November 19, 2024 • 54 mins
For the season finale, Jazz speaks with broadcaster and author Bree Tomasel. Bree recounts a harrowing attack when she was nine and how her chidhood and adult years were never the same. She also talks about being diagnosed with ADHD, and despite the odds was able to persevere and thrive.
Hope Is Real is a Podcast to help you feel a little less alone, a bit more inspired, and a lot more hopeful. Join Jazz Thornton every week as she speaks to empowering and inspiring people from around the world and shares their stories to normalise the way we talk about mental health in society.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The ZiTm Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I just was so completely terrified in that moment, but
I just remember instantly having this feeling of oh, I'm
going to die here. Now I look back on it
in a completely different way, where I'm lying you were
trying to do things in a world that wasn't really
built for you.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Hope Is Real
the podcast. The podcast designed to help you feel a
little less alone, a bit more inspired, and.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
Of course, as always a lot more hopeful.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Now this is my final interview episode of the season.
I've got one more episode coming up next week, which
Isn't Asked Me Anything.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Submit your questions. We're going to be answering a whole
lot of them.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
But this episode, I have one of my favorite humans
on this planet, and I don't say that lightly. If
you live in New Zealand, even if maybe live in Australia,
you might know who this person is. Brie Thomas l
She is from the Bri and Clint Show on ZiTm,
the Drive show.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
You may ener honestly Britishish Island.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
She has recently just released a book called Unapologetically Me.
Bree's story is I don't even really know how to
explain it. Honestly, you're just gonna have to listen to it.
She has gone through some crazy things and has come
out the other side and has chosen to speak about
this so that other people don't feel so alone. And
(01:23):
I will, as always put it a bit of a
trigger warning. On this episode. We do talk about the
specific trauma that is involved with it, which is around
a home invasion, which is a very traumatic home invasion,
which does go into detail. But if at any point
in time you feel like you need to take a
break or anything like that, as always, you can pause this,
(01:44):
you can come back to it, you can choose some
We'll come back to it as well.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
That's okay.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Breach out for help if you need it, contact your
local helplines, talk to friends and family members. If anything
in this episode comes up and you feel like you
want to chat, that's okay.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
But Bri and her incredible story as coming up right
after this. Brie, welcome to Hope, as were all the podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I feel honored, Jazz, I feel.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
Honored that you're here.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
This is I was thinking about it when I was
driving in to do this. I don't know how many
years I've been doing interviews on your show for I
think every season of this podcast. I've come on and chatted.
I've managed to dig up a photo of I think
when I think it was before the first but the
first podcast episode came out, and it would have been
maybe when a book came out or something of you
guys before we were actually friends. So we've been doing
(02:34):
I don't know how many interviews.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Don't don't out me on how old I am and
how long I've been doing radio, but yes, we've knownly
done it for a long time.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
In it will be seven years at the end of
this year. Wow.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Yeah, you know what it would have been Girl on
the Bridge when the movie came out. I think I
did a and I think that'll be on Oh my Goodness.
For those who don't know or if you're not from
New Zealand, Brie is the one of the drive hosts
from the print Print.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Show Short at the Branklin.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Show on zid in which also this is part of
the zitim podcast network.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
But you have just had a book.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Come out which I been read in a day, which,
first of all, to anyone who knows me, knows I
don't do that. Did you binge read in a whole day. Yeah,
Like I literally said, I did not put it down.
I could not put it down, and I knew, being
honest with me, one hundred my friends ask my housemates,
I missed the shoe as well.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
I'm pretty sure you did.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
You send me such a lot.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
It was like, this was insane, and now my housemates
are all reading it as well.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
And after I read it, like like I said, i'd.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Kind of I've known you for a long time, I know,
but some pieces of your story and I've wanted you
to come on this podcast for a while, but you
hadn't really talked about a lot of this stuff publicly
before this.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Book kind of came out into the world.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
And I do want to get to there, but I
would love to just kind of go literally right back
to the start.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
What was life like growing up for you?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Life was amazing as a kid, Like I grew up
on an apple orchard farm kid.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I don't think I wore shoes till I was like five.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
It was just, yeah, an incredible childhood, Like I had
have amazing parents and we just had this really kind
of I lived in a bubble really like country kids
we live in a very naive bubble and yeah, it
was awesome, like, played a lot of sport, loved school,
(04:30):
loved everything until obviously.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yeah, I talk about it in the book.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
A really traumatic event that happened to me when I
was nine years old, and I feel like from that
day it set me on a different path. And you know,
that bubble was definitely burst and yeah, changed my life forever.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
I still remember the exact moment where we were when
you first told me about what had happened when you
were nine, and we were I was driving you home
from it, went to the comedy show, and then we
went to an after party together, and then I was
driving that's right. Yeah, And I remember it because I
remember being in the car with you and you started
talking about this, but at the same time you were
(05:08):
also like, I mean, it's not as bad as and
I was.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Like, Brie, but it was so like to the fact,
I still.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Remember like every aspect of that conversation because what you
went through and then reading it kind of and the book,
it just was so it's so insane.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
Can you tell people who haven't read the book? Ye, yeah,
what happened when you and I?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, so I was home from school because I was
sick at the time, and my mum, me and my
brother we went into town to visit my nan. So
we lived on the outskirts of town, so like about
fifteen minutes outside of Stanthorpe where I lived, where I lived,
and we went to visit my nan, who lived in
the township.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
And it was just a.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Normal day visiting my nan. And I remember I was
sitting at the kitchen table and there was a knock
at the door. And in a country town, you know,
people pop over ask for a cup of sugar, That's
what it's really like. And my Nan made her way
to the front door, and I just remember immediately knowing
(06:13):
that something wasn't right, and it's a feeling that you
never want to get where it takes over your entire body.
And I remember hearing these voices of these two men
who pushed their way inside and they were holding my
nan at knife point. And I mean, as a kid
growing up in the country, I had never experienced anything
(06:35):
like that, never seen anything like that, never heard about
anything like that. But I just remember instantly having this
feeling of, oh, I'm going to die here, and as
a nine year old, like I just was so completely
terrified in that moment, and I just remember I kept
(06:57):
looking at my mum and my Nan, who was so
harm and I think it was because I was in
the room and they didn't want to panic me more.
And it was at one point where one of the
guys started ransacking the house and they were they were addicts,
(07:17):
looking for a quick buck, looking for whatever they could get.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
That's what they were doing. And so one was ransacking
the house.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
And it was at that point that the other one
who had sat my Nan down at that point, became
really angry because he was asking my mum for the
keys to our car that was parked out the front,
and my mum stood up and handed over her purse
and he pulls out this banking bag because obviously we
had a business and my mum had just done the
(07:45):
banking that day. It's like a calico banking bag. And
he's like, you're fucking with me, Like this is bullshit.
And it was at that point where he threatened to
take me and kidnap me, and all I remember is
looking at my mom, just completely terrified, and I remember
(08:11):
her saying to him in that moment, you can do
whatever you want to do.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Just don't hurt my daughter and take me with you.
I will go. And oh it makes me, it makes
me like I can.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I still remember how I felt, I still remember how
they smelt like. I just remember everything about that moment,
and I truly saw how much my mom would give
up for me, which was her own life, you know,
and from that day, like, I've never been the same
and my childhood, you know, was never the same from
(08:48):
that moment.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
If you could say anything to those mean, what would
you say?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I would I don't know if i'd want to say
anything to them, but I think I'd just be like,
do you understand what your actions and what your decisions
you made on those days, how they affected people? Because
(09:14):
I don't think people really realize sometimes the lasting effects
you can have on another person. But from that day,
my mom, my, Nan and I were changed forever.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
I was I'm gonna cry again, but I was crying
when I was reading it in the book because I
again knowing you and also knowing kind of everything else
in the book and context of all the stuff that
you went through, but then knowing the person that you are.
And this is why I think I said in the
message to you but the way that you show up
for people, in the way that there is every every
(09:52):
excuse for you to have not become the person that
you are from that like that and everything else that
you've been through is like it's reckon horrific and like
you said, it changes a person. But you are like
one of the most loyal people. You Like you were
there for me when my world was flipping upside down,
Like you're the friend that shows up, and I think
that's just such a testament to your I'm.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Going at a ball as well.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
No, but it has because I remember I did a
video a while ago that was talking about the fact
that everyone says, like, oh, your trauma made you stronger,
but your trauma traumatized you, and in your case, it
literally changed your entire life. And what made you stronger
was you and whatever you did between nine and now,
every day that you had to get up and face
(10:40):
it and live with those panicked feelings and things like,
you've just become one of the most phenomenal people that
I know.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Not because of that, but despite that.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yeah, that's honestly one of the nicest things someone has
ever said about me.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It's it's a funny thing.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
So someone asked me the other day because obviously this
book has opened a lot of conversations, which I'm ready
to have those conversations now, and I'm really proud of
myself that I've been able to be vulnerable enough to
open those doors. But someone asked me, and they said,
what do you think or how do you think you
(11:20):
would be.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
If that didn't happen to you?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
And it's something that I'd never thought about before, Like
would I have anxious thoughts? Would I have panic attacks?
Would I have become the person that I am today.
It's such a weird thing to think about and something that, yeah,
I've never really thought about that before. It's kind of
(11:45):
hard to think about, to be honest, because I feel like,
you know, those two men stole my childhood in a
lot of ways and stole that feeling of lightness, you know,
that I don't think I've ever had since that day.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Well, I think they didn't just steal your childhood, that
they stole your peace. This is something that didn't just
affect you in your childhood years, and it's so it's
so hard to know. And I've actually been having a
similar conversation with my therapist. At the moment, we've been
going back through my early child protection files together, and
a lot of the stuff in there from when I
was like three, and that same thing of like I
(12:23):
wonder the person that I could have been if this
not happened. But I was speaking at a conference a
while ago and I got asked to speak on resilience,
and I feel like resilience is a word that we
just hear constantly all the time, and I was like,
I want to do something different with this, and I
ended up finding a definition that it wasn't talking about humans,
but it was talking about objects, And the definition of
(12:45):
resilience and objects is to be able to return back
to original form. And thinking about that in this context
of what your life could have been without that, I
think almost the journey of your adult life and through
your teen years has been trying to get back to
that original form, that kid who.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
Was happy, who was carefree.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Like that's the journey, and that's the part that even
you know for me as well, of like getting back
to the happy, bubbly girl that was once described in
those files. Resilience isn't just about facing through the storm
and now I have to work you know about how
do you kind of restore what once was?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
That's such an interesting definition and like as you were saying,
and I was like, oh my god, it's so because
you know what, I feel like, there's and you'd be
the same.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
There's those parts of me that I still have.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
But then I feel like it's quite amazed sometimes to
get back to there. And so I feel like, you know,
if those traumatic events didn't happen, would it just be
more of a straight shot maze to be able to
get and unlock those parts of yourself, you know, those
the bubbly, happy light parts yourself, Like, would it just
(13:58):
be easier to get back there? Whereas now you have
these barriers or these you know, walls where you have
to figure it out more and it takes time.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Yeah, it takes a lot of time.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
And it's also like, when stuff like that happens, there's
so many different aspects of your life that has affected
your trust in people. The PTSD of it. I don't
did you ever get diagnosed with PTSD.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
It's interesting.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
I went to a psychologist once, this was quite a
few years ago, who I told, like, I talked to
him about, you know, that event in my life and
I was like, you know, I feel like I could
have PTSD, Like I don't obviously, I'm not an expert.
