July 5, 2025 • 37 mins
With the school holidays and dreary weather - kids are likely to be glued to their rooms and screens.
How can we change that? What can we do to keep them busy while we're at work?
Additionally, with recent floods across the country - how can we help our children dealing with the experience?
Psychologist Sara Chatwin joins Andrew Dickens for the Parent Squad...
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks B.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
It's welcome on, and this is the week in Collective. Yes,
not just one presenter, but we're having five over the
course of this afternoon. And can I please introduce our
latest uh presenter, our latest voice for you to listen to,
Sarah Chipwin from or Psychologists of Mind Coach. This is
the Parent Squad and we're talking about parenting. And welcome
(00:30):
to the program. You've got to push a little red
button and.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Hello, and we're on. Hello, Hello, Welcome on in Andrew,
not Tim, It's Andrew.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yes, doesn't It doesn't matter. There's so many tims on
this radio station that everybody on the text cause me
anyult to the term I get it, and people default
to the Sarah w when it's actually so.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
That's right, Yes, my mother preferred Sarah.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
There we go. Well, if it's an sa A, people
should know really it's it's.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Kind of Sarah, yeah, and not Sarah at the phonemic level.
So the small level of sound is Sarah, which makes
it Sarah.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
It's school holidays. It is well, and there's many issues
about the school holidays. Tell me some well, what do
you do with the little things.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Well, it's quite nice for them to have a bit
of a rest.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
So I always say to pearents, don't bust your gut
thinking of these grand you know, things that you have
to do with your kids, because for a few little
days here and there, they do need to just you know,
settle themselves, have a rest, take some time out.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Because school is tough.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I don't think people realize that, why do we have
school holidays and we don't have they have so many
holidays compared to you know, a working life. But they're
young and they're being stretched and.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
The brain is developing, so they I mean, the holidays
are great to let them, you know, rest, reset, rejuvenate,
all of those lovely things, because they do a lot
of learning and that takes time to kind of you know.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
But the other thing about it is these lots so realizing.
I mean, you go to school, you're in a class
of thirty, you're in a school of six hundred to
you know, some cases two thousands, whatever. You've got an
awful lot of factors, an awful lot of stimuli going
on all around you. And yet when we get to
the holidays, so many parents think, well, we've got to
get our kids out of the house, and we've got
(02:24):
to get them hanging out with their friends and with
other friends. But in fact, in a way, they just
actually need time by themselves to process what the hell
just happened in the past twelve weeks.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
I actually think you've had it, and a lot of parents.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
It's not a mistake.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I think parents are doing that, you know, with the
best of intentions and totally altruistically. They're thinking, you know,
we need to fill their time with activity, but these
kids have been in a learning situation, so having a
few sleep ins because remember we have that time component
to having to get up at a certain time and
get ready and you know, get ourselves underway or the
children do. So it's just nice to just you know,
(03:01):
decompress and allow yourself a little bit of time. And
parents also in the holidays, I think, feel a lot
of pressure to get things up and running for their kids.
Don't abandon that. Just let them rest and also just
take a bit of a break yourself and as parents,
if you can spend a little bit of quality time
during those holiday times. A lot of parents are working,
so they can't necessarily do that. But if you can
(03:23):
spend some time with your children. That there's the opportunity.
So holidays are great.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
And we have these blocks of two weeks and this
is the first real one. This is the one where
everyone goes away on holiday because it's the middle of
the year.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Well yeah, not everyone, but a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Have you been to the airports lately?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I have not. I am not a parent that goes away. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Well, well they're full on, they're full on. But in fact,
you might actually, when you're looking at the blocks of
holidays that we've got, you might actually want to think
about which ones are ones where kids can just be
kids and stay at home and just you run out
in the backyard like we used to do in kids
and find their own entertainment. Absolutely, and which ones you're
going to have to sort of program as being stimuli
(04:04):
for them, whether you put into a daycare program or
you give them activities that you drive.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Well, I mean there are a lot of nice community
things out there and available. You've also got art galleries,
you've got botanical gardens, you've got gardens, you've got walks,
you've got tricks. I mean, we are a little bit
spoiled in New Zealand, aren't we with our beaches even
in winter, even on a temporarily a challenging or temporately
challenging day to day In Auckland, I mean, we have
(04:31):
a country that offers a lot for us, our families,
our children. So there are a lot of things that
don't cost a lot that you can do with your kids.
There's a little bit of planning involved, and obviously when
the weather is in clement it's not necessarily as nice,
although I will say, you know, putting your jackets on
in your hoods up absolutely walking along a beach is fabulous. Absolutely,
(04:52):
So don't be put off by the fact that it
might be a little bit.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Jolly or rainy.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I think we have a mindset in our country, you know,
that has developed more and more because we become more
and more domesticated and more and more civilized, that it's
like it's raining, therefore we shouldn't go out in it.
And I seem to remember when I was younger that
if it was raining out we went and that was
a great thing. You can't put your gum bots on,
put your raincoats on, and you actually looked for puddles
(05:17):
to splash it.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
We did do that much to our parents to stain
you were one of those kids when Alara can, I was.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yeah, I was one of the kids that you know,
Mum and dad said, what are you doing? I'm going
out with my friend Alistair and we're going eeling in
the creek. You know, there's a lot of kids did
with a trident where you get a trident from el
Alisa took me to the hardware and I bought it,
and then then you get a bamboo thing and then
you're tied up and then you go and get the eel.
(05:47):
What's going to happen to the eel?
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Your location as an inventor. They tried it could have
been a really big cat.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Maybe. Then they said what did you do with the eel?
And I said, I don't know. Alis is going to
deal with it, but Elsie to take them home.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
And smoke them and can release.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
That's true enough, that's true enough. Okay, So look, hey,
it is school holidays, and if you're worrying about your
parenting or you have issues that have risen because the
kids are at home with you and you're at home
with them and maybe things have got fraid, feel free
to furnus anytime you're like O eight one hundred and
eighty ten eighty. Sara Shepwan is here. She is a psychologist,
(06:23):
a mind coach, she has a stress management advisor, and
she's here to help you with the program that we're
calling the Parent Squad. Is it more stressful for parents
during holidays than it is during the rest of the year.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
I think the demands of organization are probably a little
more full on. And I think also with working parents,
you have that parental guilt. So you know, when you
do have to go to work and you have to
perhaps find some people to delegate your children too, there's
that guilt because you feel like you should be there.
So holiday times, look, they have a number of meanings
(06:58):
and impacts on parents in different ways. I pick up
on what you said before about socialize at school.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
That is a learning too, isn't it. Yes, So school
is a huge, vast environment or landscape for learning.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
So when these holidays come about again, I say to parents,
allow your kids to have that time to just you know,
decompress and have a rest. But of course for parents
who are working, it's just another day, so there's a
lot of organization.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Of course, I get there as well. Right though, I
remember when as a parent, I've got two boys, but
they've grown up, you know. But at the time, I
remember you go away for school holidays, the summer one
in particular, and it'd be forever and ever, and the
kids were the same and they were awesome. But then
you go back to school and about a month into
the school year starting, you suddenly realize the kids have
grown up exponentially. Yes, they've changed right before your very
(07:52):
eyes and suddenly got grown up. But they didn't do
that with you. They did that with other kids. Yes, yeah,
and other kids are teaching your own kids.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
And of course, as the lifespan goes on, you know,
parental influence. Yeah, and it takes a bit of a
downturn and minimizes as the peer group becomes more and
more important for children.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
So yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Absolutely, So can we say on that just for a
little bit, when your kids are learning from other kids
and you're sitting there going, I'm not involved in actually
policing or monitoring or being even part of this learning.
How much should you pick your nose into their business?
