October 5, 2024 • 41 mins
While we wait for Season 3 of Small Town Scandal - Tom wanted to share with you another brilliant iHeartRadio NZ Podcast. From The Hits Drive host PJ Harding, Slow It Down is designed to be a moment of me time for busy lives and a weekly dose of wholesome to inspire a grounded existence. If you like it, follow the show on iHeartRadio or wherever you listen to podcasts.
About the show:
Life is fast. Information is overwhelming. We seem busier and more anxious than ever. Introducing ‘Slow It Down’. A time to chill, wind down and join a space that inspires people to live authentically and slow it down. A hub for living more consciously and incorporating mindful practices and rituals in an achievable way. The aim is to showcase guests who have chosen to live a more balanced lifestyle mixed in with experts who offer tangible tips and tricks to feel a little more zen.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, small Town Scandal fans.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
My name is PJ Harding, and while you're hanging out
for the next season of this award winning podcast, iHeartRadio,
wanted to share with you my new podcast, Slow It Down.
Slow It Down is designed as a bit of an
escape from your daily lives, which is quite similar to
Small Town Scandal. Every Sunday, though, I'll have an interesting
and candid conversation with someone trying to live a more
authentic life. It's not all serious, though it's awards and
(00:25):
all look at what it takes to feel a bit
more relaxed in this modern world.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
If you liked this.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
First episode, search for Slow It Down with PJ Harting
and follow the podcast on iHeartRadio or whereby you get
your podcasts, and I'll see you every Sunday with.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
The Heads podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello and welcome to Slow It Down. I'm your host,
PJ Harding, and I've started this podcast because, well, pretty selfishly, really,
I feel like life is so busy, even though I
live literally in the middle of nowhere, off grid, surrounded
by bosh. You'd think that you could just quiet in
(01:10):
the noise, But I still feel stressed. I still feel overwhelmed.
I still feel that pressure of keeping up with what
everyone else is doing, and I want to carve out
some time every week to sit down and have really
conscious conversations with people who are also living busy lives,
and I want to pick their brains and work out
(01:30):
how they find peace and the chaos and what rituals
they do to stay sane.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
It's that simple.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Every week I'll have a new guest and hopefully we
can be inspired together. I don't want this to be
a judgmental zone. I want it to be a placed
you can chill out and listen to over the weekend.
And I am so excited to introduce my first guest
on the show, Zoe Marshall. We actually briefly work together
(01:58):
back in the day when she was working on ZDM
and Auckland.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
She worked on a show there for.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
A while, and then we've sort of just kept in
touch over the years, and she's gone on to create
some amazing podcasts. She created The Deep and then started
a subscription called The Deeper, and the conversations that she
has had on that podcast have been pretty heavy. She's
(02:26):
talked to people well parents that have been given a
terminal diagnosis. She's talked to is atics conscious sex workers.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
The list goes on.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
She's not afraid to tackle a taboo topic, and more recently,
she's gone on to create a new platform called Rise,
which helps people create the life they deserve. And it's
all about manifestation, but as she says, it's manifestation a
bit better and she talks about her so much more
to it than just at being woo. There's a lot
(02:58):
of science to back up some of the stuff. So
I can't wait to pick her brain in this episode.
And I really hope you enjoying my chat with Sally.
Oh sorry, I've been so excited to catch up with you.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
It has been a while. I think the last time
we talked, i'd just.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Give him birth and I went through like a step
by step harrowing encounter of what happens.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yeah, you were there was a little bit of PTSD.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Yeah. Yeah, So it's really nice to see your beautiful.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Face again and you hold the baby.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
He's just gone to Wow, two years since I spoke
to you, it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Yeah, you were living in the bush.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
I am kindah pretty much. Yes, yes, though I work
in the nearest town now, so I actually do a
radio show out of the local rural Talma is a
twenty minute drive.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Look at you all set up.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Trustful, I'll run through what slow It Down is and
kind of the premise of this podcast and why I
thought you'd be a perfect fat So basically, I think
since moving to the middle of nowhere, you know, I
had this expectation that life becomes slow and relaxed and
I'd be grounded. And the reality is, I'm still stressed.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Life still feels.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Chaotic, and I have a beautiful life, but it's so
easy to not appreciate everything beautiful in front of you.
So I want to talk about tips and tracks and
ways to really feel like you can make the most
of the golden years.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Oh my god, are we in the golden years?
Speaker 1 (04:35):
I know, I know, pre sure.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I feel like this is so aligned with where I
am at because I am very literally in a metamorphosis
of wanting to have the experiences and wisdom of like
being an elder on a rocking chair, you know, yep,
(04:58):
but like doing all of that now, like the pace,
the presence, the appreciation now. So I am every I'm
just I want to get rid of everything. I want
to get rid of like a lot of my belongings.
I want to downsize everything in my life. I want
(05:20):
to just have my needs met and then be able
to do less. And I am like it already is happening.
And I think it all started with like I had
a quite quite a scary breast scare in June, and
that just shifts everything. And it's such a shame that
(05:41):
human beings need such a dire situation to wake them up,
but I did. And I just got back from two
and a half weeks in Europe and Dubai and literally
just sitting in the sun eating bread and butter and oil.
(06:02):
I was like, this is living. Obviously, it's very different circumstances,
but what if we could bring that level. I like
to call it like the magic in the mundane, like
finding the miracles.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Stop it there.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
It's literally like one of my jives, well objectives of
this podcast is finding magic in the mundane, or like
finding meaning in the mundane, right.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Yeah, And I find like being in awe of everything
around us. So I think we have just been really
stripped of so much importance because of you know, how
distracted we are, how we've got these kind of really
(06:47):
quick dopamine hits, all the time, we're not able to
focus in and slow down and appreciate the things that
we have. I created a whole new business. I got
rid of, like low down one side of my business
and started a new one which is all around this,
and it's around manifestation, co creation mindset, but truly, like
(07:10):
it sounds like a riddle, but everything that we want,
if you are living as if you already have that thing,
and you're already feeling the way it would feel to
have the thing, then you already have the feeling you
would have it even if you got it. So it's
kind of like once you get all the stuff right,
(07:32):
like I went really hard in my career and I
got the accolades, and I got the fancy car, and
I got the fancy house, and I got the fancy things,
and then you're like, oh fuck, I didn't need any
of the fancy things, any of them. Yes, right now,
shut down all those businesses. Start something that feels like
in true service, which will also keep me accountable every
(07:56):
single day and just be able to meet life where
it's at and be able to practice in real time.
Like it's okay to become heady about all of this
and get into the education and do the YouTube and
be in the tutorials and join the courses. But unless
you're in complete chaotic insanity and you don't start to
(08:18):
bring the stuff in, there's no point. Like you're just
on the kind of little rat wheel. What do you
call it?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yeah, thats the rat race.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
That's also another reason why I wanted to do this,
because I've bought so many self help books of my life,
and I know all the shit to do, but just
sometimes implementing it is kind of hard. And you're right,
it's so sad that we have to have like these
life awakening moments, you know, whether it's a family been
(08:48):
beginning really unwell.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Or you lose your house or whatever.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
When people are really stared with what reality is, that's
when they're like, oh, fuck, I don't have long to
live and I need to love and I can't waste
another second, and like.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
What am I doing?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (09:04):
And how am I eating? And how am I moving?
And how am I turning up for my family? And
how am I working? And like like we are just
in this autopilot of life happening to us, and no
one actually stops until you're forced to stop, which is
a health scare or a death or like a crumbling
(09:25):
and you're like, oh my god, I have to change.
