Episode 249: Afterlife Evidence, Spirit Communication & Hope Through Grief

Join Sandra for some comforting words, featuring powerful afterlife evidence and a mother's incredible story of hope, healing, and happiness

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast Day
and Paranormal Podcast Network, where we offer you podcasts of
the supernatural and the unexplained. Get ready now for Shades
of the Afterlife with Sandra Champlain.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to our podcast. Please be aware the thoughts and
opinions expressed by the host are their thoughts and opinions
only and do not reflect those of iHeartMedia, iHeartRadio, Coast
to Coast AM, employees of premier networks, or their sponsors
and associates. We would like to encourage you to do

(00:40):
your own research and discover the subject matter for yourself.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Hi.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm Sandra Champlain. For over twenty five years, I've been
on a journey to prove the existence of life after
day up. On each episode, we'll discuss the reasons we
now know that our loved ones have survived physical doubt,
and so will we. Welcome to Shades of the Afterlife.

(01:12):
In the news lately, there's been a lot of grief.
There have been accidents, wars, floods, and just report after
report of deaths, many of them children. My heart feels
heavy today. I always want to put a big smile
on my face and bring you the great news of
the afterlife. And while that is real and we do

(01:35):
go on and that we will see our loved ones again,
there are times, believe it or not, that I don't
have a smile on my face. I want to do
my best today just to share some words from the heart,
some good reasons to believe in the afterlife, some stories,
some help through grief, reasons to believe, ways to communicate.

(01:58):
And however you are today is perfect. You might just
be curious as to what's on this next episode of
Shades of the Afterlife, or you may find yourself here
for the very first time because someone you love dearly
no longer walks this earth. So let's just talk. Okay,
Why should you listen to me? That's a good question,

(02:19):
especially for first time listeners. I have been in search
of evidence for as long as I can remember. It
was actually the mid nineties when I first had a
fear of death that kept me awake at night, not
knowing if we go on or not. I won't get
into the whole story, but basically since then I have
been looking and collecting evidence. It wasn't until the passing

(02:42):
of my dad in twenty ten where I decided to
put my research on loudspeaker when I realized how much
grief rips apart families and makes us hit rock bottom,
like we don't want to live anymore. It's a very
dark place. By deciding on sharing what I had, I

(03:03):
wrote a book. Didn't think I could, but found some
great coaches and got it done. So that's my book,
We Don't Die, a skeptics a discovery of life after death.
And just a few years after that, I created my
first podcast, which is called We Don't Die Radio Now.
It's mainly videos on YouTube that still exist and I

(03:25):
record them every week, one on one conversations with great
people and great stories of why to believe in the afterlife.
Of course, you're listening to this on Shades of the Afterlife,
and this is my best of all things after life
show with more of me and some guests from time
to time, but telling you the latest news, the latest research,

(03:45):
and good reasons to believe. We Don't Die Radio Now
has five hundred episodes. That's five hundred full length interviews
with great people, great stories here on Shades of the Afterlife.
If we are around about two hundred and fifty episodes
so I'm someone who really cares. I've been at this

(04:07):
for almost thirty years. I've experienced the good, bad, and
the ugly, the weird, the wonderful. But I've chosen to
go on looking for real reasons to believe and then
share them with who's ever listening, And today that's you.
If you are a first time listener and you have
someone who's just passed, and maybe you doubt, can the

(04:28):
afterlife be real? I always think it's a good idea
for all of us to revisit the basics, because we
live life here on planet Earth and our own surroundings,
with our own families and jobs, thinking we are the
center of the universe, don't we. We kind of do.
But meanwhile, there's something like eight billion other people on

(04:49):
this Earth right now, all trying to do the best
they can. I think we need to start by questioning
our identity, meaning being humans. Everything we see looks incredibly
real and feels real, but down to the finest, smallest
particle that makes us up, as science says, all we
are is invisible vibrating energy. I'm not making this up.

(05:13):
You can study quantum physics yourself. I know it seems
hard to believe. But in the cells and molecules and
atoms and down to the quarks they're called we're just
vibrating energy. And then if you think about it, here
we are on planet Earth, and if you take a view,
say you're in an airplane looking down, it all looks
so small, right, Well, go up many thousands of feet,

(05:38):
maybe to the moon, and look back, and we're much smaller.
In fact, if we want to go way out. We're
part of a never ending universe which science can't even
figure out. So many of us want to turn to
science for the facts. Don't we that science does not
have all the answers. So here we are down to

(05:59):
our tiniest part and visible vibrating energy, living in an
ever expanding universe. I want to ask you, why isn't
it possible for the afterlife to be real? We know
energy cannot be destroyed, it can't. You take a log,
it burns, turns to heat. Log is gone. Energy still

(06:19):
around as heat. You take a puddle after a rainstorm,
it dries up. Water's gone, but it turns to vapor.
Did you know that two or many more forms of
energy can be in the same place at the exact
same time. I'm sitting here with my recording devices and computers.
The lights are on. There's energy, I'm energy. There's radio

