August 31, 2025 • 24 mins
Getting diagnosed with a major illness impacts not just the person diagnosed, but everyone else in their life too. Former Tactix coach Marianne Delaney-Hoshek is a Cancer Society ambassador who's had multiple brushes with cancer. First her father passed from skin cancer, then in February of this year her husband was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer.
In the episode Toni and Marianne chat about the life changing experience of diagnosis, how a positive attitude is the most important thing to maintain, and the resources the Cancer Society provides to anyone in need.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We need to Talk Conversations on wellness with gastfm's Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hello, welcome to We need to Talk. It's great to
have you with us today. I want to explore what
it's like to be the person supporting someone else going
through a major health battle. I know it can feel
like a helpless position to be in. Former Tactics netbook
coach and Cancer Society ambassador Mary Angelaney Hoshek knows the
power of support from the sidelines. She's currently supporting her
(00:27):
husband Mike, who was diagnosed with stage four bowl cancer
in February this year. It is so good to have
you here to be able to talk about this, but
you must be in the middle of a major situation
for your whole family. Februe's not long ago.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
No, it's not like though, And it is amazing how
things sort of change. Because I was turning fifty this year,
obviously just resigned last year, so I'd made that decision
with the Tactics that I was going to sort of
I knew when it was in a good space, I
could go. And last year we'd won all our games,
and I said, this is a really good time.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Everything's set up turned out to be a very good
time for the team, and I did.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
And then and I had all these things to look
forward to this year turning fifty. I was like, right,
We're going to go to Hawaii, We're going to do
all these trips. I'm going to go to all these
parties of people that are turning fifty. So I had
all this lined up, but the way it's turned out
has been a little bit different.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Yeah, so how did you find out that Mike hads
beow cancer.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yes, so we we got we had a family trip
booked for October, and because Mike has a sabbatical from
his work every five years, so that was in the
sort of pipeline for ages. And we went on a
cruise around Europe. We had the two boys, so I've
got two sons fourteen and sixteen, Zach and Sam, and
we had this amazing cruise and that's well, Mike didn't
(01:48):
tell us at the time, but that's when he started
sort of getting some symptoms which are related to beow cancer.
So you know, change in your bow and you know
a bit of blood and.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Things like that.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
So he noticed those things, but obviously we were on
a cruise, so he didn't I didn't want to worry anybody,
but b he just thought because we were sort of
having you know, four o'clock drinks every day and fat
and eating you know, a lot of food that and
you know, obviously we're in different countries as well, different cuisines.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
He sort of kind of put it to that and
just sort of thought.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Well, when I get back home and get into my
normal routine, these symptoms will go. But unfortunately they sort
of didn't and probably sort of got worse towards Christmas,
and it was sort of like after Christmas he was like,
well this, you know, and sort of in the middle
of that, he also had a sort of a cancer
in his eye as well that had to be removed,
(02:46):
which is apparently not even connected. But yeah, it was
a bit of a sort of kind of stressful time,
and to be honest, he actually did take some pushing
even then to go to the doctors, which was interesting.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Do you think that was because it was bow cancer
in a region that no one really wants to talk about.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
I definitely do, I think, you know. And it took
a couple of his friends. I don't know if this
happens with others, but sometimes I think with spouses, we
don't listen to each other, or it takes that third
person to sort of say, hey, mate, you actually need
to do something about this. And we had a couple
of friends who sort of said, come on, you need
to sort of sort this. So he finally got to
(03:25):
the doctors and then colonoscopy was about probably three or
four weeks later, so sort of there was the waiting
of that. And so I dropped Mike at the colonoscopy
and you had to pick them up afterwards, and they said, oh,
it was quite a weird vibe when I got there,
and they sort of said, oh, you could just go
(03:46):
through the bag. And Mike was just sitting in this
sort of area and he said, oh, no, it wasn't good.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
And I was like, oh, you know, like what does that.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Does it mean?
Speaker 4 (03:55):
You know?
Speaker 3 (03:55):
And actually during the procedure, the surgeon that actually put
his hand on his shoulder and said, hey, this actually
doesn't look good, mate, this doesn't look good.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
This isn't what we like to see.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
And the surgeon came in and funnily enough, it was
actually because my dad had passed away a couple of
years earlier, and it was one of his specialists. He
had Crohn's disease, so it wasn't actually his cancer specialist,
but he knew me, and so it was, oh, I
don't know, he said, because he knew about Dad, and
he was obviously, oh, I don't really want to have
(04:28):
to give you this news, and he was really focused
on worrying about sort of me.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
You were going to take it?
Speaker 4 (04:33):
Yeah, yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Yeah, he said, you know, there is a tumor of
the air at this stage. It looks small, it looks
like we could remove it. And he sort of said,
you know, but you know this is this is cancer.
So he knew straight away and you sort of get
the paperwork.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
And the thing. So quite.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Yeah, it was full on because it's just it just
all happened so quickly.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I think, did you know it was stage four at
that point?
