and curly fries for lunch,
and then every night I'm going to apple Bee's to
drink as many happy hour marcaritas and nachos as I can. Uh.

(44:44):
I went for me that guy to being health, health
nut guy, exercise every day guy. But I didn't know how.
I was like, how wait, how how did I get here?
There was an inter shift, but I don't know what
it was so to be able to so that I
could share that with other people help them with that part.
So I started researching, and that's what Ultimately There's actually
a few things that happened at that point. Uh. One

(45:07):
is that I experienced my spiritual awakening. Two is that
I tapped into my intuitive gifts. Three I landed on
and became a certified clinical hypnotherapist. So this is where
we get to. What you're saying is like, Okay, well
how did you resolve all this? Because all the way
up to that point, even after UH letting go, letting

(45:28):
go of the music thing and coming to peace with
that and and doing a lot of um physical healing
as well as a really good deal of of of
mental health healing, and I and I experienced this, the
spiritual awakening. I completely changed as a person from the
inside out. I was a completely different person. Well, the
the girl that I was dating at the time, and

(45:48):
I say dating, I mean it was that we were
together for about five years. She had fallen in love
with a rock star, hadn't she That's what she wanted
and that's what she was attracted to. And I wasn't
that anymore. The thing that had made our relationship really
makes sense was now absent. Now I had become coach
Casey the therapist, and that is day and night different

(46:09):
therapist from rock star. So for somebody who who wants
that excitement in their life and everything like I always was,
like I had always been before, Um, it wasn't a
good fit for us anymore. So what happened is we
broke up totally going back to the core thing. And
while we broke up, and here I am and now
I'm alone again? Right? Was was there like that activation

(46:32):
again for you in that moment? That's exactly what happened, Dan,
And and and because I had come so far right
and and this this gets back to that whole thing
that we talked about, Dan, where even coaches need coaches.
We all have blind spots. The stuff that really is
at the root of most of our problems is so
far buried below our awareness that until we get in

(46:52):
and deal with it at this very very deep, subconscious level,
we're still gonna have the problem. So that was my case.
So we broke up, and much to my surprise, I
remember I was saying I would I would switch, I
would swing the pendulum from avoidant, which was my main
that was my daily modus operandi in my relationships with
my significant others, was like, the least amount of effort

(47:13):
I need to put in, This is not the most
important thing to me. If you leave tomorrow, well then
you leave tomorrow because my focus is music anyway, So
it's fine, like, you don't if you don't want to
stay with me, then then they don't. Don't. I don't
want to have to change to accommodate You're you so right,
this avoidant thing. But then once they actually would leave me, boom,

(47:35):
I'm like, I'm like a Carrie Underwood song that I'm
like crazy after that, so the same thing happened in
this instance, and I thought, you've got to be kidding me,
like that, the whole. I described that feeling of just
like death inside of just this sheer, utter, eternal, endless, black,
empty aloneness was just all of me, and I couldn't escape.

(47:59):
It vented the physical health. You've done this spiritual work,
You've had an awakening, and yet here you are, everywhere,
everywhere you are, there, everywhere you go, there you are
exactly and and by this point I was already a
hypnotherapist as well. As you said, it got activated. You know,
I'm thinking to myself, like on all logical levels, it

(48:20):
was like yeah, like yeah, we should break up. That
would be good. Like she's not a good fit for
me anymore. I'm not a good fit for her anymore.
Like there's no ill will or whatever. It's just okay
the whole. You know, people come into your life for
a reason, the season or a lifetime. Okay, our chapter
is ended. It's all good. You know. This was her
lens on it, this was my lens on it. Yes
it was painful, Yes there was you know, there was

(48:42):
the grieving, but logically we were on board with this,
you know. And yet that this death deathly feeling inside
of me was still just at level ten and a
half and so I threw. I threw everything I had
at it in terms of all these skills that I
had collected for myself uh over the years of doing
my own healing and doing regular talk therapy, UH, doing

(49:04):
seminars self improvement seminars UH, and as much as I
could about what I had learned as a as a hypnotherapist,
trying to help myself with everything I'd learned. I threw
everything I had at it. No, it was overtaking me, right,
I'm I. I was sitting in the in the the
the floor of the bathtub, like with the shower on,

(49:26):
just rocking back and forth, like sobbing uncontrollably, just you know,
feeling like I was gonna die. You know, the way
that the exact way that people describe addiction withdrawals right
when when we let go of addiction, So I knew.
I was like, Okay, I've done all I can do
on the surface level, on the analytical level, and it's
not working. I need help. I need help from somebody