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (08:34):
Look, I think that under sixteen you should be poking
your nose into their business as you wish, if you
are a parent who's involved in your you know, with
your children, and if you have any degree of responsibility
about your role as a parent, and most of us
would do that poking knows, probably not the best, you know,
but being interested, having you know, a positive curiosity about
(08:58):
what's going on, and certainly these days with social media,
I mean, let's just not get started on that. The
B four sixteen movement has touched on a raft of
possibilities for checks and balances, if not, you know, a
real limit on what that brings to the table, because
there is so much out there that can just have
a really negative impact on children in that you know,
(09:20):
through that medium and in that.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Digital we always and we've done it again, we've thought
that the government can solve the problem that is right
in front of your very eyes. That's right, So parents
always know better about their kids and they can actually
see the actual circumstances that's right in front of them,
and not no government can know that they're going to
make some generalistic law that covers everybody, but everybody is different.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Well, that's right.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
The problem is though, that we have allowed social media
to snuggle up to us on the couch and just
be our best buddy without knowing that there have to
be some boundaries.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
That we need.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
And as parents, I think we have embraced social media,
but we haven't been weary of it, and I think
we're weary of it now, but there are still not
enough checks and balances in place. But I you know,
at a governmental level, I'm not sure that that is
necessarily going to work. But hey, it's good to have
this conversation. And I think that's what the B four
sixteen movement are great. I mean, it's all about having
(10:20):
the conversation, bringing things to, you know, into people's mindsets,
bringing it to attention so that we can.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Talk about it and work it out.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
If you get an opinion on reels and so for
those people who don't know what reels are. On Instagram, Facebook,
et cetera, you now get small little videos that are
then that can be posted. And so you've got all
the posts, you know, a picture and there maybe some
in a link or whatever, and you've got people writing
and their opinions and their thoughts and that, Oh my goodness, me,
(10:49):
look really I eight the other day. Yes, But every
now and then you'll get to a point where there
are reels where people have posted a little five second videos.
Often their edit it down, but they're just five second videos,
and so you click on that and there's a bit
of a video at the moment. A big trend is
in fact a sasquatch, a bigfoot that is ai generated okay,
(11:11):
who has a fondness for Boger sugar, which, of course
is which of course is cocaine. You know.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Oh gosh, okay, I didn't even know that anyway.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
So you get on that and you go, well, that
was quite funny. But then when you swipe up, you
get another one, and then when you swipe up you
get another one then and so you get a succession
of five to seven second television programs. And you can
do this. And I know I've done it and it
has gone hold on. But I know I know kids
are doing it too. They'll start that and then an
(11:41):
hour and a half they still doing They're still doing it.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
You see.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
So I don't know about reels. You have just educated me.
I have never clicked on. I am not a great
social media person. I don't advocate it as a psychologist.
I'm not sure that I could go through this life,
saying social media is absolutely fantastic because of what I
see and my clinic, the the you know, suicidal ideation
of teenagers who have bullied, the bullying of people across
(12:07):
the board. I mean, I had a girlfriend who was
bullied for five years through social media. It's just, you know,
some of what I've seen means that I am absolutely
not involved, certainly not on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
And do you know, you know that whole bullying thing.
I get that it's totally a thing. But I think
the majority of people when they get affected by social media,
it's the pure content. Like I said, a big squatch,
by the way, the big the bigfoot, the bigfoot now
has a friend who is a sasquatch. They also have
a friend who's a yetty, right, And.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
That they're covering all the bases.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Covering all the bases, and that there's even Australian ones,
and there's even New Zealand ones. I'm going out to
the bush right now and there's a huge, big old
you know, bigfoot, sasquatch. Yes, creature, but.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
There's just the best stuff to do with your time.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I know, I know. But and as I said that
they're constantly eating mushrooms and snorting coat and I'm just
thinking that is the sort of media that because it's
designed for people to laugh at because so funny. That's
a bit of a hook, that's the hook. Meanwhile, it's
normalizing excessive drug intake. You know, it's normalizing transgender humor.
(13:16):
I can tell you from the reels. It's it's normalizing
all sorts of like sentious behavior. So that's where the
social media I find and I think it's under estimate
the content. It's not bullyingant or anything, but it's just dirty.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
Well that's right, and on so many levels that is wrong,
particularly when you understand the age of children who are
able to access this information. I mean, you know, there
are four year olds picking up their parents' phones and
they're right there, they're right at the forefront. It's scary,
and that the reels and that situation that you've described there,
(13:55):
on so many levels it's wrong because the humor is
the hook. We all like to have a bit of
a laugh, you know, at nobody's expense. But then towards
the end of those reels, I mean there's some damaging
messages that are being sent. The normalization of drug taking
as you say, I mean people don't understand the health
implications of that in any form.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
So that is the laugh troubling. I didn't even know.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Well, they're laughing at a big fairy creature who's got
blazing red eyes, who's running going, oh my god. Reality
is shifted, and we're laughing at it, and it's you know,
it's funny if you've actually mature enough to actually understand
that that's actually a situation that you're not going to
get into. So you're laughing at them. But when you
start laughing with them, yes, then then you have the problem.
(14:40):
And it's quite good that we sort of got distracted
into that because the obvious question I was going to
ask about five minutes ago, was the standard school holiday
procedure for parents, Yes, when they've got the kids at
home is to throw a screen at them and say,
go for it. I'm just going to work, I'm going
to work from home, or i am going to work.
Here's an impair, good luck.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Well that's the standard procedure these days with those options.
But for a lot of parents, they plan and they organize,
so you can achieve anything in life with a plan. Okay,
that's something that I can you know, say that it
is for real and parents plan to go for walks,
and parents plan to go to a movie, and parents
(15:21):
plan to sit and just chat and you know, be
close to their children and maybe make some inquiries as
to what's been going on in the school term and
how they're feeling about things. So parents, if they want
to take a responsible role in that whole parenting gig,
will make a bit of a plan even if they
are working. It will mean that perhaps they plan to
(15:41):
get together with family members or parent group, parent friends
that they can you know, bring their kids together and
make a plan so that there are other options, other
options to social media, other options to you know, throwing
the iPad at them or the phone or whatever device,
so that in fact they can have a bit of
(16:01):
digital detox during a holiday period for their children.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Absolutely. Yeah, So of course that planning has to happen
during school term. It has to have been well in advance,
well in advance. So as would your advice for parents
be that, you know, a good month before the school
holidays are coming, you need to put up a little
calendar of the next the two weeks that are arriving.
(16:24):
You know, the weekend you might be with them, and
that's cool, that's just average. It's like every other weekend.
You know, that's all good, But we've got Monday to Friday,
and just the same way that you get scheduled lessons
at school on that week, and that week you kind
of have to schedule activities for the kids on that
week rather than winging it each day.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
Well, look, here's the thing as parents, we're adults, so
we can figure this out. The holidays occur pretty much
at the same time every year if a child is
in primary school and then intermediate and then secondary, so
we know when these holidays are coming up. So we
could even plan a year in advance if we wanted to.
