September 25, 2024 • 13 mins
Warning: This podcast covers topics of depression and anxiety. Listener discretion is advised. Please seek support if needed.
"There is no past and there is no future. There literally is right now"
Join us as we chat with comedian Dai Henwood about his new documentary, Live And Let Dai—the funniest cancer documentary you'll ever see. Dai shares his unique experience of holding a full death ceremony, inviting people into his chemotherapy sessions, and reflecting on what cancer has taken from him.
In light of Mental Health Week, he also opens up about the tools he uses to navigate his mental health while living with cancer. Don't miss this heartfelt and humorous conversation!
Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.
More links to help here: https://mentalhealth.org.nz/helplines
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
With the John and Ben Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Cheers to Dilma making the world a better tea.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
To guy Head, Hello, how are you? Oh phenomenal, It's
lovely to be chatting with you.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
I se have you on now. A three part series
is going to be starting next week on three as well.
Living That Die. That seemed like from the trailer nothing
off limits to what you were going through.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
No, this documentary series is probably the piece of work
I've been most proud of in my life. It's been
It was very cathartic, confronting, funny to make. It's probably
the funniest cancer documentary any normal see. Because it also
(00:45):
tracks me writing stand up show that I performed at
the State Opera House in Wellington. It's got I go
over to Japan, which is sort of a spiritual home
to me, and I do sort of a a full
death ceremony with a Buddhist monk. It's got a bit
of everything. It's got tools for people who are dealing
(01:06):
with adversity, and it was it was pretty insane just
letting it all hang out and trusting Justin Hawkes who
who was directing it to make it look good.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
Yeah, was there were you aware that there were cameras
following you around. All that sort of drops away pretty quickly.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
It was What was quite strange is having a camera
in doing chemotherapy and scans in that, because that's such
a vulnerable time. However, in watching it back, it's so
important because I didn't even know what chemotherapy. Well I
knew what chemotherapy was, but I didn't know how it
(01:49):
actually happened and all that sort of carry on. So
this demystifies it for a lot of people, and I
think that'll be really helpful for humans who have loved
ones or friends who are going through chemo therapy to
actually understand what the process is.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Like, yeah, I'm sure this all this documentary will help
and shine a light in so many areas. With their
moments we are like, sorry, guys, I just need the
cameras off for this.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I made an internal decision not to do that. So
Dom Freyer who shot it, became a very close friend,
and Justin who directed it, became a very close friend.
So it was like having a little group of mates,
and they were so understanding and they knew when to
(02:39):
just naturally pull back a little bit and not telling
them to turn the cameras off is what actually I
think made this into such a personal and a beautiful
journey to watch. It has its own amazing sort of
style that Justin Hawks has put on it. He directed
All Paddy Gower documentary, so he really knows what he's doing.
(03:03):
And watching it back, I mean tugs at my heartstrings.
I mean I had a little cry. My mom's in
it quite a bit. She's been amazing support for me
and sort of part of my medical team. So yeah,
I'm a real private person. So this was quite a
(03:25):
trip filming this, and it'll be quite a trip when
it sort of goes out publicly.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Well, you've already done, you know, so much, if she
had so much, I've been so brave and sharing so
much through your journey, you know, with cancer. But to
do this was that another big decision to say, hey,
I'm going to make a documentary for three parts, three
nights on TV.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
It was huge because I sort of did the book thing,
and the book and the documentary are very different. But
the book felt more isolated because it's just words. It's
just you're do it on paper, you get to go
over it and over it, whereas this is just me,
me and my story, and there's a few medical elements
(04:04):
in and around research is going on, but it was
a huge jump. I got approached early on in my
own journey to see if I wanted to do something
like this, and the time wasn't right. And then we
filmed this over a year and I'd sort of got
to a point where I could really tell my story
(04:26):
properly and impart some knowledge and any wisdom I've learned
along the way. So the time was right. It was hard,
but it was so worth it.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Why do you why do you want to do this?
Because I just think if it was me, I just
want to do it privately and just be you know,
because like you say, you're so vulnerable. But why is
it important to show all this?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
That's a phenomenal question, Megan, And when I am wondering why.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
You have amazing that you are, but I'm just like,
it's so brave.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
On top of everything you're going through. Yeah, yeah, it's
this is weird because so I cancer has robbed me
of so much work. What makes me feel vital and
a real excited human being is doing comedy, making TV,
(05:24):
making live stage shows. I love the process of it
all and I've lost so much work due to cancer.
I've had to turn down so many awesome projects. And
in a way, this was me being able to make
a project and create while I was doing this hard treatment.
(05:46):
So it became a slight distraction to the treatment, which
was so useful and I could. So it was weird
because normally when I'm on screen, when I was doing
C four shows to seven days, I'm sort of in
performance mode, and the character of Die Hendward where it
is this, I'm just Die Hendward. I'm quiet because when
(06:09):
you're doing chemo, you're you're not sort of in performance mode.