(49:47):
who knows how to get to the bottom of this.
And I know, because I'm a hypotherapist, that the bottom
is somewhere down in the subconscious somebody that knows how
to do that to help me. So what I did was, uh,
I called up one of my colleagues who had actually
we gone through the same training together and graduated together.
And so I called her up and I said, hey, look,
this is what I'm going through, this is what's happening

(50:07):
with me. I need your help. And I even I
even did you know how it is with coaches do
the self coaching thing. I'm like, look, I need this modality,
I need this way. This is the problem, right, Like,
can you just come do it for me? Because that's
also the avoidance, right like, well, I've already got this
diagnosed on my own. I don't need to be vulnerable
with you. You just do the modality and I'll be fine. Yeah.

(50:30):
So she was so gracious. Um Kim is her name,
and she was so beautiful and so gracious, and she
had happened to live near me, so so she came
to my rescue. And it really was like that. It
really I was in so much pain and which I
had experienced so many times before. And as you and
I talked about down a lot, I recognized, right the
same feeling that I'm having now at whatever I was

(50:50):
forty years old or whatever, like, this is the exact
same feeling I had when I got my heartbroken when
I was twelve. It's the same thing. Why is this
still here? So anyway, we did one hypnotherapy session. As
a result of that one hypnotherapy session, my my my
pain and my suffering and my torment inside that that
god sized black hole, it was diminished immediately. And when

(51:12):
I immediately, I say sessions, like a couple of hours
by on my worst day after that was just gone
of that feeling just neutralized. And if I was having
a like a kind of a decent day, it was
more like, and I'd never experienced that feeling in my
life of calm, of centered nous, of of what I

(51:33):
usually just call inner peace, and that whole not being there,
and what in the part that was there was manageable,
It was okay. It was like it's okay, and I
was back online. I was gonna say, like, you know, great,
it sounds magical hypnotherapy, but there is a deeper work,
and once you have it, somebody guide you to that

(51:54):
subconscious part of you. What did you uncover and what
because all this work at the end of the day,
A phrase I hate. And I used to like literally
roll my eyes when people would talk about this, but
it drives everything. It's that inner child that needs to
be healed right. Even harder for men. You know, I

(52:14):
can say this, you know, as two men here, because
we're really not in tune emotionally, you know, we're masculine.
Energy is more analytical. Anyway, what did you uncover at
the emotional level? You hit the nail on the head there, Dan,
because you know, this is the thing. If I could
just teach the world or share with the world just
a few things. Number one, Virtually any problem that we

(52:35):
have is rooted in something that is happening in our subconscious.
And why that's important is because by definition, if it's
in our subconscious, that means we are not aware of
it is below our awareness, but it exists. It's there.
That's the first thing. The second thing is that the
things that caused the problems uh in our subconscious are

(52:57):
things that happened to us that are considered traumatic. And
the way I like to describe that is life events
that were painful or frightening. Things that have happened in
our life that we're painful or frightening because when we
put the label of trauma on it, then we have
the tendency to assume like, O, well, I don't have

(53:19):
any trauma, right if we if we weren't outwardly legitimately
abused as a child, or or or in an abusive
marriage or something, then our thought is, oh, well, that's
not we disqualified. Well, that's not me, I don't have trauma.
Not Yeah, people automatically disassociate from the conversation, right, And
so the reason that's not true is because what trauma
is is a painful or frightening life event that was

(53:44):
more than you could deal with at the time. So listen,
if you're three years old and you fall down and
you skim your knee and you bleed for the first time,
it's painful and it's frightening, and that's trauma. And our
subconscious remembers every single thing that's ever happened in our life,
every sight, every smell, every every number. Everything it's in there.
But it's blow our awareness. So the roots of our problems,

(54:06):
nine times out of ten, it's going to be blow
our awareness. And we all have trauma because everyone has
had a painful or frightening life experience at least one
time in their life, even if it seemed benign, right,
a little kid fallen down the sidewalk, skin in their knee,
It's it's benign to the adult logical mind, but to
the three year old that's never seen blood, And especially
if mommy's not there, if I'm outside on the sidewalk

(54:27):
and mommy's in the kitchen and I'm alone, and I
don't know what to do. And then the third thing
is that the best way I have found, the only
way we can do something about these problems, if it's
in the subconscious, and we all have it, no matter
how awesome our life was or how smart we are,
especially if we're really smart, the only way we can
do something about what's in the subconscious is to get
into the subconscious. So we can't talk our way through it,

