July 5, 2024 • 30 mins
At 22, Danielle Gare was drugged and sexually abused in a bathroom at Christchurch’s Mama Hooch bar. Six years on, the Dunedin early childhood teacher shares her story.
Today’s episode carries a trigger warning for serious sexual assault, drugging, and significant traumatic experiences. Given the distressing matter discussed, this content is for adults only. This is an important subject but we urge listener discretion.
Sexual harm - do you need help?
If it’s an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.If you’ve ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone contact the Safe to Talk confidential crisis helpline on:
- Text 4334 and they will respond
- Email support@safetotalk.nz
- Visit https://safetotalk.nz/contact-us/ for an online chat
Or contact your local police station. If you have been abused, remember it’s not your fault.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today's episode carries a trigger warning for serious sexual assault, drugging,
and significant traumatic experiences. Given the distressing matter, discust this
content is for adults only. This is an important subject,
but we urge listener discretion. If you need support, we
have shared helpful resources in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Kyoda.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
I'm Katie Harris, and welcome to this special edition of
In the Loop. Six years ago, Danielle Gear was drugged
and sexually assaulted by Mama Hooch manager Danny Jazz in
a bathroom at the bar. In the days and months
that followed, Dannielle learnt that she wasn't alone and that
her abuser and his brother were prolific sexual offenders. The
men were convicted of sixty nine charges between them for
(00:47):
offending against more than twenty women.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
A year on from the.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Trial, and with the help of the New Zealand Herald,
Dannielle has lifted her automatic name suppression to tell her
story as Dannielle.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
So, when did you first come across Mama Hoche.
Speaker 4 (01:04):
I was living with one of my girlfriends at the time,
and I went out with her and a few of
her friends and we would go to Mama Hooch It
was quite regularly. Maybe not every Friday, but it was
quite close to every Friday.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
It was out of the spot.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
It was kind of the spot, and it was kind
of like you know nowadays, you know, a lot of
the older generation have like a local where they go
to on a Sunday. It was kind of like our thing.
It was like a local on a Friday night. But
we would honestly want to go for a couple of
drinks and then we'd leave again, so it didn't end
up tuning into a big night.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
And did you feel safe there normally? Very Yeah, like
a spot where you wouldn't think twice about going to.
Can you tell me about the night that that changed.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
Yeah. So that night we were at one of the
knitball girls. It was her birthday. We were at a
function and you know, me and my girlfriend, we were like,
we're only going to have a couple as you know,
we had nipple the next morning, and so we left
the function. We're like, oh, let's just go for a
drink and have a catch up. So we went to
Mama Hooch and she'd never been before. So you know,
(02:23):
I was like, oh cool, I'll take those places. You know,
great place great people. It's just cool atmosphere. Yeah. No,
we went and had a drink and we were just
sitting at the bar. No, no, sorry, the table and
I went up to get us another glass of wine,
and a fellow friend behind the bar was like, oh,
(02:44):
I'll bring these strengths over to the table for you,
not even you know, thinking twice about it because you're
in a bar. No, you mean to feel safe in
a bar, you need to trush your bar stuff. And
so yeah, the drinks got brought over and that's where
it all wegged down.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
So as you would expect anytime that you know, you
order drinks, often they'll bring it to the table. There's
something you think you can trust most definitely. So he
comes over to the table, gives you the drinks. Do
you remember what happened from there?
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Yeah. So after we had our wines, me and my
girlfriend went to the dance floor and we'll we'll just happen.
We dance and we'll go home. And then I remember
feeling I see to it. I was like, oh, something that's
not right, and I was like I need to go
to the bathroom. I knew instantly. I was like something
because it's not right. Because I never used to be
a big drinker before this happened. And I went to
(03:43):
the bathroom and then next minute, I'm going to try
and shut the door, and he's right in the cubicle
and yep, pretty much just took over me and up
against the wall, like hands right up against them. I
had no control. Everything was just numb week and I knew.
I knew what was about to happen, like I just
(04:05):
had that instant fear and it just happened. And I
remember recalling I said stop, and he just forced my
body and I could not even fight back. Oh my god. Yeah,
(04:27):
and then he said to me, I remember the sentence,
you need to walk out before me. Oh, and I left,
and I left. I walked out to where my friend
was and I was like, I need to go. I
can't remember how I got home, but I remember leaving
straight after.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Did she come with you?
Speaker 4 (04:49):
No, she had left. She went by herself. Oh, and
then it went all downhill for her.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Do you remember what happened at all that after?
Speaker 4 (05:00):
You got no idea kind of remember getting into bed.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
So at that point when that has just happened, what
was going through your brain.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
When I walked out of the bathroom. I knew what
had happened, and I didn't want to didn't want to
think it at all. I just had to get out
of there. Yeah, I had to leave. And then the
next morning I woke up and I was just like,
that did happen?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I was say it happened?
Speaker 4 (05:32):
And I was so ill that I couldn't even play
any ball.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
When you woke up that next day, did you tell anyone?
