August 24, 2025 • 30 mins
The mental load in the modern world can be overwhelming, with more and more getting added to your plate everyday. In this episode, Toni chats with PJ Harding & Nadia Lim about how they manage to juggle their busy lives.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We need to talk conversations on wellness with Coast FM's
Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
This episode is proudly brought to you by My food Bag.
Mental Load, the constant stream of planning, decisions and emotional
labor is something many of us carry every day. My
food Bag makes dinner easier, not just with fresh, pre
portioned ingredients and easy to follow recipes, but by taking
the stress out of the what's for dinner question. Spend
(00:26):
less time thinking, planning and stressing, and more time enjoying
what counts. I've got Nadia Lum, co founder of My
food Bag, and my ended Me colleague PJ harding with
me today. Who I have to say we're doing this.
We're doing this on carrying the mental load. I feel
like we need to talk about the fact that you're
carrying a physical load this morning as well. Can you
just explain what's going.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
On that would be the physical load of my four
month old baby friend who I had I'd planned it
all out, guys, we had it sorted. My mum, who
is the superhero behind the scenes. She was ready to
go for an hour to take little Frankie, and Frankie.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Just doesn't want to borrow it.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
She is now she's actually calmed down, mums to the
side of me. But this is just you know, I
think it's this proves the season that we're in, well,
this is particularly my season.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
We just have to surrender sometimes, right.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So when it comes to the mental load state of things, you, Nadia,
let's start with you, because people know you as obviously
a wonderful cook, You're a farm owner, you're a mum
of three. You've got your finger in a lot of
different pies that must make you feel pretty full up
at times. What are you caring mentally?
Speaker 5 (01:38):
Well, like you're saying, I feel like you don't want
to be sexist, but that woman who definitely carry a
lot more of the mental load. There's just all of that,
all the little things, all the little admin things that
you have to keep going to keep the household going
and you know, keep the kids happy with all their activities.
All the often the household churls seem to fall on
the woman, which doesn't seem very fair. I actually said
(01:59):
to my husband last night, I got I walked through
the door because I was working yesterday and he wasn't.
And when I walked through the door, he was like
doing the dishes, and I said, that's very good. Cho Play,
well done, take no boys.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I love that from you, chol Play. I can't I
can't actually use that with my husband because I feel
like he's quite a unique creature and that he probably,
if I'm honest, does more chores around the house than me.
Now I've got a really full life, but he's really
good when it comes to the washing, won a lot
of Yeah, it doesn't mean that I'm not like completely
(02:38):
psycho with what I'm juggling as well, but that's the
washing is not one of them, is all I'm saying, Oh,
good on them.
Speaker 5 (02:44):
There is just a lot, isn't it. You know, if
you're working as well as you've got the kids and
and all that just standard life admin stuff. I think
a lot of the standard life admin you don't get
credit for. You know, more the professional career stuff that
you get credit for. But yeah, there's just so much
that goes on with your standard life admin and that's
the stuff that people don't get credit for, which is
a bit bollocks.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, what about you, PJ.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Well, it's the constant lists and I think I'm kind
of getting to that point where it's like this is
always going to be here. There's always going to be
a million and one things to do, and it's working
out how to prioritize them. And I'd actually love to
pick Nadia's brain because I feel like you would be
a bit more seasoned when it comes to just being
able to work out what things are actually worth stressing over.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Well.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
My advice now have to having had three kids, is
I'm not sure if you're the same Tony, but just
have quite low expectations and that way you're never too
anxious or stressed about about things when things don't go
according to plan. Have low expectations. Nothing's going to throw
you too much of a curveborn. That's my best advice.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Yeah, No, probably my best advice would be to find
people that are reliable and you can actually trust to
follow through, because I don't feel like there are heaps
of those people in this world unfortunately, and you work
out very quickly who they are. I thought i'd go
through this exercise. I've got my speaking of your to
do list, this is just the cluster of what my
(04:11):
mental load is on any given day. So I'll like
at the top book Mammogram, haven't done that book, Wellington Hotel.
Email Silver Ferns for charity netball game, email Wendy about
seven sharp money for protein bar fundraiser. Reschedule with Galia,
reschedule with Laura, which means I've canceled something with both
(04:32):
of those two people. Called dental nurse for Juliet, get
a blood test, pay four hundred dollars for aims. Like
it just shows you this's just all those yeah, yeah,
and they constantly sit there and every day I look
at them and go, that could be fixed in five minutes,
but I've got something else right now, and then you
forget about it. And then three days later you're like,
(04:52):
I still haven't paid that four hundred dollars for crows.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
And I think you're like, oh, I'll feel content when
I get on top of that. But the reality is
you just card and it kind of has to be
like a moving game in a way, doesn't it.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
And throughout all of that, we have to somehow eat
ourselves and our family least talk about my food back
and why you created it, Nadia in the first place,
because it was to ease the burden on mums like us, right.
Speaker 5 (05:19):
Yeah, it was quite simply trying to answer the what's
for dinner question? And I get more than ever now.
I mean, when we started my food bag twelve years ago,
I didn't I didn't have kids. Back then. My business partner, Cecilia,
she had one baby, so she was kind of just
getting into that stage. But I, you know, I back then,
(05:43):
I kind of had a bit more time to cook
dinner and I didn't have to get dinner on the
table by five to five thirty to feed the kids.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
That.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Yeah, back then, it was, you know, there was this
this real need that people were finding it really hard
to just come up with the answer to what's for
dinner every night of the week. When you have to
do it every night, it gets old. You get over it,
You totally get over it. Yeah, So that's how we
kind of came about to creating it. We were like, well,
(06:12):
if we can help people with this piece of life, admin,
wouldn't that be great? And at the same time, ensuring
that their meals are going to be have lots of
vegetables in them, be you know, the right kind of
portion sizes, have the variety and everything in them. We
can take that or all off for them. So that's
kind of how it came about and now that I've
got three kids, I mean, we use my food bag
(06:34):
a few times a week, even though we grow most
of our own produce because we're on a farm, so
we've got access to all of our own produce. But
even then, I still find it so useful to have
my food bag, even just two to three nights a week,
so that on those really extra busy nights, I've just
I've got that as really good back up. And what's
great with having it is I can our o pair
(06:56):
or car loss can come them. So if I'm not around,
someone can step in because the instructions are.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
There, there's no excuse gets wasted.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
Yeah, it's guaranteed to taste good. The food's not going
to get wasted, and everyone's going to eat it. So yeah,
I love it.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
What are dinner time's like at your house? PJ? At
the moment with a four month.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Old or the four month old, Well, look, I mean
the colorful I think it's I was thinking about this
this morning. I think it's about getting ahead of time
every time, Like and you just know that shite is
going to hit the fan come at four or five
o'clock time, So just being prepared with something and being
able to, yeah, pre empt the chaos. So for me,
(07:40):
like I find preparing meals majority of it earlier in
the day, I had the luxury of that because of
the hours I work usually I mean I'm not back
at work yet, but being able to have most of
it ready to go and then just hate it up
by the time that the crazy the crazy time descends
on us. So but the problem for me is I
feel like I'm in this rut at the moment of
(08:01):
the same three or four meals that I have every week. Yeah,
so now are you talking about Like That's what I
do love about my food bag is you have that
inspiration every week. It's like, oh my god, I've even't
done this in years, or like, oh, that's a cool
take on a recipe because literally I'm spare bowl roast
and a stir fry.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
And then oh maybe a steak. I don't know, like
it's so boring at the moment.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
It feeds the family, but it's just, yeah, I need
a bit of creativity.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Thing and to be told what you're having, yeah, because
you don't. It's just decision fatigue. We've got so many
decisions to make and it's like just someone tell me
what we're having for dinner to night, because I do
not have it in me to make another decision. And
I'm the same, what be creative?