(54:50):
we can't read a book about it. We have to
get into the subconscious. And here's the types of stuff
that we find when we do that, which is what
occurred so in my story, in this particular their case, right,
And this is what I do with my clients, and Dan,
you do with your clients, uh all the time, so
we you know you and I see this constantly like
every single time we work with somebody, it's the same
kind of thing. It's interesting case and I take clients

(55:12):
will we take people through this together all the time
on clubhouse. I'm not a hypnotherapist. I use a different modality,
but we all get to the same place at the
end of the day. It's always weeding out this subconscious
But yours is interesting in terms of what happened and
this whole belief that hey, I'm alone and I can't
count on people. What did you uncover that really drove

(55:34):
the bus for you for forty years of your life?
It totally did. And so for me this this was
my particular case. So and I wanna just reiterate a
little bit. What was it that I was experiencing as
the forty year old man. I don't remember exactly old,
it was roughly um as the forty year old man.
What was I experiencing when my me and my girlfriend

(55:55):
broke up and I'm forty, okay, it was a feeling.
This was the feeling black, dark, alone and like I
like I might die, Like I might die. So that's important.
And why was that? It was because my my female
significant other, you know, with withdrew her love for me
or whatever, right which separate, disconnected, separated in some way,

(56:17):
all right, So those that's important to know. So then
with my colleague when she took me into the session,
we uncovered a few things. But the number one thing
that we uncovered that was that was at the root
of all of this was a particular evening when I
was about four years old. I was terrified of the
Boogeyman at my house. I always had this feeling like

(56:41):
somebody was watching me. Like, so I'd lay in bed
like little kids do, lay in bed with the covers
over me, and like I'd have to go to the
bathroom so bad, but I didn't want to get out
of bed because if I got out of bed, it
might get me right, I'd be really hot or really cold,
and I'm just like, I can't move, i gotta keep
my eyes covered. So this was my every single night
experience in this particular house when I was this age.

(57:01):
And so this was something that our Our house really
was creepy. Our house was creepy, and everybody in my
family knew it was creepy, and we would joke about it.
And so my sister and I have one sister that's
two years older than me. Uh, just the two of us,
and then my two parents and my sister and I
have always been really close and this was sort of
shared knowledge in the family and between my sister and I,

(57:22):
of of of how scary and creepy the house wasn't
all this. So one night it was just it was
just more than I could handle. And I got up
the courage. I got up the bravery to get out
of my bed in the dark, right, get out of
my bed and go down the hall to my sister's
room and go in my sister's room. And I asked
her if I could sleep in her room with her,
like little kids do usually with their parents. Right, but

(57:44):
I don't even know why. I don't even know why
I chose my sister instead of my parents, but whatever,
So UM like, can I sleep in here with you?
Because I'm afraid? And she rejected me. She rejected me,
so she said, no, go sleep in her own room.
I don't want you in my bed. You kick me
or whatever she had some She's like, no, you annoy me,
go away, And what my four year old mind decided

(58:07):
about that? My four year old mind and I lost
touch with this. I wasn't aware of this at the time,
and I didn't carry this knowing with me all through
my life. I had to go in and do the
hypnotherapy session, to go do age regression, to re experience
it with it, vivified with while all the neurons firing,
bringing that back to real life, to increase my awareness
about it and bring my my adult knowledge to that situation,

(58:31):
to become aware that, oh, at four years old. What
I took away from that was anybody who loves me
will eventually leave me. They can't be trusted to stay
with me, especially the person that's supposed to love me
the most. And that's how I felt, like my it's
my you're my sister is almost like a betrayal, if
you will. It was just so shocked, like what what

(58:53):
do you mean? You know, like if like if if
in your adult world you come home and you find
your spouse in bed with somebody else and you're just blindsided.
I was blindsided as a four year old that my
sister was like what do you mean you like, you know,
it's scary, like like you're my big sister, You're supposed
to protect me, You're supposed to love me, like like,
how how could you? Why would you? And and so
it was just jarring. And so what I decided about

(59:15):
that as a four year old was, Uh, anybody who
loves me will eventually leave me, especially if they're really
really this person that's really supposed to love me and
really supposed to care about me. They won't. It'll run out, eventually,
they'll go, They'll they'll abandon me. Uh. Number two. Uh,
what I learned about that was was that specifically, when

