Episode Transcript
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Robert (00:29):
June 22nd, 2025. Welcome to the Women and Money podcast,
as well as everyone smart enough to listen. Robert, the
producer here, you know, sometimes there are just technical things
that get in the way of doing something we planned
on doing.
Unfortunately, today is one of those days, but fortunately, we
(00:50):
are always prepared to make sure that you hear Suze
twice a week, every week. So, we're presenting part of
an episode which originally dropped late last summer.
And the story Suze shares is still very, very relevant.
Enjoy.
Suze (01:10):
Today is Suzes School usually.
But today, it's a different type of Suze school, because
I want to be able to pass on a lesson
through a Suze story.
And it's a story from an email that was sent
in to the Women and Money podcast a few months ago,
(01:34):
and I think it's important that sometimes we can learn
from other people's experiences and their experiences in their own
words sometimes are more relatable, believe it or not, than
when I just tell you certain things.
(01:55):
Are you ready to sit back,
and hear a story?
So yesterday morning Colo and KT brought me coffee. I
was still in bed and we were all sitting there cause,
you know, I like to stay in bed in the
morning cause I think I read the news. That's just
(02:17):
my time that I gather my financial thoughts and also
my own personal thoughts for the entire day.
And so sometimes when they get impatient and I don't
come out to join them in the kitchen, they come
to me.
And so we were all sitting there and I had
(02:37):
recently just read the email that I'm going to read
to you in a second, and I said to both
KT and Colo.
Can you answer this question for me?
What is something that you would be willing to give
(02:58):
up your life for?
So I'd like you all to think about that question
as well. Is there anything in life,
that you would be willing
to give up your life for?
You know, for some people it's the military and their
(03:18):
love for the military and everybody who signs up for
any position in any of the armed forces, they really
are willing to give up their life to do that
and they are
all heroes and I love them all so much. I
can't even tell you and admire them because I've worked
(03:38):
with the armed forces now, all the divisions of them, actually,
except the Coast Guard, now that I think about it
for years and years and I see
what they've gone through, especially if you've ever toured Walter
Reed Hospital and have experienced.
Some of their experiences when they come home from the
(04:01):
sandbox anyway.
Very, very interesting question. KT immediately said I'd be willing
to give up my life for you, Suze.
And I answered back cause it's really the only thing
I'd be willing to give up my life for. That's
an honest answer. I would give up my life for
(04:22):
KT in a heartbeat.
'Cause without KT I really wouldn't know how to go
on right now in life, and that's what happens when
you lose somebody that you love. You always say, oh,
I wish it would happen to me rather than them.
Like the times KT would get hurt like with uh,
(04:42):
you know, an injury or something. I was like, oh,
I wish that had happened to me, not her. And
I know when I went through what I went through
with my neck, KT would say, oh Susie, I wish
that happened to me and not you.
And then it was Colo's turn.
And Colo said something very interesting. It actually relates to
(05:05):
the email.
Then I'm about to read you, and he said, Well,
I would absolutely give up my life for my children, Suze.
There isn't a parent out there,
that won't give up their lives to save their children
(05:25):
and if that's what it would take to do that,
I would do that, Suze.
And it went fascinating Colo that you said that.
Now you're about to hear.
The Suze story that I was planning to read to
all of you, but I'm really planning to read it
now after Colo answered that question.
(05:50):
But isn't it a fascinating question? How would you answer that?
Is there anything or anybody
that you would give up your life for, OK.
Are we ready?
This is from Peter.
I'm just going to use his first name, all right,
(06:11):
which he said, OK. He also said to me, because
as many of you know that when you write in emails,
I do read them. Many of them seriously touch my heart,
and a lot of times I will ask you for
your phone number and I will call you or I
will write you back so everything is in writing again.
(06:36):
If you ever want to send in a question.
You can do so to ask Suze SUZE podcast at gmail.com.
And make it short, otherwise KT will not pick it.
But if it is chosen, it will be answered on
the podcast here, you know, we drop Suze School every
(06:57):
Sunday and we drop KT and Suze Ask us anything
on Thursdays, so you can always do that. But again,
you just never know when you will hear from me directly.
But Peter did say that it was OK if I
read this to everybody.
(07:18):
Especially if other people can learn from it.
Are you ready?
Sit down and listen closely.
Peter says, Suze.
I've been listening to your podcast for the past 9
months after my wife of 40 years, sadly passed away
(07:41):
from pneumonia.
She was great one day then gone a few weeks later.
I am 72 and I had recently retired before she
passed away thinking my retirement would look much different than
it turned out.
