My husband and I got MARRIED a month ago...and now he vanished! -r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2647 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Dakota and this is Angie, your favorite
Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors to keep the show alive.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
My husband and I got married a month ago, and
now he vanished, what we do you go? I have
thirty three female, been married to my husband thirty five
male for less than a month. Now been together for
almost a decade.

Speaker 4 (00:24):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
Our day starts like any other day. We wake up
and kiss and cuddle a little. He gets stressed and
goes downstairs to make us breakfast. We eat in bed,
and then he takes the plates and goes back downstairs.
By the way, this comes from Repulsive Candy sixty two
to fifty And if you want to spent your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay Storytime suppared it. I'm Sophia,
I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good

(00:46):
advis Qoflee, but we don't have all the answers. We
ll you know what we'd do, So let us know
what you would do in the comments. It normally takes
him a while to do the dishes, so I don't
think anything of it. When he doesn't come back up
after a while, I realized that I haven't heard a peep,
so I go back downstairs to see if he needed anything.
When I discovered that he's just gone. He took his
car and left, and when I texted him, I got

(01:06):
this really cryptic reply that's like, I'm okay, I'm sorry.
I'm so confused and starting to get a little panicked
at this point. Okay, put it in. What do we
think's going on?

Speaker 4 (01:18):
I think he's a werewolf? Yeah, it's a full moon.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
Oh, it just.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
So happened that all of the other full moons ten
years so they've been together, she's been out on truck.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
Okay, she's like, He's like, it worked out every other time.
Why are you here? One time I told you to
go to MAJORCA. Yeah, you're supposed to go on your
girl's trip. That's the last I hear from him. I
keep calling him multiple platforms, multiple times a day, and nothing.
My calls go to voicemail, but my text show as delivered.

(01:48):
I go as far as contacting his best friend and
boss to see if they know anything, and they both
reached out to him, which he lied to them and
said he would call me in the evening. So I
know he's on his phone seeing everything. He's just ignoring me.
Now here's a full timeline of why I think he's
cheating on me. I mean, truly, what else could you think?
I'm what else?

Speaker 1 (02:07):
I'm still preset on Werewolf this first thing that comes
to my mind. Honestly, I genuinely didn't even think about geting. Yeah,
I just thought he's just over it.

Speaker 4 (02:15):
He's just done. It is done.

Speaker 3 (02:17):
I thought he was a spy. Earlier this year, I
get a text message from someone claiming that she's been
having an affair with my husband.

Speaker 1 (02:24):
But this happened a while ago, and you've been and
you've been kissling, You've been kissling him.

Speaker 4 (02:32):
Oh my god, I hope no diddling. It happened.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
She's been having an affair with my husband and he
gave her an STD, so I should get myself checked out.

Speaker 4 (02:42):
Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, he spread his werewolf
is into her.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
Oh my werewolf, Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
WTD werewolf transmitted to coincidentally also the name of my
sketch show.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
As that. My first reaction was, I'm being franked. I
obviously show him, and instead of looking like he was caught,
he was actually pissed and confused. We do a little
digging into the number and discover it's one of his coworkers.
She said she had screenshots dates and times, and I
call her bluff and tell her to prove it and
send them. She doesn't send anything and later replies with

(03:20):
a long winded apology about how she's so sorry she
was just manic because her mets were adjusted.

Speaker 4 (03:25):
What's hell, what's happening? I don't know believe anymore?

Speaker 3 (03:30):
Me neither. I don't know who to believe. Is he
a were wolf or is he not?

Speaker 4 (03:34):
I mean, he's gotta be.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
There's no way he's not.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
You gotta like plan a date out two months in
advance because you can tell, you know, when when the
full moon's gonna come around.

Speaker 4 (03:44):
Mm hmm, and see how he reacts. Yeah, you're like, hey, thanks,
we should go.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
We should go out to Rigatony's the restaurant. Yeah, on
the full moon. That would be so romantic. It happened.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
It just so happens to have a big, big last
ceilings to you because stargate is while you eat the noodles.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
Isn't that sound nice?

Speaker 4 (04:06):
Isn't that nice?

Speaker 3 (04:07):
I proceed a just blocker. She then goes off to
try and contact my family members trying to get a
hold of me. I wonder where she got my number.
Turns out she paid a service online to get my number.
I get another text message from a different number in
July that says husband has been cheating on you with
another woman since March twenty twenty four. The last time
they had spicy sleep was on June seventh, when he

(04:28):
lied to you, what's staying the night is at his
friend's house. I'm in disbelief that this is happening again,
so I immediately screenshot the image and send it to
my husband so he can show his boss. I think
nothing of it other than I can't believe this lady
is pestering us like this. Two nights ago, my sister,
twenty seven female calls us and is being very weird

(04:48):
and dodgy. For context, she is low key developmentally disabled
from years of substance and boozeb on top of many
mental disorders. So I just chalk it up to she
must have taken something and is tripping badly. We chat
and she hangs up then calls back saying that some
crazy lady is sending her these weird messages. My heart
drops to my stomach because I instantly know it's that

(05:11):
crazy coworker again. If someone messaged to you and said
boyfriend cheated on you, I approve he gave me an
STD bah bah bah, he probably would have given you. Yeah,
regardless of whether or not you like fully believe your partner,
would you go get an STD test?

Speaker 1 (05:27):
Uh? Yes, I would too, absolutely, even if I was
like full like yeah, like why would I ever think
that right safety?

Speaker 3 (05:35):
Yeah, I would go get tested.

Speaker 1 (05:36):
Totally because also like which one, Yeah, that's important to know,
and also like I would want to see what the
proof is. I would not just say like because he
could so be lying about being like I don't know
who that is in there.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
He's like, whoa, whoa, what is my coworker?

Speaker 1 (05:51):
Just like easy way to at least check that you're
all good just in general, always good to get check ups.

Speaker 4 (05:57):
Totally.

Speaker 3 (05:58):
My husband leaves the room to talk to her at
this point. I think it's a little weird. He doesn't
want me to overhear what my sister has to say.
But I also think that, oh he knows that this
is annoying and bothers me, so he's just handling it.
He comes back and I ask him if my sister
sent him any screenshots, and he tells me no, that
my sister is being weird and dodgy. This answer is

(06:18):
acceptable for me, so we ignore everything and just move
on with our nighttime routine. After I discover my husband
has ghosted me, I think back on that phone call
and my anxieties start to take root in my brain.
I make the decision to contact his supposed affair partner
to see if I can get to the bottom of this.
When I call her, she sounds mannic as heck. Can't

(06:39):
seem to get a straight answer from her, and she
seems out of it. She keeps changing her story or
repeating things like lol. When I try to press her
to send the screenshots, I ask her what is her motivation?
Why is she trying so hard to show me the truth,
and she just goes I would want to know. She
sends me a couple of screenshots of Instagram conversations they had,
but none of them were one definitive proof or two

(07:03):
felt like my husband the way sentences were phrased. Nothing
read like something he could actually type me.

Speaker 4 (07:09):
She's like, he keeps howling.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, I've never heard him do that emoji moon emojiof emoji.

Speaker 3 (07:17):
Yeah. It just doesn't make sense. This doesn't seem like him.
On top of this, the content he supposedly shares with her,
memes cartoons, aren't stuff I would think he in choice.
I texted the screenshots to our friends and they also
think that these screenshots are faked. Why anyone would go
through the trouble, I can't say. She also had two
screen recordings from her nest just showing him entering her apartment.

