August 7, 2025 • 21 mins
We’re helping Scrubbers with their REAL issues and sharing some nearly expert advice!
How do you decide to stay working after becoming a mother?? Should a love connection ever start in Facebook DMs?? And what do you do if you develop a crush on someone… while you’re married?
Plus, Tanya takes us along on her natural nail journey!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Beta Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Scrub a dub dub in the club.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
The club club, Okay, in the club. We're not in
the tub, We're in the club.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Were in the club, Bott You thought you were done
with us for the week, but we came back because
we were here. And we got a dear bonya email
that was specifically emailed to Mark and myself, So.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Saving questions for you and I in the body of
the email.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Yeah, and you know I forgot to mention to you
that I started my natural nail journey.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Thank god we came back from Thank god we came back.
Believe this on Monday, I know, whatever it was.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So, I felt that my nails haven't seen the light
of day since I was probably fifteen years old, Wow,
maybe sixteen. I don't know when you start doing the manicures. Okay,
sixteen seventeen.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I don't know a lot about this stuff. Somebody asked
some stupid questions. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
So I did acrylic for like the longest time, meaning
they put like this powder on the nails, and it
like makes them longer and thicker and stronger. But I'm
like this, all these chemicals and stuff cannot be good
to just be like seeping into my whatever nail beds, right, Okay, decades.
(01:26):
So I've been wanting to go on this natural nail
journey for a while, but it was like my wedding honeymoon.
I was like, I can't have like I just need
to keep it going until my honeymoon's over.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Then my honeymoon honeymoon tint h happened.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
No, well no, that was like honeymoon's over.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Oh okay, it's time, got.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
It, It is time.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
So what I'm looking at now, those don't look like
natural nails to me.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So I have one layer of nail polish on, okay,
and that I kind of do it in phases. Oh,
because your nails get so damaged from all this other
like stuff that when you raw dog your nails after
they look very like cut up and like white, like
(02:09):
freckly white. I don't even know how to explain it,
they just look damage. So I can't just raw dog
straight from my like gel builder to nothing. So this
is like phase two of phasing into my natural nails.
So this is just one coat of bubble bath and
then I guess next month I will maybe do a
(02:30):
clear coat. I guess it takes three months to like
grow your nails back allegedly, so.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Maybe a natural November is what where you have to
look forward looking like natural November.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah, if I stay on the path, I'm not loving it.
So who knows it's hard for you. It's been decades, decades,
and I used to have long nails, Like my nails
used to be like super long, like I could like
scratch my head, like I can't do anything. But these
these little nubs, they're just like little nubs.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Fine, they look like just like normal human hands. That's okay, thanks,
They don't look like boy hands or anything.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yeah, they feel a little boy to me. And also
I just feel like nails always made me feel put together,
like you know, just polish. So it's really just a
transitional period.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
But Kanya, we're with you. Yeah, we support you in
this journey and we wish you nothing but the best.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I don't know if I'm going to make.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
It, But and then what happens, say twenty six we
go back to full on acrylics, no that's done.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
The natural nail journey is like, oh, to be a
natural nail girly. The destination is natural nail girl.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Woh n ng nng. Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I also heard it's like easier when you become a mom,
Like you're not going and getting like your gel manicure
every three So.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
No more gels, no more acrylics, natural nails for the
rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
That's the goal.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I don't know if I'm going to get there.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
This is a big deal.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I don't know if I'm going to get there because
what's happening right now, is not it?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yeah? I think it looks fine. Oh all right, this
is from KK working mom or stay at home mom.
That's the question you're asking us, Dear b e MT
you got yeah, top lowest billing on that one. Really, yep,
as I right you. Today, I'm officially half baked with
my first baby boy Becca. I miss being garden baked
(04:11):
and Tanya, I can't wait for you to bake your
own bun soon. A lot of baking, a lot of
mixing of baking puns. There, yes, Tanya, what before you continue?