I'm not really sure, but and he kind of looked
at me and said, you know, I don't know if
(14:43):
that's right.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
I don't know if this is connected with this.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
And from that moment I kind of just shut it
down and was like, oh, well, he says that it
wouldn't be the case.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
But it's interesting.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
A friend of mine who has a psychology degree read
my book and she knows me very well, and she
goes for him to say that there's no chance of
you having PTSD is mind blowing to me, you know. Yeah,
And so that's something, yeah, that I've also taken from
this process and hopefully we'll find out more in the
(15:14):
future about.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Yeah, I mean, it would one hundred percent makes sense
purely for the fact that you can still me with
the smell of them and like their voice and all
that kind of stuff, Like so much of that is
related and I don't know if this has happened, you know,
I really kind of hope that you never have to
run into the smell of that again. But that's a
lot of the stuff with those kind of traumatic events.
I did a bunch of exposure therapy for mine. So
(15:37):
one of the things that I couldn't handle was sunflowers,
which sounds really stupid, but for me, one of the
things that happened when I was super young, one of
the assaults from someone within my household was in a
sunflower shed, and so I remember seeing the sunflowers and then.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
I would have this like visceral reaction to some.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Flowers when I see them out and that was just
the brain being like just auto associating it. Or if
you walk past someone in a mall and you smell
the smell of those people, immediately you're back there and
being able to remember a lot of those things as
things that especially like the fact that that psychologist would
be like, oh, nothing's related, like nuts, Like it's you're
(16:18):
nine years old, You're being threatened to be kidnapped by
these people who are holding a knife to your nanna.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
How did this How did this situation like resolve?
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Yeah, it was I think, like thinking back on it
now and I can remember every single thing that happened.
It was it was in this moment where my mum
was pleading with this guy that she would go with
him to the bank. She would do whatever he wanted
as long as he didn't take me. And it was
at that point that the other guy came back into
(16:52):
the situation from ransacking the house, and thank god, he
had a more level headed thought where he was like,
we don't want to do that, Let's leave these people,
and he calmed the other guy down, thank god. And
I know this is like so ridiculous, but I'm so
(17:12):
grateful for that person him in that moment where he, yeah,
pretty much shut down that situation and they left.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Did at any point.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
So the guy, the one that was threatening to do that,
he was one that's holding the knife to your yes, nansa.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Did he attend to mine?
Speaker 4 (17:33):
He held it to ye.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
At that point, he'd sat my hand down, and I remember,
because I was quite a scorny kid, like I was
quite a little scorny nine year old, and I remember
my feet just being able to touch the ground because
he was holding me with one arm and then kind
of had this knife so pressed up against my throat
that it was basically like I couldn't speak because it
(17:55):
was there was so much pressure, and he obviously wasn't
in his right mind. Like and you could tell that
where everything he was saying, he wasn't thinking properly. And
it was so interesting because after that happened, like the
(18:15):
events that unfolded afterwards, like I had to go as
a part of the court proceedings, I had to go
to a child psychologist and they had to assess me
and deem weather it had had lasting effects on me,
And I remember my mum never told me, like she
just kind of you know, she tried to shelter me
as much as she could. But obviously over the years
(18:37):
we've talked about stuff where she has been like, you know,
the report from that child psychologist was that you definitely
had lasting effects.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Did you ever look at that report?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
I've never seen it.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
You know you can, Yeah, I don't know if you should,
but you can.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Yeah. It would be interesting and maybe something I'll do
in the future.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
Yeah, it's I only asked because eggin going through all
the files with my psychologist at the moment, there's an
interview with me from when I was three years old
that's in there and they kind of document it word
for word, which is insane, But also what made.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
You decide to do that?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Where you were like I want to open up those
files from obviously the darkest time in your life and
work through those What gave you the courage to be
able to be like, I'm ready to do that?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
I think that to be honest, I started to get
a lot more kind of PTSD symptoms that were starting
to come back up again, and there was some of
it there, especially from the earlier years that I have
blacked out completely and also just don't really understand because
it was so missy like, and so I just was like,
(19:47):
I'm sick of this controlling my life and my relationships,
and like I'm still so afraid of people being close
to me.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
And I don't want this to control me anymore.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
And so I basically just sat down with my theory
and I was like, I want to I want to
do this now. Yeah, And so yeah, it was literally
it was only last week that we went through and
like read everything together, and I just like sat there
balling my eyes out, just as I was, you know,
because there's a lot of like there's a lot there's
(20:18):
a lot in there, and there's a lot of kind
of still confusion because there's you know, three different men
that are named from three to four years old, but
it just it's going to still be a process to
go through. But it's just that feeling of like, no,
screw you, this is not going to control me anymore.
And I think for a really long time I had
(20:39):
just managed to push it aside so much.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
I'd done like a lot of.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
What so many of us do.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Yeah, exactly, And you'll take parts and work on certain
cards and then keep other parts kind of you know,
pushed away.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
And then you but sometimes you don't realize that stuff's
still there until something sparks it. So like for me,
it was I remember when I was doing Dancing with
the Stars and we did our very first rehearsal and
I had to put my hand on my dance partner,
Brad's chest, and I freaked out like I couldn't do that,
and I was like, what the heck? And that was
something for me that I then had this memory of
(21:11):
from And you know, so there's just a whole bunch
of things. And I've done a lot of stuff on
my like kind of later childhood, but the earlier stuff
I've never touched.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
So yeah, I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
That's so amazing, like to be able to say you
know what, I'm not going to let this control me anymore,
and I'm going to face all this stuff and have
the courage to open all these parts of my life
that I've pushed down because it's not going to control
me anymore. And that's such a powerful thing. Jazz.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
I mean, you've just done the same thing with this book.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Like I remember coming to your house because your dog
was sick at the time and you being like this
is like you're freaking out.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
It's terrifying.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
It is terrifying, and I like, the writing process is hard,
and you're having to confront everything, the fact that you
chose to do that, and you really lay it all
bear in this book.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
You're literally like hear it.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
See even that makes me anxious, Like, oh my god,
I really did you did?
Speaker 3 (22:04):
But but like it's just one I mean, I couldn't
put it down because first of all, I felt like
I was reading a freaking episode of Law and Order,
Like I.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Was like, what the hell?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
But also like it's just the way that you articulators
is phenomenal and you really kind of get drawn into
too who you are.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
But I know that that process is not easy.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
What was the writing process like for you having to
revisit that because you've basically done a form of exposure
therapy yourself by writing about it in detail.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Yeah, you're so right, and as you would know, you've
written like a thousand books.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I think you were the first person I asked for
for advice. I was like, how do you do this?
And you've been just so amazing. Yeah, it was horrible
in parts, horrible.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
I also remember at one point you saying, I don't
really have anything to write about.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
Bree Thomas Town.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
It's obviously me writting from my past jazz, you know,
or just me thinking that, yeah, what I have to
say isn't that important, which you know, I've struggled with
self confidence my whole life. But I think in the
process of everything, like I found it really difficult. Like,
(23:16):
don't get me wrong, Like it was one of the
hardest things I've ever done, partly because of the concentration
it takes and how difficult it is, but secondly, yeah,
bringing up every piece of you know, every piece of
your dark past, like the good, the bad, and the ugly,
(23:36):
every piece of dirty laundry Undie's included, and writing it
down on a page.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Where as you're writing it.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
You're like, people are going to read this, Like there's
stuff in there that is funny, but I'm super embarrassed
about it. There's stuff in there that I think is
so raw that only the very very closest people to
me no, And I think getting your head around the
fact that it's going to be out there for anyone
(24:05):
to consume, like is really difficult. But my reason for
writing the book like never waivered during the whole process
where I was like, I need to be this honest,
I need to be this vulnerable because I want to
help someone else.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I want.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
At least one person, hopefully a few more, because it
did take a long time to read it and to
just feel understood.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
You know. What's the response been, Like, it's been amazing,
Like it's such a crazy.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Thing, like in the world we live in today, like
where people can connect with you, you know, and you
can have conversations with people that you don't know, and
just the response I get from people just saying you've
made me feel like so seen and I feel heard
and understood, and those messages make everything worth it. All
(25:02):
those anxious thoughts, the sleepless nights that.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
I continue to have.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yeah, that connection with people has made everything worth it.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
It's the hardest thing putting yourself out there to not
only face the stuff that happened to you, but then
to literally write it out word for word and have
people read it. Is not something a lot of people do,
and it takes a cramped under strength and courage and bravery.
And I know that I've seen this to you before,
but the fact that so many people are gonna find
(25:38):
so much hope and strength and be seen because of
your ability to do that and your story is so like,
it's so wild in so many ways, not just what
happen when you were nying, but kind of everything else
that you wrote.
Speaker 4 (25:51):
About in their book.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
There's so much that people won't relate to my story,
but people relate to yours. People won't late to like
Macro found it like these everyone's story matters.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
You know. What do you find that?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
I think when it comes down to like, people who
have been there are able to truly understand. And I
feel like that's one thing that I'm so grateful for.
Like all of the bad stuff, you know, especially that
moment and all the panic attacks and anxious thoughts that
I've had over the years. One of the best things
(26:27):
that has come from it for me is I'm able
to help people close to me that if they're going
through a similar thing. I've talked people out, like down
from panic attacks. I've been there to be able to
know what they need to hear or to give them
what they need. And that's something I don't think I
would have unless I have lived it and been through
(26:48):
it myself. And it's something that I'm so grateful for
and would never want to change about myself. And I
feel like you're the same.
Speaker 3 (26:57):
I think you know it's so true, and I think
that that's probably why definitely, and that in that time
that I was like.
Speaker 4 (27:02):
Yeah, here it all is, I come here, and you
were like, but I.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Also knew that you weren't going to like, well, I
don't know if you were for about I knew that
you wouldn't like freak out and jump to worst k
or like you know, like as whereas a lot of
people can if they don't understand that.
Speaker 4 (27:14):
Sometimes it's just like it's just a lot.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
And I feel like we've we've kind of shared a
lot of those kind of different moments. I remember you
getting your ADHD diagnosis was.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Which I talk about in the book an I was like,
I got.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
I got a name mentioned there. I felt very special. No,
I again I for.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Some reason, those are the These are the two moments
I specifically remember with you. One was in the car
hearing that story about the breaking, and then the second
was being in the Xenim office and you came in
and you were like, I think someone said I possibly
potentially have Adhdeah And I was like.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
The look on your face where I was like, and
you think.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
So, I meant listen, well, okay, for what was it
that made you think initially that like, what was it
that made this conversation come up that you were like, oh,
is this is this potentially a thing?
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Like it's so I love thinking back on it now
and how oblivious I was, because I'd never had the
thought where I was like, oh, maybe I've got adhd
and maybe that's why I've always felt a bit out
of place and things have been a bit harder for me.
But it was my producer, Ellie, who worked on The
Brian Clint Show for a number of years, and we're
(28:31):
like family when you work in a radio show like that,
and our show's always tight knit because there's not many
of us, and her and I just from the day
I met her, we connected.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
And I always say this to people, I'm like.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Everyone, you know, sometimes I meet people and I'm like,
they're lovely people, They're not my people. And sometimes I'll
meet people and I'll be like my people. Like when
I met you, I was like my people.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
I think we initially connected because we were standing in
the corner of an event one time because we were
both into.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
Yeah, and I was like, can I stand here with you?
Speaker 4 (29:03):
We just stood there and then we became friends essence.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
And I was like, do you feel comfortable uncomfortable at events?
And you're like yeah, And I was like, do you
want to stand in the corner this whole time?
