041124 500 FUNDRIVE

 It’s Thursday during FUNDRIVE, so let’s play a round of Grubes Grenades!!!!!

Episode Transcript

(00:14):
For the second time in four days. I guess the Rangers were almost no
hit today. Well, they're playinga juggernaut. What do you want?
No one can be I want betterthan that. I don't want them to
get no hit twice in a spanof four days. Is that too much

(00:37):
to ask. It's not too muchto ask. I just early in the
season. You know what I'm doing, Mike, I'm choosing to take heart
in the fact that the Astros suck. The Astro's got thwacked today. What
I'm choosing to take heart in isthe Rangers should be better. They need
to be better. We got time, we got time, we got time,

(01:00):
we got time. Let me seesomething real quick word first place?
Yeah, I know we're first placeat seven and six. We should win
every single game, though, butI expect better now they won the World
Series. Will that comes some expectations, a heightened level of expectation. Understood,
unfair, understood, understood, understood. Astras are four and ten.

(01:25):
Bless you, Julie. Pestra suck. She seized. I turned off my
mic and put a blanket over myface. I was trying to not let
anybody hear it. Did you sneeze? Into a pizza blanket. I didn't.
It's no, I sneezed into anegg blanket. That doesn't work as
well on another syllable, just scrambledblanket. All right? Four O five?

(01:48):
Here on the freak well and ona Thursday, fun Drive makes its

(02:29):
way into the stank tank when Groubshangs out, Hello, he hits us
with a topical topic of topic,keys, and we have fun. Yeah,
and we have fun. He pullsa pin on a grenade and rolls
it in here. It's called groupsgrenades. Here's groups. Okay. O.
J. Simpson is dead. Crapif you die, what do you
want your legacy to be? Ohmy goodness, Graci, are are we

(02:53):
playing radio or real? Do whateveryou want to do? Uh? Butt
stuff? Yeah? I want peopleto be like, gosh, remember for
a while they're in DFW radio,there's one guy that was always talking about
butt stuff. That's what I hopemy legacy is. You do this to
yourself. You know, you talkabout the butt stuff. You say,

(03:15):
why does everyone say that I talkabout the butt stuff? You want that
to be your legacy. I don'twant a legacy when you don't get to
choose. Okay, I want mylegacy to not be OJ's legacy. So
you're gonna try and make biker thislife without murdering someone. Yeah, I'm
gonna try it, not well,allegedly allegedly. Yeah. Like I would

(03:36):
just hopefully that whatever whatever you doin your life, like OJ had the
ability to have an incredible legacy,and instead the guy who has the most
impressive rushing performance in the history ofthe NFL, going for two thousand yards
in a fourteen game season, winningHeisman Trophy, it's gonna be remembered for.

(04:00):
So I guess what I'm saying isI just hope that there's no disaster
forthcoming. So my legacy is control. You'll remember that one guy that man
I used to to listen to onthe radio, but man, when he
whatever, I'm just gonna try toavoid that. You know, you're gonna
try to avoid going off the rails. I don't think there's a threat that

(04:21):
I'm gonna kill anybody. You know, you just hope that nothing incredibly embarrassing
happens. It leads to her everythinggets overlooked that you did. Yeah,
you like win the dar Win Award. What's that one? Basically dying stupidly.
Yeah, Like, I don't wantthe legacy to be oh yeah,

(04:41):
and then he had tempted whatever,and then the parachute didn't work, right,
because now everything you did went awayand you're the guy who the parachute
didn't work when you did a stuntoff of Reunion Tower. You don't want
the way that you go to outshinethe things that you did while living.
I think I take that back.I think would be pretty cool. You
can keep word shopping, because thenyou can at least get to be remembered.

(05:02):
Yeah, and you get your obituaryred on a segment like ours.
Yeah, yeahs now this city haddied. I want Mike Reiner's legacy to
be what about Ham? I hope. I think I'm well on my way
about Ham. I hope that I'mdoing my part. One hundred years from

(05:24):
now in df W, people arewalking around and you nudge your buddy,
go, hey, what about Ham? You know? So, I guess
what I want my legacy to beis I need to deliver some sort of
line that can rank with what aboutHam? Okay, you've gone all those?
Can you give your diabetes choking voice? Does candy give me cheese?

