December 7, 2021 • 60 mins
This week, Dan is giving you a sneak peek into his brand new course, Move From Your Purpose! Take a listen to module #1 and get ready to shift your way into an amazing 2022!
Sign Up for the Move From Your Purpose course now!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What is an amplified life. It's having amplified relationships with
people who support and encourage you to be your best.
It's having amplified energy to conquer the challenges of the day.
And it's having an amplified career, one that's meaningful to you,
the world, and your bank accounts. I'm Dan Mason, life
(00:21):
reinvention coach, helping you discover your calling and create an
amplified life on your terms. This is the Life Amplified.
Podcast one is coming to a close, and how do
you feel about your progress this year? Were you taking grounded,
meaningful action towards meaningful pursuits that light you up, make
(00:45):
you feel alive, and represent your best contribution to the world,
Or was another year of the pandemic, another year of
just getting by, stick in your head in the sand,
delaying on your goals and thinking there was going to
be a magic date in the future when somehow all
of this is going to be easier. Maybe you're like
I was before my Amplified Life journey back in you
(01:09):
climbed another ladder of success and it looks like you
crushed it, but you also know as you sit at
the top of the ladder that this is something else
that you didn't really want. You're not fulfilled by the
success which ever one of those archetypes might resonate for you.
Chances are you are not moving from your purpose. And
(01:32):
what I've done during the time away is create my
first ever digital course where I take you through the
same process that I do with my one on one
clients and in all of my group coaching programs to
help you identify your life's purpose and create a plan
to thrive in it. So the Move from your Purpose
(01:53):
masterclass that I often teach is now an online, self
paced digital course that you can do from the comfort
of your own home. And recently in meditation, it came
up for me that I needed to give you a
sample of what's in store in this course. So this
week's podcast is actually module number one of the course
(02:16):
and its entirety, And this is such a powerful time
for you to access this information. Before you can really
create a meaningful path forward in you need to identify
what are the patterns that are keeping you stuck, and
Module number one is all about identifying your survival programming.
(02:38):
Because whether you're a person who feels like you're aimlessly
wandering but you don't know what you're moving towards or
whether you're a person who keeps running on the corporate
hamster wheel, but still you don't feel fulfilled by the success.
There's a legitimate subconscious programming created in childhood that's keeping
you in the rat race and keeping you running the
(02:59):
same patterns of behavior. So by the end of this podcast,
you're going to start to get really clear on not
just what misguided life path you might be on that
you might have fallen into, but you're also going to
start to understand why this is so important. Begins to
create a sense of self compassion, and what you realize
(03:22):
is is that you're not broken, you're not unmotivated, you're
not lazy, but you are repeating some very familiar patterns
from childhood. So a gift from my heart to yours.
This is module number one of the Move from Your
Purpose Digital Course. If you love what you hear, go
(03:42):
to my website Creative Soul Coaching dot net and you
can buy the course in its entirety. But for right now,
here is module one. We'll go to module number one
of the Move from Your Purpose masterclass. Mark Twain has
the definitive quote on purpose. He says, the two most
important days in your life the day you were born
(04:04):
and the day you find out why. And when you
think about it, we invest a lot of time and
energy into celebrating our birthdays. Some of you still might
be doing that thing in your life where you celebrate
your birthday month. You know, you ever had the friend
who is like, oh, I'm sorry, I can't get together.
I can't do that thing with you this weekend. It's
my birthday month, Which is great. You should always be
(04:26):
celebrating you and celebrating life. But why don't we put
that same intensity and excitement behind finding out why we
were born? And the answer really lies in our childhood conditioning.
After working with clients across eighteen countries and putting in
well over ten thousand client hours, the thing that I
(04:47):
can tell you is that most human beings were raised
to value survival and validation over their purpose. So I
know that you signed up for this course thinking that
we were going to right in and help you figure
out what it is you want to do with your life.
But in my coaching programs, we're going to handle this
a little bit differently. Before we can look at where
(05:11):
you want to go. We have to get a better
understanding of the subconscious coding and programming that's getting in
the way for you in the first place. And this
is the part of the work where many people become resistant.
You know that they're like Dan, I don't want to
go back to the past and talk about mom and
(05:31):
dad again. But if you don't really examine the way
your belief systems and your model of reality was influenced
by your childhood environments, it's almost impossible for you to
ever create sustainable progress. And this is the bridge here,
right that you didn't sign up for a therapy program,
(05:52):
and a lot of people are like Dan, I've done therapy,
I've talked about mom and dad. I don't want to
go back and revisit it. But what we're gonna do
in this module is just go back long enough to
get a deeper understanding of why you're operating the way
you are, for better and sometimes for worse, to compassionately
(06:13):
look at that, and then starting a module too, we're
gonna build your bridge forward into the future. So the
question that we're examining here in this module is how
were you programmed to live? And I want to talk
about three pathways of childhood conditioning that show up all
the time with my clients, and look at this, keep
(06:34):
an open mind and start to understand which of these
models resonate for you. Where are these patterns showing up
in your life. Because the first model that we're going
to look at is what I like to call this
survival path. And people who are walking the survival path,
or what I like to call the aimless. Now, these
(06:56):
are the people that don't really have a vision for
their future. And the problem is is when you don't
have a clear idea of where you want to go,
you're always going to end up someplace that you don't
want to be. People who are aimless speak in Bege
terms a lot. You know, they operate in generalities. They say, Hey,
I want to get paid to do work I love,
(07:19):
but they don't really know what work they love looks
like or it feels like, so they're always guessing. They
drift from job to job. You know, it's sort of
like the person who's trying to wander in the forest
but has no compass. You know, they're just sort of
wandering in circles and hoping eventually they find a way out,
(07:40):
which is a really inefficient way to live, and what
you'll find is that you feel like you're wasting time.
People who are aimless tend to fall into jobs and
careers that pay the bills, but they don't feed the soul.
This is a phrase that comes up a lot in
my coaching applications. People are like dan At a spell
(08:00):
into this job. And when you haven't really taken the
time to reflect and gain a better understanding of yourself,
of your desires, your gifts, your skills, your purpose, what
will happen is you'll a follow a path that work
for someone else in your life, so you'll end up
replicating somebody else's success rather than create it on your terms.
(08:25):
Or you'll follow a path that somebody else chose for you.
You'll listen to the high school guidance counselors or your
family members who tell you what a safe and secure
job will be, and you'll just go do that. You
tend to live life by committee. You're living more for
the good opinions of other people than you are honoring yourself,
(08:48):
and that is a one way ticket to eventually end
up in an emotional collapse, to end up with a
lot of resentment and a lot of regret, and unfortunately,
for the people who are aimless, a lot of times
they feel powerless to create change. They're always hoping that
someone or something outside of themselves is going to give
(09:10):
them the answer. Now, the unfortunate part about this course, well,
I think it's the fortunate part, but maybe you might
feel like it's an unfortunate I'm not going to tell
you during our time together coaching what your career path
or what your purpose should be. If I did that,
I'm just another a hole in your life who is
(09:31):
telling you what you should do. These modules are about
giving you the tools and the framework to come to
that understanding for yourself so that your living in alignment
and following a path that is true to you. You know,
people who are aimless one of the things that gets
in the way, And if you relate at all to
being an aimless person, you might recognize you are great
(09:55):
at supporting all your friends and family members to go
chase their dreams, but you're not so great at giving
that to yourself. And after a while of living aimlessly,
it begins to take a toll on our self image
and self esteem. People who are aimless will sit back
and start to get really depressed. They wonder where it
(10:16):
all went wrong for them, and many times they'll start
creating unhelpful stories because they compare themselves to the people
that they see on Instagram who are lit up, who
are going to work every day at a job that
they love, and they got the house and the two
point five kids in the white picket fence, and they're wondering, well,
why can't I create that. Then they tend to fall
(10:37):
into stories and say, well, maybe I'm just not good enough,
maybe I just don't have my life together. I'm I'm
on the hot mess express Dan. But that's not really
the case. And this is what I hope you understand
here in this module that aimless it's not a personality
to defect. It's not that the people who are aimless
(10:58):
were born with different genes than the purpose than the
people who are living their purpose and thriving at it.
Being aimless is essentially a trauma response. So what we're
gonna talk about now is the hidden traumas of the
aimless people. These are a few of the contributing factors. Now,
(11:21):
you know, when you work with me one on one
or you do some of my um you know some
of my more extended group coaching programs, we take a
deeper dive into this topic and what I'm doing here
for purposes of this, because this really is a course
about purpose. I'm just gonna give you some top level highlights.
People who are aimless, in many instances, grew up in
(11:42):
a home where there was no space for their own needs.
If you are aimless, could it be true that you
grew up having to be the responsible one in your family?
Perhaps you were the parents to your parents, or your
parents were both just working themselves into the ground, they
weren't really home, so you were the one that had
(12:03):
to raise your siblings. Right, a lot of times, putting
your needs on the back burner was actually a link
to safety and survival. That you learned that that's the
way to get love, that's the way to get praise,
and that's the way to feel a sense of control.
And the unfortunate part about this, although the people who
(12:24):
are aimless can be very resourceful and very skilled at
getting by and taking care of others, they never really
took the time at an early age to explore themselves
or their own interest. They didn't really pursue those passions
and hobbies that light them up. Also, with the aimless,
(12:45):
their caregivers and childhood were not consistently attuned to their needs.
It may have very well been that you grew up
with emotionally thirsty parents. They looked to you to help
them feel safe. You know, anytimes people who are aimless
grew up in a home where the parents were very
obsessed with image. That there was a lot of pressure
(13:07):
to be a good boy or a good girl, And
the result is you start to shape shift, You begin
to become what mom and dad wanted in order to
get love. Now, on the flip side of that, sometimes
you have a completely emotionally unavailable parent. They were always working,
they were never home. You had to entertain yourself, you
had to raise yourself, and life for you became just
(13:31):
about base level survival. It became about meeting your most
basic needs. And the problem is is when you are
in a survival mentality, it becomes more difficult to thrive.
Another key, a key element if we look at the
childhood programming of the people who are aimless, is that
(13:51):
survival and or sacrifice was modeled by their parents, usually
who usually weren't living their purpose either. I think of
one of my clients who came to me back in
You know, she grew up in a home with a
mom who was always sacrificing. She put her life, her dreams,
her goals on hold in order to be a housewife
(14:15):
and to support her husband and the the the underlying
belief in that home is that men have all the power.
