May 15, 2025 • 36 mins
It’s time for Dear Banya! What do you do when you and your bestie have different parenting styles?? How do you handle dating a coworker… until they get fired? And Tanya shares a 2 months of marriage update!
Plus, we have evidence from that past that totally changes which Grey’s character Becca embodies!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hello everybody, we are scrubing.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I think a lot.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
I think it like, it's short and sweet, it's familiar.
You get to jing.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
We are scrub dumb dubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
No, I think I think what you did was perfect.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Yeah the second time.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
No, no, the first time.
Speaker 5 (00:37):
I think.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Tweak it each week and see which one lands, and
see which one lands. Yeah, yeah, let's see what the people.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
The one thing about the scrubbers, they'll let us know.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
And one thing that we really just need to get
this podcast in tiptop shape for the Golden Globe entry right.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Yes, yeah, yes, And Sandra, oh, get her on the map,
get us on her map.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
We're gonna have to think of some more guest possibilities
because we cannot be attached to just one outcome. But
I'm on it, okay, all right, twenty twenty six is
gonna be here before you know it.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Time is just flying by, flying by, because I got
a memory on my phone and it was Jojo and
Jordan's wedding. It's been three years. That's crazy, which is crazy,
and I just feel like, y'all it's gonna be y'all's
wedding anniversary. It's gonna just happen so fast.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Well, it was our two month anniversary yesterday.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Happy anniversary, Thank you so much. How have the past
two months been a marriage?
Speaker 4 (01:41):
Great? It hasn't felt two months is a long time
it has. It's felt like two weeks. I feel like
we just got there.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Britney's marriages didn't even make it to two months. Yeah, milestone, thank.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
You, Masel. Just wedded, Bliss, just wedded, bliss. I'm obsessed
with being married.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I'm so happy to hear that. Yeah, I'm happy to
hear that, because not everyone feels that way.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
Yeah, we didn't really celebrate our two month anniversary per se,
but maybe we'll celebrate six months, maybe a year.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I thought you were planning a dinner for your two months.
It did not happen, so funny.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Your memory is not so great. The dinner was for.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Like a oh, Michael, wow, she just snapped her brawl.
So we.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
Did like a botchi ball tournament, which is like a
It's this thing called a party book. Do you know
what that is?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
A party book?
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Yeah, it's something to like raise money for the school. Okay,
so we did like a bochie tournament on our actual
two month anniversary.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Oh so your dinner. Oh you went on a dinner
for like step Mother's Day.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Yeah yeah, it was cute. Yeah, thank you for paying attention.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Well you showed me a lovely text hero you know,
it was extremely sweet. I forgot it was not for
your anniversary. It was for Mother's Day. Now she's a stepmom, yes,
yes she is.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Yes. Mother's Day is so interesting because I and I
don't know if it's because social media you see people
talking about it more, but I felt this Mother's Day
there was like I saw people just being like, it's
Mother's Day. My husband's off golfing, And I was like,
like a lot of those types of videos, Oh really yeah,
And I was like, man, that's tough. Like the expectation
(03:34):
of Mother's Day is hard in my opinion, because it's
like and then I saw someone saying, if if you're
looking forward to this one day for your husband to
like let you sleep in or like do the dishes
or whatever it is, maybe he needs to be helping
you out more throughout the year if you're like depending
(03:54):
on this one day for him to do. It's true,
what do you do for your wife?
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Tended it wasn't Mother's Day because our oldest was not able.
We're not able to see her, and so my wife
was very sad about that. So we said, were, it
is not Mother's Day. It is just Sunday, and we're
going to see Ali over a Memorial Day weekend. We
will celebrate Mother's Day. Then I did get her a
bottle of wine. Ife, like, I couldn't do nothing. But
we didn't really do much.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
We've had We've had like some Christmases where not everyone
could be there, our birthdays and we've just gone like,
we'll celebrate it. You know.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
This was the first time we've ever all not been
together on Mother's Day.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Yeah, dang, it's keep coming.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Tell me about it. Yeah, yesterday my youngest got her
driver's license.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
Lies last week just likely.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
And as far as I'm concerned, I'm now the father
of two adult children. Once they get their license, that
is a major dividing line.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Is that so scary to let your kid drive?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
I feel like that's so scary here.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Then finally they'll get I don't have drive them all
over the place. But that's quality time in that car.
Man once when Ali got her license, after that it
was so different. Yeah, we didn't really see her much
after that, and it's going to be the same thing,
I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Dang.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Yeah, So we're happy for her, but it's a it's
kind of a sad milestone.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Yeah, well because it's like independence here I come.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It is. And also I found that all of my
oldest milestones are celebrations and the youngest milestones are devastating
because it's the last one. It's the last one to
graduate elementary school, that's the last you know, all of
those moments, the first one are so exciting for the
last not happening.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
Time to bust out the old.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Jobs, the old Joe.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
No, but it's true, like as you get older, like
your your daughters are going to get married, and they're
going to have like mother in laws, Like it just
be's so complicated because you have so many mother was
in your life, you know, and you want to celebrate
an honor all of them. It was so might live
far farther apart, and so it's just like challenge. It's
like a little tetris, the game of Tetris.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
It really is It's so interesting because I was telling
someone the other day that my mom for most of
my life, like I would say, till I was mid twenties,
I thought motherhood was like the easy I was like,
that's what I'm gonna do, Like that is just the
easiest thing, because my mom made it seem so easy,
like she loved it so much that I felt like,
(06:32):
why want I want to do this. And it wasn't
until I saw other people doing it and like I
realized how challenging it was that I was like, Wow,
she is even more amazing than I realized at that
age because she made it feel like that. Yeah, And
I'm like it seemed like the hardest thing in the
world now like now.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
Yeah, especially with like social media and stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
I've kids, Yeah, which I guess she feel like I
got to avoid battle.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
I feel like that's another layer of like fear all
the things.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yeah, yeah, true. We do have a Dear Bonnie episode today, Yes,
we do. Let's get started here.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
We go from a WLW scrubber II Becka Tani Houston
and marketing. He's been advice on how to propose as
a WLW scrubbery women, women loving women, whatever. My girlfriend
and I have been together two years, have chatted about
getting engaged soon, and went to look at rings awhile back.
We decided on what we liked, but to keep the surprise,
we're secretly ordering each other's rings and we'll propose at
(07:31):
some point. I'm type A, so I'm ready to get
this ball rolling. The issue is I mostly plan and
figure everything out. I was the first to ask her
to be my girlfriend. I was the first to say
I love you, so I think will be really special
if she proposed to me first. But if she does that,
then I don't really get to surprise her because she
knows they'll be coming shortly thereafter, and I love a surprise. Also,
(07:51):
her family's super religious and isn't really coming around, so
for some reason, I think if she asks me first,
I wouldn't have to deal with remarks about how I
rushed her into something or persuaded her eye roll. What
should I do? I have an idea on how I
want to propose, and I am ready to order her ring,
but I know she's more of a goal with the
flow type partner, and it's going to be a little
bit Should I wait propose to finally get to have
my special moment or should I get everything in order
(08:13):
for her to be surprised? Becca, I know you're keeping
it under wraps, but are you worried about not being
surprised if you go first? Any advice is appreciated. Love
you guys. Oh that is very excited to hear it.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Yeah, doing a creepy tap on her fingers. Yes, I
personally am not worried at all about not being surprised
if I go first, So that hasn't been like a thought.
I think I would still be surprised and excited regardless,
because it is That is the fun part of WLW
is that, like both people get typically both people get
(08:53):
proposed to. So I was talking to someone the other
day and they were like, I just love that, Like
she was she's married to a man, but she was like,
I just love that you both get to experience that.
