December 4, 2025 • 18 mins
George Noory and author Michele Phillips explore her techniques to navigate your thoughts and emotions to create more happiness in your life, how to not overreact to negative events, and the threats smartphones pose to the mental health of children.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
And welcome back George Nori with you. Michelle Phillips with Us.
A celebrated leadership coach, keynote speaker, author of Energize Your Happiness,
a transformative new book that blends neuroscience, behavioral psychology, and
spiritual wisdom to help people elevate their energy and shape
their destiny. Now with more than twenty five years of
experience working with Fortune five hundred companies, Michelle has inspired
(00:28):
thousands to create motivating beliefs, powerful habits, and lives filled
with purpose. She's the founder of the Key Performance He's
sat after consultant known for her Write Your Outcome methodology,
and the host of the podcast by the same name.
Our website is linked up at coastocoastdam dot com. Michelle,
Welcome to the program. First time for you.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Yes, I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
George looking forward to this. Do you sometimes, though you're
much younger, do you sometimes get confused from Michelle Phillips
from the mama's and the papas.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
All the time.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Sometimes people tag me on Facebook, but it's really meant
for her.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
So you got Mackenzie is all things.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I met her about seven months ago in Los Angeles. Greatly.
They had some great music in their day, didn't they.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Yes, they did. I love the mamas and papas too,
and I always say I will sing after a glass
of wine.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
I'm happy to do my impressions.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I might have you do that later on in the show.
Your new book, Energize Your Happiness. How did you write this?
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Oh my goodness. I just published my first book back
in twenty fourteen, called Happiness Is a Habit, and that
was based in the research on the habits of happy
people what they did differently. So I was very excited.
I was at the Jacob Javits book show and my
publisher was there and I got to meet the owner
of the publishing company and I ran up to him
(01:55):
very excited, you know, wanting to go on a speaking tour,
and I said, I've just written this great book. What
I'll do anything? What can I do next to promote it?
And he said to me write another book, and I
was like, uh wanh wanh. I didn't want to write
another one. So at the time I felt like that's
when the you know, ten years ago, the social media
(02:16):
was just really the squeeze was on. We were just
being squosed together, the social divides, the political divides, the
violence was erupting. So I wrote like a two hundred
and fifty page really journal because I just wanted to
help people be happier and stop focusing on all this stuff.
But I was out of alignment, so I wrote it,
and then it sat on the shelf for almost ten
(02:37):
years until I got myself and my own energy back
into alignment where I can live in a world that's
sometimes often in chaos.
Speaker 4 (02:44):
So that's the quick answer to your question.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
What does happiness mean to you, Michelle?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Happiness is not a place to arrive, but it's an energy.
And I think of our you know, if I think
of our emotions on a ladder, and if you think
of the lowest emotions that human can have, you know, depression, grief, despair,
there's no energy in that, and the depressed person can't
doesn't have the energy.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
To get out of bed and get dressed.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
And then you have let's go to the top of
the emotional ladder, the high energy like joy and exuberance
and love, and there's so much beautiful energy there and
what happens is when people are in the lower rungs,
they want to get to the higher rungs and they
don't want to take each step to get there, so
we turn to addictive behaviors like drinking and drugging and
(03:39):
shopping and internet, so we want that quick high. And
what I think happiness is is learning how to get
yourself into that beautiful feeling of joy with your own thoughts, beliefs,
and emotions.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
And can we get there easily or is it difficult
with practice?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
The saying you know, you know relief is a thought away,
I truly believe in that. I know you're a seeker.
I know you, you know you talk about these subjects
all the time. So it's our brains are set up
to keep us safe. So they're always looking for the
what we don't want, what we don't like, and they're
just danger, danger, danger, you know, they're always you know,
fight and flight is turning on. But when we learn
(04:21):
to focus our where we were putting our focus.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
I equate it to the sun.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
If I went outside on a sunny day with a
magnifying glass and a pile of leaves, I take all
that energy of the sun and I start a fire.
