December 20, 2025 • 37 mins
We've all seen the videos - we may have even seen it in our own living rooms on Christmas morning...
A child, even teenager, opens a gift their loved one has especially picked out for them, and they proceed to complain about how it's not the one they wanted.
The wrong colour bicycle, wrong model phone, it could be anything.
So how do we teach our children to be grateful for anything they're given this Christmas?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks
edb you were pretty queen at New York City when
in the Bone for Stream.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
They love from our Swing We sing.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Weeks don't com then bans through the Night.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Sing and the Christmasstmas in the bas Christmas.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Ah, Yes, welcome back to the Weekend Collective. Love a
little bit of the old what's the fair? Fairy Tale
of New York the Pogues and that I hope. I
think it still gets thrashed. In fact, I saw the
numbers of how many plays or something it gets this
number because we played it last night on the Overnight
Talk and I checked out. I did the whole Wikipedia
(01:16):
thing about the making of the song and the choice
of you know, the story they were trying to tell
on the lyrics and which would you know, who would
get they'd get to do the female part. And anyway,
there we go, fairy Tale in New York by the Pogues,
flog it to death at Christmas time, I reckon. Anyway,
this is the Parents Squad. I'm Tim Beverage and well,
actually I'm just going to get into an introduced my
(01:38):
guest because it's Sarah Chat one. Hello, Sarah, how are you?
Speaker 4 (01:42):
It's excellent, very well, looking forward to Christmas, the break,
the holidays and everything that beautiful New Zealand has to
offer at this time of year.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Now, I've been through a journey with Christmas. There was
a stage when I hated Christmas when I was maybe
you know, Oza. Growing up, I didn't have I wasn't
married with kids or anything. But now I've got kids,
and my wife loves Christmas. My kids love Christmas, and
I love Christmas. I do love.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
You've come complete circle, haven't you. You've gone from being the
Christmas Grinch, you know, butting up with Santa and the
elves and all the rest.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Bar humbug I was bar Humbugger. Now yeah, I love it.
I mean I still It's an interesting time a year
because it's also the time when I don't want to
get overly mordalin about it. But it is also a
tough time of year because people often think of people
who were at the last Christmas, and sometimes it can
be a poignant time of remembering those who aren't with us.
(02:36):
And whereas in the early days of you know, the
early stages of life with kids and things, it's.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
All just what happens around you when everybody's there and
getting you don't know, Christmas shopping yet, yes, done and
dusted before the first week of December, my friend done
end of November. I'm a planner, you know what My
mantra is, you can achieve everything anything in life with
a plan. So I have a plan and I do
(03:00):
not like shopping that much and I do not like crowds.
So yeah, I have put a bit of a plan
in play. So drag one of my kids along and
we get it all done.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Do you also look out during the course.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Of the year, For I do. I mean I have
a bit of an eye out, and I listen to people,
family members, friends, just listen to what they need, you know,
but perhaps can't afford or they you know, they don't
want to get for themselves, right then, So I have
a bit of a listen look around. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yeah, I said at the start of the show, I've
got friends of ours. She hasn't. I was chatting to
her because my wife, Anne Marie is she is always
on the lookout and she just has that little checklist.
She's very organized, and so there are some things she
will purchase months ahead because she'll see something and she'll
know that she's looking for a particular thing. And she
(03:52):
did tell me about some of the gifts we've got
for people. I was like, oh my goodness, how much
does that cost? And she told me because she got
ahead of the game, yes, and she's a superstar. Whereas
a friend of ours, my daughter had a play date
with a friend and her mama was just saying, how
are you going? Just first name Shelley, and I said,
I said, he, I haven't started yet, and I said,
(04:12):
and that's when I joked with her that they should
mount a GoPro on her shoulder or something, because she's
going to go like a machine.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
I tell you what, that would give me anxiety. That's
just not the position that I personally would want to
be in at this time of year, because you've got
a lot of heat and the weather, and you've got
people everywhere in schools are off and no, that's not
my thing, but some people love it, you know. They
love the people around and the you know, the hubbub
and all the that's going on.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Actually, I think when I was I used to do
all the shopping sort of last minute. But yeah, well
not anymore.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
You've got angry to do it? Now? Well yes, yeah,
well now.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
The other thing. The other thing is I my girls
know that that mum does the shopping. You know. They
made a remark like, you know, Dad, what do you do?
You know what I'm getting for Christmas? And I'd be like,
of course not and keeping a keen eye. And I
realized that actually I wanted to do it to do
my own as well, So I did get them a
(05:11):
couple of presents. That's toughly but actually this is tying.
The reason I asked you about it just to get
into it. And I don't want to take an overly
cynical approach to this, because let's be you know, it's
Christmas time and it is lovely. I think it's lovely
to give gifts and even something simple of you know,
and people love to receive in things. But I guess
(05:33):
do you think there's so much consumerism out there? And
there's so many sales and we've had Black Friday? Do
you have you as a mum? Ever, I'm not sure
if I worry about this or do I worry about it?
But the over materialization and consumerization of Christmas, and look,
I know for Christians out there look a lot of that.
(05:57):
We know that, you know, we know where Christmas comes
from as well. But I believe that Christmas also belongs
to everyone. It's a time to celebrate family and all
sorts of things, whether you be religious or not. That's right,
And that's why I got no time for this Happy
Holidays as if you can't say, guess what it's actually Christmas?
You know, and the first part of that word is
about Jesus and all that. Yes, and whether you believe
(06:19):
in it, I think it's a great time to spend
with family and all that sorts of things, and giving
is something. But do you worry and have you worried
about the materialism that goes along with Christmas? Because I
don't want to overflog this horse, but is it there?
Speaker 4 (06:33):
Well? I think some people do feel that this time
is a little bit jumped up in terms of expectations,
shall we say. And I think when you have younger children,
perhaps they can be a little bit driven by what
their friends are receiving. So sometimes they you know what
I mean. And different families have a different culture, they
(06:55):
have different rules and values, so it can be a
little bit tricky to navigate that. But I guess I
haven't worried because at the end of the day, my kids,
my friends, my family get what they get, and.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
If they don't, I don't like it.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
And if that I like it, there you go. Well.
But I also think that, you know, if you're a
sentient being, if you're somebody who is thoughtful and kind
and takes a little bit of time to tap into
people's needs and what they would like, it doesn't have to,
in my view, be an expensive or you know, massive
outpouring of gift giving. It can be something small, meaningful.
(07:31):
I know one of my kids always gives each member
of the family one of those vouchers where they've paid
some money for a chicken or some mosquito nets for
children and other countries, and you know, they've gifted, ah.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
We got you this on your h I must say
that I like that.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
I like that. I like the giving of, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
A present on someone else's behalf.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I think. Well, I've got four kids,
and if one does that, I'm assured of getting presents
from the other side. I'm okay.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
But so one does it do the math? I must say.
I tend to think if you want to give something
to charity, do it in your own name.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
But I know, I actually think that's quite nice. I
was quite impressed when he first busted that one out.
I thought that was pretty kind. Also, he is the
type of person that will give a homeless person a meal,
you know, around Christmas time, or some groceries in the
name of our family, which is really lovely. So there's
a lot of ways of giving, and I think as
(08:33):
a family, you know, and you can navigate what works
for you. But I am certainly not in favor of
keeping up with the joneses or giving kids stuff just
because everybody else has it, or meeting those unrealistic expectations.
I think that can be really tricky and pretty negative.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
A simple question, by the way, and if you're listening,
we'd love your cause on this. Do you and I
don't want this to be a typical talkback thing where
we just take a negative thing, but do you worry
about spoiling kids? And how do how have you? I mean,
we'd love to hear about your childhood? What was what
did you enjoy about Christmas the most? And how did
the gift giving tie into you know, what your expectations
(09:16):
were about Christmas. I don't mind saying. Look, I was spoilt.
