October 21, 2025 • 54 mins
Elizabeth, a recovering alcoholic and creator of the stage play REHAB, shared her inspiring journey of overcoming addiction and finding purpose on Newstalk ZB’s The Nutters Club. Now 16 years sober, Elizabeth reflected on her struggles with alcohol addiction, her path to recovery, and her efforts to break the stigma surrounding addiction.
Born in Christchurch and raised in East Auckland, Elizabeth began drinking at the age of 15 after her parents’ separation and a school change left her feeling lost and uncomfortable in her own skin. Alcohol provided a sense of relief, but her drinking quickly escalated into an obsession. By her late teens, she was drinking during the day and experiencing blackouts. At university, where drinking was normalised, her addiction worsened, leading to daily drinking and even consuming alcohol before morning lectures.
Despite her struggles, Elizabeth managed to complete her Bachelor of Communications degree, but her addiction continued to spiral. By her early twenties, she realised the toll her drinking had taken on her relationships, health, and career. After several failed attempts to quit, including detox diets and recovery meetings, Elizabeth finally sought help at a residential rehab facility. There, she found solace in the therapeutic community model, which provided a safe space for vulnerability and growth. The strict rules and group therapy sessions helped her confront her addiction and begin the process of healing.
Elizabeth’s recovery journey wasn’t without challenges. After getting sober, she developed an eating disorder, which she addressed using the tools and principles she learned in rehab. She credits her recovery community for providing the support and encouragement she needed to overcome her struggles.
Since achieving sobriety, Elizabeth has accomplished remarkable milestones, including becoming a mother, retraining as a lawyer, and working as a criminal defence attorney. She also created Rehab, a stage play that sheds light on addiction and recovery, aiming to reduce stigma and inspire others to seek help. The play, which debuted in 2021, has been performed multiple times and is set for its seventh season at Auckland’s Pumphouse Theater.
Elizabeth’s story demonstrates the power of resilience, community, and the possibility of transformation. For those seeking help, she recommends reaching out to local services such as Community Alcohol and Drug Services (CADS), Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), or residential rehab facilities like Higher Ground and the Salvation Army’s Bridge program.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
You're listening to a podcast from News Talk sed B.
Follow this and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Greetings and welcome. I'm Hamish Williams and you're listening to
the podcast version of The Nutters Club, a radio show
about mental health broadcast weekly on News Talk said B.
Covering multiple related topics, we explore people's experiences and what
they learned about how to live with their own mental
health and the hope that it might help you with
(00:41):
your own. The show is broadcast live on Sunday nights
on News Talk said B right across New Zealand and
around the world. This week we were joined by Elizabeth Craycroft.
By day, Elizabeth is a criminal defense lawyer and by night,
the creator and producer of the stage play Rehab. Based
(01:03):
on her own experiences in a residential rehab facility. Elizabeth
shares her battle with alcoholism and how she found her
pathway to recovery. Let us know what you think, as
well as what you learn from our chat on any
of our social media platforms. Just search the Nutters Club
in z Let's get into the show. Elizabeth, thank you
(01:26):
so much for being here.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Thanks so much. It's great to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
So, like Elizabeth, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Where were you born, where'd you grow up? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:34):
So I was born in christ Church but grew up
in Auckland And yeah, I grew up in East Auckland
and did a Bachelor of Communications when I was younger.
Drank a lot through that degree.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Is that when you started drinking? Was that when it
started at UNI?
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
It started before Uni. I started drinking alcohol when I
was about fifteen sixteen. I'd moved schools, my parents had
split up, and I just felt really uncomfortable in my
own skin and just didn't really I don't know, I
(02:19):
guess I just didn't really know who I was. And
I remember when I first tried alcohol, it was just
this real feeling of relief. It just made everything feel okay.
It's like that kind of you know, like just that
real feeling of I don't know, I don't have to
(02:39):
worry about everything anymore, and it just.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, you started drinking it fifteen sixteen. Was initially drinking
with friends.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Yeah, it was. It was just drinking with friends at
parties and things like that, but it was it quite
quickly became something I was really obsessed with and really
just wanted to chase that feeling over and over, Like
I just I loved the feeling of being drunk, to
be frank.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
So what did that look like in practical terms? So
you know, like you were still at school? Yes, it
was so you know, were drinking but were at school
or was it something that you just confined to weekends?
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yeah, so initially it was just the weekends. It was
just binge drinking, but it was it was kind of
every opportunity I could, I would I would drink, and
once I started drinking, I just didn't know when to stop,
and it would normally result in blackouts and not remembering
what I did. But it was interesting because I like,
(03:39):
by day I was quite an all rounder. I was
really sporting and to like acting and theater and stuff
like that, and I had lots of friends. And then
when I would drink, it was my friends would often
say to me, it was almost like something else would
kind of take over and I just wasn't myself and
I would lose I guess the values and stuff that
(04:01):
I'd normally have and just yeah, and I couldn't ever
remember it really, And that progressed into daytime drinking sort
of in my late teens.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
So then you go to UNI, where drinking is celebrated,
some would even say encouraged, and that kind of environment.
Everyone's young. It's part of having fun. Get it out
of your system, is what they try and say to
try and normalize it. But for someone who you know,
like yourself, who's saying you know you were looking for
(04:33):
every opportunity, what was that like being given an entire
sort of cultural experience that was a green light?
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Yeah, that's right. I mean I was living in the
UNI hostels, and I mean it was great, Like Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,
Saturday night, I'd like want to go out or encourage
my roommates and stuff to go out with.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Me, and it did.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Even though it certainly was encouraged, I definitely was the
person that was still trying to find any excuse and
if everyone was kind of tired by night, then I
just find other people that would want to go out.
And then it also quite quickly turned into daily drinking
and drinking a bottle of wine before an eight am lecture.
(05:18):
I was studying communications, as they said before, and actually
a radio major.
Speaker 5 (05:23):
So I would.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Scale alcohol or have vokra my drink lectures and then
go to the student radio show.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, and doing that. Do you think it, Like, did
anyone even pull you up and be like, hey, what
are you doing? Like, I mean, if you're if you're
doing radio, I mean, like I've Kyle and I have
done this this show. I mean, I've been doing this
on and off for sixteen years, and I can tell
you right now that I would struggle to do it
(05:55):
with having a drink in my system. Yeah, you know,
like I just it's it's kind of weird to describe
to you, but just even being a little bit slow,
you could fear it. So was anyone noticing was it?
Was it coming through? Did anyone sort of pick up
on the fact that you were drinking and doing any
of this? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Absolutely, I mean I've been sober now for sixteen years,
and I could completely understand it would definitely affect Yeah,
how you do things professionally. I mean people, I think
people kind of knew, like I think my roommates and
friends did. But to be honest, in a way, I
(06:34):
was kind of so in the throes of my addiction
that I just didn't really pay attention or maybe I
kind of I think during the day, I'd sort of
top up drink, if that makes sense. So I wasn't
completely wasted, but I guess I was drunk enough to.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
You know, like, yeah, when you say you know, top up,
was it almost like you kind of knew where your
balance was and you were just trying to keep that.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Yeah, that's right. So I would I would drink just
enough so I would sort of get like a bit
of a buzz, and I would I would get that
relief essentially. That's what I was looking for. I was
looking for that, yeah, feeling of relaxation and ultimately just
getting out of my head. So I would, yeah, drink
(07:28):
just enough to kind of do that. I mean, obviously
it wouldn't always go to plan, and I'd sometimes drink,
you know, too much during the day or things like that.
I I mean, as it progressed. I got sober when
I was twenty four, but I would I remember moving
to different flats, for example, when I was still studying,
(07:50):
and initially i'd sort of meet people and I'd put
on a bit of a front, and then slowly that
would be eroded because I would be drinking so much,
and especially during the day and things. Was it was
just too unmanageable for them, So it ended up having
to leave a flat and i'd I'd find somewhere else
(08:11):
to live. And I was I like, remember, at the time,
I was convinced that if I could get all the
external things right in my life, then maybe that somehow
that would fix my drinking.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So when you'd say, you know, fix your drinking, did
you ever in your mind at the time when you're
going through this, did you imagine this was going to
be a constant state or did you did you always
think that maybe it might change?
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Yeah, I just I don't know, like I hoped it
would change. I think I kind of just like wish
that one day I'd wake up and be able to
drink like a normal person or wouldn't need to drink
to the extent I did. But I think as I
kind of by the time I was maybe like twenty
two twenty three, I deep down knew that that wasn't
(08:57):
going to happen because I was so addicted that I
just couldn't really conceptualize how I would somehow be able
to put it down. So, yeah, it got pretty bad
pretty young, which now I see is a blessing. But
back then I, yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
You say that, you know, like drink like a normal person.
What does a normal person drink like? I know at
that time, you know, at that time, what was the
concept of that.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Yeah, well, I mean I guess my friends they were
all drinking to get drunk to an extent, but I
guess they just knew maybe when it had sort of
crossed that line. Or also I think another thing was
I would drink so much and blackout, and you know,
I would suffer a lot of consequences from that, or
(09:47):
a lot of people would be pretty annoyed with me
the next day or not talking to me, and I,
you know, couldn't understand why because I like couldn't remember,
or I was you know, my interpretation of that night
was different. But you know, I just get up and
do the same thing again. And I think the insanity
was that I just thought it would be different this time.
(10:07):
I just I just really thought that.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
And I think normal people have an off switch. Yes,
they can stop. It might be stopping after too much,
or it might be choosing not to start because they've
got an exam the next morning. But I think that's
one of the differences.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Oh yeah, yes, absolutely right, Yeah, and I mean I
guess they, yeah, they have an understanding of the consequences.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Did you graduate UNI? And at this.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Point, no, I'd done a communications degree bar one paper.
I actually take a whole year off in two thousand
and seven because I just couldn't get to lectures.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Yeah, because of the drinking.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah, because of the drinking, and manage to get back
in two thousand and eight and sort of finish, yeah,
through the drinking, but still had that last paper to do.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
So at which point in what was the catalyst for
you to say I need to change.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
I think it was a bit of a slow process
for me. It wasn't sort of one big explosive event.