Speaker 4 (05:00):
No, so we didn't.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
We just knew there was a tumor in the bow,
so you don't think any of that sort of thing.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
And then in the next couple of weeks.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Everything you sort of all these MRIs and all these
different types of scans are happening, and it wasn't until
we got this so we didn't actually get a call
from the doctors, but we got a call from the
receptionist and it said, oh the receptionist lady said, oh,
can you please go.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
We've got this special MRI on your liver that we
need to do. And that's when we sort of.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Started why am I getting my liver sy end?
Speaker 3 (05:33):
So that's when you sort of jump ahead and in
that sort of gray area. I think one of the
worst things you can do is make assumptions, and you do,
you can't have yourself and possibly in this we were
right to make the assumptions, but and I did find
myself googling a lot.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Well, as soon as soon as you have to get
your liver a scanned, you're going, what's the link between
liver and bow?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Right?
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Correct? Correct?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
So I did, and they say not to do it,
but you are in that too great area and you
just want to know everything. So that was what happened.
And then we had to go back and see the surgeon, Frank,
and that's when he told us the full news of
what it was. And I can remember going to that
(06:15):
appointment and I was in the car and I was
kind of thinking this, you know, it's really surreal and
you feel you've seen it on the movies You've You're like,
And I remember my I had a flat tire that
I kept having to repump and I was pumping it
up again because I couldn't been.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Yeah, the logistics not having the bar for a bit
so annoying.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Yeah, And I just remember pumping up the time, going
what is happening here? And and then obviously to get
the news that it was stage four. So it's in
like a few of the limps around the bow and
then over into the liver as well. So I think
hearing it was stage four, I think we all jumped to, oh,
(06:54):
that's you know, that's you're gone. Yeah, yeah, but apparently
so this cancer is still curable. So as soon as
we heard that, we're on. And that's sort of how
the mentality has been. And I feel like, once you
get the plan, everyone's ready and it's go time, and
(07:18):
the plan is great. I think it's the not knowing
and what's happening, And once you've got a plan, you've
got something to get into.
Speaker 5 (07:28):
This is we need to talk with Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
The bit that I find hard to sort of accept
and understand is how you know he can be on
a cruise and yet had a couple of symptoms, but
nothing so major that he had to go to the
doctor straight away, and you go from that to being
stage four. That's the hard bit for me. I think
surely there's more warning than that, but it doesn't seem
(07:52):
like there isn't a lot of cases.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
No, and they do say that the cancer is growing
for a couple of years beforehand. And the other thing
is that in New Zealand, you know, we're not screening
until sixty years old, and Australia they screen at forty five.
Everyone's getting tested. So if that was the case, we
wouldn't be in this situation. So I mean, that's one
thing I'm really passionate about is that we actually have
(08:16):
to bring the age down here and get more people
tested because does that testing involve So there's there is
colonoscopies also, but I know in New Zealand now they
actually just send out because this happened to my brother
in law recently ten sixty They actually just send out
like and you do still sample and then you send
it back. So there's you know, and there's easy ways
(08:37):
of doing it. I don't think they sort of go
into colonoscopies and here unless there's an issue, but the
screening happens way earlier in Australia, so you know that's
kind of Yeah, it's annoying in a way that you know,
Mike was diagnosed at forty seven.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
They say it grows for two years, so.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
He had it at forty five like Australia and are
still something. Seems like a pretty straightforward and easy thing
to have to do correct to prevent you being even
if it had meant he picked it up at stage
one or two.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Absolutely, so the fact that it's stage four and like
you say, wasn't really I mean when he looks back,
he did have a sort of a saw back. I mean,
these little symptoms that you make a lot of reasons
up why this is happening. It's like, oh I'm getting old,
or you know, those sorts of things. But I think
the message is if anything is off, and I think
(09:30):
I think women, especially women who have had children, you're
quite attuned with things in your body. But I don't know,
I think when it's to do with bows and prostates
and things like that, men aren't like lining up to
get tested. But it would be great to see people
more comfortable and maybe if it was as simple as
a still sample early. Then we'd be in a better
(09:51):
boat because they say that bow cancer is the one
that's really taking.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Off and communicating when things aren't one hundred percent. Because
maybe they'd said that to you, you might have gone,
I think, you know, yeah, I think we should probably
go see that. Get that checked a bit earlier.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, How has he received the news?
Speaker 4 (10:09):
Yeah? He was.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Actually it was amazing because obviously that that day of
the being told was obviously the pit day.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
But he was.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Actually he said to me, he was more worried about
me because I've just dad's just passed away two years ago,
two or three years ago.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
So he and that was quite.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Oh yeah, and it's like a double where me for you?
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
But he was so funny because he said because he's
two years younger than me, So he was like, oh,
there you go.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
You thought you'd.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Marry this younger guy and then here I am all
the problems. Yeah, And I guess at that point we
sort of thought, Wow, this is not looking good. And
you know, within that night we were like, oh, we're
going to have to sell the house. We're going to
have to do this, and your life just changes but
I mean, we're fine now, but at the time there's
(10:58):
a lot of rapid decisions that you seem to be making.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Yeah. Yeah, I can kind of relate to that a
wee bit. And when I got diagnosed with an autoimmune condition,
that meant that I may have to have chemo treatment.