You're very low key. So people see a different side
of me. And I don't know exactly why I did it,
but I'm really stoked I did it.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Seems incredible. Three nights on the three Next Week three
parts series Living That Die. It is a mental health week.
This week they die and you know you've you. I
just amazes all of us just how incredible you have been.
And I know watching the doc oh there's highs and
lows through it all, but how have you managed to
keep your mental health up going through all this.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Mental health So I've been amazingly lucky because Throughout my life,
I've never suffered deep anxiety, deep depression, or anything. So
when this came a long, it gave me anxiety, it
gave me a bit of depression, but it wasn't mounting
(07:06):
on an underlying condition. However, due to that anxiety, due
to the depression that comes up, I've had to find tools,
practical tools that work quickly, and I've found one. This
sounds bizarre, but gratitude really works for me. People might
(07:30):
think I don't have much to be grateful for. I've
got an incurable stage four cancer diagnosis. But if you
actually take a moment to just be grateful for the
little things like I've got a nice backyard, i can
sit and look at a tree, I've got amazing children,
I've got the most loving and supporting wife. Taking a
(07:51):
moment to think about the smallest things that you're grateful
for bring you into the moment and bring you happiness.
And also when your spiral mentally, when you can't shake thoughts,
when you are just digging in and you can't change
your state, I've found the quickest way to change your
state is to massively change your temperature. So for me,
(08:14):
that's getting into a cold shower, and it just freaks
the Jesus out of my body and my brain, but
it actually moves, it shifts your mind. So if I'm
really freaking out, I'll just get into a cold shower,
or I'll just try and breathe five seconds in, five
(08:36):
seconds out for three minutes. And those three tools gratitude,
changing your temperature to change your state, and breathing massively
help me. And I use those pretty much every day.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
Jeez, the way you've conducted yourself and handled yourself over
the last couple of years, mate, is honestly, it's such
a testament to who you are as a personal I
think about you saying this the other day. Every day
I think about you and decisions.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
That come up and.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
You know, mundane life things that come up for people
that aren't going through this journey like you are. And
I honestly, I think you've inspired so many and I
imagine a lot from this documentary will be taken away
a lot of inspiration by people on how to approach
life like the way you're doing it is.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
It's honestly inspirational. Well, I've got to conduct myself with
some sort of decorum. Over the last four years. Because
I spent twenty years of my life acting with no
decorum and filming Man and putting it on TV. I
caused my brand so much damage in my early days
(09:41):
that now I'm getting it back to.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
A wonderful saying that you had. I think I read
you said about optimism. I won't cure me, but pessimism
will will kill me, which is a good way look
at things.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
You know that that is my mantra, because look you can.
You should see that. I get sense so many messages
around people with who have quirky ways of healing and
all that sort of stuff. Right. I don't think optimism
positive thinking is going to get rid of my cancer,
but it's one tool in the box. The fact that
(10:16):
I've remained optimistic and positive is what's kept me on
the road. And that's the thing. I'm in chemotherapy at
the moment. I do one week on, one week off.
I feel good for about six days out of that fourteen,
and to me it's like boom, I've got six days.
Let's get into it. Let's do some stuff, not hoping
(10:37):
around thinking about the next round, just getting into life.
Because there is no past and there is no future.
There literally is right now, because the future, when we're there,
it'll just be right now. So all I have is
right now, and I feel great today. So that optimism
(10:57):
is what carries me through beautiful words. You're a special man,
you really are, and and you three I always love
gent struggling to talk.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
It's amazing what you're saying. Before we go, let's bring
out this change gear slightly, Sean Johnson, Do you retire
too soon? I think one more year.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Look, this is something john was saying. He thinks about
me every day. I think about the question you just
as I.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Went from daily and pretty much should have been daily
and player of the n r L, came back, had
some injuries, retired. He's still good for another one two years.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
I know, And now we're like, do we need We've
got a sort out of half. So we had, we
had Shawn Johnson, and now I see he slipped very
nicely into a bit of talking heads on Fox League,
which is probably a bit bitter for your your body composition,
Solomon and the like, But hey, I've just felt blessed
(11:58):
that basicly in the biggest part of my league loving
life the last fifteen years. A majority of that it's
been watching Sean Johnson at his best. Plus I got
to watch Stacy Jones at his best. So ah, just
busy who's going to.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Be had a great way to round that.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I enjoy catch up with time better, Oh Die.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
I will congratulations on you know, firstly just putting yourself
out there and everything you have done for New Zealand.
