June 13, 2024 • 39 mins
Tanya and Becca are back to help Scrubbers with their questions! How is this different from “Ask Us Anything”?? We’ll find out!
Becca opens up about her relationship with faith after coming out, we discuss the realities of pre-nups, and Tanya and Becca share how they keep the spark alive!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Scrub dub dub, sc rub a dub dub. We're asking bunya.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I don't know about like like US giving advice is
like such a what It's just so funny, Like a
whole episode of US giving advice is so funny because
sometimes people have like really hard life things that are
going through and we're just like Bob, just have a
conversation about it.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Just like you know, watermelon and canalos.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
But you know, they come to us for a reason.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I don't think it's that weird.
Speaker 5 (00:45):
I think that oftentimes people seek advice from people that
are not involved in the situation, like third parties. I
think we've lived a lot of life. We've had different
experiences to very different experiences, so there's a lot of
perspective there.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Oh yeah, I got lots of perspective. Yeah, well, I'm
super excited for this. I love these episodes. I love
the as or auas ask us any things. But I
love a lengthy email typed out yeah seeking us.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Same mark, are you doing away?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (01:16):
It would be my pleasure.
Speaker 7 (01:17):
Thank you so much, Anonymous says, I saw Tanya posting
about how she and Robbie become more obsessed with each
other as time goes on. Becca mentioned recently Shan Haley
are still so excited to hang out in love. I'm
wondering if you have advice on how to do that.
I'm in an amazing relationship with the best human ever,
but it's new, and I feel so afraid of when
we're no longer in this place. So I'm asking the
(01:37):
age old question, how do you keep that spark alive?
What's your relationship advice on stayings so in love and
not letting all of that die out?
Speaker 5 (01:48):
You can go, well, it's interesting because I don't think
that I have like necessarily a formula or like a
specific thing to say. And we've only been Robin and
I have only been together for four and a half years,
so I guess it's not that long when you look
at it the big picture, you know what I mean,
people have been married for like twenty forty fifty years,
so four and a half still feels like we're still
(02:09):
freshly in it. I feel like it's just finding the
right partner, right, But.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
It sounds like she is or they I don't know
if it's a man or woman, but sounds.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Like they're in a new relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
So it's like that honeymoon phase and everything feels so
exciting and big and new, and it it does die.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
I don't think you can keep that forever.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Yeah, I don't think you can keep people like to
say that, I think it's.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Totally They're like, I think I think there's a difference
of saying that.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
There there's almost this.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Like it's not not a toxic feeling, but it's almost
like this intoxicating feeling where you like I wasn't sleeping,
Like to maintain that feeling would be so exhausting looking back,
But there's still the excitement of getting to hang out
with her at Hayley after six years, there's still that
excitement of getting to talk to her at the end
(03:07):
of the day and recap our days together and like
do new things together. So I'm still I'm more in love,
Like the love is so much deeper, but it's not
this like thing I'm trying to grasp onto, Like I
feel like at peace in the relationship.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
As opposed to like frantically trying to Like.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
Yeah, because like in the early days when you're like dating,
you don't see them every day, so you like anticipate
seeing them.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
You like shave every.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
Inch of your body, you like, you know, your slick
as a dolphin. Yeah, dolphin, like dolphin, Like you know
now I'm like grizzly, you know whatever, But like you
just do. There's so much that you like, there's so
much build up, and it's like you just can't keep
that forever, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
My mom shows every day her likes.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
I think I kind of shave them every time I'm
in the shower.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
You shower three times a day, yeah, my.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Everything shower, which is like twice a week, okay, and.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
That's when you wash your feet.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
That's when I wash my feet shape.
Speaker 6 (04:12):
You know, not every time you're in the shower.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Fair fair, fair, fair, fair fair fair.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
So basically what we're saying is when you are with them,
I mean, you you, how long have you all been
how long have you been with Amy?
Speaker 6 (04:22):
Twenty seven years.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Since you've been matten serted dating?
Speaker 8 (04:25):
Okay, and you and I'll say eleven years.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Okay, So how what would y'all say.
Speaker 7 (04:31):
That you can't keep that going? Because love evolves and
it's going to evolve, whether you want it to or not.
It's going to and it can be go to a
better place, and I hope for your case the sake,
it doesn't go to a worse place. But it's going
to be different in the future than it is now,
and that doesn't make it bad in the future. It
can be great in the future in its own way.
We're in a place right now with two teenagers that
(04:51):
I don't know. It's not it's certainly not what it was,
I'll tell you that, but I'm hoping that it's going
we can recreate that one day.
Speaker 6 (04:58):
You know.
Speaker 7 (04:58):
I always use the metaphor I've probably used it here
that there's Mark and Amy, and there's Mom and Dad.
Mark and Amy are in love and have a blast
together and are just the best friends. And Mom and
Dad bicker, and Mom and Dad don't get along all
the time, you know, But when we're alone, we get
to go away together, like just the two of us.
Mark and Amy come right back. And that gives me
a lot of hope for empty nest era, which is
(05:19):
not that far down the road. But Mom and Dad
are pretty entrenched right now. We haven't seen marking Amy
in a bit, but.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Or just right under the surface somewhere some trainean, Yeah,
you're word of the week.
Speaker 9 (05:36):
I mean, I don't know, I agree like that feeling.
I think like I think about to like the honeymoon feeling,
you know, and like I still get that feeling with
Aus and it just takes on different forms, you know,
Like I'm I know Alson better than anyone else. I'm
never better than I know myself. But I'm still excited.
Like when she texts me, I get like excited because
and it's usually like, hey, the window guy came by.
(05:58):
It be eighteen hundred dollars, you know, like it's like, oh,
she just oh my gosh, she just texted me, Oh,
I miss you so much. Uh the window guy and
I tried cleaning some of the windows and we got
a lot of the scratches out. So that makes me
so excited.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Great said I miss you so much.
Speaker 8 (06:13):
She did, and I saw her this morning, you know,
but uh.
Speaker 6 (06:20):
Wow, we refreshing and refreshing.
Speaker 9 (06:29):
And and you know again, I, like Tony said, I
don't know, like you know, I don't know what the
key to that is. I just I really like this person,
and I'm excited to see all the different forms our
relationship takes over the years.
Speaker 10 (06:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (06:38):
And I think also it's like as your relationship evolves,
just like with and over time, like then it takes
on different forms. So it's like when you move in together,
that's like a whole different thing. So like I get
like so giddy when he comes home from work with me.
I've posted videos of like my dog whenever Robbie gets home,
her tail goes like crazy and she's like this, Like
that's how I am too, just not filming myself, but
like I'm so excited when he home at the end
(07:00):
of the day, you know what I mean. But I
just feel like everything shifts as you grow as a couple,
you know what I mean. Like before I when we
were dating, I never met hadn't even met the kid,
so I wasn't even involved in that. And now I'm
like super involved in that. So that's like another layer
of you.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Know, you just I don't know, it's all just yeah,
And you asked like, is there conscious Like the question
is their conscious effort to keep spark alive? And I
do think there's effort in this sense that like making
time for each other and carving out things to do
for each other that maybe the other person loves. We
like couple therapy has been like so helpful for helpful
(07:36):
for us just in communicating and learning how to have
like healthy conversations that might be hard so that I
don't I'm known to shut down. So like, if I
shut down and we're trying to have a productive conversation,
it just kind of puts a wedge in between us,
and that was happening.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
So now I feel like, because we're able to.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Communicate in a more healthy way, I feel like there's
a deeper life there that I didn't I've never experienced ever.
Speaker 5 (08:03):
Yeah, I do feel like I know I say it
all the time, but I really mean it. Finding out
each other's love languages is so important because I I
don't know if you know this about me, but I
require a lot of attention.
Speaker 6 (08:13):
Who fascinating.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Yeah, I require a lot.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Robbie requires none like that guy, Like it's crazy, you know,
it's wild. He requires nothing and I require a lot.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
So you how do you don't?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
How do you know that he requires nothing because you
give so much? Have you ever seen him like just
not have like you give him so much without him asking.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
For it because that's rights.
Speaker 6 (08:36):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
But like he he doesn't need more because he has
what you give him. But I'm saying, how do you
know he doesn't require stuff because you give everything, you
give a lot.
Speaker 5 (08:45):
Yeah, I don't I get what you're saying, but like
the guy really requires not much.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
He's very chill, He's very lazy.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
But it's like being open and communicating that, do you
know what I mean? Like I'm like, I need you
to touch me, I need you to tell me, and
I need you to act every day how much you
love me. Whereas he it could be like once a week,
you know, like I could like give him a kiss
on a Thursday and he's good till Monday.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
Whereas I'm like.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
I don't think. I don't think we approved because that
has never happened.
Speaker 5 (09:17):
I know, I get what you're saying, but I just
I feel it in my bones that he really requires
very little.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
Yeah just a hunch.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I also think I have a really hard time if
I do need something and I'm not and Haley's not
able to read my mind, which is so infuriating. It's like,
why can't you just read my mind? I'm giving all
the hints, but having to ask for what I need
is so uncomfortable for me, right, But I do think
it's helped us.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
So much when I'm able to do it in a
productive way.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
Yeah, I usually do it subtly, Like you know, I
write him a letter every morning. Well, you don't write
him a letter for like three days, He'll write me one.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Because he's like, you are the human form.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
Of correct, nothing but subtle.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You should have Sunny return the favor and film you
when Robbie gets home. Like it's kind of rude that
you're always telling hurt. Honestly, it's the Leasha could do.
