June 13, 2024 • 38 mins
Tanya and Becca are back to help Scrubbers with their questions! How is this different from “Ask Us Anything”?? We’ll find out!
Becca opens up about her relationship with faith after coming out, we discuss the realities of pre-nups, and Tanya and Becca share how they keep the spark alive!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Scrub dub dum sco rub a dub dull. We are
asking bunya.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I don't know about like like US giving advice is
like such a what It's just so funny, Like a
whole episode of US giving advice is so funny because
sometimes people have like really hard life things that are
going through and we're just like bo just have a
conversation about you.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Know, watermelon and canalos.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
But you know, they come to us for a reason.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I don't think it's that weird.
Speaker 5 (00:45):
I think that oftentimes people seek advice from people that
are not involved in the situation, like third parties. I
think we've lived a lot of life. We've had different
experiences to very different experiences, so there's a lot of
perspective there.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Oh yeah, I got lots of perspective.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Well, I'm super excited for this. I love these episodes.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I love the ammes or auas ask us any things.
But I love a lengthy email typed out yeah seeking us.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Same mark, are you anyway?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
It would be my pleasure. Thank you so much. Anonymous says,
I saw Tanya posting about how she and Robbie become
more obsessed with each other as time goes on. Becca
mentioned recently Shan Haley are still so excited to hang
out in love. I'm wondering if you have advice on
how to do that. I'm in an amazing relationship with
the best human ever, but it's new, and I feel
so afraid of when we're no longer in this place.
(01:37):
So I'm asking the age old question, how do you
keep that spark alive? What's your relationship advice on stayings
so in love and not letting all of that die out?
Speaker 5 (01:48):
You can go, well, it's interesting because I don't think
that I have like necessarily a formula or like a
specific thing to say. And we've only been Robin and
I have only been together for four and a half years,
so I guess it's not that long when you look
at it the big picture, you know what I mean,
People have been married for like twenty forty fifty years,
so four and a half still feels like we're still
(02:09):
freshly in it. I feel like it's just finding the
right partner, right, But.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
It sounds like she is or they I don't know
if it's a man or woman, but sounds.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Like they're in a new relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
So it's like that honeymoon phase and everything feels so exciting.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
And big and new, and it does die.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
I don't think you can keep that forever.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Yeah, I don't think you can keep people like say that.
I think it's.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Totally they're like I think I think there's a difference
of saying that.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
There there's almost this.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Like it's not not a toxic feeling, but it's almost
like this intoxicating feeling where you like I wasn't sleeping,
Like to maintain that feeling would be so exhausting looking back,
But there's still the excitement of getting to hang out
with her at Hayley after six years, there's still that
excitement of getting to talk to her at the end
(03:07):
of the day and recap our days together and like
do new things together.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
So I'm still I'm more in love.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Like the love is so much deeper, but it's not
this like thing I'm trying to grasp onto, Like I
feel like at peace in the relationship.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
As opposed to like frantically trying to Like.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
Yeah, because like in the early days when you're like dating,
you don't see them every day, so you like anticipate
seeing them. You like shave every inch of your body,
you like, you know, your slick as a dolphin. Yeah, dolphin,
like dolphin, Like you know now I'm like grizzly, you
know whatever, But.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Like you just do.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
There's so much that you like, there's so much build up,
and it's like you just can't keep that forever, you
know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
My mom shows every day her likes.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
I think I kind of shave them every time I'm
in the shower.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
You shower three times a day, yeah, my.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Everything shower, which is like twice a week, okay, and.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
That's when you wash your feet.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
That's when I watch my feet shape.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
You know that every time you're in the shower.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
R fair fair, fair, fair, fair fair fair.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
So basically, what we're saying is when you are with them,
I mean, you you how long have you all been?
Speaker 3 (04:21):
How long have you been with ay?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Twenty seven years since you've been Matten started dating, okay,
and you and.
Speaker 6 (04:27):
I'll say eleven years.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Okay, So how what would y'all say.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
That you can't keep that going? Because love evolves and
it's going to evolve whether you want it to or not.
It's going to and it can be go to a
better place. And I hope for your case the sake,
it doesn't go to a worse place. But it's going
to be different in the future than it is now.
And that doesn't make it bad in the future. It
can be great in the future in its own way.
Speaker 6 (04:47):
I agree like that feeling.
Speaker 7 (04:49):
I think like I think about to like the honeymoon feeling,
you know, and like I still get that feeling with Alis,
and it just takes on different forms, you know, like
I'm I know Alson better than any one else. I'm
never better than I know myself. And uh, but I'm
still excited. Like when she texts me, I get like
excited because and it's usually like, hey, the window guy
came by. It it's gonna be eighteen hundred dollars, you know,
(05:11):
it's like, oh, she just oh my gosh, she just
texted me, Oh, I miss you so much.
Speaker 6 (05:16):
Uh.
Speaker 7 (05:17):
The window guy and I tried cleaning some of the
windows and we got a lot of the scratches out.
Speaker 6 (05:20):
So that makes me so excited.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Said I miss you so much.
Speaker 6 (05:23):
She did, and I saw her this morning. You know,
but uh.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Wow and refreshing, refreshing, and you know.
Speaker 7 (05:40):
Again, I, like Tony said, I don't know, like you know,
I don't know what the key to that is. I
just I really like this person and I'm excited to
see all the different forms our relationship takes over the years.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
Yeah, And I think also it's like as your relationship evolves,
just like with and over time, like then it takes
on different forms. So it's like when you move in together,
that's like a whole different thing. So like I get
like so giddy when he some from work. Like me,
I've posted videos of like my dog whenever Robbi gets home, her.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
Tail goes like crazy and she's like this, like that's
how I am too.
Speaker 5 (06:07):
Just not filming myself, but like I'm so excited when
he comes home at the end of the day, you
know what I mean. But I just feel like everything
shifts as you grow as a couple, you know what
I mean. Like before I when we were dating, I
never had met hadn't even met the kids, so I
wasn't even involved in that. And now I'm like super
involved in that. So that's like another layer of you know,
you just I don't know it's all just.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, And you asked, like, is there conscious Like the
question is their conscious effort to keep spark alive? And
I do think there's effort in the sense that like
making time for each other and carving out things to
do for each other that maybe the other person loves.
We like couple therapy has been like so helpful for
helpful for us just in communicating and learning how to
(06:48):
have like healthy conversations that might be hard so that
I don't I'm known to shut down. So like if
I shut down and we're trying to have a productive conversation,
it just kind of puts a wedge in between us.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
And that was happening.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
So now I feel like, because we're able to communicate
in a more healthy way, I feel like there's a
deeper love there that I didn't I've never experienced ever.
Speaker 5 (07:12):
Yeah, I do feel like I know I say it
all the time, I really mean it. Finding out each
other's love languages is so important because I I don't
know if you know this about me, but I require
a lot of attention.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Fascinating.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Yeah, I require a lot.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
Robbie requires none like that guy, Like it's crazy, you know,
it's wild, he requires nothing and I require a lot.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
So you how do you don't?
Speaker 2 (07:36):
How do you know that he requires nothing because you
give so much? Have you ever seen him like just
not have Like you give him so much without him asking.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
For it, because that's right, that's wow.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
But like he he doesn't need more because he has
what you give him. But I'm saying, how do you
know he doesn't require stuff because you give everything, you
give a lot.
Speaker 5 (07:55):
Yeah, I don't I get what you're saying, but like
the guy really requires is not much.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
He's very chill.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
He's very lazy, very chilly.
Speaker 5 (08:04):
But it's like being open and communicating that, do you
know what I mean? Like I'm like, I need you
to touch me, I need you to tell me, and
I need you.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
To act every day how much you love me.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Whereas he it could be like once a week, you know,
like I could like give him a kiss on a
Thursday and he's good till Monday.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Whereas I'm like, I don't think.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
I don't think we approved because that has never happened.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
I know, I get what you're saying, but I just
I feel it in my bones that he really requires
very little.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Yeah, just a hunch Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I also think I have a really hard time if
I do need something and I'm not and Haley's not
able to read my mind, which is so infuriating.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
It's like, why can't you just read my mind? I'm
giving all the hints, but having to ask for what
I need is so uncomfortable for me. Right, But I
do think it's helped us so much when I'm able
to do it in a productive way.
Speaker 5 (08:57):
Yeah, I usually do it subtly, Like you know, I
write him a letter every morning. Don't write a letter
for like three days. He'll write me one because he's like, you.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Are the human form of subtlety.