I felt I was sport as a kid because one
time my parents had a holiday, you know, I think
they took a couple of holidays during while I was
a kid to England. My mom visited the family and stuff,
and they went shopping at Hamley's and I got funny
(09:38):
thing is it's the simplest thing, the simplest things that
you remember. But the holidays when mum had been to
Hamley's did blow me away as a kid. And I
do think we were a bit spoiled. But I wasn't
hitched to it because on the other side of things,
one time, I think it was Christmas, I got a bike.
But and I never even recognized that. Actually what mom
(09:59):
had done was she got my brother's red bite bike
and she painted at yellow and it to me as
a new bike.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
It's very smart.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
I like it, you know what. I was as happy
as I could have been because it was a really cool.
But isn't it funny It was a second hand bike.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
It was just smart. That's a really cool thing to do.
And also, you know, repurposing, repurposing things, not adding to
the you know, the bad throwing things in the rubbish
and not using them again. The sustainability factor of.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
That I like, But then you get the thing, especially
with the electronics. And look, we do live in a
digital age where kids you know, in fact, deliberately, she
knows this already. My daughter knows she's not getting a
phone for Christmas, but she is going to get a
phone before she starts back at school because the other
one's completely munted.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Well you just blew that surprised, didn't you.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Well, she knows that, but I didn't want to make
it a present because I didn't want to. Isn't it funny?
Speaker 4 (10:54):
Although I think what you're showing to me is you're
a very thoughtful person. You're taking some time to figure
things out like that. There you go.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Yeah, But then again you get kids who are like, oh,
why did you get me the pink I phone? I mean,
this is not mine.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
Luckily, but racious.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
I mean, well, but you've gone wrong somewhere, haven't you.
For kids have complaining about the sort of gifts they've
got there.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
Well, I mean, is that a lesson in manners or
lack of because I just think that if a child
is getting a gift that is well a gift, any gift,
and they are complaining about it. I'm not sure that
that those are good values to be instilling into kids,
or allowing them to react like that. You can have disappointment.
It may not be the right color, and perhaps you say, hey,
(11:33):
thanks very much, Mum and dad, that's awesome. It would
be I probably would have preferred another color, and then
maybe mom and dad can say, oh, hey, maybe we
could swap it out for a blue or whatever. But
I mean, I think that just moaning, I mean, that's
a lesson in itself that you probably should be having
a lie.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I think I've narrowed down what the question is because okay,
while it ties into Christmas, is it does gratitude something
that needs to be taught or is it something that
you can make a mistake and stop your kids learning
about it if you've I mean, you know what I mean.
I mean, I think that the most boring thing for
her parents say is like, look, you know, you get
(12:11):
a present from Grandma or something, you don't like it
very much, and Mum or Dad will say, listen, you
need to be grateful for these presents. Where maybe the
present is something where the kids like I didn't really
need a set of handkerchiefs. Actually, I don't know if
people still get does anyone who use a handkerchief these
days remember.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
The days of I don't, but I know my dad's
head that is cute.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
But I know what you know what I mean. Sometimes
it can be a gift where it's like it hasn't
really resonated and you don't want to. I don't want
to be that parent. Listen. I would generally explain. If
it was the case, I'd say, look, you know that
you know Nana like she thought no, she but she
thought about it. It mattered to her, and you need
(12:58):
to say thank you for I think that's exactly, even
though I know it's not.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
Because the thing is, if a parent says, look, you
really need to be grateful, they're not explaining, then it's nuanced.
They're not explaining that to the children. The child thinks, well, actually,
I don't want to be grateful because it's blowing hanky
and I don't even know what a hanky is. So
I think the way you've just suggested, just talk them
through it and say, hey, you know, Nana's eighty, Donma's
(13:23):
eighty and so.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
She's thinking of you and she loves you.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
Yeah, absolutely, and that little hate And do you know what,
I actually think I have had gifts like that from
grandparents where I've gone, oh wow, this is not my thing,
and I know my kids have had them, but we
actually love them when we look back at them, because
it reminds us of that person and a beautiful time
and a beautiful just just a beautiful thought. So that's
(13:47):
a positive way of looking at it. But I like
that you explained it.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yeah, I mean, it's an interesting question. So we'd love
to hear from you about just your Christmas is when
you're growing up and you know, did you have times
when you were disappointed with a present? Did that mean
you were ungrateful? But how do you teach your kids
basic gratitude for simple things, because, as you say that,
there will be kids who have nothing who get the
(14:10):
simplest of gifts and it means everything. And then you
get the kids who have everything, and if they don't
get the latest here's a classic example. They don't get
the latest iPhone. What this is an iPhone thirteen? What
do you mean why not the latest one?
Speaker 4 (14:24):
That's a little bit scary in terms.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Of that because them beforehand probably well, then as.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
A parent you have to look at that and think, WHOA,
let's just wait up, because that is not a nice
position to take or an attitude to have, and that
could lead to if you manifest those kind of attitudes
an adult, and the adult is I mean, who You're
not going to have any friends or or even enjoy
life because you're always going to be searching for that
(14:48):
perfect thing.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
I tell you something funny we used to do in
our family. It was it. It became the Booby Prize.
Present're I know I've said this story before I talk back,
but back in the day when you know, we used
to take photos with film, Yes, there was always a
The deal was you'd take your photos and to be
developed and as part of the you know, getting them developed,
(15:11):
you'd get a free film. Yes, And it became a
thing between brothers that we would give each other. One
brother would give another a film and we knew they
hadn't paid for it. It was just the free film.
And it became the Booby Prize. But it did become one
of those Babie prizes. It was almost like, ah, he's
got the film.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
Anyway, traditions are cool. That kind of thing is fun.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
But anyway, gratitude is it something that needs to be
taught and how can you balls it up when it
comes to having kids who don't actually appreciate the things
they've been given? And I guess the question is around
spoiling them and all that. We'd love your calls on
this eight hundred and eighty ten eighty. My guest is
Sarah Chatwin. She's a psychologist and mind Works and she's
with us for the Parents Squad. We're going to take
(15:53):
a quick moment, be back on a ticket. It's twenty
two past five. Yes, News Talks. He'd be Tim Beverage
with Sarah Chatwin and just talking about gratitude at Christmas
time and anyway, Sarah and I were just sharing a
few stories actually before we go, got some interest, very
interesting texts on this one. One quite tough love one
from Murray which I'll read in a second. But I
(16:14):
do remember there, you know, as kids do get presents
they don't want. And when I was knowing that, I
used to play a bit of tennis. Everyone gave me
tennis balls and I remember getting thirteen tennis balls and
I think even.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Was like tows, Yeah, tennis balls, beach towels. Yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Hey, well here's one here. This is from Murray, and
he says, when my kids were young, after the frenzy
with the presents, after the frenzy was over with the presents,
I used to ask them, this is an fascinating one.
I used to ask them to recite to me everything
they had received, and if they couldn't remember it, I
(16:57):
took it off them in a nice way.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
Of course, I used to like some of those presses. Right,
that's very very funny. That's hilarious.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
That is an interesting one because imagine if you kids
would remember all the good presents, wouldn't They would remember
the good one and the lousy ones.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Yeah, so you'd have that polarizing effect. So if they
forgot the ones in the middle, you could give them
to charity. Hey that's quite a good little strategy. I'm
thinking Murray might be slightly grinchy though.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
No.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Actually, that's it's an interesting one, isn't it. I wonder
I mean, if there was something that they just didn't like, true,
it'd be interesting one. That one. I'm not sure. I'm
not sure I wouldn't be bold enough to play that
game with mine. Mind you, my girls are actually very
good at collating what they've got.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
Yes, I think a lot of children are. They do
kind of make those mental lists, or even some write
them down because you know they've achieved the gifts that
they want, and there's a few that are kind of,
you know, below pass, so they pop them to the side,
so you never know, they might remember every single one.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
By the way, we've got a few texts here, but
if you want to call up, we'd love to hear
from you with me, and if it's just your recollections
about your Christmases and how you felt about what you
got as a kid. But yeah, the question we're having
a look at is around you know, what do you
do if your kids aren't grateful for what they've got?
