Sarah Reilly: How to Run Your Life Instead of Letting Life Run You

This week on the pod, Dan has brought back his friend and one of your favorite guests of all time, Sarah Reilly!

Sarah Reilly is a life coach based in Sydney, Australia who helps executives, entrepreneurs and creatives get anything they want. She combines the spirituality and the woo woo with science-based facts that might give you a new perspective on how to get into "the matrix" as she calls it. She shares how to make it happen.

In this episode, Dan and Sarah talk about how to create a life that you run and that doesn't run you. Deep down, we know that we need to make changes and that our actions can lead us to where we want to go. Yet inside and our environment surrounding us feels like we're still stuck. 

Dan and Sarah are here to show you why that is and what you can do about it. 

Along with all the truth bombs they'll drop on you, they also have a major announcement! 

Here's what you'll get in today's episode:

- Four steps to bridge between having a life you run instead of a life that runs you.

- How making changes in your life starts with personal responsibility. 

- Why the people you surround yourself with can make or break any changes you want to make in life.

- The power of making a committed decision and how life starts to shift once you fully commit.

- Why strategy is important, but not the most important part of making a change in life. 

To join the Wavelength Mastermind, visit wavelengthmastermind.com

Find Sarah on Instagram @SarahReillyCoaching

Join Dan's Life Amplified Facebook Tribe! facebook.com/groups/lifeamplified

Follow Dan on Instagram for daily tips and motivation: @cscdanmason

To learn more about Dan, visit creativesoulcoaching.net

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Episode eight four, How to Run your Life instead of
letting Life run You with Sarah Riley. My name is
Dan Mason. I was overweight, getting divorced, battling depression, and
feeling trapped in a career where I was successful but
bored and unfulfilled. And it's actually the greatest gift I've
ever been given. I use my pain as a springboard

(00:22):
to discover my life's purpose. Now I want to share
the same tools and strategies which helped transform my life
with you so you can live Life Amplify. At my
old gym in Manhattan that used to have a big
wall of motivational quotes, and there's one that's always stuck
with me. In fact, I have it screenshotted and saved
on my phone to this day. It said, the bad

(00:45):
news is no one else will save you. The good
news is no one else will save you. Hello, and
welcome back everybody to Life Amplified. Such a privilege to
be able to serve you this week, and a very
important lesson that eventually we have to take control of
our lives. Irene Cassorel was the one who once said
the pen that writes your life story must be held

(01:08):
in your own hand. But more often than not, it's
easy to get overwhelmed by the external circumstances of our
life as well as those internal negative thoughts and believe
that we're not good enough, we're not capable to get
to the next level. As one person recently shared with
me and her coaching application, she said, my days are

(01:28):
not mine During the week. My time belongs to my
job first, my daughter's second, my husband third, and if
I have any energy left, I'll do some reading or binge,
watch the office, or scroll through Instagram because that's all
my brain can handle at the end of the day.
And while being of service is important, we do tend
to misdirect our energy and give to everybody else, often

(01:51):
at our own expense. And if that weren't enough, then
you have to deal with all the thoughts that tell you, well,
you're an impostor you're not good enough to get to
the next level. Things don't work out for me and
for many stuck people. They take those thoughts and they
turn it into the gospel. How do we overcome it?
This week I brought back one of my dear friends

(02:11):
and one of your favorite guests on the podcast, Sarah
Riley is a life coach based out of Sydney, Australia.
She helps executives, entrepreneurs and creatives get anything they want.
She combines the spirituality and the woo woo with new
science based facts that might give you a new perspective
on how to get into the matrix, as she calls it,

(02:32):
and this week she's going to share on how we
can make that happen. Coming up in this conversation, Sarah
and I are going to talk about how to create
a life that you run, that doesn't run you. Some
of the topics we're gonna cover or four action steps
you can implement beginning right now to bridge the gap
between the life you have and the life you really want.
We're going to talk about how making a significant life

(02:54):
change starts with personal responsibility and removing blame. We'll talk
about why the people you surround yourself with can make
or break any changes you want to sustain in your life.
We're going to discuss the power of a committed decision
and why strategy and action plans aren't actually the most
important part of creating an amplified life. Plus, at the

(03:16):
end of the podcast, we're going to make a special
invitation and tell you how you can work personally with
both Sarah and myself to take your life and career
up to an entirely new level in the coming year.
If you love the conversation, be sure to screenshot this
uploaded to Instagram. You can tag me at c sc
Dan Mason. You can find Sarah at Sarah Riley Coaching.

(03:40):
That is Sarah with an H R E, I L
L Y, and don't forget. If you really love the
conversation and what we're sharing, surge you in a big way.
You can leave those five star ratings and reviews up
on Apple. Each one that you leave, I make a
donation to help feed one and fifty people through Feeding America.
Or can just give us a follow on the I

(04:01):
Heart Radio app or whatever podcast platform you're listening on.
In the meantime, we're getting your prime for a huge,
massive teaching you how to run your life so life
doesn't run you with my dear friend Sarah Riley. Hey, everybody,
Sarah Riley's back on Live Amplified. My friend, Hello, Hey,

(04:24):
how's it going? Thanks for having me. You know, I
always like when podcast guests become real life friends. And
Sarah was back on the podcast earlier in It was
one of the three most downloaded episodes of the year.
You guys loved her topic about how to reprogram your
brain for success. And since then, you and I have
been vibing, We've connected, we've become business running buddies, and

(04:46):
we've got some exciting projects coming up together in twenty
that will be talking about a little bit later. So
many exciting things to cover during our topic today. Can't
wait so much looking forward to it. And thank you
to everyone who made my original podcast the third most downloaded.
That was actually really exciting for me and I shared
that on the Graham and I was super proud. Yeah,

(05:07):
and she has also got a hit out on the
people who were number one and two. So, Sarah, it
is when you and I are recording this, it's mid November,
and this is the time of year when people look
back on the year that was, and I'm sure for
many people in the audience looking back with a little

(05:29):
regret or disappointment, and I think you and I can
relate to this back. You know, before we went on
the path that we're on. You start out in January
with the best of intentions. You've got big goals for
your life to either quit your job or write the book,
or lose the weight, or find the epic soulmate romance.
And yet somewhere along the way we fall off track.

