October 1, 2025 • 8 mins
A South Waikato dairy farmer and Farmstrong champion tells us what she’s learned from her mental health struggles. She also had advice for busy rural mums “in the trenches”.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I've been really looking forward to this interview and many
of you will be familiar with the an parks from
social media to the farm strong champion, a coach, facilitator
who uses our own story to empower others and let's
face it, it's in the mental health space, sets, in the
wellbeing space, looking after ourselves. Dan, Welcome on to the show.
(00:22):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I'm great? Thank you for having me today.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
This is yeah, fibulous, really, it's fabulous to you.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
No, no, this is so important and you know, look,
look you've got a social media post out today which
to mums in the trenches, and that's pretty much with
you know, I guess a good point to start our conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Yeah. And the reason why I just share that is
because I know, you know, so many mums are in
those trenches and it's tough and you feel like it's
a confusing time because it's like, you know, you're meant
to be so excited, like you know, you're a mum
with these and living your best life, and it's just
something that is going.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Oh why aren't I excited about this?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Like, and it's just you know, there's so many changes
and so many things going on and you kind of
wanting to feel, you know, like you're living your best
life and you just don't. And I just wanted women
to know that, A you know, I see you, I
hear you.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
I've been there.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
You know, I had three kids under three and a
half and it was it was tough.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
But we you know, put on this mask and.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
We pretend that everything's incredible and everything's amazing, and inside
it is just such a confusing place.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, look on the farm, I reckon it's ninety eight
percent of the time in our rural communities where the wife,
the woman, the partner is expected. Not only are they
you know, are expected to be the rock, but you know,
where's the fairness in that? And your story, as you're saying,
is different to that, oh.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I think we feel like we need to be, you know,
the mum, the partner, the the calf rearer, the administration,
you know, doing all the things like looking at you know,
changing your insurance or updating your insurance, say all the administration.
And there's so many things that pile up on the
mum's plate. And then there's also the aspect of I
(02:15):
call it like DC, like the four children and the farm.
You know, we had our own careers and we had
all these things and suddenly it's like in a flash,
life just changes, and you know, we don't want to
say we can't do it all, but gosh, I remember
so clearly having you know, one kid crime, one on
my backpack, trying.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
To feed calves and.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Just going this is not you know the picture the
picture I imagined, but pull it together because you know,
husband's having you know, bugger.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Or sleep during carving time, and.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
You know there's you know, there's all those things in
trying to just make you know, keep the peace for
everybody else, but inside it yeah, not e tough.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, because sometimes you think they're all that there are
people worse oft than me, but often there actually aren't.
You can be rock bottom and you need to be
aware of it, don't you. You need to You need
to sort of point your finger at yourself and ask
a few questions.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
And when I was going through my really dark time,
I had you know, extremely sick family members, and.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
So you know, I was kind of being like, oh.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
My thing, you know, isn't so bad. It isn't so bad,
And often would compare myself.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
To other people in these situations, and you.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Know, we lost a few springs through illnesses and you know,
they passed away, and so I'm kind of like, look,
I'm here, like why you you know, like you get
to see your kids and you get to do this
and be alive. But yeah, it wasn't it wasn't healthy
me at all. It just kind of you know, further
hush you down. Yeah, that mental health continuum down the bottom,
(03:51):
down the bottom. And I wish i'd you know, I
did reach out for help, but I didn't quite know
how to be really clear and say how much I.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Was struggling, because it's.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Fearful you think, oh people really knew what was going
on and said, my kid, you know, you just have
that judgment on yourself.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Oh dare that's yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that,
because I just want to shar something now that from
a men's males perspective here, right, And my view on
my own situation is I just go totally one hundred
percent depend on my wife for anything and everything, and
if she passed, I'd die a minute later. I so would.
(04:30):
But what I realized at the times when I piled
on the pressure that actually recognizing the stress that that's
putting her under and she's got her own world going on,
like you, three children under four and those things, is
that that's actually for them. For me as a male,
was quite empowering for me to go, you know, like
for one of a better description, get your shit together
(04:50):
or get some of it together and move forward together,
you know, talk about it, have some you know, have
some real connection over this.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Yeah, hundred percent. And it is you know, sitting down
and I think, you.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Know, I share to post a while back around for
the husbands or the partners you know, don't wait to
be asked, you know, offer and sometimes it just you know,
the offer of help, knowing that you know that.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
In with the trenches with you it can be huge.