Is that because you've done something wrong earlier on. I
tend to think a lot of the problems that crop
(18:22):
up with Christmas there's nothing to do with Christmas. They're
just probably the result of things you've invested in or
not invested in over the course of.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
But also to your question, I think there are a
lot of things that are learned. We might have gratitude
within us but we need to be in an environment
that encourages gratitude and allows it and gives children examples
of adults being grateful. So I think we've probably all
(18:50):
got good, bad and ugly emotions and feelings and things
within us, but it's about our environment as to how
they manifest. So I think gratitude and the extent of
how children display gratitude is learned. I think there is
something to be said for.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
What we model. So if a child is not grateful
for something, I don't mean grateful that if they've got
to fall on the floor and sort of worship at
your feet and juniorfleckt and all that, But just if
they are showing a lack of appreciation for the effort
that someone's put in, is that I would wonder how
they've learned that. And I mean, you might have actually
just brought them ever a present they've ever wanted, which.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Is probably so they're a little desensitized showing gratitude. But
I think that as a parent, you need to lead
from the front, and if they are acting in that
way and that is not acceptable to you, So hey, listen,
you didn't say thanks for that present. I worked hard
(19:52):
to get you that present, and I thought you'd really
like it, you know what's going on, a nice conversation,
and then maybe go into what gratitude is.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Hey, this is actually the one thing we do is
like he hate Stop. Have you read card?
Speaker 4 (20:06):
I mean it's important. I love that.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Read the card first. No, no, no, you're not to
open that until you read the card. Who's it from? Okay?
Mind you all say to be honest, it's part of Christmas,
the joy of going across the room, giving someone a huggin,
saying thanks and everyone's good.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
Exactly. But I think if you outline it and model
those things, kids will tap into that and they will,
you know, manifest in that way.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Neil says, Hi, Tim, I was given a red Porsche.
I would have preferred preferred the gray one, but I
just smiled and said thanks, honey.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Well it's good. I'm glad he didn't.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I'm not sure that's a that's a genuine text from
and I actually Ray has said hello Tim, and beautiful guest.
Well it's Sarah, but maybe maybe you knew that as well.
We used to get Batman hankies plus heaps of other items.
Oh no, I'm not reading the rest of that text.
(21:01):
It's a bit dodgy.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
Actually when you said Batman hankys, yeah, we're going downhill.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Yeah, anyway, right, hang on a second, what else have
we got here? So what do you teach your kids
to what they're Oh, somebody's just somebody's coming out finding
a problem with us, sort of joking about hankies anyway. Really, okay,
(21:27):
my grandmother gave all the girls in the family terrible,
scratchy lace underwear every year. It was awful always. I'm
just checking this ident sense of this. It was awful
and always came in a plastic supermarket bag with a
Mills and Boon book.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Gee, we missed that when she passed away.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
Oh exactly. That was my point before. I mean, sometimes
some of those gifts that you really don't like when
those people are no longer with you, they are such
a keepsake and such a memory of good times and fun,
and you don't have to like them. Sometimes they are
scratchy and horrible, but you know, if you hang on
to them for a little while, they can be so manyful.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Action.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Now, now here's a voice that we haven't heard from one.
Miles Miles do.
Speaker 5 (22:12):
How are you tim Merry Christmas for both of you.
How you doing, I know exceedly well. But I was
driving along listening. I always enjoy when I'm driving your
shows on a weekend. And you started talking about Christmas
presents and once you had and the way people react
to it. I think there's a There was an age
(22:35):
for me and we were you know, I came from
a reasonably deprived family, but occasionally we go to my
great answer Christmas and it wasn't it wasn't a bad one.
But when I turned twelve. I was twelve at this Christmas,
and I had my three siblings with me, and the
presents were all told out. We always had to wait
till after three o'clock and the Queen's speech. That's why
(22:56):
I resented there a little bit. Everyone was getting the
presence around. At the end of it, I looked as
my siblings all had these bulky things, and a car
here and a doll there, and all mandled up. And
I looked at mine and it was the flattest pile
you could imagine. I had two ties. Diary, diary and
(23:24):
the LP of the soundtrack of the musical Hair.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Was that a win or lose for you?
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Well?
Speaker 5 (23:34):
I can almost I can almost remember every song off
the album. But the thing that got me was is
they think that I'm an adult now, so they're giving
me more adult presents, But I want big, lumpy piles
like those.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Actually, it's funny, you know that the gifts that you
never wanted when you were younger. I think last year
I said to my family, because there are some really
nice there's a men's shaving store that sells fantastic soap,
and actually I literally get the sort of gifts that
I used to think my poor old dad must have hated,
because you know, it's like I get a block of
(24:09):
soap here and a block of sat there. I'm like,
and they think they almost apologize. I'm like, this is
what I want.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
Yes, yes, that's right exactly. It's great to give people
gifts that they want.
Speaker 5 (24:17):
Yeah, you don't think that they might be dropping a
hint there as well.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
I think they are definitely Miles.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
I don't know Christmas shopping miles.
Speaker 5 (24:28):
Oh no, no, no no. My boys now are all
in their twenties and older, so that that's sort of gone.
And I mean as soon as my mom died, father
Christmas died, I've never understood the correlation. But yeah, I
don't think I've received the president apparently, though there's thousands
of them in the mail for my son. So there
(24:49):
you go.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
That's good. Nice, Hey Miles. Lovely to hear from you.
Speaker 5 (24:52):
Mate, Great to talk to you as well, and you
two have a great time. And yeah, keep up the
good work.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Cheers.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Yeah, that is Miles, Miles Davis who former News talks
to talk back host and no great infector. You've had
panels with Miles and all sorts of things. So lovely
to hear from.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
My so neat this time of year just brings out
that nostalgia and those you know, such great memories for people.
I think it's a really neat time to think about
people past and and you know how fortunate we are,
a lot of us.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Okay, I'll be hello, Hello, good, good afternoon, Good afternoon. Yeah,
I'll go a good Miles, be one hundred dollars easy
to win. I've been anted one and I'll never seem well.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, well, I think he's bought it for you in soap.
I think that he's brought you a hundred bucks b
of the sap.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Thank you a perfect guy.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Oh good? Is that you sending love to Myles?
Speaker 3 (26:06):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Albi?
Speaker 3 (26:08):
I was very Christmas. But I'll go tonight one day
and you can share me, Adrenk.
Speaker 5 (26:15):
Yeah. Orange, Oh well.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
You need to check out the Orange Cheese. Should check
out the Tony Astol Christmas egman the recipe where if
you google news talks he'd be but a nice nice
to hear from the Albis all the best man, Merry Christmas, Alby, cheers,
Bye bye. Ruth says, I recall getting soap from an
auntie when I was only nine years old, and that
was two years running. Who wants soap at that age?
Speaker 4 (26:40):
Well?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Possibly it's a hard sell.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Isn't it It is? But hey, it was the thought,
and she was thinking that soap would be a nice gift.
A lot of people do give soap, you know, and
toilet trees. It's a pretty standard kind of a gift.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
I think soap, I mean love it. Look well, you know,
they know specifically what type of soap I like. In fact,
I don't think I've said that this year, so I'm
probably going to be disappointed.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Well, just don't be a brat if they don't get you.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Okay, I don't know how to handle this as well,
because I actually don't want anything for Christmas. Chris, my
wife and I have well, we've I'm getting jointly. Well, no,
I've got something for myself. I bought a secondhand road
bike and I said to my wife, look, I literally
don't need anything.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
But it's up to the individual as to whether they
want to follow through. They're just a little something here,
you wouldn't mind. You're not going to throw it back
at anybody.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
I didn't give it, but I actually didn't feel I
deserved anything because I've spent some money already on the South.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
And I was like, you know, you're a nice guy.