(05:51):
And in fact, this is why only eight percent of
people really achieved the goals that they set in January
to We're going to talk about some strategies to help
make a bigger year of success. But I love your
story and I've gotten to know you on such a
friendship level. Talk to me and maybe share with the
audience a little bit of what this journey was like

(06:13):
for you, when you had big plans but you couldn't
get it in gear, when you just felt stuck, when
you felt lifeless, when life was anything but amplified for you,
anything but amplified. That's a good way to say. Yeah,
I mean I followed the classic path. You know, you
get through school and you know, you maybe do a
little bit of traveling, and then you go to UNI

(06:33):
and you work your way up the corporate letter. And
for me it was about I just had a wall,
you know, like I just got to what I call
my own personal zero. I've been in corporate for almost
ten years. I had a corporate career in risk management. Prior,
you know, I started an occupational safety and I worked
in really dangerous industries. I started out in oil and gas,
moved into heavy construction, spent a couple of years years
and shipping, and it was a place where, you know,

(06:55):
it was super high stress, super high responsibility, and I
mean it gave you a great seed be but stress wise,
it also gave me a tumor. I was in a
state when I eventually, you know, quit that career to
go and do what I love. And it was truly
a situation where if you're just responding to your environment,
it seems impossible to get out. And that's why it's
so critical to make big, faith based, courage based, direction

(07:18):
based decisions when you're in that spot. And that's what
I did when I like called up Tony Robbins Companies
to hire my first coach. I called them in the
fetal position underneath the dining room table, and I was like,
I'm too smart to be this unhappy, you know, Like
my problem wasn't that I didn't have the cognitive ability
to see things, or that I didn't recognize that things
weren't going very well or that or you know, it

(07:39):
wasn't about that. You know, a lot of my clients
say this to me too. They're like, it's not an
intellect issue. I'm you know, I'm smart enough to understand
that things aren't working. Why can't I make different decisions?
And what it comes down to is, you know, subconscious programming,
the junk we picked up as kids that is in
psychological blind spots and really needs that outside perspective, you know,
to get it moving and to get it out into
the sunlight where we can critic evaluate it and say, well,

(08:01):
what much of these survival mechanisms do I need? And
which am I ready to let go of and actually,
you know, go and live my dreams from new programming.
You had mentioned something that's really important that I just
want to address because there are so many people and
I see this in coaching applications and I hear it
from listeners of the podcast. Everybody intellectually understands what they're

(08:22):
supposed to do to change here in America. I don't
know what it's like over in Australia where you're at.
You know, we've got epic numbers of obesity in America
and it's not like there is a lack of knowledge
about how to lose weight. We all get that you
know your exercise, you eat the right foods, you're going
to be healthier. But it's an implementation issue. And I

(08:45):
think that that's the thing that keeps so many people stuck.
Is they're reading the self help books, they watch the
YouTube video, they listen to a podcast like this. What
keeps people from implementing? And maybe I'll just ask you
back in the days when you were struggling, what was
keeping you from actually implementing the change? Such a good question.
We actually have serious problems with obesity rates in Australia

(09:08):
as well. And but with regard to you know, implementation
as opposed to simply knowing the information you know, mast
and Kept says this a lot. He says, if you
understand it, then you understand it, but you can't say
you know it until you're actually doing it right. And
the doing part requires that your nervous system will let
you you know. I said this to someone a while ago, like,
if you make an use resolution to lose weight, for example,

(09:29):
you might go to the gym for a couple of weeks,
but if you fall off the wagon, the problem is
that you were on a wagon, you were doing something
outside of what your identity includes. Right, So if you
don't do that sort of deep introspection to figure out, well,
why wasn't I someone who prioritized my well being to
start with? If you don't change that, then you're just
trying to shift it at the level of behavior, which

(09:50):
it means you're not disabling the engine that was powering it.
So for me, I like to answer your questions specifically.
After that glorious tangent as I went on a retreat
with Mast and Kep actually and we were doing a
bunch of deep work, and I had had all these
stories about why I couldn't be a coach. Right, I've
been in the corporate world for about ten years. I
had a great CV and it was all looking very
safe but very awful. And if you'd asked me, well,

(10:13):
you know, what do you really want to do? I
would have said, well, you know, the dream is to
be a life coach. And they would have said, well,
why aren't you already being a life coach? And I
would have rattled off the same list of excuses that
everybody says, right, it's oh, well, I don't know where
to find clients, or I don't understand Facebook marketing, or
I've never run a business before, or you know, in
my case, I was like, people don't like me. I'm
not good at X, Y and Z, and I'm not
you know, all the stories, but it's never the stories.

(10:36):
The stories are just beliefs, and they're just branches of
the tree. If you really want to do some damage
on here, you can't just be trimming back the branches.
You've gotta be far bombing the tree truck. And when
I did my deep work, what I found out was
that my nervous system was operating under a rule that
said helping people is the most painful thing you can do. Now,
growing up the way I did in a house with
mental illness and going through a reasonable amount of abuse

(10:57):
and having CPTs D from there, it's not surprising that
I learned that my nervous system learned that helping people
is you know, fruitless, that it's going to end badly.
Because I don't want to go into too much detail
around that because I don't like telling other people's stories,
but you know, I had a parent who was abusive,
had a personality disorder, and was quite heavily into self harm,
and so whenever I tried to help, basically what would

(11:18):
happen is, you know, they were just drink and self
harm and then tell me it was my fault. And
so what I learned from that is that, like I said,
helping people is incredibly painful. Now, when a survival meaning
is made like that, it's buried in the scatoma psychological
blind spot. People don't know they have these. So once
I found that, I was like, oh, so, the only
reason I have all these beliefs about why I can't

(11:39):
you leave my job and launch this business and live
my dreams and travel the world and work while snowboarding
and all the other big ideas I had was because
my system had those beliefs in order to protect the
underlying story that it just wasn't safe to try and
help people. Once I dug that out, I literally got
up after that meditation, went straight back to my room,
loaded up the Tony Robins website, signed up for my
North American Coaching certificate, rerouted my travel plans, and basically

(12:03):
started coaching pretty much immediately and was successful in doing so.
And I think that this is such an important distinction
because a lot of people, especially this time of year,
when there's another twelve months that have gone by with
unrealized dreams. We go into shame, we go into blaming ourselves.
We say, well, I'm just lazy, I'm distracted, I'm unfocused.

