October 17, 2025 • 23 mins
Howard Stern asked Jennifer Lopez that very question this week while she was doing press for her new movie “Kiss of the Spider Woman." Her answer surprised a lot of folks and got us thinking about what it means to truly love someone and to be truly loved. Do you know your answer?
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey there, folks. Sit is Friday, October the seventeenth, and
a simple question for you? Do you think you've truly
been in love? What is your answer to that question?
Because j Lo's answer to that question created all kinds
of headlines and now has sparked this conversation on this
(00:25):
episode of Amy and TJ Robes. Can you end? Is
that a simple question? Do you think you've truly been love?
That's different saying have you ever been in love? That's different?
That's a Is that a heavy question?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I think it seems simple on its face, and yet
once you've lived enough life and have had enough relationships,
it actually becomes a complicated question. But I don't think
that's a bad thing. I think it's actually really cool.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Yes, okay, I'll ask you. You've seen more of the
headlines and are they are they questioning and saying about
j Lo? You know, what is the feedback or what
is the reaction to her doing this? Howard Stern interview.
He asked her that question and her response to it.
What is the reaction to her response?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I think people are just repeating what she said and
wondering what it means, and I think people are taking
it actually is very thought provoking because everyone internalizes that. Look,
she did a whole movie while she was married to
at the time what seemed like the love of her
life Ben Affleck when she did a whole movie about love,
(01:30):
and it points to the fact that you can think
you're in love, and you can think you know what
love is, and then when life happens, you actually recognize
that you don't know what you don't know. And I
just think that answering that question, you might have different
answers to that question at different parts or phases or
(01:52):
points in your life.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Okay, see mine was it that? That's what you're saying
makes sense, But that's oftentimes when somebody asks you if
you have truly been in love? I was interested in
this answer. If you think you have truly been in love?
That was a different question. It made me been loved.
Excuse me, that made me stop and think about this
(02:14):
whole question in relationships differently. I can answer for me
very easily, right, and most people listening, have you ever
been in love? Boom boom boom boom boom, have you
truly been loved? That's stop and think about that. And
for a woman who's been through at least relationship wise.
I mean, I see like I know more about her
relationship history than I know about my own sometimes because
(02:37):
her stuff has been out there so much. But I
thought she did give an interesting answer to it. And
I was surprised when you brought this to my attention,
just how much has been talked about she did. How
long was the interview with howidch S turned hour and
a half.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
It was very in depth.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
It was one of the most, if not the most
in depth interview I've ever seen her give.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Annie. I've been lucky.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Enough to interview her twice, and you know, you get
like a fifteen minute time limit.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
I guess that you don't want to.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Get too many people asking you too many questions unless
you fully trust them. And so I think she really
believes she's on a campaign here promoting her new movie,
The Kiss of the Spider Woman, and she's getting rave reviews,
and I think maybe she's feeling successful in this new
movie and feeling good and proud of the work she's
done since the divorce with Ben, that she finally sat
(03:23):
down with someone in depth that she trusts or knows,
Howard Stern, And she actually was very insightful in a
way I have not and not performative and not prepared
and not planned and canned and had these prepped responses.
I felt like we were really hearing her bear her soul,
which was really cool.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
And we heard from her on the question about true love. Now,
this is a woman Rose, and I applaud I applaud
anybody like her who has had her or him who's
had right. Love keeps knocking you down and you get
back up. Right. She's been knocked down four times, you
could argue, now I would applaud her if she decided
(04:01):
to get married at fifth time, to hear her keep
going for it. And I've always applauded what does that mean?
Someone have different opinions of it, but all she's been through,
I would like to give her a credit for being
a hopeless romantic. Is that too fantastical on my part?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
No? And I think that part of the I think
the naysayers, the people who are looking at it with skepticism,
are saying, Okay, she just doesn't know what love is.
She wants the feeling of excitement and the thrill of
new love, and that like romantic. Oh okay, that romantically
to continue and when it dies, when it goes away,
(04:42):
which it inevitably does.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
That's not what she is chasing.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Isn't love, it's the feeling of being in love, of
being infatuated. That actual love isn't glamorous or sexy or
hot all the time. It's actually tough and hard, and
it making the choices that you stick with someone, and
you invest in someone, and you respect someone and all
of that. So I'm not saying that she hasn't done
(05:08):
all of those things. I'm just saying that's I think
what the naysayers would say that anyone who's been married
that many times.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
And look, we're knocking, we're right behind her.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
So I'm not throwing stones in any way, I understand,
but I think we get it from a different perspective,
and that you can have the best of intentions and
you can actually believe that love is hard work, and
that love is what comes after the infatuation. It's what
comes after the commitment. But still, if you haven't found
the right person, I applaud someone who says this isn't
(05:37):
right for me. I thought it was in the moment,
and I'm gonna keep looking for it.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
It doesn't a right person. That gets into the issue
here with her is it's not a matter of who's
the right person. Are you the right person for me?