You know, that the way that you stay safe and
stay supported is just to diminish yourself and hope that
a man takes care of you. And for my client,
because that was modeled by her mother, she was creating
(14:37):
that in her adult relationships, she didn't really have any
goals of her own, and in fact, what she was
doing was just latching onto the dreams and goals of
her boyfriend at the time. She was supporting him to
live his dreams because she had no idea and never
really had it modeled uh that that she could have
(14:58):
her own ambition and her own goals in life. So
we want to start to see, if you're aimless, what
was modeled for you by your caregivers growing up? What
was the what was the example that was said for you?
And a lot of times for people who were aimless
at an early age, their childhood hopes and dreams were
(15:19):
either dismissed, mocked, or ridiculed. So many people come to
me are highly creative that they grew up in a
home where they were told that their creative ambitions they
could never earn a living doing that it wasn't monetize
herbal They were told that they needed to grow up
or to quote air quotes here, be realistic. So what
(15:41):
happens is they start to extinguish that fire within themselves, right,
you know, they believe that their desires or wanting more
for their life is wrong, it's unrealistic, and sometimes they
were shamed for wanting too much. So this is the
hidden plight of the aimless person. And what they do
(16:05):
many times is they just live life by committee and
they're drifting from job to job, but they don't don't
really have that connection to their true north. And if
any of this relates for you, I promise as we
get into modules two and three, you're going to create
that connection back to your own internal GPS to get
you moving in the right direction. Now, some people did
(16:28):
not grow up in a home where if things were
about base level survival. Uh. Some people grow up in
a home where they followed what I call the validation path.
So I want to introduce you to the second archetype here,
which is the achiever. Maybe this is you, and I
know a lot of this relate. I can relate very
(16:50):
much to this archetype. The achiever is usually hyper focused
on one area of their life. It's typically their career.
And sometimes they can get so focused on this area
that they notice the other parts of their life begin
to suffer. They're not really taking care of their health,
they're letting that go. Their relationships start to suffer. But boy,
(17:11):
they are crushing it at work. They're earning the money,
they have the success and why is that so important
to them? Will explain in a minute. People who are achievers,
they are on the go. They love themselves a checklist,
and many times the achiever, even though that they're making
all this great progress in their life and career, they
(17:32):
don't really feel satisfied anytimes. They delay their happiness into
the future, and they believe that happiness will come when
they get the next big thing. It might be the
next promotion, it might be the next pay raise. Sometimes
they think happiness will be when they get the next relationship.
But what it creates as a mentality where they're rarely
engaged in the here and now. They're always looking into
(17:56):
the future, and that outer success that they're chasing so
much is really just to compensate, is a way to
compensate for their inner pain, because the success isn't about
being aligned with their purpose or their highest vision for
their life. Success isn't a reflection of them using their
(18:16):
gifts to serve others as much as it is about
filling an internal void. It's about trying to prove themselves.
In fact, that energy of success very rarely is an
energy of excitement. It might be when they reach that
next career milestone or when they get into the next
(18:37):
tax bracket. They feel good for a couple of weeks,
a couple of months, but eventually they find themselves back
in an anxious energy of striving, proving themselves and having
to feel like they're enough. And the problem for the
person who is the achiever is once you climb every
ladder of success and it's not the thing that you wanted,
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you can start to revert back to being aimless because
you've run out of ideas. You got all the things
that you thought that you wanted in your life. You
got the house, you got the relationship, you have the family,
you have a comfortable living, but you also wonder why
am I so unhappy? And you know, I think of
(19:22):
the article I read recently. It was just on the
day that I'm recording this. It's just past the one
year anniversary of the death of Tony Say. He was
the founder of Zappos dot com. This man, along with
Jeff Bezos, pioneered online shopping and online retailing as we
know it. This is the man that created that you know,
(19:43):
no questions asked return policy that's pretty much become the
baseline for most online retailers. And he was a man
who was so focused on building success and and and
he also had the elements of the aimless person at
the same time time, because his company model was built
(20:03):
on building success for his employees, making his employees happy,
making customers happy. And this is a man who earned
more money in a lifetime than most people will ever see.
And his life ended tragically and very sadly, and very
much alone. So we want to look here for the
(20:25):
person who is an obsessive achiever. What is there hidden
trauma that creates these patterns well, a lot of times
their caregivers were emotionally rigid, and love in their home
was based on doing and not being. If you were
just being an emotional child, if you were sad, if
(20:47):
you were unhappy, a lot of times you were told
shut up, go to your room, you were sent away,
told you know, stop being a little baby. But when
you were achieving in school, when you were achieving in
athletics or in arts or student government or whatever your
vehicle was, that was the way that you got the
(21:09):
atta boy or the atta girl. And what happens to
the achiever is they build a task based identity. Their
life becomes about what they're doing because they don't know
who they are, and they continue to chase that success
out of the need to be perfect. What they're really
doing is seeking the validation that they never really received
(21:33):
in childhood. For the achiever, the only way they know
to feel seen, heard, or valued in the world is
through their achievements. So it creates an endless chase. And
this is the thing about goal setting. You know, as
a coach, I'm not so much interested in what people
in what my clients want to accomplish. Of course, I'm
(21:53):
interested in you reaching your dreams. But I'm more interested
in why you want it. We're gonna talk about finding
your why coming up a little bit later here in
the program. But the energy that you start with at
the beginning of any new pursuits or new endeavor is
the energy that you're going to finish with. And if
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the energy that you're bringing into your career climb or
into seeking the next relationship or finding your soul mate
is I'm not enough, I'm unworthy and I need this
thing outside of me to make me feel enough. Eventually
you'll fight with scrape and claw and you will get
there and you'll reach the goal. But then you're still
(22:36):
in the same energy. Man, I'm not enough, and now
I just need this next thing to fill the void.
It's an endless chase. It creates a NonStop run on
the hamster wheel, and it will end in commotion, an
emotional collapse. And the thing is with the achiever. Many
times they're terrified of letting other people down. They don't
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want to be is a failure. This can show up
in our career, this can show up in our relationships,
and that will create a huge block around forging a
new path that's aligned with your purpose. If you believe
that you have to get it right on the first try,
or that you can't have any setbacks, or that the
(23:19):
slightest sign of a setback will be perceived this failure,
you're never going to allow yourself to take the risk
to live your purpose. One other thing I want to
address your with the achievers. Many times success can be
used to avoid difficult emotions or emotional conflict. This is
where we find a lot of workaholics live is in
(23:40):
this achiever archetype. But why is that? Well, emotional intimacy
can seem threatening because emotional intimacy for them in childhood
was based on judgment and not feeling enough. So rather
than ever speak up for their needs or let a
partner down or engage in conflict, well, the place that
(24:02):
they know that they're safe is when they're working and achieving.
So workaholism, like any addiction, can be an excuse not
to feel, and that in and of itself is a
huge pitfall. When we get into identifying and living your purpose,
feeling your emotions is going to be a big part
(24:23):
of that. Will explain why coming up in module too. Now,
I want to tell you a little bit about my
story and how these archetypes affected me in my childhood.
A it might give you a better perspective and you
might see yourself reflected and elements of the story that
I'm sharing. But I also want you to know, for
(24:45):
those of you who are parents, that a lot of
times we take these archetypes of being aimless or being
an overachiever and we pass it on to our children.
In my life, I grew up in a home with
a mother who is a list. You know. My mom
had to drop out of school after ninth grade in
(25:05):
order to take care of her eight siblings in her family.
So my mom never really had the education or never
had the chance to go learn and explore herself to
ever create an aligned career path. But what she did
do was marry a man who was highly driven. And
even though my dad had nothing, he was making barely
(25:27):
above minimum wage when my parents got married. My dad
was a striver and a worker and an achiever and
climbed his way all the way up to the top
of the corporate matter. He was CEO of a pretty big,
major broadcasting corporation at one point in his life. Now,
that comes with a price when we talk about the
(25:49):
achievers being focused on one area of their life. My
dad was traveling. My dad was very consumed with work.
He was a tremendous provider our family. Once my dad
started to do well, didn't really want for anything. But
my dad wasn't emotionally present with my mom. And the
more that my father climbed up the ladder of success,
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the more he worked, the more my mom felt neglected.
And eventually she checked out from being president of dad's
fan club, and her emotional withdraw and her resentment only
seemed to further fuel my father to go seek success
out there and get validation, whether it be through corporate,
(26:30):
through his bosses, through the people who worked for him.
And here's what happened in that moment for me as
a child. My mom, because she didn't really have that
connection to a masculine energy partner, started looking to me,
as her oldest son at age eleven, to make her
feel safe. My mom started dumping a lot of her
(26:51):
marital issues on me, telling me things I shouldn't have
known about. My mom looked for me to sort of
hold space for her to listen about her day. But
if that's the exact reversal of what a normal, healthy
child relationship should be. Nobody was checking in with me
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to ask how I was feeling, how I was doing,
and we were going through a big life transition. When
I was eleven and twelve years old, I was hitting puberty.
It was in my awkward years. I was getting bullied
a lot at school, and there was no space for
me to even process those emotions because my primary responsibility
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each day became how do I make sure mom isn't
going off the ledge. Her mental health really started to
deteriorate at this point, and the result for me at
an early point in my childhood was anxiety and depression.
I started experiencing those symptoms at age twelve, and eventually,
(27:53):
as my mom became more and more upset, well, the
amount of abuse kicked up in our house. There was
a lot of verbal abuse, there was a lot of
emotional neglect, and eventually my mom became untinged and there
was more physical abuse. She didn't even know how to
meet her own needs, so she certainly couldn't show up
for the children in her house. She just didn't know
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how to so for me, again, at an early age,
the way that I knew to be safe was to
put myself on the back burner to take care of Mom.
And when that became too overwhelming, then I started following
in my dad's footsteps. When I was fourteen years old,
I started in turning at radio stations, getting up at
(28:39):
five thirty in the morning on my summer vacations so
that I could go to work with Dad every day.
And when I was old enough to work, I got
my first on air job in my radio career at
age sixteen at a tiny, little A M station in
suburban Maryland. And as I got that job and I
was doing well, that was when people started to pray
(29:00):
is me. I got the Atta boy. People started checking
in with me, not about my emotional states, but to
praise me for what I was doing. So in that moment,
work became my vehicle for two things. Number one, to
get praise, to be loved, to get a pat on
(29:20):
the back, but also to achieve safety from removing myself
from a home that felt very unsafe and dangerous in
my relationship with my mom. And I carried that pattern
of work being the vehicle to make me safe all
through adulthood. I climbed the ladder. I got the next
(29:43):
promotion I got through a bigger city, I managed bigger
radio stations, and all during that time I built a
tremendous amount of success. I was making six figures by
age four, I bought a condo, I was driving Alexis
by age and yet the internal void within me never
(30:03):
went away. And this is the difference between success and
being successful. There's a certain science to being successful. If
you work hard, if you know your goals, set financial goals,
if you create an action plan to achieve it, you
can get whatever you want in life. But we have
(30:24):
to look are the things you're getting Are you fulfilled
by it? Because that is success full. Like I am
so filled up by the work that I'm doing in
my contribution to the world that I emotionally feel great
every day. That was not my experience. In all. The
(30:46):
seeds of that chasing and the striving and the workaholism
that eventually led to my emotional collapse were planted not
in corporate America. They were planted in childhood. Now, why
do I share this story with you. It's not because
I'd love to sit here and talk about myself in
front of the captive audience. This is important for you
(31:09):
because until you start to bring conscious awareness to the
subconscious patterns that you're operating in every day. By default,
you're going to continue to engage in low level coping
behavior that's going to protect you from emotional vulnerability. You see.