I was suddenly thrown into dealing with financial matters that
(08:05):
I wasn't involved in before, as she always handled our
investments and everything. Sadly, I was one of those men
who just came home, handed over my paycheck to my wife,
and I just didn't want to deal with it, any
of it.
(08:25):
Your show has helped me tremendously.
I started listening to it because my wife listened to
it all the time.
But I didn't think I needed to.
But now I have learned a ton from you.
I'm emailing you now with a complex and emotional situation.
(08:48):
My wife was 69 when she died, and her father
outlived her. She was the executor of his estate, and
that role then passed on to her brother after her death.
She wasn't aware that according to her father's will and
(09:09):
trust her inheritance upon her death would pass on to
our two sons who are in their 40s.
Not to me as her spouse.
At least I don't think she knew that, for she
was incapacitated for about 3 weeks before she passed. So
(09:30):
when I found this out during that time, I couldn't
ask her.
After she died, my brother-in-law would not change anything with
the will or trust, and my father-in-law had memory issues,
so I didn't want to rock the boat with the family.
(09:50):
I let it go, knowing my sons would take care
of me.
Just recently my father-in-law passed away at 97 just like
your mom Susie. He was an amazing man, and we
had a close relationship.
My question is that I need your advice on how
(10:12):
to find a fair way for my sons to give
me some of that inheritance so I have enough money
to live on, as my wife and I were always
counting on her father's inheritance money for our retirement, and
our kids knew that.
I own my home, not outright. I have a mortgage.
(10:36):
And I have my wife's life insurance policy that I
have invested in Tbis along with a small 401k and
savings account. I don't think I have enough money to
live on.
So I'll need some of that inheritance that my kids
are set to receive. It could be about $1.5 million
(11:04):
which would have been my wife's share if she hadn't
died before her father.
So...
Even though I was going to inherit that now my
two sons will inherit it.
The boys feel bad that this is the situation. They
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totally understand what happened, and they plan to give me
most of it, knowing it will eventually be passed on
to them.
Then there's tax implications of them giving me the money
and how that will impact things. My only source of
income is Social Security and the interest that I'm getting
(11:48):
from my investments. I know this is a long email,
but it's a complex situation. I hope you will read
it and email me back. Thank you. One of the
men smart enough to listen.
All right, obviously this was an email that came in
months ago, and I answered Peter almost immediately.
(12:13):
And I gave Peter 3 suggestions of what I would
do if I was in his situation.
And the first one would be sit the boys down.
Talk to them. Tell them that what would be fabulous
(12:34):
because Peter only owed about $400,000 on his mortgage on
a house that was worth $900,000 to simply each give
him $200,000 from their money if they did inherit $1.5
million which by the way is what they ended up inheriting.
(12:55):
And then Peter would own the house outright and be
able to afford everything because of how much the expenses
would go down because of the mortgage, OK.
That was one suggestion. Second suggestion, if they didn't want
to go for that, was to give Peter maybe 2
(13:17):
or 3000 whatever he needed to live on monthly.
And third suggestion was for Peter, well, to just sell
the house, downsize, cut your expenses, and things like that.
And Peter liked all three of those suggestions, but essentially
(13:38):
was saying to me, the kids understand they're going to
help me, so let's see what is best for them.
Of course, a parent saying what is best for them
versus everybody take a note of this.
What is best for me, Peter, me who just lost
(13:59):
my wife a few months ago, who is grieving, who
doesn't know what to do, who has retired, who needs
help at this point in time.
Recently I just got another email from Peter.
And here we go and listen to this closely now.
(14:22):
Thank you so much for taking the time and writing
me back with what you thought I should do. Well,
it didn't quite go as planned, so I thought I'd
give you an update. Oh, so messy and complicated.
Each kid did end up getting $750,000. So again, everybody,
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that's a total of $1.5 million.
That Peter was expecting to inherit. OK, all right.
Your first suggestion, as you may remember, was for them
to pay off the mortgage which would be $200,000 from
each of them, which would still leave them with $550,000.
(15:07):
But now that the money is in their accounts, they
don't want to do that.
Unbelievable as you would say.
Your next suggestion was each kid give me a monthly
allowance to help me cover my expenses.
Well, I did a budget and showed the boys monthly expenses, income, assets,
(15:33):
Social Security at $2000 a month, etc.
My monthly expenses are around 6000.
And needed just 2000 from each of them.
One son is being kinda difficult and doesn't want to
pay me $2000 a month from his inheritance, really, everybody,
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really all right, anyway, he thinks I just need to
be more aggressive with my investments, and I would be OK.
Right now, most of my money is in conservative investments. Suze.
