March 9, 2025 • 25 mins
For this episode, we go back and revisit a time when Suze shared a heartbreaking email from a friend seeking advice. As Suze relates her friend's story, she asks us about our own story. Are we doing all we can do to change the outcome of a story that is making us unhappy and therefore not strong and secure?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Robert (00:29):
March 9, 2025. Welcome to the Women and Money podcast,
as well as everyone smart enough to listen. Hi, everybody. Robert,
the producer here. And yeah, I know, if you're hearing
my voice, that means unfortunately, Suze is a little under
the weather today. But have no fear. We have selected
a part of a really great episode from a while
back for you to hear today, and the message is very,
(00:51):
very important. But before we get to that,
Suze wanted me to tell you that for those of
you who have a CD at Alliant Credit Union maturing
during the month of March, the rates that she gave
you on last Sunday's podcast for the 12 to 17
month CDs, those rates are absolutely correct.
(01:13):
4.35% APR for amounts under $75,000 and 4.40% APR for
$75,000 or above.
You can indeed add additional funds to your renewal CD
to take advantage of those rates. You don't have to
wait till the CDs mature to sign up for that renewal. Now,
(01:33):
when you call and an Alliant operator tells you anything different,
They're wrong. Simply tell them, please check with Don Potter,
leader of the Member services division at Alliant Credit Union. Then,
politely ask to speak to a supervisor and make sure
you identify yourself as a Suze client. You see, Alliant
(01:56):
has many offers for their members, but these rates are
for Suze listeners. So again, tell the agent you're a
Suze client. And one last piece of advice from Suze.
Just keep your cool with these markets. The markets hate confusion,
and everyone is confused right now, so just be patient.
(02:17):
All right, enough of me. Here's Suze from the past.
Suze (02:21):
I got an email.
And as I was reading this email, I thought, oh
my God, this is the podcast today.
Because behind every one of our financial problems there is
a personal story. There is something that's going on within
us that causes us to create an outcome that we
(02:44):
do not want to live, and yet somehow we don't
even recognize the role that we play in our own stories.
So the question today really is, what is your story?
What is your true story that you are living that
(03:04):
possibly you created, that possibly you have been put into,
but yet you stay there? What is your story?
So as I read this story, I'm going to be
pointing out things in it,
to show everyone,
how we on some level help create the story that
(03:29):
we are living that we don't want to be living.
And it goes like this.
Hi Suze.
Now I've interviewed you a few times, but this is
a very personal one. I'm in a bind, and please
do feel free to use my story to help others.
(03:51):
You have my permission. Just don't use my name.
Now before I go into this story, and I'm going
to keep breaking this story up so I can talk
to you about it, about things that I've noticed that
maybe you'll identify with, this is a really, really brilliant woman, really.
She has interviewed me and she's written some brilliant stories
(04:14):
from the conversation that we had and.
As hard as it is to figure out money, at
least in our own mind, what's really hard is to
be able to use proper English and write and be
able to communicate that which others need to hear.
Now she was totally capable of doing that, but she
(04:36):
couldn't even read the writing that was on the wall
in the relationship that she happens to be in. So
here goes her story.
She says my husband has been a nightmare with his finances.
I keep everything separate to protect myself as a result. Secrecy, lies,
(04:57):
and overall poor budgeting and overspending wrapped into one.
Now before I go on, she says my husband has
been a nightmare with his finances. She knows this. She
gets this, and she keeps everything separate to protect herself
as a result. That is the foundation of her story.
(05:21):
Are you living a life like that? Do you recognize
something that's going on in your relationship?
And you have to do something because you have to
protect yourself whether it's physical abuse or financial abuse or
whatever it may be. Are you living a story where
on any level you have to protect yourself because if
(05:42):
that's true, then you are building a foundation out of fear,
and nothing good will come from that, nothing.
She goes on to say, since the start of our
marriage 5 years ago, 5 years is a long time, everybody.