And planning is awesome. It means that you have confidence
(17:04):
about what you do doing, you have direction, and I
mean that's really that gives us a lot of Look,
it makes absolutely certainty. It makes us feel secure in
what we're doing and how we're parenting. So as big kids,
we can work these things out. So I would say,
don't fly by the seat of your pants during a
(17:26):
holiday period. Have these things and you might okay, So
the June July holidays are not going to be that
great weatherwise, if you're in New Zealand because it's our winter,
so we might plan a few movies, beach walks and
you know a bit of home oriented stuff. But certainly
and the holidays at the end of the year, you
might go and try to get away. You might link
(17:48):
up with some other families or some friendship groups and
do something together. You'll have You might do the gardens,
Hamilton Gardens beautiful. You know South Island, if you're down there,
there's some absolutely amazing sights. As I said, we are
not spoiled, which we have so many options, and also
do things different art galleries. If you've never done that before,
it's fascinating and you know, you can just pop into
(18:10):
little art galleries all over the all over the show
road trips. If you don't want to go too far,
walk down to your local park. There's often you know,
gym gear that you can work out on. Planning is
going to get you the best result and you do
not have to be stuck to that screen or a
victim of social media. And you can give your kids
(18:30):
really healthy options.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
And appearance can do that because they've got the time,
because they're there with the kids, you know, But they're
at home, that they haven't gone away. Yes, I think
it's important to realize that whatever interests and fascinates you
can also interest and fascinate your children. And you say
about art galleries, I can tell right at the moment
that your con City art gallery has the most amazing
exhibition of you know, Picasso, of all the greats of
(18:53):
all time, and it's come from overseas. I think there
might be a small charge, but you know it's mind
blowing stuff.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Hey, but when you make a plan but factor in
the cost of various things, look them up, work it out.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
If you're on a budget, that can work.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
But I mean even a plan of maybe going to
the art gallery and then you know, packing a little
bit of lunch and going and sitting in Albert Parker,
you know, going to a park or going somewhere.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
If it's not a nice state. I mean the factor
that into the equation.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
But also the presumption that I think a lot of
parents might go, well that's a bit adult, and you
know the kids won't be interested in that. You know,
what they want to Scooby do, and what they want
is you know, Jurassic World, and what they want is
on a screen, they won't be interested in some paint
on a board, but.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
You'd be surprised.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
You'd be surprised. Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
And also as parents, our children are looking to us
as role models. So if we show enthusiasm about a
certain activity, about going to the art gallery, about going
to the botanical gardens, about you know, doing this, doing that,
going and watching animals somewhere, or even visiting a pet
refuge center, you know, I'm playing with the animals. If
(19:59):
we show enthusiasm for these experiences, our kids like that
with them, and they learned to like it, even if
it's a little bit foreign to them.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
That's exactly right, exactly right. Emma has sent in a
text though, and she's interesting to know in couples, who
takes the lead on planning the school holidays. And this
comes down to you kind of know it. And this
is a generalistic statement, and it may not be one
hundred percent true, but that doesn't matter. You kind of
know that Dad just keeps doing what Dad has always
just done eight till six, nine to five, maybe does
(20:32):
whatever he does, you know, And then let's let's mum
worry about the kids. Is that a true statement? Is
that not? And is school holiday is a chance for
dads or the major wayjourner who's not there as much
to actually take a lead in helping the kids with
their day to day life.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
Well, I think it is a generalization, and I know
a lot of if we're talking you know, the gender
split with and we're assuming that men are still going
to work more than women. Orm I know a lot
of dads that will plan to take a bit of
time in the school holidays. I know a lot of
single dads who are doing a really good job and
stepping right into that role. I think that sometimes it's
(21:18):
up to the individual as to who plans things. Somebody
might just be a better planner and take that role
on board. But a lot of times mums are planning,
but also parents together plan to make time as best
as they can in these situations. But it's nice to think,
and that's a really good suggestion that perhaps at these
holiday times that remember we all know when they're occurring,
(21:41):
so at these holiday times, to maybe factor in a
day out here or half a day there, because you
know what, it's not quantity, it's quality. So even if
the parent is hard at work and really finds it
hard to take that time out. If they can just
factor in half a day here, half a day there,
or even a couple of solid hours, it's great.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Yes, every hour as a family together is never a
bad day spend. Absolutely, because we have so many hours
when we are split up because of money, of jobs,
of obligations of school. So the school holidays are a
very precious thing. Yes, My very special guest is Sarah Chepwyn,
a psychologist, a mind coach. He's in studio and taking
(22:23):
your course at eight hundred and eighty. Ten eighty is
the number to phone. It's news talk to. We've been
a bit presumptuous about you know, take the kids here,
take the kids there. You're quite right. A lot of parents,
both parents are working. They have to work. So we
might talk about work and kids and school holidays as
we go on. By the way, there's a rugby test
on later on tonight.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
We forgot about that. Oh no you didn't.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
No, No, it's percolating underneath like some threat, like some
alligator under the water.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Wait for me to go.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
But what I am saying is round about ten to
two we will be joined by Piney Jason Pine who
is calling the match or down there doing the shows
helping to call the match with Elliott Smith and we
will check in with him just before the news at Sex.
This is News Talks in Beat. Good afternoon you. It
is our twenty seven minutes to six and my very
special guest is Sarah Chapwin. I said, tetwe before the break.
(23:16):
It just came out.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
We fixed it up.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
We did, Sarah Chatwin. By the way, Dickens, this is
where the country kids are different from the tawny kids.
We have our kids so busy on the farm and
there's hunting and fishing on top as well. In fact,
I know a lot of kids.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
I love that. I love hearing that. It's so kind
of social media is so far in the distance. I
love hearing that.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
And the country mums and dads are going excellent. We've
got some free labor, and you know it's time to
put out the silence and so grab your fork and
away you go. So there we go.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
Some country parents put the olive branch out the hand
of French about to city kids and say, hey, we've
got this big farm here.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
City kids, come and spend some time, do some work
with them.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
That it'd be lovely, lovely, you know, cultivating friendships across
the board.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Okay, so well let's look though at a couple of
these things, a couple of these factors about what to
do when obviously you can't afford care or holiday programs
or you're working. So the first one, and I say,
instead of asking the country to take the.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Townies, it wasn't a bad thought, though, Andrew come with.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
I know, but a lot of people just go, Grandma, yes,
can you take the kids? And I know that Kerry,
for instance, our our nine to twelve hosts, you know,
was looking after Bart, her grandson, and she took him
to a cafe and played board games for four hours.
I said, what sort of board games? Board or b
O r D four hours? But you know, so the
(24:40):
grandparent thing next stop, Crypto. My conversation here is what
do you say to the grandparents who suddenly, thinking that
done their parenting time, are suddenly parents in the school holidays.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
Well, I mean, I think a lot of grandparents, God
bless them, love that given that it's a shortish timeframe
and they can give them back. So there are a
lot of grandparents out there who actually, you know, really
cherish that time and it's lovely and if people are
fortunate enough to have amazing grandparents that will offer to
help out, that is neat.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
A lot of people don't.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Of course, a lot of people don't have the budget
for babysitters either, WHI it's really.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
To or they have grandparents who feel that they're not
capable of looking after the kids because have become physically
unable or they've got too old for the whole thing,
so they say, I'm sorry, I can't help you know,
but a.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
Nice visit is also good, but that doesn't help with
regard to care.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
So I get you.
Speaker 4 (25:33):
I mean, a grandparent who is a little less mobile
or something like that is still a great grandparents for visits.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
So this is your planning thing. You're thinking about the
holidays a great time to catch up with your parents
with your children as well.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
You would also therefore advise grandparents to be planning for
the school holidays the same way parents have been planning
for the school holidays. Knowing that you're going to be
asked to look after the takes.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
Well, it's not a given, but it is really really nice.
And also I'm a great proponent of keeping those pathways
of communication open families community within family and outside of families,
to get things set up so that grandparents can benefit
and people can connect, because I mean during the pandemic,
we did not like the lack of connections. So now
(26:17):
we're back out there and we're able to connect. And
grandparents are a huge I just think there are very
They can be a very positive part of the family.
I mean, they are a huge part of the family.
So it's lovely to connect. Whether they are looking after
the children or whether you're visiting. There's a lot to
be learned and a lot of wisdom there.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Absolutely absolutely. Okay, so you can't afford school holiday care,
you don't have any grandparents, and both of you work,
of course, because you have to pay the mortgage, or
you're a solo parent and you work as well. You
have to pay the mortgage. You have to go to work.
You've got no other option for the kids. What's happening
(26:56):
more and more, And we said every time set here,
all the time. Suddenly great flocks of children come into workplaces,
and mostly they're stuck in a cour with a book,
Sometimes with a book that's nice, I like that. Often
with a device, yes, stuck on the hot desk, work
computers and they access a game, and you know, of
course then we have to carry out the computers from
all the bugs and viruses. And I thought, well, it's
(27:22):
so cliche that, you know, and they come and they
get to just sit in the corner blankly looking at
mom and dad working while they play on their devices.