I used to teach these courses as workshops where we
(31:30):
would dive right in and I would teach you how
to create a purpose statement. But what I found out
was is even when people knew their purpose, they weren't
taking action to bring it to life. We would create
an action planning goals and I would ask people, hey,
did you do the thing that we talked about last week?
And they say, well, no, because what happened was is
(31:51):
they didn't feel safe to actually go after those goals.
You know, for the person who was aimless, they were
putting everyone else in their life first. They were so
busy taking care of everyone else, they weren't creating time
for themselves. For the achievers, they were so terrified about
not having the image of success if their new venture
(32:13):
didn't go perfectly that they just tossed aside the dream
in the first place. So what we want to start
to identify as a what archetype do you relate to?
Are you and are you an aimless person? Are you
which are you an achiever? Maybe a hybrid of both.
(32:34):
But what are the low level coping mechanisms that have
resulted from operating this way? So we talk about these
protection patterns. Now, a lot of times in the self
help world, you'll hear gurus talk about this as self sabotage.
That is total b s. You have never gotten out
of bed in the morning, yawned and stretched and dug
(32:57):
into your phone and said, jeem, how can I screw
up in sabotage my goals today? Nobody's ever done that.
But if there's a subconscious part of you that is
a living on autopilot that believes it's unsafe to have
the things that you want, you will fall into self protection.
(33:19):
So let's talk about the top ten protection patterns that
will sabotage your purpose and keep you stuck. The first
two are almost soul mates. Procrastination and perfectionism. How many
times have you kick the can down the road that
you want to start a business, that you want to
write a book, that you you know you want to
(33:40):
go back to school and maybe learn a new skill,
but you just haven't done it right. Well, This is
what happens a lot of times. You know, procrastination will
kick the can down the road, thinking that we're going
to find the perfect plan that will keep us from
having any setbacks or failure. But there is no perfect
(34:01):
plan for anything, and in that strive for perfection, we
can continue to delay. So we know from procrastination into perfectionism.
It creates a crazy eight loop that keeps us an
indecision and in action. Let's talk about putting yourself last.
This is a big one, especially for my aimless friends
out there. You know, you might have grown up in
(34:22):
a home where sacrifice was modeled for you. You might
have grown up in a home where literally you had
to take care of everybody else, and you believe that
the only real value that you have in the world
is being a caretaker to everybody else in their dreams
except your own. It served a purpose for you in childhood.
You probably got praised, You probably felt a sense of significance.
(34:47):
But how is that pattern keeping you stuck today? You
might even notice it's causing some resentment in your relationships
when you feel like you chronically have to take care
of every everybody else. In fact, you're probably not so
good at letting people show up to take care of you.
Confusion is another pattern that sabotages people's purpose. And here's
(35:12):
the thing. Nobody is really confused about the path that
they would follow. Think of it this way. If you
won Powerball next week and you had five million dollars
show up in your bank account and money was never
an issue for you ever again, do you not know
exactly what you would do for purposeful and meaningful work
(35:34):
the challenges You don't think it's possible for you right now,
right you don't know how to bring it to life.
You don't know how to do it in a way
uh that won't include too much financial risk for you.
And if you don't know how to create the thing
that you want. Many times, the way that we keep
(35:54):
ourselves safe is we never even have We never allow
ourselves to own the desire and create the clarity in
the first place. Confusion protects us again from risk emotional vulnerability,
but over time, it's also going to extinguish that light
within yourself. It's going to extinguish your passion to even
(36:17):
show up in the world. Let's talk about another protection pattern,
right not asking for or receiving help you know, there's
a lot of you out there who are trying to
isolate and just do everything by yourself. In fact, could
it be possible that your inner monologue in many situations,
both in your current career, within your family, and your
(36:40):
relationships is effort, I'll do it myself. And a lot
of times that's because you grew up in a home
where people were emotionally cold and emotionally unavailable for you.
You learned how to take care of yourself, which good
for you. You're a very independent person. But the challenges
when we talk about cultivating your purpose statement and creating
(37:02):
this new life path, nobody creates their next level by themselves.
Every successful person it's had a mentor along the way.
Oprah was mentored by Maya Angelou, people like Mark Zuckerberg
mentored by Steve Jobs. Bill Gates was mentored by Warren Buffett.
And the same is true for you. You need a mentor,
(37:25):
You need a support system around you that's going to
help you get to your next level, and you need
to be able to feel safe to receive that. Let's
talk about blaming other people. There's a not a great
pattern that keeps you stuck. You know, Let's be honest.
If you ever said, Hey, my career would be great
if I didn't have such a jerk of a boss.
(37:47):
Have you ever said, man, I would be happier in
my job if these people just recognize my value and
they paid me more. And of course blame comes up
all the time in our romantic relationships also. So the
problem is with blame is it creates these patterns of
wanting to control other people. Right, We're always trying to
(38:10):
artificially manipulate or control the external situations in our life,
and it takes our focus away from the only thing
that is truly in our control, which is how we
show up the action that we're taking. The life that
you create in the coming year is all going to
be based on the action you're taking, not how other
(38:34):
people change. Doubting yourself or your intuition. This is especially
a big one, uh for those of you who are
living life by committee. Shout out to my aimless people.
You know, there's a lot of times that there's that
internal call that's told you to do something completely crazy.
For me, you know, when I was still making six
(38:57):
figures working in the radio industry, the thought of starting
a coaching business. Even though that intuitively is what I
felt like to do, it made no sense to me.
I was like, who am I to coach other people
when I haven't even figured out my life yet. So
I ended up staying in that career years longer than
I should have, until the point where my health started
(39:19):
to deteriorate. But here's the thing that you need to
remember about your intuition. It's the way that the divine
speaks to you. Your intuition isn't some crazy woo woo thing.
That's literally the way that God or the universe communicates
(39:39):
to you. And a lot of times when we have
an experience, and we grew up with a lot of
traumatic experiences, we start to doubt our intuition. We actually
believe the voice of fear telling us to stay stuck.
We think that that's our intuition. So how do you
tell the difference. Your intuition is always that is them
(40:00):
inside you that's calling you to grow. Your intuition is
never telling you to stay stuck where you're at. It
always wants you to expand, to grow. We live in
a universe that the scientists have told us. You know,
people like Neil de Grass Tyson said, the universe is
ever expanding, it's always growing. Therefore we need to be
(40:23):
growing as well. And when you're feeling a huge amount
of anxiety or fear, or a an impulse to go backwards,
to hide, to play small, that's actually fear. That's not
your intuition. A couple more protection patterns that show up
catastrophizing your life, always creating the worst possible scenario. There's
(40:46):
people are like Dan, I can't possibly leave this soul
sucking job that is killing my health and robbing me
of my happiness. I could never go do work I
love because if I do that, uh, the money is
not going to come through. What if it doesn't work out,
I'm gonna get fired. And then if I get fired,
I'm gonna lose my family, and then I'm gonna lose
my home, and I'm gonna die homeless and penniless behind
(41:07):
a Walmart dumpster. We tend to jump toward the worst
possible scenarios in a way, it protects us, right if
we're always looking for the threat, if we're just sort
of living in that nervous system response, we don't ever
have to take an emotional risk to become more and
to become the greatest version of ourselves. Addiction is another
(41:30):
pattern that will keep people stuck. We talked briefly about workaholism,
but it doesn't matter whether it's work, drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, shopping.
Every addiction is rooted in the same place. It's a
desire not to feel. And eventually, as we start to
have a calling to move forward to grow in our
(41:52):
life and we don't obey it, you know that that
creates a lot of tension, It creates a lot of fear,
and we look for ways to come out for it,
for it, and this is where we can fall into
unhealthy addictive patterns and finally, toxic relationships or another protection
pattern that keep us from moving forward in our purpose.
Because if you're constantly focused on the person who's toxic
(42:16):
in your life. Sometimes usually this is about a romantic partner,
but many times this can be family, this can be parents,
this can be siblings. Well, we can divert all our
attention there and trying to make that person change, and
we don't have to take any responsibility for ourselves. So
(42:36):
as you're thinking about this and as you get into
your transformational workbook, I want you to start to identify
what are the three patterns that you fall into the most,
and how have those ment a need for you? Up
until now? You know they have kept you safe. But
what is the cost if you don't move beyond these patterns?
(43:00):
Because here's two important coaching points, identifying and healing this.
These childhood attachment wounds that we've laid out here in
module one are a key component of bringing your purpose
to life. But you don't heal those wounds intellectually. This
is why so many people will lay on the therapist
(43:21):
couch for four or five years and they will talk
through and you intellectually understand why you do the things
that you do. But nothing changes because we heal these
patterns experientially, meaning that we have to take contrasting action
to the old protection pattern in order to move beyond
(43:42):
them and bring our purpose to life. If your old
pattern was to collapse on yourself and just play small
and settle for less than you deserve, then this course
for you is about expanding your vision and really allowing
yourself to dream big. If perfection is them, is the
is the pattern that's held you back then? And I
(44:05):
get this, by the way, it's something that's even kept
me from turning this into a digital course up until now.
I'm like, oh, I gotta higher like a seven camera
crew and shoot this professionally. Is if somehow this information
will be more powerful if it's shot on like cameras
(44:25):
as opposed to my laptop. I fall into it too.
But the place that I operate from to keep myself
moving forward is that seventy done is good enough. Right
this course as it's recorded right now, I know it's
going to change people's lives, but this is me moving
(44:46):
beyond my perfectionism patterns and moving beyond that fear of
rejection or the punishment that would come if I didn't
get it right or if I didn't get the good grades.
So this is what we have to do in your life. Right.
The trans formation will be in the implementation, not in
the intellectual understanding, because once we get out of these
(45:09):
survival loops and the validation loop of being the of
being the aimless or being the achiever, you can get
on the amplified path, which is the authentic path, meaning
that you are fully connected to yourself, your gifts, your purpose,
(45:30):
and connected in a way that serves something bigger than you.