Tie Christmas.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Make me some egg nog, honey, that'll do the job. Anyway. Look,
we're going to take a quick break. We'll be back
in just a minute. We're talking about God, what are
we talking about? We're talking about Christmas. It's the parents squad.
But where maybe you know, do you need to how
do you reinforce a little bit of gratitude if you
skip actually if your kids and kids. We love to
(28:06):
spoil our kids. So we deliberately spoil our kids because
we like to, don't we But how do you make
sure that you also teach them a little bit, just
gently about gratitude without going Okay, there's got this book,
that's all right, but here's the real present. And I
love and glossing over the present that someone us has
just given them. How do you do you need to
teach them gratitude or I don't know. I'd love to
(28:28):
hear from you with your stories and thoughts on that
as well. We'll be back in just a moment. It's
twenty two and a bit to six News Talks B
News Talks A B. We're talking about the spirit of Christmas,
teaching your kids a bit of gratitude and things like that,
and taking your calls as well with Sarah Chatwin and Leanne. Hello.
Speaker 6 (28:44):
Good, that's learn King. Hi Hew, I'm happy Christmas, Merry Christmas,
Oh all of that.
Speaker 5 (28:52):
Hey.
Speaker 6 (28:52):
Yeah, it's a gratitude conversation you're having, isn't it. Yeah, Yeah, familiar.
I think it starts really young. I'm a grand part now,
but I'm watching my daughter do it and you and
a husband are doing I'm not being biased, but they're
simply doing a really good job. And I think it
started super early. Yeah, it started super early, and it
(29:16):
started with even when receiving a gift, I was taughtless too.
To be honest, you always opened the cards first, and
even though you can't read it, it's read to you
and that's acknowledged. And then it's the opening of the gift.
And then it's looking into the person's eyes who gave
it to you, saying thank you, and you use eye
(29:37):
contact because that's too busy saying thinking, oh, what's in it? Right,
let's now use it. And the person who spent the
money and the time and the energy wrapping it and
what have you right there, and they need to be acknowledged.
And so if that's been imparted into a child at
early age, especially the eye contact, it grows from there.
So now these children are older, many things have been introduced,
(30:01):
but when it comes to this time of the year,
they gets the minimal. They don't need to be heaps.
But they every year, as a four and a half
year old and a two and a half year old,
fill a susteamer box and it's explained by both by
the parent to both the children. They go individually at
(30:22):
the age level why they're putting things in a box
and what sort of things, and they choose they choose
the colors, they choose, and they talk about what they're
actually doing. And they're giving that box to a company.
Well it's not a company, I think it's an organization
in their area. And this is a third time running
where now these children are recognizing they walk up the
driveway with these systeamers containers in their hand full of
(30:45):
the things that a child is certainly not going to
get without them, who's going to receive at Christmas time?
And many people do this, but again it's the child
focusing on someone else and that's.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
A really really thing to do. And I have heard
of a few people doing that. It's so nice. Yeah,
I mean it's paid it forward giving it back. I mean,
your children are doing a fantastic job. And you know,
modeling behaviors that the kids are just going to you know,
they're going to be cool, caring, kind adults.
Speaker 6 (31:15):
I mean yeah. And it also too, it's even as
these little children. I've seen them orchestrate situations where even
a four year old little boys ladies first opens the
door and lets the big people go through, and that's
standing there going wow, you know this is happening from
a child. Now, don't get me wrong. These children have
(31:37):
mountdowns and they don't always do it well. But the
bottom line, the bottom line is the essence. And you know,
bring up a child in the way that you know
them to be brought up and they shall not depart
from it. But it's not always going to be the way.
But I mean, if you ground this stuff early and
teach children respect and teach them to be grateful and
(31:58):
how to outwork that and make that visible to other
people in terms of exercising the grond to choose, I
think it's a good start. But again it has to come,
it has to start early. It's much more difficult to
introduce that down the track.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
It is definitely difficult.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Absolutely, hey, thanks.
Speaker 6 (32:16):
Yes, thank you, and.
Speaker 7 (32:19):
Peter get Gary Shipman. The five love languages and in
that gifts is one of them. And some people gifts
doesn't do but time together, words of information, quality service,
during someone.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
And what is it exit, I've forgotten the ax of
service touch words. That's for I've got I've got for
ax of service touch words. Gifts to quality time. Ah, yes,
that's the one quality time.
Speaker 7 (32:55):
So so a gift can be many things. It can
be a note to sale'll take you out for a walk,
or give you a shoulder for five minutes.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
Off in the studio right now, You like, I wouldn't
mind as shoulder massage.
Speaker 5 (33:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (33:15):
Apparently fifty five percent can't afford Christmas according to the problem,
and there was quite a high number of people who
can't afford a forward gifts as well. And what's your
appreciation one after the clots. But they had this couple
who had relationship problems and they were given an exercise
(33:36):
which saved their marriage. And that was every day, say
three things to the other person that you're grateful for
each day.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
That was quite quite a people powerful exercise. Actually, that
isn't it just even just taking time, it's actually quite
a good thing just for your mental health to think
about things.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
You great people have gratitude journals and they are consistently
and repetitiously adding to those journals. I know somebody who's
journaled for years in gratitude journals, just noting down things
on the day that they're grateful for.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Actually, just on the gift front, we are quite lucky
these days that I mean, there's a gift shop there
where I live which has just got so many cute
ideas for all sorts of budgets and stuff, and gosh,
there are some clever they really are. I mean, I think,
I mean this has got nothing to do with parenting, really,
but it's just in terms of the choice that we
(34:27):
have to just a little bit of thought goes a
long way.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
But also with younger children, encouraging them to make gifts,
because there's always a bit of colorful paper or plastic
or something around the house, buttons or whatever, and they
can make gifts. Encouraging them to give to others in
a way that's meaningful for them at their age. Hey,
it may not be the most beautiful or usable gift,
(34:50):
but it's something that comes straight from the heart. So
encouraging kids to think for themselves and make gifts of
people is always lovely for the little east a.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Couple of there's a few quick texts I'll read through
here before we wrap it up. Trevery says they had
an aunt who oh I think the rings a bell actually,
who kept giving me Reader's Digest subscriptions. Where dies was
a thing at one stage.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
I think it was a big thing, a big thing
so much these days.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
And parents always made us ring our grandparents who sent
gifts and now we always think to do it at
worked a charm.
Speaker 4 (35:20):
Just you know, lovely Again, that shows the modeling and
the reinforcement of really positive behaviors.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Love it and this one. As a child, we got
an orange bought from a fruit shop in our Christmas
stocking from Santa with our presents, etcetera. Yet we had
orchards on the property with an orange tree. As an adult,
I asked my mom about the orange and she'd been
brought up in the Depression and into the Second World
War and they got an orange in her Christmas stocking
back then and it was appreciated a real treat, and
(35:47):
she had passed that on into our Christmas stocking. It
actually meant so much. Regards Pauline, that's actually quite a
sweet look.
Speaker 4 (35:53):
That is absolutely lovely and it takes you back to
that time in our history. I love that.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Well, are you looking for something in your in your stocking?
What have you brought me?
Speaker 4 (36:08):
The truck is just coming with an orange coming the
mountain of gifts that I have for you to know.
I well know that no is the answer to that question.
But I'm here because I respect you as a broadcaster.
I think you do a fantastic job and it's always
a good time and a lot of fun that we
have in studio and hopefully from what I can tell
from the feedback that I get, parents and people generally
(36:30):
really love the slot. So Merry Christmas, Tim. I don't
want all those mountains of gifts that you've got me either,
but no, I just like being round people. I think
I'm one of those people that likes the interaction, the
comfort of knowing that you know, friends and family are around.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
If I thought about it, I would have thought about that.
Tony astell Ignog may have to wait till next year.
Speaker 4 (36:50):
A humbug to you, not the Grinch anymore.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Thank you Tim for all your work great, thank you
so much. So we'll be back in just a minute
to wrap sport with Nathan Limb. There's a bit going
on in the sport world, so we'll be covering that
and just to take it's eleven minutes to six. For
more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to News Talk
ZEDB weekends from three p m. Or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio.
