August 10, 2023 • 32 mins
Dean, Caelynn and Jared are taking YOUR dating questions and serving up the honest truth.
What do you do when your partner is following too many models on Instagram?
And should you be worried if you have a dream about an ex??
Plus, find out why Dean and Caelynn might be taking a break from social media!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Help We Suck At Being Newlywed?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
With Dean Angler, Helen Lurkey and Jared haven An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
What's going on? Everybody? Welcome to an all new special
episode of Help We WHOA Help We Suck at Being Newlyweds?
We have an email episode for you guys today, No guests.
I got to work on my speech pathology. I got
to figure out how to start saying words more properly.
Help we Suck at Being Newlyweds? The Human Torch was
(00:31):
denied a Banklane, Unique New York, Unique New York. All right,
we got some emails from Emma Anonymous, Lauren. Oh, we
had a lot of emails, Megan Riley, who wants to
read the first email? Here? Maybe we could get Eastern
into read an email if he feels so inclined.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Yeah, I want you to read Emma, you know the
ease stick together.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
I'd be happy to and I definitely have the emails
right in front of me.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Oh great, so just let us know read. I know
sometimes you need to clear it and make sure things
are good to go.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Yeah, yeah, I just have to get my tone right here.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Okay, make sure the mic is on.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
Yeah, here we go This is from Emma. I need
some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for
about a year. He's such a sweet guy and I
love him, but he is so irresponsible. I have to
do a lot of things for him, like scheduling appointments,
because I know he'll never do it himself. He's two
years older than me, so it frustrates me that I
always worry about him and I have to act like
his mom. I don't know if I can be with
(01:28):
someone who is so careless when it comes to important
things like their job, money, aspirations, et cetera. Is this
something I should try to wait out? Will he ever change?
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Caitlyn? Are you writing in on a pen pal named Emma?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
It's like, why does this sound so familiar?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Huh Okay, Emma, I am engaged to someone who is
quite similar. And oh, when's the last time you made
an appointment for yourself?
Speaker 3 (01:54):
It's different. I don't think I need appointments. It's not
that I'm too lazy to make them. I have no
pressing needs ever, So why would i'm an appointment?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Why You've had Surfer's I for two years?
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah, and I made an eye appointment and I didn't
have a good experience, and so now I'm just handling myself.
My body's naturally here, I guess.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
So anyways, sorry, continue, Okay, So I am engaged to
someone who's very similar, and I I feel like I've
felt that way at times. But I think the most
important thing to do is, like think about their lives
before you. You know, they're able to take care of
themselves before you. Dean has been able to take care
of himself before we met. You don't, really, that's not
your responsibility to like make these scheduling, you know, scheduling
(02:32):
appointments and doctor and all this stuff. I think let
them take care of it. And I'm a big believer
in learning from their own mistakes because I just go
back to the Southwest flight when I told you to
cancel your flight because you were my companion and you
got pulled off. You know that was a mistake you
had to learn. I tried to tell you. So I
think let them learn their own mistakes and wait it out.
(02:54):
If it doesn't change, then then move on.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
I don't think I remember you telling me not to
get on that flight.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
I told you you needed to cancel your flight and
rebook because you were my companion.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
I don't think I remember hearing you say that. I
think you're gas lighting us right now. And that's okay.
Maybe we just have different maybe we just have different
versions of the truth. Hey, when was the last time
you went to the dentist? Kayleen? Uh?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Seven months ago?
Speaker 5 (03:20):
No?
Speaker 3 (03:21):
It was yeah, damn sh down, It's been like five.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Years, Dan, I saw I saw your dentist, krentist.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yeah, you did see my dentist. And how long had
it been before that? Many? Many years?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I'm just saying a year and a half. A year
and a half when I got kicked off my dad's insurance,
I didn't have dental insurance.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Just a bit of pot and kettle, is all I'm saying.
I agree with what Kylen is saying that.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
The last time you've been to the dentist.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
I'm not the one on the hot seat here, okay,
but I do agree with what Kylen was saying, Like,
you know, this person got along fine before you can
him along, So just let them figure it out on
their own. If they need something done and and you're not,
you shouldn't have to do it for him. So just
let them do it. If they need to do it,
and if they don't want to do it, then I
guess they don't have to do it. I don't know.
(04:12):
It just seems like something simple where it's like, just
let them do with whatever they're going to do, and
if it sucks for them, it sucks for them. Hopefully
it doesn't come back to like bleed into your you know,
lifestyle or anything like that.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
Well, the problem I have with the email is that
she said they've been dating for about a year, but
he's so irresponsible. And then the example she gives is
that he doesn't schedule appointments for himself, which seems okay,
Like I get, I mean, I don't really schedule appointments
for myself either. Ashley does all that stuff, so I
(04:46):
don't know if that's like so irresponsible. But then she says,
you know, how much should I care about things that
are not important to him, like job, money, aspirations. Now
that that's a whole another thing. If she was like,
he's so responsible, he can't hold a job, he doesn't
make any money, he doesn't care about his future, then yeah,
we got some serious flags here. But if the biggest
(05:08):
red flag in terms of irresponsibility is making appointments.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
You're doing fine them. I promise it'll be all right.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Yeah, I agree, there might be something bigger at play there,
but he could just be confused. You know, I still
have issues with my career and money and aspirations. I'm
just trying to figure it all out.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
That says the guy who owns like four vehicles.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Well, if the number of cars you own is a
director reflection on the amount of success you've had, then yeah,
I'm doing great. But I don't think that's necessarily true.
It's just it's a stressful time to be alive. You know,
a lot of people go to college and don't specialize
in anything, and then they just have to figure out
what they're going to do with their lives. It's very stressful,
very scary, and I'm in that same exact position. We
(05:49):
all kind of are. Jared, You've obviously found your niche
with the Audrey's Kaylen. I mean, I would argue that
Kaylin is in the same boat as me too, where
we're just kind of trying to figure out what we're
going to do for the rest of our lives.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
You know, definitely, but that's also life.
Speaker 5 (06:02):
Yeah, that is life, Like he Kaelan said, and then also, dude,
I'm thirty four, I'm married, I have a kid, I
own a business. Uh, and I still have no idea
what the hell I want to do with my life.
So there's just that's why I tell everybody who's like
going to college or graduating with college, and they're like, oh,
I need to know exactly what I want to do
with my life.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
No you don't. You're fine, You're fine.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
I know. I've always been so jealous of people that
go to school and like they get an engineering degree
or a nursing degree or something. I'm like, how do
you know? How at eighteen year old? At eighteen years
old do you know exactly what you want to do
for the rest of your life? And sure, sometimes they
go to school and they realize they don't like what
they're doing, but it's like, how do you know? I
just wish I knew when I was eighteen that I
wanted to be a Bachelorette contestant, because then I could
(06:41):
have focused on that.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Study, I know that more putting on the show earlier.
You know, no kidding, ex but I did this whole process,
all right.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Let's move on to the next one. I don't know
if Easton still got his his browser pulled up, but
maybe he could read Anonymous for us.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I got this pdf locked and loaded.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Baby.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
This next one is from Anonymous, which is always exciting.
My boyfriend and I live together and have been dating
for three years. Our relationship is great and almost all aspects,
but when it comes to sex, I'm always the one
who initiates. Sex used to be spontaneous and exciting for us,
but now it feels like something I have to ask
for or initiate. It's taking a huge toll on my
self esteem. I've been honest with my boyfriend that I
(07:19):
feel this way, and he says he just doesn't have
a high sex drive and I shouldn't take it personally.