I can't smoke anymore, I can't drink, like like all
of the things. But really, I guess what I'm trying
to teach my community at ARISE is like, we don't
need to get to breaking point to change, Like, we
can bring in really incredible mini habits to change your life,
(09:47):
and it will change your life and you can have
these realizations now and not at seventy you know, on
the Rocking Chair. I feel like I'm very aligned with
your podcast.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Well, I was like some of your videos on the
RIZ page today and there was one that caught my eye,
and it was so funny because this woman was talking
to you about the importance of starting your day with
something positive and how that will set you up for
a more positive experience. Not necessarily bring you more positivity,
but you'll be more aware of the positive things that
(10:19):
happened to you. So I watched that video and then
the second I've got it into practice, right, And I
was like, Okay, okay, you're right, because I wake up
in like a stressed mode, right, and I know I
should be more mindful. So I was like, Okay, I'm
gonna say the mantra, what if everything just worked out?
What if everything just works up? What if everything just
wicks up? And I keep saying that and then no
shits away. I walk outside the house and there was
(10:41):
this rainbow just going over our house, like it was
the perfect rainbow, and I.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Was like, I got a chill zoey that and then.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
It just stayed there for our ages and I was like, okay, well,
that in itself is just one of those moments.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
And so there is science behind this, because my pro
is backed by neuroscience. There's science behind starting your day
with a declaration, an affirmation, a positive headspace like it.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
It it's not just we wooshit No, it.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Like impacts your rath system. Your RA system is your
reticular activation system. And what that does is we are
consuming so much information all the time as humans. We
are always scanning for information that makes us true or safe.
So if you wake up and you're like life is hard,
(11:33):
things are hard, and nothing works out for me, your
RA system is figuring out. Like I'm sure there was
something underneath that rainbow, like there was a traffic jam
or there was this or that was that, and you
were like, okay, but I see the rainbow in the traffic, Jem,
and I see the rainbow.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
In that moment, I was like, oh my god, because
I'm so guilty of just like back in the day,
I felt like I was bitter at embodying all these
things that I believed, like having all these retchalks. But
it's so easy to get caught back up in that
like will as you talk about, and I know there's
so many beautiful things that I miss out on. So
it was it was quite like a powerful moment where
(12:10):
I was like, you cannot afford to miss all of
this beauty and magic, because that's what it's all about.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
And we do become addicted very immediately to our to
do lists and our needs and our children's needs and
the work and like. But the thing is, which is
so funny and very humbling, is the world doesn't end
if you didn't do the grocery shop, or if the
(12:39):
child is like the school, or if you didn't have
as many talking points for the radio, Like, it just
doesn't like maybe eventually you'll lose your job if.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
You don't keep doing it over and over.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
But I think we start to lose. We are putting
things in a very important category that aren't and we're
putting ours and our mental health and our movement and
our conversations as like something at the bottom of the
barrels when I've put the kids to bed and I
(13:11):
lay on the couch and I'm scrolling on TikTok and
watching a show at the same time, Like it just
we're responsible. And I don't think that anyone can like
victimize themselves because we all have the ability, like we
really do.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Okay, So give me some really great ways things that
we can do to weave into our day to encourage
that presence.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
I think, firstly, this isn't like a quick hit, This
isn't like winning the lotto, This isn't like a pyramid
scheme marketing thing where you make keaps of money, and like,
no one is going to do this for you, and
it is going to require commitment to yourself. But I
can tell you the people that we look up to,
(13:59):
the celebrities or the entrepreneurs or the billion dollar business people,
have such integrity with their routines to themselves. So I
say to everyone in the course, especially when you're starting
get up thirty minutes before you usually do right, And
(14:19):
that's really hard if you've got kids and you're getting
up at five instead of five thirty right, but go
to bed earlier and in that thirty minutes you have
the ability to create a declaration when you're in an
alpha state, that awake state, right to program your rust system.
You can do some some I want to say Hubban users.
(14:44):
I want to say it's called like horizon gazing, but
it's when you look out and you're kind of balancing
your circadian rhythm, which is going to really support your sleep.
You can either journal or meditate, whichever feels better for you,
Move and stretch, eat. Like, if you do like two
of those six things, you're already setting yourself up right.
(15:07):
So when the kids get up, they're like on, they're
like ready, and you're going to be a better parent.
You're going to be more patient. You're going to be
able to listen to them. They're having a tantrum because
they want the blue cup not the red cup. You're like,
I really understand, I get it. Fuck, I really like
the red cup too. But you won't be just like
pulling them out the door. Yeah, Oh maybe you will
(15:27):
you know, but I think that starting your day for
yourself and allowing yourself to set intentions rather than the
day catch you up is really important. And then there
are a million other things that we can bring in,
like you really got to be serious about what you're consuming,
(15:48):
how much what are you drinking? Are you a caffeinated
person and you're relying on stimulants? Are you getting your
nourishment in like where little like organisms to bed and
watered and slept. And I think it's like looking at basics,
are you moving every day? And then like how do
(16:08):
you see the world and what are you doing so
co creation, how I teach it isn't wishful thinking that
a ferrari is going to end up at your doorstep
just because you put it on your vision board. It's
like what am I doing today? What actions am I
taking to be magnetic to what I want? And so
(16:32):
like I had a real doozy of a day on Thursday.
It was like a fucking doozy, horrendous jet lag. I
hadn't slept at all, bench had food poisoning, My nanny
was off. One of my favorite favorite teammates within my
business resigned. A lawyer needed a very specific information from me.
(16:57):
My account wanted to have a really hard conversation. My
dog vomited and I couldn't. I couldn't. My daughter was like,
you know, like at me. And so it was a
real moment of like that doesn't just kick a person
into doing that, kicks you into like safety seeking, behavior
(17:22):
finding security. And I went into my my autopilot, which
is like fix everything now, like blinkers on, don't talk
to me. I'm going to solve all the world's problems
in this moment. And then my husband was like, you're
not okay. I was like, I'm really not okay. Like
a lot is happening, and we have this beautiful session.
(17:46):
We had this workshop within the community that night, which
was such perfect timing, and within this workshop, I was
able to explore what it would look like if I
did things differently like that way of like tunnel vision
getting everything done, fixing it all in one day and
stressing myself out. I've done for forty years, So what
(18:07):
would the other way look like. I saw benj my husband, downstairs,
after this workshop, and I said, listen, I know I
was in a wild state when you saw me. I
need you to know that I'm going to practice something
and tomorrow I am not going to do anything about
(18:28):
those things I've already like literally shot off. I've taken
so much action today to put out ten fires. But
tomorrow I'm not going to chase like the fire engine.
I'm just going to allow the action that I've taken
to simmer and connect. I'm going to go to the beach,
(18:48):
nice beach, swim. I'm going to go take my daughter
to the beach, and I am physically going to take
myself out of where I want to be with fixing.
And it was in those moments, and that's what I
said at the beginning of this, which was when the
shit hits the fan, what learnings and what practices are
(19:12):
you putting into place? Because we go to the place
we feel the safest, we don't go to the place
which we have the greatest growth. And so I took
my own advice and I went to the beach and
I did that stuff, and then I realized, with a
bit of space, you have a bit of clarity that
I was like, oh my god, this colleague leaving is
(19:33):
the best thing for us. And it hurts because I
love them, but you would never have let them go.
You would never and this is holding the business back.