Any thoughts about how we can make kids being at
work during the school holidays better for the kids, better
for the parents.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
Well, if companies are in a position to provide some
support you in the workplace, so you know, we're stling
in a lovely big studio here, it could house quite
a few kids with a few toys. It could And
I mean this is age related to I'm thinking we're
speaking younger children. But if companies had the availability of
(27:58):
rooms and people who could help, now it could even
be different staff members on a you know, a bit
of cycle in terms of care. It could be colleagues
looking after colleagues kids and doing it and you know,
an hour or two hour stint. Okay, if people again
could plan and organize structure and put structures like that
in place, options like that in place, that would be nice.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
So you're talking workplace holiday daycare we're with the cooperation
of a workplace.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
Yeah, well, I we just come up with us because
I'm kind of liking the sound of it.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Well okay, well maybe we are. But at the same time,
that is a cost and an impost on the company
because they might have to hire a clown or whatever.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
I'm thinking about external high res I'm thinking about internally.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
Yeah, and I'm thinking almost like a job sharing kind
of a situation, but with a crash like feel to it.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Yeah. So you designate, So there's that. Okay, you designate
the boardroom for a couple of weeks as being the
child zone. Yes, and there's a roster amongst people that
do that. Therefore, meaning mom and dad who are working
are actually carrying on with their productivity and not distracted
in a drain to the company.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
And they're actually feeling really good about themselves because they're working.
They're actually feeling really good about the company because it's
providing them with this option. They're actually also feeling good
about their colleagues because they're being helped. I mean, this
is a win situation. However, we have another option too.
What about friendship groups, parental friendship groups and parents get
(29:33):
together and plan and say, okay, so you know the
guys are going to be working or will let our
men work for that week, and we'll say there's three
couples or three sets of parents, and so we'll look
at that.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Will look after your yes, we'll look after your tribe,
yes on Tuesday and Wednesday, and you look after mine,
and you'll look after my tribe on Thursday and Friday.
If you get three or four or five parents in
a cooperative yes, working together, then we're actually spreading the load.
Speaker 4 (30:07):
And also you are having some input into what your
kids are learning and what kind of culture they're being
exposed to, because generally parents' friends have some similarities in
terms of you know, how they're parenting and what they're doing,
because that's how you get to know these people. So
it's actually, again a really nice kind of option to
buy into.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Okay, So asking the audience right now, you like, you
like the idea, and what do you do? How do
you entertain the kids at work? I think this is
a very big question. Eight hundred and eighty ten eighty
is the Dubada phone? What's your strategies, what's your coping strategies,
what's your plan and I think if you look back
at this hour, the whole thing is having a plan
rather than winging each day, go go, what are we
going to do now?
Speaker 4 (30:48):
There's a lot of stress and a lot of anxiety
around not having a plan because you are left in
that space of oh, heck, what do I do now?
That's not a good space to be in on the regular.
It's better to think and to feel that you have
something in place. As we said, it gives you that
sense of direction, of security and certainty. And it also
(31:09):
and that, you know, feed trickles down to your children
because they're looking at Mum and Dad who are relaxed
and who go, yep, I know exactly what we're doing
on Tuesday. We're going to get up and we're going
to go to the museum, or we're going to walk
that path, We're going to go out to the beach.
There's just that certainty and it's actually very anxiety reducing
and positivity. You know that you feel those in doorphins
(31:30):
because you know what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Okay, Now, I've got one very very big question to
actually ask you, okay, which I'm going to ask you
after the break, and it relates to what's happened in
the news today and situations that have happened over the
last ten years in more and more in particular that
parents are having to struggle with. So that's coming up
with Sarah Sarah, Sarah, chadwab.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
Ol Fred, what are you saying?
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Just call me Tim, Just call me Tim out light
plainly before six, so quick five minutes on this one.
We've had flooding again today, not today this week. Yes,
we've had houses gone, we've had room's gone, We've had
parents distraught, We've had floods before, We've had earthquakes. In
(32:11):
this country. We have a lot of major trauma and
it affects everybody, and it affects kids a lot.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
It does.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
And so if you're in the up and Nelson region
right now, and you know you've lost your house, you're
out of your house, you're now living in somebody else's house,
you're an emergency accommodation, and you're dragging the kids along
with them. What do you tell the kids, because under
a certain age, their entire world has been decimated.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:38):
Look, and under that whole umbrella of trauma, we also
see a lot of amazing resilience in New Zealanders. I mean,
look at christ Church now and how resilient they have
all been in many other places in our country that
have had these disasters. It is just my heart goes
out to people in those areas. And I think for
(32:59):
parents it's so difficult because you almost have to put
your feelings to the side because you have these little eyes.
And you know, again it's age dependent because by the
time kids are teenagers and they're undergoing these kind of conditions,
they are more equipped to do a little bit of
you know, they're more equipped to deal and to cope.
They still need, you know, to have their parents and
(33:22):
the validation and all of the you know that, but
that comfort that a parent gives a child in this situation.
But the littlies, they are looking to their parents and
they are going mom and dad, this is diabolical.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I don't know what to do with this. What do
I do?
Speaker 4 (33:38):
So, you know, validate their feelings. I really believe that
talking to children and allowing them to have that conversation.
So even you know, checking in, you know, how you
doing this is gee, this is you know, really this
is really weird, isn't it. How you feeling open up
those communication pathways keep them close. So as a parent,
if you can't physically have your child close, get somebody
(34:01):
else involved in and try to keep your kids close
because they will be feeling so discombobulated in the worst
possible way.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Do you tell them the truth? Do you say your
house will never be here again? Yeah, your favorite fluffy
toy has God knows where that is. It's somewhere down
the creek somewhere, you know. Do you tell them the
truth of the severity of the situation or do you
sort of mass the impact?
Speaker 4 (34:23):
So I believe in honesty. I believe in honesty, but
not like that because a four year old hearing that,
I don't think that would sit well with them at all.
So you have to judge what you say to your
child by virtue of their age. And as you mentioned
before in this segment, parents know their children better than
anyone else because they have bored them, they have raised them.
(34:44):
So you choose the words to tell your kids about
these things, and perhaps don't make them so final and
finite you'll never see Fluffy again, because you know Fluffy
could be replaced in some way, shape or form. But yeah,
I mean, you have to judge it based on age.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
And it's very similar to you know, when parents split
up and they've got young kids as well, and they go, well,
how come mums not here? How come Dad's not here anymore?
At some point you have to tell them ninety percent
of the truth.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
Yes, yeah, you do in a very kind and caring way. Hey, no,
dad isn't here or Mum isn't here. But you know,
we both love you. And you've got a lovely place
to go and see Dad, and you've got a beautiful
place to go.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
And see mum.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
And you do not use those children as pawns in
any situation, whether it be divorced to solution or I.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Suppose you have to. You have to stress the future
no long in the past.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Sometimes some storms don't just come to, you know, to
disrupt your disrupt your way. Sometimes storms can be used
to clear your path. Then it is a new beginning.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
And if you can find some silver lining, even as parents,
if you think, boy, I am really stretching it here,
But if you can find something like you know, okay, Fluffy,
we can't find Fluffy at the moment, but we will
look for a Fluffy's friend. We might get a friend
for fluffy, Hey, you know something like that, just you know,
and Unford, fortunately, I've got to say that, you know,
(36:06):
parents have to hold it together because these particularly younger children,
they are watching, they are looking. You are their role model,
You are the architect of their destiny.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
So while will while you're talking to each other and
you're admitting that your house has gone forever, it's total,
it's munted, and you're upset, and you're crying, and he's
crying and she's crying, and everybody's hugging and all that,
you bring the child into that hug into that group.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
And tell them that you love them and that you
love each other and that things are going to be
better long term.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
And you know you're here and in this moment.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
You're together, and you're so grateful that you've got each other.
But also adults need to take care of each other.
So there's a little bit of you know, self care
time and time to just have the conversation about how
adults are feeling. But that's done, you know, without the
small children being present, because you do have to, you know,
support each other.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
That was the word I was looking for before the support. Yeah,
adolescent still needs.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
We're a team, and we're a team, absolutely loved team.
It's a bit bad, but it's going to be good again.
And we're team and we're strong. Yeah, and I need
your help, kid, And.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
I like that bringing them on board, to give them
some responsibility and to make them feel like they're part
of the growth and.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
The give me a cuttle and make me feel better.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Absolutely can do that.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Love it, Sarah chat One.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
Oh, I got it right.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Thank you, Andrew, Thank you so much for your time today.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
My pleasure partiers next.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
For more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to News
Talk ZEDB weekends from three pm, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio.