(06:43):
waves and television signals and GPS signals, and who knows
how many satellites in space are directing their ways down
here to me for the telephone and the internet and
all that. So we can coexist with many forms of
energy when we die. I am one hundred percent convinced

(07:05):
that it's only our bodies that die. Who we are,
that soul, that spirit, We just remain pure energy. You
may have a television nearby and it's turned off. The
television signals are still very much real. We just need
to turn on the TV to get them. Same thing
with our loved ones in the afterlife, very real. We

(07:28):
just may not easily be able to connect, like turning
on a TV or picking up our cell phone and
calling them. Where is heaven? Where is the afterlife? I
don't think it's out there somewhere. In fact, the word
I like much better is hereafter because energy cannot be destroyed.
They're still here, but maybe vibrating at a different speed

(07:52):
than we are. I think we are part of their world,
that heaven or the afterlife. Isn't outside somewhere. We just
coexist in different vibrating energy. If I were to ask
you to hold your hand up and wave it really
really fast. The fast you wave it, it would become invisible,
just like our loved ones. Invisible to our eyes, but

(08:14):
very real to our hearts. So what are the reasons
I believe in the afterlife? And how do I keep going?
Because as human beings, I don't think we're meant to
know that full truth all the time. Because there's value
of being a soul here on earth, exploring, experiencing, and
I do think it's all growth for the soul. But

(08:35):
here's how I state recharged. First of all, doing these
episodes for you. I'm always looking for good stories, different
reasons to believe, and when you share it makes it
real for yourself. Every Sunday I host a free Sunday
Gathering inspirational service on Zoom and anybody can attend. It's empowering,

(08:55):
it's fun. And the last half is a medium demonstration.
It's easy to think, yeah, yeah, Sandra, mediums can give
very general information, and while that is true, mediumship is
one of those fields where you don't need to be
certified to call yourself a medium. So unfortunately these days
here on planet Earth, there's more people that have the

(09:18):
title medium and charge tons of money, and they don't
provide good evidence. If you ever see a medium, make
sure it's in your price range and that they offer
a ten minute guarantee. In fact, in five minutes, you
should know that they are connecting with your loved one,
not only with specifics about them, but shared memories so
that you feel that they're around. So every Sunday we

(09:41):
get our visitors from the other side working through our
mediums and giving details to loved ones that are still
on Earth. Often children come through spouses, parents, grandparents with
evidence that they're alive, they're well, and they're still part
of our lives. For me myself, I've dabbled in mediumships

(10:01):
several times, and although I'm not a medium, I don't
do readings on people. I've had experiences enough times and
have been accurate with the information that I've given that
when a medium works, they actually feel like they are
your loved one and they'll feel that love for you.
It's pretty fantastic. That's why I always recommend people take

(10:21):
a class in mediumship, just to know how the spirit
world and our loved ones communicate. The most requested topic
I have on Shades of the Afterlife is Sandra tell
us more near death experiences. And this is such a
good reason to believe in the afterlife, especially with some
of the new verified and vertical stories that are coming out.

(10:42):
Near death experiences are as old as time. In fact,
there are examples in literature from twenty four hundred years ago.
These are times when our body is physically dead, yet
we are experiencing something else. We may be drawn to
a light, go through a tunnel, have a life review,
see relatives, even our pets. What make these really compelling

(11:06):
for me are the verifiable experiences that we hear. People
can accurately see what someone's wearing even if they're blind
and have been blind since birth. You can scroll down
through past episodes to find lots of stories of near
death experiences. But they tell me that our consciousness is
not just here in our body. It goes much further out,

(11:30):
and I think it's connected to all. There's something called
terminal lucidity that may happen too. You can take someone
who is brain dead or has advanced Alzheimer's or dementia,
hasn't spoken in years, and just moments before they pass away,
they are awake, alert, they know who's in the room.
They have full memories. So that tells me that our

(11:53):
brains are like those televisions I was talking about earlier.
They only receive signals. We are so much more. I
personally love reading stories of the deathbed visitations. These are
just before someone passes away. They can often look up, smile,
point they're loved ones are there to greet them. Nobody

(12:16):
dies alone. Doctor Christopher Kerr in his book Death Is
But a Dream is one of my favorites. He studied
over seventeen hundred people, and we human beings close to passing.
We see people alive, healthy, well, young, and as real
as if you and I were in the room together
right now. How comforting is that that we're greeted and

(12:38):
we are taken across. In fact, there are so many
stories of people that see loved ones and they didn't
even know they were dead. See that's another bit of
verifiable evidence. We need to head off for the break,
but coming up there'll be more reasons to believe. Some
stories I have for you, ways to connect with your

(12:58):
loved ones and You'll even a lady who's a happiness
expert with two children in the afterlife. So don't go anywhere.
We'll be right back. You're listening to Shades of the
Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM Heirinormal
podcast Network.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
What's it'd like on the other side, Listen to Shades
of the Afterlife with Sandra Champlain to find out only
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Speaker 5 (14:03):
Hey everyone, it's the Wizard of Weird Joshua P. Warren
and you're listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast
AM Paranormal Podcast Network.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain.
One of my favorite topics right now is induced after
death communication ia d C. It's called for short. I've
spoken with doctor Alan Botkin, Rochelle Wright, and most recently
doctor Tom Nemi. When we experience grief, it is the

