Serious Simcha: Reflections on Genuine Happiness

Last week I asked you to reflect on the wife of a firefighter who lost her husband on 9/11, and how each night thereafter she sat for weeks on the beach watching the sunset. We mentioned that alongside her deep pain, she also felt deep gratitude. And, in addition to gratitude, as she watched the sun set, she also experienced awe - something we haven’t yet defined, but we know is deeply connected with increased levels of happiness.

We’ve been talking about happiness, specifically during difficult times. I have to apologize for repeating myself, but honestly, because of how much pain there is in the world, I just feel so motivated to ensure that the nuance doesn’t get lost – that we understand that pain and happiness are not mutually exclusive constructs; that contrary to the messages we’re bombarded with, we’re far more likely to feel joy only if we also allo...

We spoke last about gratitude, active gratitude, looking for opportunities to express gratitude, and turning inward to touch authentic moments of gratitude even amidst real pain. And just to be clear, these moments of gratitude are not silver linings of the pain. They’re separate, distinct feelings of gratitude for what is, for what we have, irrespective of the pain and loss we’re simultaneously feeling. This authentic gratitude do...

When we talk about difficult or uncomfortable emotions, we’re talking about feelings like sadness, embarrassment, shame - emotions that trigger us to turn inward. And we’re also talking about emotions like rejection, betrayal, anger – emotions which trigger us to respond outward, towards others. Both categories can induce a reaction which feels like going from 0 to100 in just a few seconds – the difference, is where we direct our r...

A few years ago I decided to take the plunge and I signed up and paid for an 8 week intensive Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course, an MBSR course. We met at a yoga studio in Montclair every Friday morning for about 3 hours, and the time was filled with a mix of psycho-education (learning about what we were doing, and what we hope to gain), meditative practice (practicing what were learning), and self-reflection (talking about...

...so let’s spend just a few minutes explaining what mindfulness is, and what it isn’t. Because in the past few decades, mindfulness has gained tremendous popularity as both a formal practice as well as a way of being, of living. And as with anything that gets mass marketed, some products out there are authentic, and some are knock offs. Mindfulness was initially introduced to the Western world and more specifically to the medical ...

We’re currently working through a fantastic book by Steve Magness entitled: “Do hard Things”, which guides us in cultivating deep, authentic, and long lasting mental and emotional toughness. And for the next couple of weeks, we’re going to deepen some of what we’re learned, by applying it to the Jewish calendar cycle in which we currently find ourselves. As you know, we’re in week two of the 7 week sefirat haomer count. Let’s take ...

We spoke last week about the skill, yes it’s a skill, of being able to sit in discomfort. To tolerate hard feelings – feelings like vulnerability and disappointment, frustration and regret, sadness and embarrassment, and many others that fit into this category of emotions that we would much prefer to suppress, deny, or distract ourselves from. And I think that honing this skill is getting harder and harder for each successive gener...

Last week we were introduced to Steve Magness, a world-renowned expert on performance. Magness has served as an executive coach in a variety of sectors; but he’s best known in his capacity as a consultant on mental health development for professional sports teams. Guided by Steve’s book, we began talking about mental toughness and its essential role in our being able to successfully navigate adversity. Let’s continue that conversat...