Speaker 5 (08:45):
Like, let alone be creative. You've got so many other
things to think about. You can't like, you actually can't
be creative. You can't think of anything else other than
what's on auto apilot.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
No, And I feel like I'm quite bad at planning ahead.
And I mean, I do my food bag and every
Sunday I'm still surprised. I'm like, oh, that's right, we
do my food bag. Thank goodness, I don't need to
go to the grocery store. It's five o'clock. I wasn't
going to go, and now we have food in the house.
Speaker 5 (09:09):
And I love surprise.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yes, no, I love it because we have surprised people
come into our house all the time. Not randoms, but
you know, my parents will come up and they'll stay
for three four weeks at our house because they're from Tartanaki,
so they can't let they hear at the moment, and
I never know how long they're staying for because they
like to come up and watch the kids' sport or
the kids' theater. Shows, and so they could come up
(09:33):
at any given time. And I coach all these netball
teams and so they will randomly be there unannounced on
any given day and parents. And the good thing is
if I've got my food bag, there's at least ingredients.
Even if I don't even end up making the recipe
that I'm meant to make, they'll be chicken breasts there,
or there'll be some steak, or they'll be do you
(09:53):
know what I mean, or some veggie. So I can
actually put out stuff because this stuff and the fridge
and you never get caught out. That's what I love
about it.
Speaker 5 (10:00):
The great backup.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
You're listening. Do we need a talk with Tony Street?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
I think when you're juggling everything, support, like I said,
like knowing who you can delegate to and the little
things that support you in any given week or important.
Do you do you have people, Nadia, all little things
that make your week manageable for you.
Speaker 5 (10:19):
Well, we have had an opair for the last six months,
which has been a game changer. It's been amazing. So yeah,
she's Marie. Lovely Marie from Jimmy is like my yeah,
my right hand woman, my wing woman. Yes, I couldn't.
I don't know how I could go back to not
having an opair. Now I've been able to do a
lot more with her around, just because she's such a
(10:42):
good backup. Like I still try and you know, do
the drop offs and the pickups and kids sport and everything.
I want to be there for that, but when I can't,
I don't have to stress out and try and you know,
suddenly come up with the last minute plan. Because it
often used to be like that. I'd have to call
around and he was free and just figure out like
(11:02):
a you know, off the cuff plan. But I don't
have to do that anymore, which is great. So and
that is a massive mental load taken taken.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
So they can don't like to do listens. Have you've
got like little trills here in there. Do you find
that they are happy to do that?
Speaker 5 (11:15):
Yeah kind of yeah, yeah, I mean it's mainly around
childcare stuff. So anything to do with the kids, like
having a tidy their their rooms. Yeah, pick ups and
drop offs, helping with some dinner prep. That's where my
food bag comes in so handy. And she's loved it
because she speaks German first and foremost of course, and
that she's found that my food bag recip is really
(11:38):
easy to follow. I mean if she can follow them,
like anyone can follow them, and she feels like English
is getting better because of it, and she just loves
making them. She says, they're so simple and easy to make.
We always the kids always eat eat the meals. We
love them. Yes, it's it's worked out real.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Well, what about you, PJ support system wise.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
Well, it's funny.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
We've been kind of on the hunt because I've got
back to work full time early and we've had so
many friends recommend O Pears and we're like, because we
love quite remotely, we love off Grad twenty minutes out
of Marsterden and we've actually just come across though, an
incredible woman who does like in house nanny, so I
can drop Frankie off the air, Charlie will go to
(12:18):
pre school. Then there's my mum and the Marx. Then
we've got my husband's mom and the Marx. Then we've
got Auntie Karen, good.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Old Auntie Karen, but old Auntie Karen.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
She's a legend, so like it literally takes a village
and I just honestly, you just need help, like you
really do just day in day out. I don't think
we were ever we were ever created to do this
on our own.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
No way, no, no, I totally agree. And do you
know what, And this is going to be depressing for
you to hear PJ. With your kids so young, but
the older they get, like, it's a different stress. Right,
you are and you're attached to them so much and
you know you have to be there. But as they
get older, the logistical side, you have to rely on
people so much. So for us, every single Saturday morning
(13:04):
at the moment, in the middle of winter, all three
of my kids play rugby, right, so that means that
we physically cannot be at all three of the games,
and we don't have the grandparents up here. If it
happens to have Nan and Granted up great, but if
they're not here, then someone has to take one of
the children every single weekend, and usually my poor daughter Juliet,
(13:24):
because she's the eldest. I can just fobber off anywhere.
But thank goodness that I've got these relationships with my
community that I can just say too. There's probably about
ten people that I could say, hey, can you take
Juliette to rugby?
Speaker 5 (13:36):
Today.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Ideally when it's an hour away in Walkworth or something
would be great. I'll take the local game. I'm going
to go to Lockies today.
Speaker 5 (13:45):
Favor when it's just ten minutes to don their own.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
The player scissors rock situation. I keep weekend.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
No, I've got to tell you the story of the
weekend just gone. Actually because on Saturday it was my
youngest Locky seventh birthday. So some for some unknown reason
and I had this discussion with Matt. I was like,
why did you do this? He signed up to coach
not just Lockey's rugby team, but McKenzie's my middle child
and they're on the same day. I was like, how
did you think that was gonna work? He goes, I
(14:13):
just didn't think the games would claish as much as
they had. And he's got a couple of co coaches,
so it's not like there's not someone there. But because
he wants to be at both of them and coaching
both of them, he said, well, I definitely want to
be at Lockees this week, and I said, well, I
want to be at Locke's this week because it says birthday.
I can't not go to his game on his birthday.
And he goes, well, who's gonna coach McKenzie's team. You're
(14:33):
gonna have to do it, And I was like, you
signed up for this, you go coach McKenzie's team. I'm
going to stay with my son on his birthday. So
that was the discussion we were having the barter protis,
and I'll tell you what. In the end, I won.