(12:26):
So I think that this is such a powerful breakthrough
for somebody today is to realize you're not left up,
you're not broken, but literally your nervous system is terrified
because there is a subconscious belief about what's possible for you. Yeah,
and can I just say the whole thing about activating
a shame spiral and talking about how disappointed you are

(12:47):
in yourself or how lazy you think you are twofold one,
I mean, that's an egoic distraction. The ego is always
going to tell you whatever story gets you into a
shame spiral, because when you're in a shame spiral, you're
not typically going out and changing things. Shame spiral as
so what keep people on the couch eating pizza and crying. Right, So,
you know we've all been there, We've all had that
particular Tuesday. So but while you're doing that, it's effectively

(13:08):
a distraction because while you're beating up on yourself, what
are you not doing making the decision that would move
you forward. It's like we get very distracted with berating
ourselves as though that's some necessary part of growth, and
it's not at all. It's a distraction from growth. It's
an ego at track and the idea that you're broken
or damaged in any way, or that you know, you're
just too left up, or whatever people are saying. It's not.

(13:30):
In fact, if you have this this type of issue
where your nervous system is like preventing you from moving forward,
you're not broken. That tells me your nervous system is
firing exactly is designed. It's working beautifully. It's just that
the rules that's adhering to the coding that is driving
it is out of date because you would have learned
these survival techniques and these survival meanings back when you
were a sponge. Basically, you're just making random survival meanings

(13:52):
as a kid, and they're not like, no survival meaning
is inherently factually accurate because it was made in the
mind of a child with no empathy, no full front
to lob development, and no context. So it's not that
there's any type of damage or laziness or whatever. Like
I always stamp out identity statements right from the beginning
to because there's no such thing as personality. The science
doesn't support that. It's not that you are a type

(14:14):
of person. It's that you have learned ways of being
that kept you safe as a kid. And the reason
it's not producing the dream life that you want now
is because it's not relevant to this environment. You're not
facing the same threats, You're not in the same situation.
It's like if you're, you know, on a safari, you'll
use a lot of bug spray, but constantly coating yourself
and bug spray inside your apartment in a country that

(14:36):
doesn't have a major bug problem in suburban areas is irrelevant, right,
So you're just you're applying an unnecessary, irrelevant or you know,
inappropriate coping mechanism to this environment. If you try to
run those patterns from childhood in your current life, it's
not going to produce your dream life because it was
never designed to. All it's going to do is keep
you safe from a threat that's not there anymore. That

(14:56):
is absolutely brilliant. I love it, and I think that
this is a each set up now for us to
give the audience this week four practical steps to bridge
that gap to their dream life. So when we talk
about how do you actually run your life instead of
life running you and you know, being a reactor every day,
that gets us to the first step, which is personal responsibility.

(15:21):
Tell me more about that and why that is so important.
Personal responsibility is about recognizing that you are at cause,
and it's at causes, not at all the same as
to blame. I think this is where a lot of
people get either upset or triggered. And I don't mean
that in a facetious way. I mean in the literal way.
They get, you know, quite aggressive about it. Is because

(15:41):
there's a misconception that to be at cause in your
life means that stuff is your fault, right that you
are to be held accountable for it. And the thing
is whatever you're creating, manifesting, you know, bringing into being unconsciously,
you can't be held personally accountable for your not to blame.
Like for example, if I had a house est and
they were asleep walking and they stepped on my laptop,

(16:03):
I'm not going to be you know, I mean I
can't promise I won't be upset that my laptop got mashed.
But I'm not going to be angry at them. I'm
not going to be like, this is your fault because
they were asleep, right, Like, it's not their fault. They
didn't know it was there. They couldn't even see. They
were just responding to a dream. So you are at
cause in that you are the driving force behind the
emotions that you have in the atomic activity around you.

(16:25):
But you're not to blame. It's not like anything bad
happened to you is your fault. But when we take
responsibility and we start to act like we recognize that
we're at cause, we make different decisions, we make different inroads,
we make different choices, and we move forward in a
different way. So step one is recognizing that you are
not a victim of your environment, because you can't be

(16:46):
in a victimized position and effect change. You're either at
the mercy of your environment or you're controlling it. And
until you kind of pick a side of the fence,
you're forever sort of stuck as like I said, a
victim of circumstances. That makes sense, Yeah, totally makes sense.
So I just want to go back and I think
you alluded to this, but really driving the point home
that when we're talking about your cause, for the person

(17:07):
who grew up in a home like you that was abusive,
grew up in a home like me that was abusive,
it's not that the things that happened to you particularly
early in life, or because you deserved it, or that
you were wrong or somehow you ask for it. I
think what I just want to clarify what we're trying
to say here is that what we're taking responsibility for
is to change the way that we relate to the story.

(17:31):
Would that be fair to say? Yeah, most definitely, it's
not anybody's fault that they had a rough childhood. I mean,
in that situation you are, you know, your ability to
make change is obviously inherently limited. You are at the
mercy of whoever is paying for your shelter and buying
your groceries, and then who is your primary source of connection?
For sure, But once you're out of that situation, once
you're not at the mercy of you know, somebody else

(17:53):
buying your groceries and you know, controlling your daily activities,
then it's time to look at, Okay, what did I learn?
And that's a situation and where am I still running
the coping mechanisms that were only applicable to that particular
environment once you have full frontal lobe development after twenty five.
In particular, it's about saying okay, as a child without
you know, until seven, I didn't have full empathy until

(18:16):
a certain age, I didn't have full planning and consequential understanding, etcetera, etcetera.
And so I made a lot of meanings and I
learned a lot of things that you know, it's information
I absorbed without context and without you know, without really
looking at the bigger picture. So am I still operating
as though that's true? And iffort is no longer serving me?
What would I like to shift it to being it

(18:37):
causes not at all a space of deserving something bad
that happened to you. It's about saying, now that I
am in a situation where I can assume responsibility for
my life. The only way to be able to take
steps forward is to get in the driver's seat Like that.
If you keep your blind fold on and you refuse
to put your hands on the steering wheel, then obviously
you're going to get a different outcome than if you

(18:57):
take the blind fold off, put your hands on the
steering where and I'm that car towards everything you want.
So that would be a way somebody can run their life.
And just for an example, the person who's letting life
run them. My guess is there's a lot of stories
of blame. Right well, I feel this way because this
person did this, because you said this, you made me angry,