Or I'm not the right person for you? And that's
too often what we look at in the conversation is
that something's wrong with the people I am picking and
nothing is wrong with me. She seems a little reflective, correct.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
And I think that is one of the beautiful things
that comes from experience that you gain and wisdom that
you gain from having had some relationships that didn't work
out the way you wanted them to. And you and
I can speak to this directly. I really do believe that.
But so much of what she said actually truly resonated
with me. When Howard Stern asked you still believe in
(06:21):
true love? She said, yes, I agree. Do you still
believe in true love?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
See that's what that true right? That word is key.
Do you believe in love? Do you believe in true love?
True love feels very princess bridish to me. True love
puts you immediately into this fantastical world of what love
is supposed to that we've been told from story books
(06:46):
is supposed to look like. And I think true love
is a is not. Yes, I believe in it, but
nowhere close to the definitions of and given my whole life,
my true love looks like sacrifice, My true life of
looks like pain, it looks like h it looks like
(07:08):
trial and error. Love is ugly and messy and hard
as hell. And when you're still standing and you're still
standing with that person, and you still like that person,
I have experienced true love. Now that's just other people's definition.
Now what he was meaning, I think he was meaning
(07:29):
it in the way that most people.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Do, don't they look Yeah, And he has a long marriage,
so I mean he's experienced all of those ups and downs.
And I love that he wished her that experience as well.
And I think I think everyone looks at other people's
relationship through the lens of.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Their relationships and their experience.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
And having had several of them now and you as well,
I can now say that each one has taught me
so many things about myself, about what where I still
needed to grow, and then also recognizing that it's important.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
And she talks.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
About this, to love yourself, to recognize what you need
and a partner, And I think when I know, having
rushed in early on and rushed in for lots of
different reasons. Sometimes we don't consider what we need or
what we actually want because we don't know ourselves, because
we haven't taken the time to love and invest and reflect.
And she is talking about doing all of these things now.
(08:33):
And look, some people, my mom and dad have said this.
They got lucky, right, They didn't know anything at eighteen,
but they just so happened to And look, their marriage
has been has had plenty of ups and downs. It
hasn't No one has a marriage that's been easy or
breezy or just full of rainbows and butterflies and unicorns.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
So yes, it's hard.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
But when you have the right person who you like
and you respect, that is what Those are the tooth
that I did not know to invest in that those
were actually the cornerstones.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
The foundation. Attraction is important.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yes, only initially, only initially agreed, because.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
See, people who you are wildly attracted to get ugly
after two weeks once you get to know them. Four weeks,
hell yeah, after four years, and ugliest individual you've ever seen,
you like.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Exactly exactly, So I think, I mean, it's taken some.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Time, but what I have learned is man.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
If you like that person and you respect that person,
that is the foundation. And I do think you do
need to be attracted to that person, of course, but
more important because I think you can become attracted to
somebody who you like and respect, yes, and you can
be attracted to somebody you end up disliking and despising.
So I think you know and the people are so duh.
(09:52):
But okay, I learned it the hard way, and I
see j Loo doing the same thing.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Yes, but sometimes you do learn through trial and error.
You have to let well, I say trial and er
what was called experience And look, we make a lot
of us. Make you do the best you can with
the information you have, and maybe it works out, maybe
it doesn't. Sometimes you hope for the best, and then
other times you understand that hope shouldn't be a strategy
(10:19):
after you learn a little more and go nope, I've
seen this one before. I know not to do that.
And that's what it is. It's just she's had to
live it in such a public way. She continues to
live in such a public way. And yes, people will
bat their eyes or roll their eyes or whatever, but
so many folks go through what she's going through in private.
This is very difficult stuff to learn about yourself, to
(10:41):
go through terrible relationships sometimes to make those mistakes, to
see yourself. She has. Let's to your point. She made
a movie about how in love. She was a documented
two different movies essentially about a relationship that now she's
divorced from that game that's awful and she's having to
go through it and still sitting there saying hell, yeah,
I believe in true love. I love that power to
(11:03):
your system.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
So and I also think that you know, I think,
and I love. I don't think she's ever said this,
and you and I would neither. None of the relationships
that got you to where you are today were mistakes
because you learned who you were, what you didn't want,
what you didn't like, and you took that with you
and it helped you grow. And so they're not mistakes.