And I instantly thought of my parents, because they've lost
three children. I thought, Oh God, what are they going
to do? And I think when you get a form
of diagnosis, you are sort of so in it and
getting all the information. I think it potentially is harder
(11:25):
for the people next to you that actually are just
sitting there helpless, trying to say the right things, do
the right things, and make it easier. How do you
feel that you can support him? What do you do
to try and make it easier.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
I think one of the things I sort of learned
in my coaching world was around that optimistic learned optimism
it's called, and so it is actually a thing. I'm
that way anyway as an individual, but when I learned
it was a thing, I was like, great, it's a thing,
and I really put that into my coaching.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
So seeing my dad's journey as well and how he
beat the odds. And then I've tried this out even
on my kids as well. So one of my children
wasn't really sporty, and you know, we started saying, oh,
you're really good at sport, and honestly, the switch from
just giving him the positive reinforcement was incredible. So and
(12:21):
even with the tactics, we weren't good at winning home games,
so starting to message about how we love playing at home,
we're really good at playing home and actually then we
do start winning. So those kind of that learned optimism
I think is really good using in these cases as well.
So just I'm always the positive side. So we got
told by the on cologist at one point he said,
(12:43):
she said you've got forty to fifty percent chance of
making five years sort of thing.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
And he was like, oh, forty to fifty and I.
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Was like that's really good.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
He was like like, like, what's wrong with It's really good?
Speaker 3 (12:55):
So I mean, I naturally am like that I will
be quite positive and so like even with you know
the thought of if there's a surgery, you might have
to have a bag type thing for a while, and
he's like, oh god, I'm an old man, am I
going to have that bag and all this sort of thing,
and I'm like, well, actually ten years ago, you wouldn't
even be in this position that you could have that,
(13:16):
you know. So I said that everything's moved to allow
you to keep living. So I try and be that
positive person. There is a fine line sometimes because I
think sometimes you've just got to let them have a bit.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yeah, I want to be up all the time. They
exactly in that, Yeah, So following it it is so
as a rule, I try and be as positive as possible.
I do try not to like instigate conversations about the
illness like he bring it up. Yeah, you know, because
I think that's really important too, because and this is
(13:50):
a good one for people listening that you know, we
go out to social events and people want to come
up and find out with Mike Howard's cancers all the time,
and that's the time he probably just wants to switch off,
have a reprieve and just have a bit of normality.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Yeah. So that's yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
People are meaning so well, but that's probably the time.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
And it's hard because they're probably thinking, I don't want
to pretend like he doesn't have cancer, and it seems
like I'm interested in it, but you know, yeah, I
think a good idea from what you've seen is maybe
to go over and go, I'm not going to talk
about your cancer tonight. Yeah, you know, let's move on
and at least going I'm acknowledging it now, let's do
something else.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
And like you say, it's really hard for people to
understand what the right thing is. And it's not like
he goes, oh god, not again. But I think if
the whole night's taken.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Up with every single person says that to you, right, yeah,
how are your sons coping with it?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
They've actually been really good, quite amazingly good actually in
terms of I don't know if it's just a teenage
boy thing, but when we told them, it was just like,
oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Isn't that their answer to everything at the age.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
You know, we've been really honest and open with them
the whole way through, but yeah, they I think one
of the things we've been trying to do also is
just live day to day, so there's no real future thing,
although having a few wee things to look forward to
as well, because you know, obviously little trip here or
there or just things like that to keep going. But
(15:21):
they are so sporty that sport dominates dominates their life
a little bit because they love it so much. So
that's keeping them going and occupied and occupied.
Speaker 5 (15:33):
Yeah, now that we need to talk with Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Can we just go back and talk about your dear dad, Yes,
because that must be difficult going through a cancer journey
a second time.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
So co Yeah, Well Dad's was actually an amazing journey
though because he actually he got a diagnosis which was
terminal and he so he was only supposed to live
three to six months and he actually lived thirteen years.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Yeah, so that.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Does he have the same optimism that you have?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Yep?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Interesting, Yeah, so that's it was a really amazing journey
and learning alongside that. And you know I did take
things into my coaching from him, but you know, he
had key things.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
He didn't change his life.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
He still went on a Friday and had you know,
bears with his mates. You know, he got quite deformed,
like he had masses of operations because it was a
skin cancer he had that he had this massive operation
that they took off a lot of his head yep.
So it was quite concaved. So it was quite and
he just he was like he wanted to live so
much that he was willing to do any surgeries, so
(16:47):
they just chopped things off.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Just do it.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I want to be here yep.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Yeah, yeah, so that was really cool.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
And yeah, just his positive attitude, yeah, was was what
got him through. And he was a tough bugger. He
was an ex policeman, so he was real tough. So yeah,
it was an incredible and like when he was ready
to go, he actually found it hard to go because
he was wanting to live so much that I think
(17:14):
his body, you know, he had to get some really
good stuff to help on here.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Yeah, because he had just been fighting for so much.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Oh absolutely, But yeah, he had a great sense of humor,
so funny. But yeah, it was like he was in
the Armed Defenders and the anti terrorists.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Wow. So I wonder he pushed through for another thirteen years.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
So yeah, incredible journey and lots to sort of draw
from going forward.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah. One thing that I know from a couple of
things that have happened in my family. So my mum
lost her mother at sixty and then she lost my brother,
whose son not long after a year later, and she
always said, I wish mum was here to help me
through this. Do you find that hard that you don't
(18:01):
have your dad at a time when you know he
could have been quite supportive for you.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
I do, like he was definitely my chat person, Like
even after every Networle game, I get the phone.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
I love that. And it's that bloody midfield was terrible.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
We put in the midfield and oh Ali bird to
stay inside the ring like, I love that.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
You know, he sounds like such a good man.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
And then his best friend was Fergie McCormick as well,
so I also got his call, so you could imagine.