He stayed for half of Lockey's game, and then he
boosted it from just stopover Well, he went from Tuckpoona
all the way out to Helensville to McKenzie's game, and
(14:55):
actually we got mc grand at Grandad. Jeff went out
and went to McKenzie's game as well. But it's like this,
it's like this grid of trying to make it work,
and then with that comes guilt sometimes, right, guilt that
And I didn't feel too guilty with Juliet because rugby's
probably her least favorite sport. She's a netballer, and I
coach your netball, so I'm like, I'm at all her
(15:15):
netball games. She's okay with that, But you guys must
have moments where you have that guilt.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Yeah, well I had it on the weekend. Actually, I
had to work on the weekend. Well, it was a
charity thing. I was doing an overnight cruise thing and
the Doubtful Sound to help regular Qui harvest, which is
which is great, but it did mean that I missed
out on a whole weekend, on my whole Saturday and
whole Sunday with the kids. And Carlos was meant to
come along with me, but then the kids were going
(15:41):
to have to miss their skiing lessons and it's their
favorite thing in the world. And when suddenly we felt
real guilty and we're like, oh, one of us should stay.
So I went by myself and Carlos stayed back to
take the kids to skiing lessons. Yes, so there's always
kind of something like that going on, but I mean,
at the end of the day, I think it's to me.
I've found that it's, yeah, it's quality time. Like when
(16:04):
I am very busy, you know, I do work full time,
but when I do get hang up with the kids,
like it's making sure that you're really present, you don't
have your phone around, you're not actually checking emails and things,
and that you just go do something fun and that
you're really like really they're listening to them, you know,
looking them in the iron, listening and it's good quality time.
(16:24):
So much of a quantity, I guess yeah, works for
us anyway, the kids. The kids are happy and as
long as they're happy, I'm like, okay, we're doing this
all right?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah? How do you sit with that? PJ? Knowing you're
heading back to work in October?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
I think heading back to work after having a baby
is always it always just feels like this gut wrenching
moment that you're kind of anticipating.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
And I remember with my first.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
With Charlie, just the build up it was so like,
you know, you just you feel.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
Like an abandoning mother, right and.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
You should be there until this age. And there's so
much information online saying, you know, to have a healthy attachment,
you need to do this and this and this, and
so I think you kind of just have to block
out the noise. And I just remember it got easier
and easier the more I was.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
You know, you get in your rhythm.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
But I think it's just that dread and I think,
as you say, focus on quality over corn today and
remember that you are actually contributing to your family.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
This is like, you know, it's for the greater picture.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
I think it's really positive for them to have lots
of other people in their lives. Same it's been really
positive for us. I mean, my kids were I was
I went back with the first one four months or
in bo Tous four months. With River he was about
six six seven months, and then Ali was a little
bit later again, probably about eight nine months. But they're,
you know, just kind of kind of quite young, and
(17:44):
we've always had some kind of help or they've been
in daycare and stuff, but they love it and they're
so dependent. And I swear it's because of from a
young age being able to be flexible and adaptable to
be with both mum and dad but grandparents as well,
and and caregivers and at daycare and they're they're you know,
(18:05):
they're really flexible and adaptable.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
I totally agree with that. I feel like the more
people and adults they can have that they can see
are trustworthy, yep, that love them and care about them
as well. To know that, you know, your mum and
dad aren't the be all and end all. There's going
to be lots of people that influence your life and
lots of people that you can rely on outside of
the family, and I think that adds to their sense
(18:27):
of belonging and you know, and if they were having
an issue with something that they didn't want to talk
to us about, maybe there's someone else that they've had
these experiences with that they might actually open up to.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
Yeah, exactly, Yes, I think it's positive. And then even
as the kids have gotten older, I think it's a
real positive them seeing but like Parlos and I work,
I did to used to feel a bit like oh
should I should I be pulling back and and you know,
being doing more mum mum stuff like being more stay
at home mum. But I actually think it's a positive
(18:58):
them like seeing seeing me work, Yeah, I like it.
I'm like, I want them to see that you don't
get anything in life without having to work for it.
Speaker 4 (19:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
And also something you love and you're passionate about it
as well, totally and also a reminder that and I
think we need this sometimes as parents. And my mum
will often say this to me if I have a
moment where I'm feeling guilty over something. She's like, Tony,
your kids have a bloody great life and you are
present in their life a lot. Like if you've start
to feel like that. You know, look around you. You
(19:28):
know that not every kid gets their mom coaching the
Nipple team or their mum picking them up at three.
So I think we have quite high standards for ourselves
and sometimes so critical.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Just pull it back, break it down. We Yeah, things
are so much better than you realize. But in the
day to day you just I don't know why we're
as critical as we can be, but that constant voice of.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Like, you could be better, yeah, we will we.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
I think of doing this if you have sort of
high standards for yourself as a human and you want
to be good at things. Unfortunately, that does extend to
all areas of your life, right, and I think yeah,
I think particularly via type A personality. It's just that
constant push which leads me to the next question around
slowing down and PJ, you should be able to answer
this because your podcast is literally slow it down.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Now that we need to talk with Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I feel like I'm probably quite guilty of this, particularly
because we're out so many nights a week with sport.
How do you slow down that sort of dinner process
which can be really rushed and really frantic and everyone
has to go through it's a part of raising kids.
That dinner process can be a really stressful time for people.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
So what are your tips, mate, Well, my podcast lockdown
and we created that because I'm a chaotic Copyes.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
Okay, so let me just be clear. But do you
know what I was thinking about it?
Speaker 3 (20:53):
And I think it's such an easy time to get
over stimulated, whether this TV on in the background or whatever.
I think it's like minimizing outside sounds and actually and
again that preparation, getting ahead of that chaotic meltdown period and.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Just actually getting around together.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
Like I think having that special dinner time and making
a bit of a ritual out of it can be
really beautiful. No, it doesn't happen all the time, but
trying to aim for that every now and then, I
think is a really beautiful thing to have because sometimes
that's your really you know, that's your main time with
your kids, that dinner time, and so really savoring it
and looking forward to it and like I guess, appreciating
(21:36):
what you have as well and turning that ritual into
a bit of a gratitude exercise.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Do you get the kids involved in the dinner process? Nuts?
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Sometimes Yeah, if they're around actually, to be completely honest.
So what I do, what our routine is, So come
four thirty, so the boys get home from school about
three point thirty off the school bus and Alo gets
home roughly the same time when I pick him up.
And then I tell them as soon as they get home,
I'm like right outside while the sun's still out, fresh air,
(22:09):
and they need to just run around and burn off
some energy. And then at four point thirty they are
allowed half an hour of screen time. And that's when
I cook dinner.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
It's a good shout.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
I get piece and quiet from four thirty to five
to cook dinner and then and then it's ready from
you know, about quarter past five or so. Carlos walks
through the door about just about then. Yeah, and then
so we have we sit down by five thirty. So
it's it's these little things. We've kind of got our
little routine routine there and it and it makes a
(22:40):
big difference. Yeah, me being able to not have any
distractions and not have any man.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
And they kind of gets as well. I can just
taken press for a bit.