I want to talk to you today about where we're
really looking to bridge the gap to move you forward
in this course. It's by becoming an author. When you
are an author, you embrace being the deliberate architect of
your story. You were taking responsibility for your life from
(45:55):
here on out. People who are authors believe it in
winning in their career in life, but they don't have
to do it at the expense of each other. They're
in an abundance mindset. They don't believe that their success
is going to diminish anybody else or take away from
anyone else. They don't believe that serving others and living
(46:17):
their purpose is going to lead to some sort of bankruptcy.
They also have incredibly strong boundaries. They can set boundaries
with any person, soul sucking job, or even a negative
thought pattern that doesn't contribute to their overall well being,
and as a result of that, they show up as
the most vibrant, lit up version of themselves at work
(46:40):
and at home. Right, the success in one area of
life tends to feed the other. When you feel awesome
about the work that you're doing, do you not come
home a little bit more energized? With a pep in
your step and when you feel great about your relationships
at home and you're fully present, does that not give
you a little more boost in energy to show up
(47:01):
for your work the next day. That is my intention
for you at the end of these modules and at
the end of this course. Now, people who were authors,
it doesn't mean that they had a perfect childhood. I
know many it trust me. I have, you know, bridge
that gap from being the achiever who reverted back to
being aimless being the author of my life and trust me,
(47:24):
I had a very challenging childhood. But here's what changed.
I made my personal growth a priority over the course
of the last six years of my life and into
the future. I seek out mentors who have created the
results that I want to accomplish. I also stay connected
to like minded people who value the things that I
(47:44):
value and keep that support system in place. I don't
hang out with the people anymore, uh that that are
numbing out and staying at the club and at the
bar till one in the morning, right. I tend to
hang out more at yoga studios of personal development retreats,
and I stay in committed, consistent action with goals that
(48:06):
help me come alive and live my purpose. And this
is the same for anybody who was an author. Also,
people who are authors, they don't wait for clarity to
sort of just show up in an Amazon package at
their door. There's a lot of people who aren't really
you know, they're living in the passengers seat of life.
They're just waiting for someone or something outside of themselves
(48:29):
to give them the answers. I will tell you, people
who are authors seek out clarity. They set an intention
to seek clarity in the five key areas of high performance. Now,
two of these are what we're really focusing on in
this program. Right. I can't get into all five of
these with you, uh in the course of these six modules,
(48:50):
but you're gonna leave really, really clear in the first
two areas. Number one, you need to have clarity on
who you are. Most of us know what we do,
we don't know who we are. We put ourselves in
one dimensional boxes like well, I'm a parent, I'm a spouse,
I'm a lawyer, i'm a life coach, Dan, I'm an accountant.
But we really want to get clear on who are
(49:13):
you beyond that? What are the intrinsic qualities about you
that are special, that really make you tick? What are
the things about you that are unique that you could
share with the world, Because once we know who you are,
we want to get into clarity of purpose, which is
what problems am I here to solve? Who am I
(49:33):
here to serve? What's going to make all of this
in my life have more meaning so that I'm truly
living and not existing. And the other three areas clarity
of skill. You know, if you're a person who wants
to pivot in your career, if you want to start
a business, write a book, there are places in your
life where you're going to have to build a new
(49:55):
skill set. You're going to have to skill up. Coaching
For me, when I started this business in was pretty easy.
I was great. I mean from an early age in
my life, I was always the doctor phil of my
social group with my friends. But what I had to
learn was online marketing. I had to learn how do
I attract clients, how do I promote myself, how do
(50:17):
I advertise my services? How do I manage a website.
I had never done any of those things before, but
those were the places I had to skill up to
get to where I am now, where I'm actually out
earning uh, that six figure corporate career, but doing work
that's aligned with who I am at this stage in
my life. Two other areas where where we really want
(50:39):
to seek clarity when you're an author, clarity of your relationships.
How do you want to show up in your relationships?
A lot of times we treat our significant other the
same way that we would like an employee and work,
and you might have realized that isn't a great approach.
If you're treating your children like they worked for you
(50:59):
rather than they're your kids, you might notice you're really
struggling in those relationships. But each area of relationships in
your life are going to require a different version of you.
You need clarity on that, and ultimately you know clarity
of your blind spots, meaning we want to illuminate the
subconscious patterns that are running your life. And that's so
(51:20):
much about what this first module is and what we're
going to be doing in the workbook moving forward, because
the only thing that separates the people who are trapped
in a life of survival or validation versus those who
deliberately create lives with more meaning and fulfillment is that
the authors know their purpose and build all parts of
(51:45):
their life around it. That's what we're going to get
into coming up in module too. But I also just
want to give you some of the research and the
science that shows how discovering your purpose is going to
improve all areas of your life. Actually improves brain functioning.
They've done studies with older Americans after retirement. The people
(52:06):
who still have a sense of purpose after retirement have
a significantly reduced incidence of Alzheimer's disease or dementia. There's
also lower cholesterol and lower risk of a cardiac event
when you're connected to your purpose. Probably not too surprising
that your life is a little less stressful when you're
(52:26):
moving from your purpose, better quality of sleep. It also
improves resilience and heals trauma. This is such a big part,
and and we'll get into this a little bit later
in the course, but one of the greatest benefits of
knowing your purpose is it helps you contextualize and find
meaning and some of the really unfortunate things that happen
(52:48):
in life. Now, the purpose of my life is to
love all parts of myself and my higher power and
feel the expansion that results from helping my clients do
the same. That's really that's the purpose of my life. Now.
The vehicle through which I bring that to life is
through my coaching practice, through the Life Amplified podcast, through
(53:11):
forty some odd TV appearances that I've done over the
last last year as an expert guest. Um, that's a
vehicle through which I bring that to life. But if
the purpose of my life has been to learn to
love all parts of myself, then it stands to reason
I would have some experiences early in life where I
(53:34):
had to know self loathing. Right. If the purpose of
my life is to love myself and to teach others
how to do it, then that's a journey that I
needed to go on. And I can look at the
past and look at some of the situations and past
pain and family and relationships and romance and have an
understanding on why those were necessary for me to evolve
(53:58):
deeper into my purpose. And once you create your purpose statement,
we'll be able to talk about that same conversation. More
financial abundance shows up when you're moving from your purpose.
You know, we'll get into three big mindset ships and
module two and one of them is going to be
around money. But rest assured when you are using your energy,
(54:19):
your gifts, your talents, and service of other people to
help them solve problems. They're gonna compensate you handsomely for that.
You also tend to have healthy love, romance, and passion
when you move from your purpose. You know, this purpose
statement isn't just something that you should use to create
an aligned career. This purpose statement is something that should
(54:40):
infuse all of your romantic relationships. You know, if you're
bringing your purpose every day into your relationship, that's gonna,
you know, take you from living like roommates to create
all new levels of intimacy, and you get to set
an example for your kids to live purpose sleep. You know,
(55:01):
it's been said that the greatest burden for a child
to bear is the unlived dream of a parent. You know,
think about this, or you a person who has been
hiding behind your kids as to why you're not showing up. Hey,
I can't do that. You know, I got to take
care of my kids. I can't follow my dreams. What
happens one day when your kid is going after you know,
(55:22):
when your kid talks about their dreams that they want
to go after, are you gonna be like, oh, you know,
your mom, your dad, I had a dream once too,
and they say, well what happened? Why didn't you pursue it?
And you look at them and go, well, you for starters.
That's a great way to ensure that I have future
generations of clients for the rest of my life. Right.
(55:44):
But but you really do become a model for your children.
And what's possible when you move from your purpose and
according to the research people with a sense of purpose,
it adds up to seven years to your life span.
So this is not is a conceptual thing that's you know,
it's not some conceptual Google thing. There are tangible benefits
(56:07):
to your life. And coming up in module too, we're
going to address the three biggest mindset shifts to help
you move from procrastination to purpose. We're also going to
define what purpose is and what purpose definitely is not.
There's a lot of misconceptions on what purposes and once
you know what purposes, we're gonna give you an experiential
(56:29):
exercise to help you unlock your purpose. So where is
your life reflected back to you? In module number one?
Are you a person who has been aimlessly wandering? Are
you the high achiever who has outer success but you're
trying to compensate for a lot of the inner pain,
and what are the steps that you need to do
(56:52):
to move from being aimless or an achiever to an author. Well,
you might not know that path because you haven't walked
it yet, but I would love to offer you the
opportunity for us to work together virtually over the course
of the next week so that you can truly identify
your purpose and thrive in it. If you go to
(57:12):
Creative Soul Coaching dot net, you can click the link
and purchase the Move from your Purpose digital course and
it's entire to hear some of the other things that
we cover. In module two, we start to identify what
is the hidden force within you that is going to
unlock your purpose. Plus, I take you through the same
(57:32):
experiential exercise that I've done in so many of my
live group coaching programs that is going to help you
get crystal clear on your life's purpose. In fact, you're
even going to walk away from that module with your
own purpose statement for your life. In module three, we
begin to illuminate the subconscious ways that you're giving your
(57:54):
power away to other people. You can't thrive in your
purpose unless you're can did to yourself first and foremost,
why don't we do that? You'll understand in module three,
and I'm going to teach you how to unlock a
why that will keep you consistent with your purpose. And
Module four you'll learn how to create goals that align
(58:17):
with your purpose. And this is not just about your career.
We're gonna look at that holistically so that every area
of your life improves. And Module five you'll learn how
to turn your purpose into a profitable second act in
your career. And we wrap it up in moduble six
by giving you a roadmap to stay consistently aligned so
that you never fall off track for too long. So
(58:39):
proud of this course, and it really represents the over
ten thousand client hours that I put in with people
across eighteen countries to help them really create an aligned
and authentic next level of greatness. And for the month
of December, when you go to my website, you can
buy the digital course for fifty off. And I am
(59:00):
so certain that you are going to love what you
get in this program that you can try it for
three days and if what I'm teaching doesn't resonate for you,
you can get a full refund, no questions asked, So
the details on that are at my website right now,
Creative Soul Coaching dot net. I hope that the lessons
(59:22):
here in Module one unlock some new AHAs and breakthroughs
for you, and I'm sending it so much love this
holiday season. Thank you for being here as part of
my community, both with the podcast and online. If you'd
like to give me a follow on the socials, let's
connect at c SC Dan Mason on Instagram would love
for you to slide into my d m s let
(59:44):
me know what did you walk away with? What was
the value or the insight that you gained from listening
to Module number one. You can also find me on Facebook.
We got the link for that in the show notes,
and of course you can always get info on my
one on one coaching programs. If this is a journey
where you'd like some accountability for us to walk that
(01:00:05):
path together, do have some spaces open you can get
more info Creative Soul Coaching dot net. In the meantime,
turned down the volume on your negativity, turn up the
volume on your purpose so you can live life amplified.
