January 23, 2025 • 39 mins
The Dear Banya letters are flowing in and Becca & Tanya have answers for them all!
We try to offer support for a Scrubber who feels left behind after all her friends started having kids, another is dealing with an overbearing mother-in-law, and we revisit the struggles of being 25.
Plus, Tanya shares her biggest wedding “icks”!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Scrub a dub dub in the tub tub time.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
We have a Dear Bonia episode, Dear Bonya.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
A dear Bonya filled with those seeking advice.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
People without wait want do we have people with.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Kids that don't invite anonymous?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Yeah? We about the other law issues, weddings is a
rough age, preach a men's sister.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
And there's more.
Speaker 5 (00:46):
There's more.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Those are just some of the tops.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
So I feel like, should we just jump right in
because we do have a lot of a lot of
Dear Bonia's or did you have something to start the
episode with?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
No? My advice? I think I'm feeling particularly emotional today,
so my advice might be a little emotionally charged, which
might be good, might be bad. We'll see.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Is emotionally charged like like uh cry emotional or angry emotional?
Speaker 1 (01:13):
It's a little bit of both.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Interesting.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yeah, Like I tried to go to uh great yoga class,
great one. I was so excited about it, looking forward
to it since yesterday. Since I signed up, I'm two
minutes late to my class right now, yeah today, I'm
two minutes late. Oh oh okay, and all the doors
are locked. Doors are locked, can't get in. Call the
(01:37):
front desk, no one's there. Sends you to Denver their headquarters.
So I just missed my class because I was two
minutes late. I was so irritated too a place to open, Yes,
but they apparently locked the doors once the instructor goes
into the class as so that no strangers can just
be like roaming around in the studio. I'm like, well,
(01:58):
they got to have somebody at the front desk gives
you a five minute grace period. I'm sorry a few
minutes late. You could see me on the videos outside
of sor being like hello, like knocking.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Normally, if I was not emotional like I was Zack
i am today, I would be like whatever, I'll go
on a walk or something. But I was fired up.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Yeah, here's the thing.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
I understand that when there's a specific time and people,
you know, people are going somewhere, But I do think
LA specifically, there's so much congestion and traffic here that's.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Arming Parting three.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
I know, but I'm saying five minutes over, even if
they start with the stretch before you get there right,
which I know people are gonna be like, no, like
you should plan accordingly and get there early enough to
be on time.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
But and I do, Yeah, but some things are not
your day.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
And build my coffee all over the table, so sweaped
it and I was cleaning it and I knew I
was gonna be late. Oh yeah, I'm like wound up today.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Okay, yeah, a little nervous.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Red lightleyread lightly.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
Fred Lightley Easton, do you want to be our dear
Bonia reader today?
Speaker 6 (03:08):
It would be an honor to be the reader today.
I can read and I'm excited to show that off today.
This is from anonymous Hi, Mark Easton, Becca and Tanya.
I'm struggling. I have had a core group of three
friends since I was in fourth grade. I'm thirty four now.
We've all taken different paths in life, but we still
make time for each other once a week for bar trivia.
My struggle is that I feel jealous that my friends
(03:30):
with children hang out all the time and naturally include
each other in plans. I've gone to soccer games, birthday parties,
et cetera. But I still don't get the immediate invite.
I know that this is just a natural course of life,
and my partner and I are happily child free, but
it still doesn't take away the sting when I get
a pity invite because the event was talked about around me.
How do I let this go and not let it
affect me as much as it is. I love my
(03:51):
friends and I know they're not being malicious, but my
feelings are still always hurt.
Speaker 7 (03:55):
Thanks everyone.
Speaker 6 (03:56):
I'm currently catching up on old episodes and I just
listened to Goals about twenty twenty. The whole time I
was like, Oh, guys, you have no idea what's about
to come.
Speaker 8 (04:04):
To that?
Speaker 5 (04:05):
Yeah, this is so hard because I I kind of
feel like I'm about to enter into this base of life.
So I think Anonymous, give me about a year and
I will joining. Yeah, we're joining you on nearbar trivia nights,
let me go anywhere. I think that there is just
(04:28):
an ease of making plans when you're in the same
phase of life with people, like when you have kids.
I think it's just this natural thing to want to
have each other, for the kids to do their thing,
and for the moms to kind of have a break
from being alone.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
With the kids.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
And I think you're totally valid for it to hurt
your feelings because it's a it's a shift in your
dynamic when you all you all at one point were
single and doing whatever you wanted to do, and then
you probably moved to where you all had partners, but
you still had the freedom to like meet up and
do whatever you do. But when you have kids, there
is like this shift. I think that happens big time.
And I think that you show up for your friends.
(05:09):
I think you be the friend that you are to them.
And I also think that this is a time where
maybe you find people who are in the same same
season of life as you, so that you're creating friendships
where you're feeling seen and validated by people who are
aligned with where you're at as well.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
And I think you.
Speaker 9 (05:29):
Can do both of those because I because I don't
think when all of your friends are hanging out having
mom time that they're they're probably like, she doesn't want
to come hang out with the kids, the screaming babies
or whatnot.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
You know, That's what I think.
Speaker 6 (05:45):
Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of dealing with this, Like
we we had a group, big group of friends we'd
always go see the Marvel movies on Opening night. And
then they've all had kids, and you know, they can't
go see movies all the time anymore. But I still
invite them all every single time, and they always almost
always say no, but sometimes they don't. But I still
want to be like, hey, just because you you know,
(06:08):
just because like you your schedules and it is open,
that doesn't mean I still don't want to hang out
with you.
Speaker 8 (06:12):
Yeah, Also they invite you to things, Yeah, they do,
but I don't I personally, I don't take it personally
when like I find out that there was like some
soccer game, I didn't get invited some kids soccer game, because.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Like, I don't really I feel like she should raise
the issue that like, because I think sometimes what people
do is they think you don't want to come or
be there because you have kids. Because I feel like
when my life went from super single to stepmama two kids,
it was pretty jarring because it was like I had
all the time in the world and then when now
(06:46):
I have two kids that I have fifty percent of
the time, and I feel like when we have the kids,
we do one sort of thing, and when we don't
have the kids, we do another sort of thing because
I never thought that, like my friends would want to
also hang out with the kids all, so you know
what I mean, Like your mind just goes there. Yeah,
so maybe your friends aren't including you because I think
that you wouldn't want to. So I think you should say, like, hey,
(07:09):
I still want to come, even though I don't have kids.
I'd love to, Like I want to come, and I
want to be invited, and I'm sure they'll invite you,
and then you just like take it from there, because
I think that's what happened, is like I think I've
really like segregated, like, oh, we have the kids this weekend,
we can't do this and we can't do that, Whereas
like now I'm like, no, okay, we can get a
sitter for them, Like it's okay. You know, it's also
okay if Robbie stays home and I go out that
(07:30):
type of stuff. So maybe they're just not inviting you
because I feel like you don't.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
Yeah, yeah, I think there's that, And I also just
think it's a different I mean, maybe they maybe there's
a feeling of you know, what do we talk like
I think when you have kids. Everything revolves around kids, yes,
So I think when you bring someone in who doesn't
have kids, it kind of probably feels awkward about like that.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
All the time. But I'm with my friends that have
like little kids, it's always like do we keep progression?
And I'm like, I have no idea what any of
this stuff is.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
And they're all going through that.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
So they they like need each other and have each other,
and they're probably like probably what Tanya said, like they
don't want to burden you.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
They want to feel like you have to show up
and be around the kids. If you're that's not what
you want.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
And also they may just be like, what do we like,
We're all we think about and talk about are the kids,
and like, she's gonna be so bored.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
It's funny that you say that, because I too, I
feel like that person. When I'm around people that have
small kids. It's like they're always talking about that and
I'm a part of the conversation. It's like, I don't
want to talk about sleep regression, do you know what
I mean? And I'm like, I want to be very
mindful when I have god willing a baby to not
(08:43):
be that person.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Do you know?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
What I mean, like, I don't want to just come
to you and just be like, oh my gosh, my
baby's Like.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
It's gonna happen though, which is so normal because it's
just like you're that's you're eating, sleeping, and breathing this
new child, you know, Like that's just I think where
you're at at that time in your life.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Am I going to be that person?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I think everything?
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Am I going to be that person? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (09:08):
And I think every single person who before they had
a baby, they're like, I don't want to be that
person that only time. I just think it's so natural
that that's what happens, not in a bad way. And
I'll be so happy to hear about the sleep progression
and what can I do to help? And then I also,
I do think it's gonna I'm really gonna lean on
other people during those times because I don't think y'all,
(09:31):
my friends who are having children are gonna have the
capacity that they once had for at least a certain
amount of time, you know, So Anonymous check back with
me here in about a year and.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Will shit chat.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
But I also, like I said, I think if you
want to say something to them, like hey, I'd love
to be a part. I love hearing about your kids'
lives and what's going on. I just I love you guys,
and I want to hang out with you, whatever that
looks like.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
But I also.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
Think it's okay to find people who are in the
same season of life as you.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
But don't like replace them with these new season friends.
