November 30, 2025 • 25 mins
Suze and KT had a conversation about an email from a listener who is being taken advantage of by their family. Can you relate to the story? Do you know when helping someone else may be hurting you?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Robert (00:08):
November 30th, 2025. Welcome to the Women in Money podcast
as well as everyone smart enough to listen. Hi, everybody,
I'm Robert, the producer, and we hope you are enjoying
the long Thanksgiving weekend. And if you are able to,
seeing friends and family and most importantly, getting some rest.
In fact, we're doing the exact same thing here at
the Women and Money Podcast, seeing friends and family, and today,
(00:29):
getting some rest.
Now, just because we don't have a brand new episode
for you, doesn't mean that you don't get to hear
Suze and KT on this last day of November 2025.
We're gonna play for you part of an episode that
we released last Thanksgiving, because the core message inside is
really important and it's something that we feel should be
at the top of your feed, especially as we head
(00:52):
into the next batch of year-end holidays. And now, here's Suze.
Suze (00:58):
Now today we're gonna do something that we did before
but we're gonna do it again. It's going to be
a conversation. Recently I got an email because I read
the emails along with KT.
KT (01:13):
It's about family.
And it's about the awkward and the difficult and the
sadder side of what families may experience or go through,
especially the child with the parent.
Suze (01:26):
When it comes to money.
KT (01:28):
Oh, absolutely that's why we're here, Suze.
Suze (01:31):
So sit down with us, relax, and I want you
to participate in this conversation as well. I want you
to ask yourselves the question, how would you answer it?
How do you feel about it?
And maybe it can give you some insight to also
open up a conversation with your entire family and see
(01:53):
how they feel about it on the reverse side as well.
All right, KT?
KT (01:59):
So this is from Cecilia, a daughter. She wrote, Dear
Suze and KT, your guidance is a blessing, and I'm
so thankful you are a channel for good in the world.
You often address parental questions around how to wisely act
for future generations, but what about family situations in which
(02:22):
the parents are financially irresponsible? Is there a financial obligation
of the child towards the parent, or is it primarily
the parent towards the child?
My parents have been in debt and financially irresponsible my
entire life, even needing to borrow money from me in
(02:43):
my youth. Now listen to this, everyone, and think about this.
I still remember at age 6 my little yet precious
savings taken.
I've had to in many ways raise myself and teach
myself how to be responsible with money. 30 years later,
I'm now an adult, and they still just want to take.
(03:07):
So Cecilia's obviously referencing her parents. She said, I've tried
to guide them, even recommending your podcast, Suze, but they
cannot improve and apply any knowledge for change.
So Cecilia has a problem, right, Suze, she said. Our
relationship has grown ever distant as they judge all my
(03:29):
actions with a monetary mindset. Their competitive nature is incessantly
sizing me up and seeing how they could benefit, even
if I wasn't in a position truly able to give.
They see all of my actions as having so much
more than them because they are in such a place
of lack.
(03:51):
So, that's a very awkward place for Cecilia to be in. So, Suze,
how can I balance giving while not playing the role
of the parent as your mantra starts with
If I don't give, I can feel guilty, and if
I do give, then I feel taken advantage of and
like I'm perpetuating an endless cycle. I understand there's a
(04:15):
financial obligation parents have towards their children, having brought them
into this world, but is there any
reverse obligation or can I feel free of their expectations
towards me? I especially find myself concerned as they inch
closer to retirement ages and don't have much of any
(04:36):
sufficient nest for all those years to come. Suze, thank
you for your care and help. Please tell me what
to do, Cecilia.
Suze (04:47):
So, KT, you just read that letter.
We're not answering her questions yet. I'm curious as to
how it made you personally feel. What did it bring
up for you?
KT (05:03):
Wow, Suz e, it made me feel so lucky, privileged, loved,
cared for. It made me feel as opposite to what
Cecilia has experienced throughout her life.
Suze (05:16):
And loved by who?
KT (05:16):
My parents, my family, my siblings, so supportive.
My parents so did without in order to take care
of six children, and I didn't...
Suze (05:28):
But they were responsible.
KT (05:28):
Totally responsible, but I didn't know how much they actually
gave up till I became an adult. I did not
really understand that. Why? Because I think kids are young
and selfish.