But I think as time went on, I became more
and more isolated. I'd driven so many people away because
of my drinking, and I guess at that age too,
a lot of my friends just didn't know what to
do with me. My family, My mum's pretty tough love
(11:32):
as well, so she just wouldn't have a bar of it.
And I, yeah, I was just really really alone, and
I tried other ways to get sober. I remember doing
a lemon detox diet, that one that I think Beyonce
did that in the day where you didn't eat for
(11:52):
twelve days and had maple syrup and lemon juice. And
then I remember like the next day I'd finished that
and I just got completely was just, you know, nothing,
nothing really worked. And I remember I was working full
time at this point, still hadn't quite finished my degree,
but I was drinking before work. I was getting a
(12:13):
bottle of wine from a bottle store at lunchtime and
scing out behind a bush at lunchtime, and then drinking
after work, and it was just getting kind of sadder
and sadder. My liver was swollen, and I just had
this moment where I was like, nothing's going to change here.
I'd started going to recovery meetings earlier that year, too,
(12:36):
so I knew that recovery was possible. I'd sort of
been able to through going to those meetings. I could
conceptualize it a little bit more, but I just couldn't.
I had this thing where I was like, I don't
want to say I'm an alcoholic because if I say that,
I can't take it back, and then what if I
want to drink again? So it kind of felt like
(12:57):
I was dancing in this thing where I just didn't. Yeah,
I wasn't quite there yet, but fortunately yeah, having a
taste of it earlier that year. It was just this
random whatever day of the week it was, I was
sitting at work and I was like, I just I
have to have to get help again, Like I just
can't go on like this.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
When was the first time that you were able to
describe yourself as an alcoholic.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
It was a few months into recovery meetings. I was
going along to those, and I like, before rehab, I
went to rehab and I would just say, you know,
my n end Liz and then Ratia. I think it
was when I saw, if I'm really honest, people in
(13:46):
those meetings and people at rehab that I really respected, and.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
They were.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Identifying themselves and as an alcoholic, and I kind of thought,
you know, these are people that I really respect. They
have great lives now, they're intelligent and man like, and
if they're alcoholic and they drank like I did, like
maybe it's okay for me to be one as well.
And another part of it was it was such a
(14:17):
relief because acknowledging that I am an alcoholic also meant
that I could lean into the solution and up until
that point, it was like, well, I'm not really going
to lean into that because I'm not really an alcoholic,
so I can maybe still try and beat this, even
though I knew deep down I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
So this is at this point of the story. You
keep going to the recovery meetings and admit being an
alcoholic and everything's fine, and that's the end of the story. No, No, right,
there's something a little bit more. Yeah, so talk us
through where you went to next, because there was other
things going on as well, right.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Yeah, there was. I did soon after that go to rehab,
like a residential rehab. But when I got sober, I
also got quite a bit eating disorder. This was something
I had had when I was younger, and I think
it was almost just this sense of wanting to control
(15:18):
something and putting down the alcohol. Initially I felt this
pink cloud. It was quite exciting. I was going to
these meetings and these people actually wanted to see me,
and it was you know, like and also just having
this sense of relating to others and all of that.
But yeah, I just I stopped eating to be yeah,
(15:41):
rank And I remember eating like maybe ten lollies a
day and some almonds or something like that, and I
just lost quite a lot of weight. But that almost
became quite addictive in of itself, and I just wanted
to become skinner and skinner and it I'd sort of
get some sort of high out of that.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, And so how do you go about then trying
to get support when it came to the eating disorder?
In one hand, you're fighting for your sobriety, which is
still fairly fresh, and now you've got the extra added
challenge of this eating disorder. Where did you go to
try and get support around this?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
The eating disorder was harder when I was in rehab.
Obviously I could sort of look at both of them,
but I think the eating it's more insidious because obviously
we have to eat, and I think it's really tied
into sort of identity and things as well. So, if
(16:45):
I'm honest, there wasn't really the same support back then.
I don't know if it's different now than there was
for addiction. I went to some recovery meetings for it,
but it wasn't really tailored to my type of eating disorder,
which was under eating. And Yeah, I found the best
(17:08):
way for me was just to lean into the principles
and the tools and stuff I'd learned at rehab and
at the recovery meetings, and there was like a spiritual
element to that as well, And I found that I
just sort of used those tools to help me with
my eating disorder and it did help. Actually, it kind
of helped me relinquished control.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
So it sounds like the residential rehab experience you went
through was really helpful, Like it was really instrumental. It
talk us through that a little bit, because you know,
when you aren't staying at home, whatever home is or
looks like, and suddenly you're in a new environment with
people you don't know, and you know, when you're in
a residential facility, there's usually quite a lot of rules
(17:54):
and expectations. What was that like, I mean, how did
that gel with you? Was it scary? Intimidating? Was it
exciting liberating?
Speaker 3 (18:03):
Yeah, I mean it was scary. It was really scary
to go into that, and I I just I didn't
know what to expect, but I think I'd already had
a bit of a taste of recovery.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
But going in there was the.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Beautiful thing was that there was so many people from
different backgrounds there were people on bail, there were people
that had had really really tough upbringings, and we were
all in this place together, opening up with so much
vulnerability and letting people see us more than probably our
(18:38):
own families had ever seen us before. And there was
just something so comforting about that. I think the people
that I was in treatment with sort of became like
my family, to be honest, and you know, like your
brothers and sisters in recovery, and it was Yeah, I
think it was those connections that really made me feel
(19:01):
part of something and it made me feel like I
could continue on this and I did have a chance
that staying sober because I had all of these people
around me that were all trying to do the same thing.
I think the rules and stuff were quite scary and
it's hard thing and under it like a kind of
magnifying glass, and I would struggle to sit with myself
(19:25):
and I you know, I was constantly being pulled up on.
Speaker 6 (19:30):
You know.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I think in early recovery all of your sort of
defix and stuff come out and I could be times
a bit maybe manipulative or I could you know, try
and yeah, we just all the sort of like almost
like family system things we do, so we'd sort of
gravitate towards certain people because they would maybe remind us
(19:50):
of a difficult family relationship. I'm sure Car could speak
more to this, but yeah, it's it's kind of mind
blowing how much you learn about yourself and the residential
treatment center with yeah, really strict rules and no access
to the outside world.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
And so which point when you're having something so confronting
is having you know your I guess you know your
trigger points, whatever you want to call it, you know,
being made very clear to you. At what point does
that go from being confronting to comforting and so much
as you understand them like that, there's a time period
(20:28):
for that to happen, right.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Yeah, definitely. I think it's sort of when you I
think it's you have to kind of get to a
point where you're able to release the control and I
think surrender because when I was fighting it initially and
I and I didn't want to listen and I kind
(20:51):
of didn't want to believe the things they were seeing
in me, Like I just thought I could do it
my own way. And I think the more that I
pushed and you know, ignored the advice and the guidance.
The more sort of hurt I became more, the more
I just I don't know, yeah, kind of came up
(21:14):
against a bit of a wall. So I think also
seeing my peers really surrender and do the same things
that I was being told and actually really start to
grow and thrive was quite encouraging to It's like the
rehabits that as a therapeutic community model, so it's very
pear led, and I think seeing myself reflected in others
(21:35):
doing things that I struggled with was actually really really helpful.
And that's something that really I think helped almost give
me permission and empowered me to Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Gole, what's the psychology about around greep therapy? Because you know,
to be honest, you wouldn't want to just sit there
and tell like other people about your problems where they
could hear you, could you?
Speaker 4 (21:59):
So yeah, well, I guess the thing is is that
I mean, you said it yourself that it's about it
brings out family experiences, right. So one of the things
about groups, One of the theories of groups is that
when you have more people in the room, you tend
to provoke a wider range of responses from people. Rather
(22:19):
than just the one therapist sitting in front of you.
And of course when those people are also your peers,
then there's really an opportunity to sort of turbo boost
that uncomfortable reflection that you get from other human beings,
particularly when you're trying to figure something out like an addiction.
I mean, I think the therapeutic community model is a
wonderful model. I mean, it's it's one that we've lost
(22:41):
a lot of the examples of. Apart from basically rehab
in New Zealand, the whole idea is kind of providing
people with what I think ultimately is kind of like
a reparenting experience. It's kind of like that loving, strict
compassion that you know that that good healthy families sort
(23:02):
of do naturally. And like you mentioned the word surrender,
it is that idea that actually you just go with
the process, right, stop fighting it, because everyone who enters
into recovery thinks they're an expert and that they will
be able to beat it in so one way or another.
But hopefully when people into recovery they figure out that
they can, but just not the way that they think
(23:24):
they can.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
And I'm going to assume as being in a group.
It's also too it's not all on you. There's other
people in the room who are working on similar challenges
as well, and there's a comfort in that, right, Yeah, exactly,
There definitely is. And I think being able to realize
you're not the only one and see yourself and other
people as a huge comfort as well. And I think
(23:47):
also when you're in a residential environment, like you might
be having a really good day one day and having
a bit of a breakthrough and then someone else is
really struggling, so there's that kind of mutual support as well,
and then you know you might have a bad day
another time and etc. So it's I think knowing that
and able to see other people struggle makes you realize
(24:15):
that it's okay to find things hard. And it's actually,
in a sense, I've found like a good thing because
if it was easy, I suppose, you know, if it
was that simple, then where's the growth really in that?
(24:36):
Like it's just it's not really going to it's not
really going to happen. And I think in that residential environment,
it's a safe space where they can really push you
and they can really challenge you, and that's where that
growth comes. Through that real and comfortableness, and then when
you go back into the community when difficult things happen,
(24:59):
you've already sort of experienced I guess, like a micro
version of that.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
And rehab it's a.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
Wonderful way to work as a clinician because one of
the things is, like you say, you can really push
people and then you don't have to send them home
and worry about them. You know that they're there, they'll
be the staff on site, they'll be fed, they're going
to bed. So it is a very rewarding way to
work as well.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
We're just talking about life post rehab, because of course
residential is one yeah, yeah, yeah, it comes to an end, right,
and then you've got to go back out into that big,
bad world where you know, the liquor stores are open
and the bars are welcoming, and you've got to be
able to find it in yourself to find something else
(25:40):
to do. And so you've ended up having some quite
significant achievements actually in your sixteen years now of sobriety,
and you know, one one being a mum, yeah, and
then retraining to become a lawyer.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Yeah, definitely. It's really is the blessings of recovery, and
I think when you've got that community around you, it's
amazing what you can do. And yeah, so had my
went back to my career for a bet and communications
and then have my daughter and then decided to get
a law degree, which I definitely could have done, could
(26:17):
not have done if I had not been in recovery. Yeah,
and now obviously working as a criminal defense lawyer. But
I just I feel so blessed because you know, if
my life had gone in a different direction, I just
wouldn't have been able to do any of that.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Look as fascinating as I would love to find out
about the life and times of being a criminal defense
lawyer in New Zealand. And by the way, we can
talk about this later in the show, but let's just
go back. You also ended up becoming the creator and
producer of the show Rehab. Where did this idea come from?
