November 30, 2024 • 36 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
As rogue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
This is the alternative commentary collective. Oh thanks to the
great New Zealanders. Add Max Raft.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Yes well, welcome back to the Export Big Garden Studios
and the coverage is brought to you by Razine. Can
we make stains and paints?
Speaker 4 (00:23):
What beautiful data's down in christ Church?
Speaker 5 (00:25):
Absolute stunner, beautiful day to either sit on the bank,
watch a bit of cricket or maybe pump the avon.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Cass comes in bowls, abounce to Smith. He gets underneath it. Yeah, lovely.
It's as she mentioned, Jerry Bent absolutely shithouse in Auckland
all weekend.
Speaker 6 (00:45):
Pessing down.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
And I had big plans yesterday to get out of
my garden.
Speaker 6 (00:51):
Sadly they were wrecked by the weather.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
It's absolutely beautiful down.
Speaker 5 (00:56):
I mean, if you guys ever punted the avon, yes,
I you know what I I poop pooped the idea
of punting on the avon.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
I thought myself, why do you want to punt on
the avon?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
I made love while I was punting on the avon once.
This is pushed by Smith out through the covers for
a single.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Did you make love with the with the punter.
Speaker 6 (01:17):
Or was going to rend us Jerry? Why would I
do that?
Speaker 5 (01:20):
Well, maybe that was the idea of pumping on the
avon and that's well I had a good height for that.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Certainly to be more accurate, there was someone else punting while.
Speaker 6 (01:33):
I made love. Okay, I don't know that he.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Was terribly comfortable with what was going on, but it
just seemed like an opportune moment, very romantic.
Speaker 7 (01:42):
Does that count as the devil's threesome?
Speaker 6 (01:47):
Explain to me.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
A devil's threesome is that where a third party doesn't
really want to be the third party.
Speaker 7 (01:52):
Two guys wonker Ah.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
This is a nicely driven by Mitchell down the ground
through med On. I don't think it will which to
the boundary and probably get three.
Speaker 5 (02:04):
When I punted the ovon with Matt Heath about ten
years ago, we were underneath a travel rug and so I.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Imagine, were you underneath the rug or were you were
you open?
Speaker 8 (02:15):
You were?
Speaker 4 (02:15):
It was all open?
Speaker 6 (02:17):
It's fully open. Wow?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Okay?
Speaker 7 (02:22):
Were you close on Jason or full full moon bearers?
Speaker 6 (02:25):
Full moon bearers?
Speaker 7 (02:27):
Okay? Interesting, brave?
Speaker 3 (02:32):
We funnily enough on the big show there we punted
the avon as well, and Mike Nague was sitting behind me,
got a little bit frisky at one stage. Cass bowls
another bouncer. I don't know, seems like a waste to
me at the moment. The English bowling short to Smith
get it up there.
Speaker 6 (02:50):
I saw my idea.
Speaker 5 (02:52):
I saw Mike Minogue have his way with you on
a video in the kitchen the other day. Yeah, I'm
still trying to unsee that.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
So am I I'm still trying to unfeel that. Jerry.
There's a hell of a shock. I can tell you
he's rough with you.
Speaker 6 (03:09):
It is rough.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
He really threw you around.
Speaker 7 (03:11):
That is workplace bulliant.
Speaker 6 (03:13):
It was a vigorous thrust. Can I say that much?
Speaker 5 (03:18):
He's been working out recently, Mike Manague, he is a
powerful unit.
Speaker 6 (03:23):
He is.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Cast comes around that. That's an awkward ball and Smith
does well to keep it down. He is a powerful unit.
And I suspected it a roid action was in that
as well. Actually he felt roided up when he was
pounding away there, and certainly very aggressive. Have you got
(03:48):
any bruising or Funnily enough, I was having a shower
today and I noticed a bruise on my left thigh
which is weird because he wasn't anywhere near my left thigh,
but I think the impact of the thrust came through
to my thighs. Cars bowls another bouncer, so obviously a
plan of attack from England had a bowl short to
(04:09):
the well, don't read your tail end, or is he?
And it's Smith's playing it very comfortably.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
He's twelve off twenty seven.
Speaker 7 (04:21):
You've got to take photos of those bruises, Jase, they
can become evidentiary.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Sad please, But actually, now that I think about because
I try not to think about.
Speaker 7 (04:34):
It, so you commentated about it instead.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
I'll talk about it. At one says he did grip
my thighs.
Speaker 7 (04:47):
Does this happen in the kitchen?
Speaker 6 (04:48):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (04:49):
At Hodaki, Yeah, just out therely.
Speaker 5 (04:51):
In fact, there's video footage on the internet. It's doing
the rounds at the moment.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
It's quite shocked that are our producer decided to put
that in the public sort of view really, but there
you go. Now Stokes holds to literally defends family and there's.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
No run as rugue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
This is the alternative commentary collect you Oh, thanks to the.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Great New Zealanders at resin.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Stokes again. This has plaid off the hip. Nice sleep
another single.
Speaker 7 (05:31):
Well, I'm sorry here, Jason, you weren't able to get
out and tend to your garden yesterday.
Speaker 6 (05:36):
I wouldn't call it a garden.
Speaker 7 (05:37):
It's not a metaphor, by the way, order whatever it
is you're running down there.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
An abomination at the moment is when I'm running there,
it's like ados in Wonderland my backyard.
Speaker 7 (05:46):
Well, I had the pleasure of being at Glane's house
last night with Paul Ford and we were admiring his
recently receded receded grass has lorn out the back and
comparing it to Jeremies because I know he is very.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
Lord Jeremy Jeremy lawn obsessed.
Speaker 7 (06:03):
And Jerry on that. No, I've got a question for you.
Just come in on the text machine three two three six, Hey, Jerry,
I've got two long questions. One how can I find
out what kind of lawn grass I have? And two?
How often should.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
One cass bowls to Smithy defense down a met off
for a single? In fact, they'll come back for two.
This is all very comfortable for New Zealand at the moment.
Is I don't know what England's doing.
Speaker 7 (06:31):
To be honest, how often should one de thatch or scarify?
Is that a word? Spring and autumn? Question mark?
Speaker 5 (06:40):
Love you babes, No good questions, both of them. You
can go to what's my lawn dot com and take
a photo of your lawn and that generally comes up mine.
Mine is a fiscue mix, very hard wearing lawn.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Casts around the work at bowls to Smith, who defends
up to cover no rum.
Speaker 5 (07:01):
I find if you go with the rye grass fescue combo,
maybe seventy percent fiscu thirty percent rye grass. It's hard
wearing enough. Also can hold onto enough moisture in summer, so.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
You know you're not going to dry out.
Speaker 5 (07:15):
Although, to be honest, at the moment, I am running
a terrible clover through my lawn. I don't know if
you guys have ever had clover in your lawn before?
Speaker 7 (07:21):
Is that forced upon you? Is it what they call
south seating? Does that come in from the neighbors?
Speaker 5 (07:26):
I think so. I think I may have dragged it
in with my lawn mower. Cheez, it's real shame. Ashually,
I find with my lawn.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Cass bowls to Smith, if your fence back to the
bowl and no rum dog poos. My dogs are prolelefic
shdder and I'm forever trying to get rid of the
poos over the neighbor's house there. And also we have
we're running a lot of cabbage trees, Jerry, and the
(08:00):
throngs from the cabbage tree, and absolute.