Did you want to tell anyone?
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Not straight away? I think for me it was more
of a process thing. I got to knitball and I
ended up watching I couldn't play, and my friend was
there and she told me what had happened to her
that night, and I was completely gobsmacked, and I was like,
(06:06):
oh my god, this is what happened to me.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Those like you know those crisis days after that happened?
How did you get through that?
Speaker 4 (06:20):
For me, the first couple of days was such a blur,
because I when I go to it in a state
of mind like I did, I just I can't even think.
And I remember talking to my girlfriend who I lived with,
because she knew something was up, and I spoke to
her about it. And then it was a couple of
days after, I received a phone call from the police
(06:43):
and my friend had actually, you know, spoke to them
about what had happened to me that night. And I
remember that phone call, and I remember just talking to
them step by step what happened. And then they said
to me, you know, you're not the only person from
this mam a hooch, but and I just I could
(07:05):
not believe it at all. And then they were obviously like,
would you like to come down to the station and
make a full complaint, And I think knowing others were
involved kind of pushed me to do that. But still
to this day, I still can't believe that there was
so many people involved in this court.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Case, especially for you, is what twenty.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
One, yeah, twenty one, twenty.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Two, as a twenty one, twenty two year old at
the time, first seed, having this horrific sexual assault happened,
drugging happened, and then to learn that this has been
happening to other people. Had you not learned about the
other victims, do you think you would have gone to police?
Speaker 4 (07:51):
I don't think so. I don't think I would have gone.
And I think it's also because you know, we're in
a society where we're made to feel like it's our
fault that's something like this happens. And even after and
even when I was, you know, at the police station,
after I give them my statement that night, was going
(08:13):
back through my mind, like what was I wearing, you know,
what were my actions? And I keep telling myself, you know,
the night that it happened, I was wearing a high
halt and neck dress and it went down to like
just above my knees, you know. And even I looked
(08:33):
back at my actions and I was like, I was
sitting at a table with my girlfriend, you know, having
a ketchup, having a conversation, and a place where I
felt that I was safe.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
It's hard how I rationalize it, because no matter what
you're wearing or what you're doing, this is illegal and
this is disgusting conduct. But I think sometimes it specially
as the women, which I think, oh, this wouldn't happen
to me because I don't walk at night, or I
don't get too drunk or whatever as someone might think
that they do to stay safe. Did that disrupt your
(09:04):
sense of safety?
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Yeah? Yeah, to the point that I was going out
every weekend after that and just getting completely blacked out truck.
And I never ever drank. I never went out. I
never you know, that wasn't my lifestyle. And but after that,
I just well just go out drinking every weeking And
(09:29):
I think it was just to cover it all up,
you know, to not think about it, to just numb myself.
Did it work to a point until I had rock bottom?
Speaker 2 (09:41):
What happened?
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Then I started affecting my job. I was very emotional
and my boss at the time, who was quite a
good friend, she took me to the doctor and she
sat in the doctor's room with me while I was
with the doctor.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Take us back to the police station. When you first
gave them a statement in person? What was running through
your head?
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Am I going to be believed? Is my story true?
Did what happened to me? Was that actually happened to me? Like,
because that's such high profile men and christ Church that
I was that was my thought? Am I going to
be believed?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Especially because you work in the same industry.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:38):
And so during that statement and during that initial kind
of investigation process, did you get much support from your
friends and family?
Speaker 4 (10:48):
My friends who knew what happened, they were amazing, and
my family were great, but they didn't know the full
detail of what had happened.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
What did they think happened?
Speaker 4 (11:02):
They just thought I was involved in a crazy night out.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Wow, how did you break the news?
Speaker 4 (11:11):
I think the night where I got assaulted again and
I was in hospital with you know, the next day
for concussion. It's when I ended up telling him and
when it started going through you know, the courts as well,
(11:32):
like started getting a bit more serious and what it
was to start with.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
How did they take it?
Speaker 4 (11:41):
I think they took I wasn't there. They were in
jo Needa, and so I didn't really talk about it
with them a lot because I just, you know, I
always put on a brave fafe to everyone. I always
put on a brave face to everyone, you know, to
just show that I'm okay, like nothing can hurt me,
(12:02):
I'm completely fine. But I don't think they knew the
full extent until that came to sentencing and my mum
was sitting in the courtroom.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
So she only found out last year. Do you think
you'll maybe trying to protect her potentially? Were you just
it's hard to have those conversations with your parents, because yeah,
(12:37):
they are the people that that normally help. Yeah, And
I think, like when you are a parent, it's your
worst night mere to find out that your baby has
gone through something like this.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
But I also think it was because, you know, I
make out that I'm just the strong one in the
family and that I'm just you know, I'm always bright
and bubbly and laughing that you know, nothing can affect me.