(19:20):
you made me upset. It's a really disempowering way. And
and that idea of blaming other people, it gives us nothing,
right because if our blueprint to be happy, to be joyous,
to be satisfied, connected, is based on how other people
are showing up, we are just totally outsourcing our power. Correct,
Oh yeah, one thousand percent? And I mean the ego

(19:41):
is always going to prompt us in that direction. The
voice in your head is always going to look to
blame someone else, because what it knows is that you
don't control the actions or words of other people. So
as long as you're putting it on somebody else, it
gives you that sort of freedom to not have to
do anything about it. And yes, the ego is a
protective layout, but it's only real method of activity is
to prevent change. It's not moving you towards anything that's

(20:03):
really good for you. It's just trying to keep you
stuck in your old ways. And so as long as
it pretends that everything is everybody else's fault, it sort
of lets you off the hook from doing anything to
change it. The thing is, the ego is always gonna say, well,
if it's you know, it's their fault. They made you
feel like this, whereas that's not, you know, neurologically, true
emotions are not created or controlled by things outside of us.
They're created in the brain. So actually we do have

(20:24):
the ability to feel a different way. But if you
feel a different way, you're going to make different decisions.
If you make different decisions, you're going to take different actions.
And when you take different actions, you completely change your life.
And the ego doesn't understand that it's safe and wonderful
to move towards your dreams. It's only geared up for survival,
and survival means familiarity, and so it's easier to stay
stuck in an unsatisfying present than take a risk on

(20:48):
a unknown future that may or may not work out,
because I may or may not fail. According to the
ego and not saying that that's the case, but yeah,
so I would rather stay here and live at a
four five then risk going for a ten and ending
up at in one. Yeah, because it's a known four
or five, isn't it, whereas the ten is technically the unknown.
But something I would really love for the audience to

(21:10):
ponder from this podcast is if everything in your life
up until now has not been living your dreams, If
you have not made the wealth that you would like
to make, if you have not experienced the energy and
vitality that you consider the peak level that you're going for,
if you have not had the unbelievable relationships that you
would like, And that means that everything you consider the

(21:30):
known is the subpar version. And that means the very
unknown that you're afraid of is all the joy you've
been craving. So does it still make sense to be
so afraid of the unknown if by definition, the unknown
is everything you've ever dreamed? I love that big aha
moment for somebody today. You mentioned a few seconds ago
talking about relationships, and that is a beautiful segue to

(21:51):
the second point. For people who want to run their
life rather than let life run them let's talk about
the people that you're rounding yourself with. The people around
you is kind of everything because human beings prioritize connection
over everything else. So all the rules and you know
in your wiring is around well what do I have
to do to maintain connection and how do I make

(22:13):
sure that I don't lose it? So if you're surrounded
by people that are operating at a lower level than you,
e g. You know, their emotional maturity is lower, or
their ambitions are lower, or their plans are lower or
and I mean lower is a subjective term. You can
apply this to however it's relevant to you. But basically,
if they're doing stuff that is less or not as
good as or you know, just not what you want,

(22:35):
the thing is, in order to maintain connection, your nervous
system is going to be working to calibrate to that.
So that doesn't mean that you can't hang out with
people who are not as ambitious or driven as you,
But what it means is that you probably want to
make sure that the majority of your time is spent
with people who are either on the journey with you
or that are providing some kind of you know, role
model space, like a mentor or someone who's you know,

(22:56):
further ahead in the journey that you can calibrate to
in that direction, because before we started recording, you were
talking about what did you call it? Oh yeah, yeah,
my I forget where I had heard this, And I've
always subscribed to this since I've gone on this path,
that you break up your social circles into pluses, minuses,
and equals. So your pluses are the people who are

(23:19):
further ahead than you. They're the people who have accomplished
the thing that you want to create in your life.
Those are the people you should be seeking out as
mentors most people, and I'm sure you can relate to
this right Like, when we are stuck, when we're not
moving forward, it's because we're usually looking for approval or
some sort of guidance from people who have never actually

(23:40):
done the freaking thing that we want to do. And
then the worst part is then they answer our question
because they're trying to be helpful, but they answer from
a place of fear, and that's typically where we get
stuff like, oh, well, you know, don't do X until
you've done why? Or that sounds really hard? Where are
you going to find clients? Another crap like that. Yeah,
So the pluses are the people who are ahead of

(24:00):
you that could be mentors. The minuses are not the
negative naysayers. They're actually the people who might be a
step or two behind you that you can teach whatever knowledge,
whatever wisdom, the skill that you have, the problem you've overcome,
you can pass that wisdom onto them. So the minuses
aren't negative people, but they're the students, which works on

(24:22):
two levels. Number one, A, you're being of service, which is,
you know, the the highest place that we can aspire
to be is to be offering value in the world.
But also number two is you're teaching what you know
to other people. It just reinforces it within yourself. Right
to teach is to learn, so you just really start

(24:43):
to integrate that knowledge at an even deeper level within yourself.
And then the third step on that is having the equals.
Who is your tribe, the people who are as you
alluded to, that are working towards the same things you are,
who can support you, who can uplift you, who can
hold you accountable, and can even you know, hold that

(25:03):
vision for what your dream is. On the days when
you doubt it's possible, you know, the people who can
pick you up, rather than having the group of people
who are like, well, told you, so, you screwed up,
super not what was your ratio back in the day
when you think of where you were at, you know,
in the risk management career corporate, if you had to

(25:25):
break down your pluses, midases, and equals, and I guess
the fourth layer of this are just what would would
they be? The sub zero group? Like those are really
the naysayers. I'm smiling so big as you asked this
question because I just realized something that I think is
going to be another Aha moment for someone out there,
and that's that in an industry you don't want to
be in because you don't enjoy it, it's not your passion.