(07:40):
I think they look real, but AI deep fakes have
gotten so realistic, so I can't say for certain. The
video evidence feels off like Uncanny Valley. The way the
figure or husband is walking doesn't feel normal. All her
dates and times that she claimed they were together, I
obviously can't recall exactly hour by hour what I was
doing then and right now, I'm just trying to confirm

(08:01):
or deny his supposed movements. I'm trying to give him
the benefit of the doubt, but the fact that he's
not responding makes me fear the worst. I personally am
leaning towards that he is cheating. She just knew some
intimate details that I can't explain. I know it's cliche,
but my husband is the most kind, genuine person I know.
He's incapable of living and going about his life with

(08:23):
a lie as big as this. Also, I think I
feel like I would have suspected something or picked up
on something and I never did. What type of person
makes breakfast for his wife then takes the bins to
the curb right before he leaves his wife? Or maybe
I never knew him at all.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
I don't know what's going on me neither, Like since
she has so much proof, Yeah, it does feel a
little bit like opee, I think you're making excuses because
that last sentence of like, what kind of a husband
would like cheat on his wife and still take out
the trash like that cheating kind? I feel like cheaters

(08:57):
have done way more. Yeah up, like absolutely way more.
But it it like the only thing that is weird
to me is that she keeps reaching out to like
family members too, Like, Yeah, I don't know if someone
would try that hard to convince someone that they are
being cheated on unless they're lying, you know.

Speaker 5 (09:15):
What I mean?

Speaker 4 (09:16):
Yes, I just don't know. I'm just confused.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
What's going on. I don't know what's going on. What
did the sisters say? Also, Op is like way too
like chill. Yeah, She's like yeah, people reached out to me.
I said, what the heck's going on there? Yeah? And
then my sister was being really weird and wanted to
talk to my husband mine. I didn't follow up in that. Yeah.
It's like there's so many like strings that you should

(09:40):
be pulling. Yeah, but there's a little left. I feel
like I've cried so much in the past twenty four hours,
and regardless of whether or not he's cheating, I think
that our relationship is broken. I can't imagine a future
without him. But I also don't know how a relationship
could survive this. I don't know what to do next.
Do I talk to his boss to see if I
can get his schedule. Do I drive to him to
confront Tim. Do I just wait until if or when

(10:03):
he comes back. Do I just take the screenshots at
face value and go he's ja dang and file for divorce.
I can't just sit around and spiral and fall apart
as I replay everything, and that is the end of
the story.

Speaker 4 (10:15):
Dang, So we're just never gonna know the truth.

Speaker 3 (10:18):
I guess not.

Speaker 4 (10:19):
And that's the end of this story. We're going on
to the next one.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
My wife has a secret affair and I'm too afraid
to leave.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
Leave.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
My wife thirty seven female and I thirty four male,
have been together now for over ten years.

Speaker 4 (10:32):
We have a child and own a home.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
YadA, YadA thang. By the way, this comes from Automatic
Citron sixty nine fifty six. And if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the our slash okay story.
I'm Subreddit and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and
we're here to give good advice Google leave.

Speaker 4 (10:47):
But we don't have all the answers. We just know
we would know, So let us know what you know.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
In the comments, it always says about two years ago,
my wife was showing me something on her phone in
her web browser.

Speaker 4 (10:57):
She zoomed out and I saw a corner page in
the dumb. I didn't get mad.

Speaker 1 (11:02):
I was actually laughing and asked her what that was,
and she took the phone away quickly and tried playing dumb.
I said that I saw what the page was and
she then told me that she actually heard a rumor
about Miss Rachel doing a video in the past, so
she wanted to look it up and see if it
was real. I took her word for it at the time,
but I felt that that was not the whole story. Next,
I did something I shouldn't have done, and I looked

(11:23):
through her phone when she wasn't looking.

Speaker 3 (11:24):
Tisk, tisco pie, just tisk. Why aren't we just having
another conversation GiMA, right, you know, like, hey, that didn't
really feel like the honest truth.

Speaker 4 (11:34):
Yeah, we talk about that. She was watching videos a
few times a month, which I would otherwise have no
problem with. It's a fairly normal thing to do.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
But when we first started dating, she told me verbatim
that Corn is cheating.

Speaker 3 (11:45):
Ah, why did she put herself in that in that box?

Speaker 4 (11:49):
Yeah, she could have.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
She could have started out with like, I mean, I
think it's actually prifacly fine.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
I think Corn's fine. Yeah, but she put herself in
the I think Guard is chating, so now in her
mind she is cheating.

Speaker 4 (11:59):
She just didn't.

Speaker 6 (12:00):
She's like, no, no, you miss it.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
It's for you, for you, for you, go for me.

Speaker 6 (12:06):
It's just purely research, right, it's.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
Just for sure. Yeah, I was looking for Miss Rachel,
that's all.

Speaker 6 (12:14):
Don't please, nobody go look for that, please don't.

Speaker 4 (12:17):
I disagreed, and we never really chatted about it since.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
Once I gathered enough info how often she does it,
what she watches, et cetera. I approached her because I
felt terrible that she lied.

Speaker 3 (12:26):
Tokay, but now you're lying to her. Now you're literally
stalking her, like.

Speaker 4 (12:30):
Yeah, phone, come on.

Speaker 1 (12:32):
I sat her down one night and gave her the
option to come clean, tell me the truth, and figure
out the next steps.

Speaker 4 (12:37):
I told her I didn't believe her about the Miss
Rachel thing.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
I told her I think there's more going on, and
asked if she wanted to come clean.

Speaker 4 (12:43):
She continued to lie.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
We went back and forth for about twenty minutes of
me trying to get her to explain to me without
me telling her I knew, and she wouldn't, so I
finally told her what I saw. She started to cry,
blamed the lying and corn on her past traumas, and
said that she's been watching it since like younger then
most people start watching it. I sympathized with her and
told her I really didn't mind because I didn't think

(13:04):
of it as cheating, just as satisfying a desire. She
told me she wants to stop, and to this day
I have no idea if she actually did. She tells
me she has stopped. But jump forward about a year
and once again, my wife is showing me something on
her phone that her father sent her in Facebook Messenger.

Speaker 4 (13:19):
She backs out.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
From the screen and I see the name and face
of her longtime X like twelve to fifteen years back.

Speaker 4 (13:26):
Sitting in her messages on Messenger. Dude, what is she doing?

Speaker 1 (13:31):
Dude?

Speaker 3 (13:33):
What are you doing?

Speaker 4 (13:34):
Girl? Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
I didn't bother asking her about it this time. I
figured she'd lie again. And also I know that no
matter what she told me, I wouldn't believe it, fully
because the last time I confronted her about something, she
lied and lied and lied until I physically brought the receipts.

Speaker 3 (13:50):
And at this point, if you don't trust your girlfriend
to tell you the truth, yeah, to the point where
you're like not even going to bring up the conversation
with her, yeah, then maybe we shouldn't be with her.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
Sounds like it, unfortunately, I mean, you'd think after ten
years we'd be at that point. So I took her
phone when she wasn't paying attention and went through it
and saw that she had been messaging this guy for
over six years at this point on Messenger, and they're
not even Facebook friends. Notifications are turned off for his
messages too. I looked through the messages and never saw

(14:22):
anything too alarming, except he tells her she's beautiful, how
much he wishes she would move back down to Florida
where he's located, and some.

Speaker 4 (14:29):
Crudes by super related jokes he would say to her.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
He also offered to pay off her student loans, which
I am literally doing right now as the sixty hour
a week working husband, and she's a stay at home mom.
This all pissed me off, but I noticed that she
didn't really reciprocate too much.

Speaker 4 (14:45):
But she did say that she loved him.

Speaker 3 (14:48):
Oh that's a bit of a reciprocation. That sounds like
it to.

Speaker 6 (14:52):
Me the moment I read that this is what I
look like.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yeah, absolutely accidentally dropped the phone down the stairs or
off a balcony. Uh oh oh, spaghettio, I've been I
would have broken up way earlier. And I understand that
y'all are married and seemingly have kids.

Speaker 4 (15:09):
Have kids. Yeah, but you just don't trust her anymore.

Speaker 3 (15:13):
Yeah, you don't trust her to the point where again,
like you don't even have conversations about these things anymore,
you just immediately snoop on her phone.

Speaker 4 (15:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:20):
I mean I could see why you would give it
some time, like after one situation of this, Yeah, you know,
but yeah, it sounds like a year's like max max
amount of time. Fast forward a few months, and I
keep looking at the phone every now and again to
see the conversations they have.

Speaker 4 (15:34):
What Why, what are we doing?