I know, So I would say enjoy the phase that
you're at and also know that just if that like
rush of like the newness goes away, that's not a
(10:23):
negative thing, correct, It just can mean it's like love
is growing in it.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
It can look different at so many different life stages.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Yeah, next, Mark, here we go.
Speaker 6 (10:50):
This is from Nicole.
Speaker 7 (10:51):
I love your podcast that came across it around the
time Becca came out and then binged all episodes from
twenty seventeen in three to four months. I want to
ask Beca how her journey has so far. Are reconnecting
with her faith. I grew up Catholic, but was never
forced by my parents to attend church all the time,
and therein lies my issue. I'm twenty six now, and
looking back, I feel like it was a formality and
nothing else. I've never felt connected to that, and the
(11:13):
interest has never really been there. I'm very comfortable with
not knowing whether or not God or a God exists,
but sometimes I do feel guilty that I'm doing something wrong.
But at the same time, I can't force myself to
believe in something I'm not connected to. Tanya once mentioned
growing up Serbian Orthodox then breaking away from that to
become Christian. Did you ever feel like you were doing
something wrong and breaking away from all you'd known? I'd
(11:34):
love to hear Marciniste in the Fuse as well. Having
grown up without religion at all.
Speaker 10 (11:37):
Would you like to start BACKA yeah, I would say
that the hardest thing that I feel like I've ever
had to really navigate was my faith and my religion,
especially after meeting Haley.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I've talked about I actually weirdly talked about this on
another podcast I did, but I said I was talking
talking about how like my whole life growing up in
the South in a very like conservative Christian environment, going
to a Christian school, going to church three times a.
Speaker 6 (12:07):
Week, like three times a week, Sunday.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night.
Speaker 6 (12:12):
Sunday morning, and Sunday night. Yeah, that is a lot.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
But then in high school I kind of would just
kind of go by my like I was more involved,
like just on my own and wasn't necessarily that was
like more as a child, and like I went because
I had to. And then when I was in high school,
I would go on my own, and what I knew
about same sex relationships or you know, homosexuality was that
(12:37):
it was wrong and bad. And so I think that
when before Haley, my sister came out to me, and
I think that was a real big shift for me
because my whole life I had never really had to
deal This is a very selfish statement, but looking back,
this is how I felt. But because no one that
I was super close to had told me that that
(12:58):
that part of them, I think that it just was
never I just kind of like had my beliefs, but
it was never something I talked about or felt like
I needed to reevaluate until my sister came out to
me because I thought, like, how am I supposed to
believe what I've been taught my whole life about this
person who I love more than anything, you know, Like
(13:18):
it was like my whole mindset and like my belief
system was kind of like shook. And you grow up
being like you don't question, like how I grew up.
You don't question anything, You don't take a deep dive
and look into things like that. Like I had never
even had that perspective of thinking about it until you know,
(13:39):
my sister. And so then when I met Haley, it
was such this instant connection that I didn't really go
into the faith thing until I was kind of having
to navigate things with my family and my parents, and
then it.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Was like what do I actually believe?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Like I started having this moment of like I just
kind of followed and did what I was told, but
like I've no I ever looked into it as like
what do I connect with?
Speaker 3 (14:02):
What do I believe about this?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
What is it that's keeping me in this state of
faith or like believing in something that's so big? So
I went through this huge phase of just being like
what is it? Can I keep that? And can I
have a relationship with a woman, you know, Yeah, and
(14:24):
that was really scary because it was like the most consistent,
important thing in my life. And then I realized, I'm
I can have both and I believe in I believe
in what I believe in. And I think I've always
feared talking about religion because I was scared of what
Christian people would say, Like my fear has always been
around what will the Christians say? And then I was thinking,
(14:46):
how twisted is that that my fear of who's going
to bully me or troll me is going to be
Christian people? Like what a backwards mindset of Like how
to think about faith as opposed to thinking it's so
huge it's faith because you don't it's believing in something
that you can't see or know, and also there's so
(15:06):
many elements to it. So I just always felt like
it's my it's such a personal thing and it's my
personal journey. And I always felt like I needed to
make sure everyone was happy with how I was doing it,
But no one's ever gonna be happy with how you're
doing it. I find personally that my faith brings me
more peace than anything else in my life, So That's
how I've been able to like when people like, how.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Do you still believe?
Speaker 2 (15:29):
But I think the organized religion of it all has
been a little bit of a turn off because I
see people that I don't really want to associate and
if they're if they're of the Christian faith or they're
talking about that, I'm like, I don't want to really
be associated with those people, right, And that was really
that's kind of a complicated feeling, you know, because you're like, well,
(15:52):
you grow up being like you really shouldn't have deep
relationships outside of people who believe the same as you,
you know, but that feels so.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
That doesn't.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I just feel like what I've learned and like how
what I believe Jesus to be was not that type
of person.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Yeah, what an.
Speaker 7 (16:09):
Awful statement that is? You shouldn't have deep relationships with
you It's basically like.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Don't have don't have deep rooted relationships with people who
don't have the same beliefs, do you grown.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Like, until I until I moved out of that mindset,
the amount of people I met who celebrate totally different
cultures and religion I would have never known had I
not moved and like ask questions and gotten to know
people who were different than me. And I think it's
such a beautiful thing to have relationships with people from
all different backgrounds and from the you know, different parts
(16:44):
of the country and world, and and I think it's
a beautiful thing.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I just I don't know. It's it's definitely complicated.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
It's not something I have a clear answer about, obviously,
but I have my faith, and I think that if
you don't connect to something, you can't force yourself. But
I also it gives me peace believing in something bigger
than me.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Yeah, I think for me it was a really hard
topic because I did grow up very Serbian Orthodox, Like
I would go to church every Sunday with my dad
and it's more deep rooted for my dad than my mom,
I think. But when I I never felt connected to
(17:27):
the Serbian Orthodox Church. I didn't really understand what they
were saying. I always felt judged because I didn't speak Serbian.
It was very traditional, like I had to wear a
skirt past my knees, you can't have your shoulders. It
was just it felt I never felt like I fit
in when I was going there.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
And that's hard.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Right, So again, I'm doing this because I'm just I'm
going with my dad and it means so much to him.
And then when I started going to Christian Church and
really finding my footing in that, it was like a
really hard conversation with my parents because like they just
didn't understand it. They were just like, it's all the
same beliefs, so why can't you go to you know,
It was like a really hard and it still is
to this day a very touchy subject. And I think
(18:10):
it's because, you know, I grew up one hundred percent
fully Serbian, and I think that in my parents' eyes,
it was like I was turning my back on that,
and I, you know, I wanted to be different than
how I was born and.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Didn't appreciate that, you know.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
And like my sister got married and her husband converted
to Serbian Orthodox and they got married in a Serbian
Orthodox church, and like she did it the way that
I think they wanted that they wanted it, and I'm
going to do it marrying a Jewish man with a
pop culture officiant, not in a Serbian Orthodox church.
Speaker 4 (18:52):
You know, Like it's very it's just very different.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
And so.
Speaker 5 (18:59):
That's what's hard for me. It's how hard it is
for my parents. It has not been hard for me personally,
like being Christian and my relationship with God is what
is what fuels me. It's not about the rules and
the what not to do and who not to be with.
I did get a lot of criticism when I started
dating Robbie, like, you know, how do you guys do it?
(19:21):
How to navigate? And I'm like, it's actually quite beautiful.
We both celebrate each other's holidays and traditions and learn
and grow and I think it's cool that he's Jewish
and I'm Christian and it works and we think about
I don't know, like we just have more holidays and
(19:42):
more celebrating.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
Like who doesn't like that? You know what I mean?
Will it be different when we have a kid? I
don't know. I have no idea. I have no idea
how that's going to feel.
Speaker 5 (19:52):
But for now, this is how we do it, and
we like it.
Speaker 7 (19:57):
It's a hard question for me because I don't speak
this language, you know, And I don't feel guilty about that,
Like you feel guilty you don't speak Swedish? Well, no,
I don't speak Swedish, so therefore I don't. I don't
speak religion. I don't really know anything about it. I
haven't had in my whole life. But I'll say this,
it's all taught. Homophobia is taught, racism is taught, transphobia, islamophobia,
(20:17):
whatever it is. Any this disregard, dislike, disapproval of cultures
or lifestyles is all taught. When my kids were born,
I saw it. They loved everybody, everybody. But the journey
that most people are forced to go on is I
love everybody, and then someone tells them you shouldn't love
this person, these people are these people are these people
(20:37):
for various reasons. And then those kids are like, okay, God,
I'm not going to like any of those people. And
then they get out in the world and they meet
a gay person, they meet a black person, they meet
a Muslim person, and they realize, gosh, you know what,
this is kind of cool, these people that are out.
Speaker 6 (20:52):
There in the world.