He has refused to file taxes with me. At first
(06:06):
he told me it was because I work in New Jersey.
When I started to work in New York City, he
continued to be evasive.
He also refuses to show me his tax returns, so
therefore I'm forced to file married filing separately.
(06:27):
I'm gonna stop here again for a second.
I'm forced to file married filing separately. It's because of
his actions and what he is doing. She's forced to
do something that she really doesn't want to do.
Is that your story any of you, but that is
(06:47):
the first indication where in this email.
She's saying that she was forced to do something. Nobody
forces you to do something. You recognize the situation and
then you choose to do it. And if they're forcing
you to do it, now we're in an abusive relationship.
But he's not forcing her. She's choosing to do that
(07:10):
cause she's choosing to stay.
When I was 4 months pregnant, so now we have
a child entering the situation, I discovered he mortgaged an
investment property and received $30,000 of cash from it.
I found this out while accidentally opening his mail.
(07:33):
Now you accidentally open up somebody's mail, your husband's mail.
And you see that he got a lump sum of
$30,000 that you never knew about.
I open up KTt's mail all the time. I look
at KT's emails all the time.
I look at her taxes. I look at everything just
(07:54):
because I want to make sure that she's up to
date with everything, cause a lot of business stuff comes in,
but never in a million years and vice versa, by
the way, my email account is on her phone, her
email account is on my phone. Total transparency, everybody. There
are no secrets. There isn't accidentally opening up a statement.
(08:17):
If I want to open up a statement, I open
up a statement.
But she even uses the words I accidentally opened his mail,
which also says he has said to her, Don't you
dare touch my mail. Don't open up anything. What's addressed
to me is mine. What's addressed to you is yours.
(08:38):
Don't touch it.
So I find that fascinating that we're even seeing right
now a relationship where she's 4 months pregnant.
And things are still secretive things are still hidden, and
she finds out about something that she never had any idea.
(08:59):
Don't you think that is a serious warning sign, a
warning sign where the story is something's not right here.
I don't have freedom in this relationship. I can't just
be and say anything. I'm living by his rules.
And his rules and actions are absolutely exclusive of me,
(09:22):
and I'm allowing that to happen. I'm now starting to
write my own story where I'm abusing myself because I'm staying.
Do you understand, everybody, what I'm saying to you and
why I find this email so fascinating and so sad
(09:43):
when a brilliant woman.
Does that to herself, and the question has to be
asked and answered why, why do we do that to ourselves?
What are we afraid of? Are we afraid of leaving
and going out and being on our own? Are we
afraid of hurting somebody? Are we staying under the pretense
(10:03):
of he's a good guy or she's a good woman
or whatever? Why I'm asking you to ask yourself these
questions whether they apply to you or somebody that you know.
'Cause stories like this have to be revealed and understood
so that situation can end, cause if it doesn't end
(10:24):
sooner than later, it ends up really, really bad.
She then goes on to say, however, the house that
he refinanced has since sold for $300,000 above original price.
He says he didn't get any money from it, however,
(10:46):
and then she goes on to say, I have trouble
believing that.
Let's underline that I have trouble believing that. Why are
we staying in a relationship with somebody that we don't
believe what they are telling us, where we can't open
up mail freely, where we can't see their tax returns? Why?
(11:09):
What pulls us and keeps us in that story? But
then she goes on to say it gets worse.
In July 2020, I saw $42,000 from Charles Schwab hit
our joint account.
He immediately raided the Schwab in the amount of 48,000
(11:31):
to buy a Porsche and didn't tell me.
I'll let that sink in for a second.
How would you feel if you had a joint account
with your spouse and all of a sudden from nowhere
you see $42,000 enter that account and you're like, whoa,
(11:53):
where did that come from?
That's a lot of money. What, what, what are we
doing here? And then all of a sudden, as quick
as it comes in, you see it disappear and why?