(25:47):
You're just kind of there because it gives you, you know,
a secure paycheck. Your pluses are not even real pluses.
I've just realized this. I hadn't thought about it prior
because I don't think too much about all that's good. Yeah,
I've been coaching for a few years now and everything's
been so great for so long that I don't really
think about that stuff anymore. So Yeah, that's actually a
really good point because I think about the pluses I had,
the people that were further ahead in my industry that

(26:09):
were crushing it. They were doing great, and you know what,
they are lovely people, some of them I'm still friends with,
but I don't know that it really counted as a
plus because I didn't aspire to have what they had.
Like they were pluses and the true sense of the word,
but I didn't want to be there at all. They
were the people that had master's degrees and things I hated,
and it was like, you know, I think about them,
and they were They were on the big stages. They

(26:30):
were given the presentations, they were the ones that they
were the keynote speakers at the conferences that I was
just a low level attendee at right, they were. They
were definitely the pluses in my industry, and I would Jesus,
I would not want to be there at all. And
think about that. If you're there minus, I mean, what
are they essentially doing there passing on their wisdom their
knowledge so that you can get to the point that

(26:52):
they're at, But you don't want to be at that point,
and you're just creating this endless loop of frustration and
suffering for yourself, how you And that's why so many
people right climbed the next level of their career and
then it doesn't even feel good to them because it's
not what they want. Yeah. I had someone say that
to me the other day. They said, I used to
think that it didn't matter how bad the job was

(27:12):
as long as I made enough money. And I'm like,
oh my god. Literally, everyone who's ever made really good
executive salaries that's something they hate, will tell you it
wasn't worth it. And that's that's a that's a wall
that I had in that career to where I realized
that because people say, to me, wasn't it scary to
quit your job? And I always say it would have
been scary if I'd done it from courage several years ago,
but I didn't do it when I needed to be brave.

(27:34):
I just stuck with it until my whole system started
shutting down. And by the time I left, it wasn't
scary to leave at all, because I'd realized that not
only would I be happy to give up that salary
to just not have to come into this job anymore,
but I would probably give them like I would have paid,
like I would have said, you know what, keep the
salary and I will give you some of my savings
if I just don't have to come back here. One

(27:54):
of my favorite stories about that is when I after
I quit, I had a three month notice period because
I was at the exact level and it takes three
months to go through all the testing to get someone
to replace you. The woman running the project management office
called me over about halfway through this three month notice
period and she said, listen, we need to talk. And
I said, what's up? And she said to me, you
have to stop skipping in the corridors and and I said,

(28:18):
I can't help it. I'm just so happy. It's only
six weeks until I get to go and live my life.
And she was like, look, everybody who works here wants
to leave, and it doesn't help that you're rubbing it
in and I'm so sorry. Like I was like, look,
I'm really sorry that everybody wants to leave and they're not,
you know, making the right decision for them right now.
But i'd be lying to you if I said I

(28:38):
could contain my joy at finally doing what I want
to do. It's so funny every time I run into
people from my old career. You know, they always look
at it. It's like they turn you into like this
biblical figure, like, oh, you're the one who got away.
It is. It's incredible, and the look on the like
sometimes I think just to look on people's face was

(29:00):
worth doing it for because they said, you know, someone
said to me, oh my god, have you got another job?
And I said nope. And then then there's just this
very awkward silence because nobody knows what to say if
you're going into the you know, the realm of nothingness,
the realm of faith as it were. And then there's
just the silence. And they were like, so what why
are you leaving? And I said, I don't want to
come here anymore. It was, honest to God, it was

(29:24):
worth it. In fact, I remember laughing with my dad
about this, Like I did send a very mature resignation letter.
It was very much a case of you know, I
really appreciate the opportunity I've loved working here. You know,
I here by tender my resignation adult adult adult wonderful.
But I'm not going to lie and say I didn't
have to delete the first resignation letter I ever wrote,
which was I'm leaving to pursue my dream of not
working here. So yeah, well, you know, we joke about

(29:49):
that and like the way people look in awe of
the person who made the transition. And you and I
are both self aware enough to know that we don't
take ourselves seriously. We're not special or have some superhuman
power that other people don't have. But when we talk
about running your life rather than letting a life run you,

(30:10):
I think this leads to point number three that we
wanted to discuss today, which is just the fact that
you and I are examples of what happens when you
make a committed decision. Speak to that a little bit more. Yeah,
I wrote one of my favorite blog posts ever about
a month or two ago on the power of the decision,
And it sounds like not a big deal, but I'm

(30:31):
going to use a really practical example of how it
impacts your life. Um, a few years ago, I decided
I wasn't going to stress about money anymore. I decided
that my coaching business would do five figures a month
every month. I didn't know how, but I just decided
I couldn't do this anymore because I used to stress
about money to the point where it was giving me
chest pain, and I was like, I don't know, Like,
we've hit a point where it's not my choice anymore.

(30:53):
I have to stop stressing about money because I don't
know what the chess pain is. I don't know if
I'm giving myself another tumor. I don't know if this
is long dimma. I don't know if it's just my
solar plexus chakra wigging out and giving me indigestion. I
don't know what it is, but I'm pretty sure chest
pain is bad. So we've hit a point where, yeah,
we've hit a point where I can't do it anymore.
So I remember where I was when I made the decision, right.

(31:14):
I was in the spare room of this ski lodge
I was in because I was, you know, living the
dream of coaching or snowboarding in Canada, and I was
hanging out laundry, putting it on the little clothes eerra
next to the heating event, and I was like, I'm
never going to stress about money again. My business makes
five figures a month regardless of how many hours I do,
and that's just the reality that I have. That's it.

(31:34):
I am done. We don't stress anymore. There is no
pain anymore. It's all fine. And I like the impact
of the decision, like you feel it. It's a moment
in time when you make that committed decision. It's nothing
like a wish. It's nothing like thinking, oh that would
be nice, you know whatever. I go to bed that night,
I wake up the next morning. First email I get
as a credit card bill, and I immediately went into
the chest pain. And then I literally like, because I've

(31:57):
made that decision the night before, it meant that the
pair and could no longer run uninterrupted. And so I
pushed my laptop back because I'd obviously brought it up
on the screen to see the figures that had triggered me.
And I pushed by that top back and I just
sat there on the couch for a second, and I
was like, no, we decided that we don't get stressed anymore,
and we're not just going to go back on that
because of some numbers on the screen. Some numbers on

(32:18):
the screen do not control how I feel. There is
no tiger in here. I am not under threat. I
am not outside in this minus forty five degree. Whether
there is no legitimate threat, it's just numbers on the screen.
We decided that the business makes five figures a month,
and if the biggest business always made five figures a month,
then paying your credit card bill would not be a concern.
Therefore it cannot be a concern today. I'm going to

(32:39):
live as the future version of myself. And this is
I think where people get confused around the whole actors everything,
and they think, well, if I was acting rich, I'd
be outspending money. It's like, no, you wouldn't. You would
be acting rich, which is that you wouldn't be stressing
when the bill comes in. You would make your decisions
from a place of calmness. And so you know, I
made what little payment that I could, down my laptop

(33:00):
and I went off to cook brunch and it happened again.
I was making brunch, I realized we're out of black beans,
and the chest pain started again, and I was like,
oh my god, and I just had to put the
saucepan down, step away. Like sometimes I ground by actually
just holding onto furniture. It looks kind of ridiculous, but
so I'm holding onto the bench and I'm like, I'm
not under threat. The business makes five figures a month.