I didn't.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I don't even think I really understood that. I don't
think I knew that. I know that I thought either
of you could do it. I didn't realize then the
other person also does it. I didn't realize.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Yeah, not everyone either. I guess not everyone does that,
but most people that I've seen do it. But I
guess different tricks for different things. I say, I know
that sometimes when you're the one who plans everything, like
I would say, definitely in our relationship, I'm the one
who like plans and is like the surprise, like the
person who surprises and and does a lot of that.
(09:31):
Even though I don't consider myself type A. I think
it's just is what it is. And I don't think
you waiting for something that you really want to do.
I don't think you should wait for something that you're
really excited about just out of hoping that maybe she'll
do it first.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Or for that matter, what her family's going to think.
I know, because that should be on the last.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
It's so hard. I mean, I think it's it's so
hard when you're in that and your family, people that
you love and care about, like it adds an element
and especially pressure for the other person. But I think
you just go for it. I think you know what
you want to do, you have a plan, and I
think if you know that she's going to propose eventually,
(10:14):
you're still going to get to have your moment. And
I hope that maybe she's able to pull off an
epic surprise and surprise you. Even if you know what's coming,
you don't know when. Even now you know what's coming,
you just don't know when.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Should you give her a partner some a little bit
of a time frame here, should give her some runway
before she if she does this tomorrow, she's not even
giving her partner a chance to be the one to
do it. Maybe she wants to be the one to
do it.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
What you mean, like say, hey, are we thinking like
the next.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Like you don't do this in the next like ultimating
a conversation?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
No, no, no, no, who does that? Who doesn't?
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I mean, nobody does that.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
It's May fifteenth. Maybe you think to yourself, I'm going
to I'm not going to say this out loud, but
I'll give her till the end of summer and I'll
plan something for on Labor Day. If she hasn't done it, oh.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
I see, like she waits to see if she does
it in that timeframe.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
But not like angrily tapping your foot looking at your watch.
Just kind of give her a chance, yeah yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah, and then make your plan.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I think if maybe.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
Take her phone and like speak the word engagement into it,
so like things just start popping up and ads start
popping up. You know a little subconscious.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
You don't have to go that deep, but I also
it's that deep.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
It's like very easy. You just like they go to
the bathroom and you're just like engagement engagement rings rings proposal,
postal proposal.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
I think that if you want to give her time,
like Mark suggested, I think that you do it not
feeling resentful or angry if it if it does take
longer than that, and then if you haven't gotten it
by if you can do it in a way that
you don't feel upset, then propose when you're ready. I'm
so excited. That's so exciting. And I think as much
(11:51):
as you can, even if her parents don't come around,
or if they roll their eyes or whatever, know that
it's what both of you want and that's what matters.
And you have a lot of people who love you
and support you, including the four of us.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
Yes, before we move on to the next email, have
you given more thought to proposal?
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Mmmm? You'll have to see one't you not?
Speaker 1 (12:16):
When?
Speaker 3 (12:17):
But like, how oh? I have some ideas but nothing
in concrete. Yeah?
Speaker 4 (12:23):
How many ideas? Like one to two, like two to four?
Speaker 3 (12:26):
A couple i'd like to yeah, I feel like two. Yeah.
So that's you think about that, and then we're going
to take a break and we'll be right back. All right,
(12:56):
We are back, moving right along. We are baby.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
This is from Heartbroken Too Soon. II beca Tania Mark
and Easton. I'm twenty six. I said it my first
job in the corporate world about six months ago, and
I've had a crush and an older coworker that's thirty
since the minute I met him. Right around the time
I started working at the company, he and his girlfriend
broke up, and I kind of suspected this as he
would try to talk to me more and drop some
hints that he was interested. He asked me out. We
went on a handful of dates. They were amazing. He's respectful,
(13:23):
he's kind, We're compatible. He seemed to like me too.
He told me he's looking for a long term relationship.
About a week ago, he stopped talking to me. He
was still responded if I texted, but I could tell
he wasn't putting in the effort. Well, he got fired.
That's why I didn't hear from him. I heard that
from another coworker. The job we have takes a lot
of our time and energy, and he was fired out
of the blue since our company was downsizing. I can
(13:44):
understand he must be angry and embarrassed and doesn't want
to talk about it with me, which I don't think
he owes me we've only been out a handful of times,
but also doesn't feel fair to me that he has
basically ghosted me. My question is where does this leave me.
I've reached out a couple of times asking to see him,
but he has said he can't. I don't want to
give up on him, but I also won't keep reaching
out since he clearly doesn't want to see me right now.
(14:05):
Do I give it time and see if he reaches out,
or do I just move on? My fear is that
I found my person and I'm losing him, or for
a situation out of my control. I love you all
so much. I really could use some outside perspective.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
I think you move on. Yeah, I think you do
your thing.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Wow, blunt and unanimous because.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
I think that he is using I think I don't
know the job thing feels like an excuse. Like I
get it. He's probably hurt and embarrassed and doesn't want
to talk about it, But that shouldn't affect his feelings
or or pursuing you.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
No excuse me, just woke up. And if it is
like that's what I'm saying, like he obviously is not
mature enough, because I feel like, obviously, yes, getting fired sucks,
you're e gets to blow to your ego, it's a
blow to all the things. But he should be able
to communicate in an adult manner and in a mature
manner to you that he's going through a right now
(15:00):
what mark?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I No, I was waiting for you to finish.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Oh, well, that he is embarrassed or whatever he's going through,
but that he still likes you and wants to continue
dating you, but like he just needs a little time.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I would to give him a little more credit. No,
I think if he loved that job. I love my job.
I do. If I got fired tomorrow, I wouldn't really
want to be too much in touch, and certainly not
date someone who's here, because it would be a daily
reminder of what I've lost and the thing that I
used to love that is gone. I think that would
be very difficult for a guy.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
You're telling me if you met AMers at a corporate job,
tell him and then you got fired and you had
gone on dates with her multiple times, you would just
be like, she's done since he's dead to me.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah, I don't know that she'd be dead to me.
I would need I might need some time though, and
I might need another opportunity to excite me before I
could maybe resume something.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Would you be able to communicate that time?
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Perhaps?
Speaker 4 (15:57):
I think you move on? You don't. I am the
door and lock it, but you shut the door, you
move on. If he wants to open the door back
up and come back into your life, then you can reassess.
But I feel like you have to.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
That's always good advice to lock it, focus on you.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
And doors need to be locked.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Well, that's true.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Yeah, some doors do need to be locked, but this
door does not need to be locked. I just don't
think you wait for him. If he comes back and
you're still single and still interested, and he's like, hey,
I'm sorry, I was going through a hard time. I
would love to see you again, he needs to take care.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
Yeah, he needs to take accountability for the ghost.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
He does need to take accountability for the.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
G and if he doesn't lock it, lock it and
close the windows.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Anonymous Hello, team, I'm a sneaky Day one listener because
I'm not part of the online scrubbing in community. I
my own throughout your podcast journey, starting as a fan
of Bachelor Becca and then fell love with Time Easton
and Mark along the way. My question has to do
with friendship and motherhood dynamics. One of my best friends
and I had babies a few months apart. Yay Handfully
(17:08):
years later, I'm realizing our parents styles parenting styles could
not be more different and could challenge our friendship. For example,
my friend is adamant about being the house that allows
everything alcohol, co ed, sleep over, etc. In future teen
years to keep her kids safe. You know those moms like, oh,
they can drink at my house, lungs under my roof.
My husband and I are adamantly against that approach and
(17:28):
have even said that our kid will not be allowed
to go to a friend's house that has that policy.