Speaker 1 (15:36):
Why she shares photos and videos or our child with him.

Speaker 4 (15:40):
I just don't know how to approach this.

Speaker 1 (15:42):
I don't want to end up getting a divorce and
seeing my child a couple times a week for a
few hours for the rest of my life. And March,
my buddy cheated on his wife and his wife found
texts between his fling and him. I told my wife
about it because it was big news. This is one
of my best friends.

Speaker 4 (15:56):
Later that same night, I see that she left her.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
Phone out, so I decided to look through it, and
the messages between her and her ex are deleted. Seven
years of texts wiped so now I have no proof
to tell her that I know she has been talking
to him. So I let it go and see if
something changes over the next few weeks. What oh, pe this.
You do not need proof for her. You need proof
for a lawyer. Yeah, but you do not need proof

(16:20):
to tell her. Hey, I know that you're cheating.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
Yeah, Like, what are you looking for?

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Yeah, it's been a year of this, Yeah, like over
a year.

Speaker 4 (16:29):
Over a year of this of just him knowing too.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yeah, I don't know what you're waiting for. I feel
like Opee is afraid to end this relationship m hm,
and so just keeps putting it off. Yeah, then needs
to be Yeah, ended.

Speaker 4 (16:45):
Yeah, you're probably in denial.

Speaker 1 (16:47):
I'm hoping that she just stops talking to him and
tells him to boot some rocks.

Speaker 4 (16:51):
Well, that don't happen.

Speaker 1 (16:52):
And one night, when she and my child went to
sleep over at her grandmother's house, which she did weekly
to care and spend time with her, I saw that.

Speaker 4 (17:00):
He asked if she could talk. She said yes. It
was midnight.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
I didn't see the call OG, but I saw the
messages before and after she's out of the house.

Speaker 4 (17:08):
I'm assuming she does her phone with her.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
Yeah, are we unless there's like an old phone or
something like that. They were on the phone for almost
an hour and the only reason it ended was because
our child woke up looking for her, which means she
called him on another app or through his phone number.
I got my phone and took a photo of the messages.
I've been doing this for a few months now. But
now she has all her social media apps in a

(17:29):
locked folder that only her face can open, which can
which I assume she did because she was probably assuming
that I.

Speaker 4 (17:37):
Was looking through her phone.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
Yeah, so you're doing a bad thing and looking through
her phone, and now she, because she's lying.

Speaker 6 (17:43):
Has locked the folder.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
Yeah, why are we still together?

Speaker 1 (17:46):
This is really funny because this is like you both
know exactly what's going on.

Speaker 4 (17:50):
Yeah, she is cheating.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
You know she's cheating. She knows you know she's cheating.
No one's talking about no one's.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
Talking about it.

Speaker 1 (17:57):
We're just gonna go about this as normal as we
would if we did talk about it. But we're not
going to I guess not crazy, insane, insane, she's cheating.
He's just hanging on because he doesn't want it.

Speaker 4 (18:10):
To be over it. It sounds like that's it. That's it.

Speaker 3 (18:12):
You know, you know, you know, dude, you know you.

Speaker 4 (18:16):
Know what I don't tell you because you know you know,
and now you have proof.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
So maybe you could get a little more custody in
the in the you know, if that's what you want.

Speaker 3 (18:24):
Yeah, I don't know what he wants.

Speaker 4 (18:26):
I don't know. Man, he wants to not have this exist, yeah,
which is fair.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
He's wants to stick his head in the sand like
little Ostrich.

Speaker 4 (18:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:33):
So now I'm here completely in the dark, not sure
if they have conversations on multiple apps or what they
share with each other. I want to call her out
on it, but I'm afraid that I just won't believe
anything she says because of what occurred with the Korn
situation a few years back.

Speaker 4 (18:46):
That was a few years back.

Speaker 5 (18:47):
Now.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
I also don't want to because I'm afraid it will
lead to a separation.

Speaker 4 (18:53):
And I've worked hard for the little I have.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
I don't want to have anything.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
I don't want her to be able to take half
of it and then take my child and move to
Florida and have.

Speaker 4 (19:01):
Another man raise them. Do I bring it up? Leave
it beep?

Speaker 1 (19:04):
He does follow her on Instagram now, I just noticed
this yesterday. I guess they talk on there as well.
And that's the end of that story. But I mean,
I don't know how legal stuff works. But she can
just move, Yeah, I don't think you can just I
understand the fear. But I think it's possible that she
doesn't take exactly half in the divorce.

Speaker 4 (19:22):
Yeah, because of the adultrey.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
Like I think, depending on, yeah, what state you're in,
I am sure that she wouldn't be able to just
like get full custody or at least like, I don't.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
Think she would be able unless she did get full
full custody. I don't think she'd just be able to
up and leave the state either.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I think that you'll be okay.
You just seem a little worried right now, which is
very understandable.

Speaker 4 (19:48):
Again, but yeah, we talk to a lawyer. Please you
have the screenshots now, that's good?

Speaker 3 (19:55):
Sure do Yeah, we do.

Speaker 4 (19:58):
Yeah, Sean says, open shut the f up.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
She can't just move, Yeah, makes sense, makes sense, depends
on the state. Amanda says, rules are so different. So
good luck to you, OPI. But that's the end of
that story. We've got another one coming, right, up.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
My husband inspects my phone daily while secretly cheating the
whole time.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
Classic cheaters thinking everyone else is cheating.

Speaker 3 (20:20):
So for starters, Me and my husband have a good relationship.
We don't play games, and we don't hurt each other's hearts,
and we're very careful with what we say. We share location,
and we're very open, and we have our own savings.
But same checking. He's black, I'm Hispanic. I know that
matters to some people, and we just add a newborn baby.
He is now two months old. By the way, this

(20:40):
comes from Mistake No. Forty two ninety four, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime subvered it. I'm Sophia, I'm.

Speaker 6 (20:48):
Angie, I'm Dakota, and we're here.

Speaker 3 (20:50):
To give good advice goofy, but we don't have all
the answers. We only know what we do, so let
us know what you would do in the comments. I
love my husband diary really do, but I'm starting to
realize signs that are scaring me, and I'm not sure
if I even have evidence her starters. My husband knows
my password and he's allowed to go on my phone anytime.
But because I trusted him, I never asked for his

(21:13):
password and I do not go on his phone. But lately,
ever since this marriage started, I have this feeling that
something is wrong, and I'm not sure if he's cheating
on me or has cheated on me. For some pointers.
He says it was my mom, but I'm not sure anymore.
Supposedly she told him you might want to check her
phone because I've been hearing her talk to people. I
come from a very toxic household where I couldn't talk

(21:35):
to my friends, and then I was talking to one
of my best friends at the time. She was really
nice but hated my mom. Well, I ran away and
I lived with my husband. I have a diary on
my phone and I write my personal stuff because I
have short term memory loss and I keep it very private.
My husband wants to see what I was texting, and
I got nervous because it's weird to others what I'm doing,
so I kind of hit it away. Later on that day,

(21:57):
he grabbed my phone. I tried to grab it back
because I thought it was odd, and he ran away
with it. I was going to chase him until I
realized what he's doing and he's going to go through
my phone, and I let him, and of course he
found nothing because I'm not a cheater. Immediately, immediately I'm
considering breaking up.

Speaker 4 (22:17):
I think it should be.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
It's like, okay, well even if I cheated, even if
I didn't, if you don't trust me, then we shouldn't
be together to even have a conversation.

Speaker 3 (22:24):
You just stole my phone.

Speaker 4 (22:25):
Yeah, like a little gremlin.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
You could have a conversation, could have happened, and that
could have been better.

Speaker 4 (22:31):
But like, what are you.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
Doing besides an ex texting me? But I already texted
him to not text me again, and I blocked his butt.
But beside that, thinking about it now, only a cheater
thinks the person is cheating on them. I've heard of
that phrase, and I've seen it in many relationships, so
it does scare me. But I also know sometimes people
like me just worry and want to go through the phone.
At the same time, though my actions were just and

(22:55):
not wrong. Next story, my husband has an ex and
probably has a kick with her, and he takes care
of her second child and sends money here and there.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
I think it's not possible. I think that child is hit.
I think why would he be doing that if.