(33:21):
I'm totally safe. You can buy as many groceries as
you need to. This is not something you stress about
any more. And I swear to God I was doing
that a dozen times a day for like the foreseeable future.
But I tell you, when you decide to start living
as that version of yourself, reality does shift. That's just
the physics of it. It's not a faith based thing.
It's just physics. And within two weeks more money started
coming in and the business had stabilized at five figures

(33:43):
a month consistent within about twelve weeks. You know, I
always talking about the power of a committed decision. For me,
it was signing up for a very high level, year
long mentorship program with a pretty big name in personal development.
And I did not have the money in the bank
at that point. I have exhausted, may say things, trying
to figure it out on my own. That was always
my thing, right, I don't need help. I'm smart, I

(34:05):
can figure this out. No, yeah, no, Dan, you have
never started a business from the ground up. You don't
know online marketing. No, you need help, Dan, And that
was it. I did the same thing. I made a
decision where I almost vomited in a hotel lobby, and
I spent you know, I committed to an investment that

(34:26):
was more expensive than my car, which I bought when
I was making the corporate salaries. It was a pretty
nice car. And from there everything just by making the decision,
I started showing up differently, right. That's when I put
the wheels in motion to create this podcast. That's when
I really started allowing myself to be seen, and everything

(34:47):
else in my business came out of that, like you know,
best selling book, number one podcast, you know, out earning
my old career. But the first sign of being committed
to a new way of life or to a goal
is a committed decision. Yea, Because if you haven't made
the decision, then every choice after it and every feeling
after it is still just running the same old patterns.

(35:08):
And I mean, Joe to Spins is huge on this.
He's like, if you keep running the same patterns, you
keep feeling the same feelings, you keep creating the same reality.
And that's just how it is. And we know whether
or not you made a decision based on how you
react the first time you're tested. And if you run
the same old pattern, you make a decision from old you,
then it was never a decision. You had a wish,
you thought it might be nice if, but you hadn't
really decided. And that brings us to the fourth and

(35:31):
final step for people, if they're really looking to run
their life instead of let life run them. And I
think for some people they're going to be surprised to
hear us say that this might be the least importance
of the four steps. And it's not that it's not important,
but this is the mistake. Most people go into creating
action plan, developing process and strategy, but they jump straight

(35:56):
into that before they've made the committed decision, before they've
taken responsibility for their reality, before they've found their pluses
in their life and their equals, and they fall on
their face. Yeah, let's talk about process and strategy and
where it fits in the hierarchy and why it's important.
But it's not the most important thing. Yeah. The reason

(36:18):
it's at the end of the hierarchy, the reason it's
on the bottom wrong is that put simply like, when
the mindsets correct and the nervous system is happy to
accept what you're trying to bring in, then effectively any
strategy will do whichever one calls to you. If you
don't like Facebook, don't do Facebook. If you don't like Twitter,
don't do Twitter. If you're if you're super into Instagram stories,
do it. And as long as everything in your system
is on board and the mindsets in the right place,

(36:40):
it will work. But I think where people get off
track as they get scared to do that bit of
deep work and they get scared to look at what
their system has learned and you know what it might
take from them to make that adjustment, and they go
straight into investing in, you know, someone to manage their
Instagram ads, or you know, a marketing strategy or all
the rest of it. But put simply, you can't manifest
and or you can't bring in anything that your nervous

(37:01):
system doesn't feel safe to receive. So investing in a
strategy before you've looked at what your system will let
in to start with, it's kind of a waste of time.
If the you know, if the mindsets right, any strategy
will work. But if the mindset is off, then no
strategy will work. And I know that you're putting this
and talking about like online marketing and Facebook and Instagram,
but this is not just about starting a business. There

(37:22):
might be people today who have no desire to start
a business. But if you are putting yourself out there
on a dating app, but you still believe that all
people of the opposite sex are trash, you're not desirable,
or that everybody is like my mom or my dad
or whatever it is, you haven't addressed the underlying cause.
So you're going to continue to date the same people

(37:44):
that you did before that makes you think everybody was trash. Yeah,
of course. I mean the human nervous system is wide
for survival, not happiness. So if you leave it on autopilot,
if you don't upgrade your coding, it's just going to
recreate whatever scenario you're familiar with. And that means that
you're you know, the filters that your brain using for
the data you get is going to filter by whatever
fits your stories. So if you believe that you know,
all men are trash or all women are cheatas, you're

(38:06):
only going to link up with people who fit your story.
And that's why you've got to shift the story. If
you're going into if it is that you're hoping to
launch a business, if you go into it with the
filter on for a business, is hard. It's hard to
find clients. Nobody understands me. People don't want to pay.
You will only have those people in your in your
orbit because that's the frequency that you're on. Right. If

(38:27):
you don't, if you don't figure out why your system
needs that programming, why it has linked keeping that belief
to your safety, then yeah, you're just going to keep
recreating the same old stuff. And I hear it all
the time. People come to me and they say, well,
I've done this already. I've thrown my pendulum, I quit
my job. I went out there and it all failed
and I had to go crawling back to my job.
And I'm like, right, but you didn't really do it.