(14:51):
worst pain you can ever imagine. We think of our
loved one and it can bring back all kinds of
feelings and tears and physical pain. Through a series of
left right, left right eye movements by a trained professional,
IADC therapy helps dislodge a memory with the pain you

(15:12):
may be feeling. Don't worry, you won't lose memories of
your loved ones. But after going through this myself in
my case when my father died and crying my eyes
out in front of the therapist, after a certain amount
of time, the memories no longer triggered any painful emotion.
And why it's called iad C therapy although there are

(15:34):
no guarantees, is seventy five percent of the people that
go through this therapy have an experience of being with
their deceased loved one, hearing them, or sensing their presence.
I myself felt like my dad was holding my hand,
and I felt like I got a slide show of
my life growing up from his perspective, and I felt

(15:56):
him and a whole bunch of my deceased loved ones, healthy, well,
young and in the room with me. Pretty amazing. There's
the world of itc It's called instrumental trance communication. These
are things like electronic voice phenomena using a tape recorder
and playing the sound of water running or a fan

(16:18):
blowing to play it back and hear voices. Although it
may seem out of the movies, this is very real
and there has been verifiable evidence and voices that have
come through. I myself have recorded thousands of them. No
one can never convince me that they aren't real. Down
in Brazil, Sonja Andaldi has given her life to work

(16:39):
with parents and scientists on the other side. She started
with EVP and has moved on to pictures of people
in the afterlife. One of her recent experiments is using
a picture of someone as they lived and then perhaps
putting steam in front of it, not filming the picture,

(17:00):
but the steam on the side. That steam can transform
into colored images of people. There are many examples of
parents who have children who have passed, and the children
show themselves from being young to growing up in the afterlife.
There's many more reasons to believe in the afterlife, but
the last two I just want to mention now are

(17:21):
dreams and signs from our loved ones. You know what
signs are. You're talking to your loved one, John, You're
driving in your car. All of a sudden you're stopped
at a red light, license plate in front of you,
says John nineteen sixty six. Of course, there's music that
plays that are shared songs. There's smells. Oh, there's tons

(17:41):
of different signs that we can get from our loved ones.
And yes, we can ask for signs as well. Our
loved ones can show up in dreams. I do believe
that when we sleep, our mind kind of acts as
a bilge pump, getting rid of whatever isn't needed in
our subconscious and our dreams can be wacky, but our
loved ones can make guest appearances. If you get a

(18:03):
dream that your loved one feels so real and it
contains love, that's a real dream visitation. Any of the
darker ones or troubling ones, that's our own subconscious mind.
You'll find a dream visitation real and you can wake
up and you remember it. On one past episode, I
teach lucid dreaming when you can catch yourself in a

(18:24):
dream and invite your loved one to be there with you.
And while this may seem like your imagination making it up,
there's been verifiable information that people haven't known that have
come through these dream visitations. If you've been a longtime listener,
you know that I've talked about these things on plenty
of past episodes, so they're there for your resource. What

(18:47):
I'd like to do now is just tell you some stories.
Most of these are somewhere in a past episode, and
because my heart is a little heavy with all the
parents that have children who have passed, I'll include these
stories about if you do have a child who has passed.
Helping parents Heal is the top place I'd like to
recommend to you. They're an online support group with chapters

(19:11):
all over the world and now something like forty thousand members.
They have lots of resources. It's the one grief organization
that also believes in the afterlife, so it's an incredible
group of parents and there's always someone you can speak
to and they have an incredible YouTube library. Our first

(19:32):
story comes from one of your fellow listeners named Karen.
She adopted two children and always felt they were meant
to be here. When her son Nicholas was about three
and a half years old, Karen was watching a show
that made her emotional, reminding her of her own deceased father,
who had passed before her children were born. Nicholas, sensing

(19:53):
his mother's sadness, took her hand and led her to
his room. Then he began describing his father. He loved golf,
the Buffalo Bill's football team, he was funny, and he
is at Grandma's right now. Karen was shocked as she
never shared these details with her young son. Nicholas jumped

(20:14):
off the bed, patted the ground, and declared, Grandpa comes
down all the time and checks on Grandma. There's also
the story from Rachel, a lawyer, about her three year
old son Thomas. One night, she was putting him to
bed and he pointed, that man's there, Mama, standing next
to you, the one that comes to play with me. Mom.