So for me, he's he was always the person that
you chat to about things, so absolutely, but he did
bloody well you know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Who do you go to for support then when you
don't want to burden Mike further because he's the one
dealing with the treatments.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
Well as I was talking to before I got into Google. Yep.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
But actually you can actually ring the Cancer Society and
get the right information because they have all the information.
So that was something that I wish I had known.
And obviously associating with them now I sort of see
all the things that they do.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
What other sort of services do they provide?
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Yeah, so if you I mean, obviously we live in
christ Church, so but if you don't, and you live
somewhere that doesn't have the great treatment that we have,
you can come and stay in the facilities there. They
did a massive fundraising and to get that up and
up and running. It's a great center and it houses
not just the person but other family members as well.
(19:36):
It's got the vans which obviously take people from there
to the treatments, but even if you live in christ
Church but don't have your own transport, they can come
and sort of help you with that as well.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Yeah, that's amazing. I just want to talk about the
advocacy side of things. Who's taken the lead when it
comes to the doctors and the surgeons you talk to.
Is that you having to do that or is that
Mike as the person going through it?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
So we there's been that's actually been quite a strange
one with cancer because you actually don't have one lead person.
You go from we went from being with the surgeon
to going to the oncologist and then they are the
person in charge, to going into the radiography kind of
area and then yeah, so it's quite a weird.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
Sort of process.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
So I think the person almost has to own it
a little bit. Yeah, because you're going from there to
here to hear and you kind of feel like that
surgeon should have been the one, but they don't.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
They literally you're with that person.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Now because they go on to the next thing.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Yeah, because they've got obviously got it. And it's a
little bit like this, So I think it. Yeah, I
think you as a person need to sort of take
control a little bit. And I've been the person that
at the meetings writes the notes because there's so much
things that are said that it's really hard to remember.
So that's one thing that I felt like I could
do was just be there take the notes so that
(20:58):
we could go back, because you know, it's like when
you're getting all sorts of news, you go again and
then Yeah. So I think that's that was good.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
And what made you want to become an ambassador when
you are right in the middle of this journey for
your family?
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Well, interestingly enough, I was already an ambassador, So I
became an ambassador. So my friend Kelly Hutton, so she
passed away twenty twenty three.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
It was terribly sad.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Yeah, So that's so varying cancer that one, and she
was working as an ambassador and she was one of
the ones that actually did the big fundraise and led
that charge to get that cancer Society going so you
could buy a blanket all of those things, which was
really cool. So when she passed away, her sister Megan
and the ladies from the Cancer Society asked me if
(21:48):
I wanted to take her role because you know, obviously
being the tactics coach, and yeah, I said straight away.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
I said, yeah, so already in the role.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
And then so I had to tell them, hey, I've
got something else going, and to be honest, the last
you know, we've just been in it.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
But I kind of now I feel.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Ready to actually start getting out there and I'll start
probably promoting a bit more things on you know, my
own channels and things like that, and start really pushing
for people to make sure they're tested and things like that.
Speaker 4 (22:21):
But yeah, it's quite ironic in how it all works out.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
I know, I know, I wish you didn't have to
have been doing the lived experience at the same time,
but you're the perfect person to do it. I just
finally want to sort of recap what your messaging would
be for people now that Mike might be experiencing changes,
or they do find a bit of blood and they
still what would be your sort of lasting message for
(22:45):
people to take home after listening to this.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Yeah, I just get it checked straight away because I
think the thing is it can develop into worse, so
you are better off just getting checked. I mean even
if I think one of the things as well was
there's a there's a history, and there was a little
bit of history that Mike didn't know about in his family.
So having those conversations in your own family, if you
(23:08):
can find out about what's gone on before you know,
make sure if you've got a history, get in there
and get it checked straight away, even if maybe if
you haven't. It's just important if anything is different, change
and that goes with all of your body.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Really, it's not just the bow. There's all sorts of
other cancers.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
I mean Dad's was obviously skin cancer, so making sure
that you do all you can.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
You wear in your sun block.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
The sad thing is that the number of cancer that's
growing is actually for younger people. So that was one
of the stats that Cancer Society told me, is that's
actually the group that's growing, so I think we I
what am I I'm.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Not sure if I'm young or old.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
I'm kind of in between some fifty but even in
sort of like your thirties forties, whereas I think we've
usually lived and thought, you know where.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
You don't need to worry about it till later.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Yeah, but the umbers are growing, so you know, you
see people now that are passing away in their twenties.
