041524 500 FUNDRIVE

We debut a brand new segment called “I Don’t Know, Man!” 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
The female reproductive system. I don'tknow, man, I don't know.
Man. Cheese just seems healthier whenit ain't melted. I don't know why.
Am I hairer than a sasquatch runningthrough the forest all over my body

(00:21):
except for my head? I don'tknow. Man, just can't grow hair
up there. It's the Speakeasy.I'm ninety seven one the Freak. It
is just a skosh after five o'clock. This is ninety seven to one,

(00:43):
the Freak. You were listening tothe Speakeasy. Let me identify the persona
of everyone you will hear on theSpeakeasy today. I would be Mike Reiner.
He is Jeff Kavanaugh. Hello.She is Julie Dobbs. Hi.
And this whole thing is being producedby shooting Hello. So there you go.

(01:07):
There's our five o'clock roll call tolet you know who's who and who's
why? But who's I don't knowabout stuff? You mean? I don't
know? You mean? I don'tknow, man, I don't know,
man, I don't Yeah. Ithink, yeah, I think we could
that song that you hate, Ithink we could skip it and just let
Justin Verlander say that again, andit could be our segment intro I don't

(01:29):
know, man, I don't know, man. Welcome to the segment called
I don't know Man. Yes,Now, in what space does this segment
exist? Well, it exists ina space that is usually called fun drive.
But you hate the song. I'mindifferent to the song. I think
we just cruise in. I thinkwe just go. It sounds like a
plan to me, But I don'tknow. Man. What we want from

(01:51):
you and what we're hoping you havebeen doing for the entirety of the show
is sending in talkbacks. Yeah,because you know, everybody always says you're,
you know, having a discussion witha friend about something, and you
know he's pretty convinced about it,you're not. He tries to make a

(02:15):
point and you go, I don'tknow, man, Yeah, no,
man, or somebody can throw outsomething that's so far fetched that it's ridiculous
and you really don't know what tosay about it. So what do you
say? I don't know, man, I don't know. Man could mean
a lot. Yeah, it couldmean I don't know. It could mean

(02:38):
your bat as crazy and get thef away from me, right, I
don't know. Man goes a lotof ways. Yeah, It goes manyway.
It's a very multi purpose cliche.It could mean you want to have
nothing to do with the person who'sasking you the question, and you want
to have nothing to do with answeringthat question. Yes, it could be

(03:00):
your prelude to exiting the conversation.Or you might not know, man.
Yeah, yeah, you legitimately mightnot know. But like if somebody,
if you ask somebody to do somethingand they're like, I don't know,
man, they don't want to.Just to be clear about that, they
don't they don't want. But ifyou ask somebody about a thing and you're
looking for information and they say,I don't know, man, they don't
know, you know. I feellike it could also be used in that

(03:24):
like small talk situation if you runout of stuff. Yeah, yeah,
you mean like in the opening segmentwhere we just go so yeah, that
if you're in a social setting,you know, and you're like forced to
talk with someone because they're standing rightthere. Yeah, you just kind of
run out. You feel like thatI don't know, man, I don't
know, man, creep away.Yeah, that could totally happen on a

(03:49):
radio show, like it just getsquiet for a second, nobody's really sure
where you're going next, and youjust fill it with a I don't know
man. Yeah, as you're lookingfor your papers, just I don't know,
man, and then you're onto thenext thing, just fill it up
with I don't know. We havethe Verlander context, just a little bit
of it. I don't know,man. Your thoughts on this. The

(04:10):
last couple days we've seen a bunchof pictures go down with injuries. That's
want to lay on both sides.What do you think? I don't know,
man, it's tough. I thinkthe game has changed a lot.
He doesn't want to answer that question. So what he's saying is like,
I have my theory and I'm madabout it, but I also don't really
want to talk about it because I'mmad. So I don't know, man.

