A Deep Scrub: Hayley Kiyoko

Wait. Have you seen the view?? What might be the most asked about episode in our 5 years of Scrubbing In has finally arrived. Becca and Tanya are having an “Oprah style” sit down with Becca’s partner, singer/songwriter/actor Hayley “95P” Kiyoko.
 
We’re ready to ask every intimate question and hear the untold stories from the early days of their relationship. Find out how they met, where they see their relationship going, and how deep Hayley’s Bachelor fandom truly goes.
 
This is a Scrub session that you 100P do not want to miss.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Spreading In with Becca Tilly and Tanya Red and I
Heart Radio podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in and
today it's a big day. It's a big day, some
may say a holiday holiday. Yeah, because we have the one,

(00:23):
the only Haley Yo go scrubbing in. Hello. It just
rolls off the tongue. That is just so smooth. I'm
so happy to be here. Thank you so much. This
has been a long time coming, a long time coming.
I'm so honored to be a part of this podcast

(00:43):
and to be here in both of your presence. And
we're in Berkeley too, which is really cool, really cool
because we're here to see you, and I'm here to
see you. I mean, it's been we were talking about
this on the plane. It's been over four years and
I don't remember it was it Robbie that was like, wait,
Hailey's never been on the podcast. Yeah, because I think

(01:06):
we had talks about it, like having you come on
as a guest before you guys were public about your relationship,
and I was like, that could be kind of fun
to just have her on as a guest. But Becca
is probably right that she would have blown. I would
have blown recover. I think yeah, yeah, we people knew,
but people would have really knew. We practiced. We worked
too hard to avoid pronouns and exposing ourselves, like Eastern.

(01:31):
We put in too much work for you to come
on and just expose us. Yeah, a lot of last
minute edits and yeah yeah, so Eastern. Round of applause
really did the big Yeah. So yeah, also to YouTube
because you were really good. You could rearrange a sentence

(01:52):
like I had never seen before. Everyone gets a round
of applause. But you know what, it doesn't matter because
we're here today. We are here, and you know this
all started April third of nine when so um that's

(02:13):
where this all began, your life, my birth, and now
and now we're here. You are thirty one years of
age and a flourishing, beautiful relationship. So we're gonna get
to we want to really just dive in here. Because
Becca shared her side of the story, and you know
there's always three sides of the story. There's three three.

(02:36):
Well there's Becca side, there's your side, and there's the truth.
So I'm feeling very nervous. I feel like I'm like
on an Oprah episode. That's exactly what she wanted to
go I want to say thank you, because that's exactly
what I wanted to embody. Her legs are crossed. I'm
leaning slightly askew. So this all started at your your

(03:02):
album release party. Becca went with Brittany, Brittany and Dean
Dean and Hillary and Hillary but Hanker, what was it
of your They were supposed to go, Okay, yeah, so
you guys see I want I want that when you
guys first met and Becca was trying to set you
up with one of her sisters, like, what was really
going through your your mind at that point? Well, so

(03:26):
it was my Expectations album released party. I had not
invited Becca. I invited Brittany. Brittany brought Becca and when
I walked and we always talked about like the first
time I ever saw Becca, mind you. I had seen
Becca on Brittany's Instagram like maybe years prior, and I
had noted that. But I walked out of this car
and I saw Becca waiting in line and I clocked her,

(03:48):
and she talked about how she clocked me, but she
what did you say that? I was like just not, well, yeah,
that was her first time we saw each other. So
she walked up and said hey to Brittany, but didn't
say hate it anyone else because I was so I
was like hi, and I like said to Brittany, and
then I like left, but I had clocked her, and

(04:10):
then we got it. I got into the venue and
then Brittany introduced Becca to me and I met Dean
and we said hi, and I was like, wow, she's gorgeous,
and then we dispersed. And then I remember being at
the bar and I remember seeing Becca sitting are standing
by this fireplace. I don't know if you've been in

(04:30):
no vacancy, but there's like this fireplace in this area.
She's standing like the you have to go through the ya.
So she's like illuminating, like she's just like glowing, and
I'm like standing by the bar and she's standing like
basically alone, and I was like, am I gonna go
over there? I'm gonna go over there, And so I
went over there and walked up to her, and then
that was our first initial I don't remember what I said, wait,

(04:53):
what was the thing when I was like you never
responded to I had walked walked up to her and
started talking to her, and she I was like, oh,
Like she was like oh, I love your song. I'm curious.
Like we were just like making small talk and then
really good back impression. Yeah. And then Becca goes, you
never responded to my d M. So something led me no, no,

(05:15):
So she said something to Brittany or something about a
d M. And I was like, you never responded to
my DM. And she goes and I was like no,
and so, and then we just started chatting. And then
she was trying to hook me up with her younger sister,
sister Hank, and I was like, she's way too young

(05:35):
and that's not happening. And then I kept telling Brittany,
I was like, well what about Becca, Like she and
two girls, Like what's the situation? And then within all
of this, this is probably like within five or ten minutes,
we had taken this photo, this group photo which you've
seen on the internet, where we're basically we had known

(05:57):
each other for like ten minutes. It was like instant,
like the can action was I mean, it was just
trying to get with it. From the beginning. She was persistent.
She just had this glow which we talked about, which
you know, she has this like glow and and so yeah,
but nothing ever happened that night. No, it did not happen.
And then the next morning I slid into her d

(06:18):
M S and I literally wrote in all caps, which
I had never done, by the way, so I felt
very like like, oh, this is cute and all caps,
I said, sliding into your d M S. And that
was my move. That was my move, okay, because she
talked about the d MS, slide into him, and then
we started chatting and then she set up Then she

(06:40):
set me up with drinks with Hank on Friday. We
had met on a Wednesday. The drinks were on Friday.
I love the specifics. Thank you. Yeah, well, because I
happened really quick. I know I was leaving for tour
on that Monday. So the timeline of Wednesday meeting Friday,
we're going to meet up for drinks and then you know,
I'm just gonna do a group hang. We were I
wasn't setting them up to go because she was. All

(07:02):
of them were like, let's just make it casual, so
it's gonna be like a full group like me, Haley,
britt He, Caroline, just like a group of people, right,
and then somehow, mysteriously except for the two of you. Yeah, well,
I told her I had gone to an event and
the event ended and I texted her. I was like, hey,
my sisters both have to work super early. They're going
to go out tomorrow night. And she was like, I