I'll talk to you next week
What is an amplified life. It's having amplified relationships with
people who support and encourage you to be your best.
It's having amplified energy to conquer the challenges of the day.
And it's having an amplified career, one that's meaningful to you,
the world, and your bank accounts. I'm Dan Mason, life
(00:21):
reinvention coach, helping you discover your calling and create an
amplified life on your terms. This is the Life Amplified.
Podcast one is coming to a close, and how do
you feel about your progress this year? Were you taking grounded,
meaningful action towards meaningful pursuits that light you up, make
(00:45):
you feel alive, and represent your best contribution to the world,
Or was another year of the pandemic, another year of
just getting by, stick in your head in the sand,
delaying on your goals and thinking there was going to
be a magic date in the future when somehow all
of this is going to be easier. Maybe you're like
I was before my Amplified Life journey back in you
(01:09):
climbed another ladder of success and it looks like you
crushed it, but you also know as you sit at
the top of the ladder that this is something else
that you didn't really want. You're not fulfilled by the
success which ever one of those archetypes might resonate for you.
Chances are you are not moving from your purpose. And
(01:32):
what I've done during the time away is create my
first ever digital course where I take you through the
same process that I do with my one on one
clients and in all of my group coaching programs to
help you identify your life's purpose and create a plan
to thrive in it. So the Move from your Purpose
(01:53):
masterclass that I often teach is now an online, self
paced digital course that you can do from the comfort
of your own home. And recently in meditation, it came
up for me that I needed to give you a
sample of what's in store in this course. So this
week's podcast is actually module number one of the course
(02:16):
and its entirety, And this is such a powerful time
for you to access this information. Before you can really
create a meaningful path forward in you need to identify
what are the patterns that are keeping you stuck, and
Module number one is all about identifying your survival programming.
(02:38):
Because whether you're a person who feels like you're aimlessly
wandering but you don't know what you're moving towards or
whether you're a person who keeps running on the corporate
hamster wheel, but still you don't feel fulfilled by the success.
There's a legitimate subconscious programming created in childhood that's keeping
you in the rat race and keeping you running the
(02:59):
same patterns of behavior. So by the end of this podcast,
you're going to start to get really clear on not
just what misguided life path you might be on that
you might have fallen into, but you're also going to
start to understand why this is so important. Begins to
create a sense of self compassion, and what you realize
(03:22):
is is that you're not broken, you're not unmotivated, you're
not lazy, but you are repeating some very familiar patterns
from childhood. So a gift from my heart to yours.
This is module number one of the Move from Your
Purpose Digital Course. If you love what you hear, go
(03:42):
to my website Creative Soul Coaching dot net and you
can buy the course in its entirety. But for right now,
here is module one. We'll go to module number one
of the Move from Your Purpose masterclass. Mark Twain has
the definitive quote on purpose. He says, the two most
important days in your life the day you were born
(04:04):
and the day you find out why. And when you
think about it, we invest a lot of time and
energy into celebrating our birthdays. Some of you still might
be doing that thing in your life where you celebrate
your birthday month. You know, you ever had the friend
who is like, oh, I'm sorry, I can't get together.
I can't do that thing with you this weekend. It's
my birthday month, Which is great. You should always be
(04:26):
celebrating you and celebrating life. But why don't we put
that same intensity and excitement behind finding out why we
were born? And the answer really lies in our childhood conditioning.
After working with clients across eighteen countries and putting in
well over ten thousand client hours, the thing that I
(04:47):
can tell you is that most human beings were raised
to value survival and validation over their purpose. So I
know that you signed up for this course thinking that
we were going to right in and help you figure
out what it is you want to do with your life.
But in my coaching programs, we're going to handle this
a little bit differently. Before we can look at where
(05:11):
you want to go. We have to get a better
understanding of the subconscious coding and programming that's getting in
the way for you in the first place. And this
is the part of the work where many people become resistant.
You know that they're like Dan, I don't want to
go back to the past and talk about mom and
(05:31):
dad again. But if you don't really examine the way
your belief systems and your model of reality was influenced
by your childhood environments, it's almost impossible for you to
ever create sustainable progress. And this is the bridge here,
right that you didn't sign up for a therapy program,
(05:52):
and a lot of people are like Dan, I've done therapy,
I've talked about mom and dad. I don't want to
go back and revisit it. But what we're gonna do
in this module is just go back long enough to
get a deeper understanding of why you're operating the way
you are, for better and sometimes for worse, to compassionately
(06:13):
look at that, and then starting a module too, we're
gonna build your bridge forward into the future. So the
question that we're examining here in this module is how
were you programmed to live? And I want to talk
about three pathways of childhood conditioning that show up all
the time with my clients, and look at this, keep
(06:34):
an open mind and start to understand which of these
models resonate for you. Where are these patterns showing up
in your life. Because the first model that we're going
to look at is what I like to call this
survival path. And people who are walking the survival path,
or what I like to call the aimless. Now, these
(06:56):
are the people that don't really have a vision for
their future. And the problem is is when you don't
have a clear idea of where you want to go,
you're always going to end up someplace that you don't
want to be. People who are aimless speak in Bege
terms a lot. You know, they operate in generalities. They say, Hey,
I want to get paid to do work I love,
(07:19):
but they don't really know what work they love looks
like or it feels like, so they're always guessing. They
drift from job to job. You know, it's sort of
like the person who's trying to wander in the forest
but has no compass. You know, they're just sort of
wandering in circles and hoping eventually they find a way out,
(07:40):
which is a really inefficient way to live, and what
you'll find is that you feel like you're wasting time.
People who are aimless tend to fall into jobs and
careers that pay the bills, but they don't feed the soul.
This is a phrase that comes up a lot in
my coaching applications. People are like dan At a spell
(08:00):
into this job. And when you haven't really taken the
time to reflect and gain a better understanding of yourself,
of your desires, your gifts, your skills, your purpose, what
will happen is you'll a follow a path that work
for someone else in your life, so you'll end up
replicating somebody else's success rather than create it on your terms.
(08:25):
Or you'll follow a path that somebody else chose for you.
You'll listen to the high school guidance counselors or your
family members who tell you what a safe and secure
job will be, and you'll just go do that. You
tend to live life by committee. You're living more for
the good opinions of other people than you are honoring yourself,
(08:48):
and that is a one way ticket to eventually end
up in an emotional collapse, to end up with a
lot of resentment and a lot of regret, and unfortunately,
for the people who are aimless, a lot of times
they feel powerless to create change. They're always hoping that
someone or something outside of themselves is going to give
(09:10):
them the answer. Now, the unfortunate part about this course, well,
I think it's the fortunate part, but maybe you might
feel like it's an unfortunate I'm not going to tell
you during our time together coaching what your career path
or what your purpose should be. If I did that,
I'm just another a hole in your life who is
(09:31):
telling you what you should do. These modules are about
giving you the tools and the framework to come to
that understanding for yourself so that your living in alignment
and following a path that is true to you. You know,
people who are aimless one of the things that gets
in the way, And if you relate at all to
being an aimless person, you might recognize you are great
(09:55):
at supporting all your friends and family members to go
chase their dreams, but you're not so great at giving
that to yourself. And after a while of living aimlessly,
it begins to take a toll on our self image
and self esteem. People who are aimless will sit back
and start to get really depressed. They wonder where it
(10:16):
all went wrong for them, and many times they'll start
creating unhelpful stories because they compare themselves to the people
that they see on Instagram who are lit up, who
are going to work every day at a job that
they love, and they got the house and the two
point five kids in the white picket fence, and they're wondering, well,
why can't I create that. Then they tend to fall
(10:37):
into stories and say, well, maybe I'm just not good enough,
maybe I just don't have my life together. I'm I'm
on the hot mess express Dan. But that's not really
the case. And this is what I hope you understand
here in this module that aimless it's not a personality
to defect. It's not that the people who are aimless
(10:58):
were born with different genes than the purpose than the
people who are living their purpose and thriving at it.
Being aimless is essentially a trauma response. So what we're
gonna talk about now is the hidden traumas of the
aimless people. These are a few of the contributing factors. Now,
(11:21):
you know, when you work with me one on one
or you do some of my um you know some
of my more extended group coaching programs, we take a
deeper dive into this topic and what I'm doing here
for purposes of this, because this really is a course
about purpose. I'm just gonna give you some top level highlights.
People who are aimless, in many instances, grew up in
(11:42):
a home where there was no space for their own needs.
If you are aimless, could it be true that you
grew up having to be the responsible one in your family?
Perhaps you were the parents to your parents, or your
parents were both just working themselves into the ground, they
weren't really home, so you were the one that had
(12:03):
to raise your siblings. Right, a lot of times, putting
your needs on the back burner was actually a link
to safety and survival. That you learned that that's the
way to get love, that's the way to get praise,
and that's the way to feel a sense of control.
And the unfortunate part about this, although the people who
(12:24):
are aimless can be very resourceful and very skilled at
getting by and taking care of others, they never really
took the time at an early age to explore themselves
or their own interest. They didn't really pursue those passions
and hobbies that light them up. Also, with the aimless,
(12:45):
their caregivers and childhood were not consistently attuned to their needs.
It may have very well been that you grew up
with emotionally thirsty parents. They looked to you to help
them feel safe. You know, anytimes people who are aimless
grew up in a home where the parents were very
obsessed with image. That there was a lot of pressure
(13:07):
to be a good boy or a good girl, And
the result is you start to shape shift, You begin
to become what mom and dad wanted in order to
get love. Now, on the flip side of that, sometimes
you have a completely emotionally unavailable parent. They were always working,
they were never home. You had to entertain yourself, you
had to raise yourself, and life for you became just
(13:31):
about base level survival. It became about meeting your most
basic needs. And the problem is is when you are
in a survival mentality, it becomes more difficult to thrive.
Another key, a key element if we look at the
childhood programming of the people who are aimless, is that
(13:51):
survival and or sacrifice was modeled by their parents, usually
who usually weren't living their purpose either. I think of
one of my clients who came to me back in
You know, she grew up in a home with a
mom who was always sacrificing. She put her life, her dreams,
her goals on hold in order to be a housewife
(14:15):
and to support her husband and the the the underlying
belief in that home is that men have all the power.
You know, that the way that you stay safe and
stay supported is just to diminish yourself and hope that
a man takes care of you. And for my client,
because that was modeled by her mother, she was creating
(14:37):
that in her adult relationships, she didn't really have any
goals of her own, and in fact, what she was
doing was just latching onto the dreams and goals of
her boyfriend at the time. She was supporting him to
live his dreams because she had no idea and never
really had it modeled uh that that she could have
(14:58):
her own ambition and her own goals in life. So
we want to start to see, if you're aimless, what
was modeled for you by your caregivers growing up? What
was the what was the example that was said for you?