(05:46):
Is like the best thing ever madeis like cheese. Okay, that's pretty
good. Who doesn't like cheese?Will be my legacy? It's not a
one butt Yeah, okay, it'snot. It's not a legacy. But
I do want what I die tobe whatever you call it, Like when
you go to a taxidermist for ananimal. I do want to do that

(06:09):
with my body, Like if Iget if I ever get married, I
want that poor woman to have tolive out her life with stuffed me in
the living room on a chair.So you want to be stuffed and sitting
on a chair, not like mounted, not like have your head mounted on
Gross that's weird. But yes,I want to be like in a you

(06:31):
know, if I get to apoint where it's like I have my chair,
the very comfy TV chair. Yeah, when I die, I want
I want to be taxidermy and leftin it. That's what I want to
I want to be stuffed and leftin there and like actually sown to the
fabric of the chair, yes,to where you can't move it without moving

(06:56):
me. No one ever gets tosit in that chair. No you that's
right. And somehow there's a contractwith the city that whoever buys this home,
like, I don't care if youknock it down, build a new
property that stays. Chair stays.Mike Rener is in the living room of
this house. Period. So crazy, that's right. And I will be

(07:18):
taxidermied and I will be looking atyou constantly. I won't be saying anything,
but I will be looking at you. And I I want to come
up with some kind of mechanical devicethat makes them follow you across the room
as your eyes, like little laserpointer eyes. Yeah, but I'm going

(07:40):
to rig it where every time someonewalks through that laser we get this.
What about ham, yes, motionactivated? What about Mike? It'd be
like the where you pull the stringand it has different lines. We'll have
what about ham in there? Wehave like four other ones and are random
and someone walks by, he justbeaks. Yeah, they walk in the

(08:01):
room and it's just you get salmonwalmped on your way in. Yeah,
this is brilliant. Maybe that one'ssuch a good idea, after all,
it's great. I'm sure you do. I don't want to be taxidermied at

(08:26):
all. I don't want to liveon forever and chair. I want my
loved ones to still be able tosee me if Okay, I don't want
like the real me to be turnedinto anything. However, I wouldn't mind
being remembered in my living room foreverwith a pillow like a Julie pillow,

(08:50):
and it can made of your skin. No, it can just be like
a picture of me that's like turnedinto a pillow and when you like touch
it, maybe I can say thingsto green Blood. I do like the
idea, but I think figure outwhat it's made just a pillow? Yeah,

(09:13):
but you have to the pillow hasto have an outer casing, which
I think skinning ourselves would be greatfor her. I am not putting my
skin, You're not someone else's.No professional. No, just skins both
butt cheese sews it around a pillowand then it says, glorious, Gloria.

(09:39):
I do hope maybe I'll have likea great grand daughter that's named Gloria,
and then she can have the pillowand then every time she lays her
bed tonight, lays her head onher bed at night, it's on her
great grandmother's pillow, and it says, Gloria, isn't that nice? That

(10:00):
great grandchild will fear the spirit ofher great grandmother forever. It'll end up
being an Expace movie. I thinkit's great. Yeah, you're going to
bring in professionals to try to pullthe fear out of her spirit. Why
from Gloria, don't you wish youhad a pillow of your great great grandmother?

(10:20):
I didn't know where she was,singing your name every time you touched
it. Not even No, Idon't. I can't know. Hm hmmm,
I do. I don't even barelyknow mine. Love to have a
pillow. I like pillows. Ihave pillows, but they don't sing.

(10:41):
Yeah, that's all I really want. Groovy. Okay, we'll get I
think we're good. Showhead Toni's beenrobbed of sixteen million dollars from a trusted
friend, maybe allegedly. Maybe ifyou could get away with one violent crime
or one non violent crime, whatwould it be and who would be the
victim? Okay, if you canget away with one new crime? Yeah,

(11:13):
I mean my rule is pretty simple. Whatever crime I pull off,
my rule number one is I willnot create trauma for an individual. So
it's probably not gonna be a violentcrime. It's not going to be a
home invasion. I refuse to createsomething that would make somebody not feel safe
in their space or any sort oftrauma. What I'm a big believer in

(11:33):
is the sort of crime against placesthat have insurances. That's against the place
and not people. So like abank has insurance and I guess they just
get that money back. I wouldwant to have a real big score where
that place the insurance company's going topay them back, but also I win
and there is no real loser.That's what I want. I want to

(11:58):
rob a vault from underground. Okay, Yeah, I want to go into
a vault from underground with cool equipment. Yeah, after stalking through the sewers
for miles, so that they don'tknow where I came from, except there's
gonna be a giant hole in thefloor, so they'll know that I came
from down there and then they'll followthat back. But that's what I want.

(12:22):
I don't know. I just wantto steal a car. Oh that's
pretty. You feel like you're upto in a car. You're up to
date on how to do that.No, I'm not up to date on
how to do that. Would yoube interested in seeing if any textures could
text in any tips? Yeah?On how to steal a car. I
would be getting easy because it's happeninga lot, does happen a lot crazy

(12:48):
And the cars are different these days, right because like I don't have I
don't think anywhere in that car.No, I don't have an ignition.
It gets going off of a buttonpush having the bob, so you can't
just stick two little screwdrivers in thereand go ah goes. So I don't
know how they're doing it. Dothey have fake ignition button thingies? I

(13:13):
don't know. They're getting smarter,cars are getting dumber. I'm not sure.
Yeah, we're both. I don'tthink cars are getting dumber. No,
they are smart. If anything,they're getting smarter. But the robbers
are always ahead of the cops.It's true. Yeah, And I guess
they didn't really, I don't know. I'm sorry didn't to stop thinks.