Speaker 1 (29:10):
And You're like yeah. Now at every event, I'm like, I.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Literally do the same thing. Goes stand in the corner, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
And just to feel comfortable and like safe.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
But yeah, she and she was one of my people
where I was like, oh, I just connect with this person,
Like there's just something where we're so similar in so
many ways and anyway, we were so close over the
time she worked on the show and then she left
to go do amazing things and she got opportunities. And
it was probably maybe a year and a half or
even two years after she'd left the show, and we'd
(29:42):
still kept in touch and with still friends. But I
remember I get this phone call from her and she
was like, how are you blah blah blah, and I
was like, what's happening with you? And she was like, oh,
I've just been diagnosed with ADHD. And I was like, oh, amazing,
Like how do you feel about that? And she's like, yeah, no,
it's been really good and I've been working through the process.
She's like, I've actually called to be like, maybe you
(30:06):
should go and look into this, because you know how
you and I are real similar. And she has a
degree in psychology and she loves she people and understanding people.
And I was like, oh, well, she thinks that I
should go get checked. Maybe I should go look into this.
And in true ADHD form, it took me a year
(30:29):
and finally I think I was ready because I think
deep down from that moment I started doing my own
research and started thinking about things in a different way,
and I think I probably knew, but going through that
process where the first initial assessment was with this beautiful
(30:49):
woman who I talk about in the book.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
It was over zoom because it was still all.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
COVID times, and she just said something to me like,
we went through, you know, obviously the process, which is
quite a lengthy thing, where I talked to her about
my childhood and all the rest of it.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
And at the end of it she said to me, she's.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Like, well, look, I'm ninety nine point nine to nine
percent sure that I can say to you that you
have ADHD.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
And she's like, I know, I just want to say.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
You know, hearing about you, know, your life and what
you've been through, I'm just so proud of you. And
she's like, look at how look at you and how
well you've done and you've battled you know, hope.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
And it was right, don't cry, await me cry, because
that's everything that I would want to let that that
articulates everything. Then yeah, I think of you and that
as well, like, oh, I'm not crying.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
I'm not crying. I'm not crying.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
But it was it was such an amazing moment from
this woman who I just met in the zoom for
the past two hours, and she was just kind of like,
you know, I wish you had been through this process earlier,
and you could have understood yourself more and it would
have made things easier for you. And God, it's been amazing,
(32:16):
like getting that diagnosis, and since then, I've done my
own research and it's just given me this whole new
outlook on my entire life and who I am as
a person, you know, and it's allowed me to be
kinder to myself.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
I degrieve the old.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Version of me, like who I thought I was this
kind of you know, person who never fit in and
struggle their way through and was a bit hopeless at
times and lazy and all the rest of it.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
But now I.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Look back on it in a completely different way where
I'm like, fuck, good on you for pushing and struggling
when you were trying to do things in a world
that wasn't really built for you.
Speaker 4 (33:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Yeah, I oh man, I remember that that same feeling
when I got diagnosed and being like all of these
things that I thought were just wrong with who I am,
it's just a disorder.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
Literally, disorder literally And I like, I.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
I know that I, as someone with ADHD struggled a
lot with even relationships and friendships because they're out of sight,
out of mind for.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
A lot of people, does I still do? Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
It doesn't just exist for objects, but people, if they're
not in your everyday world, it's so much harder. And
I remember being like, oh my gosh, it's not just
that I'm not just a terrible friend, Like, it's actually
really hard for me to stay and that's why I
have I don't know how many unread text messages on
my phone?
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Don't look at mine? Should we compare? Yeah? We should? Okay, Yeah,
how many do you have?
Speaker 4 (33:46):
Text messages?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah? Text messages.
Speaker 4 (33:49):
Oh, actually, mine's not too bad of text right now.
My emails are terrible.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
What do you Okay, do text and then we'll do emails.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Fifty two text four hundred and forty that's insane. Okay, emails,
what do you got?
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Wait?
Speaker 3 (34:03):
Where's my How do I find my my thing?
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Doesn't it should just be up?
Speaker 4 (34:09):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Oh no, I have two different apps, so I've got
Gmail and then my other one. But my other one
is thirty nine thousand, seven hundred and eighty five and
my Gmail was eleven two hundred and forty one.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Mine's like two up, so you win the emails.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
I think my tics have been reo because I usually
in the hundreds, but they must have been maybe when.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
I got you're so in demand though, like the amount
of people that would be sending you emails offering you this,
oh come and do this jazz or whereas obviously the
people who are closest to you have your number.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Yeah, and so you're better at that.
Speaker 4 (34:49):
Yeah, yeah, my emails. I can't believe.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Email like i'd have thought today, Like I will just
have random thoughts that pop into my mind where I'm like,
remember that email you read like two weeks ago, you
probably should apply to that.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
And like just and I was just like, oh, that's right. Yeah,
does that happen to you.
Speaker 4 (35:05):
All the time, all the time? And then I just
have it.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Then I'll have a day of like I'm going to
reply to everything, and then the next day I'm like,
no other.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
Will reply again, and I'm gonna reply again, and.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Then that's another two weeks because like when you reply everyone,
but you don't just do it at once like you
do like one person, you do. You do a bulk
reply to all of the things you've avoided for the last.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
That's exactly how I function.
Speaker 4 (35:28):
And my manager always makes fun of me.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
He's like, oh yeah, but one of those days.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
Yeah, that literally the same here even for the podcast,
like the hy producers and Sam who works here, He'll
always know when I've taken my meds because he'll be like,
she's just sent me like twelve emails and all of
the things that we've been needing her to do for
so long, Like, I'm so sorry, I just took my meads.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
I'm hyper focusing. Now are you on?
Speaker 4 (35:49):
Are you on medication for you already?
Speaker 2 (35:50):
No, so not at the moment, like and like I've
spoken to you because you've been so amazing and given
me advice. And when I was first going through that process,
so I tried one type of medication and I gave
it a go, and I feel like it wasn't really
doing what I wanted it to do and wasn't serving
(36:11):
me or making things easier. So I was like, I'll
just put that to the side for now, but definitely
doesn't mean that I won't try another one in the
future or you know.
Speaker 4 (36:21):
Yeah, I definitely, I think.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Because you tried how many of you tried Now.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
I've tried three different ones now, so the first one
didn't work for me at all. The second one, I
thought at the time was because I was focusing and
I was doing all the things about man.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
The side effects were wild like that.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
I think I was the most hydrated I've ever been
in my entire life, because I would just be glugging
back like really doesn't lead as a water every day
and then the crash was insane. But I also found
that on the last ones I also struggled to hold
a conversation and that kind of thing as well, whereas
the ones that I've just been put on. So my
psychiatrist was kind of going through all the different options
(36:58):
and he was like, this is one where these other
ones don't work. This is what people can use, and
it has been a game changer. Like literally, the only
thing that it's really doing is quietening my brain and
then just kind of evening out that sounds nice my mood,
and that's kind of it. It's not making me do
the super hyper focus.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
It's not like we're.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Giving you that verse.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
Yeah, no, I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
I don't because it's I take it three times a day,
right this one.
Speaker 4 (37:21):
It's some smaller doses.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
So it's been like for me, I'm like, oh my gosh,
and this is the first time I've taken ADHD meets
consistently because the last time I wouldn't because I didn't
like how I felt on it.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
But then I'll be like, oh, my laundry.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Is run out and I've started using bikini bottoms is underwear,
Like I need to focus, I need to focus on
different things. But yeah, it's such a like and for
each person it's different. Like I know that especially for you,
you're in a creative job where your ADHD has served
you well so much superpower. No, literally most of my
career is like my ADHD. I'll give credit to it
(37:53):
because it's like two am Like all of our big
creative ideas that we've had for voices will come at
to Amgen, Like literally two days ago we came out
with our kind of next. I'm really excited for it.
I think it's one of my favorite creative things I've
come up with. I was standing in the shower and
I literally had music on, so I had my phone
like on the other side, and I grabbed my phone.
Speaker 4 (38:11):
I just start voice recording over to Gin and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Here's the idea, like in the middle of it, because
at that time I didn't have my I hadn't taken
my morning mids.
Speaker 4 (38:19):
Yet, but it literally is like it's a superpower.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
And they say that people with ADHD don't just think
outside the box, they create an entire new one. And
that's why there's so many people that are super successful
with ADHD. And once they begin to understand that's what
it is, and they can leverage that and not just
think they're a terrible person and like a useless and
lazy and like all of that kind of thing. Like
I remember with voice a few years ago before I
(38:45):
had this diagnosis, we had these two big campaigns that
were running at the same time, and me and Jen
could not be more polar opposite. And she was in
charge of one. I was in charge of the other.
For her one, she had to like book flights for
like a whole bunch of people coordinate all these things,
were booking out a movie theater. She like, her to
do list was insane. I had to buy post it notes.
(39:06):
Guess what I forgot to do by post it notes?
She had to buy the post it notes, And I
remember her being like what they had, like why one tiny?
Or she'd like be like sending me forms and like
why the heat can't you sign it? And then once
I got the diagnosis, it was like, oh, this makes
this makes so much sense, and.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
I'm like, I'm so so I'm trying my best, but
I just like fault.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
I'd like bright is why I know?
Speaker 4 (39:29):
And it's so.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
But also having ADHD mimics a lot of other symptoms
from other illnesses, so a lot of the times people
can get misdiagnosed as well, and I think, yeah, this
is why kind of doing circling back around to the
question around PTSD, I know that for me when I
was a teenager, I ended up getting diagnosed with originally
with BPG, which is borderline personality disorder, but it was
(39:52):
really they were kind of like, uh, you don't.
Speaker 4 (39:55):
Really fit when they're just shove you.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Yes, there was the easiest thing for them to do,
which was annoying because as well they're label of that
on your hospital files. It's the most misunderstood. It's just
labeled as attention seeking. And then as I got older
and had a rediagnose and like no jazz. You have
ADHD and PTSD and those two things combined, especially because
of the ADHD if you have the hyperfixation on things
(40:21):
as well, and you get stuck in the with the
trauma side of it and the flashbacks and that physical feeling.
Because you think the same way you can get hyper
focused on like tasks and you know that kind of thing,
or hobbies.
Speaker 4 (40:33):
Yeah, you can get hyperfixed, hyper focused.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
On trauma, and it can sometimes mimic symptoms of other things.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
I feel like I should be paying you for the system.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
I feel like everything you're saying, I'm just kind of like, yeah, yeah, amazing, Yeah,
I totally understand that.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
I mean, it took me so long to when when
I heard that from my psychiatrist psychologist, and I was like,
oh my gosh, like this because for me, I was
the impulsivity was the reason that they gave me the
BPD thing that it was like, No, what it was
was that there was this trauma response and then I
would mull on it for so long and I would
have physical flashbacks for it, and my ADHD bought in
(41:12):
my impulsiveness, which then I was like, I.
Speaker 4 (41:14):
Need to get out of this now.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
Yeah right, And so that's what it was for me.
And obviously that kind of shows up differently for other people.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
And that makes so much sense now that you're saying it.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
But how freakin hard and long has it been for
you to get to that, My God, where you're like, yeah,
that makes so much sense.
Speaker 3 (41:30):
So much sense, and it's been able to, like you said,
have just been able to have so much grace for
yourself and like I remember again my therapist saying, like Jazz,
you did the best with the situation that you were
in at the time. Like I think there's you can
be so angry at yourself, like how you respond and
like why am I not just over this? Or why
am I still dealing with us? Why am I swimming
(41:51):
these panic attacks?
Speaker 4 (41:52):
Why am I?
Speaker 3 (41:53):
You know?