Speaker 6 (08:03):
Bastard for the lawnmark.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
I'll wrap around there, wrap around the rotor there, bane
of my life.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
And know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 6 (08:13):
Cars again round the work at.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
This is nicely pushed by Smith, who I must say
looks very accomplished.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Jase, do you run an open fire? Are your place?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
We've got rid of our fire purely because you know
every year you have to get it inspected for your insurance.
And the feller came over there to sweep our chimney
and he went, your fireplace is fucked and we went, ah, okay,
(08:49):
that's no good, because I love a fire. I'm a
big fan of a fire. This is shorten outside the
off stump through to the keeper. No run, So we
wrapped it out and got a you know, the heating
aircon heat heat pump eating it, which has been a revelation. Actually,
(09:12):
and you know we thought our power bell would go
through the roof. It's actually been cheaper. There you go
and the house is toasty airs. But I do miss
my fireplace.
Speaker 5 (09:23):
Well, I've got a little hack for you jas that
you're not going to need now that you don't use
your fireplace, but for any fire users out there, which
I'll share with you in a moment.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Casts again short and wide and left alone, fifty five
overs gone.
Speaker 6 (09:38):
You's see in one four for six.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
As rogue is a tail ender.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
It's the Alternative Common Toy Collective thanks.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
To Max Draft.
Speaker 9 (09:49):
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your gendle and to make sure your Summer BYC doesn't
end in a blowout, the Alternative Commentary Collective has seemed
up with Rebel Sport and Silver Fern Sport to bring
you the ultimate BYC kit, perfect for Christmas gifting. Plus
we're passing it forward. With every kit you buy, another
(10:10):
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Take Sport to three two three six for a direct
link to grab your kit.
Speaker 6 (10:19):
Use Indeed, welcome back.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
You see them doing nicely at the moment thirty three
runs ahead, and jeez, I got to say, anyone, it's
been disappointing this morning, a brage of short pitch bowling
that has had little to no effect at all on
the New Zealand Batsman.
Speaker 6 (10:37):
They've looked very comfortable.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Earlier on. We're just talking about fires and cabbage tree fronds.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yes, has clipped off his pads by Mitchell out through midwork,
ed or get us.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Tell you a good little hack is to gather up
those fronds, fold them over, tie, maybe get ten of
them together, tie them around.
Speaker 6 (11:11):
Oh, you're talking about creating a fagot.
Speaker 5 (11:15):
They make great faggots. Amazing kindling. Chuck that on the
fire and then a little bit of paper underneath it,
and she goes up like nobody's business.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
Is that right? Amazing kindling.
Speaker 6 (11:26):
Funnily enough, Jerry, I've got a little I don't know
how I got there.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Stokes comes in now to Smith, who's on seventeen shorten wad.
I've got a little pot belly up in my lawn,
an old school metal cast iron pot belly.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
And what I do is just as you explained.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Actually, I fold them up and I stuff them down
the top there with a little firelighter and chuck that
down there.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
They burn like a bastard.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
You're quite right, or amazing amazing things. That's the only
thing they're good for.
Speaker 6 (12:04):
Absolutely well.
Speaker 7 (12:06):
I've tried the cabbage in a salad. It's terrible. It's
nothing like cabbage.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
That's a poorly named tree there, Stokes bolts us Methew
defends nicely up to mid on.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
No run, you're going to take a broken hand. You
over to pull Stuart forward.
Speaker 7 (12:23):
That's good because I want to ask I want to
ask Paul Stewart forward where he stands on Ready Lawn? Actually,
where you stand on Ready lawn? Jase. I don't mean
where you stand on the lawn when it's there. I
mean what's your moral or philosophical position on Ready Lawn?
(12:44):
Are you a fan?
Speaker 3 (12:49):
You definitely drifted and by Smith elegantly through the covers.
Speaker 6 (12:53):
Jeez, he's looking good.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
And you'll get at least a capital here and I'll
come back for three lovely shut in England. I'm a
little bit frustrated. My lawn's an abomination.
Speaker 6 (13:07):
I thought that was the garden or the gardeners as well.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
But I've been doing a lot of mowing, and it's
gradually coming back to its full grandeur good, which is
why I was disappointed with the rain yesterday because it
needed another mow. I'm certainly not the sort of guy
that would buy Ready Lord.
Speaker 7 (13:30):
Well neither was I, but it was forced upon me
by my partner. Recently, we ripped out a herb garden.
This is what you do with christ jesh, that's what
you do with your spare time.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Stokes comes in bowls on the hip of literally just
clips it yerily down to Fine League for a.
Speaker 7 (13:47):
Single we ripped out a herb garden. I just thought
we'd throw some seeds on it, a dollar fifty at
Bunnings or mine to ten and it would come back
and let nature do its thing. And I know we
had to get ready lown, so we went to effort
and some expense to secure this ready lawn, which you
can buy these strips. It's an amazing product, Ready lawn,
you just roll it out. But now we've got something
(14:08):
that looks like a bad Brazilian on one side of
our lawn, and it's completely different to our existing grass.
And I'm sure it's going to grow in, but I'm
not seeing how that's possible.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Stokes bowls to Smith, who's just looking very comfortable at
the moment as he gets a single out through medwicker.
Speaker 7 (14:28):
Which is why I want to know what your position
has pulled forward on readylawners. Do you have to go
one hundred percent ready lawn? You can't because you can't
do it in patches? Is that the mistake we've made?
Speaker 6 (14:37):
Yeah? Eventually will that gred will die? Suggest? Yeah?
Speaker 10 (14:40):
No, I'm a purist, you know, good on you. I
do like T twenty cricket from time to time, But
on lawns, I'm very clear. I think when the lawns
were invented, of course, in the seventeen hundred's the Palace
of Versailles, Andre Lanota, who invented the lawn, he wasn't
using ready lawn, absolutely, he was burning it back, getting
(15:04):
all the wooden, turning that into faggots and then preparing
the ground not for Reddy long.
Speaker 6 (15:13):
Yeah, I mean it's I mean I could see why Jerry,
Jerry would you know, run with them really lorn. That
seems like his type of thinger.
Speaker 7 (15:21):
Either it's cheating, well, it is cheating, that's the thing,
you know, And it's the Tea twenty Cricket of Gardening.
Speaker 6 (15:30):
It is now I understand Paul Ford.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
From what Lee Baker was saying earlier in the broadcast
here at Mike Lane's house last night.
Speaker 6 (15:42):
I certainly was so cast.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Comes in now bowling to smith on twenty one, who
defends as.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Rougue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
This is the alternative commentary collective.
Speaker 11 (15:57):
Oh thanks to the great New Zealanders ad resin.
Speaker 6 (16:08):
Seven New Zealand. As we joined by that Sandy's and
unplayable that more, it was a doozy kip load knit
back and I was just saying to pull forward.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
There shows what happens when you pitch it up a
little bit and you let the pitch do the work.
And Rold Smithy was looking so good too. Nothing he
could really do with that.
Speaker 10 (16:35):
Yeah, not very convincing when you look back at the umpire.
Speaker 6 (16:38):
Going oh yeah it was close.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Well, I think it was just because of the height
more than anything else. So did you say a red
wine margarita mets there?
Speaker 10 (16:50):
No, no, no, no rounds, separate chapters.
Speaker 6 (16:56):
It's nothing quite like a red wine hangover either. Yeah,
it is dirty.
