August 24, 2025 • 10 mins
Guest host Connie Willis and relationship expert John Gray discuss men and women relating to each other as technology advances.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Now here's a highlight from Coast to coast am on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
So I want to ask you about the end of
passion you were talking about, you know, with the artificial reality.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Now, the end of passion, that's so sad, it is
it's androgyny.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
What we're seeing is men are becoming more feminized and
women are becoming more masculine. And in order to have
the attraction, for women to be attractive to a man
and be sustained, and for man for man to be
attracted to her her to be attracted and be sustained,
their ways of communicating have to be such that it
will stimulate higher estrogen in her and higher testosterone in him.
(00:41):
That's the only thing that will allow you, as far
as I know, that will allow you to keep that polarity,
is how a man and a woman will respond to
each other. You know, you'll see if I can, I'm
going to copy a joke. I have my own way
of saying it, but this is.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
A very comedian say this.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
He said, did you know that the number one group
of people that have the highest level of divorce are
gay women?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
And you probably didn't know that, did you? No? No,
look it up. On Ai. I believe you all these things.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
That's what I love about this new book with what
AI has done for me is oh, every page has
got three references. I just love having references studies that
prove everything I say is right.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
This is pure masculine thing, wanting to be right.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
But what the what.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Are the three words every man wants to hear? You
were right? Well, that's men.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Women need to hear the words. I understand. I will, yes,
I'd be happy to do that. Let's get into that
in a minute. But let me just study my joke
because I think it's funny. We all during up late
at night. So this is a comedian I'm doing my
version of it. But it's he says that. So we
look at divorce statistics. It turns out that lesbians have
(01:56):
the highest rate of divorce. It's two women, that's one
woman another woman. They have the highest rate of divorce.
And you wouldn't think that because they think the same
and so why would how could that disagreements? Well, then
the second group of divorce is heterosexual couples kind of
understand that, but then you look at more of the
details of heterosexuals and then you'll see that eighty to
(02:19):
ninety percent of all divorces are initiated by women.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
So let's look at the gay couples two women.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
The heterosexual couples is one woman, and the third categories
gay men, and they have the lowest rate of divorce.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
What's missing there.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Is so bad?
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I think it's bad, but it's funny.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Good, Oh right, good, So but see there's truth to this.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Wrong you told that, And.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Eighty percent of all divorces are initiated by women, So
we did have.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
The picture is not going to happen that often anyway.
That's a that's okay, and it's not a slight against women.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
What we have to realize if women were not on
this planet, nobody would.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Ever make things better.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Men live by the rule if it's not broken, don't
fix it, and men just don't know how to fix
what's going on today.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
They just think, well, why are you making a big
deal out of this? What are you worried about?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Here? Is that they'll understand what women are going through.
What women are going through today is they're on their
male side. They're independent. When you're really independent, you don't
make a lot of estrogen and you feel very strong
in yourself, and you don't ask for help.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
If you don't ask for help, you don't make estrogen.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
One.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It's the most powerful thing. And asking for someone to
listen to is one form of asking for help. Here's
another one. I want to make sure I throw in
some things. Couples can couples who are listening can start
right now. Okay, this is a couple's thing right now,
and that is say to your husband. Look, I'm feeling
overwhelmed and stressed, and it's because I'm not grounded in
my female side. I get too much into doing, doing, doing,
(04:01):
and not enough into just receiving your love and support.
And you're doing a great job, and you do so
much for me, but there's a part of me that
just doesn't receive it. It's hard for me to come
back to my female side. I'm just giving you words
how you somebody might communicate this to a man. Every
husband's gonna be a little different. But what you say, basically,
this is a game I learned that helps me. Being
(04:23):
the woman talking helps me to relax and cope with
life stress. And it will take I need your help
to do it, and it will take less than five
minutes a day. Would you be willing to do that? Okay,
so we'll get some callers to see if anybody has
a problem with that.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I'd like to see men who call.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
In who say, I'd be willing to do that if
it was just five minutes, and it's going to make
my wife love me more and also be happier and
we have a better relationship just five minutes, what would
that be. Well, it turns out here's one of the games.
I have lots of them in this new book, but
this is one called the five minute Ask, and I'm
so happy about it.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I enjoy it so much with my wife. So at
random times.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
During when you're together, in the evening and during the
day whatever, she puts up her five fingers, which says,
I'm about to ask you to do something, and it
will take less than five minutes to do even two minutes,
and your response in this game will be like as
you wish, absolutely right away, just like you're the most
(05:23):
important person in the world. He's going to jump to it.