Speaker 5 (22:52):
Yeah, yeah exactly, yeah, yeah exactly. I'm fine with like
a little bit of screen time half an hour they
can they you know, there's Shawn the shit Beef and
the older boys are playing Minecraft now and yeah, but
half an hour from four thirty five and then I
can do the dinner.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
That's balance right there. I'm actually not anti them having
a bit of screen time either. I almost feel like
my three are so busy doing a million different activities
if they can sit and just have a little bit
of stillness. For I know, stillness isn't exactly looking at Minecraft,
but I kind of go. Screens are part of every
day out, everyday world as long as we're monitoring it, right,
(23:28):
That's kind of my theory. I've got a story to
tell you though about dinners, and I don't know if
I should take this as a positive or a negative
from my middle child, who's my sassy one. She's ten.
So we came back from it was netball on Wednesday
last week and I hadn't sort of dinner. I hadn't
even like looked at my mind food bag, and I
was like, I just can't be bothered. Tonight, We're going
(23:50):
to have what I described to her as We're going
to just have a quick dinner tonight.
Speaker 5 (23:54):
Bake beans on toes.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Well, yeah, one hundred percent. That was one of the options.
I said, you can have baked beans or spaghetti on
toes or a toasty and she looked at me with
a side eye, and she goes, can I have a
real warm dinner?
Speaker 3 (24:08):
My middle one.
Speaker 5 (24:08):
Says through when I say we're having baked beans with
a poached egg on toast tonight, He's like, but that's
not real dinner.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yes, yes, no. So I'm like, I reckon, we take
that as a positive because I feel like that means
they've had so many warm, full dinners that they don't
even know what a quick dinner is. I was like,
do you realize Mum used to sometimes just make us
like baking eggs or which is whatever was at home?
Like we had quick dinners all the time.
Speaker 4 (24:31):
There was the ultimate props to your cook.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
A real warm dinner, this poor unfortunate soul in the
middle of winter and mom can't even give her a
cooked meal. I just thought, wow, okay, no, I'll take
it as a positive.
Speaker 5 (24:46):
I had the exact same from my middle one to
your river. Yeah, he's probably the most foody out of
all three of them, but he's like, Mum, this isn't
real dinner. I'm like, yes, it is beans on toast
with a poached egg.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
Is absolutely still hot. Okay, it is still hot.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
And also baked beans and spaghetti on toast are delicious.
Grated cheese on the top, I love it. Hey, guys,
I just want to finish up with a little philosophical question. Now,
what's one responsibility or pressure? It can be big or
it can be small that you have consciously let go of.
You talked about that at the start, Nadia, about how
(25:22):
sometimes you've just got to let things go and how
has that improved your everyday life. So it's a responsibility
or a pressure that you've just gotten that.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
I'm not doing that one sounds so bad.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Just start us off.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
I sound so privileged here. But my mum has temporarily
offered to do the washing for a No. I love
that for the foreseeable future because we're off Gras and
literally like we have a capacity of how much power
we can do and like use and in the winter
it's just a shit show.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
So mum just takes the washing to her house and
she does it.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
No, I'm gonna I'm going to say that is okay,
You've got a four month old baby. It's probably not
okay that I don't do any of the washing because
because my youngest is seven, But that is one thing
that I have I have just let go of. My
husband enjoys doing the washing. That's not to say I
won't help fold and put away, but he takes care
of that and I. For a while there, I was like,
I'm the mom, Why am I doing not doing the washing?
(26:19):
And then I was like, hang on a minute. I
do heaps of a million other things, and I cook
and I did it. Actually, if that's the one thing
that he can take care of, just let him, and
so it's mine too.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
You have to play to your strings, you suggest at
some point, go, I am actually just not as great
at washing.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Yeah, and I'm not.
Speaker 5 (26:37):
I love doing washing. I mean I don't. I don't
do all about at home either, but I actually quite
enjoy it because it's a nice, like monotonous job. What
have I relinquished? Nothing that specific, but I have actually
really totally relinquished looking after the kids at all. Every
month or so, so Carlos and I will often, now
(26:58):
that we've got no pair who like lives at the house,
maybe every six to eight weeks we might go away
for a night. Nice relinquished all child duties with looking
after kids, So yeah, been able to do that quite easily.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
I feel like I don't do that enough with Matt.
We our we don't have a lot of just herm
Andi time. It's always involving friends or the kids or
extended family, and so I applaud that. I think that
is a great idea.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
It's really important. That's been our big lesson, like turning.
We're both to forty this year, but our last year
was it came to almost like a screeching halt because
things were just got so intense and full on, and
we realized that we didn't we weren't spending time with
each other. And we've been together for twenty years, so
I think we kind of took each other for granted
we'll always be there, but yeah, it did become a
(27:49):
parent that we needed to work on not just ourselves,
but on our relationship between the two of us. And
it's yeah, it's been. It's been awesome, like just it's
almost like getting to know someone again.
Speaker 4 (27:59):
I don't think we've had a date night, Charlie, Like, oh,
you guys.
Speaker 5 (28:05):
Date nights, so central I know I'm useless too. That's
the top of the priority. Listen.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
I know we've literally got vouchairs to one of Marsden's
fine establishment.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
You need to check the expiry because it'll expire before
you get round to it.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Well, we use one of them on like a family brand,
and see we've got one more. This is our chance
to go out and it's like got a movie theater there,
it's just waiting for us. And I don't know why
you just push it down because you like now everything
else sort of seems to be more important.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
But at the end of the day we.
Speaker 5 (28:36):
Fall into that is a trip that you fall into
it until it gets to the point where everything's about
to crack. And I remember saying to Carlos when we
got to this point, I was like, this is ridiculous,
like the fact that everything relies on the strength of us,
like that, our kids, our family, our staff, our work,
our businesses, everything relies on the strength of us, and
(28:58):
if we don't put the effort into us, then everything
will end up crumbling around us.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
I think that's a wonderful place to finish this podcast.
I really do. I reckon leaving with that advice of
you know, you're only as strong as the relationship that's
kind of holding everything together. And if if you can
put sort of time and effort into that and then
use all these little support systems, whether it's an no pair,
whether it's Mum doing the laundry, whether it's Karen, my auntie,
(29:24):
Karen she's going to be next month, whether it's my
food bag delivering you the meals. Whatever you can do
to make that burden easier so that you can prioritize
the thing that keeps everyone together. I think that's great
advice and I think that's a great place for us
to finish today.
Speaker 5 (29:41):
Great chatting to you, bo lovely us see you.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
I'm just going to go book a date night.
Speaker 5 (29:47):
Book a date night.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
Do it now, guys, it's handling the going to use.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
We need to talk with fans Tony Street. If you
enjoyed the podcast, click to share with family or friends.