Speaker 1 (04:19):
I have a friend who listens who did not know
what gardening meant yes, and she sent me a video
of like how she used to think it was like
so cute that like Becca had a little like hobby,
and then it was a big hat.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I have to re listen to the voicemail for the
message she said, because it was so funny, the like
path she went down of like, oh, it's cute gardening,
and then she she realized it was like a something else.
She thought it was like something sexual, and then she
was like, oh, her friend Taylor Banks came over in
the gardens, it's not something sexual, and then she like
figured it out.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I can't imagine what the sexual gardener.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Would be, but okay, yeah, so anyways, a little bit
about that.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I've been so fortunate to have a beautiful pregnancy and
I love this season of life. Now that I'm halfway there,
I'm starting to think more about what life will look
like after my baby makes his debut. I currently work
full time in higher education. I really like my job,
but it's mediocre pay and crazy hours depending on the
time of year. My husband has a good job. It
doesn't make enough for me to fully quit nor what
I really want to. At the same time, I can't
(05:21):
imagine working the schedule I do now, knowing my baby
is at daycare without me all day. My dream would
be to find a part time job that pays the
bills and keeps my brain stimulated, but gives me the
flexibility to be with my baby as much as possible.
But is that what I really want? Tanya? How does
a modern woman like you see the stage of your
life planning out? Mark? What did you and Amy do
when the girls were young? Love you all? XOXOKK wow.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
First of all, KK, congratulations, congratulations KK. That's very very exciting.
I think that a modern woman does whatever she wants.
That's really it. There's really no right or wrong I
think you can have. I obviously have a preconceived notion
of what I think it's going to look like for me,
(06:06):
which is I want to be a working I want
to be a working mom. I want to have a career,
and I want to have babies. That's like the ultimate
goal for me. I have yet I haven't experienced it yet,
so I don't know. I think people say things shift
in you, like when you have your baby your priority.
Everybody says like you get you know, you have a
(06:27):
baby and your priorities change. I think for me, I
have seen so many women give up their careers and
fully just immerse into being mom, which is so beautiful.
But then there comes a point where the kids grow
up and I'm not even talking like eighteen, where they're
like fully adults. Like, there comes a point where your
(06:50):
kids are more self sufficient and they get cars and
you know, they don't need you as much, and then
they don't know what to do with themselves and that's
when like trouble in the marriage happens and all that
kind of stuff. So as an outsider of somebody who's
not experienced it, that is my goal for when it
happens when it's my time. But I don't know, because
(07:11):
I feel like it might change.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, I know that my wife had a job when
the babies were first born, and then she kind of
had less fewer and fewer hours, and then she was
pretty much just working Saturdays, and I liked and it
was great because Saturdays was the day for her to
kind of get away because the babies were a lot,
and that was my day for daddy daughter day and
I really look forward to that. So that kind of
(07:35):
worked perfectly. And then we got to a point where
the kids were playing soccer and there was no way
for my wife to be in two places at once,
so she let the job go because she wanted to
always be there for the kids. Now, everybody's got to
do what they got to do. But if you have
the option to be there for your kids, I think
(07:57):
your kids will love you for that. I know my
kids loved the fact that mom was always there. There
was never a thing at school, a thing in the evening,
a thing on the weekends that Mom wasn't at. And
I know that a lot of people work, and I
know you can't be there all the time. And I
don't want to make you feel bad about that. I
just know that my kids really liked it. So if
you have the option, then that would be a good
(08:18):
thing for there. She was never not there, my wife.
She was always there. And I think you have to
look at it from a point of view of regret.
Will you regret not spending more time with your kids
or not being at all those things with your kids?
Maybe will you regret not working more often when your
kids were little? I don't think so. And then when
(08:38):
the kids got older, my wife found creative ways to
work and be part of their lives at the same time.