(26:57):
Because I know you said you did a theater at
high school, but I think we all did a bit
of theater at high school. Not all of us go
on to the stage place years later in life. So
what was the genesis of the idea for that?
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Yeah, so I'd done acting and stuff, I guess after
high school and I joined an improv thetter the COVID
Theater in Ponsonby, and the COVID actually didn't have an
actual space, and then leading into twenty twenty they got
an actual theater on Mackelvey Street and there was an
opportunity to pitch shows. I thought to you know, I thought,
(27:32):
what do I know a lot about? And I was like, well,
I know a lot about rehab and I know a
lot about recovery. And I think even more importantly behind that,
I'd always been quite frustrated with the stigma that I'd
experienced from some people in regard to being in recovery
or being a recovering alcoholic and things like that. And
(27:54):
I often felt that a lot of people didn't understand
a lot about addiction or what that meant. And I
also found that there's a lot of people there that
maybe we're struggling with addiction, but we're scared to come
into recovery like I was, because they didn't know what
(28:15):
would be on the other side of that. So I
wanted to create something that a demonstrates that addiction doesn't discriminate,
that anyone can deal with this issue, and it doesn't
mean that they're you know, like a bad person or
have some moral failing and also demonstrate that recovery is possible.
(28:40):
And I yeah, and I guess they wanted to add
a bit of context to the ins and outs of
a residential rehabit.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Yeah, so you came up with the idea and any
stage that at covit for a start.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Yeah, we debuted in February twenty twenty one.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
And so you've continued to put this on what you're
multiple times now and you've got another season of it
coming up next week.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
Yes, we do. Season seven starts at the pump House
Theater this coming week on Wednesday, Wednesday to Saturday. So yeah,
excited about that.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
And if people want to get tickets and the like,
we can they go And fine, I mean we'll post
it on the Nudders Club. We will Facebook page, yes.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Just the pump House website. They can go on there
and the Rehab Show should pop up pretty quickly. And
we also have a website now actually Rehab Show dot
code or inzip.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
If anybody wants any of those details, you can flick
us a text on nine two nine two, or go
and find them on Facebook. The Nutterers Club in z
Kyle is posting the link as we speak. Curiously. As
we speak, I've got a text message here. Good question
from Susan. Susan says, are their residential rehab places throughout
(29:55):
New Zealand and do you need to pay privately?
Speaker 3 (30:00):
I believe there are residential rehabs throughout New Zealand and
there are I went to public rehabs, and there's certainly
are public ones throughout the country. So yeah, short answer, no,
you don't have to pay. And what I'd probably do
(30:21):
is a good place to start if it's in your
area as CADS, which is a community alcohol and drug
services and that can sort of be like a good
place to I guess toe it into the world of
recovery and then they can refer you on to one
of the public rehabs.
Speaker 4 (30:42):
Yeah, and there are also a handful of private rehabs
obviously that's the big centers. So there's kind of about
three or four off the top of my head now.
In Auckland, another suggestion to CADS is great and in
fact CADS Auckland and some of the other cadss around
the country have often have sort of open door policies
and hours where you can just walk in and have
(31:03):
a chat with someone without an appointment. There's also the
Alcohol and Drug Helpline which is eight hundred and seven
eight seven seven nine seven, and they'll be able to
point you in the direction of your local services too fantastic.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
And the other one that comes to mind is the Sally's.
The Salvation Army have units all throughout New Zealand.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
They do.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah, I think they call it Bridge. Is the bridge?
Speaker 4 (31:26):
Yeah? The Bridge program is one of the bigger ones
here in Auckland and Mountain and just quite close to
the countdown if you know, Mountain, just off the Minion road.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Oh is it there?
Speaker 4 (31:36):
Yeah, stuck the line.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Let's go back to the lines, ilb i'lb good morning
to you.
Speaker 7 (31:43):
Oh A tough a lot of money? How is Carl?
And Hi, loves, how are you good?
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Thank you?
Speaker 7 (31:51):
Yeah? My case manager from elm Wharden put me into
CDH three in this essment unit and they were just
phil out with this one and stuff and that and
and five nights and five days I could not drink
(32:14):
a glass of beer or any form of alcohol.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Very good, yeah, but I already.
Speaker 7 (32:27):
After two nights I was marmitsing my.
Speaker 8 (32:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (32:32):
The chats there and I couldn't take any food down it.
That gave me some lemonade icicles to suck on and
it made a nice, nice and throat, nice and clean,
and they Kevin couldn't believe him five nights if they
(32:53):
able to kick the whole law.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
That's a that's a good trick. Actually, that's a that's
a good pro tip right there, Alb.
Speaker 7 (33:02):
Yeah, Well, I've made a promise to Kevin that after
because you went to the air of doing this for me,
that I would not touch it.
Speaker 6 (33:15):
But I.
Speaker 7 (33:17):
Have not gone back on a promist, so I'm not
going to either.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
And so how long have you been sober now for Albi?
Speaker 7 (33:26):
Two and a half years?
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Yeah, awesome looking two and a half years. What have
been some of the big changes that you've noticed in yourself?
Speaker 7 (33:35):
Well, I will not go. I'm still going to a pub,
but I have a point of orange juice and I
water it down. But my clarity I was listening to
feofle and talking to people is really good and then
(33:57):
sometimes pretty going to a pub they talk a lot
of shite. Yeah, just listen and it's I this and
I that I've got bigger than this, or you know,
(34:17):
I like going when it's a bit quieter and you've
got time to listen to someone and how we can
people actually like because you're making sense.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Yeah, I think I remember Actually I experienced quite recently.
Actually I went to a gathering of people a bit
later in the evening and I turned up. I hadn't
had a drop to drink, and trying to have a
conversation with everyone was actually really tough, and you were
kind of thinking, You're like, oh, jeez, is this what
it's like? Is this what it sounds like? This is
(34:55):
terrible and this.
Speaker 7 (34:57):
But all the rest of them are actually so drunk
and they don't appreciate really what they're saying. But you've
been I'm getting there here.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Yeah, I think I was along the lines. I think
I helped clean up a little bit because they weren't
going to. And that's the other thing, too, isn't it
You end up being the helper if you're if you're
the the so one. Did you ever have you had
that sort of experience in your recovery, Elizabeth? Have you
been around people who have been drinking and suddenly you
know you're finding you're the one kind of like being
(35:33):
sort of like their I don't know, supervisor sober driver.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Yeah, yes, yeah, definitely, yeah, I relate. I think being
the only sober person around a lot of quite drunk
people can can feel a little bit, almost a bit boring,
to be honest, because you're sort of like, ah, it's yeah,
not sort of on the same wavelength as them, but
it's yeah, and certainly any part of them.
Speaker 7 (36:03):
It's a very endurable. Have you on the program of
love and just encarriage one first and ends a hundred
to give up you've done your job?
Speaker 2 (36:17):
Well, I think she's done the job bloody well tonight, Albie.
Speaker 7 (36:21):
Oh, I think so too. What you've put is what
you get.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
There, I reckon. That's a pretty good analogy for life. Actually, Albie,
you're a wise man. Hey, look really lovely to hear
your voice, and thank you so much for your call. Okay,
got another text message I just want to read here
just says I gave up drinking, drugs and rock and roll.
Why don't you got the rock and roll? Twenty seven
(36:47):
years ago, Cold Turkey, I was out, I was pregnant,
and that was it all gone and I never looked back.
I'm successful now, mortgage free home a family and a
great business.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
Oh amazing.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
And that's to your point, Elizabeth, was that you know,
actually when you were going to those early recovery meetings,
was actually being able to see that there is this
life on the other side and that it's actually really good.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
Yeah, exactly, just see that it's possible. I think that's
all you need.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Really. Yes, good morning to you, Good morning.
Speaker 6 (37:22):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (37:23):
I'm very good. How are you good?
Speaker 6 (37:27):
Hi, Elizabeth? Hi, it was really nice to hear your story.
I kind of resonated with quite a bit of it. So, yes,
similar to you, I started drinking fifteen sixteen and binge drinking.
Speaker 5 (37:43):
And.
Speaker 6 (37:45):
So unlike you, I didn't stop when I was twenty four,
and so we're talking forty kind of years on. And yeah,
it's been a bit of a rollercoaster. But I have
a good career, successful job, I've had a family. Pretty much.
(38:06):
The only time I haven't drunk is when I've been pregnant,
which is a good thing. But I still feel like
I'm struggling with it. And yeah, I don't like I've
read a heap of books, I've been to a few
AA meetings, and I just feel like I come back
(38:31):
to this drinking just to start my thoughts from spiraling.
I guess just with things that are going on in life,
they're not that bad. It's just general stuff. And then
I've gone through phases and I've thought, Okay, I just
(38:53):
need to replace it with something so I'll start running.
But it's just so much easier to take a lit
off and pour a drink. So that's where I'm at.
And I just heard the conversation, thought I'd ring.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
It's good to know where you're at. And I'm kind
of interested to ask Elizabeth this. But it also comes
down to the fact is that you know, when we
want to make change in our life, especially when it
comes to addiction, is that the only person ultimately who
can do it is you.
Speaker 6 (39:31):
Yeah, I know that. I guess. All I'm just saying
is it's very hard, and I am at a point
probably where I'm thinking rehead might be the way to
break this. What is stopping me from that?
Speaker 4 (39:53):
Well, it's a big choice. It's a big decision. I mean,
have you had a good experience of therapy or counseling
as part of your attempts to.