Just jump to it, just like on your first date
or something. And you know, people all say what I
feel like we felt in the first date. Well, in
the first date, women feel safe to be themselves and
the first date, men like want to impress you and
do things for you. And if you do this, the
(05:43):
reason it works. Men need logic and thinking to figure
out why this works. Men's brains can turn off. Now,
not all men have learned to do that because we'se
feminize men. But we have the ability if somebody teaches
us how to do it, to forget our problems temporarily.
That's like watching a football game, hoot and hollering in
not talking to each other.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
That's forgetting the problems of the day. For me, it
was a path of meditation.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
All everything in meditation, Buddha taught all that it was
all about forget your problems, forget everything, go into state
of forgetfulness. Men can do that, we're designed to do that. Now,
some women can do that, but basically most can't. And
what they're designed to do is talk about their problems,
to remember their problems. So when women finish their work day,
they can't forget. They got everything, they got everything, they
(06:28):
got to do here, they got things at work.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Their mind doesn't stop.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
It's called automatic negative thinking, worrying, and it's this is
again a proven fact. You know, a man can be
upset and he can be fine within an hour.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
All the women don't think he is because he's just
sitting there watching TV.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
But the women, they will think about stuff for days.
I've got the research backing up called rumination. If she's stressed,
she'll just go over and over and over.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
It's a momentum even in weeks and years.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Okay, it is a lifetime take up, but think of that.
That's called the momentum of negative thinking. After you have
one mega thought, another one comes.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
It comes.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
It builds like a snowball going down a hill. Now,
how do you stop the momentum? If it's a snowball,
you just put your hands in front of it and say,
don't do anything for one minute.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Okay, So you're going to ask the man to do.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Something that you were going to do, or that you
could do for yourself, and you would never ask for that.
Women don't ask for things you can do for yourself,
or you don't want to bother him or whatever.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
But this is something you can surprise him with.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
It gives you the feeling that there's always help available.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
It's just it's to be able to stop that mind
by knowing it's not all up to me.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I'm not alone. That's the big issue for women. It
also makes you feel. It also helps me too. I
love it when my wife does it. Once I started
experiencing it, okay, but you have to experience it first.
And you know, did you ever see Peter Seller show
the Pink Panther.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
No, I'm much younger than you, doctor John Gray. No, No,
I did, I did?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I did?
Speaker 3 (08:08):
All right, good good, all right, pink panther.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
So in a pink Panther, you know, the inspector Clousseau
would have Kato, who was his karate master guy, and
whenever he would come home.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Cato would attack him.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
And it was kind of like it was I could
never figure it out as the young person, but why
is he doing this? It was to sharpen his skills,
it was, you know, so he was always ready to
to be you know, he's ready for any attack.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
He's ready.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
But what that did is that produces a moment of adrenaline,
which is all it takes for men to prove a
huge burst of testosterone. See, anytime men you're not energize,
your testosterone is low, and if you have just one
little emergency happen, it's just a quick little thing, and
you resolve it quickly, your testosterone shoots up and stays
up for quite a while.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
For a woman, if.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
She can ask for help and get an immediate response,
her estrogen levels will shoot up. And these are the
kind of things that actually, even for women who beyond menopause,
they will start making estra dial because when something produces
an acute stress like I did not want this to happen,
or for a man, and for women, it's the acute
stress of doing something vulnerable, you know, because anybody could
(09:19):
look at you and go, why.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Are you asking me to do that?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
You could do that for yourself. And don't you think
I'm doing enough for you? Why are you asking for more?
And oh, he's in a bad mood.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
I don't want to bother him. So it's a moment
of a little bit of danger.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
That's all it takes, is a moment of a little
bit of danger to ask for this thing, like would
you make me a cup of tea? Would you give
me a foot massage? Would you run upstairs and pick
this up for me? Would you call so and so
when you make reservations at that place?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Just these things that women.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Often do for themselves without asking. They don't want to
be a burden, they don't ask too much. They don't
want to sound selfish. But you've agreed, it's not being selfish.
This is like medicine to help a woman's brain fully relax,
and it will do it.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
It will stop that momentum. And it's so powerful and
it's so wonderful. And there's another movie.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I think you've seen most women listening when you're younger,
you saw it, and that was Princess Bride.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Did you see that? I don't think I saw that one.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
All my daughters, okay, this is too young, but all
my daughters know the words to it. Okay, this is
like a cult cult movie. But in the movie, the
you know, the the beautiful girl. The prince wants her,
the King wants her, everybody wants her. But she with
the country boy, you know, the guy who takes care
of her horses, and all he ever talks, all he
(10:32):
ever says, is as you wish, as you wish, perfect perfect.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Listen to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight at
one a m. Eastern and go to Coast to coastam
dot com for more
Now here's a highlight from Coast to coast am on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
So I want to ask you about the end of
passion you were talking about, you know, with the artificial reality.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Now, the end of passion, that's so sad, it is
it's androgyny.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
What we're seeing is men are becoming more feminized and
women are becoming more masculine. And in order to have
the attraction, for women to be attractive to a man
and be sustained, and for man for man to be
attracted to her her to be attracted and be sustained,
their ways of communicating have to be such that it
will stimulate higher estrogen in her and higher testosterone in him.