Speaker 7 (20:53):
And that's the journey we make everyone go on, which
is so odd to me. Well, with my kids, I
just want to put a period at the end of statement.
You love everyone, great love everyone. And some people would
say to me, you know, your sister is married to
a woman, was that weird.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
For your kids?
Speaker 7 (21:06):
No, they love everyone, and so saying to my kids,
we never even said it. That's just that's your aunt Amy,
and that's your aunt Emily, that's her wife Emily. Okay, cool,
Like they just when you love everyone, like as all
babies do, they just accept everything.
Speaker 6 (21:23):
It's fine. That's just how the world is. And I said,
love is love, it doesn't matter. It's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 7 (21:29):
So I wish there was less of that. I wish
there was so much less of that journey that we
make everyone so.
Speaker 5 (21:34):
Interesting, says I do feel like, and I'm not going
to get political, but if you look at a lot
of the harm in the world, it is all rooted
in what am I trying to say, that divisive those walls.
Everybody that's been put into a wall, been born into
(21:55):
like these these views. And I think if that weren't
the case, there would be a lot more peace in
our world.
Speaker 7 (22:03):
And but I would as a as a non religious person,
I'd point out their religion is one of those walls.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 6 (22:09):
Yeah, right right.
Speaker 7 (22:11):
So it's like it's like imagine by John Lennon, imagine
no religion imagine there's no countries. You know, there's borders,
there's language, there's skin color, there's religion. It all separates
us in different ways, and it would be a much
better world if we weren't separated by all these different things, right.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yeah, And I feel I also I was thinking about
like when I when Haley and I were going to
come out and be public, all all of my fear
was surrounded by like Christian people saying things, you know,
like you read the Bible, you know, like just all that.
I really didn't think about any other type of hate.
And I remember thinking, why did I have that? You
know that, because that's how I used to think. So
(22:46):
in my mind, I was like everyone.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
That's how, that's what I should be worried about, because
I was.
Speaker 6 (22:51):
I was not.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
I mean, I guess taught to be judgmental, you.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Know, you're like you're raised to to be friends with
certain people and to form relationships with certain people. And
so when I realized that my biggest fear of who
was going to hurt me the most were the Christians
people who were religious.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
I was like, this feels like it's not right.
Speaker 7 (23:14):
I think it's a credit to you that you stuck
with it. I think a lot of people realizing this
is not right, leave the church. You know, I don't
know how involved you are on an actual church. Your
faith has has continued, which I think is a credit
to you.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
I think it was one of those things of like
give up something that means so much because of what
other people might say or not agree with, or keep
something that's so personal and important to me and also
live my life, you know.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
So but it's hard. Religions so complicated.
Speaker 8 (23:46):
How do you feel about it? It's it's weird.
Speaker 9 (23:50):
I had I was very very anti religion for a
very long time because so my my father was an
ultra boy and he was abused by a priest.
Speaker 8 (24:01):
When he was a child.
Speaker 9 (24:02):
He's been he was in like a documentary about He's
been very open about it, and I like went with
him to a lot of like helping other like survivors, say, victims,
but and like seeing how the church reacted to when
all that was happening.
Speaker 8 (24:15):
The Catholic Church specifically just despicable, like like it was.
It was really crazy. It was really.
Speaker 9 (24:21):
Upsetting to see how they were reacting to these horrible
things happening and so I was like, oh, religion sucks
like this, this sucks, like who would want to do
something like this? And and it you know, that's why
we we never went to church growing up because of that,
because like like my parents went to like a Catholic
high school, and then when my sister and I were born,
like we'd go to church like one time and then
might have like I'm not doing this. We wouldn't go back.
(24:42):
I never knew what the what the deal was. But
so I didn't have religion forever. And and it wasn't
until long into adulthood that I was like meeting other
people that had faith and like realizing, oh, this person
like doesn't hate it, you know, like so many negative
things with it, and uh, and I see so manyful
things come from faith and come from the community in
(25:02):
a church. So that that was a I mean, that
was a journey I had to go on, you know
you talk about that like like I really had a
lot of animosity towards organized religion for a long time.
But that being said, I don't think that I've ever
had an issue living my life like not without religion,
like in terms of like how to behave and how
(25:23):
to relate to.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
The moral compass.
Speaker 9 (25:25):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I I and I know that's
not the same way. You know, not everyone needs that.
But I don't know I'll never I don't think i'll
ever go to church. We Allison worked in a church,
like in admin roll for a while and like I
went to some services there just like you know, because
it's like her coworkers, you know, doing that thing. And
(25:46):
it was fine and I thought it was I thought
it was like nice.
Speaker 8 (25:49):
But but I don't think I'll ever do that. Yeah,
So I don't know. I'm trying to stay here.
Speaker 9 (25:53):
Uh, do what you want, you know, believe what you want,
but don't do terrible things other people.
Speaker 7 (26:00):
As hard as goes, I don't like that you feel
guilty about any of it. You should figure out what
you believe in and what you don't, but you you
shouldn't feel.
Speaker 8 (26:08):
Gilty about it, whatever it is exactly.
Speaker 6 (26:11):
I know that's easier said than done, but.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
No, and it's really hard.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
But I do think that there is beauty in figuring
out what you believe in. I think your journey of
finding something that that you believe in is important and
it's it's beautiful and it's also hard because there's a
lot of opinions about it.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
It's very hard.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Okay, there's a we have a one to two more emails,
so we're going to take a break and.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
We'll be right back. All right, we are back. Which
(27:00):
one do we want to do next?
Speaker 6 (27:01):
How about this one from Becca?
Speaker 10 (27:03):
Hi?
Speaker 6 (27:03):
Tanya and Becca. I love your podcast.
Speaker 7 (27:05):
It truly brings me so much joy to listen to
every week, like I'm listening in on my girlfriends and
find myself laughing out loud to myself in the car.
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years
and are now talking about taking the next steps of
an engagement and getting married. My boyfriend is adamant about
getting a prenup before we getting married. I can't help
it feel like that means we will be preparing for
a divorce before we're even married. My boyfriend would be
(27:26):
coming into the married with significantly more money than me.
I can't help it feel like a prenup puts us
in a situation where we're protecting ourselves against each other
and feels as though it's a lack of trust rather
than unity. If either of you had this conversation, do
you see it as a lack of trust or just
going through the motions like getting insurance for any other
major commitment in life.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
This is so funny because before, like my whole life
growing up, or when I the first time I ever
heard about a prenup or what it was, I was like,
oh my gosh, that was just such a negative like viewpoint,
and why would you I that mindset of like you're
just anticipating that it's gonna end before it even begins.
But now I have a different view on it, in
(28:07):
the sense that if someone has a significant amount of
money more than the person that they're marrying, I just
think that it's a way of being like, hey, I
have no intention about like this ever having to come
into play, but I.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Like, you just don't know what's gonna happen in life.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Yeah, honestly, I don't know what y'all think because you're
all married and then you're you're getting.
Speaker 4 (28:32):
Married getting married.
Speaker 5 (28:34):
I would be not offended at all if Robbie would
have come to me and said I think we should.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Have a prenup, like, I really wouldn't, especially coming from
his previous experience, Like to me, you just you really
I get it.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
It does feel dark because you are preparing something in
the case that it does not end the way that
you wanted to.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
But I just feel like it's like anything in life.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
And also if you're really if you're good and like
you're good in a good, healthy relationship, you know what
you're going to bring to the table. It's just a
matter of contract, like anything else that you sign in life,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
I also wonder though, if it's different if the if
the goal is that you're going to be a mom,
and the goal is you're like you're going to be
a stay at home mom, then I feel like that's
a different conversation because if you're at home raising the
kids and you have kids together and then this person
signs a pre nup and it's like you're not getting
you and the kids aren't getting anything, that's kind of dark.
Speaker 5 (29:34):
But I feel like you would factor that in, you
would factor everything in that your situation is.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I feel like if they couldn't go after correct, yeah,
and you just kind of lay it out because what
I feel like, when you get divorced, I'm not to
the knowledge of anyone ever getting divorced under happy terms,
like people are usually pissed and fiery and angry, and
that is.
Speaker 5 (29:57):
Like the worst you are, your worst when you're going
through and hurt and bitterer on either side, you know
what I mean. Like, if you got cheated on, you're
fucking pissed and you're bitter and you're hurt. If you
are the one that cheated, you're fucking oh sorry, And yeah,
but I think it's on both ends, do you.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
Know what I mean? So it's like you're your worst self.
Speaker 5 (30:18):
So if there's already something in place that you have
both agreed upon under happy terms, that's just going to
deal with the situation. I feel like that's better than
the latter in my personal tet.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
No, I agree.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
And it's also like if you go and get life insurance,
it's like, oh, are you anticipating that, like you're immediately
gonna die. No, it's just like setting everybody up to
be protected in this in the case that something happens.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
When you're all happy and in a sound right mind.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
That's a good point, though, you're right, people get I mean,
it brings up I think that situation brings out the
worst in people, the.
Speaker 5 (30:51):
Worst, and then you spend so much time and money
and energy on all of that when if you just
had it done, it's just there.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
And I'd also like to validate that.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
I think as a human being, it feels very normal
and valid that your feelings would feel a little bit
hurt and like everything that you're saying makes perfect sense
to me. But I I'm almost I think, yeah, I'm
with Tanya in the sense that it just sets sets
things up before you move into the marriage if anything
(31:23):
were to happen.