Speaker 10 (17:01):
We did go down to the We went down for
a swim at a him, just to sort of what
cleans ourselves?
Speaker 6 (17:07):
Has he got a poll? No, we went to the
sea now a nick beach. I think it is right.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
That's a good way to sort of clear the head
a little bit or make you throw up, either.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
Of the two. I felt, interestingly. I loved that cast
now bowling to the new man Henry, who collapsed him
through point. But it would just get a single.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
You said, I'll lead by forty now a bit of
a tragedy because they were going along very solidly.
Speaker 6 (17:31):
And then then you said Nathan Smith was looking really
really good.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
As rougue as a tail ender on stripe.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
This is the alternative commentary collect you, Oh, thanks to
the great New Zealanders at resin.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
I'm very partial to cheese myself. I'll have to make
myself crackers with cheese and cherry tomatoes and a few peckles.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
On hot I like cheese and grapes.
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Just as a good time snap, good time.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
Interesting cars comes in, looks out fall to the the
tried to whip it down lynside. It looked out for
all money, I've got to say. And even Henry's shaking
his head, going I'm running in a bottle of that one.
It was sort of york a lens and yeah and
(18:31):
Cas gets five for.
Speaker 6 (18:35):
But yeah, he was all over the top of that one, Henry,
let's have a look at it again. It was very
full and oh yeah.
Speaker 10 (18:45):
Jeez, Louise, that's plant and he knew it, annihilating that
gap between middle of the league stump I would say.
Speaker 6 (18:52):
So, what what cheesey head this morning to I'll tell
you what we do. It's we'll take a quick break
and be back shortly.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Coverage that you'll never leave even when it's outside the line.
This is the alternative commentary collective. Oh thanks to the
great New Zealanders and Max ra.
Speaker 6 (19:17):
I feel us, Yes.
Speaker 10 (19:21):
Met, you're hopelessly confused, just like you Jason. At the
other end, well, I mean it was clearly off the bed,
onto the ground.
Speaker 6 (19:27):
And off his pehit clearly obviously, and then claiming that
Eckinson was interested in that being a catch.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
It's just mouthing off at the umpire there and this
has taded off and.
Speaker 10 (19:39):
These ninety four six to go.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
I I really think the English are just being stupid.
Speaker 6 (19:56):
Quite a sweary appeal as well.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
It was that was a nice he directed ball but
kept out from Salvey.
Speaker 10 (20:03):
That's the Trent Bolt kind of a shot, isn't it that?
I think he's been having some bedding classes up at
Mount MONGANOI.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
I'll tell you what, Tim Salvey looks passed off to me.
So I'm expecting some fireworks there.
Speaker 10 (20:16):
You got in the air again, sex more ninety five sixes.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Cheezy plays a pool shot well, drerim it.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
She just so much time and that shot there he
just stood up, stands to attention and then just rolls
the wrists on it.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Perfect execution.
Speaker 10 (20:40):
It's a niggla single to decline when you're on forty
nine too, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
There?
Speaker 6 (20:50):
I mean, what and what other sport do you have?
The useless?
Speaker 5 (20:56):
This one's swinging away a slow ball from workes and
has guided down guy. And that's fifty four Daryl Mitchell.
Fifty of one hundred and thirty two balls in New
Zealand are two fourteen for nine, a lead of.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Sixty three, as rugue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
This is the Alternative Commentary Collective. Oh thanks to the
great New Zealanders at resin.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Yes, indeed, welcome back. And this is that this cheries.
I've had a fatal mistake. It's going to be one
of those games.
Speaker 6 (21:34):
Isn't It just frustrates the shit out of you. Maybe
it's just me a little bit mad. I've recently given
up the darries again.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
And beckers and bowls to Mitchell, who just guides it
down to third man for a single, which is all
well and good. Oh he doesn't she doesn't run. And
I'm a little bit towey at the moment because I'm
only eight days in. I made a terrible mistake and
(22:14):
forgot my nicorette gum today. Christ so I don't even
have my necorette gum. And this is gonna be one
of those you just have a vibe at the moment.
It's gonna go a bit longer than you'd like it. Yeah,
maybe probably an hour and a half longer than i'd like,
hopefully six hours longer. But New Zealand fighting away here
(22:35):
sixty nine is the lead.
Speaker 10 (22:37):
Nice Could you go out onto the street and buy
something to sort of as a replacement for that, like
a bagel?
Speaker 6 (22:44):
You mean, like a packet of cigarettes? Would you chase?
Speaker 7 (22:48):
Would you consider foraging around in a rubbish bind and
getting a stub, comfortying yourself with the knowledge that I'm
not smoking a full dorry. I'm just getting a slight hat.
So I haven't broken the rules.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
That can send bowls to MATCHELLU smashes him through Point fer.
Speaker 6 (23:09):
Four Lovely Shop.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
No, purely because they'll probably be quite wet and moist.
Speaker 7 (23:21):
I think we judge too harshly people that go through
rubbish bins and oh absolutely grab bits and pieces, whether
it be food or tobacco that has the second life.
I think they're great scavengers, great recyclists.
Speaker 6 (23:33):
One of my favorite things.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
And one of my comedy heroes, Barry Humphries used to do,
was fine rubbish bins that were next to bus stops
or something like that and plant stuff in the rubbish
bin as Atkinson bowls too. Matchell who has a swipe
and makes no contact, and then he dress himself up
(23:58):
as a tramp and he'd wander over to wander over
to the rubbish bin and start rummaging through it, and
all the people would be watching, going, oh, it's terrible,
and then he'd pull out like a bottle of champagne
and a full roast chicken, you know what I mean,
and then just start eating the chicken and drinking from
the bottle of champagne. Another thing he used to do,
(24:21):
which I used to love. He used to go unto shops,
this is back in his student days, awfull and just
clap down to belong on for a single and he'd
buy like a bar of soap, and he'd go up
(24:41):
to the counter and he'd pay for the bar of soap,
and then he'd leave without taking the bar of soap,
and the shopkeeper would be like, oh, you forgot your soap,
and he's like, I don't want the soap. I just
wanted to buy it, and then he'd just walk out again.
And he used to do this to this particular dairy
or a shop owner for ages until he went out
of business. Baby lost his mind over this because all
(25:02):
its mates used to do it as well, go into
the shop and buy stuff but then just leave without
taking it.
Speaker 6 (25:09):
Just to fuck with people. And this is what this
game is doing with me right now. It's it's fucking
with you. No, it's good.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
I mean, well, you know we're showing a bit of fight.
And seventy five is.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
The lead as rogue as a tail ender on strike.
This is the alternative commentary can let you. Oh, thanks
to the great New Zealanders at Resin.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
So it's going to be cast again looking for a
sixth wicket. It's finally Di.
Speaker 5 (25:52):
Mitchell, who's on eighty four mental drives down the ground,
doesn't time it perfectly and strike down the throat of
Chris Woks mid off and that is the end of
the New Zealand innings. And that's the end of Daryl
Mitchell's innings. He's gone for eighty.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
This rugue is a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
This is the alternative commentary collective.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Oh, thanks to the great New Zealanders at Resin.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
Welcome back to their commentary position Lee Baker and Paul
Stewart forward.
Speaker 7 (26:25):
Here we are the final denu one. How long would
this take? That's the big question. We're assuming it's an
inevitable I mean the odds are not great on New
Zealand defending one hundred and what is it one hundred
and four? So England need one hundred and five to win.