Speaker 4 (09:10):
Correct, nothing but subtle.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
You should have Sunny return the favor and film you
when Robbie gets home, Like it's kind of rude that
you're always on me hurt honestly, So the Leasha could do,
I know, So I would say, enjoy the phase that
you're at and also know that just if that like
rush of like the newness goes away, that's not a
(09:32):
negative thing, correct, It just can mean it's like love
is growing in it.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
It can look different at so many different life stages.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Yeah, next, Mark we go.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
This is from Nicole I love your podcast. I came
across it around the time Beca came out, and then
binged all episodes from twenty seventeen in three to four months.
I want to ask Beca how her journey has been
so far reconnecting with her faith. I grew up Catholic,
but was never forced by my parents to attend church
all the time, and therein lies my issue. I'm twenty
six now and looking back, I feel like it was
a formality and nothing else. I've never felt connected to that,
(10:22):
and the interest has never really been there. I'm very
comfortable with not knowing whether or not God or a
God exists, but sometimes I do feel guilty that I'm
doing something wrong. But at the same time, I can't
force myself to believe in something I'm not connected to.
Tanya once mention growing up Serbian Orthodox then breaking away
from that to become Christian. Did you ever feel like
you were doing something wrong and breaking away from all
(10:43):
you'd known. I'd love to hear Marconie in the Feuse
as well, having grown up without religion at all.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Would you like to start, Becka?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah, I would say that.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
The hardest thing that I feel like I've ever had
to really navigate was my faith and my religion, and
especially after meeting Haley.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I've talked about I actually weirdly talked about this on
another podcast I did, but.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
I said, I was talking about how like my whole
life growing up in the South in a very like
conservative Christian environment, going to a Christian school, going to
church three times a.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Week, like three times a week, Sunday.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Sunday morning, and Sunday night.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Yeah, that is a lot. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
But then in high school I kind of would just
kind of go by my like I was more involved,
like just on my own and wasn't necessarily that was
like more as a child, and like I went because
I had to. And then when I was in high school,
I would go on my own, and what I knew
about same sex relationships or you know, homosexuality was that
(11:47):
it was wrong and bad. And so I think that
when before Haley, my sister came out to me, and
I think that was a real big shift for me
because my whole life I had never really had to
deal This is very selfish statement, but looking back, this
is how I felt. But because no one that I
was super close to had told me.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
That that part of them.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I think that it just was never I just kind
of like had my beliefs, but it was never something
I talked about or felt like I needed to reevaluate
until my sister came out to me, because I felt like,
how am I supposed to believe what I've been taught
my whole life about this person who I love more
than anything, you know, Like it was like my whole
(12:32):
mindset and like my belief system was kind of like shook,
and you grow up being.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Like you don't question, like how I grew up.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
You don't question anything, You don't take a deep dive
and look into things like that. Like I had never
even had that perspective of thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Until you know, my sister.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
And so then when I met Hayley, it was such
this instant connection that I didn't really go into the
faith thing until I was kind of having to navigate
things with my family and my parents, and then it.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Was like what do I actually believe?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Like I started having this moment of like I just
kind of followed and did what I was told, but
like I've never looked into it as like what do
I connect with?
Speaker 3 (13:12):
What do I believe about this.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
What what is it that's keeping me in this state
of faith or like believing in something that's so big?
So I went through this huge phase of just being
like what is it? Can I keep that? And can
I have a relationship with a woman? You know?
Speaker 4 (13:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
And that was really scary because it was like the
most consistent important thing in my life. And then I
realized I can have both and I believe in I
believe in what I believe in. And I think I've
always feared talking about religion because I was scared of
what Christian people would say, Like my fear has always
been around what will the Christians say? And then I
(13:55):
was thinking, how twisted is that that my fear of
who's going to bully me?
Speaker 3 (13:59):
Or t is gonna be Christian people?
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Like what a backwards mindset of Like how to think
about faith as opposed to thinking it's so huge? It's
faith because you don't it's believing in something that you
can't see or know, and also there's so many elements
to it. So I just always felt like it's my
it's such a personal thing and it's it's my personal journey.
(14:24):
And I always felt like I needed to make sure
everyone was happy with how I was doing it, But
no one's ever gonna be happy with how you're doing it.
I find personally that my faith brings me more peace
than anything else in my life.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
So that's how I've been able to like when people like,
how do you still believe?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
But I think the organized religion of it all has
been a little bit of a turn off because I
see people that I don't really want to associate and
if they're if they're of the Christian faith or they're
talking about that, I'm like, I don't want to really
be associated with those people, right? And that was really
that's kind of a complicated feeling, you know, because you're like, well,
(15:02):
you grow up being like you really shouldn't have deep
relationships outside of people who believe the same as you,
you know, but that feels so.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
That doesn't.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
I just feel like what I've learned and like how
what I believe Jesus to be was not that type
of person.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah, what an awful statement that you shouldn't have deep
relationships with Basically, like.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Don't don't have deep rooted relationships with people who don't
have the same beliefs.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
How do you grow you learn the world.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Like until I, until I moved out of that mindset,
the amount of people I met who celebrate totally different
cultures and religion I would have never known had I
not moved and like ask questions and gotten to know
people who were different than me. And I think it's
such a beautiful thing to have relationships with people from
all different backgrounds and from the you know, different parts
(15:53):
of the country and world, and and I think it's
a beautiful thing. I just I don't know, it's it's
definitely complicated. It's not something I have a clear answer about, obviously,
but I have my faith, and I think that if
you don't connect to something, you can't force yourself. But
I also it gives me peace believing in something bigger
than me.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Yeah. I think for me.
Speaker 5 (16:18):
It was a really hard topic because I did grow
up very Serbian Orthodox, Like I would go to church
every Sunday with my dad, and it's more deep rooted
for my dad than my mom, I think. But when
I I never felt connected to the Serbian Orthodox Church.
I didn't really understand what they were saying. I always
(16:40):
felt judged because I didn't speak Serbian. It was very traditional,
like I had to wear a skirt past my knees,
you can't have your shoulders. It was just it felt
I never felt like I fit in when I was
going there, and that's hard, right. So again, I'm doing
this because I'm just I'm going with my dad and
it means so much to him. And then when I
(17:02):
started going to Christian Church and really finding my footing
in that, it was like a really hard conversation with
my parents because like they just didn't understand it. They
were just like, it's all the same beliefs, so why
can't you go?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
You know.
Speaker 5 (17:13):
It was like a really hard and it still is
to this day a very touchy subject. And I think
it's because, you know, I grew up one hundred percent
fully Serbian, and I think that in my parents' eyes,
it was like I was turning my back on that,
and I you know, I wanted to be different than
(17:33):
how I was born and.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Didn't appreciate that, you know. And like my sister got.
Speaker 5 (17:42):
Married and her husband converted to Serbian Orthodox and they
got married in a Serbian Orthodox church, and like she
did it the way that I think they wanted that
they wanted it, and I'm going to do it a
marrying a Jewish man with a pop culture officiant, not
in a serby words at the Dux church, you.
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Know, Like it's very it's just very different. And so.
Speaker 5 (18:08):
That's what's hard for me is it's how hard it
is for my parents. It has not been hard for
me personally, like being Christian and my relationship with God
is what is what fuels me. It's not about the
rules and the what not to do and who not
to be with. I did get a lot of criticism
when I started dating Robbie, like, you know, how do
(18:30):
you guys do it? How to navigate? And I'm like,
it's actually quite beautiful. We both celebrate each other's holidays
and traditions and learn and grow and I think it's
cool that he's Jewish and I'm Christian and it works
and we think about I don't know, like we just
(18:50):
have more holidays and more celebrating, Like who doesn't like that?
Speaker 4 (18:55):
You know what I mean? Will it be different when
we have a kid. I don't know. I have no idea,
I'm no idea how that's going to feel.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
But for now, this is how we do it, and
we like it.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
It's a hard question for me because I don't speak
this language, you know, And I don't feel guilty about that,
Like you feel guilty you don't speak Swedish. Well, no,
I don't speak Swedish, so therefore I don't. I don't
speak religion. I don't really know anything about it. I
haven't had in my whole life. But I'll say this,
it's all taught. Homophobia is taught, Racism is taught, transphobia, islamophobia,
(19:27):
whatever it is. Any this disregard, dislike, disapproval of cultures
or lifestyles is all taught. When my kids were born,
I saw it. They loved everybody, everybody. But the journey
that most people are forced to go on is I
love everybody, and then someone tells them you shouldn't love
this person with these people are these people? Are these
(19:47):
people for various reasons. And then those kids are like, okay, God,
I'm not going to like any of those people. And
then they get out in the world and they meet
a gay person, they meet a black person, they meet
a Muslim person, and they realize, gosh, you know what,
this is kind of cool. These people that are out
there in the world and that's the journey we make
everyone go on, which is so odd to me. Well,
with my kids, I just want to put a period
(20:08):
of the end of statement. You love everyone, great love everyone.