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks
edb you were pretty queen at New York City when
in the Bone for Stream.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
They love from our Swing We sing.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Weeks don't com then bans through the Night.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Sing and the Christmasstmas in the bas Christmas.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Ah, Yes, welcome back to the Weekend Collective. Love a
little bit of the old what's the fair? Fairy Tale
of New York the Pogues and that I hope. I
think it still gets thrashed. In fact, I saw the
numbers of how many plays or something it gets this
number because we played it last night on the Overnight
Talk and I checked out. I did the whole Wikipedia
(01:16):
thing about the making of the song and the choice
of you know, the story they were trying to tell
on the lyrics and which would you know, who would
get they'd get to do the female part. And anyway,
there we go, fairy Tale in New York by the Pogues,
flog it to death at Christmas time, I reckon. Anyway,
this is the Parents Squad. I'm Tim Beverage and well,
actually I'm just going to get into an introduced my
(01:38):
guest because it's Sarah Chat one. Hello, Sarah, how are you?
Speaker 4 (01:42):
It's excellent, very well, looking forward to Christmas, the break,
the holidays and everything that beautiful New Zealand has to
offer at this time of year.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Now, I've been through a journey with Christmas. There was
a stage when I hated Christmas when I was maybe
you know, Oza. Growing up, I didn't have I wasn't
married with kids or anything. But now I've got kids,
and my wife loves Christmas. My kids love Christmas, and
I love Christmas. I do love.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
You've come complete circle, haven't you. You've gone from being the
Christmas Grinch, you know, butting up with Santa and the
elves and all the rest.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Bar humbug I was bar Humbugger. Now yeah, I love it.
I mean I still It's an interesting time a year
because it's also the time when I don't want to
get overly mordalin about it. But it is also a
tough time of year because people often think of people
who were at the last Christmas, and sometimes it can
be a poignant time of remembering those who aren't with us.
(02:36):
And whereas in the early days of you know, the
early stages of life with kids and things, it's.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
All just what happens around you when everybody's there and
getting you don't know, Christmas shopping yet, yes, done and
dusted before the first week of December, my friend done
end of November. I'm a planner, you know what My
mantra is, you can achieve everything anything in life with
a plan. So I have a plan and I do
(03:00):
not like shopping that much and I do not like crowds.
So yeah, I have put a bit of a plan
in play. So drag one of my kids along and
we get it all done.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Do you also look out during the course.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Of the year, For I do. I mean I have
a bit of an eye out, and I listen to people,
family members, friends, just listen to what they need, you know,
but perhaps can't afford or they you know, they don't
want to get for themselves, right then, So I have
a bit of a listen look around. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yeah, I said at the start of the show, I've
got friends of ours. She hasn't. I was chatting to
her because my wife, Anne Marie is she is always
on the lookout and she just has that little checklist.
She's very organized, and so there are some things she
will purchase months ahead because she'll see something and she'll
know that she's looking for a particular thing. And she
(03:52):
did tell me about some of the gifts we've got
for people. I was like, oh my goodness, how much
does that cost? And she told me because she got
ahead of the game, yes, and she's a superstar. Whereas
a friend of ours, my daughter had a play date
with a friend and her mama was just saying, how
are you going? Just first name Shelley, and I said,
I said, he, I haven't started yet, and I said,
(04:12):
and that's when I joked with her that they should
mount a GoPro on her shoulder or something, because she's
going to go like a machine.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
I tell you what, that would give me anxiety. That's
just not the position that I personally would want to
be in at this time of year, because you've got
a lot of heat and the weather, and you've got
people everywhere in schools are off and no, that's not
my thing, but some people love it, you know. They
love the people around and the you know, the hubbub
and all the that's going on.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Actually, I think when I was I used to do
all the shopping sort of last minute. But yeah, well
not anymore.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
You've got angry to do it? Now? Well yes, yeah,
well now.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
The other thing. The other thing is I my girls
know that that mum does the shopping. You know. They
made a remark like, you know, Dad, what do you do?
You know what I'm getting for Christmas? And I'd be like,
of course not and keeping a keen eye. And I
realized that actually I wanted to do it to do
my own as well, So I did get them a
(05:11):
couple of presents. That's toughly but actually this is tying.
The reason I asked you about it just to get
into it. And I don't want to take an overly
cynical approach to this, because let's be you know, it's
Christmas time and it is lovely. I think it's lovely
to give gifts and even something simple of you know,
and people love to receive in things. But I guess
(05:33):
do you think there's so much consumerism out there? And
there's so many sales and we've had Black Friday? Do
you have you as a mum? Ever, I'm not sure
if I worry about this or do I worry about it?
But the over materialization and consumerization of Christmas, and look,
I know for Christians out there look a lot of that.
(05:57):
We know that, you know, we know where Christmas comes
from as well. But I believe that Christmas also belongs
to everyone. It's a time to celebrate family and all
sorts of things, whether you be religious or not. That's right,
And that's why I got no time for this Happy
Holidays as if you can't say, guess what it's actually Christmas?
You know, and the first part of that word is
about Jesus and all that. Yes, and whether you believe
(06:19):
in it, I think it's a great time to spend
with family and all that sorts of things, and giving
is something. But do you worry and have you worried
about the materialism that goes along with Christmas? Because I
don't want to overflog this horse, but is it there?
Speaker 4 (06:33):
Well? I think some people do feel that this time
is a little bit jumped up in terms of expectations,
shall we say. And I think when you have younger children,
perhaps they can be a little bit driven by what
their friends are receiving. So sometimes they you know what
I mean. And different families have a different culture, they
(06:55):
have different rules and values, so it can be a
little bit tricky to navigate that. But I guess I
haven't worried because at the end of the day, my kids,
my friends, my family get what they get, and.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
If they don't, I don't like it.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
And if that I like it, there you go. Well.
But I also think that, you know, if you're a
sentient being, if you're somebody who is thoughtful and kind
and takes a little bit of time to tap into
people's needs and what they would like, it doesn't have to,
in my view, be an expensive or you know, massive
outpouring of gift giving. It can be something small, meaningful.
(07:31):
I know one of my kids always gives each member
of the family one of those vouchers where they've paid
some money for a chicken or some mosquito nets for
children and other countries, and you know, they've gifted, ah.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
We got you this on your h I must say
that I like that.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
I like that. I like the giving of, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
A present on someone else's behalf.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I think. Well, I've got four kids,
and if one does that, I'm assured of getting presents
from the other side. I'm okay.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
But so one does it do the math? I must say.
I tend to think if you want to give something
to charity, do it in your own name.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
But I know, I actually think that's quite nice. I
was quite impressed when he first busted that one out.
I thought that was pretty kind. Also, he is the
type of person that will give a homeless person a meal,
you know, around Christmas time, or some groceries in the
name of our family, which is really lovely. So there's
a lot of ways of giving, and I think as
(08:33):
a family, you know, and you can navigate what works
for you. But I am certainly not in favor of
keeping up with the joneses or giving kids stuff just
because everybody else has it, or meeting those unrealistic expectations.
I think that can be really tricky and pretty negative.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
A simple question, by the way, and if you're listening,
we'd love your cause on this. Do you and I
don't want this to be a typical talkback thing where
we just take a negative thing, but do you worry
about spoiling kids? And how do how have you? I mean,
we'd love to hear about your childhood? What was what
did you enjoy about Christmas the most? And how did
the gift giving tie into you know, what your expectations
(09:16):
were about Christmas. I don't mind saying. Look, I was spoilt.
I felt I was sport as a kid because one
time my parents had a holiday, you know, I think
they took a couple of holidays during while I was
a kid to England. My mom visited the family and stuff,
and they went shopping at Hamley's and I got funny
(09:38):
thing is it's the simplest thing, the simplest things that
you remember. But the holidays when mum had been to
Hamley's did blow me away as a kid. And I
do think we were a bit spoiled. But I wasn't
hitched to it because on the other side of things,
one time, I think it was Christmas, I got a bike.