Speaker 1 (41:53):
But it's like I still get angry at myself to
this day, did.
Speaker 3 (41:56):
You like when you If you do that again, I
want you to pull up a photo of nine year
old Bree. Yeah, look at the girl that was living
in that situation and that went through that She did
the best that she freaking could in that time and
developed those coping mechanisms, those things that you now would
do to even guard yourself. That's just nine year old
(42:17):
Bree who needed to protect yourself. Oh, that's something that
I've had to do. There's actually there's a photo of
younger me in my bag that I carry around as
that reminder because I would get so angry at myself.
Speaker 4 (42:32):
Of like why do I do this? Why do I
push people away?
Speaker 3 (42:34):
Why am I? And it's like this is stuff that
this kid just was trying to protect herself and that
for me is has really helped.
Speaker 4 (42:43):
Like it doesn't make it.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
Go away, but it gives yourself so much more grace
as to the responses and that it makes sense and
that everything and that everything that you do, like the
response is the thoughts, all of it. It makes sense.
It's just how and why it makes sense. But yeah,
that was a game changer.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Yeah, you know, I just wanted to say as well,
because it's so interesting, like, and I love that you're
so open about like I've tried three different types of
medication and this one didn't work, and this is how
this one made me feel. I think it's so important
and I feel like this fits with not just ADHD medication,
but you know, antidepressants or like so many things that
(43:27):
it can be a real journey to find something that.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Works for you.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
And it's so easy to get disheartened when you just
want something that just works and that's it, and it's
the miracle pill, and but it just isn't like that,
and I feel like I didn't cover that as much
as what I wanted to in my book where I'm
not on medication right now, But that doesn't mean I
don't believe it's the best thing for certain people. But
(43:56):
I just think it's such a real journey and you
just need to be as focused as you can be
that if something's not working for you, then you can
try something else. Like we're lucky enough to live in
a country where we're able to do that, and especially
with like we're talking about before this started, like the
new laws that are coming in where the government is
(44:17):
going to pay for ADHD medications and like that's amazing and.
Speaker 3 (44:22):
Yeah, and that also getting rid of the special authority,
the renewal process.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
It's huge because that's.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
And it's something you were so vocal about.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
Yes, and also because I didn't know about it, and
I remember, I think it was one of the first
things I told you, because it took me off guard
when it happened that I went to go pick up.
Speaker 4 (44:37):
My script and they were like, sorry, you're panicked.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
You literally can't get it, Like you need to go
get it renewed again, and I was like, what do
you mean and they're like, this is the process every
two years and the reason.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Depend on this medication. You can't just do that to people.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
Why are we having to prove over two years that
we still have ADHD yes, still.
Speaker 4 (44:52):
Have this lifelong thing. No one else is doing that.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
It's not a for right now diagnose, you know. It's
not like oh you got God, but here's a pill
gets rid of it.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
It's like four five hundred dollars for a psychiatrist console.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
And there was no way that I could get into
either for this. But like my GP and I did
this video and about watching it, yeah, which at the
time I was like, oh, and I know, like some
people will be like, oh there's always so much drama
going on.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
It's because I share the stuff that goes on.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
It's because you care and you're the voice for so
many like you know.
Speaker 3 (45:23):
But in that moment, I remember, I was panic. I
just pulled my phone out and was like screw it.
But yeah, so they finally have done this now where
you don't have to.
Speaker 4 (45:31):
Get that special authority to get it.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
But I do think what you're saying is so important
around like what even when I did my story about
changing meds, like one thing is going.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
To work for me, that's not going to work for
other people.
Speaker 3 (45:41):
And exactly, not even just with meds, with like talk therapy,
I've done, like I've done exposure therapy and.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
That could work for you, but not for someone else exactly.
Speaker 3 (45:50):
And now I'm doing EMD mark because I definitely prefer
they're over exposure therapy.
Speaker 4 (45:54):
And yeah, you know, there's so many different things.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
And I think when you do give one thing and
go and if it doesn't work, you can and get disheartened,
and it.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Can be really disheartening.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Like and throughout the years, I've been on an up
and down process and like riding the roller coaster, you know,
where I'll be like, oh, that didn't work, and I'll
put it away for a bit, and then I'll try
something else, and then I'll be like, that didn't work.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
I actually remember, and we can cut out if you
don't want to talk about it, but I remember after
you had seen a psychologist or a professional that you
were like, this isn't going to work, and then you
just didn't see anyone because you were so afraid of
something had happened, and which we don't have to go into.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
But it's in the book, is it. Yeah, it's not
it is, Yeah, it's in the book. Yeah, it'd be
hard for you because you'd be like, did.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
She tell me that?
Speaker 3 (46:41):
I know that's what I'm trying to because I feel
like we were walking your dogs across again. For some reason,
I'm such a visual we're walking your dogs across a field.
We were talking about psychologists and then trying to find
and being like, Okay, just because this one person didn't work,
doesn't mean exactly one else won't work exactly.
Speaker 2 (46:57):
And I truly believe that because I read a thing
where someone mentioned that part of the book where I
talk about how, you know, I've tried a lot over
the years, and I've never felt anything that's truly clicked yet.
But I truly believe it's just a process and a
journey where you have to find the right person to
(47:17):
talk to or the right medication. Like there is stuff
out there that can help everyone. But I just want
to make people like hear me when I say that,
I truly believe that even though I may have not
found the right things right for me, doesn't mean I've
stopped trying like I will continue to, like, you know,
figure myself out and try this or do that.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
You know, that's.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
The whole process of life, right is figuring it out.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
That's all. That's what we're all trying to do. Yeah, yeah,
but yeah, you're right that Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
So he pretty much caused a panic attack in his
in what a session I went to. And it was
from that day where I was just kind of like,
I'm never going to go back to talk to anyone
ever again because it was so traumatic for me, which
thank god I had you because you talked me around
and was like wow. And so I've since moved on
from there. I'm like, yeah, of course I want to
(48:11):
go talk to someone, you know, because it helps.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:13):
It also can be a proactive thing rather than reactive
as well, which as why I'm such a big advocate
for therapy and like talking to someone. And obviously there's
heaps of things around accessibility to that and stuff as well,
which we one hundred percent acknowledge. But if you do
have the ability to, it's so important to.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
When is that going to change?
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Oh my gosh, bloody change.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
Lucky we've got people like you fighting.
Speaker 3 (48:36):
I also think it's important there's so many people that
are fighting for it, and I think that well often
gets lost in the media narrative, especially here in an
altered or in New Zealand, and especially you know around
the world as well.
Speaker 4 (48:46):
But here we all we hear about constantly is this
broken system.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
And we can acknowledge, yes, the system is broken, but
please don't be discouraged at the thousands upon thousands upon
thousands of people that are on the front line that
are doing everything they can to change that care. It's
not one person trying to save it. It's not like
that's not the case. There are so many people.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
And your voices are getting louder, which is amazing.
Speaker 4 (49:09):
Oh man.
Speaker 3 (49:10):
But I'm just like all the counselors and you know,
the nerve everyone who's really doing everything that they can.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
Teachers like taking the brunt of a lot of this
as well.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
Yeah, people care, and I think that the message of
you know, about how how broken the system is a
lot of the time you can it causes so much
hopelessness that people don't reach out. But I just want
people to know that, you know, people do really care
in this so many people.
Speaker 1 (49:32):
There's so many people that care.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
They like so many, and I feel like it's growing,
like you know, and it's it is getting better.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
It's just a slow process.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:42):
I ask this question to everyone that comes on this podcast,
and I want to ask it to you as well.
Speaker 4 (49:47):
You are the last interview for.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
The season, which I am so frickin honored to be
able to have you on. And like I said, I
have wanted to have you on for a while, I
just never wanted to push you to talk publicly about
stuff that at that point you weren't talking publicly about it,
and then.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
You just went.
Speaker 4 (50:04):
It is more than a slow fie.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
You should just put it all out it.
Speaker 3 (50:09):
You have gone through, literally Helen back in your life.
There's been so much that has happened, and you can
everyone else can read all about the rest of that
in your book. Unapologetically me with the uncrossed out. Please
go get this book. It's literally it's I just it's phenomenal.
I love it, and it's I mean, I don't want
(50:30):
to say I love it, but I love the way
that you've managed to articulate the strength that has shown through.
Speaker 4 (50:35):
All of that.
Speaker 3 (50:37):
Taking all of that in consideration, everything you've written about
in this book, everything that you've been through. What does
the word hope mean to you?
Speaker 2 (50:47):
Wow, that's such a good question. I think what does
the word hope mean for me?
Speaker 1 (50:56):
I think.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
Hope is what everything is centered around. You know, Hope
for me is the thing that makes me keep going.
It's the thing that gets me up in the morning,
that drives, that drives my passion for things. That, yeah,
makes everything makes sense because without that, you know, I
(51:20):
feel like nothing else matters.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
Hope is the driver.
Speaker 4 (51:26):
You know that.
Speaker 2 (51:29):
Things can always get better, you can always help other people,
you can always make your dreams come true.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
That's what hope is. It's at the center of everything
I love.
Speaker 4 (51:41):
That's that's so good.
Speaker 3 (51:43):
And I also think, like just looking at you and
knowing everything that you've been through and the.
Speaker 4 (51:50):
Fact that you've shared the story, you are.
Speaker 3 (51:52):
The definition of hope as well, that people can read
this and they can see, actually, there's hope for me,
Like there's things I've gone through these you know, whatever
it may be, the situations may be different, but the
feelings can be the same. And Yeah, you are hope
as well. And I know that there are going to
be so many people that have already been impacted by
your book and your story and there's going to be
(52:13):
so many more to come. How can people that are
listening to this and maybe if especially if you're not
from New Zealand who might not know you?
Speaker 4 (52:20):
Yeah? How can they? I don't want to say find.
Speaker 3 (52:22):
You because that's talkers done with that, that's becoming illegal
in New Zealand.
Speaker 4 (52:26):
How can they follow you?
Speaker 1 (52:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (52:27):
They can follow me on socials at Bree Thomas l
with no age.
Speaker 3 (52:32):
You get some great hilarious content. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (52:35):
I do love to post some funny stuff with my mum.
That's so so funny.
Speaker 3 (52:41):
I love Mama and I but also even hearing this
story as well, I'm like, we must protect Mama die
at all costs, at all.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
She is just my favorite human in the whole world. Yeah,
but yeah, follow me on socials you can. I've recorded
an audio book if you're not into reading, like I
can't read that well because my concentration just goes. So
there's an audiobook. It's on Kindle and yeah, you can
order it online if you're overseas as well. So I
just want to say I'm so proud of you, Jazz,
(53:12):
the person you are and for doing this podcast and
just everything you do to help other people for me,
Like I want to add on to my answer, you
are hope for so many people you know, and I
don't think you really stop to think about that all
too often because you're so busy and you're just always
(53:32):
on the go and thinking about others.
Speaker 1 (53:34):
But you are hope. And I just love you so much,
and thank you for your time.
Speaker 4 (53:39):
I love you. And now we're going to stop before
I start crying again.
Speaker 2 (53:42):
I'm a going to hug, so came in a hug
for ten minutes.
Speaker 3 (53:48):
Well that you have it, guys, thank you so much
for staying and for listening to this episode. And like
I've said at the beginning, and I always say, if
anything in this episode that's been talked about has brought
anything up for you feel like you need to talk
to someone, then please remember and know that the bravest
thing that you can do right now is to talk
to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's from
(54:09):
a friend, a family member, or if you don't know
who to talk to, then if you live in Altaiola
here you can call or text one seven three seven
at any time to talk to a trained counselor, or
if you live overseas. Go to dub dubdub dot the
Voices of Hope dot org for a list of international helplines.