I've recently stopped initiating because I feel self conscious. It's
been almost two months since we've had sex. I can't
tell this is a dry spell or just the reality
of what our relationship will be when it comes to sex.
It makes me so insecure. I don't know how to
make this situation better. What do I do.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Well someone that also has a low sex drive. I
can handle this one. It's funny, actually we're talking about appointments.
I think I need to make an appointment with a
testosterone doctor and see if I can get some extra
testosterone pumped inside in my body. Maybe you could start there, Anonymous,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Just inject it into his dinner.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Here you go, honey, yet, Yeah, put it on top
of his chicken, like a nice pete or something like that.
I agree with with with what she's saying, Like she's
obviously she feels like self conscious about it. But like
I think I was talking to you or no. Evan Bass,
you know Evan Bass, he's like in a rectile dysfunction doctor.
I've seen him talk about this stuff before. Ninety nine
(08:21):
point nine percent of the time. It's always like the
guy's issues and it has nothing to do with the girl,
you know what I mean, Like the guy has a
testosterone or whatever it is. It's never a reflection on
their partner. It's always just a reflection on the guy.
So it's just something that the guy needs to figure
out for themself. That's what I've on. That's what I've
like absorbed, at least from hearing from people talk about it.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
That's like easy to say and like for you as
a man, but as a woman and never, you know,
not having your partner initiate, Like it's it's very easy
to get in your own head about that and be like,
you know, am I not sexy enough? And you know
women are just you know, sometimes we tend to spiral,
and it's it's hard to be like, Okay, well you're
(09:00):
saying one thing, but now I'm feeling this way because
you're not initiating. So I get where she's coming from,
and that is hard, but you know, maybe try to
stowstr and maybe deans onto something.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Well, so how do you suggest she fixes it? What
do you think she should do?
Speaker 2 (09:13):
I don't know. I was trying to come from the
woman's perspective because you're like, oh, it's just the man's fault,
It's fine.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Oh no, no, I understand. Well, I appreciate the women's
perspective obviously, but I'm just like hoping we could provide
a solution for our emailer.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Yeah. I don't know, but I do like the idea
of going to a doctor or I think it's great
that she's talking to him and expressing these concerns because
the best thing you can do is be honest. And
maybe it's just continuing to have these conversations and try
to get him to understand where you're coming from.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
Yeah, yeah, maybe you It sucks because I know that
you want your partner to initiate, and I'm about to
give you advice for you to initiate. But if it's
an instan security issue, which totally makes sense, maybe like
it's gonna sound I don't know if it's gonna sound
(10:08):
good or not, but whatever, maybe you should try to
like get him to initiate, if that makes sense, like
wear some really sexy clothing around him, or really flirt
with him, kind of touch him subtly, you know. Like,
I know, it sucks because you're the one putting the
effort in when you want him to. But I'm curious
(10:29):
if you put effort into it without letting him know
that you're putting effort into it, if that will change anything.
But then again, if it fails, then you'll probably feel
worse off. So that's scary, risky, that's risky. It is
a risk, you know, high risk, high reward. But you know,
(10:51):
I don't know, that's that's what I was thinking about.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Yeah, that's a tricky one, you know, Caitlin kind of
nailed on the head too, like it's good that they're
talking about it. I feel like that's where the the
fixing it really starts. But shoot, if you figure out
something out, let me know, because I feel like we
could all be having more sex. Granted we're born again virgins, but.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
Obviously my boyfriend is the best person I know, and
I truly think I'm going to marry him. Recently, though,
I've been having a lot of dreams about my ex
(11:34):
my excent I dated for almost five years and I
would never ever want to get back together with him.
But it kind of freaks me out that he's been
in my dreams so consistently and is in my thoughts
throughout the day.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Because of it, these.
Speaker 5 (11:47):
Dreams, we always seem to be in a relationship or
friendship as well. It's very weird. Do your exos ever
pop up in your dreams? Or is this my intuition
telling me I have some unresolved feelings for him. I
don't want to break my boyfriend's heart by telling them
about these dreams either.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Please help. I would say that if.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
Your ex boyfriend is dominating your thoughts throughout the day,
that that's an issue that you need to like figure
out pretty quickly, of course, like xes pop up. I mean,
they're huge parts of your lives. Like there's gonna be
things that remind you of an X, and there are
times where you're gonna think about your ex because it's
just like we're humans. We think about our past. But
(12:26):
if you're telling me that it's not you know, fleeting
thought or you think about it for a minute and
then you're like, yeah, that was crazy like those times
in my life. But it that you dream of the
person and then you think about these dreams all the time.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
That seems weird and something that you should definitely try
to address.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
I think I'm in the minority when I say that
I have no I believe that dreams have no correlation
with your thoughts. I think they're always just super random.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
I agree, But she's saying that these dreams are making
her have thoughts throughout.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
The day, right right, right, right right. But Caylen, you,
I don't know if you still think this, and I
don't know if I'm right at all, but I just
think that there's no connection between your thoughts and your dreams.
Do you think there are?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Well, yeah, I was gonna say if it was just dreams,
then I would be like, you know whatever, you can't
control your dreams. But the thoughts throughout the day make
me think a little bit differently. But also I have,
you know, two sides to this. I think if you are,
you know, preparing to get engaged to someone, preparing to
marry someone, people react differently to such a huge life change,
(13:40):
and that could be the reason why she's like, I'm
going to marry this guy. So it could be her
body just like or her mind responding to that. And
you know, I don't know. I was talking to my
therapist about this and she's like, people have different responses
to marriage, like people. And I was talking to my friend.
She's like her husband right before they got married got
super weird. So I think that's what this could potentially be.
(14:04):
You know, yeah, Like it's not that she doesn't want
to marry the guy or want to get back with
her ex it's just you know, her mind thinking of
all these other possibilities. But she's she still does want
to marry the guy that she's with.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Have you ever dreamt about any of your excess kaylin? No?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
But if I had, that doesn't doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
You can be honest, it's a safe space.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
I haven't. I haven't. But what's weird is my dreams
correlate to what show I've been watching the night before.
So like, if we're watching Suits, then I'm dreaming about
the characters from Suits. If I'm watching the Summer Return Pretty,
then I'm dreaming of the characters from the Summer Return Pretty.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
You know interesting? I had a dream last night. Can
I talk about it really quick? And no one cares
about my dreams obviously, but I just think it's kind
of funny now that we're on the subject of it.
I had a dream that we were at a house
in the mountains, Kaylin, you and me, and it was
at like some sort of dinner party thing with maybe
like twenty or thirty people. Robert Downey Junior was there,
(15:04):
and you and him were hitting it off, like you
guys were best friends. And I was like coming up
the stairs and I heard you talking to Robert Downey
Junior and him talking back to you, and I was like, oh, yes,
I get to meet Robert Downey Junior. He's talking to
my wife right now. I can't wait to shake his
hand and tell him how big of a fan I am.
And then I get up to the top of the
stairs and everyone in the dining room has moved over
to like the other wing of the house, looking out
(15:25):
the window, and so we walk over to the window
and we look outside and there was like a cloud
of toxic gas filling the valley and it was coming
right at us. And I looked at you and I
was like, I love you so much, and you were like,
why are you saying that? And I was like, because
it might be the last thing I ever say to you.