He buys a Porsche with it and he doesn't tell you,
but the reason you find out is cause now it's
sitting in your driveway. How's that make you feel? What
(12:16):
do you think about that?
Why is that a story that you still want to
be a part of? She goes on to say, I
threatened divorce and ordered him into therapy. Problem here, she
ordered him into therapy. He had no desire to go
into therapy on his own because he didn't think he
(12:40):
was doing anything wrong.
In the meantime this woman...
She is now living a story that she really wishes
she wasn't part of, and so she takes her last
shot at it and says, you are going to therapy,
and he has been going weekly now for 7 months.
(13:02):
At the therapist's urging, he has shown me some bank
and credit statements. Please note, everybody, it does not say
he has shown me all of his bank and credit statements.
Some of them he has showed her his pay stub
and miscellaneous expenses like his car note, however.
(13:24):
He still refuses to show me the tax returns or
be transparent enough to work with a financial coach to
help us get back on track. 3 coaches have refused
to work with us after reaching an impasse with him.
3 coaches have said, You know what, I'm out of here.
(13:47):
He isn't somebody that we can work with.
So this is why this woman now has written and
she says the following. My question is this I am
a smart girl about my money. Then she says thanks
to you.
I like that part of it. However, some days I
(14:09):
want to leave, some days I want to stay.
Now here is the key to this email.
I'm really trying to make this work as we have
a 2 year old child.
And now we know why she's really staying. She's not
staying because she loves him. She's not staying because she
(14:32):
likes him. She's staying because she has a 2 year
old child, and she doesn't want her child to grow up,
possibly without a father, but she, in her own mind
thinks that it is better for her to stay in
this relationship for the child.
But yet she and her own needs have totally disappeared.
(14:55):
She says, Is there any possible way for me to
remain in this marriage and be in a financially healthy,
she doesn't say emotionally or psychologically. All she says is
financially healthy, as if money is the only thing that matters.
A financially healthy place with everything separate with us not
(15:17):
filing returns together. I save as much as possible, and
I have opened up an account with and then she
names a brokerage firm, and it's doing well. One day
I do plan to buy a home with my parents.
But his name if we remained together, would not be
(15:38):
on the mortgage or the deed. OK, that's it. I'll
take all the straight talk you have to give.
All right, that's the email. So why, once again, am
I choosing to talk about this on the Women and
Money podcast as well as everyone smart enough to listen.
(16:00):
If you're really smart enough to listen to this podcast.
And you're really somebody who has been with me for
all these years now or maybe you're brand new to
learning about me.
What does money matter when you yourself aren't fulfilled, when
you are in a relationship and you don't have any joy,
(16:23):
you don't have any freedom, you don't have any trust yet,
you decide to stay.
And many times you decide to stay because you have
a 2 year old child.
Now I wrote this woman back a very long answer,
but here are the things that essentially I wanted to
(16:44):
point out.
What really got me was she had a 2 year
old child.
And I wrote her and I said, don't you think?
That every time you pick up that child and you
hold that child to your chest that the child can't
feel that something is wrong, that Mommy isn't happy that
(17:08):
Mommy's in a relationship that she really doesn't want to
be in, and you really think that you're staying and
it will benefit your child.
Don't you think that you may be teaching your child
that you stay against all odds, you give up anything
that could mean anything to you, you ruin your own
life and you do that for your children?
(17:30):
If your child was you and coming to you right
now and was in a relationship like you're in right now,
what would you say to your child? Wouldn't you say
to your child, honey, please come home, live with me,
get divorced. It's over. Come on, let's create a great
home
together in love in trust, in integrity, not just for
(17:54):
you but for the child as well.
And then we have a situation where mommy and daddy
want to buy a home with this woman.
But the woman doesn't want the husband's name on the home.
Here's something all of you really, really need to remember.
When you are married.
