Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We need to talk conversations on wellness with ghost FMS
Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hello, welcome to We need to talk and it is great
to have you with us. In a child counseling is
a type of therapy that is growing in popularity worldwide.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
A few weeks back, we talked to Kara.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Lennin about how transformative it can be to help couples
reach their fertility goals. But it's been used for so
much more than just that. It involves identifying unresolved childhood experiences,
recognizing patterns and reparenting, releasing shame and guilt, and building
compassion for yourself. Teresa Root is an intuitive trauma informed
(00:37):
life coach who helps with all of those things. Teresa,
it's lovely to have you with us. Can you just
explain what an intuitive trauma informed life coach actually does
and who you work with?
Speaker 4 (00:47):
Yeah? Yeah, so absolutely So. Basically, the intuitive piece in
my name is led by So I'm a very old soul,
so I get channeled through my work, and that's particularly
like I've had the choice, obviously to go down the
counseling route, but I specifically chose not to because I
can't with the gifts that I have, I can't be
(01:10):
put in a box because it's coming through me. And
so that's the intuitive piece in my name, And the
trauma informed aspect is I grew up in a lot
of childhood trauma. I went through domestic violence, addiction, sexual
abuse is in my childhood and so I kind of
learned through my journey and in my healing journey to
(01:33):
really understand the importance of safety. And so the trauma
informed piece of what I do is very much about
understanding and a deep knowing of what our bodies need
and the importance of safety. And then the life coach
piece is obviously because we want to heal, but then
we want to actually create what we want in this life.
So that's kind of the whole embodied piece there.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Can I just break that down a little bit further. Yeah,
when you say gifts, what do you mean by that?
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Yeah, So basically I am a seer. So as a child,
I could see very deeply into people, far deeper than
they could see themselves, and just notice in your nervous system,
anybody who's listening, how you feel as I say that.
So it's a gift that I had since I was
a child, and Obviously, growing up in the environments that
(02:22):
I did, that was not very welcomed. And so I
learned kind of in my teenage years. Looking back now,
I would go to parties and I would find just
like one person and then I would somehow take them
outside and tell them these things that they didn't know
about themselves. And so obviously that did not go down
well at that age. And so what I learned to
(02:44):
do was to really channel my gifts and learn who
is ready to receive them in this lifetime. And so
the people that are it's a fantastic gift, but it
was really about tuning to it and knowing how to
use it in a right way. Clariss and and clairvoyant
and I really see into people, which really helps them
(03:05):
see themselves and mirrors that back to them. But obviously
it took me a very long time to figure out
how to channel that in a good way.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
So this intuitive ability you have, do you think that
started as a result of your traumatic childhood or do
you think you had that prior.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
I believe that what I went through in this lifetime
was actually part of a much bigger mission. So I
have been through lifetimes of trauma and this one in particular,
was really about It was all about shame, to be honest,
it was all that was The lesson that I was
here to learn in this lifetime was around shame, because
had a lot of shaming as a child, and so
(03:45):
I believe that it's in my soul, it's in my being,
but in this lifetime I'm ready to express that. If
that may make sense.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Can you explain, however much you're willing to share what
your childhood was like and how you managed to get
yourself out of that.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
Yeah, I kind of say, you know, basically, when I'm
talking about my childhood, I pretty much went through pretty
much most of the things that a child shouldn't have
to go through. So, yeah, as I mentioned, I grew
up in domestic violence, in the household drug addiction with
my parents, you know, just really scary, toxic kind of environment.
(04:25):
And I was also sexually abused by my stepfather. And
so I was seven years old, sitting at a dinner
table in front of him, and I told my mum
what he did right in front of him. And I
don't know where that courage came from I was seven,
but I know that I was being so divinely guided
(04:45):
because I knew from such a young age that we
must speak up. Unfortunately, speaking up about it back then
caused me further harm, but I was able to really
heal through that and I started healing again. I'm a
very old so my whole life pretty much has been
dedicated to healing because it's what I'm here to do,
and so I started healing very very young. I internalized
(05:08):
a lot of the trauma that I went through and
thought that I was the problem. And I can see
the gifting in that, because if I was the problem,
I was also the solution. And so that empowered me
to really start to heal from a very young age
and really peel back the layers and really alchemize that
shame you know, that was put upon me. Because trauma happens.
