October 28, 2024 • 17 mins
10% Happier author, podcast host, and a whole lot more - Dan Harris joins us in studio to talk the benefits of meditation.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Live from the Mercedes Benz Interview Lounge.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
A twenty years ago?
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Was it when Dan Harris walked into the studio and
changed our lives? He made it cool to talk about meditation.
People thought meditation was something that witchcraft.
Speaker 4 (00:18):
I can't believe.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Maybe I'm over exaggerating. Dan Harris is back. It all
started the original book Ten Percent Happier. Yes, well, I've
read it twice now and I think.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
No, it's actually it's a sign of cognitive decline.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I think it's like, anyway, you know what, Dan's story
is an amazing story. And where you've come since Ten
Percent Happier came out, where you've landed as of today.
I love your doing your own thing. You left Network TV,
You're a huge thing. Or at ABC, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
They really it's they have a hard time putting one
foot in front of another without me. They're like, where's
our B level news anchor? Stop? Stop?
Speaker 5 (01:07):
Do we get that guy back?
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Dan Harris. You've you've turned this brand of yours, this
Dan Harris and Dan Harris dot Com brand into this.
It's more than just meditation. It's just living your life,
being aware and being mindful and oh, where do you
want to start, who are you? Tell everyone who you are?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
What you used to be?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
A news anchor is at ABC News for twenty one years,
I covered stories all over the world, and then I
had a panic attack on an obscure broadcast called Good
Morning America in front of five million people, and that
got me interested in meditation. I wrote a book about
it called ten Percent Happier, that you were incredibly supportive of.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
And then now I.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Ten years later, I'm not at ABC News anymore, and
I have this new thing where I where I give
people what I call a gentle iv drip of wisdom
and advice from ancient traditions and modern science about how
to do life better.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
And here we are and here we go, rather sort
of telling the story again, but it needs to be
told again and again and again about meditation and how
it is not what most people think it is. And
we have huge organizations, including military. The military is using meditation,
and big corporations are using meditation with their employees because
they find for a fact it is changing people's lives
(02:21):
for the better.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Absolutely. I mean this is so interesting because I was
like you. I thought, if you were interested in meditation,
you immediately had to move into a yurt or like
get really into a romatherapy and wear little finger symbols.
And I was not into this at all. But there's
all of this science that shows that meditation is good
for you can rewire key parts of your brain. And
that really got me over the hump as a skeptic.
And now you're seeing it, you know, major League Baseball teams,
(02:44):
you're seeing it in backstage at major shows on Broadway
and Hollywood productions in C suites. It's many of my
colleagues at ABC News are now former colleagues meditate. In fact,
that's what got them calm and saying enough to you know,
kick me out. So I think it's really we've seen
a cultural shift and we're frankly, we're unhappier than we've
(03:05):
ever been. If you look at the data, we are
more stressed, more anxious, more lonely, more depressed, and more
addicted than we've ever been since they've been keeping records.
And so people are looking for things to manage themselves.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Well look at this. Let's take the elections. Yeah, okay,
let's talk about this election cycle that's rolling through right now.
It has people on edge, it has neighbors fighting neighbors.
It has people looking for reasons to tear people down
because they don't agree with their political philosophy in this
and that. What can we do to get through this mess?
(03:41):
It is a mess for so many of this.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Yeah, I've been I put together a list of eight
things you can do to stay sane in the election.
We're not going to go through all of them now,
but I'll just pick one and we can start with that.
First of all, my advice is nonpartisan. I don't have
a side in all of this. I just want to
help you manage it because it is a lot. We're
taking in so much information where a lot of us
(04:03):
feel angry or helpless. So one thing that I find
incredibly helpful is this phrase action absorbs anxiety. If you
can do something, even though you may not be able
to affect the outcome, If you can do something in
your little sphere locally. You can volunteer in a campaign,
but you don't even have to volunteer in a campaign.
You can volunteer in an animal shelter or a food kitchen,
(04:24):
or if you don't have time for that, just be
a little bit nicer to the people in your environment.
That will make you less anxious. That will give you
a sense of agency and power, and that is a
great way to counteract the kind of hopelessness that some
of us feel when we turn on the news.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Ro it's you get some sort of peace of mind
out of being of service to others.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Absolutely, Sometimes I say, like, if you're if you hold
the door open for somebody, what is it like in
that moment when you're holding the door open for somebody?