And a lot of times for people who were aimless
at an early age, their childhood hopes and dreams were
(15:19):
either dismissed, mocked, or ridiculed. So many people come to
me are highly creative that they grew up in a
home where they were told that their creative ambitions they
could never earn a living doing that it wasn't monetize
herbal They were told that they needed to grow up
or to quote air quotes here, be realistic. So what
(15:41):
happens is they start to extinguish that fire within themselves, right,
you know, they believe that their desires or wanting more
for their life is wrong, it's unrealistic, and sometimes they
were shamed for wanting too much. So this is the
hidden plight of the aimless person. And what they do
(16:05):
many times is they just live life by committee and
they're drifting from job to job, but they don't don't
really have that connection to their true north. And if
any of this relates for you, I promise as we
get into modules two and three, you're going to create
that connection back to your own internal GPS to get
you moving in the right direction. Now, some people did
(16:28):
not grow up in a home where if things were
about base level survival. Uh. Some people grow up in
a home where they followed what I call the validation path.
So I want to introduce you to the second archetype here,
which is the achiever. Maybe this is you, and I
know a lot of this relate. I can relate very
(16:50):
much to this archetype. The achiever is usually hyper focused
on one area of their life. It's typically their career.
And sometimes they can get so focused on this area
that they notice the other parts of their life begin
to suffer. They're not really taking care of their health,
they're letting that go. Their relationships start to suffer. But boy,
(17:11):
they are crushing it at work. They're earning the money,
they have the success and why is that so important
to them? Will explain in a minute. People who are achievers,
they are on the go. They love themselves a checklist,
and many times the achiever, even though that they're making
all this great progress in their life and career, they
(17:32):
don't really feel satisfied anytimes. They delay their happiness into
the future, and they believe that happiness will come when
they get the next big thing. It might be the
next promotion, it might be the next pay raise. Sometimes
they think happiness will be when they get the next relationship.
But what it creates as a mentality where they're rarely
engaged in the here and now. They're always looking into
(17:56):
the future, and that outer success that they're chasing so
much is really just to compensate, is a way to
compensate for their inner pain, because the success isn't about
being aligned with their purpose or their highest vision for
their life. Success isn't a reflection of them using their
(18:16):
gifts to serve others as much as it is about
filling an internal void. It's about trying to prove themselves.
In fact, that energy of success very rarely is an
energy of excitement. It might be when they reach that
next career milestone or when they get into the next
(18:37):
tax bracket. They feel good for a couple of weeks,
a couple of months, but eventually they find themselves back
in an anxious energy of striving, proving themselves and having
to feel like they're enough. And the problem for the
person who is the achiever is once you climb every
ladder of success and it's not the thing that you wanted,
(19:00):
you can start to revert back to being aimless because
you've run out of ideas. You got all the things
that you thought that you wanted in your life. You
got the house, you got the relationship, you have the family,
you have a comfortable living, but you also wonder why
am I so unhappy? And you know, I think of
(19:22):
the article I read recently. It was just on the
day that I'm recording this. It's just past the one
year anniversary of the death of Tony Say. He was
the founder of Zappos dot com. This man, along with
Jeff Bezos, pioneered online shopping and online retailing as we
know it. This is the man that created that you know,
(19:43):
no questions asked return policy that's pretty much become the
baseline for most online retailers. And he was a man
who was so focused on building success and and and
he also had the elements of the aimless person at
the same time time, because his company model was built
(20:03):
on building success for his employees, making his employees happy,
making customers happy. And this is a man who earned
more money in a lifetime than most people will ever see.
And his life ended tragically and very sadly, and very
much alone. So we want to look here for the
(20:25):
person who is an obsessive achiever. What is there hidden
trauma that creates these patterns well, a lot of times
their caregivers were emotionally rigid, and love in their home
was based on doing and not being. If you were
just being an emotional child, if you were sad, if
(20:47):
you were unhappy, a lot of times you were told
shut up, go to your room, you were sent away,
told you know, stop being a little baby. But when
you were achieving in school, when you were achieving in
athletics or in arts or student government or whatever your
vehicle was, that was the way that you got the
(21:09):
atta boy or the atta girl. And what happens to
the achiever is they build a task based identity. Their
life becomes about what they're doing because they don't know
who they are, and they continue to chase that success
out of the need to be perfect. What they're really
doing is seeking the validation that they never really received
(21:33):
in childhood. For the achiever, the only way they know
to feel seen, heard, or valued in the world is
through their achievements. So it creates an endless chase. And
this is the thing about goal setting. You know, as
a coach, I'm not so much interested in what people
in what my clients want to accomplish. Of course, I'm
(21:53):
interested in you reaching your dreams. But I'm more interested
in why you want it. We're gonna talk about finding
your why coming up a little bit later here in
the program. But the energy that you start with at
the beginning of any new pursuits or new endeavor is
the energy that you're going to finish with. And if
(22:14):
the energy that you're bringing into your career climb or
into seeking the next relationship or finding your soul mate
is I'm not enough, I'm unworthy and I need this
thing outside of me to make me feel enough. Eventually
you'll fight with scrape and claw and you will get
there and you'll reach the goal. But then you're still
(22:36):
in the same energy. Man, I'm not enough, and now
I just need this next thing to fill the void.
It's an endless chase. It creates a NonStop run on
the hamster wheel, and it will end in commotion, an
emotional collapse. And the thing is with the achiever. Many
times they're terrified of letting other people down. They don't
(22:59):
want to be is a failure. This can show up
in our career, this can show up in our relationships,
and that will create a huge block around forging a
new path that's aligned with your purpose. If you believe
that you have to get it right on the first try,
or that you can't have any setbacks, or that the
(23:19):
slightest sign of a setback will be perceived this failure,
you're never going to allow yourself to take the risk
to live your purpose. One other thing I want to
address your with the achievers. Many times success can be
used to avoid difficult emotions or emotional conflict. This is
where we find a lot of workaholics live is in
(23:40):
this achiever archetype. But why is that? Well, emotional intimacy
can seem threatening because emotional intimacy for them in childhood
was based on judgment and not feeling enough. So rather
than ever speak up for their needs or let a
partner down or engage in conflict, well, the place that
(24:02):
they know that they're safe is when they're working and achieving.
So workaholism, like any addiction, can be an excuse not
to feel, and that in and of itself is a
huge pitfall. When we get into identifying and living your purpose,
feeling your emotions is going to be a big part
(24:23):
of that. Will explain why coming up in module too. Now,
I want to tell you a little bit about my
story and how these archetypes affected me in my childhood.
A it might give you a better perspective and you
might see yourself reflected and elements of the story that
I'm sharing. But I also want you to know, for
(24:45):
those of you who are parents, that a lot of
times we take these archetypes of being aimless or being
an overachiever and we pass it on to our children.
In my life, I grew up in a home with
a mother who is a list. You know. My mom
had to drop out of school after ninth grade in
(25:05):
order to take care of her eight siblings in her family.
So my mom never really had the education or never
had the chance to go learn and explore herself to
ever create an aligned career path. But what she did
do was marry a man who was highly driven. And
even though my dad had nothing, he was making barely
(25:27):
above minimum wage when my parents got married. My dad
was a striver and a worker and an achiever and
climbed his way all the way up to the top
of the corporate matter. He was CEO of a pretty big,
major broadcasting corporation at one point in his life. Now,
that comes with a price when we talk about the
(25:49):
achievers being focused on one area of their life. My
dad was traveling. My dad was very consumed with work.
He was a tremendous provider our family. Once my dad
started to do well, didn't really want for anything. But
my dad wasn't emotionally present with my mom. And the
more that my father climbed up the ladder of success,
(26:10):
the more he worked, the more my mom felt neglected.
And eventually she checked out from being president of dad's
fan club, and her emotional withdraw and her resentment only
seemed to further fuel my father to go seek success
out there and get validation, whether it be through corporate,
(26:30):
through his bosses, through the people who worked for him.
And here's what happened in that moment for me as
a child. My mom, because she didn't really have that
connection to a masculine energy partner, started looking to me,
as her oldest son at age eleven, to make her
feel safe. My mom started dumping a lot of her
(26:51):
marital issues on me, telling me things I shouldn't have
known about. My mom looked for me to sort of
hold space for her to listen about her day. But
if that's the exact reversal of what a normal, healthy
child relationship should be. Nobody was checking in with me
(27:11):
to ask how I was feeling, how I was doing,
and we were going through a big life transition. When
I was eleven and twelve years old, I was hitting puberty.
It was in my awkward years. I was getting bullied
a lot at school, and there was no space for
me to even process those emotions because my primary responsibility
(27:31):
each day became how do I make sure mom isn't
going off the ledge. Her mental health really started to
deteriorate at this point, and the result for me at
an early point in my childhood was anxiety and depression.
I started experiencing those symptoms at age twelve, and eventually,
(27:53):
as my mom became more and more upset, well, the
amount of abuse kicked up in our house. There was
a lot of verbal abuse, there was a lot of
emotional neglect, and eventually my mom became untinged and there
was more physical abuse. She didn't even know how to
meet her own needs, so she certainly couldn't show up
for the children in her house. She just didn't know
(28:16):
how to so for me, again, at an early age,
the way that I knew to be safe was to
put myself on the back burner to take care of Mom.
And when that became too overwhelming, then I started following
in my dad's footsteps. When I was fourteen years old,
I started in turning at radio stations, getting up at
(28:39):
five thirty in the morning on my summer vacations so
that I could go to work with Dad every day.
And when I was old enough to work, I got
my first on air job in my radio career at
age sixteen at a tiny, little A M station in
suburban Maryland. And as I got that job and I
was doing well, that was when people started to pray
(29:00):
is me. I got the Atta boy. People started checking
in with me, not about my emotional states, but to
praise me for what I was doing. So in that moment,
work became my vehicle for two things. Number one, to
get praise, to be loved, to get a pat on
(29:20):
the back, but also to achieve safety from removing myself
from a home that felt very unsafe and dangerous in
my relationship with my mom. And I carried that pattern
of work being the vehicle to make me safe all
through adulthood. I climbed the ladder. I got the next
(29:43):
promotion I got through a bigger city, I managed bigger
radio stations, and all during that time I built a
tremendous amount of success. I was making six figures by
age four, I bought a condo, I was driving Alexis
by age and yet the internal void within me never
(30:03):
went away. And this is the difference between success and
being successful. There's a certain science to being successful. If
you work hard, if you know your goals, set financial goals,
if you create an action plan to achieve it, you
can get whatever you want in life. But we have
(30:24):
to look are the things you're getting Are you fulfilled
by it? Because that is success full. Like I am
so filled up by the work that I'm doing in
my contribution to the world that I emotionally feel great
every day. That was not my experience. In all. The
(30:46):
seeds of that chasing and the striving and the workaholism
that eventually led to my emotional collapse were planted not
in corporate America. They were planted in childhood. Now, why
do I share this story with you. It's not because
I'd love to sit here and talk about myself in
front of the captive audience. This is important for you
(31:09):
because until you start to bring conscious awareness to the
subconscious patterns that you're operating in every day. By default,
you're going to continue to engage in low level coping
behavior that's going to protect you from emotional vulnerability. You see.