(04:31):
And then he tells you it's veryJerry Jonesy to say I don't know,
man and then answer it's like alittle bit of like the real response,
and then he goes into what hehas to say because he's a professional
athlete and he's forced to answer thesequestions. Yeah, that was his real
response. And also, if youhear an I don't know man out in

(04:51):
the wild, let us, know, like tag us on the social medias
and stuff, because we want tostart building a collection. Yes, we
need a collection of I don't knowman. So if somebody says one and
somebody lets one out. Yeah,I'm comparing the I don't know man to
a fart or something. Well,I think we want to be known as

(05:15):
the show of staying up to date, keeping it moving. Yeah, what
about ham? Yeah I don't knowman. Yeah, these are these are
those are things. All four ofthose have some sort of purpose in this
universe. Yeah, some sort ofdefined purpose. Although I'm not real sure
about the definition of what about ham? But anyway, Yeah, so that's

(05:38):
what we've been wanting here today.Yeah, and we were maybe going to
start with hours. We'll go aroundthe horn with our I don't know man's,
and then we'll listen to all ofthe people who have sent in talkbacks.
And if you're just listening now andyou haven't had a chance to send
in a talk back, you cantext us with your I don't know man

(05:59):
two, one, four, seven, eight one something. It's a little
bit like grind your gears kind ofYeah, maybe grind your gears on Monday.
What's grinding your gears. What's Idon't know, mean, what can
you not figure out? What's crampin your style today? What's in your
crop? I don't know, man, Or maybe it's something really cool happened
to you over the weekend. Yeah, and you were not expecting. Somebody

(06:20):
wants to know how that had Idon't know, man, exactly lost your
virginity? Oh something, yeah,something like that. I if you're one
of our younger listeners or older,sometimes it happens way later times it does.
Public speaking, right, uh huh? Public speaking? Yeah, I

(06:43):
don't know, man, Oh notyour favorite thing. The most terrifying thing
on planet Earth is public speaking.I concur totally. And I don't know
why my circumstances can be different becauseI've had to do it a couple few

(07:05):
times, and it's always been somethingI've signed up for. Like I've dropped
speech class at least three times whenI was still pretending like I was going
to finish college. At some pointone of them had to be a communications
class, and I was like,sure, speech, And on the day
of the first speech, I woulddrop the class. Are you serious?
Every time, even as like atwenty three year old, I couldn't go

(07:27):
stand in front of eighteen year oldsand give a speech. Couldn't do it.
I can do radio all day.Wow. My sister asked me if
I would officiate her wedding. That'sso big, and I said, yeah,
of course, whatever, no problem. And she was thinking, you
know, he talks for a living. That's easy, right, pretty much.

(07:51):
So this happened on Saturday. Thewedding was Saturday. It's in the
rear view now, but that thatwas the afraid that I can remember being
in my entire life. Were youserious in my entire life? Because it's
just it's such a big thing,and if you're afraid of public speaking,

(08:13):
if you officiate a wedding, atleast, the way that they did it
right before is the very worst.Because all the guests show up and are
seated, and then they put allof us. It was like this little
chapel, like a rustic country setup kind of thing. And so it's
a chapel that holds probably one hundredand hundred fifty people, but they get

(08:35):
the bridesmaids and the groomsmen and theofficiant and all of us are standing in
the little entryway between the front doorand the door of the chapel. Yeah,
and so you're all jammed in thislittle space and I'm already panicky and
now it's hot. And I justwalked across and leaned against the wall next
to my mom and she was justlike you okay, and I was like
nopeody ah man. Uh. Butthen they're like okay, let's go,

(08:58):
and they open the door and Igo first. So I walk down and
everyone is looking at you didn't trip. I didn't trip. And then you
have to stand up there, nolecturn or anything, just standing the yes,
just standing there, butt naked tothe world, and no one else
has walked down yet and it's justme and you have to remember what the
steps are to go through and youhave to do because you're kind of like

(09:20):
the traffic cop. You're like,yeah, it's your show. Yeah,
and uh so yeah I was.I was like the swaying preacher man,
because I had two choices fall downand or pass out or just kind of
transfer weight from foot to foot,and so I was I was a swinging
preacher man. So I spent thewhole time as everybody was filing in,