(59:35):
it comes to my my peer level female counterpart, right,
so not like my mother or teacher or whatever, but
when it comes to my the woman in my life
that's my my buddy, my partner, like you like in
a romantic relationship, that person, that person definitely is at
the high highest risk of of abandoning and leaving and

(59:58):
won't stick around. And so this through my whole life.
It was the most intense with my romantic partners, but
it bled out into all my relationships, all social connections
of any kind. So even with other dudes, my guy
friends in high school, I always had this feeling like
I want to be cool, I don't I don't want
to about me that I might annoy people who I

(01:00:19):
am isn't enough, and they'll push me away exactly. And
so here's here's the really fascinating part. This was the
magical part that I didn't even know that, I didn't
even know. I had no awareness of this, and it
was just it was so intuitive of of of of
my colleague Kim, who was walking me through this. She
said to me when I was in the session, right,
and I'm age regressed to my four year old mind.

(01:00:41):
So when we're in hypnosis, it's like being in a dream.
It's like it's real. It's not real, but it feels real.
Our inner world becomes more real to us than our
outer world, right, like when we have a dream. So
I'm regressed to my four year old self. I'm speaking
as my four year old self. And she asks me
about being in the in the bed they're and afraid

(01:01:02):
of of the Boogeyman. She said, well, you know, why
are you afraid? Like what might happen? And I said,
I don't know. I might die. I might die. I
don't know what's going to happen because I don't know
what the boogey Man does, but I might die. What
was the feeling when my girlfriend and I broke up.
When I'm forty years old, I might die, Like I'm
going to die, I might die. And you know, to

(01:01:24):
give a little added perspective for somebody who's listening today,
because I'm sure you run into people like who aren't
deep into their self awareness path. There there's always like
and I was probably this way at one point. Yeah,
but come on, you can't live in the past. I
mean that you know that should happen when you were
four years old. How are you going to let it

(01:01:44):
run your life? And to give just a thirty thousand
foot up perspective, what people need to understand is the
prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain that literally does
all the rational thinking and all analytical thinking that your
makeing that value judgment from about will come on, this
guy is four years old, Like what or whatever is

(01:02:07):
going on there? That doesn't even fully that doesn't even
start to come online until about eleven or twelve years old,
and it's not fully formed until the age of twenty four.
So literally all that messaging that you had, all those
beliefs that start to form and the stories at age four,

(01:02:28):
you're just literally making neural connections because the part of
your brain, that higher level thinking is not online yet,
So that early childhood experience a lot of times informs
your model of reality, and we just rewired that and
fire it off so many times that we don't even
know it's not real. Yeah, well, is that a fair

(01:02:49):
way to explain it? It is. I'll add one more
on this, Tanna, because I can't remember if you and
I have actually talked about this or not. But so
in terms of you're talking about like physical neurons, brain,
physical brain development type of thing, right, so even on
the which still it's on the biological side. But here's
the other thing that people don't know when we are okay,
let me back up one step. So getting into a

(01:03:12):
state of transfer hypnosis is biologically, Um, it's not it's
not fancy, it's not woo, it's not crazy, it's not whatever,
which doctor any of that. Biologically, it's a slowing down
of the brain wave patterns the exact same way it
is every single night when we lay down to go
to sleep. So we go from high functioning, full alertness,
thinking about what we're gonna do tomorrow and whatever, and

(01:03:34):
then however long it takes us to fall asleep, what
we're doing is we're we're descending through the states of
hypnosis until we get too complete unconsciousness. Uh. And so
just to be clear, when we actually do hypnotherapy work
or hypnosis work, we're not unconscious because you know that
we can't respond, we're not aware of what's going on.
But we get right to the brink, right to the brink.

(01:03:56):
So there's there's are four primary brain wave patterns. Beta
is when we're really high functioning, we're doing math problems
or whatever. Alpha is a little more relaxed. Theta is
like a dream state. Delta is like the deepest, deepest
brain wave patterns, uh, like when we're sleeping. So so
then when we are born as an infant out of
the womb, our brain, not only as you said, is

(01:04:17):
the prefrontal cortex not online and not developed. Not only that,
we are primarily functioning in the delta brainwave patterns. So
the literal physical functioning of the brain wave patterns is
at this deep delta level. And then a couple of
years later we start operating more in theta. A couple
years later, now we're up to Alpha. A couple of
years later, as you said, around the age of twelve

(01:04:39):
is when we finally develop what in the hypnotherapy world
is known as the critical factor, and the critical factor
is our ability to reject information as not true because
it doesn't match with our existing programming. And the way
that we can really easily observe this in ourselves, in
our culture, our society, anybody. Is our perception about Santa Claus.