Suze (05:39):
All right. And the reason that I ask you that, KT,
is that even more than me, truthfully, obviously I spent
a lot of money on my mother and everything.
But it was a very different thing with me and
my mother.
You loved that you could help your mother. You wanted,
(06:01):
you wanted to help your mother and father. Now was
it your responsibility to do so, or was it your
desire to do so because of how they took care
of you and how responsible they were financially growing up?
KT (06:18):
We never any of us felt that we were responsible.
Because they never put us in that position ever.
Suze (06:27):
So then it was a joy for you to give
to them.
KT (06:29):
Oh my God, it was something that not only we
looked forward to, but I worked really hard because I
wanted to give them something special or
thank them in a way that I knew they could
never have for themselves.
Suze (06:44):
And then because they were so responsible with money as
they got older and they got sick and your father
had a stroke, all these things that happened, right.
One of the happiest things in your life was being
able to get your mommy a home, make sure she
had a private aid, do all these things for her.
(07:08):
And that was like because I remember the day she
died you were so thrilled that we did such a
good job that she still had $60,000 left so that
all the kids, not you, but could get $15,000 each
immediately because she had a will and a trust in everything.
Do you remember that feeling? All right.
(07:30):
Cecilia, did you just hear that?
Obviously, it is a parent's responsibility, bar none.
To take care of their children, nourish their children, educate
their children so that they can grow up and learn
how to thrive in this world of ours. It is
(07:52):
their responsibility to do so.
It seems like they did a pretty good job with you.
And why is that? Because you saw by their behavior
how you did not want to do that. I just
want you to all put a pin in that for
a second. You said something in this email that I
(08:15):
found so fascinating, and I don't know if you remember this, KT.
I have a thing with the 9 Steps to Financial Freedom,
which was the best book I've ever written, bar none,
and the whole book's premise to begin with is your
first childhood money memory determines what happens to you in life.
(08:38):
I went around and I started to ask a question,
not to 10 people, not to 50 people, thousands of people.
Could they ever remember
mommy or daddy taking money from your piggy bank and
not paying you back.
(08:59):
Well...
Everybody, even if they're incredibly wealthy today, whatever, that one
action of taking money from a piggy bank.
And not replacing it scarred them, but it did, KT, right?
But it was that one memory that also spurred all
(09:21):
those people to go and save money on their own
and be responsible for it on their own. So even
though that's a hurtful action and memory that you have,
I would almost guarantee you that it is that one
action plus many after that.
That has made you the successful woman you are today.
(09:44):
So sometimes when we look in our past.
You have to not dwell in the sadness of your past.
You have to dwell in the happiness of who you
are right now.
And how you feel about yourself right now. So that
was for you, Cecilia. KT, with that said, I just
(10:08):
have to go back again,
to answer Cecilia's number one question, is it the responsibility
of a child to take care of their parents if
the parents have been totally irresponsible with money and doing
things with it, that's like throwing it out? Is it?
KT (10:28):
No.
Suze (10:28):
There you go, I agree with that.
Would it be any different?
If your parents were drug addicts, because I've gone through
this many times with people, they're drug addicts, they're alcoholics,
they're gamblers, and they have no money, and they always
want the money from the kids so they can go
(10:49):
back to the gambling. They have nothing, nothing.
Would you give them the money then?
KT (10:56):
I would give them intervention, but I would not give
them money. I'd give them intervention. That's a responsibility.
Suze (11:04):
But Cecilia.
Would you feel guilty not giving them money if that
money was leading to the destruction of who they are drugs, alcohol, gambling?
I want you to seriously think about that. I think
it would be a lot easier, KT, for Cecilia to go, Mom,
(11:25):
I'm not giving you the money for you to go
drink yourself to death.
It's she could rationalize that, right? It's very hard to
rationalize not giving when when they're just irresponsible, which means
they spend money they don't invest it, they don't take
care of themselves.
(11:47):
Do you agree with that?
KT (11:48):
Yeah, I do agree with it. I, that's why I'm
saying I think that Cecilia's difficulty here, Suze, is that
it looks like she's the only source. She's the only
money pit.
Suze (11:59):
I have a feeling she's the only child.
KT (12:01):
Yeah, I think she's the only money pit, which is
why she's really in turmoil about how do I do this.
Suze (12:07):
All right, so, obviously you see where this is going, Cecilia.