Speaker 6 (40:04):
Change, Well, yeah, I have tried counseling, and I guess
I start out with a hiss and of war, but
then I just come back to to this.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Yeah, I think it's right.
Speaker 6 (40:24):
I mean, I just, yeah, I don't have any childhood trauma,
and there's no reason for this. It's I'm just coming
to realize this is just purely addiction. I can't kind
of break the cycle.
Speaker 4 (40:39):
Yeah, I mean, there are reasons, and some of them
might be, as you say, as simple as addiction or habit.
But I think if you're starting to think you need
something to really challenge yourself, then i'd really encourage you
to look at it. Are you whereabouts in the country?
Are you, in terms of your closest center.
Speaker 6 (41:04):
A reasonably large city?
Speaker 4 (41:06):
Okay, so I mean you should have no trouble finding
a service. I mean, and if it's Auckland, I always
recommend higher ground as the first place to start. But
you can certainly any of the CAD services will be
able to let you know what the funded services are.
The good news bad news is that none of them
are going to be able to take you tomorrow, So
(41:27):
you will you will have time to think and prepare
and kind of get your head around it as a process,
But you don't have to commit to anything other than
I mean, most places will have an initial visit where
you can go along and just have a look around,
you know, talk to some people, hear what the experiences
are like. I think the main thing is to feel
like you're moving forward.
Speaker 6 (41:47):
Ah And can I just ask Elizabeth, how did you
deal with I've tried to open up to some friends
about it. Some friends have been really amazing and supportive,
and then others have been sort of, no, you're a
strong person. You just have a couple of drinks. And
(42:07):
then you say, know, like, we know you're strong, and
I'm trying to say no that I'm not. That's why
I'm trying to open up to you. How do you
deal with that?
Speaker 7 (42:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (42:19):
Definitely. I mean I think for me, a lot of
my friends could just see that I had quite a
bad issue. But I think with what you're saying, you know,
I guess at the end of the day, you're the
one that's going through this. And I don't think drinking
(42:40):
or alcohol addiction is about not being a strong person.
In my experience, it was just something that was kind
of beyond my bodily immediate control and I sort of
didn't know why I drank in a sense. As crazy
as it sounds like, I just couldn't stop. There was
no logical reason behind it. I think what I did
(43:05):
find useful though, was, you know, I had some great
suggestions about rehabs and services in your closest center. But
I also found going to recovery meetings and you know,
AA and things like that was quite useful in my
experience is that it just really connected me with a
(43:28):
community of people that really got it and that would
go through it. And I also found sometimes I'd go
to some of those meetings and they just weren't really
the right fit. But then I'd sort of, you know,
keep going and I try other ones that maybe were
a little bit better.
Speaker 6 (43:47):
So I think that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
Yeah, and just for today, you know, I think it's
if you're trying to stop, it's just keeping it in
the day because it's too massive to think about long term.
Speaker 7 (44:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (44:03):
True.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
The other thing that I'll just add in the address
is that if you want to give you know, going
to an AA meeting a go and just the idea
of physically going me. Look, if you want to find
a list of AA meetings literally, just go and go
to AA dot org. Dot z and you'll find them all.
But in this day and age, there's an added bonus
to us because if the idea of driving yourself to
(44:27):
a hall and going and sitting at a room of
strangers is just just a little bit too out of
your comfort zone, they also do them online now as well. Okay,
so just just something that you know you might want
to try it. Whatever, whatever works is the most important
thing here, right yeap.
Speaker 4 (44:48):
And don't give up on giving out.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Thanks Jess, thank you so much, and by all means,
feel free to give us a call again. We'd love
to hear from you. Okay, thanks you go, well, all right,
we're going to take a break and come back. But
if you just want those details again, are AA dot
org dot n z to be confused with AA dot
co dot in zid's. They won't help you with your drinking,
(45:12):
but they might come change a tire for you. Anyway.
Back after the.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
Break, Nutters Club now on News Talks, i'd be.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
We will go straight back to the lines as we
are propelling ourselves to the end of the show. Let's
go to Anna Anna. Good morning.
Speaker 8 (45:28):
Oh hi there, guys, I just got home from work
because I work as a registered nurse in a fairly
acute mental health facility.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
But well, before you go any further, anna, can I
just pause you there and say thank you.
Speaker 8 (45:45):
Well, you're welcome. I do it because of my own journey.
So I'm fourteen years though before alcohol. Well done, fifty
four now I was a registeredness prior to drinking. I've
graduated at twenty two. But you know, you can ask
me anything about my journey if you want, or maybe
(46:08):
I did briefly tell you why I ended up drinking
and how I stop.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
I'm probably interested in both, but you know it, keep it.
It's as concise as you can because we're fast running
out of time. But yeah, yeah, by all Wednesday, I
didn't go for it.
Speaker 8 (46:23):
Our basis think I had a fairly chaotic childhood but
no abuse. But I had a single mother, so probably
emotional neglect. I didn't see much fair and I moved
to to Needing at eighteen to do my nurse in course.
But at the end of the first year I had
a psychotic episuit and I sort of recovered and I
(46:45):
completed my nursing one. Then I had an abusive relationship
and I had another psychotic episode. I never drank. I
had a child, I got divorced, I was a single mother.
I never drank. I ended up with another child, a
single mother of two, I didn't drink. I had several
more sochtic episode, but I returned to my nurse and career.
(47:07):
But it was the seventh psychotic episode that I started drinking.
I just couldn't take it anymore. And looking back, I
was medically mismanaged and I wasn't working in mental health
then and I didn't really think so they would take
me off all my meds. But anyway, I did start drinking,
and it was har reficted. It decimated my life, even
(47:29):
though I probably only drink heavily for about four years.
Because you know, mental health issues and addiction are co more,
but they go together. I think in sixty percent of
people of a serious mental healthish absolutely addition also addicted
(47:51):
to something. So no, it decimated my life because my children,
who were my life had to be removed from me
to my ex husband's parents, who fortunately were very kind
and also wealthy. But you know, I've apologized to my children.
They're in their twenties now, falling years over. It still
(48:15):
has any effects because my children were traumatized and that's
the last thing I wanted to do to them, and.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
So tell me, and that was that was a really great,
you know, motivation to want to give up drinking. What
was the reality look like? Though? What did what was
that journey for you?
Speaker 8 (48:36):
The reality was dreakful. So even though I probably only
drank for four or five years, I was just downing
them all day long. It was really bad. And it
was because it was so terrified of my mental illness.
And no one ever told me how to recover from
mental illness? And how did I stop rehab? I went
(48:58):
to rehab. I failed. I failed rehab, I was kicked out.
I went to AA. Didn't really work. I had I'm
ashamed to say, very ashamed now, but I was so unwell.
I had four deuis. I had an ankle bracelet, which
was not home detention, community detention. The judge said he
(49:20):
wouldn't take my mental health into account if I offended
again said the ankle bracelet didn't stop me? What the
hell did stop me?
Speaker 6 (49:29):
I'll tell you.
Speaker 8 (49:31):
And they took about a higher power. But I wasn't
really going to air. I was walking down the street
one day and I think I still had the ankle
bracelet on. It was my son's tenth birthday and he
was living. They were, as I said, they'd been taken
from me. I still love to see them, but they
had lost all control and I was a single mother.
Speaker 7 (49:51):
I loved them so much.
Speaker 8 (49:52):
So anyway, one day I was walking down the road
and I thought in my head, it's my son's birthday.
I'm going to stop drinking. And you know, most alcoholics
would say that and relaxed, and I didn't. I just stopped,
and I stopped on his tenth birthday. And it's now
twenty four. It was like, I believe in the higher
power now, I really do.
Speaker 2 (50:13):
Fantastic found you found your reason why, Anna.
Speaker 8 (50:20):
Yeah, well I wanted to stop for those children, but
my issue was mainly the mental illness. Even after I stopped,
it took me a very long time to recover my
mental health.
Speaker 5 (50:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (50:34):
So the thing is people need to realize that as
you've got a mental health condition, you're more likely to
get addicted. There is hope. There is hope.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
I mean there's always hope. There's always hope, Anna, and
you're loving proof of it.
Speaker 7 (50:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (50:55):
I've come a long way. I haven't had an easy life,
but I'm doing well now and hard.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
No, you're not doing well. You're doing great. You're doing
great and all the better for bringing up tonight and
sharing your journey ever so briefly with us. And I've
got to keep moving, but really appreciate the call and
hopefully you can have a RESTful evening and hey, all
the best for Thursday. You've got our full support.
Speaker 8 (51:21):
Okay, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (51:23):
Yeah, you're doing great work. Anna, good on you finding
that reason why, right, incredibly important. You're going to have
a life worth living. You can. Yeah, that is the difference, right. Okay,
we're fast running at a time, but I'm going to
try to sneak some more in here, Liz. Good evening
to your Good morning to you, I should say, yes.
Speaker 5 (51:44):
Good morning. I just wanted to say to Elizabeth that
I saw your play when you were at Kunstanby, and
a whole bunch of us from the meetings took up
a whole line, and all through the play there was
nudges of each other. Oh I know I did that
or I said that, and then we'd start laughing and
(52:07):
people would wonder what we were laughing at. There's a
lot of laughter and recovery. It's some very sad things,
and you know, we'd sit there and we'd nod our heads.
It was a very good play. It was very We're
able to identify with it so well. And I've been
around quite a while now, and the lady that was on,
(52:31):
I think her name was Jeff I discovered that, really
and truly, if you want it, you could have it,
but you've got to want it. And you know, I'm
so fortunate the right from the beginning. I wanted to
I wanted recovery, and here we are, and life is
a joy. It's not you know, it's not wonderful all
(52:55):
the time because life isn't like that. But I don't
have to wake up in the morning and wonder what
I said the day before. I can wake up with
a clear head. I can go through bad times and
cope with them, which is a real joy, because that's
why I drank, because I couldn't cope with life. So
it's been lovely to have listened to you tonight and
(53:17):
your journey and long continue.
Speaker 3 (53:21):
Well, thank you so much and so lovely that you
came to the show, right Yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
Well, there's a glowing review review right there, Kyle totally.