Paul Stuart Forward, you have wildly optimistic estimation favoring England.
(26:49):
Do you think they're going to wipe this off?
Speaker 10 (26:51):
In what fifteen overs thirteen? I reckon and I think
Zat Crawley won't We'll get none of them. It's going
to be all mother duck. It just I've done a
quick calculation before we get going, and I reckon there's
sixty three overs left today in ninety tomorrow, so New
Zealand need to keep England under point sixty seven runs
(27:12):
per over.
Speaker 6 (27:13):
You can for five about five sessions.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Run a bit of a sweet steak here in the
SEC studio, in the Export Beer Garden studios. First ball
is Sali're going to be buying to Crawley, and it
swings away and really lets it go through the people.
Thirteen overs, paul Ford. This is how many overs we
think it's going to take them. Joe Jerry's gone with
eighteen overs, Wheendy Jay's gone with twenty. I've gone with
(27:38):
twenty six, and Lee Baker has come in with twenty four.
Back how many overs? Twenty? Okay, Soudy again bowling to Crawley.
This ball shapes away from Crawley as I'm pushing forward
to cover.
Speaker 7 (27:59):
I do think it's going to the I'm guessing around
a seven wicket the tree for England. I'm saying three
go down in the session I think it's all going
to happen.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
Now Dillie's got nineteen.
Speaker 7 (28:18):
Well, it's still it's great banning conditions. It's a new ball,
but it's a bit of a road now.
Speaker 5 (28:23):
And your son, you see how there were two slips
swings away from Crawley drives through point.
Speaker 4 (28:28):
But there's a man that's deep backward point. It's ration
revender and I'll just keep it a one as.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Rugue as a tail ender on stripe. This is the
alternative commentary. Con let you oh, thanks to the great
New Zealanders at resin.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
England. One for none.
Speaker 5 (28:48):
This is the second over Henry's corball by Henry.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
What a catch that was.
Speaker 5 (28:56):
He miss timed to drive, it was full and Henry
with a reflex.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Catch to his right. He got two hands to it.
Speaker 5 (29:04):
Not easy those That is the end of Crawley for one.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
Does he ever scored a run against us?
Speaker 6 (29:12):
He is uselessly.
Speaker 7 (29:16):
Terrible shark.
Speaker 10 (29:18):
Oh test betting average of thirty one was that's actually
I'm gonna that's an officially a one handed catch.
Speaker 7 (29:25):
He had to work. He was falling away to the
left Matt Henry and his follow through had to twist
like a ballerina get the right met out where with
both hands, as Paul Forward says, took it with the
right hand the end of the fingers never easy.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
As Rugue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
This is the alternative commentary conlet you oh, thanks to.
Speaker 11 (29:49):
The great New Zealanders at Resine.
Speaker 6 (29:54):
Welcome back and England not mucking around.
Speaker 8 (30:01):
This is ramped down to duck It on his way
and I wrote his first delivery in the second innings.
Speaker 6 (30:12):
He gets to work it.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Duckett gave himself through him outside the legs thumping, just
ramped it straight to the man at third man.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
A couple of.
Speaker 6 (30:28):
Bombs here on the audio.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Holy moly. As Rugue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
This is the alternative commentary collective, oh thanks to the
Greek New Zealanders Addressine.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Smith to Bethel, a very quick bouncer from.
Speaker 10 (30:53):
He's the best case scenario from a New Zealand perspective
said he maybe gets a broken hand.
Speaker 6 (30:58):
Or something like that.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Sure, so Paul Ford rather outrageously predicted that England would
chase these runs down in thirteen overs.
Speaker 6 (31:12):
Twelve point two and three to win.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Smith comes steaming again, bowls to Bethels who slashes him
down to third man.
Speaker 6 (31:22):
You'll get a caple there and so to win one
more second cooler. Is that a bouncer? Yeah, it was
pretty high.
Speaker 10 (31:44):
The Prodigy looks like he's going to be leaving with
the Bond girl this afternoon, doesn't he There he pleases
himself the dasher.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
Smith three point three overs none for thirty seven.
Speaker 6 (32:00):
He comes now.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Bowls to Bethel, who smashes him out to the man.
It's deep squealing. England win the Test match. Bethel finishes
with a debut fifty not out and a comprehensive victory
for England.
Speaker 6 (32:19):
By eight wickets.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
They didn't muck around hundred and four to when they
came down, smash the living shit out of it. Quite
extraordinary stuff and well played England. Paul Ford.
Speaker 10 (32:34):
Yeah, I mean it was tough going yesterday. Really it
was moving day. England moved in and New Zealand moved
out and ruthless today from a betting point of view,
a little bit lethargic in the field.
Speaker 6 (32:47):
England is just ll us put on ninety nine runs.
Speaker 10 (32:50):
But you did get the feeling that they'd probably chase
down whatever they were going to chase down. They're going
to chase down at eight runs and over, and we
probably needed to put three hundred plus on the board
to really put them there any pressure. One hundred and
fifty runs short. You can look back at those drop catchers,
all eight of them, and you've probably had a pretty
decent reason. And frankly, it's actually really hard to think
about anything else that had such a big impact on
(33:13):
the game. Harry Brooke, amazing innings, asterisk, lots of catches,
some good bowling from cars. But really, I think everyone's
going to be talking about these drop catches when they
reflect on.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
This match, as they should, because it would have been
a completely different complexion on the game had those catches
been taken. But they weren't, you know, And if they
were chasing to eighty three hundred, mind you this English side,
I think we'd just go.
Speaker 6 (33:39):
For it regardless.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
But it is easier when you're chasing a hundi because
even if you lose three or four and you're being aggressive,
you know you're going to get there probably in the
end anyway, just keep the foot to the pedal. But
if you're chasing to eighty three hundred, there put more
pressure on.
Speaker 6 (33:57):
Yeah, and you go Oh, it's just steading it down.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
But well played England, well deserved New Zealand in many
respects the architects of their own demise some very average
fielding and they'll be reflecting on that.
Speaker 6 (34:13):
At least they know what's to improve on.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
And I think Paul Ford is right when he says
that is probably the defining feature of the Test match.
Speaker 10 (34:28):
So we look ahead to the basin unless we're stupid
enough to be at our own wedding Bason starts on
Friday next week, and just talking to Jeremy Wells were
nursing our hangovers together, and it's interesting to reflect on
what New Zealand could do. The guys in the shed
that they've got. They've got Mitchell Center who comes in
(34:50):
to the second Test squad. They've got Jacob Duffy who's
been running the drinks, and of course they've got well young.
Speaker 6 (34:56):
But I just I just can't see us doing anything
too funky there.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
I wish we had a couple more work at cakes,
just in our arsenal.
Speaker 5 (35:06):
Yeah, be interesting to see what evolves.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yeah, we'll blundle. I've got to say he's under pressure,
I mean drop catchers not getting any runs at the moment,
a few New Zealand batsmen under pressure. Actually Conway didn't
have a great Test match. AH, Lots for people to ponder,
(35:35):
but we appreciate the fact that you joined us here
on this acc commentary and we will be back with
a basin Test match and until then, from all the
team have a pleasant Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
As lugue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
This is the alternative commentary can let you thanks to
the creating Zelanders at Rizine
As rogue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
This is the alternative commentary collective. Oh thanks to the
great New Zealanders. Add Max Raft.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Yes well, welcome back to the Export Big Garden Studios
and the coverage is brought to you by Razine. Can
we make stains and paints?