(05:31):
You know, we all have we're all in our being,
and some people have heavy rocks in their soul and
they will pass that on to you. So when trauma
happens is actually an exchange of energy. And then what
happens is you carry that imprint and until you clear it,
it's going to sit with you and it's going to
show up. To be honest, every area of your life.
(05:53):
So I knew from a very young age that shame
would not sit in my body. And I've gone on
an incredible mission to release that. And that was really
my calling basically, was to really you know, and I
tried all different healing modalities, all the things, and it's
really about coming back to your own body, you know,
(06:15):
and really learning how to be in there.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, you say that being brave as a seven year old,
which was incredibly brave to bring that up.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Were you not believed by your mother?
Speaker 4 (06:26):
I was believed by her, but she did bring him
back into the house, and so that was a very
big betrayal for me and something that I really had
to work through. We have a lot of generational trauma
in our family, and so obviously, you know, I believe
I was really incarnated into that family to kind of
(06:47):
go through those things to release the shame. But it's
something where you know, I my channeling in this lifetime
was obviously to learn to use my so to have
it shut down when I tried to use it as
a child and tried to say, you know, hey, this
is what was going on, it was really a It
(07:10):
caused a lot more shame, and you know, it caused
a lot more of like I don't make sense to myself,
and so paradoxically that also put me on a really
strong mission to start to make sense to myself.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
You know, Yeah, what's your relationship like with your mother? Now?
Speaker 4 (07:27):
We currently don't have connection, and I don't have any
ill upon her. This is about for me just really
knowing that I was I put in that family in
this lifetime and it's just where that feels safe for me.
I love her, I wish her well, and the harm
(07:50):
is something that doesn't feel safe to be around until
things would shift and change, and they may never in
this lifetime, and I've come to a place of acceptance.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
That Yeah, okay, so you are a good example of
someone that has managed to remarkably recover from this draumatic childhood.
But you have to do the work to get to
that point. Right, So there'll be people saying, this is me.
I know, I've got issues from my childhood.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Where do you start?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
What do you start unpacking it all and trying to
rewire those pathways?
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Yeah? Yeah, I love this question because and for people
who are listening, I'm holding a ball of string, right,
and so when we're healing we think that we need
to go right in there, like, you know, how do
I get to the core? How do I get to it?
And actually that never gets us to it. And that's
the beautiful thing is for so many of us we think,
(08:45):
you know, I can't remember what I went through, or
you know, I don't think that I went through something.
A lot of clients that come to me will say,
you know, I don't really think that I've had any trauma,
but and you know, they're having these recurring patterns in
their love. And so the things that I find really
powerful is that when we go searching for it, you
try and put your finger in there, you can't get
(09:06):
in there right. But if you just notice what's showing
up right now, which is just this tiny little piece
right So maybe it's a pattern that you're noticing in
your life, or a response in your body, or a
trigger that you're having, just start there and just start
by gently peeling back the layers. You don't have to
(09:27):
go searching for it. And what you'll notice if I
kept pulling this for long enough, this actually starts to
get smaller as well, because in the peeling back of
the layers, you're finding the safety in your body to
be able to hold what is here right, So we
actually don't need to go searching for it, which I
think is great, and we just start with what is
(09:50):
coming up for you and then we just gently moved
from there. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Yeah, I like what you've said there, because I feel
like what people really do is they compare their trauma
or their upbringing to someone else's. Do you have to
have had a traumatic upbringing like yours, for example, and
then involved a whole lot of abuse for this to
be an issue as an adult.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
Absolutely not. And I remember being in a group, I
think it was maybe seven years ago, and I'd shared
my story and obviously, you know, my story is quite
a lot, and I remember this person in the group
saying to me, and I'm so glad that he did it,
and he said to me, like, hearing your story, I
feel like mine doesn't even matter in comparison. And I
(10:34):
loved that he said that to me because I was
able to really hold space for him and let him
know that his experience is so valid. And actually, I
love that you've answered usked this question because there's a
very common trauma response where we actually minimize our experience.