I used to teach these courses as workshops where we
(31:30):
would dive right in and I would teach you how
to create a purpose statement. But what I found out
was is even when people knew their purpose, they weren't
taking action to bring it to life. We would create
an action planning goals and I would ask people, hey,
did you do the thing that we talked about last week?
And they say, well, no, because what happened was is
(31:51):
they didn't feel safe to actually go after those goals.
You know, for the person who was aimless, they were
putting everyone else in their life first. They were so
busy taking care of everyone else, they weren't creating time
for themselves. For the achievers, they were so terrified about
not having the image of success if their new venture
(32:13):
didn't go perfectly that they just tossed aside the dream
in the first place. So what we want to start
to identify as a what archetype do you relate to?
Are you and are you an aimless person? Are you
which are you an achiever? Maybe a hybrid of both.
(32:34):
But what are the low level coping mechanisms that have
resulted from operating this way? So we talk about these
protection patterns. Now, a lot of times in the self
help world, you'll hear gurus talk about this as self sabotage.
That is total b s. You have never gotten out
of bed in the morning, yawned and stretched and dug
(32:57):
into your phone and said, jeem, how can I screw
up in sabotage my goals today? Nobody's ever done that.
But if there's a subconscious part of you that is
a living on autopilot that believes it's unsafe to have
the things that you want, you will fall into self protection.
(33:19):
So let's talk about the top ten protection patterns that
will sabotage your purpose and keep you stuck. The first
two are almost soul mates. Procrastination and perfectionism. How many
times have you kick the can down the road that
you want to start a business, that you want to
write a book, that you you know you want to
(33:40):
go back to school and maybe learn a new skill,
but you just haven't done it right. Well, This is
what happens a lot of times. You know, procrastination will
kick the can down the road, thinking that we're going
to find the perfect plan that will keep us from
having any setbacks or failure. But there is no perfect
(34:01):
plan for anything, and in that strive for perfection, we
can continue to delay. So we know from procrastination into perfectionism.
It creates a crazy eight loop that keeps us an
indecision and in action. Let's talk about putting yourself last.
This is a big one, especially for my aimless friends
out there. You know, you might have grown up in
(34:22):
a home where sacrifice was modeled for you. You might
have grown up in a home where literally you had
to take care of everybody else, and you believe that
the only real value that you have in the world
is being a caretaker to everybody else in their dreams
except your own. It served a purpose for you in childhood.
You probably got praised, You probably felt a sense of significance.
(34:47):
But how is that pattern keeping you stuck today? You
might even notice it's causing some resentment in your relationships
when you feel like you chronically have to take care
of every everybody else. In fact, you're probably not so
good at letting people show up to take care of you.
Confusion is another pattern that sabotages people's purpose. And here's
(35:12):
the thing. Nobody is really confused about the path that
they would follow. Think of it this way. If you
won Powerball next week and you had five million dollars
show up in your bank account and money was never
an issue for you ever again, do you not know
exactly what you would do for purposeful and meaningful work
(35:34):
the challenges You don't think it's possible for you right now,
right you don't know how to bring it to life.
You don't know how to do it in a way
uh that won't include too much financial risk for you.
And if you don't know how to create the thing
that you want. Many times, the way that we keep
(35:54):
ourselves safe is we never even have We never allow
ourselves to own the desire and create the clarity in
the first place. Confusion protects us again from risk emotional vulnerability,
but over time, it's also going to extinguish that light
within yourself. It's going to extinguish your passion to even
(36:17):
show up in the world. Let's talk about another protection pattern,
right not asking for or receiving help you know, there's
a lot of you out there who are trying to
isolate and just do everything by yourself. In fact, could
it be possible that your inner monologue in many situations,
both in your current career, within your family, and your
(36:40):
relationships is effort, I'll do it myself. And a lot
of times that's because you grew up in a home
where people were emotionally cold and emotionally unavailable for you.
You learned how to take care of yourself, which good
for you. You're a very independent person. But the challenges
when we talk about cultivating your purpose statement and creating
(37:02):
this new life path, nobody creates their next level by themselves.
Every successful person it's had a mentor along the way.
Oprah was mentored by Maya Angelou, people like Mark Zuckerberg
mentored by Steve Jobs. Bill Gates was mentored by Warren Buffett.
And the same is true for you. You need a mentor,
(37:25):
You need a support system around you that's going to
help you get to your next level, and you need
to be able to feel safe to receive that. Let's
talk about blaming other people. There's a not a great
pattern that keeps you stuck. You know, Let's be honest.
If you ever said, Hey, my career would be great
if I didn't have such a jerk of a boss.
(37:47):
Have you ever said, man, I would be happier in
my job if these people just recognize my value and
they paid me more. And of course blame comes up
all the time in our romantic relationships also. So the
problem is with blame is it creates these patterns of
wanting to control other people. Right, We're always trying to
(38:10):
artificially manipulate or control the external situations in our life,
and it takes our focus away from the only thing
that is truly in our control, which is how we
show up the action that we're taking. The life that
you create in the coming year is all going to
be based on the action you're taking, not how other
(38:34):
people change. Doubting yourself or your intuition. This is especially
a big one, uh for those of you who are
living life by committee. Shout out to my aimless people.
You know, there's a lot of times that there's that
internal call that's told you to do something completely crazy.
For me, you know, when I was still making six
(38:57):
figures working in the radio industry, the thought of starting
a coaching business. Even though that intuitively is what I
felt like to do, it made no sense to me.
I was like, who am I to coach other people
when I haven't even figured out my life yet. So
I ended up staying in that career years longer than
I should have, until the point where my health started
(39:19):
to deteriorate. But here's the thing that you need to
remember about your intuition. It's the way that the divine
speaks to you. Your intuition isn't some crazy woo woo thing.
That's literally the way that God or the universe communicates
(39:39):
to you. And a lot of times when we have
an experience, and we grew up with a lot of
traumatic experiences, we start to doubt our intuition. We actually
believe the voice of fear telling us to stay stuck.
We think that that's our intuition. So how do you
tell the difference. Your intuition is always that is them
(40:00):
inside you that's calling you to grow. Your intuition is
never telling you to stay stuck where you're at. It
always wants you to expand, to grow. We live in
a universe that the scientists have told us. You know,
people like Neil de Grass Tyson said, the universe is
ever expanding, it's always growing. Therefore we need to be
(40:23):
growing as well. And when you're feeling a huge amount
of anxiety or fear, or a an impulse to go backwards,
to hide, to play small, that's actually fear. That's not
your intuition. A couple more protection patterns that show up
catastrophizing your life, always creating the worst possible scenario. There's
(40:46):
people are like Dan, I can't possibly leave this soul
sucking job that is killing my health and robbing me
of my happiness. I could never go do work I
love because if I do that, uh, the money is
not going to come through. What if it doesn't work out,
I'm gonna get fired. And then if I get fired,
I'm gonna lose my family, and then I'm gonna lose
my home, and I'm gonna die homeless and penniless behind
(41:07):
a Walmart dumpster. We tend to jump toward the worst
possible scenarios in a way, it protects us, right if
we're always looking for the threat, if we're just sort
of living in that nervous system response, we don't ever
have to take an emotional risk to become more and
to become the greatest version of ourselves. Addiction is another
(41:30):
pattern that will keep people stuck. We talked briefly about workaholism,
but it doesn't matter whether it's work, drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, shopping.
Every addiction is rooted in the same place. It's a
desire not to feel. And eventually, as we start to
have a calling to move forward to grow in our
(41:52):
life and we don't obey it, you know that that
creates a lot of tension, It creates a lot of fear,
and we look for ways to come out for it,
for it, and this is where we can fall into
unhealthy addictive patterns and finally, toxic relationships or another protection
pattern that keep us from moving forward in our purpose.
Because if you're constantly focused on the person who's toxic
(42:16):
in your life. Sometimes usually this is about a romantic partner,
but many times this can be family, this can be parents,
this can be siblings. Well, we can divert all our
attention there and trying to make that person change, and
we don't have to take any responsibility for ourselves. So
(42:36):
as you're thinking about this and as you get into
your transformational workbook, I want you to start to identify
what are the three patterns that you fall into the most,
and how have those ment a need for you? Up
until now? You know they have kept you safe. But
what is the cost if you don't move beyond these patterns?
(43:00):
Because here's two important coaching points, identifying and healing this.
These childhood attachment wounds that we've laid out here in
module one are a key component of bringing your purpose
to life. But you don't heal those wounds intellectually. This
is why so many people will lay on the therapist
(43:21):
couch for four or five years and they will talk
through and you intellectually understand why you do the things
that you do. But nothing changes because we heal these
patterns experientially, meaning that we have to take contrasting action
to the old protection pattern in order to move beyond
(43:42):
them and bring our purpose to life. If your old
pattern was to collapse on yourself and just play small
and settle for less than you deserve, then this course
for you is about expanding your vision and really allowing
yourself to dream big. If perfection is them, is the
is the pattern that's held you back then? And I
(44:05):
get this, by the way, it's something that's even kept
me from turning this into a digital course up until now.
I'm like, oh, I gotta higher like a seven camera
crew and shoot this professionally. Is if somehow this information
will be more powerful if it's shot on like cameras
(44:25):
as opposed to my laptop. I fall into it too.
But the place that I operate from to keep myself
moving forward is that seventy done is good enough. Right
this course as it's recorded right now, I know it's
going to change people's lives, but this is me moving
(44:46):
beyond my perfectionism patterns and moving beyond that fear of
rejection or the punishment that would come if I didn't
get it right or if I didn't get the good grades.
So this is what we have to do in your life. Right.
The trans formation will be in the implementation, not in
the intellectual understanding, because once we get out of these
(45:09):
survival loops and the validation loop of being the of
being the aimless or being the achiever, you can get
on the amplified path, which is the authentic path, meaning
that you are fully connected to yourself, your gifts, your purpose,
(45:30):
and connected in a way that serves something bigger than you.