There's also conflicting opinions on screen time. Weren't at home
only family with limitations. She allows screens and restaurants and
on car rides and all the time. I get frustrated
every time we go onto co mombing adventure and I
gently express my perspective, and she's warm but dismissive with
and I'm just surviving tone. How do I keep building
(17:49):
or maintaining my friendship if we continue to have such
opposing values and approaches to such an incredibly important thing.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
If I have kids, that.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
Will be me, I don't think so though, Like I obviously, yes,
I'm very rigid and I have I'm sure I'm going
to have like some crazy things, but I also feel
like there's only so much you can control, do you
know what I mean? Like I have babies that are
in my life, like cousins that have had babies in
my you know what I mean, Like people who don't
want their kids to have any sort of sugar or
(18:21):
dyes or whatever, but when they're around their aunt or
their grandma that, you know, they freak out. I'm like,
I just feel like you have to just you can't
have full hundred percent controls. I think I have that
perspective of like, I'm going to have certain rules, but
I can't control my child one hundred percent of the time.
So I don't think I'm going to be as like.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Yeah, I don't. How have you had to navigate?
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Oh, my gosh so much. I mean, yeah, it's a
real challenge. Like we had these rules too about houses
with no coed sleepovers. We don't want how the alcohol,
and we don't want them in houses that we knew
had guns in the house yea, from even little kid playdates.
So that was an issue because they'd have a really
good friends like, no, you're not going to their house.
We're sorry, So that's an issue. Plus, currently, my sister
is very very strict about cell phones. They don't have them.
(19:08):
Her kids are much younger than my kids are, and
so that's a conflict in itself because I have teenagers,
so obviously they're on their phones quite a bit. Well,
they can't be when they're around their cousins because they're
not allowed to see them at all period. So that's
challenging in itself, and we used to be more strict
about it. But here's where the turning point happens, when
they become the one left out socially because our kids
(19:30):
were We let them do Instagram, but we said no Snapchat.
And then one time Ali goes to school for a
theater event that they're all handing out posters. I forget
what they were doing. But everyone's in their their theater
production T shirt and Ali wasn't. She was like, do
you guys, where was this memo? I didn't know that
we were all around the T shirts and they said, oh,
we were on Snapchat. So I comes home and says, hey, guys,
(19:53):
thanks a lot. I was the only one because I
only get to have Snapchat. We're like, fine, you're gonna
have Snapchat because you don't want them left out. Yeah,
you don't want them to become a social pariah because
they're the only ones not on it. Is that the
best way to parent? I don't know, but that's kind
of where we had to give in on some things. So, yeah,
this is a really challenging thing. And it's could it
(20:14):
be an issue with not just your friend here, but
with lots of different moms.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Yeah, I mean, I'm a part of me is like,
is it you know, when you're at each other's house,
it's you. You go by the rules of that house,
you know, like you respect the rules of that house.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
She was saying that it's like that it's this one
friend in particular, because they do these things like they
do these mom co momming adventures, but they have different rules,
so it's like hard for her to maintain the friendship.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
I know, But I'm saying, if it's if it's like, Okay,
we're at my house for this adventure, this house for
this adventure, like at least in the homes, and then
my thing is like just if you're teaching. And I
also feel like she's worried about future problems more so
the like current like she's worried about I think you're
and I get it because you're already going like how
(21:05):
are we going to navigate this? But also I think
if you're in the time now where they're just still
little kids, like you have control over what they do
and what they're looking at and what they see, And
if if you don't want them to go over to
her house without you there to supervise, then don't let them, right,
you know. And if if maybe maintaining the friendship is
(21:26):
y'all having more one on one time and the kids
not being involved.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
Yes, more one on one time, no kids involved.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Yeah, and also talking like where can we have a compromise,
because like, I know that you have your way and
I have my way, and they're very opposite. But I
want our kids to grow up together like we have
a friendship. But maybe right now, when they're young and impressionable,
you have your friendship without the kids around.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
As much as good advice because if these the kids
may drift apart one day, and if you do, you're
also going to drift apart with your friend. That is
how it goes. It's happened with so many different families
throughout my kids' lives. The kids drift apart, you drift apart.
So focus on the moment, focus on the now, don't
worry about the future. Good and you can always be
friends without your kids. Yeah, we have a couple of
(22:13):
fun ones. Well, Fok's out with Ali here. She need
to help with merch, Dear Banya, I need some creative
advice from you gals. I'm such a merch girly and
what you guys did for Tanya your wedding and Becca
your sister's thirtieth was beyond and wanted to redo my
wedding just so I could have merch, which brings me
to a question. I'm planning a big surprise birthday party
weekend for my mom. It's a big birthday, but the
(22:34):
theme is twenty first birthday because she had kids at
a super young age and people of that generation never
really got to have goofy fun the way a Delts
do now with their twenty first and Bachelorett parties. So merch,
what should I do that chic and a fun keepsake
for the weekend. It's my siblings, our partners in her,
but there are eleven of us split in half co ed,
so it's a big group, but we're just our VP.
If that helps, I feel like there's something fun in there.
(22:57):
Spa day, nice dinner, party, bus karaoke to a wan nearby,
and finishing off the weekend with tattoos. Wow. Wow, that's
a weekend. Yeah, makes an advance, says the merch Gurly Alley.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
I have the perfect idea well flasks for everybody.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
That's fun.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
VPS two VP two one, VP two one. It's like
D three D twenty three. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (23:26):
No letter numbers together. Yeah, he ultimate Disney fan of it.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Yes, the ultimate Disney fan of DT twenty three. She's
VP twenty one. So it's like a playoff of like that.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
What if we did V I and like the I
was in parentheses v IP and the I stood for something,
you know what I'm saying, So it looks like V
with like an ie in parentheses and then P.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
Maybe the I is a twenty one v twenty one.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
It could be like a Martini glass movie.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Yes, yeah, yeah, that's cute, like a V a Martini glass. P.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
She's a VP, she's also a VIP. Yeah, and we're
getting let this weekend.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
Yeah, or you can do well. I guess you're all
of age. Never mind. I made fake IDs for Sunny's
twenty first which was really cute.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Fake really yeah, yeah, she did.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
It was awesome.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
Everybody had to have a ID to get into the
door everything.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
That's funny. Yeah, it would be funny if you made
IDs for everybody and it was like like could they.
Speaker 4 (24:36):
Might be VP's security VP's.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
But they all had funny like little things about them,
so like little funny that what he tells about them.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
And they were all born in uh twenty two thousand
and four.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
Yes, so that's what I was gonna say. It could
be funny if you like, because we I did Kind's World,
and I did since nineteen ninety five because that's when
she was born. But if you did since and put
her actual birth here and did like a line through
it and then put two thousand and four.
Speaker 5 (25:07):
Yeah, these are great, great flasks, and it could be
it could be really And I also think you could
go to You can either go to like a merch designer.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
I think it's more expensive like the one we went to.
They do like merch for big companies.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Do a ton of this stuff on Amazon, like I've
made like hats on Amazon.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
I was gonna say Amazon or Etsy, you can find Etsy, doesn't.
Speaker 4 (25:28):
What you know how I feel about Etsy.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
No, I know it's tough. It's really not. They make
it very easy. You just find someone with really good reviews,
with good reviews.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
The baby baby microscopic confession, the sizing baby, little soap
dishes sent to me.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
But also I was thinking, since you're getting tattoos, how
cute would it be if you did like little this
might be too advanced, but like little sketches that went
all over the merch, so like little tattoos of like
you know, like what you got, yeah, twenty one all
the things.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
Anyways, I'm trying to think what other little twenty first
things we did on Sunny's birthday.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
I liked your totes too. That was a nice addition.
If she don't want to do like clothing, the pats
and the tots.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Yeah, but I was a big hit. People love a tote.
Everyone loves a tote. He doesn't love a tote.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
My sister and everyone wore all of the merged that
we got. My Oh, the other thing that we did,
my sister did the embroidery. She did just bought button
downs from the airy or something and embroidery something cute.