So if you're ever thinking, like, you know, what are
the signs of trauma? One of the signs is you'll
(10:58):
hear someone else's story. So maybe listen to this back
and notice when you hear my story, is there any
voice in your head that's saying, oh, well, I didn't
go through anything that bad, right, I didn't go through
anything that bad. Tells you that there's something there. And
so there's no such thing as a trauma comparison. And obviously,
(11:21):
you know, everything has its own experience. And I remember
when I started my business about three years ago. Now,
I had a client come to me who again thought
he hadn't had any trauma, but he said, like, I
show up late to everything, and it's getting really bad
because I've now started my own business and I'm showing
up late to that, right, And he was like, I
(11:43):
don't know what's going on. And so we did a
couple of sessions and gently started to peel some things back,
and then we went into because I can also take
clients into their bodies and start to discover what's in there.
So we went in and his little boy is in
a little boy lifted him back. In memory, I think
it was about seven and his mama dropped him at
(12:04):
school for this performance, so I think it was like
a something was happening there anyway, and she just dropped
him off, thinking, you know, other people are going to
be there. But he walked down and no one was there,
and he was terrified. And then because he felt so
silly about it, when people started to arrive, he never
told anybody. And so I really love that you've asked
(12:26):
this question, because what I want you to know out
there is that what may seem small to you as
an adult, maybe really big for the child within you.
So he was able to realize through this noticing and
connecting to as and a child, that it was safer
to show up late because then I never have to
feel that feeling again. Right, So it's really important to
(12:50):
not compare trauma and to really know that what you
went through and what you're and a little boy and
a little girl went through, damn well.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Matters you're listening. Do we need a talk with Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I perhaps held this assumption too, that if you were
going to get in a child counseling, that in some
way you didn't have good parents or you weren't brought
up properly.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
But that's also not the case.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Not at all. And this is the thing as well,
and I often you know, and I really understand it because,
to be honest, for a big piece of my healing
in my early twenties, I would go to counseling trying
to understand my mum. So my whole motive was not
for myself, was about I want to understand that so
that I can try and build a closer relationship to her.
(13:40):
And what I realized was I actually had a really
big fear of seeing my parent in the wholeness of them.
And this is really important for people to know. And again,
I'm really glad that you've asked this because I felt
really cool to share today that there are in a
children out there that need to know that you are
(14:00):
not bad for getting curious about your childhood. You do
not It doesn't mean that you don't love your parent,
It doesn't mean that they didn't do a great job.
What it means is you're figuring out the pieces of
who you are, right And everyone is imperfect, you know,
(14:21):
Like obviously there's different extremes with that, and I'm not
justifying any behavior or anything like that, but everyone is imperfect.
We're doing the best that we can and we can
only know what we know to our current knowing. And
so when you have that space of curiosity towards your parents,
it will help you to understand yourself a lot more.
(14:44):
And you deserve that because I want you to know
that when that doesn't happen, and it's not just your parents.
It can be teachers, it can be you know, being
bullied at school. It can be you know, it can
be one moment, to be honest, And trauma is not
so much about the event itself. It's was its scene
(15:07):
heard and recognized. So with that example that I gave
you with that little boy, the event itself was manageable, right.
What caused the trauma for him was that he felt
that it was silly and so he couldn't tell anybody
about it. Yep. And so when we look at it
from that aspect, trauma is actually a part of the
(15:27):
human condition. I don't believe anyone gets away from you know,
I just I think it happens to everybody, and when
we don't clear it, it conditions our lives in ways
that we may not even realize.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah, so you've given that great example of how that
trauma was showing up in him as an adult in
terms of lateness, how else might it be showing up
in your life as an adult.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
Look for signs like when you hear people's story, look
for those signs of like even mine wasn't that bad.