Remember that no matter what it is that you're facing,
no matter what it is that you're going through, that
(54:31):
in all things, hope is real and change as possible.
The ZiTm Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I just was so completely terrified in that moment, but
I just remember instantly having this feeling of oh, I'm
going to die here. Now I look back on it
in a completely different way, where I'm lying you were
trying to do things in a world that wasn't really
built for you.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Hope Is Real
the podcast. The podcast designed to help you feel a
little less alone, a bit more inspired, and.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
Of course, as always a lot more hopeful.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Now this is my final interview episode of the season.
I've got one more episode coming up next week, which
Isn't Asked Me Anything.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Submit your questions. We're going to be answering a whole
lot of them.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
But this episode, I have one of my favorite humans
on this planet, and I don't say that lightly. If
you live in New Zealand, even if maybe live in Australia,
you might know who this person is. Brie Thomas l
She is from the Bri and Clint Show on ZiTm,
the Drive show.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
You may ener honestly Britishish Island.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
She has recently just released a book called Unapologetically Me.
Bree's story is I don't even really know how to
explain it. Honestly, you're just gonna have to listen to it.
She has gone through some crazy things and has come
out the other side and has chosen to speak about
this so that other people don't feel so alone. And
(01:23):
I will, as always put it a bit of a
trigger warning. On this episode. We do talk about the
specific trauma that is involved with it, which is around
a home invasion, which is a very traumatic home invasion,
which does go into detail. But if at any point
in time you feel like you need to take a
break or anything like that, as always, you can pause this,
(01:44):
you can come back to it, you can choose some
We'll come back to it as well.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
That's okay.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Breach out for help if you need it, contact your
local helplines, talk to friends and family members. If anything
in this episode comes up and you feel like you
want to chat, that's okay.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
But Bri and her incredible story as coming up right
after this. Brie, welcome to Hope, as were all the podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I feel honored, Jazz, I feel.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
Honored that you're here.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
This is I was thinking about it when I was
driving in to do this. I don't know how many
years I've been doing interviews on your show for I
think every season of this podcast. I've come on and chatted.
I've managed to dig up a photo of I think
when I think it was before the first but the
first podcast episode came out, and it would have been
maybe when a book came out or something of you
guys before we were actually friends. So we've been doing
(02:34):
I don't know how many interviews.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Don't don't out me on how old I am and
how long I've been doing radio, but yes, we've knownly
done it for a long time.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
In it will be seven years at the end of
this year. Wow.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Yeah, you know what it would have been Girl on
the Bridge when the movie came out. I think I
did a and I think that'll be on Oh my Goodness.
For those who don't know or if you're not from
New Zealand, Brie is the one of the drive hosts
from the print Print.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Show Short at the Branklin.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Show on zid in which also this is part of
the zitim podcast network.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
But you have just had a book.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Come out which I been read in a day, which,
first of all, to anyone who knows me, knows I
don't do that. Did you binge read in a whole day. Yeah,
Like I literally said, I did not put it down.
I could not put it down, and I knew, being
honest with me, one hundred my friends ask my housemates,
I missed the shoe as well.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
I'm pretty sure you did.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
You send me such a lot.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
It was like, this was insane, and now my housemates
are all reading it as well.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
And after I read it, like like I said, i'd.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Kind of I've known you for a long time, I know,
but some pieces of your story and I've wanted you
to come on this podcast for a while, but you
hadn't really talked about a lot of this stuff publicly
before this.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Book kind of came out into the world.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
And I do want to get to there, but I
would love to just kind of go literally right back
to the start.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
What was life like growing up for you?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Life was amazing as a kid, Like I grew up
on an apple orchard farm kid.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I don't think I wore shoes till I was like five.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
It was just, yeah, an incredible childhood, Like I had
have amazing parents and we just had this really kind
of I lived in a bubble really like country kids
we live in a very naive bubble and yeah, it
was awesome, like, played a lot of sport, loved school,
(04:30):
loved everything until obviously.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yeah, I talk about it in the book.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
A really traumatic event that happened to me when I
was nine years old, and I feel like from that
day it set me on a different path. And you know,
that bubble was definitely burst and yeah, changed my life forever.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
I still remember the exact moment where we were when
you first told me about what had happened when you
were nine, and we were I was driving you home
from it, went to the comedy show, and then we
went to an after party together, and then I was
driving that's right. Yeah, And I remember it because I
remember being in the car with you and you started
talking about this, but at the same time you were
(05:08):
also like, I mean, it's not as bad as and
I was.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Like, Brie, but it was so like to the fact,
I still.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Remember like every aspect of that conversation because what you
went through and then reading it kind of and the book,
it just was so it's so insane.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
Can you tell people who haven't read the book? Ye, yeah,
what happened when you and I?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, so I was home from school because I was
sick at the time, and my mum, me and my
brother we went into town to visit my nan. So
we lived on the outskirts of town, so like about
fifteen minutes outside of Stanthorpe where I lived, where I lived,
and we went to visit my nan, who lived in
the township.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
And it was just a.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Normal day visiting my nan. And I remember I was
sitting at the kitchen table and there was a knock
at the door. And in a country town, you know,
people pop over ask for a cup of sugar, That's
what it's really like. And my Nan made her way
to the front door, and I just remember immediately knowing
(06:13):
that something wasn't right, and it's a feeling that you
never want to get where it takes over your entire body.
And I remember hearing these voices of these two men
who pushed their way inside and they were holding my
nan at knife point. And I mean, as a kid
growing up in the country, I had never experienced anything
(06:35):
like that, never seen anything like that, never heard about
anything like that. But I just remember instantly having this
feeling of, oh, I'm going to die here, and as
a nine year old, like I just was so completely
terrified in that moment, and I just remember I kept
(06:57):
looking at my mum and my Nan, who was so
harm and I think it was because I was in
the room and they didn't want to panic me more.
And it was at one point where one of the
guys started ransacking the house and they were they were addicts,
(07:17):
looking for a quick buck, looking for whatever they could get.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
That's what they were doing. And so one was ransacking
the house.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
And it was at that point that the other one
who had sat my Nan down at that point, became
really angry because he was asking my mum for the
keys to our car that was parked out the front,
and my mum stood up and handed over her purse
and he pulls out this banking bag because obviously we
had a business and my mum had just done the
(07:45):
banking that day. It's like a calico banking bag. And
he's like, you're fucking with me, Like this is bullshit.
And it was at that point where he threatened to
take me and kidnap me, and all I remember is
looking at my mom, just completely terrified, and I remember
(08:11):
her saying to him in that moment, you can do
whatever you want to do.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Just don't hurt my daughter and take me with you.
I will go. And oh it makes me, it makes
me like I can.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I still remember how I felt, I still remember how
they smelt like. I just remember everything about that moment,
and I truly saw how much my mom would give
up for me, which was her own life, you know,
and from that day, like, I've never been the same
and my childhood, you know, was never the same from
(08:48):
that moment.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
If you could say anything to those mean, what would
you say?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I would I don't know if i'd want to say
anything to them, but I think I'd just be like,
do you understand what your actions and what your decisions
you made on those days, how they affected people? Because
(09:14):
I don't think people really realize sometimes the lasting effects
you can have on another person. But from that day,
my mom, my, Nan and I were changed forever.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
I was I'm gonna cry again, but I was crying
when I was reading it in the book because I
again knowing you and also knowing kind of everything else
in the book and context of all the stuff that
you went through, but then knowing the person that you are.
And this is why I think I said in the
message to you but the way that you show up
for people, in the way that there is every every
(09:52):
excuse for you to have not become the person that
you are from that like that and everything else that
you've been through is like it's reckon horrific and like
you said, it changes a person. But you are like
one of the most loyal people. You Like you were
there for me when my world was flipping upside down,
Like you're the friend that shows up, and I think
that's just such a testament to your I'm.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Going at a ball as well.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
No, but it has because I remember I did a
video a while ago that was talking about the fact
that everyone says, like, oh, your trauma made you stronger,
but your trauma traumatized you, and in your case, it
literally changed your entire life. And what made you stronger
was you and whatever you did between nine and now,
every day that you had to get up and face
(10:40):
it and live with those panicked feelings and things like,
you've just become one of the most phenomenal people that
I know.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Not because of that, but despite that.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yeah, that's honestly one of the nicest things someone has
ever said about me.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It's it's a funny thing.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
So someone asked me the other day because obviously this
book has opened a lot of conversations, which I'm ready
to have those conversations now, and I'm really proud of
myself that I've been able to be vulnerable enough to
open those doors. But someone asked me, and they said,
what do you think or how do you think you
(11:20):
would be.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
If that didn't happen to you?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
And it's something that I'd never thought about before, Like
would I have anxious thoughts? Would I have panic attacks?
Would I have become the person that I am today.
It's such a weird thing to think about and something that, yeah,
I've never really thought about that before. It's kind of
(11:45):
hard to think about, to be honest, because I feel like,
you know, those two men stole my childhood in a
lot of ways and stole that feeling of lightness, you know,
that I don't think I've ever had since that day.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Well, I think they didn't just steal your childhood, that
they stole your peace. This is something that didn't just
affect you in your childhood years, and it's so it's
so hard to know. And I've actually been having a
similar conversation with my therapist. At the moment, we've been
going back through my early child protection files together, and
a lot of the stuff in there from when I
was like three, and that same thing of like I
(12:23):
wonder the person that I could have been if this
not happened. But I was speaking at a conference a
while ago and I got asked to speak on resilience,
and I feel like resilience is a word that we
just hear constantly all the time, and I was like,
I want to do something different with this, and I
ended up finding a definition that it wasn't talking about humans,
but it was talking about objects, And the definition of
(12:45):
resilience and objects is to be able to return back
to original form. And thinking about that in this context
of what your life could have been without that, I
think almost the journey of your adult life and through
your teen years has been trying to get back to
that original form, that kid who.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
Was happy, who was carefree.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Like that's the journey, and that's the part that even
you know for me as well, of like getting back
to the happy, bubbly girl that was once described in
those files. Resilience isn't just about facing through the storm
and now I have to work you know about how
do you kind of restore what once was?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
That's such an interesting definition and like as you were saying,
and I was like, oh my god, it's so because
you know what, I feel like, there's and you'd be
the same.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
There's those parts of me that I still have.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
But then I feel like it's quite amazed sometimes to
get back to there. And so I feel like, you know,
if those traumatic events didn't happen, would it just be
more of a straight shot maze to be able to
get and unlock those parts of yourself, you know, those
the bubbly, happy light parts yourself, Like, would it just
(13:58):
be easier to get back there? Whereas now you have
these barriers or these you know, walls where you have
to figure it out more and it takes time.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Yeah, it takes a lot of time.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
And it's also like, when stuff like that happens, there's
so many different aspects of your life that has affected
your trust in people. The PTSD of it. I don't
did you ever get diagnosed with PTSD.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
It's interesting.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
I went to a psychologist once, this was quite a
few years ago, who I told, like, I talked to
him about, you know, that event in my life and
I was like, you know, I feel like I could
have PTSD, Like I don't obviously, I'm not an expert.