So you could find someone to do that. Maybe my
sister reach out to keep walking. There you go. But yeah,
(26:46):
that's so fun. Merch is fun. It's fun to have
a memento from an occasion. But good luck, I'll be thinking,
I'll be thinking on this. I love coming up with
ideas like that.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
I'd be thinking too.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
You should have Robbie and he's really good at merching.
Oh okay, we're gonna take a break and then we're
going to come back. Because there's a controversy on which
Gray's character I was from an earlier episode of Scrubbing
in we'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Right, we are back, Kaylee says, Hey, Mark back at
Tanya and Easton last. I've waited forever to have something
worth writing about to hear you read that greeting. Thank you, Kaylee.
I'm a day one listener. I've loved listening from the
very beginning. I look forward to the podcast every week.
I have two biological daughters and a step daughter, and
(27:50):
I saved the podcast from my me time, even if
it's doing dishes alone with my headphones in. I feel
like you guys are some of my best friends, says
I know so much about your lives and I have
listened to you a lot live it over the years.
I recently started the podcast from the beginning, and in
the first episode, where Tanya makes your debut, she and
Becka discuss a sweatshirt Becca gave to Tanya. It says,
Meredith Gray is my spirit animal. Do you still have that?
Speaker 4 (28:12):
I think so yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Then they go on to discuss how Becca is so
much like Meredith. I thought it was so funny since
in the most recent episode, you guys played the game
of naming who each person was most like, and Becca
gave her a buttle that she was not like Meredith.
It's so funny how things have changed over the years.
Please never stop podcasting. What you guys think is mundane
and boring is the highlight of so many people's week.
The best episodes of the four of you just talking
(28:35):
like family. I've enjoyed so much learning about all four
of your lives, love you so much and always cheering
you all on ps. My dad has been absent nearly
my whole life, and listening to Mark talk and give
advice feels like listening to the data I never had. Wow, Oka,
that is really sweet, Cayley, Wow.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
I think that I think that at that time, I
was like Meredith, I'm very just not to me in relationship. Yeah.
I think I did resonate a lot more with Meredith
than than I do. Know.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
Yeah, I don't feel like you're It's interesting. I never
felt like you were Meredith Gray in general, because you
are not a cold person. But I feel like in
your love life you were very cold. You were like
shut off.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Yes now we know why.
Speaker 4 (29:26):
Yeah, but there was a point where I was like,
maybe Becca doesn't have that chip in her.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
I wonder if Robert thought of me as being shut
off for sure, or if he just was like, she's chill,
no chances chill.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Maybe we should have him on the podcast to discuss
that could be a golden globe.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Have never had him on before?
Speaker 5 (29:48):
Never?
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Oh wow, Yeah, it's time I'm with you. I thought
we did this, but was it this?
Speaker 6 (29:56):
We called him at one point he was like the
call he was there's a busy coffee shop.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Understand.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
Maybe was I on the podcast?
Speaker 6 (30:06):
I don't even know if it was this podcast on
I'll figure it out.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
We do so many a lot.
Speaker 4 (30:13):
I think Becca is the opposite of cold. Let me
tell you. If there's something that Becca Tilly is, she
is that warm cup of coffee that you just need
every day. I felt that recently.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Oh really, that's touching.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
I'm serious.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Why.
Speaker 4 (30:31):
I just feel like you've really been there for me.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Oh my gosh, I love you so much. I told
you it was like, what kind of friend would I
be if I wasn't? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Yeah, I think it's time we wrap it up. Here
is very cute.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
It's from Jazz. I've been loving the recent pattern of
ending each Deer Bonnie with a fun light how to
question or game. So, building on last week's theme of
how do you know you found your person I have
a question for each of you, one physical trait and
one personality trait your partner has that if they didn't have,
might have made you second guess whether they were the one.
Thanks for the weekly laughs. And I have to say
(31:09):
I am a die hard fan of the scrub a
dub dub and the tub tub tub jingle in the house.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
I know mine his hands they're hotter now than ever,
and if.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
They were, like, I'm not sure he's the one for sure.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Really, if Robbie didn't have the hands that he.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Had, I mean, it's hard to say, you know, it's
hard to I don't know those hands did it for
me day one.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
I don't remember you talking about them day one. I
felt I feel like, I mean early on, for sure.
Speaker 4 (31:47):
Those hands, they're gorgeous.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
He has very nice hands.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
He does does and like it's weird because they're masculine
but spemer groomed and like the perfect ratio like nail
to skin and my nice color, perfect amount of hair.
And personality wise, I think his empathy, he's like one
(32:12):
of the most empathetic. I feel like he can put
himself in other people's shoes more than anybody that I've
ever met. That those my answers.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Mine would be physical trait. Her nose I love her nose.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
I would say her lips, oh dang her, but her
whole face.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Really, she looks like a doll. She always looks perfectly.
She wakes up just like like looking glowing. I'm like,
why do you always look like you're like glowing? So annoying?
Speaker 4 (32:41):
See me when I wake up?
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Me too, I'm like mouth tape, hair.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
Drool coming off the side.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Personality trait probably her communication because I I think that
it made me feel safe to fall in love with her,
her communicating skills, because I'm not I wasn't necessarily a
good communicator.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
Beautiful still working on it.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
I know what he's gonna say.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Physical trait, Oh yeah, what ass it is?
Speaker 6 (33:19):
Really actually weird. I'm gonna have to go with breast.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
That sweet booty out the door. Yeah no, I mean.
Speaker 6 (33:28):
Is an angel in every every sense, and I love
her smile so much. And then a personality trait, God,
there's so many. I think something maybe second guess is
uh like finding humor in the same things Like that
(33:48):
was something that Allison and I bonded over very early.
Was like finding the same things very funny and and weird,
and I have not had that with many other people.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
I've got I've got many dates.
Speaker 6 (34:01):
Right, I thought something was very, very funny, and the
other person did not.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I don't know. This is the hard one, but I
will say this. I don't like feet. And when I
look at almost everyone's feet, I'm grossed out by nearly
everyone's feet I ever see. But my wife has great feet,
and if she had gross feet, I don't know that
I could be married with grossed feet.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Yeah, but I see gross feet all the time anyway. Uh,
and my kids know this that her laugh is my
favorite sound in the world. So that was a big
one for me. It was that when that laugh gets going, man,
all right with the world?
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Is that her personality?
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I guess that'd be her personality trait. Yeah, that's not
a physical trait.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
They're sweet.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
Oh, the physical trait is weird.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Yeah, I guess, like, well, I'm talking about another woman,
so it's different. And then Tony's talking about a man,
but like a different talking about physical traits.
Speaker 6 (35:07):
Yeah, it feels right also to boil them down to
one physical trait weird.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
You have to walk a tight little line. Tight line.
Speaking of Alison on our the topic of controversial opinion,
she she messaged Meldly with like just like she was certain,
Oh god, I think Friends is overrated.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Oh wow, that is controversial opinion.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
That's like the most horrific thing I've heard in my life.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
I responded just like gas literally gasped. But a lot
of people actually sent me that. It was like like
they were trying to hurt my feelings.
Speaker 4 (35:44):
Yeah, probably are trying the worst. There's like a there's
like a thing that you can google on YouTube or
search on YouTube whatever you call it, like laughable moments
from Friends, and they just like compile all like the
funniest like one liners from all all the Friends episodes,
like forty five to fifty minutes of just like straight
funny one liners. It has you laughing for an hour hours. Yeah,
(36:08):
it's so good.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
It's so good but fun fact, I'm assuming gall Are
Seinfeld people were signfel. Yeah, yeah, there's a difference. It is.
It's different strokes, different folks, different folks. And on that note,
we're saying goodbye, but it will be to be continued
next week on Monday. That's right.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Doctor Joe Wilson said, Yeah, we are we tweak over here.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Yeah, don't worry.