So anything that's annoying you doesn't feel right, get it checked.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Thank you so much for today, and also thank you
for being part of our Daffodil Day netball clash. You
will be a welcome addition. Really appreciate it and all
the best with being an ambassador going forward.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (24:20):
We need to talk with Coast FMS Tony Street.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
If you enjoyed the podcast, click to share with family
or friends. To get in touch, email we need to
talk at Coast online, dot co dot MZ
We need to Talk Conversations on wellness with gastfm's Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hello, welcome to We need to Talk. It's great to
have you with us today. I want to explore what
it's like to be the person supporting someone else going
through a major health battle. I know it can feel
like a helpless position to be in. Former Tactics netbook
coach and Cancer Society ambassador Mary Angelaney Hoshek knows the
power of support from the sidelines. She's currently supporting her
(00:27):
husband Mike, who was diagnosed with stage four bowl cancer
in February this year. It is so good to have
you here to be able to talk about this, but
you must be in the middle of a major situation
for your whole family. Februe's not long ago.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
No, it's not like though, And it is amazing how
things sort of change. Because I was turning fifty this year,
obviously just resigned last year, so I'd made that decision
with the Tactics that I was going to sort of
I knew when it was in a good space, I
could go. And last year we'd won all our games,
and I said, this is a really good time.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Everything's set up turned out to be a very good
time for the team, and I did.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
And then and I had all these things to look
forward to this year turning fifty. I was like, right,
We're going to go to Hawaii, We're going to do
all these trips. I'm going to go to all these
parties of people that are turning fifty. So I had
all this lined up, but the way it's turned out
has been a little bit different.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Yeah, so how did you find out that Mike hads
beow cancer.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yes, so we we got we had a family trip
booked for October, and because Mike has a sabbatical from
his work every five years, so that was in the
sort of pipeline for ages. And we went on a
cruise around Europe. We had the two boys, so I've
got two sons fourteen and sixteen, Zach and Sam, and
we had this amazing cruise and that's well, Mike didn't
(01:48):
tell us at the time, but that's when he started
sort of getting some symptoms which are related to beow cancer.
So you know, change in your bow and you know
a bit of blood and.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Things like that.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
So he noticed those things, but obviously we were on
a cruise, so he didn't I didn't want to worry anybody,
but b he just thought because we were sort of
having you know, four o'clock drinks every day and fat
and eating you know, a lot of food that and
you know, obviously we're in different countries as well, different cuisines.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
He sort of kind of put it to that and
just sort of thought.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Well, when I get back home and get into my
normal routine, these symptoms will go. But unfortunately they sort
of didn't and probably sort of got worse towards Christmas,
and it was sort of like after Christmas he was like,
well this, you know, and sort of in the middle
of that, he also had a sort of a cancer
in his eye as well that had to be removed,
(02:46):
which is apparently not even connected. But yeah, it was
a bit of a sort of kind of stressful time,
and to be honest, he actually did take some pushing
even then to go to the doctors, which was interesting.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Do you think that was because it was bow cancer
in a region that no one really wants to talk about.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
I definitely do, I think, you know. And it took
a couple of his friends. I don't know if this
happens with others, but sometimes I think with spouses, we
don't listen to each other, or it takes that third
person to sort of say, hey, mate, you actually need
to do something about this. And we had a couple
of friends who sort of said, come on, you need
to sort of sort this. So he finally got to
(03:25):
the doctors and then colonoscopy was about probably three or
four weeks later, so sort of there was the waiting
of that. And so I dropped Mike at the colonoscopy
and you had to pick them up afterwards, and they said, oh,
it was quite a weird vibe when I got there,
and they sort of said, oh, you could just go
(03:46):
through the bag. And Mike was just sitting in this
sort of area and he said, oh, no, it wasn't good.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
And I was like, oh, you know, like what does that.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Does it mean?
Speaker 4 (03:55):
You know?
Speaker 3 (03:55):
And actually during the procedure, the surgeon that actually put
his hand on his shoulder and said, hey, this actually
doesn't look good, mate, this doesn't look good.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
This isn't what we like to see.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
And the surgeon came in and funnily enough, it was
actually because my dad had passed away a couple of
years earlier, and it was one of his specialists. He
had Crohn's disease, so it wasn't actually his cancer specialist,
but he knew me, and so it was, oh, I
don't know, he said, because he knew about Dad, and
he was obviously, oh, I don't really want to have
(04:28):
to give you this news, and he was really focused
on worrying about sort of me.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
You were going to take it?
Speaker 4 (04:33):
Yeah, yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Yeah, he said, you know, there is a tumor of
the air at this stage. It looks small, it looks
like we could remove it. And he sort of said,
you know, but you know this is this is cancer.
So he knew straight away and you sort of get
the paperwork.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
And the thing. So quite.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Yeah, it was full on because it's just it just
all happened so quickly.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I think, did you know it was stage four at
that point?
Speaker 4 (05:00):
No, so we didn't.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
We just knew there was a tumor in the bow,
so you don't think any of that sort of thing.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
And then in the next couple of weeks.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Everything you sort of all these MRIs and all these
different types of scans are happening, and it wasn't until
we got this so we didn't actually get a call
from the doctors, but we got a call from the
receptionist and it said, oh the receptionist lady said, oh,
can you please go.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
We've got this special MRI on your liver that we
need to do. And that's when we sort of.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Started why am I getting my liver sy end?