It was the weirdest, the weirdest roam I've ever had. Yeah,
(15:47):
it's pretty weird.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
That's kind of sweet though.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
So that was my dream of you and Robert Downey Jr.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yeah, he seems random, minute better it ended up being sweet.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
That's what I'm talking about. Dams are random. There is
no correlation between dreams and real life.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Did you watch Iron Man last night or something?
Speaker 3 (16:06):
No, but I did listen to a podcast with Robert
Downey Junior on it like two weeks ago, so maybe
that was fresh in my head.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Let's do this one from Megan.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
I keep going back to my ex because I'm lonely
I'm completely aware of how horrible he treats me and
how bad we are together. I enjoy his company and
we have a lot in common. My main thing is
I feel comfortable with him, so it's hard for me
to let go when it just seems easier for both
of us to stay in this relationship. I'm not sure
what we'd even be considered at this point. If I
found someone who treated me better, i'd move on from
(16:34):
him in a heartbeat. But all of my friends are
in relationships, and I live in a small town. I
get lonely easily, and he is the same way. So
we just gravitate back to each other every time. Obviously,
I should probably end whatever this is with my ex,
but how do I get comfortable with being alone? I
just want a relationship, but I've had no luck anywhere else.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I think, so most of my friends are in relationships,
and then there are just a few of them that aren't,
And you know, for the longest time, they're like, you know,
everyone's in a relationship. All I want to do is
be in a relationship, and they were on the apps
doing all these things. Going back to toxic X is
similar to you, Megan and Eventually they all learned, like,
(17:15):
you know what, I'm going to learn to be by myself,
learn who I am as a person, and that's when
their person came. And I think it's such a cliche
people say this all the time, but once you're comfortable
being alone is when you're going to attract the person
that you want to be with.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
That's some deep shit, right there, Klein, real deep shit.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Yeah, I was surprised by that.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Sounds like, yeah, it sounds like you've been listening to
me when I talk real deep there.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
I think, Megan, probably one of the reasons that you're
not finding a partner is that because you're you're stuck
in this awkward place with your ex where you keep
spending your time with this person, and I think, whether
it be consciously or subconsciously, you're not letting yourself move
(18:02):
on because you're still holding onto the past. And I
think the only way to really move on and forget
about meeting someone you know. I know you want to
and that's great, but in terms, I just don't know
if you're going to be really able to find someone
new if you don't, like, if you keep giving your
(18:23):
time to the past.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
If that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Hmmm, yeah, that was That was some deep too. Damn
you guys are on a role all right. What can
I say to try and equalize the deepness here? I
agree with both both of what you said. I do
agree with Kaylin Moore in the sense that you need
to love yourself before anyone else can love you. My
thing is is a lot of people tend to make
relationships their personality or their identity, and like you said
(18:50):
in this email, I just want to be in a relationship.
I think that's a mistake. I think you should want
to do anything else, anything else that gives you a
sense of identity or a sense of purpose or dry
or whatever it is that you find interesting. And like
Kaylen said, once you start doing that and like you're like,
it almost sounds like your hobby is going to be
your relationship, which I just don't think is a very
(19:11):
good thing at all. So, like, find something that you
like doing, whether whatever it might be. I know you
said you live in a small town, but like, do that,
find a way to love that, and then like find
a way to meet someone that might fit into that
or whatever it is. But like, don't make a relationship
such a priority to where you want to like, make
that your identity. I guess is my advice? Does that
(19:34):
make sense? Deep? Deep? Deep? That wasn't that deep, Not
nearly as deep as you, guys, But I tried my best.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
All right, here's our last email. This is from Riley.
I caught my boyfriend saving posts of girls on Instagram
and I have been dating for over a year, and
he just recently gave me the password to his Instagram account.
I was scrolling through his saved photos and they were
mostly selfies of Instagram models, celebrities, and random pretty girls.
A lot of them are bikini pictures or post where
they're wearing revealing clothing. I'm not usually a jealous girlfriend,
(20:16):
but I'm really hurt by this. The girls whose photos
he's saved don't look like me at all, so it
makes me question if I'm even his type or if
he finds me attractive. I still have to approach him
about this, but I don't know if I'm blowing this
out of proportion, if it's weird. What am I supposed
to say to him? Is this breakup worthy? I'm really
confused on what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Guys are stupid.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Continue preach. No, go for it. You're onto something there,
go for it. No.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
I was just gonna say, listen, I'm sure like, of course,
have I ever looked at a bikini picture of a
girl on Instagram that wasn't my wife? Yes, there's It's
just like, has she every I know? Has she ever
I've seen a shirtless picture of a very very jacked
(21:03):
man on Instagram? I'm sure she has. Why would this
boyfriend of yours, Riley be saving Like, bro, what why
are you saving these photos? I never understand why guys
like I had a friend's ex who used to like
like all those ass pictures on Instagram while they were dating,
(21:26):
And it's like, bro, what is the purpose of liking
or saving these photos?
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Do you think like that you're gonna get attention from them?
Speaker 5 (21:36):
I'm so confused anyway, That's why I think guys are
just stupid, stupid.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
There's a I listened to a podcast with Terry Crews.
You guys know who Terry Crews is. Yeah, you know
Terry Krus He's from Brooklyn nine ninety's the big He's
the sergeant.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Oh yeah, yes, he's.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
The guy from White Chicks who sings making my Way
Downtown walking Fast.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
He's hilarious and he was on Armchair Expert, one of
my favorite podcasts, and it's one of the best episodes
of podcasts I've ever listened to my entire life. I
was listening to it while I was hiking and I
was so gripped by it. And Terry Crews talks about
his porn addiction that he had for many, many years
and how it broke up his marriage and how he
was like afflicted by porn addiction. And I think a
(22:20):
lot of people, a lot of men specifically, suffer from
porn addiction. And that's an extreme way to say this,
but like so many guys that I know follow girls
like this on Instagram, and maybe it is like too
severe for me to say porn addiction is that. But
like when you're scrolling through your Instagram feed and all
you see is butts and boobs and girls in bikinis,
(22:41):
you do just start looking at yourself and being like,
why why do I care so much about these random girls?
To see these on my Instagram feed so often? You
know what I mean? Like Jared's saying, too, what is
the purpose of liking or commenting on these photos. What
is it going to do for you personally? Absolutely nothing,
ex to forget you in trouble and build this like
idea up in your head about out what a girl
(23:01):
is supposed to look like or whatever. Like It's just
it's such an unhealthy habit, and I don't necessarily think
it's a reason to break up with someone. I do
think that maybe guys go through phases, like I probably
followed some Instagram models for a while too, up until
I was like in my mid twenties. I do think
it's something that you just eventually like snap out of hopefully,
But I don't know. I think it's definitely worth at
(23:23):
least a conversation. But yeah, I mean I would I
don't know. I don't know how I would react if
I saw Kaylen following a bunch of hot, buff dudes
on Instagram. I guess I wouldn't really mind. I would
just be a little curious as to why, though, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
No, I think this is a huge red flag. Also,
like he's comfortable enough to give you his password to
Instagram and then he's just an idiot and doesn't think like, oh,
she's going to see this, and this is not okay
for me to be doing I think the guy is
pretty dumb and huge red flag. Yeah, if Dean was
doing if you were doing that, I'd be so set.
(24:00):
And someone DMed me a couple of days ago and
they're like, did you know Dean like this picture from
twenty nineteen when you guys had been dating of another girl.