(07:24):
have rehearsal tomorrow night, and you know, she goes, but
you and I could go get drinks. And I was like,
tell me about that decision, Becca, because there had to
be some interest from you to like do that, because
if I'm just doing this, this seat up my sister,
I'd be like, okay, whatever, if she's not gonna be there,
I'm not gonna go, right. So yeah, there was like

(07:44):
interesting she But as I was leaving the house, heink
my sister I was trying to set Haley up with
was sitting on the couch and I was like, is
she going to get the wrong impression for me that
I'm going to get drinks alone with her? Like I've
never gone out to get drinks. What she's trying to
say said she has never gone drinks with a lesbian before. Right,

(08:06):
but all you knew she was she was into me,
So I was like, am I going to give her
the wrong impression? I remember this my favorite story? Why?
So we decided, mind you, this is like ten thirty
at night that we're making It was like late, yeah,
you guys met late. I remember that I uber there.
I love that she's telling this. I was gonna say,

(08:28):
I want you to the blanks. What she's saying is correct, right, Yes,
this is correct? Getting the truth? What was it we're
going to tell about how you were stressed that we
arrived at the same time. Oh yeah. So I'm like
a homebody, like I don't go out. I really drink.
So I had to call multiple friends. I was like,
I'm going out to drinks with this famous person, and

(08:51):
you know she must be going going out to like,
you know, high places. Where do I take her? So
I called my friend and she was at Chateau Maman
and she was like, just the chateau, like I'll get
you a table, and we're like kind of friends, like
we're not like, you know, like is she gonna come
through for me kind of thing? Right, So I'm like,
I gotta get there before she gets there because what
if my name is not there? And so I arrived

(09:13):
and as soon as I arrived, back arrives and we're
walking out of our ubers at the exact same time,
exact same time, and I'm like and so we walk
up and we go to the front, and I'll never
forget because I was like shaking. And I go to
the hostess and I say the name and I'm like
saying it like praying. No. I said, like it was

(09:34):
my under my friends, and so I say our name
and then they go there's like a pause and then
they're like right this way. I was just like, thank you,
I do so much. And so we sit down and
we get drinks, and my friend that's there is sitting
like across the room. So she thinks it's gonna be

(09:56):
funny to send women throughout the night to hit the table,
to hit and go. She sent multiple people coming up,
going Haley, why did you never call me back? Did you?
I've never heard this. It was like like just as
a joke, and little did she know, like this is
like meeting, like having a drink with back was really
important to me, and like I was really interested in her,

(10:17):
and like she was borderline sabattaging the situation. You know
what she I don't know, did I didn't work? No,
well it didn't work. And because I was just kind
of like this girl is like, it's around and I
was like, no, I don't know these people. And she
kept sending these women to the table and I'm like
what are you doing? I was like looking, I was like,

(10:39):
stop aboard. But what was really cool is that when
we were getting drinks, like when she decided to have
a second, that's when I knew like we were good,
you know, like and then when she went to the bathroom,
you know when they go to the bathroom and then
normally you decide to leave after that, shaking up the vibe,
she stayed and we continue to talk when we were there, um,

(11:03):
and how are you just giving all the dealers? So
then afterwards were by the street and I was trying
to get no but I was like doing some like
leaning ends, you know, like those hip hop moves where
you just go like, yeah, just test it out, you
test it. It wasn't. She kept waiting back like what
did she do it? Did you tell him the superher story?

(11:24):
I don't think I've told the super. I've heard it.
You have heard it, Yeah, you told me about it,
but have I talked to the podcast? So then we're
standing out there now you can take it in. Well,
So during drinks. I was somehow came up about flying
first class. I was saying, like, I have been spoiled

(11:45):
flying first class, and now if I have the opportunity,
like if I can get a laid down seat, you know,
that's the goal. And Haley was hearing this, thinking like
this girl is like bougie, like she is high maintenance,
So I rarely fly first class. I'm a musician. Okay,
it's rough out here, you know, So when we go
to order the Uber I'm like, I'm getting Uber X.

(12:06):
I'm not even going to get a nice one. I'm
gonna keep it simple, you guys. I swear a Poniac nine.
It's cree up the hill. Like I didn't even know
it was legal to have a car like this old
on and so those of you don't know, Shuman, it's
like this like like a bougie thing like and it's

(12:27):
on this corner street where it's basically like a one
way road, and so all the sudden, you here, and
then Becca looks at me and we hear tell and
she's like, please don't. And then as your Becca, and
like everyone's waiting for their cars at this the night

(12:48):
people like have their ferraris whatever, And so Becca looks
at me and reluctant land gets in the car. And
when she gets in the car, the car has to
do like a K turn be because there's no space
for you. So you hear, I'm back on the in

(13:09):
the in the back window looking at me like help.
She's getting pulled away by this pontiac and scratches away.
It's so funny because like those are like those those
first few dates, like you remember, like every little detail matter,
and you could be traumatized by those for it wasn't

(13:31):
even like I don't I'm not like a huge thing
about cars. It was just also you didn't even know
if you were going to make it off. And I
have a visual of her driving off, just looking in
the back of the window with her hands propped like
help or like goodbye, good bye forever. Okay, wait, so

(14:05):
at this point, you guys hung out just the two
of you. Did you make plans to hang out again
just the two of you? Are like you were obviously
you were in Tobecca Becca. Were you into Haley? Yeah, yeah,
I texted to do that night and I think I
was like that was different, and You're like, well, I
don't want to put pressure on you. I think you're amazing,
you know. And I was like, I think you're amazing too.