For example, she started working at the school teaching pe
so she could be on the kids' schedule and not
have to worry about drop off and pick up and
all that stuff, because that way she has the exact
same schedules of the kids, and she was with them
all day and that was wonderful. And then later when
they were in high school, she ran the theater boosters
(09:00):
for three years, and so she was a part of
their lives that way, and the kids loved both of
those things. So she was able to kind of do
both for a while, which gave her own thing. It
got her out of the house, and it also got
let her be a part of the kids' lives on
a daily basis. So you can figure this out, because
it is nice to get out of the house once
in a while, especially when they're here.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Pros and cons to all of it, you know, Like
I I now, like that's like my whole thing is
I ask people like when they had babies, how they
did it, what they did? Da da da da. I
know people who when they had babies, the like the
wife stayed home and didn't and you know, stopped working
(09:41):
there's benefits to that because then you don't have to
like get help or like put them in daycare or
do any of that stuff like that. The mom is
just there.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
My mom stayed home until I think I was in
middle school maybe, and then you went back to.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Work and then but there's an so that is you
know that. But then also if you're both working, you
need to it creates more challenges because you have to
figure out like do you put them in daycare? Do
you have help? Like what do you do? Like it
creates that whole thing.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Are you going to make enough that justifies the expense
for daycare or whatever? That may look like?
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Correct, So it's pros and cons to eat either side.
I think like there's again there's no right and wrong.
I think for me, I need to have I like
really immerse myself into things, like even when it even
my career, Like I really just like dive in. When
I got my dog, I was like all in and
I can get like sucked in and make that my world.
(10:32):
And I feel like for me, that's not healthy. Ever,
I'll never forget it. When we were you know her,
we had a coworker was working at I don't even
to say where at the time, and she made her
whole identity her job and like where she worked. It
was like plastered all over her Instagram. It was like
in her bio. And then she got let go and
(10:54):
she had like an identity crisis because she was like,
who am I If I'm not this right, this girl,
and I'll never forget it because I was like I
always I never wanted my identity to be about my job,
where I work, who I parent my dog, like like
any of it. I just want me. I just want
to exists as myself. And so I mean some people
(11:16):
might come at me and say that's horrible.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Well, I don't know if it's realistic, because that scares me.
Someday I'm not going to be producer of the Sea question,
and I don't know what that looks like. I don't
know what that is. I don't know who I am
because my mind is always, oh, that's a good idea
for the show. And I got notes and I got
all this stuff. I got a whole system. Like someday
that's not going to be me, and I don't know
what that's going to be. Like it's scary to me.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Really, Yeah, But there's so many more layers to you.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
I guess, but that's the point is I don't know
if there are anymore.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
You're a husband, You're a dad.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yeah, You're a friend, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Family member, Yeah, passionate about hikes and dogs.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And baseball and baseball. Yeah, I suppose. I'm not sure
that's enough to be a fully functioning year.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
We'll get on it now.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Okay, that's your homework, all right? Yeah, all right?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Do you think we helped KK?
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Probably not?
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Probably not?
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, who tried?
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Hey, that's all we can do. Yeah, why don't we
take a break and then we'll do some other questions?
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Okay, one more great.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
And we're back.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
That's you.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Mark here. I am from Renee, Hi, Becca, Mark, Tanya
and Eastern All right, day one scrubber here. I just
want to see how much I love the pod. I
found that after Becca was on the Bachelor, and I've
been hooked ever since. I need a little advice there.
We usually moved back to my small hometown in central
Indiana to be closer to my family. After ten years
away college, dream job teaching kindergarten. Five year relationship ended
(13:00):
in January, I decided to come home. I landed another
kindergarten job, bought a house, and life feels like it's
falling into place. Part of moving back was to eventually
raise a family near mine. So I've been keeping an
eye out. And the other day I saw a guy
I went to high school with pop up on Facebook.
He's a year or two older. We weren't close, but
it figured, Hey, why not add him?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Message him?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
He added me back quickly after some light stalking. Turns
out he's way cuter than I remembered, single, goes to church.