Number one, we're gonna hopefully talk you off
the wall of guilt. We're gonna talk you off the
wall of feeling that it's your responsibility and we're gonna
talk to you on the wall of putting people first,
then money, then things because the first thing I have
to straighten out is this when I say people first,
(12:31):
I do not mean other people. I do not mean
go out and take care of the world. I mean
you have got to take care of yourself.
Maybe I need to change that to you first, then money,
then things, but Cecilia, the people I'm talking about in
that phrase is you.
(12:52):
So you have to put yourself before money. You have
to put yourself into a situation where you feel good
about every action that you take. That's number one. Number two, again,
I go back to this. How many years have I
been saying that you and your money are one? If
(13:17):
you give your money away.
To somebody who wastes it, what you are doing is
you are giving a part of yourself away to your parents.
Not money, that's true, that's the vehicle, but you and
your money are one. Money is a physical manifestation of
(13:40):
who you are.
So the reason that you feel so bad about this,
in my opinion, is that you are disrespecting yourself.
You are giving a part of yourself away which actually
hurts more than giving money.
(14:00):
If that made sense, did that make sense to you, KT?
KT (14:03):
Yeah, I think it does make a whole lot of
sense to me, but I want the listeners to really
understand what you're trying to do to help her.
Suze (14:12):
All right, so now I will get to that.
Hopefully we have answered the question.
Parents need and must be responsible for their children.
In my opinion, in KT's opinion, some of you may disagree,
there is no mandate that a child is responsible for
(14:35):
a parent who is absolutely disrespectful of money, only loves
me for money, any of those things now.
When a parent gets old, they've been respectful, they've loved you,
they've honored their money, they've done everything they can that's
another story, you know what's funny, KT, what I'm thinking
(14:58):
of as I say this how many parents, even if
they're grandparents now, they're old and they still have their
children alive, right, say.
I don't want to be a burden on my family.
KT (15:11):
Oh, many. They all do.
Suze (15:13):
Think about it, everybody. Do any of you want to
be a burden on your children? And I can tell you,
if you love your children, the answer to that is no.
A lot of times I talk to people and I go,
why don't you just take a little vacation? Why can't
you just get a little bit newer car so it
(15:33):
doesn't break down on you in the middle of the
night or whatever it is? And they say, no, I'm
saving every penny for my kids. I want my kids
to have everything.
Cecilia, that's how loving parents think. They don't look at
their kids as a money ticket. They don't make their
(15:54):
kids feel bad.
So, if you choose
to give money away, right? You cannot feel like you
are being taken advantage of them, and I'm quoting your
email right now.
You have to feel like you are disrespecting yourself.
(16:17):
Did you hear what I just said, Cecilia? This isn't
about they have so much power that they could take
advantage of you, so you give them money.
Only you have the power to make a decision what
you do with money, what you do with your life.
So, number one, you have got to get this concept
(16:38):
of they're taking advantage of you if you give them
money out of your mind. What else would I tell
you to do?
The first thing I would tell you to do, believe
it or not, is I would go see them. I
would sit down with them.
And I would look them right in the eye, and
(16:58):
maybe you tell them to listen to this podcast or
that you want to play this podcast for them.
Sit with them and let them listen to this podcast.
They don't want to find no problem. You go over
and you sit with them and you say, Mom and Dad,
I love you very much. However, I am letting you
(17:21):
know from this day on I am not giving you
any more money.
If you need food, I'll go get food for you
and give you food.
But make it clear to them that the Bank of
Cecilia is closed no matter what they say, no matter
(17:45):
how bad off they get, you have to be strong
enough to let them hit rock bottom, cause I have
found over my 40 years of doing this change doesn't
come easy.
And change normally comes financially speaking when the people have
(18:06):
hit rock bottom they have no more credit lines, they
have nobody to go to to ask for money every
avenue of that financial river has been dammed up and
they are bone dry.
So...
That's what you have to do and you have to
(18:28):
be strong enough to do that.
KT (18:31):
So, Suze, I agree with all of that, but I
would have a slightly different approach. I would talk to
my parents and I would let them know clearly that
I don't feel good. I've been feeling very sad and
very depressed and they say, why honey? I say, because
I feel that you only want me around for my money.