Let's just make that very clear. I don't want to
replace no friends with these new on childless friends.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Yeah, no replacing, just supplementing. Yes, sure, I want to
make that clear.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 6 (10:40):
We have another anonymous email a different person. I assume Becka,
Tanya Mark and Easton. I have been a scribber since
day one and I love your podcast. My husband and
I have been married for ten years and together for
thirteen years. My husband is forty three and I'm forty one. Recently,
my husband has a stroke and was in the hospital
for fifteen days. I stayed every day and night with him.
He's doing much better now. He's an only child. His
(11:02):
parents were very helpful during this time. Our daughter stayed
with them and took care of our dogs because they
weren't able. He has now been home for three weeks.
His mother is inserting her opinions daily regarding his progress
and decisions that we've made regarding his care and recovery.
She doesn't agree with all our decisions. I recently had
my cup full of her and the opinions and confronted
(11:22):
her about it. I told her that we appreciate the help,
we couldn't have done.
Speaker 7 (11:25):
It without them.
Speaker 6 (11:26):
However, we no longer need any assistance and I have
his karen needs handled. I've been a nurse for over
twenty years and his mother's also a nurse. She proceeded
to tell me when I confronted her that she feels
like she has to interfere because she doesn't feel like
I'm doing enough and I don't act like I care
to keep the peace. I did not say anything further
to her and just ended our conversation. I'm livid and
very hurt, as is my husband, but I don't want
(11:46):
to push further because his parents are not in the
best health and my husband now has his medical issue
and does not need any added stress. Please help. I'm
not at all sure how to handle this. My mother
in law has always been difficult to get along with,
and I feel like she never liked me. H.
Speaker 7 (12:00):
It's tough.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
It's so hard.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
I'm so happy that your husband is doing well. And
on the mend, I think that this is one of
those things where you show up for your husband. You
be the best wife, best nurse, best mom you can
be during this time, and don't I think this is
(12:24):
a very sensitive time because it's your husband, it's the
person that you love, the father of your child. But
it's also her son, her only son, so she's probably
had a lot of high stress and like worry about
his health and having to making sure that he's cared
for as that's her only child, probably been her focus
(12:45):
her whole life. It's probably very hard for her like
let go of that control to someone else when he's
going through something like this medically. I also think that
you can't control how she acts, what she says, what
she does. And I think you you've said what you
needed to say, You've said what you need to say.
(13:05):
You keep showing up for your husband, be the be
the wife that you are, and let her be and
do what she's going to do.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I was just listening my algorithm. My algorithm on reals
is like giving me these like marriage videos one on
one or whatever, and I found this to be very
interesting because I never thought of it this way. But
they say, when you get married, that becomes your family,
and you're I don't want to say your old family,
but the family that you came from, that becomes your
extended family. And I never looked at it that way,
(13:38):
like I've never thought of it like that is you,
that's now, that's your family, that's your first family, and
then everybody else is your extended family, right, And it
really hit me because I feel like I have never
birthed a child, so I don't know what that love
is like for your child. I have a dog that
(13:58):
I love and say a lot, so I imagine it's a
hundred times at which I feel like is an insane amount. Yeah. Yeah,
So I imagine that your mother in law is just
feeling that way because she's seeing, you know, a stroke
is very scary, seeing her son in a very scary,
vulnerable situation. So she might be like talking out of
emotion and having these emotions. It's not right that she's
(14:19):
letting the bat on you, but she also needs to
take a step back and know that like you are
his family, you are his caretaker now, not as a caretaker,
but like you and him make the decisions, not her,
And I think that you need to have that conversation
in a very loving way, not in like a bitchy way,
(14:40):
not in like a get out the way, but in
a you know, this is my this is my husband,
this is my family. If I want to do and
I will do everything to take the best care of him,
I need you to like let us lead this and
if you want to help and you want to support,
you can, but please ask us what we need and
not just interject and like give your opinion, because this
(15:00):
is hard enough. We don't want to add stress onto
his plate.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
I think you just have to have that conversation.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
I agree, And I think there's a way of being
like we're so which it sounds like it sounds like
she did say like we couldn't have done it without you,
were so grateful, But I think it's really I think
she wants to feel needed as especially as a nurse
and being like a.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Part of the tasks. He loves masaball soup. Can you
make he loves?
Speaker 4 (15:24):
I'm saying like, yeah, do it in a way where
you can still make her feel like she can contribute
and help but also just be like, you know, we're
making the decisions together, he and I and we love
you and we're so grateful for you. But you know
we're we're doing this the way that's best for us.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
But you know what's interesting the very last sentence, she said,
I feel like she has never liked me. That says
a lot.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
That's total, I mean totally. They've been together, I think
married for thirteen years or together a lot. But I
think that that's why you you don't have to like
overdo it. But I think we're the things that you
know that she can contribute that's not going to like
over step her boundary for you. I love he loves
your famous soup, he loves this meal, Like would you
(16:06):
mind or like could you take our daughter for a
few days, like over the weekend. Just things that she
can contribute where you don't feel like she's overstepping.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Yeah, but she can still feel a part.
Speaker 7 (16:19):
That's I mean, you guys said, I think that's great advice.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
It's like my mother in law, my future mother in law,
she's like, loves rob obviously, she loves she has two sons.
She like is obsessed with them, and she would want
to do anything for them. So like I could see this,
you know what I mean, I could see her just
like wanting to help, and I could actually see myself
having that conversation with her and asking, you know, like
she she's very good about like she she I think
her love language is like food. So I think if
(16:44):
I gave her a task, like it'd be really helpful
if you could like make us dinner tonight tomorrow or
you know whatever. Like I think she would really like
thrive on that.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
I think that's good.
Speaker 7 (16:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (16:53):
Yeah, Whenever people are like what can I do to help?
Speaker 7 (16:55):
What can't do?
Speaker 3 (16:56):
It?
Speaker 6 (16:56):
Like, it is helpful if it's like a specific thing,
especially with someone like that, just tell them what you need.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Yeah, all right.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
This one's from Melissa Wedding X. We're gotting in too
the World of wedding X. This is a question for Tanya,
now that the wedding is getting close. What are some
of your wedding X or things you absolutely wouldn't do
at your wedding. I'm also planning a twenty twenty five wedding.
Congratulations and a few of mine are vendors not posting
a price range for their services on their website. I
don't want to waste your time, and I want you
(17:25):
to waste mine giving your friends and family a bunch
of junks. This is Bridesmaids Sister mob. Oh controversial opinion.
I get the ick with grooms wearing a boot and
ear that's hanging flopping around on their jacket, So my
groom will not be wearing one.
Speaker 7 (17:40):
Becky and East I thought we were X.
Speaker 6 (17:42):
I was like, oh no, what did I do to Melissa,
Becky and easton any thoughts on these things? Can't wait
to see a the pictures and hear about your big day,
Love you all.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
You know what's so funny is like, I guess I
wouldn't consider them as X. I'm just like doing what
I want, do you know what I mean? The Floris
asked us about bootoneers and I was like, no, I
don't want that, Yeah, but I didn't. I never thought
it was like an ick.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
You know why didn't you want it?
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I don't want anything living on him.
Speaker 7 (18:16):
I don't want It's an interesting way to put it.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Yeah, yeah, I don't need like a living thing like
on his Less is more.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Okay, you know, okay? Anything else are you doing? Like
the garter toss and stuff.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
We're not going to do the garter toss. We are
gonna do the okay toss maybe Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
I don't know what about are y'all doing uh like
daughter father dance all that stuff?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Okay? Yeah, are you like doing something blue?
Speaker 7 (18:53):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Yes, I told you that I'm setting you up to.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Something blue. Was actually really sweet. Probably made it for
me and it's.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Just like it's really really sweet. It's very very creative. Yeah,
you'll share that later, I guess.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
But I don't have something borrowed or something old.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Maybe does your mom have any jewelry something you could wear?
My jewelry is spoken for an anklet in the Engli.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
She says, yeah, I don't know. I feel and then
like also with the vendors we got, you know, because
we're doing a destination wedding, we just reach out to
our hotel and are using all the people that they
use for their events, Like we literally didn't like, I
didn't look at any other rental company. I'm using the
(19:45):
one they recommended. I didn't look at any other music company.
I'm using the ones they recommended. Uh, I'm like bride Chilla.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
Yeah, you're more chill than anticipated really.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
I mean I'm like I am and then I'm not
because I'm like constantly stressed.