(14:26):
That's not that's not the question that I have. But
we didn't make immediate plans, No am I do. We
like hung out all night and then we texted all
night to like I don't know, like five or something.
So we continued to hang out. So this is Friday.
This is Friday. So then Saturday rolls around and go
to rehearsal. She texts me invites me to go to

(14:47):
the Bungalow. I'm like, this girl is a party girl.
Like I can't hang like, I've got rehearsal to like
ten like, and I leave for tour on Monday, Like
this is just a lot. But and I was in
mind you was in North Hollywood, So I chose to
go to the Bungalow, which is in Santa Monica. I
drove over there what at like midnight? Yeah, I would say, yeah,

(15:09):
probably met up with them. They're all wasted hanging out
like me and and her friends. And then I drive
all of them to their next destination. So I'm like,
next destination. Wait, you missed a Brittany part We're sitting
I'm sitting on a bench and Haley's like squatted down

(15:29):
next to the bench, and Brittany's in between us, and
Haley's holding my hand behind Brittany's back on the bench
and I leaned over to Taylor Banks He's on the
other side of me, and I'm like, she's holding my
and so Haley gets the pile. We all pile in
Haley's car and we go to Brittaney's apartment. Oh, this
is when it happened. Any's apartment and we're walking up

(15:52):
and everyone's in front of us, like getting going up,
and then there's the stairs and Becca just like grabbed
my hand and pulled me in and kissed me. Well,
everyone was walking up the stairs, right, So Becca made
the first made first move, yeah, which is shocking. I'm
not shocked because I'm I'm very like, I've got my

(16:13):
heartbroken a lot and I've been a lot of toxic
like situations. So for me to make the first move
is is slim to none because some rejection. Yeah, very like,
I need to know one thousand percent there in before
I even like think about making a move. So it
was really good that she made the move because I

(16:35):
would have probably waited weeks. What how why were you?
Why was it so? Why were we just like I
have to kiss her? Because that was like that was huge? Yeah, yeah,
it was a big move. But I did have some
liquid courage that can attribute to my bravery. Yeah, but
you've never up until this point, you've never even looked

(16:58):
at a girl like that. Yeah. Well, I think the
night before we had had drinks and I knew like
that was something different, like we had a connection that
was like I couldn't deny it, and it just felt
I felt like the time made them. I had a
thought and it made the move. So it was it
like a quick kiss or was it like a lot
like I was envisioning, um, you know, like those kisses

(17:20):
where you like you're walking up the stairs and then
they grabbed. Yeah, and then you're like up against the
wall and there's like a lot of tongue up against
the wall. But it was just kind of like a
quick kiss because other people were coming up so we
had to. It wasn't like a peck and it was
had a full ball make out. What was there tongue?
I don't think, I don't think so. I think it
was just kind of like this quick passion. It was

(17:42):
like a little more than the but no tongue, no
toe always say they were people. Yeah, so then we listen.
So then we get upstairs, we play these games whatever.
I finally am like, I'm going to leave, and then
Becca walks me out. So we walked out to the
front of the apartment and um, this is where if
anyone thought I had game goes out the window. We

(18:05):
go outside and I'm like, we're going to make out,
and so do. We first start making out and that's
when I look for the spot. So we go outside
and there's these like rambunctious guys down the block being
like loud, and I was like, I don't want to
make out with her, and like what if they, you know,
are like weird and they're like you know. So I

(18:25):
was like, let's find the right spot. So I grabbed
her hand. I walk her down the block. Can't find
there's too much lights there, it's like someone dog walking.
We crossed the road. We walk over there like we're
talking like. I walk her for about maybe eight to
nine minutes, and then I walked I would never have okay,
like an eternity. And then finally in true Haley fashion,

(18:49):
we end up back to where exactly where we were,
and that's where we have her makeout, which is basically
right in front of Brittany's apartment. And that makeout was epic.
That was like the movies tongue above. And then her
sister walks out. He clos she's really drunk and she's

(19:09):
like oh, and then stares at us and she's like,
I'll see you at home because they were living with
me at the time. So she walks out and then
we're still kissing, and then Taylor Banks walks out. I
think everyone watched us and you guys just kept going.
He was like. And then she came over Sunday night,

(19:33):
Monday nights. Left for tor on Tuesday. Sorry, she came
over Monday night and we had the cutest date and
we like got type food, you know, we get type
what do we get? I don't know Italian? And then
we I like walked her ound apartment and like still
didn't kiss her, and I was like super nervous, and

(19:54):
she was like giving me an apartment tour and I'm like,
she kissing me again? Her were your friends? And then
but she always over and my phone had died, and
my neighbor downstairs is like a jack of all trade.
She's like, I can fix anything, Like give your phone,
I'll just like replace the screen. So I give her

(20:15):
my phone. We're having our date. She knocks on the door.
She gives me this look. I'm like what She's like,
it's not turning on. So she broke my phone. I
have to wake up early because I have rehearsal in
the morning. We're leaving for tour the next day. And
I have this like crazy like twenty moment where I'm like,
if my phone is dead, how do I wake up?

(20:37):
Like I don't have an alarm clock, I don't have
an Apple Watch, I don't have I don't have nothing.
And so I told Becca. I was like, I need
you to sleep over. I was like, I was like,
you need to sleep over. Your phone works, you need
to set the alarm. I need to wake up at
nine whatever it is. And that's how I got her
to spend the night. And in my mind I'm like, no,

(20:59):
like this is all too easy for So I'm like,
you don't have an old watch or does your computer?
Do you think about it though? If you don't have
your device, like how are you supposed to wake up? No,
I think there's an alarm clock on the computer. Anyways,
I didn't search for too long looking for and I
checked okay, continue, So I say the night that night,
and then she left for tour the next day. But

(21:20):
then I feel like when you left for tour, and
I actually feel like I don't remember this story because
when did you guys become like, um exclusive? Like who asked?
Who were you? Like? I mean, we were pretty much
exclusive as soon as we started hanging out together, but like,
but did you ever make it official? We made it
official like the will you be my girlfriend? In all,

(21:45):
but we were exclusive the whole time. But I didn't
know that she was waiting for me to officially traditional
like I wanted her to officially ask. We had this
whole convers been I've only did admit right, I've never
been the one to make that move. So I just
was like, oh, when you're in a like lesbian relationship,

(22:06):
it's just you just know. Yeah, I didn't know. Yeah,
we had one of those things like months we're going
months months down the line where we had this conversation
is like, wait, we're not exclusive, like we are, Like
I'm not seeing anybody, but like we're not official because
you haven't asked me, like, you know, like I need
to hear the words will you be my girlfriend? Right?
Like these are my dreams, please and thank you? You know,

(22:30):
like I grew up wanting the fantasy. You know, happily Amity.
Let me tell you there are happily ever after kind
of got any moments in your relationship where I have
been able to empathize with you and the things that
you were going through because I'm like, I understand Haley
so deeply, like very much. So before we move on