Could be a great match. Here's my dilemma. Should I
message him? Yes? Would that be weird? Or two forward?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
No?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
What would I even say? That's casual but still shows
I'm interested? Hey? Or am I overthinking this and should
just wait and see if he makes the first move. No,
I haven't did it all since the breakup and getting
back out there feels intimidating, especially when it seems like
all the good ones are taken. Any advice or encouragement
would mean so much much love from Renee. You are
not even thinking twice about this?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Absolutely not. But you know what's funny. I have a
friend that's like this, Okay, she doesn't want to do anything. Yeah,
she wants the guys to come to her. I'm the
complete opposite. I'm like, treat it like a job. If
you're like, if you're what am I trying to say,
dream job popped up on somewhere? Are you not going
(14:14):
to apply?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You're gonna hope they message you. This guy could be
your dream guy. He could be a scumbag, totally.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Out with them.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Find out, yes, message him?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Message him?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Hey so funny?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
You popped up?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Have you been? Literally so funny? You popped up on
my page? Have you been?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
What do you have to lose? Nothing? If not you? Who?
If not? Now? When?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
If not? Why not?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yes? Why not? I just don't see them? Why not?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I don't either.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
I don't get the whole Like I'll sit back and
let him message me.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
It's the Margaret quality syndrome.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
What is that exactly? Can you explain? I like Margaret quality.
She's a good actress quality. You know.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
It's like it's like she sam can quote direct. But
she basically said that she didn't double text Jack ants,
notof that he came to her. YadA YadA, YadA must
be nice.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
YadA, Yada's doing a lot of work. There. I think
we need more information here. It is when after said
I love you first, Margaret said he did obviously. She
says she does not double text or chase people. She says,
I'm old school. I would never put myself out there first.
I never text twice. I mean, no, I'm married, I
can text him whatever. But before we were together, at
the beginning, I would always follow southern girl etiquette. That
is the anti Tanya. And we're saying that you'd be
(15:28):
the aunt ebrenet Yeah, get out there.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
So was it called southern girl?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
What southern girl etiquette? Yeah? You know, she's sounds a.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Pretty girl etiquette. It must be nice to have.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
It is like falling all over your over you.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
No, no, no, I'm not going to text twice. Meanwhile,
I'm just like pinging left and right, ping, ping, ping, ping, go.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Ahead, poke ping whatever you gotta do on Facebook?
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Why not?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I just don't see the why not?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I kissed so many frogs who cares led me to
my prins?
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Fine? On a sim note, a smitten scrubber says, dear
Eastern Mark, tiny and Becka in no particular order, A
little hope for anyone still waiting for love. A glimpse
in how mine unfolded in the most unexpected way. See
this is inspiring to Renee. I'm thirty one. I've had
my heart broken more times than I can count. After
years of healing, I was finally content being single, and
of course the cliche proved true. Just when I wasn't looking,
(16:21):
love found me. My aunt introduced me to a guy.
She knew we had a lot in common and he
was incredibly kind. But I wasn't attracted to him at first.
No vagina tingles if Tanya would say, oh still, I
gave it a chance. After a few dates, I told
him I just wanted to be friends. But we kept
hanging out and slowly something changed that I got to
know him and I got to know his heart. The
spark grew. Now six months in, he is the best boyfriend.
(16:45):
He's kind, funny, attractive. He makes me feel so safe
and yes, the tingles showed up big time. Ladies, give
the good guys a chance, or real connection can surprise you.
I love you all. Your podcast is the highlight of
my week. See last week we had a dear BONDI
from somebody who said, should I date my friend? He
(17:05):
doesn't give me the tingles. This is the sign tingles
can be earned, Tingles could lie dormant. Tanya doesn't agree.
You're making the face that you don't agree.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I don't agree, but I can't discredit this email. I mean,
who am I to discredit someone's email?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
It worked for a smitten scrubber.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
A smitten scrubber. I'm happy for you, but I'd like
to challenge you a little bit.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
I think it's true. I think if you have a
good guy friend, couldn't that grow into something. You've had
good guy friends over the years. Obviously nothing ever grew
into something. But else you never made that effort.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
I don't think I would have had the vagina tingles
with any of my good guy friends. I just don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I don't know. So we have differing opinions.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Here makes the world go around.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
No, you know it's so true.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
YEA one man's trash is another man's.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
We're unanimous on renee. Go for it, ye message him,
nothing to lose for everybody else Like last week's scrubber.