(11:27):
They're just a part of the journey. And I think
that's important.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I mean a lot of mistakes in my journey. So
I know what you're saying, but it's it's a lesson.
As long as you don't do that thing again, you
can correct, you can say it's not a mistake as
long as you don't do it again. The things that
got j Lo and we talked about the thing that's
making the most headlines ropes is when she was on
wasn't just about believing in love? I thought it was interesting.
(11:55):
Do you think you've truly been loved? She immediate said no.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
No.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
She expounded on that, and we'll tell you the whole quote.
Do you think you've truly been loved? She's a fifty
three fifty four years five, a five year old woman
who's been married four times, and the answer to the
question do you think you've truly been loved? Is no.
Now I think a lot. That might be surprising or
(12:22):
shocking initially, but after I take a beat, certainly after
I hear the rest of her answer, I go wow.
I could see why she'd say.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
That, babe.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
It resonated with me immediately. And she's fifty six, by
the way, I just looked it up. I mean, she
looks like she's thirty six, so it's hard to know
how old she is. The woman is spectacular physically, she's gorgeous.
And do you think you've truly been loved? Her answer
was no. I actually felt emotional when I heard this.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Because I get it.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I think, especially when you're someone like j Lo and
you look the way you look and you've had the
success you've had, I have said this. I'm not comparing
myself in any way to her, but I think I
have said the same sentiment, where you feel like someone
has been in love with the idea of you, but
that when they actually meet all of you, the messy
parts of you, the ugly parts of you, the not
(13:17):
so likable parts of you, when you don't feel like
you've had that person, you haven't been truly loved. Because
we're all not the best version of ourselves. We are messy,
we're a work in progress, and sometimes we're hard to love.
And I thought that was a really honest, scary answer
(13:38):
to give that really resonates with a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
You know. I'm looking her quote here and what she's
saying she wasn't love. She was talking about them not
being capable. That was, and I'm trying to put that
with your point, But she went farther in her answer
and that she spoke of them not being capable of
(14:04):
loving her. But then she took some responsibility for not
loving herself and not knowing who she was, how do
you balance that? How are you supposed to make sense of,
like to you what you just said when people have
to love all of you and not in some of
the parts that aren't so good. But then there's also
a responsibility that she seems to take, and some people,
(14:24):
through their own work, understand that some of the stuff
they're giving off. How would you expect somebody to love that?
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Right?
Speaker 1 (14:33):
People say this is just who I am. You gotta
love who I am. It drives me crazy to hear that,
because that's a suggestion that there's nothing about you could
make you a better mate, Like there's nothing you should
change about yourself or consider even about yourself that would
make you a better partner in a relationship that gets problematic.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
That's a red flag for me.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
If someone says this is just who I am, that
is implying or actually directly stating I am who I
am and I'm not going to change. And I think
part of what I have learned through life is that
we have to change, or we need to change. We
need to evolve. That's why we're here to grow, and
(15:12):
we grow when we learn. We grow when we're in pain,
we grow when things are uncomfortable, and it's on each
one of us as individuals to be introspective and to
figure it out. What I took away from Jalo, which
I appreciated. So her quote that's making a bunch of
headlines is what I learned. It's not that I'm not lovable,
it's that they're not capable. They don't have it in them.
They gave me what they had. They gave me all
(15:34):
of it every time, all the rings, all the things
I could ever want. The house is the rings, the marriage,
all of that. The point being is she's recognizing, and
she talked about all the work she's done that we
all have an individual responsibility to love ourselves, which gives
us the capability of loving other people because we understand
our own flaws, our own weaknesses, and when we see
(15:56):
it in other people reflected, we can show compassion and empathy.
And we can on each one of us to give
ourselves that compassion. We can't expect it from our partner,
and I think a lot of expectations are placed on
our significant other. You need to love me no matter what. No,
we need to love ourselves no matter what. But to
accept the fact that we're tough sometimes to love in
(16:17):
moments and you give each other grace. But that only
when both partners are in that space. It works when
one is and the other isn't. It doesn't period.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
It's hard. I was very surprised to hear it's certainly possible,
because I was late thirties, early forties before I figured
a whole bunch of stuff out about myself and what
I need to do differently. But she's been through this much.
To hear her, like you said, it's fifty six, you
just said to have the now four marriages under her belt,
I mean how many there were a couple engagements as well.
