Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
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Parker dot edu, Parker dot edu. You're listening to the Downbeat on ninety
seven to one, the freak apologiesthat we don't have the downbeat singing calculators
ready to go for tax day today? Did you guys do your taxes?
I don't know. Oh no,that is a tough one. That's kind
(07:11):
of not a great answer. Didyou file for the extension? At least
everyone needs a good extension. Whatdo we have until sundown? You do
your taxes yet I don't know.Well, I'm actually doing with the guy
you emailed me. Yeah, thegreat Rob Baines. He's the best.
So I send him all my stuffand then that, yeah, that's it,
(07:32):
he's got you. He will Okay, good because I know like today
do don't you have some friends thatare tax people. Yeah, what's the
word accountants? Tax accountants, certifiedpublic accountants. This is their super Bowl
swamped last month. If he doesn'thave time to like send you a text
(07:53):
to go, hey, got everythinglooks good? Exactly. You just get
your return back and the direct depositshows up in your account and you're I
didn't give him my bank account info. It's what a bad sign he would
get with you on that? Whatif my kind of typo in the email
too? So it really Mike thinkshe sent it over, but it didn't.
Don't worry, And I sent itto Rob baronas insteads Yeah, I
(08:18):
said to Rob Ross and he's justf with me like, yeah, I
got him, looks good, thanksRod. So I'm assuming he yeah,
he's he's still take it from me. I didn't want to whip him with
an email like, hey, sorry, I know I'm new with you and
I wasn't easy. I wasn't youweren't easy to deal with. Well,
(08:39):
but I just took a while toget I need all your tax statements from
the last year. I need yourwatch, your home like, all this
stuff I can't find. I'm disorganized. Yeah, I'm not dealing with mine
until what is it October? Yourtaxes till you're on the six month extension
plan. Yes, it's incredible,given them my damn money until I absolutely
(09:01):
have to, really, yeah,in case something happens to you, because
you do a lot of self employment. Does music vounder self employment? It's
the amount of documentation that I haveto submit. Yeah, Like I've got
a folder just for twenty twenty threeof just random things, random stuff too
(09:22):
or no, yeah, all ofthat and music stuff, music stuff,
bar stuff, publishing stuff, justso much nonsense. And it's not even
enough to even it's not enough tomake it even matter, but enough,
like fiscally financially for me, butit's enough that I have to account for.
And then you know there's whatever yourmortgage stuff that you get all those
(09:46):
I mean just so many little thingsthat I'm just like, I don't want
to say every year because of allthe self employment stuff. Yeah, you
pay money, you don't get areturn. I've hardly ever in the last
ten years gotten gotten money on myreturn. I'm always paying a good self
apployment tax sucks. They come andget you. If you don't work for
a corporation, they come and getyou. But you do work for a
(10:09):
corporate, absolutely. But if anyother money that I make, yeap,
because he's probably just taken straight cashfrom that, then yeah, you forget
to set aside whatever the twenty fiveto forty that should be taken out and
then they K nine you at theend of the year for that stuff and
you got to pay on it.Just a dog your house to bite you.
Kevin is a K nine I guess, or whatever it's called. That
(10:31):
K two German shepherd's here. Justhello, sir, I'm sorry. Eat
the foot, don't let him in. Don't tell them out here. My
feet are out. Nothing's gonna happento you before October. Dude, you're
not flying over the Atlantic. Ifine, You're gonna be fine. But
for those of us that are flyingover the Atlantic. Probably a good year
to not file your taxes. Yeah, man, I did it. It's
(10:56):
good not to worry about I likenot having to think about it, get
ahead of it. I know youthink no one care. In February I
might have an argument, but tomorrow. Most important thing you have to tell
us about your adventure? Really?Yeah, I don't care. Those are
my least one of my least favoritesegments. Vacation talk. Yeah, well,
I guess pre vacation talk. Yeah. I don't need pre vacation when
(11:18):
I get back. Yeah, coolstuff happened. Absolutely, I won't.
I want to know where you're going. Your plan is your adventure. I
know nothing I go and I'm I'vemade no plans. Do you believe him?
I kind of do. Well,Who's he's terrible? That means roxy
has to do everything and he's justlike, I'm so busy. Oh just
(11:39):
where are we going? Now?That must be nice? Just take the
up, beare feet up? Thissounds like weaponized incompetence. Okay, there's
a show nicknames very good. Keepthat in mind, right, How do
they learn about duvets? How arewe supposed to know what a duvet is?
(12:00):
Yeah? Live my entire life.What was this debate? Duve?
What do I put in it?Why is this my responsibility? Hot women?