But I think, yeah, my mum definitely found it very
hard when she was sitting in the four room and
(13:14):
heard the charges.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Do you think you would change things now and tell
her earlier, or do you like it must have been
so hard for you at the time.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
He is so young, it was very hard yep, Yeah,
But I think that's also why you know, I turned,
sorryfully to drinking, just to you know, to numb it,
to be like no, I'm okay, Like nothing that's not
going to stop me from nought continuing to live my life.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
How did you break that spell? That drinking cycle?
Speaker 4 (13:55):
It ended up me going to the doctor and they
put me on anti depressants, an anxiety medication. It got
to the point where like I did not want to
be here anymore, and so there was some quite intrusive thoughts.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
This is what I wanted to ask earlier, what do
you think has changed about you since this happened, Since
the assault, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
I feel like a lot of me was taken away
from when it happened. But up until recently, I want
to say maybe two three years ago, I've started to
find myself again, find like my confidence, even my independence.
(14:49):
There was a lot of times where I just couldn't
go out by myself. But even if it was walking
into a supermarket or you know, going to the mall
by myself, Like I I felt like I couldn't do
anything by myself.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Were you scared of seeing them?
Speaker 4 (15:06):
I think I was scared of seeing anyone that was
not so much related. But within that group.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Are there any like impacts that you still feel today?
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Yeah? I think A big one for me is when
it comes to relationships, I just I will run away
from anything, and I think it's to protect myself. So
I don't, you know, feel the hurt or the disappointment,
(15:42):
or if it got into anything serious, or if I
started to feel you know, those feelings, I would run
before anything happened.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Even in friendships.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Not so much in friendships, not so much in friendships,
but I I feel like even with friends though actually
I do have like a barrier like I Yeah, I
don't know, I would say more so in relationships. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Did you have any friends or family members that were
a pella for you these years?
Speaker 4 (16:32):
Yeah? So my two really good friends during that whole
period of time, they were amazing, And I mean they
still check on them on me, you know today and
wishing you good luck, you just seeing how I am.
Like they will always just checking and be like how
you're doing. You know. Obviously we all live in different
(16:55):
different cities now, so it's very hard to catch catch
up when we can. But I've got, you know, one
of my other really good friends who stuck by me
through this whole process, and she's seen the ups, the downs,
she's seen it all.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I think earlier you were saying that you didn't want
to tell your family or you were nervous because you
were a strong one. But I feel like given everything
you've been through, the fact that you've come out the
other side and you're sitting here today, it shows that
you are strong. You're very strong. You're stronger than I
would say most of us, because you've been able to
(17:36):
not only get through this, but look at where you are.
Now you're a teacher. You're telling everyone your story, and
you're proud about what you've accomplished.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
It's been hard, Yep, that's been It's been a journey.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Did you think it would take this long? Because there
were a lot of delays.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
I didn't think it always had this song at all,
and then obviously COVID happened, and then that pushed it out,
and just their lawyers needing to be elsewhere, and it
just kept I honestly thought it was not going to end.
And then when we finally got to trial, a part
of me just didn't feel like it was going ahead
(18:24):
until it was my time to be in that call room.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
You pleaded guilty to sexual assaulting you, which meant you
didn't have to testify in relation to that. What was
it like getting that call?
Speaker 4 (18:39):
I remember getting the call. It was a Friday afternoon
and I was in the mall with one of my
girlfriends going to go get out nails done, and I
had to step out of the place where we were
and take the phone call. And I just remember being like,
oh my God, like a relief. I felt like a
(19:01):
weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I just
broke down in tears because you know, for so long
we tried, we fought for it, you know, this to happen.
And he would say, you know, I didn't do that,
(19:22):
Like in the article. There was an article that came
out and he said, you know, I whoever they were,
when I catch them, I'm going to break their fingers
off for it was something along the lines of that.
I remember this article, yeah, and I remember reading it
and just feeling so much anger that he was going
to get away with it, and then for so long
(19:44):
for him to turn around and plead guilty. I was
just like, wow, Like he has just admitted that he
sexually assaulted me.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Especially because you had this confrontation six months later where
he says I didn't do anything. Yeah, now finding that admission.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Yeah wow. And I remember bringing mom and dad straight away,
and I was just like, he pleaded guilty.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Did you have to testify regarding the disabling charge?
Speaker 4 (20:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
You know, when you testify you get put under cross
examination sometimes. Did that happen to you yep? Yeah, under
the microscope yep. When you went on the stand to
speak about the disabling charge. What was it like being
cross examined by his lawyer.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
It was quite in terminating. You know, It's like what
you see on movies and you always say to yourself, Oh,
that will never happen to me, and it did. I
was in that moment, and I remember it getting quite
hated at one point and the judge had to steep
a ninja try to mallow it out. But yeah, it
(21:07):
was an experience.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
So throughout the court process, there were a lot of
young women that were in the same shoes as you.
As a group, did you guys, meet out, did you
lean on each other?