We have each of every single person listening has all
this beautiful energy in them, but we're scattering it all
over the place. We're sloppy with our thinking. It's we're worrying,
(04:48):
we're you know, doom's day, doom scrolling they call it now,
and we're not focusing our energy on what we want
and where we're going, and that leads to overwhelm anxiety.
So my mission is to help people calm themselves self
soothing so that they can experience more days of joy
(05:10):
than misery.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Michelle, there was a report that came out a few
days ago that basically warned parents do not give a
smartphone to a kid twelve and under. They will grow
up to be depressed, anxiety, maybe overweight, all kinds of problems.
Why is that?
Speaker 4 (05:27):
It's what do they call?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
You know, these little terms are there's a term for
it now. But we can compare and despair that's the
term they use, compare and despair every You know, I'm
an older woman and I always tease.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
It takes me about five minutes to go on social
media and then start to feel bad.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
About my life.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I'm not an eight year old so until and then
I know I know enough to go. Michelle, You're going
down that rabbit hole compare and despair and you know
everyone shows you the highlight reel, not that behind the scenes.
But a young child doesn't know that, and girls, especially,
the research has shown it's I heard the author of
(06:07):
there's a book called The Anxious Generation. I can't remember
the author, but he said giving a teenage girl a
cell phone is like giving her a gun. And that
quote like hit me hard in the heart.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I was like, whoof you know?
Speaker 3 (06:20):
It's so damaging to them. Boys are a little different
big time.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
You also talk about happiness is energy. What do you
mean by that?
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Yeah, same thing with the you think about energy. You
don't need a I could give you the science and
the research, but you don't need you know, numbers to
know that when you feel joyful, you feel light. It's energy.
It's this light energy. And when you could walk in
a room and know that there's bad energy, right, you
can cut the tension with a knife. You can meet
(06:50):
someone and say, oh my god, I feel like I've
known you my whole life. So we are always communicating
without talking, and our energy is going before us. So
people are feeling us. So my thing is I want
people to feel to regulate those feelings. When you're focus
on what you want and where you're going, your energy
is lighter versus focusing on what you don't want and
(07:13):
what you don't like.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
What are the episodes, Michelle that create happiness? Are there
any key things that you need to have?
Speaker 3 (07:24):
So again, research shows so think of like a stool
and if the legs of the stool are mental, physical, spiritual,
emotional well being, and if one of those legs goes
off the four legged stool, the stool is going to
fall over. So each of us, you know, looking at
our habits, what are your habits physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
(07:46):
The new book deals more with emotional habits, where the
first book dealt with you know, eating right and exercise.
But your energy comes not just from eating right sleeping.
It comes from the way you're thinking, thinking of thoughts
of doom and gloom and worry, and you know, watching
the news all the time. You know you're you're literally
(08:08):
creating that heavy energy. So research has shown when you
do things for yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally on
a regular basis you feel better. It can be as
simple as taking a walk in the woods with a
loved one.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
You hit all four.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
It doesn't have to be difficult.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
How important is laughter to this equation?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Oh my gosh, I'm a serious person, so I know
how important it is. It just you know, it breaks
down all your sense, you know, it breaks you up.