Speaker 4 (23:09):
That child was not hit.

Speaker 3 (23:11):
I think he has a child.

Speaker 4 (23:12):
I think, oh pee oh pie, it's his child.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
But every single time he talks to her, he does
treat me like crap and is disrespectful to me. I
don't know why I don't bring it up, but I
know one day I'm gonna snap. As examples, there was
a time he wanted to go get some shoes. I said,
I know the best places, and we went to the mall.
He wanted to get the little boy these really nice
white shoes. I gave him, my head's up, kids are
very dirty. Are you sure you want to get him that?

(23:37):
And he said, I don't care. They look so cool
and he'll love them. That made me happy, so I agreed.
We went to the mall and I showed him the
white shoes. He was looking at ones that were similar,
but he looked at me in a way that did
hurt me and said, X said that white shoes are
gonna get dirty and pointless, so don't buy them and
don't pick another pair. Honestly, that unlive me. And I
was pregnant at the time, so I just completely stopped

(23:59):
because I know so if I say something. I'm gonna
let heck loose. Now. I don't think he's cheating on
me with her because she cheated on him. But I
think it's evidence of him just being disrespectful. But recently,
from three months ago to now, I've been seeing girls
text him on Facebook, Snapchat and his old TikTok account
until they got deleted. I know he still followed other girls,

(24:21):
especially corn Stars. You knew that. You knew that already
and has been messaged by girls that are half unclosed.
I'm not surprised most guys do. But the thing that
shocked me is, even though I did the same thing
everything else but corn Stars, I unfriended every single guy
and girl that was showing skin or thirst traps because

(24:42):
I take my relationships very seriously and I'm no longer single.
You unfriended every single person that was showing any amount
of skin.

Speaker 6 (24:50):
What this sounds exceptionally unhealthy.

Speaker 3 (24:54):
Yeah. People just sometimes like post pictures. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
Then if you feel like that's some sort of disloyalty
that you're feeling, you scroll by and you don't like it,
that's what you do. You don't have to unfollow them.
This is not a reason or a way that you
need to take your relationship seriously if that's what you
want to do, whatever, But lets don't want to follow
those people. Sure, sure, if it's because you're in our relationship. Yeah,

(25:19):
Like I just really urge you to not do that.
And I don't know, just relax a bit. I get
like some people are like that, and those people just
need to find each other. Yeah, and like I don't know,
isolate themselves both or whatever whatever, because it's just gonna happen,
so it might as well happen to someone who agrees.
But it's just like, dude, you don't need to do
all that. Obviously he's doing more suspicious stuff, but like,

(25:41):
you don't need to do that, girl, op you just leave.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
I think it's so crazy that OPI's willing to do that.
But then is also like aware that her partner has
a secret affair child he's sending money to and she's
not done anything about it or confronting him about it.

Speaker 4 (25:57):
Yeah, she's They've talked about it, they've picked.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
Out they've went baby shoe shopping together for his possible
baby with an ex.

Speaker 3 (26:05):
Well, it seems like this baby was before her time,
Like okay, so it seems yes. Well, I mean I
feel like you could probably figure it out by age,
that is yeah. However, it is crazy that we're even
using the word possible.

Speaker 4 (26:18):
It's very crazy.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
This is his kid, it's just his kid, and I mean,
you know that could be fine, that's like fine, he
could just have a kid with an ex. But I
don't know why you're saying possible. I don't know why.
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (26:31):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
He hasn't and still hasn't, and I have seen him
check out girls a lot of times, especially when I
was pregnant. Oh man, But last night I saw someone
was texting him and it weirded me out. Today, I
don't know why, and it's not like me, but I
made the excuse to take pictures of my baby because
I'm out of storage real fast. I went to his
snapchat and I saw he sent a picture to a

(26:52):
girl four days ago. This girl is hispanic, just his type.
I have no idea who she is, and I'm not
sure if I want to, I know I can find
out more evidence, but I'm actually scared too. And if
he is cheating, I don't know what to do because
I can't leave. I have nowhere to go. I'm a
homestead mom, and because of my toxic household, I wasn't

(27:12):
able to graduate school. Now, don't get me wrong, my
husband is wonderful in what way?

Speaker 4 (27:17):
I really don't believe that.

Speaker 3 (27:19):
In what way is he wonderful?

Speaker 4 (27:20):
I really don't believe that.

Speaker 3 (27:22):
He took me when I was down, He paid off
my bills, He keeps me emotionally intact, not very well.
It doesn't seem like it when I'm not strong, and
physically pleases me. Also, and I do everything the same.
Not only that, I don't mean to toot my own horn,
but I'm very volumptuous, and I'm pretty, and I catch
a lot of male gaze, so I know i'm pretty
to look at for my husband.

Speaker 1 (27:43):
Let them go, let those mailgaze go, please, I deserve to.

Speaker 4 (27:46):
Be out there.

Speaker 6 (27:47):
What is this vibe? Change? Is crazy?

Speaker 3 (27:50):
It's so weird. She's like, I think my husband's cheating
on me, so I've been looking at his phone.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
But also he's amazing, yeah, and also like he's definitely
lying to me about these things. And also that whole
shit exchange was weird, so weird, it was weird.

Speaker 4 (28:03):
I just don't like it. I like this.

Speaker 3 (28:04):
Guy, all right, No, and emotionally I am the strongest
at times and the smartest when it comes to situations.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (28:14):
Give me a situation and I'll be this smartest gunned bucks.

Speaker 2 (28:18):
I'm just gonna have to hard disagree with that based
on this situation.

Speaker 3 (28:23):
Yeah, but if I'm good enough in both senses, why
what do you cheat on me?

Speaker 1 (28:26):
I don't know, girl, That's the question that all people
who have been cheating on asks.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
That's the answer to that doesn't lie within you, you
know it does.

Speaker 4 (28:36):
It's not about you, Yeah, not exactly.

Speaker 6 (28:39):
It's simply that it's not you.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
Literally, what are you doing?

Speaker 2 (28:42):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (28:42):
Because I don't know.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
Like I want to give you some grace, ope, because
he's probably just been pre manipulative and like, you know,
not handling your emotions.

Speaker 4 (28:51):
Well, yeah, from.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
The few examples that we've seen, it seems like he
is not a great partner.

Speaker 4 (28:56):
So I you know, I'm gonna give you some.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
Grace there, but like, please, let's let's reflect on this
stuff a bit, because to me, this doesn't even sound
like a oh what do I do?

Speaker 4 (29:06):
Kind of story.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
This is a story where these are all bullet points
of why we're going to break up with him.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
I agree, And you can't just keep saying, well, he's
done this, this, this, but he's wonderful.

Speaker 4 (29:16):
Yeah, it doesn't that doesn't work. It doesn't work. No,
it doesn't work.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
You can't make me believe that. Not only that I'm
Christian with Christian values and I treat my husband like
a king. I cook for him constantly and everything. But
if he can't do the simple things that bother me
without me telling him, I don't know what to do.
I'm just going through a lot because I'm fifty percent
sure of what I said. Either he's cheated on me,
could have almost cheated, or is definitely cheating right now.

(29:42):
None of those options are he didn't cheat on me,
and I'm gonna stay with him because he's a great guy.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
I'm one hundred percent sure that it's any one of
those three.

Speaker 4 (29:50):
Yeah, I don't like it.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
I don't like I think people can have the values
that they want to have, people can choose the lifestyle
that they want to have. But I really I hope
that you don't think that you have to stay with
this guy and let him cheat on you to be
a good Christian. Yeah, like, I'm not a Christian. I
you know, I'm not gonna speak on how you should

(30:12):
be a Christian, but I just really hope that you
don't think that mistreatment and accepting of mistreatment is along
with your religion.

Speaker 4 (30:20):
No, and that's the end of this story. We're going
on to the next one.

