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August 29, 2025 10 mins

On today's poddy, we're secure in ourselves.

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Featuring Jason Hoyte, Mike Minogue, and Keyzie, "The Big Show" drive you home weekdays from 4pm on Radio Hauraki.

Providing a hilarious escape from reality for those ‘backbone’ New Zealanders with plenty of laughs and out-the-gate yarns.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
For all you made bastards Loving the Big Show podcast,
Get Up even Closer.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
On Instagram, YouTube and tickt off for targets four to
seven every weekday on radio.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
Yeah yeah, yeah, you excited Keys on his countdown.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
Man, how fucking good.

Speaker 4 (00:22):
I was just meaning he's gonna get on the past.

Speaker 5 (00:24):
I'm excited about that. Yeah, nice to know. I was
just told you so I'm going. And then he said
it was ship.

Speaker 4 (00:29):
No, I didn't say it was.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
It's about blind yes, and then not ship, just the
food's bed and the nice Jase if.

Speaker 5 (00:36):
He enjoyed playing doubles, and he said no, it was
all right.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
No, Well he wouldn't have because he blew the last
last year, because he blew the last seven points. Because
you know, fever one out there were ten five up.
We're dominating, weren't we, Jason?

Speaker 5 (00:47):
We were made first of eleven.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Yeah, first eleven, and then Jase went for seven consecutive slems.

Speaker 5 (00:56):
Just started setting them up for him and he couldn't
help it. Yeah, it's funny.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
What's good though, It's such good fun I love We
should be playing that against Breakfast.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
That should be what we're doing. We should have done.

Speaker 5 (01:06):
That should be me and you though, just based on
the cap.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
But around Robin's singles all of that, you know, it'd
be great, see the whole thing.

Speaker 3 (01:14):
Are they taking the table away today? I'm imagining because
giving away nice?

Speaker 5 (01:21):
Yeah, but as soon as he's got to be there
for a month. So as we got back from Jason
blowing a seven point lead, yeah, he told me a
story about him being in the finals at his school
and beating a guy after he blew a nine point
It was.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
A seven point lead, actually, keeping yeah, but I was saying.
It was a young fellow called Toby, and he was
really good at sports.

Speaker 4 (01:41):
He was just one of those guys. He's only a
little bastard too.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
And I've talked about Toby before, but he was ultra competitive,
like would losers shit on the soccer field if we
started losing, right, kind of character, but really good at
the same time. And I thought I'd already lost. It
was twenty thirteen, and I was like, oh, okay, and
so I didn't really care, and he just started getting

(02:05):
really wound up, right, and so I.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Just kept you didn't care. Yeah, I imagine that I
just kept playing that goes. I didn't don't even care fellows. Actually,
I had a similar thing, which is really weird. I
was also playing against Toby as my best mate in
the tennis and the tennis finals at primary school.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
Yes, and you had a thing where if you're.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
In the final you could get you could invite a
mate out to be the umpire. Right, So the girls
played their gay or two actually, and the girls played
their final and they asked me and Toby to come
out and be the umpires, but we sort of fucked
around and didn't take it as seriously as we should.
So then we invited them out yet to be the
umpires for us. When we ended up in the final

(02:43):
and I beat Toby in the first set handily, Yeah,
and then I was up six five two I think
in the second for the win. Kisy and and our
mate Gretchen. She started being a real pain in the
ass with the umperor, very much mirroring what we done
against her. Yes, about taking marginally further, but I was

(03:04):
enjoying it because I was winning. Toby, on the other hand,
had an absolute shift and went in and told the
teacher and asked to have the umpires replaced.

Speaker 4 (03:13):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Well this resulted in a complete swing and in the
momentum of the match. Actually it was one set, and
I was like five too. The whole thing was one set, yes,
and that resulted in a complete swing in the competition.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
And he beat me seven five. Wow.