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks B.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
It's welcome on, and this is the week in Collective. Yes,
not just one presenter, but we're having five over the
course of this afternoon. And can I please introduce our
latest uh presenter, our latest voice for you to listen to,
Sarah Chipwin from or Psychologists of Mind Coach. This is
the Parent Squad and we're talking about parenting. And welcome
(00:30):
to the program. You've got to push a little red
button and.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Hello, and we're on. Hello, Hello, Welcome on in Andrew,
not Tim, It's Andrew.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yes, doesn't It doesn't matter. There's so many tims on
this radio station that everybody on the text cause me
anyult to the term I get it, and people default
to the Sarah w when it's actually so.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
That's right, Yes, my mother preferred Sarah.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
There we go. Well, if it's an sa A, people
should know really it's it's.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Kind of Sarah, yeah, and not Sarah at the phonemic level.
So the small level of sound is Sarah, which makes
it Sarah.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
It's school holidays. It is well, and there's many issues
about the school holidays. Tell me some well, what do
you do with the little things.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Well, it's quite nice for them to have a bit
of a rest.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
So I always say to pearents, don't bust your gut
thinking of these grand you know, things that you have
to do with your kids, because for a few little
days here and there, they do need to just you know,
settle themselves, have a rest, take some time out.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Because school is tough.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I don't think people realize that, why do we have
school holidays and we don't have they have so many
holidays compared to you know, a working life. But they're
young and they're being stretched and.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
The brain is developing, so they I mean, the holidays
are great to let them, you know, rest, reset, rejuvenate,
all of those lovely things, because they do a lot
of learning and that takes time to kind of you know.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
But the other thing about it is these lots so realizing.
I mean, you go to school, you're in a class
of thirty, you're in a school of six hundred to
you know, some cases two thousands, whatever. You've got an
awful lot of factors, an awful lot of stimuli going
on all around you. And yet when we get to
the holidays, so many parents think, well, we've got to
get our kids out of the house, and we've got
(02:24):
to get them hanging out with their friends and with
other friends. But in fact, in a way, they just
actually need time by themselves to process what the hell
just happened in the past twelve weeks.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
I actually think you've had it, and a lot of parents.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
It's not a mistake.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I think parents are doing that, you know, with the
best of intentions and totally altruistically. They're thinking, you know,
we need to fill their time with activity, but these
kids have been in a learning situation, so having a
few sleep ins because remember we have that time component
to having to get up at a certain time and
get ready and you know, get ourselves underway or the
children do. So it's just nice to just you know,
(03:01):
decompress and allow yourself a little bit of time. And
parents also in the holidays, I think, feel a lot
of pressure to get things up and running for their kids.
Don't abandon that. Just let them rest and also just
take a bit of a break yourself and as parents,
if you can spend a little bit of quality time
during those holiday times. A lot of parents are working,
so they can't necessarily do that. But if you can
(03:23):
spend some time with your children. That there's the opportunity.
So holidays are great.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
And we have these blocks of two weeks and this
is the first real one. This is the one where
everyone goes away on holiday because it's the middle of
the year.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Well yeah, not everyone, but a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Have you been to the airports lately?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I have not. I am not a parent that goes away. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Well, well they're full on, they're full on. But in fact,
you might actually, when you're looking at the blocks of
holidays that we've got, you might actually want to think
about which ones are ones where kids can just be
kids and stay at home and just you run out
in the backyard like we used to do in kids
and find their own entertainment. Absolutely, and which ones you're
going to have to sort of program as being stimuli
(04:04):
for them, whether you put into a daycare program or
you give them activities that you drive.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Well, I mean there are a lot of nice community
things out there and available. You've also got art galleries,
you've got botanical gardens, you've got gardens, you've got walks,
you've got tricks. I mean, we are a little bit
spoiled in New Zealand, aren't we with our beaches even
in winter, even on a temporarily a challenging or temporately
challenging day to day In Auckland, I mean, we have
(04:31):
a country that offers a lot for us, our families,
our children. So there are a lot of things that
don't cost a lot that you can do with your kids.
There's a little bit of planning involved, and obviously when
the weather is in clement it's not necessarily as nice,
although I will say, you know, putting your jackets on
in your hoods up absolutely walking along a beach is fabulous. Absolutely,
(04:52):
So don't be put off by the fact that it
might be a little bit.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Jolly or rainy.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I think we have a mindset in our country, you know,
that has developed more and more because we become more
and more domesticated and more and more civilized, that it's
like it's raining, therefore we shouldn't go out in it.
And I seem to remember when I was younger that
if it was raining out we went and that was
a great thing. You can't put your gum bots on,
put your raincoats on, and you actually looked for puddles
(05:17):
to splash it.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
We did do that much to our parents to stain
you were one of those kids when Alara can, I was.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yeah, I was one of the kids that you know,
Mum and dad said, what are you doing? I'm going
out with my friend Alistair and we're going eeling in
the creek. You know, there's a lot of kids did
with a trident where you get a trident from el
Alisa took me to the hardware and I bought it,
and then then you get a bamboo thing and then
you're tied up and then you go and get the eel.
(05:47):
What's going to happen to the eel?
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Your location as an inventor. They tried it could have
been a really big cat.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Maybe. Then they said what did you do with the eel?
And I said, I don't know. Alis is going to
deal with it, but Elsie to take them home.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
And smoke them and can release.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
That's true enough, that's true enough. Okay, So look, hey,
it is school holidays, and if you're worrying about your
parenting or you have issues that have risen because the
kids are at home with you and you're at home
with them and maybe things have got fraid, feel free
to furnus anytime you're like O eight one hundred and
eighty ten eighty. Sara Shepwan is here. She is a psychologist,
(06:23):
a mind coach, she has a stress management advisor, and
she's here to help you with the program that we're
calling the Parent Squad. Is it more stressful for parents
during holidays than it is during the rest of the year.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
I think the demands of organization are probably a little
more full on. And I think also with working parents,
you have that parental guilt. So you know, when you
do have to go to work and you have to
perhaps find some people to delegate your children too, there's
that guilt because you feel like you should be there.
So holiday times, look, they have a number of meanings
(06:58):
and impacts on parents in different ways. I pick up
on what you said before about socialize at school.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
That is a learning too, isn't it. Yes, So school
is a huge, vast environment or landscape for learning.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
So when these holidays come about again, I say to parents,
allow your kids to have that time to just you know,
decompress and have a rest. But of course for parents
who are working, it's just another day, so there's a
lot of organization.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Of course, I get there as well. Right though, I
remember when as a parent, I've got two boys, but
they've grown up, you know. But at the time, I
remember you go away for school holidays, the summer one
in particular, and it'd be forever and ever, and the
kids were the same and they were awesome. But then
you go back to school and about a month into
the school year starting, you suddenly realize the kids have
grown up exponentially. Yes, they've changed right before your very
(07:52):
eyes and suddenly got grown up. But they didn't do
that with you. They did that with other kids. Yes, yeah,
and other kids are teaching your own kids.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
And of course, as the lifespan goes on, you know,
parental influence. Yeah, and it takes a bit of a
downturn and minimizes as the peer group becomes more and
more important for children.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
So yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Absolutely, So can we say on that just for a
little bit, when your kids are learning from other kids
and you're sitting there going, I'm not involved in actually
policing or monitoring or being even part of this learning.
How much should you pick your nose into their business?