And some people would say to me, you know, your
sister is married to a woman. Was that weird for
your kids? No, they love everyone, and so saying to
my kids, we never even said it that that's your
aunt Amy, and that's your aunt Emily, that's her wife Emily. Okay, cool,
Like they just when you love everyone, like as all
(20:30):
babies do, they just accept everything. It's fine, That's just
how the world is. And he said, love is love,
it doesn't matter. It's a beautiful thing. So I wish
there was less of that. I wish there was so
much less of that journey that we make everyone go
so interesting.
Speaker 5 (20:45):
I do feel like, and I'm not going to get political,
but if you look at a lot of the harm
in the world, it is all rooted in what am
I trying to say, that device those walls. Everybody that's
been put into a wall, been born into like these
(21:06):
these views. And I think if that weren't the case,
there would be a lot more peace in our world.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
And but I would as a as a non religious person,
I'd point out their religion is one of those walls.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Yeah, right, right, So it's like it's like, imagine by
John Lennon, imagine no religion. Imagine there's no countries. You know,
there's borders, there's language, there's skin color, there's religion. It
all separates us in different ways. And it would be
a much better world if we weren't separated by all
these different things, right.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Yeah, And I feel I also I was thinking about
like when I when Haley and I were going to
come out and be public, all all of my fear
was surrounded by like Christian people saying things, you know,
like you read the Bible, you know, like just all that.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
I really didn't think about any.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Other type of hate, And I remember thinking why did
I have that? You know that, because that's how I
used to think. So in my mind, I was like everyone,
that's how, that's what I should be worried about, because
I was.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
I was not. I mean, I guess taught to be judgmental, you.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Know, you're like you're raised to be friends with certain
people and to form relationships with certain people. And so
when I realized that my biggest fear of who was
going to hurt me the most were the Christians, people
who were religious.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I was like, this feels like it's not right.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
I think it's a credit to you that you stuck
with it. I think a lot of people realizing this
is not right leave the church. You know, I don't
know how involve you on an actual church. Your faith
has has continued, which I think is a credit to you.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
Thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
I think it was one of those things of like
give up something that means so much because of what
other people might say or not agree with, or keep
something that's so personal and important to me and also
live my life, you know.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
So but it's hard. Religions so complicated.
Speaker 7 (22:56):
How do you feel about it?
Speaker 6 (22:58):
It's it's weird.
Speaker 7 (23:00):
I I had a I was very very anti religion
for a very long time because so my my father
was an ultra boy and he was abused by a
priest when he was a child. He's been he was
in like a documentary about He's been very open about it,
and I like went with him to a lot of
like helping other like survivors and say victims, but and
(23:22):
like seeing how the church reacted to when all that
was happening, the Catholic church specifically just despicable, like like
it was.
Speaker 6 (23:29):
It was really crazy. It was really.
Speaker 7 (23:31):
Upsetting to see how they were reacting to these horrible
things happening. And so I was like, Oh, religion sucks
like this, this sucks, like who would want to do
something like this? And and it you know, that's why
we we never went to church growing up because of that,
because like like my parents went to like a Catholic
high school, and then when my sister and I were born,
like we'd go to church like one time and then
might have like, I'm not doing this. We wouldn't go back.
(23:52):
I never knew what the what the deal was. But
so I didn't have religion forever. And and it wasn't
until long into adulthood that I was like meeting other
people that had faith and like realizing, oh, this person
like doesn't hate it, you know, like so many negative
things with it, and uh, and I see so many
beautiful things come from faith and come from the community
(24:12):
that in a church. So that that was a I mean,
that was a journey I had to go on, you know,
you talk about that like like I really had a
lot of animosity towards organized religion for a long time.
But that being said, I don't think that I've ever
had an issue living my life like not without religion,
like in terms of like how to behave and how
(24:32):
to really.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
To be moral compass.
Speaker 7 (24:34):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I I and I know that's
not the same way, you know, not everyone needs that,
But I don't know I'll never I don't think I'll
ever go to church. We Allison worked in a church,
like in admin roll for a while, and like I
went to some services there just like you know, because
it's like her coworkers, you know, doing that thing, and
(24:56):
it was fine, and I thought it was I thought
it was like nice.
Speaker 6 (24:59):
But but I don't think I'll ever do that.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Yeah, So I don't know.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
I'm trying to stay here.
Speaker 7 (25:05):
Do what you want, you know, believe what you want,
but don't do terrible things other people.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Goes.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
I don't like that you feel guilty about any of it.
You should figure out what you believe in and what
you don't, but you you shouldn't fee gilty about it
whatever it is exactly. I know that's easier said than done.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
But no, and it's really hard.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
But I do think that there is beauty in figuring
out what you believe in. I think your journey of
finding something that that you believe in is important and
it's beautiful, and it's also hard because there's a lot
of opinions about it.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
It's very hard.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Okay, there's a we have a one to two more emails,
so we're going to take a break and we'll be
right back.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
All right, we are back. Which one do we want
to do next?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
How about this one from Becca? Hi, Tanya and Becca.
I love your podcast. It truly brings me so much
joy to listen to every week, Like I'm listening in
on my girlfriends and find myself laughing out loud to
myself in the car. My boyfriend and I have been
together for three years and are now talking about taking
the next steps of an engagement and getting married. My
boyfriend is adamant about getting a pre nup before we
getting married. I can't help it feel like that means
(26:32):
we will be preparing for a divorce before we're even married.
My boyfriend would be coming into the married with significantly
more money than me. I can't help it feel like
a prenup puts us in a situation where we're protecting
ourselves against each other and feel as though it's a
lack of trust rather than unity. If either, if you
had this conversation, do you see it as a lack
of trust or just going through the motions like getting
insurance for any other major commitment in life.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
This is so funny because before, like my whole life
growing up, or when I the first time I ever
heard about a prenup or what it was, I was like,
oh my gosh, that is just such a negative like viewpoint,
and why would you I had that mindset of like
you're just anticipating that it's gonna end before it even begins.
But now I have a different view on it, in
(27:16):
the sense that if someone has a significant amount of
money more than the person that they're marrying, I just
think that it's a way of being like, hey, I
have no intention about like this ever having to come
into play, but I like, you just don't know what's
(27:37):
gonna happen in life.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
Yeah, honestly, I don't know what y'all think.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
Because you're all married and then you're you're getting.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
Married getting married.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
I would be not offended at all if Robbi would
have come to me and said, I think we should have.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
A prenup like I really wouldn't, especially coming from his
previous experience, Like.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
To me, you just you really I get it. It
does feel dark because you are preparing something in the
case that it does not and the way that you
want it to. But I just feel like it's like
anything in life. And also if you're really, if you're
good and like you're good in a good, healthy relationship,
you know what you're going to bring to the table.
(28:17):
It's just a matter of contract, like anything else that
you sign in life, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I also wonder though, if it's different if the if
the goal is that you're going to be a mom,
and the goal is you're like you're going to be
a stay at home mom, then I feel like that's
a different conversation because if you're at home raising the
kids and you have kids together, and then this person
signs a pre nup and it's like you're not getting
you and the kids aren't getting anything, that's kind of dark.
Speaker 5 (28:44):
But I feel like you would factor that in, you
would factor everything in that your situation is.
Speaker 8 (28:49):
I feel like if they couldn't go after correct yeah,
and you just kind of lay it out because what
I feel like, when you get divorced, I'm not, to
the knowledge of anyone ever getting divorced under happy terms,
like people are usually pissed and fiery and angry, and
that is like.
Speaker 5 (29:07):
The worst you are, your worst self when you're going
through and hurt and bitterer on either side, you know
what I mean. Like, if you got cheated on, you're
fucking pissed and you're bitter and you're hurt.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
If you are the one that cheated, you're.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Fucking oh sorry, and yeah, but I think it's on
both ends, do you.
Speaker 4 (29:26):
Know what I mean? So it's like you're your worst self.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
So if there's already something in place that you have
both agreed upon under happy terms, that's just going to
deal with the situation. I feel like that's better than
the latter in my personal tet.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
No, I agree.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
And it's also like if you go and get life insurance,
it's like, oh, are you anticipating that, like you're immediately
gonna die. No, it's just like setting everybody up to
be protected in this in the case that something happens.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
When you're all happy and in a sound right mind.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
That's a good point, though, You're right, people get I mean,
it brings up I think that situation and brings out
the worst in people, the.