If you pay attention, that feels good, And that feeling
is infinite in scale.
Speaker 6 (04:56):
It feels good until they don't say thank you, and
then I go hello, thank.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
You, thank you, And I need to step aside and
have a little private therapy because I have so much.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
As funny as that seems, that is sort of a
reality where we have these high expectations of total strangers.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Fun total strangers. We should let that go.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Learning to let things go and be being mindful of
things that just aren't important is another thing we should
be doing or to get cured for.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I mean a million percent to what you said, learning
to let things go. That's hard for some of us.
So one like intermediate step you can take is just
get curious why Danielle, do you focus so much on
the thank you?
Speaker 5 (05:40):
What was you know?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And this is not said with any intention to make
you feel bad about a little bit.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I a little bit.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
I want you to feel bad about yourself.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
But if you investigate that that's really interesting, like what's
going on for me? And it doesn't actually you can
let go of the I want to thank you and
just focus on the how does that feel in the moment.
Speaker 5 (05:59):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
I work on that show. Why why is it thank you?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Someone? This is radio so you can't see your face.
This is a very skeptical face.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
But why is it important?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
I just feel like I want people to be nice.
And if you do something nice for someone, like holding
a door or something like that, if it was me,
I'm always going to say thank you. Like even when
you're walking down the street and you slow down to
let somebody go. When it's me and somebody does that
for me, I hurry to get across the street. There's
some people walk across like they own the road, and
(06:29):
I'm like, dude, I just slowed down for you.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
That's how you get run over by daniel.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
And we're living in a room where we need to
look out for other people and they aren't looking out
for you if they're in the middle of your road.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
You know what I mean. I totally know what you mean.
I share those frustrations. I'm I'm messing with you a
little bit. But I like to focus on what can
we control. We cannot control the universe, we can control
our own minds, And so focusing on the negative is
a choice, or focusing on the pleasant or the positive
is also a choice. So, and I'm not saying you
(07:02):
willfully tune out. You can take notice of people being rude,
but what are you going to spend your time thinking
about and focusing on. So, for example, there's a lot
of science around what are called micro interactions, the little
interactions you have all day long with colleagues, people in
the hallway, people on the street, you're barista, your mailman,
those little interactions, even if some of them don't go well,
(07:22):
if you just tune into how good it feels to
have these little, pleasant interactions throughout the day, there's a
lot of evidence to show that can make you feel better,
especially in the middle of a stressful time with this
election and everything nice.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
I think with all of the election stuff as well.
When you said action absorbs anxiety, it is so true.
And there's so much that I think a lot of
people are anxious about because they're waiting for the government
to do it. But we can do things ourselves all
the time. Scary and I had a huge conversation with
are relying on scary?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
No, I would not number one that is.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Well, he's a perfect example. He's a right, he said,
this city's discussing it's so messy, there's so much trash,
And I said, let's go volunteer a time and start
picking up trash. Then you you can't sit back and
wait for everybody else to do it and just lament
and yell about it. If we can do something about it,
let's do something about it. I don't think he's on board.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
However, light a candle rather than curse the darkness.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yes, she said that to you with a straight face.
I mean, you're a spot on doing something, even if
it's small, although I don't actually think what you're describing
as small. But doing something anything can pull you out
of the rut that many of us find ourselves in,
(08:33):
because it does seem like the world is a more
difficult place than it has been before. I actually think
you can argue against that. There's some data to show
that actually we're better off, but the messages around us
are telling us that we're worse off in many ways.
And so anything you can do to pull yourself out
of that rut, including well, I would advise avoiding sky
(08:54):
in this regard, including picking up a traf trash, is
very helpful.
Speaker 6 (08:59):
My mom says this all the She will be like
out and she'll give someone a compliment like, oh, that
shirt is so beautiful, or I love your shoes, and
then she'll go see she goes, You don't know what
type of day that person was having, and that little
comment could have made all the difference in the world.
And I'm like, you know what, Mom, You're absolutely right.
It's true.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Dan Harris is here Dan Harris dot com. I want
to talk about what you have going on your website
in a second. I want to know why I need
to go there. But hold on back to this list
of eight things.
Speaker 5 (09:24):
Specifically because I have some thoughts.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Good That means we have forward momentum with this interview.