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (08:34):
Look, I think that under sixteen you should be poking
your nose into their business as you wish, if you
are a parent who's involved in your you know, with
your children, and if you have any degree of responsibility
about your role as a parent, and most of us
would do that poking knows, probably not the best, you know,
but being interested, having you know, a positive curiosity about
(08:58):
what's going on, and certainly these days with social media,
I mean, let's just not get started on that. The
B four sixteen movement has touched on a raft of
possibilities for checks and balances, if not, you know, a
real limit on what that brings to the table, because
there is so much out there that can just have
a really negative impact on children in that you know,
(09:20):
through that medium and in that.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Digital we always and we've done it again, we've thought
that the government can solve the problem that is right
in front of your very eyes. That's right, So parents
always know better about their kids and they can actually
see the actual circumstances that's right in front of them,
and not no government can know that they're going to
make some generalistic law that covers everybody, but everybody is different.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Well, that's right.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
The problem is though, that we have allowed social media
to snuggle up to us on the couch and just
be our best buddy without knowing that there have to
be some boundaries.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
That we need.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
And as parents, I think we have embraced social media,
but we haven't been weary of it, and I think
we're weary of it now, but there are still not
enough checks and balances in place. But I you know,
at a governmental level, I'm not sure that that is
necessarily going to work. But hey, it's good to have
this conversation. And I think that's what the B four
sixteen movement are great. I mean, it's all about having
(10:20):
the conversation, bringing things to, you know, into people's mindsets,
bringing it to attention so that we can.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Talk about it and work it out.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
If you get an opinion on reels and so for
those people who don't know what reels are. On Instagram, Facebook,
et cetera, you now get small little videos that are
then that can be posted. And so you've got all
the posts, you know, a picture and there maybe some
in a link or whatever, and you've got people writing
and their opinions and their thoughts and that, Oh my goodness, me,
(10:49):
look really I eight the other day. Yes, But every
now and then you'll get to a point where there
are reels where people have posted a little five second videos.
Often their edit it down, but they're just five second videos,
and so you click on that and there's a bit
of a video at the moment. A big trend is
in fact a sasquatch, a bigfoot that is ai generated okay,
(11:11):
who has a fondness for Boger sugar, which, of course
is which of course is cocaine. You know.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Oh gosh, okay, I didn't even know that anyway.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
So you get on that and you go, well, that
was quite funny. But then when you swipe up, you
get another one, and then when you swipe up you
get another one then and so you get a succession
of five to seven second television programs. And you can
do this. And I know I've done it and it
has gone hold on. But I know I know kids
are doing it too. They'll start that and then an
(11:41):
hour and a half they still doing They're still doing it.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
You see.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
So I don't know about reels. You have just educated me.
I have never clicked on. I am not a great
social media person. I don't advocate it as a psychologist.
I'm not sure that I could go through this life,
saying social media is absolutely fantastic because of what I
see and my clinic, the the you know, suicidal ideation
of teenagers who have bullied, the bullying of people across
(12:07):
the board. I mean, I had a girlfriend who was
bullied for five years through social media. It's just, you know,
some of what I've seen means that I am absolutely
not involved, certainly not on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
And do you know, you know that whole bullying thing.
I get that it's totally a thing. But I think
the majority of people when they get affected by social media,
it's the pure content. Like I said, a big squatch,
by the way, the big the bigfoot, the bigfoot now
has a friend who is a sasquatch. They also have
a friend who's a yetty, right, And.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
That they're covering all the bases.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Covering all the bases, and that there's even Australian ones,
and there's even New Zealand ones. I'm going out to
the bush right now and there's a huge, big old
you know, bigfoot, sasquatch. Yes, creature, but.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
There's just the best stuff to do with your time.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I know, I know. But and as I said that
they're constantly eating mushrooms and snorting coat and I'm just
thinking that is the sort of media that because it's
designed for people to laugh at because so funny. That's
a bit of a hook, that's the hook. Meanwhile, it's
normalizing excessive drug intake. You know, it's normalizing transgender humor.
(13:16):
I can tell you from the reels. It's it's normalizing
all sorts of like sentious behavior. So that's where the
social media I find and I think it's under estimate
the content. It's not bullyingant or anything, but it's just dirty.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
Well that's right, and on so many levels that is wrong,
particularly when you understand the age of children who are
able to access this information. I mean, you know, there
are four year olds picking up their parents' phones and
they're right there, they're right at the forefront. It's scary,
and that the reels and that situation that you've described there,
(13:55):
on so many levels it's wrong because the humor is
the hook. We all like to have a bit of
a laugh, you know, at nobody's expense. But then towards
the end of those reels, I mean there's some damaging
messages that are being sent. The normalization of drug taking
as you say, I mean people don't understand the health
implications of that in any form.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
So that is the laugh troubling. I didn't even know.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Well, they're laughing at a big fairy creature who's got
blazing red eyes, who's running going, oh my god. Reality
is shifted, and we're laughing at it, and it's you know,
it's funny if you've actually mature enough to actually understand
that that's actually a situation that you're not going to
get into. So you're laughing at them. But when you
start laughing with them, yes, then then you have the problem.
(14:40):
And it's quite good that we sort of got distracted
into that because the obvious question I was going to
ask about five minutes ago, was the standard school holiday
procedure for parents, Yes, when they've got the kids at
home is to throw a screen at them and say,
go for it. I'm just going to work, I'm going
to work from home, or i am going to work.
Here's an impair, good luck.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Well that's the standard procedure these days with those options.
But for a lot of parents, they plan and they organize,
so you can achieve anything in life with a plan. Okay,
that's something that I can you know, say that it
is for real and parents plan to go for walks,
and parents plan to go to a movie, and parents
(15:21):
plan to sit and just chat and you know, be
close to their children and maybe make some inquiries as
to what's been going on in the school term and
how they're feeling about things. So parents, if they want
to take a responsible role in that whole parenting gig,
will make a bit of a plan even if they
are working. It will mean that perhaps they plan to
(15:41):
get together with family members or parent group, parent friends
that they can you know, bring their kids together and
make a plan so that there are other options, other
options to social media, other options to you know, throwing
the iPad at them or the phone or whatever device,
so that in fact they can have a bit of
(16:01):
digital detox during a holiday period for their children.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Absolutely. Yeah, So of course that planning has to happen
during school term. It has to have been well in advance,
well in advance. So as would your advice for parents
be that, you know, a good month before the school
holidays are coming, you need to put up a little
calendar of the next the two weeks that are arriving.
(16:24):
You know, the weekend you might be with them, and
that's cool, that's just average. It's like every other weekend.
You know, that's all good, But we've got Monday to Friday,
and just the same way that you get scheduled lessons
at school on that week, and that week you kind
of have to schedule activities for the kids on that
week rather than winging it each day.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
Well, look, here's the thing as parents, we're adults, so
we can figure this out. The holidays occur pretty much
at the same time every year if a child is
in primary school and then intermediate and then secondary, so
we know when these holidays are coming up. So we
could even plan a year in advance if we wanted to.