(01:05:03):
And how does this evolve as we go from you know,
we're we're you know. For two, we can't even grasp
the concept of Santa. I don't even know what that is.
And then Santa becomes real, Right, Santa's real, and I'm
making him a Christmas list, and then and I'm good
or I'm bad if he gets me toys or not.
Then we start to as our brain wave patterns start
to come online more. Then it's a little more like

(01:05:26):
we start to question slightly questioned, like, wait a minute,
how does he get around the whole world in that
amount of time? And then eventually we hit the age
of critical factor and we decided to reject information that
is not true. But we do not have that ability
when we are born on through and so it's a
it's a gradual um changing of the way, our brain

(01:05:47):
wave patterns are functioning through those first uh three, seven,
twelve years, And so that's another reason why the things
that happen at that age are so fundamental and why
the only way to access them is to get back
into those brain weave patterns, because those were the brain
weave patterns that we were in when the painful or
frightening experience occurred. So, after you've done this ceiling and

(01:06:10):
you've gone back and you've been able to address four
year old Casey who was literally afraid he might die
because of the boogeyman, what's been on the back end
of you after doing that work? Like, what have been
the results? How is your life fundamentally changed? Your relationships
fundamentally changed as a result. What's the difference what's the

(01:06:31):
biggest difference between Coach Casey post doing this work, this
hypnotherapy work, versus the guy that was sitting in the
shower catatonic thinking he might die. The biggest difference, I mean,
you know, I want to say, the biggest thing, Dan
is of course, that the pain is gone. The pain
is gone, that's the biggest thing. The anxiety is gone,

(01:06:53):
the fear is gone, the concern about whether I'm going
to be accepted or not, or abandoned or not, is gone.
It's it's just it's gone. The pain is gone, and
in its place, the fear of the anxiety is gone,
and in its place is calmness and safety and peace.

(01:07:16):
It's just it's peace. So and and people, uh, you know,
people who know me from before, their their first question
is still like, well, I mean, are you still doing music?
I mean you can still do it like part time
or whatever, like like, how could you not do music? Casey,
Like that's just wrong. The thing that drove me to
that was the pain. The pain is gone. Therefore, the

(01:07:37):
desire to put in all that time in blood and
sweat and tears and energy and effort to go beyond stage,
to go get the accolades, to go get attention from girls,
all that stuff, the motivation is gone because it was
a sick, desperate motivation. Sure, I mean I do love music,
all right, right, I mean there was good stuff with it,
but the real driver was the pain. And the pain
is gone. So that's the biggest thing, really is that

(01:07:59):
you a piece. And then the way that that has
translated into my my actual relationships is another piece in
my journey that came with this was the knowledge of
of attachment theory. So then now from a from a
from a more analytical viewpoint, I am able to observe

(01:08:21):
the way that I show up in my relationships. Ah,
and just note take notice, am I showing up the
way a securely attached person would do? And if not
then so as as you talk about Dan having the
disconfirming experience. So at the end of the day, are
if we have behaviors that are problematic, we still need
to change those behaviors. But the behaviors are our secondary

(01:08:45):
or a result of the feelings inside. Usually we do
what we feel or we take a behavior based on
how we feel. So the sick feelings aren't there anymore
for me. But I still consciously observe my actual behaviors
and and try to check myself and just make sure
am I am I being that securely attached guy? You know?
Am I doing what a securely attached person would do?

(01:09:06):
Because I don't need to to not do that. I
don't need to be avoidant, I don't need to be cleaning,
I don't need to be worried. Um. Mostly for me
in my actual relationships, like on on a on a
day to day level. Before in my romantic relationships, it
was mostly avoidant behavior. So then the way I show
up now is and this is a this is a
definition that I've heard. I don't know if you've heard

(01:09:27):
this or what. You might have a different thought on this,
but um, what I heard as a definition of of
what secure attachment looks like is you are comfortable relying
on other people for things and you are also comfortable
being relied on both ways. So for me, my old
pattern was I don't want any responsibility to anything at

(01:09:50):
all that might prevent me from being able to do
what I want to do in music. So that was
my avoidant behavior, like arms length for everything that was
that I didn't think was in me didn't ly beneficial
to music and my music career. So so now the
part for me is uh is allowing other people to
rely on me, uh and and really leveling up in that.