Speaker 4 (21:21):
So and that was a really hard thing about this
whole court case. We none of us were allowed to
be in contact with each other, even your friend. We
weren't allowed to talk about it. We weren't allowed to
communicate with other victims until after the sentencing, until after
(21:44):
it all happened, and that was tough. And I also
feel like, you know, if we all got to, you know,
lean on each other or talk to each other, then
I think that period from when it happened up until
closer to sentencing could have been a lot different for everyone.
(22:07):
But I remember having a few conversations and quite a
few of us turned to drinking and partying quite heavily,
and it was just kind of surreal to hear that,
to know that, like I wasn't actually going crazy, you
weren't alone, like I wasn't alone, Like I wasn't the
(22:28):
only one, like really struggling with what had happened, and
just wanted to completely number ourselves.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
And those moments after the verdicts were announced, and then
later on the sentence, how did you feel.
Speaker 4 (22:45):
I feel like it happened also fast. I just remember
sitting there and just hearing you know, what he was
guilty for, and then his sentencing. I was trying so
had just to hold it together because I could see
my mom out of the corner of my eye, and
(23:05):
you know, as soon as I broke, she got quite upset.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
And because this is the first time she's learning about
the details.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
Or the full detail. Obviously she knew and my family knew,
you know, that I was involved in a drugging and
sexual assault court case, but they didn't know the full
details what had happened to me, which I feel like
they could have pieced it together without me having to
go into full detail. But after the sentencing where the
(23:35):
judge you know, would say our charge, and then the description.
I think that was quite tough for mum to hear,
and so that knowing you know, that was her first
time mum hearing charge like that broke me.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Did you know that was going to happen? No? And
maybe trying to do you think you were consciously trying
to put too from the full details?
Speaker 4 (24:02):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
What does she say to you after finding out?
Speaker 4 (24:14):
I can't honestly, I cannot remember it just it was
I think after it for me was such a blur.
There was a lot to process. Yeah, it was. Yeah,
it was a lot to take him.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Do you feel like the sentencing, the convictions brought anything,
brought closure?
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Yep, Like I felt like the fight was finally over.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Yeah, did it? Did it act? No?
Speaker 4 (24:58):
No, it's not going to end. And October I think
it's like mid October as when we find out the appeal.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Wow, so this is dragged out from when you were
twenty one, twenty two to now a twenty eight year
old teacher. It's spanned six years of your life and
that's still fighting.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
Yeah. Yeah, and I understand, like everybody gets, you know,
the chance to appeal, But why then after everything that
they put us through, the whole court process. Why why
(25:44):
did they get to appeal?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Do you feel like it's stretching out the pain?
Speaker 4 (25:48):
Yeah, it's just it's never ending. It's never ending.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
So why did you decide to tell you a story?
Now it's been a year maybe since the convictions.
Speaker 4 (26:04):
Yeah, and I feel like as well, you know, so
many more people are talking about you know, sexual trauma
and sexual assault, and a lot of people don't want
to come for it. And I feel like this is
a good time for me to you know, tell my
(26:24):
story and you know, do something that I want to
do to help others. And you know, I was talking
to a girlfriend on I think it might have been Thursday,
and you know, we're just talking about what we were
doing for the weekend, and you know, when she asked me,
(26:47):
I was just like, I'm just you know, hitting up
to Akland. She goes, what are you doing up there?
If you don't mind me asking? And that was kind
of for me. I just opened up to her about it,
and I just spoke to her freely, and you know,
she turned around and said to me, you know, her
daughter's friends have been through a similar situation, but they
(27:09):
they don't want to speck up because you know, we
made to feel like this is such normal behavior. But
also because there's not a lot of education or conversations
around this topic. And I feel like, even prior to
this conversation, you know, because I've been through something so
(27:30):
traumatic and I feel like I am at a good
place where I can openly talk about it, I thought
now's the time.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Sorry, I know this is getting a little bit emotional,
but I know that part of the reason why you
wanted to come forward and tell your story is because
you're a teacher. Could you go into that.
Speaker 4 (27:52):
Yeah, So for me, like my everyday role is to
protect these children, and is that you know, I advocate
for these children and make sure they're protected, they're safe
there while being has looked after, you know, while they're
in my care. And I think the same goes as
(28:14):
I feel like I am in a position where I
need to protect other young women from you know, what
has happened to them or what could happen to them.
And I feel like, you know, raising awareness around sexual
assaultant you know, looking out for signs of you know,
(28:36):
even drugging or you know, being cautious if you're surroundings
or if you were ever in that situation. And it
did happen to you what it can look like after
the process.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
I think also the fact that you've gone through this
two horrific, horrific incidents that no one should ever go through,
and still you went. You've got a degree and now
you're teaching that something to you're really proud of. Yeah,
if you could go back in time and talk to
(29:13):
yourself right after this happened, what advice would you have?
Speaker 4 (29:19):
Do you know what? I have come across this quote
so many times on instagrament TikTok, and I always ask
myself this question, and I think for me, I would
tell her that everything will be okay. It's a process.