But and I never even recognized that. Actually what mom
(09:59):
had done was she got my brother's red bite bike
and she painted at yellow and it to me as
a new bike.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
It's very smart.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
I like it, you know what. I was as happy
as I could have been because it was a really cool.
But isn't it funny It was a second hand bike.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
It was just smart. That's a really cool thing to do.
And also, you know, repurposing, repurposing things, not adding to
the you know, the bad throwing things in the rubbish
and not using them again. The sustainability factor of.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
That I like, But then you get the thing, especially
with the electronics. And look, we do live in a
digital age where kids you know, in fact, deliberately, she
knows this already. My daughter knows she's not getting a
phone for Christmas, but she is going to get a
phone before she starts back at school because the other
one's completely munted.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Well you just blew that surprised, didn't you.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Well, she knows that, but I didn't want to make
it a present because I didn't want to. Isn't it funny?
Speaker 4 (10:54):
Although I think what you're showing to me is you're
a very thoughtful person. You're taking some time to figure
things out like that. There you go.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Yeah, But then again you get kids who are like, oh,
why did you get me the pink I phone? I mean,
this is not mine.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
Luckily, but racious.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
I mean, well, but you've gone wrong somewhere, haven't you.
For kids have complaining about the sort of gifts they've
got there.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
Well, I mean, is that a lesson in manners or
lack of because I just think that if a child
is getting a gift that is well a gift, any gift,
and they are complaining about it. I'm not sure that
that those are good values to be instilling into kids,
or allowing them to react like that. You can have disappointment.
It may not be the right color, and perhaps you say, hey,
(11:33):
thanks very much, Mum and dad, that's awesome. It would
be I probably would have preferred another color, and then
maybe mom and dad can say, oh, hey, maybe we
could swap it out for a blue or whatever. But
I mean, I think that just moaning, I mean, that's
a lesson in itself that you probably should be having
a lie.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I think I've narrowed down what the question is because okay,
while it ties into Christmas, is it does gratitude something
that needs to be taught or is it something that
you can make a mistake and stop your kids learning
about it if you've I mean, you know what I mean.
I mean, I think that the most boring thing for
her parents say is like, look, you know, you get
(12:11):
a present from Grandma or something, you don't like it
very much, and Mum or Dad will say, listen, you
need to be grateful for these presents. Where maybe the
present is something where the kids like I didn't really
need a set of handkerchiefs. Actually, I don't know if
people still get does anyone who use a handkerchief these
days remember.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
The days of I don't, but I know my dad's
head that is cute.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
But I know what you know what I mean. Sometimes
it can be a gift where it's like it hasn't
really resonated and you don't want to. I don't want
to be that parent. Listen. I would generally explain. If
it was the case, I'd say, look, you know that
you know Nana like she thought no, she but she
thought about it. It mattered to her, and you need
(12:58):
to say thank you for I think that's exactly, even
though I know it's not.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
Because the thing is, if a parent says, look, you
really need to be grateful, they're not explaining, then it's nuanced.
They're not explaining that to the children. The child thinks, well, actually,
I don't want to be grateful because it's blowing hanky
and I don't even know what a hanky is. So
I think the way you've just suggested, just talk them
through it and say, hey, you know, Nana's eighty, Donma's
(13:23):
eighty and so.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
She's thinking of you and she loves you.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
Yeah, absolutely, and that little hate And do you know what,
I actually think I have had gifts like that from
grandparents where I've gone, oh wow, this is not my thing,
and I know my kids have had them, but we
actually love them when we look back at them, because
it reminds us of that person and a beautiful time
and a beautiful just just a beautiful thought. So that's
(13:47):
a positive way of looking at it. But I like
that you explained it.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yeah, I mean, it's an interesting question. So we'd love
to hear from you about just your Christmas is when
you're growing up and you know, did you have times
when you were disappointed with a present? Did that mean
you were ungrateful? But how do you teach your kids
basic gratitude for simple things, because, as you say that,
there will be kids who have nothing who get the
(14:10):
simplest of gifts and it means everything. And then you
get the kids who have everything, and if they don't
get the latest here's a classic example. They don't get
the latest iPhone. What this is an iPhone thirteen? What
do you mean why not the latest one?
Speaker 4 (14:24):
That's a little bit scary in terms.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Of that because them beforehand probably well, then as.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
A parent you have to look at that and think, WHOA,
let's just wait up, because that is not a nice
position to take or an attitude to have, and that
could lead to if you manifest those kind of attitudes
an adult, and the adult is I mean, who You're
not going to have any friends or or even enjoy
life because you're always going to be searching for that
(14:48):
perfect thing.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
I tell you something funny we used to do in
our family. It was it. It became the Booby Prize.
Present're I know I've said this story before I talk back,
but back in the day when you know, we used
to take photos with film, Yes, there was always a
The deal was you'd take your photos and to be
developed and as part of the you know, getting them developed,
(15:11):
you'd get a free film. Yes, And it became a
thing between brothers that we would give each other. One
brother would give another a film and we knew they
hadn't paid for it. It was just the free film.
And it became the Booby Prize. But it did become one
of those Babie prizes. It was almost like, ah, he's
got the film.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
Anyway, traditions are cool. That kind of thing is fun.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
But anyway, gratitude is it something that needs to be
taught and how can you balls it up when it
comes to having kids who don't actually appreciate the things
they've been given? And I guess the question is around
spoiling them and all that. We'd love your calls on
this eight hundred and eighty ten eighty. My guest is
Sarah Chatwin. She's a psychologist and mind Works and she's
with us for the Parents Squad. We're going to take
(15:53):
a quick moment, be back on a ticket. It's twenty
two past five. Yes, News Talks. He'd be Tim Beverage
with Sarah Chatwin and just talking about gratitude at Christmas
time and anyway, Sarah and I were just sharing a
few stories actually before we go, got some interest, very
interesting texts on this one. One quite tough love one
from Murray which I'll read in a second. But I
(16:14):
do remember there, you know, as kids do get presents
they don't want. And when I was knowing that, I
used to play a bit of tennis. Everyone gave me
tennis balls and I remember getting thirteen tennis balls and
I think even.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Was like tows, Yeah, tennis balls, beach towels. Yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Hey, well here's one here. This is from Murray, and
he says, when my kids were young, after the frenzy
with the presents, after the frenzy was over with the presents,
I used to ask them, this is an fascinating one.
I used to ask them to recite to me everything
they had received, and if they couldn't remember it, I
(16:57):
took it off them in a nice way.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
Of course, I used to like some of those presses. Right,
that's very very funny. That's hilarious.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
That is an interesting one because imagine if you kids
would remember all the good presents, wouldn't They would remember
the good one and the lousy ones.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Yeah, so you'd have that polarizing effect. So if they
forgot the ones in the middle, you could give them
to charity. Hey that's quite a good little strategy. I'm
thinking Murray might be slightly grinchy though.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
No.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Actually, that's it's an interesting one, isn't it. I wonder
I mean, if there was something that they just didn't like, true,
it'd be interesting one. That one. I'm not sure. I'm
not sure I wouldn't be bold enough to play that
game with mine. Mind you, my girls are actually very
good at collating what they've got.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
Yes, I think a lot of children are. They do
kind of make those mental lists, or even some write
them down because you know they've achieved the gifts that
they want, and there's a few that are kind of,
you know, below pass, so they pop them to the side,
so you never know, they might remember every single one.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
By the way, we've got a few texts here, but
if you want to call up, we'd love to hear
from you with me, and if it's just your recollections
about your Christmases and how you felt about what you
got as a kid. But yeah, the question we're having
a look at is around you know, what do you
do if your kids aren't grateful for what they've got?