(18:16):
And you are making money after you are married, especially
if you do not have a prenuptial agreement. All the
money that you may be saving in this account that
she says she opened in her 401k where she works,
all of these things, if they get divorced, the longer
(18:37):
they are married, chances are half of that money is
going to go to her husband in this particular case.
So the longer she postpones doing that which she knows
she should do for herself.
The less money she is going to have in the
long run, and if she happens to buy a home
(19:01):
with her parents, even if his name is not on it.
He's gonna own half of what she has within that
home if they get divorced.
So what is the story that we're writing here, everybody?
What are we postponing? When your story reveals to you
(19:21):
the truth of what is going on in your life,
you cannot postpone making a decision over it.
Because if you postpone it and postpone it and postpone
it and postpone it, you are the one that financially
is going to suffer big time, especially if you are
legally married. Now I get when a relationship goes off
(19:44):
the charts and you try and you try to make
it better.
But if 3 coaches have left him, if he's still
not willing to show you his tax return, if he's
trying because you forced him to try.
Do you really think this is something that you want
(20:04):
to stay with? My advice to her was a very
interesting piece of advice. It was very simple. It was,
I would immediately divorce him.
Once you divorce him, you now have stopped the clock
on all the money that you're going to accumulate in
the future or with your parents, where he will no
(20:26):
longer be entitled to it.
Next, if you want to stay with him, OK, if
you want to continue to be abusive to yourself and
in the long run your child, in my opinion, OK.
But at least financially speaking, you have now cut the
cord that binds the two of you with your savings,
(20:48):
your retirement account, your real estate, whatever it is that
you may purchase. It cuts that cord and it gives
you that freedom, and that is the freedom that you
gave yourself. And the other thing is this.
Do you understand that because you are married and you
have to file separately, you cannot take advantage of so
(21:10):
many of the retirement accounts out there that are what
I consider the best retirement accounts in the world, and
that is a Roth IRA.
Because you can't make more than $10,000 a year of
adjusted gross income if you are married filing separately to
have a Roth IRA.
So there are things that you aren't able to participate in. Why?
(21:34):
Because he has forced you in your mind to file
married finally and separately cause he won't show you his
tax returns. And why won't he show you his tax returns? Why?
And how does he file? What if he files married
filing jointly and forges your name on those tax returns?
(21:59):
What if he is doing that, and that is the
reason why he does not want to show you his
tax returns? What if that's possible?
So the reason I wanted to tell this story is
that I wanted bad ending stories to stop, and here's
(22:19):
what I'm asking all of you to do. I want
you
to pick a story that you are living, a part
of your life that you're really not happy with.
And everyone has a part of their life I would
imagine that they're not happy with.
So I want all of you to write down your story.
(22:44):
What part of your life are you living that you
don't like?
And then I want you to read it back to yourselves,
and I want you
to pick out the phrases like I did for you
in this podcast.
Where you're blaming somebody else for the situation that you
(23:07):
happen to be in.
And if you find that as you're reading your story
that you're using words like they forced me, I did
this I whatever it may be.
Then this is the time for you to rewrite your story.
Cause every story that you live, one should be happy,
(23:30):
should be fulfilled, should be something that you learn from.
There's no room in this world right now for sadness
or anger or to be vindictive.
There's no room anymore. It's almost as if this entire
world is filled with anger. We're angry because we're in
a relationship that we don't like. We're angry because we're
(23:54):
caretakers and we've been caretakers now for a long time,
and we don't want to be a caretaker. We want
to live our own life. I don't know what it is.
But you have to write your story.
And after you have written your story
I want you to really look at it.
And then I want you to rewrite it without blame
(24:18):
or shame.
I want you to rewrite it in a forceful, positive,
courageous way, and that's the story that I want you
to live.
Because the true bottom line is until you know who
you are.
You can never have as much as you are meant
(24:41):
to have.
Until you can be truly happy.
You can't really be strong.