What are you going to do? And so now on
Monday morning, I have three incredible business strategists that are
like the whole thing has just come together because there's
(19:54):
been space and I've done something implemented the growth without
kind of that habitual. You know, I wanted wine. I
wanted heaps of wine. I wanted to eat heaps of chips,
and I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Did you do any of that or did you just
go to the beach?
Speaker 3 (20:11):
I just went to the beach and then I went
for a walk and it was like this is so
fucked being woke, Like how boring. And then on the weekend,
I definitely had two glasses of red wine. That's me
being really wild. And I've woken up today no jet
lag and just like I just am excited, like I
(20:33):
did all my practices this morning. I'm back. Yeah. And
only it doesn't have to You don't have to spial
for six months.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Hmm, Like you can like do this in a day.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
With manifestations.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
People off and talk about not forcing, not forcing, not forcing.
You took a step back from there and you just
alive And then all of a sudden it was trust.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Yeah, mantra, it was like let go let God, you know,
trust trust for us. But that's really hard for like
a control freak. Even as a manifestation master like you,
still it's just a humbling experience because you never graduate
from this stuff. Your life is just impacted by different
situations and circumstances where you just keep leveling up and
(21:24):
it's a beautiful life, like it's an extraordinary life. But
what you see a success and what I see a
success and the person listening are so vastly different. And
I'm not playing the game anymore for whatever anybody else
thinks is successful.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
For me, God, I get so caught up and there,
I really do, and I think that I'm bigger than that,
or you know, mature enough to like see past it.
But I still compare myself to so many people, and
I'm like, why the hell am I comparing myself to her?
I don't actually want to be like her, but I'm
still comparing myself.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
But if you didn't want what she had, why.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
You compared exactly? I don't know, because there must be
an answer.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
There's got to be something I don't know because I
feel like they've got more success than me, and I
feel like I could be doing that.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
But then I'm like, no, but I don't want to
be doing that. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
But do you think that their peers are looking at
them like, oh, they're more successful than Polly.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
No one, no one's looking at it like that my
brain or like.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Are they thinking? You know, Polly chose to live out
in the wilderness and chose peace, and I'm still here
doing the rat race thing like Polly's got success. I
don't I want that. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Oh, it's the rose ten of glasses. It's the grass
is always greener mentality. And I want to know do
you have an answer on how to get out of it?
Speaker 3 (22:48):
I think we need to get really really clear on
what we want and why we want it. And if
you come from a place of ego where I want
what she has, I want that job because then my
peers think, or my mum will think, or I'll drive
a Lamborghini and hot chicks will like me. Versus I
(23:09):
want to do work that I feel passionate and purposeful,
and I want to be living a life in integrity
and of service to others. Are two very different things,
Like it's okay to want fancy shit because our ego
is always running in the background and we want people
to give us a compliment or acknowledge us or make
(23:32):
us seen like it's very human. But that's fine on
like a superficial level when we're talking about like our
life path and our purpose, like get really clear on why.
Because when we go back to that whole point of
like feeling the feeling of being the most successful version
(23:53):
of yourself, right, if you're living that feeling, walking as
if you're that person, talking as if you're that person,
and you're going to be attracting so many opportunities and
people and places and things and serendipitous moments that meet
you there when it's in truth versus ego. And so
(24:14):
it's like you can keep trying to out smart yourself
or you can just like surrender your options.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Yes, And when you get into those mindset's this such
roadblocks and obstacles to actually getting what you want, Like
they're just fucking waste of time.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
Waste of time, And you think you want the push right, yeah,
and then you get it and you realize no one
is looking at you in your push, No one gives
a shit about you and your push like they really don't,
and the people that do, like, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I remember when I was in Australia and I was
on billboards and I was like, really good work, and
I just going, as I say, I was like, find
o this river, this is not going to be this
is like there was such a big part of me
that didn't feel that deep sense of fulfillment, and like
that was confronting to a lot of people. I think
they were like, why would you step away when you're
in you know.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
This position?
Speaker 2 (25:16):
And I was like I can't really explain it, but
I just got to go home and I got to
ground my roads, and you like, you've got to follow
those nudges.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
And I think that people see that as successful when
you're not being dictated to by what society is you
should have and you're following your truth, even if that
looks crazy, like like living in this beautiful home and
not wanting it anymore because it's too much and you
don't know it's too much until you're in it, and
(25:47):
going like I want something that is enough, not too much,
Like it's weird for people are not okay and that's
okay because they're not in the same place as you,
and you just have to be like you will be
confronting for people because they are being mirrored what is
actually drinking back to them, And that's not your problem.
(26:11):
You just have to be in your truth.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
So you're going to get a tiny home and like travel.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
To rural New Zealand next to you fighting for your
radio job.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
So I have to see you talk about the importance
of boundaries, particularly over the last couple of years.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Can you talk through that, Like, how does that look
for you? Saying no? As a former people pleaser.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Oh my god, Like I had Terry Cole, who is
like the boundary master come on board and take us
through it. And I think it's just such an interesting thing,
especially raising a little girl to you know, what we're
like as women and how we were raised as children
(26:55):
in the eighties and nineties, is such a impact our
boundaries sexually, with consent, with work, with like signing off
your email's kiss kiss, like like all of the stuff
as a woman and boundaries versus even bringing in you know,
(27:17):
men into the equation and how they do boundaries that
just seems so much more adequate than we are but boundaries.
So I'm writing a book. It's in it's almost at
its final edit, and it's first it's my first deal.
Oh my god, it's so great. Congratulations, thank you. It's
(27:38):
such a wonderful experience. But this, this whole I have
this whole chapter around boundaries because it's almost like, and
I explain it like this, like having a door, bitch
right to your energy and to yourself, and you are
a exquisite like there very elevated club. You know, like
(28:06):
we're talking, you just can't get in. You need like
a membership, you need who's who, like it is like
the Kram Della Cram. And then you've got drunks out
in the middle of the night trying to get into
your club. It's like, no, they're going to come in,
piss on the walls, have punch up, smash all the glasses,
like absolutely not, Like this is a sacred place. Boundaries
(28:30):
are for us. It looks like we're putting a boundary
there for somebody else, but they are for us. And
when we say unfortunately, I'm out of office from three
pm every day, and the emails keep coming and you
get back to them on a Monday and they're like, hey,
you didn't get back to my emails. Yeah, it really
(28:50):
clearly states that I'm out of office from three pm
without an explanation. When a family member wants to come
over and see your newborn baby but they're sick, and
you're like, sorry, we're not having visitors for this week
and next, and i'd really appreciate it if you could
let me know when you're well and then we'll organize
a time that suits us. You know, like all of
(29:13):
these things, it's not people see it as being rude.
It's not being rude. It's allowing people to understand your
standards and what you require in life. People think that
I am very particular neurotic, and some of those things
(29:33):
are true, but I also have exceptional standards for myself
and then for everybody else. If you're in my orbit,
and if you're not, like I don't mind, but if
you're working with me or if we're friends, there is
a quality that I expect and that I will return
in favor. And I think the boundaries help that. And
(29:57):
I'm really willing, like I love other people's boundaries. When
I see something one like set a boundary, I'm like fuck,
that's hot. I'm so sexy for them, Like, I like respect,
you have self respect, so I mean you want more information.
The whole workshop gives you like play by play on
how to set a boundary. But this also will come
(30:17):
up in moments that feel deeply uncomfortable, where you will
people please when you really should set a boundary.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
And so how do you how do you prevent that?
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Like when it is an in this like spur of
the moment kind of thing and someone's there and you're
like not prepared for it, because I guess we're boundaries.