(20:34):
Rachel asked Thomas to describe the man. He told her
that he had glasses and was older and taller than
his mom, Rachel pulled out an old photo album and
little Thomas was able to point out his grandmother's second
husband and said, that's him. I don't remember the details
of this story, but there was a three year old

(20:55):
girl who nonchalantly just seemed to be talking to nobody,
and when asked, the daughter gave the name of her
deceased grandmother that she was talking to and other details
that she couldn't have possibly known, as her grandmother died
eight years before she was born. Children also have shared
some incredible near death experiences. On a past episode, we

(21:18):
learned about doctor Melvin Morse, a pediatrician and leading a
near death experience researcher, and he said children are just
so matter of fact about their details. One of the
most famous is Colton Burpo from the book and movie
Heaven Is for Real. Colton was able to share his
vivid journey to heaven. He described leaving his body during surgery,

(21:40):
accurately detailing what his parents were doing in other parts
of the hospital and who he talked to in heaven.
In fact, he met his deceased great grandfather Pop, and
even a sister he never knew existed, a baby girl
who had died before Colton was born. Colton described heaven
as a place where nobody is old and nobody wears glasses,

(22:02):
where angels sing and God is really really big. Then
there's a story of Mark. At just nine months old,
he experienced cardiac arrest. Years later, at the age of
three and then seven, he clearly remembered his near death
experience to his parents. He describes seeing doctors and nurses
and his grandma and grandpa holding each other in the

(22:25):
waiting room, and then crawling up a long, dark tunnel
to a bright place where he ran through the field
with God. He told God he didn't want to go back,
but God told him he would return some other day.
He also described his grandparents, who he had never met
and were deceased. The innocence and consistency of children's experiences

(22:48):
offer such comforting evidence of the afterlife, painting a comforting
picture where we are all safe and welcomed and surrounded
by our loved ones. I remembering an email from a
dad he had never heard about shades of the afterlife
or my we don't Die radio, but his three year
old daughter had passed away. To distract his mind from

(23:11):
his grief, he picked up his phone. He simply asked
Siri to play some news. Siri did not play news.
She played an episode of my We Don't Die Radio.
The dad went on to listen to over one hundred
episodes and wrote me, although still grieving, heavily felt the
faith that she lived on and that he will see

(23:31):
her again. Another powerful one was a woman who told
me she and her son had just bought one of
these smart TVs for their home, and the son passed away.
It wasn't yet programmed, but when she came home from shopping,
the TV was on and one of my Sunday gatherings
was playing. That's how she was introduced to our community.

(23:55):
She was hooked and of course comforted and amazed that
something like that could happen. Way back, I talked to
a dad and they had a celebration of life for
his son who had passed. And he said that they
released several dozen yellow balloons, and I think they had
purple string, because that's all they had at the time. Later,

(24:15):
when he traveled home, which was several hundred miles away
from where this celebration of life was at the camp,
the sun was at hovering just over his car when
he was just about home was a yellow balloon with
the purple string. In my notes, I'm reminded about doctor
Elizabeth Koobler Ross, a psychiatrist who was the one who

(24:37):
coined the five stages of dying. A lot of people
call them the five stages of grieving, also denial, anger, bargaining, depression,
and acceptance. Of course, we know there's many more stages
than that, in no particular order. There's all kinds of
side effects of grief. But why I'm telling you this

(24:58):
story is after doctor Koubler Ross created these five stages
of dying and that was her passion and her life's work,
she came across children who had either a deathbed visitation
or had a near death experience. She ended up changing
her whole focus on the reality of the afterlife and

(25:20):
studied over twenty thousand near death experiences and documented countless
deathbed visitations. In fact, her research shaped the hospice movement
that we know today. This story comes from a man
that I used to work with. I used to be
a chef catering for race car teams. This guy a

(25:40):
championship race car driver. And when my book We Don't
Die came out He told me the story that he
had had a terrible car accident and was laying in
a coma, and he said he found himself in a
place more real than earth, and his grandmother and grandfather
were there to greet him. They gave him the choice
to continue on with them, which he wanted to do.

(26:02):
But of course he looked down and he saw his
mom and dad and brother praying by his bedside, and
he knew the right thing to do would be to
come back to Earth, and he did. But he said, Sandra,
where I went made life seem like it was just
the dream. So when we wake up in the afterlife,
it'll make this life seem like just a dream, but

(26:25):
without that fear of dying. This man went on to
win several championships. We'll be back. You're listening to Shades
of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast
AM Paranormal Podcast Network.

Speaker 4 (26:47):
Keep it here on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast
AM Paranormal Podcast Network. Sander Champlain will be right.

Speaker 6 (26:53):
Back before the Art Belvault has classic audio waiting for you.

Speaker 4 (27:11):
Now go to Coast to COASTAM dot com.

Speaker 3 (27:14):
Four details.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
And now back to Sandra Champlain and Shades of the Afterlife.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain,
ready for the next story. I interviewed a woman named
Diane Calderon and she had said that her sign for
her son was seeing a bluebird, and that bluebirds were
not common where she lived. Now at the time, I
had been living in this house for about four years,

(27:58):
and I do have bird feeders, but I had never
seen a bluebird. And right after I aired the episode
of Shades of the Afterlife, I got twelve blue birds
in my yard. To me, it was just a sign
from her son saying thanks for airing Mom's episode. I
had interviewed mom. Maria and her two children were tragically

(28:19):
murdered by her ex husband. I had mentioned Sonya and
all these images. Well, her sons Sean and Kyle showed
pictures of themselves looking young and healthy, and there were
no copies of those pictures anywhere in life. I know
these days we have artificial intelligence, but this is long
before that. Also, Maria has taught herself how to get