(22:51):
to that, there was one question that I was just
inundated with before we move on to the next phase. Um,
did you watch The Bachelor? Do you know Rebecca before
you guys met? Yeah? So I did the classic dumb
thing where I pretended like I didn't know who she
was on the matchlor when I met her, but I
obviously knew who she was and I had watched her

(23:13):
season before. And what's interesting is when I watched that season,
I remember her just being so genuine and like having
this light and so I never thought in a million
years that this all would transpire. And now I was
sitting on the couch watching this, like and then obviously
when I met I did this stupid thing. I was like, oh,

(23:36):
what season are you on? And like stupid, And then
obviously I had to confess to her later by the way,
I'm a psycho Bachelor fan and this just happens to
be a coincidence that you're the love of my life
and uh, happily ever after. Yeah, oh my gosh, it's
so good. Okay, so you guys become exclusive. I'm just

(23:57):
trying to make sure I go in order here, so
we'll just so you know. So basically I left her
tour and then I was playing Coachella that weekend she
couldn't come, and then she came the second weekend of Coachella,
and then but you guys talked like incessantly is that
the right word. Instantly, you guys were constantly communication, like
and so from as a best friend seeing this, like

(24:21):
I've always had these conversations with Becca where I was
explaining like how love feels and what it feels like,
and she was just like, I don't think I have
that chip in me. She's like, yeah, it's just not
for me. Like I just I like my Space, I
like you know, it's just I don't know. I don't
know if I'm that that love is is in me,
you know. And I was like, ah, I don't know.

(24:42):
And then when you guys met and she started like
always wanted to be with you and didn't want to
stop talking to you and started having those emotions, I
was like, it was such a beautiful thing to see
as a best friend because I was like, I knew
that they were in you, like I knew you were capable,
but she just hadn't found the right person, you know
what I mean. And so was like really cool to
get to see her experiencing all those feelings for the

(25:04):
first time. Did you feel that well, I didn't know
her previous, Like I wasn't her best friend leading up
to this experience, but it just my previous relationships there
was always something hard to navigate with like and also too,
I've also always dated women that hadn't prior dated women before,

(25:26):
and so I've always had to go through then. As
my fans know who listen to my music, it's like,
I'm just curious, is it's serious. It's like always going
through I'm not sure. I don't know if I can
do this I don't know if I can be that
person for you. And when I met Becca, it was
just instant and then I remember we had like a
brief conversation while I was like hey, like I'm obviously

(25:47):
a woman and like this is different. Can you do this?
And she was just like this feels right and I
was like basically the end of the conversation, and that
to me was like, oh, this is like this, this
makes sense, Like it's not so I don't I shouldn't
have to explain myself or anything, like the right person

(26:08):
is just going to meet me where I'm at and
she just met me and was like, yeah, let's do this.
But it is interesting. You bring up an interesting point
because you guys were on the same page with each other,
and your friends and your family knew you were dating,
but you guys were not public about your relationship. And
I know it's like when you're in a relationship, there's
two people and when you don't agree on certain things,

(26:29):
you have to kind of meet in the middle. And
so out of respect Rebecca, you were like respectful and
like kept it. You know, you're a public figure, she's
a public figure, so you would think it would be
a public thing, but out of respect for her, you
took it slow when you were patient in that way.
Was that hard for you? And like what did that
bring up in you? Because you were saying you had
been in relationships before where you weren't sure, So like

(26:52):
I feel like that was probably triggering for you. Yeah, definitely,
I think it was an adjustment. Obviously was worth it, right, um,
But when we initially started dating, like I was ready
to have like a public relationship, Like I was like
here and like I was like yeah, Like and then
when obviously we're navigating her you know, experience and where

(27:15):
she was out in her journey, that obviously shifted. But
it was worth it to me because I wanted to
be in a relationship with her and I never felt
like she was hiding me, Like that would have been
a different situation because I've been hidden before. I've been
a secret before. I was never a secret. We just
kept our relationship private, which I think, as we know,

(27:36):
there's a difference between like secret and private, and that's
something it took me a second to get used to.
And then I fell in love with it because it
was like this is ours and like how cool is
this that this we get to just share this and
grow it and like really build a foundation. And then
obviously now we've shared it with everyone and it's been

(27:59):
great because we know where we stand and what we
love to share and what we like to maybe keep
to ourselves and finding that fine line. But this is
the first time I've done this too, so we're navigating
that together and I'm just happy to to be a
part of her journey. Yeah, it's it's interesting because I
feel like it are you getting emotional? Yeah? Why? Just

(28:26):
a lot people really know what she's been through. I know,
and she deserves lots of love, and you know, everyone
in in my community, in our community, deserved to be
loved and accepted for who they are. And it's not
necessarily easy for a lot of people, and so it

(28:49):
was hard. And I was also honored to just be
there with her during her journey to know that she
should live the life that she wants to live. And
um so, but a lot, you know, a lot of
my fans go through that too, So it's really interesting

(29:09):
to be a partner for that, Yeah, if that makes sense, Yeah,
because I hadn't been a part of that. Yeah, And
you know, I think that and Becca, you can chime
in if you want to share that, because again, like
I feel like when you talked about on the on
the podcast and you finally opened up about it just publicly,
I feel like it was a different feeling. Like obviously,

(29:32):
you know, you were going through your own personal journey
in those years, because like you know, we still talked
about the relationship, we just kind of kept you, you know,
we kept the person private, and so it's like you
were still sharing about your relationship, but you needed to
kind of do everything in your own time and your
own way. And I know that that was obviously, And
I feel like when you have a partner that wants

(29:54):
it to be public, like that's obviously also very hard
to deal with two because you want to make them happy.
How was that for you to like navigate that time? Well,
I knew that, like I was, it was going to
be too much to make it public too soon, and
so I I tried my best to like empathize with

(30:15):
Haley and let her know, like I know, it's hard.
I don't want you to I never want you to
feel hidden or like your secret, but I'm this is
my first time navigating it, and I don't want to
have to do it in the public yet, and so
I mean it was four years that we, you know,
kept it private. So I was, I'm just like really
proud of us navigating those hard conversations because yeah, I

(30:41):
had my own stuff going on, but I was so
certain of her. It was never like I had doubts
about her, like I was ashamed of her. It was
about my own stuff that I was navigating personally and
also coming from the Bachelor world. But um, and I
had been in a public relationship with Robert, and I
remember the pressure, like when it was time to break
up that it was like, you're letting people down. So
I was. I was trying to explain that to her,