Is that because you've done something wrong earlier on. I
tend to think a lot of the problems that crop
(18:22):
up with Christmas there's nothing to do with Christmas. They're
just probably the result of things you've invested in or
not invested in over the course of.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
But also to your question, I think there are a
lot of things that are learned. We might have gratitude
within us but we need to be in an environment
that encourages gratitude and allows it and gives children examples
of adults being grateful. So I think we've probably all
(18:50):
got good, bad and ugly emotions and feelings and things
within us, but it's about our environment as to how
they manifest. So I think gratitude and the extent of
how children display gratitude is learned. I think there is
something to be said for.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
What we model. So if a child is not grateful
for something, I don't mean grateful that if they've got
to fall on the floor and sort of worship at
your feet and juniorfleckt and all that, But just if
they are showing a lack of appreciation for the effort
that someone's put in, is that I would wonder how
they've learned that. And I mean, you might have actually
just brought them ever a present they've ever wanted, which.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Is probably so they're a little desensitized showing gratitude. But
I think that as a parent, you need to lead
from the front, and if they are acting in that
way and that is not acceptable to you, So hey, listen,
you didn't say thanks for that present. I worked hard
(19:52):
to get you that present, and I thought you'd really
like it, you know what's going on, a nice conversation,
and then maybe go into what gratitude is.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Hey, this is actually the one thing we do is
like he hate Stop. Have you read card?
Speaker 4 (20:06):
I mean it's important. I love that.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Read the card first. No, no, no, you're not to
open that until you read the card. Who's it from? Okay?
Mind you all say to be honest, it's part of Christmas,
the joy of going across the room, giving someone a huggin,
saying thanks and everyone's good.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
Exactly. But I think if you outline it and model
those things, kids will tap into that and they will,
you know, manifest in that way.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Neil says, Hi, Tim, I was given a red Porsche.
I would have preferred preferred the gray one, but I
just smiled and said thanks, honey.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Well it's good. I'm glad he didn't.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I'm not sure that's a that's a genuine text from
and I actually Ray has said hello Tim, and beautiful guest.
Well it's Sarah, but maybe maybe you knew that as well.
We used to get Batman hankies plus heaps of other items.
Oh no, I'm not reading the rest of that text.
(21:01):
It's a bit dodgy.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
Actually when you said Batman hankys, yeah, we're going downhill.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Yeah, anyway, right, hang on a second, what else have
we got here? So what do you teach your kids
to what they're Oh, somebody's just somebody's coming out finding
a problem with us, sort of joking about hankies anyway. Really, okay,
(21:27):
my grandmother gave all the girls in the family terrible,
scratchy lace underwear every year. It was awful always. I'm
just checking this ident sense of this. It was awful
and always came in a plastic supermarket bag with a
Mills and Boon book.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Gee, we missed that when she passed away.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
Oh exactly. That was my point before. I mean, sometimes
some of those gifts that you really don't like when
those people are no longer with you, they are such
a keepsake and such a memory of good times and fun,
and you don't have to like them. Sometimes they are
scratchy and horrible, but you know, if you hang on
to them for a little while, they can be so manyful.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Action.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Now, now here's a voice that we haven't heard from one.
Miles Miles do.
Speaker 5 (22:12):
How are you tim Merry Christmas for both of you.
How you doing, I know exceedly well. But I was
driving along listening. I always enjoy when I'm driving your
shows on a weekend. And you started talking about Christmas
presents and once you had and the way people react
to it. I think there's a There was an age
(22:35):
for me and we were you know, I came from
a reasonably deprived family, but occasionally we go to my
great answer Christmas and it wasn't it wasn't a bad one.
But when I turned twelve. I was twelve at this Christmas,
and I had my three siblings with me, and the
presents were all told out. We always had to wait
till after three o'clock and the Queen's speech. That's why
(22:56):
I resented there a little bit. Everyone was getting the
presence around. At the end of it, I looked as
my siblings all had these bulky things, and a car
here and a doll there, and all mandled up. And
I looked at mine and it was the flattest pile
you could imagine. I had two ties. Diary, diary and
(23:24):
the LP of the soundtrack of the musical Hair.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Was that a win or lose for you?
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Well?
Speaker 5 (23:34):
I can almost I can almost remember every song off
the album. But the thing that got me was is
they think that I'm an adult now, so they're giving
me more adult presents, But I want big, lumpy piles
like those.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Actually, it's funny, you know that the gifts that you
never wanted when you were younger. I think last year
I said to my family, because there are some really
nice there's a men's shaving store that sells fantastic soap,
and actually I literally get the sort of gifts that
I used to think my poor old dad must have hated,
because you know, it's like I get a block of
(24:09):
soap here and a block of sat there. I'm like,
and they think they almost apologize. I'm like, this is
what I want.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
Yes, yes, that's right exactly. It's great to give people
gifts that they want.
Speaker 5 (24:17):
Yeah, you don't think that they might be dropping a
hint there as well.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
I think they are definitely Miles.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
I don't know Christmas shopping miles.
Speaker 5 (24:28):
Oh no, no, no no. My boys now are all
in their twenties and older, so that that's sort of gone.
And I mean as soon as my mom died, father
Christmas died, I've never understood the correlation. But yeah, I
don't think I've received the president apparently, though there's thousands
of them in the mail for my son. So there
(24:49):
you go.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
That's good. Nice, Hey Miles. Lovely to hear from you.
Speaker 5 (24:52):
Mate, Great to talk to you as well, and you
two have a great time. And yeah, keep up the
good work.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Cheers.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Yeah, that is Miles, Miles Davis who former News talks
to talk back host and no great infector. You've had
panels with Miles and all sorts of things. So lovely
to hear from.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
My so neat this time of year just brings out
that nostalgia and those you know, such great memories for people.
I think it's a really neat time to think about
people past and and you know how fortunate we are,
a lot of us.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Okay, I'll be hello, Hello, good, good afternoon, Good afternoon. Yeah,
I'll go a good Miles, be one hundred dollars easy
to win. I've been anted one and I'll never seem well.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, well, I think he's bought it for you in soap.
I think that he's brought you a hundred bucks b
of the sap.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Thank you a perfect guy.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Oh good? Is that you sending love to Myles?
Speaker 3 (26:06):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Albi?
Speaker 3 (26:08):
I was very Christmas. But I'll go tonight one day
and you can share me, Adrenk.
Speaker 5 (26:15):
Yeah. Orange, Oh well.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
You need to check out the Orange Cheese. Should check
out the Tony Astol Christmas egman the recipe where if
you google news talks he'd be but a nice nice
to hear from the Albis all the best man, Merry Christmas, Alby, cheers,
Bye bye. Ruth says, I recall getting soap from an
auntie when I was only nine years old, and that
was two years running. Who wants soap at that age?
Speaker 4 (26:40):
Well?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Possibly it's a hard sell.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Isn't it It is? But hey, it was the thought,
and she was thinking that soap would be a nice gift.
A lot of people do give soap, you know, and
toilet trees. It's a pretty standard kind of a gift.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
I think soap, I mean love it. Look well, you know,
they know specifically what type of soap I like. In fact,
I don't think I've said that this year, so I'm
probably going to be disappointed.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Well, just don't be a brat if they don't get you.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Okay, I don't know how to handle this as well,
because I actually don't want anything for Christmas. Chris, my
wife and I have well, we've I'm getting jointly. Well, no,
I've got something for myself. I bought a secondhand road
bike and I said to my wife, look, I literally
don't need anything.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
But it's up to the individual as to whether they
want to follow through. They're just a little something here,
you wouldn't mind. You're not going to throw it back
at anybody.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
I didn't give it, but I actually didn't feel I
deserved anything because I've spent some money already on the South.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
And I was like, you know, you're a nice guy.
Tie Christmas.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Make me some egg nog, honey, that'll do the job. Anyway. Look,
we're going to take a quick break. We'll be back
in just a minute. We're talking about God, what are
we talking about? We're talking about Christmas. It's the parents squad.