(16:47):
I mean she was engaged to a Rod I think
for a little.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Bit as for a while she was engaged and Ben
she was engaged too before or you know, however many
twenty years ago.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I forgot about that one. Actually, to hear her at
fifty six, I think was surprising but also encouraging for
her to say, yeah, at this age and all this
life I've lived, I just recognized there was more to
be done and for me to actually figure out. I
applaud that you also look at where along the way
(17:19):
were those lessons missed and the just sometimes it happens,
it happens later, and that is okay. But that was
a part I certainly sat up on and related to
and applauded that. I mean, you can't think old dog
nu tricks. I'm saying she's old. I'm what I'm saying,
she's well set in her ways at fifty plus. To
hear her say, yeah, there's some work to be done,
(17:39):
says she threw everything at it, therapists and men of
the enclergymen and all the stuff to figure out what
is going on.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I think she said she had an individual therapist, a
couple's therapists, a spiritual advisor, a health coach, like I mean,
and I get that, like trying to seek the answers,
but they're they're all within.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
But it was another quote that she gave folks in
which she said it was the best thing in her
life that has ever and could have happened to her.
Would you believe what it is? You might have guessed already.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Stay here, continuing now on our conversation about j Lowe
opening up to Howard Stern in a real and I
really think vulnerable and inspirational way. It certainly spoke to
(18:39):
me and I think it probably spoke to a lot
of folks. Yes, there are the headlines and the clickbait
about it seemed as though she was saying that her
husbands didn't know or weren't capable of loving her.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
It's so much deeper than that.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You know. We see the headlines and we think, oh, wow,
she's blaming them.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
No she's not.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
She took total responsibility in her role in all of
these relationships, and I just thought it was so interesting
for anybody who is in between relationships, coming out of one,
going into one. There are lessons to be learned from
anyone who has walked life in the way she has
in a public way, but is willing to be introspective
and willing to take a look at her role and everything.
(19:18):
And when she said, because we were so personally devastated, teaj,
you made no bones about this. When she and Ben
got divorced, we just kept hoping that it was temporary,
that maybe they just had a falling out and they
were going to come back together, because it just seemed
like such an incredible love story twenty years in the making.
But she said, when I got divorced this last time,
(19:42):
it was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Most people would think it's the opposite. But because she
was at her lowest, and again the movies that were out,
the pressure of them to finally live out their fairy
tale dreams is overwhelming.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
It seemed devastating.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
But she said because of that, it made she said,
it really made me journey into and this is what
she said. I had a religious coach, a therapist, a
couple's therapist, an individual therapist.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
I had a coach to understand addiction.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I had everything, and I was like, I'm going to
figure this shit out if it kills me. When you
hit rock bottom, you are forced to look inward.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Period.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Maybe that's where maybe this was the empathus that finally
got her to do that work she's talking about. And
she sounded as passionate and sincere and comfortable and all
she's talking about. Look, and we know she's a good
she's good with press. She's had everything thrown at her,
she knows all the tricks. But she looked different and
sounded different with Howard Starn that she would have on
(20:46):
a broadcast news morning show. She was different. I won't
say she's completely off guard, but this was an in
depth interview. I learned a little bit. I don't know
how much about her, but I certainly learned about where
she is now, and then a lot of it can
relate to. But I'm hopeful for and room for for
(21:08):
the next thing and whoever she ends up dating.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Next, I do too, And I do think that when
you go through shit in life, you either are buried
by it or you rise up a better version of yourself.
And it does seem like she is in the ladder
of the two, and I appreciated when she talked about
the former relationship she was in. She said, I think
they all saw and wanted to see me, and they
(21:33):
got that glimpse and then their own version of that
for them is what God in the way. I think
we do have expectations that we place on the people
we're with, and especially if you're someone like j Lo,
where you think you have, wow, I'm dating this person
or I'm married to this person who is X, and
you let that be the expectation. And if it doesn't
(21:55):
rise up to that, or if something departs from what
you think it should be out, or you're offended or
you're upset. And I really get that. I understand what
she's saying. That we all place expectations of what we
think another person should be like, and if they don't
meet them, we're angry, we're upset, and it causes friction
(22:15):
and problems. And the point is if you can actually
be in tune with yourself and recognize why you feel
upset or why you're upset what someone else said, it's
all about at the end of the day, it's about
how you feel about yourself and it's projected onto other people.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Well, look, JL, maybe she got to figure it out
better late than other never and do you think so?
Just to but it's just an interesting question then, I
guess if all of you ask yourselves that question, I'm
curious how you would answer it. Do you think you've
truly been loved? And with that, folks, always appreciate you
hanging with us for a little bit on this Friday
(22:53):
going into the weekend. I hope this question didn't start
fights in the house for the weekend, but I always
appreciate you hanging with aus. I'm TJ home to behalf
of my partner Amy Roback will talk to us soon.