(18:52):
So therefore I need to feel that you love me
for who I am. From this day forward, I'm gonna
stop financing you or giving you money or bailing you out.
Suze (19:04):
All right, you've, let's role play. You're Cecilia. I'm Mom.
You came to me and you just said that.
And I say that is not true. We love you
for who you are. We've never loved you for your money.
We've da da da da da because you have to understand, KT,
parents like this are in total denial anyway. You come
(19:24):
from a place because you are so sweet, so sweet,
and you actually don't know anything other than love.
So just remember KT comes from a family. She has
never experienced anything
but love in her life. How fabulous is that right?
KT (19:43):
I know, very fabulous. That's what I'm always thankful for
every day. So what I would do, mom, alright, you're
my mom, right?
I, I'm Cecilia.
Suze (19:53):
I'm, I've, I've never felt that way about you. Why
do you say that? You're wrong.
KT (19:58):
If you mean that, Mom, then starting today, I don't
want you to ask for money. I'm not going to
give you or Daddy any more money, but I did
come up with a couple ideas for you to help
you when you get in those jams or to make
ends meet.
I think that you can do a couple of things
to make money or to find money other than calling
(20:21):
me for it. One is just...
Suze (20:23):
Like what, Cecilia, look at this house. I have nothing here.
Look at everything around me.
KT (20:29):
You have a lot of things and you can sell
things you don't use or need anymore.
Suze (20:33):
Who would want to buy this junk?
KT (20:35):
Well, a lot of people, you have a yard sale
and you give it a shot. You can probably make
about $50 100 dollars, who knows, but start with that, mom. Second,
you may want to downsize and live in a smaller,
more affordable place. And then there's the jobs. There's always
part-time work and jobs and opportunities that you can do
(20:57):
on the side to try to make those ends meet.
The only thing mom that and dad that I'm absolutely
always gonna be there for you is to make sure
that you're eating healthy and I can always assist you
in providing a hot meal or maybe even come and
cook for you once a month.
Suze (21:18):
KT that was actually great.
But Cecilia, did you see how that went? Don't go
in there when you sit down expecting that your mother
and father are going to, for the first time in
your life, understand anything that you are saying. Yeah, they're gonna,
they won't embrace you with love.
KT (21:38):
They're gonna probably get really mad. So, but here is
be ready.
Suze (21:42):
But here is why I want you to do it.
You aren't doing this for them.
You are doing this for yourself. You are doing this
so that you can be clear.
That you have set boundaries. You've said what you wanted
to say, that's that. You do it for yourself. If
(22:03):
they hear you fine. If they don't hear you, fine.
All that matters is you have a voice and you
said it. Remember I've said, your voice is your power,
and you need to switch from guilty...
to not guilty you need to switch from feeling taken
(22:27):
advantage of to knowing you're not being taken advantage of.
You cannot give out a guilt. If you give out
a guilt, then you have totally disrespected yourself as well.
So you are going to have to become far stronger
than you have ever been. And why do I say that?
(22:47):
You have given to them out of weakness.
Not strength. You have given to them out of the
wrong reasons cause it's easier to give than to say no.
You now have to say no out of love for
yourself versus yes out of fear.
That they're not gonna like you, they're not gonna do this. Oh, please,
(23:09):
look at your relationship already. That would be our advice
to you.
Our advice where you stand in the truth of your
own self respect, your own love, and your own thankfulness
for giving yourself a life where you are financially pretty
(23:30):
much independent, you are doing things exactly how you want
in your own life, and be thankful as well that
you have parents like that.
Because that's what you have, so you might as well
be thankful because look at the gifts they gave you,
and the gifts that they gave you are gifts of self-independence.
(23:57):
So that brings us to the end of this Suze
and KT conversation. Did you enjoy that, KT?
KT (24:03):
I did, but it's a little depressing.
Suze (24:06):
It's not depressing. It actually..
KT (24:09):
It's actually liberating, isn't it?
Suze (24:10):
It's liberating, but it's standing in your truth, and I
have to tell you, KT, this is not just one
person having this problem. There are hundreds of thousands of
people out there, maybe millions, which is why I chose
it for today.
Because I know that more of you will relate to
(24:31):
this than less of you, believe it or not. So therefore,
people first, and remember when I say that I mean you,
then what KT?
KT (24:42):
Then money.