But I know.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
How hard it is to ask for that help. And
so that's why I think it's really important if the
you know, the partner can say you know and you
just you know, this conversations an example, you can say, hey,
I heard Hayes India and talking today and you know,
is there anything I could do?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And you know, just ask a few times and see secretly.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah, absolutely, okay, So just to I don't know, I
suppose you're it's organic in a way, isn't it? But
there are are there are a few tips sort of
to you know, starting with a bit of connection, a
few ways to sort of put in motion or plan. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
I think the biggest thing, and I talked about this
post this morning, is you know, one of the five
ways to well being is take take notice. And I
think when you're a mum in the trenches, you're kind
of like, you know, because coaching and counting and so
call it like they're really good, but you're kind of like,
I don't have time for that. So take notice is
(06:18):
a really great place to start. And it's just looking
at gratitude. So when we start looking at everything that
is going wrong, like I'm not getting enough slate in
my house with the terms oh gosh, and I've got
to get the kids here, then there the g's t's
drew all of those things.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
That's where our attention is.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
But if we can flip it and take notice, and
you know, my challenge would be it's just three things,
you know, what what has gone great or what's going well,
and then dive a little bit deeper into the why.
And so then if our attention is focusing on what's
going well. That's what we start to notice. And then
you know, pret all those good happy hormones, you know,
(06:54):
and that's like exercise as well, like it gets all
those dolphins and feel good things going. So there is
you know a lot of science to the background of
you know why these five ways as well being are.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Good as well as they're proven and every day to day.
So that's where it start.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
If there's a you know, a mum out there at
the moment that's just going mate, I'm keeping my head
above water.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Three things to you know, what's gone well for the.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Day, Fabulous advice born from experience them parks of love.
This chat could go on for hours now. Social media wise,
how if people want to who haven't seen your post today,
where do they sort of get a.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Hold of you so they can find me on DM
parks and I have just tagged and a whole lot
of people.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I've shared it.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
On the Sami Mum's good site and yeah, but Instagram
is where you'll find me hanging out and yeah, so
they can find me on there and but yes, like
me a message if you know people are they just
have you know, feeling they know something that's not right
and they don't don't know where to start, you know.
Also heavily involved with Will Support Trust as well, So yeah,
(08:06):
people are kind of like, I don't know what's wrong.
Just let me your message and say that and I can, yeah,
point in the right direction as to who can.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Help your bloody marvelous Dan. Thank you so much for
your time today and I'm sure we'll chat again in
the not too distant future. Much appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Awesome, Thank you, match, have a beautiful Thursday.
I've been really looking forward to this interview and many
of you will be familiar with the an parks from
social media to the farm strong champion, a coach, facilitator
who uses our own story to empower others and let's
face it, it's in the mental health space, sets, in the
wellbeing space, looking after ourselves. Dan, Welcome on to the show.
(00:22):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I'm great? Thank you for having me today.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
This is yeah, fibulous, really, it's fabulous to you.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
No, no, this is so important and you know, look,
look you've got a social media post out today which
to mums in the trenches, and that's pretty much with
you know, I guess a good point to start our conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Yeah. And the reason why I just share that is
because I know, you know, so many mums are in
those trenches and it's tough and you feel like it's
a confusing time because it's like, you know, you're meant
to be so excited, like you know, you're a mum
with these and living your best life, and it's just
something that is going.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Oh why aren't I excited about this?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Like, and it's just you know, there's so many changes
and so many things going on and you kind of
wanting to feel, you know, like you're living your best
life and you just don't. And I just wanted women
to know that, A you know, I see you, I
hear you.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
I've been there.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
You know, I had three kids under three and a
half and it was it was tough.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
But we you know, put on this mask and.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
We pretend that everything's incredible and everything's amazing, and inside
it is just such a confusing place.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, look on the farm, I reckon it's ninety eight
percent of the time in our rural communities where the wife,
the woman, the partner is expected. Not only are they
you know, are expected to be the rock, but you know,
where's the fairness in that? And your story, as you're saying,
is different to that, oh.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I think we feel like we need to be, you know,
the mum, the partner, the the calf rearer, the administration,
you know, doing all the things like looking at you know,
changing your insurance or updating your insurance, say all the administration.
And there's so many things that pile up on the
mum's plate. And then there's also the aspect of I
(02:15):
call it like DC, like the four children and the farm.
You know, we had our own careers and we had
all these things and suddenly it's like in a flash,
life just changes, and you know, we don't want to
say we can't do it all, but gosh, I remember
so clearly having you know, one kid crime, one on
my backpack, trying.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
To feed calves and.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Just going this is not you know the picture the
picture I imagined, but pull it together because you know,
husband's having you know, bugger.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Or sleep during carving time, and.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
You know there's you know, there's all those things in
trying to just make you know, keep the peace for
everybody else, but inside it yeah, not e tough.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, because sometimes you think they're all that there are
people worse oft than me, but often there actually aren't.
