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May 3, 2023 14 mins

There’s a theory that all of us have a maximum number of friendships that we can maintain – 150, to be exact. Suspiciously exact, really, if you think about it.

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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, and welcome to the Short Stuff. Chuck's on a roll.
Let's get it up. Jerry's here too, Let's go it's
short stuff.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
And speaking of Jerry, does this not start with a
Seinfeld ref?

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Yeah, the Boyfriend episode part one.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
I don't remember that one, walk me through it.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
I don't remember the episode either, but I definitely remember
this part. So they're talking about meeting new friends in
your thirties and how it's just basically impossible to do that.
I think Jerry says, whatever group you've got is the
one you're going with. You're not interviewing, you're not looking
at any new people, not interested in seeing any applications.
And it's such a truism, like, as you get older,

(00:45):
the chances of you making new friends or especially adding
to your group, especially pre social media, was really low.
The chances were relatively low, especially compared to how you
were as a kid. And it's not just necessarily because
you lose interest in it. You potentially max out your

(01:05):
friends by a certain age, say your thirties, And the
idea that we can even max out the number of
friends we have suggests that there's like some sort of
cognitive load that having friends puts on us and that
we can only do so much, so we are limited
to a certain amount of friends.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
Well, my friend, I would agree that in most cases
that's true. But it's funny that I fly in the
face of this because I have met a lot of
friends since my thirties and in my forties even Wow,
But a lot of it is because of this job.
And you know me, I'm kind of a friend collector anyway. Sure,

(01:50):
And I just I don't know, I was just thinking
about it because of this stuff you sent me that, Like,
I've met a lot of really really good friends. You know,
I've got my my my crew from way way back,
from like high school and even college. But I've made
a bunch of new friends and some are really close,
but some are just sort of professional colleagues that I
consider friends. But it's interesting and I've really enjoyed meeting

(02:14):
new people in my thirties and forties.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
That's awesome. Well, if this whole episode didn't make me
feel like a loser before, it definitely does now.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well, I mean, you and I are different. You're you're
more likely to keep your your tribe small. True, and
there's nothing wrong with that either.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
Well, it is how I put it.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yeah, but there's no right way to be.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
I know, I'm just teasing, of course, but.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
I mean that's sort of the yin and yang of
us and why we work I think as partners.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
So let me ask you this, then, Chuck, would you
say that your number of friends people you would call
friends to one degree or another, exceeds that one hundred
and fifty.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Well, no, that's a lot of friends.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
It is a lot of friends. And the reason that
that numbers even out there is because of a British
anthropologist I believe from Oxford named Robin Dunbar, who I'm
just going to say it became obsessed with the idea
that there was a magic number, a limited number of friends,
which is, okay, that's something in and of itself, but

(03:18):
that you could actually predict the number of friends a
species would have based on the size of their neocortex.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
Right, that there was a ratio between your neocortex and
the amount of people that you could It's almost like
the amount of people you can manage before it starts
falling apart. And he studied, he studied this. He didn't
just come up with a number. He studied primates at first,

(03:46):
and you know, kind of at least in that world
found it to be true, and basically said, the size
of your neo cortex relative to your body size, and
that's the part of the brain that handles language right
in cognition mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
And also like just managing people and interacting with people,
it starts there, which is.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
How it figures in here.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
But that ratio basically will limit how complex of a
cohort group that you can be a part of.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
Right, And so he took these primate studies that he conducted,
doing fMRIs of neocortices of primates and then looking at
the size of their social groups, and then said, okay,
let's apply this to humans. Humans are social animals, we're primates.
Let's measure the size of the human average size of
the neocortext and a human and just guess, like or

(04:41):
I guess, extrapolate based on our findings, how big the
average human social network would be. And he did that,
and he came up with one hundred and fifty. And
then he set about finding things that proved it right.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
But first he took a commercial break, and we'll be
right back to talk about what he discovered, all right,

(05:30):
so he landed on one fifty, and he it wasn't
just like friends. He looked at you know, working groups
and factories and military squadrons and you know, ancient villages
in England and Christmas card lists, all kinds of things,
and he found that one fifty sort of stuck in.

(05:51):
Anything above that it would either you know, people would
turn on each other and you know the case of
like many many years ago, or it would just come
to unwieldy to manage and splinter off into smaller groups.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
Yeah, your Christmas card list goes over one fifty, all
the people on are going to turn against each other.

Speaker 3 (06:09):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
So he also said that even more fascinatingly, beyond the
number one fifty, that's just one of several numbers that
pop up and mind bogglingly, they're all factors of five.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
In fact, in fact, oh it seems super hinky. In fact,
he said, you have five the closest people, the people
you consider your loved ones, usually number five. After that,
you've got fifteen good friends, fifty friends, one hundred and
fifty meaningful contactskay, five hundred acquaintances, fifteen hundred people you

(06:48):
can recognize. No and then he said also like this
is not these aren't like static lists, Like depending on
how frequently you interact with these people, somebody from your
recognized group can end up becoming one of your good
friends if you see them enough and you hit it
off and you connect, so you know, they're not locked

(07:09):
in any list, and you know your loved ones can
turn on you and end up with its just people
you can recognize. Who knows it depends on how your
life goes.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
Yeah, and obviously it's a you know, it's in an arrange.
If you're an extrovert, you might have more you know, acquaintances.
At least I think they found that women have a
smaller number of I guess what would be considered good
friends than men do. Yeah. And it's interesting though that

(07:40):
some organizations and you got, you know, some of this
stuff from this was an article on the BBC.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
BBC Courts Biology Letters, a few others good stuff.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
But some organizations have sort of adhere to this, like
they buy into it, like the Swedish Tax Authority. Apparently
with their offices they don't have more than one hundred
and fifty people in any like particular location.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
Which is hilarious I saw it pointed out in one
of our sources. I don't remember which one they said.
I guess the Swedish tax authority is just presuming that
its employees don't have friends or loved ones outside of work,
because that totally undermines their entire pursuit. There.