Speaker 3 (05:33):
So that's when you sort of jump ahead and in
that sort of gray area. I think one of the
worst things you can do is make assumptions, and you do,
you can't have yourself and possibly in this we were
right to make the assumptions, but and I did find
myself googling a lot.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Well, as soon as soon as you have to get
your liver a scanned, you're going, what's the link between
liver and bow?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Right?
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Correct? Correct?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
So I did, and they say not to do it,
but you are in that too great area and you
just want to know everything. So that was what happened.
And then we had to go back and see the surgeon, Frank,
and that's when he told us the full news of
what it was. And I can remember going to that
(06:15):
appointment and I was in the car and I was
kind of thinking this, you know, it's really surreal and
you feel you've seen it on the movies You've You're like,
And I remember my I had a flat tire that
I kept having to repump and I was pumping it
up again because I couldn't been.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Yeah, the logistics not having the bar for a bit
so annoying.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Yeah, And I just remember pumping up the time, going
what is happening here? And and then obviously to get
the news that it was stage four. So it's in
like a few of the limps around the bow and
then over into the liver as well. So I think
hearing it was stage four, I think we all jumped to, oh,
(06:54):
that's you know, that's you're gone. Yeah, yeah, but apparently
so this cancer is still curable. So as soon as
we heard that, we're on. And that's sort of how
the mentality has been. And I feel like, once you
get the plan, everyone's ready and it's go time, and
(07:18):
the plan is great. I think it's the not knowing
and what's happening, And once you've got a plan, you've
got something to get into.
Speaker 5 (07:28):
This is we need to talk with Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
The bit that I find hard to sort of accept
and understand is how you know he can be on
a cruise and yet had a couple of symptoms, but
nothing so major that he had to go to the
doctor straight away, and you go from that to being
stage four. That's the hard bit for me. I think
surely there's more warning than that, but it doesn't seem
(07:52):
like there isn't a lot of cases.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
No, and they do say that the cancer is growing
for a couple of years beforehand. And the other thing
is that in New Zealand, you know, we're not screening
until sixty years old, and Australia they screen at forty five.
Everyone's getting tested. So if that was the case, we
wouldn't be in this situation. So I mean, that's one
thing I'm really passionate about is that we actually have
(08:16):
to bring the age down here and get more people
tested because does that testing involve So there's there is
colonoscopies also, but I know in New Zealand now they
actually just send out because this happened to my brother
in law recently ten sixty They actually just send out
like and you do still sample and then you send
it back. So there's you know, and there's easy ways
(08:37):
of doing it. I don't think they sort of go
into colonoscopies and here unless there's an issue, but the
screening happens way earlier in Australia, so you know that's
kind of Yeah, it's annoying in a way that you know,
Mike was diagnosed at forty seven.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
They say it grows for two years, so.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
He had it at forty five like Australia and are
still something. Seems like a pretty straightforward and easy thing
to have to do correct to prevent you being even
if it had meant he picked it up at stage
one or two.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Absolutely, so the fact that it's stage four and like
you say, wasn't really I mean when he looks back,
he did have a sort of a saw back. I mean,
these little symptoms that you make a lot of reasons
up why this is happening. It's like, oh I'm getting old,
or you know, those sorts of things. But I think
the message is if anything is off, and I think
(09:30):
I think women, especially women who have had children, you're
quite attuned with things in your body. But I don't know,
I think when it's to do with bows and prostates
and things like that, men aren't like lining up to
get tested. But it would be great to see people
more comfortable and maybe if it was as simple as
a still sample early. Then we'd be in a better
(09:51):
boat because they say that bow cancer is the one
that's really taking.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Off and communicating when things aren't one hundred percent. Because
maybe they'd said that to you, you might have gone,
I think, you know, yeah, I think we should probably
go see that. Get that checked a bit earlier.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, How has he received the news?
Speaker 4 (10:09):
Yeah? He was.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Actually it was amazing because obviously that that day of
the being told was obviously the pit day.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
But he was.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Actually he said to me, he was more worried about
me because I've just dad's just passed away two years ago,
two or three years ago.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
So he and that was quite.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Oh yeah, and it's like a double where me for you?
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
But he was so funny because he said because he's
two years younger than me, So he was like, oh,
there you go.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
You thought you'd.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Marry this younger guy and then here I am all
the problems. Yeah, And I guess at that point we
sort of thought, Wow, this is not looking good. And
you know, within that night we were like, oh, we're
going to have to sell the house. We're going to
have to do this, and your life just changes but
I mean, we're fine now, but at the time there's
(10:58):
a lot of rapid decisions that you seem to be making.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Yeah. Yeah, I can kind of relate to that a
wee bit. And when I got diagnosed with an autoimmune condition,
that meant that I may have to have chemo treatment.