Sometimes people can be ready to reply with an email
or whatever. But if someone comes up and they ask
something in your face and you're like, like.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
The people pleaser might want to come out Like of course, I.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Would say, like, if we're going from full on people
pleasing to boundaries, there's like an evolution. I would ask
for time. I would say like, oh, that's a really
interesting question. Could I get back to you on that,
not in a in five minutes or in a day.
Can I get back to you on that. That's a
really kind way to pause yourself. Then you could reflect
and go like, oh no, I could have said thank
(31:05):
you so much for the opportunity, it just doesn't fit
for me, or unfortunately I can't stay back today I
have some commitments, you know. Or unfortunately my contracts I
end every day five o'clock. I won't be staying back.
But we can negotiate if you wanted to explore something further.
So I think to start with us for time and
(31:28):
then reflect on what you really wanted to say, and
then always lead with kindness. It's like being really firm,
but being really kind.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
And how has life changed since you've been better at
sitting these boundaries?
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Like you just have so much more time you can't
like life is too short to do things you feel
obligated to do unless you're in a contract.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah, you can't really get out of that.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
Look, I'm really in this transitional evolution even with friendships
with family members, Like, really, I'm doing some big stuff
ending some big relationships that have required endings for a
long time that I haven't been able to do out
of obligation. And you don't. No one deserves anything from
(32:17):
you if they're not meeting you. And it feels so good,
It doesn't mean that there are parts of me, like
the shadowy parts of myself that don't miss them, you know,
and the comfort of certain parts of the relationship, but
the commitment to myself is more important than that.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
H I love that.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
So, how would you describe how life feels right now
for you?
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Really exciting? Thursday wasn't so exciting. Today is really exciting.
There is a lot of movement, there's a lot of change,
but I am so willing to evolve and just I
think I've had that weird you know, society impact on
(33:12):
me where I have to keep scaling and growing and scaling,
and now I'm just like, no, no, I'm.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Just going to I'm going to downsize.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
Yes, the quality of what I've got out there is
so high, it's ever green. We don't I don't need
need to do more without that happening really organically.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
If there was a quote that you live by, or
you think there's a quote that is such a good
mantra for one's life, it does one pop to the
top of your head.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
I've got one. We had to we did this for
the book, and I was like, asking you shall receive
and it's actually that quote is actually in the Bible,
and so we had to like reference the Bible and
then they were like, you're definitely setting the wrong tone.
So I removed asking you sha received to whether you
(34:07):
think it's true or not? Hang on, it's oh my god,
where do you think it? What do you think it's
true or not?
Speaker 1 (34:16):
You're right right?
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Yeah, these are similar one like that, like whether you
think you can or not?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
You're right right as well.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Yeah, and I love that because it's the same thing.
There's too many like I love let go or be dragged.
That's one of my favorite things therapist because she's very
My therapist is like a psychologist, but she's definitely spiritually inclined.
We had this real we had an amazing session and
(34:45):
we kind of I guess I said that and she's
kept it forever as a reminder to me. Is like,
you know, you can choose the hard way or the
easy way, it's still going to be the way.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Oh that's good.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Yeah, it's really good.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
For someone who's in a bit of a rut at
the moment, feeling like they're not loving the life and
there's so much more that they want to be achieving,
but they just feel.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Like they're kind of stuck. Do you have any advice
to get out of that? Rut.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
I mean, join the membership, use me to your disposure,
come in. Do you know something really seriously though, within
that community is having people around you to inspire you.
We call them rises, and they're people that show, like,
you know how you were like comparing yourself to the
(35:28):
girl at the radio station, being able to transform her
into if you wanted that you didn't want that, right,
but say that you did. Transforming that envy into someone
that stretches you, that you can talk to, that you're
inspired by, is such an amazing way. And within the community,
(35:51):
you have all these people every day going, oh my god,
I'm stuck. I'm in a rut, and you have someone
else coming up with this helped me? Or did you
try this or this meditation is amazing, or did you
do the Inner Child workshop? And then you've got people
that are there to champion you. You've got people there
that can help you do priming phone calls. Like I
think staying accountable is the biggest thing. It's kind of
(36:13):
like a gym work membership or losing weight or doing
something new. You have to have accountability. And that's why
I created the community is because and I'm talking about
the arise community is because when I was in this
ten years ago and there was no one doing it,
it's so hard to stay committed and to believe. And
(36:33):
even when you've called in everything and you've taken the
aligned action and you've done everything, and you're in the abyss,
which is the time where we wait for the manifestation
to occur, it's hard. Bit I hate the most, and
so having being in a space that's safe and you
can just be like, I am dying here, like my
(36:55):
patience is running out what I do and they're like,
go back to trust, go back to gratitude, do like,
go back to the work. It's such a help helpful
thing because when you're out on your loan like an
Island and you're in the abuse, you're like, it doesn't work.
Fuck this ship. I'm going back to my old job
that I hate. So yeah, I've created the thing I
needed the most, and it's it's very impactful.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
So people can find it just if we want to
do a little fluggy blood plug.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
I think it's I think, oh my gosh, I should notice.
I think it's a rise dot com dot A U
A R, double I S E or on Instagram, it's
A rise A R I double a S E Underscore
Underscore underscore because I fucked up the first did you
charge of? Come on? Guy? Can you do ad? Mean?
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Guys, that's why you act like you're terrible and then
no one asks you to do things.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
I know it's a good, good technician, accomplishent woman.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Okay, so I'm going to rep this podcast up with
some advice that you would give to your younger self.
Let's say Zoe is it early twenties, she's just finding
her way through life. What would be the biggest negative
wisdom that you would in part on younger Zoe.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
It's going to get really really bad and then it's
going to get really really good. So just have faith
when you want to give up, but it gets really good.
Like just trust.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
So beautiful, Zoe, and so nice to reconnect with you today.
I just love because you talk about evolving and how
you love gross and all of that, and I just
feel like every time I see you, you're like an
upgraded version of yourself.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (38:45):
It'd be terrible if I'd like gone backwards, right, You'd
be like, what a disappointment, No.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
But you are, but like you grow, you're just constantly
shifting with putting a challenge is to throw in your way,
and I always look at you as an inspiration and
so thank you so much for coming on the podcast today.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
Thank you beautiful girl, and can't wait to see you
in real life one day.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
That was my chat with Zolly. I really hope you
enjoyed it. Love to know what you got out of
that conversation the most. I think some of my big
takeaways were they're getting up thirty minutes earlier. It sounds
like such a simple one, but even when you put
it like, oh, if you're going to be tired, got
to be thirty minutes earlier.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
You know you have to be.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Strict on sleep. Like sleep at the end of the
day is it runs us like honestly, we have to get.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Strict on it.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
And I'm, for one, am very guilty at staying up.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
Too late watching TV, particularly lately. So that was a
really good reminder for me.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
And also I loved when she was talking about being
the gatekeeper for your energy and being ruthless and really
setting the boundaries of who gets to come into your life, which,
as she said, it sounds you know, can sound quite
ash and rude and brutal, but I mean, if you
want to give the best version of yourself, you have
(40:05):
to get really clear on who you want to bring
into your world. And then finally, I really liked that
story about when she hit that really shitty day and
just letting go when she hits the fan, instead of
trying to fix everything and going into just a biggest
(40:28):
state of overwhelm, actually removing yourself from that situation and
going to the beach, going for a walk, whatever it is,
just getting out of that moment where the world feels
like it's falling in or the sky feels like it's
falling in, and actually stepping back gives.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
You that other perspective.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
So I really like that, not trying to push it
in those situations and just taking a deep breath and
realizing it's actually not the end of the world. But
I would love to know what you got out of
the chat this week, and you can hit me up
on Instagram PJDJ see me a little message. I'd love
to know of any other people you think would be
great to get on for Slow It Down. Thank you
(41:07):
so much for joining me for my first episode. I
really appreciate it and i'll see you next week.