I'm not really sure, but and he kind of looked
at me and said, you know, I don't know if
(14:43):
that's right.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
I don't know if this is connected with this.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
And from that moment I kind of just shut it
down and was like, oh, well, he says that it
wouldn't be the case.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
But it's interesting.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
A friend of mine who has a psychology degree read
my book and she knows me very well, and she
goes for him to say that there's no chance of
you having PTSD is mind blowing to me, you know. Yeah,
And so that's something, yeah, that I've also taken from
this process and hopefully we'll find out more in the
(15:14):
future about.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Yeah, I mean, it would one hundred percent makes sense
purely for the fact that you can still me with
the smell of them and like their voice and all
that kind of stuff, Like so much of that is
related and I don't know if this has happened, you know,
I really kind of hope that you never have to
run into the smell of that again. But that's a
lot of the stuff with those kind of traumatic events.
I did a bunch of exposure therapy for mine. So
(15:37):
one of the things that I couldn't handle was sunflowers,
which sounds really stupid, but for me, one of the
things that happened when I was super young, one of
the assaults from someone within my household was in a
sunflower shed, and so I remember seeing the sunflowers and then.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
I would have this like visceral reaction to some.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Flowers when I see them out and that was just
the brain being like just auto associating it. Or if
you walk past someone in a mall and you smell
the smell of those people, immediately you're back there and
being able to remember a lot of those things as
things that especially like the fact that that psychologist would
be like, oh, nothing's related, like nuts, Like it's you're
(16:18):
nine years old, You're being threatened to be kidnapped by
these people who are holding a knife to your nanna.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
How did this How did this situation like resolve?
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Yeah, it was I think, like thinking back on it
now and I can remember every single thing that happened.
It was it was in this moment where my mum
was pleading with this guy that she would go with
him to the bank. She would do whatever he wanted
as long as he didn't take me. And it was
at that point that the other guy came back into
(16:52):
the situation from ransacking the house, and thank god, he
had a more level headed thought where he was like,
we don't want to do that, Let's leave these people,
and he calmed the other guy down, thank god. And
I know this is like so ridiculous, but I'm so
(17:12):
grateful for that person him in that moment where he, yeah,
pretty much shut down that situation and they left.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Did at any point.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
So the guy, the one that was threatening to do that,
he was one that's holding the knife to your yes, nansa.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Did he attend to mine?
Speaker 4 (17:33):
He held it to ye.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
At that point, he'd sat my hand down, and I remember,
because I was quite a scorny kid, like I was
quite a little scorny nine year old, and I remember
my feet just being able to touch the ground because
he was holding me with one arm and then kind
of had this knife so pressed up against my throat
that it was basically like I couldn't speak because it
(17:55):
was there was so much pressure, and he obviously wasn't
in his right mind. Like and you could tell that
where everything he was saying, he wasn't thinking properly. And
it was so interesting because after that happened, like the
(18:15):
events that unfolded afterwards, like I had to go as
a part of the court proceedings, I had to go
to a child psychologist and they had to assess me
and deem weather it had had lasting effects on me,
And I remember my mum never told me, like she
just kind of you know, she tried to shelter me
as much as she could. But obviously over the years
(18:37):
we've talked about stuff where she has been like, you know,
the report from that child psychologist was that you definitely
had lasting effects.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Did you ever look at that report?
Speaker 1 (18:48):
I've never seen it.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
You know you can, Yeah, I don't know if you should,
but you can.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Yeah. It would be interesting and maybe something I'll do
in the future.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
Yeah, it's I only asked because eggin going through all
the files with my psychologist at the moment, there's an
interview with me from when I was three years old
that's in there and they kind of document it word
for word, which is insane, But also what made.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
You decide to do that?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Where you were like I want to open up those
files from obviously the darkest time in your life and
work through those What gave you the courage to be
able to be like, I'm ready to do that?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
I think that to be honest, I started to get
a lot more kind of PTSD symptoms that were starting
to come back up again, and there was some of
it there, especially from the earlier years that I have
blacked out completely and also just don't really understand because
it was so missy like, and so I just was like,
(19:47):
I'm sick of this controlling my life and my relationships,
and like I'm still so afraid of people being close
to me.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
And I don't want this to control me anymore.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
And so I basically just sat down with my theory
and I was like, I want to I want to
do this now. Yeah, And so yeah, it was literally
it was only last week that we went through and
like read everything together, and I just like sat there
balling my eyes out, just as I was, you know,
because there's a lot of like there's a lot there's
(20:18):
a lot in there, and there's a lot of kind
of still confusion because there's you know, three different men
that are named from three to four years old, but
it just it's going to still be a process to
go through. But it's just that feeling of like, no,
screw you, this is not going to control me anymore.
And I think for a really long time I had
(20:39):
just managed to push it aside so much.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
I'd done like a lot of.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
What so many of us do.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Yeah, exactly, And you'll take parts and work on certain
cards and then keep other parts kind of you know,
pushed away.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
And then you but sometimes you don't realize that stuff's
still there until something sparks it. So like for me,
it was I remember when I was doing Dancing with
the Stars and we did our very first rehearsal and
I had to put my hand on my dance partner,
Brad's chest, and I freaked out like I couldn't do that,
and I was like, what the heck? And that was
something for me that I then had this memory of
(21:11):
from And you know, so there's just a whole bunch
of things. And I've done a lot of stuff on
my like kind of later childhood, but the earlier stuff
I've never touched.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
So yeah, I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
That's so amazing, like to be able to say you
know what, I'm not going to let this control me anymore,
and I'm going to face all this stuff and have
the courage to open all these parts of my life
that I've pushed down because it's not going to control
me anymore. And that's such a powerful thing. Jazz.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
I mean, you've just done the same thing with this book.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Like I remember coming to your house because your dog
was sick at the time and you being like this
is like you're freaking out.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
It's terrifying.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
It is terrifying, and I like, the writing process is hard,
and you're having to confront everything, the fact that you
chose to do that, and you really lay it all
bear in this book.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
You're literally like hear it.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
See even that makes me anxious, Like, oh my god,
I really did you did?
Speaker 3 (22:04):
But but like it's just one I mean, I couldn't
put it down because first of all, I felt like
I was reading a freaking episode of Law and Order,
Like I.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Was like, what the hell?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
But also like it's just the way that you articulators
is phenomenal and you really kind of get drawn into
too who you are.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
But I know that that process is not easy.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
What was the writing process like for you having to
revisit that because you've basically done a form of exposure
therapy yourself by writing about it in detail.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Yeah, you're so right, and as you would know, you've
written like a thousand books.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I think you were the first person I asked for
for advice. I was like, how do you do this?
And you've been just so amazing. Yeah, it was horrible
in parts, horrible.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
I also remember at one point you saying, I don't
really have anything to write about.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
Bree Thomas Town.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
It's obviously me writting from my past jazz, you know,
or just me thinking that, yeah, what I have to
say isn't that important, which you know, I've struggled with
self confidence my whole life. But I think in the
process of everything, like I found it really difficult. Like,
(23:16):
don't get me wrong, Like it was one of the
hardest things I've ever done, partly because of the concentration
it takes and how difficult it is, but secondly, yeah,
bringing up every piece of you know, every piece of
your dark past, like the good, the bad, and the ugly,
(23:36):
every piece of dirty laundry Undie's included, and writing it
down on a page.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Where as you're writing it.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
You're like, people are going to read this, Like there's
stuff in there that is funny, but I'm super embarrassed
about it. There's stuff in there that I think is
so raw that only the very very closest people to
me no, And I think getting your head around the
fact that it's going to be out there for anyone
(24:05):
to consume, like is really difficult. But my reason for
writing the book like never waivered during the whole process
where I was like, I need to be this honest,
I need to be this vulnerable because I want to
help someone else.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I want.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
At least one person, hopefully a few more, because it
did take a long time to read it and to
just feel understood.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
You know. What's the response been, Like, it's been amazing,
Like it's such a crazy.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Thing, like in the world we live in today, like
where people can connect with you, you know, and you
can have conversations with people that you don't know, and
just the response I get from people just saying you've
made me feel like so seen and I feel heard
and understood, and those messages make everything worth it. All
(25:02):
those anxious thoughts, the sleepless nights that.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
I continue to have.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yeah, that connection with people has made everything worth it.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
It's the hardest thing putting yourself out there to not
only face the stuff that happened to you, but then
to literally write it out word for word and have
people read it. Is not something a lot of people do,
and it takes a cramped under strength and courage and bravery.
And I know that I've seen this to you before,
but the fact that so many people are gonna find
(25:38):
so much hope and strength and be seen because of
your ability to do that and your story is so like,
it's so wild in so many ways, not just what
happen when you were nying, but kind of everything else
that you wrote.
Speaker 4 (25:51):
About in their book.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
There's so much that people won't relate to my story,
but people relate to yours. People won't late to like
Macro found it like these everyone's story matters.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
You know. What do you find that?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
I think when it comes down to like, people who
have been there are able to truly understand. And I
feel like that's one thing that I'm so grateful for.
Like all of the bad stuff, you know, especially that
moment and all the panic attacks and anxious thoughts that
I've had over the years. One of the best things
(26:27):
that has come from it for me is I'm able
to help people close to me that if they're going
through a similar thing. I've talked people out, like down
from panic attacks. I've been there to be able to
know what they need to hear or to give them
what they need. And that's something I don't think I
would have unless I have lived it and been through
(26:48):
it myself. And it's something that I'm so grateful for
and would never want to change about myself. And I
feel like you're the same.
Speaker 3 (26:57):
I think you know it's so true, and I think
that that's probably why definitely, and that in that time
that I was like.
Speaker 4 (27:02):
Yeah, here it all is, I come here, and you
were like, but I.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Also knew that you weren't going to like, well, I
don't know if you were for about I knew that
you wouldn't like freak out and jump to worst k
or like you know, like as whereas a lot of
people can if they don't understand that.
Speaker 4 (27:14):
Sometimes it's just like it's just a lot.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
And I feel like we've we've kind of shared a
lot of those kind of different moments. I remember you
getting your ADHD diagnosis was.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Which I talk about in the book an I was like,
I got.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
I got a name mentioned there. I felt very special. No,
I again I for.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Some reason, those are the These are the two moments
I specifically remember with you. One was in the car
hearing that story about the breaking, and then the second
was being in the Xenim office and you came in
and you were like, I think someone said I possibly
potentially have Adhdeah And I was like.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
The look on your face where I was like, and
you think.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
So, I meant listen, well, okay, for what was it
that made you think initially that like, what was it
that made this conversation come up that you were like, oh,
is this is this potentially a thing?
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Like it's so I love thinking back on it now
and how oblivious I was, because I'd never had the
thought where I was like, oh, maybe I've got adhd
and maybe that's why I've always felt a bit out
of place and things have been a bit harder for me.
But it was my producer, Ellie, who worked on The
Brian Clint Show for a number of years, and we're
(28:31):
like family when you work in a radio show like that,
and our show's always tight knit because there's not many
of us, and her and I just from the day
I met her, we connected.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
And I always say this to people, I'm like.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Everyone, you know, sometimes I meet people and I'm like,
they're lovely people, They're not my people. And sometimes I'll
meet people and I'll be like my people. Like when
I met you, I was like my people.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
I think we initially connected because we were standing in
the corner of an event one time because we were
both into.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
Yeah, and I was like, can I stand here with you?
Speaker 4 (29:03):
We just stood there and then we became friends essence.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
And I was like, do you feel comfortable uncomfortable at events?
And you're like yeah, And I was like, do you
want to stand in the corner this whole time?