(13:37):
I mean, there are advanced criminalswho can stay ahead of standard police work,
I think, But for the mostpart, criminals are effing dumbasses.
That's why they get caught right away, because most of them are really stupid
or just not really thinking when theydecide what they're gonna do. I do
think Ocean's eleven is like the dreamheist of robbing a casino, especially if

(13:58):
the guy who owns the casino issleeping with your ex wife or something like.
That's the jam because you're pulling offa heist and you're and it's like
dirty money. Who cares? Theydon't care? But I don't think they
got away with it. Notions eleveneither, right, and oceans twelve they
were like still in trouble because theyhad to How many oceans were there?
Oh? No, three? Ithink eleven, twelve, thirteen? And

(14:22):
then was there a woman one?Yeah? Is that thirteen or is that
an addition to one? I don'tknow, but yeah, robin a casino
would be super cool because you comeup with a diverse set of characters and
you work as a teen. There'sa big payoff. I'd be so nervous,
you know. I'll bet there areplans to rob casinos underway at all

(14:43):
times. Oh yeah, I'll betright now there's at least one going on
at some casino in Vegas. Yeah, somebody has got a plan underway where
they're going to try and rob it. I thought I had a good shot
at it because I went to apsychiatrist earlier this week, and we're going
to see if I was either Oc D or autistic. And I was
really hoping they're gonna be like,yeah, you're you're autistic, because then

(15:05):
I was gonna go to a casinobecause I've seen rain Man and if you're
autistic, you could count, youcan count cards. But when they told
me I wasn't, I was like, well, then I can't go make
a bunch of money. Say you'renot? Are you O C D?
Only a little bit? Not inmost of it? Were you hoping for
a worst diagnosis? Yeah? Iwanted to be. I wanted to be

(15:28):
autistic because then I could do definitelydefinitely definitely seven, definitely definitely seven and
go in a blackjack. You don'tseen rain Man? Oh yeah, yeah,
it's uh Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman. Yeah, and Dustin Hoffman is
super autistic and he can beat thegambling. Do whatever you want to count

(15:48):
the cars. That's your mind too. I would like to rob a casino.
Yeah, we're getting a lot oftext about how to steal cars.
Everybody knows how to steal a car. What is the same about our our
listeners? They're all car thiefs.Yeah, I do believe the top one's
probably accurate. Like, I don'tknow how that works or what goes into

(16:10):
it, says, Criminals clone thekey fob's signal and can use their phone
or other device to unlock and startthe car. I don't know how that
works, but I would imagine that'sabout right. There's some people volunteering their
cars to be stolen. Okay,they don't like their cars, Okay,
they want them to be stolen,freaking Jesus Wayne, And of course he
knows how to do it. Yourcar wouldn't start without ignition. No,

(16:37):
what I mean is that the keydoesn't physically go into anything in there,
because isn't that how people used todo it? Or no, that's not
even how they used to do it. They used to open something up and
play with wires. I don't know. I don't know. I don't steal
cars. I used to steal StarWars, and nobody should a storrible feeling
have your car stolen. I alwaysstole Marlborough lights and Star Wars. That

(16:57):
was my stuff stold. One guysays, in order to steal a Kia,
all you need is a blank USBdrive. That's not encouraging hope no
one takes my out back on guysays I would I would ring the power
ball and win a billion dollars.That would be great. How yeah,
that would be great. That's great? Tell us how or go home?

(17:22):
Trying to think of a cool heist. I want to do a cool heist,
but I don't want to do it. I don't want to get in
trouble. So what about ham andin Necessario? We're not getting in trouble.
God? Oh yeah, don't you? What the hell? Meet?
Maybe I would like to rob somebodythat I don't like that has way more
money than they need. But lookingshop, I'd like to steal Eli Manning's

(17:47):
money. You know, we've wontwo super Bowls. He wasn't even very
good and he's got a bunch ofmoney. He's probably he'd be fine.
He's good enough to win two superBowls. I would like to figure out
where they put body parts that theyamputate, and I would like to have
I'd do a heist to get Dion'stoes. What if you could have Deon

(18:11):
Sanders toes? What was all weirdwith them? Again? I don't remember,
but if you watch the UH likeall crossed over each other. They
were weird. But if you watchthe special, you can watch them put
a stint or I don't know whata metal road thingy and you can watch
them stake it directly in his toes. Oh, I think i'd do something