Hey there, folks. Sit is Friday, October the seventeenth, and
a simple question for you? Do you think you've truly
been in love? What is your answer to that question?
Because j Lo's answer to that question created all kinds
of headlines and now has sparked this conversation on this
(00:25):
episode of Amy and TJ Robes. Can you end? Is
that a simple question? Do you think you've truly been love?
That's different saying have you ever been in love? That's different?
That's a Is that a heavy question?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I think it seems simple on its face, and yet
once you've lived enough life and have had enough relationships,
it actually becomes a complicated question. But I don't think
that's a bad thing. I think it's actually really cool.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Yes, okay, I'll ask you. You've seen more of the
headlines and are they are they questioning and saying about
j Lo? You know, what is the feedback or what
is the reaction to her doing this? Howard Stern interview.
He asked her that question and her response to it.
What is the reaction to her response?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I think people are just repeating what she said and
wondering what it means, and I think people are taking
it actually is very thought provoking because everyone internalizes that. Look,
she did a whole movie while she was married to
at the time what seemed like the love of her
life Ben Affleck when she did a whole movie about love,
(01:30):
and it points to the fact that you can think
you're in love, and you can think you know what
love is, and then when life happens, you actually recognize
that you don't know what you don't know. And I
just think that answering that question, you might have different
answers to that question at different parts or phases or
(01:52):
points in your life.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Okay, see mine was it that? That's what you're saying
makes sense, But that's oftentimes when somebody asks you if
you have truly been in love? I was interested in
this answer. If you think you have truly been in love?
That was a different question. It made me been loved.
Excuse me, that made me stop and think about this
(02:14):
whole question in relationships differently. I can answer for me
very easily, right, and most people listening, have you ever
been in love? Boom boom boom boom boom, have you
truly been loved? That's stop and think about that. And
for a woman who's been through at least relationship wise.
I mean, I see like I know more about her
relationship history than I know about my own sometimes because
(02:37):
her stuff has been out there so much. But I
thought she did give an interesting answer to it. And
I was surprised when you brought this to my attention,
just how much has been talked about she did. How
long was the interview with howidch S turned hour and
a half.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
It was very in depth.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
It was one of the most, if not the most
in depth interview I've ever seen her give.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Annie. I've been lucky.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Enough to interview her twice, and you know, you get
like a fifteen minute time limit.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
I guess that you don't want to.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Get too many people asking you too many questions unless
you fully trust them. And so I think she really
believes she's on a campaign here promoting her new movie,
The Kiss of the Spider Woman, and she's getting rave reviews,
and I think maybe she's feeling successful in this new
movie and feeling good and proud of the work she's
done since the divorce with Ben, that she finally sat
(03:23):
down with someone in depth that she trusts or knows,
Howard Stern, And she actually was very insightful in a
way I have not and not performative and not prepared
and not planned and canned and had these prepped responses.
I felt like we were really hearing her bear her soul,
which was really cool.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
And we heard from her on the question about true love. Now,
this is a woman Rose, and I applaud I applaud
anybody like her who has had her or him who's
had right. Love keeps knocking you down and you get
back up. Right. She's been knocked down four times, you
could argue, now I would applaud her if she decided
(04:01):
to get married at fifth time, to hear her keep
going for it. And I've always applauded what does that mean?
Someone have different opinions of it, but all she's been through,
I would like to give her a credit for being
a hopeless romantic. Is that too fantastical on my part?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
No? And I think that part of the I think
the naysayers, the people who are looking at it with skepticism,
are saying, Okay, she just doesn't know what love is.
She wants the feeling of excitement and the thrill of
new love, and that like romantic. Oh okay, that romantically
to continue and when it dies, when it goes away,
(04:42):
which it inevitably does.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
That's not what she is chasing.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Isn't love, it's the feeling of being in love, of
being infatuated. That actual love isn't glamorous or sexy or
hot all the time. It's actually tough and hard, and
it making the choices that you stick with someone, and
you invest in someone, and you respect someone and all
of that. So I'm not saying that she hasn't done
(05:08):
all of those things. I'm just saying that's I think
what the naysayers would say that anyone who's been married
that many times.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
And look, we're knocking, we're right behind her.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
So I'm not throwing stones in any way, I understand,
but I think we get it from a different perspective,
and that you can have the best of intentions and
you can actually believe that love is hard work, and
that love is what comes after the infatuation. It's what
comes after the commitment. But still, if you haven't found
the right person, I applaud someone who says this isn't
(05:37):
right for me. I thought it was in the moment,
and I'm gonna keep looking for it.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
It doesn't a right person. That gets into the issue
here with her is it's not a matter of who's
the right person. Are you the right person for me?