Hello, small Town Scandal fans.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
My name is PJ Harding, and while you're hanging out
for the next season of this award winning podcast, iHeartRadio,
wanted to share with you my new podcast, Slow It Down.
Slow It Down is designed as a bit of an
escape from your daily lives, which is quite similar to
Small Town Scandal. Every Sunday, though, I'll have an interesting
and candid conversation with someone trying to live a more
authentic life. It's not all serious, though it's awards and
(00:25):
all look at what it takes to feel a bit
more relaxed in this modern world.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
If you liked this.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
First episode, search for Slow It Down with PJ Harting
and follow the podcast on iHeartRadio or whereby you get
your podcasts, and I'll see you every Sunday with.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
The Heads podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello and welcome to Slow It Down. I'm your host,
PJ Harding, and I've started this podcast because, well, pretty selfishly, really,
I feel like life is so busy, even though I
live literally in the middle of nowhere, off grid, surrounded
by bosh. You'd think that you could just quiet in
(01:10):
the noise, But I still feel stressed. I still feel overwhelmed.
I still feel that pressure of keeping up with what
everyone else is doing, and I want to carve out
some time every week to sit down and have really
conscious conversations with people who are also living busy lives,
and I want to pick their brains and work out
(01:30):
how they find peace and the chaos and what rituals
they do to stay sane.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
It's that simple.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Every week I'll have a new guest and hopefully we
can be inspired together. I don't want this to be
a judgmental zone. I want it to be a placed
you can chill out and listen to over the weekend.
And I am so excited to introduce my first guest
on the show, Zoe Marshall. We actually briefly work together
(01:58):
back in the day when she was working on ZDM
and Auckland.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
She worked on a show there for.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
A while, and then we've sort of just kept in
touch over the years, and she's gone on to create
some amazing podcasts. She created The Deep and then started
a subscription called The Deeper, and the conversations that she
has had on that podcast have been pretty heavy. She's
(02:26):
talked to people well parents that have been given a
terminal diagnosis. She's talked to is atics conscious sex workers.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
The list goes on.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
She's not afraid to tackle a taboo topic, and more recently,
she's gone on to create a new platform called Rise,
which helps people create the life they deserve. And it's
all about manifestation, but as she says, it's manifestation a
bit better and she talks about her so much more
to it than just at being woo. There's a lot
(02:58):
of science to back up some of the stuff. So
I can't wait to pick her brain in this episode.
And I really hope you enjoying my chat with Sally.
Oh sorry, I've been so excited to catch up with you.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
It has been a while. I think the last time
we talked, i'd just.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Give him birth and I went through like a step
by step harrowing encounter of what happens.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yeah, you were there was a little bit of PTSD.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Yeah. Yeah, So it's really nice to see your beautiful.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Face again and you hold the baby.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
He's just gone to Wow, two years since I spoke
to you, it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Yeah, you were living in the bush.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
I am kindah pretty much. Yes, yes, though I work
in the nearest town now, so I actually do a
radio show out of the local rural Talma is a
twenty minute drive.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Look at you all set up.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Trustful, I'll run through what slow It Down is and
kind of the premise of this podcast and why I
thought you'd be a perfect fat So basically, I think
since moving to the middle of nowhere, you know, I
had this expectation that life becomes slow and relaxed and
I'd be grounded. And the reality is, I'm still stressed.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Life still feels.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Chaotic, and I have a beautiful life, but it's so
easy to not appreciate everything beautiful in front of you.
So I want to talk about tips and tracks and
ways to really feel like you can make the most
of the golden years.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Oh my god, are we in the golden years?
Speaker 1 (04:35):
I know, I know, pre sure.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I feel like this is so aligned with where I
am at because I am very literally in a metamorphosis
of wanting to have the experiences and wisdom of like
being an elder on a rocking chair, you know, yep,
(04:58):
but like doing all of that now, like the pace,
the presence, the appreciation now. So I am every I'm
just I want to get rid of everything. I want
to get rid of like a lot of my belongings.
I want to downsize everything in my life. I want
(05:20):
to just have my needs met and then be able
to do less. And I am like it already is happening.
And I think it all started with like I had
a quite quite a scary breast scare in June, and
that just shifts everything. And it's such a shame that
(05:41):
human beings need such a dire situation to wake them up,
but I did. And I just got back from two
and a half weeks in Europe and Dubai and literally
just sitting in the sun eating bread and butter and oil.
(06:02):
I was like, this is living. Obviously, it's very different circumstances,
but what if we could bring that level. I like
to call it like the magic in the mundane, like
finding the miracles.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Stop it there.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
It's literally like one of my jives, well objectives of
this podcast is finding magic in the mundane, or like
finding meaning in the mundane, right.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Yeah, And I find like being in awe of everything
around us. So I think we have just been really
stripped of so much importance because of you know, how
distracted we are, how we've got these kind of really
(06:47):
quick dopamine hits, all the time, we're not able to
focus in and slow down and appreciate the things that
we have. I created a whole new business. I got
rid of, like low down one side of my business
and started a new one which is all around this,
and it's around manifestation, co creation mindset, but truly, like
(07:10):
it sounds like a riddle, but everything that we want,
if you are living as if you already have that thing,
and you're already feeling the way it would feel to
have the thing, then you already have the feeling you
would have it even if you got it. So it's
kind of like once you get all the stuff right,
(07:32):
like I went really hard in my career and I
got the accolades, and I got the fancy car, and
I got the fancy house, and I got the fancy things,
and then you're like, oh fuck, I didn't need any
of the fancy things, any of them. Yes, right now,
shut down all those businesses. Start something that feels like
in true service, which will also keep me accountable every
(07:56):
single day and just be able to meet life where
it's at and be able to practice in real time.
Like it's okay to become heady about all of this
and get into the education and do the YouTube and
be in the tutorials and join the courses. But unless
you're in complete chaotic insanity and you don't start to
(08:18):
bring the stuff in, there's no point. Like you're just
on the kind of little rat wheel. What do you
call it?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yeah, thats the rat race.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
That's also another reason why I wanted to do this,
because I've bought so many self help books of my life,
and I know all the shit to do, but just
sometimes implementing it is kind of hard. And you're right,
it's so sad that we have to have like these
life awakening moments, you know, whether it's a family been
(08:48):
beginning really unwell.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Or you lose your house or whatever.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
When people are really stared with what reality is, that's
when they're like, oh, fuck, I don't have long to
live and I need to love and I can't waste
another second, and like.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
What am I doing?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (09:04):
And how am I eating? And how am I moving?
And how am I turning up for my family? And
how am I working? And like like we are just
in this autopilot of life happening to us, and no
one actually stops until you're forced to stop, which is
a health scare or a death or like a crumbling
(09:25):
and you're like, oh my god, I have to change.