You know, I say, I say kiss the guy and
see what happens. That's what I say.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Kiss the guys, see what happens.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Sometimes it's not that they're lying dormant, it's just that
they're like they need they need to be woken up
the tingles. Well, then and a good kiss can wake
up the tingles. No, I just don't think so they're
just asleep.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I just don't think so they don't sleep when they've
been awoken.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
But I think sometimes when you're if you're not thinking
of someone that way, there's no tingles, right because it's like,
I don't know, there's people in your life that don't
give you tingles because you just know them too well.
There's no tangles happening because you just do mundane stuff together.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Oh wait, I had this far was I I don't
know where I was, and I don't know what the
context of this was. But somebody asked us. They were like,
if you were married and you started to develop feelings
for somebody else outside of your marriage, would you tell
your partner.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Feelings? Like, I think we need to be more specific
about feelings.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Okay, like you want like you I don't know, I
can't remember what this must have come from, some show
or something. I'm like blanking on how it came up,
but it was something The premise was like this person
was married, and I think it was a coworker somebody
if they saw often and they started to develop.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Is it just like a crush?
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yeah, something like that. Okay, they didn't they weren't going
to act on it, right obviously, But don't tell your
partner that, like, you're starting to feel something for somebody else, Well.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
I don't if you're not, If you're not going to
act on it. Well, what did you answer? What did
you say?
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Well, my whole thing was like, I mean, I've only
been married for five months, so I can't like, I
can't really speak on it, but I feel like I've
been with him for six years and there is a
chip in me that switched off the minute I started
stating him that would not like, I just can't see
that happening to me again. I say this now five months,
(20:14):
I've heard.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
That there's a thing I forget. There's a name for
it too, for I'm going to look it up in
a minute, but I don't want to take everyone's time
doing that. You were a harmless crush on someone in
your life, even though you're married. There's a name for it,
and I forget what it is, but I've used it
before and putting stuff together for the radio show. But anyway,
the point is they say it's it's common, it's normal,
(20:35):
it's no big deal. But I think if you do
confess that to your spouse, it becos it becomes a
big deal, right for sure? Right, So would you tell
him or not?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
That's what I'm saying. I'm like, I just can't even
put myself in that position because I just again, like
I feel like I just turned something off in me
where I don't see men Like, yes, I can a
hawkeye can walk into the room and I can acknowledge,
but oh, like I's hot whatever, But I don't let
myself go there.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
And Robbie is the same way. He's like that that.
It's exactly. It's like a switch that you just like
switch off. You know.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
It's an interesting question.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Yeah, ponder it. Maybe maybe perhaps we can discuss the
next time.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I'll look forward to that, all right.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
All right, that wraps it up for today's Dear Bonya
slash Manya slash we out here. Hopefully we will be
back next week with Beca Tilly herself.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
That would be great, that'd be ideal. Maybe even East
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Maybe even East until then, we love you and goodbye
continued
Scrubbing In with Beta Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Scrub a dub dub in the club.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
The club club, Okay, in the club. We're not in
the tub, We're in the club.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Were in the club, Bott You thought you were done
with us for the week, but we came back because
we were here. And we got a dear bonya email
that was specifically emailed to Mark and myself, So.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Saving questions for you and I in the body of
the email.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Yeah, and you know I forgot to mention to you
that I started my natural nail journey.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Thank god we came back from Thank god we came back.
Believe this on Monday, I know, whatever it was.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So, I felt that my nails haven't seen the light
of day since I was probably fifteen years old, Wow,
maybe sixteen. I don't know when you start doing the manicures. Okay,
sixteen seventeen.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I don't know a lot about this stuff. Somebody asked
some stupid questions. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
So I did acrylic for like the longest time, meaning
they put like this powder on the nails, and it
like makes them longer and thicker and stronger. But I'm
like this, all these chemicals and stuff cannot be good
to just be like seeping into my whatever nail beds, right, Okay, decades.