And I instantly thought of my parents, because they've lost
three children. I thought, Oh God, what are they going
to do? And I think when you get a form
of diagnosis, you are sort of so in it and
getting all the information. I think it potentially is harder
(11:25):
for the people next to you that actually are just
sitting there helpless, trying to say the right things, do
the right things, and make it easier. How do you
feel that you can support him? What do you do
to try and make it easier.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
I think one of the things I sort of learned
in my coaching world was around that optimistic learned optimism
it's called, and so it is actually a thing. I'm
that way anyway as an individual, but when I learned
it was a thing, I was like, great, it's a thing,
and I really put that into my coaching.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
So seeing my dad's journey as well and how he
beat the odds. And then I've tried this out even
on my kids as well. So one of my children
wasn't really sporty, and you know, we started saying, oh,
you're really good at sport, and honestly, the switch from
just giving him the positive reinforcement was incredible. So and
(12:21):
even with the tactics, we weren't good at winning home games,
so starting to message about how we love playing at home,
we're really good at playing home and actually then we
do start winning. So those kind of that learned optimism
I think is really good using in these cases as well.
So just I'm always the positive side. So we got
told by the on cologist at one point he said,
(12:43):
she said you've got forty to fifty percent chance of
making five years sort of thing.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
And he was like, oh, forty to fifty and I.
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Was like that's really good.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
He was like like, like, what's wrong with It's really good?
Speaker 3 (12:55):
So I mean, I naturally am like that I will
be quite positive and so like even with you know
the thought of if there's a surgery, you might have
to have a bag type thing for a while, and
he's like, oh god, I'm an old man, am I
going to have that bag and all this sort of thing,
and I'm like, well, actually ten years ago, you wouldn't
even be in this position that you could have that,
(13:16):
you know. So I said that everything's moved to allow
you to keep living. So I try and be that
positive person. There is a fine line sometimes because I
think sometimes you've just got to let them have a bit.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yeah, I want to be up all the time. They
exactly in that, Yeah, So following it it is so
as a rule, I try and be as positive as possible.
I do try not to like instigate conversations about the
illness like he bring it up. Yeah, you know, because
I think that's really important too, because and this is
(13:50):
a good one for people listening that you know, we
go out to social events and people want to come
up and find out with Mike Howard's cancers all the time,
and that's the time he probably just wants to switch off,
have a reprieve and just have a bit of normality.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Yeah. So that's yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
People are meaning so well, but that's probably the time.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
And it's hard because they're probably thinking, I don't want
to pretend like he doesn't have cancer, and it seems
like I'm interested in it, but you know, yeah, I
think a good idea from what you've seen is maybe
to go over and go, I'm not going to talk
about your cancer tonight. Yeah, you know, let's move on
and at least going I'm acknowledging it now, let's do
something else.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
And like you say, it's really hard for people to
understand what the right thing is. And it's not like
he goes, oh god, not again. But I think if
the whole night's taken.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Up with every single person says that to you, right, yeah,
how are your sons coping with it?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
They've actually been really good, quite amazingly good actually in
terms of I don't know if it's just a teenage
boy thing, but when we told them, it was just like,
oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Isn't that their answer to everything at the age.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
You know, we've been really honest and open with them
the whole way through, but yeah, they I think one
of the things we've been trying to do also is
just live day to day, so there's no real future thing,
although having a few wee things to look forward to
as well, because you know, obviously little trip here or
there or just things like that to keep going. But
(15:21):
they are so sporty that sport dominates dominates their life
a little bit because they love it so much. So
that's keeping them going and occupied and occupied.
Speaker 5 (15:33):
Yeah, now that we need to talk with Tony Street.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Can we just go back and talk about your dear dad, Yes,
because that must be difficult going through a cancer journey
a second time.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
So co Yeah, Well Dad's was actually an amazing journey
though because he actually he got a diagnosis which was
terminal and he so he was only supposed to live
three to six months and he actually lived thirteen years.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Yeah, so that.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Does he have the same optimism that you have?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Yep?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Interesting, Yeah, so that's it was a really amazing journey
and learning alongside that. And you know I did take
things into my coaching from him, but you know, he
had key things.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
He didn't change his life.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
He still went on a Friday and had you know,
bears with his mates. You know, he got quite deformed,
like he had masses of operations because it was a
skin cancer he had that he had this massive operation
that they took off a lot of his head yep.
So it was quite concaved. So it was quite and
he just he was like he wanted to live so
much that he was willing to do any surgeries, so
(16:47):
they just chopped things off.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Just do it.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I want to be here yep.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Yeah, yeah, so that was really cool.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
And yeah, just his positive attitude, yeah, was was what
got him through. And he was a tough bugger. He
was an ex policeman, so he was real tough. So yeah,
it was an incredible and like when he was ready
to go, he actually found it hard to go because
he was wanting to live so much that I think
(17:14):
his body, you know, he had to get some really
good stuff to help on here.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Yeah, because he had just been fighting for so much.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Oh absolutely, But yeah, he had a great sense of humor,
so funny. But yeah, it was like he was in
the Armed Defenders and the anti terrorists.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Wow. So I wonder he pushed through for another thirteen years.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
So yeah, incredible journey and lots to sort of draw
from going forward.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah. One thing that I know from a couple of
things that have happened in my family. So my mum
lost her mother at sixty and then she lost my brother,
whose son not long after a year later, and she
always said, I wish mum was here to help me
through this. Do you find that hard that you don't
(18:01):
have your dad at a time when you know he
could have been quite supportive for you.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
I do, like he was definitely my chat person, Like
even after every Networle game, I get the phone.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
I love that. And it's that bloody midfield was terrible.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
We put in the midfield and oh Ali bird to
stay inside the ring like, I love that.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
You know, he sounds like such a good man.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
And then his best friend was Fergie McCormick as well,
so I also got his call, so you could imagine.