Speaker 9 (20:01):
M m.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
But I feel like I've been pretty chill, yeah considering.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 6 (20:07):
It's crazy about the vendor thing. And I think we've
talked about this, but like I was looking at venues
to do the East Awards live and more about that later,
but I would I was getting quotes for like event
spaces in Los Angeles and astronomical, but I noticed that,
like I called a place where a friend of ours
(20:28):
got married, and I was like, oh, that that'd be
cool to do the show there. And it was the
same amount of time, the same like like a Saturday night,
and for me to do my stupid award show would
be it was half the cost that they paid for
if you say wedding, that they just jacked the price
up like crazy. So my hacker went out there getting married.
Anytime your booking these things to say we're throwing an event,
(20:50):
don't say wedding. I feel like that just inflates the
price by such a significant margin.
Speaker 7 (20:55):
It's so crazy.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
That is good to know. The two things that that
I'm still very stressed about it. We don't have a videographer.
Oh my god, yeah, I know. Should we Yes, I'm.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Very stressed about that one. Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
And we don't have a photo booth. I like totally
forgot about that because I feel like I've been seeing
them very much lately as of late. Photo booths. Do
we like them? Do I need one?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I mean people love a photo booth?
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Do? I feel like people love going and taking photos?
But I don't think it's like something to stress over.
Like I think if you're able to find one, or
your or your wedding planner can find one fun and
it's like a reasonable price. If it's crazy and astronomical
and like difficult, I want it stress over.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Like wouldn't you rather like my professional photographer take like
bomb photos.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Yeah, but you don't get this for a while, so
it's fun.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
To like, you know right away. Yeah, but again I
don't unless you find something that you love.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I want to stressed about that.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
And then we like decided against a cake, like a
wedding cake, because again cakes like six thousand dollars and
I'm like, oh wow, for what I could make this
in my backyard, please do that?
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Do it?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
So then because the desserts that we are serving are
like when I tell you this chocolate, uh, I don't
even know what it is. It's like basically chocolate ganache,
like hazelnut dessert. It's the most incredible thing that I've
put in my mouth in my life. Is it's better
than that gluten free pizza and the gluten free bonza
that I was telling you about is so good. Anyways,
(22:26):
we decided on these like two desserts, so we're like, well,
deserve these diserts because they're actually delicious. But now I'm
regretting it that, like we're not gonna have a photo
to like cut our cake? Do I need that? I
think I need that.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
You get a small one at least to cut it. Yeah,
I know, I like, you don't need like a four
tier cake.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
It wasn't even a four I think it was like
a two tier six thousand dollars maybe three something like
those up there.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Maybe maybe they can bring one from the States.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
No, maybe they can't say it's not Maybe they can
say it's not for a wedding.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Are you flying out with us?
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Me?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Robbie, Oh wow, it's gonna be not gonna need to
wear a GoPro for that, because between my wedding dress,
my dog.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
Yeah, and Becca and Robbie, I think I'm gonna be
in charge of one or the other.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Probably the dress, Yeah, definitely the dress.
Speaker 6 (23:19):
We have to go to a break. But I just
want to stand up for botaneers really quick. I had
a boot near at my wedding and I demanded the
biggest and more stornate boutaneer the florist has ever done.
Speaker 7 (23:27):
Wow, And that thing was a monster, and I loved it.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
You had a living thing on you.
Speaker 7 (23:32):
A large living thing.
Speaker 6 (23:33):
It was basically another bouquet just on my jacket, and
I thought it was so cool.
Speaker 7 (23:38):
I loved it. But that was twenty seventeen. It was
a different time, different times, different world out there.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Twenty twenty five is minimalist? Minimal Is that.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
It you're leaving? We're going on break with that.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
That quote minimal twenty five is they're the minimalist bride,
the minimalist bride.
Speaker 9 (23:56):
Bro.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
All right, we'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Nothing minimalist about the.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
All right, we are back.
Speaker 7 (24:20):
Well, here's another one from Haley. Thank you.
Speaker 6 (24:23):
Slash twenty five is a rough age. That's what uh,
that's why we've summarized this. Hi, Beckatania Markinisten, your recent
episode No Lufa, No Sponge made me feel so seen.
While I am most definitely a Tanya, I started following
beck after watching her journey on Ben's season, and I've
been faithfully listening to scrubbing in since day one.
Speaker 7 (24:40):
Wow, Wow, thank you.
Speaker 6 (24:42):
I'm a twenty five year old teacher who's three years
into her career, living on her own, has many friends,
and just finished her master's degree. I'm successful in so
many ways, but I struggle with not feeling established and
being as far along in life as I thought I
would be at this point. I like Beckan Tanya. I'm
a Christian, and I thought I would be for sure
married with a kid or two at this point.
Speaker 7 (25:01):
I have been in seven weddings.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
Over the last two and a half years, and I
feel like everyone's life is moving forward, but mine, like
you'll express, twenty five, is tough. Nearly all my friends
have husbands or kids, and sometimes I feel like there's
something wrong with me. When Tony broke down the podcast
and started crying about how she would go to bridal
events and baby showers and feel sad after, I felt
less alone in my thinking. It's also been beyond encouraging
(25:23):
to watch Tanya and Becka's journeys in their relationships. I
know that when I find my red Star, he'll be
worth the wait. The four of you have made me
laugh and cry more times than I can count, and
I appreciate you putting out fantastic episodes one to two
a week.
Speaker 7 (25:35):
Thank you for all that you do.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
Okay, Haley, First, I just have to say three. You're
twenty five years old and you're already three years into
a career. That is yeah, great, like so impressive to me.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Yeah, like, you have established.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
Something that you want to do and love doing, and
you have been doing it for three years literally since
you got out of college.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
That's impressive. So give yourself some credit.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
Second of all, I am so happy that my whole life,
I thought I would be married by twenty five. I
just knew like I would have. I thought i'd have
two kids a married by twenty five. I am so
happy that I did not get married at twenty five
and have two kids because I'm so happy that my
(26:21):
life went in the direction that it did, and I
could have never thought that it would go in that direction.
And I remember thinking like watching people, especially from my
hometown and like high school, getting married and having kids,
and I was like, oh, no, like I'm out here
in California, am I doing something wrong. Christian culture specifically
is very much like get married, have kids young, and
(26:42):
I am so happy that that wasn't my path. So
I just want to say, You're not behind in anything
you're doing. It's so fun to get to celebrate people
and like go to these weddings and be there for
your friends and get to see like, oh, I'm I
can't wait for my turn. But I also don't want
you to feel like you have to rush it because
you're not behind at all in this.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
So I'm with you. I'm with you on this, But
I also I feel for you, Hailey, because I feel
like I remember going to all these weddings that I
went to when I was single, and I was just like,
when is it going to be my turn? You know,
Like again, I didn't take away from the weddings like
I loved it and I had so much fun. I
was like I wasn't down or like crying at the weddings,
(27:27):
Like I had a good time and I would rage,
but like every single. One was just like another reminder,
another reminder, another, And like I was single from twenty
five to thirty two. It's a whole seven years of
doing that, so times whatever, double Hailey, it's a long time.
What because she's saying three years. For the last like
(27:47):
three years she's been going all these weddings and I've
been single in my car and like it does. I
feel like every single time I would watch people hit
that milestone, I was just like, one's it going to
be my turn? And I feel like you can't see
it now, Haley, But for my situation, I feel like
everything happened for me when it was supposed to. Because
(28:08):
now that I'm like planning a wedding and I'm like
talking about babies and stuff, I could not imagine doing
this in my career at twenty five twenty six. My
career was my life at twenty five twenty six, Like
I would spend twelve thirteen hours at work, like I
was just work, work, work, and I think I was.
(28:29):
I think I was that for a reason, you know,
Like I that was my time to focus on work.
And when I found Robbie, it was at the perfect
time for me. So I don't know what this is
for you, Hailey, but I do believe that, like you
will find your partner when you're supposed to. It's not
going to make the journey any less heartbreaking at times,
(28:50):
because I know that I would feel that a lot.
But it is going to come at the right time
for you for whatever reason that is. Maybe it's not
career focused, maybe it's something else, but like you'll see
it in hindsight, So just know that because it is
such a desire of your heart, I do feel like,
you know, he will fulfill that for you, but not
(29:11):
on your timeline.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
I also, this is so interesting because I do think
hindsight is so it's such an interesting thing that we
get in life.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Because Haley and I were talking about the.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
Other day, how you know when you were young and
you would have dinner and it was so simple. You
were outside riding your bike and your mom would call
you in like yeah, it was these moments of like
childhood and innocence, and everyone would be like, don't waste
it because like you're gonna be older one day and
you'll and and you'll miss these days.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
And you're like, I just want to be a grown up.