And I mean if you haven't already been convinced to
go and see Rehab playing at the Pumphouse Theater there Neantekaperna,
then now you know that you've got to. Thanks for
the reviewers. Well that's it for this episode of the
Nutterers Club. Thanks to Elizabeth Craycroft for sharing her story
(53:47):
with us, and don't forget to grab some tickets to
see her play Rehab. Also many thanks to all our
callers as well as the text messages. We appreciate the
immense trust you place in us. If you like what
you heard and think it might help someone out there,
then please share this episode on your own channels or
with family and friends. And if you you ever want
(54:08):
to be part of the show, give us a call
or text when we broadcast live on News Talk Set
B eleven pm Sunday nights, New Zealand standard time. Check
out News Talk set B for local frequencies or a
link to the live stream. A big thanks to New
Zealand on Air for their ongoing support and making the show.
Take care and always remember the world's a better place
(54:31):
with you in it. Life. Well it isn't easy. It is, however,
worth it.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
For more from News Talk set B, listen live on
air or online, and keep our shows with you wherever
you go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio
You're listening to a podcast from News Talk sed B.
Follow this and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Greetings and welcome. I'm Hamish Williams and you're listening to
the podcast version of The Nutters Club, a radio show
about mental health broadcast weekly on News Talk said B.
Covering multiple related topics, we explore people's experiences and what
they learned about how to live with their own mental
health and the hope that it might help you with
(00:41):
your own. The show is broadcast live on Sunday nights
on News Talk said B right across New Zealand and
around the world. This week we were joined by Elizabeth Craycroft.
By day, Elizabeth is a criminal defense lawyer and by night,
the creator and producer of the stage play Rehab. Based
(01:03):
on her own experiences in a residential rehab facility. Elizabeth
shares her battle with alcoholism and how she found her
pathway to recovery. Let us know what you think, as
well as what you learn from our chat on any
of our social media platforms. Just search the Nutters Club
in z Let's get into the show. Elizabeth, thank you
(01:26):
so much for being here.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Thanks so much. It's great to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
So, like Elizabeth, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Where were you born, where'd you grow up? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:34):
So I was born in christ Church but grew up
in Auckland And yeah, I grew up in East Auckland
and did a Bachelor of Communications when I was younger.
Drank a lot through that degree.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Is that when you started drinking? Was that when it
started at UNI?
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
It started before Uni. I started drinking alcohol when I
was about fifteen sixteen. I'd moved schools, my parents had
split up, and I just felt really uncomfortable in my
own skin and just didn't really I don't know, I
(02:19):
guess I just didn't really know who I was. And
I remember when I first tried alcohol, it was just
this real feeling of relief. It just made everything feel okay.
It's like that kind of you know, like just that
real feeling of I don't know, I don't have to
(02:39):
worry about everything anymore, and it just.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, you started drinking it fifteen sixteen. Was initially drinking
with friends.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Yeah, it was. It was just drinking with friends at
parties and things like that, but it was it quite
quickly became something I was really obsessed with and really
just wanted to chase that feeling over and over, Like
I just I loved the feeling of being drunk, to
be frank.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
So what did that look like in practical terms? So
you know, like you were still at school? Yes, it
was so you know, were drinking but were at school
or was it something that you just confined to weekends?
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yeah, so initially it was just the weekends. It was
just binge drinking, but it was it was kind of
every opportunity I could, I would I would drink, and
once I started drinking, I just didn't know when to stop,
and it would normally result in blackouts and not remembering
what I did. But it was interesting because I like,
(03:39):
by day I was quite an all rounder. I was
really sporting and to like acting and theater and stuff
like that, and I had lots of friends. And then
when I would drink, it was my friends would often
say to me, it was almost like something else would
kind of take over and I just wasn't myself and
I would lose I guess the values and stuff that
(04:01):
I'd normally have and just yeah, and I couldn't ever
remember it really, And that progressed into daytime drinking sort
of in my late teens.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
So then you go to UNI, where drinking is celebrated,
some would even say encouraged, and that kind of environment.
Everyone's young. It's part of having fun. Get it out
of your system, is what they try and say to
try and normalize it. But for someone who you know,
like yourself, who's saying you know you were looking for
(04:33):
every opportunity, what was that like being given an entire
sort of cultural experience that was a green light?
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Yeah, that's right. I mean I was living in the
UNI hostels, and I mean it was great, Like Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,
Saturday night, I'd like want to go out or encourage
my roommates and stuff to go out with.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Me, and it did.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Even though it certainly was encouraged, I definitely was the
person that was still trying to find any excuse and
if everyone was kind of tired by night, then I
just find other people that would want to go out.
And then it also quite quickly turned into daily drinking
and drinking a bottle of wine before an eight am lecture.
(05:18):
I was studying communications, as they said before, and actually
a radio major.
Speaker 5 (05:23):
So I would.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Scale alcohol or have vokra my drink lectures and then
go to the student radio show.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, and doing that. Do you think it, Like, did
anyone even pull you up and be like, hey, what
are you doing? Like, I mean, if you're if you're
doing radio, I mean, like I've Kyle and I have
done this this show. I mean, I've been doing this
on and off for sixteen years, and I can tell
you right now that I would struggle to do it
(05:55):
with having a drink in my system. Yeah, you know,
like I just it's it's kind of weird to describe
to you, but just even being a little bit slow,
you could fear it. So was anyone noticing was it?
Was it coming through? Did anyone sort of pick up
on the fact that you were drinking and doing any
of this? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Absolutely, I mean I've been sober now for sixteen years,
and I could completely understand it would definitely affect Yeah,
how you do things professionally. I mean people, I think
people kind of knew, like I think my roommates and
friends did. But to be honest, in a way, I
(06:34):
was kind of so in the throes of my addiction
that I just didn't really pay attention or maybe I
kind of I think during the day, I'd sort of
top up drink, if that makes sense. So I wasn't
completely wasted, but I guess I was drunk enough to.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
You know, like, yeah, when you say you know, top up,
was it almost like you kind of knew where your
balance was and you were just trying to keep that.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Yeah, that's right. So I would I would drink just
enough so I would sort of get like a bit
of a buzz, and I would I would get that
relief essentially. That's what I was looking for. I was
looking for that, yeah, feeling of relaxation and ultimately just
getting out of my head. So I would, yeah, drink
(07:28):
just enough to kind of do that. I mean, obviously
it wouldn't always go to plan, and I'd sometimes drink,
you know, too much during the day or things like that.
I I mean, as it progressed. I got sober when
I was twenty four, but I would I remember moving
to different flats, for example, when I was still studying,
(07:50):
and initially i'd sort of meet people and I'd put
on a bit of a front, and then slowly that
would be eroded because I would be drinking so much,
and especially during the day and things. Was it was
just too unmanageable for them, So it ended up having
to leave a flat and i'd I'd find somewhere else
(08:11):
to live. And I was I like, remember, at the time,
I was convinced that if I could get all the
external things right in my life, then maybe that somehow
that would fix my drinking.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So when you'd say, you know, fix your drinking, did
you ever in your mind at the time when you're
going through this, did you imagine this was going to
be a constant state or did you did you always
think that maybe it might change?
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Yeah, I just I don't know, like I hoped it
would change. I think I kind of just like wish
that one day I'd wake up and be able to
drink like a normal person or wouldn't need to drink
to the extent I did. But I think as I
kind of by the time I was maybe like twenty
two twenty three, I deep down knew that that wasn't
(08:57):
going to happen because I was so addicted that I
just couldn't really conceptualize how I would somehow be able
to put it down. So, yeah, it got pretty bad
pretty young, which now I see is a blessing. But
back then I, yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
You say that, you know, like drink like a normal person.
What does a normal person drink like? I know at
that time, you know, at that time, what was the
concept of that.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Yeah, well, I mean I guess my friends they were
all drinking to get drunk to an extent, but I
guess they just knew maybe when it had sort of
crossed that line. Or also I think another thing was
I would drink so much and blackout, and you know,
I would suffer a lot of consequences from that, or
(09:47):
a lot of people would be pretty annoyed with me
the next day or not talking to me, and I,
you know, couldn't understand why because I like couldn't remember,
or I was you know, my interpretation of that night
was different. But you know, I just get up and
do the same thing again. And I think the insanity
was that I just thought it would be different this time.
(10:07):
I just I just really thought that.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
And I think normal people have an off switch. Yes,
they can stop. It might be stopping after too much,
or it might be choosing not to start because they've
got an exam the next morning. But I think that's
one of the differences.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Oh yeah, yes, absolutely right, Yeah, and I mean I
guess they, yeah, they have an understanding of the consequences.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Did you graduate UNI? And at this.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Point, no, I'd done a communications degree bar one paper.
I actually take a whole year off in two thousand
and seven because I just couldn't get to lectures.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Yeah, because of the drinking.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah, because of the drinking, and manage to get back
in two thousand and eight and sort of finish, yeah,
through the drinking, but still had that last paper to do.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
So at which point in what was the catalyst for
you to say I need to change.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
I think it was a bit of a slow process
for me. It wasn't sort of one big explosive event.
But I think as time went on, I became more
and more isolated. I'd driven so many people away because
of my drinking, and I guess at that age too,
a lot of my friends just didn't know what to
do with me. My family, My mum's pretty tough love
(11:32):
as well, so she just wouldn't have a bar of it.
And I, yeah, I was just really really alone, and
I tried other ways to get sober. I remember doing
a lemon detox diet, that one that I think Beyonce
did that in the day where you didn't eat for
(11:52):
twelve days and had maple syrup and lemon juice. And
then I remember like the next day I'd finished that
and I just got completely was just, you know, nothing,
nothing really worked. And I remember I was working full
time at this point, still hadn't quite finished my degree,
but I was drinking before work. I was getting a
(12:13):
bottle of wine from a bottle store at lunchtime and
scing out behind a bush at lunchtime, and then drinking
after work, and it was just getting kind of sadder
and sadder. My liver was swollen, and I just had
this moment where I was like, nothing's going to change here.
I'd started going to recovery meetings earlier that year, too,
(12:36):
so I knew that recovery was possible. I'd sort of
been able to through going to those meetings. I could
conceptualize it a little bit more, but I just couldn't.