I can't smoke anymore, I can't drink, like like all
of the things. But really, I guess what I'm trying
to teach my community at ARISE is like, we don't
need to get to breaking point to change, Like, we
can bring in really incredible mini habits to change your life,
(09:47):
and it will change your life and you can have
these realizations now and not at seventy you know, on
the Rocking Chair. I feel like I'm very aligned with
your podcast.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Well, I was like some of your videos on the
RIZ page today and there was one that caught my eye,
and it was so funny because this woman was talking
to you about the importance of starting your day with
something positive and how that will set you up for
a more positive experience. Not necessarily bring you more positivity,
but you'll be more aware of the positive things that
(10:19):
happened to you. So I watched that video and then
the second I've got it into practice, right, And I
was like, Okay, okay, you're right, because I wake up
in like a stressed mode, right, and I know I
should be more mindful. So I was like, Okay, I'm
gonna say the mantra, what if everything just worked out?
What if everything just works up? What if everything just
wicks up? And I keep saying that and then no
shits away. I walk outside the house and there was
(10:41):
this rainbow just going over our house, like it was
the perfect rainbow, and I.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Was like, I got a chill zoey that and then.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
It just stayed there for our ages and I was like, okay, well,
that in itself is just one of those moments.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
And so there is science behind this, because my pro
is backed by neuroscience. There's science behind starting your day
with a declaration, an affirmation, a positive headspace like it.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
It it's not just we wooshit No, it.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Like impacts your rath system. Your RA system is your
reticular activation system. And what that does is we are
consuming so much information all the time as humans. We
are always scanning for information that makes us true or safe.
So if you wake up and you're like life is hard,
(11:33):
things are hard, and nothing works out for me, your
RA system is figuring out. Like I'm sure there was
something underneath that rainbow, like there was a traffic jam
or there was this or that was that, and you
were like, okay, but I see the rainbow in the traffic, Jem,
and I see the rainbow.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
In that moment, I was like, oh my god, because
I'm so guilty of just like back in the day,
I felt like I was bitter at embodying all these
things that I believed, like having all these retchalks. But
it's so easy to get caught back up in that
like will as you talk about, and I know there's
so many beautiful things that I miss out on. So
it was it was quite like a powerful moment where
(12:10):
I was like, you cannot afford to miss all of
this beauty and magic, because that's what it's all about.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
And we do become addicted very immediately to our to
do lists and our needs and our children's needs and
the work and like. But the thing is, which is
so funny and very humbling, is the world doesn't end
if you didn't do the grocery shop, or if the
(12:39):
child is like the school, or if you didn't have
as many talking points for the radio, Like, it just
doesn't like maybe eventually you'll lose your job if.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
You don't keep doing it over and over.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
But I think we start to lose. We are putting
things in a very important category that aren't and we're
putting ours and our mental health and our movement and
our conversations as like something at the bottom of the
barrels when I've put the kids to bed and I
(13:11):
lay on the couch and I'm scrolling on TikTok and
watching a show at the same time, Like it just
we're responsible. And I don't think that anyone can like
victimize themselves because we all have the ability, like we
really do.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Okay, So give me some really great ways things that
we can do to weave into our day to encourage
that presence.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
I think, firstly, this isn't like a quick hit, This
isn't like winning the lotto, This isn't like a pyramid
scheme marketing thing where you make keaps of money, and like,
no one is going to do this for you, and
it is going to require commitment to yourself. But I
can tell you the people that we look up to,
(13:59):
the celebrities or the entrepreneurs or the billion dollar business people,
have such integrity with their routines to themselves. So I
say to everyone in the course, especially when you're starting
get up thirty minutes before you usually do right, And
(14:19):
that's really hard if you've got kids and you're getting
up at five instead of five thirty right, but go
to bed earlier and in that thirty minutes you have
the ability to create a declaration when you're in an
alpha state, that awake state, right to program your rust system.
You can do some some I want to say Hubban users.
(14:44):
I want to say it's called like horizon gazing, but
it's when you look out and you're kind of balancing
your circadian rhythm, which is going to really support your sleep.
You can either journal or meditate, whichever feels better for you,
Move and stretch, eat. Like, if you do like two
of those six things, you're already setting yourself up right.
(15:07):
So when the kids get up, they're like on, they're
like ready, and you're going to be a better parent.
You're going to be more patient. You're going to be
able to listen to them. They're having a tantrum because
they want the blue cup not the red cup. You're like,
I really understand, I get it. Fuck, I really like
the red cup too. But you won't be just like
pulling them out the door. Yeah, Oh maybe you will
(15:27):
you know, but I think that starting your day for
yourself and allowing yourself to set intentions rather than the
day catch you up is really important. And then there
are a million other things that we can bring in,
like you really got to be serious about what you're consuming,
(15:48):
how much what are you drinking? Are you a caffeinated
person and you're relying on stimulants? Are you getting your
nourishment in like where little like organisms to bed and
watered and slept. And I think it's like looking at basics,
are you moving every day? And then like how do
(16:08):
you see the world and what are you doing so
co creation, how I teach it isn't wishful thinking that
a ferrari is going to end up at your doorstep
just because you put it on your vision board. It's
like what am I doing today? What actions am I
taking to be magnetic to what I want? And so
(16:32):
like I had a real doozy of a day on Thursday.
It was like a fucking doozy, horrendous jet lag. I
hadn't slept at all, bench had food poisoning, My nanny
was off. One of my favorite favorite teammates within my
business resigned. A lawyer needed a very specific information from me.
(16:57):
My account wanted to have a really hard conversation. My
dog vomited and I couldn't. I couldn't. My daughter was like,
you know, like at me. And so it was a
real moment of like that doesn't just kick a person
into doing that, kicks you into like safety seeking, behavior
(17:22):
finding security. And I went into my my autopilot, which
is like fix everything now, like blinkers on, don't talk
to me. I'm going to solve all the world's problems
in this moment. And then my husband was like, you're
not okay. I was like, I'm really not okay. Like
a lot is happening, and we have this beautiful session.
(17:46):
We had this workshop within the community that night, which
was such perfect timing, and within this workshop, I was
able to explore what it would look like if I
did things differently like that way of like tunnel vision
getting everything done, fixing it all in one day and
stressing myself out. I've done for forty years, So what
(18:07):
would the other way look like. I saw benj my husband, downstairs,
after this workshop, and I said, listen, I know I
was in a wild state when you saw me. I
need you to know that I'm going to practice something
and tomorrow I am not going to do anything about
(18:28):
those things I've already like literally shot off. I've taken
so much action today to put out ten fires. But
tomorrow I'm not going to chase like the fire engine.
I'm just going to allow the action that I've taken
to simmer and connect. I'm going to go to the beach,
(18:48):
nice beach, swim. I'm going to go take my daughter
to the beach, and I am physically going to take
myself out of where I want to be with fixing.
And it was in those moments, and that's what I
said at the beginning of this, which was when the
shit hits the fan, what learnings and what practices are
(19:12):
you putting into place? Because we go to the place
we feel the safest, we don't go to the place
which we have the greatest growth. And so I took
my own advice and I went to the beach and
I did that stuff, and then I realized, with a
bit of space, you have a bit of clarity that
I was like, oh my god, this colleague leaving is
(19:33):
the best thing for us. And it hurts because I
love them, but you would never have let them go.
You would never and this is holding the business back.
What are you going to do? And so now on
Monday morning, I have three incredible business strategists that are
like the whole thing has just come together because there's
(19:54):
been space and I've done something implemented the growth without
kind of that habitual. You know, I wanted wine. I
wanted heaps of wine. I wanted to eat heaps of chips,
and I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Did you do any of that or did you just
go to the beach?