It and it it releases. It's a release. It laughters
like tears. Tears are just as good. So it just
releases the energy. It lets you go up the emotion
what I call the emotional ladder. But we become a
very serious and very sarcastic culture. So and even the
(08:53):
programming we watch, you know, the things we ingest on,
you know, whatever we're streaming. I always say, you know,
you have to have something that's going to lift you
and make you feel better about the world, and laugh
and laugh at yourself, laugh at myself. I got up
yesterday for the show, showered and got ready, and that
the show was today, So I had a good laugh
at myself yesterday.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
You're a day ahead on yourself, right, it was, Well,
you can't prepared, that's for sure. Give us a story
of somebody who was not happy, who became happy, you know.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
And that's the thing too, And I don't want to
I don't want to make light of this. So some
people have been clinically diagnosed with things where they need
pharmaceuticals or they need, you know, things to help them.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
That is not what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
What I want to do is talk about the person
who's just become complaining and pessimistic. And what I love
about it is the research shows that optimism.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
Can be learned.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
So if you think about our brain, I'm thinking of
a woman in my head, which I haven't told you
about her yet, but what happens is I've had a
woman who just cares deeply about everything in life. And
when you care so deeply about everything, when you see that,
you know, the atrocities that get played out of the news,
when you see people not doing the right thing at work,
(10:15):
whatever you see rudeness, you really it upsets you because
you just have this sense of fairness. You want things
to be right, you want people to be good to
each other. So when you see rudeness on the street,
you get it gets you upset. So I started working
with this woman who is just very upset with all
the injustices and all the things that were happening. And
what we do is we look at what's in our control.
(10:39):
Everybody listening to me right now, this is like the
this is the gold nugget right here. When you stop
giving your attention to things you don't control, you do
better in all areas of your life. And you could
say it's a serenity prayer. You could say it's I
call it write your outcome. It's I have control over
how I show up. I have control over what I folks.
(11:00):
I don't have control over whether the person on the
train is rude or the guy cuts me off in traffic.
But when I let go of that, and when someone
cuts me off in traffic, and I say, write the
outcome and show what's the outcome I want. I want
to get where I'm going and be calm. Then I'm
not going to lose it. I'm in New York, so
I could. I used to be the president of the
road Rage Club, and I let the person go and
(11:22):
I write a new outcome, and my nervous system relaxes
and I feel happier. So teaching this person these skills,
So there's a lot of methods I teach and little
tricks and perspectives with your brain that you know, I
get emails, you know, a couple months later saying, oh
my gosh, like this crazy thing happened at work, or
I got looked over for a She said, I got
looked over for a promotion, but didn't knock me over
(11:46):
for a month or three months like it used to.
All Right, it still hit me. It's still hurt, but
you recover quicker. So even her boss is, Wow, she's
so much happier. She's you know, doing her work. She's
not complaining as much. So it's like you don't realize
that all these things are within us and the world
is still the same. People are still rude and stuff
is still happening. But her perspective changed.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
My theory of road rage, as you brought up, Michelle,
is that the person who does the raging is having
a bad day and is confronted by a bad driver
and considerate driver or just a bad driver, and then
the road rager who's having a bad day can't handle it.
What I've tried to teach myself is because I've really
(12:30):
never been a road rager, but I try to laugh
at it. Assuming the guy's not out to kill somebody.
You will by being such a bad driver. And that's
really one way of overcoming it. Somebody cuts you off,
don't chase them, just kind of back off and go,
oh boy, what a day they're happening, or something like that.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
That's your perspective, right, so you have a really healthy
perspective where other person would say, oh, they did it
on purpose, or you know, they're you know, they take
it person, and you remove yourself from the situation, give
them a little grace, and that's you know, I know,
that's transcendence. When you can transcend a situation and see
it from the other person's perspective and still not be
(13:13):
mad at them.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
That's beautiful what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Did you see the movie Unhinged with Russell Crowe?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I feel like I just saw that.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
Remind I know, you know what, I just watched Nuremberg
at Russell Crowe. What's Unhinged?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
It's about he's a road rager. You got to you
gotta get it. He's a friend of a friend that
he's a friend of ours.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
And I used to be a road raider.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
So he stopped, he stopped at the light and he's
waiting and the light turns green and the lady behind
him is in a rush and he hasn't picked up
on the green yet. He didn't get to change. Some
people are daydreaming, right yep, she haunks, not a little
beep beep, but a way kind of rude, but to
(13:57):
try to wake the guy up. He was into this
road rage. And the whole movie is based on him
being unhinged. I mean, he does things. I'm not gonna
give away the movie, but he obviously was having an
unhappy day, don't you think.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
I always say happy confident people make you feel happy
and confident. So and that's where you know, we have
these we have these personalities in our head. You know,
Devil Angel, she's his voice in my head that is
just absolutely ruthless, and she's nasty and she's judgmental, and
she tells me I'm not good enough and I'm not
worthy enough, and I'm not doing the right thing and
I could be better. But then I have Grace, who's
(14:38):
my angel, who tells me I'm doing everything I can.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
I'm a loving person.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
So all of us have these kind of alter egos
in our brains. And when our fight and flight system
gets turned on, such as the horn beeps he's having
a bad day. Your heart starts to race.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Am I in danger?