(29:40):
Whatever happens, whatever life throws at you, ups and downs,
it is a proceeds, but it will be okay.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
And if you could say anything to Danny Jazz, what
would you say?
Speaker 4 (29:57):
Why?
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Like?
Speaker 4 (30:02):
What? Why why did you do? Why did you do
what you did to someone that was in such a
vulnerable position? Why m
Today's episode carries a trigger warning for serious sexual assault, drugging,
and significant traumatic experiences. Given the distressing matter, discust this
content is for adults only. This is an important subject,
but we urge listener discretion. If you need support, we
have shared helpful resources in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Kyoda.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
I'm Katie Harris, and welcome to this special edition of
In the Loop. Six years ago, Danielle Gear was drugged
and sexually assaulted by Mama Hooch manager Danny Jazz in
a bathroom at the bar. In the days and months
that followed, Dannielle learnt that she wasn't alone and that
her abuser and his brother were prolific sexual offenders. The
men were convicted of sixty nine charges between them for
(00:47):
offending against more than twenty women.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
A year on from the.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Trial, and with the help of the New Zealand Herald,
Dannielle has lifted her automatic name suppression to tell her
story as Dannielle.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
So, when did you first come across Mama Hoche.
Speaker 4 (01:04):
I was living with one of my girlfriends at the time,
and I went out with her and a few of
her friends and we would go to Mama Hooch It
was quite regularly. Maybe not every Friday, but it was
quite close to every Friday.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
It was out of the spot.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
It was kind of the spot, and it was kind
of like you know nowadays, you know, a lot of
the older generation have like a local where they go
to on a Sunday. It was kind of like our thing.
It was like a local on a Friday night. But
we would honestly want to go for a couple of
drinks and then we'd leave again, so it didn't end
up tuning into a big night.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
And did you feel safe there normally? Very Yeah, like
a spot where you wouldn't think twice about going to.
Can you tell me about the night that that changed.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
Yeah. So that night we were at one of the
knitball girls. It was her birthday. We were at a
function and you know, me and my girlfriend, we were like,
we're only going to have a couple as you know,
we had nipple the next morning, and so we left
the function. We're like, oh, let's just go for a
drink and have a catch up. So we went to
Mama Hooch and she'd never been before. So you know,
(02:23):
I was like, oh cool, I'll take those places. You know,
great place great people. It's just cool atmosphere. Yeah. No,
we went and had a drink and we were just
sitting at the bar. No, no, sorry, the table and
I went up to get us another glass of wine,
and a fellow friend behind the bar was like, oh,
(02:44):
I'll bring these strengths over to the table for you,
not even you know, thinking twice about it because you're
in a bar. No, you mean to feel safe in
a bar, you need to trush your bar stuff. And
so yeah, the drinks got brought over and that's where
it all wegged down.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
So as you would expect anytime that you know, you
order drinks, often they'll bring it to the table. There's
something you think you can trust most definitely. So he
comes over to the table, gives you the drinks. Do
you remember what happened from there?
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Yeah. So after we had our wines, me and my
girlfriend went to the dance floor and we'll we'll just happen.
We dance and we'll go home. And then I remember
feeling I see to it. I was like, oh, something that's
not right, and I was like I need to go
to the bathroom. I knew instantly. I was like something
because it's not right. Because I never used to be
a big drinker before this happened. And I went to
(03:43):
the bathroom and then next minute, I'm going to try
and shut the door, and he's right in the cubicle
and yep, pretty much just took over me and up
against the wall, like hands right up against them. I
had no control. Everything was just numb week and I knew.
I knew what was about to happen, like I just
(04:05):
had that instant fear and it just happened. And I
remember recalling I said stop, and he just forced my
body and I could not even fight back. Oh my god. Yeah,
(04:27):
and then he said to me, I remember the sentence,
you need to walk out before me. Oh, and I left,
and I left. I walked out to where my friend
was and I was like, I need to go. I
can't remember how I got home, but I remember leaving
straight after.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Did she come with you?
Speaker 4 (04:49):
No, she had left. She went by herself. Oh, and
then it went all downhill for her.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Do you remember what happened at all that after?
Speaker 4 (05:00):
You got no idea kind of remember getting into bed.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
So at that point when that has just happened, what
was going through your brain.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
When I walked out of the bathroom. I knew what
had happened, and I didn't want to didn't want to
think it at all. I just had to get out
of there. Yeah, I had to leave. And then the
next morning I woke up and I was just like,
that did happen?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I was say it happened?
Speaker 4 (05:32):
And I was so ill that I couldn't even play
any ball.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
When you woke up that next day, did you tell anyone?
Did you want to tell anyone?
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Not straight away? I think for me it was more
of a process thing. I got to knitball and I
ended up watching I couldn't play, and my friend was
there and she told me what had happened to her
that night, and I was completely gobsmacked, and I was like,
(06:06):
oh my god, this is what happened to me.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Those like you know those crisis days after that happened?