And if you can't really be strong, you can't really
then live in your truth, and truth is what attracts
money to you. There's so many reasons that I want
you to do this exercise.
(25:04):
So until Thursday, write your story and let me know
how it goes.
March 9, 2025. Welcome to the Women and Money podcast,
as well as everyone smart enough to listen. Hi, everybody. Robert,
the producer here. And yeah, I know, if you're hearing
my voice, that means unfortunately, Suze is a little under
the weather today. But have no fear. We have selected
a part of a really great episode from a while
back for you to hear today, and the message is very,
(00:51):
very important. But before we get to that,
Suze wanted me to tell you that for those of
you who have a CD at Alliant Credit Union maturing
during the month of March, the rates that she gave
you on last Sunday's podcast for the 12 to 17
month CDs, those rates are absolutely correct.
(01:13):
4.35% APR for amounts under $75,000 and 4.40% APR for
$75,000 or above.
You can indeed add additional funds to your renewal CD
to take advantage of those rates. You don't have to
wait till the CDs mature to sign up for that renewal. Now,
(01:33):
when you call and an Alliant operator tells you anything different,
They're wrong. Simply tell them, please check with Don Potter,
leader of the Member services division at Alliant Credit Union. Then,
politely ask to speak to a supervisor and make sure
you identify yourself as a Suze client. You see, Alliant
(01:56):
has many offers for their members, but these rates are
for Suze listeners. So again, tell the agent you're a
Suze client. And one last piece of advice from Suze.
Just keep your cool with these markets. The markets hate confusion,
and everyone is confused right now, so just be patient.
(02:17):
All right, enough of me. Here's Suze from the past.
Suze (02:21):
I got an email.
And as I was reading this email, I thought, oh
my God, this is the podcast today.
Because behind every one of our financial problems there is
a personal story. There is something that's going on within
us that causes us to create an outcome that we
(02:44):
do not want to live, and yet somehow we don't
even recognize the role that we play in our own stories.
So the question today really is, what is your story?
What is your true story that you are living that
(03:04):
possibly you created, that possibly you have been put into,
but yet you stay there? What is your story?
So as I read this story, I'm going to be
pointing out things in it,
to show everyone,
how we on some level help create the story that
(03:29):
we are living that we don't want to be living.
And it goes like this.
Hi Suze.
Now I've interviewed you a few times, but this is
a very personal one. I'm in a bind, and please
do feel free to use my story to help others.
(03:51):
You have my permission. Just don't use my name.
Now before I go into this story, and I'm going
to keep breaking this story up so I can talk
to you about it, about things that I've noticed that
maybe you'll identify with, this is a really, really brilliant woman, really.
She has interviewed me and she's written some brilliant stories
(04:14):
from the conversation that we had and.
As hard as it is to figure out money, at
least in our own mind, what's really hard is to
be able to use proper English and write and be
able to communicate that which others need to hear.
Now she was totally capable of doing that, but she
(04:36):
couldn't even read the writing that was on the wall
in the relationship that she happens to be in. So
here goes her story.
She says my husband has been a nightmare with his finances.
I keep everything separate to protect myself as a result. Secrecy, lies,
(04:57):
and overall poor budgeting and overspending wrapped into one.
Now before I go on, she says my husband has
been a nightmare with his finances. She knows this. She
gets this, and she keeps everything separate to protect herself
as a result. That is the foundation of her story.
(05:21):
Are you living a life like that? Do you recognize
something that's going on in your relationship?
And you have to do something because you have to
protect yourself whether it's physical abuse or financial abuse or
whatever it may be. Are you living a story where
on any level you have to protect yourself because if
(05:42):
that's true, then you are building a foundation out of fear,
and nothing good will come from that, nothing.
She goes on to say, since the start of our
marriage 5 years ago, 5 years is a long time, everybody.
He has refused to file taxes with me. At first
(06:06):
he told me it was because I work in New Jersey.
When I started to work in New York City, he
continued to be evasive.