Or I'm not the right person for you? And that's
too often what we look at in the conversation is
that something's wrong with the people I am picking and
nothing is wrong with me. She seems a little reflective, correct.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
And I think that is one of the beautiful things
that comes from experience that you gain and wisdom that
you gain from having had some relationships that didn't work
out the way you wanted them to. And you and
I can speak to this directly. I really do believe that.
But so much of what she said actually truly resonated
with me. When Howard Stern asked you still believe in
(06:21):
true love? She said, yes, I agree. Do you still
believe in true love?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
See that's what that true right? That word is key.
Do you believe in love? Do you believe in true love?
True love feels very princess bridish to me. True love
puts you immediately into this fantastical world of what love
is supposed to that we've been told from story books
(06:46):
is supposed to look like. And I think true love
is a is not. Yes, I believe in it, but
nowhere close to the definitions of and given my whole life,
my true love looks like sacrifice, My true life of
looks like pain, it looks like h it looks like
(07:08):
trial and error. Love is ugly and messy and hard
as hell. And when you're still standing and you're still
standing with that person, and you still like that person,
I have experienced true love. Now that's just other people's definition.
Now what he was meaning, I think he was meaning
(07:29):
it in the way that most people.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Do, don't they look Yeah, And he has a long marriage,
so I mean he's experienced all of those ups and downs.
And I love that he wished her that experience as well.
And I think I think everyone looks at other people's
relationship through the lens of.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Their relationships and their experience.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
And having had several of them now and you as well,
I can now say that each one has taught me
so many things about myself, about what where I still
needed to grow, and then also recognizing that it's important.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
And she talks.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
About this, to love yourself, to recognize what you need
and a partner, And I think when I know, having
rushed in early on and rushed in for lots of
different reasons. Sometimes we don't consider what we need or
what we actually want because we don't know ourselves, because
we haven't taken the time to love and invest and reflect.
And she is talking about doing all of these things now.
(08:33):
And look, some people, my mom and dad have said this.
They got lucky, right, They didn't know anything at eighteen,
but they just so happened to And look, their marriage
has been has had plenty of ups and downs. It
hasn't No one has a marriage that's been easy or
breezy or just full of rainbows and butterflies and unicorns.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
So yes, it's hard.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
But when you have the right person who you like
and you respect, that is what Those are the tooth
that I did not know to invest in that those
were actually the cornerstones.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
The foundation. Attraction is important.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yes, only initially, only initially agreed, because.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
See, people who you are wildly attracted to get ugly
after two weeks once you get to know them. Four weeks,
hell yeah, after four years, and ugliest individual you've ever seen,
you like.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Exactly exactly, So I think, I mean, it's taken some.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Time, but what I have learned is man.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
If you like that person and you respect that person,
that is the foundation. And I do think you do
need to be attracted to that person, of course, but
more important because I think you can become attracted to
somebody who you like and respect, yes, and you can
be attracted to somebody you end up disliking and despising.
So I think you know and the people are so duh.
(09:52):
But okay, I learned it the hard way, and I
see j Loo doing the same thing.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Yes, but sometimes you do learn through trial and error.
You have to let well, I say trial and er
what was called experience And look, we make a lot
of us. Make you do the best you can with
the information you have, and maybe it works out, maybe
it doesn't. Sometimes you hope for the best, and then
other times you understand that hope shouldn't be a strategy
(10:19):
after you learn a little more and go nope, I've
seen this one before. I know not to do that.
And that's what it is. It's just she's had to
live it in such a public way. She continues to
live in such a public way. And yes, people will
bat their eyes or roll their eyes or whatever, but
so many folks go through what she's going through in private.
This is very difficult stuff to learn about yourself, to
(10:41):
go through terrible relationships sometimes to make those mistakes, to
see yourself. She has. Let's to your point. She made
a movie about how in love. She was a documented
two different movies essentially about a relationship that now she's
divorced from that game that's awful and she's having to
go through it and still sitting there saying hell, yeah,
I believe in true love. I love that power to
(11:03):
your system.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
So and I also think that you know, I think,
and I love. I don't think she's ever said this,
and you and I would neither. None of the relationships
that got you to where you are today were mistakes
because you learned who you were, what you didn't want,
what you didn't like, and you took that with you
and it helped you grow. And so they're not mistakes.