T bills, high yield savings, and a rollover IRA. As
you know, I'm afraid and can't afford to lose one penny.
(16:20):
My other son, thank God, is willing and wants to help,
but isn't confident about what to do with his share,
for he may want to buy a home. He wants
to invest it, so he wants to wait
to touch a penny of it.
Suze, it's getting stressful for all three of us, but
(16:42):
given that I have no say in anything, it's most
stressful on me.
I don't want to have a bad relationship with either
of my sons and be a burden, so now I
am wondering if I should go back to your third
suggestion of selling my house and living off the equity
(17:03):
and renting some place. Now listen to how the tone
of this email everybody starts to change.
Then they can just keep their goddamn money that should
have gone to me in the first place, but life
isn't fair. Sorry, but I am somewhat resentful and mad
(17:24):
at my wife for not planning better. What was she thinking?
She knew she was going to get this inheritance, and
that would secure both our futures forever.
But as many times as she said she was going
to take a look at her dad's will and trust
and make sure I was protected if she did die
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before her dad, she just never got around to it,
at least if she had done that, I wouldn't be
begging my sons to help me. So not only am
I angry at my wife that I love and adore
and I miss more than you have any idea.
But I'm angry at myself for not being proactive and
(18:08):
engaged in all of it before it was too late.
Everybody take note of what I just said.
Are you engaged? Have you taken the actions you need
to take? Are you just assuming that because somebody is
older than you, a parent, whatever, that they are going
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to die before you? Have you had discussions with them
about money, who it goes to, how it gets passed down?
Have you?
Now I will continue.
But worse, Peter says, I'm heartbroken over my sons.
Sons that I would have given up my life for
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if it could save them in any way.
And I thought I was so close to my sons.
I thought that they were my best friends. You say
people first than money. All my sons obviously care more
about money than me. I feel so lonely and afraid,
and as a man that is so hard for me
(19:13):
to admit to any one but you.
Sorry, I guess I am ranting now. Just wanted to
see if you had any thoughts. Thank you in advance, Peter.
Mhm.
Yeah.
Do you understand why I read that letter?
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Do you understand the importance of especially if you are
in a relationship.
That you take the time to talk to all family
members and make sure that everything is set up exactly
the way that it should be.
You should check the beneficiaries on all your retirement accounts.
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You should check and have the courage to speak to
your elderly parents or in-laws about how their assets are
set up, what their wishes are.
And make plans that if one of you was to
die before them, how is it going to work and
discuss it as a family to talk to the kids,
(20:24):
to talk to them about if anything happens you have
to promise me.
Mommy, talking to these sons, you have to promise me
you are going to take care of your father. You
promise me right here and right now. Don't just take
their word for it. Do a contract that they have
to sign so they could see before they inherit especially
(20:47):
a large sum of money. What they said when they
were in a state of love versus a state of greed.
There are so many things that you need to take
care of more than just watching your assets going up,
going down, this stock, that stock, should you sell this ETF?
(21:09):
What should you do?
It's these things in life.
That you, if you do not take care of in
a very strange way, you are giving up your own life.
Your own security, your own comfort, so to speak, in
(21:32):
your later years like Peter now is doing. So Peter
obviously is going to have to most likely sell the house, move.
He didn't want to do that, right, but he's going
to now have to make hard decisions cause he has
now just learned he actually can't count on
(21:57):
his sons, but he at least another suggestion was, OK,
even though your sons may not end up giving you
any money, the question becomes who is the beneficiary of
this money if something happens to your sons, Peter.
So become the beneficiary of a pay on death account
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wherever their assets may happen to be so that if
something happens to one of them they're in a car accident.
who knows what can happen? that money comes to you.
Just do not make the mistake, Peter, and take it
for granted again that you're going to die before these kids, however.
(22:41):
Now you have to put yourself in a situation where
you can take care of yourself financially, you can afford
your lifestyle financially, and that you don't have to ask anybody,
including your children, for money. And maybe later on out
of the goodness of their hearts they will do what's
(23:02):
right versus what's easy and take care of their father,
just that simple.
So all of you right now.
Need to really decide to make sure that everything is
set up the way that it should be set up
(23:23):
for every single possible situation.
That could happen in your life.
All right, and that brings me to the end.
Of this Suze story, you know, in a very strange way.
I have not given up my life, but I have
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dedicated the past 43 years of my life to making
sure that every single one of you.
Takes actions today to protect your tomorrows, so I can
only hope things like this little Susie story really drives
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home what I've been saying now for all those years
people first, then money, then things. And if you really
do that and make sure that everybody else who has
anything to do with your money is doing that.
Then you will be unstoppable.