Speaker 5 (31:24):
Yeah, And you said it again on good terms where
you both are looking out for each other's best interest.
Speaker 4 (31:29):
You think it's fair.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
You know.
Speaker 5 (31:32):
Again, I too, like I would feel there is a
part of me that would feel sad.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Heck, I could even ask him for a prenup.
Speaker 5 (31:40):
You know, there would be a part of me that
would be sad about it, But I also wouldn't be
so offended either way.
Speaker 6 (31:49):
It's excellent advice.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 7 (31:51):
I can't another thing I can't relate to. When Amy
and I met, we had nothing. Yeah, zero assets, We
have no property, Our cars were worthless, like we had zero,
So it's hard to imagine that.
Speaker 6 (32:04):
But I think I think it's fine, and I think
I think.
Speaker 7 (32:06):
Your your analogy about how you're in a better state
of mind now than you would be at the time.
Speaker 6 (32:11):
God forbid. I think it's smart.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (32:13):
I mean Alison and I ever in the same like
when we met, we also had nothing, but something we
did I think I talked about on the show. But
Allison inherited some money from her grandfather a couple of
years ago, and she bought this cabin that we spent
a lot of time in up in the mountains, and
her attorney said, you should this should be bought soul
and separate, like it should be just your name on it,
(32:34):
so that if something happens, you know, yeah, like like
we don't have to sell it and I get half
of it, you know. And she was like really sheepish
about it, like talking to me about that, and I
was like, no, that I think that's a great idea.
That's fantastic. That's so like, you know, if something happens,
I have no claim to that property, and you know,
(32:54):
I don't anticipate.
Speaker 8 (32:55):
Anything to happen.
Speaker 9 (32:56):
But I felt like that it makes her feel more
secure and it doesn't bother me at all, Like I
you know, that's and I told her tales like do
you want to get a post enough, is that something
you'd like to do?
Speaker 8 (33:05):
And she's like, no, what are we going to do?
Speaker 9 (33:08):
But uh yeah, that's h And also it kind of
absolves me for having to do any damn work on
that house because I.
Speaker 6 (33:15):
Do have that's your problem.
Speaker 9 (33:17):
Yeah, as soon as I get into the end of
the head there, then I have a financial interest.
Speaker 8 (33:22):
I'm sorry, the course is not going to look very
fondly on that say.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
It is true.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
It's interesting.
Speaker 5 (33:27):
It's such an interesting conversation because I think that it
does have a very negative connotation, but I think it's
very realistic. Money is a factor in life, and so
it's just like you treat it like anything else, like
a contract.
Speaker 7 (33:43):
All right, Anonymous says, the guy I truly believe is
my person is newly single. We were in a best
friends type situationship from with the decade. It was too
hard for me to see him with someone else, and
then our mutual friend group disbanded soon after, so we
haven't spoken for a few years. We never had a
conversation or any closure because I was never confident enough
to tell him how I felt. I never regret that.
Every day now that he's single again, I've been waiting
(34:05):
for him to reach out. But I haven't heard anything yet,
and I don't know if it's because he doesn't want
to talk to me, or if he just thinks I
don't want to hear from him. Should I keep waiting
to see if he reaches out, or should I reach
out to him? I don't want to seem desperate. I
have no clue what to even say. That would be
the length of that wouldn't be the length of an
entire novel. I just want him to somehow get the
messages that I miss him and I want to reconnect.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
This was like a great moment for Hey, how are you.
I've been thinking about you lately. Are you free to
catch up?
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Hey?
Speaker 6 (34:34):
I saw that movie maybe think of you?
Speaker 10 (34:37):
Hey?
Speaker 3 (34:37):
Yeah, I heard that song?
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Remember that song we always we loved when we're all
hang out.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
I hope you're doing well.
Speaker 4 (34:42):
I heard that song that reminded.
Speaker 6 (34:45):
Me of me when I drove by that restaurant we
went to that one time. Have you been there recently?
Speaker 9 (34:49):
A favorite of mine is I had a dream about you. Oh,
that's a good I don't want to know what it was.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
That's a good one. It's actually a good.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
One, but anyone ever says they have a dream about me,
I'm like, I gotcha, say no more.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
I know what that means.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
I always assume, like because if I were to, like
when I used to try and like reach out to
someone I had talked to and it was a guy.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
How to dream about you?
Speaker 4 (35:14):
Yeah, funny how that works?
Speaker 5 (35:17):
Yeah, I say you open the door, like you just
open it slightly, like to let the breeze in. You
don't open it wide and let like the whole air
conditioning come into the room.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
You're just opening it slightly to get the little bit
of breeze. That way.
Speaker 5 (35:30):
If you're not it's not fully open, you're not vulnerable completely.
But if it's not totally shut, then it gives them
the freedom to just blow it open, if you know
what I mean.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
Just blow it right open, blow it right open.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yeah, I think you don't have to immediately confess your feelings.
If he's just got out of a relationship, maybe he's
grieving the relationship and he's not even thinking about dating again.
Speaker 5 (35:55):
So or he could you don't know, he could be
so stoked to be out of that relationship totally.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
But I'm saying you never know until you know confess
all of your feelings in a long text or call.
You can just say, hey, I've been thinking about you,
how to dream about you? I was just wondering how
you're doing.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
I'd love to catch up.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
This is what Bill Hayter did with with Ali Wong.
Ali Wong got a divorce.
Speaker 5 (36:19):
It was all over the news, and she was like,
I did not realize that I was going to be
like a calling bat signal because Bill Hater found out
that she was getting divorced and said, you were the
girl of my dreams. I had to shoot my shot
and look at them now. In case you don't know
they're together.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
I didn't. I didn't know that this is actually used.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
To spoiler alert they are together. So I don't know. Man,
I say, take the Bill Hayter approach when in doubt,
I don't.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
She thinks this is her guy, so she does want
to tread lightly because she doesn't want to blow it.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
Who needs to tread lightly?
Speaker 6 (36:55):
Who treads lightly? I've never tread lightly. Stop.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
You were kind of in your like getting advice on
how to handle the dating apps. You were treading lightly
because you were asking on how to tread light.
Speaker 5 (37:09):
No no, no, no no, no, no, no, I've not tread lightly.
I would hand the ball over to somebody to pretend
to me so that they could tread lightly, But I
myself never treaded lightly.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
That's what I'm saying. You've called them the sources to
tread lightly.
Speaker 6 (37:22):
And I'm just saying that's not your style.
Speaker 4 (37:24):
It's not my style.
Speaker 6 (37:26):
I'm more you're not a light treader.
Speaker 7 (37:28):
No.
Speaker 4 (37:29):
Me and Bill Hater birds of a feather.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
Yeah, you and Bill Hater birds of.
Speaker 4 (37:34):
A feather, we stick together.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
That's all for now. See that was very different than
ask us anything.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
So different, way deeper, sterraneous.
Speaker 6 (37:46):
Four questions as opposed to thirty questions.
Speaker 8 (37:49):
What's your favorite color?
Speaker 6 (37:50):
Right right, right, right right? My real quick favorite color
go oh white, really unexpected.
Speaker 8 (37:58):
Colors, all colors combined.
Speaker 6 (38:01):
It's all colors.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
I don't have a favorite color.
Speaker 8 (38:03):
That's that's very tinya though, everything working in harmony.
Speaker 6 (38:06):
Thank you back a favorite color?
Speaker 3 (38:09):
Blue?
Speaker 7 (38:09):
It is, I'm also blue.
Speaker 6 (38:13):
I like a cobalt blue.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Okay, I love a cobalt but I love like the
color of the Tahoe water.
Speaker 7 (38:19):
That's the thing.
Speaker 5 (38:20):
You can't say, like what's your favorite color, It's like
what's your favorite color to wear? What's your favorite color
to look at?
Speaker 6 (38:24):
What's your favorite I.
Speaker 7 (38:25):
Just said what's your color? And the other two three
people in the room answered that, no problems, but I'm.
Speaker 3 (38:29):
See what I'm wearing.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
Well, they're not going subterranean on the question.
Speaker 6 (38:33):
I know, what do you? What's your favorite?
Speaker 3 (38:35):
Tanya, what's your favorite color to look at?
Speaker 4 (38:37):
Pink? I would say, okay, what's your favorite color to wear? Black?
Speaker 8 (38:41):
Wow? Also, that's the absence of color orange.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
Orange.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Your favorite color to wear is orange.
Speaker 5 (38:48):
I love me and orange. Okay, I don't have a
lot of it. It's not a lot, not a lot
out there.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Okay, but I love to wear what's your favorite color?
That Robbie wars. These these birth answers are just.
Speaker 4 (39:05):
See what I'm saying. There's just so much more to
the question.
Speaker 7 (39:07):
That's the beauty of this show, isn't it. We could
do an entire episode and what's your favorite color? Because
nothing's easy?
Speaker 3 (39:12):
No, no, no, it's always subterranean.