I had this thing where I was like, I don't
want to say I'm an alcoholic because if I say that,
I can't take it back, and then what if I
want to drink again? So it kind of felt like
(12:57):
I was dancing in this thing where I just didn't. Yeah,
I wasn't quite there yet, but fortunately yeah, having a
taste of it earlier that year. It was just this
random whatever day of the week it was, I was
sitting at work and I was like, I just I
have to have to get help again, Like I just
can't go on like this.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
When was the first time that you were able to
describe yourself as an alcoholic.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
It was a few months into recovery meetings. I was
going along to those, and I like, before rehab, I
went to rehab and I would just say, you know,
my n end Liz and then Ratia. I think it
was when I saw, if I'm really honest, people in
(13:46):
those meetings and people at rehab that I really respected, and.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
They were.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Identifying themselves and as an alcoholic, and I kind of thought,
you know, these are people that I really respect. They
have great lives now, they're intelligent and man like, and
if they're alcoholic and they drank like I did, like
maybe it's okay for me to be one as well.
And another part of it was it was such a
(14:17):
relief because acknowledging that I am an alcoholic also meant
that I could lean into the solution and up until
that point, it was like, well, I'm not really going
to lean into that because I'm not really an alcoholic,
so I can maybe still try and beat this, even
though I knew deep down I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
So this is at this point of the story. You
keep going to the recovery meetings and admit being an
alcoholic and everything's fine, and that's the end of the story. No, No, right,
there's something a little bit more. Yeah, so talk us
through where you went to next, because there was other
things going on as well, right.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Yeah, there was. I did soon after that go to rehab,
like a residential rehab. But when I got sober, I
also got quite a bit eating disorder. This was something
I had had when I was younger, and I think
it was almost just this sense of wanting to control
(15:18):
something and putting down the alcohol. Initially I felt this
pink cloud. It was quite exciting. I was going to
these meetings and these people actually wanted to see me,
and it was you know, like and also just having
this sense of relating to others and all of that.
But yeah, I just I stopped eating to be yeah,
(15:41):
rank And I remember eating like maybe ten lollies a
day and some almonds or something like that, and I
just lost quite a lot of weight. But that almost
became quite addictive in of itself, and I just wanted
to become skinner and skinner and it I'd sort of
get some sort of high out of that.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, And so how do you go about then trying
to get support when it came to the eating disorder?
In one hand, you're fighting for your sobriety, which is
still fairly fresh, and now you've got the extra added
challenge of this eating disorder. Where did you go to
try and get support around this?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
The eating disorder was harder when I was in rehab.
Obviously I could sort of look at both of them,
but I think the eating it's more insidious because obviously
we have to eat, and I think it's really tied
into sort of identity and things as well. So, if
(16:45):
I'm honest, there wasn't really the same support back then.
I don't know if it's different now than there was
for addiction. I went to some recovery meetings for it,
but it wasn't really tailored to my type of eating disorder,
which was under eating. And Yeah, I found the best
(17:08):
way for me was just to lean into the principles
and the tools and stuff I'd learned at rehab and
at the recovery meetings, and there was like a spiritual
element to that as well, And I found that I
just sort of used those tools to help me with
my eating disorder and it did help. Actually, it kind
of helped me relinquished control.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
So it sounds like the residential rehab experience you went
through was really helpful, Like it was really instrumental. It
talk us through that a little bit, because you know,
when you aren't staying at home, whatever home is or
looks like, and suddenly you're in a new environment with
people you don't know, and you know, when you're in
a residential facility, there's usually quite a lot of rules
(17:54):
and expectations. What was that like, I mean, how did
that gel with you? Was it scary? Intimidating? Was it
exciting liberating?
Speaker 3 (18:03):
Yeah, I mean it was scary. It was really scary
to go into that, and I I just I didn't
know what to expect, but I think I'd already had
a bit of a taste of recovery.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
But going in there was the.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Beautiful thing was that there was so many people from
different backgrounds there were people on bail, there were people
that had had really really tough upbringings, and we were
all in this place together, opening up with so much
vulnerability and letting people see us more than probably our
(18:38):
own families had ever seen us before. And there was
just something so comforting about that. I think the people
that I was in treatment with sort of became like
my family, to be honest, and you know, like your
brothers and sisters in recovery, and it was Yeah, I
think it was those connections that really made me feel
(19:01):
part of something and it made me feel like I
could continue on this and I did have a chance
that staying sober because I had all of these people
around me that were all trying to do the same thing.
I think the rules and stuff were quite scary and
it's hard thing and under it like a kind of
magnifying glass, and I would struggle to sit with myself
(19:25):
and I you know, I was constantly being pulled up on.
Speaker 6 (19:30):
You know.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I think in early recovery all of your sort of
defix and stuff come out and I could be times
a bit maybe manipulative or I could you know, try
and yeah, we just all the sort of like almost
like family system things we do, so we'd sort of
gravitate towards certain people because they would maybe remind us
(19:50):
of a difficult family relationship. I'm sure Car could speak
more to this, but yeah, it's it's kind of mind
blowing how much you learn about yourself and the residential
treatment center with yeah, really strict rules and no access
to the outside world.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
And so which point when you're having something so confronting
is having you know your I guess you know your
trigger points, whatever you want to call it, you know,
being made very clear to you. At what point does
that go from being confronting to comforting and so much
as you understand them like that, there's a time period
(20:28):
for that to happen, right.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Yeah, definitely. I think it's sort of when you I
think it's you have to kind of get to a
point where you're able to release the control and I
think surrender because when I was fighting it initially and
I and I didn't want to listen and I kind
(20:51):
of didn't want to believe the things they were seeing
in me, Like I just thought I could do it
my own way. And I think the more that I
pushed and you know, ignored the advice and the guidance.
The more sort of hurt I became more, the more
I just I don't know, yeah, kind of came up
(21:14):
against a bit of a wall. So I think also
seeing my peers really surrender and do the same things
that I was being told and actually really start to
grow and thrive was quite encouraging to It's like the
rehabits that as a therapeutic community model, so it's very
pear led, and I think seeing myself reflected in others
(21:35):
doing things that I struggled with was actually really really helpful.
And that's something that really I think helped almost give
me permission and empowered me to Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Gole, what's the psychology about around greep therapy? Because you know,
to be honest, you wouldn't want to just sit there
and tell like other people about your problems where they
could hear you, could you?
Speaker 4 (21:59):
So yeah, well, I guess the thing is is that
I mean, you said it yourself that it's about it
brings out family experiences, right. So one of the things
about groups, One of the theories of groups is that
when you have more people in the room, you tend
to provoke a wider range of responses from people. Rather
(22:19):
than just the one therapist sitting in front of you.
And of course when those people are also your peers,
then there's really an opportunity to sort of turbo boost
that uncomfortable reflection that you get from other human beings,
particularly when you're trying to figure something out like an addiction.
I mean, I think the therapeutic community model is a
wonderful model. I mean, it's it's one that we've lost
(22:41):
a lot of the examples of. Apart from basically rehab
in New Zealand, the whole idea is kind of providing
people with what I think ultimately is kind of like
a reparenting experience. It's kind of like that loving, strict
compassion that you know that that good healthy families sort
(23:02):
of do naturally. And like you mentioned the word surrender,
it is that idea that actually you just go with
the process, right, stop fighting it, because everyone who enters
into recovery thinks they're an expert and that they will
be able to beat it in so one way or another.
But hopefully when people into recovery they figure out that
they can, but just not the way that they think
(23:24):
they can.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
And I'm going to assume as being in a group.
It's also too it's not all on you. There's other
people in the room who are working on similar challenges
as well, and there's a comfort in that, right, Yeah, exactly,
There definitely is. And I think being able to realize
you're not the only one and see yourself and other
people as a huge comfort as well. And I think
(23:47):
also when you're in a residential environment, like you might
be having a really good day one day and having
a bit of a breakthrough and then someone else is
really struggling, so there's that kind of mutual support as well,
and then you know you might have a bad day
another time and etc. So it's I think knowing that
and able to see other people struggle makes you realize
(24:15):
that it's okay to find things hard. And it's actually,
in a sense, I've found like a good thing because
if it was easy, I suppose, you know, if it
was that simple, then where's the growth really in that?
(24:36):
Like it's just it's not really going to it's not
really going to happen. And I think in that residential environment,
it's a safe space where they can really push you
and they can really challenge you, and that's where that
growth comes. Through that real and comfortableness, and then when
you go back into the community when difficult things happen,
(24:59):
you've already sort of experienced I guess, like a micro
version of that.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
And rehab it's a.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
Wonderful way to work as a clinician because one of
the things is, like you say, you can really push
people and then you don't have to send them home
and worry about them. You know that they're there, they'll
be the staff on site, they'll be fed, they're going
to bed. So it is a very rewarding way to
work as well.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
We're just talking about life post rehab, because of course
residential is one yeah, yeah, yeah, it comes to an end, right,
and then you've got to go back out into that big,
bad world where you know, the liquor stores are open
and the bars are welcoming, and you've got to be
able to find it in yourself to find something else
(25:40):
to do. And so you've ended up having some quite
significant achievements actually in your sixteen years now of sobriety,
and you know, one one being a mum, yeah, and
then retraining to become a lawyer.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Yeah, definitely. It's really is the blessings of recovery, and
I think when you've got that community around you, it's
amazing what you can do. And yeah, so had my
went back to my career for a bet and communications
and then have my daughter and then decided to get
a law degree, which I definitely could have done, could
(26:17):
not have done if I had not been in recovery. Yeah,
and now obviously working as a criminal defense lawyer. But
I just I feel so blessed because you know, if
my life had gone in a different direction, I just
wouldn't have been able to do any of that.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Look as fascinating as I would love to find out
about the life and times of being a criminal defense
lawyer in New Zealand. And by the way, we can
talk about this later in the show, but let's just
go back. You also ended up becoming the creator and
producer of the show Rehab. Where did this idea come from?
(26:57):
Because I know you said you did a theater at
high school, but I think we all did a bit
of theater at high school. Not all of us go
on to the stage place years later in life. So
what was the genesis of the idea for that?