Speaker 2 (30:24):
Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're
gonna get back to the stories. But here's three minutes
of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 7 (30:32):
My sister revoked my boyfriend's invite after seeing the DMS.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
I hit, well, yeah, if you had to hide the DMS,
that's not a great sign.

Speaker 7 (30:40):
My sister, Eve Non Afternoon, got engaged last year and
I twenty nine female, am her maid of honor. She
is thirty four female. We are not always close, but
we are really close now. She is my big sister
and has always been really protective of me. And I've
had really bad experiences with men, but also been lucky
to know what a good man looks like. By the way,

(31:02):
this comes from Funflower ninety five. And if you want
to spit your old stories, go to the r slash
Okay story Tumpsopper.

Speaker 6 (31:07):
I'm Riley I'm Funflower, I'm Dakoded, and I'm Vincent, and
we're here to give good advice.

Speaker 7 (31:12):
Schoofully, you're here to comment. Let's get into it. My
boyfriend Kevin thirty three mel of three years, really messed up.
I broke down and told Eve what happened before I
even talked to Kevin. Probably a mistake because I was
just devastated. After confronting Kevin, I chose to stay.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
So he definitely cheated, right, yeah, because it's so bad,
you won't even say it on the post, because you know,
if you said it on the post, everyone would be like,
why do you do it?

Speaker 7 (31:36):
Even though I had my car packed. It felt like
he used all the bad for me manipulative tricks, but
it worked and I'm still here. I really do love
him and care for him, but now Eve is refusing
to acknowledge or talk to him. She also revoked his
invitation to her wedding. Eve does not want him in
the wedding photos and she does not trust him anymore.
I totally understand, and I'm not sure if I even

(31:57):
want him at the wedding anymore. We are still working
on it, but if things do not work out, I
do not want him to be in those photos. I
want to express that I am not mad at my sister.
I am more on her side than his. He made
a huge mistake and now he is suffering the consequences.
But I am right in the middle of it. He
is devastated. He loves my family and now feels like

(32:20):
everything is falling apart.

Speaker 5 (32:21):
So do I.

Speaker 7 (32:22):
Thanksgiving or Christmas are coming up. Eve is getting married
in a few days after Christmas. How am I supposed
to have my boyfriend around the family for Thanksgiving and
Christmas dinner. Eve does not want to talk to him
at all. It will be obvious. She has sworn to
secrecy and will not tell anyone, especially not my parents.
But if she acts like that, they will know something
is up, and all they will want to talk about

(32:42):
is the wedding that my boyfriend knows he is not
invited to, but cannot tell anyone he is not invited to.
I am the maid of honor, so I have to
be involved. It's just a mess. But he is not
at the wedding. I will have to lie and say
he has the VID and afterwards, I don't know. Should
Kevin talk to Eve? Should he try to remedy. It
is the relationship over.

Speaker 6 (33:02):
Third times the jar. Yeah, the relationship's over, dude.

Speaker 7 (33:06):
I cannot imagine being with someone my sister does not trust,
my parents, my dad, especially love Kevin. I found out
that he has been messaging his exes and another woman
in April from this year, really nasty stuff. One was
even a closure message to someone he fell in love
with years ago. He also messaged bots on Instagram, posting
as spicy latinas. We have lived together for over a year.

(33:27):
So I slowly started organizing and gathering things. I was
prepared to leave, and it took me weeks to confront
him because I felt so hard. I knew my life,
our relationship would change. I was scared to lose that
comfort I found him in. I chose to forgive him.
We had a big talk. I said he needed to
step up Yanayana. Months later, nothing changed. He was still

(33:49):
up to his antics of not being a very good boyfriend,
just unsupportive, unhelpful, lazy. September comes around, We're watching TV.
He's on X and I see him go to his
messages and quickly exit outs. I knew something was up.
I decided to check his socials while he was at work,
and behold, I found new messages with the bot on X.

(34:11):
She was sending him almost spicy picks and whatnot, and
he was responding, calling her baby, et cetera.

Speaker 6 (34:18):
Oh my god. You know that's just like, dude, you
know what this is. You know what this is.

Speaker 5 (34:22):
So on X they.

Speaker 7 (34:23):
Launched in eighteen in eighteen plus messaging thing where you
can talk with like an ai bo and they'll send
you like spicy messages back and forth.

Speaker 4 (34:31):
That's what this is.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
I can't imagine a single thing worse for your mental
health than spicy texting a robot designed to give you
exactly what you want.

Speaker 7 (34:40):
I went numb and I could not cry.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
At first.

Speaker 7 (34:44):
He was supposed to be that guy. We're good friends
for years before we started dating. He warned me against
those guys who told me to stay away, that any
dude who still talks to his ex or other women
is just keeping his options open, and it's disgusting. He
was not supposed to be that guy. This is what
caused me to break down in front of my sister.
I did not tell her what happened in April. I

(35:05):
only told her about the bot. He was messaging on X.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (35:09):
I'm really good at disassociating too, so that is kind
of what I've been doing, totally avoiding confrontation with Kenna.

Speaker 6 (35:14):
So eared flex.

Speaker 7 (35:15):
The sister only knows about the Latina AI bot.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
Yeah, and not that, but even that alone is like, yeah,
sisters are reacting appropriately and you should just break up
with him. He wants to date the computer. He wants
to date the computer. He'll date the computer as soon
as they make like clone or whatever, like robot girlfriend technology,
which that's on the way.

Speaker 7 (35:36):
It's here for five hundred bucks.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
You're gonna for I think five thousand as soon as
they have that, and he can do it, it's over,
You're gone.

Speaker 7 (35:42):
We finally talked about everything the other day, and he
completely is devastated. I tried talking to my sister about
whether she felt any differently, and she said no, she
does not want to talk to him or acknowledge him.
And he is still not invited to the wedding. He's
upset and does not think it's fair, but he also
get to it. He thinks she should change her mind.
If I thought harder for him and advocated for our relationship.

(36:06):
WTFM I supposed to advocate for right now. That is
basically what I told him. In nicer words, Kevin was
supposed to be the nice guy. I chose the nice
guy over money, overlooks, over everything. I chose a guy
that I thought would be a good partner and a
good father. One day, as stupid as it sounds, he
was messaging on bide and that is what did us in.
It is hard to believe something so stupid would destroy

(36:27):
our relationship. It brings up images of messages I saw
in April, and it is triggering. I know I'm not
responsible for his actions, but when he cried and told
me he was nothing without me, he couldnot do it
without me, I believed him because I feel the same way.
But it felt really unreal. I had my car packed
and I waited for him to get home from work.

(36:47):
When he did, I told him I was leaving. We
talked for like two days, and I ended up staying
more for him than me. But now a month later,
I am just sad and confused. I love him and
do not want to see him so hurt, but he
caused this. Should my boyfriend try to talk to my sister?
Or is this relationship just doom. Now we have an update. Gurley,
Gurley Pop, Girly Girly Pop. So this is what happened.

(37:08):
April he was messaging other girls on Instagram. September he
was messaging sixty Latina aibot.

Speaker 2 (37:14):
Presumably because none of the women on Instagram wanted anything
to do with him, because I can't imagine, you know,
maybe that was the reason Opie was able to dissociate
and stay because she's like, well, there was no cheating
that happened because all of the women were like ewgross.

Speaker 6 (37:27):
Yeah, so he kind of failed at doing it. But
it's not that he It's just about the fact he
tried to do it at all.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
Yeah, it's just about the fact that he's getting some
sort of emotional or semple or some kind of gratification
from a freaking AI bot from coding.

Speaker 6 (37:42):
Update.

Speaker 4 (37:42):
We had a long talk.

Speaker 7 (37:44):
I studied the threads all week, so I came prepared.
He's still guilty me about the wedding. I told him
I did not want him to be there. He said
that if that's the case, I should just go home.
I said, okay, I will. Then he proceeded to excuse
his actions again and again. I promise I will not
do it again. I will be better for you. I
knew it was a bide. I was just messing around
to see what it would do.

Speaker 3 (38:06):
It meant nothing.