I was like, Okay, first of all, how did you
find this? That's insane and insane? It wasn't like, you know,
it's just another girl. I think it's fine to like,
you know, like girls photos people you're friends with, but
like a bikini photo, like saving them and liking them
(24:22):
and commenting is just taking it. It's not It's not
healthy for your relationship.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
What was this photo from twenty nineteen?
Speaker 3 (24:31):
Yeah, we gotta know what the photo was just some
random girl.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
It wasn't It wasn't like a model or anything. It
was just like some girl that you're friends with. But
I was like, you really just dug that up and
you're trying to put a rift in our relationship.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
How did she find that?
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I don't know. But lately my dms have just been
rough and people are just like coming at me left
and right and trying to do anything about what I
don't know. I was talking to my friend about this
last night and she's like, people just get crazy before wedding, so.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Nice, like telling you not to marry Dean.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yeah, they're just just sending in red flags and I'm like, Okay,
him liking a photo from twenty nineteen is not a
red flag. And it wasn't it wasn't a bikini photo,
it wasn't anything like just a girl.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Oh my gosh. So okay. So one of my main
hiking friends lately has been this girl who Caylen has met,
and every time I hike or do something with her,
I get so many mean messages about how inappropriate is
for me to hang out with a girl that isn't
my wife to be. I've definitely, I mean, I'm the
root cause of a lot of the messages that Kaylen
(25:39):
is probably receiving because I'm selfish, I'm in Colorado. All
this stuff it's gotten, it's been, it has happened before,
but it's gotten a lot worse in the past maybe
a month or so, where people are being exceptionally mean
to me and like trying to put a rift between us.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Yeah, it's really been pissing me off, and I was like,
I think I just need a break from social media.
I'm just not going to read my damns for a
while because it's like been affecting me just like angry.
I'm just like it's really pissing me off. And I'm like,
you guys have no idea about our relationship. He's doing
this thing that he's always wanted to do, and I
think what he's doing is amazing. He's allowed to hike
with other women and I know Hannah and she's great.
(26:22):
People are just nuts.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Yeah, it's it's been. It's gotten a lot worse than
it's ever been before, and there's nothing I can say
that's going to change it or make these people stop
being this way. But like, unless I'm attached to your
hip twenty four to seven, no one will ever, I
guess start saying nice things, you know what I mean.
It's like people people don't seem to understand the fact
(26:44):
that we like to do our own things sometimes, or
you know, two people can have their own interests in
independent hobbies.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
It's many I will say, though. I was talking to
my therapist about this, like I feel like our relationship
is so healthy and we just continue to grow in
our relationship. So we are in a super healthy, positive space.
And I was telling my therapists when we're on this podcast,
I like limit what I say because I know people
will come after you or me, and like, the trolls
(27:12):
are crazy. And she's like, you just need to stop
doing that because your relationship is about you and Dean
and no one else. And that's so easy to say,
and it was just a really good reminder, like, screw
those people. They have no say in our relationship. They
don't dictate anything we do. They're just dumb.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
Yeah, they're dumb. And I hate to say people are dumb,
but when they're when they say the mean things that
they say about us to me or to you, that's
that's dumb. Those people are dumb. Yeah, and it hurts.
It hurts my feelings. Somebody hurts. I like that that
Instagram I'm Real that I posted the other day of
me walking on that first traverse. People were like, You're
so selfish. This is the most selfish thing I've ever
(27:49):
seen in my entire life. And I'm like, selfish, I'm
on a hike. I'm hiking something that I've always wanted
to hike. How is that? How does that make me selfish?
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
I think what people don't realize is that you are
coming home and we are spending time together, like or
I'll go to Denver, you come to Vegas. We do
have time that we spend together. It's not like you're
gone until the wedding.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
It's just like people like to talk crap about stuff
that they don't understand. Oh, I'm sorry you don't like
to go out and climb them out and that's totally fine,
but just don't disparage someone else because they do like that.
I just I don't know, it's been I like, normally
don't let this stuff get to me, but it has
been kind of getting to me a little bit. It's
just been making me a little angry.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
But the good news is we're in a good place. So
screw them.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Yeah, screw screw them.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Screw them.
Speaker 5 (28:34):
Uh yeah, well that's sucks. I'm sorry you guys are
going through that. And of course, yeah, Dean, you should
be able to hike with a girl and have no
problems with it. Having said that, Klin, if you were
hiking with a guy, uh huh caught that?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Yeah, not allowed.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
I feel bad that people get so up at arms
about it, like, oh, you have that unhealthy of relationships
with the opposite sex or whatever gender you're attracted to,
that you can't be around them in any capacity without
worrying about yourself cheating on your partner with them. Like
come on, get real, that's crazy. It really is like
more of a reflection on them than it is me.
I would say, like, but that is what it is. Yeah,
(29:08):
of course it is.
Speaker 5 (29:10):
Well, Thank you so much. Everybody listening to this podcast
really appreciate it. Thank you to everybody who sent an emails.
Emma Anonymous aka Nick, Lauren, Meghan and Riley once again,
thank you so much everybody for sending the emails. If
you guys want to send in more emails for us
to answer on the podcast, you can do so at
Newlyweds at iHeartRadio dot com.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Once again.
Speaker 5 (29:31):
You can follow us on Instagram. Help we suck at
being newlyweds?
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Help I suck at dating?
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Help if I suck at dating r ip.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
But that is our Instagram handle. I do want to say,
is it still I thought of something? It is? Yeah,
I don't think it's helped.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
We suck at being Newlyweds.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
That's the name of the podcast, but the name of
the Instagram pages. Help I suck at dating. I don't
think we've been able to change it. I thought of
something on my universe the other day. I thought of
this thing all on my own, all by myself, while
I was hiking. Instead of suck Army, which is so great,
and I love suck Army so much, I think we
should start saying suckers instead of suck Army.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Our suck army, our suckers, suckers. I don't know, we
might have to work suckers suckers like little lollipop suckers.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
And then Kaylen said something that Jared doesn't like. He
thought of suckers. Yeah, Jared doesn't like. I just think
about it, think about it for a little bit.
Speaker 5 (30:23):
No, no, no, it's something I don't like it. It just, yeah, suckers. Well,
because when I think of a sucker, I think.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Of it sounds like fialatio.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Well, it sounds like, oh, you're a sucker, like you
fell for that, you sucker.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Oh yeah, I thought you're gonna say like a falatio thing,
But no, I see your point.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
It was suck Army.
Speaker 5 (30:43):
I was wearing a hat that hit sucker on me
one time before my father in law and he was
like what is that And I'm like, no, no, no, it
doesn't have anything to do with the actual army.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
This is the thing.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Yeah, yeah, I love our military. I really respect them.
I know. I think that happened to me once too.
I was wearing it and some random guy, Calen played
out to me. I think that he was like giving
me a weird look because I had a suck army
hat and he was wearing like a veteran sure or
something like that. But yeah, so we we It's a
work in progress. But suckers. I like suckers. We're all suckers.
(31:12):
I'm a sucker, you're a sucker. We're suckers. So that's
gonna be the episode We're all dudes? What is that for?
Speaker 1 (31:21):
All dudes?
Speaker 3 (31:23):
Is that due to uh?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Do you want me to tell you?
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Is that America pie? Oh? Good burger? That's right, that's right, Okay, Uh,
that's that's gonna do it for this week's episode of
Help We Suck at being newlyweds again. The emailer's shared,
I feel like you already did all this, so I'm
just gonna say goodbye, see you next week, or maybe
we suck just a little bit less. Thanks for listening.