So for me, he's he was always the person that
you chat to about things, so absolutely, but he did
bloody well you know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Who do you go to for support then when you
don't want to burden Mike further because he's the one
dealing with the treatments.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
Well as I was talking to before I got into Google. Yep.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
But actually you can actually ring the Cancer Society and
get the right information because they have all the information.
So that was something that I wish I had known.
And obviously associating with them now I sort of see
all the things that they do.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
What other sort of services do they provide?
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Yeah, so if you I mean, obviously we live in
christ Church, so but if you don't, and you live
somewhere that doesn't have the great treatment that we have,
you can come and stay in the facilities there. They
did a massive fundraising and to get that up and
up and running. It's a great center and it houses
not just the person but other family members as well.
(19:36):
It's got the vans which obviously take people from there
to the treatments, but even if you live in christ
Church but don't have your own transport, they can come
and sort of help you with that as well.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Yeah, that's amazing. I just want to talk about the
advocacy side of things. Who's taken the lead when it
comes to the doctors and the surgeons you talk to.
Is that you having to do that or is that
Mike as the person going through it?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
So we there's been that's actually been quite a strange
one with cancer because you actually don't have one lead person.
You go from we went from being with the surgeon
to going to the oncologist and then they are the
person in charge, to going into the radiography kind of
area and then yeah, so it's quite a weird.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
Sort of process.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
So I think the person almost has to own it
a little bit. Yeah, because you're going from there to
here to hear and you kind of feel like that
surgeon should have been the one, but they don't.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
They literally you're with that person.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Now because they go on to the next thing.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Yeah, because they've got obviously got it. And it's a
little bit like this, So I think it. Yeah, I
think you as a person need to sort of take
control a little bit. And I've been the person that
at the meetings writes the notes because there's so much
things that are said that it's really hard to remember.
So that's one thing that I felt like I could
do was just be there take the notes so that
(20:58):
we could go back, because you know, it's like when
you're getting all sorts of news, you go again and
then Yeah. So I think that's that was good.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
And what made you want to become an ambassador when
you are right in the middle of this journey for
your family?
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Well, interestingly enough, I was already an ambassador, So I
became an ambassador. So my friend Kelly Hutton, so she
passed away twenty twenty three.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
It was terribly sad.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Yeah, So that's so varying cancer that one, and she
was working as an ambassador and she was one of
the ones that actually did the big fundraise and led
that charge to get that cancer Society going so you
could buy a blanket all of those things, which was
really cool. So when she passed away, her sister Megan
and the ladies from the Cancer Society asked me if
(21:48):
I wanted to take her role because you know, obviously
being the tactics coach, and yeah, I said straight away.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
I said, yeah, so already in the role.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
And then so I had to tell them, hey, I've
got something else going, and to be honest, the last
you know, we've just been in it.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
But I kind of now I feel.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Ready to actually start getting out there and I'll start
probably promoting a bit more things on you know, my
own channels and things like that, and start really pushing
for people to make sure they're tested and things like that.
Speaker 4 (22:21):
But yeah, it's quite ironic in how it all works out.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
I know, I know, I wish you didn't have to
have been doing the lived experience at the same time,
but you're the perfect person to do it. I just
finally want to sort of recap what your messaging would
be for people now that Mike might be experiencing changes,
or they do find a bit of blood and they
still what would be your sort of lasting message for
(22:45):
people to take home after listening to this.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Yeah, I just get it checked straight away because I
think the thing is it can develop into worse, so
you are better off just getting checked. I mean even
if I think one of the things as well was
there's a there's a history, and there was a little
bit of history that Mike didn't know about in his family.
So having those conversations in your own family, if you
(23:08):
can find out about what's gone on before you know,
make sure if you've got a history, get in there
and get it checked straight away, even if maybe if
you haven't. It's just important if anything is different, change
and that goes with all of your body.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Really, it's not just the bow. There's all sorts of
other cancers.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
I mean Dad's was obviously skin cancer, so making sure
that you do all you can.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
You wear in your sun block.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
The sad thing is that the number of cancer that's
growing is actually for younger people. So that was one
of the stats that Cancer Society told me, is that's
actually the group that's growing, so I think we I
what am I I'm.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Not sure if I'm young or old.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
I'm kind of in between some fifty but even in
sort of like your thirties forties, whereas I think we've
usually lived and thought, you know where.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
You don't need to worry about it till later.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Yeah, but the umbers are growing, so you know, you
see people now that are passing away in their twenties.
So anything that's annoying you doesn't feel right, get it checked.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Thank you so much for today, and also thank you
for being part of our Daffodil Day netball clash. You
will be a welcome addition. Really appreciate it and all
the best with being an ambassador going forward.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (24:20):
We need to talk with Coast FMS Tony Street.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
If you enjoyed the podcast, click to share with family
or friends. To get in touch, email we need to
talk at Coast online, dot co dot MZ
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