How did you get through that?
Speaker 4 (06:20):
For me, the first couple of days was such a blur,
because I when I go to it in a state
of mind like I did, I just I can't even think.
And I remember talking to my girlfriend who I lived with,
because she knew something was up, and I spoke to
her about it. And then it was a couple of
days after, I received a phone call from the police
(06:43):
and my friend had actually, you know, spoke to them
about what had happened to me that night. And I
remember that phone call, and I remember just talking to
them step by step what happened. And then they said
to me, you know, you're not the only person from
this mam a hooch, but and I just I could
(07:05):
not believe it at all. And then they were obviously like,
would you like to come down to the station and
make a full complaint, And I think knowing others were
involved kind of pushed me to do that. But still
to this day, I still can't believe that there was
so many people involved in this court.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Case, especially for you, is what twenty.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
One, yeah, twenty one, twenty.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Two, as a twenty one, twenty two year old at
the time, first seed, having this horrific sexual assault happened,
drugging happened, and then to learn that this has been
happening to other people. Had you not learned about the
other victims, do you think you would have gone to police?
Speaker 4 (07:51):
I don't think so. I don't think I would have gone.
And I think it's also because you know, we're in
a society where we're made to feel like it's our
fault that's something like this happens. And even after and
even when I was, you know, at the police station,
after I give them my statement that night, was going
(08:13):
back through my mind, like what was I wearing, you know,
what were my actions? And I keep telling myself, you know,
the night that it happened, I was wearing a high
halt and neck dress and it went down to like
just above my knees, you know. And even I looked
(08:33):
back at my actions and I was like, I was
sitting at a table with my girlfriend, you know, having
a ketchup, having a conversation, and a place where I
felt that I was safe.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
It's hard how I rationalize it, because no matter what
you're wearing or what you're doing, this is illegal and
this is disgusting conduct. But I think sometimes it specially
as the women, which I think, oh, this wouldn't happen
to me because I don't walk at night, or I
don't get too drunk or whatever as someone might think
that they do to stay safe. Did that disrupt your
(09:04):
sense of safety?
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Yeah? Yeah, to the point that I was going out
every weekend after that and just getting completely blacked out truck.
And I never ever drank. I never went out. I
never you know, that wasn't my lifestyle. And but after that,
I just well just go out drinking every weeking And
(09:29):
I think it was just to cover it all up,
you know, to not think about it, to just numb myself.
Did it work to a point until I had rock bottom?
Speaker 2 (09:41):
What happened?
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Then I started affecting my job. I was very emotional
and my boss at the time, who was quite a
good friend, she took me to the doctor and she
sat in the doctor's room with me while I was
with the doctor.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Take us back to the police station. When you first
gave them a statement in person? What was running through
your head?
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Am I going to be believed? Is my story true?
Did what happened to me? Was that actually happened to me? Like,
because that's such high profile men and christ Church that
I was that was my thought? Am I going to
be believed?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Especially because you work in the same industry.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:38):
And so during that statement and during that initial kind
of investigation process, did you get much support from your
friends and family?
Speaker 4 (10:48):
My friends who knew what happened, they were amazing, and
my family were great, but they didn't know the full
detail of what had happened.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
What did they think happened?
Speaker 4 (11:02):
They just thought I was involved in a crazy night out.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Wow, how did you break the news?
Speaker 4 (11:11):
I think the night where I got assaulted again and
I was in hospital with you know, the next day
for concussion. It's when I ended up telling him and
when it started going through you know, the courts as well,
(11:32):
like started getting a bit more serious and what it
was to start with.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
How did they take it?
Speaker 4 (11:41):
I think they took I wasn't there. They were in
jo Needa, and so I didn't really talk about it
with them a lot because I just, you know, I
always put on a brave fafe to everyone. I always
put on a brave face to everyone, you know, to
just show that I'm okay, like nothing can hurt me,
(12:02):
I'm completely fine. But I don't think they knew the
full extent until that came to sentencing and my mum
was sitting in the courtroom.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
So she only found out last year. Do you think
you'll maybe trying to protect her potentially? Were you just
it's hard to have those conversations with your parents, because yeah,
(12:37):
they are the people that that normally help. Yeah, And
I think, like when you are a parent, it's your
worst night mere to find out that your baby has
gone through something like this.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
But I also think it was because, you know, I
make out that I'm just the strong one in the
family and that I'm just you know, I'm always bright
and bubbly and laughing that you know, nothing can affect me.
But I think, yeah, my mum definitely found it very
hard when she was sitting in the four room and
(13:14):
heard the charges.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Do you think you would change things now and tell
her earlier, or do you like it must have been
so hard for you at the time.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
He is so young, it was very hard yep, Yeah,
But I think that's also why you know, I turned,
sorryfully to drinking, just to you know, to numb it,
to be like no, I'm okay, Like nothing that's not
going to stop me from nought continuing to live my life.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
How did you break that spell? That drinking cycle?