Speaker 4 (39:15):
And that that is life.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
You know, it should be called scrub terranean.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
Wow, that's what this episode should be called.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
Yeah, all right, thank you for that. We love y'all
so much. Have a great weekend. Let you see you
next week.
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Scrub dub dub, sc rub a dub dub. We're asking bunya.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I don't know about like like US giving advice is
like such a what It's just so funny, Like a
whole episode of US giving advice is so funny because
sometimes people have like really hard life things that are
going through and we're just like Bob, just have a
conversation about it.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Just like you know, watermelon and canalos.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
But you know, they come to us for a reason.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I don't think it's that weird.
Speaker 5 (00:45):
I think that oftentimes people seek advice from people that
are not involved in the situation, like third parties. I
think we've lived a lot of life. We've had different
experiences to very different experiences, so there's a lot of
perspective there.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Oh yeah, I got lots of perspective. Yeah, well, I'm
super excited for this. I love these episodes. I love
the as or auas ask us any things. But I
love a lengthy email typed out yeah seeking us.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Same mark, are you doing away?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (01:16):
It would be my pleasure.
Speaker 7 (01:17):
Thank you so much, Anonymous says, I saw Tanya posting
about how she and Robbie become more obsessed with each
other as time goes on. Becca mentioned recently Shan Haley
are still so excited to hang out in love. I'm
wondering if you have advice on how to do that.
I'm in an amazing relationship with the best human ever,
but it's new, and I feel so afraid of when
we're no longer in this place. So I'm asking the
(01:37):
age old question, how do you keep that spark alive?
What's your relationship advice on stayings so in love and
not letting all of that die out?
Speaker 5 (01:48):
You can go, well, it's interesting because I don't think
that I have like necessarily a formula or like a
specific thing to say. And we've only been Robin and
I have only been together for four and a half years,
so I guess it's not that long when you look
at it the big picture, you know what I mean,
people have been married for like twenty forty fifty years,
so four and a half still feels like we're still
(02:09):
freshly in it. I feel like it's just finding the
right partner, right, But.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
It sounds like she is or they I don't know
if it's a man or woman, but sounds.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Like they're in a new relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
So it's like that honeymoon phase and everything feels so
exciting and big and new, and it it does die.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
I don't think you can keep that forever.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Yeah, I don't think you can keep people like to
say that, I think it's.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Totally They're like, I think I think there's a difference
of saying that.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
There there's almost this.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Like it's not not a toxic feeling, but it's almost
like this intoxicating feeling where you like I wasn't sleeping,
Like to maintain that feeling would be so exhausting looking back,
But there's still the excitement of getting to hang out
with her at Hayley after six years, there's still that
excitement of getting to talk to her at the end
(03:07):
of the day and recap our days together and like
do new things together. So I'm still I'm more in love,
Like the love is so much deeper, but it's not
this like thing I'm trying to grasp onto, Like I
feel like at peace in the relationship.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
As opposed to like frantically trying to Like.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
Yeah, because like in the early days when you're like dating,
you don't see them every day, so you like anticipate
seeing them.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
You like shave every.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
Inch of your body, you like, you know, your slick
as a dolphin. Yeah, dolphin, like dolphin, Like you know
now I'm like grizzly, you know whatever, But like you
just do. There's so much that you like, there's so
much build up, and it's like you just can't keep
that forever, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
My mom shows every day her likes.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
I think I kind of shave them every time I'm
in the shower.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
You shower three times a day, yeah, my.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Everything shower, which is like twice a week, okay, and.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
That's when you wash your feet.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
That's when I wash my feet shape.
Speaker 6 (04:12):
You know, not every time you're in the shower.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Fair fair, fair, fair, fair fair fair.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
So basically what we're saying is when you are with them,
I mean, you you, how long have you all been
how long have you been with Amy?
Speaker 6 (04:22):
Twenty seven years.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Since you've been matten serted dating?
Speaker 8 (04:25):
Okay, and you and I'll say eleven years.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Okay, So how what would y'all say.
Speaker 7 (04:31):
That you can't keep that going? Because love evolves and
it's going to evolve, whether you want it to or not.
It's going to and it can be go to a
better place, and I hope for your case the sake,
it doesn't go to a worse place. But it's going
to be different in the future than it is now,
and that doesn't make it bad in the future. It
can be great in the future in its own way.
We're in a place right now with two teenagers that
(04:51):
I don't know. It's not it's certainly not what it was,
I'll tell you that, but I'm hoping that it's going
we can recreate that one day.
Speaker 6 (04:58):
You know.
Speaker 7 (04:58):
I always use the metaphor I've probably used it here
that there's Mark and Amy, and there's Mom and Dad.
Mark and Amy are in love and have a blast
together and are just the best friends. And Mom and
Dad bicker, and Mom and Dad don't get along all
the time, you know, But when we're alone, we get
to go away together, like just the two of us.
Mark and Amy come right back. And that gives me
a lot of hope for empty nest era, which is
(05:19):
not that far down the road. But Mom and Dad
are pretty entrenched right now. We haven't seen marking Amy
in a bit, but.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Or just right under the surface somewhere some trainean, Yeah,
you're word of the week.
Speaker 9 (05:36):
I mean, I don't know, I agree like that feeling.
I think like I think about to like the honeymoon feeling,
you know, and like I still get that feeling with
Aus and it just takes on different forms, you know,
Like I'm I know Alson better than anyone else. I'm
never better than I know myself. But I'm still excited.
Like when she texts me, I get like excited because
and it's usually like, hey, the window guy came by.
(05:58):
It be eighteen hundred dollars, you know, like it's like, oh,
she just oh my gosh, she just texted me, Oh,
I miss you so much. Uh the window guy and
I tried cleaning some of the windows and we got
a lot of the scratches out. So that makes me
so excited.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Great said I miss you so much.
Speaker 8 (06:13):
She did, and I saw her this morning, you know,
but uh.
Speaker 6 (06:20):
Wow, we refreshing and refreshing.
Speaker 9 (06:29):
And and you know again, I, like Tony said, I
don't know, like you know, I don't know what the
key to that is. I just I really like this person,
and I'm excited to see all the different forms our
relationship takes over the years.
Speaker 10 (06:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (06:38):
And I think also it's like as your relationship evolves,
just like with and over time, like then it takes
on different forms. So it's like when you move in together,
that's like a whole different thing. So like I get
like so giddy when he comes home from work with me.
I've posted videos of like my dog whenever Robbie gets home,
her tail goes like crazy and she's like this, Like
that's how I am too, just not filming myself, but
like I'm so excited when he home at the end
(07:00):
of the day, you know what I mean. But I
just feel like everything shifts as you grow as a couple,
you know what I mean. Like before I when we
were dating, I never met hadn't even met the kid,
so I wasn't even involved in that. And now I'm
like super involved in that. So that's like another layer
of you.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Know, you just I don't know, it's all just yeah,
And you asked like, is there conscious Like the question
is their conscious effort to keep spark alive? And I
do think there's effort in this sense that like making
time for each other and carving out things to do
for each other that maybe the other person loves. We
like couple therapy has been like so helpful for helpful
(07:36):
for us just in communicating and learning how to have
like healthy conversations that might be hard so that I
don't I'm known to shut down. So like, if I
shut down and we're trying to have a productive conversation,
it just kind of puts a wedge in between us,
and that was happening.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
So now I feel like, because we're able to.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Communicate in a more healthy way, I feel like there's
a deeper life there that I didn't I've never experienced ever.
Speaker 5 (08:03):
Yeah, I do feel like I know I say it
all the time, but I really mean it. Finding out
each other's love languages is so important because I I
don't know if you know this about me, but I
require a lot of attention.
Speaker 6 (08:13):
Who fascinating.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Yeah, I require a lot.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Robbie requires none like that guy, Like it's crazy, you know,
it's wild. He requires nothing and I require a lot.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
So you how do you don't?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
How do you know that he requires nothing because you
give so much? Have you ever seen him like just
not have like you give him so much without him asking.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
For it because that's rights.
Speaker 6 (08:36):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
But like he he doesn't need more because he has
what you give him. But I'm saying, how do you
know he doesn't require stuff because you give everything, you
give a lot.
Speaker 5 (08:45):
Yeah, I don't I get what you're saying, but like
the guy really requires not much.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
He's very chill, He's very lazy.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
But it's like being open and communicating that, do you
know what I mean? Like I'm like, I need you
to touch me, I need you to tell me, and
I need you to act every day how much you
love me. Whereas he it could be like once a week,
you know, like I could like give him a kiss
on a Thursday and he's good till Monday.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
Whereas I'm like.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
I don't think. I don't think we approved because that
has never happened.
Speaker 5 (09:17):
I know, I get what you're saying, but I just
I feel it in my bones that he really requires
very little.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
Yeah just a hunch.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I also think I have a really hard time if
I do need something and I'm not and Haley's not
able to read my mind, which is so infuriating. It's like,
why can't you just read my mind? I'm giving all
the hints, but having to ask for what I need
is so uncomfortable for me, right, But I do think
it's helped us.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
So much when I'm able to do it in a
productive way.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
Yeah, I usually do it subtly, Like you know, I
write him a letter every morning. Well, you don't write
him a letter for like three days, He'll write me one.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Because he's like, you are the human form.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
Of correct, nothing but subtle.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You should have Sunny return the favor and film you
when Robbie gets home. Like it's kind of rude that
you're always telling hurt. Honestly, it's the Leasha could do.