He also refuses to show me his tax returns, so
therefore I'm forced to file married filing separately.
(06:27):
I'm gonna stop here again for a second.
I'm forced to file married filing separately. It's because of
his actions and what he is doing. She's forced to
do something that she really doesn't want to do.
Is that your story any of you, but that is
(06:47):
the first indication where in this email.
She's saying that she was forced to do something. Nobody
forces you to do something. You recognize the situation and
then you choose to do it. And if they're forcing
you to do it, now we're in an abusive relationship.
But he's not forcing her. She's choosing to do that
(07:10):
cause she's choosing to stay.
When I was 4 months pregnant, so now we have
a child entering the situation, I discovered he mortgaged an
investment property and received $30,000 of cash from it.
I found this out while accidentally opening his mail.
(07:33):
Now you accidentally open up somebody's mail, your husband's mail.
And you see that he got a lump sum of
$30,000 that you never knew about.
I open up KTt's mail all the time. I look
at KT's emails all the time.
I look at her taxes. I look at everything just
(07:54):
because I want to make sure that she's up to
date with everything, cause a lot of business stuff comes in,
but never in a million years and vice versa, by
the way, my email account is on her phone, her
email account is on my phone. Total transparency, everybody. There
are no secrets. There isn't accidentally opening up a statement.
(08:17):
If I want to open up a statement, I open
up a statement.
But she even uses the words I accidentally opened his mail,
which also says he has said to her, Don't you
dare touch my mail. Don't open up anything. What's addressed
to me is mine. What's addressed to you is yours.
(08:38):
Don't touch it.
So I find that fascinating that we're even seeing right
now a relationship where she's 4 months pregnant.
And things are still secretive things are still hidden, and
she finds out about something that she never had any idea.
(08:59):
Don't you think that is a serious warning sign, a
warning sign where the story is something's not right here.
I don't have freedom in this relationship. I can't just
be and say anything. I'm living by his rules.
And his rules and actions are absolutely exclusive of me,
(09:22):
and I'm allowing that to happen. I'm now starting to
write my own story where I'm abusing myself because I'm staying.
Do you understand, everybody, what I'm saying to you and
why I find this email so fascinating and so sad
(09:43):
when a brilliant woman.
Does that to herself, and the question has to be
asked and answered why, why do we do that to ourselves?
What are we afraid of? Are we afraid of leaving
and going out and being on our own? Are we
afraid of hurting somebody? Are we staying under the pretense
(10:03):
of he's a good guy or she's a good woman
or whatever? Why I'm asking you to ask yourself these
questions whether they apply to you or somebody that you know.
'Cause stories like this have to be revealed and understood
so that situation can end, cause if it doesn't end
(10:24):
sooner than later, it ends up really, really bad.
She then goes on to say, however, the house that
he refinanced has since sold for $300,000 above original price.
He says he didn't get any money from it, however,
(10:46):
and then she goes on to say, I have trouble
believing that.
Let's underline that I have trouble believing that. Why are
we staying in a relationship with somebody that we don't
believe what they are telling us, where we can't open
up mail freely, where we can't see their tax returns? Why?
(11:09):
What pulls us and keeps us in that story? But
then she goes on to say it gets worse.
In July 2020, I saw $42,000 from Charles Schwab hit
our joint account.
He immediately raided the Schwab in the amount of 48,000
(11:31):
to buy a Porsche and didn't tell me.
I'll let that sink in for a second.
How would you feel if you had a joint account
with your spouse and all of a sudden from nowhere
you see $42,000 enter that account and you're like, whoa,
(11:53):
where did that come from?
That's a lot of money. What, what, what are we
doing here? And then all of a sudden, as quick
as it comes in, you see it disappear and why?
He buys a Porsche with it and he doesn't tell you,
but the reason you find out is cause now it's
sitting in your driveway. How's that make you feel? What
(12:16):
do you think about that?