(11:27):
They're just a part of the journey. And I think
that's important.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I mean a lot of mistakes in my journey. So
I know what you're saying, but it's it's a lesson.
As long as you don't do that thing again, you
can correct, you can say it's not a mistake as
long as you don't do it again. The things that
got j Lo and we talked about the thing that's
making the most headlines ropes is when she was on
wasn't just about believing in love? I thought it was interesting.
(11:55):
Do you think you've truly been loved? She immediate said no.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
No.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
She expounded on that, and we'll tell you the whole quote.
Do you think you've truly been loved? She's a fifty
three fifty four years five, a five year old woman
who's been married four times, and the answer to the
question do you think you've truly been loved? Is no.
Now I think a lot. That might be surprising or
(12:22):
shocking initially, but after I take a beat, certainly after
I hear the rest of her answer, I go wow.
I could see why she'd say.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
That, babe.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
It resonated with me immediately. And she's fifty six, by
the way, I just looked it up. I mean, she
looks like she's thirty six, so it's hard to know
how old she is. The woman is spectacular physically, she's gorgeous.
And do you think you've truly been loved? Her answer
was no. I actually felt emotional when I heard this.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Because I get it.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I think, especially when you're someone like j Lo and
you look the way you look and you've had the
success you've had, I have said this. I'm not comparing
myself in any way to her, but I think I
have said the same sentiment, where you feel like someone
has been in love with the idea of you, but
that when they actually meet all of you, the messy
parts of you, the ugly parts of you, the not
(13:17):
so likable parts of you, when you don't feel like
you've had that person, you haven't been truly loved. Because
we're all not the best version of ourselves. We are messy,
we're a work in progress, and sometimes we're hard to love.
And I thought that was a really honest, scary answer
(13:38):
to give that really resonates with a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
You know. I'm looking her quote here and what she's
saying she wasn't love. She was talking about them not
being capable. That was, and I'm trying to put that
with your point, But she went farther in her answer
and that she spoke of them not being capable of
(14:04):
loving her. But then she took some responsibility for not
loving herself and not knowing who she was, how do
you balance that? How are you supposed to make sense of,
like to you what you just said when people have
to love all of you and not in some of
the parts that aren't so good. But then there's also
a responsibility that she seems to take, and some people,
(14:24):
through their own work, understand that some of the stuff
they're giving off. How would you expect somebody to love that?
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Right?
Speaker 1 (14:33):
People say this is just who I am. You gotta
love who I am. It drives me crazy to hear that,
because that's a suggestion that there's nothing about you could
make you a better mate, Like there's nothing you should
change about yourself or consider even about yourself that would
make you a better partner in a relationship that gets problematic.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
That's a red flag for me.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
If someone says this is just who I am, that
is implying or actually directly stating I am who I
am and I'm not going to change. And I think
part of what I have learned through life is that
we have to change, or we need to change. We
need to evolve. That's why we're here to grow, and
(15:12):
we grow when we learn. We grow when we're in pain,
we grow when things are uncomfortable, and it's on each
one of us as individuals to be introspective and to
figure it out. What I took away from Jalo, which
I appreciated. So her quote that's making a bunch of
headlines is what I learned. It's not that I'm not lovable,
it's that they're not capable. They don't have it in them.
They gave me what they had. They gave me all
(15:34):
of it every time, all the rings, all the things
I could ever want. The house is the rings, the marriage,
all of that. The point being is she's recognizing, and
she talked about all the work she's done that we
all have an individual responsibility to love ourselves, which gives
us the capability of loving other people because we understand
our own flaws, our own weaknesses, and when we see
(15:56):
it in other people reflected, we can show compassion and empathy.
And we can on each one of us to give
ourselves that compassion. We can't expect it from our partner,
and I think a lot of expectations are placed on
our significant other. You need to love me no matter what. No,
we need to love ourselves no matter what. But to
accept the fact that we're tough sometimes to love in
(16:17):
moments and you give each other grace. But that only
when both partners are in that space. It works when
one is and the other isn't. It doesn't period.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
It's hard. I was very surprised to hear it's certainly possible,
because I was late thirties, early forties before I figured
a whole bunch of stuff out about myself and what
I need to do differently. But she's been through this much.
To hear her, like you said, it's fifty six, you
just said to have the now four marriages under her belt,
I mean how many there were a couple engagements as well.