Speaker 5 (30:01):
Worst, and then you spend so much time and money
and energy on all of that when if you just
had it done, it's just there.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
And I'd also like to validate that.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
I think as a human being, it feels very normal
and valid that your feelings would feel a little bit
hurt and like everything that you're saying makes perfect sense
to me. But I'm almost I think, yeah, I'm with
Tanya in the sense that it just sets sets things
up before you move into the marriage if anything were
(30:33):
to happen.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
Yeah, and you said it again, on good terms where
you both are looking out for each other's best interest.
You think it's fair. You know again, I too, like
I would feel there is a part of me that
would feel sad. Heck, I could even ask him for
a prenup. You know, there would be a part of
me that would be sad about it, But I also
(30:54):
wouldn't be so offended either way.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
It's excellent advice.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
I can't another thing I can't relate to. When Amy
and I met, we had nothing. Yeah, zero assets, We
own no property. Our cars were worthless, like we had zero.
So it's hard to imagine that. But I think I
think it's fine. And I think I think your your
analogy about how you're in a better state of mind
now than you would be at the time. God forbid.
(31:22):
I think it's smart.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (31:23):
I mean Allison and I were in the same like
when we met. We also had nothing, but something we
did I think I talked about on the show. But
Allison inherited some money from her grandfather a couple of
years ago, and she bought this cabin that we spent
a lot of time in up in the mountains, and
her attorney said, you should this should be bought soul
and separate, Like it should be just your name on it,
(31:43):
so that if something happens, you know, it's property. Yeah,
like we don't have to sell it and I get
half of it, you know. And she was like really
sheepish about it, like talking to me about that, and
I was like, no, that, I think that's a great idea.
That's fantastic. That's so like, you know, if something happens,
I have no claim to that property, and you know,
(32:04):
I don't anticipate anything to happen. But I felt like
that it makes her feel more secure and it doesn't
bother me at all, Like I you know, that's and
I told her tale, was like, do you want to
get a post enough? Is that something you like to do?
And she's like, no, what are we going to do?
But uh, yeah, that's h And also it kind of
absolves me for having to do any damn work on
that house because I have problem. Yeah, as soon as
(32:28):
I get under the end of the head there, then
I have a financial interest.
Speaker 6 (32:32):
I'm sorry, the court is not going to look very
fondly on that site.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
It is true.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
It's interesting.
Speaker 5 (32:36):
It's such an interesting conversation because I think that it
does have a very negative connotation, but I think it's
very realistic. Money is a factor in life, and so
it's just like you treat it like anything else, like
a contract.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
All right, Anonymous says the guy I truly believe is
my person is newly single. We were in a best
friends type situationship almost a decade. It was too hard
for me to see him with someone else, and then
our mutual friend group disbanded soon after, so we haven't
spoken for a few years. We never had a conversation
or any closure because I was never confident enough to
tell him how I felt. I never regret that every
day now that he's single again, I've been waiting for
(33:15):
him to reach out, but I haven't heard anything yet.
And I don't know if it's because he doesn't want
to talk to me, or if he just thinks I
don't want to hear from him. Should I keep waiting
to see if he reaches out, or should I reach
out to him. I don't want to seem desperate. I
have no clue what to even say. That would be
the length of that wouldn't be the length of an
entire novel. I just want him to somehow get the
messages that I miss him, and I want to reconnect.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
This feels like a great moment for Hey, how are you.
I've been thinking about you lately. Are you free to
catch up? Hey?
Speaker 1 (33:44):
I saw that movie maybe think of you?
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Hey? Yeah, I heard that song? Remember that song we
always we loved when we all hang out. I hope
you're doing well. I heard that song that reminded me of.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
You when I drove by that restaurant we went to
that one time. Have you been there recently a favorite
of mine.
Speaker 6 (34:00):
I had a dream about you.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
That's a good one. It's actually a good one.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
But anyone ever says they have a dream about me,
I'm like, I gotcha, say no more.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
I know what that means. I always assume, like because
if I were to, like when I used to try
and like reach out to someone I had talked to
and it was a guy, had to dream about you.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
Yeah, funny how that works.
Speaker 5 (34:27):
Yeah, I say, you open the door, like you just
open it slightly, like to let the breeze in. You
don't open it wide and let like the whole air
conditioning come into the room. You're just opening it slightly
to get the.
Speaker 4 (34:38):
Little bit of breeze.
Speaker 5 (34:39):
That way, if you're not it's not fully open, you're
not vulnerable completely. But if it's not totally shut, then
it gives them the freedom to just blow it.
Speaker 4 (34:48):
Open, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
Just blow it right open, blow it right open.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, I think I think you don't have to immediately
confess your feelings. If you's just got out of a relationship.
Maybe he's grieving the relationship and he's not even thinking
about dating again, so or.
Speaker 4 (35:05):
He could you don't know he could be so stoked
to be out of that relationship totally.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
But I'm saying, you never know until you know.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Confess all of your feelings in a long text or call.
You can just say, hey, I've been thinking about you,
had to dream about you. I was just wondering how
you're doing.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
I'd love to catch up.
Speaker 5 (35:23):
This is what Bill Hayter did with with Ali Wang.
Ali Wang got a divorce. It was all over the news,
and she was like, I did not realize that I
was going to be like a calling a bat signal
because Bill Hater found out that she was getting divorced
and said, you were the girl of my dreams. I
had to shoot my shot and look at them now.
(35:44):
In case you don't know, they're together, I didn't.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
I didn't know that.
Speaker 5 (35:46):
So this is actually used to me spoiler alert, they
are together. So I don't know, man, I say, take
the Bill Hayter approach when.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
In doubt, I don't.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
She thinks this is our guys, So she does want
to tread lightly because she doesn't want to blow it.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
Who needs to tread lightly?
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Who treads lightly? I've never tread lightly.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
You were kind of in your like getting advice on
how to handle the dating apps. You were treading lightly
because you were asking on how to tread lightly.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
No, no, no, no, no, no no, I've not tread lightly.
Speaker 5 (36:21):
I would hand the ball over to somebody to pretend
to me so that they could tread lightly. But I
myself never tread lightly.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
That's what I'm saying. You've called in the sources to
tread lightly, and I'm just saying.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
That's not your style.
Speaker 4 (36:34):
It's not my style.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
You're not a light treader.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
No.
Speaker 5 (36:38):
Me and Bill Hater birds of a feather, Yeah, you
and Bill Hater birds of a feather, we stick together.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
That's all for now. See that was very different than
ask us anything.
Speaker 5 (36:52):
So different, way deeper, sterraneous.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Four questions as opposed to thirty questions.
Speaker 6 (36:59):
What's your favorite color?
Speaker 4 (37:00):
Right right, right, right right?
Speaker 1 (37:02):
My real quick favorite color go oh white, really unexpected
the color all colors combined. It's all colors.
Speaker 4 (37:12):
I don't have a favorite color.
Speaker 6 (37:13):
That's that's very tiny though. Everything working in harmony.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Thank you back a favorite color blue?
Speaker 4 (37:19):
It is.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Blue. I'm also blue. I like a cobalt blue.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
Okay, I love a coal, but I love like the
color of the Tahoe water.
Speaker 5 (37:29):
That's the thing you can't say, like what's your favorite color?
It's like, what's your favorite color to wear? What's your
favorite color to look at?
Speaker 1 (37:34):
What's your favorite I just said what's your color? And
the other two three people in the room answered that,
no problem.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
But I see what I'm wearing.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
Well, they're not going subterranean on the question.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
I know you, what's your favorite what's your favorite color
to look at?
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Pink?
Speaker 3 (37:47):
I would say, okay, what's your favorite color to wear?
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Black? Wow?
Speaker 6 (37:52):
Also, that's the absence of color orange.
Speaker 4 (37:55):
Orange.
Speaker 3 (37:56):
Your favorite color to wear is orange.
Speaker 4 (37:58):
I love me and orange.
Speaker 5 (38:00):
Hey, I don't have a lot of it, not a lot,
not a lot out there.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Okay, but I love to wear it. What's your favorite color?
Speaker 2 (38:06):
That?
Speaker 3 (38:06):
Robbie worse, These these verse answers are just.
Speaker 4 (38:15):
What I'm saying. There's just so much more to the question.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
That's the beauty of this show, isn't it. We could
do an entire episode and what's your favorite color?