I love this list. One of them I'm loving the
most is we need to diversify our consumption.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
This is a big one.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Yeah, this is a big one. We all need to
do this, and we all know that we are bad
at it.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
I saw a tweet or I guess would we call
it an whatever.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
I still call it a tweast.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
I saw a post on x that said, if you're
only following people on this website who you agree with,
you're doing it wrong. And that I think is a
great point. And I know that sound counterintuitive to people like, well,
I should listen to people I disagree with. That's going
to make me more stressed during the selection. I'll just
tell you how it works for me when I I
don't do this all the time, but I try to
(10:11):
relatively consistently get the opinions of people with whom I disagree,
And I find it, like oddly soothing because instead of
just reflexively hating the person, I actually understand they have
a logic for the way they feel, and understanding is
a great way to counter program against kind of omnidirectional
endless rage.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
See I get it.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
I totally understand that I'm one of these actually unusual
beings who can actually be friends with someone who's voting
for either of these presidential candidates. I actually can have
a conversation with and be best friends with both sides.
But there are so many people out there that think
I'm evil because I communicate with someone that they disagree
(10:52):
with that I don't understand that logic. And back to
another point you said in a second ago, how we
seem to be living in this world that's it's more
difficult to navigate through.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Of a what of.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
This is our fault? Maybe we're becoming too sensitive to things.
Maybe we are so worn down by the stresses of
the world that we've changed the way we let things go,
and we don't let things go as well.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
You know, there's a lot of evidence for what you're
describing here that we have become increasingly intolerant to discomfort,
exactly because the world we've created for people now is
where you can get food, dates, any information with a swipe,
whereas before there was a lot more friction involved in
an everyday life to get sustenance, to get information, to
(11:39):
meet people. And as a result, we are because we
have this intolerance to discomfort, smaller and smaller nuisances freak
us out with increasing intensity, and so that that's a
real problem. Many experts think that is why we're seeing
more anxiety today than we've ever seen before.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
We are bringing on our own anxiety people.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
Oh, without a doubt. And I think, well, what do
you think as far as social media's contribution to it?
Because you use a craft of world, to your point,
that is just for you. So when you hear something
outside of social media that is not just for you,
of course you're more offended. You feel like there's an
invader in your space. How do you deal with that?
Speaker 1 (12:13):
I mean I struggle, as now somewhat of a senior
citizen at age fifty three, to be like, oh, anti technology. Sorry,
I don't mean to offend anybody who's north of fifty three, right, Yeah,
Elvis is like looking at his d NR bracelet. I
(12:34):
was just noticing I'm a DNR bracelet. I forgot I
had that. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my last appearance on.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
You.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I don't want to be anti technology because I use
social media too. I just think we want to be
careful about how much we're using it. And there is
some pretty compelling data that suggests that it does make
you less happy to be sucked into this vortex where
you're with the algorithm's reward outrage and you're looking at
other people's lives in a way that make you feel
(13:05):
can make you feel like your life is not so interesting,
And if you spend too much time in that kind
of hall of mirrors, it's probably not that great for you.
And so I think finding a way to balance your
intake is important. And then the question you actually asked
is like, how do you get differing opinions? I think
you have to make the affirmative decision. You have to
(13:25):
listen to somebody like Elvis who's modeling that and saying, yeah,
I hang out with people all across the spectrum, and
then try to do little experiments in your own life
because it's not easy, but you want to find somebody
who is like mildly tolerable on the other side of
the aisle and experiment with small doses at first.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
There you go, pick what happened to your little pinky
finger nail?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
There, what happened I very mindfully slammed a door on
my pinky when I was at a wedding recently.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yeah, if your weddings bring that rage out in you
every single time?
Speaker 5 (13:56):
No, No, this is the first time I ever officiated
a wedding.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Yes, I saw you posted something about that.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Yeah, because social media sucked me in obviously, as they
share something with me. They have this trust and love
for you, and they wanted you to marry them.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
Yeah. I was really moved.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
My son, who's nine, told me I was bragging about
this too much, but I was really moved that my
friends asked me to officiate their wedding. It was and
they have a I don't want to say too much,
but the husband has a very tough personal story. He's
endured a lot of loss quite publicly, and so to
be able to be there for him on this big
day was very rewarding for me. But I also had
(14:34):
a throbbing pinky with that. Elvis has noted it is
black and blue.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Look at that.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
Wow. I just I'm taking away that your son is nine,
because when we first hung out with you, your son
wasn't even born yet.
Speaker 5 (14:43):
I don't think that's right.