Speaker 4 (00:23):
What beautiful data's down in christ Church?
Speaker 5 (00:25):
Absolute stunner, beautiful day to either sit on the bank,
watch a bit of cricket or maybe pump the avon.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Cass comes in bowls, abounce to Smith. He gets underneath it. Yeah, lovely.
It's as she mentioned, Jerry Bent absolutely shithouse in Auckland
all weekend.
Speaker 6 (00:45):
Pessing down.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
And I had big plans yesterday to get out of
my garden.
Speaker 6 (00:51):
Sadly they were wrecked by the weather.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
It's absolutely beautiful down.
Speaker 5 (00:56):
I mean, if you guys ever punted the avon, yes,
I you know what I I poop pooped the idea
of punting on the avon.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
I thought myself, why do you want to punt on
the avon?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
I made love while I was punting on the avon once.
This is pushed by Smith out through the covers for
a single.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Did you make love with the with the punter.
Speaker 6 (01:17):
Or was going to rend us Jerry? Why would I
do that?
Speaker 5 (01:20):
Well, maybe that was the idea of pumping on the
avon and that's well I had a good height for that.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Certainly to be more accurate, there was someone else punting while.
Speaker 6 (01:33):
I made love. Okay, I don't know that he.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Was terribly comfortable with what was going on, but it
just seemed like an opportune moment, very romantic.
Speaker 7 (01:42):
Does that count as the devil's threesome?
Speaker 6 (01:47):
Explain to me.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
A devil's threesome is that where a third party doesn't
really want to be the third party.
Speaker 7 (01:52):
Two guys wonker Ah.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
This is a nicely driven by Mitchell down the ground
through med On. I don't think it will which to
the boundary and probably get three.
Speaker 5 (02:04):
When I punted the ovon with Matt Heath about ten
years ago, we were underneath a travel rug and so I.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Imagine, were you underneath the rug or were you were
you open?
Speaker 8 (02:15):
You were?
Speaker 4 (02:15):
It was all open?
Speaker 6 (02:17):
It's fully open. Wow?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Okay?
Speaker 7 (02:22):
Were you close on Jason or full full moon bearers?
Speaker 6 (02:25):
Full moon bearers?
Speaker 7 (02:27):
Okay? Interesting, brave?
Speaker 3 (02:32):
We funnily enough on the big show there we punted
the avon as well, and Mike Nague was sitting behind me,
got a little bit frisky at one stage. Cass bowls
another bouncer. I don't know, seems like a waste to
me at the moment. The English bowling short to Smith
get it up there.
Speaker 6 (02:50):
I saw my idea.
Speaker 5 (02:52):
I saw Mike Minogue have his way with you on
a video in the kitchen the other day. Yeah, I'm
still trying to unsee that.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
So am I I'm still trying to unfeel that. Jerry.
There's a hell of a shock. I can tell you
he's rough with you.
Speaker 6 (03:09):
It is rough.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
He really threw you around.
Speaker 7 (03:11):
That is workplace bulliant.
Speaker 6 (03:13):
It was a vigorous thrust. Can I say that much?
Speaker 5 (03:18):
He's been working out recently, Mike Manague, he is a
powerful unit.
Speaker 6 (03:23):
He is.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Cast comes around that. That's an awkward ball and Smith
does well to keep it down. He is a powerful unit.
And I suspected it a roid action was in that
as well. Actually he felt roided up when he was
pounding away there, and certainly very aggressive. Have you got
(03:48):
any bruising or Funnily enough, I was having a shower
today and I noticed a bruise on my left thigh
which is weird because he wasn't anywhere near my left thigh,
but I think the impact of the thrust came through
to my thighs. Cars bowls another bouncer, so obviously a
plan of attack from England had a bowl short to
(04:09):
the well, don't read your tail end, or is he?
And it's Smith's playing it very comfortably.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
He's twelve off twenty seven.
Speaker 7 (04:21):
You've got to take photos of those bruises, Jase, they
can become evidentiary.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Sad please, But actually, now that I think about because
I try not to think about.
Speaker 7 (04:34):
It, so you commentated about it instead.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
I'll talk about it. At one says he did grip
my thighs.
Speaker 7 (04:47):
Does this happen in the kitchen?
Speaker 6 (04:48):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (04:49):
At Hodaki, Yeah, just out therely.
Speaker 5 (04:51):
In fact, there's video footage on the internet. It's doing
the rounds at the moment.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
It's quite shocked that are our producer decided to put
that in the public sort of view really, but there
you go. Now Stokes holds to literally defends family and there's.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
No run as rugue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
This is the alternative commentary collect you Oh, thanks to the.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Great New Zealanders at resin.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Stokes again. This has plaid off the hip. Nice sleep
another single.
Speaker 7 (05:31):
Well, I'm sorry here, Jason, you weren't able to get
out and tend to your garden yesterday.
Speaker 6 (05:36):
I wouldn't call it a garden.
Speaker 7 (05:37):
It's not a metaphor, by the way, order whatever it
is you're running down there.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
An abomination at the moment is when I'm running there,
it's like ados in Wonderland my backyard.
Speaker 7 (05:46):
Well, I had the pleasure of being at Glane's house
last night with Paul Ford and we were admiring his
recently receded receded grass has lorn out the back and
comparing it to Jeremies because I know he is very.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
Lord Jeremy Jeremy lawn obsessed.
Speaker 7 (06:03):
And Jerry on that. No, I've got a question for you.
Just come in on the text machine three two three six, Hey, Jerry,
I've got two long questions. One how can I find
out what kind of lawn grass I have? And two?
How often should.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
One cass bowls to Smithy defense down a met off
for a single? In fact, they'll come back for two.
This is all very comfortable for New Zealand at the moment.
Is I don't know what England's doing.
Speaker 7 (06:31):
To be honest, how often should one de thatch or scarify?
Is that a word? Spring and autumn? Question mark?
Speaker 5 (06:40):
Love you babes, No good questions, both of them. You
can go to what's my lawn dot com and take
a photo of your lawn and that generally comes up mine.
Mine is a fiscue mix, very hard wearing lawn.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Casts around the work at bowls to Smith, who defends
up to cover no rum.
Speaker 5 (07:01):
I find if you go with the rye grass fescue combo,
maybe seventy percent fiscu thirty percent rye grass. It's hard
wearing enough. Also can hold onto enough moisture in summer, so.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
You know you're not going to dry out.
Speaker 5 (07:15):
Although, to be honest, at the moment, I am running
a terrible clover through my lawn. I don't know if
you guys have ever had clover in your lawn before?
Speaker 7 (07:21):
Is that forced upon you? Is it what they call
south seating? Does that come in from the neighbors?
Speaker 5 (07:26):
I think so. I think I may have dragged it
in with my lawn mower. Cheez, it's real shame. Ashually,
I find with my lawn.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Cass bowls to Smith, if your fence back to the
bowl and no rum dog poos. My dogs are prolelefic
shdder and I'm forever trying to get rid of the
poos over the neighbor's house there. And also we have
we're running a lot of cabbage trees, Jerry, and the
(08:00):
throngs from the cabbage tree, and absolute.