(09:41):
kind of going back and forth andback and forth, and at least one
person noticed, because I think itwas my uncle Bill afterwards, who's like
a little nervous. Huh, you'regoing a little a little back and forth
there. I was just like,yeah, a little nervous is an understatement.
It was the most in my lifeI've probably i've had. I've had
one hard core, real life likepanic attack. I felt panicky before,

(10:03):
I felt anxiety millions of times,but one real life attack that was a
clot that was getting close to whereI was like, I'm gonna ruin this
whole day. I'm gonna ruin thiswhole day. I'm gonna ruin this whole
day, Like I'm gonna fall down, and it's supposed to bet them that's
nervous, and I'm freaking nervous.My sister's husband to be is like,
dude, I'm terrified. Instead ofbeing like you're gonna be great, I
was like me too. He waslooking at you for a shoulder to lean

(10:28):
on to help him be calm.Yeah. I like, y'all will fall
down together, it'll be fine.But it ended up fine. It ended
up fine. Uh, well didyou get through it? I got through
it. I got through it.There was no disaster, got through it,
not even like stumbles or shake voicelike got through it? Were you
reading yes? Okay, yeah,yeah yeah. I looked up semi semi

(10:52):
religious wedding script Google and I madesome alterations, not many, and ripped
through it. Lasted five minutes.It was so quick. Should yes,
yes? And two of that twoand a half. Three of that was
their vows. Outside of that,it is bang bang bang. We are
gathered. Do you present ring placering? I now introduce you to the

(11:18):
end. Well, that was fairlyeasy. You would do it. I
would do it, Oh my god. Although it sounds easy, but boy,
I don't want to do it.I've spoken publicly a lot, but
I would say that setting might feela bit more intimidating, especially for somebody
that is in your family and youwant it to go perfectly. I could
see. I could see where that'dbe terrifying. So public speaking. Oh

(11:43):
no, man, I don't know. Well, I had a couple of
dreams this weeken that had me wakingup going I don't know, man,
I don't know. I don't knowwhat this says about me. I don't
know if these are real live.Did you tweet at US fourteen? No,
I didn't tweet to myself. Oh, tweet at Julie's dreams fourteen.

(12:07):
If you have a dream, youneed interpret it, please do. I
like interpreting dreams in all of myspare time, and sometimes I remember mine
and sometimes I don't. But Ithink my I don't know, man,
is that? I just don't thinkthat. We talk and think about our
dreams enough, which is why Icreated the Twitter account. But when did

(12:33):
you create it? I don't know, man. Is this ten years old?
No, it's probably like four yearsold, three or four years old.
It's a real adult Twitter account.Oh yeah, okay, and you're
shocked. You know, I'm aweirdo. So my dream had me going,

(12:54):
I don't know, man, Andand there was a lot going on
in my two dreams that I remember. The gist of the first one,
well, basically from my takeaway frommy two very vivid dreams over the weekend
that I remember is one had todo with lizards and one had to do
with hotels. Hotel first was anAaron Rodgers dream. The second one,

(13:16):
I don't know why, but hetalks about the lizard people sometimes. Oh
really, I gotta be careful.Well, I really believe that your dreams
are representative of who you are,what you're thinking about, what you're struggling
with. Sure, and that's whatjust going to work while you're sleeping,
Yes, while you're just trying torest, for the love, Yeah,

(13:39):
trying to sleep. It's going totake your concerns and your fears and your
worries. And so I was,I was looking up lizard dreams and a
It's it's kind of interesting what itsays. The spiritual meaning of seeing a
lizard and a dream extends to wakinglife revolving around flexibility, adaptability, regeneration,

(14:01):
and growth. Oh I get it. Foughting a lizard suggests remaining adaptable
to circumstances. Okay, accepting changeand embracing transformation by shedding old habits or
beliefs for beneficial changes. Are youabout to change religions? Genders? What

(14:22):
are you doing? Not that Iknow of. Okay. Have you ever
felt the urge to be a man? Not yet? Okay, so we
can eliminate that direction. Yeah,you ever wish your husband was a woman?
No, okay, I can saythat definitively. Any interest in being
a Muslim, don't believe? Sookay, nothing against them. I'm out