Follow us on Instagram at help we Suck at being.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Newlyweds, and email us at Newlyweds at iHeartRadio dot com.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Make sure to write us a review and leave us
five stars. We'll see you next time.
Help We Suck At Being Newlywed?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
With Dean Angler, Helen Lurkey and Jared haven An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
What's going on? Everybody? Welcome to an all new special
episode of Help We WHOA Help We Suck at Being Newlyweds?
We have an email episode for you guys today, No guests.
I got to work on my speech pathology. I got
to figure out how to start saying words more properly.
Help we Suck at Being Newlyweds? The Human Torch was
(00:31):
denied a Banklane, Unique New York, Unique New York. All right,
we got some emails from Emma Anonymous, Lauren. Oh, we
had a lot of emails, Megan Riley, who wants to
read the first email? Here? Maybe we could get Eastern
into read an email if he feels so inclined.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Yeah, I want you to read Emma, you know the
ease stick together.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
I'd be happy to and I definitely have the emails
right in front of me.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Oh great, so just let us know read. I know
sometimes you need to clear it and make sure things
are good to go.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Yeah, yeah, I just have to get my tone right here.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Okay, make sure the mic is on.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
Yeah, here we go This is from Emma. I need
some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for
about a year. He's such a sweet guy and I
love him, but he is so irresponsible. I have to
do a lot of things for him, like scheduling appointments,
because I know he'll never do it himself. He's two
years older than me, so it frustrates me that I
always worry about him and I have to act like
his mom. I don't know if I can be with
(01:28):
someone who is so careless when it comes to important
things like their job, money, aspirations, et cetera. Is this
something I should try to wait out? Will he ever change?
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Caitlyn? Are you writing in on a pen pal named Emma?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
It's like, why does this sound so familiar?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Huh Okay, Emma, I am engaged to someone who is
quite similar. And oh, when's the last time you made
an appointment for yourself?
Speaker 3 (01:54):
It's different. I don't think I need appointments. It's not
that I'm too lazy to make them. I have no
pressing needs ever, So why would i'm an appointment?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Why You've had Surfer's I for two years?
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah, and I made an eye appointment and I didn't
have a good experience, and so now I'm just handling myself.
My body's naturally here, I guess.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
So anyways, sorry, continue, Okay, So I am engaged to
someone who's very similar, and I I feel like I've
felt that way at times. But I think the most
important thing to do is, like think about their lives
before you. You know, they're able to take care of
themselves before you. Dean has been able to take care
of himself before we met. You don't, really, that's not
your responsibility to like make these scheduling, you know, scheduling
(02:32):
appointments and doctor and all this stuff. I think let
them take care of it. And I'm a big believer
in learning from their own mistakes because I just go
back to the Southwest flight when I told you to
cancel your flight because you were my companion and you
got pulled off. You know that was a mistake you
had to learn. I tried to tell you. So I
think let them learn their own mistakes and wait it out.
(02:54):
If it doesn't change, then then move on.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
I don't think I remember you telling me not to
get on that flight.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
I told you you needed to cancel your flight and
rebook because you were my companion.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
I don't think I remember hearing you say that. I
think you're gas lighting us right now. And that's okay.
Maybe we just have different maybe we just have different
versions of the truth. Hey, when was the last time
you went to the dentist? Kayleen? Uh?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Seven months ago?
Speaker 5 (03:20):
No?
Speaker 3 (03:21):
It was yeah, damn sh down, It's been like five.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Years, Dan, I saw I saw your dentist, krentist.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yeah, you did see my dentist. And how long had
it been before that? Many? Many years?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I'm just saying a year and a half. A year
and a half when I got kicked off my dad's insurance,
I didn't have dental insurance.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Just a bit of pot and kettle, is all I'm saying.
I agree with what Kylen is saying that.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
The last time you've been to the dentist.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
I'm not the one on the hot seat here, okay,
but I do agree with what Kylen was saying, Like,
you know, this person got along fine before you can
him along, So just let them figure it out on
their own. If they need something done and and you're not,
you shouldn't have to do it for him. So just
let them do it. If they need to do it,
and if they don't want to do it, then I
guess they don't have to do it. I don't know.
(04:12):
It just seems like something simple where it's like, just
let them do with whatever they're going to do, and
if it sucks for them, it sucks for them. Hopefully
it doesn't come back to like bleed into your you know,
lifestyle or anything like that.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
Well, the problem I have with the email is that
she said they've been dating for about a year, but
he's so irresponsible. And then the example she gives is
that he doesn't schedule appointments for himself, which seems okay,
Like I get, I mean, I don't really schedule appointments
for myself either. Ashley does all that stuff, so I
(04:46):
don't know if that's like so irresponsible. But then she says,
you know, how much should I care about things that
are not important to him, like job, money, aspirations. Now
that that's a whole another thing. If she was like,
he's so responsible, he can't hold a job, he doesn't
make any money, he doesn't care about his future, then yeah,
we got some serious flags here. But if the biggest
(05:08):
red flag in terms of irresponsibility is making appointments.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
You're doing fine them. I promise it'll be all right.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Yeah, I agree, there might be something bigger at play there,
but he could just be confused. You know, I still
have issues with my career and money and aspirations. I'm
just trying to figure it all out.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
That says the guy who owns like four vehicles.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Well, if the number of cars you own is a
director reflection on the amount of success you've had, then yeah,
I'm doing great. But I don't think that's necessarily true.
It's just it's a stressful time to be alive. You know,
a lot of people go to college and don't specialize
in anything, and then they just have to figure out
what they're going to do with their lives. It's very stressful,
very scary, and I'm in that same exact position. We
(05:49):
all kind of are. Jared, You've obviously found your niche
with the Audrey's Kaylen. I mean, I would argue that
Kaylin is in the same boat as me too, where
we're just kind of trying to figure out what we're
going to do for the rest of our lives.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
You know, definitely, but that's also life.
Speaker 5 (06:02):
Yeah, that is life, Like he Kaelan said, and then also, dude,
I'm thirty four, I'm married, I have a kid, I
own a business. Uh, and I still have no idea
what the hell I want to do with my life.
So there's just that's why I tell everybody who's like
going to college or graduating with college, and they're like, oh,
I need to know exactly what I want to do
with my life.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
No you don't. You're fine, You're fine.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
I know. I've always been so jealous of people that
go to school and like they get an engineering degree
or a nursing degree or something. I'm like, how do
you know? How at eighteen year old? At eighteen years
old do you know exactly what you want to do
for the rest of your life? And sure, sometimes they
go to school and they realize they don't like what
they're doing, but it's like, how do you know? I
just wish I knew when I was eighteen that I
wanted to be a Bachelorette contestant, because then I could
(06:41):
have focused on that.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Study, I know that more putting on the show earlier.
You know, no kidding, ex but I did this whole process,
all right.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Let's move on to the next one. I don't know
if Easton still got his his browser pulled up, but
maybe he could read Anonymous for us.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I got this pdf locked and loaded.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Baby.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
This next one is from Anonymous, which is always exciting.
My boyfriend and I live together and have been dating
for three years. Our relationship is great and almost all aspects,
but when it comes to sex, I'm always the one
who initiates. Sex used to be spontaneous and exciting for us,
but now it feels like something I have to ask
for or initiate. It's taking a huge toll on my
self esteem. I've been honest with my boyfriend that I
(07:19):
feel this way, and he says he just doesn't have
a high sex drive and I shouldn't take it personally.