Speaker 6 (14:44):
So crazy.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
It really is amazing. You know, when you first have
a kid, everybody tells you it goes so fast, and
you think, well, this is just the reflexive thing that
people say, no, but it's true. For children, and it's
just true for life. Yeah, and especially as you get
just a little bit older, you realize how quickly everything goes.
Speaker 5 (15:03):
Do you do you notice that too?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Absolutely no. And plus the older you get, the faster
it goes. Yes, it's lightning speed. Somebody says I'm the
oldest in the room, so I can say that.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Does this really? Do you relate to this?
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I heard this quote where somebody who was in her
seventies or eighties said, at my age, it feels like
breakfast comes every fifteen minutes.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Oh, that's a pretty good point. It's true. This is depressing.
I'm sad. I don't like you to happier.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Okay, So Dan Harris dot com, yes, I want everyone
to go there because there's something waiting for you there.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
What's waiting for me at Dan Harris dotalk a lot
of stuff. So I do very consistent emails several times
a week that are just small little tips to help
you do your life better, to do your day better,
like how to how to handle anger, how to deal
with the election, how to communicate clearly with somebody who's
difficult in your life, just little tips. Also, a community
(15:54):
many of us are interested in doing life better or
self improvement, personal development. But we don't know other people
who are also interested in it. So I'm really game
to start a group where you can talk to other
people who take this stuff seriously. Talk to me, talk
to the many many experts I have on my show
from you know, the meditation world, but also from modern
(16:14):
scientific research about how to improve in lots of ways sleep, exercise, diet, meditation, therapy, relationships,
access to nature, access to beauty, all of these levers
that we know we can pull to do life better.
How do you actually do it in a way that
can fit into your busy life. I want to be
a place where people can get that information and connect
(16:34):
to others. I also give people the opportunity to chat
with me directly, and all the experts who come on
my podcast.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
Elvis Duran is a former guest on my one time.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Guest on the podcast How You Doing? He's pretty fancy.
I remember you were wearing like a big sweater with
a heart on it when you came in. I was, yes,
you were, Oh, I.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Can't fit into that.
Speaker 5 (16:55):
You can't fit into it anywhere.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
It's so weird what people remember from these moments.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
I know Dan Harris, we're gonna take a break, we're
coming back and we're gonna play family feud with Dan Harris.
Live from the Mercedes Benz Interview Lounge.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
A twenty years ago?
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Was it when Dan Harris walked into the studio and
changed our lives? He made it cool to talk about meditation.
People thought meditation was something that witchcraft.
Speaker 4 (00:18):
I can't believe.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Maybe I'm over exaggerating. Dan Harris is back. It all
started the original book Ten Percent Happier. Yes, well, I've
read it twice now and I think.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
No, it's actually it's a sign of cognitive decline.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I think it's like, anyway, you know what, Dan's story
is an amazing story. And where you've come since Ten
Percent Happier came out, where you've landed as of today.
I love your doing your own thing. You left Network TV,
You're a huge thing. Or at ABC, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
They really it's they have a hard time putting one
foot in front of another without me. They're like, where's
our B level news anchor? Stop? Stop?
Speaker 5 (01:07):
Do we get that guy back?
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Dan Harris. You've you've turned this brand of yours, this
Dan Harris and Dan Harris dot Com brand into this.
It's more than just meditation. It's just living your life,
being aware and being mindful and oh, where do you
want to start, who are you? Tell everyone who you are?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
What you used to be?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
A news anchor is at ABC News for twenty one years,
I covered stories all over the world, and then I
had a panic attack on an obscure broadcast called Good
Morning America in front of five million people, and that
got me interested in meditation. I wrote a book about
it called ten Percent Happier, that you were incredibly supportive of.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
And then now I.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Ten years later, I'm not at ABC News anymore, and
I have this new thing where I where I give
people what I call a gentle iv drip of wisdom
and advice from ancient traditions and modern science about how
to do life better.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
And here we are and here we go, rather sort
of telling the story again, but it needs to be
told again and again and again about meditation and how
it is not what most people think it is. And
we have huge organizations, including military. The military is using meditation,
and big corporations are using meditation with their employees because
they find for a fact it is changing people's lives
(02:21):
for the better.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Absolutely. I mean this is so interesting because I was
like you. I thought, if you were interested in meditation,
you immediately had to move into a yurt or like
get really into a romatherapy and wear little finger symbols.