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Yeah, so I'd done acting and stuff, I guess after
high school and I joined an improv thetter the COVID
Theater in Ponsonby, and the COVID actually didn't have an
actual space, and then leading into twenty twenty they got
an actual theater on Mackelvey Street and there was an
opportunity to pitch shows. I thought to you know, I thought,
(27:32):
what do I know a lot about? And I was like, well,
I know a lot about rehab and I know a
lot about recovery. And I think even more importantly behind that,
I'd always been quite frustrated with the stigma that I'd
experienced from some people in regard to being in recovery
or being a recovering alcoholic and things like that. And
(27:54):
I often felt that a lot of people didn't understand
a lot about addiction or what that meant. And I
also found that there's a lot of people there that
maybe we're struggling with addiction, but we're scared to come
into recovery like I was, because they didn't know what
(28:15):
would be on the other side of that. So I
wanted to create something that a demonstrates that addiction doesn't discriminate,
that anyone can deal with this issue, and it doesn't
mean that they're you know, like a bad person or
have some moral failing and also demonstrate that recovery is possible.
(28:40):
And I yeah, and I guess they wanted to add
a bit of context to the ins and outs of
a residential rehabit.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Yeah, so you came up with the idea and any
stage that at covit for a start.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Yeah, we debuted in February twenty twenty one.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
And so you've continued to put this on what you're
multiple times now and you've got another season of it
coming up next week.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
Yes, we do. Season seven starts at the pump House
Theater this coming week on Wednesday, Wednesday to Saturday. So yeah,
excited about that.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
And if people want to get tickets and the like,
we can they go And fine, I mean we'll post
it on the Nudders Club. We will Facebook page, yes.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Just the pump House website. They can go on there
and the Rehab Show should pop up pretty quickly. And
we also have a website now actually Rehab Show dot
code or inzip.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
If anybody wants any of those details, you can flick
us a text on nine two nine two, or go
and find them on Facebook. The Nutterers Club in z
Kyle is posting the link as we speak. Curiously. As
we speak, I've got a text message here. Good question
from Susan. Susan says, are their residential rehab places throughout
(29:55):
New Zealand and do you need to pay privately?
Speaker 3 (30:00):
I believe there are residential rehabs throughout New Zealand and
there are I went to public rehabs, and there's certainly
are public ones throughout the country. So yeah, short answer, no,
you don't have to pay. And what I'd probably do
(30:21):
is a good place to start if it's in your
area as CADS, which is a community alcohol and drug
services and that can sort of be like a good
place to I guess toe it into the world of
recovery and then they can refer you on to one
of the public rehabs.
Speaker 4 (30:42):
Yeah, and there are also a handful of private rehabs
obviously that's the big centers. So there's kind of about
three or four off the top of my head now.
In Auckland, another suggestion to CADS is great and in
fact CADS Auckland and some of the other cadss around
the country have often have sort of open door policies
and hours where you can just walk in and have
(31:03):
a chat with someone without an appointment. There's also the
Alcohol and Drug Helpline which is eight hundred and seven
eight seven seven nine seven, and they'll be able to
point you in the direction of your local services too fantastic.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
And the other one that comes to mind is the Sally's.
The Salvation Army have units all throughout New Zealand.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
They do.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah, I think they call it Bridge. Is the bridge?
Speaker 4 (31:26):
Yeah? The Bridge program is one of the bigger ones
here in Auckland and Mountain and just quite close to
the countdown if you know, Mountain, just off the Minion road.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Oh is it there?
Speaker 4 (31:36):
Yeah, stuck the line.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Let's go back to the lines, ilb i'lb good morning
to you.
Speaker 7 (31:43):
Oh A tough a lot of money? How is Carl?
And Hi, loves, how are you good?
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Thank you?
Speaker 7 (31:51):
Yeah? My case manager from elm Wharden put me into
CDH three in this essment unit and they were just
phil out with this one and stuff and that and
and five nights and five days I could not drink
(32:14):
a glass of beer or any form of alcohol.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Very good, yeah, but I already.
Speaker 7 (32:27):
After two nights I was marmitsing my.
Speaker 8 (32:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (32:32):
The chats there and I couldn't take any food down it.
That gave me some lemonade icicles to suck on and
it made a nice, nice and throat, nice and clean,
and they Kevin couldn't believe him five nights if they
(32:53):
able to kick the whole law.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
That's a that's a good trick. Actually, that's a that's
a good pro tip right there, Alb.
Speaker 7 (33:02):
Yeah, Well, I've made a promise to Kevin that after
because you went to the air of doing this for me,
that I would not touch it.
Speaker 6 (33:15):
But I.
Speaker 7 (33:17):
Have not gone back on a promist, so I'm not
going to either.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
And so how long have you been sober now for Albi?
Speaker 7 (33:26):
Two and a half years?
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Yeah, awesome looking two and a half years. What have
been some of the big changes that you've noticed in yourself?
Speaker 7 (33:35):
Well, I will not go. I'm still going to a pub,
but I have a point of orange juice and I
water it down. But my clarity I was listening to
feofle and talking to people is really good and then
(33:57):
sometimes pretty going to a pub they talk a lot
of shite. Yeah, just listen and it's I this and
I that I've got bigger than this, or you know,
(34:17):
I like going when it's a bit quieter and you've
got time to listen to someone and how we can
people actually like because you're making sense.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Yeah, I think I remember Actually I experienced quite recently.
Actually I went to a gathering of people a bit
later in the evening and I turned up. I hadn't
had a drop to drink, and trying to have a
conversation with everyone was actually really tough, and you were
kind of thinking, You're like, oh, jeez, is this what
it's like? Is this what it sounds like? This is
(34:55):
terrible and this.
Speaker 7 (34:57):
But all the rest of them are actually so drunk
and they don't appreciate really what they're saying. But you've
been I'm getting there here.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Yeah, I think I was along the lines. I think
I helped clean up a little bit because they weren't
going to. And that's the other thing, too, isn't it
You end up being the helper if you're if you're
the the so one. Did you ever have you had
that sort of experience in your recovery, Elizabeth? Have you
been around people who have been drinking and suddenly you
know you're finding you're the one kind of like being
(35:33):
sort of like their I don't know, supervisor sober driver.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Yeah, yes, yeah, definitely, yeah, I relate. I think being
the only sober person around a lot of quite drunk
people can can feel a little bit, almost a bit boring,
to be honest, because you're sort of like, ah, it's yeah,
not sort of on the same wavelength as them, but
it's yeah, and certainly any part of them.
Speaker 7 (36:03):
It's a very endurable. Have you on the program of
love and just encarriage one first and ends a hundred
to give up you've done your job?
Speaker 2 (36:17):
Well, I think she's done the job bloody well tonight, Albie.
Speaker 7 (36:21):
Oh, I think so too. What you've put is what
you get.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
There, I reckon. That's a pretty good analogy for life. Actually, Albie,
you're a wise man. Hey, look really lovely to hear
your voice, and thank you so much for your call. Okay,
got another text message I just want to read here
just says I gave up drinking, drugs and rock and roll.
Why don't you got the rock and roll? Twenty seven
(36:47):
years ago, Cold Turkey, I was out, I was pregnant,
and that was it all gone and I never looked back.
I'm successful now, mortgage free home a family and a
great business.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
Oh amazing.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
And that's to your point, Elizabeth, was that you know,
actually when you were going to those early recovery meetings,
was actually being able to see that there is this
life on the other side and that it's actually really good.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
Yeah, exactly, just see that it's possible. I think that's
all you need.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Really. Yes, good morning to you, Good morning.
Speaker 6 (37:22):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (37:23):
I'm very good. How are you good?
Speaker 6 (37:27):
Hi, Elizabeth? Hi, it was really nice to hear your story.
I kind of resonated with quite a bit of it. So, yes,
similar to you, I started drinking fifteen sixteen and binge drinking.
Speaker 5 (37:43):
And.
Speaker 6 (37:45):
So unlike you, I didn't stop when I was twenty four,
and so we're talking forty kind of years on. And yeah,
it's been a bit of a rollercoaster. But I have
a good career, successful job, I've had a family. Pretty much.
(38:06):
The only time I haven't drunk is when I've been pregnant,
which is a good thing. But I still feel like
I'm struggling with it. And yeah, I don't like I've
read a heap of books, I've been to a few
AA meetings, and I just feel like I come back
(38:31):
to this drinking just to start my thoughts from spiraling.
I guess just with things that are going on in life,
they're not that bad. It's just general stuff. And then
I've gone through phases and I've thought, Okay, I just
(38:53):
need to replace it with something so I'll start running.
But it's just so much easier to take a lit
off and pour a drink. So that's where I'm at.
And I just heard the conversation, thought I'd ring.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
It's good to know where you're at. And I'm kind
of interested to ask Elizabeth this. But it also comes
down to the fact is that you know, when we
want to make change in our life, especially when it
comes to addiction, is that the only person ultimately who
can do it is you.
Speaker 6 (39:31):
Yeah, I know that. I guess. All I'm just saying
is it's very hard, and I am at a point
probably where I'm thinking rehead might be the way to
break this. What is stopping me from that?
Speaker 4 (39:53):
Well, it's a big choice. It's a big decision. I mean,
have you had a good experience of therapy or counseling
as part of your attempts to.
Speaker 6 (40:04):
Change, Well, yeah, I have tried counseling, and I guess
I start out with a hiss and of war, but
then I just come back to to this.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Yeah, I think it's right.
Speaker 6 (40:24):
I mean, I just, yeah, I don't have any childhood trauma,
and there's no reason for this. It's I'm just coming
to realize this is just purely addiction. I can't kind
of break the cycle.
Speaker 4 (40:39):
Yeah, I mean, there are reasons, and some of them
might be, as you say, as simple as addiction or habit.
But I think if you're starting to think you need
something to really challenge yourself, then i'd really encourage you
to look at it. Are you whereabouts in the country?
Are you, in terms of your closest center.
Speaker 6 (41:04):
A reasonably large city?
Speaker 4 (41:06):
Okay, so I mean you should have no trouble finding
a service. I mean, and if it's Auckland, I always
recommend higher ground as the first place to start. But
you can certainly any of the CAD services will be
able to let you know what the funded services are.