Speaker 4 (36:36):
Yeah, we love you, love you,
Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hello everybody, we are scrubing.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I think a lot.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
I think it like, it's short and sweet, it's familiar.
You get to jing.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
We are scrub dumb dubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
No, I think I think what you did was perfect.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Yeah the second time.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
No, no, the first time.
Speaker 5 (00:37):
I think.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Tweak it each week and see which one lands, and
see which one lands. Yeah, yeah, let's see what the people.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
The one thing about the scrubbers, they'll let us know.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
And one thing that we really just need to get
this podcast in tiptop shape for the Golden Globe entry right.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Yes, yeah, yes, And Sandra, oh, get her on the map,
get us on her map.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
We're gonna have to think of some more guest possibilities
because we cannot be attached to just one outcome. But
I'm on it, okay, all right, twenty twenty six is
gonna be here before you know it.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Time is just flying by, flying by, because I got
a memory on my phone and it was Jojo and
Jordan's wedding. It's been three years. That's crazy, which is crazy,
and I just feel like, y'all it's gonna be y'all's
wedding anniversary. It's gonna just happen so fast.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Well, it was our two month anniversary yesterday.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Happy anniversary, Thank you so much. How have the past
two months been a marriage?
Speaker 4 (01:41):
Great? It hasn't felt two months is a long time
it has. It's felt like two weeks. I feel like
we just got there.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Britney's marriages didn't even make it to two months. Yeah, milestone, thank.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
You, Masel. Just wedded, Bliss, just wedded, bliss. I'm obsessed
with being married.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I'm so happy to hear that. Yeah, I'm happy to
hear that, because not everyone feels that way.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
Yeah, we didn't really celebrate our two month anniversary per se,
but maybe we'll celebrate six months, maybe a year.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I thought you were planning a dinner for your two months.
It did not happen, so funny.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Your memory is not so great. The dinner was for.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Like a oh, Michael, wow, she just snapped her brawl.
So we.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
Did like a botchi ball tournament, which is like a
It's this thing called a party book. Do you know
what that is?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
A party book?
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Yeah, it's something to like raise money for the school. Okay,
so we did like a bochie tournament on our actual
two month anniversary.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Oh so your dinner. Oh you went on a dinner
for like step Mother's Day.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Yeah yeah, it was cute. Yeah, thank you for paying attention.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Well you showed me a lovely text hero you know,
it was extremely sweet. I forgot it was not for
your anniversary. It was for Mother's Day. Now she's a stepmom, yes,
yes she is.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Yes. Mother's Day is so interesting because I and I
don't know if it's because social media you see people
talking about it more, but I felt this Mother's Day
there was like I saw people just being like, it's
Mother's Day. My husband's off golfing, And I was like,
like a lot of those types of videos, Oh really yeah,
And I was like, man, that's tough. Like the expectation
(03:34):
of Mother's Day is hard in my opinion, because it's
like and then I saw someone saying, if if you're
looking forward to this one day for your husband to
like let you sleep in or like do the dishes
or whatever it is, maybe he needs to be helping
you out more throughout the year if you're like depending
(03:54):
on this one day for him to do. It's true,
what do you do for your wife?
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Tended it wasn't Mother's Day because our oldest was not able.
We're not able to see her, and so my wife
was very sad about that. So we said, were, it
is not Mother's Day. It is just Sunday, and we're
going to see Ali over a Memorial Day weekend. We
will celebrate Mother's Day. Then I did get her a
bottle of wine. Ife, like, I couldn't do nothing. But
we didn't really do much.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
We've had We've had like some Christmases where not everyone
could be there, our birthdays and we've just gone like,
we'll celebrate it. You know.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
This was the first time we've ever all not been
together on Mother's Day.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Yeah, dang, it's keep coming.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Tell me about it. Yeah, yesterday my youngest got her
driver's license.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
Lies last week just likely.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
And as far as I'm concerned, I'm now the father
of two adult children. Once they get their license, that
is a major dividing line.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Is that so scary to let your kid drive?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
I feel like that's so scary here.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Then finally they'll get I don't have drive them all
over the place. But that's quality time in that car.
Man once when Ali got her license, after that it
was so different. Yeah, we didn't really see her much
after that, and it's going to be the same thing,
I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Dang.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Yeah, So we're happy for her, but it's a it's
kind of a sad milestone.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Yeah, well because it's like independence here I come.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It is. And also I found that all of my
oldest milestones are celebrations and the youngest milestones are devastating
because it's the last one. It's the last one to
graduate elementary school, that's the last you know, all of
those moments, the first one are so exciting for the
last not happening.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
Time to bust out the old.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Jobs, the old Joe.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
No, but it's true, like as you get older, like
your your daughters are going to get married, and they're
going to have like mother in laws, Like it just
be's so complicated because you have so many mother was
in your life, you know, and you want to celebrate
an honor all of them. It was so might live
far farther apart, and so it's just like challenge. It's
like a little tetris, the game of Tetris.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
It really is It's so interesting because I was telling
someone the other day that my mom for most of
my life, like I would say, till I was mid twenties,
I thought motherhood was like the easy I was like,
that's what I'm gonna do, Like that is just the
easiest thing, because my mom made it seem so easy,
like she loved it so much that I felt like,
(06:32):
why want I want to do this. And it wasn't
until I saw other people doing it and like I
realized how challenging it was that I was like, Wow,
she is even more amazing than I realized at that
age because she made it feel like that. Yeah, And
I'm like it seemed like the hardest thing in the
world now like now.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
Yeah, especially with like social media and stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
I've kids, Yeah, which I guess she feel like I
got to avoid battle.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
I feel like that's another layer of like fear all
the things.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yeah, yeah, true. We do have a Dear Bonnie episode today, Yes,
we do. Let's get started here.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
We go from a WLW scrubber II Becka Tani Houston
and marketing. He's been advice on how to propose as
a WLW scrubbery women, women loving women, whatever. My girlfriend
and I have been together two years, have chatted about
getting engaged soon, and went to look at rings awhile back.
We decided on what we liked, but to keep the surprise,
we're secretly ordering each other's rings and we'll propose at
(07:31):
some point. I'm type A, so I'm ready to get
this ball rolling. The issue is I mostly plan and
figure everything out. I was the first to ask her
to be my girlfriend. I was the first to say
I love you, so I think will be really special
if she proposed to me first. But if she does that,
then I don't really get to surprise her because she
knows they'll be coming shortly thereafter, and I love a surprise. Also,
(07:51):
her family's super religious and isn't really coming around, so
for some reason, I think if she asks me first,
I wouldn't have to deal with remarks about how I
rushed her into something or persuaded her eye roll. What
should I do? I have an idea on how I
want to propose, and I am ready to order her ring,
but I know she's more of a goal with the
flow type partner, and it's going to be a little
bit Should I wait propose to finally get to have
my special moment or should I get everything in order
(08:13):
for her to be surprised? Becca, I know you're keeping
it under wraps, but are you worried about not being
surprised if you go first? Any advice is appreciated. Love
you guys. Oh that is very excited to hear it.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Yeah, doing a creepy tap on her fingers. Yes, I
personally am not worried at all about not being surprised
if I go first, So that hasn't been like a thought.
I think I would still be surprised and excited regardless,
because it is That is the fun part of WLW
is that, like both people get typically both people get
(08:53):
proposed to. So I was talking to someone the other
day and they were like, I just love that, Like
she was she's married to a man, but she was like,
I just love that you both get to experience that.
I didn't.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I don't even think I really understood that. I don't
think I knew that. I know that I thought either
of you could do it. I didn't realize then the
other person also does it. I didn't realize.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Yeah, not everyone either. I guess not everyone does that,
but most people that I've seen do it. But I
guess different tricks for different things. I say, I know
that sometimes when you're the one who plans everything, like
I would say, definitely in our relationship, I'm the one
who like plans and is like the surprise, like the
person who surprises and and does a lot of that.