I know, So I would say enjoy the phase that
you're at and also know that just if that like
rush of like the newness goes away, that's not a
(10:23):
negative thing, correct, It just can mean it's like love
is growing in it.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
It can look different at so many different life stages.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Yeah, next, Mark, here we go.
Speaker 6 (10:50):
This is from Nicole.
Speaker 7 (10:51):
I love your podcast that came across it around the
time Becca came out and then binged all episodes from
twenty seventeen in three to four months. I want to
ask Beca how her journey has so far. Are reconnecting
with her faith. I grew up Catholic, but was never
forced by my parents to attend church all the time,
and therein lies my issue. I'm twenty six now, and
looking back, I feel like it was a formality and
nothing else. I've never felt connected to that, and the
(11:13):
interest has never really been there. I'm very comfortable with
not knowing whether or not God or a God exists,
but sometimes I do feel guilty that I'm doing something wrong.
But at the same time, I can't force myself to
believe in something I'm not connected to. Tanya once mentioned
growing up Serbian Orthodox then breaking away from that to
become Christian. Did you ever feel like you were doing
something wrong and breaking away from all you'd known? I'd
(11:34):
love to hear Marciniste in the Fuse as well. Having
grown up without religion at all.
Speaker 10 (11:37):
Would you like to start BACKA yeah, I would say
that the hardest thing that I feel like I've ever
had to really navigate was my faith and my religion,
especially after meeting Haley.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I've talked about I actually weirdly talked about this on
another podcast I did, but I said I was talking
talking about how like my whole life growing up in
the South in a very like conservative Christian environment, going
to a Christian school, going to church three times a.
Speaker 6 (12:07):
Week, like three times a week, Sunday.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night.
Speaker 6 (12:12):
Sunday morning, and Sunday night. Yeah, that is a lot.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
But then in high school I kind of would just
kind of go by my like I was more involved,
like just on my own and wasn't necessarily that was
like more as a child, and like I went because
I had to. And then when I was in high school,
I would go on my own, and what I knew
about same sex relationships or you know, homosexuality was that
(12:37):
it was wrong and bad. And so I think that
when before Haley, my sister came out to me, and
I think that was a real big shift for me
because my whole life I had never really had to
deal This is a very selfish statement, but looking back,
this is how I felt. But because no one that
I was super close to had told me that that
(12:58):
that part of them, I think that it just was
never I just kind of like had my beliefs, but
it was never something I talked about or felt like
I needed to reevaluate until my sister came out to
me because I thought, like, how am I supposed to
believe what I've been taught my whole life about this
person who I love more than anything, you know, Like
(13:18):
it was like my whole mindset and like my belief
system was kind of like shook. And you grow up
being like you don't question, like how I grew up.
You don't question anything, You don't take a deep dive
and look into things like that. Like I had never
even had that perspective of thinking about it until you know,
(13:39):
my sister. And so then when I met Haley, it
was such this instant connection that I didn't really go
into the faith thing until I was kind of having
to navigate things with my family and my parents, and
then it.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Was like what do I actually believe?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Like I started having this moment of like I just
kind of followed and did what I was told, but
like I've no I ever looked into it as like
what do I connect with?
Speaker 3 (14:02):
What do I believe about this?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
What is it that's keeping me in this state of
faith or like believing in something that's so big? So
I went through this huge phase of just being like
what is it? Can I keep that? And can I
have a relationship with a woman, you know, Yeah, and
(14:24):
that was really scary because it was like the most consistent,
important thing in my life. And then I realized, I'm
I can have both and I believe in I believe
in what I believe in. And I think I've always
feared talking about religion because I was scared of what
Christian people would say, Like my fear has always been
around what will the Christians say? And then I was thinking,
(14:46):
how twisted is that that my fear of who's going
to bully me or troll me is going to be
Christian people? Like what a backwards mindset of Like how
to think about faith as opposed to thinking it's so
huge it's faith because you don't it's believing in something
that you can't see or know, and also there's so
(15:06):
many elements to it. So I just always felt like
it's my it's such a personal thing and it's my
personal journey. And I always felt like I needed to
make sure everyone was happy with how I was doing it,
But no one's ever gonna be happy with how you're
doing it. I find personally that my faith brings me
more peace than anything else in my life, So That's
how I've been able to like when people like, how.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Do you still believe?
Speaker 2 (15:29):
But I think the organized religion of it all has
been a little bit of a turn off because I
see people that I don't really want to associate and
if they're if they're of the Christian faith or they're
talking about that, I'm like, I don't want to really
be associated with those people, right, And that was really
that's kind of a complicated feeling, you know, because you're like, well,
(15:52):
you grow up being like you really shouldn't have deep
relationships outside of people who believe the same as you,
you know, but that feels so.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
That doesn't.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I just feel like what I've learned and like how
what I believe Jesus to be was not that type
of person.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Yeah, what an.
Speaker 7 (16:09):
Awful statement that is? You shouldn't have deep relationships with
you It's basically like.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Don't have don't have deep rooted relationships with people who
don't have the same beliefs, do you grown.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Like, until I until I moved out of that mindset,
the amount of people I met who celebrate totally different
cultures and religion I would have never known had I
not moved and like ask questions and gotten to know
people who were different than me. And I think it's
such a beautiful thing to have relationships with people from
all different backgrounds and from the you know, different parts
(16:44):
of the country and world, and and I think it's
a beautiful thing.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I just I don't know. It's it's definitely complicated.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
It's not something I have a clear answer about, obviously,
but I have my faith, and I think that if
you don't connect to something, you can't force yourself. But
I also it gives me peace believing in something bigger
than me.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Yeah, I think for me it was a really hard
topic because I did grow up very Serbian Orthodox, Like
I would go to church every Sunday with my dad
and it's more deep rooted for my dad than my mom,
I think. But when I I never felt connected to
(17:27):
the Serbian Orthodox Church. I didn't really understand what they
were saying. I always felt judged because I didn't speak Serbian.
It was very traditional, like I had to wear a
skirt past my knees, you can't have your shoulders. It
was just it felt I never felt like I fit
in when I was going there.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
And that's hard.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Right, So again, I'm doing this because I'm just I'm
going with my dad and it means so much to him.
And then when I started going to Christian Church and
really finding my footing in that, it was like a
really hard conversation with my parents because like they just
didn't understand it. They were just like, it's all the
same beliefs, so why can't you go to you know,
It was like a really hard and it still is
to this day a very touchy subject. And I think
(18:10):
it's because, you know, I grew up one hundred percent
fully Serbian, and I think that in my parents' eyes,
it was like I was turning my back on that,
and I, you know, I wanted to be different than
how I was born and.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Didn't appreciate that, you know.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
And like my sister got married and her husband converted
to Serbian Orthodox and they got married in a Serbian
Orthodox church, and like she did it the way that
I think they wanted that they wanted it, and I'm
going to do it marrying a Jewish man with a
pop culture officiant, not in a Serbian Orthodox church.
Speaker 4 (18:52):
You know, Like it's very it's just very different.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
And so.
Speaker 5 (18:59):
That's what's hard for me. It's how hard it is
for my parents. It has not been hard for me personally,
like being Christian and my relationship with God is what
is what fuels me. It's not about the rules and
the what not to do and who not to be with.
I did get a lot of criticism when I started
dating Robbie, like, you know, how do you guys do it?
(19:21):
How to navigate? And I'm like, it's actually quite beautiful.
We both celebrate each other's holidays and traditions and learn
and grow and I think it's cool that he's Jewish
and I'm Christian and it works and we think about
I don't know, like we just have more holidays and
(19:42):
more celebrating.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
Like who doesn't like that? You know what I mean?
Will it be different when we have a kid? I
don't know. I have no idea. I have no idea
how that's going to feel.
Speaker 5 (19:52):
But for now, this is how we do it, and
we like it.
Speaker 7 (19:57):
It's a hard question for me because I don't speak
this language, you know, And I don't feel guilty about that,
Like you feel guilty you don't speak Swedish? Well, no,
I don't speak Swedish, so therefore I don't. I don't
speak religion. I don't really know anything about it. I
haven't had in my whole life. But I'll say this,
it's all taught. Homophobia is taught, racism is taught, transphobia, islamophobia,
(20:17):
whatever it is. Any this disregard, dislike, disapproval of cultures
or lifestyles is all taught. When my kids were born,
I saw it. They loved everybody, everybody. But the journey
that most people are forced to go on is I
love everybody, and then someone tells them you shouldn't love
this person, these people are these people are these people
(20:37):
for various reasons. And then those kids are like, okay, God,
I'm not going to like any of those people. And
then they get out in the world and they meet
a gay person, they meet a black person, they meet
a Muslim person, and they realize, gosh, you know what,
this is kind of cool, these people that are out.
Speaker 6 (20:52):
There in the world.
Speaker 7 (20:53):
And that's the journey we make everyone go on, which
is so odd to me. Well, with my kids, I
just want to put a period at the end of statement.