Speaker 7 (38:07):
What do you even want? Is anything I do good
enough for you? I am embarrassed and disappointed in myself.
I do not want to exist. I have no one anyway.
If she doesn't want me to be a part of
the family or go to the wedding, then fine. She
never liked me and was probably hoping for an opportunity
to get rid of me. Does the last three years
mean anything to you?

Speaker 6 (38:25):
You know I love you.

Speaker 7 (38:26):
It's because Eve knows and does not want me at
the wedding, and that's why you were feeling like this.
Oh my god, it's that manipulative bag and forth tone hateful,
then revorceful, try and gauge if he will get comfort
and reassurance from me, depending on how he phrases it.
I held my ground. I kept imaging if this was
my sister Eve, or if my other sister Jace thirty
four female or my best friend Gig thirty mail Jason

(38:49):
gg knew what had happened since April. Both encouraged me
to leave, but both were hesitantly supportive. When I decided
to give him another chance, I thought of my future.
I told him he was coming off as really manipulative.
That kind of switched something inside of him. He said
he just wants to fight for me. I told him,
fighting for me and respecting my boundaries are different. Thanks,

(39:09):
you had six months to fight for me and you
did nothing but message about But six months this is nothing.
This has been the hardest time in my life. I'm
going home on Thursday alone. I do not think I
will be able to pack all my stuff in the
car like I did last time I try to leave.
His schedule is different this week, so he will be
home on Thursday. He knows my weaknesses. He will likely
say or do something that triggers me to stay with him,

(39:31):
either calling me soul this or accusing me of never
loving him, or he accused me of wanting to sleep
with other guys. I do not want to chance it.
I am not sure what he would do if he
saw me packing all my stuff again, so I'm just
packing essentials. He knows I'm going home for a few
days and that if he did not respect my boundaries
this time around, it would speak volumes. He accepted it

(39:52):
and told me I should go home. I probably have
to involve someone in my family to help me get
my stuff. Maybe Eve, maybe my dad, definitely your dad,
maybe both. I know Eve would be pumped to help
me with that. The other issue was all the heavy
stuff in my house right mom's house too. Yes, he
was thirty when we first dated and lived.

Speaker 3 (40:10):
At my home with his mom. Yes, big ick.

Speaker 5 (40:13):
I know.

Speaker 7 (40:14):
The reason why I have not just left is because
I have no idea how he reacts. My piano means
so much to me. I'm also an amateur nature photographer,
and he has all of my photos on a hard
drive at his mom's house. I do not want him
to destroy my stuff or threaten me with it. So yeah,
I have to get my stuff from his apartment and
his mom's house. My sister, Jason's husband suggested I hire

(40:35):
movers to get my stuff from his mom's house. I
do not want to see or talk to his family.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
I know that it's clearly you're leaving a very hard situation,
but like, you can't just like leave all that stuff
and be like I hope for the best, because it's
not gonna have it so you got to go. I
don't care if you don't want to see his family.
You're gonna see him one more time when you grab
your stuff and leave.

Speaker 6 (40:55):
Yeah, yeah, one more time. Can you give me one
more Can you just give me one more time?

Speaker 4 (40:59):
Please?

Speaker 6 (41:00):
And that's the end of this story.

Speaker 4 (41:01):
We're gonna go on to the next one.

Speaker 6 (41:03):
My girlfriend wants to move out after we bought the house.

Speaker 3 (41:07):
Let her move out.

Speaker 2 (41:08):
My partner, female thirty five, and I male thirty five
have known each other for sixteen years and have been
together for almost nine. She lived in a capital city
and moved upstate soon after our relationship started. Within three months,
we rented our first apartment. By the way, this comes
from user thesu seven and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime Subburdy.

(41:30):
I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and we're here to give good
advice goof ley because we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 6 (41:35):
We only want to be freaking goofballs most of the time. Dude.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
But so if you know stuff that we don't know,
let us know in the comments. Over the years, we've
had our ups and downs. I used to be a
very bad partner in regards to household chores, and years
of excessive bank bank withdrawals made me a lazy bed mate.
Despite this, I've always been extremely loving and caring. She

(41:58):
called herself a loves and.

Speaker 6 (42:00):
I was all too happy to give her more and
more love.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
She almost broke up with me twice, both times because
of how awful I was when it came to chores,
and the shock of the second time was what made
me straighten up and develop a habit of always checking
for stuff that needs doing and doing them before watching
TV or playing video games. I'd tried doing that a
few times before, but the improvements were always temporary, and
I lapsed as soon as I felt she was okay again.

(42:26):
Spicy sleep was still an issue though. Last November, she
befriended a guy, and when she told me about him,
I could sort of see a sparkle in her eyes,
and that worried me a bit. Some weeks later, this
said guy asked her if our relationship was open. It wasn't,
but we had an agreement that if someone that peaked
our interest showed up at some point, we'd talk about
it to decide on how to proceed. That's what she did,

(42:47):
and I took it kind of badly, not terribly, but
insecurity did settle in. I asked her to be careful
and voiced that something about him felt suspicious, so I
was mostly against her pursuing it. They still talked for
a while, but she started noticing that he'd only message
her when he had another female friend interested in having
zispassa sleep. Finally understanding that he was only interested in

(43:09):
her for amnon jittlar, and she blocked him.

Speaker 6 (43:13):
I understood that she wanted.

Speaker 2 (43:15):
To feel desired, though, but I was too used to
watching corn Nah and relieving myself to actually see her
for the beautiful, attractive woman she was, and she missed
that badly. Still, I didn't make a single effort to
change that. Cut to July, another male friend, a really
decent guy, told her he was into her and asked

(43:35):
if i'd be okay with them going out. I didn't
take it all that well, but better than the first
time I felt threatened, especially given how similar to me
he looked. Anyway, I think that was the push I
needed to start really seeing her as the woman she is.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
How was the push? That was the push?

Speaker 4 (43:53):
That's where we're like drawing the line.

Speaker 6 (43:55):
Yeah, the push was a better version of you being like,
can I date your girlfriend?

Speaker 5 (43:59):
The push was just you showing up to your own
house being like, hey, dude, I'm a dator now.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
Being more open about my spasive proclivity and the things
that get me doing. Our spicy sleep life changed completely,
becoming frequent, intensely you passionate. So another problem completely fixed,
right mm yeah, But she still wanted to, in her
own words.

Speaker 6 (44:20):
Experience these other cannuctionans, and I did what I could
to respect that.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
She said it had nothing to do with me, and
that she was perfectly satisfied with me as a partner,
and that other people were just other people. It was
all true, but I was so unbearably insecure. I constantly
asked for her reassurance, and it took its toll on her.
At some point I could see she was exhausted, and
I was suffering too much to endure it any longer.
On the same day, I told her I couldn't take
it anymore. She said they had ended their fling three dates.

(44:47):
It really wasn't anything to worry about. But I made
a mountain out of a mole hill, and that only hurt.

Speaker 6 (44:51):
Us for no reason.

Speaker 3 (44:52):
What did she tell you that?

Speaker 5 (44:54):
Did she say, Oh, you've just made a mountain out
of a moil?

Speaker 3 (44:57):
Are you clating?

Speaker 6 (44:59):
Cause, buddy, do you like stop letting everything else in
your life think for you? You have to think for yourself.
You're like, oh my god.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
Yeah, me being insecure about her wanting to woink other people, Yeah,
that really weighed on her.

Speaker 6 (45:13):
No, we weighed on you.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
Last night, after she got back from her theater group,
she told me we had to break up. Her reasons
didn't make sense at first, not even for her, but
after lots of talking, she finally managed to explain it.
Since her teens, she had always been living relationship to relationship,
and she never lived adulthood by herself. Seeing that decent
dude living happily by himself made her covet that experience

(45:34):
for her. She started wondering about how she doesn't really
know who she is, doesn't know what she wants, doesn't
know where I end and where she starts, and so on. Essentially,
we become so codependent. She's having an identity crisis. She
doesn't even know what her dreams are. We bought a
house last year, adopted two more dogs. That's a total
of three dogs and three cats. Made many renovations, traveled

(45:56):
and planned a lot of stuff. The fact that we
did all that without her really knowing why leaves me
so confused. She says she loves me and loves the
house and loves our pets, and yet she hurts. There
had been so many times this year in which I
thought she looked lost, but I had no idea how badly.
We talked all day today, and she said a lot
of stuff that suggests she doesn't actually want to break up.