Speaker 6 (08:03):
Bastard for the lawnmark.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
I'll wrap around there, wrap around the rotor there, bane
of my life.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
And know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 6 (08:13):
Cars again round the work at.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
This is nicely pushed by Smith, who I must say
looks very accomplished.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Jase, do you run an open fire? Are your place?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
We've got rid of our fire purely because you know
every year you have to get it inspected for your insurance.
And the feller came over there to sweep our chimney
and he went, your fireplace is fucked and we went, ah, okay,
(08:49):
that's no good, because I love a fire. I'm a
big fan of a fire. This is shorten outside the
off stump through to the keeper. No run, So we
wrapped it out and got a you know, the heating
aircon heat heat pump eating it, which has been a revelation. Actually,
(09:12):
and you know we thought our power bell would go
through the roof. It's actually been cheaper. There you go
and the house is toasty airs. But I do miss
my fireplace.
Speaker 5 (09:23):
Well, I've got a little hack for you jas that
you're not going to need now that you don't use
your fireplace, but for any fire users out there, which
I'll share with you in a moment.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Casts again short and wide and left alone, fifty five
overs gone.
Speaker 6 (09:38):
You's see in one four for six.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
As rogue is a tail ender.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
It's the Alternative Common Toy Collective thanks.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
To Max Draft.
Speaker 9 (09:49):
Beckyard Cricket that's part of Kiwi Summer. I've blown out
your gendle and to make sure your Summer BYC doesn't
end in a blowout, the Alternative Commentary Collective has seemed
up with Rebel Sport and Silver Fern Sport to bring
you the ultimate BYC kit, perfect for Christmas gifting. Plus
we're passing it forward. With every kit you buy, another
(10:10):
one goes to charity, so you're giving twice this summer.
Take Sport to three two three six for a direct
link to grab your kit.
Speaker 6 (10:19):
Use Indeed, welcome back.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
You see them doing nicely at the moment thirty three
runs ahead, and jeez, I got to say, anyone, it's
been disappointing this morning, a brage of short pitch bowling
that has had little to no effect at all on
the New Zealand Batsman.
Speaker 6 (10:37):
They've looked very comfortable.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Earlier on. We're just talking about fires and cabbage tree fronds.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yes, has clipped off his pads by Mitchell out through midwork,
ed or get us.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Tell you a good little hack is to gather up
those fronds, fold them over, tie, maybe get ten of
them together, tie them around.
Speaker 6 (11:11):
Oh, you're talking about creating a fagot.
Speaker 5 (11:15):
They make great faggots. Amazing kindling. Chuck that on the
fire and then a little bit of paper underneath it,
and she goes up like nobody's business.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
Is that right? Amazing kindling.
Speaker 6 (11:26):
Funnily enough, Jerry, I've got a little I don't know
how I got there.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Stokes comes in now to Smith, who's on seventeen shorten wad.
I've got a little pot belly up in my lawn,
an old school metal cast iron pot belly.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
And what I do is just as you explained.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Actually, I fold them up and I stuff them down
the top there with a little firelighter and chuck that
down there.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
They burn like a bastard.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
You're quite right, or amazing amazing things. That's the only
thing they're good for.
Speaker 6 (12:04):
Absolutely well.
Speaker 7 (12:06):
I've tried the cabbage in a salad. It's terrible. It's
nothing like cabbage.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
That's a poorly named tree there, Stokes bolts us Methew
defends nicely up to mid on.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
No run, you're going to take a broken hand. You
over to pull Stuart forward.
Speaker 7 (12:23):
That's good because I want to ask I want to
ask Paul Stewart forward where he stands on Ready Lawn? Actually,
where you stand on Ready lawn? Jase. I don't mean
where you stand on the lawn when it's there. I
mean what's your moral or philosophical position on Ready Lawn?
(12:44):
Are you a fan?
Speaker 3 (12:49):
You definitely drifted and by Smith elegantly through the covers.
Speaker 6 (12:53):
Jeez, he's looking good.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
And you'll get at least a capital here and I'll
come back for three lovely shut in England. I'm a
little bit frustrated. My lawn's an abomination.
Speaker 6 (13:07):
I thought that was the garden or the gardeners as well.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
But I've been doing a lot of mowing, and it's
gradually coming back to its full grandeur good, which is
why I was disappointed with the rain yesterday because it
needed another mow. I'm certainly not the sort of guy
that would buy Ready Lord.
Speaker 7 (13:30):
Well neither was I, but it was forced upon me
by my partner. Recently, we ripped out a herb garden.
This is what you do with christ jesh, that's what
you do with your spare time.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Stokes comes in bowls on the hip of literally just
clips it yerily down to Fine League for a.
Speaker 7 (13:47):
Single we ripped out a herb garden. I just thought
we'd throw some seeds on it, a dollar fifty at
Bunnings or mine to ten and it would come back
and let nature do its thing. And I know we
had to get ready lown, so we went to effort
and some expense to secure this ready lawn, which you
can buy these strips. It's an amazing product, Ready lawn,
you just roll it out. But now we've got something
(14:08):
that looks like a bad Brazilian on one side of
our lawn, and it's completely different to our existing grass.
And I'm sure it's going to grow in, but I'm
not seeing how that's possible.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Stokes bowls to Smith, who's just looking very comfortable at
the moment as he gets a single out through medwicker.
Speaker 7 (14:28):
Which is why I want to know what your position
has pulled forward on readylawners. Do you have to go
one hundred percent ready lawn? You can't because you can't
do it in patches? Is that the mistake we've made?
Speaker 6 (14:37):
Yeah? Eventually will that gred will die? Suggest? Yeah?
Speaker 10 (14:40):
No, I'm a purist, you know, good on you. I
do like T twenty cricket from time to time, But
on lawns, I'm very clear. I think when the lawns
were invented, of course, in the seventeen hundred's the Palace
of Versailles, Andre Lanota, who invented the lawn, he wasn't
using ready lawn, absolutely, he was burning it back, getting
(15:04):
all the wooden, turning that into faggots and then preparing
the ground not for Reddy long.
Speaker 6 (15:13):
Yeah, I mean it's I mean I could see why Jerry,
Jerry would you know, run with them really lorn. That
seems like his type of thinger.
Speaker 7 (15:21):
Either it's cheating, well, it is cheating, that's the thing,
you know, And it's the Tea twenty Cricket of Gardening.
Speaker 6 (15:30):
It is now I understand Paul Ford.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
From what Lee Baker was saying earlier in the broadcast
here at Mike Lane's house last night.
Speaker 6 (15:42):
I certainly was so cast.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Comes in now bowling to smith on twenty one, who
defends as.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Rougue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
This is the alternative commentary collective.
Speaker 11 (15:57):
Oh thanks to the great New Zealanders ad resin.
Speaker 6 (16:08):
Seven New Zealand. As we joined by that Sandy's and
unplayable that more, it was a doozy kip load knit
back and I was just saying to pull forward.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
There shows what happens when you pitch it up a
little bit and you let the pitch do the work.
And Rold Smithy was looking so good too. Nothing he
could really do with that.
Speaker 10 (16:35):
Yeah, not very convincing when you look back at the umpire.
Speaker 6 (16:38):
Going oh yeah it was close.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Well, I think it was just because of the height
more than anything else. So did you say a red
wine margarita mets there?
Speaker 10 (16:50):
No, no, no, no rounds, separate chapters.