Speaker 3 (20:11):
I just went to the beach and then I went
for a walk and it was like this is so
fucked being woke, Like how boring. And then on the weekend,
I definitely had two glasses of red wine. That's me
being really wild. And I've woken up today no jet
lag and just like I just am excited, like I
(20:33):
did all my practices this morning. I'm back. Yeah. And
only it doesn't have to You don't have to spial
for six months.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Hmm, Like you can like do this in a day.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
With manifestations.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
People off and talk about not forcing, not forcing, not forcing.
You took a step back from there and you just
alive And then all of a sudden it was trust.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Yeah, mantra, it was like let go let God, you know,
trust trust for us. But that's really hard for like
a control freak. Even as a manifestation master like you,
still it's just a humbling experience because you never graduate
from this stuff. Your life is just impacted by different
situations and circumstances where you just keep leveling up and
(21:24):
it's a beautiful life, like it's an extraordinary life. But
what you see a success and what I see a
success and the person listening are so vastly different. And
I'm not playing the game anymore for whatever anybody else
thinks is successful.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
For me, God, I get so caught up and there,
I really do, and I think that I'm bigger than that,
or you know, mature enough to like see past it.
But I still compare myself to so many people, and
I'm like, why the hell am I comparing myself to her?
I don't actually want to be like her, but I'm
still comparing myself.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
But if you didn't want what she had, why.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
You compared exactly? I don't know, because there must be
an answer.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
There's got to be something I don't know because I
feel like they've got more success than me, and I
feel like I could be doing that.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
But then I'm like, no, but I don't want to
be doing that. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
But do you think that their peers are looking at
them like, oh, they're more successful than Polly.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
No one, no one's looking at it like that my
brain or like.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Are they thinking? You know, Polly chose to live out
in the wilderness and chose peace, and I'm still here
doing the rat race thing like Polly's got success. I
don't I want that. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Oh, it's the rose ten of glasses. It's the grass
is always greener mentality. And I want to know do
you have an answer on how to get out of it?
Speaker 3 (22:48):
I think we need to get really really clear on
what we want and why we want it. And if
you come from a place of ego where I want
what she has, I want that job because then my
peers think, or my mum will think, or I'll drive
a Lamborghini and hot chicks will like me. Versus I
(23:09):
want to do work that I feel passionate and purposeful,
and I want to be living a life in integrity
and of service to others. Are two very different things,
Like it's okay to want fancy shit because our ego
is always running in the background and we want people
to give us a compliment or acknowledge us or make
(23:32):
us seen like it's very human. But that's fine on
like a superficial level when we're talking about like our
life path and our purpose, like get really clear on why.
Because when we go back to that whole point of
like feeling the feeling of being the most successful version
(23:53):
of yourself, right, if you're living that feeling, walking as
if you're that person, talking as if you're that person,
and you're going to be attracting so many opportunities and
people and places and things and serendipitous moments that meet
you there when it's in truth versus ego. And so
(24:14):
it's like you can keep trying to out smart yourself
or you can just like surrender your options.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Yes, And when you get into those mindset's this such
roadblocks and obstacles to actually getting what you want, Like
they're just fucking waste of time.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
Waste of time, And you think you want the push right, yeah,
and then you get it and you realize no one
is looking at you in your push, No one gives
a shit about you and your push like they really don't,
and the people that do, like, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I remember when I was in Australia and I was
on billboards and I was like, really good work, and
I just going, as I say, I was like, find
o this river, this is not going to be this
is like there was such a big part of me
that didn't feel that deep sense of fulfillment, and like
that was confronting to a lot of people. I think
they were like, why would you step away when you're
in you know.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
This position?
Speaker 2 (25:16):
And I was like I can't really explain it, but
I just got to go home and I got to
ground my roads, and you like, you've got to follow
those nudges.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
And I think that people see that as successful when
you're not being dictated to by what society is you
should have and you're following your truth, even if that
looks crazy, like like living in this beautiful home and
not wanting it anymore because it's too much and you
don't know it's too much until you're in it, and
(25:47):
going like I want something that is enough, not too much,
Like it's weird for people are not okay and that's
okay because they're not in the same place as you,
and you just have to be like you will be
confronting for people because they are being mirrored what is
actually drinking back to them, And that's not your problem.
(26:11):
You just have to be in your truth.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
So you're going to get a tiny home and like travel.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
To rural New Zealand next to you fighting for your
radio job.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
So I have to see you talk about the importance
of boundaries, particularly over the last couple of years.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Can you talk through that, Like, how does that look
for you? Saying no? As a former people pleaser.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Oh my god, Like I had Terry Cole, who is
like the boundary master come on board and take us
through it. And I think it's just such an interesting thing,
especially raising a little girl to you know, what we're
like as women and how we were raised as children
(26:55):
in the eighties and nineties, is such a impact our
boundaries sexually, with consent, with work, with like signing off
your email's kiss kiss, like like all of the stuff
as a woman and boundaries versus even bringing in you know,
(27:17):
men into the equation and how they do boundaries that
just seems so much more adequate than we are but boundaries.
So I'm writing a book. It's in it's almost at
its final edit, and it's first it's my first deal.
Oh my god, it's so great. Congratulations, thank you. It's
(27:38):
such a wonderful experience. But this, this whole I have
this whole chapter around boundaries because it's almost like, and
I explain it like this, like having a door, bitch
right to your energy and to yourself, and you are
a exquisite like there very elevated club. You know, like
(28:06):
we're talking, you just can't get in. You need like
a membership, you need who's who, like it is like
the Kram Della Cram. And then you've got drunks out
in the middle of the night trying to get into
your club. It's like, no, they're going to come in,
piss on the walls, have punch up, smash all the glasses,
like absolutely not, Like this is a sacred place. Boundaries
(28:30):
are for us. It looks like we're putting a boundary
there for somebody else, but they are for us. And
when we say unfortunately, I'm out of office from three
pm every day, and the emails keep coming and you
get back to them on a Monday and they're like, hey,
you didn't get back to my emails. Yeah, it really
(28:50):
clearly states that I'm out of office from three pm
without an explanation. When a family member wants to come
over and see your newborn baby but they're sick, and
you're like, sorry, we're not having visitors for this week
and next, and i'd really appreciate it if you could
let me know when you're well and then we'll organize
a time that suits us. You know, like all of
(29:13):
these things, it's not people see it as being rude.
It's not being rude. It's allowing people to understand your
standards and what you require in life. People think that
I am very particular neurotic, and some of those things
(29:33):
are true, but I also have exceptional standards for myself
and then for everybody else. If you're in my orbit,
and if you're not, like I don't mind, but if
you're working with me or if we're friends, there is
a quality that I expect and that I will return
in favor. And I think the boundaries help that. And
(29:57):
I'm really willing, like I love other people's boundaries. When
I see something one like set a boundary, I'm like fuck,
that's hot. I'm so sexy for them, Like, I like respect,
you have self respect, so I mean you want more information.
The whole workshop gives you like play by play on
how to set a boundary. But this also will come
(30:17):
up in moments that feel deeply uncomfortable, where you will
people please when you really should set a boundary.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
And so how do you how do you prevent that?
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Like when it is an in this like spur of
the moment kind of thing and someone's there and you're
like not prepared for it, because I guess we're boundaries.
Sometimes people can be ready to reply with an email
or whatever. But if someone comes up and they ask
something in your face and you're like, like.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
The people pleaser might want to come out Like of course, I.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Would say, like, if we're going from full on people
pleasing to boundaries, there's like an evolution. I would ask
for time. I would say like, oh, that's a really
interesting question. Could I get back to you on that,
not in a in five minutes or in a day.