What a duvet is? How dowe miss that? Are you talking
about bidets? No, douve?Do you know what a douve? What
a is? But that's not allthat confusing? Did you know compared to
a bidday? What did you learnat fifteen? I don't know when I
learned what a duvet was? Notbefore you you ever involved with the woman,
(12:22):
That's when he learned. Right?There might be an argument that I
still don't know exactly what to doveycover right? Yeah? Is it the
thing that covers over your blanket,like you cover your blanket in that?
Yeah, you slide your comfort insidethe duvet? Who knew what that was?
We did without being involved with awoman. Okay, don't lie,
(12:43):
Danny. You knew what a duvetwas no before a woman told me what
it was? Yes? How didthey learn? What school did they go
to to learn that? Their moms? The moms, the moms, the
moms told them doing it tomorrow?Yeah, don't want to. I have
a lot of questions, and sodoes Mikey. I mean, this is
your first trip to Europe. Thisis a significant thing. Okay, we'll
(13:07):
do when I get back. Andthere are people listening who either aspire to
go to Europe or want to goto Italy, and I think it's I
think it'll be fantastic content when weget back. Okay, I don't care
that much, So fine, it'sjust a coincidence. We'll talk about it
when I get back, and maybetomorrow, but probably when I get back.
God, I swear it's like talkingto Trump. We'll talk about it
(13:28):
when I get back. Maybe tomorrow, nobody knows. Now, let's do
it. Now, Just do Gettysburg. Danny really wants us to play Gettysburg.
I just think this is a reallyfunny lesson in history. All right,
here's the Trump campaign. We're inSchnecksville, Pennsylvania. You guys have
been to nap Schnecksville Ville. Wego, Maddie, can you crick up
(13:56):
my audio? Please? Sorry?Yeah? Where our union with say fy
the immortal Heroes at Gettysburg. Gettysburg. What an unbelievable battle that was the
Battle of Gettysburg. What an unbelievableI mean, it was so much and
so interesting and so vicious and horribleand so beautiful in so many different ways.
(14:16):
It represented such a big portion ofthe success of this country. Gettysburg.
Wow, I go to Gettysburg,Pennsylvania to look and to watch and
the statement of Roberty Lee, who'sno longer in favor? Did you ever
notice that no longer in favor?Never fight uphill me boys, Never fight
uphill. They were fighting uphill.He said, Wow, that was a
(14:39):
big mistake. He lost his greatgeneral and they were fighting. Never fight
uphill me boys. But it wastoo late. That's the new four score
and seven years ago. Hadn't neverfight uphill me boys. He often goes
just to watch, oh, andlook to watch and look. Wow,
(15:03):
so vicious, so horrific and beautiful. It would be hard to get caught
on a live bike and just havea history lesson sprung on you. He
was going to Was he in Gettysburgor just near it? Near it?
One of these weird Nexville, Pennsylvania. Well that's always good to hear from
the great orator. Yeah, justa few months for the election. That's
(15:28):
why it's important audio. And ifI could understand anything of what Biden said
in the last seven days, Iwould have pulled that and played that too,
equal shots. Boom boom. Allright, we'll move on. Why
am I get tweets about the RealitySteve podcast? Okay? Uh? Ryan
(15:48):
Gosling was your host of SNL thisweek How was this weekend? This weekend?
How was Ryan Gosling? Yeah?I don't know. He laughed the
entire time. It's like Ryan Goslinga very underestimated the potency of his edible.
Right before Downbeat on SNL on Saturday, he was laughing at during every
(16:08):
skit, everyone, every single Itwas funny, though it was so much
breaking. I mean he was breaking. He was making everybody else break.
It was good, and they don'tbreak too often. Yeah, they keep
it together pretty well. Man.Then there's one where the whole thing fell
(16:29):
apart and there's no audio to playfrom it because it's a visual. Is
a visual. Let's do weekend updatethough? Well set it up? Yeah,
I mean you got to tell thestory. I mean the thing that
just completely knocked the entire show offcourse. Okay, yeah, yeah,
the Beavis and butt Heead bit.Basically, it's a news Nation Talented's like
(16:52):
when you were a little kid,It's the crap your parents would watch that
you would just God like Meet thePress one of those shows. So it's
a town hall and Keenan Thompson istalking about AI and he's being interviewed and
the camera goes back and forth tothem, and sitting behind the interviewer is
Ryan Gosling. But he looks exactlylike Beavis. He's wearing the little shorts,
(17:18):
he's got a T shirt that saysDeath Rock, and his hair is
that weird blonde pompadour that's going straightup in the air and he's but he's
just a dude. I Death Rock, but he's just a dude. Like
he doesn't sound like Beavis at all. And Keenan cannot focus and he's like
(17:38):
kind of she generally look turn andlook at him, but she moves him.