(31:03):
like I don't want that pressure, especially on top of
navigating all of this for the first time. So by
the time we went in public, I felt so secure
in who I am and so secure in our relationship
and that we were on the same page and was
just ready to share with people's And I think it

(31:24):
was a good lesson for me too, because I think
from my past, I was triggered by this situation because,
like I said, I've been a relationships where I'm always
like hidden or the secret you know or whatever, and
it obviously initially triggered all these traumas, but I also
had to be like, that's not Becca, Like that's not
our situation and I need to respect her journey and

(31:49):
feeling comfortable and wherever she's at, and so like that
was interesting for me to navigate too, because it's not
black and white, and like growing up, like if a
girl wasn't ready to want me or like show up
like a thousand percent, I was like, well, they don't
love me or they're not the one, and that's not
necessarily if she loved me, she would like that's not

(32:11):
black and white. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's important for
people to hear because I think navigating relationships are they
are tricky, and it creates like there are moments of
tension because like no matter what, there's going to be
moments where like someone's ready for something and someone's not.
And I feel like navigating and communicating and like working
through those things are so important and I feel like
a lot of people, you know, love is not a

(32:33):
fairy tale. It is in certain ways, but it's not
like there's a reality to it, you know what I mean.
It's two different people from different walks of life, creating
a life together, and so I think it's just it's
been a beautiful like journey just to watch and to see,
especially like seeing back in love for the first time,
Like it's just been such a beautiful thing to see

(32:55):
and you guys respecting each other, and so I just
want to commend you both because I know it wasn't
easy on either one of you, you know, but your
love is so strong and you guys got through it.
We love you, Tonya. Please pause. Okay, So now you

(33:28):
know you guys have you made the choice to announce
your relationship with your music video? Whose idea was that?
Because Becca, there's just so much to go over, because
I don't want to forget about the breakup songs that
are about Becca. Where do you want to begin, Tonya?
You got me right here. We can start with a
decision to to put her in your music video, Like

(33:50):
where did that come? Because honestly, the way it was done,
it was so tasteful and like chic it's weird, I
don't know, like the reality chic, I don't know, like
having her at the very end, like it was just
such a It was a very clever but also tasteful
and classy way in my opinion. So I wanted to
like kind of how all that happened and like how

(34:12):
the conversation was to actually do this, like okay, it's
go time correct me if I'm wrong. But I was
trying to figure out the concept before the girls and
I had some limitations on the budget and timing and
all this stuff, and I was like, how am I
going to pull this off? Like what am I going
to do? And it was Beca's idea. She was like, well,
why don't you just do like a Bachelor themed music video?

(34:34):
And I was like, that's genius because I could just
shoot it really like raw and real, and she kin,
I came up with the chance contract yeah, creative director,
so um. But yeah, So she came up with the
idea and then she was like, let me play the

(34:55):
drunk girl and I was like, okay, I'll think about it.
And then I was like doing auditions and I was
just like what if. I was like, what if you
just come out in the limo at the end and
do like a third times a charm kind of thing,
and she was like that's so boring. I've already done that,
Like I've already left the limo and arrived at the end,
and I was like, I know, but like that might

(35:17):
be it because we've always talked, she's always wanted to
be one of my music video girls and same, but
it's never really worked out. Interesting, never worked out. Yeah,
I feel like I know it never worked out. She
auditioned for Chance. I did an audition. I didn't get
an audition. The fact that, like I was like, to

(35:38):
tell you from from the ever when Becca told me
that she auditioned to be the lead your love interest
in his music video, yeah, for Chance, and you shot
her down. You picked somebody else. I literally was like,
good on, Haley, I did. I was like giving Becca
a taste of her taste of medicine, how because you
can't just now, like just decide. And she is a

(36:03):
really talented actress and singer. Rebecca is the most epic thing.
I think. I laughed for like two days straight when
she told me she didn't get the part. I was
like that. It was like we'd be hanging out and
then I would just like out of nowhere, I'd be
like cry, or I'd be like I'd be like, you
just saw the love of your life go and she

(36:24):
would like leap into it. And here's the thing about
my music videos, and most of my fans known sometimes
they don't, you know, I'm not, you know, the number
one artist in the world. So I have a lot
of limitations with budget and timing. And so when you
were doing these music videos, I had eight hours to
shoot that music video chance that you saw, and it's

(36:44):
you have one to two takes and if you don't
get it, we're moving on. And so if I had
the time and the flexibility, like a normal shoot, a
couple of days shoot where we could really workshop things,
I think she could do it. But I told her,
I said, listen, there's gonna be win flying. I'm gonna
be screaming at you. You're gonna have ten seconds to

(37:04):
get the shot or start doing you know, get the
moment in emotion, and if you don't get it, it's
going to be uncomfortable for both of us. And so
she understood that. She understood that. I was like, it's
literally like, you gotta get the shot. And she experienced
that on four the Girls and three was the everyone
everyone like fun wave. How hard is that everyone only

(37:31):
got one take? She got three and all she had
to do, is is step out of the limo and
look me dead at the all think it's easy, Wait
till you have action after the Four the Girls experience,
say anything? Yeah, anything, But I did have to hear action. Yeah,
but wouldn't you say, after your Four the Girls experience,

(37:53):
you understood my concerns and reservations of giving you a
lead role in a high intense the situation. Yeah, I
totally understand, and I hope I get an opportunity in
the near future. Yeah, now that Becca has had a
taste of it. Or is she going to be your
love interest in all of them moving forward? Or like

(38:14):
what have you guys talked about? She's gonna hire actors
and actresses and I'm left in the dust on the No,
he'll never be left in the dust. Well, no, actually
we should talk about that because Becca is like infamous
and we still haven't figured out which podcast you've said
this in. But she always used to say, like I
need to date someone that lives far away and I

(38:36):
can have my space and like we can hang out
whenever left. And then when you left for tour this
time around, Becca was a basket case, Like it wasn't good.
It was not good, like she missed you. So I
was there, I was on those phone calls and it's
so it's so I love it, like I think, yeah,