And planning is awesome. It means that you have confidence
(17:04):
about what you do doing, you have direction, and I
mean that's really that gives us a lot of Look,
it makes absolutely certainty. It makes us feel secure in
what we're doing and how we're parenting. So as big kids,
we can work these things out. So I would say,
don't fly by the seat of your pants during a
(17:26):
holiday period. Have these things and you might okay, So
the June July holidays are not going to be that
great weatherwise, if you're in New Zealand because it's our winter,
so we might plan a few movies, beach walks and
you know a bit of home oriented stuff. But certainly
and the holidays at the end of the year, you
might go and try to get away. You might link
(17:48):
up with some other families or some friendship groups and
do something together. You'll have You might do the gardens,
Hamilton Gardens beautiful. You know South Island, if you're down there,
there's some absolutely amazing sights. As I said, we are
not spoiled, which we have so many options, and also
do things different art galleries. If you've never done that before,
it's fascinating and you know, you can just pop into
(18:10):
little art galleries all over the all over the show
road trips. If you don't want to go too far,
walk down to your local park. There's often you know,
gym gear that you can work out on. Planning is
going to get you the best result and you do
not have to be stuck to that screen or a
victim of social media. And you can give your kids
(18:30):
really healthy options.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
And appearance can do that because they've got the time,
because they're there with the kids, you know, But they're
at home, that they haven't gone away. Yes, I think
it's important to realize that whatever interests and fascinates you
can also interest and fascinate your children. And you say
about art galleries, I can tell right at the moment
that your con City art gallery has the most amazing
exhibition of you know, Picasso, of all the greats of
(18:53):
all time, and it's come from overseas. I think there
might be a small charge, but you know it's mind
blowing stuff.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Hey, but when you make a plan but factor in
the cost of various things, look them up, work it out.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
If you're on a budget, that can work.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
But I mean even a plan of maybe going to
the art gallery and then you know, packing a little
bit of lunch and going and sitting in Albert Parker,
you know, going to a park or going somewhere.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
If it's not a nice state. I mean the factor
that into the equation.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
But also the presumption that I think a lot of
parents might go, well that's a bit adult, and you
know the kids won't be interested in that. You know,
what they want to Scooby do, and what they want
is you know, Jurassic World, and what they want is
on a screen, they won't be interested in some paint
on a board, but.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
You'd be surprised.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
You'd be surprised. Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
And also as parents, our children are looking to us
as role models. So if we show enthusiasm about a
certain activity, about going to the art gallery, about going
to the botanical gardens, about you know, doing this, doing that,
going and watching animals somewhere, or even visiting a pet
refuge center, you know, I'm playing with the animals. If
(19:59):
we show enthusiasm for these experiences, our kids like that
with them, and they learned to like it, even if
it's a little bit foreign to them.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
That's exactly right, exactly right. Emma has sent in a
text though, and she's interesting to know in couples, who
takes the lead on planning the school holidays. And this
comes down to you kind of know it. And this
is a generalistic statement, and it may not be one
hundred percent true, but that doesn't matter. You kind of
know that Dad just keeps doing what Dad has always
just done eight till six, nine to five, maybe does
(20:32):
whatever he does, you know, And then let's let's mum
worry about the kids. Is that a true statement? Is
that not? And is school holiday is a chance for
dads or the major wayjourner who's not there as much
to actually take a lead in helping the kids with
their day to day life.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
Well, I think it is a generalization, and I know
a lot of if we're talking you know, the gender
split with and we're assuming that men are still going
to work more than women. Orm I know a lot
of dads that will plan to take a bit of
time in the school holidays. I know a lot of
single dads who are doing a really good job and
stepping right into that role. I think that sometimes it's
(21:18):
up to the individual as to who plans things. Somebody
might just be a better planner and take that role
on board. But a lot of times mums are planning,
but also parents together plan to make time as best
as they can in these situations. But it's nice to think,
and that's a really good suggestion that perhaps at these
holiday times that remember we all know when they're occurring,
(21:41):
so at these holiday times, to maybe factor in a
day out here or half a day there, because you
know what, it's not quantity, it's quality. So even if
the parent is hard at work and really finds it
hard to take that time out. If they can just
factor in half a day here, half a day there,
or even a couple of solid hours, it's great.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Yes, every hour as a family together is never a
bad day spend. Absolutely, because we have so many hours
when we are split up because of money, of jobs,
of obligations of school. So the school holidays are a
very precious thing. Yes, My very special guest is Sarah Chepwyn,
a psychologist, a mind coach. He's in studio and taking
(22:23):
your course at eight hundred and eighty. Ten eighty is
the number to phone. It's news talk to. We've been
a bit presumptuous about you know, take the kids here,
take the kids there. You're quite right. A lot of parents,
both parents are working. They have to work. So we
might talk about work and kids and school holidays as
we go on. By the way, there's a rugby test
on later on tonight.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
We forgot about that. Oh no you didn't.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
No, No, it's percolating underneath like some threat, like some
alligator under the water.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Wait for me to go.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
But what I am saying is round about ten to
two we will be joined by Piney Jason Pine who
is calling the match or down there doing the shows
helping to call the match with Elliott Smith and we
will check in with him just before the news at Sex.
This is News Talks in Beat. Good afternoon you. It
is our twenty seven minutes to six and my very
special guest is Sarah Chapwin. I said, tetwe before the break.
(23:16):
It just came out.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
We fixed it up.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
We did, Sarah Chatwin. By the way, Dickens, this is
where the country kids are different from the tawny kids.
We have our kids so busy on the farm and
there's hunting and fishing on top as well. In fact,
I know a lot of kids.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
I love that. I love hearing that. It's so kind
of social media is so far in the distance. I
love hearing that.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
And the country mums and dads are going excellent. We've
got some free labor, and you know it's time to
put out the silence and so grab your fork and
away you go. So there we go.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
Some country parents put the olive branch out the hand
of French about to city kids and say, hey, we've
got this big farm here.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
City kids, come and spend some time, do some work
with them.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
That it'd be lovely, lovely, you know, cultivating friendships across
the board.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Okay, so well let's look though at a couple of
these things, a couple of these factors about what to
do when obviously you can't afford care or holiday programs
or you're working. So the first one, and I say,
instead of asking the country to take the.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Townies, it wasn't a bad thought, though, Andrew come with.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
I know, but a lot of people just go, Grandma, yes,
can you take the kids? And I know that Kerry,
for instance, our our nine to twelve hosts, you know,
was looking after Bart, her grandson, and she took him
to a cafe and played board games for four hours.
I said, what sort of board games? Board or b
O r D four hours? But you know, so the
(24:40):
grandparent thing next stop, Crypto. My conversation here is what
do you say to the grandparents who suddenly, thinking that
done their parenting time, are suddenly parents in the school holidays.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
Well, I mean, I think a lot of grandparents, God
bless them, love that given that it's a shortish timeframe
and they can give them back. So there are a
lot of grandparents out there who actually, you know, really
cherish that time and it's lovely and if people are
fortunate enough to have amazing grandparents that will offer to
help out, that is neat.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
A lot of people don't.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Of course, a lot of people don't have the budget
for babysitters either, WHI it's really.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
To or they have grandparents who feel that they're not
capable of looking after the kids because have become physically
unable or they've got too old for the whole thing,
so they say, I'm sorry, I can't help you know,
but a.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
Nice visit is also good, but that doesn't help with
regard to care.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
So I get you.
Speaker 4 (25:33):
I mean, a grandparent who is a little less mobile
or something like that is still a great grandparents for visits.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
So this is your planning thing. You're thinking about the
holidays a great time to catch up with your parents
with your children as well.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
You would also therefore advise grandparents to be planning for
the school holidays the same way parents have been planning
for the school holidays. Knowing that you're going to be
asked to look after the takes.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
Well, it's not a given, but it is really really nice.
And also I'm a great proponent of keeping those pathways
of communication open families community within family and outside of families,
to get things set up so that grandparents can benefit
and people can connect, because I mean during the pandemic,
we did not like the lack of connections. So now
(26:17):
we're back out there and we're able to connect. And
grandparents are a huge I just think there are very
They can be a very positive part of the family.
I mean, they are a huge part of the family.
So it's lovely to connect. Whether they are looking after
the children or whether you're visiting. There's a lot to
be learned and a lot of wisdom there.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Absolutely absolutely. Okay, so you can't afford school holiday care,
you don't have any grandparents, and both of you work,
of course, because you have to pay the mortgage, or
you're a solo parent and you work as well. You
have to pay the mortgage. You have to go to work.
You've got no other option for the kids. What's happening
(26:56):
more and more, And we said every time set here,
all the time. Suddenly great flocks of children come into workplaces,
and mostly they're stuck in a cour with a book,
Sometimes with a book that's nice, I like that. Often
with a device, yes, stuck on the hot desk, work
computers and they access a game, and you know, of
course then we have to carry out the computers from
all the bugs and viruses. And I thought, well, it's
(27:22):
so cliche that, you know, and they come and they
get to just sit in the corner blankly looking at
mom and dad working while they play on their devices.