(01:10:12):
So in my relationship that I have now, um, for example,
uh so I get up every morning and I make
her her lunch too. She has a day job, right,
I'm an entrepreneurial I'm at home like you were working virtually. Um,
so she's got a day job where she has to
go to the office. So she gets so I get
up before her and I make her lunch, and I

(01:10:33):
make her a salad and um, you know, make sure
she's got healthy food and all this kind of stuff
because that's something I know about. It's something she's working on,
and make sure she's all set up for success. And
I help her take care of her dogs. I don't
have dogs, but she has two dogs, so I helped
take care of them so that they're okay. And and
these types of things were on her second birthday of
her and I being together now coming up here in

(01:10:55):
a minute. And so for her birthday, we did a
big trip. I planned a big trip to uh She'd
never been to California. She wanted to go to California.
So it was about a week. We went all through California.
We went to Vegas, I took her everywhere I went,
and met my parents who live in Utah now and
so this year we're taking trip back to Chicago. So
I love this, Dan. I I feel the same way
you feel about it, which is apparently you know half

(01:11:17):
the population is are securely attached. I don't know where
all these securely attached people are apparently it's like looking
for bigfoot. Yeah, so to uh to uh to a
securely attached you know, person who has healthy relationship patterns, Well,
those are just normal. Those are just the things you do, right.
But for someone who came from that wounded place that
I started from, it's uh, it's new for me. I

(01:11:39):
can't do yeah for the wounded person, Yeah, particularly an avoidant,
it's like, how do I show up for you? And
like you want to rely on me? And how do
I do that without losing myself? Therefore, that's just easier
to do the bare minimum and kind of push away
and live here. So a beautiful story man, just an

(01:12:00):
an incredible lifetime of experiences and so many, so much
wisdom and so many truth bombs today. Appreciate your time, Casey.
Where can people find you on on on the interwebs?
All of my socials and my website is coach Casey

(01:12:20):
now uh and Casey is c A. S. E. Y.
So any of the socials you can find me or
coach Casey now dot com. And and you know the
thing that I'm really wanting to let people know about
right now down is actually a new Facebook group that
I started specifically for Next Level Conscious Entrepreneurs, which is

(01:12:40):
a community where where heart centered, purpose driven, mission focused
entrepreneurs who truly have this desire to help people as
you and I talk about right, um, a lot of
healers and stuff where they're really good at the healing,
they're really good at the helping struggle a little bit
on the business side. So in this group is where
we merge UH, spirituality, service, business entrepreneurship. So it's Next

(01:13:06):
Level Conscious Entrepreneurs, the brand new group on Facebook and
UH and also a club of the same name on
Clubhouse for those people that are on Clubhouse where I'm
about to latch regular regular rooms, regular shows on these
conscious entrepreneur type topics on Clubhouse. Awesome, my man, Well, hey,
I appreciate your time. This was such a great conversation,

(01:13:27):
and UH looking forward to keep in track of of
all the big things that you have coming up in
the future. Beautiful man, I love it. Great questions, Dan,
great interview. Thank you. So what was your biggest takeaway
in that interview? I love how Casey vulnerably shared that
so many of the goals he was chasing in the
music industry was really just an effort to self southe

(01:13:50):
that abandonment and that wounded inner child that felt alone.
And I also thought there was so much value in
the fact that Casey, even though he was a heal
or himself and working as a hypnotherapist, still could not
identify the real blind spot that was keeping him repeating
those addictive patterns in relationships. You know, and where in

(01:14:12):
your life have you been trying to coach yourself or
thinking that you could get through it on your own,
and yet you just keep getting the same life results.
Where in your life can you allow for some outside support, somebody,
a mentor a coach of therapist, somebody who can see
the things that are hidden to you, Because after all,

(01:14:34):
there are purposes to our blind spots that we have.
They protect us from emotional vulnerability. If you want to
find out more about what Coach Casey does, you can
find him on the web coach Casey now dot com.
And if you'd love to work with me, there's ways
to do that as well. We're getting ready to kick
off an epic group coaching program that is going to

(01:14:56):
give you the community, the ongoing mentorship, and the support
to break through your hidden blocks and reach your goals
faster uh. You can reach out to me on the
website for more info about that. Find me at Creative
Soul Coaching dot net. If you love the podcast. Screenshot
this uploaded to Instagram. Tag Casey at coach case Now

(01:15:19):
you can tag me at c SC Dan Mason. In
the meantime, turn down the volume on your negativity, turn
up the volume on your purpose so you can live
life amplified. Up onto you next week.