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Because nothing, no, no, no, it's always subterranean.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
And that's that is life. You know.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
It should be called scrub terraneum.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
Wow, that's what this episode should be called.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Yeah, all right, thank you for that. We love y'all
so much. Have a great weekend, let see you next week.
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Scrub dub dum sco rub a dub dull. We are
asking bunya.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I don't know about like like US giving advice is
like such a what It's just so funny, Like a
whole episode of US giving advice is so funny because
sometimes people have like really hard life things that are
going through and we're just like bo just have a
conversation about you.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Know, watermelon and canalos.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
But you know, they come to us for a reason.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I don't think it's that weird.
Speaker 5 (00:45):
I think that oftentimes people seek advice from people that
are not involved in the situation, like third parties. I
think we've lived a lot of life. We've had different
experiences to very different experiences, so there's a lot of
perspective there.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Oh yeah, I got lots of perspective.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Well, I'm super excited for this. I love these episodes.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I love the ammes or auas ask us any things.
But I love a lengthy email typed out yeah seeking us.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Same mark, are you anyway?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
It would be my pleasure. Thank you so much. Anonymous says,
I saw Tanya posting about how she and Robbie become
more obsessed with each other as time goes on. Becca
mentioned recently Shan Haley are still so excited to hang
out in love. I'm wondering if you have advice on
how to do that. I'm in an amazing relationship with
the best human ever, but it's new, and I feel
so afraid of when we're no longer in this place.
(01:37):
So I'm asking the age old question, how do you
keep that spark alive? What's your relationship advice on stayings
so in love and not letting all of that die out?
Speaker 5 (01:48):
You can go, well, it's interesting because I don't think
that I have like necessarily a formula or like a
specific thing to say. And we've only been Robin and
I have only been together for four and a half years,
so I guess it's not that long when you look
at it the big picture, you know what I mean,
People have been married for like twenty forty fifty years,
so four and a half still feels like we're still
(02:09):
freshly in it. I feel like it's just finding the
right partner, right, But.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
It sounds like she is or they I don't know
if it's a man or woman, but sounds.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Like they're in a new relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
So it's like that honeymoon phase and everything feels so exciting.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
And big and new, and it does die.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
I don't think you can keep that forever.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Yeah, I don't think you can keep people like say that.
I think it's.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Totally they're like I think I think there's a difference
of saying that.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
There there's almost this.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Like it's not not a toxic feeling, but it's almost
like this intoxicating feeling where you like I wasn't sleeping,
Like to maintain that feeling would be so exhausting looking back,
But there's still the excitement of getting to hang out
with her at Hayley after six years, there's still that
excitement of getting to talk to her at the end
(03:07):
of the day and recap our days together and like
do new things together.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
So I'm still I'm more in love.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Like the love is so much deeper, but it's not
this like thing I'm trying to grasp onto, Like I
feel like at peace in the relationship.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
As opposed to like frantically trying to Like.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
Yeah, because like in the early days when you're like dating,
you don't see them every day, so you like anticipate
seeing them. You like shave every inch of your body,
you like, you know, your slick as a dolphin. Yeah, dolphin,
like dolphin, Like you know now I'm like grizzly, you
know whatever, But.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Like you just do.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
There's so much that you like, there's so much build up,
and it's like you just can't keep that forever, you
know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
My mom shows every day her likes.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
I think I kind of shave them every time I'm
in the shower.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
You shower three times a day, yeah, my.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Everything shower, which is like twice a week, okay, and.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
That's when you wash your feet.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
That's when I watch my feet shape.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
You know that every time you're in the shower.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
R fair fair, fair, fair, fair fair fair.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
So basically, what we're saying is when you are with them,
I mean, you you how long have you all been?
Speaker 3 (04:21):
How long have you been with ay?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Twenty seven years since you've been Matten started dating, okay,
and you and.
Speaker 6 (04:27):
I'll say eleven years.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Okay, So how what would y'all say.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
That you can't keep that going? Because love evolves and
it's going to evolve whether you want it to or not.
It's going to and it can be go to a
better place. And I hope for your case the sake,
it doesn't go to a worse place. But it's going
to be different in the future than it is now.
And that doesn't make it bad in the future. It
can be great in the future in its own way.
Speaker 6 (04:47):
I agree like that feeling.
Speaker 7 (04:49):
I think like I think about to like the honeymoon feeling,
you know, and like I still get that feeling with Alis,
and it just takes on different forms, you know, like
I'm I know Alson better than any one else. I'm
never better than I know myself. And uh, but I'm
still excited. Like when she texts me, I get like
excited because and it's usually like, hey, the window guy
came by. It it's gonna be eighteen hundred dollars, you know,
(05:11):
it's like, oh, she just oh my gosh, she just
texted me, Oh, I miss you so much.
Speaker 6 (05:16):
Uh.
Speaker 7 (05:17):
The window guy and I tried cleaning some of the
windows and we got a lot of the scratches out.
Speaker 6 (05:20):
So that makes me so excited.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Said I miss you so much.
Speaker 6 (05:23):
She did, and I saw her this morning. You know,
but uh.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Wow and refreshing, refreshing, and you know.
Speaker 7 (05:40):
Again, I, like Tony said, I don't know, like you know,
I don't know what the key to that is. I
just I really like this person and I'm excited to
see all the different forms our relationship takes over the years.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
Yeah, And I think also it's like as your relationship evolves,
just like with and over time, like then it takes
on different forms. So it's like when you move in together,
that's like a whole different thing. So like I get
like so giddy when he some from work. Like me,
I've posted videos of like my dog whenever Robbi gets home, her.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
Tail goes like crazy and she's like this, like that's
how I am too.
Speaker 5 (06:07):
Just not filming myself, but like I'm so excited when
he comes home at the end of the day, you
know what I mean. But I just feel like everything
shifts as you grow as a couple, you know what
I mean. Like before I when we were dating, I
never had met hadn't even met the kids, so I
wasn't even involved in that. And now I'm like super
involved in that. So that's like another layer of you know,
you just I don't know it's all just.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, And you asked, like, is there conscious Like the
question is their conscious effort to keep spark alive? And
I do think there's effort in the sense that like
making time for each other and carving out things to
do for each other that maybe the other person loves.
We like couple therapy has been like so helpful for
helpful for us just in communicating and learning how to
(06:48):
have like healthy conversations that might be hard so that
I don't I'm known to shut down. So like if
I shut down and we're trying to have a productive conversation,
it just kind of puts a wedge in between us.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
And that was happening.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
So now I feel like, because we're able to communicate
in a more healthy way, I feel like there's a
deeper love there that I didn't I've never experienced ever.
Speaker 5 (07:12):
Yeah, I do feel like I know I say it
all the time, I really mean it. Finding out each
other's love languages is so important because I I don't
know if you know this about me, but I require
a lot of attention.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Fascinating.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Yeah, I require a lot.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
Robbie requires none like that guy, Like it's crazy, you know,
it's wild, he requires nothing and I require a lot.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
So you how do you don't?
Speaker 2 (07:36):
How do you know that he requires nothing because you
give so much? Have you ever seen him like just
not have Like you give him so much without him asking.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
For it, because that's right, that's wow.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
But like he he doesn't need more because he has
what you give him. But I'm saying, how do you
know he doesn't require stuff because you give everything, you
give a lot.
Speaker 5 (07:55):
Yeah, I don't I get what you're saying, but like
the guy really requires is not much.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
He's very chill.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
He's very lazy, very chilly.
Speaker 5 (08:04):
But it's like being open and communicating that, do you
know what I mean? Like I'm like, I need you
to touch me, I need you to tell me, and
I need you.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
To act every day how much you love me.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Whereas he it could be like once a week, you know,
like I could like give him a kiss on a
Thursday and he's good till Monday.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Whereas I'm like, I don't think.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
I don't think we approved because that has never happened.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
I know, I get what you're saying, but I just
I feel it in my bones that he really requires
very little.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Yeah, just a hunch Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I also think I have a really hard time if
I do need something and I'm not and Haley's not
able to read my mind, which is so infuriating.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
It's like, why can't you just read my mind? I'm
giving all the hints, but having to ask for what
I need is so uncomfortable for me. Right, But I
do think it's helped us so much when I'm able
to do it in a productive way.
Speaker 5 (08:57):
Yeah, I usually do it subtly, Like you know, I
write him a letter every morning. Don't write a letter
for like three days. He'll write me one because he's like, you.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Are the human form of subtlety.