I've recently stopped initiating because I feel self conscious. It's
been almost two months since we've had sex. I can't
tell this is a dry spell or just the reality
of what our relationship will be when it comes to sex.
It makes me so insecure. I don't know how to
make this situation better. What do I do.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Well someone that also has a low sex drive. I
can handle this one. It's funny, actually we're talking about appointments.
I think I need to make an appointment with a
testosterone doctor and see if I can get some extra
testosterone pumped inside in my body. Maybe you could start there, Anonymous,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Just inject it into his dinner.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Here you go, honey, yet, Yeah, put it on top
of his chicken, like a nice pete or something like that.
I agree with with with what she's saying, Like she's
obviously she feels like self conscious about it. But like
I think I was talking to you or no. Evan Bass,
you know Evan Bass, he's like in a rectile dysfunction doctor.
I've seen him talk about this stuff before. Ninety nine
(08:21):
point nine percent of the time. It's always like the
guy's issues and it has nothing to do with the girl,
you know what I mean, Like the guy has a
testosterone or whatever it is. It's never a reflection on
their partner. It's always just a reflection on the guy.
So it's just something that the guy needs to figure
out for themself. That's what I've on. That's what I've
like absorbed, at least from hearing from people talk about it.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
That's like easy to say and like for you as
a man, but as a woman and never, you know,
not having your partner initiate, Like it's it's very easy
to get in your own head about that and be like,
you know, am I not sexy enough? And you know
women are just you know, sometimes we tend to spiral,
and it's it's hard to be like, Okay, well you're
(09:00):
saying one thing, but now I'm feeling this way because
you're not initiating. So I get where she's coming from,
and that is hard, but you know, maybe try to
stowstr and maybe deans onto something.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Well, so how do you suggest she fixes it? What
do you think she should do?
Speaker 2 (09:13):
I don't know. I was trying to come from the
woman's perspective because you're like, oh, it's just the man's fault,
It's fine.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Oh no, no, I understand. Well, I appreciate the women's
perspective obviously, but I'm just like hoping we could provide
a solution for our emailer.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Yeah. I don't know, but I do like the idea
of going to a doctor or I think it's great
that she's talking to him and expressing these concerns because
the best thing you can do is be honest. And
maybe it's just continuing to have these conversations and try
to get him to understand where you're coming from.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
Yeah, yeah, maybe you It sucks because I know that
you want your partner to initiate, and I'm about to
give you advice for you to initiate. But if it's
an instan security issue, which totally makes sense, maybe like
it's gonna sound I don't know if it's gonna sound
(10:08):
good or not, but whatever, maybe you should try to
like get him to initiate, if that makes sense, like
wear some really sexy clothing around him, or really flirt
with him, kind of touch him subtly, you know. Like,
I know, it sucks because you're the one putting the
effort in when you want him to. But I'm curious
(10:29):
if you put effort into it without letting him know
that you're putting effort into it, if that will change anything.
But then again, if it fails, then you'll probably feel
worse off. So that's scary, risky, that's risky. It is
a risk, you know, high risk, high reward. But you know,
(10:51):
I don't know, that's that's what I was thinking about.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Yeah, that's a tricky one, you know, Caitlin kind of
nailed on the head too, like it's good that they're
talking about it. I feel like that's where the the
fixing it really starts. But shoot, if you figure out
something out, let me know, because I feel like we
could all be having more sex. Granted we're born again virgins, but.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
Obviously my boyfriend is the best person I know, and
I truly think I'm going to marry him. Recently, though,
I've been having a lot of dreams about my ex
(11:34):
my excent I dated for almost five years and I
would never ever want to get back together with him.
But it kind of freaks me out that he's been
in my dreams so consistently and is in my thoughts
throughout the day.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Because of it, these.
Speaker 5 (11:47):
Dreams, we always seem to be in a relationship or
friendship as well. It's very weird. Do your exos ever
pop up in your dreams? Or is this my intuition
telling me I have some unresolved feelings for him. I
don't want to break my boyfriend's heart by telling them
about these dreams either.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Please help. I would say that if.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
Your ex boyfriend is dominating your thoughts throughout the day,
that that's an issue that you need to like figure
out pretty quickly, of course, like xes pop up. I mean,
they're huge parts of your lives. Like there's gonna be
things that remind you of an X, and there are
times where you're gonna think about your ex because it's
just like we're humans. We think about our past. But
(12:26):
if you're telling me that it's not you know, fleeting
thought or you think about it for a minute and
then you're like, yeah, that was crazy like those times
in my life. But it that you dream of the
person and then you think about these dreams all the time.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
That seems weird and something that you should definitely try
to address.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
I think I'm in the minority when I say that
I have no I believe that dreams have no correlation
with your thoughts. I think they're always just super random.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
I agree, But she's saying that these dreams are making
her have thoughts throughout.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
The day, right right, right, right right. But Caylen, you,
I don't know if you still think this, and I
don't know if I'm right at all, but I just
think that there's no connection between your thoughts and your dreams.
Do you think there are?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Well, yeah, I was gonna say if it was just dreams,
then I would be like, you know whatever, you can't
control your dreams. But the thoughts throughout the day make
me think a little bit differently. But also I have,
you know, two sides to this. I think if you are,
you know, preparing to get engaged to someone, preparing to
marry someone, people react differently to such a huge life change,
(13:40):
and that could be the reason why she's like, I'm
going to marry this guy. So it could be her
body just like or her mind responding to that. And
you know, I don't know. I was talking to my
therapist about this and she's like, people have different responses
to marriage, like people. And I was talking to my friend.
She's like her husband right before they got married got
super weird. So I think that's what this could potentially be.
(14:04):
You know, yeah, Like it's not that she doesn't want
to marry the guy or want to get back with
her ex it's just you know, her mind thinking of
all these other possibilities. But she's she still does want
to marry the guy that she's with.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Have you ever dreamt about any of your excess kaylin? No?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
But if I had, that doesn't doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
You can be honest, it's a safe space.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
I haven't. I haven't. But what's weird is my dreams
correlate to what show I've been watching the night before.
So like, if we're watching Suits, then I'm dreaming about
the characters from Suits. If I'm watching the Summer Return Pretty,
then I'm dreaming of the characters from the Summer Return Pretty.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
You know interesting? I had a dream last night. Can
I talk about it really quick? And no one cares
about my dreams obviously, but I just think it's kind
of funny now that we're on the subject of it.
I had a dream that we were at a house
in the mountains, Kaylin, you and me, and it was
at like some sort of dinner party thing with maybe
like twenty or thirty people. Robert Downey Junior was there,
(15:04):
and you and him were hitting it off, like you
guys were best friends. And I was like coming up
the stairs and I heard you talking to Robert Downey
Junior and him talking back to you, and I was like, oh, yes,
I get to meet Robert Downey Junior. He's talking to
my wife right now. I can't wait to shake his
hand and tell him how big of a fan I am.
And then I get up to the top of the
stairs and everyone in the dining room has moved over
to like the other wing of the house, looking out
(15:25):
the window, and so we walk over to the window
and we look outside and there was like a cloud
of toxic gas filling the valley and it was coming
right at us. And I looked at you and I
was like, I love you so much, and you were like,
why are you saying that? And I was like, because
it might be the last thing I ever say to you.
It was the weirdest, the weirdest roam I've ever had. Yeah,
(15:47):
it's pretty weird.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
That's kind of sweet though.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
So that was my dream of you and Robert Downey Jr.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yeah, he seems random, minute better it ended up being sweet.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
That's what I'm talking about. Dams are random. There is
no correlation between dreams and real life.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Did you watch Iron Man last night or something?