Suze (24:43):
Then things and if you do that, stay healthy, stay safe,
we promise you you will be unstoppable.
November 30th, 2025. Welcome to the Women in Money podcast
as well as everyone smart enough to listen. Hi, everybody,
I'm Robert, the producer, and we hope you are enjoying
the long Thanksgiving weekend. And if you are able to,
seeing friends and family and most importantly, getting some rest.
In fact, we're doing the exact same thing here at
the Women and Money Podcast, seeing friends and family, and today,
(00:29):
getting some rest.
Now, just because we don't have a brand new episode
for you, doesn't mean that you don't get to hear
Suze and KT on this last day of November 2025.
We're gonna play for you part of an episode that
we released last Thanksgiving, because the core message inside is
really important and it's something that we feel should be
at the top of your feed, especially as we head
(00:52):
into the next batch of year-end holidays. And now, here's Suze.
Suze (00:58):
Now today we're gonna do something that we did before
but we're gonna do it again. It's going to be
a conversation. Recently I got an email because I read
the emails along with KT.
KT (01:13):
It's about family.
And it's about the awkward and the difficult and the
sadder side of what families may experience or go through,
especially the child with the parent.
Suze (01:26):
When it comes to money.
KT (01:28):
Oh, absolutely that's why we're here, Suze.
Suze (01:31):
So sit down with us, relax, and I want you
to participate in this conversation as well. I want you
to ask yourselves the question, how would you answer it?
How do you feel about it?
And maybe it can give you some insight to also
open up a conversation with your entire family and see
(01:53):
how they feel about it on the reverse side as well.
All right, KT?
KT (01:59):
So this is from Cecilia, a daughter. She wrote, Dear
Suze and KT, your guidance is a blessing, and I'm
so thankful you are a channel for good in the world.
You often address parental questions around how to wisely act
for future generations, but what about family situations in which
(02:22):
the parents are financially irresponsible? Is there a financial obligation
of the child towards the parent, or is it primarily
the parent towards the child?
My parents have been in debt and financially irresponsible my
entire life, even needing to borrow money from me in
(02:43):
my youth. Now listen to this, everyone, and think about this.
I still remember at age 6 my little yet precious
savings taken.
I've had to in many ways raise myself and teach
myself how to be responsible with money. 30 years later,
I'm now an adult, and they still just want to take.
(03:07):
So Cecilia's obviously referencing her parents. She said, I've tried
to guide them, even recommending your podcast, Suze, but they
cannot improve and apply any knowledge for change.
So Cecilia has a problem, right, Suze, she said. Our
relationship has grown ever distant as they judge all my
(03:29):
actions with a monetary mindset. Their competitive nature is incessantly
sizing me up and seeing how they could benefit, even
if I wasn't in a position truly able to give.
They see all of my actions as having so much
more than them because they are in such a place
of lack.
(03:51):
So, that's a very awkward place for Cecilia to be in. So, Suze,
how can I balance giving while not playing the role
of the parent as your mantra starts with
If I don't give, I can feel guilty, and if
I do give, then I feel taken advantage of and
like I'm perpetuating an endless cycle. I understand there's a
(04:15):
financial obligation parents have towards their children, having brought them
into this world, but is there any
reverse obligation or can I feel free of their expectations
towards me? I especially find myself concerned as they inch
closer to retirement ages and don't have much of any
(04:36):
sufficient nest for all those years to come. Suze, thank
you for your care and help. Please tell me what
to do, Cecilia.
Suze (04:47):
So, KT, you just read that letter.
We're not answering her questions yet. I'm curious as to
how it made you personally feel. What did it bring
up for you?
KT (05:03):
Wow, Suz e, it made me feel so lucky, privileged, loved,
cared for. It made me feel as opposite to what
Cecilia has experienced throughout her life.
Suze (05:16):
And loved by who?
KT (05:16):
My parents, my family, my siblings, so supportive.
My parents so did without in order to take care
of six children, and I didn't...
Suze (05:28):
But they were responsible.
KT (05:28):
Totally responsible, but I didn't know how much they actually
gave up till I became an adult. I did not
really understand that. Why? Because I think kids are young
and selfish.
Suze (05:39):
All right. And the reason that I ask you that, KT,
is that even more than me, truthfully, obviously I spent
a lot of money on my mother and everything.