To get in touch, email, we need to talk at
cost online, dot co, dot INZD
We need to talk conversations on wellness with Coast FM's
Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
This episode is proudly brought to you by My food Bag.
Mental Load, the constant stream of planning, decisions and emotional
labor is something many of us carry every day. My
food Bag makes dinner easier, not just with fresh, pre
portioned ingredients and easy to follow recipes, but by taking
the stress out of the what's for dinner question. Spend
(00:26):
less time thinking, planning and stressing, and more time enjoying
what counts. I've got Nadia Lum, co founder of My
food Bag, and my ended Me colleague PJ harding with
me today. Who I have to say we're doing this.
We're doing this on carrying the mental load. I feel
like we need to talk about the fact that you're
carrying a physical load this morning as well. Can you
just explain what's going.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
On that would be the physical load of my four
month old baby friend who I had I'd planned it
all out, guys, we had it sorted. My mum, who
is the superhero behind the scenes. She was ready to
go for an hour to take little Frankie, and Frankie.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Just doesn't want to borrow it.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
She is now she's actually calmed down, mums to the
side of me. But this is just you know, I
think it's this proves the season that we're in, well,
this is particularly my season.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
We just have to surrender sometimes, right.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So when it comes to the mental load state of things, you, Nadia,
let's start with you, because people know you as obviously
a wonderful cook, You're a farm owner, you're a mum
of three. You've got your finger in a lot of
different pies that must make you feel pretty full up
at times. What are you caring mentally?
Speaker 5 (01:38):
Well, like you're saying, I feel like you don't want
to be sexist, but that woman who definitely carry a
lot more of the mental load. There's just all of that,
all the little things, all the little admin things that
you have to keep going to keep the household going
and you know, keep the kids happy with all their activities.
All the often the household churls seem to fall on
the woman, which doesn't seem very fair. I actually said
(01:59):
to my husband last night, I got I walked through
the door because I was working yesterday and he wasn't.
And when I walked through the door, he was like
doing the dishes, and I said, that's very good. Cho Play,
well done, take no boys.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I love that from you, chol Play. I can't I
can't actually use that with my husband because I feel
like he's quite a unique creature and that he probably,
if I'm honest, does more chores around the house than me.
Now I've got a really full life, but he's really
good when it comes to the washing, won a lot
of Yeah, it doesn't mean that I'm not like completely
(02:38):
psycho with what I'm juggling as well, but that's the
washing is not one of them, is all I'm saying, Oh,
good on them.
Speaker 5 (02:44):
There is just a lot, isn't it. You know, if
you're working as well as you've got the kids and
and all that just standard life admin stuff. I think
a lot of the standard life admin you don't get
credit for. You know, more the professional career stuff that
you get credit for. But yeah, there's just so much
that goes on with your standard life admin and that's
the stuff that people don't get credit for, which is
a bit bollocks.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, what about you, PJ.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Well, it's the constant lists and I think I'm kind
of getting to that point where it's like this is
always going to be here. There's always going to be
a million and one things to do, and it's working
out how to prioritize them. And I'd actually love to
pick Nadia's brain because I feel like you would be
a bit more seasoned when it comes to just being
able to work out what things are actually worth stressing over.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Well.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
My advice now have to having had three kids, is
I'm not sure if you're the same Tony, but just
have quite low expectations and that way you're never too
anxious or stressed about about things when things don't go
according to plan. Have low expectations. Nothing's going to throw
you too much of a curveborn. That's my best advice.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Yeah, No, probably my best advice would be to find
people that are reliable and you can actually trust to
follow through, because I don't feel like there are heaps
of those people in this world unfortunately, and you work
out very quickly who they are. I thought i'd go
through this exercise. I've got my speaking of your to
do list, this is just the cluster of what my
(04:11):
mental load is on any given day. So I'll like
at the top book Mammogram, haven't done that book, Wellington Hotel.
Email Silver Ferns for charity netball game, email Wendy about
seven sharp money for protein bar fundraiser. Reschedule with Galia,
reschedule with Laura, which means I've canceled something with both
(04:32):
of those two people. Called dental nurse for Juliet, get
a blood test, pay four hundred dollars for aims. Like
it just shows you this's just all those yeah, yeah,
and they constantly sit there and every day I look
at them and go, that could be fixed in five minutes,
but I've got something else right now, and then you
forget about it. And then three days later you're like,
(04:52):
I still haven't paid that four hundred dollars for crows.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
And I think you're like, oh, I'll feel content when
I get on top of that. But the reality is
you just card and it kind of has to be
like a moving game in a way, doesn't it.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
And throughout all of that, we have to somehow eat
ourselves and our family least talk about my food back
and why you created it, Nadia in the first place,
because it was to ease the burden on mums like us, right.
Speaker 5 (05:19):
Yeah, it was quite simply trying to answer the what's
for dinner question? And I get more than ever now.
I mean, when we started my food bag twelve years ago,
I didn't I didn't have kids. Back then. My business partner, Cecilia,
she had one baby, so she was kind of just
getting into that stage. But I, you know, I back then,
(05:43):
I kind of had a bit more time to cook
dinner and I didn't have to get dinner on the
table by five to five thirty to feed the kids.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
That.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Yeah, back then, it was, you know, there was this
this real need that people were finding it really hard
to just come up with the answer to what's for
dinner every night of the week. When you have to
do it every night, it gets old. You get over it,
You totally get over it. Yeah, So that's how we
kind of came about to creating it. We were like, well,
(06:12):
if we can help people with this piece of life, admin,
wouldn't that be great? And at the same time, ensuring
that their meals are going to be have lots of
vegetables in them, be you know, the right kind of
portion sizes, have the variety and everything in them. We
can take that or all off for them. So that's
kind of how it came about and now that I've
got three kids, I mean, we use my food bag
(06:34):
a few times a week, even though we grow most
of our own produce because we're on a farm, so
we've got access to all of our own produce. But
even then, I still find it so useful to have
my food bag, even just two to three nights a week,
so that on those really extra busy nights, I've just
I've got that as really good back up. And what's
great with having it is I can our o pair
(06:56):
or car loss can come them. So if I'm not around,
someone can step in because the instructions are.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
There, there's no excuse gets wasted.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
Yeah, it's guaranteed to taste good. The food's not going
to get wasted, and everyone's going to eat it. So yeah,
I love it.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
What are dinner time's like at your house? PJ? At
the moment with a four month.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Old or the four month old, Well, look, I mean
the colorful I think it's I was thinking about this
this morning. I think it's about getting ahead of time
every time, Like and you just know that shite is
going to hit the fan come at four or five
o'clock time, So just being prepared with something and being
able to, yeah, pre empt the chaos. So for me,
(07:40):
like I find preparing meals majority of it earlier in
the day, I had the luxury of that because of
the hours I work usually I mean I'm not back
at work yet, but being able to have most of
it ready to go and then just hate it up
by the time that the crazy the crazy time descends
on us. So but the problem for me is I
feel like I'm in this rut at the moment of
(08:01):
the same three or four meals that I have every week. Yeah,
so now are you talking about Like That's what I
do love about my food bag is you have that
inspiration every week. It's like, oh my god, I've even't
done this in years, or like, oh, that's a cool
take on a recipe because literally I'm spare bowl roast
and a stir fry.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
And then oh maybe a steak. I don't know, like
it's so boring at the moment.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
It feeds the family, but it's just, yeah, I need
a bit of creativity.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Thing and to be told what you're having, yeah, because
you don't. It's just decision fatigue. We've got so many
decisions to make and it's like just someone tell me
what we're having for dinner to night, because I do
not have it in me to make another decision. And
I'm the same, what be creative?