You love everyone, great love everyone. And some people would
say to me, you know, your sister is married to
a woman, was that weird.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
For your kids?
Speaker 7 (21:06):
No, they love everyone, and so saying to my kids,
we never even said it. That's just that's your aunt Amy,
and that's your aunt Emily, that's her wife Emily. Okay, cool,
Like they just when you love everyone, like as all
babies do, they just accept everything.
Speaker 6 (21:23):
It's fine. That's just how the world is. And I said,
love is love, it doesn't matter. It's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 7 (21:29):
So I wish there was less of that. I wish
there was so much less of that journey that we
make everyone so.
Speaker 5 (21:34):
Interesting, says I do feel like, and I'm not going
to get political, but if you look at a lot
of the harm in the world, it is all rooted
in what am I trying to say, that divisive those walls.
Everybody that's been put into a wall, been born into
(21:55):
like these these views. And I think if that weren't
the case, there would be a lot more peace in
our world.
Speaker 7 (22:03):
And but I would as a as a non religious person,
I'd point out their religion is one of those walls.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 6 (22:09):
Yeah, right right.
Speaker 7 (22:11):
So it's like it's like imagine by John Lennon, imagine
no religion imagine there's no countries. You know, there's borders,
there's language, there's skin color, there's religion. It all separates
us in different ways, and it would be a much
better world if we weren't separated by all these different things, right.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yeah, And I feel I also I was thinking about
like when I when Haley and I were going to
come out and be public, all all of my fear
was surrounded by like Christian people saying things, you know,
like you read the Bible, you know, like just all that.
I really didn't think about any other type of hate.
And I remember thinking, why did I have that? You
know that, because that's how I used to think. So
(22:46):
in my mind, I was like everyone.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
That's how, that's what I should be worried about, because
I was.
Speaker 6 (22:51):
I was not.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
I mean, I guess taught to be judgmental, you.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Know, you're like you're raised to to be friends with
certain people and to form relationships with certain people. And
so when I realized that my biggest fear of who
was going to hurt me the most were the Christians
people who were religious.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
I was like, this feels like it's not right.
Speaker 7 (23:14):
I think it's a credit to you that you stuck
with it. I think a lot of people realizing this
is not right, leave the church. You know, I don't
know how involved you are on an actual church. Your
faith has has continued, which I think is a credit
to you.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
I think it was one of those things of like
give up something that means so much because of what
other people might say or not agree with, or keep
something that's so personal and important to me and also
live my life, you know.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
So but it's hard. Religions so complicated.
Speaker 8 (23:46):
How do you feel about it? It's it's weird.
Speaker 9 (23:50):
I had I was very very anti religion for a
very long time because so my my father was an
ultra boy and he was abused by a priest.
Speaker 8 (24:01):
When he was a child.
Speaker 9 (24:02):
He's been he was in like a documentary about He's
been very open about it, and I like went with
him to a lot of like helping other like survivors, say, victims,
but and like seeing how the church reacted to when
all that was happening.
Speaker 8 (24:15):
The Catholic Church specifically just despicable, like like it was.
It was really crazy. It was really.
Speaker 9 (24:21):
Upsetting to see how they were reacting to these horrible
things happening and so I was like, oh, religion sucks
like this, this sucks, like who would want to do
something like this? And and it you know, that's why
we we never went to church growing up because of that,
because like like my parents went to like a Catholic
high school, and then when my sister and I were born,
like we'd go to church like one time and then
might have like I'm not doing this. We wouldn't go back.
(24:42):
I never knew what the what the deal was. But
so I didn't have religion forever. And and it wasn't
until long into adulthood that I was like meeting other
people that had faith and like realizing, oh, this person
like doesn't hate it, you know, like so many negative
things with it, and uh, and I see so manyful
things come from faith and come from the community in
(25:02):
a church. So that that was a I mean, that
was a journey I had to go on, you know
you talk about that like like I really had a
lot of animosity towards organized religion for a long time.
But that being said, I don't think that I've ever
had an issue living my life like not without religion,
like in terms of like how to behave and how
(25:23):
to relate to.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
The moral compass.
Speaker 9 (25:25):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I I and I know that's
not the same way. You know, not everyone needs that.
But I don't know I'll never I don't think i'll
ever go to church. We Allison worked in a church,
like in admin roll for a while and like I
went to some services there just like you know, because
it's like her coworkers, you know, doing that thing. And
(25:46):
it was fine and I thought it was I thought
it was like nice.
Speaker 8 (25:49):
But but I don't think I'll ever do that. Yeah,
So I don't know. I'm trying to stay here.
Speaker 9 (25:53):
Uh, do what you want, you know, believe what you want,
but don't do terrible things other people.
Speaker 7 (26:00):
As hard as goes, I don't like that you feel
guilty about any of it. You should figure out what
you believe in and what you don't, but you you
shouldn't feel.
Speaker 8 (26:08):
Gilty about it, whatever it is exactly.
Speaker 6 (26:11):
I know that's easier said than done, but.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
No, and it's really hard.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
But I do think that there is beauty in figuring
out what you believe in. I think your journey of
finding something that that you believe in is important and
it's it's beautiful and it's also hard because there's a
lot of opinions about it.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
It's very hard.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Okay, there's a we have a one to two more emails,
so we're going to take a break and.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
We'll be right back. All right, we are back. Which
(27:00):
one do we want to do next?
Speaker 6 (27:01):
How about this one from Becca?
Speaker 10 (27:03):
Hi?
Speaker 6 (27:03):
Tanya and Becca. I love your podcast.
Speaker 7 (27:05):
It truly brings me so much joy to listen to
every week, like I'm listening in on my girlfriends and
find myself laughing out loud to myself in the car.
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years
and are now talking about taking the next steps of
an engagement and getting married. My boyfriend is adamant about
getting a prenup before we getting married. I can't help
it feel like that means we will be preparing for
a divorce before we're even married. My boyfriend would be
(27:26):
coming into the married with significantly more money than me.
I can't help it feel like a prenup puts us
in a situation where we're protecting ourselves against each other
and feels as though it's a lack of trust rather
than unity. If either of you had this conversation, do
you see it as a lack of trust or just
going through the motions like getting insurance for any other
major commitment in life.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
This is so funny because before, like my whole life
growing up, or when I the first time I ever
heard about a prenup or what it was, I was like,
oh my gosh, that was just such a negative like viewpoint,
and why would you I that mindset of like you're
just anticipating that it's gonna end before it even begins.
But now I have a different view on it, in
(28:07):
the sense that if someone has a significant amount of
money more than the person that they're marrying, I just
think that it's a way of being like, hey, I
have no intention about like this ever having to come
into play, but I.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Like, you just don't know what's gonna happen in life.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Yeah, honestly, I don't know what y'all think because you're
all married and then you're you're getting.
Speaker 4 (28:32):
Married getting married.
Speaker 5 (28:34):
I would be not offended at all if Robbie would
have come to me and said I think we should.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Have a prenup, like, I really wouldn't, especially coming from
his previous experience, Like to me, you just you really
I get it.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
It does feel dark because you are preparing something in
the case that it does not end the way that
you wanted to.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
But I just feel like it's like anything in life.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
And also if you're really if you're good and like
you're good in a good, healthy relationship, you know what
you're going to bring to the table. It's just a
matter of contract, like anything else that you sign in life,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
I also wonder though, if it's different if the if
the goal is that you're going to be a mom,
and the goal is you're like you're going to be
a stay at home mom, then I feel like that's
a different conversation because if you're at home raising the
kids and you have kids together and then this person
signs a pre nup and it's like you're not getting
you and the kids aren't getting anything, that's kind of dark.
Speaker 5 (29:34):
But I feel like you would factor that in, you
would factor everything in that your situation is.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I feel like if they couldn't go after correct, yeah,
and you just kind of lay it out because what
I feel like, when you get divorced, I'm not to
the knowledge of anyone ever getting divorced under happy terms,
like people are usually pissed and fiery and angry, and
that is.
Speaker 5 (29:57):
Like the worst you are, your worst when you're going
through and hurt and bitterer on either side, you know
what I mean. Like, if you got cheated on, you're
fucking pissed and you're bitter and you're hurt. If you
are the one that cheated, you're fucking oh sorry, And yeah,
but I think it's on both ends, do you.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
Know what I mean? So it's like you're your worst self.
Speaker 5 (30:18):
So if there's already something in place that you have
both agreed upon under happy terms, that's just going to
deal with the situation. I feel like that's better than
the latter in my personal tet.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
No, I agree.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
And it's also like if you go and get life insurance,
it's like, oh, are you anticipating that, like you're immediately
gonna die. No, it's just like setting everybody up to
be protected in this in the case that something happens.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
When you're all happy and in a sound right mind.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
That's a good point, though, you're right, people get I mean,
it brings up I think that situation brings out the
worst in people, the.
Speaker 5 (30:51):
Worst, and then you spend so much time and money
and energy on all of that when if you just
had it done, it's just there.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
And I'd also like to validate that.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
I think as a human being, it feels very normal
and valid that your feelings would feel a little bit
hurt and like everything that you're saying makes perfect sense
to me. But I I'm almost I think, yeah, I'm
with Tanya in the sense that it just sets sets
things up before you move into the marriage if anything
(31:23):
were to happen.