But it was a very different thing with me and
my mother.
You loved that you could help your mother. You wanted,
(06:01):
you wanted to help your mother and father. Now was
it your responsibility to do so, or was it your
desire to do so because of how they took care
of you and how responsible they were financially growing up?
KT (06:18):
We never any of us felt that we were responsible.
Because they never put us in that position ever.
Suze (06:27):
So then it was a joy for you to give
to them.
KT (06:29):
Oh my God, it was something that not only we
looked forward to, but I worked really hard because I
wanted to give them something special or
thank them in a way that I knew they could
never have for themselves.
Suze (06:44):
And then because they were so responsible with money as
they got older and they got sick and your father
had a stroke, all these things that happened, right.
One of the happiest things in your life was being
able to get your mommy a home, make sure she
had a private aid, do all these things for her.
(07:08):
And that was like because I remember the day she
died you were so thrilled that we did such a
good job that she still had $60,000 left so that
all the kids, not you, but could get $15,000 each
immediately because she had a will and a trust in everything.
Do you remember that feeling? All right.
(07:30):
Cecilia, did you just hear that?
Obviously, it is a parent's responsibility, bar none.
To take care of their children, nourish their children, educate
their children so that they can grow up and learn
how to thrive in this world of ours. It is
(07:52):
their responsibility to do so.
It seems like they did a pretty good job with you.
And why is that? Because you saw by their behavior
how you did not want to do that. I just
want you to all put a pin in that for
a second. You said something in this email that I
(08:15):
found so fascinating, and I don't know if you remember this, KT.
I have a thing with the 9 Steps to Financial Freedom,
which was the best book I've ever written, bar none,
and the whole book's premise to begin with is your
first childhood money memory determines what happens to you in life.
(08:38):
I went around and I started to ask a question,
not to 10 people, not to 50 people, thousands of people.
Could they ever remember
mommy or daddy taking money from your piggy bank and
not paying you back.
(08:59):
Well...
Everybody, even if they're incredibly wealthy today, whatever, that one
action of taking money from a piggy bank.
And not replacing it scarred them, but it did, KT, right?
But it was that one memory that also spurred all
(09:21):
those people to go and save money on their own
and be responsible for it on their own. So even
though that's a hurtful action and memory that you have,
I would almost guarantee you that it is that one
action plus many after that.
That has made you the successful woman you are today.
(09:44):
So sometimes when we look in our past.
You have to not dwell in the sadness of your past.
You have to dwell in the happiness of who you
are right now.
And how you feel about yourself right now. So that
was for you, Cecilia. KT, with that said, I just
(10:08):
have to go back again,
to answer Cecilia's number one question, is it the responsibility
of a child to take care of their parents if
the parents have been totally irresponsible with money and doing
things with it, that's like throwing it out? Is it?
KT (10:28):
No.
Suze (10:28):
There you go, I agree with that.
Would it be any different?
If your parents were drug addicts, because I've gone through
this many times with people, they're drug addicts, they're alcoholics,
they're gamblers, and they have no money, and they always
want the money from the kids so they can go
(10:49):
back to the gambling. They have nothing, nothing.
Would you give them the money then?
KT (10:56):
I would give them intervention, but I would not give
them money. I'd give them intervention. That's a responsibility.
Suze (11:04):
But Cecilia.
Would you feel guilty not giving them money if that
money was leading to the destruction of who they are drugs, alcohol, gambling?
I want you to seriously think about that. I think
it would be a lot easier, KT, for Cecilia to go, Mom,
(11:25):
I'm not giving you the money for you to go
drink yourself to death.
It's she could rationalize that, right? It's very hard to
rationalize not giving when when they're just irresponsible, which means
they spend money they don't invest it, they don't take
care of themselves.
(11:47):
Do you agree with that?
KT (11:48):
Yeah, I do agree with it. I, that's why I'm
saying I think that Cecilia's difficulty here, Suze, is that
it looks like she's the only source. She's the only
money pit.
Suze (11:59):
I have a feeling she's the only child.
KT (12:01):
Yeah, I think she's the only money pit, which is
why she's really in turmoil about how do I do this.
Suze (12:07):
All right, so, obviously you see where this is going, Cecilia.