Look for signs where you're minimizing your experience. Look for
signs in your body. So if you're noticing like dysregulation,
you know, anxiety depression, low mode. If you are going
(16:16):
through seasons in your life, whether that's like pregnancy and menopause,
like all of the maternal kind of seasons and pathways,
if you're noticing in there that you're getting stuck in spaces,
that's another sign as well. So it's a blockage. It's
a I don't know why I did that, or I'm
not quite sure, I don't understand myself, or I don't
(16:38):
quite know myself. And another really big sign is when
you're sitting by yourself, do you feel comfortable to be
with you? Do you feel comfortable in your body? Do
you feel safe in your body? Do you feel connected
to yourself? If not, then there's likely blocks around that.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Can we go back to that ball of string and
you talked about peeling back those layers.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
How do you peel back those layers?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
What do you do with clients that might be saying yes,
that's me and listening to this, what do you physically do?
Speaker 4 (17:13):
So for me, I work very much on an individual basis,
and so what I will do it's a very hard
question to answer because everybody is so different, and I
will just meet them exactly where they're at. So some people,
if it's someone who's completely new to this, I'm going
to focus initially on learning their nervous system. Because if
(17:35):
we go into trauma too quick, too soon, we bounce back.
So when trauma happens, there's actually a disconnection that happens
in our psyche. And this is proven by neuroscience. This
is not just we woo. So what happens is our
nervous system is what it is when we're born, and
that first kind of fracture creates that disconnect. So when
(17:58):
it happens, a part of us holds the pain, and
another part of us make sure that we're never going
to have that happen again. And that part of us
runs our lives right. And so when we're looking at
and you know, I'm very connected to nature. So for me,
I'm looking at the tree and I'm looking at the roots.
(18:20):
I'm not going to dive in deep. I'm going to
start at the roots and notice, like, is there safety there?
Do you know your nervous system? Can we learn your
nervous system? Can we learn how to find safety in
your body? Because if you go in too quick, too soon,
and the body is not feeling safe, it's not going
to shift anything in your life because it's just going
(18:40):
to kind of retraumatize and get you stuck up here.
And another point that I really want to mention is
that when children are bringing their feelings, they need to
bring that to someone. So children's feelings are really big,
you know, big excitement or you know, big everything, and
they can't make sense of it, so they need to
(19:01):
bring it to someone and have that person kind of
meet them there, alchemize it and move it through. And
when this doesn't happen, we have stuck energy in our body.
And unfortunately, due to the way that we were taught,
we have a real lack of embodiment, particularly in the
two core emotions of anger and grief, because when we
(19:25):
felt those things, we were conditioned and told go away,
go to your room. It's your problem.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Stop crying.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Yeah yeah, yeah, and then we're left alone in it.
And so we want to start with learning the nervous system,
and learning were as the lack of safety and how
can we build that so that we don't go in
too quick, too soon. And oftentimes, you know, it honestly
breaks my heart when clients come to me and say, like,
(19:54):
you know, I've tried talk therapy, I've tried cognitive behavioral therapy.
Nothing has worked, like I'm not doing enough, and they
blame themselves, and that really breaks my heart because if
it hasn't worked, nothing is going to work up here,
right because the trauma is in your body. So when
you try and come at it with all this knowing
(20:15):
and cognitive understanding, it just gets really overwhelming. And in
a children learn, if I can't be in my body,
I'm going to go in my head because that's my
safe place. I can make sense of things in there.
So we want to really start with the core, with
the roots, and with the body is so important.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, this is we need to talk with Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
So of the adult clients that you see, who is
your typical client and what are their typical problems that
they're trying to unlock.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
This is again, I love this question because no one
is typical. I get all sorts, and I love that
because to me, you know, it's this is the thing.