(38:47):
What you did is go off on a hilarious ego
at journey where you aimed to prove all of your
fears right. So you leapt without bothering to do any
of the changes, meaning that you threw yourself out into
the abyss where the old mindset that you can't make it.
Your subconscious mind is working twenty four hours a day
to make everything in your world conformed to your stories

(39:07):
so that you stay safe. Put simply, if you don't
upgrade their coding If you don't change the stories, you'll
just recreate that in a different environment. And that's how
people end updating the same person in different shoes over
and over again. You've got to change the rules that
your system is adhering to. I see this so often
with clients. People get it eventually with the right mentorship,
but they blame so much. They're like, well, you know

(39:29):
I have trouble with you know, I got this relationship
with finances, or I struggle in dating, I struggle in
my career. But how you show up in one area
of your life is typically indicative of how you show
up in all areas of your life, because it's all
driven by the same belief system. I think of a
client that I once worked with, and you know, she

(39:50):
really had a hard time expressing her needs to other people,
asking for what she wanted, for standing up for herself,
and when it would show up with family, you when
it would show up in a marriage, she would try
to address things, but only to the point where she
didn't feel listened to, and it proved the story right

(40:10):
that nobody listens to me, and then she would want
to go into changing strategy. Well, you know, I don't
want to deal with this family relationship anymore. Let's just
talk about my business I want to start. I'm like,
that's great, we can do that. But if you believe
people don't listen to you and that you don't have
value and that it's going to cause you pain, you're
going to recreate that in a business and push clients

(40:32):
away just as well. You know, as you are creating
all this drama in the other areas of your life
that's changing. The environment doesn't change your pattern. I've got
the same thing. One of my friends reached out to
me and he said, I want to quit my job
and be a photographer. And I said, well, that sounds awesome,
and he said, so you know, I'm going to have
to quit my job and go into it to do it.
And I was like, Okay, hold up one second. I'm

(40:54):
not not in favor of quitting your job and going
into it to live your dreams. But I know this
person pretty well, and I said, at the moment, you
have issues around receiving and keeping money. So even though
you're being paid a good wage at your job, at
the end of the week, you don't even have enough
for food. Right, Like he's self sabotaging in a fairly
massive way and getting rid of all that. He makes
good money, but he's getting rid of all of it.

(41:15):
I said, changing the environment will not change that pattern.
If you've got an issue around worthiness and around being
able to keep and hold onto and receive money, all
that's going to happen is you will carry that patent
and into the photography business and you won't be able
to get paying clients either. Right, Like it's you. You
have to address the fact that you don't feel worthy
of the money you make. You have to And just
so that everyone is aware, I've known this person for

(41:35):
over twenty years, so it's not this was not a
flippant assessment. This was a you know, we've we've gone
over this many times, and this is this is actually
his assessment, but he just wasn't willing to sort of
like look into it at the time. And I really
applaud the courage that it takes to consider quitting your
job and going after your dreams and generally speaking on
in favor. But like you said, you don't get to choose,

(41:58):
you know, where you take your subconscious it's who you are,
is who you are, and wherever you go there. You
are right, there was awesome piece of poetry that I
just came up with. But basically, like whether it's the
boardroom or the bedroom, like, you're going to bring you
and all your fears and all of your bs with you.
So you can't fix your patterns by simply changing the environment.
You're going to take the pattern into the environment, get

(42:20):
rid of the pattern first, and then go into the
new environment fresh as a real launch pet. Like, then
you can do whatever you want to do. Sarah, to
go back and recap. If people truly want to make money,
each money the year that they run their life instead
of letting life run them. We're talking about four concepts
and mindset shifts. Number One, you have to take responsibility

(42:43):
and understand that you're the creator of your life. You're
no longer a reactor. Yeah, because you can't be in
control and in a victimized position at the same time.
You either think that you're the victim of your environment
or you recognize that you're controlling it. Number two, you
have got to be mindful about who the people are
that you're surrounding yourself with, which means that you definitely

(43:05):
need some pluses. You need to find at least one
minus so that you're given back to And you need
a huge community and maybe not huge community, but you
definitely need some who are equals, who are going to
support you and lift you up. Yeah, you want some
of the trenches with you so that you're not feeling alone.
And like no one understands. You have to make a

(43:25):
committed new decision and not just a pseudo decision which
is like, oh, you know, I'm on a three year plan. Yeah,
that's that's not it. A committed decision for who you're
going to be right now to become the person you
want to be. And number four, then you need a
process in strategy, and I guess this leads up to

(43:47):
our big announcement here at the end of the podcast.
Sarah and I have been in steady contact since we
take that earlier podcast that we did back in February
or March. I believe and we have created a program
that is going to give you all four of these things.
Sarah and I would love to be your pluses if
that's what you're looking for. If you need some people

(44:09):
further ahead than you that that that have truly created
and embodied the change, we would be happy to do that.
We would love to build a community of equals so
that you are supported and encouraged as you step into
this new reality for yourself. In We want to give
you all the tools, all the strategies, all the things

(44:31):
we've implemented in our life to take personal responsibility to
be active creators of what we experience every day, to
help you make that committed decision, and to give you
so much process and strategy to take your life to
a whole new level. Sarah, do you want to tell
everybody about the Wavelength Mastermind that kicks off in January? Absolutely?

(44:55):
And I am beyond excited about this. This is like
a new frontier in this space because it's kind of
like a hybrid of a group program and a mastermind,
and that you get all the support and training and
strategy that comes with a group program, but you get
the incredible environment that comes with a mastermind, the incredible
sharing of ideas in the community that comes with that
type of format. Um. I also don't see a lot

(45:16):
in the market right now where you're getting access to
multiple coaches, And this is why I wanted to set
this up with you, is because different coaches coach in
different ways, they target different areas, and they have different
sort of zones of genius. And so if someone can
enter a Mastermind and get twice the value and twice
the amount of hit in that place, I just think
it's you know, like phenomenal. Um So basically, um Dan

(45:38):
and I have come together to set up a Mastermind
whereby you actually get to high level coaches taking you
through a bunch of trainings, working with you in a
group setting, but doing one to one laser coaching as well,
and also just you know, giving you something for your
nervous system to calibrate to that's perhaps a bit further
ahead than where you are right now in your business

(45:58):
or where you are in your life financially or personally. Yeah,
basically it's both of us, all of you together three
times a month, breaking barriers. I love it. And what
I really like about this is, you know, you and
I have had a lot of the same training in
our background that we bring to the table in terms
of helping people get to the root cause of why

(46:19):
they're really stuck, not just the surface of level stories,
but also helping people create that new identity at the
subconscious level. And we just do it in different ways.
I always joke good people. I'm like, I'm the person
who's going to give it to you straight with a
fair amount of empathy and compassion, and Sarah is going
to come in there and give it to you straight,
sometimes in a really blunt way. Yeah. I like to

(46:43):
say that I'm I'm different from the therapeutic approach and
that I believe that short term pain for long term
gain is totally worth it. So I'm not so much
about band aids and anesthetics. I'm more about I'll give
you something to bite down on, but then I'm gonna
dig that bullet out with a spoon. So between the
two of us, I think we've got all bases covered.
And I am so excited because I think that this