And I was not into this at all. But there's
all of this science that shows that meditation is good
for you can rewire key parts of your brain. And
that really got me over the hump as a skeptic.
And now you're seeing it, you know, major League Baseball teams,
(02:44):
you're seeing it in backstage at major shows on Broadway
and Hollywood productions in C suites. It's many of my
colleagues at ABC News are now former colleagues meditate. In fact,
that's what got them calm and saying enough to you know,
kick me out. So I think it's really we've seen
a cultural shift and we're frankly, we're unhappier than we've
(03:05):
ever been. If you look at the data, we are
more stressed, more anxious, more lonely, more depressed, and more
addicted than we've ever been since they've been keeping records.
And so people are looking for things to manage themselves.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Well look at this. Let's take the elections. Yeah, okay,
let's talk about this election cycle that's rolling through right now.
It has people on edge, it has neighbors fighting neighbors.
It has people looking for reasons to tear people down
because they don't agree with their political philosophy in this
and that. What can we do to get through this mess?
(03:41):
It is a mess for so many of this.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Yeah, I've been I put together a list of eight
things you can do to stay sane in the election.
We're not going to go through all of them now,
but I'll just pick one and we can start with that.
First of all, my advice is nonpartisan. I don't have
a side in all of this. I just want to
help you manage it because it is a lot. We're
taking in so much information where a lot of us
(04:03):
feel angry or helpless. So one thing that I find
incredibly helpful is this phrase action absorbs anxiety. If you
can do something, even though you may not be able
to affect the outcome, If you can do something in
your little sphere locally. You can volunteer in a campaign,
but you don't even have to volunteer in a campaign.
You can volunteer in an animal shelter or a food kitchen,
(04:24):
or if you don't have time for that, just be
a little bit nicer to the people in your environment.
That will make you less anxious. That will give you
a sense of agency and power, and that is a
great way to counteract the kind of hopelessness that some
of us feel when we turn on the news.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Ro it's you get some sort of peace of mind
out of being of service to others.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Absolutely, Sometimes I say, like, if you're if you hold
the door open for somebody, what is it like in
that moment when you're holding the door open for somebody?
If you pay attention, that feels good, And that feeling
is infinite in scale.
Speaker 6 (04:56):
It feels good until they don't say thank you, and
then I go hello, thank.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
You, thank you, And I need to step aside and
have a little private therapy because I have so much.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
As funny as that seems, that is sort of a
reality where we have these high expectations of total strangers.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Fun total strangers. We should let that go.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Learning to let things go and be being mindful of
things that just aren't important is another thing we should
be doing or to get cured for.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I mean a million percent to what you said, learning
to let things go. That's hard for some of us.
So one like intermediate step you can take is just
get curious why Danielle, do you focus so much on
the thank you?
Speaker 5 (05:40):
What was you know?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And this is not said with any intention to make
you feel bad about a little bit.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I a little bit.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
I want you to feel bad about yourself.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
But if you investigate that that's really interesting, like what's
going on for me? And it doesn't actually you can
let go of the I want to thank you and
just focus on the how does that feel in the moment.
Speaker 5 (05:59):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
I work on that show. Why why is it thank you?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Someone? This is radio so you can't see your face.
This is a very skeptical face.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
But why is it important?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
I just feel like I want people to be nice.
And if you do something nice for someone, like holding
a door or something like that, if it was me,
I'm always going to say thank you. Like even when
you're walking down the street and you slow down to
let somebody go. When it's me and somebody does that
for me, I hurry to get across the street. There's
some people walk across like they own the road, and
(06:29):
I'm like, dude, I just slowed down for you.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
That's how you get run over by daniel.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
And we're living in a room where we need to
look out for other people and they aren't looking out
for you if they're in the middle of your road.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
You know what I mean. I totally know what you mean.
I share those frustrations. I'm I'm messing with you a
little bit. But I like to focus on what can
we control. We cannot control the universe, we can control
our own minds, And so focusing on the negative is
a choice, or focusing on the pleasant or the positive
is also a choice. So, and I'm not saying you
(07:02):
willfully tune out. You can take notice of people being rude,
but what are you going to spend your time thinking
about and focusing on. So, for example, there's a lot
of science around what are called micro interactions, the little
interactions you have all day long with colleagues, people in
the hallway, people on the street, you're barista, your mailman,
those little interactions, even if some of them don't go well,
(07:22):
if you just tune into how good it feels to
have these little, pleasant interactions throughout the day, there's a
lot of evidence to show that can make you feel better,
especially in the middle of a stressful time with this
election and everything nice.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
I think with all of the election stuff as well.