Speaker 3 (16:06):
No, but I did listen to a podcast with Robert
Downey Junior on it like two weeks ago, so maybe
that was fresh in my head.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Let's do this one from Megan.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
I keep going back to my ex because I'm lonely
I'm completely aware of how horrible he treats me and
how bad we are together. I enjoy his company and
we have a lot in common. My main thing is
I feel comfortable with him, so it's hard for me
to let go when it just seems easier for both
of us to stay in this relationship. I'm not sure
what we'd even be considered at this point. If I
found someone who treated me better, i'd move on from
(16:34):
him in a heartbeat. But all of my friends are
in relationships, and I live in a small town. I
get lonely easily, and he is the same way. So
we just gravitate back to each other every time. Obviously,
I should probably end whatever this is with my ex,
but how do I get comfortable with being alone? I
just want a relationship, but I've had no luck anywhere else.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I think, so most of my friends are in relationships,
and then there are just a few of them that aren't,
And you know, for the longest time, they're like, you know,
everyone's in a relationship. All I want to do is
be in a relationship, and they were on the apps
doing all these things. Going back to toxic X is
similar to you, Megan and Eventually they all learned, like,
(17:15):
you know what, I'm going to learn to be by myself,
learn who I am as a person, and that's when
their person came. And I think it's such a cliche
people say this all the time, but once you're comfortable
being alone is when you're going to attract the person
that you want to be with.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
That's some deep shit, right there, Klein, real deep shit.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Yeah, I was surprised by that.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Sounds like, yeah, it sounds like you've been listening to
me when I talk real deep there.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
I think, Megan, probably one of the reasons that you're
not finding a partner is that because you're you're stuck
in this awkward place with your ex where you keep
spending your time with this person, and I think, whether
it be consciously or subconsciously, you're not letting yourself move
(18:02):
on because you're still holding onto the past. And I
think the only way to really move on and forget
about meeting someone you know. I know you want to
and that's great, but in terms, I just don't know
if you're going to be really able to find someone
new if you don't, like, if you keep giving your
(18:23):
time to the past.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
If that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Hmmm, yeah, that was That was some deep too. Damn
you guys are on a role all right. What can
I say to try and equalize the deepness here? I
agree with both both of what you said. I do
agree with Kaylin Moore in the sense that you need
to love yourself before anyone else can love you. My
thing is is a lot of people tend to make
relationships their personality or their identity, and like you said
(18:50):
in this email, I just want to be in a relationship.
I think that's a mistake. I think you should want
to do anything else, anything else that gives you a
sense of identity or a sense of purpose or dry
or whatever it is that you find interesting. And like
Kaylen said, once you start doing that and like you're like,
it almost sounds like your hobby is going to be
your relationship, which I just don't think is a very
(19:11):
good thing at all. So, like, find something that you
like doing, whether whatever it might be. I know you
said you live in a small town, but like, do that,
find a way to love that, and then like find
a way to meet someone that might fit into that
or whatever it is. But like, don't make a relationship
such a priority to where you want to like, make
that your identity. I guess is my advice? Does that
(19:34):
make sense? Deep? Deep? Deep? That wasn't that deep, Not
nearly as deep as you, guys, But I tried my best.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
All right, here's our last email. This is from Riley.
I caught my boyfriend saving posts of girls on Instagram
and I have been dating for over a year, and
he just recently gave me the password to his Instagram account.
I was scrolling through his saved photos and they were
mostly selfies of Instagram models, celebrities, and random pretty girls.
A lot of them are bikini pictures or post where
they're wearing revealing clothing. I'm not usually a jealous girlfriend,
(20:16):
but I'm really hurt by this. The girls whose photos
he's saved don't look like me at all, so it
makes me question if I'm even his type or if
he finds me attractive. I still have to approach him
about this, but I don't know if I'm blowing this
out of proportion, if it's weird. What am I supposed
to say to him? Is this breakup worthy? I'm really
confused on what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Guys are stupid.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Continue preach. No, go for it. You're onto something there,
go for it. No.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
I was just gonna say, listen, I'm sure like, of course,
have I ever looked at a bikini picture of a
girl on Instagram that wasn't my wife? Yes, there's It's
just like, has she every I know? Has she ever
I've seen a shirtless picture of a very very jacked
(21:03):
man on Instagram? I'm sure she has. Why would this
boyfriend of yours, Riley be saving Like, bro, what why
are you saving these photos? I never understand why guys
like I had a friend's ex who used to like
like all those ass pictures on Instagram while they were dating,
(21:26):
And it's like, bro, what is the purpose of liking
or saving these photos?
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Do you think like that you're gonna get attention from them?
Speaker 5 (21:36):
I'm so confused anyway, That's why I think guys are
just stupid, stupid.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
There's a I listened to a podcast with Terry Crews.
You guys know who Terry Crews is. Yeah, you know
Terry Krus He's from Brooklyn nine ninety's the big He's
the sergeant.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Oh yeah, yes, he's.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
The guy from White Chicks who sings making my Way
Downtown walking Fast.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
He's hilarious and he was on Armchair Expert, one of
my favorite podcasts, and it's one of the best episodes
of podcasts I've ever listened to my entire life. I
was listening to it while I was hiking and I
was so gripped by it. And Terry Crews talks about
his porn addiction that he had for many, many years
and how it broke up his marriage and how he
was like afflicted by porn addiction. And I think a
(22:20):
lot of people, a lot of men specifically, suffer from
porn addiction. And that's an extreme way to say this,
but like so many guys that I know follow girls
like this on Instagram, and maybe it is like too
severe for me to say porn addiction is that. But
like when you're scrolling through your Instagram feed and all
you see is butts and boobs and girls in bikinis,
(22:41):
you do just start looking at yourself and being like,
why why do I care so much about these random girls?
To see these on my Instagram feed so often? You
know what I mean? Like Jared's saying, too, what is
the purpose of liking or commenting on these photos. What
is it going to do for you personally? Absolutely nothing,
ex to forget you in trouble and build this like
idea up in your head about out what a girl
(23:01):
is supposed to look like or whatever. Like It's just
it's such an unhealthy habit, and I don't necessarily think
it's a reason to break up with someone. I do
think that maybe guys go through phases, like I probably
followed some Instagram models for a while too, up until
I was like in my mid twenties. I do think
it's something that you just eventually like snap out of hopefully,
But I don't know. I think it's definitely worth at
(23:23):
least a conversation. But yeah, I mean I would I
don't know. I don't know how I would react if
I saw Kaylen following a bunch of hot, buff dudes
on Instagram. I guess I wouldn't really mind. I would
just be a little curious as to why, though, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
No, I think this is a huge red flag. Also,
like he's comfortable enough to give you his password to
Instagram and then he's just an idiot and doesn't think like, oh,
she's going to see this, and this is not okay
for me to be doing I think the guy is
pretty dumb and huge red flag. Yeah, if Dean was
doing if you were doing that, I'd be so set.
(24:00):
And someone DMed me a couple of days ago and
they're like, did you know Dean like this picture from
twenty nineteen when you guys had been dating of another girl.
I was like, Okay, first of all, how did you
find this? That's insane and insane? It wasn't like, you know,
it's just another girl. I think it's fine to like,
you know, like girls photos people you're friends with, but
like a bikini photo, like saving them and liking them
(24:22):
and commenting is just taking it. It's not It's not
healthy for your relationship.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
What was this photo from twenty nineteen?