And then that's not putting it lightly you. You being
so vulnerable and being so open about your story has
helped so many and no doubt this documentary will do
the same, mate.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
He thanks. And also just quickly before I go, I
want to say to anyone who is dealing with mental
health issues, do not be afraid to reach out to
your friends, and if things are really serious, honestly reach
out to a health professional. When you start talking about
out things, those problems do dissipate that the air comes
(13:05):
out of the balloon a bit. You have support and
there are people who love you so so look after
yourself and get talking. We love you.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
I love you lots, mate, I appreciate you all this
morning
With the John and Ben Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Cheers to Dilma making the world a better tea.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
To guy Head, Hello, how are you? Oh phenomenal, It's
lovely to be chatting with you.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
I se have you on now. A three part series
is going to be starting next week on three as well.
Living That Die. That seemed like from the trailer nothing
off limits to what you were going through.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
No, this documentary series is probably the piece of work
I've been most proud of in my life. It's been
It was very cathartic, confronting, funny to make. It's probably
the funniest cancer documentary any normal see. Because it also
(00:45):
tracks me writing stand up show that I performed at
the State Opera House in Wellington. It's got I go
over to Japan, which is sort of a spiritual home
to me, and I do sort of a a full
death ceremony with a Buddhist monk. It's got a bit
of everything. It's got tools for people who are dealing
(01:06):
with adversity, and it was it was pretty insane just
letting it all hang out and trusting Justin Hawkes who
who was directing it to make it look good.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
Yeah, was there were you aware that there were cameras
following you around. All that sort of drops away pretty quickly.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
It was What was quite strange is having a camera
in doing chemotherapy and scans in that, because that's such
a vulnerable time. However, in watching it back, it's so
important because I didn't even know what chemotherapy. Well I
knew what chemotherapy was, but I didn't know how it
(01:49):
actually happened and all that sort of carry on. So
this demystifies it for a lot of people, and I
think that'll be really helpful for humans who have loved
ones or friends who are going through chemo therapy to
actually understand what the process is.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Like, yeah, I'm sure this all this documentary will help
and shine a light in so many areas. With their
moments we are like, sorry, guys, I just need the
cameras off for this.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I made an internal decision not to do that. So
Dom Freyer who shot it, became a very close friend,
and Justin who directed it, became a very close friend.
So it was like having a little group of mates,
and they were so understanding and they knew when to
(02:39):
just naturally pull back a little bit and not telling
them to turn the cameras off is what actually I
think made this into such a personal and a beautiful
journey to watch. It has its own amazing sort of
style that Justin Hawks has put on it. He directed
All Paddy Gower documentary, so he really knows what he's doing.
(03:03):
And watching it back, I mean tugs at my heartstrings.
I mean I had a little cry. My mom's in
it quite a bit. She's been amazing support for me
and sort of part of my medical team. So yeah,
I'm a real private person. So this was quite a
(03:25):
trip filming this, and it'll be quite a trip when
it sort of goes out publicly.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Well, you've already done, you know, so much, if she
had so much, I've been so brave and sharing so
much through your journey, you know, with cancer. But to
do this was that another big decision to say, hey,
I'm going to make a documentary for three parts, three
nights on TV.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
It was huge because I sort of did the book thing,
and the book and the documentary are very different. But
the book felt more isolated because it's just words. It's
just you're do it on paper, you get to go
over it and over it, whereas this is just me,
me and my story, and there's a few medical elements
(04:04):
in and around research is going on, but it was
a huge jump. I got approached early on in my
own journey to see if I wanted to do something
like this, and the time wasn't right. And then we
filmed this over a year and I'd sort of got
to a point where I could really tell my story
(04:26):
properly and impart some knowledge and any wisdom I've learned
along the way. So the time was right. It was hard,
but it was so worth it.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Why do you why do you want to do this?
Because I just think if it was me, I just
want to do it privately and just be you know,
because like you say, you're so vulnerable. But why is
it important to show all this?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
That's a phenomenal question, Megan, And when I am wondering why.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
You have amazing that you are, but I'm just like,
it's so brave.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
On top of everything you're going through. Yeah, yeah, it's
this is weird because so I cancer has robbed me
of so much work. What makes me feel vital and
a real excited human being is doing comedy, making TV,
(05:24):
making live stage shows. I love the process of it
all and I've lost so much work due to cancer.
I've had to turn down so many awesome projects. And
in a way, this was me being able to make
a project and create while I was doing this hard treatment.
(05:46):
So it became a slight distraction to the treatment, which
was so useful and I could. So it was weird
because normally when I'm on screen, when I was doing
C four shows to seven days, I'm sort of in
performance mode, and the character of Die Hendward where it
is this, I'm just Die Hendward. I'm quiet because when
(06:09):
you're doing chemo, you're you're not sort of in performance mode.
You're very low key. So people see a different side
of me. And I don't know exactly why I did it,
but I'm really stoked I did it.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Seems incredible. Three nights on the three Next Week three
parts series Living That Die. It is a mental health week.