Speaker 4 (09:10):
Correct, nothing but subtle.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
You should have Sunny return the favor and film you
when Robbie gets home, Like it's kind of rude that
you're always on me hurt honestly, So the Leasha could do,
I know, So I would say, enjoy the phase that
you're at and also know that just if that like
rush of like the newness goes away, that's not a
(09:32):
negative thing, correct, It just can mean it's like love
is growing in it.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
It can look different at so many different life stages.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Yeah, next, Mark we go.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
This is from Nicole I love your podcast. I came
across it around the time Beca came out, and then
binged all episodes from twenty seventeen in three to four months.
I want to ask Beca how her journey has been
so far reconnecting with her faith. I grew up Catholic,
but was never forced by my parents to attend church
all the time, and therein lies my issue. I'm twenty
six now and looking back, I feel like it was
a formality and nothing else. I've never felt connected to that,
(10:22):
and the interest has never really been there. I'm very
comfortable with not knowing whether or not God or a
God exists, but sometimes I do feel guilty that I'm
doing something wrong. But at the same time, I can't
force myself to believe in something I'm not connected to.
Tanya once mention growing up Serbian Orthodox then breaking away
from that to become Christian. Did you ever feel like
you were doing something wrong and breaking away from all
(10:43):
you'd known. I'd love to hear Marconie in the Feuse
as well, having grown up without religion at all.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Would you like to start, Becka?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah, I would say that.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
The hardest thing that I feel like I've ever had
to really navigate was my faith and my religion, and
especially after meeting Haley.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I've talked about I actually weirdly talked about this on
another podcast I did, but.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
I said, I was talking about how like my whole
life growing up in the South in a very like
conservative Christian environment, going to a Christian school, going to
church three times a.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Week, like three times a week, Sunday.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Sunday morning, and Sunday night.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Yeah, that is a lot. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
But then in high school I kind of would just
kind of go by my like I was more involved,
like just on my own and wasn't necessarily that was
like more as a child, and like I went because
I had to. And then when I was in high school,
I would go on my own, and what I knew
about same sex relationships or you know, homosexuality was that
(11:47):
it was wrong and bad. And so I think that
when before Haley, my sister came out to me, and
I think that was a real big shift for me
because my whole life I had never really had to
deal This is very selfish statement, but looking back, this
is how I felt. But because no one that I
was super close to had told me.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
That that part of them.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I think that it just was never I just kind
of like had my beliefs, but it was never something
I talked about or felt like I needed to reevaluate
until my sister came out to me, because I felt like,
how am I supposed to believe what I've been taught
my whole life about this person who I love more
than anything, you know, Like it was like my whole
(12:32):
mindset and like my belief system was kind of like shook,
and you grow up being.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Like you don't question, like how I grew up.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
You don't question anything, You don't take a deep dive
and look into things like that. Like I had never
even had that perspective of thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Until you know, my sister.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
And so then when I met Hayley, it was such
this instant connection that I didn't really go into the
faith thing until I was kind of having to navigate
things with my family and my parents, and then it.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Was like what do I actually believe?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Like I started having this moment of like I just
kind of followed and did what I was told, but
like I've never looked into it as like what do
I connect with?
Speaker 3 (13:12):
What do I believe about this.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
What what is it that's keeping me in this state
of faith or like believing in something that's so big?
So I went through this huge phase of just being
like what is it? Can I keep that? And can
I have a relationship with a woman? You know?
Speaker 4 (13:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
And that was really scary because it was like the
most consistent important thing in my life. And then I
realized I can have both and I believe in I
believe in what I believe in. And I think I've
always feared talking about religion because I was scared of
what Christian people would say, Like my fear has always
been around what will the Christians say? And then I
(13:55):
was thinking, how twisted is that that my fear of
who's going to bully me?
Speaker 3 (13:59):
Or t is gonna be Christian people?
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Like what a backwards mindset of Like how to think
about faith as opposed to thinking it's so huge? It's
faith because you don't it's believing in something that you
can't see or know, and also there's so many elements
to it. So I just always felt like it's my
it's such a personal thing and it's it's my personal journey.
(14:24):
And I always felt like I needed to make sure
everyone was happy with how I was doing it, But
no one's ever gonna be happy with how you're doing it.
I find personally that my faith brings me more peace
than anything else in my life.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
So that's how I've been able to like when people like,
how do you still believe?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
But I think the organized religion of it all has
been a little bit of a turn off because I
see people that I don't really want to associate and
if they're if they're of the Christian faith or they're
talking about that, I'm like, I don't want to really
be associated with those people, right? And that was really
that's kind of a complicated feeling, you know, because you're like, well,
(15:02):
you grow up being like you really shouldn't have deep
relationships outside of people who believe the same as you,
you know, but that feels so.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
That doesn't.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
I just feel like what I've learned and like how
what I believe Jesus to be was not that type
of person.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah, what an awful statement that you shouldn't have deep
relationships with Basically, like.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Don't don't have deep rooted relationships with people who don't
have the same beliefs.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
How do you grow you learn the world.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Like until I, until I moved out of that mindset,
the amount of people I met who celebrate totally different
cultures and religion I would have never known had I
not moved and like ask questions and gotten to know
people who were different than me. And I think it's
such a beautiful thing to have relationships with people from
all different backgrounds and from the you know, different parts
(15:53):
of the country and world, and and I think it's
a beautiful thing. I just I don't know, it's it's
definitely complicated. It's not something I have a clear answer about, obviously,
but I have my faith, and I think that if
you don't connect to something, you can't force yourself. But
I also it gives me peace believing in something bigger
than me.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Yeah. I think for me.
Speaker 5 (16:18):
It was a really hard topic because I did grow
up very Serbian Orthodox, Like I would go to church
every Sunday with my dad, and it's more deep rooted
for my dad than my mom, I think. But when
I I never felt connected to the Serbian Orthodox Church.
I didn't really understand what they were saying. I always
(16:40):
felt judged because I didn't speak Serbian. It was very traditional,
like I had to wear a skirt past my knees,
you can't have your shoulders. It was just it felt
I never felt like I fit in when I was
going there, and that's hard, right. So again, I'm doing
this because I'm just I'm going with my dad and
it means so much to him. And then when I
(17:02):
started going to Christian Church and really finding my footing
in that, it was like a really hard conversation with
my parents because like they just didn't understand it. They
were just like, it's all the same beliefs, so why
can't you go?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
You know.
Speaker 5 (17:13):
It was like a really hard and it still is
to this day a very touchy subject. And I think
it's because, you know, I grew up one hundred percent
fully Serbian, and I think that in my parents' eyes,
it was like I was turning my back on that,
and I you know, I wanted to be different than
(17:33):
how I was born and.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Didn't appreciate that, you know. And like my sister got.
Speaker 5 (17:42):
Married and her husband converted to Serbian Orthodox and they
got married in a Serbian Orthodox church, and like she
did it the way that I think they wanted that
they wanted it, and I'm going to do it a
marrying a Jewish man with a pop culture officiant, not
in a serby words at the Dux church, you.
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Know, Like it's very it's just very different. And so.
Speaker 5 (18:08):
That's what's hard for me is it's how hard it
is for my parents. It has not been hard for
me personally, like being Christian and my relationship with God
is what is what fuels me. It's not about the
rules and the what not to do and who not
to be with. I did get a lot of criticism
when I started dating Robbie, like, you know, how do
(18:30):
you guys do it? How to navigate? And I'm like,
it's actually quite beautiful. We both celebrate each other's holidays
and traditions and learn and grow and I think it's
cool that he's Jewish and I'm Christian and it works
and we think about I don't know, like we just
(18:50):
have more holidays and more celebrating, Like who doesn't like that?
Speaker 4 (18:55):
You know what I mean? Will it be different when
we have a kid. I don't know. I have no idea,
I'm no idea how that's going to feel.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
But for now, this is how we do it, and
we like it.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
It's a hard question for me because I don't speak
this language, you know, And I don't feel guilty about that,
Like you feel guilty you don't speak Swedish. Well, no,
I don't speak Swedish, so therefore I don't. I don't
speak religion. I don't really know anything about it. I
haven't had in my whole life. But I'll say this,
it's all taught. Homophobia is taught, Racism is taught, transphobia, islamophobia,
(19:27):
whatever it is. Any this disregard, dislike, disapproval of cultures
or lifestyles is all taught. When my kids were born,
I saw it. They loved everybody, everybody. But the journey
that most people are forced to go on is I
love everybody, and then someone tells them you shouldn't love
this person with these people are these people? Are these
(19:47):
people for various reasons. And then those kids are like, okay, God,
I'm not going to like any of those people. And
then they get out in the world and they meet
a gay person, they meet a black person, they meet
a Muslim person, and they realize, gosh, you know what,
this is kind of cool. These people that are out
there in the world and that's the journey we make
everyone go on, which is so odd to me. Well,
with my kids, I just want to put a period
(20:08):
of the end of statement. You love everyone, great love everyone.