But where maybe you know, do you need to how
do you reinforce a little bit of gratitude if you
skip actually if your kids and kids. We love to
(28:06):
spoil our kids. So we deliberately spoil our kids because
we like to, don't we But how do you make
sure that you also teach them a little bit, just
gently about gratitude without going Okay, there's got this book,
that's all right, but here's the real present. And I
love and glossing over the present that someone us has
just given them. How do you do you need to
teach them gratitude or I don't know. I'd love to
(28:28):
hear from you with your stories and thoughts on that
as well. We'll be back in just a moment. It's
twenty two and a bit to six News Talks B
News Talks A B. We're talking about the spirit of Christmas,
teaching your kids a bit of gratitude and things like that,
and taking your calls as well with Sarah Chatwin and Leanne. Hello.
Speaker 6 (28:44):
Good, that's learn King. Hi Hew, I'm happy Christmas, Merry Christmas,
Oh all of that.
Speaker 5 (28:52):
Hey.
Speaker 6 (28:52):
Yeah, it's a gratitude conversation you're having, isn't it. Yeah, Yeah, familiar.
I think it starts really young. I'm a grand part now,
but I'm watching my daughter do it and you and
a husband are doing I'm not being biased, but they're
simply doing a really good job. And I think it
started super early. Yeah, it started super early, and it
(29:16):
started with even when receiving a gift, I was taughtless too.
To be honest, you always opened the cards first, and
even though you can't read it, it's read to you
and that's acknowledged. And then it's the opening of the gift.
And then it's looking into the person's eyes who gave
it to you, saying thank you, and you use eye
(29:37):
contact because that's too busy saying thinking, oh, what's in it? Right,
let's now use it. And the person who spent the
money and the time and the energy wrapping it and
what have you right there, and they need to be acknowledged.
And so if that's been imparted into a child at
early age, especially the eye contact, it grows from there.
So now these children are older, many things have been introduced,
(30:01):
but when it comes to this time of the year,
they gets the minimal. They don't need to be heaps.
But they every year, as a four and a half
year old and a two and a half year old,
fill a susteamer box and it's explained by both by
the parent to both the children. They go individually at
(30:22):
the age level why they're putting things in a box
and what sort of things, and they choose they choose
the colors, they choose, and they talk about what they're
actually doing. And they're giving that box to a company.
Well it's not a company, I think it's an organization
in their area. And this is a third time running
where now these children are recognizing they walk up the
driveway with these systeamers containers in their hand full of
(30:45):
the things that a child is certainly not going to
get without them, who's going to receive at Christmas time?
And many people do this, but again it's the child
focusing on someone else and that's.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
A really really thing to do. And I have heard
of a few people doing that. It's so nice. Yeah,
I mean it's paid it forward giving it back. I mean,
your children are doing a fantastic job. And you know,
modeling behaviors that the kids are just going to you know,
they're going to be cool, caring, kind adults.
Speaker 6 (31:15):
I mean yeah. And it also too, it's even as
these little children. I've seen them orchestrate situations where even
a four year old little boys ladies first opens the
door and lets the big people go through, and that's
standing there going wow, you know this is happening from
a child. Now, don't get me wrong. These children have
(31:37):
mountdowns and they don't always do it well. But the
bottom line, the bottom line is the essence. And you know,
bring up a child in the way that you know
them to be brought up and they shall not depart
from it. But it's not always going to be the way.
But I mean, if you ground this stuff early and
teach children respect and teach them to be grateful and
(31:58):
how to outwork that and make that visible to other
people in terms of exercising the grond to choose, I
think it's a good start. But again it has to come,
it has to start early. It's much more difficult to
introduce that down the track.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
It is definitely difficult.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Absolutely, hey, thanks.
Speaker 6 (32:16):
Yes, thank you, and.
Speaker 7 (32:19):
Peter get Gary Shipman. The five love languages and in
that gifts is one of them. And some people gifts
doesn't do but time together, words of information, quality service,
during someone.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
And what is it exit, I've forgotten the ax of
service touch words. That's for I've got I've got for
ax of service touch words. Gifts to quality time. Ah, yes,
that's the one quality time.
Speaker 7 (32:55):
So so a gift can be many things. It can
be a note to sale'll take you out for a walk,
or give you a shoulder for five minutes.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
Off in the studio right now, You like, I wouldn't
mind as shoulder massage.
Speaker 5 (33:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (33:15):
Apparently fifty five percent can't afford Christmas according to the problem,
and there was quite a high number of people who
can't afford a forward gifts as well. And what's your
appreciation one after the clots. But they had this couple
who had relationship problems and they were given an exercise
(33:36):
which saved their marriage. And that was every day, say
three things to the other person that you're grateful for
each day.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
That was quite quite a people powerful exercise. Actually, that
isn't it just even just taking time, it's actually quite
a good thing just for your mental health to think
about things.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
You great people have gratitude journals and they are consistently
and repetitiously adding to those journals. I know somebody who's
journaled for years in gratitude journals, just noting down things
on the day that they're grateful for.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Actually, just on the gift front, we are quite lucky
these days that I mean, there's a gift shop there
where I live which has just got so many cute
ideas for all sorts of budgets and stuff, and gosh,
there are some clever they really are. I mean, I think,
I mean this has got nothing to do with parenting, really,
but it's just in terms of the choice that we
(34:27):
have to just a little bit of thought goes a
long way.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
But also with younger children, encouraging them to make gifts,
because there's always a bit of colorful paper or plastic
or something around the house, buttons or whatever, and they
can make gifts. Encouraging them to give to others in
a way that's meaningful for them at their age. Hey,
it may not be the most beautiful or usable gift,
(34:50):
but it's something that comes straight from the heart. So
encouraging kids to think for themselves and make gifts of
people is always lovely for the little east a.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Couple of there's a few quick texts I'll read through
here before we wrap it up. Trevery says they had
an aunt who oh I think the rings a bell actually,
who kept giving me Reader's Digest subscriptions. Where dies was
a thing at one stage.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
I think it was a big thing, a big thing
so much these days.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
And parents always made us ring our grandparents who sent
gifts and now we always think to do it at
worked a charm.
Speaker 4 (35:20):
Just you know, lovely Again, that shows the modeling and
the reinforcement of really positive behaviors.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Love it and this one. As a child, we got
an orange bought from a fruit shop in our Christmas
stocking from Santa with our presents, etcetera. Yet we had
orchards on the property with an orange tree. As an adult,
I asked my mom about the orange and she'd been
brought up in the Depression and into the Second World
War and they got an orange in her Christmas stocking
back then and it was appreciated a real treat, and
(35:47):
she had passed that on into our Christmas stocking. It
actually meant so much. Regards Pauline, that's actually quite a
sweet look.
Speaker 4 (35:53):
That is absolutely lovely and it takes you back to
that time in our history. I love that.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Well, are you looking for something in your in your stocking?
What have you brought me?
Speaker 4 (36:08):
The truck is just coming with an orange coming the
mountain of gifts that I have for you to know.
I well know that no is the answer to that question.
But I'm here because I respect you as a broadcaster.
I think you do a fantastic job and it's always
a good time and a lot of fun that we
have in studio and hopefully from what I can tell
from the feedback that I get, parents and people generally
(36:30):
really love the slot. So Merry Christmas, Tim. I don't
want all those mountains of gifts that you've got me either,
but no, I just like being round people. I think
I'm one of those people that likes the interaction, the
comfort of knowing that you know, friends and family are around.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
If I thought about it, I would have thought about that.
Tony astell Ignog may have to wait till next year.
Speaker 4 (36:50):
A humbug to you, not the Grinch anymore.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Thank you Tim for all your work great, thank you
so much. So we'll be back in just a minute
to wrap sport with Nathan Limb. There's a bit going
on in the sport world, so we'll be covering that
and just to take it's eleven minutes to six. For
more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to News Talk
ZEDB weekends from three p m. Or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio.
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