This week they die and you know you've you. I
just amazes all of us just how incredible you have been.
And I know watching the doc oh there's highs and
lows through it all, but how have you managed to
keep your mental health up going through all this.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Mental health So I've been amazingly lucky because Throughout my life,
I've never suffered deep anxiety, deep depression, or anything. So
when this came a long, it gave me anxiety, it
gave me a bit of depression, but it wasn't mounting
(07:06):
on an underlying condition. However, due to that anxiety, due
to the depression that comes up, I've had to find tools,
practical tools that work quickly, and I've found one. This
sounds bizarre, but gratitude really works for me. People might
(07:30):
think I don't have much to be grateful for. I've
got an incurable stage four cancer diagnosis. But if you
actually take a moment to just be grateful for the
little things like I've got a nice backyard, i can
sit and look at a tree, I've got amazing children,
I've got the most loving and supporting wife. Taking a
(07:51):
moment to think about the smallest things that you're grateful
for bring you into the moment and bring you happiness.
And also when your spiral mentally, when you can't shake thoughts,
when you are just digging in and you can't change
your state, I've found the quickest way to change your
state is to massively change your temperature. So for me,
(08:14):
that's getting into a cold shower, and it just freaks
the Jesus out of my body and my brain, but
it actually moves, it shifts your mind. So if I'm
really freaking out, I'll just get into a cold shower,
or I'll just try and breathe five seconds in, five
(08:36):
seconds out for three minutes. And those three tools gratitude,
changing your temperature to change your state, and breathing massively
help me. And I use those pretty much every day.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
Jeez, the way you've conducted yourself and handled yourself over
the last couple of years, mate, is honestly, it's such
a testament to who you are as a personal I
think about you saying this the other day. Every day
I think about you and decisions.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
That come up and.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
You know, mundane life things that come up for people
that aren't going through this journey like you are. And
I honestly, I think you've inspired so many and I
imagine a lot from this documentary will be taken away
a lot of inspiration by people on how to approach
life like the way you're doing it is.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
It's honestly inspirational. Well, I've got to conduct myself with
some sort of decorum. Over the last four years. Because
I spent twenty years of my life acting with no
decorum and filming Man and putting it on TV. I
caused my brand so much damage in my early days
(09:41):
that now I'm getting it back to.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
A wonderful saying that you had. I think I read
you said about optimism. I won't cure me, but pessimism
will will kill me, which is a good way look
at things.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
You know that that is my mantra, because look you can.
You should see that. I get sense so many messages
around people with who have quirky ways of healing and
all that sort of stuff. Right. I don't think optimism
positive thinking is going to get rid of my cancer,
but it's one tool in the box. The fact that
(10:16):
I've remained optimistic and positive is what's kept me on
the road. And that's the thing. I'm in chemotherapy at
the moment. I do one week on, one week off.
I feel good for about six days out of that fourteen,
and to me it's like boom, I've got six days.
Let's get into it. Let's do some stuff, not hoping
(10:37):
around thinking about the next round, just getting into life.
Because there is no past and there is no future.
There literally is right now, because the future, when we're there,
it'll just be right now. So all I have is
right now, and I feel great today. So that optimism
(10:57):
is what carries me through beautiful words. You're a special man,
you really are, and and you three I always love
gent struggling to talk.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
It's amazing what you're saying. Before we go, let's bring
out this change gear slightly, Sean Johnson, Do you retire
too soon? I think one more year.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Look, this is something john was saying. He thinks about
me every day. I think about the question you just
as I.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Went from daily and pretty much should have been daily
and player of the n r L, came back, had
some injuries, retired. He's still good for another one two years.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
I know, And now we're like, do we need We've
got a sort out of half. So we had, we
had Shawn Johnson, and now I see he slipped very
nicely into a bit of talking heads on Fox League,
which is probably a bit bitter for your your body composition,
Solomon and the like, But hey, I've just felt blessed
(11:58):
that basicly in the biggest part of my league loving
life the last fifteen years. A majority of that it's
been watching Sean Johnson at his best. Plus I got
to watch Stacy Jones at his best. So ah, just
busy who's going to.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Be had a great way to round that.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I enjoy catch up with time better, Oh Die.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
I will congratulations on you know, firstly just putting yourself
out there and everything you have done for New Zealand.
And then that's not putting it lightly you. You being
so vulnerable and being so open about your story has
helped so many and no doubt this documentary will do
the same, mate.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
He thanks. And also just quickly before I go, I
want to say to anyone who is dealing with mental
health issues, do not be afraid to reach out to
your friends, and if things are really serious, honestly reach
out to a health professional. When you start talking about
out things, those problems do dissipate that the air comes
(13:05):
out of the balloon a bit. You have support and
there are people who love you so so look after
yourself and get talking. We love you.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
I love you lots, mate, I appreciate you all this
morning
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