(09:31):
Even though I don't consider myself type A. I think
it's just is what it is. And I don't think
you waiting for something that you really want to do.
I don't think you should wait for something that you're
really excited about just out of hoping that maybe she'll
do it first.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Or for that matter, what her family's going to think.
I know, because that should be on the last.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
It's so hard. I mean, I think it's it's so
hard when you're in that and your family, people that
you love and care about, like it adds an element
and especially pressure for the other person. But I think
you just go for it. I think you know what
you want to do, you have a plan, and I
think if you know that she's going to propose eventually,
(10:14):
you're still going to get to have your moment. And
I hope that maybe she's able to pull off an
epic surprise and surprise you. Even if you know what's coming,
you don't know when. Even now you know what's coming,
you just don't know when.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Should you give her a partner some a little bit
of a time frame here, should give her some runway
before she if she does this tomorrow, she's not even
giving her partner a chance to be the one to
do it. Maybe she wants to be the one to
do it.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
What you mean, like say, hey, are we thinking like
the next.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Like you don't do this in the next like ultimating
a conversation?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
No, no, no, no, who does that? Who doesn't?
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I mean, nobody does that.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
It's May fifteenth. Maybe you think to yourself, I'm going
to I'm not going to say this out loud, but
I'll give her till the end of summer and I'll
plan something for on Labor Day. If she hasn't done it, oh.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
I see, like she waits to see if she does
it in that timeframe.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
But not like angrily tapping your foot looking at your watch.
Just kind of give her a chance, yeah yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah, and then make your plan.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I think if maybe.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
Take her phone and like speak the word engagement into it,
so like things just start popping up and ads start
popping up. You know a little subconscious.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
You don't have to go that deep, but I also
it's that deep.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
It's like very easy. You just like they go to
the bathroom and you're just like engagement engagement rings rings proposal,
postal proposal.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
I think that if you want to give her time,
like Mark suggested, I think that you do it not
feeling resentful or angry if it if it does take
longer than that, and then if you haven't gotten it
by if you can do it in a way that
you don't feel upset, then propose when you're ready. I'm
so excited. That's so exciting. And I think as much
(11:51):
as you can, even if her parents don't come around,
or if they roll their eyes or whatever, know that
it's what both of you want and that's what matters.
And you have a lot of people who love you
and support you, including the four of us.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
Yes, before we move on to the next email, have
you given more thought to proposal?
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Mmmm? You'll have to see one't you not?
Speaker 1 (12:16):
When?
Speaker 3 (12:17):
But like, how oh? I have some ideas but nothing
in concrete. Yeah?
Speaker 4 (12:23):
How many ideas? Like one to two, like two to four?
Speaker 3 (12:26):
A couple i'd like to yeah, I feel like two. Yeah.
So that's you think about that, and then we're going
to take a break and we'll be right back. All right,
(12:56):
We are back, moving right along. We are baby.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
This is from Heartbroken Too Soon. II beca Tania Mark
and Easton. I'm twenty six. I said it my first
job in the corporate world about six months ago, and
I've had a crush and an older coworker that's thirty
since the minute I met him. Right around the time
I started working at the company, he and his girlfriend
broke up, and I kind of suspected this as he
would try to talk to me more and drop some
hints that he was interested. He asked me out. We
went on a handful of dates. They were amazing. He's respectful,
(13:23):
he's kind, We're compatible. He seemed to like me too.
He told me he's looking for a long term relationship.
About a week ago, he stopped talking to me. He
was still responded if I texted, but I could tell
he wasn't putting in the effort. Well, he got fired.
That's why I didn't hear from him. I heard that
from another coworker. The job we have takes a lot
of our time and energy, and he was fired out
of the blue since our company was downsizing. I can
(13:44):
understand he must be angry and embarrassed and doesn't want
to talk about it with me, which I don't think
he owes me we've only been out a handful of times,
but also doesn't feel fair to me that he has
basically ghosted me. My question is where does this leave me.
I've reached out a couple of times asking to see him,
but he has said he can't. I don't want to
give up on him, but I also won't keep reaching
out since he clearly doesn't want to see me right now.
(14:05):
Do I give it time and see if he reaches out,
or do I just move on? My fear is that
I found my person and I'm losing him, or for
a situation out of my control. I love you all
so much. I really could use some outside perspective.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
I think you move on. Yeah, I think you do
your thing.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Wow, blunt and unanimous because.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
I think that he is using I think I don't
know the job thing feels like an excuse. Like I
get it. He's probably hurt and embarrassed and doesn't want
to talk about it, But that shouldn't affect his feelings
or or pursuing you.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
No excuse me, just woke up. And if it is
like that's what I'm saying, like he obviously is not
mature enough, because I feel like, obviously, yes, getting fired sucks,
you're e gets to blow to your ego, it's a
blow to all the things. But he should be able
to communicate in an adult manner and in a mature
manner to you that he's going through a right now
(15:00):
what mark?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I No, I was waiting for you to finish.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Oh, well, that he is embarrassed or whatever he's going through,
but that he still likes you and wants to continue
dating you, but like he just needs a little time.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I would to give him a little more credit. No,
I think if he loved that job. I love my job.
I do. If I got fired tomorrow, I wouldn't really
want to be too much in touch, and certainly not
date someone who's here, because it would be a daily
reminder of what I've lost and the thing that I
used to love that is gone. I think that would
be very difficult for a guy.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
You're telling me if you met AMers at a corporate job,
tell him and then you got fired and you had
gone on dates with her multiple times, you would just
be like, she's done since he's dead to me.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah, I don't know that she'd be dead to me.
I would need I might need some time though, and
I might need another opportunity to excite me before I
could maybe resume something.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Would you be able to communicate that time?
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Perhaps?
Speaker 4 (15:57):
I think you move on? You don't. I am the
door and lock it, but you shut the door, you
move on. If he wants to open the door back
up and come back into your life, then you can reassess.
But I feel like you have to.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
That's always good advice to lock it, focus on you.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
And doors need to be locked.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Well, that's true.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Yeah, some doors do need to be locked, but this
door does not need to be locked. I just don't
think you wait for him. If he comes back and
you're still single and still interested, and he's like, hey,
I'm sorry, I was going through a hard time. I
would love to see you again, he needs to take care.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
Yeah, he needs to take accountability for the ghost.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
He does need to take accountability for the.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
G and if he doesn't lock it, lock it and
close the windows.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Anonymous Hello, team, I'm a sneaky Day one listener because
I'm not part of the online scrubbing in community. I
my own throughout your podcast journey, starting as a fan
of Bachelor Becca and then fell love with Time Easton
and Mark along the way. My question has to do
with friendship and motherhood dynamics. One of my best friends
and I had babies a few months apart. Yay Handfully
(17:08):
years later, I'm realizing our parents styles parenting styles could
not be more different and could challenge our friendship. For example,
my friend is adamant about being the house that allows
everything alcohol, co ed, sleep over, etc. In future teen
years to keep her kids safe. You know those moms like, oh,
they can drink at my house, lungs under my roof.
My husband and I are adamantly against that approach and
(17:28):
have even said that our kid will not be allowed
to go to a friend's house that has that policy.