Can I get back to you on that. That's a
really kind way to pause yourself. Then you could reflect
and go like, oh no, I could have said thank
(31:05):
you so much for the opportunity, it just doesn't fit
for me, or unfortunately I can't stay back today I
have some commitments, you know. Or unfortunately my contracts I
end every day five o'clock. I won't be staying back.
But we can negotiate if you wanted to explore something further.
So I think to start with us for time and
(31:28):
then reflect on what you really wanted to say, and
then always lead with kindness. It's like being really firm,
but being really kind.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
And how has life changed since you've been better at
sitting these boundaries?
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Like you just have so much more time you can't
like life is too short to do things you feel
obligated to do unless you're in a contract.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah, you can't really get out of that.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
Look, I'm really in this transitional evolution even with friendships
with family members, Like, really, I'm doing some big stuff
ending some big relationships that have required endings for a
long time that I haven't been able to do out
of obligation. And you don't. No one deserves anything from
(32:17):
you if they're not meeting you. And it feels so good,
It doesn't mean that there are parts of me, like
the shadowy parts of myself that don't miss them, you know,
and the comfort of certain parts of the relationship, but
the commitment to myself is more important than that.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
H I love that.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
So, how would you describe how life feels right now
for you?
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Really exciting? Thursday wasn't so exciting. Today is really exciting.
There is a lot of movement, there's a lot of change,
but I am so willing to evolve and just I
think I've had that weird you know, society impact on
(33:12):
me where I have to keep scaling and growing and scaling,
and now I'm just like, no, no, I'm.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Just going to I'm going to downsize.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
Yes, the quality of what I've got out there is
so high, it's ever green. We don't I don't need
need to do more without that happening really organically.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
If there was a quote that you live by, or
you think there's a quote that is such a good
mantra for one's life, it does one pop to the
top of your head.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
I've got one. We had to we did this for
the book, and I was like, asking you shall receive
and it's actually that quote is actually in the Bible,
and so we had to like reference the Bible and
then they were like, you're definitely setting the wrong tone.
So I removed asking you sha received to whether you
(34:07):
think it's true or not? Hang on, it's oh my god,
where do you think it? What do you think it's
true or not?
Speaker 1 (34:16):
You're right right?
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Yeah, these are similar one like that, like whether you
think you can or not?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
You're right right as well.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Yeah, and I love that because it's the same thing.
There's too many like I love let go or be dragged.
That's one of my favorite things therapist because she's very
My therapist is like a psychologist, but she's definitely spiritually inclined.
We had this real we had an amazing session and
(34:45):
we kind of I guess I said that and she's
kept it forever as a reminder to me. Is like,
you know, you can choose the hard way or the
easy way, it's still going to be the way.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Oh that's good.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Yeah, it's really good.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
For someone who's in a bit of a rut at
the moment, feeling like they're not loving the life and
there's so much more that they want to be achieving,
but they just feel.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Like they're kind of stuck. Do you have any advice
to get out of that? Rut.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
I mean, join the membership, use me to your disposure,
come in. Do you know something really seriously though, within
that community is having people around you to inspire you.
We call them rises, and they're people that show, like,
you know how you were like comparing yourself to the
(35:28):
girl at the radio station, being able to transform her
into if you wanted that you didn't want that, right,
but say that you did. Transforming that envy into someone
that stretches you, that you can talk to, that you're
inspired by, is such an amazing way. And within the community,
(35:51):
you have all these people every day going, oh my god,
I'm stuck. I'm in a rut, and you have someone
else coming up with this helped me? Or did you
try this or this meditation is amazing, or did you
do the Inner Child workshop? And then you've got people
that are there to champion you. You've got people there
that can help you do priming phone calls. Like I
think staying accountable is the biggest thing. It's kind of
(36:13):
like a gym work membership or losing weight or doing
something new. You have to have accountability. And that's why
I created the community is because and I'm talking about
the arise community is because when I was in this
ten years ago and there was no one doing it,
it's so hard to stay committed and to believe. And
(36:33):
even when you've called in everything and you've taken the
aligned action and you've done everything, and you're in the abyss,
which is the time where we wait for the manifestation
to occur, it's hard. Bit I hate the most, and
so having being in a space that's safe and you
can just be like, I am dying here, like my
(36:55):
patience is running out what I do and they're like,
go back to trust, go back to gratitude, do like,
go back to the work. It's such a help helpful
thing because when you're out on your loan like an
Island and you're in the abuse, you're like, it doesn't work.
Fuck this ship. I'm going back to my old job
that I hate. So yeah, I've created the thing I
needed the most, and it's it's very impactful.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
So people can find it just if we want to
do a little fluggy blood plug.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
I think it's I think, oh my gosh, I should notice.
I think it's a rise dot com dot A U
A R, double I S E or on Instagram, it's
A rise A R I double a S E Underscore
Underscore underscore because I fucked up the first did you
charge of? Come on? Guy? Can you do ad? Mean?
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Guys, that's why you act like you're terrible and then
no one asks you to do things.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
I know it's a good, good technician, accomplishent woman.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Okay, so I'm going to rep this podcast up with
some advice that you would give to your younger self.
Let's say Zoe is it early twenties, she's just finding
her way through life. What would be the biggest negative
wisdom that you would in part on younger Zoe.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
It's going to get really really bad and then it's
going to get really really good. So just have faith
when you want to give up, but it gets really good.
Like just trust.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
So beautiful, Zoe, and so nice to reconnect with you today.
I just love because you talk about evolving and how
you love gross and all of that, and I just
feel like every time I see you, you're like an
upgraded version of yourself.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (38:45):
It'd be terrible if I'd like gone backwards, right, You'd
be like, what a disappointment, No.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
But you are, but like you grow, you're just constantly
shifting with putting a challenge is to throw in your way,
and I always look at you as an inspiration and
so thank you so much for coming on the podcast today.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
Thank you beautiful girl, and can't wait to see you
in real life one day.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
That was my chat with Zolly. I really hope you
enjoyed it. Love to know what you got out of
that conversation the most. I think some of my big
takeaways were they're getting up thirty minutes earlier. It sounds
like such a simple one, but even when you put
it like, oh, if you're going to be tired, got
to be thirty minutes earlier.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
You know you have to be.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Strict on sleep. Like sleep at the end of the
day is it runs us like honestly, we have to get.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Strict on it.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
And I'm, for one, am very guilty at staying up.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
Too late watching TV, particularly lately. So that was a
really good reminder for me.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
And also I loved when she was talking about being
the gatekeeper for your energy and being ruthless and really
setting the boundaries of who gets to come into your life, which,
as she said, it sounds you know, can sound quite
ash and rude and brutal, but I mean, if you
want to give the best version of yourself, you have
(40:05):
to get really clear on who you want to bring
into your world. And then finally, I really liked that
story about when she hit that really shitty day and
just letting go when she hits the fan, instead of
trying to fix everything and going into just a biggest
(40:28):
state of overwhelm, actually removing yourself from that situation and
going to the beach, going for a walk, whatever it is,
just getting out of that moment where the world feels
like it's falling in or the sky feels like it's
falling in, and actually stepping back gives.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
You that other perspective.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
So I really like that, not trying to push it
in those situations and just taking a deep breath and
realizing it's actually not the end of the world. But
I would love to know what you got out of
the chat this week, and you can hit me up
on Instagram PJDJ see me a little message. I'd love
to know of any other people you think would be
great to get on for Slow It Down. Thank you
(41:07):
so much for joining me for my first episode. I
really appreciate it and i'll see you next week.
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