(39:05):
but um, I don't know where I'm going with this,
but just like that different different is it's so different? Yeah?
I guess for you Becca, like is that weird? Yeah,
it's very it's not. It sucks. I'd prefer it to
not be that way. Do you take back everything you
said those years ago? Yeah? Unfortunately I do because I

(39:28):
feel like I'm manifested this for myself. But I will
say what I didn't manifest for myself was the whole
like making out with other girls and music videos and stuff.
I didn't. I never that was never part of my plan.
That would be tough. Yeah, but we navigate it. We
talk a lot about it communication. No, I do actually
want to talk about that because I want to know, like,

(39:49):
and you both can if you have different answers, what's
been like the biggest not necessarily revelation, but what have
you learned the most through a couple of therapy. I mean,
we've learned so much, but I feel like the overall
consensus is like learning tools to help work together utilizing
those tools to be a team and sometimes in a relationship,

(40:13):
like you won't see eye to eye and like a
lot sometimes like if we have situations like learning to
like just be like, you know what, we're not going
to see eye to eye on this, and I still
love you and like let's work through this, or like
let's let's move on, you know, like because sometimes there's
you have to just kind of like I don't know,

(40:34):
I don't know how to explain it. I think it's
given us the tools to argue in a productive way
or to like settle disagreements in a productive way that
doesn't get like escalated to a point where we're to fight. Yeah,
it still comes from love. Like we now can have
disagreements and arguments that are like okay, but we're on

(40:55):
the same team and like we may figure out a
solution or we may not figure out a solution, and
if we don't, that's okay, And like that's really helpful.
I really encourage couples therapy for anybody in a relationship
with anyone, honestly, because you learn so much about yourself.
Like I've learned so much about what I've carried into

(41:18):
past relationships over and over and over again, and things
that I want to unlearn and unpack, and it's just
made us stronger. Like we have such an amazing relationship
and I really do feel like we can navigate anything.
And you know, I'm grateful for couple of therapy for
those tools, because you can't just wake up one morning

(41:39):
and be like, oh I'm different or oh I'm gonna differently.
Yeah I'm going to know exactly how you feel. Like
that's just not realistic. Yeah, I think I think naturally
people just you're stuck in your own ways, you know
what I mean, Like you're stuck in kind of your
mentality of how you handle situations, and it's not necessarily
how your partner does. So it's just like figuring out

(42:00):
the best path. Yeah, a couple of therapy has been
really good for us. We we see the world very differently,
so very different backgrounds. Yeah, we just think differently, we
see things differently, So like having someone who's like a
middleman to like navigate hard conversations has just been a
game changer. We have a couple of fun questions okay, okay,

(42:36):
um before we get into a couple more serious ones. Um,
do you listen to the podcast Haley No, No, was
that a request by Becca? No? I personally choose not
to listen to it just because I don't I don't
want to hear anything like that. Maybe we'll, like, I
don't know, upset me. Yeah, that's my that was the

(42:59):
initially wife first, I wasn't listening to it. We also
when we weren't public. I just didn't like the idea, Like,
I just didn't want to listen to it, and not
because I'm not supportive, like I think y'all are amazing.
And the one episode I did listen to us, the
one came out out. Yeah, I listened to that episode. Um,

(43:20):
but my friends listen this coing in like everyone everyone
listens to it except for me, because I just I
don't want to be like, why did you say that?
Or like, you know, use I was like, I want
her to feel free to like shot talk. I don't
need to like you know, I don't know. I just
I don't listen. Alright, fine, fair enough, Um, what are

(43:42):
your thoughts on Client? I think clients really sexy and
client borderline makes me question if I'm bisexual, and I
know I'm not bisexual, And so for Klein to really
make me question that is there's some strong energy go
on with him, you know. Yeah, I think he's super attractive.

(44:04):
Like when she's inclined, I'm into her. He does have
like beady Yeah, he just like give like doesn't speak ever,
you know, like when she's in So I just want
you all to know. Like sometimes I'll come home from
work and I'll be like, hey babe, and I'll open
the door and then Cline will just be standing there

(44:24):
and not just say and she's like in character and
I'll be like hey babe, and she'll just like give
me a nod and I'm like, you can speak to me,
but she's full in character. Yeah that's him. Yea, there
is Clin. You didn't even spell his name right to

(44:46):
k l I n E. Well, that's when you know
you're really in love because I love her both ways. Yeah.
Um okay, what are your favorite things about Becca? I said,
and I want you each to do it. I think
one physical and one uh like personality traitor like not physical.

(45:09):
Thanks for clarify. Yeah, thanks so bro. Um Well, I
love everything about becas facial features. Um, I love her eyes. Um,
I want to go with her eyes and um, because

(45:29):
you only said one and then I just love her lights.
When we talked about this a lot, but she just
has like emotional she was like, well why I always
tell her one of my favorite thing is about her
personalities that she makes other people feel really good about
themselves and that's like a really specials you know, magic

(45:52):
to have, and like I love witnessing her interacting with
people and seeing those people feel better about themselves walking away.
I feel very proud that she's my partner when I
see stuff like that. Yeah, Mecca, it's good that I'm

(46:17):
not on the podcast all the time because I would
I would you over. And I'm like such a crier
to I mean, most of my fans know, but I'm
like such a sap, I always crying. Are you more
romantic than? Who's more? Hold? Man? Becca? You go for
you have to answer the question. My favorite physical feature
I can't. I love her lips and I love her nose.

(46:40):
I think she's cute. Like her profile just the cutest.
Oh it was a oh yeah you can't hear profile
post shot of her profile for you all, um. And
my favorite non physical is her passion and vulnerability because
I think what she's been able to do like I

(47:01):
don't think. I think it's become a lot more common
for people to be comfortable in their sexuality. But I
really think Hayley paved the way for so many people
and like artists to be open and vulnerable about who
they are. And I am just so proud that I'm
with someone whom I was able to be so brave

(47:22):
because I, from firsthand experience, know how challenging it is,
and to put art out there that is vulnerable just
to make other people feel like they're not alone is
such a powerful and amazing thing to do. And she's
also very She's made me like feel safe being vulnerable too,
and I think that's a superpower because a lot of

(47:43):
people don't have that. UM So we'd like to take
you back to your voice doing that now to February
of January. I believe the dates might January. We had
our first life show in San Francisco and you were
in the audience. Yeah, you were dating at the time.