Speaker 6 (16:56):
It's nothing quite like a red wine hangover either. Yeah,
it is dirty.
Speaker 10 (17:01):
We did go down to the We went down for
a swim at a him, just to sort of what
cleans ourselves?
Speaker 6 (17:07):
Has he got a poll? No, we went to the
sea now a nick beach. I think it is right.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
That's a good way to sort of clear the head
a little bit or make you throw up, either.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
Of the two. I felt, interestingly. I loved that cast
now bowling to the new man Henry, who collapsed him
through point. But it would just get a single.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
You said, I'll lead by forty now a bit of
a tragedy because they were going along very solidly.
Speaker 6 (17:31):
And then then you said Nathan Smith was looking really
really good.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
As rougue as a tail ender on stripe.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
This is the alternative commentary collect you, Oh, thanks to
the great New Zealanders at resin.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
I'm very partial to cheese myself. I'll have to make
myself crackers with cheese and cherry tomatoes and a few peckles.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
On hot I like cheese and grapes.
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Just as a good time snap, good time.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
Interesting cars comes in, looks out fall to the the
tried to whip it down lynside. It looked out for
all money, I've got to say. And even Henry's shaking
his head, going I'm running in a bottle of that one.
It was sort of york a lens and yeah and
(18:31):
Cas gets five for.
Speaker 6 (18:35):
But yeah, he was all over the top of that one, Henry,
let's have a look at it again. It was very
full and oh yeah.
Speaker 10 (18:45):
Jeez, Louise, that's plant and he knew it, annihilating that
gap between middle of the league stump I would say.
Speaker 6 (18:52):
So, what what cheesey head this morning to I'll tell
you what we do. It's we'll take a quick break
and be back shortly.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Coverage that you'll never leave even when it's outside the line.
This is the alternative commentary collective. Oh thanks to the
great New Zealanders and Max ra.
Speaker 6 (19:17):
I feel us, Yes.
Speaker 10 (19:21):
Met, you're hopelessly confused, just like you Jason. At the
other end, well, I mean it was clearly off the bed,
onto the ground.
Speaker 6 (19:27):
And off his pehit clearly obviously, and then claiming that
Eckinson was interested in that being a catch.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
It's just mouthing off at the umpire there and this
has taded off and.
Speaker 10 (19:39):
These ninety four six to go.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
I I really think the English are just being stupid.
Speaker 6 (19:56):
Quite a sweary appeal as well.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
It was that was a nice he directed ball but
kept out from Salvey.
Speaker 10 (20:03):
That's the Trent Bolt kind of a shot, isn't it that?
I think he's been having some bedding classes up at
Mount MONGANOI.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
I'll tell you what, Tim Salvey looks passed off to me.
So I'm expecting some fireworks there.
Speaker 10 (20:16):
You got in the air again, sex more ninety five sixes.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Cheezy plays a pool shot well, drerim it.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
She just so much time and that shot there he
just stood up, stands to attention and then just rolls
the wrists on it.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Perfect execution.
Speaker 10 (20:40):
It's a niggla single to decline when you're on forty
nine too, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
There?
Speaker 6 (20:50):
I mean, what and what other sport do you have?
The useless?
Speaker 5 (20:56):
This one's swinging away a slow ball from workes and
has guided down guy. And that's fifty four Daryl Mitchell.
Fifty of one hundred and thirty two balls in New
Zealand are two fourteen for nine, a lead of.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Sixty three, as rugue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
This is the Alternative Commentary Collective. Oh thanks to the
great New Zealanders at resin.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Yes, indeed, welcome back. And this is that this cheries.
I've had a fatal mistake. It's going to be one
of those games.
Speaker 6 (21:34):
Isn't It just frustrates the shit out of you. Maybe
it's just me a little bit mad. I've recently given
up the darries again.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
And beckers and bowls to Mitchell, who just guides it
down to third man for a single, which is all
well and good. Oh he doesn't she doesn't run. And
I'm a little bit towey at the moment because I'm
only eight days in. I made a terrible mistake and
(22:14):
forgot my nicorette gum today. Christ so I don't even
have my necorette gum. And this is gonna be one
of those you just have a vibe at the moment.
It's gonna go a bit longer than you'd like it. Yeah,
maybe probably an hour and a half longer than i'd like,
hopefully six hours longer. But New Zealand fighting away here
(22:35):
sixty nine is the lead.
Speaker 10 (22:37):
Nice Could you go out onto the street and buy
something to sort of as a replacement for that, like
a bagel?
Speaker 6 (22:44):
You mean, like a packet of cigarettes? Would you chase?
Speaker 7 (22:48):
Would you consider foraging around in a rubbish bind and
getting a stub, comfortying yourself with the knowledge that I'm
not smoking a full dorry. I'm just getting a slight hat.
So I haven't broken the rules.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
That can send bowls to MATCHELLU smashes him through Point fer.
Speaker 6 (23:09):
Four Lovely Shop.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
No, purely because they'll probably be quite wet and moist.
Speaker 7 (23:21):
I think we judge too harshly people that go through
rubbish bins and oh absolutely grab bits and pieces, whether
it be food or tobacco that has the second life.
I think they're great scavengers, great recyclists.
Speaker 6 (23:33):
One of my favorite things.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
And one of my comedy heroes, Barry Humphries used to do,
was fine rubbish bins that were next to bus stops
or something like that and plant stuff in the rubbish
bin as Atkinson bowls too. Matchell who has a swipe
and makes no contact, and then he dress himself up
(23:58):
as a tramp and he'd wander over to wander over
to the rubbish bin and start rummaging through it, and
all the people would be watching, going, oh, it's terrible,
and then he'd pull out like a bottle of champagne
and a full roast chicken, you know what I mean,
and then just start eating the chicken and drinking from
the bottle of champagne. Another thing he used to do,
(24:21):
which I used to love. He used to go unto shops,
this is back in his student days, awfull and just
clap down to belong on for a single and he'd
buy like a bar of soap, and he'd go up
(24:41):
to the counter and he'd pay for the bar of soap,
and then he'd leave without taking the bar of soap,
and the shopkeeper would be like, oh, you forgot your soap,
and he's like, I don't want the soap. I just
wanted to buy it, and then he'd just walk out again.
And he used to do this to this particular dairy
or a shop owner for ages until he went out
of business. Baby lost his mind over this because all
(25:02):
its mates used to do it as well, go into
the shop and buy stuff but then just leave without
taking it.
Speaker 6 (25:09):
Just to fuck with people. And this is what this
game is doing with me right now. It's it's fucking
with you. No, it's good.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
I mean, well, you know we're showing a bit of fight.
And seventy five is.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
The lead as rogue as a tail ender on strike.
This is the alternative commentary can let you. Oh, thanks
to the great New Zealanders at Resin.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
So it's going to be cast again looking for a
sixth wicket. It's finally Di.
Speaker 5 (25:52):
Mitchell, who's on eighty four mental drives down the ground,
doesn't time it perfectly and strike down the throat of
Chris Woks mid off and that is the end of
the New Zealand innings. And that's the end of Daryl
Mitchell's innings. He's gone for eighty.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
This rugue is a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
This is the alternative commentary collective.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Oh, thanks to the great New Zealanders at Resin.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
Welcome back to their commentary position Lee Baker and Paul
Stewart forward.
Speaker 7 (26:25):
Here we are the final denu one. How long would
this take? That's the big question. We're assuming it's an
inevitable I mean the odds are not great on New
Zealand defending one hundred and what is it one hundred
and four? So England need one hundred and five to win.