(28:43):
into a meditative state and go to a place and
meet up with her two boys. It's an incredible story.
Here's a few more stories. Chris, a ten year old boy,
suffered from severe high blood pressure due to a kidney
problem and underwent heart valve surgery, which he died and
was revived. When he awoke, he calmly shared a story

(29:04):
with his mother. He was climbing a staircase to heaven
and felt good and peaceful, but halfway up he stopped.
He said, I wanted to go on, but I knew
I wouldn't come back if I went too high, and
that would hurt my mom and dad. Little Chris consciously
chose to turn around and come back. Seven year old Kurt,

(29:24):
battling severe muscular dystrophy, faced his final days when his
heart stopped for three minutes. Hours after resuscitation, doctor Morse
spoke to him. Kurt described being outside of his body,
watching his doctor's work, and then entering a beautiful place
with flowers and rainbows, where everything was white, like it

(29:44):
had its own light. He spoke with angels and even
said Jesus was there, who stayed with him. Despite enjoying
this pain free realm, Kurt stated, I wanted to stay there,
but we decided I had to come back and see
my parents again. Eleven year old Seth was dying of
lymphoma and experiencing constant pain. Three days before he died,

(30:06):
Seth suddenly sat upright and announced Jesus was in the room.
He asked everyone to pray, then later shouted, there are
beautiful colors in the sky. You can double jump up here,
double jump. Just before Seth died, he opened his eyes
wide and with a peaceful look on his face, asked
his parents let me go. Don't be afraid. I've seen God,

(30:29):
angels and shepherds. I even see a white horse. Here's
another story. An almost three year old boy, Cjy was
especially close to his great grandma and asked to see
her so he could say goodbye before she died. This
little boy told his grandma, pointing upwards, look at all
the angels. They are beautiful. They are as bright white

(30:51):
and fluffy with big wings, and they're all around the
head of great Grandma's bed. Don't be afraid. The angels
are with you now. If we have children in the afterlife,
or anyone in the afterlife, we always want to know
how can we connect with them. Your loved ones continue
to learn and grow and explore in the afterlife. But

(31:13):
they have something that we don't. They can multitask, they
can continue to learn and explore, and then just think
of you, and they're right here by your side. They
spend a lot of time by your side, in fact,
cheering you on, sending you love, doing their very best
to let you know that they're still around. It's important
to quiet our mind. Our minds are so busy. But

(31:36):
after taking medium training, we need to be in the
present moment. We need to trust we can talk to them.
We can take a walk down memory lane in our minds,
thinking of happy memories and ask them to show you
some memories. And before long you'll get the hang of it,
and you'll find when you least expect it, all of

(31:57):
a sudden, a thought or a memory comes out of
neware that's a little calling card from them. You can
plan time and sit with them, but you can imagine
yourself just sitting on a couch together, write a table together.
You can have your loved one walk up real close,
put their hand on your arm, or give you a
kiss on the cheek. Be in that present moment, and

(32:18):
you can almost feel a tingle and that's just your
subtle energy picking up their energy. We can also write
to them. Psychologists and professor doctor Matthew McKay on one
of the past episodes, got enough verifiable information through signs
and through IADC therapy that he knew his son was
still with him. He would take something that belonged to

(32:40):
his son Jordan, hold on to it, and in the
notebook he would write to him. He would allow Jordan
to write back. Now. I believe in the beginning this
could be ninety nine percent us and one percent them.
But in time, with practice, more and more you'll find
the words that come through your own hand, our words

(33:00):
from them, not words from you. I think our loved
ones really want us to know that they're still around.
They say there is no time on the other side,
so what might seem like a week for us could
seem like no time at all for them. You can
ask for a specific sign, but then pay attention. It
may come in a way you've least expected. Be sure

(33:21):
to journal your experiences. Sometimes keeping a miracle log or
a diary of signs really helps, because a lot of
times things will happen that you can't figure out how
they could be unless it is a sign from your
loved one. Unfortunately, our human minds always want to look
for what's wrong, not for what's right. So to have
a journal and go back into it, you'll see. Ah, yeah,

(33:45):
these are some signs that I've gotten from my loved one. Remember,
they can visit us through dreams. Doctor Janet Pete Alato.
In a past episode, she talked about the dream gate.
Before we fall asleep at night or when we wake
up in the morning, we're kind of in that hazy mode.
We can create a door or a gate and generate
our own dream. It's that quiet mind space that our

(34:08):
loved one can sit with you and talk to you.
We need to trust our intuition. When you think you
feel a presence, or you see a sign, or you
hear a voice, trust that it's them. Remember we are invisible,
vibrating the energy, living in a never expanding universe. Now

(34:28):
some words from motivational speaker Kim Hotus. Kim's topic is happiness.
How does one be happy with two children in the afterlife?