(00:41):
That's the only thing that will allow you, as far
as I know, that will allow you to keep that polarity,
is how a man and a woman will respond to
each other. You know, you'll see if I can, I'm
going to copy a joke. I have my own way
of saying it, but this is.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
A very comedian say this.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
He said, did you know that the number one group
of people that have the highest level of divorce are
gay women?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
And you probably didn't know that, did you? No? No,
look it up. On Ai. I believe you all these things.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
That's what I love about this new book with what
AI has done for me is oh, every page has
got three references. I just love having references studies that
prove everything I say is right.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
This is pure masculine thing, wanting to be right.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
But what the what.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Are the three words every man wants to hear? You
were right? Well, that's men.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Women need to hear the words. I understand. I will, yes,
I'd be happy to do that. Let's get into that
in a minute. But let me just study my joke
because I think it's funny. We all during up late
at night. So this is a comedian I'm doing my
version of it. But it's he says that. So we
look at divorce statistics. It turns out that lesbians have
(01:56):
the highest rate of divorce. It's two women, that's one
woman another woman. They have the highest rate of divorce.
And you wouldn't think that because they think the same
and so why would how could that disagreements? Well, then
the second group of divorce is heterosexual couples kind of
understand that, but then you look at more of the
details of heterosexuals and then you'll see that eighty to
(02:19):
ninety percent of all divorces are initiated by women.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
So let's look at the gay couples two women.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
The heterosexual couples is one woman, and the third categories
gay men, and they have the lowest rate of divorce.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
What's missing there.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Is so bad?
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I think it's bad, but it's funny.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Good, Oh right, good, So but see there's truth to this.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Wrong you told that, And.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Eighty percent of all divorces are initiated by women, So
we did have.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
The picture is not going to happen that often anyway.
That's a that's okay, and it's not a slight against women.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
What we have to realize if women were not on
this planet, nobody would.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Ever make things better.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Men live by the rule if it's not broken, don't
fix it, and men just don't know how to fix
what's going on today.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
They just think, well, why are you making a big
deal out of this? What are you worried about?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Here? Is that they'll understand what women are going through.
What women are going through today is they're on their
male side. They're independent. When you're really independent, you don't
make a lot of estrogen and you feel very strong
in yourself, and you don't ask for help.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
If you don't ask for help, you don't make estrogen.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
One.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It's the most powerful thing. And asking for someone to
listen to is one form of asking for help. Here's
another one. I want to make sure I throw in
some things. Couples can couples who are listening can start
right now. Okay, this is a couple's thing right now,
and that is say to your husband. Look, I'm feeling
overwhelmed and stressed, and it's because I'm not grounded in
my female side. I get too much into doing, doing, doing,
(04:01):
and not enough into just receiving your love and support.
And you're doing a great job, and you do so
much for me, but there's a part of me that
just doesn't receive it. It's hard for me to come
back to my female side. I'm just giving you words
how you somebody might communicate this to a man. Every
husband's gonna be a little different. But what you say, basically,
this is a game I learned that helps me. Being
(04:23):
the woman talking helps me to relax and cope with
life stress. And it will take I need your help
to do it, and it will take less than five
minutes a day. Would you be willing to do that? Okay,
so we'll get some callers to see if anybody has
a problem with that.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I'd like to see men who call.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
In who say, I'd be willing to do that if
it was just five minutes, and it's going to make
my wife love me more and also be happier and
we have a better relationship just five minutes, what would
that be. Well, it turns out here's one of the games.
I have lots of them in this new book, but
this is one called the five minute Ask, and I'm
so happy about it.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I enjoy it so much with my wife. So at
random times.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
During when you're together, in the evening and during the
day whatever, she puts up her five fingers, which says,
I'm about to ask you to do something, and it
will take less than five minutes to do even two minutes,
and your response in this game will be like as
you wish, absolutely right away, just like you're the most
(05:23):
important person in the world. He's going to jump to it.