Why is that a story that you still want to
be a part of? She goes on to say, I
threatened divorce and ordered him into therapy. Problem here, she
ordered him into therapy. He had no desire to go
into therapy on his own because he didn't think he
(12:40):
was doing anything wrong.
In the meantime this woman...
She is now living a story that she really wishes
she wasn't part of, and so she takes her last
shot at it and says, you are going to therapy,
and he has been going weekly now for 7 months.
(13:02):
At the therapist's urging, he has shown me some bank
and credit statements. Please note, everybody, it does not say
he has shown me all of his bank and credit statements.
Some of them he has showed her his pay stub
and miscellaneous expenses like his car note, however.
(13:24):
He still refuses to show me the tax returns or
be transparent enough to work with a financial coach to
help us get back on track. 3 coaches have refused
to work with us after reaching an impasse with him.
3 coaches have said, You know what, I'm out of here.
(13:47):
He isn't somebody that we can work with.
So this is why this woman now has written and
she says the following. My question is this I am
a smart girl about my money. Then she says thanks
to you.
I like that part of it. However, some days I
(14:09):
want to leave, some days I want to stay.
Now here is the key to this email.
I'm really trying to make this work as we have
a 2 year old child.
And now we know why she's really staying. She's not
staying because she loves him. She's not staying because she
(14:32):
likes him. She's staying because she has a 2 year
old child, and she doesn't want her child to grow up,
possibly without a father, but she, in her own mind
thinks that it is better for her to stay in
this relationship for the child.
But yet she and her own needs have totally disappeared.
(14:55):
She says, Is there any possible way for me to
remain in this marriage and be in a financially healthy,
she doesn't say emotionally or psychologically. All she says is
financially healthy, as if money is the only thing that matters.
A financially healthy place with everything separate with us not
(15:17):
filing returns together. I save as much as possible, and
I have opened up an account with and then she
names a brokerage firm, and it's doing well. One day
I do plan to buy a home with my parents.
But his name if we remained together, would not be
(15:38):
on the mortgage or the deed. OK, that's it. I'll
take all the straight talk you have to give.
All right, that's the email. So why, once again, am
I choosing to talk about this on the Women and
Money podcast as well as everyone smart enough to listen.
(16:00):
If you're really smart enough to listen to this podcast.
And you're really somebody who has been with me for
all these years now or maybe you're brand new to
learning about me.
What does money matter when you yourself aren't fulfilled, when
you are in a relationship and you don't have any joy,
(16:23):
you don't have any freedom, you don't have any trust yet,
you decide to stay.
And many times you decide to stay because you have
a 2 year old child.
Now I wrote this woman back a very long answer,
but here are the things that essentially I wanted to
(16:44):
point out.
What really got me was she had a 2 year
old child.
And I wrote her and I said, don't you think?
That every time you pick up that child and you
hold that child to your chest that the child can't
feel that something is wrong, that Mommy isn't happy that
(17:08):
Mommy's in a relationship that she really doesn't want to
be in, and you really think that you're staying and
it will benefit your child.
Don't you think that you may be teaching your child
that you stay against all odds, you give up anything
that could mean anything to you, you ruin your own
life and you do that for your children?
(17:30):
If your child was you and coming to you right
now and was in a relationship like you're in right now,
what would you say to your child? Wouldn't you say
to your child, honey, please come home, live with me,
get divorced. It's over. Come on, let's create a great
home
together in love in trust, in integrity, not just for
(17:54):
you but for the child as well.
And then we have a situation where mommy and daddy
want to buy a home with this woman.
But the woman doesn't want the husband's name on the home.
Here's something all of you really, really need to remember.
When you are married.
(18:16):
And you are making money after you are married, especially
if you do not have a prenuptial agreement. All the
money that you may be saving in this account that
she says she opened in her 401k where she works,
all of these things, if they get divorced, the longer
(18:37):
they are married, chances are half of that money is
going to go to her husband in this particular case.