Speaker 1 (29:10):
And You're like yeah. Now at every event, I'm like, I.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Literally do the same thing. Goes stand in the corner, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
And just to feel comfortable and like safe.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
But yeah, she and she was one of my people
where I was like, oh, I just connect with this person,
Like there's just something where we're so similar in so
many ways and anyway, we were so close over the
time she worked on the show and then she left
to go do amazing things and she got opportunities. And
it was probably maybe a year and a half or
even two years after she'd left the show, and we'd
(29:42):
still kept in touch and with still friends. But I
remember I get this phone call from her and she
was like, how are you blah blah blah, and I
was like, what's happening with you? And she was like, oh,
I've just been diagnosed with ADHD. And I was like, oh, amazing,
Like how do you feel about that? And she's like, yeah, no,
it's been really good and I've been working through the process.
She's like, I've actually called to be like, maybe you
(30:06):
should go and look into this, because you know how
you and I are real similar. And she has a
degree in psychology and she loves she people and understanding people.
And I was like, oh, well, she thinks that I
should go get checked. Maybe I should go look into this.
And in true ADHD form, it took me a year
(30:29):
and finally I think I was ready because I think
deep down from that moment I started doing my own
research and started thinking about things in a different way,
and I think I probably knew, but going through that
process where the first initial assessment was with this beautiful
(30:49):
woman who I talk about in the book.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
It was over zoom because it was still all.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
COVID times, and she just said something to me like,
we went through, you know, obviously the process, which is
quite a lengthy thing, where I talked to her about
my childhood and all the rest of it.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
And at the end of it she said to me, she's.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Like, well, look, I'm ninety nine point nine to nine
percent sure that I can say to you that you
have ADHD.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
And she's like, I know, I just want to say.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
You know, hearing about you, know, your life and what
you've been through, I'm just so proud of you. And
she's like, look at how look at you and how
well you've done and you've battled you know, hope.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
And it was right, don't cry, await me cry, because
that's everything that I would want to let that that
articulates everything. Then yeah, I think of you and that
as well, like, oh, I'm not crying.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
I'm not crying. I'm not crying.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
But it was it was such an amazing moment from
this woman who I just met in the zoom for
the past two hours, and she was just kind of like,
you know, I wish you had been through this process earlier,
and you could have understood yourself more and it would
have made things easier for you. And God, it's been amazing,
(32:16):
like getting that diagnosis, and since then, I've done my
own research and it's just given me this whole new
outlook on my entire life and who I am as
a person, you know, and it's allowed me to be
kinder to myself.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
I degrieve the old.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Version of me, like who I thought I was this
kind of you know, person who never fit in and
struggle their way through and was a bit hopeless at
times and lazy and all the rest of it.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
But now I.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Look back on it in a completely different way where
I'm like, fuck, good on you for pushing and struggling
when you were trying to do things in a world
that wasn't really built for you.
Speaker 4 (33:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Yeah, I oh man, I remember that that same feeling
when I got diagnosed and being like all of these
things that I thought were just wrong with who I am,
it's just a disorder.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
Literally, disorder literally And I like, I.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
I know that I, as someone with ADHD struggled a
lot with even relationships and friendships because they're out of sight,
out of mind for.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
A lot of people, does I still do? Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
It doesn't just exist for objects, but people, if they're
not in your everyday world, it's so much harder. And
I remember being like, oh my gosh, it's not just
that I'm not just a terrible friend, Like, it's actually
really hard for me to stay and that's why I
have I don't know how many unread text messages on
my phone?
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Don't look at mine? Should we compare? Yeah? We should? Okay, Yeah,
how many do you have?
Speaker 4 (33:46):
Text messages?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah? Text messages.
Speaker 4 (33:49):
Oh, actually, mine's not too bad of text right now.
My emails are terrible.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
What do you Okay, do text and then we'll do emails.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Fifty two text four hundred and forty that's insane. Okay, emails,
what do you got?
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Wait?
Speaker 3 (34:03):
Where's my How do I find my my thing?
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Doesn't it should just be up?
Speaker 4 (34:09):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Oh no, I have two different apps, so I've got
Gmail and then my other one. But my other one
is thirty nine thousand, seven hundred and eighty five and
my Gmail was eleven two hundred and forty one.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Mine's like two up, so you win the emails.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
I think my tics have been reo because I usually
in the hundreds, but they must have been maybe when.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
I got you're so in demand though, like the amount
of people that would be sending you emails offering you this,
oh come and do this jazz or whereas obviously the
people who are closest to you have your number.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Yeah, and so you're better at that.
Speaker 4 (34:49):
Yeah, yeah, my emails. I can't believe.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Email like i'd have thought today, Like I will just
have random thoughts that pop into my mind where I'm like,
remember that email you read like two weeks ago, you
probably should apply to that.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
And like just and I was just like, oh, that's right. Yeah,
does that happen to you.
Speaker 4 (35:05):
All the time, all the time? And then I just
have it.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Then I'll have a day of like I'm going to
reply to everything, and then the next day I'm like,
no other.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
Will reply again, and I'm gonna reply again, and.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Then that's another two weeks because like when you reply everyone,
but you don't just do it at once like you
do like one person, you do. You do a bulk
reply to all of the things you've avoided for the last.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
That's exactly how I function.
Speaker 4 (35:28):
And my manager always makes fun of me.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
He's like, oh yeah, but one of those days.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
Yeah, that literally the same here even for the podcast,
like the hy producers and Sam who works here, He'll
always know when I've taken my meds because he'll be like,
she's just sent me like twelve emails and all of
the things that we've been needing her to do for
so long, Like, I'm so sorry, I just took my meads.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
I'm hyper focusing. Now are you on?
Speaker 4 (35:49):
Are you on medication for you already?
Speaker 2 (35:50):
No, so not at the moment, like and like I've
spoken to you because you've been so amazing and given
me advice. And when I was first going through that process,
so I tried one type of medication and I gave
it a go, and I feel like it wasn't really
doing what I wanted it to do and wasn't serving
(36:11):
me or making things easier. So I was like, I'll
just put that to the side for now, but definitely
doesn't mean that I won't try another one in the
future or you know.
Speaker 4 (36:21):
Yeah, I definitely, I think.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Because you tried how many of you tried Now.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
I've tried three different ones now, so the first one
didn't work for me at all. The second one, I
thought at the time was because I was focusing and
I was doing all the things about man.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
The side effects were wild like that.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
I think I was the most hydrated I've ever been
in my entire life, because I would just be glugging
back like really doesn't lead as a water every day
and then the crash was insane. But I also found
that on the last ones I also struggled to hold
a conversation and that kind of thing as well, whereas
the ones that I've just been put on. So my
psychiatrist was kind of going through all the different options
(36:58):
and he was like, this is one where these other
ones don't work. This is what people can use, and
it has been a game changer. Like literally, the only
thing that it's really doing is quietening my brain and
then just kind of evening out that sounds nice my mood,
and that's kind of it. It's not making me do
the super hyper focus.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
It's not like we're.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Giving you that verse.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
Yeah, no, I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
I don't because it's I take it three times a day,
right this one.
Speaker 4 (37:21):
It's some smaller doses.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
So it's been like for me, I'm like, oh my gosh,
and this is the first time I've taken ADHD meets
consistently because the last time I wouldn't because I didn't
like how I felt on it.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
But then I'll be like, oh, my laundry.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Is run out and I've started using bikini bottoms is underwear,
Like I need to focus, I need to focus on
different things. But yeah, it's such a like and for
each person it's different. Like I know that especially for you,
you're in a creative job where your ADHD has served
you well so much superpower. No, literally most of my
career is like my ADHD. I'll give credit to it
(37:53):
because it's like two am Like all of our big
creative ideas that we've had for voices will come at
to Amgen, Like literally two days ago we came out
with our kind of next. I'm really excited for it.
I think it's one of my favorite creative things I've
come up with. I was standing in the shower and
I literally had music on, so I had my phone
like on the other side, and I grabbed my phone.
Speaker 4 (38:11):
I just start voice recording over to Gin and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Here's the idea, like in the middle of it, because
at that time I didn't have my I hadn't taken
my morning mids.
Speaker 4 (38:19):
Yet, but it literally is like it's a superpower.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
And they say that people with ADHD don't just think
outside the box, they create an entire new one. And
that's why there's so many people that are super successful
with ADHD. And once they begin to understand that's what
it is, and they can leverage that and not just
think they're a terrible person and like a useless and
lazy and like all of that kind of thing. Like
I remember with voice a few years ago before I
(38:45):
had this diagnosis, we had these two big campaigns that
were running at the same time, and me and Jen
could not be more polar opposite. And she was in
charge of one. I was in charge of the other.
For her one, she had to like book flights for
like a whole bunch of people coordinate all these things,
were booking out a movie theater. She like, her to
do list was insane. I had to buy post it notes.
(39:06):
Guess what I forgot to do by post it notes?
She had to buy the post it notes, And I
remember her being like what they had, like why one tiny?
Or she'd like be like sending me forms and like
why the heat can't you sign it? And then once
I got the diagnosis, it was like, oh, this makes
this makes so much sense, and.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
I'm like, I'm so so I'm trying my best, but
I just like fault.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
I'd like bright is why I know?
Speaker 4 (39:29):
And it's so.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
But also having ADHD mimics a lot of other symptoms
from other illnesses, so a lot of the times people
can get misdiagnosed as well, and I think, yeah, this
is why kind of doing circling back around to the
question around PTSD, I know that for me when I
was a teenager, I ended up getting diagnosed with originally
with BPG, which is borderline personality disorder, but it was
(39:52):
really they were kind of like, uh, you don't.
Speaker 4 (39:55):
Really fit when they're just shove you.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Yes, there was the easiest thing for them to do,
which was annoying because as well they're label of that
on your hospital files. It's the most misunderstood. It's just
labeled as attention seeking. And then as I got older
and had a rediagnose and like no jazz. You have
ADHD and PTSD and those two things combined, especially because
of the ADHD if you have the hyperfixation on things
(40:21):
as well, and you get stuck in the with the
trauma side of it and the flashbacks and that physical feeling.
Because you think the same way you can get hyper
focused on like tasks and you know that kind of thing,
or hobbies.
Speaker 4 (40:33):
Yeah, you can get hyperfixed, hyper focused.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
On trauma, and it can sometimes mimic symptoms of other things.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
I feel like I should be paying you for the system.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
I feel like everything you're saying, I'm just kind of like, yeah, yeah, amazing, Yeah,
I totally understand that.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
I mean, it took me so long to when when
I heard that from my psychiatrist psychologist, and I was like,
oh my gosh, like this because for me, I was
the impulsivity was the reason that they gave me the
BPD thing that it was like, No, what it was
was that there was this trauma response and then I
would mull on it for so long and I would
have physical flashbacks for it, and my ADHD bought in
(41:12):
my impulsiveness, which then I was like, I.
Speaker 4 (41:14):
Need to get out of this now.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
Yeah right, And so that's what it was for me.
And obviously that kind of shows up differently for other people.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
And that makes so much sense now that you're saying it.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
But how freakin hard and long has it been for
you to get to that, My God, where you're like, yeah,
that makes so much sense.
Speaker 3 (41:30):
So much sense, and it's been able to, like you said,
have just been able to have so much grace for
yourself and like I remember again my therapist saying, like Jazz,
you did the best with the situation that you were
in at the time. Like I think there's you can
be so angry at yourself, like how you respond and
like why am I not just over this? Or why
am I still dealing with us? Why am I swimming
(41:51):
these panic attacks?
Speaker 4 (41:52):
Why am I?
Speaker 3 (41:53):
You know?
Speaker 1 (41:53):
But it's like I still get angry at myself to
this day, did.