(47:06):
container in this program that we're creating is a just
going to create so much massive transformation for the individuals
that we're working with. But one of the things that
I just see come up repeatedly from people who are
in that proverbial soul sucking job is that they tend
to isolate, you know, because that negativity when you're really unfulfilled, right,

(47:28):
you bring that negativity home and then it causes tension
in your relationships and at some point that might reinforce
an old belief that well, I don't want to be
a burden and talk about where I'm at right now.
So where you've got that community of equals who are
working towards the same thing you are, who can lift
you up, who can support you. Because we're also creating
a private online community for this group. So even though

(47:50):
the calls are three times a month, we're all going
to be in contact and our private online community, you know,
on a daily basis. Uh So, there's just this amazing
container for people to go to celebrate winds, to ask
for support, and to truly feel seen and heard and
accepted and witnessed and loved by people who get you

(48:13):
because they're working toward the same thing you are. Yeah,
and also you and I are on different time zones
apart from next May when I'm coming over, but we're
on different time zones, which means the Facebook group for
everybody will be you know, supported around the clock. If
you've got any type of issue, any type of misunderstanding,
any type of stress in your business, if there's any
point at which you need a reframe or a coaching perspective,

(48:34):
you have two different people who get you where you
need to go, but in completely different methods, and you
can choose what resonates with you in the moment pretty
much twenty four hours a day, and that level of
support is just unprecedented. I mean, if you've ever experienced coaching,
even in the smallest doses, you know what an incredible
difference it makes to your life. And what would your
life be like if you were interacting with people who
have what you're trying to create three times a month,

(48:56):
plus getting that whole twenty four our support from them.
I mean, just you know, let your mind wander on
it for a bit, because with that level of support
and strategy and process, anything literally anything. So Sarah and
I are currently accepting applications. We have some amazing rates
right now for the early sign ups. We are doing

(49:17):
a special founders rate that you can find out about
after you submit your application, and we're also including some
amazing bonuses because even though the program officially kicks off
in January, everybody who signs up before December eight is
going to have an amazing opportunity for some bonus calls.
We're going to do a goal setting workshop to help

(49:37):
you get really clear on what it is that's going
to help you amplify your life next year, and also
do next rebonance call where we can give you some
laser coaching and strategies to help you create momentum before
the program even begins. Yeah, that's an absolutely entering on
a high note knowing that everything that you wanted to
create this year is going to get moving and it

(50:00):
you're finally taking action on the stuff that's really important
to you, not just the stuff your survival wiring wants
you to stay on the hamster wheel with. You know,
we went back and forth on so many different names
for what we wanted to call this, but at the
end of the day, wavelength really resonated for both of
us because so often when you're stuck, it's you. It's
that you're surrounded by people who are on the wrong

(50:20):
wavelength from where you're at. They're working toward different goals,
they have different values, they don't believe in the same
possibilities that you do. So this is what it is
is this community is going to be people who are
all on your wavelength and are there to encourage you
and support you. So I'm so excited we have a
link to the website. Uh and also where you can

(50:42):
go to apply that is available right now in the
show notes, go to wavelength mastermind dot com. So both
of us have a pretty oddball, slash dry sense of
humor at times. And I have to tell you, guys,
if you had heard of the call where we decided
on the name, you would have been screaming. It was hysterical.
We went through so many different options and like, yeah,

(51:02):
I just that was one of one of my favorite
memories from actually was us brainstorming on what to call
it because we wanted to go big and we wanted
to go borderline celestial, and we got super carried away
with a few joke options and it was It was wonderful.
It was hilarious. Some of the biggest laughs I had
this year was on us deciding to do it. But
I have to say to you guys, like when we

(51:23):
decided on Wavelength, there was a moment of silence on
the care where we were like, Oh, I think that's it,
That's absolutely it, And then we rattled off like a
thousand reasons that that was exactly the vibe we're trying
to get to people, and that's you know, what it is.
We want your nervous system calibrating to a different level.
We want you to be on the wavelength that we're on,
which is time freedom, financial freedom, doing what you love,
leading from purpose and mission, making hell a bank doing

(51:45):
it and having the best time with the best people.
That is. That is the wave length we want you on. Yeah,
and and by the way, speaking of our sense of humor,
we're going to have a lot of fun in the process.
You know, we're going to do deep work, but it's
going to be a lot of fun. Sarah, there's nobody
else that I can think of I would rather be
doing this program with. I'm so excited to be working
with you. I am so excited to build this community.

(52:08):
And also for people to understand, this is not just
some like three month program. This is an ongoing, rotating program.
So beyond your first three month commitment, you can choose
to stay on on a month by by month basis.
So if somebody is finding this podcast, you know at
the first of the year, it's not too late to
sign up. You can go to the website get all

(52:28):
the information, and Sarah and I are looking forward to
getting to know you and helping you create your big
breakthrough in my friend. It's always good to talk to you.
I always love just sitting here written on on personal
growth and personal development with you and big things ahead
where I'm really excited for the coming year. Oh my god,

(52:49):
same goose bumps, especially in regards to wave length. This
is going to be a hell of a community. I
cannot wait to see like how it hans out and
who we get in that group because it's just gonna
be I mean, some amazing teaching in the episode this week.
And if you would like Sarah and I to be
your pluses and join our community of equals so you

(53:09):
can get about living your purpose and making a difference
in the life of some of the minuses in your life,
we got you. Wavelength applications open right now. Early bird
pricing available as well. You can get the info for
that at wavelength mastermind dot com or you can find
more information at my website Creative Soul Coaching dot net.

(53:32):
Thank you so much to Sarah for being on the podcast,
show her some love. If you love the episode this week,
you can screenshot this podcast, upload it to Instagram, tag
me at c SC Dan Mason be sure to tag
Sarah at Sarah Riley Coaching. Also make sure you give
us both a follow on Instagram because she and I
are actually going to be doing a complementary masterclass online

(53:56):
together coming up in December. We're still working out the
final dates on that, but we're gonna be posting all
the info for that free training for you up on
our Instagram pages, And if you're so inclined, you can
leave a supply star rating and review up on Apple. Remember,
for every review we get, I make a donation that
feeds one and fifty people through Feeding America. Thank you

(54:19):
so much for spending an hour with me this week.
It means the world to me. It's an honor and
a privilege to serve you. And don't forget it's time
to turn down the volume on your negativity and turn
up the volume on your purpose so you can live
life amplified. I'll talk to you next week.