(01:26):
So I've been wanting to go on this natural nail
journey for a while, but it was like my wedding honeymoon.
I was like, I can't have like I just need
to keep it going until my honeymoon's over.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Then my honeymoon honeymoon tint h happened.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
No, well no, that was like honeymoon's over.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Oh okay, it's time, got.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
It, It is time.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
So what I'm looking at now, those don't look like
natural nails to me.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So I have one layer of nail polish on, okay,
and that I kind of do it in phases. Oh,
because your nails get so damaged from all this other
like stuff that when you raw dog your nails after
they look very like cut up and like white, like
(02:09):
freckly white. I don't even know how to explain it,
they just look damage. So I can't just raw dog
straight from my like gel builder to nothing. So this
is like phase two of phasing into my natural nails.
So this is just one coat of bubble bath and
then I guess next month I will maybe do a
(02:30):
clear coat. I guess it takes three months to like
grow your nails back allegedly, so.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Maybe a natural November is what where you have to
look forward looking like natural November.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah, if I stay on the path, I'm not loving it.
So who knows it's hard for you. It's been decades, decades,
and I used to have long nails, Like my nails
used to be like super long, like I could like
scratch my head, like I can't do anything. But these
these little nubs, they're just like little nubs.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Fine, they look like just like normal human hands. That's okay, thanks,
They don't look like boy hands or anything.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yeah, they feel a little boy to me. And also
I just feel like nails always made me feel put together,
like you know, just polish. So it's really just a
transitional period.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
But Kanya, we're with you. Yeah, we support you in
this journey and we wish you nothing but the best.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I don't know if I'm going to make.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
It, But and then what happens, say twenty six we
go back to full on acrylics, no that's done.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
The natural nail journey is like, oh, to be a
natural nail girly. The destination is natural nail girl.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Woh n ng nng. Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I also heard it's like easier when you become a mom,
Like you're not going and getting like your gel manicure
every three So.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
No more gels, no more acrylics, natural nails for the
rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
That's the goal.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I don't know if I'm going to get there.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
This is a big deal.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I don't know if I'm going to get there because
what's happening right now, is not it?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yeah? I think it looks fine. Oh all right, this
is from KK working mom or stay at home mom.
That's the question you're asking us, Dear b e MT
you got yeah, top lowest billing on that one. Really, yep,
as I right you. Today, I'm officially half baked with
my first baby boy Becca. I miss being garden baked
(04:11):
and Tanya, I can't wait for you to bake your
own bun soon. A lot of baking, a lot of
mixing of baking puns. There, yes, Tanya, what before you continue?
Speaker 1 (04:19):
I have a friend who listens who did not know
what gardening meant yes, and she sent me a video
of like how she used to think it was like
so cute that like Becca had a little like hobby,
and then it was a big hat.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I have to re listen to the voicemail for the
message she said, because it was so funny, the like
path she went down of like, oh, it's cute gardening,
and then she she realized it was like a something else.
She thought it was like something sexual, and then she
was like, oh, her friend Taylor Banks came over in
the gardens, it's not something sexual, and then she like
figured it out.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I can't imagine what the sexual gardener.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Would be, but okay, yeah, so anyways, a little bit
about that.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I've been so fortunate to have a beautiful pregnancy and
I love this season of life. Now that I'm halfway there,
I'm starting to think more about what life will look
like after my baby makes his debut. I currently work
full time in higher education. I really like my job,
but it's mediocre pay and crazy hours depending on the
time of year. My husband has a good job. It
doesn't make enough for me to fully quit nor what
I really want to. At the same time, I can't
(05:21):
imagine working the schedule I do now, knowing my baby
is at daycare without me all day. My dream would
be to find a part time job that pays the
bills and keeps my brain stimulated, but gives me the
flexibility to be with my baby as much as possible.
But is that what I really want? Tanya? How does
a modern woman like you see the stage of your
life planning out? Mark? What did you and Amy do
when the girls were young? Love you all? XOXOKK wow.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
First of all, KK, congratulations, congratulations KK. That's very very exciting.