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Fight?
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Fight? Freeze?
Speaker 3 (14:59):
All of my energy energy, blood goes to my arms
and legs. Am I gonna fight or flee? And your
brain literally stops working as well. So that's what happens
to each of us. This burst of adrenaline or I'm
not sure the chemicals. Ye, it's adrenaline that comes out
of your body causes our brain to stop working because
(15:22):
all our energy is I need to survive. And what
the research has shown is in ninety seconds that energy
is dissipated, but we keep it alive by talking about it.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
That guy cut me off and I.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Couldn't believe she beeped her horn, And who does she
think she is? And we're either talking out loud to
someone or we're fighting with someone in our head. And
when we're doing this, we're reconnecting to it, and it's
like poof. We keep blowing that. I imagine purple smoke coming
out of my head. But if I tell myself in
ninety seconds, it's gone. Michelle, take a walk, count to
(15:59):
ten and re seapid or all those things we say
it all works.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Some of the waders have even chased people with guns.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
It's out of control.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
And that's why my message of this book is so important.
Because we are at this meltdown. People's emotions are simmering
on the edge. People are overwhelmed, they're frustrated, they're stress,
they're fearful, they're anxious. And learning to regulate your nervous
system and your emotions and soothe yourself just like you
would sue the crying baby is one of the best
(16:32):
things people can learn to do for themselves.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Well, the bottom line, Michelle is they're not happy.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Or they're not connected, right, they're disconnected from it. It's
still in there, That's what I want people to you know,
it's still in there.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
How important is being raised a happy child for developing
happiness as you become an adult.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
I don't The research isn't coming to my brain right now.
But my belief is is everything that any one of
us got and this, Mico, I'm trying to say this
the right way. We all got what we needed to
be the strong, confident person we are. So I believe that,
you know, if I had a rough you know, time
with my dad growing up sometimes like my dad was.
(17:17):
I loved my dad so much, and he was a
rough guy and he you know, he he he was.
He was rough, but he he loved hard and he
fought hard. But and when he passed away two years ago,
I thought, oh my god, he was the He was
the what do you call it, the the rock to
my pearl, so to speak. He his toughness and all
(17:38):
this stuff I didn't like about him, and all the
fights we had growing up and all the you know,
it's it really shaped me. So I love him dearly
for the lessons he taught me. He taught me what
I want to be, but he also taught me what
I don't want to be. So he was very He
liked to hear, He drank, he yelled and screamed and
through things. He was so loving. But when his brain clicked,
(17:59):
right when as doctor jekyl Or came on, he would
be volatile. So I adopted that early in life. Yelling, screaming,
throwing things, you know, yelling at waiters and you know,
service people. I just thought, you know, I could have
the power. And when I saw when I learned this work,
I studied with Jack Canfield out in Santa Barbara in
ninety seven. It really knocked me over because I realized
(18:23):
I had so much more control over my future. My
past is done. So whatever happened in childhood, yes, it
it matters. I'm not saying it doesn't matter, but it's not.
You can't. You can now you're an adult. You can
make the choices, so you still have options as an adult.