So the longer she postpones doing that which she knows
she should do for herself.
The less money she is going to have in the
long run, and if she happens to buy a home
(19:01):
with her parents, even if his name is not on it.
He's gonna own half of what she has within that
home if they get divorced.
So what is the story that we're writing here, everybody?
What are we postponing? When your story reveals to you
(19:21):
the truth of what is going on in your life,
you cannot postpone making a decision over it.
Because if you postpone it and postpone it and postpone
it and postpone it, you are the one that financially
is going to suffer big time, especially if you are
legally married. Now I get when a relationship goes off
(19:44):
the charts and you try and you try to make
it better.
But if 3 coaches have left him, if he's still
not willing to show you his tax return, if he's
trying because you forced him to try.
Do you really think this is something that you want
(20:04):
to stay with? My advice to her was a very
interesting piece of advice. It was very simple. It was,
I would immediately divorce him.
Once you divorce him, you now have stopped the clock
on all the money that you're going to accumulate in
the future or with your parents, where he will no
(20:26):
longer be entitled to it.
Next, if you want to stay with him, OK, if
you want to continue to be abusive to yourself and
in the long run your child, in my opinion, OK.
But at least financially speaking, you have now cut the
cord that binds the two of you with your savings,
(20:48):
your retirement account, your real estate, whatever it is that
you may purchase. It cuts that cord and it gives
you that freedom, and that is the freedom that you
gave yourself. And the other thing is this.
Do you understand that because you are married and you
have to file separately, you cannot take advantage of so
(21:10):
many of the retirement accounts out there that are what
I consider the best retirement accounts in the world, and
that is a Roth IRA.
Because you can't make more than $10,000 a year of
adjusted gross income if you are married filing separately to
have a Roth IRA.
So there are things that you aren't able to participate in. Why?
(21:34):
Because he has forced you in your mind to file
married finally and separately cause he won't show you his
tax returns. And why won't he show you his tax returns? Why?
And how does he file? What if he files married
filing jointly and forges your name on those tax returns?
(21:59):
What if he is doing that, and that is the
reason why he does not want to show you his
tax returns? What if that's possible?
So the reason I wanted to tell this story is
that I wanted bad ending stories to stop, and here's
(22:19):
what I'm asking all of you to do. I want
you
to pick a story that you are living, a part
of your life that you're really not happy with.
And everyone has a part of their life I would
imagine that they're not happy with.
So I want all of you to write down your story.
(22:44):
What part of your life are you living that you
don't like?
And then I want you to read it back to yourselves,
and I want you
to pick out the phrases like I did for you
in this podcast.
Where you're blaming somebody else for the situation that you
(23:07):
happen to be in.
And if you find that as you're reading your story
that you're using words like they forced me, I did
this I whatever it may be.
Then this is the time for you to rewrite your story.
Cause every story that you live, one should be happy,
(23:30):
should be fulfilled, should be something that you learn from.
There's no room in this world right now for sadness
or anger or to be vindictive.
There's no room anymore. It's almost as if this entire
world is filled with anger. We're angry because we're in
a relationship that we don't like. We're angry because we're
(23:54):
caretakers and we've been caretakers now for a long time,
and we don't want to be a caretaker. We want
to live our own life. I don't know what it is.
But you have to write your story.
And after you have written your story
I want you to really look at it.
And then I want you to rewrite it without blame
(24:18):
or shame.
I want you to rewrite it in a forceful, positive,
courageous way, and that's the story that I want you
to live.
Because the true bottom line is until you know who
you are.
You can never have as much as you are meant
(24:41):
to have.
Until you can be truly happy.
You can't really be strong.
And if you can't really be strong, you can't really
then live in your truth, and truth is what attracts
money to you. There's so many reasons that I want
you to do this exercise.
(25:04):
So until Thursday, write your story and let me know
how it goes.
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