Speaker 4 (13:55):
It ended up me going to the doctor and they
put me on anti depressants, an anxiety medication. It got
to the point where like I did not want to
be here anymore, and so there was some quite intrusive thoughts.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
This is what I wanted to ask earlier, what do
you think has changed about you since this happened, Since
the assault, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
I feel like a lot of me was taken away
from when it happened. But up until recently, I want
to say maybe two three years ago, I've started to
find myself again, find like my confidence, even my independence.
(14:49):
There was a lot of times where I just couldn't
go out by myself. But even if it was walking
into a supermarket or you know, going to the mall
by myself, Like I I felt like I couldn't do
anything by myself.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Were you scared of seeing them?
Speaker 4 (15:06):
I think I was scared of seeing anyone that was
not so much related. But within that group.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Are there any like impacts that you still feel today?
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Yeah? I think A big one for me is when
it comes to relationships, I just I will run away
from anything, and I think it's to protect myself. So
I don't, you know, feel the hurt or the disappointment,
(15:42):
or if it got into anything serious, or if I
started to feel you know, those feelings, I would run
before anything happened.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Even in friendships.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Not so much in friendships, not so much in friendships,
but I I feel like even with friends though actually
I do have like a barrier like I Yeah, I
don't know, I would say more so in relationships. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Did you have any friends or family members that were
a pella for you these years?
Speaker 4 (16:32):
Yeah? So my two really good friends during that whole
period of time, they were amazing, And I mean they
still check on them on me, you know today and
wishing you good luck, you just seeing how I am.
Like they will always just checking and be like how
you're doing. You know. Obviously we all live in different
(16:55):
different cities now, so it's very hard to catch catch
up when we can. But I've got, you know, one
of my other really good friends who stuck by me
through this whole process, and she's seen the ups, the downs,
she's seen it all.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I think earlier you were saying that you didn't want
to tell your family or you were nervous because you
were a strong one. But I feel like given everything
you've been through, the fact that you've come out the
other side and you're sitting here today, it shows that
you are strong. You're very strong. You're stronger than I
would say most of us, because you've been able to
(17:36):
not only get through this, but look at where you are.
Now you're a teacher. You're telling everyone your story, and
you're proud about what you've accomplished.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
It's been hard, Yep, that's been It's been a journey.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Did you think it would take this long? Because there
were a lot of delays.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
I didn't think it always had this song at all,
and then obviously COVID happened, and then that pushed it out,
and just their lawyers needing to be elsewhere, and it
just kept I honestly thought it was not going to end.
And then when we finally got to trial, a part
of me just didn't feel like it was going ahead
(18:24):
until it was my time to be in that call room.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
You pleaded guilty to sexual assaulting you, which meant you
didn't have to testify in relation to that. What was
it like getting that call?
Speaker 4 (18:39):
I remember getting the call. It was a Friday afternoon
and I was in the mall with one of my
girlfriends going to go get out nails done, and I
had to step out of the place where we were
and take the phone call. And I just remember being like,
oh my God, like a relief. I felt like a
(19:01):
weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I just
broke down in tears because you know, for so long
we tried, we fought for it, you know, this to happen.
And he would say, you know, I didn't do that,
(19:22):
Like in the article. There was an article that came
out and he said, you know, I whoever they were,
when I catch them, I'm going to break their fingers
off for it was something along the lines of that.
I remember this article, yeah, and I remember reading it
and just feeling so much anger that he was going
to get away with it, and then for so long
(19:44):
for him to turn around and plead guilty. I was
just like, wow, Like he has just admitted that he
sexually assaulted me.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Especially because you had this confrontation six months later where
he says I didn't do anything. Yeah, now finding that admission.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Yeah wow. And I remember bringing mom and dad straight away,
and I was just like, he pleaded guilty.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Did you have to testify regarding the disabling charge?
Speaker 4 (20:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
You know, when you testify you get put under cross
examination sometimes. Did that happen to you yep? Yeah, under
the microscope yep. When you went on the stand to
speak about the disabling charge. What was it like being
cross examined by his lawyer.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
It was quite in terminating. You know, It's like what
you see on movies and you always say to yourself, Oh,
that will never happen to me, and it did. I
was in that moment, and I remember it getting quite
hated at one point and the judge had to steep
a ninja try to mallow it out. But yeah, it
(21:07):
was an experience.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
So throughout the court process, there were a lot of
young women that were in the same shoes as you.
As a group, did you guys, meet out, did you
lean on each other?
Speaker 4 (21:21):
So and that was a really hard thing about this
whole court case. We none of us were allowed to
be in contact with each other, even your friend. We
weren't allowed to talk about it. We weren't allowed to
communicate with other victims until after the sentencing, until after
(21:44):
it all happened, and that was tough. And I also
feel like, you know, if we all got to, you know,
lean on each other or talk to each other, then
I think that period from when it happened up until
closer to sentencing could have been a lot different for everyone.