Any thoughts about how we can make kids being at
work during the school holidays better for the kids, better
for the parents.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
Well, if companies are in a position to provide some
support you in the workplace, so you know, we're stling
in a lovely big studio here, it could house quite
a few kids with a few toys. It could And
I mean this is age related to I'm thinking we're
speaking younger children. But if companies had the availability of
(27:58):
rooms and people who could help, now it could even
be different staff members on a you know, a bit
of cycle in terms of care. It could be colleagues
looking after colleagues kids and doing it and you know,
an hour or two hour stint. Okay, if people again
could plan and organize structure and put structures like that
in place, options like that in place, that would be nice.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
So you're talking workplace holiday daycare we're with the cooperation
of a workplace.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
Yeah, well, I we just come up with us because
I'm kind of liking the sound of it.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Well okay, well maybe we are. But at the same time,
that is a cost and an impost on the company
because they might have to hire a clown or whatever.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
I'm thinking about external high res I'm thinking about internally.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
Yeah, and I'm thinking almost like a job sharing kind
of a situation, but with a crash like feel to it.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Yeah. So you designate, So there's that. Okay, you designate
the boardroom for a couple of weeks as being the
child zone. Yes, and there's a roster amongst people that
do that. Therefore, meaning mom and dad who are working
are actually carrying on with their productivity and not distracted
in a drain to the company.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
And they're actually feeling really good about themselves because they're working.
They're actually feeling really good about the company because it's
providing them with this option. They're actually also feeling good
about their colleagues because they're being helped. I mean, this
is a win situation. However, we have another option too.
What about friendship groups, parental friendship groups and parents get
(29:33):
together and plan and say, okay, so you know the
guys are going to be working or will let our
men work for that week, and we'll say there's three
couples or three sets of parents, and so we'll look
at that.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Will look after your yes, we'll look after your tribe,
yes on Tuesday and Wednesday, and you look after mine,
and you'll look after my tribe on Thursday and Friday.
If you get three or four or five parents in
a cooperative yes, working together, then we're actually spreading the load.
Speaker 4 (30:07):
And also you are having some input into what your
kids are learning and what kind of culture they're being
exposed to, because generally parents' friends have some similarities in
terms of you know, how they're parenting and what they're doing,
because that's how you get to know these people. So
it's actually, again a really nice kind of option to
buy into.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Okay, So asking the audience right now, you like, you
like the idea, and what do you do? How do
you entertain the kids at work? I think this is
a very big question. Eight hundred and eighty ten eighty
is the Dubada phone? What's your strategies, what's your coping strategies,
what's your plan and I think if you look back
at this hour, the whole thing is having a plan
rather than winging each day, go go, what are we
going to do now?
Speaker 4 (30:48):
There's a lot of stress and a lot of anxiety
around not having a plan because you are left in
that space of oh, heck, what do I do now?
That's not a good space to be in on the regular.
It's better to think and to feel that you have
something in place. As we said, it gives you that
sense of direction, of security and certainty. And it also
(31:09):
and that, you know, feed trickles down to your children
because they're looking at Mum and Dad who are relaxed
and who go, yep, I know exactly what we're doing
on Tuesday. We're going to get up and we're going
to go to the museum, or we're going to walk
that path, We're going to go out to the beach.
There's just that certainty and it's actually very anxiety reducing
and positivity. You know that you feel those in doorphins
(31:30):
because you know what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Okay, Now, I've got one very very big question to
actually ask you, okay, which I'm going to ask you
after the break, and it relates to what's happened in
the news today and situations that have happened over the
last ten years in more and more in particular that
parents are having to struggle with. So that's coming up
with Sarah Sarah, Sarah, chadwab.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
Ol Fred, what are you saying?
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Just call me Tim, Just call me Tim out light
plainly before six, so quick five minutes on this one.
We've had flooding again today, not today this week. Yes,
we've had houses gone, we've had room's gone, We've had
parents distraught, We've had floods before, We've had earthquakes. In
(32:11):
this country. We have a lot of major trauma and
it affects everybody, and it affects kids a lot.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
It does.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
And so if you're in the up and Nelson region
right now, and you know you've lost your house, you're
out of your house, you're now living in somebody else's house,
you're an emergency accommodation, and you're dragging the kids along
with them. What do you tell the kids, because under
a certain age, their entire world has been decimated.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:38):
Look, and under that whole umbrella of trauma, we also
see a lot of amazing resilience in New Zealanders. I mean,
look at christ Church now and how resilient they have
all been in many other places in our country that
have had these disasters. It is just my heart goes
out to people in those areas. And I think for
(32:59):
parents it's so difficult because you almost have to put
your feelings to the side because you have these little eyes.
And you know, again it's age dependent because by the
time kids are teenagers and they're undergoing these kind of conditions,
they are more equipped to do a little bit of
you know, they're more equipped to deal and to cope.
They still need, you know, to have their parents and
(33:22):
the validation and all of the you know that, but
that comfort that a parent gives a child in this situation.
But the littlies, they are looking to their parents and
they are going mom and dad, this is diabolical.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I don't know what to do with this. What do
I do?
Speaker 4 (33:38):
So, you know, validate their feelings. I really believe that
talking to children and allowing them to have that conversation.
So even you know, checking in, you know, how you
doing this is gee, this is you know, really this
is really weird, isn't it. How you feeling open up
those communication pathways keep them close. So as a parent,
if you can't physically have your child close, get somebody
(34:01):
else involved in and try to keep your kids close
because they will be feeling so discombobulated in the worst
possible way.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Do you tell them the truth? Do you say your
house will never be here again? Yeah, your favorite fluffy
toy has God knows where that is. It's somewhere down
the creek somewhere, you know. Do you tell them the
truth of the severity of the situation or do you
sort of mass the impact?
Speaker 4 (34:23):
So I believe in honesty. I believe in honesty, but
not like that because a four year old hearing that,
I don't think that would sit well with them at all.
So you have to judge what you say to your
child by virtue of their age. And as you mentioned
before in this segment, parents know their children better than
anyone else because they have bored them, they have raised them.
(34:44):
So you choose the words to tell your kids about
these things, and perhaps don't make them so final and
finite you'll never see Fluffy again, because you know Fluffy
could be replaced in some way, shape or form. But yeah,
I mean, you have to judge it based on age.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
And it's very similar to you know, when parents split
up and they've got young kids as well, and they go, well,
how come mums not here? How come Dad's not here anymore?
At some point you have to tell them ninety percent
of the truth.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
Yes, yeah, you do in a very kind and caring way. Hey, no,
dad isn't here or Mum isn't here. But you know,
we both love you. And you've got a lovely place
to go and see Dad, and you've got a beautiful
place to go.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
And see mum.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
And you do not use those children as pawns in
any situation, whether it be divorced to solution or I.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Suppose you have to. You have to stress the future
no long in the past.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Sometimes some storms don't just come to, you know, to
disrupt your disrupt your way. Sometimes storms can be used
to clear your path. Then it is a new beginning.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
And if you can find some silver lining, even as parents,
if you think, boy, I am really stretching it here,
But if you can find something like you know, okay, Fluffy,
we can't find Fluffy at the moment, but we will
look for a Fluffy's friend. We might get a friend
for fluffy, Hey, you know something like that, just you know,
and Unford, fortunately, I've got to say that, you know,
(36:06):
parents have to hold it together because these particularly younger children,
they are watching, they are looking. You are their role model,
You are the architect of their destiny.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
So while will while you're talking to each other and
you're admitting that your house has gone forever, it's total,
it's munted, and you're upset, and you're crying, and he's
crying and she's crying, and everybody's hugging and all that,
you bring the child into that hug into that group.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
And tell them that you love them and that you
love each other and that things are going to be
better long term.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
And you know you're here and in this moment.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
You're together, and you're so grateful that you've got each other.
But also adults need to take care of each other.
So there's a little bit of you know, self care
time and time to just have the conversation about how
adults are feeling. But that's done, you know, without the
small children being present, because you do have to, you know,
support each other.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
That was the word I was looking for before the support. Yeah,
adolescent still needs.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
We're a team, and we're a team, absolutely loved team.
It's a bit bad, but it's going to be good again.
And we're team and we're strong. Yeah, and I need
your help, kid, And.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
I like that bringing them on board, to give them
some responsibility and to make them feel like they're part
of the growth and.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
The give me a cuttle and make me feel better.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Absolutely can do that.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Love it, Sarah chat One.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
Oh, I got it right.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Thank you, Andrew, Thank you so much for your time today.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
My pleasure partiers next.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
For more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to News
Talk ZEDB weekends from three pm, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio.
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