It works for everybody because we all have trauma, and
so there's this You can have this person who is
going through this thing and someone else who's had a
(21:12):
completely different past, but you'll see the like the threats
of the same type of trauma even though they've had
completely different experiences. So I often see a lot of
patterns of people not understanding why they do things, feeling
quite unsafe in their bodies of like, you know, I
(21:35):
don't feel safe to be myself. I you know, don't
feel safe to be authentically me. But yet they they
know who they are inside, they just haven't had a
chance to kind of express that or bring that out.
And obviously, you know, the classic things that we see
and like people pleasing, overworking, overachieving that real sense of
(21:57):
I need to earn this or I need to be
a certain way. And an analogy that I give to
kind of encapsulate all of that is we come into
this world as a seed, and it's our parents' role
and the people around us just to pour into us,
to give us the sunlight, the water, you know, the soil,
(22:17):
so that we can grow into the beautiful beings that
we're here to bathe. And when that doesn't happen, and
so a child, you know, just comes fully authentically themselves
and then they bring that part of themselves to somebody,
and based on whether that part is accepted or rejected,
they frame themselves around that. And so what happens is
(22:41):
I see a lot of people who kind of have
an authentic self, but they wear a mask because they
have been rejected in their authenticity. And to be honest,
there's a lot of that in this world, and again
I do think it's part of the condition of trauma.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
So based on that, what would your advice be then
to parents right that perhaps don't want to make the
mistakes of bygone errors where you're right, you know, emotions
we're encouraged to be expressed. And I'm sitting here, I've
got three kids, so I'm all, he is, how do
we make it easier for our next generation?
Speaker 4 (23:21):
I think just really knowing that as a like, you know,
I'm not a parent currently, but as a parent or
a guide. Your role is to be there and to
notice and to attune and to kind of mirror back
to this little being who they are so that they
can start to feel safe in that. And so the
(23:42):
more that we can be with ourselves. And that's the
really important thing, is like parents are going to get
triggered by their children's responses because it'll bring up stuff
within them. And that's why being safe within yourself and
learning your nervous system, you're going to be able to
hold the expression of your child and to kind of
(24:04):
know because obviously, when there's safety in the nervous system,
you're resourcing a part of you that has your intuition
and you're knowing. So the more safety you have inside you,
the less you will feel confused about what to do
because your body will actually just guide you to it.
So for parents, I really encourage looking at nervous systems
(24:26):
starting there and not so much focusing on what how
can you be better like for your child or how
can you do it differently, but what comes up for
you when your child has a response, and how can
you meet that part of you? And so oftentimes I've
got a lot of clients or parents and that will
(24:47):
say to me, you know, I've made these mistakes. I'm
you know, feeling all the shame all these things, And paradoxically,
I will say to them, don't try and fix it
with your child right now, because you've got a little
girl or a little boy inside Joe that has been
having these responses for very valid reasons. And the more
(25:08):
that you meet that part of you, the more you're
going to naturally know how to show up for your children.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Look at yourself first, and then it should all work
itself out.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
I want to ask this question because.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I feel like sometimes when experts start talking about intuition,
there is a segment of society that goes, oh, is
that all sort of woo woo like that, I want
this to be back by science.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
What would you say to that?
Speaker 4 (25:32):
I love that question as well. I meet you where
you're at. So a lot of my clients, my work
is very unique. There's nothing like it out there in
the world, and all healers we come with a very
unique pathway. You know, we paved our own pathway. And
so I've had clients and you know, I love it.
They'll come in and they'll be really honest, and they'll
say to me, you know, I don't really trust this,
(25:55):
and I'll say, great, do you know the beauty of
this is you don't actually have to trust this. Just
give it a go, right, Why should you trust it?
And this I think is really important. When you are
exposed to so much, you know, kind of alternative ideas
and things like that, that part of you that feels
(26:16):
that you have to trust it is probably blocking the
part that wants to get curious and give it a go.