Speaker 5 (08:45):
Like, let alone be creative. You've got so many other
things to think about. You can't like, you actually can't
be creative. You can't think of anything else other than
what's on auto apilot.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
No, And I feel like I'm quite bad at planning ahead.
And I mean, I do my food bag and every
Sunday I'm still surprised. I'm like, oh, that's right, we
do my food bag. Thank goodness, I don't need to
go to the grocery store. It's five o'clock. I wasn't
going to go, and now we have food in the house.
Speaker 5 (09:09):
And I love surprise.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yes, no, I love it because we have surprised people
come into our house all the time. Not randoms, but
you know, my parents will come up and they'll stay
for three four weeks at our house because they're from Tartanaki,
so they can't let they hear at the moment, and
I never know how long they're staying for because they
like to come up and watch the kids' sport or
the kids' theater. Shows, and so they could come up
(09:33):
at any given time. And I coach all these netball
teams and so they will randomly be there unannounced on
any given day and parents. And the good thing is
if I've got my food bag, there's at least ingredients.
Even if I don't even end up making the recipe
that I'm meant to make, they'll be chicken breasts there,
or there'll be some steak, or they'll be do you
(09:53):
know what I mean, or some veggie. So I can
actually put out stuff because this stuff and the fridge
and you never get caught out. That's what I love
about it.
Speaker 5 (10:00):
The great backup.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
You're listening. Do we need a talk with Tony Street?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
I think when you're juggling everything, support, like I said,
like knowing who you can delegate to and the little
things that support you in any given week or important.
Do you do you have people, Nadia, all little things
that make your week manageable for you.
Speaker 5 (10:19):
Well, we have had an opair for the last six months,
which has been a game changer. It's been amazing. So yeah,
she's Marie. Lovely Marie from Jimmy is like my yeah,
my right hand woman, my wing woman. Yes, I couldn't.
I don't know how I could go back to not
having an opair. Now I've been able to do a
lot more with her around, just because she's such a
(10:42):
good backup. Like I still try and you know, do
the drop offs and the pickups and kids sport and everything.
I want to be there for that, but when I can't,
I don't have to stress out and try and you know,
suddenly come up with the last minute plan. Because it
often used to be like that. I'd have to call
around and he was free and just figure out like
(11:02):
a you know, off the cuff plan. But I don't
have to do that anymore, which is great. So and
that is a massive mental load taken taken.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
So they can don't like to do listens. Have you've
got like little trills here in there. Do you find
that they are happy to do that?
Speaker 5 (11:15):
Yeah kind of yeah, yeah, I mean it's mainly around
childcare stuff. So anything to do with the kids, like
having a tidy their their rooms. Yeah, pick ups and
drop offs, helping with some dinner prep. That's where my
food bag comes in so handy. And she's loved it
because she speaks German first and foremost of course, and
that she's found that my food bag recip is really
(11:38):
easy to follow. I mean if she can follow them,
like anyone can follow them, and she feels like English
is getting better because of it, and she just loves
making them. She says, they're so simple and easy to make.
We always the kids always eat eat the meals. We
love them. Yes, it's it's worked out real.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Well, what about you, PJ support system wise.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
Well, it's funny.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
We've been kind of on the hunt because I've got
back to work full time early and we've had so
many friends recommend O Pears and we're like, because we
love quite remotely, we love off Grad twenty minutes out
of Marsterden and we've actually just come across though, an
incredible woman who does like in house nanny, so I
can drop Frankie off the air, Charlie will go to
(12:18):
pre school. Then there's my mum and the Marx. Then
we've got my husband's mom and the Marx. Then we've
got Auntie Karen, good.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Old Auntie Karen, but old Auntie Karen.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
She's a legend, so like it literally takes a village
and I just honestly, you just need help, like you
really do just day in day out. I don't think
we were ever we were ever created to do this
on our own.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
No way, no, no, I totally agree. And do you
know what, And this is going to be depressing for
you to hear PJ. With your kids so young, but
the older they get, like, it's a different stress. Right,
you are and you're attached to them so much and
you know you have to be there. But as they
get older, the logistical side, you have to rely on
people so much. So for us, every single Saturday morning
(13:04):
at the moment, in the middle of winter, all three
of my kids play rugby, right, so that means that
we physically cannot be at all three of the games,
and we don't have the grandparents up here. If it
happens to have Nan and Granted up great, but if
they're not here, then someone has to take one of
the children every single weekend, and usually my poor daughter Juliet,
(13:24):
because she's the eldest. I can just fobber off anywhere.
But thank goodness that I've got these relationships with my
community that I can just say too. There's probably about
ten people that I could say, hey, can you take
Juliette to rugby?
Speaker 5 (13:36):
Today.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Ideally when it's an hour away in Walkworth or something
would be great. I'll take the local game. I'm going
to go to Lockies today.
Speaker 5 (13:45):
Favor when it's just ten minutes to don their own.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
The player scissors rock situation. I keep weekend.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
No, I've got to tell you the story of the
weekend just gone. Actually because on Saturday it was my
youngest Locky seventh birthday. So some for some unknown reason
and I had this discussion with Matt. I was like,
why did you do this? He signed up to coach
not just Lockey's rugby team, but McKenzie's my middle child
and they're on the same day. I was like, how
did you think that was gonna work? He goes, I
(14:13):
just didn't think the games would claish as much as
they had. And he's got a couple of co coaches,
so it's not like there's not someone there. But because
he wants to be at both of them and coaching
both of them, he said, well, I definitely want to
be at Lockees this week, and I said, well, I
want to be at Locke's this week because it says birthday.
I can't not go to his game on his birthday.
And he goes, well, who's gonna coach McKenzie's team. You're
(14:33):
gonna have to do it, And I was like, you
signed up for this, you go coach McKenzie's team. I'm
going to stay with my son on his birthday. So
that was the discussion we were having the barter protis,
and I'll tell you what. In the end, I won.