Speaker 3 (41:56):
You like when you If you do that again, I
want you to pull up a photo of nine year
old Bree. Yeah, look at the girl that was living
in that situation and that went through that She did
the best that she freaking could in that time and
developed those coping mechanisms, those things that you now would
do to even guard yourself. That's just nine year old
(42:17):
Bree who needed to protect yourself. Oh, that's something that
I've had to do. There's actually there's a photo of
younger me in my bag that I carry around as
that reminder because I would get so angry at myself.
Speaker 4 (42:32):
Of like why do I do this? Why do I
push people away?
Speaker 3 (42:34):
Why am I? And it's like this is stuff that
this kid just was trying to protect herself and that
for me is has really helped.
Speaker 4 (42:43):
Like it doesn't make it.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
Go away, but it gives yourself so much more grace
as to the responses and that it makes sense and
that everything and that everything that you do, like the
response is the thoughts, all of it. It makes sense.
It's just how and why it makes sense. But yeah,
that was a game changer.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Yeah, you know, I just wanted to say as well,
because it's so interesting, like, and I love that you're
so open about like I've tried three different types of
medication and this one didn't work, and this is how
this one made me feel. I think it's so important
and I feel like this fits with not just ADHD medication,
but you know, antidepressants or like so many things that
(43:27):
it can be a real journey to find something that.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Works for you.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
And it's so easy to get disheartened when you just
want something that just works and that's it, and it's
the miracle pill, and but it just isn't like that,
and I feel like I didn't cover that as much
as what I wanted to in my book where I'm
not on medication right now, But that doesn't mean I
don't believe it's the best thing for certain people. But
(43:56):
I just think it's such a real journey and you
just need to be as focused as you can be
that if something's not working for you, then you can
try something else. Like we're lucky enough to live in
a country where we're able to do that, and especially
with like we're talking about before this started, like the
new laws that are coming in where the government is
(44:17):
going to pay for ADHD medications and like that's amazing and.
Speaker 3 (44:22):
Yeah, and that also getting rid of the special authority,
the renewal process.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
It's huge because that's.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
And it's something you were so vocal about.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
Yes, and also because I didn't know about it, and
I remember, I think it was one of the first
things I told you, because it took me off guard
when it happened that I went to go pick up.
Speaker 4 (44:37):
My script and they were like, sorry, you're panicked.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
You literally can't get it, Like you need to go
get it renewed again, and I was like, what do
you mean and they're like, this is the process every
two years and the reason.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Depend on this medication. You can't just do that to people.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
Why are we having to prove over two years that
we still have ADHD yes, still.
Speaker 4 (44:52):
Have this lifelong thing. No one else is doing that.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
It's not a for right now diagnose, you know. It's
not like oh you got God, but here's a pill
gets rid of it.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
It's like four five hundred dollars for a psychiatrist console.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
And there was no way that I could get into
either for this. But like my GP and I did
this video and about watching it, yeah, which at the
time I was like, oh, and I know, like some
people will be like, oh there's always so much drama
going on.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
It's because I share the stuff that goes on.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
It's because you care and you're the voice for so
many like you know.
Speaker 3 (45:23):
But in that moment, I remember, I was panic. I
just pulled my phone out and was like screw it.
But yeah, so they finally have done this now where
you don't have to.
Speaker 4 (45:31):
Get that special authority to get it.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
But I do think what you're saying is so important
around like what even when I did my story about
changing meds, like one thing is going.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
To work for me, that's not going to work for
other people.
Speaker 3 (45:41):
And exactly, not even just with meds, with like talk therapy,
I've done, like I've done exposure therapy and.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
That could work for you, but not for someone else exactly.
Speaker 3 (45:50):
And now I'm doing EMD mark because I definitely prefer
they're over exposure therapy.
Speaker 4 (45:54):
And yeah, you know, there's so many different things.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
And I think when you do give one thing and
go and if it doesn't work, you can and get disheartened,
and it.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Can be really disheartening.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Like and throughout the years, I've been on an up
and down process and like riding the roller coaster, you know,
where I'll be like, oh, that didn't work, and I'll
put it away for a bit, and then I'll try
something else, and then I'll be like, that didn't work.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
I actually remember, and we can cut out if you
don't want to talk about it, but I remember after
you had seen a psychologist or a professional that you
were like, this isn't going to work, and then you
just didn't see anyone because you were so afraid of
something had happened, and which we don't have to go into.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
But it's in the book, is it. Yeah, it's not
it is, Yeah, it's in the book. Yeah, it'd be
hard for you because you'd be like, did.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
She tell me that?
Speaker 3 (46:41):
I know that's what I'm trying to because I feel
like we were walking your dogs across again. For some reason,
I'm such a visual we're walking your dogs across a field.
We were talking about psychologists and then trying to find
and being like, Okay, just because this one person didn't work,
doesn't mean exactly one else won't work exactly.
Speaker 2 (46:57):
And I truly believe that because I read a thing
where someone mentioned that part of the book where I
talk about how, you know, I've tried a lot over
the years, and I've never felt anything that's truly clicked yet.
But I truly believe it's just a process and a
journey where you have to find the right person to
(47:17):
talk to or the right medication. Like there is stuff
out there that can help everyone. But I just want
to make people like hear me when I say that,
I truly believe that even though I may have not
found the right things right for me, doesn't mean I've
stopped trying like I will continue to, like, you know,
figure myself out and try this or do that.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
You know, that's.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
The whole process of life, right is figuring it out.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
That's all. That's what we're all trying to do. Yeah, yeah,
but yeah, you're right that Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
So he pretty much caused a panic attack in his
in what a session I went to. And it was
from that day where I was just kind of like,
I'm never going to go back to talk to anyone
ever again because it was so traumatic for me, which
thank god I had you because you talked me around
and was like wow. And so I've since moved on
from there. I'm like, yeah, of course I want to
(48:11):
go talk to someone, you know, because it helps.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:13):
It also can be a proactive thing rather than reactive
as well, which as why I'm such a big advocate
for therapy and like talking to someone. And obviously there's
heaps of things around accessibility to that and stuff as well,
which we one hundred percent acknowledge. But if you do
have the ability to, it's so important to.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
When is that going to change?
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Oh my gosh, bloody change.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
Lucky we've got people like you fighting.
Speaker 3 (48:36):
I also think it's important there's so many people that
are fighting for it, and I think that well often
gets lost in the media narrative, especially here in an
altered or in New Zealand, and especially you know around
the world as well.
Speaker 4 (48:46):
But here we all we hear about constantly is this
broken system.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
And we can acknowledge, yes, the system is broken, but
please don't be discouraged at the thousands upon thousands upon
thousands of people that are on the front line that
are doing everything they can to change that care. It's
not one person trying to save it. It's not like
that's not the case. There are so many people.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
And your voices are getting louder, which is amazing.
Speaker 4 (49:09):
Oh man.
Speaker 3 (49:10):
But I'm just like all the counselors and you know,
the nerve everyone who's really doing everything that they can.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
Teachers like taking the brunt of a lot of this
as well.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
Yeah, people care, and I think that the message of
you know, about how how broken the system is a
lot of the time you can it causes so much
hopelessness that people don't reach out. But I just want
people to know that, you know, people do really care
in this so many people.
Speaker 1 (49:32):
There's so many people that care.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
They like so many, and I feel like it's growing,
like you know, and it's it is getting better.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
It's just a slow process.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:42):
I ask this question to everyone that comes on this podcast,
and I want to ask it to you as well.
Speaker 4 (49:47):
You are the last interview for.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
The season, which I am so frickin honored to be
able to have you on. And like I said, I
have wanted to have you on for a while, I
just never wanted to push you to talk publicly about
stuff that at that point you weren't talking publicly about it,
and then.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
You just went.
Speaker 4 (50:04):
It is more than a slow fie.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
You should just put it all out it.
Speaker 3 (50:09):
You have gone through, literally Helen back in your life.
There's been so much that has happened, and you can
everyone else can read all about the rest of that
in your book. Unapologetically me with the uncrossed out. Please
go get this book. It's literally it's I just it's phenomenal.
I love it, and it's I mean, I don't want
(50:30):
to say I love it, but I love the way
that you've managed to articulate the strength that has shown through.
Speaker 4 (50:35):
All of that.
Speaker 3 (50:37):
Taking all of that in consideration, everything you've written about
in this book, everything that you've been through. What does
the word hope mean to you?
Speaker 2 (50:47):
Wow, that's such a good question. I think what does
the word hope mean for me?
Speaker 1 (50:56):
I think.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
Hope is what everything is centered around. You know, Hope
for me is the thing that makes me keep going.
It's the thing that gets me up in the morning,
that drives, that drives my passion for things. That, yeah,
makes everything makes sense because without that, you know, I
(51:20):
feel like nothing else matters.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
Hope is the driver.
Speaker 4 (51:26):
You know that.
Speaker 2 (51:29):
Things can always get better, you can always help other people,
you can always make your dreams come true.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
That's what hope is. It's at the center of everything
I love.
Speaker 4 (51:41):
That's that's so good.
Speaker 3 (51:43):
And I also think, like just looking at you and
knowing everything that you've been through and the.
Speaker 4 (51:50):
Fact that you've shared the story, you are.
Speaker 3 (51:52):
The definition of hope as well, that people can read
this and they can see, actually, there's hope for me,
Like there's things I've gone through these you know, whatever
it may be, the situations may be different, but the
feelings can be the same. And Yeah, you are hope
as well. And I know that there are going to
be so many people that have already been impacted by
your book and your story and there's going to be
(52:13):
so many more to come. How can people that are
listening to this and maybe if especially if you're not
from New Zealand who might not know you?
Speaker 4 (52:20):
Yeah? How can they? I don't want to say find.
Speaker 3 (52:22):
You because that's talkers done with that, that's becoming illegal
in New Zealand.
Speaker 4 (52:26):
How can they follow you?
Speaker 1 (52:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (52:27):
They can follow me on socials at Bree Thomas l
with no age.
Speaker 3 (52:32):
You get some great hilarious content. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (52:35):
I do love to post some funny stuff with my mum.
That's so so funny.
Speaker 3 (52:41):
I love Mama and I but also even hearing this
story as well, I'm like, we must protect Mama die
at all costs, at all.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
She is just my favorite human in the whole world. Yeah,
but yeah, follow me on socials you can. I've recorded
an audio book if you're not into reading, like I
can't read that well because my concentration just goes. So
there's an audiobook. It's on Kindle and yeah, you can
order it online if you're overseas as well. So I
just want to say I'm so proud of you, Jazz,
(53:12):
the person you are and for doing this podcast and
just everything you do to help other people for me,
Like I want to add on to my answer, you
are hope for so many people you know, and I
don't think you really stop to think about that all
too often because you're so busy and you're just always
(53:32):
on the go and thinking about others.
Speaker 1 (53:34):
But you are hope. And I just love you so much,
and thank you for your time.
Speaker 4 (53:39):
I love you. And now we're going to stop before
I start crying again.
Speaker 2 (53:42):
I'm a going to hug, so came in a hug
for ten minutes.
Speaker 3 (53:48):
Well that you have it, guys, thank you so much
for staying and for listening to this episode. And like
I've said at the beginning, and I always say, if
anything in this episode that's been talked about has brought
anything up for you feel like you need to talk
to someone, then please remember and know that the bravest
thing that you can do right now is to talk
to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's from
(54:09):
a friend, a family member, or if you don't know
who to talk to, then if you live in Altaiola
here you can call or text one seven three seven
at any time to talk to a trained counselor, or
if you live overseas. Go to dub dubdub dot the
Voices of Hope dot org for a list of international helplines.
Remember that no matter what it is that you're facing,
no matter what it is that you're going through, that
(54:31):
in all things, hope is real and change as possible.
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