There's also conflicting opinions on screen time. Weren't at home
only family with limitations. She allows screens and restaurants and
on car rides and all the time. I get frustrated
every time we go onto co mombing adventure and I
gently express my perspective, and she's warm but dismissive with
and I'm just surviving tone. How do I keep building
(17:49):
or maintaining my friendship if we continue to have such
opposing values and approaches to such an incredibly important thing.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
If I have kids, that.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
Will be me, I don't think so though, Like I obviously, yes,
I'm very rigid and I have I'm sure I'm going
to have like some crazy things, but I also feel
like there's only so much you can control, do you
know what I mean? Like I have babies that are
in my life, like cousins that have had babies in
my you know what I mean, Like people who don't
want their kids to have any sort of sugar or
(18:21):
dyes or whatever, but when they're around their aunt or
their grandma that, you know, they freak out. I'm like,
I just feel like you have to just you can't
have full hundred percent controls. I think I have that
perspective of like, I'm going to have certain rules, but
I can't control my child one hundred percent of the time.
So I don't think I'm going to be as like.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Yeah, I don't. How have you had to navigate?
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Oh, my gosh so much. I mean, yeah, it's a
real challenge. Like we had these rules too about houses
with no coed sleepovers. We don't want how the alcohol,
and we don't want them in houses that we knew
had guns in the house yea, from even little kid playdates.
So that was an issue because they'd have a really
good friends like, no, you're not going to their house.
We're sorry, So that's an issue. Plus, currently, my sister
is very very strict about cell phones. They don't have them.
(19:08):
Her kids are much younger than my kids are, and
so that's a conflict in itself because I have teenagers,
so obviously they're on their phones quite a bit. Well,
they can't be when they're around their cousins because they're
not allowed to see them at all period. So that's
challenging in itself, and we used to be more strict
about it. But here's where the turning point happens, when
they become the one left out socially because our kids
(19:30):
were We let them do Instagram, but we said no Snapchat.
And then one time Ali goes to school for a
theater event that they're all handing out posters. I forget
what they were doing. But everyone's in their their theater
production T shirt and Ali wasn't. She was like, do
you guys, where was this memo? I didn't know that
we were all around the T shirts and they said, oh,
we were on Snapchat. So I comes home and says, hey, guys,
(19:53):
thanks a lot. I was the only one because I
only get to have Snapchat. We're like, fine, you're gonna
have Snapchat because you don't want them left out. Yeah,
you don't want them to become a social pariah because
they're the only ones not on it. Is that the
best way to parent? I don't know, but that's kind
of where we had to give in on some things. So, yeah,
this is a really challenging thing. And it's could it
(20:14):
be an issue with not just your friend here, but
with lots of different moms.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Yeah, I mean, I'm a part of me is like,
is it you know, when you're at each other's house,
it's you. You go by the rules of that house,
you know, like you respect the rules of that house.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
She was saying that it's like that it's this one
friend in particular, because they do these things like they
do these mom co momming adventures, but they have different rules,
so it's like hard for her to maintain the friendship.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
I know, But I'm saying, if it's if it's like, Okay,
we're at my house for this adventure, this house for
this adventure, like at least in the homes, and then
my thing is like just if you're teaching. And I
also feel like she's worried about future problems more so
the like current like she's worried about I think you're
and I get it because you're already going like how
(21:05):
are we going to navigate this? But also I think
if you're in the time now where they're just still
little kids, like you have control over what they do
and what they're looking at and what they see, And
if if you don't want them to go over to
her house without you there to supervise, then don't let them, right,
you know. And if if maybe maintaining the friendship is
(21:26):
y'all having more one on one time and the kids
not being involved.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
Yes, more one on one time, no kids involved.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Yeah, and also talking like where can we have a compromise,
because like, I know that you have your way and
I have my way, and they're very opposite. But I
want our kids to grow up together like we have
a friendship. But maybe right now, when they're young and impressionable,
you have your friendship without the kids around.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
As much as good advice because if these the kids
may drift apart one day, and if you do, you're
also going to drift apart with your friend. That is
how it goes. It's happened with so many different families
throughout my kids' lives. The kids drift apart, you drift apart.
So focus on the moment, focus on the now, don't
worry about the future. Good and you can always be
friends without your kids. Yeah, we have a couple of
(22:13):
fun ones. Well, Fok's out with Ali here. She need
to help with merch, Dear Banya, I need some creative
advice from you gals. I'm such a merch girly and
what you guys did for Tanya your wedding and Becca
your sister's thirtieth was beyond and wanted to redo my
wedding just so I could have merch, which brings me
to a question. I'm planning a big surprise birthday party
weekend for my mom. It's a big birthday, but the
(22:34):
theme is twenty first birthday because she had kids at
a super young age and people of that generation never
really got to have goofy fun the way a Delts
do now with their twenty first and Bachelorett parties. So merch,
what should I do that chic and a fun keepsake
for the weekend. It's my siblings, our partners in her,
but there are eleven of us split in half co ed,
so it's a big group, but we're just our VP.
If that helps, I feel like there's something fun in there.
(22:57):
Spa day, nice dinner, party, bus karaoke to a wan nearby,
and finishing off the weekend with tattoos. Wow. Wow, that's
a weekend. Yeah, makes an advance, says the merch Gurly Alley.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
I have the perfect idea well flasks for everybody.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
That's fun.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
VPS two VP two one, VP two one. It's like
D three D twenty three. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (23:26):
No letter numbers together. Yeah, he ultimate Disney fan of it.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Yes, the ultimate Disney fan of DT twenty three. She's
VP twenty one. So it's like a playoff of like that.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
What if we did V I and like the I
was in parentheses v IP and the I stood for something,
you know what I'm saying, So it looks like V
with like an ie in parentheses and then P.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
Maybe the I is a twenty one v twenty one.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
It could be like a Martini glass movie.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Yes, yeah, yeah, that's cute, like a V a Martini glass. P.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
She's a VP, she's also a VIP. Yeah, and we're
getting let this weekend.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
Yeah, or you can do well. I guess you're all
of age. Never mind. I made fake IDs for Sunny's
twenty first which was really cute.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Fake really yeah, yeah, she did.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
It was awesome.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
Everybody had to have a ID to get into the
door everything.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
That's funny. Yeah, it would be funny if you made
IDs for everybody and it was like like could they.
Speaker 4 (24:36):
Might be VP's security VP's.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
But they all had funny like little things about them,
so like little funny that what he tells about them.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
And they were all born in uh twenty two thousand
and four.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
Yes, so that's what I was gonna say. It could
be funny if you like, because we I did Kind's World,
and I did since nineteen ninety five because that's when
she was born. But if you did since and put
her actual birth here and did like a line through
it and then put two thousand and four.
Speaker 5 (25:07):
Yeah, these are great, great flasks, and it could be
it could be really And I also think you could
go to You can either go to like a merch designer.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
I think it's more expensive like the one we went to.
They do like merch for big companies.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Do a ton of this stuff on Amazon, like I've
made like hats on Amazon.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
I was gonna say Amazon or Etsy, you can find Etsy, doesn't.
Speaker 4 (25:28):
What you know how I feel about Etsy.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
No, I know it's tough. It's really not. They make
it very easy. You just find someone with really good reviews,
with good reviews.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
The baby baby microscopic confession, the sizing baby, little soap
dishes sent to me.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
But also I was thinking, since you're getting tattoos, how
cute would it be if you did like little this
might be too advanced, but like little sketches that went
all over the merch, so like little tattoos of like
you know, like what you got, yeah, twenty one all
the things.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
Anyways, I'm trying to think what other little twenty first
things we did on Sunny's birthday.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
I liked your totes too. That was a nice addition.
If she don't want to do like clothing, the pats
and the tots.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Yeah, but I was a big hit. People love a tote.
Everyone loves a tote. He doesn't love a tote.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
My sister and everyone wore all of the merged that
we got. My Oh, the other thing that we did,
my sister did the embroidery. She did just bought button
downs from the airy or something and embroidery something cute.