I want to talk to you today about where we're
really looking to bridge the gap to move you forward
in this course. It's by becoming an author. When you
are an author, you embrace being the deliberate architect of
your story. You were taking responsibility for your life from
(45:55):
here on out. People who are authors believe it in
winning in their career in life, but they don't have
to do it at the expense of each other. They're
in an abundance mindset. They don't believe that their success
is going to diminish anybody else or take away from
anyone else. They don't believe that serving others and living
(46:17):
their purpose is going to lead to some sort of bankruptcy.
They also have incredibly strong boundaries. They can set boundaries
with any person, soul sucking job, or even a negative
thought pattern that doesn't contribute to their overall well being,
and as a result of that, they show up as
the most vibrant, lit up version of themselves at work
(46:40):
and at home. Right, the success in one area of
life tends to feed the other. When you feel awesome
about the work that you're doing, do you not come
home a little bit more energized? With a pep in
your step and when you feel great about your relationships
at home and you're fully present, does that not give
you a little more boost in energy to show up
(47:01):
for your work the next day. That is my intention
for you at the end of these modules and at
the end of this course. Now, people who were authors,
it doesn't mean that they had a perfect childhood. I
know many it trust me. I have, you know, bridge
that gap from being the achiever who reverted back to
being aimless being the author of my life and trust me,
(47:24):
I had a very challenging childhood. But here's what changed.
I made my personal growth a priority over the course
of the last six years of my life and into
the future. I seek out mentors who have created the
results that I want to accomplish. I also stay connected
to like minded people who value the things that I
(47:44):
value and keep that support system in place. I don't
hang out with the people anymore, uh that that are
numbing out and staying at the club and at the
bar till one in the morning, right. I tend to
hang out more at yoga studios of personal development retreats,
and I stay in committed, consistent action with goals that
(48:06):
help me come alive and live my purpose. And this
is the same for anybody who was an author. Also,
people who are authors, they don't wait for clarity to
sort of just show up in an Amazon package at
their door. There's a lot of people who aren't really
you know, they're living in the passengers seat of life.
They're just waiting for someone or something outside of themselves
(48:29):
to give them the answers. I will tell you, people
who are authors seek out clarity. They set an intention
to seek clarity in the five key areas of high performance. Now,
two of these are what we're really focusing on in
this program. Right. I can't get into all five of
these with you, uh in the course of these six modules,
(48:50):
but you're gonna leave really, really clear in the first
two areas. Number one, you need to have clarity on
who you are. Most of us know what we do,
we don't know who we are. We put ourselves in
one dimensional boxes like well, I'm a parent, I'm a spouse,
I'm a lawyer, i'm a life coach, Dan, I'm an accountant.
But we really want to get clear on who are
(49:13):
you beyond that? What are the intrinsic qualities about you
that are special, that really make you tick? What are
the things about you that are unique that you could
share with the world, Because once we know who you are,
we want to get into clarity of purpose, which is
what problems am I here to solve? Who am I
(49:33):
here to serve? What's going to make all of this
in my life have more meaning so that I'm truly
living and not existing. And the other three areas clarity
of skill. You know, if you're a person who wants
to pivot in your career, if you want to start
a business, write a book, there are places in your
life where you're going to have to build a new
(49:55):
skill set. You're going to have to skill up. Coaching
For me, when I started this business in was pretty easy.
I was great. I mean from an early age in
my life, I was always the doctor phil of my
social group with my friends. But what I had to
learn was online marketing. I had to learn how do
I attract clients, how do I promote myself, how do
(50:17):
I advertise my services? How do I manage a website.
I had never done any of those things before, but
those were the places I had to skill up to
get to where I am now, where I'm actually out
earning uh, that six figure corporate career, but doing work
that's aligned with who I am at this stage in
my life. Two other areas where where we really want
(50:39):
to seek clarity when you're an author, clarity of your relationships.
How do you want to show up in your relationships?
A lot of times we treat our significant other the
same way that we would like an employee and work,
and you might have realized that isn't a great approach.
If you're treating your children like they worked for you
(50:59):
rather than they're your kids, you might notice you're really
struggling in those relationships. But each area of relationships in
your life are going to require a different version of you.
You need clarity on that, and ultimately you know clarity
of your blind spots, meaning we want to illuminate the
subconscious patterns that are running your life. And that's so
(51:20):
much about what this first module is and what we're
going to be doing in the workbook moving forward, because
the only thing that separates the people who are trapped
in a life of survival or validation versus those who
deliberately create lives with more meaning and fulfillment is that
the authors know their purpose and build all parts of
(51:45):
their life around it. That's what we're going to get
into coming up in module too. But I also just
want to give you some of the research and the
science that shows how discovering your purpose is going to
improve all areas of your life. Actually improves brain functioning.
They've done studies with older Americans after retirement. The people
(52:06):
who still have a sense of purpose after retirement have
a significantly reduced incidence of Alzheimer's disease or dementia. There's
also lower cholesterol and lower risk of a cardiac event
when you're connected to your purpose. Probably not too surprising
that your life is a little less stressful when you're
(52:26):
moving from your purpose, better quality of sleep. It also
improves resilience and heals trauma. This is such a big part,
and and we'll get into this a little bit later
in the course, but one of the greatest benefits of
knowing your purpose is it helps you contextualize and find
meaning and some of the really unfortunate things that happen
(52:48):
in life. Now, the purpose of my life is to
love all parts of myself and my higher power and
feel the expansion that results from helping my clients do
the same. That's really that's the purpose of my life. Now.
The vehicle through which I bring that to life is
through my coaching practice, through the Life Amplified podcast, through
(53:11):
forty some odd TV appearances that I've done over the
last last year as an expert guest. Um, that's a
vehicle through which I bring that to life. But if
the purpose of my life has been to learn to
love all parts of myself, then it stands to reason
I would have some experiences early in life where I
(53:34):
had to know self loathing. Right. If the purpose of
my life is to love myself and to teach others
how to do it, then that's a journey that I
needed to go on. And I can look at the
past and look at some of the situations and past
pain and family and relationships and romance and have an
understanding on why those were necessary for me to evolve
(53:58):
deeper into my purpose. And once you create your purpose statement,
we'll be able to talk about that same conversation. More
financial abundance shows up when you're moving from your purpose.
You know, we'll get into three big mindset ships and
module two and one of them is going to be
around money. But rest assured when you are using your energy,
(54:19):
your gifts, your talents, and service of other people to
help them solve problems. They're gonna compensate you handsomely for that.
You also tend to have healthy love, romance, and passion
when you move from your purpose. You know, this purpose
statement isn't just something that you should use to create
an aligned career. This purpose statement is something that should
(54:40):
infuse all of your romantic relationships. You know, if you're
bringing your purpose every day into your relationship, that's gonna,
you know, take you from living like roommates to create
all new levels of intimacy, and you get to set
an example for your kids to live purpose sleep. You know,
(55:01):
it's been said that the greatest burden for a child
to bear is the unlived dream of a parent. You know,
think about this, or you a person who has been
hiding behind your kids as to why you're not showing up. Hey,
I can't do that. You know, I got to take
care of my kids. I can't follow my dreams. What
happens one day when your kid is going after you know,
(55:22):
when your kid talks about their dreams that they want
to go after, are you gonna be like, oh, you know,
your mom, your dad, I had a dream once too,
and they say, well what happened? Why didn't you pursue it?
And you look at them and go, well, you for starters.
That's a great way to ensure that I have future
generations of clients for the rest of my life. Right.
(55:44):
But but you really do become a model for your children.
And what's possible when you move from your purpose and
according to the research people with a sense of purpose,
it adds up to seven years to your life span.
So this is not is a conceptual thing that's you know,
it's not some conceptual Google thing. There are tangible benefits
(56:07):
to your life. And coming up in module too, we're
going to address the three biggest mindset shifts to help
you move from procrastination to purpose. We're also going to
define what purpose is and what purpose definitely is not.
There's a lot of misconceptions on what purposes and once
you know what purposes, we're gonna give you an experiential
(56:29):
exercise to help you unlock your purpose. So where is
your life reflected back to you? In module number one?
Are you a person who has been aimlessly wandering? Are
you the high achiever who has outer success but you're
trying to compensate for a lot of the inner pain,
and what are the steps that you need to do
(56:52):
to move from being aimless or an achiever to an author. Well,
you might not know that path because you haven't walked
it yet, but I would love to offer you the
opportunity for us to work together virtually over the course
of the next week so that you can truly identify
your purpose and thrive in it. If you go to
(57:12):
Creative Soul Coaching dot net, you can click the link
and purchase the Move from your Purpose digital course and
it's entire to hear some of the other things that
we cover. In module two, we start to identify what
is the hidden force within you that is going to
unlock your purpose. Plus, I take you through the same
(57:32):
experiential exercise that I've done in so many of my
live group coaching programs that is going to help you
get crystal clear on your life's purpose. In fact, you're
even going to walk away from that module with your
own purpose statement for your life. In module three, we
begin to illuminate the subconscious ways that you're giving your
(57:54):
power away to other people. You can't thrive in your
purpose unless you're can did to yourself first and foremost,
why don't we do that? You'll understand in module three,
and I'm going to teach you how to unlock a
why that will keep you consistent with your purpose. And
Module four you'll learn how to create goals that align
(58:17):
with your purpose. And this is not just about your career.
We're gonna look at that holistically so that every area
of your life improves. And Module five you'll learn how
to turn your purpose into a profitable second act in
your career. And we wrap it up in moduble six
by giving you a roadmap to stay consistently aligned so
that you never fall off track for too long. So
(58:39):
proud of this course, and it really represents the over
ten thousand client hours that I put in with people
across eighteen countries to help them really create an aligned
and authentic next level of greatness. And for the month
of December, when you go to my website, you can
buy the digital course for fifty off. And I am
(59:00):
so certain that you are going to love what you
get in this program that you can try it for
three days and if what I'm teaching doesn't resonate for you,
you can get a full refund, no questions asked, So
the details on that are at my website right now,
Creative Soul Coaching dot net. I hope that the lessons
(59:22):
here in Module one unlock some new AHAs and breakthroughs
for you, and I'm sending it so much love this
holiday season. Thank you for being here as part of
my community, both with the podcast and online. If you'd
like to give me a follow on the socials, let's
connect at c SC Dan Mason on Instagram would love
for you to slide into my d m s let
(59:44):
me know what did you walk away with? What was
the value or the insight that you gained from listening
to Module number one. You can also find me on Facebook.
We got the link for that in the show notes,
and of course you can always get info on my
one on one coaching programs. If this is a journey
where you'd like some accountability for us to walk that
(01:00:05):
path together, do have some spaces open you can get
more info Creative Soul Coaching dot net. In the meantime,
turned down the volume on your negativity, turn up the
volume on your purpose so you can live life amplified.
I'll talk to you next week
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