Just jump to it, just like on your first date
or something. And you know, people all say what I
feel like we felt in the first date. Well, in
the first date, women feel safe to be themselves and
the first date, men like want to impress you and
do things for you. And if you do this, the
(05:43):
reason it works. Men need logic and thinking to figure
out why this works. Men's brains can turn off. Now,
not all men have learned to do that because we'se
feminize men. But we have the ability if somebody teaches
us how to do it, to forget our problems temporarily.
That's like watching a football game, hoot and hollering in
not talking to each other.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
That's forgetting the problems of the day. For me, it
was a path of meditation.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
All everything in meditation, Buddha taught all that it was
all about forget your problems, forget everything, go into state
of forgetfulness. Men can do that, we're designed to do that. Now,
some women can do that, but basically most can't. And
what they're designed to do is talk about their problems,
to remember their problems. So when women finish their work day,
they can't forget. They got everything, they got everything, they
(06:28):
got to do here, they got things at work.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Their mind doesn't stop.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
It's called automatic negative thinking, worrying, and it's this is
again a proven fact. You know, a man can be
upset and he can be fine within an hour.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
All the women don't think he is because he's just
sitting there watching TV.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
But the women, they will think about stuff for days.
I've got the research backing up called rumination. If she's stressed,
she'll just go over and over and over.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
It's a momentum even in weeks and years.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Okay, it is a lifetime take up, but think of that.
That's called the momentum of negative thinking. After you have
one mega thought, another one comes.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
It comes.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
It builds like a snowball going down a hill. Now,
how do you stop the momentum? If it's a snowball,
you just put your hands in front of it and say,
don't do anything for one minute.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Okay, So you're going to ask the man to do.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Something that you were going to do, or that you
could do for yourself, and you would never ask for that.
Women don't ask for things you can do for yourself,
or you don't want to bother him or whatever.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
But this is something you can surprise him with.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
It gives you the feeling that there's always help available.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
It's just it's to be able to stop that mind
by knowing it's not all up to me.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I'm not alone. That's the big issue for women. It
also makes you feel. It also helps me too. I
love it when my wife does it. Once I started
experiencing it, okay, but you have to experience it first.
And you know, did you ever see Peter Seller show
the Pink Panther.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
No, I'm much younger than you, doctor John Gray. No, No,
I did, I did?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I did?
Speaker 3 (08:08):
All right, good good, all right, pink panther.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
So in a pink Panther, you know, the inspector Clousseau
would have Kato, who was his karate master guy, and
whenever he would come home.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Cato would attack him.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
And it was kind of like it was I could
never figure it out as the young person, but why
is he doing this? It was to sharpen his skills,
it was, you know, so he was always ready to
to be you know, he's ready for any attack.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
He's ready.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
But what that did is that produces a moment of adrenaline,
which is all it takes for men to prove a
huge burst of testosterone. See, anytime men you're not energize,
your testosterone is low, and if you have just one
little emergency happen, it's just a quick little thing, and
you resolve it quickly, your testosterone shoots up and stays
up for quite a while.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
For a woman, if.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
She can ask for help and get an immediate response,
her estrogen levels will shoot up. And these are the
kind of things that actually, even for women who beyond menopause,
they will start making estra dial because when something produces
an acute stress like I did not want this to happen,
or for a man, and for women, it's the acute
stress of doing something vulnerable, you know, because anybody could
(09:19):
look at you and go, why.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Are you asking me to do that?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
You could do that for yourself. And don't you think
I'm doing enough for you? Why are you asking for more?
And oh, he's in a bad mood.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
I don't want to bother him. So it's a moment
of a little bit of danger.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
That's all it takes, is a moment of a little
bit of danger to ask for this thing, like would
you make me a cup of tea? Would you give
me a foot massage? Would you run upstairs and pick
this up for me? Would you call so and so
when you make reservations at that place?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Just these things that women.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Often do for themselves without asking. They don't want to
be a burden, they don't ask too much. They don't
want to sound selfish. But you've agreed, it's not being selfish.
This is like medicine to help a woman's brain fully relax,
and it will do it.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
It will stop that momentum. And it's so powerful and
it's so wonderful. And there's another movie.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I think you've seen most women listening when you're younger,
you saw it, and that was Princess Bride.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Did you see that? I don't think I saw that one.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
All my daughters, okay, this is too young, but all
my daughters know the words to it. Okay, this is
like a cult cult movie. But in the movie, the
you know, the the beautiful girl. The prince wants her,
the King wants her, everybody wants her. But she with
the country boy, you know, the guy who takes care
of her horses, and all he ever talks, all he
(10:32):
ever says, is as you wish, as you wish, perfect perfect.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Listen to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight at
one a m. Eastern and go to Coast to coastam
dot com for more
The Best of Coast to Coast AM News
Host
George Noory
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