I just want to do.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
This, like you're we're always ready to get to the
next step, but hindsight, looking back, you always have a
different perspective on it. So you're gonna get to a
point when you have this that the desire of your
heart of finding your person is gonna be amazing. And
then you'll look back on your time being twenty five
and being a teacher and being at these weddings and
(30:03):
being like.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Oh, that was fun too.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
You know, I had this and I had that, and
it's I think that's just life. Like you can look
back and see that you were focused on your career
and you wouldn't have been able to be the partner
that you are today.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I was talking to this friend of mine who was
at thirty eight went to go get her eggs frozen
because she wanted to be a mom. They told her
that she did not have any eggs to freeze, so
at that moment she was like had to kind of
come to terms with the fact that she was not
going to be mom, and it was like heartbreaking. She
(30:37):
got pregnant at thirty nine naturally, no anything else, and
she's like it's just a testament too, Like she always
like wanted to be a mom, you know, like she
knew that she had that, like that was like always
a dream of hers. And so I don't really know
why I shared that. How did it come back around?
(31:03):
If it's meant what's meant for you will be for you?
Is that where I was going with that?
Speaker 7 (31:08):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
I can't know.
Speaker 7 (31:10):
Yeah, you're on your nobody.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Can reel me back into the wyro. Why did I
bring that up?
Speaker 10 (31:15):
Well, it's just because like she had let go, she
was she was attached to the possiblity. She was a
she was open to they're getting further from the possibility,
not attached what's the thing?
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Open to the possibility and attached the outcome.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
And so she had said, you know what what's meant
to be is gonna happen to me. She held on
to hope, and then she ended up getting pregnant. Naturally,
That's where I was going. Thank you for landing the plane.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
And all that to say, Haley, life is going to
be wonderful.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
If I had a baby when I was twenty five.
I was still a baby at twenty five, Like I
could not imagine raising a child at twenty five. Me personally.
Speaker 4 (31:54):
But the thing is like you would have done it,
you know, I just haven't got mad. And there's so
many people who get married younger and they love it
and they love having kids. It's just like everyone's different.
And I think the thing, Hayley, is that you're there's
gonna be ups, there's gonna be downs, there's gonna be
good dates, there's gonna be bad dates. There's gonna be heartbreak,
and there's gonna be love, and you're gonna get to
experience all of it.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Yeah, I thought, Robbie, I like you. I'm so lucky
you met me in my thirties, because in my twenties
I was not this amazing, not nearly as patient.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
You wouldn't have been the right girl for Robbie at twenty.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Five, no no, no, no no. But now me now
the perfect girl for Robles, A plus wife.
Speaker 6 (32:32):
The perspective is so funny because like I remember when
I was nineteen, I worked at a Van's shoe store
and there was a guy who worked in the soccer
room and he was twenty five. I remember I was like, oh, man,
Nathan's twenty five. Damn, Like he's working here that his
life is Oh I remember thinking, like, his.
Speaker 7 (32:47):
Life is over.
Speaker 6 (32:47):
I never want to be like when I'm twenty five,
I gotta be doing this, this and this, and then
looking back on like twenty five is nothing.
Speaker 7 (32:54):
You're like you are a child.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
But why is it twenty five? Is that year where
everyone thinks that everything needs to be done by twenty five? Yeah,
I'm like, when did that become the number?
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Let's look at that number.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
It's like our quarter of.
Speaker 7 (33:05):
A sus.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Well, I still would have been late to that.
Speaker 4 (33:09):
But.
Speaker 7 (33:11):
Let's go to forty five, forty five.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Ninety five?
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Yes, pushing it back.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (33:20):
Uh, here's an update. People ask for updates all the time.
We have one. This is really exciting. Last week, V
asked us for help with her breakup. She was with
her boyfriend for three years. He was the love of
her life. She had helped him get sober, but he
had broken up with her three times prior to this,
and even as mom said her son had stuff to
figure out and to not wait for him, V wrote
in again with an update. Thank you so much for
(33:41):
answering my question on the pod. Yesterday was my twenty
ninth birthday, and I've been coping with a few weeks
from hell trying to overcome this breakup.
Speaker 7 (33:48):
Wanted to share an update that I did speak to
my ex.
Speaker 6 (33:50):
We had a closure talk where he answered all the
questions I had about our relationship. It sounds like he
doesn't understand the concept of once the honeymoon phase ends,
you must develop a new kind of love for your person,
and he fell out of love with me, which is
a pattern he has now repeated in his other relationships
he's had as well. While we ended on an amicable note,
we're going into no contact now and working on ourselves individually.
(34:11):
I feel like I'll always think of him as a
core part of my life, as I loved him like
I've loved nobody ever before. But I'm working on myself
to be the best version I can be, and trying
to prove to myself what I am worth to ensure
I don't have to suffer heartache like this again. I
trust life's path to lead me in the right direction,
whether it's with someone who treats me like the absolute best,
or whether it's with new and improved versions of ourselves.
(34:31):
Thank you, guys for all your advice and for all
the joy bring into my life. Becca You're such an
authentic human being and I love how much you own
who you are and I just want nothing more than
to be best friends with you.
Speaker 7 (34:40):
Tanya.
Speaker 6 (34:41):
You remind me so much of myself and are just
so genuinely kind hearted. And I'm so happy for you
and Robbie and can't wait to watch you both rive
in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 7 (34:48):
Cheers to you all and thanks again.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
So we love but amazing.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
We're so proud of me.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Yeah, that's such a huge step to take for yourself.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
Yeah, to like make that decision so hard, but like
so impressive to choose yourself.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Yes, not many people do.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
No, they don't.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
So I hope you feel very proud of yourself. We're
rooting for you.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Yeah, we love you. V Keep us posted to you.
Keep dating yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Coming the updates of coming.
Speaker 7 (35:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (35:21):
After every day to drop an email in that inbox.
We want up to the minute updates. We have one
more here before we say goodbye. This is from Happy
Thank you for helping me. Hi, Tanya, Mark Easton, and Becca.
I'm a mom of three from Florida, currently living in Utah.
I've been listening to your podcast since the very first
episode and absolutely adult door all four of you. Proud
(35:42):
time you taught yea happy to rise up. I just
want to let you know how much you've helped me
this last year. I was diagnosed with stage four coin
cancer in October twenty twenty three and had to stop
listening to all the murder mystery podcasts or any other
slightly negative, downer podcasts I used to listen to and
only stick with my upbeat, happy podcast, Yours and The
Toast because it can't be left to my own thoughts
(36:03):
due to current life circumstances. I've even gone back and
started re listening to scribing In since the first episode
or tany joined in. I'm currently on episode thirty five. Yesterday,
I was given slightly bad news about my condition and
I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was spiraling while I
was laying there, so I put on your podcast, listening
to at three am to distract and uplift me while
trying to fall asleep and shaking with the giggles over
something time you said, thank you for aunnowingly helping me
(36:26):
during such a difficult time in my life, and can
you please plan a live podcast meetup so I can
meet my favorite podcasters celebrities.
Speaker 7 (36:32):
You're my Jen Aniston's Brad Pitts.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Wow, that is happy happy. We are so sorry.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
We are rooting for you.
Speaker 4 (36:45):
I hope that your next checkup that you get great
news and that things are turned around and that you
start feeling better and only moving forward here is health
and wellness.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
And I do feel like the direction you're going in,
like the fact that you stop listening to the murder
mysteries and the things that make you like anxious or
worry or like any of that stuff, is so important
because I think from what I have heard, when you
are dealing with cancer, keeping your mind in a very positive,
happy spirited place is like very very important. So I
(37:19):
think that's also really good that you're doing that, and
we are praying for you. We are praying for health
and happiness. And the fact that you took the time
to send this email is so sweet and so nice,
and honestly, it's something that I feel like Beck and
I've talked about a lot since we've been doing this
(37:40):
podcast for so long, that we really want this podcast
just to be light and fun and funny and like
a place for people just to kind of escape and
have a good time, not like we're trying to be
like Oprah. No, maybe at one point we wanted to
lean in that direction.
Speaker 6 (37:58):
Nah yah, we beat her for the people's choice toward it.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Yeah that year, we have our own thing going on.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
Yeah, but I do I love like the shaking with
giggles at something Tanya said.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Who who knows what that could be?
Speaker 4 (38:15):
You know. But I hope that you feel surrounded, I loved,
and I hope when you listen to this podcast it's
an escape from everything going on for all of you.
I hope that you listen to this podcast and it's
a safe space for you to go to disconnect and be.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Just absolutely baffled.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
Or by what Tanya's saying or encouraged or just to
escape and have a laugh. And we love y'all so much,
and that's why we do the podcast. Truly, This is
why we do the podcast.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, Like really, that email means so much. Happy.
Speaker 6 (38:51):
Yeah, We're so grateful to be part of your routine,
and especially when you're looking for something positive. I just
think a special place to be in people's lives for that,
I'm so I'm so grateful.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
Out of all the podcasts, how lucky are we to
be a part of Happy Today and so many of
our scrubber's daily lives.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
We love y'all so much.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
We love you so much, and.
