In this special Christmas Eve transmission, Dr. Anton Jessup reflects on the nature of holiday conquest and what victory actually looks like…
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Episode Transcript
Welcome to Stuff to blow your mind, a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Good evening, and Happy Holidays. My name is doctor Anton Jess,
professor of Monster Studies here at the University. I'm broadcasting
once more from the University basement, where I conduct most
of my research these days, far from the prying eyes
(00:30):
of the public, in hidden from the shapeless thing that
pursues me. I realize my missives have been infrequent of late.
They may only grow more infrequent till you simply hear
from me no more. Such is life, I imagine, and
such as death. But look at me waxing morose when
(00:52):
it is Christmas Eve, and I promised you a meditation
on the challenges of conquering Christmas. Yes, as you're well aware,
there are those who attempted it over the centuries. I think,
of course, of the dinnizens of Mars, who, in nineteen
sixty four abducted Santa Claus and it tempted to install
(01:14):
him on the Red Planet in order to alter the
stoic and militaristic path of their culture. Santa, of course
returned to our planet, and his counterpart on the Red
planet vowed oar clause rules there to this day he weeps,
for there are no more Martian Christmases to conquer. Yes,
(01:35):
I'm afraid Dropo's reign lasted only a few days. Much
closer to home, but equally distant. We, of course, have
the conquest of Christmas within the world of the Who's
located within a single speck of dust somewhere in our world. Yes,
you might have forgotten about that little detail, but that's
(01:55):
where you'll find this particular microcosm. Don't need to recount
the entire story, but you know how it goes. The Grinch,
much like Grendel of Olds, grew enraged in his isolated
layer at the sights and sounds that emanated from the
heart of civilization. For the Grinch, the Christmas season posed
(02:17):
the greatest disruption, so he sought at first to steal it,
to make off with every material precursor to holiday mirth.
But of course Christmas came just the same, and that's
when the Grinch pivoted in his approach. Yes, he saved Christmas,
granted from himself, and was quickly installed at the head
(02:38):
of the Christmas celebrations by the Who's. Yes, make no mistake,
he not only saved Christmas, he usurped it, tore it down,
only to rebuild it back up in a cult dedicated
to himself. He remade the holiday in his own image,
and even now no doubt rules over who culture within
(03:00):
the dust back realm. Is there a lesson here for
us mortals? Yes, there is. The Only way to stop
the unwonted Christmas is to save it. The only way
to conquer it is to become it. Yes, the holiday
season is incredibly noxious and noisome, but one must lean
into it. One must find the monsters that dwell within
(03:24):
crampuses and le lads, Grifthers and grinches, and celebrate them
in your own way. Yes, I give you license to
conquer your own Christmas, make it your own, and populate
it with the monsters of your choosing. And with that
holiday message. I should I should wrap up this recording.
(03:47):
I should have Maxwell ship it off to the podcasting
factory for distribution. However that works, my studies await me
as does somewhere on the floors above the shapeless thing.
And if I'm very quiet, it might not know I'm
here at all. Hi, This is Robert Lamb. Thanks once
(04:16):
more to doctor Anton Jess for checking in with us
here it's Stuff to Blow Your Mind. If you go
through the archives of the Stuff to Blow Your Mind
podcast feed, you'll find various contributions from him over the years,
and if you go to YouTube you can look for
his old Monster Science series video series. I'm not sure
how much of the science still holds up, honestly, but
the monsters largely do. If you would like to reach
(04:38):
out to the Good Doctor, email us and we'll forward
your thoughts onto him. Thanks as always to the excellent
JJ Possway for producing the show, and you can always
reach us at contact at stuff to Blow your Mind
dot com.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
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