Speaker 5 (03:27):
Yeah, fucking Toby.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
He told the teachers it was a shameful moment for her.
He may have won the match, but he brought great
shame on his family. The Wocky Big Show week days
from four on Radio Hiarchy, remember they Big Show podcast.

Speaker 5 (03:46):
Nowadays you don't get to tell on someone as much
I could, So, for example, could I go tell like
Todd for example, Yeah, tell on you guys for being
mean to me.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
Absolutely, he wouldn't care.

Speaker 5 (03:57):
Well, even if he did, he wouldn't know really not
to do.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
No.

Speaker 5 (04:00):
But like, you don't get to tell on people as
much as you used to.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
Well, it's interesting because you do get a great a
lot of opportunities to talk to management, which you don't
get when you're a student. So well, I'm going to
talk to management about this.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
And especially I've always found it curious, you know, particularly
in this culture keasy, you know when culture key, when
Old Mogie and I bully all the time, that there
hasn't been more pushback.

Speaker 4 (04:22):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (04:23):
You know what it is is that I'm deeply secure
and who I am as a person is totally man
and your sexuality and my sexual one hundred percent. So
I can go on the radio and sound being and
dudes on the side. That's and that's great and it's all.

Speaker 3 (04:37):
G I was watching this really weird thing today and
it was this guy who was gorgeous, Was it me? No,
he was, and he became a male model and he
became quite famous and then he and he wasn't gay,
but he.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
Got into his murdering it is.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
But wait, it was really interesting and anyway got involved
in gay pornography and stuff, and he wasn't into it,
but it was really lucrative for this isn't me And anyway,
long story, sure, his life kind of unraveled and fell apart,
like he had a wife who was pregnant stuff, and
he was still doing all this escape pornography. But anyway,

(05:14):
en is that killing this fella who wanted to have
sex with him and then taking all his money. And
so he gets arrested and sent a sentence to fifty
years without parole, and at the very end of the program,
they said, blah blah blah, and he's transitioned to a
woman and now he's in a woman's That was the
very last ten seconds.

Speaker 4 (05:34):
Of the of the show, and it was like, oh wow, okay,
it's quite a story.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
Nothing wrong with that, No, nothing's wrong with that.

Speaker 5 (05:40):
That's good eating. I mean apart from the murder. That's
the part that was wrong with it.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
Well, yeah, money and taking his money.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
It's not ideal money man.

Speaker 5 (05:53):
But yeah, if you wave to that guy, he gives
you free chicken, gives you free but also he's just
a nice fellow.

Speaker 4 (05:58):
Was that the guy that owns the thing on the corner? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 5 (06:03):
What's your plan for the Magi's home alone this weekend?

Speaker 2 (06:05):
Well, I've had a bit of a shocker today because
I've had a going away lunch for Jake. Oh yes, yes,
we are going away lunch from somebody that work for
us here and he's off. But me and Jake had
two beers at lunch. Right, yeah, that's just ruined my day.
Why because I just want to keep drinking? Oh right, gotcha, Yeah,
I understand.

Speaker 5 (06:25):
But you're home alone this week home alone. You've been
triggered and all you've got to do is build that
trampoline which takes six drops.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Well, I've actually booked him in for that.

Speaker 5 (06:33):
So why can't you just have Oh you're not on the.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
What Why can't I keep drinking?

Speaker 2 (06:38):
Well I could technically, but I've got to go around
to a mateespace and watch the waz tonight. I don't
want to ruin it by drinking. But I don't drink
during the show. I don't think I've even had I don't.
I've never had a beer during the show except the
live show. Yeah, your keys that you're always on it.
Fuck it now, by the way, you drink.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
Just to keep your hands and shove your hands from shaking.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
Yeah, yeah, the delirium ts.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (07:05):
I feel like in the compare like historically we are
quite a well behaved show for the station.

Speaker 3 (07:11):
Yes, I mean I've been in shows previously that way,
you know, a little more out there.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
In that exactly. You know what I met Jerry early Doors.