And when you get curious and give it a go,
if it doesn't like, if you don't like it, you
don't have to do it. And so when I have
clients like that, I'll always say to them, let's just
give it a go, and let's look at the factual
(26:36):
pieces first. Right. We don't even have to go into
I mean, they do actually end up going into that
because it's just a natural pathway. But let's meet you there, right,
If you're not ready to go there, let's start here
and let's look at the nervous system. Right. This is
backed up by neuroscience. This is how the nervous system works.
There are so many resources out there, you know, books
(26:57):
like the Body keeps the score, Sail Vanderkol, you know
the myth of normal Gabor Marte and Petere Levan is
an incredible he's the founder of Semitic Experiencing. And here's
a book. I think it's called Walk the Tiger or
Wake the Tiger. So start there. Start with where it
feels safe for you to start, and know that you
(27:19):
don't have to start in a place that doesn't feel
safe for you. Effectual is what you need, meet your
need there and that will actually naturally open up the
rest y.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
So what do meeting these needs look like? What are
the results that you see in people and how it
impacts their lives positively?
Speaker 4 (27:37):
Well, I am obviously so incredibly blessed to do. I
watch people go from I don't know myself, I don't
make sense to myself to you know, I just did
a public speech and I wasn't thinking anything about what
anyone was thinking. Or I was so disconnected from my kids.
And now I'm actually like really nurturing and attuning to
(27:58):
my kids because I'm looking after my little girl, or
you know, my clients start businesses like I am so
blessed and the beautiful thing about being there for someone
in their pain, you know, in their anger, and helping
them through those emotions is that you get to see
who they become. And honestly, I mean I love all
of it, but watching them understand themselves, like become their
(28:23):
authentic selves, take that mask off and really own who
they are in this lifetime, learn to show up better
in their relationships like this. I love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Yeah, oh it sounds amazing, so Terresa, I yeah, I
just had one sort of last comment for particularly Kiwi women,
most about audiences women. Hello, if you're amndnessing as well,
But what would that message be to anyone that's curious
about this and thinks maybe this could be for me
but I'm not sure?
Speaker 4 (28:54):
Yeah, yeah, I think just know that you're always going
to work for you. So a lot of clients will
say to me, you know, like oh my gosh, like
your work's amazing and like nothing else has worked. And
then I always say to them like I'm just meeting you,
like You're always going to be the answer for yourself.
And what you need is a safe space. You need
(29:16):
someone that you feel safe with so that you can
gently start to explore your nervous system. Peel back those layers,
you know, learn needs, boundaries, like all those things that
really help create the identity of who we are. But
what you need in somebody else is safety. And so
you're the one that's going to be doing the work.
(29:37):
You're the one that sits with yourself. But what you
need in someone else is do I feel safe? And
I really encourage people, you know, when you're picking a
healer or a counselor or whoever it is, take a
moment and pause and ask yourself afterwards, do I feel
safe with this person? Because safety is the treatment, and
(29:59):
when safety is there, it will naturally start to unlock.
And for all women out there, you know, for men, women,
for everybody. What we don't resolve continues to pattern throughout
our lives and our relationships, our jobs, you know, with
kids like it, just how we do one thing is
how we do everything. And so if there are parts
(30:22):
of you that you're wanting to show up differently, know
that you deserve healing and know that claiming your power
internal power, it's a I am here, I am here,
I belong here, and you deserve that. Everybody deserves that.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Oh that was wonderful. Thank you so much for joining
us today. It was really insightful and I think you'll
definitely have some converts today.
Speaker 4 (30:51):
Thank you very much for your time, and Tony, I
also just really want to honor you, like I love
the name of your podcast and the fact that you know,
when I think of, like, what's the most activating thing
for someone for their nervous system, it would be we
need to talk. And so I love that you are
having just this curiosity to have these conversations and open
(31:12):
up these channels because they're so needed. So thank you
to you and what you're doing. It's been an episolute honor.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
We need to talk with Coast FM's Tony Street. If
you enjoyed the podcast, click to share with family or friends.
To get in touch, email, We need to talk at
Coast online, dot co dot MZ