(14:43):
of ideas. Then, I don'tknow what it was. I've been thinking
about a lot of things and maybechange. Yeah, and this showed up
in my dream via a lizard.Got you now you put that in my
head. I'm one hundred percent gonnadream about Komodo dragons tonight, Are you
yeah? I hope you do,and I hope you come back and tell

(15:05):
us about it. Hotel. Ithink it was Friday night. I dreamt
No Saturday night, I dreamt abouthotel. Friday night, I dreamt about
lizards, and I think I dreamtabout lizards again last night. What about
the hotel? Hotels and dreams representa need for rest, comfort, security,
or escape. Oh, it's kindof a lot of different variables there.
You desperately want to quit this show. They may They may also symbolize

(15:28):
transitional periods, desires for change,or social interactions. You want to quit
the show. The hotel room andthe people in the dream may reflect aspects
of your inner self and your personality. Mike, are you hurt? Her
dreams are told me that she doesn'twant to work with it. I can't
believe. I can't believe what I'mhearing think so. I don't think so,
but uh, those were my dreams. And I woke up saying,

(15:50):
I don't know, man, Idon't know about these dreams. I don't
know about these lizard dreams. AndI also think it's weird how we're just
supposed to wake up from these crazydreams and go on with our day like
thing happened. You see. Thoseare the kind of things that people dream
about me that they want to getaway from me. Oh yeah. Anybody
that enters into your life starts dreamingabout lizards, right, and or hotels

(16:12):
at It all stems from that.Yeah, I make them crazy. I
don't think so, Mike, doyou have do you have an I don't
know, man, I have amillion. I don't know. Man's every
day, but they're all they're alllike little things. I mean, you
actually have some depth. Yeah,I'm very attached to your I don't know,

(16:33):
man. You just see anything inthe world and go I don't know,
Yeah I do. I do Yougot the food menu at the dinner?
I don't know, man, Yeah, that's it. Stop I look
it over. I don't see anythingthat that I want and look around and
start looking at the place I wentinto or where I'm at or whatever,

(16:53):
and I just I don't know,man, is generally just going through life.
You just don't know. Yeah,Yeah, it's a very it's a
very in the moment thing. Forme, it makes sense. We do
have just sneak a couple in realquick. Yeah. Two people. In
response to Jeffrey officiating a wedding.My buddy told me I had to do

(17:15):
the best man speech at the tableduring the maid of honors, well thought
out speech. She typed on herphone and I lost the other one,
So don't worry about it. Groups. Do you have an I don't know
many, Not really. I'd ratherhear what the listeners have, which with
them sprinkling out throughout the day,what do the people have? And I
don't know. We got about tenof them. You rifle through them.

(17:37):
They do it all right. Firstone is from Bradley. I don't know,
man. It seems like Taylor Swifthas become the exact person that you
used to sing about in her videos. She's popular, she's pretty, she's
rich, and she's dating like astar football player. Those are the exact
same things that she used to singagain in her songs in the beginning.

(18:02):
I feel betrayed. I don't know, man. Uh oh, you shouldn't
have said that. It was justthat one song. That's a good one.
It's good that that's on his mind. That's a great I don't know,
man, it was just the onesong. Y'all make notes of which
one you think is your favorite?Oh, because that person, I don't
think that person might not want it. Can I just give out the talkback

(18:25):
thing and have whoever wants you canget it? Sure, Chain Smokers at
Toyota Stadium, May fourth, We'vegot tickets. Use the talkback feature on
the iHeartRadio app the microphone there,leave your name, email, address,
phone number in tel groups. Youwant to see the Chain Smokers, and
the first one is gonna win.How about that? Nice? All right?
Back to I don't know, man, here's Scott. I don't know,

(18:45):
man. I always wonder how doy'all come up with ideas for shows?
Every day? I wonder what arey'all going to do today? And
then Jeff gets his thumb stuck inhis k ring, and I think,
all right, here we go.Happened early in the show, first segment.
It was in my pocket. Iwas playing in my hoodie pocket and
my thumb slipped in and I couldn'tget it out. It was like a