You don't have to drag your past with you. You
(18:43):
can use it to help you.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
That's I guess what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Listen to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight at
one a m. Eastern and go to Coast to coastam
dot com for more
Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
And welcome back George Nori with you. Michelle Phillips with Us.
A celebrated leadership coach, keynote speaker, author of Energize Your Happiness,
a transformative new book that blends neuroscience, behavioral psychology, and
spiritual wisdom to help people elevate their energy and shape
their destiny. Now with more than twenty five years of
experience working with Fortune five hundred companies, Michelle has inspired
(00:28):
thousands to create motivating beliefs, powerful habits, and lives filled
with purpose. She's the founder of the Key Performance He's
sat after consultant known for her Write Your Outcome methodology,
and the host of the podcast by the same name.
Our website is linked up at coastocoastdam dot com. Michelle,
Welcome to the program. First time for you.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Yes, I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
George looking forward to this. Do you sometimes, though you're
much younger, do you sometimes get confused from Michelle Phillips
from the mama's and the papas.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
All the time.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Sometimes people tag me on Facebook, but it's really meant
for her.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
So you got Mackenzie is all things.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I met her about seven months ago in Los Angeles. Greatly.
They had some great music in their day, didn't they.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Yes, they did. I love the mamas and papas too,
and I always say I will sing after a glass
of wine.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
I'm happy to do my impressions.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I might have you do that later on in the show.
Your new book, Energize Your Happiness. How did you write this?
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Oh my goodness. I just published my first book back
in twenty fourteen, called Happiness Is a Habit, and that
was based in the research on the habits of happy
people what they did differently. So I was very excited.
I was at the Jacob Javits book show and my
publisher was there and I got to meet the owner
of the publishing company and I ran up to him
(01:55):
very excited, you know, wanting to go on a speaking tour,
and I said, I've just written this great book. What
I'll do anything? What can I do next to promote it?
And he said to me write another book, and I
was like, uh wanh wanh. I didn't want to write
another one. So at the time I felt like that's
when the you know, ten years ago, the social media
(02:16):
was just really the squeeze was on. We were just
being squosed together, the social divides, the political divides, the
violence was erupting. So I wrote like a two hundred
and fifty page really journal because I just wanted to
help people be happier and stop focusing on all this stuff.
But I was out of alignment, so I wrote it,
and then it sat on the shelf for almost ten
(02:37):
years until I got myself and my own energy back
into alignment where I can live in a world that's
sometimes often in chaos.
Speaker 4 (02:44):
So that's the quick answer to your question.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
What does happiness mean to you, Michelle?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Happiness is not a place to arrive, but it's an energy.
And I think of our you know, if I think
of our emotions on a ladder, and if you think
of the lowest emotions that human can have, you know, depression, grief, despair,
there's no energy in that, and the depressed person can't
doesn't have the energy.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
To get out of bed and get dressed.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
And then you have let's go to the top of
the emotional ladder, the high energy like joy and exuberance
and love, and there's so much beautiful energy there and
what happens is when people are in the lower rungs,
they want to get to the higher rungs and they
don't want to take each step to get there, so
we turn to addictive behaviors like drinking and drugging and
(03:39):
shopping and internet, so we want that quick high. And
what I think happiness is is learning how to get
yourself into that beautiful feeling of joy with your own thoughts, beliefs,
and emotions.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
And can we get there easily or is it difficult
with practice?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
The saying you know, you know relief is a thought away,
I truly believe in that. I know you're a seeker.
I know you, you know you talk about these subjects
all the time. So it's our brains are set up
to keep us safe. So they're always looking for the
what we don't want, what we don't like, and they're
just danger, danger, danger, you know, they're always you know,
fight and flight is turning on. But when we learn
(04:21):
to focus our where we were putting our focus.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
I equate it to the sun.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
If I went outside on a sunny day with a
magnifying glass and a pile of leaves, I take all
that energy of the sun and I start a fire.