Speaker 2 (08:16):
Oh, interesting, you know, I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah,
And some people say this is all bunk anyway. Some
people say it's completely bunk, and then some people say
there's something to that. But I just don't know about
that one fifty number, right.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
So people have studied this and performed their own their
own studies and have tried to reproduce Dunbar studies and
have come up with different numbers. But they can come
up with a number. It's just some of them are
like two hundred and ninety. I saw one of them
came up with six hundred and eleven. But the thing is,
Dunbar was convinced that it was a regression line where

(08:52):
there was a there was a The data forms basically
a bell curve where the average is the highest point
and then the outliers are the smallest. And what a
bunch of other studies have found is that it's probably
actually what's called it power law, which is a huge
steep curve that starts really high and then comes down

(09:12):
and then evens out toward the bottom. And power laws
happen when some people really skew the numbers upward. But
then most people have far far fewer, say, contacts than
those people who are the actual outliers, So rather than
the outliers being the fewest, the outliers have the most.

Speaker 3 (09:30):
And yeah, that.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
Changes a lot of stuff, so much so that I
saw there's a one study that found that the ninety
five percent confidence interval had a range of between four
and five hundred and twenty contacts that the average person had,
so they kind of thiderrate out the window. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
Wow, that's interesting. And of course, with the advent of
social media in more recent years, depending on what how
old you are, you might you know, some people our
age might not consider those people friends, even though they
may be like Facebook friends, even though neither one of
us are on Facebook, you know.

Speaker 3 (10:07):
What I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
Whereas I think a younger generation might say like, oh no,
those are my friends and my gaming network that I
play like, these people are my friends. We never met
or anything. So the idea of what friendship is means
different things to different people, and a lot of times
depending on how old you are, what generation you're in.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
Right, And then Dunbar was saying that even still he
sees the same things hold on the online world as well.
In that BBC article, he puts it that it's like
the same design features of the human mind that are
imposing constraints on the number of individuals like in the
real world also do so in the gaming world as well. Yeah,

(10:51):
you know, which is pretty interesting. And then you also
chuck us to wrap it up. You might be sitting
there like this is all fascinating, but it just feels
like navel gazing to me. Why does any of this matter? Right, Well,
if you're like a demographer or an economist, coming up
with a way to reliably predict group size starting at

(11:11):
the individual level, would let you count huge groups like
really accurately, would let you count groups that are hard
to count, like victims of crimes who don't come forward,
the homeless. There's a lot of people whose entire field
would be revolutionized by being able to look at the
size of a cortex and predict the number of people

(11:34):
that person is friends with, but it just doesn't seem
to be fully holding up. It holds up enough that
the Dunbar Dunbar's number has stuck around this long, but
it's it's not just proving reliable in case after case.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
Yeah, you know, I kind of went down this rabbit
hole interestingly recently because when I went to LA for
spring break?

Speaker 1 (11:55):
Did you make more friends there?

Speaker 3 (11:57):
No?

Speaker 2 (11:57):
I didn't make any friends that week, maybe, but I
was I wanted to throw I rented this house up
in the Hollywood Hills with the pool, and I was like, hey,
you know, I get to go back to LA and
live like a hot shot for a week, and I
wanted to throw a party, like a pool party, because
I have a lot of friends out there with kids,
and so I've made a list and that went. I

(12:19):
went down that rabbit hole of making a list of
my LA friends and I'm looking at it now and
it was like, you know, a list of friends. And
then I even made a second list of fringe.

Speaker 3 (12:31):
So like people I consider my friends.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
Like Joe Randazzo and Janet Varney and her partner Brand
and like people that I'm like tight with, Like I
consider those people people like if they needed something, I
would be there for them, no matter what kind of
friends a friend. And then the fringe was everything from
professional colleagues that I've met here and there over the years,

(12:53):
all the way down to like I had this personal
movie crush once and we really hit it off that day, right,
but he didn't keep in touch at all. But I
just invited everyone. I just threw a really cast a
wide net and like a.

Speaker 3 (13:05):
Lot of people came.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
That really surprised me, And it was kind of fun
and cool to have all these different people from thirty
years of my life, because some people went way back
with me from Atlanta that live out there. Yeah, and
it was just kind of interesting to look at this
list of people and now how it relates to this episode.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
So you had new friends and old friends mingling together.
How did it go?

Speaker 2 (13:26):
It was great people that like a lot of the
very little crossovers, so a lot of people didn't most
people didn't know one another and just getting to know
each other, and it was like, it was fun, It
was really neat.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
I could see putting your old friends and new friends
together as a relatively low risk exercise because friends of
Chucks aren't going to not get along with other friends
of Chucks. You know, it was all good folks.

Speaker 2 (13:47):
And you know what, big congratulations our buddy Josh Beerman.
You remember Josh. Yeah, he came and I didn't expect
him to come. And he walks in with a brand
new baby.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Oh wow was it his?

Speaker 3 (13:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (13:59):
Okay, talk about a fun way to enter a party.
I was like, oh my god, you get You've got
this great, great new baby. And it was kind of
a fun reveal, very nice.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
He had a cape that that made me reveal even better.
He's like, I've got a baby. Holy cow. Uh well,
I guess that's it for short stuff, right.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
I think that means we're out right yes.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
You.

Speaker 3 (14:22):
Stuff you should Know is a production of iHeartRadio. For
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