Speaker 4 (39:16):
We will be back next week for more of this
and more of that, this and that.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Do you think I'm going to be different as a wife?
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Stay tuned for the next
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Scrub a dub dub in the tub tub time.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
We have a Dear Bonia episode, Dear Bonya.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
A dear Bonya filled with those seeking advice.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
People without wait want do we have people with.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Kids that don't invite anonymous?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Yeah? We about the other law issues, weddings is a
rough age, preach a men's sister.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
And there's more.
Speaker 5 (00:46):
There's more.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Those are just some of the tops.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
So I feel like, should we just jump right in
because we do have a lot of a lot of
Dear Bonia's or did you have something to start the
episode with?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
No? My advice? I think I'm feeling particularly emotional today,
so my advice might be a little emotionally charged, which
might be good, might be bad. We'll see.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Is emotionally charged like like uh cry emotional or angry emotional?
Speaker 1 (01:13):
It's a little bit of both.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Interesting.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yeah, Like I tried to go to uh great yoga class,
great one. I was so excited about it, looking forward
to it since yesterday. Since I signed up, I'm two
minutes late to my class right now, yeah today, I'm
two minutes late. Oh oh okay, and all the doors
are locked. Doors are locked, can't get in. Call the
(01:37):
front desk, no one's there. Sends you to Denver their headquarters.
So I just missed my class because I was two
minutes late. I was so irritated too a place to open, Yes,
but they apparently locked the doors once the instructor goes
into the class as so that no strangers can just
be like roaming around in the studio. I'm like, well,
(01:58):
they got to have somebody at the front desk gives
you a five minute grace period. I'm sorry a few
minutes late. You could see me on the videos outside
of sor being like hello, like knocking.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Normally, if I was not emotional like I was Zack
i am today, I would be like whatever, I'll go
on a walk or something. But I was fired up.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Yeah, here's the thing.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
I understand that when there's a specific time and people,
you know, people are going somewhere, But I do think
LA specifically, there's so much congestion and traffic here that's.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Arming Parting three.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
I know, but I'm saying five minutes over, even if
they start with the stretch before you get there right,
which I know people are gonna be like, no, like
you should plan accordingly and get there early enough to
be on time.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
But and I do, Yeah, but some things are not
your day.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
And build my coffee all over the table, so sweaped
it and I was cleaning it and I knew I
was gonna be late. Oh yeah, I'm like wound up today.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Okay, yeah, a little nervous.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Red lightleyread lightly.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
Fred Lightley Easton, do you want to be our dear
Bonia reader today?
Speaker 6 (03:08):
It would be an honor to be the reader today.
I can read and I'm excited to show that off today.
This is from anonymous Hi, Mark Easton, Becca and Tanya.
I'm struggling. I have had a core group of three
friends since I was in fourth grade. I'm thirty four now.
We've all taken different paths in life, but we still
make time for each other once a week for bar trivia.
My struggle is that I feel jealous that my friends
(03:30):
with children hang out all the time and naturally include
each other in plans. I've gone to soccer games, birthday parties,
et cetera. But I still don't get the immediate invite.
I know that this is just a natural course of life,
and my partner and I are happily child free, but
it still doesn't take away the sting when I get
a pity invite because the event was talked about around me.
How do I let this go and not let it
affect me as much as it is. I love my
(03:51):
friends and I know they're not being malicious, but my
feelings are still always hurt.
Speaker 7 (03:55):
Thanks everyone.
Speaker 6 (03:56):
I'm currently catching up on old episodes and I just
listened to Goals about twenty twenty. The whole time I
was like, Oh, guys, you have no idea what's about
to come.
Speaker 8 (04:04):
To that?
Speaker 5 (04:05):
Yeah, this is so hard because I I kind of
feel like I'm about to enter into this base of life.
So I think Anonymous, give me about a year and
I will joining. Yeah, we're joining you on nearbar trivia nights,
let me go anywhere. I think that there is just
(04:28):
an ease of making plans when you're in the same
phase of life with people, like when you have kids.
I think it's just this natural thing to want to
have each other, for the kids to do their thing,
and for the moms to kind of have a break
from being alone.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
With the kids.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
And I think you're totally valid for it to hurt
your feelings because it's a it's a shift in your
dynamic when you all you all at one point were
single and doing whatever you wanted to do, and then
you probably moved to where you all had partners, but
you still had the freedom to like meet up and
do whatever you do. But when you have kids, there
is like this shift. I think that happens big time.
And I think that you show up for your friends.
(05:09):
I think you be the friend that you are to them.
And I also think that this is a time where
maybe you find people who are in the same same
season of life as you, so that you're creating friendships
where you're feeling seen and validated by people who are
aligned with where you're at as well.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
And I think you.
Speaker 9 (05:29):
Can do both of those because I because I don't
think when all of your friends are hanging out having
mom time that they're they're probably like, she doesn't want
to come hang out with the kids, the screaming babies
or whatnot.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
You know, That's what I think.
Speaker 6 (05:45):
Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of dealing with this, Like
we we had a group, big group of friends we'd
always go see the Marvel movies on Opening night. And
then they've all had kids, and you know, they can't
go see movies all the time anymore. But I still
invite them all every single time, and they always almost
always say no, but sometimes they don't. But I still
want to be like, hey, just because you you know,
(06:08):
just because like you your schedules and it is open,
that doesn't mean I still don't want to hang out
with you.
Speaker 8 (06:12):
Yeah, Also they invite you to things, Yeah, they do,
but I don't I personally, I don't take it personally
when like I find out that there was like some
soccer game, I didn't get invited some kids soccer game, because.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Like, I don't really I feel like she should raise
the issue that like, because I think sometimes what people
do is they think you don't want to come or
be there because you have kids. Because I feel like
when my life went from super single to stepmama two kids,
it was pretty jarring because it was like I had
all the time in the world and then when now
(06:46):
I have two kids that I have fifty percent of
the time, and I feel like when we have the kids,
we do one sort of thing, and when we don't
have the kids, we do another sort of thing because
I never thought that, like my friends would want to
also hang out with the kids all, so you know
what I mean, Like your mind just goes there. Yeah,
so maybe your friends aren't including you because I think
that you wouldn't want to. So I think you should say, like, hey,
(07:09):
I still want to come, even though I don't have kids.
I'd love to, Like I want to come, and I
want to be invited, and I'm sure they'll invite you,
and then you just like take it from there, because
I think that's what happened, is like I think I've
really like segregated, like, oh, we have the kids this weekend,
we can't do this and we can't do that, Whereas
like now I'm like, no, okay, we can get a
sitter for them, Like it's okay. You know, it's also
okay if Robbie stays home and I go out that
(07:30):
type of stuff. So maybe they're just not inviting you
because I feel like you don't.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
Yeah, yeah, I think there's that, And I also just
think it's a different I mean, maybe they maybe there's
a feeling of you know, what do we talk like
I think when you have kids. Everything revolves around kids, yes,
So I think when you bring someone in who doesn't
have kids, it kind of probably feels awkward about like that.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
All the time. But I'm with my friends that have
like little kids, it's always like do we keep progression?
And I'm like, I have no idea what any of
this stuff is.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
And they're all going through that.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
So they they like need each other and have each other,
and they're probably like probably what Tanya said, like they
don't want to burden you.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
They want to feel like you have to show up
and be around the kids. If you're that's not what
you want.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
And also they may just be like, what do we like,
We're all we think about and talk about are the kids,
and like, she's gonna be so bored.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
It's funny that you say that, because I too, I
feel like that person. When I'm around people that have
small kids. It's like they're always talking about that and
I'm a part of the conversation. It's like, I don't
want to talk about sleep regression, do you know what
I mean? And I'm like, I want to be very
mindful when I have god willing a baby to not
(08:43):
be that person.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Do you know?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
What I mean, like, I don't want to just come
to you and just be like, oh my gosh, my
baby's Like.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
It's gonna happen though, which is so normal because it's
just like you're that's you're eating, sleeping, and breathing this
new child, you know, Like that's just I think where
you're at at that time in your life.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Am I going to be that person?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I think everything?
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Am I going to be that person? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (09:08):
And I think every single person who before they had
a baby, they're like, I don't want to be that
person that only time. I just think it's so natural
that that's what happens, not in a bad way. And
I'll be so happy to hear about the sleep progression
and what can I do to help? And then I also,
I do think it's gonna I'm really gonna lean on
other people during those times because I don't think y'all,
(09:31):
my friends who are having children are gonna have the
capacity that they once had for at least a certain
amount of time, you know, So Anonymous check back with
me here in about a year and.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Will shit chat.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
But I also, like I said, I think if you
want to say something to them, like hey, I'd love
to be a part. I love hearing about your kids'
lives and what's going on. I just I love you guys,
and I want to hang out with you, whatever that
looks like.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
But I also.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
Think it's okay to find people who are in the
same season of life as you.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
But don't like replace them with these new season friends.