When you said action absorbs anxiety, it is so true.
And there's so much that I think a lot of
people are anxious about because they're waiting for the government
to do it. But we can do things ourselves all
the time. Scary and I had a huge conversation with
are relying on scary?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
No, I would not number one that is.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Well, he's a perfect example. He's a right, he said,
this city's discussing it's so messy, there's so much trash,
And I said, let's go volunteer a time and start
picking up trash. Then you you can't sit back and
wait for everybody else to do it and just lament
and yell about it. If we can do something about it,
let's do something about it. I don't think he's on board.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
However, light a candle rather than curse the darkness.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yes, she said that to you with a straight face.
I mean, you're a spot on doing something, even if
it's small, although I don't actually think what you're describing
as small. But doing something anything can pull you out
of the rut that many of us find ourselves in,
(08:33):
because it does seem like the world is a more
difficult place than it has been before. I actually think
you can argue against that. There's some data to show
that actually we're better off, but the messages around us
are telling us that we're worse off in many ways.
And so anything you can do to pull yourself out
of that rut, including well, I would advise avoiding sky
(08:54):
in this regard, including picking up a traf trash, is
very helpful.
Speaker 6 (08:59):
My mom says this all the She will be like
out and she'll give someone a compliment like, oh, that
shirt is so beautiful, or I love your shoes, and
then she'll go see she goes, You don't know what
type of day that person was having, and that little
comment could have made all the difference in the world.
And I'm like, you know what, Mom, You're absolutely right.
It's true.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Dan Harris is here Dan Harris dot com. I want
to talk about what you have going on your website
in a second. I want to know why I need
to go there. But hold on back to this list
of eight things.
Speaker 5 (09:24):
Specifically because I have some thoughts.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Good That means we have forward momentum with this interview.
I love this list. One of them I'm loving the
most is we need to diversify our consumption.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
This is a big one.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Yeah, this is a big one. We all need to
do this, and we all know that we are bad
at it.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
I saw a tweet or I guess would we call
it an whatever.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
I still call it a tweast.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
I saw a post on x that said, if you're
only following people on this website who you agree with,
you're doing it wrong. And that I think is a
great point. And I know that sound counterintuitive to people like, well,
I should listen to people I disagree with. That's going
to make me more stressed during the selection. I'll just
tell you how it works for me when I I
don't do this all the time, but I try to
(10:11):
relatively consistently get the opinions of people with whom I disagree,
And I find it, like oddly soothing because instead of
just reflexively hating the person, I actually understand they have
a logic for the way they feel, and understanding is
a great way to counter program against kind of omnidirectional
endless rage.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
See I get it.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
I totally understand that I'm one of these actually unusual
beings who can actually be friends with someone who's voting
for either of these presidential candidates. I actually can have
a conversation with and be best friends with both sides.
But there are so many people out there that think
I'm evil because I communicate with someone that they disagree
(10:52):
with that I don't understand that logic. And back to
another point you said in a second ago, how we
seem to be living in this world that's it's more
difficult to navigate through.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Of a what of.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
This is our fault? Maybe we're becoming too sensitive to things.
Maybe we are so worn down by the stresses of
the world that we've changed the way we let things go,
and we don't let things go as well.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
You know, there's a lot of evidence for what you're
describing here that we have become increasingly intolerant to discomfort,
exactly because the world we've created for people now is
where you can get food, dates, any information with a swipe,
whereas before there was a lot more friction involved in
an everyday life to get sustenance, to get information, to
(11:39):
meet people. And as a result, we are because we
have this intolerance to discomfort, smaller and smaller nuisances freak
us out with increasing intensity, and so that that's a
real problem. Many experts think that is why we're seeing
more anxiety today than we've ever seen before.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
We are bringing on our own anxiety people.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
Oh, without a doubt. And I think, well, what do
you think as far as social media's contribution to it?
Because you use a craft of world, to your point,
that is just for you. So when you hear something
outside of social media that is not just for you,
of course you're more offended. You feel like there's an
invader in your space. How do you deal with that?