Okay, So then Beavis moves tothe center and now there's an empty
seat, and then keep going andanswering the questions and then sitting down in
that empty chair, here comes buttHead and it's Micky Day and he's got
something in his mouth that's made hislip go up. He did some prosthetic,
(17:59):
so it's like he's got the hairlift up top and his gums are
showing and it is so funny,and Kevin is I think this is a
very astute observation is they probably didthis in rehearsal and they're not wearing the
outfits. So when Heidi turns aroundto look at Beavis and then butt Head,
it's her first time seeing them andshe cannot keep it together. Amazing.
(18:22):
I'm looking at a picture of thatforty seconds of just because T shirt
that says skull skull. They're like, I'm sorry, I don't know what
the deal is. I'm just hereto learn about AI. Yeah, they
talk like normal men. No,no, all, although they did make
them laugh and then they kind ofboth went he laughed. They laughed like
him too. Keithan goes, they'resitting like they do on the cartoon and
(18:47):
they've got their hands on their knees. That's so funny. And they're like,
we don't even I've never seen thisshow. I've never even heard of
it. It was tremendous, prettygood. So you go to the weekend
update. Michael ja is doing ajoke here about women's sports, which he
often does. Here we go Thursdayof Iowa announced that basketball star Caitlyn Clark
(19:07):
will have her jersey retire and replacedwith an apron. Well the w NBA
Draft. The w NBA Draft isthis Monday, and Iowa star Caitlin Clark
is expected to be the number onepick. Here the comic is Caitlyn Clark,
(19:27):
and it's her. Okay, butnothing for my joke. Whatever.
I am a fan Caitlin by theway, really, Michael, because I
heard that little apron joke you did. Oh yeah, it was a joke.
We just having fun. You know, you make a lot of jokes
about women's sports, don't you,Michael. I wouldn't say a lot,
but you know it's not on theregular. Yeah, I know, it's
(19:49):
definitely a lot. I actually sortof made a super cut. Take a
look. Well, no, wedon't have to do that. Sports bars
around the country are promising to onlyshow women's basketball games during March Madness.
The bars are known collectively as theEmpty Ones. Iowa's Final four game against
Yukon was the most watched women's collegebasketball game ever, with fourteen point two
(20:14):
million viewers, beating the previous recordby fourteen point two million viewers. Why
calm with the receipts? Thanks man, No problem. You know, I'm
like chay, I support women whoaokay, so it's kind of fun.
He definitely knew she was gonna bethere. I sprung on him, but
(20:36):
I do think he was He wascold reading her jokes. I think so.
And this is where she wrote jokesfor me. He's just reading the
cards. So hold on. Ithink you're a great basketball player. I
mean I can't play like you do. Yeah, we know, and obviously
I can't tell jokes like you do. But I did write some jokes and
it would mean a lot to meif you read some of them just right
over there on the cards. Well, well, have the first pick in
(21:02):
this Monday's draft. A reminder thatIndiana Fever is a w NBA team and
not what Michael Jake gave to dozensof women at for Junior University. Yeah
Netflix, his top new show wasRipley, featuring an eerie, unsettling performance
(21:23):
by actor Andrew Scott. Critics sayit's the hardest thing to watch on Netflix
since Michael Ja's special Shame is Up. It's pretty good. Yeah bad,
And then she gave him a souvenirapron I can like them. Since you're
such a big fan, I broughtyou a souvenir. It's an apron signed
by me. Thank you. Ican't wait to give this to my girlfriend.
(21:48):
You don't have a girlfriend. Andshe was clearly out of her element,
but she as far as when theybring in people that aren't used to
being on camera like that, shedidn't really want there. Oh my god.
Yeah, but she was kind oflike reading the you know, did
we have uniform on or regularly leatherjacket on? Jay? Did have do
(22:11):
you have this one? Oh?Yeah? Jay had a news story that
and he issued a joke that wasso dumb. But I laughed out loud,
and even Colin had a hard timerecovering from it. It's it's not
even that funny. But I don'tknow what it was about this joke that
it hit me. President Biden metwith Japan's Prime Minister where they discussed building
(22:34):
a new bullet train system in Americausing advanced Japanese technology and return Japan requested
the advanced American technology of forks.I knew her. It's just he's got
like Biden and a bullet train graphicin the background, and when he says
(22:57):
of forts and it's just a fork. It was so the timing of it
just kicked me. Man, theadvanced technology knowledg of the fork like that's
yeah, it's like, that's thebest thing that we have to offer Japan.
You guys are good at technology.How about getting rid of those two
(23:18):
sticks? You don't need the twosticks anymore. That's a Seinfeld bit,
right, He's like, n what'swith the chopsticks? I mean, you've
seen the four. That's pretty good. Okay, right now you've seen the
four. It's the deal with thetwo sticks. Wait, now, Adroy's
(23:41):
care. We don't add the growingfake Jerry Senfield that goes up there with
fake John Hamm and fake Bobby McFerrin. He had a couple of last week.