We have each of every single person listening has all
this beautiful energy in them, but we're scattering it all
over the place. We're sloppy with our thinking. It's we're worrying,
(04:48):
we're you know, doom's day, doom scrolling they call it now,
and we're not focusing our energy on what we want
and where we're going, and that leads to overwhelm anxiety.
So my mission is to help people calm themselves self
soothing so that they can experience more days of joy
(05:10):
than misery.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Michelle, there was a report that came out a few
days ago that basically warned parents do not give a
smartphone to a kid twelve and under. They will grow
up to be depressed, anxiety, maybe overweight, all kinds of problems.
Why is that?
Speaker 4 (05:27):
It's what do they call?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
You know, these little terms are there's a term for
it now. But we can compare and despair that's the
term they use, compare and despair every You know, I'm
an older woman and I always tease.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
It takes me about five minutes to go on social
media and then start to feel bad.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
About my life.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I'm not an eight year old so until and then
I know I know enough to go. Michelle, You're going
down that rabbit hole compare and despair and you know
everyone shows you the highlight reel, not that behind the scenes.
But a young child doesn't know that, and girls, especially,
the research has shown it's I heard the author of
(06:07):
there's a book called The Anxious Generation. I can't remember
the author, but he said giving a teenage girl a
cell phone is like giving her a gun. And that
quote like hit me hard in the heart.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I was like, whoof you know?
Speaker 3 (06:20):
It's so damaging to them. Boys are a little different
big time.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
You also talk about happiness is energy. What do you
mean by that?
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Yeah, same thing with the you think about energy. You
don't need a I could give you the science and
the research, but you don't need you know, numbers to
know that when you feel joyful, you feel light. It's energy.
It's this light energy. And when you could walk in
a room and know that there's bad energy, right, you
can cut the tension with a knife. You can meet
(06:50):
someone and say, oh my god, I feel like I've
known you my whole life. So we are always communicating
without talking, and our energy is going before us. So
people are feeling us. So my thing is I want
people to feel to regulate those feelings. When you're focus
on what you want and where you're going, your energy
is lighter versus focusing on what you don't want and
(07:13):
what you don't like.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
What are the episodes, Michelle that create happiness? Are there
any key things that you need to have?
Speaker 3 (07:24):
So again, research shows so think of like a stool
and if the legs of the stool are mental, physical, spiritual,
emotional well being, and if one of those legs goes
off the four legged stool, the stool is going to
fall over. So each of us, you know, looking at
our habits, what are your habits physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
(07:46):
The new book deals more with emotional habits, where the
first book dealt with you know, eating right and exercise.
But your energy comes not just from eating right sleeping.
It comes from the way you're thinking, thinking of thoughts
of doom and gloom and worry, and you know, watching
the news all the time. You know you're you're literally
(08:08):
creating that heavy energy. So research has shown when you
do things for yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally on
a regular basis you feel better. It can be as
simple as taking a walk in the woods with a
loved one.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
You hit all four.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
It doesn't have to be difficult.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
How important is laughter to this equation?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Oh my gosh, I'm a serious person, so I know
how important it is. It just you know, it breaks
down all your sense, you know, it breaks you up.