He stayed for half of Lockey's game, and then he
boosted it from just stopover Well, he went from Tuckpoona
all the way out to Helensville to McKenzie's game, and
(14:55):
actually we got mc grand at Grandad. Jeff went out
and went to McKenzie's game as well. But it's like this,
it's like this grid of trying to make it work,
and then with that comes guilt sometimes, right, guilt that
And I didn't feel too guilty with Juliet because rugby's
probably her least favorite sport. She's a netballer, and I
coach your netball, so I'm like, I'm at all her
(15:15):
netball games. She's okay with that, But you guys must
have moments where you have that guilt.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Yeah, well I had it on the weekend. Actually, I
had to work on the weekend. Well, it was a
charity thing. I was doing an overnight cruise thing and
the Doubtful Sound to help regular Qui harvest, which is
which is great, but it did mean that I missed
out on a whole weekend, on my whole Saturday and
whole Sunday with the kids. And Carlos was meant to
come along with me, but then the kids were going
(15:41):
to have to miss their skiing lessons and it's their
favorite thing in the world. And when suddenly we felt
real guilty and we're like, oh, one of us should stay.
So I went by myself and Carlos stayed back to
take the kids to skiing lessons. Yes, so there's always
kind of something like that going on, but I mean,
at the end of the day, I think it's to me.
I've found that it's, yeah, it's quality time. Like when
(16:04):
I am very busy, you know, I do work full time,
but when I do get hang up with the kids,
like it's making sure that you're really present, you don't
have your phone around, you're not actually checking emails and things,
and that you just go do something fun and that
you're really like really they're listening to them, you know,
looking them in the iron, listening and it's good quality time.
(16:24):
So much of a quantity, I guess yeah, works for
us anyway, the kids. The kids are happy and as
long as they're happy, I'm like, okay, we're doing this
all right?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah? How do you sit with that? PJ? Knowing you're
heading back to work in October?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
I think heading back to work after having a baby
is always it always just feels like this gut wrenching
moment that you're kind of anticipating.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
And I remember with my first.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
With Charlie, just the build up it was so like,
you know, you just you feel.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
Like an abandoning mother, right and.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
You should be there until this age. And there's so
much information online saying, you know, to have a healthy attachment,
you need to do this and this and this, and
so I think you kind of just have to block
out the noise. And I just remember it got easier
and easier the more I was.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
You know, you get in your rhythm.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
But I think it's just that dread and I think,
as you say, focus on quality over corn today and
remember that you are actually contributing to your family.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
This is like, you know, it's for the greater picture.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
I think it's really positive for them to have lots
of other people in their lives. Same it's been really
positive for us. I mean, my kids were I was
I went back with the first one four months or
in bo Tous four months. With River he was about
six six seven months, and then Ali was a little
bit later again, probably about eight nine months. But they're,
you know, just kind of kind of quite young, and
(17:44):
we've always had some kind of help or they've been
in daycare and stuff, but they love it and they're
so dependent. And I swear it's because of from a
young age being able to be flexible and adaptable to
be with both mum and dad but grandparents as well,
and and caregivers and at daycare and they're they're you know,
(18:05):
they're really flexible and adaptable.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
I totally agree with that. I feel like the more
people and adults they can have that they can see
are trustworthy, yep, that love them and care about them
as well. To know that, you know, your mum and
dad aren't the be all and end all. There's going
to be lots of people that influence your life and
lots of people that you can rely on outside of
the family, and I think that adds to their sense
(18:27):
of belonging and you know, and if they were having
an issue with something that they didn't want to talk
to us about, maybe there's someone else that they've had
these experiences with that they might actually open up to.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
Yeah, exactly, Yes, I think it's positive. And then even
as the kids have gotten older, I think it's a
real positive them seeing but like Parlos and I work,
I did to used to feel a bit like oh
should I should I be pulling back and and you know,
being doing more mum mum stuff like being more stay
at home mum. But I actually think it's a positive
(18:58):
them like seeing seeing me work, Yeah, I like it.
I'm like, I want them to see that you don't
get anything in life without having to work for it.
Speaker 4 (19:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
And also something you love and you're passionate about it
as well, totally and also a reminder that and I
think we need this sometimes as parents. And my mum
will often say this to me if I have a
moment where I'm feeling guilty over something. She's like, Tony,
your kids have a bloody great life and you are
present in their life a lot. Like if you've start
to feel like that. You know, look around you. You
(19:28):
know that not every kid gets their mom coaching the
Nipple team or their mum picking them up at three.
So I think we have quite high standards for ourselves
and sometimes so critical.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Just pull it back, break it down. We Yeah, things
are so much better than you realize. But in the
day to day you just I don't know why we're
as critical as we can be, but that constant voice of.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Like, you could be better, yeah, we will we.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
I think of doing this if you have sort of
high standards for yourself as a human and you want
to be good at things. Unfortunately, that does extend to
all areas of your life, right, and I think yeah,
I think particularly via type A personality. It's just that
constant push which leads me to the next question around
slowing down and PJ, you should be able to answer
this because your podcast is literally slow it down.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Now that we need to talk with Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I feel like I'm probably quite guilty of this, particularly
because we're out so many nights a week with sport.
How do you slow down that sort of dinner process
which can be really rushed and really frantic and everyone
has to go through it's a part of raising kids.
That dinner process can be a really stressful time for people.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
So what are your tips, mate, Well, my podcast lockdown
and we created that because I'm a chaotic Copyes.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
Okay, so let me just be clear. But do you
know what I was thinking about it?
Speaker 3 (20:53):
And I think it's such an easy time to get
over stimulated, whether this TV on in the background or whatever.
I think it's like minimizing outside sounds and actually and
again that preparation, getting ahead of that chaotic meltdown period and.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Just actually getting around together.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
Like I think having that special dinner time and making
a bit of a ritual out of it can be
really beautiful. No, it doesn't happen all the time, but
trying to aim for that every now and then, I
think is a really beautiful thing to have because sometimes
that's your really you know, that's your main time with
your kids, that dinner time, and so really savoring it
and looking forward to it and like I guess, appreciating
(21:36):
what you have as well and turning that ritual into
a bit of a gratitude exercise.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Do you get the kids involved in the dinner process? Nuts?
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Sometimes Yeah, if they're around actually, to be completely honest.
So what I do, what our routine is, So come
four thirty, so the boys get home from school about
three point thirty off the school bus and Alo gets
home roughly the same time when I pick him up.
And then I tell them as soon as they get home,
I'm like right outside while the sun's still out, fresh air,
(22:09):
and they need to just run around and burn off
some energy. And then at four point thirty they are
allowed half an hour of screen time. And that's when
I cook dinner.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
It's a good shout.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
I get piece and quiet from four thirty to five
to cook dinner and then and then it's ready from
you know, about quarter past five or so. Carlos walks
through the door about just about then. Yeah, and then
so we have we sit down by five thirty. So
it's it's these little things. We've kind of got our
little routine routine there and it and it makes a
(22:40):
big difference. Yeah, me being able to not have any
distractions and not have any man.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
And they kind of gets as well. I can just
taken press for a bit.
