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June 3, 2024 5 mins
The horribly persistent Mr. Michael Oppenheimer tries to sell the Flex Flashlight on the first ever Oppenheimer Phone Tap with ZERO hang ups!
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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Don't answer the phone, Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phone tap, the
letter Dear Elvis, my dad hatestelephone telemarketers. Oh you know what that
means. Yeah, it's another jobfor Michael Oppenheimer. This email comes to
us from Alex. All right,Alex Scary Jones, as mister Michael Oppenheimer,
our residents annoying telemarketer. We'll becalling your dad to sell him something.

(00:24):
Who knows or who cares what itis, It doesn't matter. By
the way, this is the firstMichael Oppenheimer phone tap where the victim stays
on the phone the whole time.It doesn't hang up one time. Wow,
let's listen into today's phone tap.Here we go, allow this?
I can I help you? Ohyes, Cadetherne. This is mister Michael

(00:44):
Oppenheimer with ninety said dot com.How are you doing today, sir?
Who? I have the mister flexflexible flashlight here for sale for just nine
dollars and ninety five cents. Youcan deanlight where you need it. How
does that sound to you? Itsounds like why are you calling me on
my cellphone trying to sell me stuff? Because your name was on a list

(01:07):
of people to be called today thatyou might be interested in this product.
I'm not interested in anybody calling meon my cellphone trying to sell me something,
so could you do me a favorand get me off you lit.
It's got a high intensity crypt onbulb. I got a flash light so
you can get a sun can withperfect for autos reading home. I don't
drive. I walk everywhere I go. Maybe while you're fixing the toilet under

(01:30):
the sink, I have somebody thatcomes in to do that kind of stuff.
The mister flex flexible flashlight beams lightinto any orifice. Maybe you could
shine that light up your ass offthe beams light into any orifice. It
has a goose necked handle, makingit able to bend and reach deep into
dark nooks and crannies, so itsounds suitable to do deep squats on.

(01:53):
You should try it sometimes, sir. Mister flex flashlight features a flat two
and a half inch magnetic base forhands free use. Do h yes,
sir, and if you act nowyou get the second one free. You
mean I can get too something Idon't want. How many would you like
to purchase today, sir? Thirtysix hundred of them. I just want

(02:15):
to ball one for everyone that livesin my town. So I think if
we just gave a whole bunch ofthese flash lights down, maybe they might
have left me there, and wellmaybe then I could everybody's life. Well,
how would you like to pay forthese, sir? I'll trade my
life for them because I won't needhiring mark of them everybody else's life.
We only accept credit card obviously,or cod cash on delivery, sir,

(02:38):
A how about you just take mywife instead? How about this, Let's
get your information and we'll get yourorder processed immediately. How does that sound?
You know? I would almost saythat I would hire you as a
sales guy for my company. Youhave a company, sir, You're amazing.
You're doing the wrong thing. Youneed to go out and sell something
that maysy better commissions or something.Why is that, sir? Because I

(03:00):
can't believe I'll focus you are It'sit's unbelievable. I can hardly stay focused
on this end of the conversation.It's also great for emergency lighting and camping
outdoors. Do you camp, sir? I know, but I get a
big refrigerator box or something, andme and my kids go camping and we
hang out in it, We'll yeah, it kind of closes the problem.
When we actually make a campfire inside, my wife gets pretty upset. And

(03:23):
that's the reason why I want totrade her for twenty six hundred of your
flashlights so I can get them outto everyone in my neighborhood. You know,
could you do me a favor?What's that? Can you send me
your resume? Why is that?Because, to be honest with you,
you have been the most focused telemarketingguy I've ever heard in my life.
I can't believe you haven't hung offon me yet. You're still sticking with

(03:46):
it. Every time you say something, you lead back to the mister flex
flexible flashlight. You said it somany times even I know what it's called
at this point, and I'm tellingyou I won't give you a job.
You'll make one hundred thousand dollars ayear. One hundred thousand dollars a year.
Think about how many mister flex flexibleflash Why did you buy with that?
Bro? Sure I get commissioned onthe sale of each one. If
you buy thirty six hundred, maybeI should stay at this job. I'm

(04:10):
not gonna buy thirty six hundred.How that I'm not gonna buy any But
if you send me your resume,I will give you a job and you
will make one hundred thousand dollars ayear. Really, some of the salespeople
I've had to work for me arehumongous idiots and they make eighty thousand dollars
a year. Wow. Well,I must say you've been quite the customer

(04:30):
here. You're offering to tell yousomething. I really enjoyed chatting with you
too, if you really want toknow the truth, and we've enjoyed phone
tapping you. Oh awesome, thisis scary. Jones Melvister rand in the
Morning Show, you got phone tappednice by your thirteen year old son Alex.
No, that was great. Ican't believe that. That's too funny

(04:54):
to be Elvis Durand's phone tip.This phone tab was pre recorded quick permission
granted by all participants the Elvis Duranphone tap only on Elvis Duran in the Morning Show
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