And some people would say to me, you know, your
sister is married to a woman. Was that weird for
your kids? No, they love everyone, and so saying to
my kids, we never even said it that that's your
aunt Amy, and that's your aunt Emily, that's her wife Emily. Okay, cool,
Like they just when you love everyone, like as all
(20:30):
babies do, they just accept everything. It's fine, That's just
how the world is. And he said, love is love,
it doesn't matter. It's a beautiful thing. So I wish
there was less of that. I wish there was so
much less of that journey that we make everyone go
so interesting.
Speaker 5 (20:45):
I do feel like, and I'm not going to get political,
but if you look at a lot of the harm
in the world, it is all rooted in what am
I trying to say, that device those walls. Everybody that's
been put into a wall, been born into like these
(21:06):
these views. And I think if that weren't the case,
there would be a lot more peace in our world.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
And but I would as a as a non religious person,
I'd point out their religion is one of those walls.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Yeah, right, right, So it's like it's like, imagine by
John Lennon, imagine no religion. Imagine there's no countries. You know,
there's borders, there's language, there's skin color, there's religion. It
all separates us in different ways. And it would be
a much better world if we weren't separated by all
these different things, right.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Yeah, And I feel I also I was thinking about
like when I when Haley and I were going to
come out and be public, all all of my fear
was surrounded by like Christian people saying things, you know,
like you read the Bible, you know, like just all that.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
I really didn't think about any.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Other type of hate, And I remember thinking why did
I have that? You know that, because that's how I
used to think. So in my mind, I was like everyone,
that's how, that's what I should be worried about, because
I was.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
I was not. I mean, I guess taught to be judgmental, you.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Know, you're like you're raised to be friends with certain
people and to form relationships with certain people. And so
when I realized that my biggest fear of who was
going to hurt me the most were the Christians, people
who were religious.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I was like, this feels like it's not right.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
I think it's a credit to you that you stuck
with it. I think a lot of people realizing this
is not right leave the church. You know, I don't
know how involve you on an actual church. Your faith
has has continued, which I think is a credit to you.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
Thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
I think it was one of those things of like
give up something that means so much because of what
other people might say or not agree with, or keep
something that's so personal and important to me and also
live my life, you know.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
So but it's hard. Religions so complicated.
Speaker 7 (22:56):
How do you feel about it?
Speaker 6 (22:58):
It's it's weird.
Speaker 7 (23:00):
I I had a I was very very anti religion
for a very long time because so my my father
was an ultra boy and he was abused by a
priest when he was a child. He's been he was
in like a documentary about He's been very open about it,
and I like went with him to a lot of
like helping other like survivors and say victims, but and
(23:22):
like seeing how the church reacted to when all that
was happening, the Catholic church specifically just despicable, like like
it was.
Speaker 6 (23:29):
It was really crazy. It was really.
Speaker 7 (23:31):
Upsetting to see how they were reacting to these horrible
things happening. And so I was like, Oh, religion sucks
like this, this sucks, like who would want to do
something like this? And and it you know, that's why
we we never went to church growing up because of that,
because like like my parents went to like a Catholic
high school, and then when my sister and I were born,
like we'd go to church like one time and then
might have like, I'm not doing this. We wouldn't go back.
(23:52):
I never knew what the what the deal was. But
so I didn't have religion forever. And and it wasn't
until long into adulthood that I was like meeting other
people that had faith and like realizing, oh, this person
like doesn't hate it, you know, like so many negative
things with it, and uh, and I see so many
beautiful things come from faith and come from the community
(24:12):
that in a church. So that that was a I mean,
that was a journey I had to go on, you know,
you talk about that like like I really had a
lot of animosity towards organized religion for a long time.
But that being said, I don't think that I've ever
had an issue living my life like not without religion,
like in terms of like how to behave and how
(24:32):
to really.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
To be moral compass.
Speaker 7 (24:34):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I I and I know that's
not the same way, you know, not everyone needs that,
But I don't know I'll never I don't think I'll
ever go to church. We Allison worked in a church,
like in admin roll for a while, and like I
went to some services there just like you know, because
it's like her coworkers, you know, doing that thing, and
(24:56):
it was fine, and I thought it was I thought
it was like nice.
Speaker 6 (24:59):
But but I don't think I'll ever do that.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Yeah, So I don't know.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
I'm trying to stay here.
Speaker 7 (25:05):
Do what you want, you know, believe what you want,
but don't do terrible things other people.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Goes.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
I don't like that you feel guilty about any of it.
You should figure out what you believe in and what
you don't, but you you shouldn't fee gilty about it
whatever it is exactly. I know that's easier said than done.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
But no, and it's really hard.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
But I do think that there is beauty in figuring
out what you believe in. I think your journey of
finding something that that you believe in is important and
it's beautiful, and it's also hard because there's a lot
of opinions about it.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
It's very hard.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Okay, there's a we have a one to two more emails,
so we're going to take a break and we'll be
right back.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
All right, we are back. Which one do we want
to do next?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
How about this one from Becca? Hi, Tanya and Becca.
I love your podcast. It truly brings me so much
joy to listen to every week, Like I'm listening in
on my girlfriends and find myself laughing out loud to
myself in the car. My boyfriend and I have been
together for three years and are now talking about taking
the next steps of an engagement and getting married. My
boyfriend is adamant about getting a pre nup before we
getting married. I can't help it feel like that means
(26:32):
we will be preparing for a divorce before we're even married.
My boyfriend would be coming into the married with significantly
more money than me. I can't help it feel like
a prenup puts us in a situation where we're protecting
ourselves against each other and feel as though it's a
lack of trust rather than unity. If either, if you
had this conversation, do you see it as a lack
of trust or just going through the motions like getting
insurance for any other major commitment in life.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
This is so funny because before, like my whole life
growing up, or when I the first time I ever
heard about a prenup or what it was, I was like,
oh my gosh, that is just such a negative like viewpoint,
and why would you I had that mindset of like
you're just anticipating that it's gonna end before it even begins.
But now I have a different view on it, in
(27:16):
the sense that if someone has a significant amount of
money more than the person that they're marrying, I just
think that it's a way of being like, hey, I
have no intention about like this ever having to come
into play, but I like, you just don't know what's
(27:37):
gonna happen in life.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
Yeah, honestly, I don't know what y'all think.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
Because you're all married and then you're you're getting.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
Married getting married.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
I would be not offended at all if Robbi would
have come to me and said, I think we should have.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
A prenup like I really wouldn't, especially coming from his
previous experience, Like.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
To me, you just you really I get it. It
does feel dark because you are preparing something in the
case that it does not and the way that you
want it to. But I just feel like it's like
anything in life. And also if you're really, if you're
good and like you're good in a good, healthy relationship,
you know what you're going to bring to the table.
(28:17):
It's just a matter of contract, like anything else that
you sign in life, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I also wonder though, if it's different if the if
the goal is that you're going to be a mom,
and the goal is you're like you're going to be
a stay at home mom, then I feel like that's
a different conversation because if you're at home raising the
kids and you have kids together, and then this person
signs a pre nup and it's like you're not getting
you and the kids aren't getting anything, that's kind of dark.
Speaker 5 (28:44):
But I feel like you would factor that in, you
would factor everything in that your situation is.
Speaker 8 (28:49):
I feel like if they couldn't go after correct yeah,
and you just kind of lay it out because what
I feel like, when you get divorced, I'm not, to
the knowledge of anyone ever getting divorced under happy terms,
like people are usually pissed and fiery and angry, and
that is like.
Speaker 5 (29:07):
The worst you are, your worst self when you're going
through and hurt and bitterer on either side, you know
what I mean. Like, if you got cheated on, you're
fucking pissed and you're bitter and you're hurt.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
If you are the one that cheated, you're.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Fucking oh sorry, and yeah, but I think it's on
both ends, do you.
Speaker 4 (29:26):
Know what I mean? So it's like you're your worst self.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
So if there's already something in place that you have
both agreed upon under happy terms, that's just going to
deal with the situation. I feel like that's better than
the latter in my personal tet.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
No, I agree.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
And it's also like if you go and get life insurance,
it's like, oh, are you anticipating that, like you're immediately
gonna die. No, it's just like setting everybody up to
be protected in this in the case that something happens.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
When you're all happy and in a sound right mind.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
That's a good point, though, You're right, people get I mean,
it brings up I think that situation and brings out
the worst in people, the.