(19:06):
Chinese face or okay, we madeit through. Here's Dylan. I don't
know, man, but I alwaysget this real stone and google strange things.
Last week I found out that fishdon't drink water. Yeah, well,
that's not as weird as I thoughtit was gonna be. But do
that in a private browser. Fishdon't drink water? I don't know,

(19:29):
man, Okay, I'm gonna makea note. We've to revisit that.
How do they hydrate? If they'renot, you canna drink some of it?
Right? I don't know, man, I don't. I don't,
But here's Dawn. I haven't filedmy taxes it four years and I just
don't know. Man. That's fair, man. I've seen some really good

(19:51):
tweets about that, where it's likethe government's like, all right, pay
what you oh, and you're likeokay, like how much and they're like,
well, we know, yeah,but you have to figure it out
and if you're wrong, you're gonnago to jail. Right. It's like
what we could just tell? Can'tyou just tell me? As well as
getting water through osmosis. Saltwater fishneed to purposefully drink water in order to
get enough into their systems. Freshwater counterparts direct all of the water that

(20:15):
comes into their mouths out through theirgills. So yeah, fresh waters don't
drink water. It just goes throughthem and they push it on out.
Wow, that's crazy, it's nuts. Here's Josh. I don't know,
man, But it's raining here inSherman, and we sure needed it.
It's my favorite. Right. Ifwe rains it, we needed it.
And if you get sick, it'sgoing around the weather. I don't know,

(20:37):
man, I don't Yeah, here'sJames. I don't know, man.
I don't know whether to heave twoor try sup. I'm meeling about,
but I don't know how smartly thingsare going. I'm ensuring radios are
tuned, but I don't know whatstay. I've been told two different stations.
I'm not I just everything's just soconfusing these days. I don't know's.

(21:07):
I don't know man either. Idon't know man. Here's Land.
I don't know, man. Itseems like there needs to be some technology
advances on the jello flavor front,and I'm not sure what I mean by
that it just seems like they've beenpretty stagnant with jello flavors and they should
probably add something to them. Something. Oh well maybe, I don't know,

(21:33):
man, that's my kind of Idon't Yeah, that was a nice
exit, it was. And hehas a point. Yellow flavors have not
changed a long time. Are theyreally flavors or are they just colors?
The flavor flavor? Come on?Man, yeah, man different. I
don't know. Man. Here's Zachthe female reproduct its system. I don't

(21:59):
know, man, we're all confusedby it. It's way lower than way
lower than you said. The reproductivesystem. Yeah, everything y'all got is
lower than you think when you're ateenager. You'll find out later. I
don't know, man, lower.Here's Austin. I don't know, man,
Cheese just seems healthier when it ain'tmelted. I don't know. I

(22:23):
feel like that's so true. Thatprobably makes sense. If I make a
sandwich, I don't feel like I'mbeing unhealthy, But if I'm dipping the
corn cheese into cheese. I lovethis. It's a Jewels genius. I
feel like we're talking about it lastweek a little bit, and I was
just thinking we need to turn itinto a whole second man, last one,

(22:45):
Jacob, Why am I hairier thana sasquatch running through the forest all
over my body except for my head? I don't know, man, I
just can't grow hair up there.Yeah, I get it, exact opposite.
I got a full head of hairand I can't grow it. Like
it's life gets awkward if I don'tshave my chest, oh, because I'm

(23:10):
just gonna have thirty one individual littlehairs. You've done this looking thing ever,
and so then it's like, doyou whax your body? It's like,
no, I got hair on armsand legs. It's just what comes
in here. Yeah, it's weirdyou wax your buddy? Look? Was
that Scooby dude? Please? God, it's weird. There's just a few
boy not like a Mexican hairless.Yeah, all right, coming up next,

(23:33):
we'll step in the sunset lounge.We have to get the home run
picks going pretty quick because the Rangersare gonna start in about twelve minutes.
Plus I kind of have a coupleother I don't know, Man's next.