Speaker 5 (22:52):
Yeah, yeah exactly, yeah, yeah exactly. I'm fine with like
a little bit of screen time half an hour they
can they you know, there's Shawn the shit Beef and
the older boys are playing Minecraft now and yeah, but
half an hour from four thirty five and then I
can do the dinner.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
That's balance right there. I'm actually not anti them having
a bit of screen time either. I almost feel like
my three are so busy doing a million different activities
if they can sit and just have a little bit
of stillness. For I know, stillness isn't exactly looking at Minecraft,
but I kind of go. Screens are part of every
day out, everyday world as long as we're monitoring it, right,
(23:28):
That's kind of my theory. I've got a story to
tell you though about dinners, and I don't know if
I should take this as a positive or a negative
from my middle child, who's my sassy one. She's ten.
So we came back from it was netball on Wednesday
last week and I hadn't sort of dinner. I hadn't
even like looked at my mind food bag, and I
was like, I just can't be bothered. Tonight, We're going
(23:50):
to have what I described to her as We're going
to just have a quick dinner tonight.
Speaker 5 (23:54):
Bake beans on toes.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Well, yeah, one hundred percent. That was one of the options.
I said, you can have baked beans or spaghetti on
toes or a toasty and she looked at me with
a side eye, and she goes, can I have a
real warm dinner?
Speaker 3 (24:08):
My middle one.
Speaker 5 (24:08):
Says through when I say we're having baked beans with
a poached egg on toast tonight, He's like, but that's
not real dinner.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yes, yes, no. So I'm like, I reckon, we take
that as a positive because I feel like that means
they've had so many warm, full dinners that they don't
even know what a quick dinner is. I was like,
do you realize Mum used to sometimes just make us
like baking eggs or which is whatever was at home?
Like we had quick dinners all the time.
Speaker 4 (24:31):
There was the ultimate props to your cook.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
A real warm dinner, this poor unfortunate soul in the
middle of winter and mom can't even give her a
cooked meal. I just thought, wow, okay, no, I'll take
it as a positive.
Speaker 5 (24:46):
I had the exact same from my middle one to
your river. Yeah, he's probably the most foody out of
all three of them, but he's like, Mum, this isn't
real dinner. I'm like, yes, it is beans on toast
with a poached egg.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
Is absolutely still hot. Okay, it is still hot.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
And also baked beans and spaghetti on toast are delicious.
Grated cheese on the top, I love it. Hey, guys,
I just want to finish up with a little philosophical question. Now,
what's one responsibility or pressure? It can be big or
it can be small that you have consciously let go of.
You talked about that at the start, Nadia, about how
(25:22):
sometimes you've just got to let things go and how
has that improved your everyday life. So it's a responsibility
or a pressure that you've just gotten that.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
I'm not doing that one sounds so bad.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Just start us off.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
I sound so privileged here. But my mum has temporarily
offered to do the washing for a No. I love
that for the foreseeable future because we're off Gras and
literally like we have a capacity of how much power
we can do and like use and in the winter
it's just a shit show.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
So mum just takes the washing to her house and
she does it.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
No, I'm gonna I'm going to say that is okay,
You've got a four month old baby. It's probably not
okay that I don't do any of the washing because
because my youngest is seven, But that is one thing
that I have I have just let go of. My
husband enjoys doing the washing. That's not to say I
won't help fold and put away, but he takes care
of that and I. For a while there, I was like,
I'm the mom, Why am I doing not doing the washing?
(26:19):
And then I was like, hang on a minute. I
do heaps of a million other things, and I cook
and I did it. Actually, if that's the one thing
that he can take care of, just let him, and
so it's mine too.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
You have to play to your strings, you suggest at
some point, go, I am actually just not as great
at washing.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Yeah, and I'm not.
Speaker 5 (26:37):
I love doing washing. I mean I don't. I don't
do all about at home either, but I actually quite
enjoy it because it's a nice, like monotonous job. What
have I relinquished? Nothing that specific, but I have actually
really totally relinquished looking after the kids at all. Every
month or so, so Carlos and I will often, now
(26:58):
that we've got no pair who like lives at the house,
maybe every six to eight weeks we might go away
for a night. Nice relinquished all child duties with looking
after kids, So yeah, been able to do that quite easily.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
I feel like I don't do that enough with Matt.
We our we don't have a lot of just herm
Andi time. It's always involving friends or the kids or
extended family, and so I applaud that. I think that
is a great idea.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
It's really important. That's been our big lesson, like turning.
We're both to forty this year, but our last year
was it came to almost like a screeching halt because
things were just got so intense and full on, and
we realized that we didn't we weren't spending time with
each other. And we've been together for twenty years, so
I think we kind of took each other for granted
we'll always be there, but yeah, it did become a
(27:49):
parent that we needed to work on not just ourselves,
but on our relationship between the two of us. And
it's yeah, it's been. It's been awesome, like just it's
almost like getting to know someone again.
Speaker 4 (27:59):
I don't think we've had a date night, Charlie, Like, oh,
you guys.
Speaker 5 (28:05):
Date nights, so central I know I'm useless too. That's
the top of the priority. Listen.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
I know we've literally got vouchairs to one of Marsden's
fine establishment.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
You need to check the expiry because it'll expire before
you get round to it.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Well, we use one of them on like a family brand,
and see we've got one more. This is our chance
to go out and it's like got a movie theater there,
it's just waiting for us. And I don't know why
you just push it down because you like now everything
else sort of seems to be more important.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
But at the end of the day we.
Speaker 5 (28:36):
Fall into that is a trip that you fall into
it until it gets to the point where everything's about
to crack. And I remember saying to Carlos when we
got to this point, I was like, this is ridiculous,
like the fact that everything relies on the strength of us,
like that, our kids, our family, our staff, our work,
our businesses, everything relies on the strength of us, and
(28:58):
if we don't put the effort into us, then everything
will end up crumbling around us.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
I think that's a wonderful place to finish this podcast.
I really do. I reckon leaving with that advice of
you know, you're only as strong as the relationship that's
kind of holding everything together. And if if you can
put sort of time and effort into that and then
use all these little support systems, whether it's an no pair,
whether it's Mum doing the laundry, whether it's Karen, my auntie,
(29:24):
Karen she's going to be next month, whether it's my
food bag delivering you the meals. Whatever you can do
to make that burden easier so that you can prioritize
the thing that keeps everyone together. I think that's great
advice and I think that's a great place for us
to finish today.
Speaker 5 (29:41):
Great chatting to you, bo lovely us see you.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
I'm just going to go book a date night.
Speaker 5 (29:47):
Book a date night.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
Do it now, guys, it's handling the going to use.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
We need to talk with fans Tony Street. If you
enjoyed the podcast, click to share with family or friends.
To get in touch, email, we need to talk at
cost online, dot co, dot INZD
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