Speaker 5 (30:01):
Worst, and then you spend so much time and money
and energy on all of that when if you just
had it done, it's just there.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
And I'd also like to validate that.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
I think as a human being, it feels very normal
and valid that your feelings would feel a little bit
hurt and like everything that you're saying makes perfect sense
to me. But I'm almost I think, yeah, I'm with
Tanya in the sense that it just sets sets things
up before you move into the marriage if anything were
(30:33):
to happen.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
Yeah, and you said it again, on good terms where
you both are looking out for each other's best interest.
You think it's fair. You know again, I too, like
I would feel there is a part of me that
would feel sad. Heck, I could even ask him for
a prenup. You know, there would be a part of
me that would be sad about it, But I also
(30:54):
wouldn't be so offended either way.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
It's excellent advice.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
I can't another thing I can't relate to. When Amy
and I met, we had nothing. Yeah, zero assets, We
own no property. Our cars were worthless, like we had zero.
So it's hard to imagine that. But I think I
think it's fine. And I think I think your your
analogy about how you're in a better state of mind
now than you would be at the time. God forbid.
(31:22):
I think it's smart.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (31:23):
I mean Allison and I were in the same like
when we met. We also had nothing, but something we
did I think I talked about on the show. But
Allison inherited some money from her grandfather a couple of
years ago, and she bought this cabin that we spent
a lot of time in up in the mountains, and
her attorney said, you should this should be bought soul
and separate, Like it should be just your name on it,
(31:43):
so that if something happens, you know, it's property. Yeah,
like we don't have to sell it and I get
half of it, you know. And she was like really
sheepish about it, like talking to me about that, and
I was like, no, that, I think that's a great idea.
That's fantastic. That's so like, you know, if something happens,
I have no claim to that property, and you know,
(32:04):
I don't anticipate anything to happen. But I felt like
that it makes her feel more secure and it doesn't
bother me at all, Like I you know, that's and
I told her tale, was like, do you want to
get a post enough? Is that something you like to do?
And she's like, no, what are we going to do?
But uh, yeah, that's h And also it kind of
absolves me for having to do any damn work on
that house because I have problem. Yeah, as soon as
(32:28):
I get under the end of the head there, then
I have a financial interest.
Speaker 6 (32:32):
I'm sorry, the court is not going to look very
fondly on that site.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
It is true.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
It's interesting.
Speaker 5 (32:36):
It's such an interesting conversation because I think that it
does have a very negative connotation, but I think it's
very realistic. Money is a factor in life, and so
it's just like you treat it like anything else, like
a contract.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
All right, Anonymous says the guy I truly believe is
my person is newly single. We were in a best
friends type situationship almost a decade. It was too hard
for me to see him with someone else, and then
our mutual friend group disbanded soon after, so we haven't
spoken for a few years. We never had a conversation
or any closure because I was never confident enough to
tell him how I felt. I never regret that every
day now that he's single again, I've been waiting for
(33:15):
him to reach out, but I haven't heard anything yet.
And I don't know if it's because he doesn't want
to talk to me, or if he just thinks I
don't want to hear from him. Should I keep waiting
to see if he reaches out, or should I reach
out to him. I don't want to seem desperate. I
have no clue what to even say. That would be
the length of that wouldn't be the length of an
entire novel. I just want him to somehow get the
messages that I miss him, and I want to reconnect.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
This feels like a great moment for Hey, how are you.
I've been thinking about you lately. Are you free to
catch up? Hey?
Speaker 1 (33:44):
I saw that movie maybe think of you?
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Hey? Yeah, I heard that song? Remember that song we
always we loved when we all hang out. I hope
you're doing well. I heard that song that reminded me of.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
You when I drove by that restaurant we went to
that one time. Have you been there recently a favorite
of mine.
Speaker 6 (34:00):
I had a dream about you.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
That's a good one. It's actually a good one.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
But anyone ever says they have a dream about me,
I'm like, I gotcha, say no more.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
I know what that means. I always assume, like because
if I were to, like when I used to try
and like reach out to someone I had talked to
and it was a guy, had to dream about you.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
Yeah, funny how that works.
Speaker 5 (34:27):
Yeah, I say, you open the door, like you just
open it slightly, like to let the breeze in. You
don't open it wide and let like the whole air
conditioning come into the room. You're just opening it slightly
to get the.
Speaker 4 (34:38):
Little bit of breeze.
Speaker 5 (34:39):
That way, if you're not it's not fully open, you're
not vulnerable completely. But if it's not totally shut, then
it gives them the freedom to just blow it.
Speaker 4 (34:48):
Open, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
Just blow it right open, blow it right open.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, I think I think you don't have to immediately
confess your feelings. If you's just got out of a relationship.
Maybe he's grieving the relationship and he's not even thinking
about dating again, so or.
Speaker 4 (35:05):
He could you don't know he could be so stoked
to be out of that relationship totally.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
But I'm saying, you never know until you know.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Confess all of your feelings in a long text or call.
You can just say, hey, I've been thinking about you,
had to dream about you. I was just wondering how
you're doing.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
I'd love to catch up.
Speaker 5 (35:23):
This is what Bill Hayter did with with Ali Wang.
Ali Wang got a divorce. It was all over the news,
and she was like, I did not realize that I
was going to be like a calling a bat signal
because Bill Hater found out that she was getting divorced
and said, you were the girl of my dreams. I
had to shoot my shot and look at them now.
(35:44):
In case you don't know, they're together, I didn't.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
I didn't know that.
Speaker 5 (35:46):
So this is actually used to me spoiler alert, they
are together. So I don't know, man, I say, take
the Bill Hayter approach when.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
In doubt, I don't.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
She thinks this is our guys, So she does want
to tread lightly because she doesn't want to blow it.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
Who needs to tread lightly?
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Who treads lightly? I've never tread lightly.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
You were kind of in your like getting advice on
how to handle the dating apps. You were treading lightly
because you were asking on how to tread lightly.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
No, no, no, no, no, no no, I've not tread lightly.
Speaker 5 (36:21):
I would hand the ball over to somebody to pretend
to me so that they could tread lightly. But I
myself never tread lightly.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
That's what I'm saying. You've called in the sources to
tread lightly, and I'm just saying.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
That's not your style.
Speaker 4 (36:34):
It's not my style.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
You're not a light treader.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
No.
Speaker 5 (36:38):
Me and Bill Hater birds of a feather, Yeah, you
and Bill Hater birds of a feather, we stick together.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
That's all for now. See that was very different than
ask us anything.
Speaker 5 (36:52):
So different, way deeper, sterraneous.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Four questions as opposed to thirty questions.
Speaker 6 (36:59):
What's your favorite color?
Speaker 4 (37:00):
Right right, right, right right?
Speaker 1 (37:02):
My real quick favorite color go oh white, really unexpected
the color all colors combined. It's all colors.
Speaker 4 (37:12):
I don't have a favorite color.
Speaker 6 (37:13):
That's that's very tiny though. Everything working in harmony.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Thank you back a favorite color blue?
Speaker 4 (37:19):
It is.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Blue. I'm also blue. I like a cobalt blue.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
Okay, I love a coal, but I love like the
color of the Tahoe water.
Speaker 5 (37:29):
That's the thing you can't say, like what's your favorite color?
It's like, what's your favorite color to wear? What's your
favorite color to look at?
Speaker 1 (37:34):
What's your favorite I just said what's your color? And
the other two three people in the room answered that,
no problem.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
But I see what I'm wearing.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
Well, they're not going subterranean on the question.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
I know you, what's your favorite what's your favorite color
to look at?
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Pink?
Speaker 3 (37:47):
I would say, okay, what's your favorite color to wear?
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Black? Wow?
Speaker 6 (37:52):
Also, that's the absence of color orange.
Speaker 4 (37:55):
Orange.
Speaker 3 (37:56):
Your favorite color to wear is orange.
Speaker 4 (37:58):
I love me and orange.
Speaker 5 (38:00):
Hey, I don't have a lot of it, not a lot,
not a lot out there.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Okay, but I love to wear it. What's your favorite color?
Speaker 2 (38:06):
That?
Speaker 3 (38:06):
Robbie worse, These these verse answers are just.
Speaker 4 (38:15):
What I'm saying. There's just so much more to the question.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
That's the beauty of this show, isn't it. We could
do an entire episode and what's your favorite color?
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Because nothing, no, no, no, it's always subterranean.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
And that's that is life. You know.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
It should be called scrub terraneum.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
Wow, that's what this episode should be called.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Yeah, all right, thank you for that. We love y'all
so much. Have a great weekend, let see you next week.
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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