It and it it releases. It's a release. It laughters
like tears. Tears are just as good. So it just
releases the energy. It lets you go up the emotion
what I call the emotional ladder. But we become a
very serious and very sarcastic culture. So and even the
(08:53):
programming we watch, you know, the things we ingest on,
you know, whatever we're streaming. I always say, you know,
you have to have something that's going to lift you
and make you feel better about the world, and laugh
and laugh at yourself, laugh at myself. I got up
yesterday for the show, showered and got ready, and that
the show was today, So I had a good laugh
at myself yesterday.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
You're a day ahead on yourself, right, it was, Well,
you can't prepared, that's for sure. Give us a story
of somebody who was not happy, who became happy, you know.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
And that's the thing too, And I don't want to
I don't want to make light of this. So some
people have been clinically diagnosed with things where they need
pharmaceuticals or they need, you know, things to help them.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
That is not what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
What I want to do is talk about the person
who's just become complaining and pessimistic. And what I love
about it is the research shows that optimism.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
Can be learned.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
So if you think about our brain, I'm thinking of
a woman in my head, which I haven't told you
about her yet, but what happens is I've had a
woman who just cares deeply about everything in life. And
when you care so deeply about everything, when you see that,
you know, the atrocities that get played out of the news,
when you see people not doing the right thing at work,
(10:15):
whatever you see rudeness, you really it upsets you because
you just have this sense of fairness. You want things
to be right, you want people to be good to
each other. So when you see rudeness on the street,
you get it gets you upset. So I started working
with this woman who is just very upset with all
the injustices and all the things that were happening. And
what we do is we look at what's in our control.
(10:39):
Everybody listening to me right now, this is like the
this is the gold nugget right here. When you stop
giving your attention to things you don't control, you do
better in all areas of your life. And you could
say it's a serenity prayer. You could say it's I
call it write your outcome. It's I have control over
how I show up. I have control over what I folks.
(11:00):
I don't have control over whether the person on the
train is rude or the guy cuts me off in traffic.
But when I let go of that, and when someone
cuts me off in traffic, and I say, write the
outcome and show what's the outcome I want. I want
to get where I'm going and be calm. Then I'm
not going to lose it. I'm in New York, so
I could. I used to be the president of the
road Rage Club, and I let the person go and
(11:22):
I write a new outcome, and my nervous system relaxes
and I feel happier. So teaching this person these skills,
So there's a lot of methods I teach and little
tricks and perspectives with your brain that you know, I
get emails, you know, a couple months later saying, oh
my gosh, like this crazy thing happened at work, or
I got looked over for a She said, I got
looked over for a promotion, but didn't knock me over
(11:46):
for a month or three months like it used to.
All Right, it still hit me. It's still hurt, but
you recover quicker. So even her boss is, Wow, she's
so much happier. She's you know, doing her work. She's
not complaining as much. So it's like you don't realize
that all these things are within us and the world
is still the same. People are still rude and stuff
is still happening. But her perspective changed.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
My theory of road rage, as you brought up, Michelle,
is that the person who does the raging is having
a bad day and is confronted by a bad driver
and considerate driver or just a bad driver, and then
the road rager who's having a bad day can't handle it.
What I've tried to teach myself is because I've really
(12:30):
never been a road rager, but I try to laugh
at it. Assuming the guy's not out to kill somebody.
You will by being such a bad driver. And that's
really one way of overcoming it. Somebody cuts you off,
don't chase them, just kind of back off and go,
oh boy, what a day they're happening, or something like that.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
That's your perspective, right, so you have a really healthy
perspective where other person would say, oh, they did it
on purpose, or you know, they're you know, they take
it person, and you remove yourself from the situation, give
them a little grace, and that's you know, I know,
that's transcendence. When you can transcend a situation and see
it from the other person's perspective and still not be
(13:13):
mad at them.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
That's beautiful what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Did you see the movie Unhinged with Russell Crowe?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I feel like I just saw that.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
Remind I know, you know what, I just watched Nuremberg
at Russell Crowe. What's Unhinged?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
It's about he's a road rager. You got to you
gotta get it. He's a friend of a friend that
he's a friend of ours.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
And I used to be a road raider.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
So he stopped, he stopped at the light and he's
waiting and the light turns green and the lady behind
him is in a rush and he hasn't picked up
on the green yet. He didn't get to change. Some
people are daydreaming, right yep, she haunks, not a little
beep beep, but a way kind of rude, but to
(13:57):
try to wake the guy up. He was into this
road rage. And the whole movie is based on him
being unhinged. I mean, he does things. I'm not gonna
give away the movie, but he obviously was having an
unhappy day, don't you think.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
I always say happy confident people make you feel happy
and confident. So and that's where you know, we have
these we have these personalities in our head. You know,
Devil Angel, she's his voice in my head that is
just absolutely ruthless, and she's nasty and she's judgmental, and
she tells me I'm not good enough and I'm not
worthy enough, and I'm not doing the right thing and
I could be better. But then I have Grace, who's
(14:38):
my angel, who tells me I'm doing everything I can.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
I'm a loving person.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
So all of us have these kind of alter egos
in our brains. And when our fight and flight system
gets turned on, such as the horn beeps he's having
a bad day. Your heart starts to race.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Am I in danger?