Let's just make that very clear. I don't want to
replace no friends with these new on childless friends.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Yeah, no replacing, just supplementing. Yes, sure, I want to
make that clear.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 6 (10:40):
We have another anonymous email a different person. I assume Becka,
Tanya Mark and Easton. I have been a scribber since
day one and I love your podcast. My husband and
I have been married for ten years and together for
thirteen years. My husband is forty three and I'm forty one. Recently,
my husband has a stroke and was in the hospital
for fifteen days. I stayed every day and night with him.
He's doing much better now. He's an only child. His
(11:02):
parents were very helpful during this time. Our daughter stayed
with them and took care of our dogs because they
weren't able. He has now been home for three weeks.
His mother is inserting her opinions daily regarding his progress
and decisions that we've made regarding his care and recovery.
She doesn't agree with all our decisions. I recently had
my cup full of her and the opinions and confronted
(11:22):
her about it. I told her that we appreciate the help,
we couldn't have done.
Speaker 7 (11:25):
It without them.
Speaker 6 (11:26):
However, we no longer need any assistance and I have
his karen needs handled. I've been a nurse for over
twenty years and his mother's also a nurse. She proceeded
to tell me when I confronted her that she feels
like she has to interfere because she doesn't feel like
I'm doing enough and I don't act like I care
to keep the peace. I did not say anything further
to her and just ended our conversation. I'm livid and
very hurt, as is my husband, but I don't want
(11:46):
to push further because his parents are not in the
best health and my husband now has his medical issue
and does not need any added stress. Please help. I'm
not at all sure how to handle this. My mother
in law has always been difficult to get along with,
and I feel like she never liked me. H.
Speaker 7 (12:00):
It's tough.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
It's so hard.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
I'm so happy that your husband is doing well. And
on the mend, I think that this is one of
those things where you show up for your husband. You
be the best wife, best nurse, best mom you can
be during this time, and don't I think this is
(12:24):
a very sensitive time because it's your husband, it's the
person that you love, the father of your child. But
it's also her son, her only son, so she's probably
had a lot of high stress and like worry about
his health and having to making sure that he's cared
for as that's her only child, probably been her focus
(12:45):
her whole life. It's probably very hard for her like
let go of that control to someone else when he's
going through something like this medically. I also think that
you can't control how she acts, what she says, what
she does. And I think you you've said what you
needed to say, You've said what you need to say.
(13:05):
You keep showing up for your husband, be the be
the wife that you are, and let her be and
do what she's going to do.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I was just listening my algorithm. My algorithm on reals
is like giving me these like marriage videos one on
one or whatever, and I found this to be very
interesting because I never thought of it this way. But
they say, when you get married, that becomes your family,
and you're I don't want to say your old family,
but the family that you came from, that becomes your
extended family. And I never looked at it that way,
(13:38):
like I've never thought of it like that is you,
that's now, that's your family, that's your first family, and
then everybody else is your extended family, right, And it
really hit me because I feel like I have never
birthed a child, so I don't know what that love
is like for your child. I have a dog that
(13:58):
I love and say a lot, so I imagine it's a
hundred times at which I feel like is an insane amount. Yeah. Yeah,
So I imagine that your mother in law is just
feeling that way because she's seeing, you know, a stroke
is very scary, seeing her son in a very scary,
vulnerable situation. So she might be like talking out of
emotion and having these emotions. It's not right that she's
(14:19):
letting the bat on you, but she also needs to
take a step back and know that like you are
his family, you are his caretaker now, not as a caretaker,
but like you and him make the decisions, not her,
And I think that you need to have that conversation
in a very loving way, not in like a bitchy way,
(14:40):
not in like a get out the way, but in
a you know, this is my this is my husband,
this is my family. If I want to do and
I will do everything to take the best care of him,
I need you to like let us lead this and
if you want to help and you want to support,
you can, but please ask us what we need and
not just interject and like give your opinion, because this
(15:00):
is hard enough. We don't want to add stress onto
his plate.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
I think you just have to have that conversation.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
I agree, And I think there's a way of being
like we're so which it sounds like it sounds like
she did say like we couldn't have done it without you,
were so grateful, But I think it's really I think
she wants to feel needed as especially as a nurse
and being like a.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Part of the tasks. He loves masaball soup. Can you
make he loves?
Speaker 4 (15:24):
I'm saying like, yeah, do it in a way where
you can still make her feel like she can contribute
and help but also just be like, you know, we're
making the decisions together, he and I and we love
you and we're so grateful for you. But you know
we're we're doing this the way that's best for us.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
But you know what's interesting the very last sentence, she said,
I feel like she has never liked me. That says
a lot.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
That's total, I mean totally. They've been together, I think
married for thirteen years or together a lot. But I
think that that's why you you don't have to like
overdo it. But I think we're the things that you
know that she can contribute that's not going to like
over step her boundary for you. I love he loves
your famous soup, he loves this meal, Like would you
(16:06):
mind or like could you take our daughter for a
few days, like over the weekend. Just things that she
can contribute where you don't feel like she's overstepping.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Yeah, but she can still feel a part.
Speaker 7 (16:19):
That's I mean, you guys said, I think that's great advice.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
It's like my mother in law, my future mother in law,
she's like, loves rob obviously, she loves she has two sons.
She like is obsessed with them, and she would want
to do anything for them. So like I could see this,
you know what I mean, I could see her just
like wanting to help, and I could actually see myself
having that conversation with her and asking, you know, like
she she's very good about like she she I think
her love language is like food. So I think if
(16:44):
I gave her a task, like it'd be really helpful
if you could like make us dinner tonight tomorrow or
you know whatever. Like I think she would really like
thrive on that.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
I think that's good.
Speaker 7 (16:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (16:53):
Yeah, Whenever people are like what can I do to help?
Speaker 7 (16:55):
What can't do?
Speaker 3 (16:56):
It?
Speaker 6 (16:56):
Like, it is helpful if it's like a specific thing,
especially with someone like that, just tell them what you need.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Yeah, all right.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
This one's from Melissa Wedding X. We're gotting in too
the World of wedding X. This is a question for Tanya,
now that the wedding is getting close. What are some
of your wedding X or things you absolutely wouldn't do
at your wedding. I'm also planning a twenty twenty five wedding.
Congratulations and a few of mine are vendors not posting
a price range for their services on their website. I
don't want to waste your time, and I want you
(17:25):
to waste mine giving your friends and family a bunch
of junks. This is Bridesmaids Sister mob. Oh controversial opinion.
I get the ick with grooms wearing a boot and
ear that's hanging flopping around on their jacket, So my
groom will not be wearing one.
Speaker 7 (17:40):
Becky and East I thought we were X.
Speaker 6 (17:42):
I was like, oh no, what did I do to Melissa,
Becky and easton any thoughts on these things? Can't wait
to see a the pictures and hear about your big day,
Love you all.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
You know what's so funny is like, I guess I
wouldn't consider them as X. I'm just like doing what
I want, do you know what I mean? The Floris
asked us about bootoneers and I was like, no, I
don't want that, Yeah, but I didn't. I never thought
it was like an ick.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
You know why didn't you want it?
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I don't want anything living on him.
Speaker 7 (18:16):
I don't want It's an interesting way to put it.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Yeah, yeah, I don't need like a living thing like
on his Less is more.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Okay, you know, okay? Anything else are you doing? Like
the garter toss and stuff.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
We're not going to do the garter toss. We are
gonna do the okay toss maybe Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
I don't know what about are y'all doing uh like
daughter father dance all that stuff?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Okay? Yeah, are you like doing something blue?
Speaker 7 (18:53):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Yes, I told you that I'm setting you up to.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Something blue. Was actually really sweet. Probably made it for
me and it's.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Just like it's really really sweet. It's very very creative. Yeah,
you'll share that later, I guess.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
But I don't have something borrowed or something old.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Maybe does your mom have any jewelry something you could wear?
My jewelry is spoken for an anklet in the Engli.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
She says, yeah, I don't know. I feel and then
like also with the vendors we got, you know, because
we're doing a destination wedding, we just reach out to
our hotel and are using all the people that they
use for their events, Like we literally didn't like, I
didn't look at any other rental company. I'm using the
(19:45):
one they recommended. I didn't look at any other music company.
I'm using the ones they recommended. Uh, I'm like bride Chilla.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
Yeah, you're more chill than anticipated really.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
I mean I'm like I am and then I'm not
because I'm like constantly stressed.
Speaker 9 (20:01):
M m.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
But I feel like I've been pretty chill, yeah considering.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 6 (20:07):
It's crazy about the vendor thing. And I think we've
talked about this, but like I was looking at venues
to do the East Awards live and more about that later,
but I would I was getting quotes for like event
spaces in Los Angeles and astronomical, but I noticed that,
like I called a place where a friend of ours
(20:28):
got married, and I was like, oh, that that'd be
cool to do the show there. And it was the
same amount of time, the same like like a Saturday night,
and for me to do my stupid award show would
be it was half the cost that they paid for
if you say wedding, that they just jacked the price
up like crazy. So my hacker went out there getting married.