Speaker 1 (12:13):
I mean I struggle, as now somewhat of a senior
citizen at age fifty three, to be like, oh, anti technology. Sorry,
I don't mean to offend anybody who's north of fifty three, right, Yeah,
Elvis is like looking at his d NR bracelet. I
(12:34):
was just noticing I'm a DNR bracelet. I forgot I
had that. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my last appearance on.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
You.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I don't want to be anti technology because I use
social media too. I just think we want to be
careful about how much we're using it. And there is
some pretty compelling data that suggests that it does make
you less happy to be sucked into this vortex where
you're with the algorithm's reward outrage and you're looking at
other people's lives in a way that make you feel
(13:05):
can make you feel like your life is not so interesting,
And if you spend too much time in that kind
of hall of mirrors, it's probably not that great for you.
And so I think finding a way to balance your
intake is important. And then the question you actually asked
is like, how do you get differing opinions? I think
you have to make the affirmative decision. You have to
(13:25):
listen to somebody like Elvis who's modeling that and saying, yeah,
I hang out with people all across the spectrum, and
then try to do little experiments in your own life
because it's not easy, but you want to find somebody
who is like mildly tolerable on the other side of
the aisle and experiment with small doses at first.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
There you go, pick what happened to your little pinky
finger nail?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
There, what happened I very mindfully slammed a door on
my pinky when I was at a wedding recently.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yeah, if your weddings bring that rage out in you
every single time?
Speaker 5 (13:56):
No, No, this is the first time I ever officiated
a wedding.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Yes, I saw you posted something about that.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Yeah, because social media sucked me in obviously, as they
share something with me. They have this trust and love
for you, and they wanted you to marry them.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
Yeah. I was really moved.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
My son, who's nine, told me I was bragging about
this too much, but I was really moved that my
friends asked me to officiate their wedding. It was and
they have a I don't want to say too much,
but the husband has a very tough personal story. He's
endured a lot of loss quite publicly, and so to
be able to be there for him on this big
day was very rewarding for me. But I also had
(14:34):
a throbbing pinky with that. Elvis has noted it is
black and blue.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Look at that.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
Wow. I just I'm taking away that your son is nine,
because when we first hung out with you, your son
wasn't even born yet.
Speaker 5 (14:43):
I don't think that's right.
Speaker 6 (14:44):
So crazy.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
It really is amazing. You know, when you first have
a kid, everybody tells you it goes so fast, and
you think, well, this is just the reflexive thing that
people say, no, but it's true. For children, and it's
just true for life. Yeah, and especially as you get
just a little bit older, you realize how quickly everything goes.
Speaker 5 (15:03):
Do you do you notice that too?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Absolutely no. And plus the older you get, the faster
it goes. Yes, it's lightning speed. Somebody says I'm the
oldest in the room, so I can say that.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Does this really? Do you relate to this?
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I heard this quote where somebody who was in her
seventies or eighties said, at my age, it feels like
breakfast comes every fifteen minutes.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Oh, that's a pretty good point. It's true. This is depressing.
I'm sad. I don't like you to happier.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Okay, So Dan Harris dot com, yes, I want everyone
to go there because there's something waiting for you there.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
What's waiting for me at Dan Harris dotalk a lot
of stuff. So I do very consistent emails several times
a week that are just small little tips to help
you do your life better, to do your day better,
like how to how to handle anger, how to deal
with the election, how to communicate clearly with somebody who's
difficult in your life, just little tips. Also, a community
(15:54):
many of us are interested in doing life better or
self improvement, personal development. But we don't know other people
who are also interested in it. So I'm really game
to start a group where you can talk to other
people who take this stuff seriously. Talk to me, talk
to the many many experts I have on my show
from you know, the meditation world, but also from modern
(16:14):
scientific research about how to improve in lots of ways sleep, exercise, diet, meditation, therapy, relationships,
access to nature, access to beauty, all of these levers
that we know we can pull to do life better.
How do you actually do it in a way that
can fit into your busy life. I want to be
a place where people can get that information and connect
(16:34):
to others. I also give people the opportunity to chat
with me directly, and all the experts who come on
my podcast.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
Elvis Duran is a former guest on my one time.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Guest on the podcast How You Doing? He's pretty fancy.
I remember you were wearing like a big sweater with
a heart on it when you came in. I was, yes,
you were, Oh, I.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Can't fit into that.
Speaker 5 (16:55):
You can't fit into it anywhere.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
It's so weird what people remember from these moments.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
I know Dan Harris, we're gonna take a break, we're
coming back and we're gonna play family feud with Dan Harris.
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