(16:47):
I mean she was engaged to a Rod I think
for a little.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Bit as for a while she was engaged and Ben
she was engaged too before or you know, however many
twenty years ago.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I forgot about that one. Actually, to hear her at
fifty six, I think was surprising but also encouraging for
her to say, yeah, at this age and all this
life I've lived, I just recognized there was more to
be done and for me to actually figure out. I
applaud that you also look at where along the way
(17:19):
were those lessons missed and the just sometimes it happens,
it happens later, and that is okay. But that was
a part I certainly sat up on and related to
and applauded that. I mean, you can't think old dog
nu tricks. I'm saying she's old. I'm what I'm saying,
she's well set in her ways at fifty plus. To
hear her say, yeah, there's some work to be done,
(17:39):
says she threw everything at it, therapists and men of
the enclergymen and all the stuff to figure out what
is going on.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I think she said she had an individual therapist, a
couple's therapists, a spiritual advisor, a health coach, like I mean,
and I get that, like trying to seek the answers,
but they're they're all within.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
But it was another quote that she gave folks in
which she said it was the best thing in her
life that has ever and could have happened to her.
Would you believe what it is? You might have guessed already.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Stay here, continuing now on our conversation about j Lowe
opening up to Howard Stern in a real and I
really think vulnerable and inspirational way. It certainly spoke to
(18:39):
me and I think it probably spoke to a lot
of folks. Yes, there are the headlines and the clickbait
about it seemed as though she was saying that her
husbands didn't know or weren't capable of loving her.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
It's so much deeper than that.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You know. We see the headlines and we think, oh, wow,
she's blaming them.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
No she's not.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
She took total responsibility in her role in all of
these relationships, and I just thought it was so interesting
for anybody who is in between relationships, coming out of one,
going into one. There are lessons to be learned from
anyone who has walked life in the way she has
in a public way, but is willing to be introspective
and willing to take a look at her role and everything.
(19:18):
And when she said, because we were so personally devastated, teaj,
you made no bones about this. When she and Ben
got divorced, we just kept hoping that it was temporary,
that maybe they just had a falling out and they
were going to come back together, because it just seemed
like such an incredible love story twenty years in the making.
But she said, when I got divorced this last time,
(19:42):
it was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Most people would think it's the opposite. But because she
was at her lowest, and again the movies that were out,
the pressure of them to finally live out their fairy
tale dreams is overwhelming.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
It seemed devastating.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
But she said because of that, it made she said,
it really made me journey into and this is what
she said. I had a religious coach, a therapist, a
couple's therapist, an individual therapist.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
I had a coach to understand addiction.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I had everything, and I was like, I'm going to
figure this shit out if it kills me. When you
hit rock bottom, you are forced to look inward.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Period.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Maybe that's where maybe this was the empathus that finally
got her to do that work she's talking about. And
she sounded as passionate and sincere and comfortable and all
she's talking about. Look, and we know she's a good
she's good with press. She's had everything thrown at her,
she knows all the tricks. But she looked different and
sounded different with Howard Starn that she would have on
(20:46):
a broadcast news morning show. She was different. I won't
say she's completely off guard, but this was an in
depth interview. I learned a little bit. I don't know
how much about her, but I certainly learned about where
she is now, and then a lot of it can
relate to. But I'm hopeful for and room for for
(21:08):
the next thing and whoever she ends up dating.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Next, I do too, And I do think that when
you go through shit in life, you either are buried
by it or you rise up a better version of yourself.
And it does seem like she is in the ladder
of the two, and I appreciated when she talked about
the former relationship she was in. She said, I think
they all saw and wanted to see me, and they
(21:33):
got that glimpse and then their own version of that
for them is what God in the way. I think
we do have expectations that we place on the people
we're with, and especially if you're someone like j Lo,
where you think you have, wow, I'm dating this person
or I'm married to this person who is X, and
you let that be the expectation. And if it doesn't
(21:55):
rise up to that, or if something departs from what
you think it should be out, or you're offended or
you're upset. And I really get that. I understand what
she's saying. That we all place expectations of what we
think another person should be like, and if they don't
meet them, we're angry, we're upset, and it causes friction
(22:15):
and problems. And the point is if you can actually
be in tune with yourself and recognize why you feel
upset or why you're upset what someone else said, it's
all about at the end of the day, it's about
how you feel about yourself and it's projected onto other people.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Well, look, JL, maybe she got to figure it out
better late than other never and do you think so?
Just to but it's just an interesting question then, I
guess if all of you ask yourselves that question, I'm
curious how you would answer it. Do you think you've
truly been loved? And with that, folks, always appreciate you
hanging with us for a little bit on this Friday
(22:53):
going into the weekend. I hope this question didn't start
fights in the house for the weekend, but I always
appreciate you hanging with aus. I'm TJ home to behalf
of my partner Amy Roback will talk to us soon.
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