Speaker 5 (31:24):
Yeah, And you said it again on good terms where
you both are looking out for each other's best interest.
Speaker 4 (31:29):
You think it's fair.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
You know.
Speaker 5 (31:32):
Again, I too, like I would feel there is a
part of me that would feel sad.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Heck, I could even ask him for a prenup.
Speaker 5 (31:40):
You know, there would be a part of me that
would be sad about it, But I also wouldn't be
so offended either way.
Speaker 6 (31:49):
It's excellent advice.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 7 (31:51):
I can't another thing I can't relate to. When Amy
and I met, we had nothing. Yeah, zero assets, We
have no property, Our cars were worthless, like we had zero,
So it's hard to imagine that.
Speaker 6 (32:04):
But I think I think it's fine, and I think
I think.
Speaker 7 (32:06):
Your your analogy about how you're in a better state
of mind now than you would be at the time.
Speaker 6 (32:11):
God forbid. I think it's smart.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (32:13):
I mean Alison and I ever in the same like
when we met, we also had nothing, but something we
did I think I talked about on the show. But
Allison inherited some money from her grandfather a couple of
years ago, and she bought this cabin that we spent
a lot of time in up in the mountains, and
her attorney said, you should this should be bought soul
and separate, like it should be just your name on it,
(32:34):
so that if something happens, you know, yeah, like like
we don't have to sell it and I get half
of it, you know. And she was like really sheepish
about it, like talking to me about that, and I
was like, no, that I think that's a great idea.
That's fantastic. That's so like, you know, if something happens,
I have no claim to that property, and you know,
(32:54):
I don't anticipate.
Speaker 8 (32:55):
Anything to happen.
Speaker 9 (32:56):
But I felt like that it makes her feel more
secure and it doesn't bother me at all, Like I
you know, that's and I told her tales like do
you want to get a post enough, is that something
you'd like to do?
Speaker 8 (33:05):
And she's like, no, what are we going to do?
Speaker 9 (33:08):
But uh yeah, that's h And also it kind of
absolves me for having to do any damn work on
that house because I.
Speaker 6 (33:15):
Do have that's your problem.
Speaker 9 (33:17):
Yeah, as soon as I get into the end of
the head there, then I have a financial interest.
Speaker 8 (33:22):
I'm sorry, the course is not going to look very
fondly on that say.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
It is true.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
It's interesting.
Speaker 5 (33:27):
It's such an interesting conversation because I think that it
does have a very negative connotation, but I think it's
very realistic. Money is a factor in life, and so
it's just like you treat it like anything else, like
a contract.
Speaker 7 (33:43):
All right, Anonymous says, the guy I truly believe is
my person is newly single. We were in a best
friends type situationship from with the decade. It was too
hard for me to see him with someone else, and
then our mutual friend group disbanded soon after, so we
haven't spoken for a few years. We never had a
conversation or any closure because I was never confident enough
to tell him how I felt. I never regret that.
Every day now that he's single again, I've been waiting
(34:05):
for him to reach out. But I haven't heard anything yet,
and I don't know if it's because he doesn't want
to talk to me, or if he just thinks I
don't want to hear from him. Should I keep waiting
to see if he reaches out, or should I reach
out to him? I don't want to seem desperate. I
have no clue what to even say. That would be
the length of that wouldn't be the length of an
entire novel. I just want him to somehow get the
messages that I miss him and I want to reconnect.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
This was like a great moment for Hey, how are you.
I've been thinking about you lately. Are you free to
catch up?
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Hey?
Speaker 6 (34:34):
I saw that movie maybe think of you?
Speaker 10 (34:37):
Hey?
Speaker 3 (34:37):
Yeah, I heard that song?
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Remember that song we always we loved when we're all
hang out.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
I hope you're doing well.
Speaker 4 (34:42):
I heard that song that reminded.
Speaker 6 (34:45):
Me of me when I drove by that restaurant we
went to that one time. Have you been there recently?
Speaker 9 (34:49):
A favorite of mine is I had a dream about you. Oh,
that's a good I don't want to know what it was.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
That's a good one. It's actually a good.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
One, but anyone ever says they have a dream about me,
I'm like, I gotcha, say no more.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
I know what that means.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
I always assume, like because if I were to, like
when I used to try and like reach out to
someone I had talked to and it was a guy.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
How to dream about you?
Speaker 4 (35:14):
Yeah, funny how that works?
Speaker 5 (35:17):
Yeah, I say you open the door, like you just
open it slightly, like to let the breeze in. You
don't open it wide and let like the whole air
conditioning come into the room.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
You're just opening it slightly to get the little bit
of breeze. That way.
Speaker 5 (35:30):
If you're not it's not fully open, you're not vulnerable completely.
But if it's not totally shut, then it gives them
the freedom to just blow it open, if you know
what I mean.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
Just blow it right open, blow it right open.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yeah, I think you don't have to immediately confess your feelings.
If he's just got out of a relationship, maybe he's
grieving the relationship and he's not even thinking about dating again.
Speaker 5 (35:55):
So or he could you don't know, he could be
so stoked to be out of that relationship totally.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
But I'm saying you never know until you know confess
all of your feelings in a long text or call.
You can just say, hey, I've been thinking about you,
how to dream about you? I was just wondering how
you're doing.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
I'd love to catch up.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
This is what Bill Hayter did with with Ali Wong.
Ali Wong got a divorce.
Speaker 5 (36:19):
It was all over the news, and she was like,
I did not realize that I was going to be
like a calling bat signal because Bill Hater found out
that she was getting divorced and said, you were the
girl of my dreams. I had to shoot my shot
and look at them now. In case you don't know
they're together.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
I didn't. I didn't know that this is actually used.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
To spoiler alert they are together. So I don't know. Man,
I say, take the Bill Hayter approach when in doubt,
I don't.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
She thinks this is her guy, so she does want
to tread lightly because she doesn't want to blow it.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
Who needs to tread lightly?
Speaker 6 (36:55):
Who treads lightly? I've never tread lightly. Stop.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
You were kind of in your like getting advice on
how to handle the dating apps. You were treading lightly
because you were asking on how to tread light.
Speaker 5 (37:09):
No no, no, no no, no, no, no, I've not tread lightly.
I would hand the ball over to somebody to pretend
to me so that they could tread lightly, But I
myself never treaded lightly.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
That's what I'm saying. You've called them the sources to
tread lightly.
Speaker 6 (37:22):
And I'm just saying that's not your style.
Speaker 4 (37:24):
It's not my style.
Speaker 6 (37:26):
I'm more you're not a light treader.
Speaker 7 (37:28):
No.
Speaker 4 (37:29):
Me and Bill Hater birds of a feather.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
Yeah, you and Bill Hater birds of.
Speaker 4 (37:34):
A feather, we stick together.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
That's all for now. See that was very different than
ask us anything.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
So different, way deeper, sterraneous.
Speaker 6 (37:46):
Four questions as opposed to thirty questions.
Speaker 8 (37:49):
What's your favorite color?
Speaker 6 (37:50):
Right right, right, right right? My real quick favorite color
go oh white, really unexpected.
Speaker 8 (37:58):
Colors, all colors combined.
Speaker 6 (38:01):
It's all colors.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
I don't have a favorite color.
Speaker 8 (38:03):
That's that's very tinya though, everything working in harmony.
Speaker 6 (38:06):
Thank you back a favorite color?
Speaker 3 (38:09):
Blue?
Speaker 7 (38:09):
It is, I'm also blue.
Speaker 6 (38:13):
I like a cobalt blue.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Okay, I love a cobalt but I love like the
color of the Tahoe water.
Speaker 7 (38:19):
That's the thing.
Speaker 5 (38:20):
You can't say, like what's your favorite color, It's like
what's your favorite color to wear? What's your favorite color
to look at?
Speaker 6 (38:24):
What's your favorite I.
Speaker 7 (38:25):
Just said what's your color? And the other two three
people in the room answered that, no problems, but I'm.
Speaker 3 (38:29):
See what I'm wearing.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
Well, they're not going subterranean on the question.
Speaker 6 (38:33):
I know, what do you? What's your favorite?
Speaker 3 (38:35):
Tanya, what's your favorite color to look at?
Speaker 4 (38:37):
Pink? I would say, okay, what's your favorite color to wear? Black?
Speaker 8 (38:41):
Wow? Also, that's the absence of color orange.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
Orange.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Your favorite color to wear is orange.
Speaker 5 (38:48):
I love me and orange. Okay, I don't have a
lot of it. It's not a lot, not a lot
out there.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Okay, but I love to wear what's your favorite color?
That Robbie wars. These these birth answers are just.
Speaker 4 (39:05):
See what I'm saying. There's just so much more to
the question.
Speaker 7 (39:07):
That's the beauty of this show, isn't it. We could
do an entire episode and what's your favorite color? Because
nothing's easy?
Speaker 3 (39:12):
No, no, no, it's always subterranean.
Speaker 4 (39:15):
And that that is life.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
You know, it should be called scrub terranean.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
Wow, that's what this episode should be called.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
Yeah, all right, thank you for that. We love y'all
so much. Have a great weekend. Let you see you
next week.
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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