I think that a modern woman does whatever she wants.
That's really it. There's really no right or wrong I
think you can have. I obviously have a preconceived notion
of what I think it's going to look like for me,
(06:06):
which is I want to be a working I want
to be a working mom. I want to have a career,
and I want to have babies. That's like the ultimate
goal for me. I have yet I haven't experienced it yet,
so I don't know. I think people say things shift
in you, like when you have your baby your priority.
Everybody says like you get you know, you have a
(06:27):
baby and your priorities change. I think for me, I
have seen so many women give up their careers and
fully just immerse into being mom, which is so beautiful.
But then there comes a point where the kids grow
up and I'm not even talking like eighteen, where they're
like fully adults. Like, there comes a point where your
(06:50):
kids are more self sufficient and they get cars and
you know, they don't need you as much, and then
they don't know what to do with themselves and that's
when like trouble in the marriage happens and all that
kind of stuff. So as an outsider of somebody who's
not experienced it, that is my goal for when it
happens when it's my time. But I don't know, because
(07:11):
I feel like it might change.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, I know that my wife had a job when
the babies were first born, and then she kind of
had less fewer and fewer hours, and then she was
pretty much just working Saturdays, and I liked and it
was great because Saturdays was the day for her to
kind of get away because the babies were a lot,
and that was my day for daddy daughter day and
I really look forward to that. So that kind of
(07:35):
worked perfectly. And then we got to a point where
the kids were playing soccer and there was no way
for my wife to be in two places at once,
so she let the job go because she wanted to
always be there for the kids. Now, everybody's got to
do what they got to do. But if you have
the option to be there for your kids, I think
(07:57):
your kids will love you for that. I know my
kids loved the fact that mom was always there. There
was never a thing at school, a thing in the evening,
a thing on the weekends that Mom wasn't at. And
I know that a lot of people work, and I
know you can't be there all the time. And I
don't want to make you feel bad about that. I
just know that my kids really liked it. So if
you have the option, then that would be a good
(08:18):
thing for there. She was never not there, my wife.
She was always there. And I think you have to
look at it from a point of view of regret.
Will you regret not spending more time with your kids
or not being at all those things with your kids?
Maybe will you regret not working more often when your
kids were little? I don't think so. And then when
(08:38):
the kids got older, my wife found creative ways to
work and be part of their lives at the same time.
For example, she started working at the school teaching pe
so she could be on the kids' schedule and not
have to worry about drop off and pick up and
all that stuff, because that way she has the exact
same schedules of the kids, and she was with them
all day and that was wonderful. And then later when
they were in high school, she ran the theater boosters
(09:00):
for three years, and so she was a part of
their lives that way, and the kids loved both of
those things. So she was able to kind of do
both for a while, which gave her own thing. It
got her out of the house, and it also got
let her be a part of the kids' lives on
a daily basis. So you can figure this out, because
it is nice to get out of the house once
in a while, especially when they're here.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Pros and cons to all of it, you know, Like
I I now, like that's like my whole thing is
I ask people like when they had babies, how they
did it, what they did? Da da da da. I
know people who when they had babies, the like the
wife stayed home and didn't and you know, stopped working
(09:41):
there's benefits to that because then you don't have to
like get help or like put them in daycare or
do any of that stuff like that. The mom is
just there.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
My mom stayed home until I think I was in
middle school maybe, and then you went back to.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Work and then but there's an so that is you
know that. But then also if you're both working, you
need to it creates more challenges because you have to
figure out like do you put them in daycare? Do
you have help? Like what do you do? Like it
creates that whole thing.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Are you going to make enough that justifies the expense
for daycare or whatever? That may look like?
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Correct, So it's pros and cons to eat either side.
I think like there's again there's no right and wrong.
I think for me, I need to have I like
really immerse myself into things, like even when it even
my career, Like I really just like dive in. When
I got my dog, I was like all in and
I can get like sucked in and make that my world.