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Fight?
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Fight? Freeze?
Speaker 3 (14:59):
All of my energy energy, blood goes to my arms
and legs. Am I gonna fight or flee? And your
brain literally stops working as well. So that's what happens
to each of us. This burst of adrenaline or I'm
not sure the chemicals. Ye, it's adrenaline that comes out
of your body causes our brain to stop working because
(15:22):
all our energy is I need to survive. And what
the research has shown is in ninety seconds that energy
is dissipated, but we keep it alive by talking about it.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
That guy cut me off and I.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Couldn't believe she beeped her horn, And who does she
think she is? And we're either talking out loud to
someone or we're fighting with someone in our head. And
when we're doing this, we're reconnecting to it, and it's
like poof. We keep blowing that. I imagine purple smoke coming
out of my head. But if I tell myself in
ninety seconds, it's gone. Michelle, take a walk, count to
(15:59):
ten and re seapid or all those things we say
it all works.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Some of the waders have even chased people with guns.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
It's out of control.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
And that's why my message of this book is so important.
Because we are at this meltdown. People's emotions are simmering
on the edge. People are overwhelmed, they're frustrated, they're stress,
they're fearful, they're anxious. And learning to regulate your nervous
system and your emotions and soothe yourself just like you
would sue the crying baby is one of the best
(16:32):
things people can learn to do for themselves.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Well, the bottom line, Michelle is they're not happy.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Or they're not connected, right, they're disconnected from it. It's
still in there, That's what I want people to you know,
it's still in there.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
How important is being raised a happy child for developing
happiness as you become an adult.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
I don't The research isn't coming to my brain right now.
But my belief is is everything that any one of
us got and this, Mico, I'm trying to say this
the right way. We all got what we needed to
be the strong, confident person we are. So I believe that,
you know, if I had a rough you know, time
with my dad growing up sometimes like my dad was.
(17:17):
I loved my dad so much, and he was a
rough guy and he you know, he he he was.
He was rough, but he he loved hard and he
fought hard. But and when he passed away two years ago,
I thought, oh my god, he was the He was
the what do you call it, the the rock to
my pearl, so to speak. He his toughness and all
(17:38):
this stuff I didn't like about him, and all the
fights we had growing up and all the you know,
it's it really shaped me. So I love him dearly
for the lessons he taught me. He taught me what
I want to be, but he also taught me what
I don't want to be. So he was very He
liked to hear, He drank, he yelled and screamed and
through things. He was so loving. But when his brain clicked,
(17:59):
right when as doctor jekyl Or came on, he would
be volatile. So I adopted that early in life. Yelling, screaming,
throwing things, you know, yelling at waiters and you know,
service people. I just thought, you know, I could have
the power. And when I saw when I learned this work,
I studied with Jack Canfield out in Santa Barbara in
ninety seven. It really knocked me over because I realized
(18:23):
I had so much more control over my future. My
past is done. So whatever happened in childhood, yes, it
it matters. I'm not saying it doesn't matter, but it's not.
You can't. You can now you're an adult. You can
make the choices, so you still have options as an adult.
You don't have to drag your past with you. You
(18:43):
can use it to help you.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
That's I guess what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
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