Speaker 3 (34:40):
My droll on me really started over thirty years ago
with the death of my two year old daughter Chelsea
to leukemia. She came out of the womb sick and
when she was two. She was diagnosed with leukemia on
Thanksgiving Day, and within six months she was gone. We
took her to the PDF bone marrow transplant, sent her

(35:02):
up in Minneapolis, and she fought a courageous fight, but
my husband and I were able to hold her in
our arms as she took her last breath. As devastating
as that whole experience was, it also brought a lot
of gifts. One of the gifts that I discovered with
Chelsea in the months after she died, every place I went,

(35:22):
I started to find smooth, white stones, little white stones.
I had no idea what they meant, but I knew
without a doubt they were from her. And it was
months later I was sitting in church and if there
was a guest pastor. This pastor was speaking on the
story of David and Goliath, and she said, David represents
that underdog spirit in all of us, that part of
us that knows of what we can triumph, that we're

(35:44):
meant for bigger things, that we can accomplish. Goliath represents
those huge obstacles in our lives, the financial crisis or
health crisis, the death of someone we love. She goes,
but what nobody talks about. Are the smooth white stones
that David uses to slay the life. I will tell
you the hair stood up on the back of my neck.
I just started to tremble and it was like I

(36:06):
knew whatever she said next were words for me from Chelsea.
And she said, those smooth white stones represent our ability
to come overcome any obstacle, slay any giant, and create
a life we love. My friends used to all call
me Mary Poppins. I mean, I'm a happiness speaker. I
am a happy person generally. And then this happened and
I fell into a pit of despair. And so that

(36:28):
was my message from Chelsea, which was really my first
inkling of oh, she's still around, she's still communicating with me,
She's still got things to teach me and tell me.
It was really after that experience that I went down
the rabbit hole of figuring out happiness. What is happiness
and what is true happiness and authentic happiness? And can

(36:49):
someone else make us happi or do we have to
make ourselves happier, which then led me to becoming the
happiness speaker. Over about a ten fifteen year period, I
built a very successful business. I built a million dollar
company from a kitchen table. I mean, I'd been a
school teacher and a stay at home mom. So I
built this business, and then people wanted me to come
talk about success and happiness, and then it just blossomed

(37:11):
into this beautiful career. So I have this well established
career as a happiness speaker COVID hits. Of course, all
in person events are shut down for two years. Finally
things are opening back up. I'm in Boston for speaking
at a USDA conference, and I'm on my way home,
stranded in a hotel room in Charlotte, North Carolina, when

(37:33):
I get the call from the police that my son
has been found dead in his home.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
From a fentan al overdose.

Speaker 3 (37:39):
It was the most horrible and one of the most
beautiful nights of my life. I'm stranded there in the
middle of a storm. I have no idea if I'm
going to be able to get home the next day.
I call my husband and then we dial in our
three kids individually and tell each to them that their
brother is gone. That night, I'd never slept. I stayed
awake the whole and I know Rob was in that

(38:03):
room with me. He had died. Actually, a couple days ago,
but because of this storm, nobody had been able to
get up there. He had been cleaned for the last
two years. He had had substance use issues for seven years,
and then he'd gotten cleaned the last two. So I
canceled everything on my calendar because you can't really stand
up and talk about happiness when your child has just died.
I did grief therapy. It was so powerful that I

(38:25):
went ahead and I got certified in the grief recovering method.
That was super powerful for me. So Rob died February
second of twenty twenty two. In March sixth, in my
morning meditation, he came through to me with Chelsea. I
had gotten the messages, but I never communicated with Chelsea.
Man Rob came through. And Rob's a big personality. He
was a tennis pro. He was the lead stringer for

(38:47):
the Razorbacks. He had a degree in entrepreneurship. He'd started
a pest control business. He was just bigger than life.
And Rob, even though he was an addict, he just
lit up a room when he walked into it. And
then Rob, I had an experience. I don't know what
else to call it except a waking dream. It's like
he was there and he said, you know, Mom, I'm
not going back into a body for a while. We

(39:08):
have some work we're going to do. He said, I
am going to teach you how to teach other moms
to connect with their kids in the way we have.
This isn't mediumship, it's not psychic abilities. It is just
for direct connection with one of your loved ones. And
I was like, thanks, but no thanks, son, You've done
quite enough for me already, you know. I mean I

(39:30):
speak on corporate stages. Oh, you are going to do this.
You signed up. You've just forgotten this was part of
our contract together. I'm not a medium, I'm not a channel.
I don't have the gift. Like I'm not the person
to teach this.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
We'll be right back. You're listening to Shades of the
Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal
Podcast Network.

Speaker 4 (39:55):
Stay right there, there's more.

Speaker 5 (39:57):
Sandra of Common write out.

Speaker 4 (40:03):
The best afterlife information you can get.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
Well, you're a long Shades of the Afterlife with Sander Champlain.
You're listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM
Paranormal Podcast Network. Heard on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

(40:29):
or wherever you find your favorite shows. Welcome back to
Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain and let's continue

(40:49):
with my talk with Kim Hotis, happiness expert, how her
son Rob came to her in a living dream telling
her that they're going to work together to help others.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
I'm not a medium, I'm not a channel. I don't
have the gift. Like I'm not the person to teach this.
And he said, Mom, that's what's going to make you
perfect for this, because the moms you're going to work with,
they're not psychics, they're not mediums, they're not channels. They
don't have the gift. They just desperately want to connect
with their kid the same way that you and I have.
Rob's very adamant. Nobody needs to take a class to
learn how to connect with lovedwin. They are available to us.