That what an arsenal. We gotto remember. Yeah, what an
arsenal I'm putting together. It isreally weird that, Yeah, they stick
with the chops. Is it justtradition or culture? Culture? Tradition?
(24:07):
You know what it with football andbeer? I think it's also about uh,
like you eat slower, which isgood for you, which we don't
do. Yeah, we don't.Yeah, I eat slower. I got
food last night, never even madeit to the couch, much less of
the table. I mean, I'mstanding over a sint. I want the
Palmer's Hot Chicken. Not bad,yeah, yeah, not bad at all.
(24:33):
I'm not on board with this hotchicken revolution. I don't want any
spies. I don't like my chickenmean too thick? Thin. You don't
like mashed chicken? Yeah, youknow, chicken smashed. Yeah, but
I don't know. It was aboutthe sides. They have good sides.
Yeah, you know your chicken smashedlike, you know, just beating down
(24:55):
a little bit thick. I don'tlike like a large chicken bread. It
flattened a chicken sandwich, you know, or something like that. Yeah,
you don't like a chicken sandwich,not if it's too thick, but it
smashed chicken sandwiches. Yeah, it'sthin. Someone did ask is Kevin gonna
eat European foods on his vacation?Obviously you are many. Yeah, absolutely,
(25:18):
I will say this. I was. We did a long one in
Italy, and about ten days inI said that I've had enough Italian.
Yeah, I know Italian. Youmight have come back about ten to twelve
pounds larger. Yeah, no,you are, because I didn't even know
that I was doing that, andI did gain about a dozen pounds for
(25:38):
real, I'm ready for it,and it was worth it, delicious,
But I was just like, allright, let's mix it up. Yeah,
I have a ton of other options. I told I told Roxy this.
The gas station food in Italy isamazing. They have petrol stations and
you stop in there and there's likebeautiful like sandwiches like buffo letta muzzarella sandwich.
(26:00):
Oh delicious and cheaper than you're gonnayou know, you're gonna peel off
one hundred every step you take.But yeah, eat at gas stations.
Have they gone full euro in Italy? Or are they still working the lira?
No? It was euro? ShouldI do that? Change? Now?
Should I find a doe at theairport when you get there? Yeah?
Here, you can do it hereat the airport because you're gonna get
(26:22):
their way early because you're already panickingfor an international flight and you'll have time.
There'll be money exchange, a couplehundred bucks and if I recall,
yeah, you didn't get that muchback and euros less than the or more
than the dollar. So I thinkI turned four hundred bucks and I don't
even know what it is. Isthat the most is that the most affordable
place to get it done in theairport though, or the most expensive?
Okay, I want to shop arounda little bit before you. Okay,
(26:45):
but you're already going to Europe.You're gonna get torched. I just wanted
to have it when I got there, and I didn't want to deal with
it when I got You can useyour credit card over there, right,
yeah, okay, not a bigdeal. You got you got ax?
Uh no, Yeah, but you'llend up doing cash, like I said,
Like, well, I me guessyou could maybe go all card.
I really don't know about. Icalled my bank and told them I'll be
(27:07):
out of town. There is someserious coinage over there too, Like you'll
buy something, you'll get a handfulof coins and you're just trusting that they
gave you the right amount and youwon't know what you're holding. So these
coins are worth like ten bucks.Yep, that's weird. I don't like
that. I'm trying to stay alldigital, okay, Okay, Oh,
I'll get a SNL update because theSNL bet from our draft back in September.
(27:30):
Yeah, what's the status on allof them? Well, we're tied
at too, and they're gonna beoff for two weeks, but then they
will have episodes on May fourth,May eleventh, and May eighteenth. That
will be the end of the season. And do we have announcements? We
tied it too. We each drafteda musical guest and a host, and
the announcement was made for the Mayfourth host and musical guests and the same
person were. I think Mikey gotthis right. Come on. In round
(27:55):
two of the draft, I wentwith Ryan Reynolds. Mikey chose Katy Perry,
and Danny chose Dua Lipa. Oh, she's hosting and musical guest him.
Two points for Danny clear. Heis in the clear, probably because
du A Lipa is your next musicalguest and host on May fourth. Two
(28:17):
points for Danny. That puts himat four. Me and Mike at two
with two episodes to play. I'mlooking at my phone and it will not
look like a foot. Oh that'sthis one finally, Yeah, this is
this is the phone case. Getthe foot phone case out of here.
A lot of feat pranks here.Well, we'll have Rex Ryan on tomorrow
(28:42):
for a whole hour. That's actuallyan NFL Draft preview. No, we
won't be doing that coming up next. Yesterday they played the Masters. They
finished it in AUGUSTA. I can'twait. And your winner was a fellow
that we all know too well.What happened next to ninety seven won the Freak