(48:05):
Nobody knew it, and I don't even know if people
knew you were in the audience there, or if Becca
significant other was in the audience there. They didn't know.
So you're sitting in the audience and we're up on
stage and Becca gets asked the question what percentage are
you that you will end up marrying the person you're
with right now? And Becca went with, which is where

(48:27):
your name was born? In your middle name? Your middle
name was born. How did it feel hearing that percentage
and being there? Because my girlfriend Paulina was sitting right
next to you, and she was like dying inside because
she was she and she was like, this is so wild,
Like I want to know how it felt for you

(48:48):
to hear that. It was really cute. It was really
fun that, you know, the audience like freaked out and
Becca was like so like uncomfortable, and I didn't know
what she was going to say. So I was really
happy with I was feeling pretty boss at that point.

(49:09):
So um, I agreed and felt good about it, and
I felt grateful that I had a nickname finally, you know,
like I felt like it needed to happen. Yeah, it
was organic. It was a really That live show was
so much fun. It was such a blast. It was
really fun, and yeah, it was really cool. I just

(49:31):
loved watching Becca like freak out, being like what do
do I low ball do? I highball, what do I do?
Within like five seconds, I had to make that decision. Yeah. Well,
so now I ask you, Hayley Kiyoko, what is your
percentage that you will end up with the partner that
you were with currently? Becca Tilly? I agree with her.

(49:54):
I'm like, but we we don't even know if we
want to get married, so it's kind of like one
of those sort of yeah, if we want, if we
choose to have marriage, and that's what we want, Like,
oh yeah, not higher. I feel like is basically a
hundred and the five is like five, but the five

(50:18):
just is leaves for like reality of variables. But I
feel like very confident in tell me good about she
told me lost. She said, if yeah, about having a
future with you, on being being with your partner forever. Yeah,

(50:39):
we want to be in this relationship. If it wasn't
a hundred, that's nice. You know, relationships, relationships are hard,
so like you have to be in it, and like
especially traveling and what we do, and you know, just
with everything, I don't think either of us would be

(51:00):
sitting here weren't like in and wanting this to work
for the future. Well, you brought up an interesting thing
that a lot of people did ask, like marriage, do
you see marriage in your future? You, guys, don't necessarily
see marriage. You don't necessarily want it. It's just not
like a priority. I feel like it's not something that

(51:20):
I just love being happy and being in a great relationship.
And um, I don't know, you can take that question.
I think we're on the same page. And I do
think if it came to a point where, like Haley
expressed to me, like it's really important that we get married,
and you know that's really important to me, I would

(51:41):
do it even if it wasn't like the priority for me,
and I think she would do the same for me
as well. But I don't think there's like any rush
or I think we're very happy in a relationship and
where we are right now. It's it's surprising to me
because I feel like you and I are very similar
in that sense. I'm surprising. I'm not going to say
that a ring wouldn't look great on my finger. I

(52:03):
love the idea of a party, but a party, but
I'm just like, I don't know, weddings are so traditional,
and I'm just not said at the beginning of this podcast,
you're traditional. I am traditional, but like my you know, yeah,
there's like sometimes I go tod like does this tradition

(52:25):
fit my tradition or how I want to celebrate love?
And like, you know, so to me, there's like sometimes
there's a disconnect there. But like I think marriage is
amazing and we're just the type of people that we're
not putting that pressure on ourselves. And like if we
want to have kids, then we'll have kids. And if

(52:45):
we want to get married, we'll get married. But we're
just happy to just be living life, live last publicly
you know, the phase that we're right, So like no
kid discussion, We've we've had discussions, had lots of discussions.
We're all the same page about that right now, not
right now, okay, not for quite two while. So marriage

(53:13):
at the last thing. I don't think our future. I
don't think marriage. I'm sorry, but no, I was going
through the making sure, just hitting all my all my bullets. Um.
The living together. Have you guys ever talked about it?
Is that like a step you want to take. We
we lived together, we basically together, don't but we do
like we each have our own place, but we but

(53:34):
we have and I have everything at her place every
night together. That's living together. We never spent a night apart,
so we lived together, but we split the time. Yeah,
like we got to place one week in my place.
We have changed closets. Very elevated lifestyle. Yeah, we'll have

(53:57):
a home together eventually. But you know that's also not
really Wow. To be lax is very to be laxed.
My mind is spinning. It is uncomfortable. She's like, all
of these answers are not what I want in my life.

(54:18):
It's not so much it's it's I respect it. You're
on the same page, you know what I mean. Yeah,
that's what's important. And we weren't on the same page,
this would be a whole different kind of podcast. Um,
before we wrap up, because I want to respect your time,
we do need to talk about the breakup songs on
the album that are about Becca, because everybody's very confused. So,

(54:42):
so essen is supposed to be our breakup songs, but
you wrote them about Becca, So can you explain that?
Can I jump in and say those are the only
songs about Deep in the Woods is about you? Yes,
I think you just threw that out there to give
me a romantic life. Deep in the Woodard is about you,
and Luna is inspired by you. Luna is obviously I know,

(55:06):
but like, is that your moon? Yeah, she's like my
older woman. You know what is that an older woman
term from your moon? Not? I think it's coogar. No,
she's like more mature like you guys don't understand, Like
I've always been attracted to wiser, older women, years older

(55:33):
than you. I know, but that's so sexy to me.
She's not like I'm so I never Why are you?
Why are you putting the word old? And it's such
a small bottle. She's I'm two years older than older
than me. She's older than me. To me, two years
is like a wash, Like it's not there's not a

(55:55):
significant age gap until you're like a decade apart. I
think I'm just saying that it adds in an attractiveness
to her, like if she was younger than me, it
would be a different thing. I feel like you're avoiding
the question of the breakup songs on a tangent and
accusing me of many things. Um So s os was

(56:20):
a song that I wrote prior to us going in
couples therapy, So that was like a pivotal moment was
like am I am? Can I change? Like is this
going to work out? Or do I need to like
look within like and is it too late to try
to solve this? So that was the pre couples therapy
song and supposed to be UM. I went to Joshua

(56:42):
Tree for riding camp and I think we were fighting,
but she was like breaking my heart and I thought
we were breaking up. And I have a thing which
I deal with on my own, but I'm very black
or white, so I'm like I've been conditioned where like
if we don't agree, we're going to break up. Like
that's just I go from zero to a thousand. So