(18:34):
to wear it. Definitely wouldn't bea violent crime that I would commit,
but I would somehow have access tomovie popcorn all the time. Like maybe
steal one of those big movie popcornpopper machines, Yeah, and put it
in my house. Yeah, Ithink that's what I would do. So

(18:56):
you just were on a popcorn machinethat's your dream. No, but like
the exact ones from the movie Theater, there's a lot. I think that's
more achievable. Yeah, that's wecan string that together. We could get
you that for Christmas. I thinkyou could. I don't think anybody has
one in their house. Have neverbeen done. I guarantee you somebody out
there knows how to get one ofthose with the popcorn that just explodes out

(19:19):
of the silver thing and it's justso exciting, and then you have to
get to You have the movie Theaterbutter too, you need that too.
Other way, I don't want anysomebody out there knows how to do that,
how to get that. Wow,Yeah, we can make that happen.
We're gonna figure out where to gobecause if you go on the internet,

(19:40):
most of what you find is justlike the smaller bar style that you
might see at a bar. Butwe can find you a real one for
sure. I think, So shouldI get Fubo TV? What? I
just can't say that this is aperfect I don't know, man, Yeah,
I don't know. I don't know. Oh man, maybe for tomorrow.

(20:00):
I mean, I think Fubo isone of the ones. I do
think Fubo is one of the onesthat you can watch the Rangers on.
I think, yes, is TV. Why do we need more TV?
I don't know. I just sawit up there and I got real O
CD all of a sudden. Ican get you some medicine if you want.

(20:22):
Yeah, saw something that said it, Are you guys frustrated with FAFSA?
With what FAFSA that's on his TV? He says, any news at
five FATSVA frustrations. I've actually neverthought about FATS but or been frustrated by
it. Yeah, I can't saythat. I am GRIBs all right,

(20:47):
speed round. Talk to me aboutstamps. Never have them when you need
them. I've never needed them.Do you lick stamps or are they sticky?
They're sticky. I know you lickedthe envelope. Yeah, you lick
the envelope. Use to lick stamps, which I never minded doing. Yeah,
they kind of liked it. Ittastes weird, though. Do you
like looking at the Yeah, exceptI haven't done that in a long time

(21:11):
either, You do, Jack,I used to love it. Anytime my
parents were mailing things. I wantedto lick all the envelopes because I like
to start at the very very beginningof one side and like, I'm not
just gonna look part of it.I'm going the whole way, following that
sucker all the way around. Didyou ever slice your tongue? No?
I have. Yeah, it's theworst. That's why I don't like to
lick envelopes. But also, nowwe really have one tongue, you know.

(21:33):
Yeah. Also, I just wantall of our criminals listening to know,
like, DNA is a thing.So if you're sending a ransom letter,
make sure you just use tap water, don't smart. Yeah, you
don't want to put your saliva onthere, So do you okay? What
else? How do you want?How about talk to me about frozen pizza.

(21:57):
I like frozen pizza, not whenit's frozen, right, No,
I would hate it. Yeah,just making sure. No. I occasionally
get into Giorno, but that's toomuch for one person, and if I
do make myself eat the whole thing, then I feel terrible afterwards. I
do like cauliflower pizza. Occasionally geta frozen cauliflower pizza and I convince myself

(22:18):
that are being healthy. But Iwill not do the cauliflower crust pizza that
comes with the fake meat toppings.I get the ones that are cauliflower crust
pizza with real pepperoni, so thatI can kind of split the difference there.
That's what I like to do.But I like frozen pizza. French
bread, Yeah, French bread's good. Yeah, French bread's good. If
I have if I have like alittle extra cash, I buy a Red

(22:38):
Barren frozen pizza. That's when youhave extra cash. Yeah, it's not
when you're but I if I'm struggling, I go Tony's. But the Tony's
is actually pretty good. It's likefor a whole pizza Okay, so it's
like two ninety nine versus like sixor seven. Yeah, that's right,
that's what I said. I gottabuy a lot of groceries. I gotta
feed a whole family. Yeah fair, I won't do it. No Frozens,

(23:03):
No, no Frozies. Now,I'm a pizza snob these days.
Look at you. Do you everorder from the big chains? I get
one and only one. It's Louiseor nothing. That's it. Nothing else,
nothing else. I of course amAndrew's American Pizza Kitchen. That's where
I go. I'm surprised by yourswamps. Louis also very Louise, also

(23:26):
very good. They're both good.Thanks groups, all right, I gotta
go. Whoa, all right,Dallas, God scared me. Coming up
next, we'll step inside the SunsetLounge. You got some of the biggest
news of the day. We've gotbig show, hey stuff. Plus what about Ham