(41:23):
All we have to do is build the belief. You
don't need a class. If you need a systematic approach,
I've got a systematic approach. Let me tell you first,
how I know it's Rob talking to me. The way
that I know it was Rob and not me was
because so much of the information was rand new to me.
Rob had this big fogodot share that his best friend

(41:44):
had given him. So I sat in that chair. That
was the very first day where I sat when he
came through. And then it would just be like my hands,
I mean I could barely keep up. I wouldn't stop
to correct errors or typos. I mean, my hands would
just fly to me. When you're trying to connect with
your child, right it down, type it, or write it.
Because when you can get out of your mind space

(42:04):
and you can just let it come through, when you
go back and read it and you don't recognize it.
Because when I would go back and read the stuff
after I had gotten it from Rob, it was like
I was reading somebody else's book. So that's how I
would know. And that's one of the things I really teach.
You know, we get signs, but what I would encourage

(42:25):
people to do, if you see a sign, then sit
down and just have a little journal. Now Rob said
this system works with anybody, but because I was so resistant,
he said, we're going to start with moms. Because number one,
that's what I know. I know losing a child. Unfortunately,
intimately I've done it twice, like I said, in two

(42:45):
completely different circumstances. Mothers, we carry our children's DNA in
our bodies until we die. We are so intimately connected
to our children. So you know, if you see a sign,
like for me it was heart Rocks, whatever it is,
a rainbow, a cardinal of butterfly, I then just say,
whatever your child's name is, Rob, I saw heart rock today.
What were you trying to tell me? What do you
want me to know? And just start to build that.

(43:08):
When we write, and when we can get our mind
out of the way and just let ourselves write, they
can come through. And when you go back and you
read it and you go, how, I'm man, I have
no idea where that came from. That's when you know
it wasn't you, It was someone else, your child or
whoever you're connecting with. I always say to my clients,
grief doesn't get better with time. Grief gets better when

(43:31):
you deal with it. Part of what I love about
the Grief Recovering method is it's seven weeks, and people
listening or who haven't been exposed to the work might think,
how in seven weeks can I heal this huge lifetime
hurt and trust me. Just because you deal with your
grief doesn't mean you're not going to grieve anymore. I

(43:52):
think grief is a lifetime process. But this program worked
for me amazing and I don't know if it's my
personality type. I was in such deep grief. I was
almost like incapacitated, which was so out of character for me,
because I am such a happy person. I mean, I've
spent fifteen years, I've written books on happiness, and now

(44:13):
here I am I don't even want to get out
of bed, and so it was kind of just a
lifeline that I could grab onto that helped pull me up. Now.
It doesn't mean after seven weeks your work is done,
but it was a really powerful launching point for me
to step into a place where I was shield enough

(44:34):
that I could get through the weeds and start to
do some of the other work. Our culture is not
comfortable with grief. It's not comfortable often with dealing with
the pain that people go in. So to find some
kind of group support or one on one therapy, that's.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
The grief recovery method you're speaking of.

Speaker 3 (44:55):
Yes, yeah, And you know what, there are therapists all
across the country find something that will help you, because
if we just think, oh, with time it'll get better,
it doesn't. I think our grief gets better when.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
We deal with it. I agree completely. So how does
one find joy and happiness?

Speaker 3 (45:14):
Sometimes I look at my life and I'm like, how
ironic is this. I'm the happiness expert and I've lost
two of my children. I guess this is what I
signed up for. I'm a research geek. There's so much
research out there on happiness. In my keynotes, I really
talk about five distinct ways that we can become happier.
This is at work and in life, because obviously I

(45:34):
usually speak it for businesses and associations, and I'll just
briefly touch on those five. The first is we have
to engage fully in our lives. We've got to be present,
and we've got to really connect, not just sitting on
the sidelines. And I think when we're hurt, that's so
much easier to do. I remember right after Rob died,

(45:56):
nothing felt safe. I really kind of just I myself.
I didn't want to focus on anything. I got nervous
about stuff that had never made me nervous before. And
so the first one is just really showing up in
your life, and when I started to wake up and
sit into that polka dot chair and be like, Okay,
I am here, now, I'm safe, the world is safe,

(46:18):
It's all going to be okay. Just being really grounded
and present in the moment is one of the first things,
and it's hard to do that sometimes when your brain
is in so much grief. One of the best ways
to get there it's meditation, which is so hard for me,
but just really trying to make that practice of being
really present and engaging in your own life. The second

(46:40):
one is to be positive, and that is so tough
when you've gone through something really painful, especially like in
my case, my son was sold fit and all. And
I know there's so many shades of gray in this
how children die, or how your loved ones die. Sometimes
it's by someone else's hand. There's degrees of awfulness in

(47:02):
how our loved ones pass. I've remember after Rob died,
somebody said to me, can I tell people how he died?
I was like, yes, he was a fitan al overdose.
He was still a beautiful human being. I'm not ashamed
of how he died. He's gone period. I mean, he
was an incredible human I've learned since then about substance
use disorder. It's a disease. You know, Breast cancer has

(47:23):
like a five percent hereditary rate. Substance use disorder is
fifty percent.