Paul Stuart Forward, you have wildly optimistic estimation favoring England.
(26:49):
Do you think they're going to wipe this off?
Speaker 10 (26:51):
In what fifteen overs thirteen? I reckon and I think
Zat Crawley won't We'll get none of them. It's going
to be all mother duck. It just I've done a
quick calculation before we get going, and I reckon there's
sixty three overs left today in ninety tomorrow, so New
Zealand need to keep England under point sixty seven runs
(27:12):
per over.
Speaker 6 (27:13):
You can for five about five sessions.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Run a bit of a sweet steak here in the
SEC studio, in the Export Beer Garden studios. First ball
is Sali're going to be buying to Crawley, and it
swings away and really lets it go through the people.
Thirteen overs, paul Ford. This is how many overs we
think it's going to take them. Joe Jerry's gone with
eighteen overs, Wheendy Jay's gone with twenty. I've gone with
(27:38):
twenty six, and Lee Baker has come in with twenty four.
Back how many overs? Twenty? Okay, Soudy again bowling to Crawley.
This ball shapes away from Crawley as I'm pushing forward
to cover.
Speaker 7 (27:59):
I do think it's going to the I'm guessing around
a seven wicket the tree for England. I'm saying three
go down in the session I think it's all going
to happen.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
Now Dillie's got nineteen.
Speaker 7 (28:18):
Well, it's still it's great banning conditions. It's a new ball,
but it's a bit of a road now.
Speaker 5 (28:23):
And your son, you see how there were two slips
swings away from Crawley drives through point.
Speaker 4 (28:28):
But there's a man that's deep backward point. It's ration
revender and I'll just keep it a one as.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Rugue as a tail ender on stripe. This is the
alternative commentary. Con let you oh, thanks to the great
New Zealanders at resin.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
England. One for none.
Speaker 5 (28:48):
This is the second over Henry's corball by Henry.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
What a catch that was.
Speaker 5 (28:56):
He miss timed to drive, it was full and Henry
with a reflex.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Catch to his right. He got two hands to it.
Speaker 5 (29:04):
Not easy those That is the end of Crawley for one.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
Does he ever scored a run against us?
Speaker 6 (29:12):
He is uselessly.
Speaker 7 (29:16):
Terrible shark.
Speaker 10 (29:18):
Oh test betting average of thirty one was that's actually
I'm gonna that's an officially a one handed catch.
Speaker 7 (29:25):
He had to work. He was falling away to the
left Matt Henry and his follow through had to twist
like a ballerina get the right met out where with
both hands, as Paul Forward says, took it with the
right hand the end of the fingers never easy.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
As Rugue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
This is the alternative commentary conlet you oh, thanks to.
Speaker 11 (29:49):
The great New Zealanders at Resine.
Speaker 6 (29:54):
Welcome back and England not mucking around.
Speaker 8 (30:01):
This is ramped down to duck It on his way
and I wrote his first delivery in the second innings.
Speaker 6 (30:12):
He gets to work it.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Duckett gave himself through him outside the legs thumping, just
ramped it straight to the man at third man.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
A couple of.
Speaker 6 (30:28):
Bombs here on the audio.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Holy moly. As Rugue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
This is the alternative commentary collective, oh thanks to the
Greek New Zealanders Addressine.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Smith to Bethel, a very quick bouncer from.
Speaker 10 (30:53):
He's the best case scenario from a New Zealand perspective
said he maybe gets a broken hand.
Speaker 6 (30:58):
Or something like that.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Sure, so Paul Ford rather outrageously predicted that England would
chase these runs down in thirteen overs.
Speaker 6 (31:12):
Twelve point two and three to win.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Smith comes steaming again, bowls to Bethels who slashes him
down to third man.
Speaker 6 (31:22):
You'll get a caple there and so to win one
more second cooler. Is that a bouncer? Yeah, it was
pretty high.
Speaker 10 (31:44):
The Prodigy looks like he's going to be leaving with
the Bond girl this afternoon, doesn't he There he pleases
himself the dasher.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
Smith three point three overs none for thirty seven.
Speaker 6 (32:00):
He comes now.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Bowls to Bethel, who smashes him out to the man.
It's deep squealing. England win the Test match. Bethel finishes
with a debut fifty not out and a comprehensive victory
for England.
Speaker 6 (32:19):
By eight wickets.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
They didn't muck around hundred and four to when they
came down, smash the living shit out of it. Quite
extraordinary stuff and well played England. Paul Ford.
Speaker 10 (32:34):
Yeah, I mean it was tough going yesterday. Really it
was moving day. England moved in and New Zealand moved
out and ruthless today from a betting point of view,
a little bit lethargic in the field.
Speaker 6 (32:47):
England is just ll us put on ninety nine runs.
Speaker 10 (32:50):
But you did get the feeling that they'd probably chase
down whatever they were going to chase down. They're going
to chase down at eight runs and over, and we
probably needed to put three hundred plus on the board
to really put them there any pressure. One hundred and
fifty runs short. You can look back at those drop catchers,
all eight of them, and you've probably had a pretty
decent reason. And frankly, it's actually really hard to think
about anything else that had such a big impact on
(33:13):
the game. Harry Brooke, amazing innings, asterisk, lots of catches,
some good bowling from cars. But really, I think everyone's
going to be talking about these drop catches when they
reflect on.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
This match, as they should, because it would have been
a completely different complexion on the game had those catches
been taken. But they weren't, you know, And if they
were chasing to eighty three hundred, mind you this English side,
I think we'd just go.
Speaker 6 (33:39):
For it regardless.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
But it is easier when you're chasing a hundi because
even if you lose three or four and you're being aggressive,
you know you're going to get there probably in the
end anyway, just keep the foot to the pedal. But
if you're chasing to eighty three hundred, there put more
pressure on.
Speaker 6 (33:57):
Yeah, and you go Oh, it's just steading it down.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
But well played England, well deserved New Zealand in many
respects the architects of their own demise some very average
fielding and they'll be reflecting on that.
Speaker 6 (34:13):
At least they know what's to improve on.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
And I think Paul Ford is right when he says
that is probably the defining feature of the Test match.
Speaker 10 (34:28):
So we look ahead to the basin unless we're stupid
enough to be at our own wedding Bason starts on
Friday next week, and just talking to Jeremy Wells were
nursing our hangovers together, and it's interesting to reflect on
what New Zealand could do. The guys in the shed
that they've got. They've got Mitchell Center who comes in
(34:50):
to the second Test squad. They've got Jacob Duffy who's
been running the drinks, and of course they've got well young.
Speaker 6 (34:56):
But I just I just can't see us doing anything
too funky there.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
I wish we had a couple more work at cakes,
just in our arsenal.
Speaker 5 (35:06):
Yeah, be interesting to see what evolves.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yeah, we'll blundle. I've got to say he's under pressure,
I mean drop catchers not getting any runs at the moment,
a few New Zealand batsmen under pressure. Actually Conway didn't
have a great Test match. AH, Lots for people to ponder,
(35:35):
but we appreciate the fact that you joined us here
on this acc commentary and we will be back with
a basin Test match and until then, from all the
team have a pleasant Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
As lugue as a tail ender on strike.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
This is the alternative commentary can let you thanks to
the creating Zelanders at Rizine
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