The good news bad news is that none of them
are going to be able to take you tomorrow, So
(41:27):
you will you will have time to think and prepare
and kind of get your head around it as a process,
But you don't have to commit to anything other than
I mean, most places will have an initial visit where
you can go along and just have a look around,
you know, talk to some people, hear what the experiences
are like. I think the main thing is to feel
like you're moving forward.
Speaker 6 (41:47):
Ah And can I just ask Elizabeth, how did you
deal with I've tried to open up to some friends
about it. Some friends have been really amazing and supportive,
and then others have been sort of, no, you're a
strong person. You just have a couple of drinks. And
(42:07):
then you say, know, like, we know you're strong, and
I'm trying to say no that I'm not. That's why
I'm trying to open up to you. How do you
deal with that?
Speaker 7 (42:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (42:19):
Definitely. I mean I think for me, a lot of
my friends could just see that I had quite a
bad issue. But I think with what you're saying, you know,
I guess at the end of the day, you're the
one that's going through this. And I don't think drinking
(42:40):
or alcohol addiction is about not being a strong person.
In my experience, it was just something that was kind
of beyond my bodily immediate control and I sort of
didn't know why I drank in a sense. As crazy
as it sounds like, I just couldn't stop. There was
no logical reason behind it. I think what I did
(43:05):
find useful though, was, you know, I had some great
suggestions about rehabs and services in your closest center. But
I also found going to recovery meetings and you know,
AA and things like that was quite useful in my
experience is that it just really connected me with a
(43:28):
community of people that really got it and that would
go through it. And I also found sometimes I'd go
to some of those meetings and they just weren't really
the right fit. But then I'd sort of, you know,
keep going and I try other ones that maybe were
a little bit better.
Speaker 6 (43:47):
So I think that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
Yeah, and just for today, you know, I think it's
if you're trying to stop, it's just keeping it in
the day because it's too massive to think about long term.
Speaker 7 (44:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (44:03):
True.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
The other thing that I'll just add in the address
is that if you want to give you know, going
to an AA meeting a go and just the idea
of physically going me. Look, if you want to find
a list of AA meetings literally, just go and go
to AA dot org. Dot z and you'll find them all.
But in this day and age, there's an added bonus
to us because if the idea of driving yourself to
(44:27):
a hall and going and sitting at a room of
strangers is just just a little bit too out of
your comfort zone, they also do them online now as well. Okay,
so just just something that you know you might want
to try it. Whatever, whatever works is the most important
thing here, right yeap.
Speaker 4 (44:48):
And don't give up on giving out.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Thanks Jess, thank you so much, and by all means,
feel free to give us a call again. We'd love
to hear from you. Okay, thanks you go, well, all right,
we're going to take a break and come back. But
if you just want those details again, are AA dot
org dot n z to be confused with AA dot
co dot in zid's. They won't help you with your drinking,
(45:12):
but they might come change a tire for you. Anyway.
Back after the.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
Break, Nutters Club now on News Talks, i'd be.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
We will go straight back to the lines as we
are propelling ourselves to the end of the show. Let's
go to Anna Anna. Good morning.
Speaker 8 (45:28):
Oh hi there, guys, I just got home from work
because I work as a registered nurse in a fairly
acute mental health facility.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
But well, before you go any further, anna, can I
just pause you there and say thank you.
Speaker 8 (45:45):
Well, you're welcome. I do it because of my own journey.
So I'm fourteen years though before alcohol. Well done, fifty
four now I was a registeredness prior to drinking. I've
graduated at twenty two. But you know, you can ask
me anything about my journey if you want, or maybe
(46:08):
I did briefly tell you why I ended up drinking
and how I stop.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
I'm probably interested in both, but you know it, keep it.
It's as concise as you can because we're fast running
out of time. But yeah, yeah, by all Wednesday, I
didn't go for it.
Speaker 8 (46:23):
Our basis think I had a fairly chaotic childhood but
no abuse. But I had a single mother, so probably
emotional neglect. I didn't see much fair and I moved
to to Needing at eighteen to do my nurse in course.
But at the end of the first year I had
a psychotic episuit and I sort of recovered and I
(46:45):
completed my nursing one. Then I had an abusive relationship
and I had another psychotic episode. I never drank. I
had a child, I got divorced, I was a single mother.
I never drank. I ended up with another child, a
single mother of two, I didn't drink. I had several
more sochtic episode, but I returned to my nurse and career.
(47:07):
But it was the seventh psychotic episode that I started drinking.
I just couldn't take it anymore. And looking back, I
was medically mismanaged and I wasn't working in mental health
then and I didn't really think so they would take
me off all my meds. But anyway, I did start drinking,
and it was har reficted. It decimated my life, even
(47:29):
though I probably only drink heavily for about four years.
Because you know, mental health issues and addiction are co more,
but they go together. I think in sixty percent of
people of a serious mental healthish absolutely addition also addicted
(47:51):
to something. So no, it decimated my life because my children,
who were my life had to be removed from me
to my ex husband's parents, who fortunately were very kind
and also wealthy. But you know, I've apologized to my children.
They're in their twenties now, falling years over. It still
(48:15):
has any effects because my children were traumatized and that's
the last thing I wanted to do to them, and.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
So tell me, and that was that was a really great,
you know, motivation to want to give up drinking. What
was the reality look like? Though? What did what was
that journey for you?
Speaker 8 (48:36):
The reality was dreakful. So even though I probably only
drank for four or five years, I was just downing
them all day long. It was really bad. And it
was because it was so terrified of my mental illness.
And no one ever told me how to recover from
mental illness? And how did I stop rehab? I went
(48:58):
to rehab. I failed. I failed rehab, I was kicked out.
I went to AA. Didn't really work. I had I'm
ashamed to say, very ashamed now, but I was so unwell.
I had four deuis. I had an ankle bracelet, which
was not home detention, community detention. The judge said he
(49:20):
wouldn't take my mental health into account if I offended
again said the ankle bracelet didn't stop me? What the
hell did stop me?
Speaker 6 (49:29):
I'll tell you.
Speaker 8 (49:31):
And they took about a higher power. But I wasn't
really going to air. I was walking down the street
one day and I think I still had the ankle
bracelet on. It was my son's tenth birthday and he
was living. They were, as I said, they'd been taken
from me. I still love to see them, but they
had lost all control and I was a single mother.
Speaker 7 (49:51):
I loved them so much.
Speaker 8 (49:52):
So anyway, one day I was walking down the road
and I thought in my head, it's my son's birthday.
I'm going to stop drinking. And you know, most alcoholics
would say that and relaxed, and I didn't. I just stopped,
and I stopped on his tenth birthday. And it's now
twenty four. It was like, I believe in the higher
power now, I really do.
Speaker 2 (50:13):
Fantastic found you found your reason why, Anna.
Speaker 8 (50:20):
Yeah, well I wanted to stop for those children, but
my issue was mainly the mental illness. Even after I stopped,
it took me a very long time to recover my
mental health.
Speaker 5 (50:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (50:34):
So the thing is people need to realize that as
you've got a mental health condition, you're more likely to
get addicted. There is hope. There is hope.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
I mean there's always hope. There's always hope, Anna, and
you're loving proof of it.
Speaker 7 (50:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (50:55):
I've come a long way. I haven't had an easy life,
but I'm doing well now and hard.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
No, you're not doing well. You're doing great. You're doing
great and all the better for bringing up tonight and
sharing your journey ever so briefly with us. And I've
got to keep moving, but really appreciate the call and
hopefully you can have a RESTful evening and hey, all
the best for Thursday. You've got our full support.
Speaker 8 (51:21):
Okay, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (51:23):
Yeah, you're doing great work. Anna, good on you finding
that reason why, right, incredibly important. You're going to have
a life worth living. You can. Yeah, that is the difference, right. Okay,
we're fast running at a time, but I'm going to
try to sneak some more in here, Liz. Good evening
to your Good morning to you, I should say, yes.
Speaker 5 (51:44):
Good morning. I just wanted to say to Elizabeth that
I saw your play when you were at Kunstanby, and
a whole bunch of us from the meetings took up
a whole line, and all through the play there was
nudges of each other. Oh I know I did that
or I said that, and then we'd start laughing and
(52:07):
people would wonder what we were laughing at. There's a
lot of laughter and recovery. It's some very sad things,
and you know, we'd sit there and we'd nod our heads.
It was a very good play. It was very We're
able to identify with it so well. And I've been
around quite a while now, and the lady that was on,
(52:31):
I think her name was Jeff I discovered that, really
and truly, if you want it, you could have it,
but you've got to want it. And you know, I'm
so fortunate the right from the beginning. I wanted to
I wanted recovery, and here we are, and life is
a joy. It's not you know, it's not wonderful all
(52:55):
the time because life isn't like that. But I don't
have to wake up in the morning and wonder what
I said the day before. I can wake up with
a clear head. I can go through bad times and
cope with them, which is a real joy, because that's
why I drank, because I couldn't cope with life. So
it's been lovely to have listened to you tonight and
(53:17):
your journey and long continue.
Speaker 3 (53:21):
Well, thank you so much and so lovely that you
came to the show, right Yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
Well, there's a glowing review review right there, Kyle totally.
And I mean if you haven't already been convinced to
go and see Rehab playing at the Pumphouse Theater there Neantekaperna,
then now you know that you've got to. Thanks for
the reviewers. Well that's it for this episode of the
Nutterers Club. Thanks to Elizabeth Craycroft for sharing her story
(53:47):
with us, and don't forget to grab some tickets to
see her play Rehab. Also many thanks to all our
callers as well as the text messages. We appreciate the
immense trust you place in us. If you like what
you heard and think it might help someone out there,
then please share this episode on your own channels or
with family and friends. And if you you ever want
(54:08):
to be part of the show, give us a call
or text when we broadcast live on News Talk Set
B eleven pm Sunday nights, New Zealand standard time. Check
out News Talk set B for local frequencies or a
link to the live stream. A big thanks to New
Zealand on Air for their ongoing support and making the show.
Take care and always remember the world's a better place
(54:31):
with you in it. Life. Well it isn't easy. It is, however,
worth it.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
For more from News Talk set B, listen live on
air or online, and keep our shows with you wherever
you go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio
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