Speaker 4 (07:22):
Don't get me started on the A C. C. Well, yes,
you know so, yeah, in the context, yes.

Speaker 5 (07:29):
Yeah, do you ever get do you ever get to
the point where you're like man keys steamed and he's
on here?

Speaker 4 (07:34):
Yes? Yes, when a couple of times when you're when
you're steamed on, are.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Really genuinely worried, not worried, just just that you're embarrassed.
But like, there was only I think that there was
only one time, really a live show. Yeah, pretty pissed.

Speaker 5 (07:50):
Wasn't that the one?

Speaker 1 (07:51):
It was? Really? It was pretty early on down in Auckland?
Was it down in Auckland?

Speaker 5 (07:57):
Remember it?

Speaker 1 (07:58):
I don't remember it there.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
But here you get a few on you and you
get happy, You like me happy Chapman, Yeah I am.
I get really happy and then I start smacking people
over yeah for looking at me?

Speaker 5 (08:10):
Slowly the massage turn into head.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
I wondered, I couldn't tell you the last time I
got into a fight. I mean, I've rolled a few dudes,
but that's not really one way.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
Yeah, a fight, you know, the other person has to
have a chance.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Wow, I mean none of the fights have you know.

Speaker 4 (08:27):
And if you dick them in your first punch, then
you know it's not really a fighter.

Speaker 5 (08:32):
Out Should you organize a fight?

Speaker 1 (08:37):
Breakfast? There we go. We've got the next thing we'll
do with them.

Speaker 5 (08:41):
First fight, first fight. But like, just so that you
can say I was in a fight the other day. Yeah,
you know what I mean, because it's been as the
last time you got punched and the gats so hard
you were winded. When I was in like intermediate, Yeah, yeah,
it's good stuff.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
I was always amazed after because I got in a
few fights when that score. But I was always amazed,
you know when I left school and stuff that I
never got.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
My head smacked, and you probably did, you just can't remember.

Speaker 3 (09:11):
Probably just yeah, woke up on the pavements, got heaps
in the mashi though, right, But that's different.

Speaker 4 (09:19):
That wasn't like pecking a fight, that's a that's a CP.

Speaker 5 (09:22):
But like, how did you go from like being a
tough little bastard to getting smacked over heaps of times
in the mashi? I don't like what I tell you
what it was.

Speaker 4 (09:29):
Yeah, my upbringing, Yeah, all time primary tough.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
It toughened me up, actually, and I was we had
the struck because it was predominantly a Maldi bas.

Speaker 2 (09:41):
I was just about to say, he's drawing on as
sort of as as as Maldi fucker Pappa. Every time
he sees it always feels like, I don't know, man,
it feels like you're this is a bit of cultural
appropriation that's going on here, especially for a guy that
doesn't know how to say.

Speaker 5 (09:56):
Topal tapool's topal top Yeah, correct, and it means dark
bottom because the lake is bottomless. Well, what were you picturing?

Speaker 1 (10:11):
Racial?

Speaker 5 (10:11):
What were you picturing, Jade?

Speaker 1 (10:13):
I don't want to I don't want to.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
Tell you all I was picturing when you said dark
bottom if it in a brown ass were I haven't
done poos today and it's actually coming on board now.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
I'm not doing it on the show.

Speaker 4 (10:26):
I was just putting it out there just to be
a deck.

Speaker 5 (10:28):
No, we need this content for the show.

Speaker 4 (10:30):
You know why I put it in there because I
like the word.

Speaker 5 (10:32):
Poos and I like putting it on the check.

Speaker 4 (10:36):
Should we have some chat chat today for the counter.

Speaker 5 (10:38):
Not poosman poos poos chat? Hey?

Speaker 3 (10:42):
What listen?

Speaker 5 (10:43):
Is the Big Show? Fortal seven Radio Hurdacky weekdays fort
seven weekdays
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