You can be rock bottom and you need to be
aware of it, don't you. You need to You need
to sort of point your finger at yourself and ask
a few questions.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
And when I was going through my really dark time,
I had you know, extremely sick family members, and.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
So you know, I was kind of being like, oh.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
My thing, you know, isn't so bad. It isn't so bad,
And often would compare myself.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
To other people in these situations, and you.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Know, we lost a few springs through illnesses and you know,
they passed away, and so I'm kind of like, look,
I'm here, like why you you know, like you get
to see your kids and you get to do this
and be alive. But yeah, it wasn't it wasn't healthy
me at all. It just kind of you know, further
hush you down. Yeah, that mental health continuum down the bottom,
(03:51):
down the bottom. And I wish i'd you know, I
did reach out for help, but I didn't quite know
how to be really clear and say how much I.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Was struggling, because it's.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Fearful you think, oh people really knew what was going
on and said, my kid, you know, you just have
that judgment on yourself.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Oh dare that's yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that,
because I just want to shar something now that from
a men's males perspective here, right, And my view on
my own situation is I just go totally one hundred
percent depend on my wife for anything and everything, and
if she passed, I'd die a minute later. I so would.
(04:30):
But what I realized at the times when I piled
on the pressure that actually recognizing the stress that that's
putting her under and she's got her own world going on,
like you, three children under four and those things, is
that that's actually for them. For me as a male,
was quite empowering for me to go, you know, like
for one of a better description, get your shit together
(04:50):
or get some of it together and move forward together,
you know, talk about it, have some you know, have
some real connection over this.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Yeah, hundred percent. And it is you know, sitting down
and I think, you.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Know, I share to post a while back around for
the husbands or the partners you know, don't wait to
be asked, you know, offer and sometimes it just you know,
the offer of help, knowing that you know that.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
In with the trenches with you it can be huge.
But I know.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
How hard it is to ask for that help. And
so that's why I think it's really important if the
you know, the partner can say you know and you
just you know, this conversations an example, you can say, hey,
I heard Hayes India and talking today and you know,
is there anything I could do?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And you know, just ask a few times and see secretly.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah, absolutely, okay, So just to I don't know, I
suppose you're it's organic in a way, isn't it? But
there are are there are a few tips sort of
to you know, starting with a bit of connection, a
few ways to sort of put in motion or plan. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
I think the biggest thing, and I talked about this
post this morning, is you know, one of the five
ways to well being is take take notice. And I
think when you're a mum in the trenches, you're kind
of like, you know, because coaching and counting and so
call it like they're really good, but you're kind of like,
I don't have time for that. So take notice is
(06:18):
a really great place to start. And it's just looking
at gratitude. So when we start looking at everything that
is going wrong, like I'm not getting enough slate in
my house with the terms oh gosh, and I've got
to get the kids here, then there the g's t's
drew all of those things.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
That's where our attention is.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
But if we can flip it and take notice, and
you know, my challenge would be it's just three things,
you know, what what has gone great or what's going well,
and then dive a little bit deeper into the why.
And so then if our attention is focusing on what's
going well. That's what we start to notice. And then
you know, pret all those good happy hormones, you know,
(06:54):
and that's like exercise as well, like it gets all
those dolphins and feel good things going. So there is
you know a lot of science to the background of
you know why these five ways as well being are.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Good as well as they're proven and every day to day.
So that's where it start.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
If there's a you know, a mum out there at
the moment that's just going mate, I'm keeping my head
above water.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Three things to you know, what's gone well for the.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Day, Fabulous advice born from experience them parks of love.
This chat could go on for hours now. Social media wise,
how if people want to who haven't seen your post today,
where do they sort of get a.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Hold of you so they can find me on DM
parks and I have just tagged and a whole lot
of people.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I've shared it.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
On the Sami Mum's good site and yeah, but Instagram
is where you'll find me hanging out and yeah, so
they can find me on there and but yes, like
me a message if you know people are they just
have you know, feeling they know something that's not right
and they don't don't know where to start, you know.
Also heavily involved with Will Support Trust as well, So yeah,
(08:06):
people are kind of like, I don't know what's wrong.
Just let me your message and say that and I can, yeah,
point in the right direction as to who can.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Help your bloody marvelous Dan. Thank you so much for
your time today and I'm sure we'll chat again in
the not too distant future. Much appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Awesome, Thank you, match, have a beautiful Thursday.
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