So you could find someone to do that. Maybe my
sister reach out to keep walking. There you go. But yeah,
(26:46):
that's so fun. Merch is fun. It's fun to have
a memento from an occasion. But good luck, I'll be thinking,
I'll be thinking on this. I love coming up with
ideas like that.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
I'd be thinking too.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
You should have Robbie and he's really good at merching.
Oh okay, we're gonna take a break and then we're
going to come back. Because there's a controversy on which
Gray's character I was from an earlier episode of Scrubbing
in we'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Right, we are back, Kaylee says, Hey, Mark back at
Tanya and Easton last. I've waited forever to have something
worth writing about to hear you read that greeting. Thank you, Kaylee.
I'm a day one listener. I've loved listening from the
very beginning. I look forward to the podcast every week.
I have two biological daughters and a step daughter, and
(27:50):
I saved the podcast from my me time, even if
it's doing dishes alone with my headphones in. I feel
like you guys are some of my best friends, says
I know so much about your lives and I have
listened to you a lot live it over the years.
I recently started the podcast from the beginning, and in
the first episode, where Tanya makes your debut, she and
Becka discuss a sweatshirt Becca gave to Tanya. It says,
Meredith Gray is my spirit animal. Do you still have that?
Speaker 4 (28:12):
I think so yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Then they go on to discuss how Becca is so
much like Meredith. I thought it was so funny since
in the most recent episode, you guys played the game
of naming who each person was most like, and Becca
gave her a buttle that she was not like Meredith.
It's so funny how things have changed over the years.
Please never stop podcasting. What you guys think is mundane
and boring is the highlight of so many people's week.
The best episodes of the four of you just talking
(28:35):
like family. I've enjoyed so much learning about all four
of your lives, love you so much and always cheering
you all on ps. My dad has been absent nearly
my whole life, and listening to Mark talk and give
advice feels like listening to the data I never had. Wow, Oka,
that is really sweet, Cayley, Wow.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
I think that I think that at that time, I
was like Meredith, I'm very just not to me in relationship. Yeah.
I think I did resonate a lot more with Meredith
than than I do. Know.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
Yeah, I don't feel like you're It's interesting. I never
felt like you were Meredith Gray in general, because you
are not a cold person. But I feel like in
your love life you were very cold. You were like
shut off.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Yes now we know why.
Speaker 4 (29:26):
Yeah, but there was a point where I was like,
maybe Becca doesn't have that chip in her.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
I wonder if Robert thought of me as being shut
off for sure, or if he just was like, she's chill,
no chances chill.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Maybe we should have him on the podcast to discuss
that could be a golden globe.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Have never had him on before?
Speaker 5 (29:48):
Never?
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Oh wow, Yeah, it's time I'm with you. I thought
we did this, but was it this?
Speaker 6 (29:56):
We called him at one point he was like the
call he was there's a busy coffee shop.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Understand.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
Maybe was I on the podcast?
Speaker 6 (30:06):
I don't even know if it was this podcast on
I'll figure it out.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
We do so many a lot.
Speaker 4 (30:13):
I think Becca is the opposite of cold. Let me
tell you. If there's something that Becca Tilly is, she
is that warm cup of coffee that you just need
every day. I felt that recently.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Oh really, that's touching.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
I'm serious.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Why.
Speaker 4 (30:31):
I just feel like you've really been there for me.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Oh my gosh, I love you so much. I told
you it was like, what kind of friend would I
be if I wasn't? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Yeah, I think it's time we wrap it up. Here
is very cute.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
It's from Jazz. I've been loving the recent pattern of
ending each Deer Bonnie with a fun light how to
question or game. So, building on last week's theme of
how do you know you found your person I have
a question for each of you, one physical trait and
one personality trait your partner has that if they didn't have,
might have made you second guess whether they were the one.
Thanks for the weekly laughs. And I have to say
(31:09):
I am a die hard fan of the scrub a
dub dub and the tub tub tub jingle in the house.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
I know mine his hands they're hotter now than ever,
and if.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
They were, like, I'm not sure he's the one for sure.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Really, if Robbie didn't have the hands that he.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Had, I mean, it's hard to say, you know, it's
hard to I don't know those hands did it for
me day one.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
I don't remember you talking about them day one. I
felt I feel like, I mean early on, for sure.
Speaker 4 (31:47):
Those hands, they're gorgeous.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
He has very nice hands.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
He does does and like it's weird because they're masculine
but spemer groomed and like the perfect ratio like nail
to skin and my nice color, perfect amount of hair.
And personality wise, I think his empathy, he's like one
(32:12):
of the most empathetic. I feel like he can put
himself in other people's shoes more than anybody that I've
ever met. That those my answers.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Mine would be physical trait. Her nose I love her nose.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
I would say her lips, oh dang her, but her
whole face.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Really, she looks like a doll. She always looks perfectly.
She wakes up just like like looking glowing. I'm like,
why do you always look like you're like glowing? So annoying?
Speaker 4 (32:41):
See me when I wake up?
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Me too, I'm like mouth tape, hair.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
Drool coming off the side.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Personality trait probably her communication because I I think that
it made me feel safe to fall in love with her,
her communicating skills, because I'm not I wasn't necessarily a
good communicator.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
Beautiful still working on it.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
I know what he's gonna say.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Physical trait, Oh yeah, what ass it is?
Speaker 6 (33:19):
Really actually weird. I'm gonna have to go with breast.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
That sweet booty out the door. Yeah no, I mean.
Speaker 6 (33:28):
Is an angel in every every sense, and I love
her smile so much. And then a personality trait, God,
there's so many. I think something maybe second guess is
uh like finding humor in the same things Like that
(33:48):
was something that Allison and I bonded over very early.
Was like finding the same things very funny and and weird,
and I have not had that with many other people.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
I've got I've got many dates.
Speaker 6 (34:01):
Right, I thought something was very, very funny, and the
other person did not.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I don't know. This is the hard one, but I
will say this. I don't like feet. And when I
look at almost everyone's feet, I'm grossed out by nearly
everyone's feet I ever see. But my wife has great feet,
and if she had gross feet, I don't know that
I could be married with grossed feet.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Yeah, but I see gross feet all the time anyway. Uh,
and my kids know this that her laugh is my
favorite sound in the world. So that was a big
one for me. It was that when that laugh gets going, man,
all right with the world?
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Is that her personality?
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I guess that'd be her personality trait. Yeah, that's not
a physical trait.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
They're sweet.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
Oh, the physical trait is weird.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Yeah, I guess, like, well, I'm talking about another woman,
so it's different. And then Tony's talking about a man,
but like a different talking about physical traits.
Speaker 6 (35:07):
Yeah, it feels right also to boil them down to
one physical trait weird.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
You have to walk a tight little line. Tight line.
Speaking of Alison on our the topic of controversial opinion,
she she messaged Meldly with like just like she was certain,
Oh god, I think Friends is overrated.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Oh wow, that is controversial opinion.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
That's like the most horrific thing I've heard in my life.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
I responded just like gas literally gasped. But a lot
of people actually sent me that. It was like like
they were trying to hurt my feelings.
Speaker 4 (35:44):
Yeah, probably are trying the worst. There's like a there's
like a thing that you can google on YouTube or
search on YouTube whatever you call it, like laughable moments
from Friends, and they just like compile all like the
funniest like one liners from all all the Friends episodes,
like forty five to fifty minutes of just like straight
funny one liners. It has you laughing for an hour hours. Yeah,
(36:08):
it's so good.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
It's so good but fun fact, I'm assuming gall Are
Seinfeld people were signfel. Yeah, yeah, there's a difference. It is.
It's different strokes, different folks, different folks. And on that note,
we're saying goodbye, but it will be to be continued
next week on Monday. That's right.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Doctor Joe Wilson said, Yeah, we are we tweak over here.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Yeah, don't worry.
Speaker 4 (36:36):
Yeah, we love you, love you,
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Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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