(46:16):
She's still planning on going on dates and concerts with me,
and watching stuff together and taking care of our house
and bathing our pets and so on. But she does
need space and wants to live alone for a while.
We're gonna move some furniture around the house during the
weekend so we can start sleeping in separate bedrooms, an
old suggestion made by a couple we're friends with who
have been living this way for years. And we'll both
try to spend more time by ourselves when we're at

(46:36):
home and going out with our friends while the other
person is doing something else or someone else. She wants
us to disentangle financially over the next few months, so
she can rent a place where she can live alone
for a while, hopefully with both of us growing along
the process. I believe that'll be very beneficial for both
of us. She says, I'm a perfect partner, that she
loves me and wants to grow old with me.

Speaker 6 (46:57):
Stop it, gosh, she said, this point, break take a break,
break up.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
If you guys are meant to be together, you'll come
back together.

Speaker 7 (47:04):
At this point, just cut it off.

Speaker 6 (47:06):
Be your own person for literally, she says, there's no
one else she wants to be with. She said, I
can hope for the best.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
We hug and we kiss, and we keep grabbing each
other and calling each other cute names. With all that,
it's hard for me not to feel almost as if
we're not breaking up at all. Yet there's this terrifying
feeling that things could still end if when she finally
gets to know herself and figure out what she wants
from life.

Speaker 6 (47:29):
I'm not a part of that.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
She's been struggling with depression and anxiety since she was fourteen, theater,
and lately she'd been waking up in these really deep
valleys of depression, wanting to stay in bed, crying all day,
feeling nothing but emptiness. She started taking a new medication,
one that apparently starts having its full effect after one
week of treatment. Today marks the third week since she
began taking that antidepressant, and I wonder if the clouded

(47:52):
reasoning or judgment part of the side effects list has
something to do with her seemingly abrupt decision. Even without
the medicine, though, it's still feels as if one of
us asking to break up was inevitable. We've been too
wary of each other this whole year. If either of
us looked sad or upset, the other would ask if
they said or did something, and so on. He became
so dependent on how the other one was feeling that

(48:13):
our relationship became restless.

Speaker 5 (48:15):
I'm over this dude, and I need him to just
like get out of this relationship or else I'm like
over it, honestly, Like your girlfriend has given you every
reason to know that she really doesn't want a relationship.
She has said, like my whole life, I've just jumped
relationship to relationship. I do not know what I want
or what I'm doing or anything. But then drags you
back in and has a house with you.

Speaker 6 (48:36):
Yeah, you really want to have a house.

Speaker 5 (48:38):
And three dogs with someone who's like and every day
I just kind of wonder if I actually like you.

Speaker 6 (48:43):
Yeah, the flip flop. You can't do the flip flop.

Speaker 2 (48:45):
You're in charge of three dogs and three cats and
three cats and a house. Honestly, dude, just give her
exactly what she wants it. Give her exactly what she
says you want. She said, Okay, you want independence, you
want to figure out your own life.

Speaker 6 (48:55):
We're breaking up.

Speaker 2 (48:56):
I'll keep the house since clearly this is not a
part of your life, and you don't think any of
this is you.

Speaker 6 (49:01):
So you go figure yourself out.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
And then if you figure out that you want to
be within this, I guess you can come back or
we'll see, because I won't know if I even want
that anymore.

Speaker 5 (49:11):
You know, there would have to be like a lot
of healing on my own part. I feel like first,
and then the question of am I even cool if
you come back.

Speaker 6 (49:18):
We've got a little bit left here. I want us
to find our mutual peace again. I want us to
be happy.

Speaker 2 (49:24):
There's no one else I'd rather be within the whole world.
Do you have any suggestions? What would you do in
my place? We already know, dude, we know what we
would do.

Speaker 5 (49:31):
We'd get out of there.

Speaker 4 (49:32):
We would we would break up.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Corn can be fun, but too much of it can
be pausinous. I still watch it, I just don't drain
my libido in it anymore. Talking about it openly with
my partner also helped wonders. I think you have a point.
She can't leave immediately because we spent all of our
savings with the house and the renovations, so we'll sleep
in separate bedrooms and do our best to give each
other space until she's financially comfortable to move out. I

(49:57):
don't want her to feel pressured at all. I was
brief involved with another person but decided it wasn't for me.
During our talk, she wondered if these experiences with other
people weren't her trying to deal with these identity issues.
She'll be the one moving out because I'll stay with
all of our pets, as I think taking care of
any of them will make it harder for her to
focus on herself. I didn't make it clear on my post,

(50:17):
but I've progressed a lot over the years to the
point that I have a much easier time keeping the
house tidy than she does. I think her moving out
and living alone for a while will put a ton
of things into perspective. And she said she wants me
to be her boyfriend in the meanwhile, it's cute. It's cute,
you know, I'm not even I'm just gonna keep going.
Most of all, I want her to be able to

(50:39):
live and enjoy being around her friends and doing her
stuff without worrying about my mood or wondering if she
should be spending time with me instead. As I believe
this codependency is the root cause of the problems in
our relationship.

Speaker 6 (50:52):
And that is the end of that story. She doesn't
sound codependent.

Speaker 5 (50:57):
She sounds very independent on gode vendit.

Speaker 6 (51:01):
And that's the end of this story.

Speaker 4 (51:02):
We're gonna go on to the next one.

Speaker 1 (51:04):
Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and
we're going to get back to the stories.

Speaker 4 (51:10):
But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (51:14):
My boyfriend keeps bringing up his ex and I'm losing
my mind over it. The long story, I twenty three
female met my boyfriend twenty four male in the beginning
of twenty twenty five. In fact, we quite literally met
on New Year's Eve and quickly began talking. At the time,

(51:34):
I was in an extremely awful relationship. By the way
this comes from otherwise produce six two one, and if
you want to see your own stories, go to the
rslash Okay storytime sub reddit.

Speaker 6 (51:43):
I'm Carly, I'm.

Speaker 4 (51:44):
Dakota, and I'm Vincent, and we're here to.

Speaker 3 (51:46):
Give good advice.

Speaker 5 (51:47):
Goofully, but we don't have all the answers. We only
know what we would do, So let us know what
you would do in the comments.

Speaker 4 (51:52):
I know, he says.

Speaker 5 (51:53):
Meeting my current boyfriend on New Year's Eve was one
of the wake up calls I needed to finally change
my locks and take all of my ex'es stuff out
of the apartment. My ex and I had been on
and off since October trying to work through his infidelity,
but ultimately I held an unhealthy and unbecoming grudge and
I could not get over it and the relationship was ended.

Speaker 6 (52:15):
Now.

Speaker 4 (52:15):
When I met my.

Speaker 5 (52:16):
Current boyfriend, he had told me that he had just
gotten out of a three year relationship in November and
he was figuring himself out and didn't want anything serious
or committed. He was blindsidedly dumped, but he claims that
he knew it wasn't working for a few months before
the split. We took our time getting to know each
other and spent time together first platonically, before we moved

(52:38):
into anything romantic. I understand that it takes a long
time to process a relationship, and since we weren't dating,
I didn't really mind as much when he talked about
his ex because I did the same thing. However, the
way we talked about our exes could not have been
more different. My last relationship was abundantly more awful than his,
so I understand why him and his were able to

(53:01):
part on good terms. There was no violence, no harmful act,
no breaking in, just two people realizing that they tried
to make it work and it just didn't. What confused
me was all of the mixed messages he was conveying,
saying things like he never wanted to be back with
her again, that he's completely over the relationship, just not
overprocessing it. But then other times he had even told

(53:24):
me that he was still in love with her or
still in love with who she used to be. He
told me how much he liked me, but then would
encourage me to see and sleep with other people when
I actually did see other people. After being very fed
up and confused about what he wanted and started to
focus on more of what I wanted, he was really hurt,
even cried and told me to make up my mind

(53:46):
between him and the other person. He told me he
felt betrayed and used. I assured him that I had
no intentions of using him, and I was very confused
about where our relationship stood because he would get very
uncomfortable whenever I tried to talk about it.