(57:04):
in that moment, we were going through a tiff and
I thought we weren't going to get through it. So
I wrote supposed to be only you can make Me
this Lonely? You know you read it, you know, So
that was real for me. And I played that song

(57:25):
Rebecca and she was like, who's this about? And I
was like you. I was like, you broke my heart
and Joshua Tree, I was like sobbing like the whole camp.
I was like a mess. And that was the camp
I written Demons and my this um I'm too sensitive
for the EP and I had written supposed to be
that week and I was just devastated because I was like,

(57:46):
we're not gonna make it. It's not gonna work out.
And she's over here like who's this song about? And
I'm like you So anyways, those those are the reasons,
those are the explanations. So it is interesting because I
think there are moments like it's like an feel a
different way. Yeah, and also relationships, like we said, they
aren't fairy tales. There's bumps in the road. There's rocky roads,

(58:07):
and like there are those moments where you're like, are
we going to it's gonna very real? Is it? Is it? You?
Is it us? And you said you work through it,
but like those emotions are really wrong. I know, I
get it. And then in the Woods Deep in the Woods, um,
I was like inspired. I mean, I just feel like
you know in the lyric, it's like, I know I
met you in another lie, which I asked you literally

(58:29):
the other day and you said, no, I don't think
that that I met you in another I don't know
you were talking me about lyrics. I wasn't. But now
that you bring up the lyrics, She was trying, You're
going on a tangent, should we I'm trying to catch up.
Your poor guests are really having a hop, skip and hoop. Yeah,
that's true, Okay, I like to make them go through.

(58:49):
You want to talk about that? So she had asked me,
She had asked me, do you think that we met
in another life? Or do you think that? Right? Is
that what you asked me? Yeah? Like better like and
I thought the romantic answer was is no, Like that's
why this. I feel like this is the first time
we've met, Like we've missed each other in multiple past

(59:11):
lives and we've finally have met at the right time,
at the right place, at the right moment. Very philosophable.
Rebecca test surprised. So I'm like, you know, emotional and
like this is romantic and she obviously that was apparently
the wrong answer to her. But Deep in the Woods
is about a song. It's like like wanting to be

(59:33):
in that exact same place with that person in that moment,
and wanting to go there over and over and over again,
and that like excitement and that feeling in that rush
that you get when you're in love and you meet
this person you're like, I have to be with you,
Like I'm going to go go through hell or high
water just to be there with you and go through
this life with you. And that's what even the woods about.

(59:54):
It's about me, folks about folks. Yeah, but they're supposed
to be I. I like, I remember us getting into
that argument, but I had no idea that affected her
that much mental that it warranted a breakup song about me.
I was just like an absolute wreck, and you can

(01:00:16):
hear it on the song you supposed to be. I
was a mess and she's over here just sitting eating
Cheetos on her cow. I know, I get it. I'm
with you. I am the Haley. So there's that. I
hope that clears some things up for people. It definitely
cleared it up for me, at least. Did I cleared
up for you guys? Yeah? It makes sense. Yeah, an artist,

(01:00:39):
an artist and artist if you will, well, I think
we hit everything that everybody really needed us to hit. Um.
Is there anything that you would like to you know,
some closing thoughts, some closing thoughts. This was so much fun.
I'm so sad it's over. I'll be back. Please invite
me again. Yeah, I would love to come back and

(01:00:59):
chat with you both. Um. I also think too now
that you're just like in it. You know, if I'm
ever gone for a week like Haley should co host. Yeah,
it's gonna put me to work. Yeah, yeah, I can
do that. Well. I didn't want to get a messtion
on that, man, I didn't want to say, um, well,

(01:01:22):
I just wanted to. I wanted to thank everyone on
this podcast and all your listeners and Eastern Mark and
Tanya and everyone, Danielle, everyone on this podcast, because I
feel like you guys really created a space Rebecca during
a really hard time navigating how to be honest and
truthful while also keeping things private. And I really feel

(01:01:46):
like you respected her journey so much, and as a partner,
I've been very grateful for that. And also to all
your fans and listeners, like I feel like they have
been so supportive and respectful, and so I want to
thank you personally, UM for loving Becca and respecting her,

(01:02:09):
and UM, it just means a lot because I know
it was really hard and it continues to be hard,
and so thank you for being that safe space for
her and support and UM, I know this podcast means
the world to her. So I just wanted to thank
you guys for that really sweet no, And it's really

(01:02:30):
it's it's it's really um I feel the same way
like I feel like as a collective, everybody just like
wrapped their arms around Becca and wanted to make her
feel very like safe and comfortable. And you know, like
we work in an entertainment industry that's very cutthroat and
very like can be very sleazy, And I feel like
everybody treated you with so much respect because I feel like,
also it was not a secret. People knew that you

(01:02:50):
guys were dating, but there weren't articles written and people
weren't like digging in and doing stuff like that, And
so it just goes to show how much people love
and respect you. I think, Yeah, well, the I'll never
forget it. I'll never not remember what all of you
in this room and everyone listening to it from me,

(01:03:13):
we love you, Yeah for people listening. It's it's hard,
you know, it's like really hard for people to navigate
self love and um identity and sexuality and to have
like a safe space and have a support system and
a community. And so for anyone in someone's life who
was able to create that space for that person to

(01:03:35):
be and on their own timeline and to not out
someone and to be respectful knowing their safety is important
and everything, and it goes a long way, so I
don't take it lightly. Oh so anyways, I also think

(01:03:56):
we were able to really distinguish that Haley is a
Tanya not really sealed the deal. I don't have a
podcast because I would be dehydrated. This funny because like
you can see, like Haley and I are very similar,
and so you're like, it's it's it's such a blessing
in a weird way because whenever I would get in
fights with robbing, I would talk to beck about it,

(01:04:17):
like she always saw his side of things, and so
it was like good for me to hear. And I
feel like whenever you guys are having issues, I would
always like have see you your side of things. That's
good to have. Yeah, good for all of us, good
for it's good for everybody. Vault, I love you all
so much and we love you. Walter. What a flub

(01:04:38):
Tanya Walters. Everybody, Thank you, Hailey, Kioko, thank you for
taking the time. Oh my gosh, thank you. I'll see
you at the show. At the show. Yeah, wipe off
those tears and throw on those hot pants. Sing some
songs all right, love you all. Buy two.