(22:07):
But I remember having a few conversations and quite a
few of us turned to drinking and partying quite heavily,
and it was just kind of surreal to hear that,
to know that, like I wasn't actually going crazy, you
weren't alone, like I wasn't alone, Like I wasn't the
(22:28):
only one, like really struggling with what had happened, and
just wanted to completely number ourselves.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
And those moments after the verdicts were announced, and then
later on the sentence, how did you feel.
Speaker 4 (22:45):
I feel like it happened also fast. I just remember
sitting there and just hearing you know, what he was
guilty for, and then his sentencing. I was trying so
had just to hold it together because I could see
my mom out of the corner of my eye, and
(23:05):
you know, as soon as I broke, she got quite upset.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
And because this is the first time she's learning about
the details.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
Or the full detail. Obviously she knew and my family knew,
you know, that I was involved in a drugging and
sexual assault court case, but they didn't know the full
details what had happened to me, which I feel like
they could have pieced it together without me having to
go into full detail. But after the sentencing where the
(23:35):
judge you know, would say our charge, and then the description.
I think that was quite tough for mum to hear,
and so that knowing you know, that was her first
time mum hearing charge like that broke me.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Did you know that was going to happen? No? And
maybe trying to do you think you were consciously trying
to put too from the full details?
Speaker 4 (24:02):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
What does she say to you after finding out?
Speaker 4 (24:14):
I can't honestly, I cannot remember it just it was
I think after it for me was such a blur.
There was a lot to process. Yeah, it was. Yeah,
it was a lot to take him.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Do you feel like the sentencing, the convictions brought anything,
brought closure?
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Yep, Like I felt like the fight was finally over.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Yeah, did it? Did it act? No?
Speaker 4 (24:58):
No, it's not going to end. And October I think
it's like mid October as when we find out the appeal.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Wow, so this is dragged out from when you were
twenty one, twenty two to now a twenty eight year
old teacher. It's spanned six years of your life and
that's still fighting.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
Yeah. Yeah, and I understand, like everybody gets, you know,
the chance to appeal, But why then after everything that
they put us through, the whole court process. Why why
(25:44):
did they get to appeal?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Do you feel like it's stretching out the pain?
Speaker 4 (25:48):
Yeah, it's just it's never ending. It's never ending.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
So why did you decide to tell you a story?
Now it's been a year maybe since the convictions.
Speaker 4 (26:04):
Yeah, and I feel like as well, you know, so
many more people are talking about you know, sexual trauma
and sexual assault, and a lot of people don't want
to come for it. And I feel like this is
a good time for me to you know, tell my
(26:24):
story and you know, do something that I want to
do to help others. And you know, I was talking
to a girlfriend on I think it might have been Thursday,
and you know, we're just talking about what we were
doing for the weekend, and you know, when she asked me,
(26:47):
I was just like, I'm just you know, hitting up
to Akland. She goes, what are you doing up there?
If you don't mind me asking? And that was kind
of for me. I just opened up to her about it,
and I just spoke to her freely, and you know,
she turned around and said to me, you know, her
daughter's friends have been through a similar situation, but they
(27:09):
they don't want to speck up because you know, we
made to feel like this is such normal behavior. But
also because there's not a lot of education or conversations
around this topic. And I feel like, even prior to
this conversation, you know, because I've been through something so
(27:30):
traumatic and I feel like I am at a good
place where I can openly talk about it, I thought
now's the time.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Sorry, I know this is getting a little bit emotional,
but I know that part of the reason why you
wanted to come forward and tell your story is because
you're a teacher. Could you go into that.
Speaker 4 (27:52):
Yeah, So for me, like my everyday role is to
protect these children, and is that you know, I advocate
for these children and make sure they're protected, they're safe
there while being has looked after, you know, while they're
in my care. And I think the same goes as
(28:14):
I feel like I am in a position where I
need to protect other young women from you know, what
has happened to them or what could happen to them.
And I feel like, you know, raising awareness around sexual
assaultant you know, looking out for signs of you know,
(28:36):
even drugging or you know, being cautious if you're surroundings
or if you were ever in that situation. And it
did happen to you what it can look like after
the process.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
I think also the fact that you've gone through this
two horrific, horrific incidents that no one should ever go through,
and still you went. You've got a degree and now
you're teaching that something to you're really proud of. Yeah,
if you could go back in time and talk to
(29:13):
yourself right after this happened, what advice would you have?
Speaker 4 (29:19):
Do you know what? I have come across this quote
so many times on instagrament TikTok, and I always ask
myself this question, and I think for me, I would
tell her that everything will be okay. It's a process.
(29:40):
Whatever happens, whatever life throws at you, ups and downs,
it is a proceeds, but it will be okay.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
And if you could say anything to Danny Jazz, what
would you say?
Speaker 4 (29:57):
Why?
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Like?
Speaker 4 (30:02):
What? Why why did you do? Why did you do
what you did to someone that was in such a
vulnerable position? Why m
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