Anytime your booking these things to say we're throwing an event,
(20:50):
don't say wedding. I feel like that just inflates the
price by such a significant margin.
Speaker 7 (20:55):
It's so crazy.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
That is good to know. The two things that that
I'm still very stressed about it. We don't have a videographer.
Oh my god, yeah, I know. Should we Yes, I'm.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Very stressed about that one. Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
And we don't have a photo booth. I like totally
forgot about that because I feel like I've been seeing
them very much lately as of late. Photo booths. Do
we like them? Do I need one?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I mean people love a photo booth?
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Do? I feel like people love going and taking photos?
But I don't think it's like something to stress over.
Like I think if you're able to find one, or
your or your wedding planner can find one fun and
it's like a reasonable price. If it's crazy and astronomical
and like difficult, I want it stress over.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Like wouldn't you rather like my professional photographer take like
bomb photos.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Yeah, but you don't get this for a while, so
it's fun.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
To like, you know right away. Yeah, but again I
don't unless you find something that you love.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I want to stressed about that.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
And then we like decided against a cake, like a
wedding cake, because again cakes like six thousand dollars and
I'm like, oh wow, for what I could make this
in my backyard, please do that?
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Do it?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
So then because the desserts that we are serving are
like when I tell you this chocolate, uh, I don't
even know what it is. It's like basically chocolate ganache,
like hazelnut dessert. It's the most incredible thing that I've
put in my mouth in my life. Is it's better
than that gluten free pizza and the gluten free bonza
that I was telling you about is so good. Anyways,
(22:26):
we decided on these like two desserts, so we're like, well,
deserve these diserts because they're actually delicious. But now I'm
regretting it that, like we're not gonna have a photo
to like cut our cake? Do I need that? I
think I need that.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
You get a small one at least to cut it. Yeah,
I know, I like, you don't need like a four
tier cake.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
It wasn't even a four I think it was like
a two tier six thousand dollars maybe three something like
those up there.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Maybe maybe they can bring one from the States.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
No, maybe they can't say it's not Maybe they can
say it's not for a wedding.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Are you flying out with us?
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Me?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Robbie, Oh wow, it's gonna be not gonna need to
wear a GoPro for that, because between my wedding dress,
my dog.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
Yeah, and Becca and Robbie, I think I'm gonna be
in charge of one or the other.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Probably the dress, Yeah, definitely the dress.
Speaker 6 (23:19):
We have to go to a break. But I just
want to stand up for botaneers really quick. I had
a boot near at my wedding and I demanded the
biggest and more stornate boutaneer the florist has ever done.
Speaker 7 (23:27):
Wow, And that thing was a monster, and I loved it.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
You had a living thing on you.
Speaker 7 (23:32):
A large living thing.
Speaker 6 (23:33):
It was basically another bouquet just on my jacket, and
I thought it was so cool.
Speaker 7 (23:38):
I loved it. But that was twenty seventeen. It was
a different time, different times, different world out there.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Twenty twenty five is minimalist? Minimal Is that.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
It you're leaving? We're going on break with that.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
That quote minimal twenty five is they're the minimalist bride,
the minimalist bride.
Speaker 9 (23:56):
Bro.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
All right, we'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Nothing minimalist about the.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
All right, we are back.
Speaker 7 (24:20):
Well, here's another one from Haley. Thank you.
Speaker 6 (24:23):
Slash twenty five is a rough age. That's what uh,
that's why we've summarized this. Hi, Beckatania Markinisten, your recent
episode No Lufa, No Sponge made me feel so seen.
While I am most definitely a Tanya, I started following
beck after watching her journey on Ben's season, and I've
been faithfully listening to scrubbing in since day one.
Speaker 7 (24:40):
Wow, Wow, thank you.
Speaker 6 (24:42):
I'm a twenty five year old teacher who's three years
into her career, living on her own, has many friends,
and just finished her master's degree. I'm successful in so
many ways, but I struggle with not feeling established and
being as far along in life as I thought I
would be at this point. I like Beckan Tanya. I'm
a Christian, and I thought I would be for sure
married with a kid or two at this point.
Speaker 7 (25:01):
I have been in seven weddings.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
Over the last two and a half years, and I
feel like everyone's life is moving forward, but mine, like
you'll express, twenty five, is tough. Nearly all my friends
have husbands or kids, and sometimes I feel like there's
something wrong with me. When Tony broke down the podcast
and started crying about how she would go to bridal
events and baby showers and feel sad after, I felt
less alone in my thinking. It's also been beyond encouraging
(25:23):
to watch Tanya and Becka's journeys in their relationships. I
know that when I find my red Star, he'll be
worth the wait. The four of you have made me
laugh and cry more times than I can count, and
I appreciate you putting out fantastic episodes one to two
a week.
Speaker 7 (25:35):
Thank you for all that you do.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
Okay, Haley, First, I just have to say three. You're
twenty five years old and you're already three years into
a career. That is yeah, great, like so impressive to me.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Yeah, like, you have established.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
Something that you want to do and love doing, and
you have been doing it for three years literally since
you got out of college.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
That's impressive. So give yourself some credit.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
Second of all, I am so happy that my whole life,
I thought I would be married by twenty five. I
just knew like I would have. I thought i'd have
two kids a married by twenty five. I am so
happy that I did not get married at twenty five
and have two kids because I'm so happy that my
(26:21):
life went in the direction that it did, and I
could have never thought that it would go in that direction.
And I remember thinking like watching people, especially from my
hometown and like high school, getting married and having kids,
and I was like, oh, no, like I'm out here
in California, am I doing something wrong. Christian culture specifically
is very much like get married, have kids young, and
(26:42):
I am so happy that that wasn't my path. So
I just want to say, You're not behind in anything
you're doing. It's so fun to get to celebrate people
and like go to these weddings and be there for
your friends and get to see like, oh, I'm I
can't wait for my turn. But I also don't want
you to feel like you have to rush it because
you're not behind at all in this.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
So I'm with you. I'm with you on this, But
I also I feel for you, Hailey, because I feel
like I remember going to all these weddings that I
went to when I was single, and I was just like,
when is it going to be my turn? You know,
Like again, I didn't take away from the weddings like
I loved it and I had so much fun. I
was like I wasn't down or like crying at the weddings,
(27:27):
Like I had a good time and I would rage,
but like every single. One was just like another reminder,
another reminder, another, And like I was single from twenty
five to thirty two. It's a whole seven years of
doing that, so times whatever, double Hailey, it's a long time.
What because she's saying three years. For the last like
(27:47):
three years she's been going all these weddings and I've
been single in my car and like it does. I
feel like every single time I would watch people hit
that milestone, I was just like, one's it going to
be my turn? And I feel like you can't see
it now, Haley, But for my situation, I feel like
everything happened for me when it was supposed to. Because
(28:08):
now that I'm like planning a wedding and I'm like
talking about babies and stuff, I could not imagine doing
this in my career at twenty five twenty six. My
career was my life at twenty five twenty six, Like
I would spend twelve thirteen hours at work, like I
was just work, work, work, and I think I was.
(28:29):
I think I was that for a reason, you know,
Like I that was my time to focus on work.
And when I found Robbie, it was at the perfect
time for me. So I don't know what this is
for you, Hailey, but I do believe that, like you
will find your partner when you're supposed to. It's not
going to make the journey any less heartbreaking at times,
(28:50):
because I know that I would feel that a lot.
But it is going to come at the right time
for you for whatever reason that is. Maybe it's not
career focused, maybe it's something else, but like you'll see
it in hindsight, So just know that because it is
such a desire of your heart, I do feel like,
you know, he will fulfill that for you, but not
(29:11):
on your timeline.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
I also, this is so interesting because I do think
hindsight is so it's such an interesting thing that we
get in life.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
Because Haley and I were talking about the.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
Other day, how you know when you were young and
you would have dinner and it was so simple. You
were outside riding your bike and your mom would call
you in like yeah, it was these moments of like
childhood and innocence, and everyone would be like, don't waste
it because like you're gonna be older one day and
you'll and and you'll miss these days.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
And you're like, I just want to be a grown up.