Number one, we're gonna hopefully talk you off
the wall of guilt. We're gonna talk you off the
wall of feeling that it's your responsibility and we're gonna
talk to you on the wall of putting people first,
then money, then things because the first thing I have
to straighten out is this when I say people first,
(12:31):
I do not mean other people. I do not mean
go out and take care of the world. I mean
you have got to take care of yourself.
Maybe I need to change that to you first, then money,
then things, but Cecilia, the people I'm talking about in
that phrase is you.
(12:52):
So you have to put yourself before money. You have
to put yourself into a situation where you feel good
about every action that you take. That's number one. Number two, again,
I go back to this. How many years have I
been saying that you and your money are one? If
(13:17):
you give your money away.
To somebody who wastes it, what you are doing is
you are giving a part of yourself away to your parents.
Not money, that's true, that's the vehicle, but you and
your money are one. Money is a physical manifestation of
(13:40):
who you are.
So the reason that you feel so bad about this,
in my opinion, is that you are disrespecting yourself.
You are giving a part of yourself away which actually
hurts more than giving money.
(14:00):
If that made sense, did that make sense to you, KT?
KT (14:03):
Yeah, I think it does make a whole lot of
sense to me, but I want the listeners to really
understand what you're trying to do to help her.
Suze (14:12):
All right, so now I will get to that.
Hopefully we have answered the question.
Parents need and must be responsible for their children.
In my opinion, in KT's opinion, some of you may disagree,
there is no mandate that a child is responsible for
(14:35):
a parent who is absolutely disrespectful of money, only loves
me for money, any of those things now.
When a parent gets old, they've been respectful, they've loved you,
they've honored their money, they've done everything they can that's
another story, you know what's funny, KT, what I'm thinking
(14:58):
of as I say this how many parents, even if
they're grandparents now, they're old and they still have their
children alive, right, say.
I don't want to be a burden on my family.
KT (15:11):
Oh, many. They all do.
Suze (15:13):
Think about it, everybody. Do any of you want to
be a burden on your children? And I can tell you,
if you love your children, the answer to that is no.
A lot of times I talk to people and I go,
why don't you just take a little vacation? Why can't
you just get a little bit newer car so it
(15:33):
doesn't break down on you in the middle of the
night or whatever it is? And they say, no, I'm
saving every penny for my kids. I want my kids
to have everything.
Cecilia, that's how loving parents think. They don't look at
their kids as a money ticket. They don't make their
(15:54):
kids feel bad.
So, if you choose
to give money away, right? You cannot feel like you
are being taken advantage of them, and I'm quoting your
email right now.
You have to feel like you are disrespecting yourself.
(16:17):
Did you hear what I just said, Cecilia? This isn't
about they have so much power that they could take
advantage of you, so you give them money.
Only you have the power to make a decision what
you do with money, what you do with your life.
So, number one, you have got to get this concept
(16:38):
of they're taking advantage of you if you give them
money out of your mind. What else would I tell
you to do?
The first thing I would tell you to do, believe
it or not, is I would go see them. I
would sit down with them.
And I would look them right in the eye, and
(16:58):
maybe you tell them to listen to this podcast or
that you want to play this podcast for them.
Sit with them and let them listen to this podcast.
They don't want to find no problem. You go over
and you sit with them and you say, Mom and Dad,
I love you very much. However, I am letting you
(17:21):
know from this day on I am not giving you
any more money.
If you need food, I'll go get food for you
and give you food.
But make it clear to them that the Bank of
Cecilia is closed no matter what they say, no matter
(17:45):
how bad off they get, you have to be strong
enough to let them hit rock bottom, cause I have
found over my 40 years of doing this change doesn't
come easy.
And change normally comes financially speaking when the people have
(18:06):
hit rock bottom they have no more credit lines, they
have nobody to go to to ask for money every
avenue of that financial river has been dammed up and
they are bone dry.
So...
That's what you have to do and you have to
(18:28):
be strong enough to do that.
KT (18:31):
So, Suze, I agree with all of that, but I
would have a slightly different approach. I would talk to
my parents and I would let them know clearly that
I don't feel good. I've been feeling very sad and
very depressed and they say, why honey? I say, because
I feel that you only want me around for my money.
(18:52):
So therefore I need to feel that you love me
for who I am. From this day forward, I'm gonna
stop financing you or giving you money or bailing you out.