Speaker 2 (54:00):
Rabbed yourself a shovel and dig about six feet down,
and that's where the relationship should be standing.

Speaker 6 (54:05):
Okay.

Speaker 5 (54:06):
After seeing each other for about five months, I told
him that I was beginning to catch feelings, and I
think it'd be more appropriate if we saw other people,
because as far as I was concerned, we wanted different things,
and I want to protect my peace as well as his.
The boiling point for me was in early May, month
five of the situationship.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
That is the most cursed sentence five months of situationship.

Speaker 6 (54:29):
That's no, that's not a no no.

Speaker 5 (54:32):
When I saw that he was openly texting his ex
right in front of me, and I had also recently
found out that he had lied about hooking up with
a different girl back in January. He only told me
because he felt guilty about a medical issue I had. Afterwards,
he told me that me telling him how I felt
about his behavior and his attitude towards whatever we had

(54:52):
was a call to Jesus moment for him, and that
no one deserves to be treated that way, and that
he was very sorry for not respecting me as my
own person.

Speaker 6 (55:01):
Jesus came down and told me that I can't treat
you this way. Jesus came down and gave me my directions.
I am sorry.

Speaker 5 (55:08):
We decided to start over, and after a few months
of things going well, we became an official couple. These days,
he gets angry, very angry when I bring up anything
that happened before the end of June or when we
officially started dating. I'm still working on trust, as I
have wounds for my last relationship and my current boyfriend
and I did not get off to the smoothest of starts,

(55:30):
with him not being willing to talk about anything regarding
the situationship we were in for about five months before
our reset or his call to Jesus moment. If I
asked what his intentions were or what he was thinking,
he would tell me I was stressing him out, and
then he would not talk to me for the rest
of the day, sometimes multiple days. I've told him before
how much that had hurt me and how I think

(55:52):
any relationship, romantic, friendship, familial, platonic, whatever, still requires a
certain amount of communication, and that I don't think he
was respecting me as an individual with my own thoughts
and feelings. He said he totally agrees, and that he
was in such a bad mental state and was more
concerned with himself and didn't realize how much he was
hurting me. He has told me time and time again

(56:14):
that he was being stupid back then. If he could
go back in time and just redo everything since we
met and tell himself that he was being an effing idiot,
that he would. But we can't change the past, and
luckily I'm here for our future. Man, I don't care
about what you could have done. I care about what
we are going to do to fix it moving forward.

(56:36):
It is reassuring for him to acknowledge that his actions
hurt me. However, I still feel a lot of unease
moving forward with him. A lot of my friends tell
me when I bring this up to them, why would
you want to be with someone who you can't even trust?
I think they raise a fair point, and I've been
thinking a lot about it these past few weeks.

Speaker 4 (56:52):
I was just like, he's cute, a hot. I like
him in his body, but I like the way he
looks when he walks out around.

Speaker 5 (57:01):
A lot of our fights revolve around me being insecure
and not fully being able to trust him. Yet I
have told him before that trust to me is freely
given until broken, and when it is broken, it must
be earned back again through consistency. To my knowledge, we
both care for each other, but I feel like he misunderstands.
I don't want any grand gestures. I don't need phone calls,

(57:22):
text messages, all that cute stuff every day. I'm not
really a big fan of saying I love you all
the time, because I feel like the more you say it,
the more it loses its value. All I really want
is to feel like when he's looking at me, he's
looking at me. I want him to listen when I
speak and to say things like I understand and.

Speaker 3 (57:40):
I'm willing to listen and compromise.

Speaker 5 (57:42):
We had what I would consider a healthy dialogue about
our boundaries and what we would both like to see
from each other moving forward. He said he wants me
to stop bringing up the past, and I told him
I needed him to be more communicative and forthcoming about
his feelings. I told him, I recognize that I'm being
very insecure and I need to stop comparing myself to
his ex and he agreed. However, it doesn't make it

(58:03):
the easiest thing when he's constantly bringing her up.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
Yeah, just freaking acknowledge that you are not ready for
another relationship and freaking don't be in one.

Speaker 6 (58:12):
Hello, oh wow, knock knock, it's the stupid police.

Speaker 5 (58:15):
I care for him deeply, and I want to see
him succeed and thrive in life, and I want the
same for myself and those around me. I don't want
him to feel like he has to hide his past.
But lately there are things that he does or says
that genuinely stress me out, and I'm not sure if
it's because I'm horribly insecure, or if these are things
I should bring up to maintain healthy communication with him. Again,

(58:37):
my last relationship was horrendous and I've never really experienced
a healthy relationship before, so I'm not sure how to
go about some things and what's considered to be healthy
behavior or not. I don't want him to feel like
I am superfluously punishing him for his behavior before we
started dating, or unnecessarily bringing up the past, but it's
very important that he understands that it did impact me

(59:00):
and my current ability to trust him. Please, if any
of y'all are in a healthy relationship or if you
have had a similar experience, can you tell me if
it's normal to mention your ex slash have your partner
mentioned their ex so casually. I don't want to burden
him anymore with my insecurities, but it brings me down
when he tells me things like he wishes he could

(59:21):
run into her while she's walking the dog they had
so he could see the dog. I wish he wouldn't
bring up wanting to run into her, especially because we
just recently had an argument about it. About two weeks ago.
He went to a class reunion that I know he
was sure she would attend. He called me after saying,
guess who I ran into? That is?

Speaker 6 (59:40):
This man is insane. It unhinged, insane, lunatic. This is insane.
This is crazy. It's not normal talking about your ex
like this.

Speaker 3 (59:49):
Guess who I ran into?

Speaker 6 (59:51):
Guess who I ran into?

Speaker 2 (59:52):
The woman you're like the most insecure about on the planet,
And she was just as great as ever, probably.

Speaker 3 (59:58):
Better than you.

Speaker 5 (59:59):
Like I didn't p to him and my roommates before
he even went. He even told me he initiated conversation
with her. While I'm grateful he told me all of this,
I do feel uneasy about it because of the frequency
in which he mentions her. I never want to be
the type of partner that tells him he can't go
places or do things. But I want to be able
to believe that he won't upuse my trust. Girl, I

(01:00:21):
need you to run for the hills.

Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
Yeah, man, this is I don't know who said it,
but it's like, this is way too much for a situationship.

Speaker 5 (01:00:29):
Well they're in a relationship now, but like but still.

Speaker 6 (01:00:32):
It doesn't even sound like it. It's like you're in
a relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
Yeah, And he's like, it's normal to talk about an
X in that Like yeah, it's like, I mean, I
wouldn't like if someone's talking about them perpetually and constantly
about how they the coolest and the best or whatever.

Speaker 6 (01:00:47):
That's weird.

Speaker 2 (01:00:47):
But even talking about them like this where it's like, yeah,
I'm still in love with her and blah blah blah.

Speaker 5 (01:00:52):
Regarding the dog nostalgia, he said I was making it
weird and he just wants to see the dog, not
his ex. But then why not just say that? Do
you have to mention your ex as well? I am
in desperate need of an outside opinion because as much
as I love my friends, they're not my therapists, nor
are any of them in a healthy relationship right now.
I need to know if this is a normal thing

(01:01:12):
in healthy relationships, or if this is something worth addressing, you.

Speaker 6 (01:01:17):
Should address it, and like, probably stop.

Speaker 5 (01:01:20):
Yeah, I think that's like a massive red.

Speaker 6 (01:01:23):
He's unhealthily obsessed with his ex. And that's the end
of this story.

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My husband and I got MARRIED a month ago...and now he vanished! -r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2647

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My husband and I got MARRIED a month ago...and now he vanished! -r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2647