I just want to do.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
This, like you're we're always ready to get to the
next step, but hindsight, looking back, you always have a
different perspective on it. So you're gonna get to a
point when you have this that the desire of your
heart of finding your person is gonna be amazing. And
then you'll look back on your time being twenty five
and being a teacher and being at these weddings and
(30:03):
being like.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Oh, that was fun too.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
You know, I had this and I had that, and
it's I think that's just life. Like you can look
back and see that you were focused on your career
and you wouldn't have been able to be the partner
that you are today.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I was talking to this friend of mine who was
at thirty eight went to go get her eggs frozen
because she wanted to be a mom. They told her
that she did not have any eggs to freeze, so
at that moment she was like had to kind of
come to terms with the fact that she was not
going to be mom, and it was like heartbreaking. She
(30:37):
got pregnant at thirty nine naturally, no anything else, and
she's like it's just a testament too, Like she always
like wanted to be a mom, you know, like she
knew that she had that, like that was like always
a dream of hers. And so I don't really know
why I shared that. How did it come back around?
(31:03):
If it's meant what's meant for you will be for you?
Is that where I was going with that?
Speaker 7 (31:08):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
I can't know.
Speaker 7 (31:10):
Yeah, you're on your nobody.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Can reel me back into the wyro. Why did I
bring that up?
Speaker 10 (31:15):
Well, it's just because like she had let go, she
was she was attached to the possiblity. She was a
she was open to they're getting further from the possibility,
not attached what's the thing?
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Open to the possibility and attached the outcome.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
And so she had said, you know what what's meant
to be is gonna happen to me. She held on
to hope, and then she ended up getting pregnant. Naturally,
That's where I was going. Thank you for landing the plane.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
And all that to say, Haley, life is going to
be wonderful.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
If I had a baby when I was twenty five.
I was still a baby at twenty five, Like I
could not imagine raising a child at twenty five. Me personally.
Speaker 4 (31:54):
But the thing is like you would have done it,
you know, I just haven't got mad. And there's so
many people who get married younger and they love it
and they love having kids. It's just like everyone's different.
And I think the thing, Hayley, is that you're there's
gonna be ups, there's gonna be downs, there's gonna be
good dates, there's gonna be bad dates. There's gonna be heartbreak,
and there's gonna be love, and you're gonna get to
experience all of it.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Yeah, I thought, Robbie, I like you. I'm so lucky
you met me in my thirties, because in my twenties
I was not this amazing, not nearly as patient.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
You wouldn't have been the right girl for Robbie at twenty.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Five, no no, no, no no. But now me now
the perfect girl for Robles, A plus wife.
Speaker 6 (32:32):
The perspective is so funny because like I remember when
I was nineteen, I worked at a Van's shoe store
and there was a guy who worked in the soccer
room and he was twenty five. I remember I was like, oh, man,
Nathan's twenty five. Damn, Like he's working here that his
life is Oh I remember thinking, like, his.
Speaker 7 (32:47):
Life is over.
Speaker 6 (32:47):
I never want to be like when I'm twenty five,
I gotta be doing this, this and this, and then
looking back on like twenty five is nothing.
Speaker 7 (32:54):
You're like you are a child.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
But why is it twenty five? Is that year where
everyone thinks that everything needs to be done by twenty five? Yeah,
I'm like, when did that become the number?
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Let's look at that number.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
It's like our quarter of.
Speaker 7 (33:05):
A sus.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Well, I still would have been late to that.
Speaker 4 (33:09):
But.
Speaker 7 (33:11):
Let's go to forty five, forty five.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Ninety five?
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Yes, pushing it back.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (33:20):
Uh, here's an update. People ask for updates all the time.
We have one. This is really exciting. Last week, V
asked us for help with her breakup. She was with
her boyfriend for three years. He was the love of
her life. She had helped him get sober, but he
had broken up with her three times prior to this,
and even as mom said her son had stuff to
figure out and to not wait for him, V wrote
in again with an update. Thank you so much for
(33:41):
answering my question on the pod. Yesterday was my twenty
ninth birthday, and I've been coping with a few weeks
from hell trying to overcome this breakup.
Speaker 7 (33:48):
Wanted to share an update that I did speak to
my ex.
Speaker 6 (33:50):
We had a closure talk where he answered all the
questions I had about our relationship. It sounds like he
doesn't understand the concept of once the honeymoon phase ends,
you must develop a new kind of love for your person,
and he fell out of love with me, which is
a pattern he has now repeated in his other relationships
he's had as well. While we ended on an amicable note,
we're going into no contact now and working on ourselves individually.
(34:11):
I feel like I'll always think of him as a
core part of my life, as I loved him like
I've loved nobody ever before. But I'm working on myself
to be the best version I can be, and trying
to prove to myself what I am worth to ensure
I don't have to suffer heartache like this again. I
trust life's path to lead me in the right direction,
whether it's with someone who treats me like the absolute best,
or whether it's with new and improved versions of ourselves.
(34:31):
Thank you, guys for all your advice and for all
the joy bring into my life. Becca You're such an
authentic human being and I love how much you own
who you are and I just want nothing more than
to be best friends with you.
Speaker 7 (34:40):
Tanya.
Speaker 6 (34:41):
You remind me so much of myself and are just
so genuinely kind hearted. And I'm so happy for you
and Robbie and can't wait to watch you both rive
in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 7 (34:48):
Cheers to you all and thanks again.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
So we love but amazing.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
We're so proud of me.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Yeah, that's such a huge step to take for yourself.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
Yeah, to like make that decision so hard, but like
so impressive to choose yourself.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Yes, not many people do.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
No, they don't.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
So I hope you feel very proud of yourself. We're
rooting for you.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Yeah, we love you. V Keep us posted to you.
Keep dating yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Coming the updates of coming.
Speaker 7 (35:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (35:21):
After every day to drop an email in that inbox.
We want up to the minute updates. We have one
more here before we say goodbye. This is from Happy
Thank you for helping me. Hi, Tanya, Mark Easton, and Becca.
I'm a mom of three from Florida, currently living in Utah.
I've been listening to your podcast since the very first
episode and absolutely adult door all four of you. Proud
(35:42):
time you taught yea happy to rise up. I just
want to let you know how much you've helped me
this last year. I was diagnosed with stage four coin
cancer in October twenty twenty three and had to stop
listening to all the murder mystery podcasts or any other
slightly negative, downer podcasts I used to listen to and
only stick with my upbeat, happy podcast, Yours and The
Toast because it can't be left to my own thoughts
(36:03):
due to current life circumstances. I've even gone back and
started re listening to scribing In since the first episode
or tany joined in. I'm currently on episode thirty five. Yesterday,
I was given slightly bad news about my condition and
I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was spiraling while I
was laying there, so I put on your podcast, listening
to at three am to distract and uplift me while
trying to fall asleep and shaking with the giggles over
something time you said, thank you for aunnowingly helping me
(36:26):
during such a difficult time in my life, and can
you please plan a live podcast meetup so I can
meet my favorite podcasters celebrities.
Speaker 7 (36:32):
You're my Jen Aniston's Brad Pitts.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Wow, that is happy happy. We are so sorry.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
We are rooting for you.
Speaker 4 (36:45):
I hope that your next checkup that you get great
news and that things are turned around and that you
start feeling better and only moving forward here is health
and wellness.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
And I do feel like the direction you're going in,
like the fact that you stop listening to the murder
mysteries and the things that make you like anxious or
worry or like any of that stuff, is so important
because I think from what I have heard, when you
are dealing with cancer, keeping your mind in a very positive,
happy spirited place is like very very important. So I
(37:19):
think that's also really good that you're doing that, and
we are praying for you. We are praying for health
and happiness. And the fact that you took the time
to send this email is so sweet and so nice,
and honestly, it's something that I feel like Beck and
I've talked about a lot since we've been doing this
(37:40):
podcast for so long, that we really want this podcast
just to be light and fun and funny and like
a place for people just to kind of escape and
have a good time, not like we're trying to be
like Oprah. No, maybe at one point we wanted to
lean in that direction.
Speaker 6 (37:58):
Nah yah, we beat her for the people's choice toward it.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Yeah that year, we have our own thing going on.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
Yeah, but I do I love like the shaking with
giggles at something Tanya said.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Who who knows what that could be?
Speaker 4 (38:15):
You know. But I hope that you feel surrounded, I loved,
and I hope when you listen to this podcast it's
an escape from everything going on for all of you.
I hope that you listen to this podcast and it's
a safe space for you to go to disconnect and be.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Just absolutely baffled.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
Or by what Tanya's saying or encouraged or just to
escape and have a laugh. And we love y'all so much,
and that's why we do the podcast. Truly, This is
why we do the podcast.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, Like really, that email means so much. Happy.
Speaker 6 (38:51):
Yeah, We're so grateful to be part of your routine,
and especially when you're looking for something positive. I just
think a special place to be in people's lives for that,
I'm so I'm so grateful.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
Out of all the podcasts, how lucky are we to
be a part of Happy Today and so many of
our scrubber's daily lives.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
We love y'all so much.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
We love you so much, and.
Speaker 4 (39:16):
We will be back next week for more of this
and more of that, this and that.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Do you think I'm going to be different as a wife?
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Stay tuned for the next
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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