Suze (19:04):
All right, you've, let's role play. You're Cecilia. I'm Mom.
You came to me and you just said that.
And I say that is not true. We love you
for who you are. We've never loved you for your money.
We've da da da da da because you have to understand, KT,
parents like this are in total denial anyway. You come
(19:24):
from a place because you are so sweet, so sweet,
and you actually don't know anything other than love.
So just remember KT comes from a family. She has
never experienced anything
but love in her life. How fabulous is that right?
KT (19:43):
I know, very fabulous. That's what I'm always thankful for
every day. So what I would do, mom, alright, you're
my mom, right?
I, I'm Cecilia.
Suze (19:53):
I'm, I've, I've never felt that way about you. Why
do you say that? You're wrong.
KT (19:58):
If you mean that, Mom, then starting today, I don't
want you to ask for money. I'm not going to
give you or Daddy any more money, but I did
come up with a couple ideas for you to help
you when you get in those jams or to make
ends meet.
I think that you can do a couple of things
to make money or to find money other than calling
(20:21):
me for it. One is just...
Suze (20:23):
Like what, Cecilia, look at this house. I have nothing here.
Look at everything around me.
KT (20:29):
You have a lot of things and you can sell
things you don't use or need anymore.
Suze (20:33):
Who would want to buy this junk?
KT (20:35):
Well, a lot of people, you have a yard sale
and you give it a shot. You can probably make
about $50 100 dollars, who knows, but start with that, mom. Second,
you may want to downsize and live in a smaller,
more affordable place. And then there's the jobs. There's always
part-time work and jobs and opportunities that you can do
(20:57):
on the side to try to make those ends meet.
The only thing mom that and dad that I'm absolutely
always gonna be there for you is to make sure
that you're eating healthy and I can always assist you
in providing a hot meal or maybe even come and
cook for you once a month.
Suze (21:18):
KT that was actually great.
But Cecilia, did you see how that went? Don't go
in there when you sit down expecting that your mother
and father are going to, for the first time in
your life, understand anything that you are saying. Yeah, they're gonna,
they won't embrace you with love.
KT (21:38):
They're gonna probably get really mad. So, but here is
be ready.
Suze (21:42):
But here is why I want you to do it.
You aren't doing this for them.
You are doing this for yourself. You are doing this
so that you can be clear.
That you have set boundaries. You've said what you wanted
to say, that's that. You do it for yourself. If
(22:03):
they hear you fine. If they don't hear you, fine.
All that matters is you have a voice and you
said it. Remember I've said, your voice is your power,
and you need to switch from guilty...
to not guilty you need to switch from feeling taken
(22:27):
advantage of to knowing you're not being taken advantage of.
You cannot give out a guilt. If you give out
a guilt, then you have totally disrespected yourself as well.
So you are going to have to become far stronger
than you have ever been. And why do I say that?
(22:47):
You have given to them out of weakness.
Not strength. You have given to them out of the
wrong reasons cause it's easier to give than to say no.
You now have to say no out of love for
yourself versus yes out of fear.
That they're not gonna like you, they're not gonna do this. Oh, please,
(23:09):
look at your relationship already. That would be our advice
to you.
Our advice where you stand in the truth of your
own self respect, your own love, and your own thankfulness
for giving yourself a life where you are financially pretty
(23:30):
much independent, you are doing things exactly how you want
in your own life, and be thankful as well that
you have parents like that.
Because that's what you have, so you might as well
be thankful because look at the gifts they gave you,
and the gifts that they gave you are gifts of self-independence.
(23:57):
So that brings us to the end of this Suze
and KT conversation. Did you enjoy that, KT?
KT (24:03):
I did, but it's a little depressing.
Suze (24:06):
It's not depressing. It actually..
KT (24:09):
It's actually liberating, isn't it?
Suze (24:10):
It's liberating, but it's standing in your truth, and I
have to tell you, KT, this is not just one
person having this problem. There are hundreds of thousands of
people out there, maybe millions, which is why I chose
it for today.
Because I know that more of you will relate to
(24:31):
this than less of you, believe it or not. So therefore,
people first, and remember when I say that I mean you,
then what KT?
KT (24:42):
Then money.
Suze (24:43):
Then things and if you do that, stay healthy, stay safe,
we promise you you will be unstoppable.
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