Speaker 2 (47:29):
So why I had no idea?

Speaker 3 (47:32):
I didn't either. Again, there were so many degrees of
awful on how our loved ones can transition, and the
Journal of Psychology says at eighty five percent of what
we're exposed on a daily basis is negative. So then
you throw in a traumatic, difficult, painful experience, and sometimes
it's hard to see any positivity through the woods. But
when we can try to focus on good in any situation,

(47:56):
like I can look at the night Rob died and go,
oh my god, it was so horrible. I was myself
in a hotel room and I got the call from
the police, and I didn't know if I was going
to get home the next day. And something so positive
and beautiful from that was that Rob and I got
to have that whole night together. And I will never
forget that night. I didn't sleep that night, it was
just Rob and I in that room all night, and

(48:16):
I will treasure that for the rest of my life.
So had I been at home with my husband. That
experience would have been so different. You know, it sounds
so funny. I was in bed snuggling this pillow and
at one point I had like closed my eyes and
I thought, oh my god, I'm hugging Rob. I just
really felt he was there. It's so funny because we

(48:37):
were both research girls. I've read different stats on this,
but the one I go with is that our minds
are exposed to eleven million bits of information per second,
but our brains have only evolved to the point where
where we can process one hundred and forty bits of
information per second. So we get to decide out of
that eleven million, what bits do we want to focus on?

(49:00):
And so if we really want to find happiness and joy,
we got to focus on the good ones. Everybody that's
listening to this probably is listening because they've lost somebody
that is very dear to them. Will focus on what
good you can find from their life. There's always something
positive or good we can find in every situation.

Speaker 2 (49:20):
So I would be present as first and then positivity
second in your five steps.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
Yeah, the third one is to focus on what matters.
I find so many people when they have a devastating loss,
they get really focused on what matters. It's so many
beautiful stories you hear of people that have created things
in honor of their loved one, or they've changed their career,
they've written a book, or they've done something that helps
other people. It's like setting some goals and getting really clear.

(49:48):
And another thing I find really interesting is every single
book on happiness, and I think I've read them all.
When they talk about how to be happier, goal setting
is a really powerful point. I actually have a blog
on goal setting while grieving because it really does help us.
It gives us focus again. We all know, I call
it grief brain. We can get out there and just

(50:10):
be so scattered and shattered that we can't focus on anything.
So that can be a really powerful tool to help
as well.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
How do we find your blog.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
Kimhotis dot com. So the third one is to focus
on what matters, and then the fourth one is to
practice gratitude, which is so powerful. In two thousand and one,
Martin Seligmann started to do all the research in positive psychology.
Only ten percent of our happiness is made up of
our circumstances, So of that other ninety fifty percent is

(50:42):
what they call your genetic set point. Your genetic set
point is what you're born with. Some people are just
naturally happy, uplifted people at which come out of the
womb with. And they used to think that your genetic
set point couldn't be changed. If you were a negative person,
you were always going to be negative. They found the
one thing that can reset your genetic set point is gratitude.

(51:04):
I'm so grateful I had Chelsea for two years. I'm
grateful I had Robbed for twenty nine. I'm grateful for
all the love and support from my family and friends
after he passed. I'm so grateful for the lessons I
learned from how they lived. Again, we get choice. We
have choice on what we focus on. We can focus
on what's wrong, or we can focus on what's right.

(51:24):
And then the fifth one, which is probably the most important,
is connection, which is why things like this podcast and
events that bring us together are so significant. Because it's
so easy to isolate in your grief and so you think, oh,
I'll just stay home, but it's so important. That's why
there's such great grief support out there. It's so important

(51:45):
that we find ways to connect with each other and
all of those things. That's all research back on how
we lift ourselves up that become happier.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
Thank you so much to Kim. That was Kim Hotus Hodus,
and she just came out with a book called Beyond Grief,
How a son's afterlife connection transformed a mother's loss into
a remarkable spiritual journey. Kim and many others recommend the

(52:14):
grief recovery method. I'm also very big on helpingparents Heal
dot org. Remember at my website we Don't Die dot
com at the bottom of the page and to your
name and your email address, you'll get a free copy
of my book, We Don't Die. Chapter ten is how
to Survive Grief. In closing, I'm Sandra Champlain. Please know

(52:36):
that you are never alone. There is support for you
right here on earth, myself included, plus in the invisible
space right around you is so much love. Thank you
for listening to Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio
and Coast to Coast am Paranormal podcast Network.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
And if you liked this episode of Shades of the Afterlife,
wait until you hear the next one. Thank you for
listening to the iHeartRadio and coast to coast AM Paranormal
Podcast Network,