Speaker 3 (24:31):
Yeah, we gotta know what the photo was just some
random girl.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
It wasn't It wasn't like a model or anything. It
was just like some girl that you're friends with. But
I was like, you really just dug that up and
you're trying to put a rift in our relationship.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
How did she find that?
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I don't know. But lately my dms have just been
rough and people are just like coming at me left
and right and trying to do anything about what I
don't know. I was talking to my friend about this
last night and she's like, people just get crazy before wedding, so.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Nice, like telling you not to marry Dean.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yeah, they're just just sending in red flags and I'm like, Okay,
him liking a photo from twenty nineteen is not a
red flag. And it wasn't it wasn't a bikini photo,
it wasn't anything like just a girl.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Oh my gosh. So okay. So one of my main
hiking friends lately has been this girl who Caylen has met,
and every time I hike or do something with her,
I get so many mean messages about how inappropriate is
for me to hang out with a girl that isn't
my wife to be. I've definitely, I mean, I'm the
root cause of a lot of the messages that Kaylen
(25:39):
is probably receiving because I'm selfish, I'm in Colorado. All
this stuff it's gotten, it's been, it has happened before,
but it's gotten a lot worse in the past maybe
a month or so, where people are being exceptionally mean
to me and like trying to put a rift between us.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Yeah, it's really been pissing me off, and I was like,
I think I just need a break from social media.
I'm just not going to read my damns for a
while because it's like been affecting me just like angry.
I'm just like it's really pissing me off. And I'm like,
you guys have no idea about our relationship. He's doing
this thing that he's always wanted to do, and I
think what he's doing is amazing. He's allowed to hike
with other women and I know Hannah and she's great.
(26:22):
People are just nuts.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Yeah, it's it's been. It's gotten a lot worse than
it's ever been before, and there's nothing I can say
that's going to change it or make these people stop
being this way. But like, unless I'm attached to your
hip twenty four to seven, no one will ever, I
guess start saying nice things, you know what I mean.
It's like people people don't seem to understand the fact
(26:44):
that we like to do our own things sometimes, or
you know, two people can have their own interests in
independent hobbies.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
It's many I will say, though. I was talking to
my therapist about this, like I feel like our relationship
is so healthy and we just continue to grow in
our relationship. So we are in a super healthy, positive space.
And I was telling my therapists when we're on this podcast,
I like limit what I say because I know people
will come after you or me, and like, the trolls
(27:12):
are crazy. And she's like, you just need to stop
doing that because your relationship is about you and Dean
and no one else. And that's so easy to say,
and it was just a really good reminder, like, screw
those people. They have no say in our relationship. They
don't dictate anything we do. They're just dumb.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
Yeah, they're dumb. And I hate to say people are dumb,
but when they're when they say the mean things that
they say about us to me or to you, that's
that's dumb. Those people are dumb. Yeah, and it hurts.
It hurts my feelings. Somebody hurts. I like that that
Instagram I'm Real that I posted the other day of
me walking on that first traverse. People were like, You're
so selfish. This is the most selfish thing I've ever
(27:49):
seen in my entire life. And I'm like, selfish, I'm
on a hike. I'm hiking something that I've always wanted
to hike. How is that? How does that make me selfish?
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
I think what people don't realize is that you are
coming home and we are spending time together, like or
I'll go to Denver, you come to Vegas. We do
have time that we spend together. It's not like you're
gone until the wedding.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
It's just like people like to talk crap about stuff
that they don't understand. Oh, I'm sorry you don't like
to go out and climb them out and that's totally fine,
but just don't disparage someone else because they do like that.
I just I don't know, it's been I like, normally
don't let this stuff get to me, but it has
been kind of getting to me a little bit. It's
just been making me a little angry.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
But the good news is we're in a good place. So
screw them.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Yeah, screw screw them.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Screw them.
Speaker 5 (28:34):
Uh yeah, well that's sucks. I'm sorry you guys are
going through that. And of course, yeah, Dean, you should
be able to hike with a girl and have no
problems with it. Having said that, Klin, if you were
hiking with a guy, uh huh caught that?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Yeah, not allowed.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
I feel bad that people get so up at arms
about it, like, oh, you have that unhealthy of relationships
with the opposite sex or whatever gender you're attracted to,
that you can't be around them in any capacity without
worrying about yourself cheating on your partner with them. Like
come on, get real, that's crazy. It really is like
more of a reflection on them than it is me.
I would say, like, but that is what it is. Yeah,
(29:08):
of course it is.
Speaker 5 (29:10):
Well, Thank you so much. Everybody listening to this podcast
really appreciate it. Thank you to everybody who sent an emails.
Emma Anonymous aka Nick, Lauren, Meghan and Riley once again,
thank you so much everybody for sending the emails. If
you guys want to send in more emails for us
to answer on the podcast, you can do so at
Newlyweds at iHeartRadio dot com.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Once again.
Speaker 5 (29:31):
You can follow us on Instagram. Help we suck at
being newlyweds?
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Help I suck at dating?
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Help if I suck at dating r ip.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
But that is our Instagram handle. I do want to say,
is it still I thought of something? It is? Yeah,
I don't think it's helped.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
We suck at being Newlyweds.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
That's the name of the podcast, but the name of
the Instagram pages. Help I suck at dating. I don't
think we've been able to change it. I thought of
something on my universe the other day. I thought of
this thing all on my own, all by myself, while
I was hiking. Instead of suck Army, which is so great,
and I love suck Army so much, I think we
should start saying suckers instead of suck Army.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Our suck army, our suckers, suckers. I don't know, we
might have to work suckers suckers like little lollipop suckers.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
And then Kaylen said something that Jared doesn't like. He
thought of suckers. Yeah, Jared doesn't like. I just think
about it, think about it for a little bit.
Speaker 5 (30:23):
No, no, no, it's something I don't like it. It just, yeah, suckers. Well,
because when I think of a sucker, I think.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Of it sounds like fialatio.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Well, it sounds like, oh, you're a sucker, like you
fell for that, you sucker.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Oh yeah, I thought you're gonna say like a falatio thing,
But no, I see your point.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
It was suck Army.
Speaker 5 (30:43):
I was wearing a hat that hit sucker on me
one time before my father in law and he was
like what is that And I'm like, no, no, no, it
doesn't have anything to do with the actual army.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
This is the thing.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Yeah, yeah, I love our military. I really respect them.
I know. I think that happened to me once too.
I was wearing it and some random guy, Calen played
out to me. I think that he was like giving
me a weird look because I had a suck army
hat and he was wearing like a veteran sure or
something like that. But yeah, so we we It's a
work in progress. But suckers. I like suckers. We're all suckers.
(31:12):
I'm a sucker, you're a sucker. We're suckers. So that's
gonna be the episode We're all dudes? What is that for?
Speaker 1 (31:21):
All dudes?
Speaker 3 (31:23):
Is that due to uh?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Do you want me to tell you?
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Is that America pie? Oh? Good burger? That's right, that's right, Okay, Uh,
that's that's gonna do it for this week's episode of
Help We Suck at being newlyweds again. The emailer's shared,
I feel like you already did all this, so I'm
just gonna say goodbye, see you next week, or maybe
we suck just a little bit less. Thanks for listening.
Follow us on Instagram at help we Suck at being.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Newlyweds, and email us at Newlyweds at iHeartRadio dot com.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Make sure to write us a review and leave us
five stars. We'll see you next time.
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