(10:32):
And I feel like for me, that's not healthy. Ever,
I'll never forget it. When we were you know her,
we had a coworker was working at I don't even
to say where at the time, and she made her
whole identity her job and like where she worked. It
was like plastered all over her Instagram. It was like
in her bio. And then she got let go and
(10:54):
she had like an identity crisis because she was like,
who am I If I'm not this right, this girl,
and I'll never forget it because I was like I
always I never wanted my identity to be about my job,
where I work, who I parent my dog, like like
any of it. I just want me. I just want
to exists as myself. And so I mean some people
(11:16):
might come at me and say that's horrible.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Well, I don't know if it's realistic, because that scares me.
Someday I'm not going to be producer of the Sea question,
and I don't know what that looks like. I don't
know what that is. I don't know who I am
because my mind is always, oh, that's a good idea
for the show. And I got notes and I got
all this stuff. I got a whole system. Like someday
that's not going to be me, and I don't know
what that's going to be. Like it's scary to me.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Really, Yeah, But there's so many more layers to you.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
I guess, but that's the point is I don't know
if there are anymore.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
You're a husband, You're a dad.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yeah, You're a friend, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Family member, Yeah, passionate about hikes and dogs.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And baseball and baseball. Yeah, I suppose. I'm not sure
that's enough to be a fully functioning year.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
We'll get on it now.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Okay, that's your homework, all right? Yeah, all right?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Do you think we helped KK?
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Probably not?
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Probably not?
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, who tried?
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Hey, that's all we can do. Yeah, why don't we
take a break and then we'll do some other questions?
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Okay, one more great.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
And we're back.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
That's you.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Mark here. I am from Renee, Hi, Becca, Mark, Tanya
and Eastern All right, day one scrubber here. I just
want to see how much I love the pod. I
found that after Becca was on the Bachelor, and I've
been hooked ever since. I need a little advice there.
We usually moved back to my small hometown in central
Indiana to be closer to my family. After ten years
away college, dream job teaching kindergarten. Five year relationship ended
(13:00):
in January, I decided to come home. I landed another
kindergarten job, bought a house, and life feels like it's
falling into place. Part of moving back was to eventually
raise a family near mine. So I've been keeping an
eye out. And the other day I saw a guy
I went to high school with pop up on Facebook.
He's a year or two older. We weren't close, but
it figured, Hey, why not add him?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Message him?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
He added me back quickly after some light stalking. Turns
out he's way cuter than I remembered, single, goes to church.
Could be a great match. Here's my dilemma. Should I
message him? Yes? Would that be weird? Or two forward?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
No?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
What would I even say? That's casual but still shows
I'm interested? Hey? Or am I overthinking this and should
just wait and see if he makes the first move. No,
I haven't did it all since the breakup and getting
back out there feels intimidating, especially when it seems like
all the good ones are taken. Any advice or encouragement
would mean so much much love from Renee. You are
not even thinking twice about this?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Absolutely not. But you know what's funny. I have a
friend that's like this, Okay, she doesn't want to do anything. Yeah,
she wants the guys to come to her. I'm the
complete opposite. I'm like, treat it like a job. If
you're like, if you're what am I trying to say,
dream job popped up on somewhere? Are you not going
(14:14):
to apply?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You're gonna hope they message you. This guy could be
your dream guy. He could be a scumbag, totally.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Out with them.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Find out, yes, message him?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Message him?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Hey so funny?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
You popped up?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Have you been? Literally so funny? You popped up on
my page? Have you been?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
What do you have to lose? Nothing? If not you? Who?
If not? Now? When?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
If not? Why not?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yes? Why not? I just don't see them? Why not?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I don't either.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
I don't get the whole Like I'll sit back and
let him message me.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
It's the Margaret quality syndrome.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
What is that exactly? Can you explain? I like Margaret quality.
She's a good actress quality. You know.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
It's like it's like she sam can quote direct. But
she basically said that she didn't double text Jack ants,
notof that he came to her. YadA YadA, YadA must
be nice.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
YadA, Yada's doing a lot of work. There. I think
we need more information here. It is when after said
I love you first, Margaret said he did obviously. She
says she does not double text or chase people. She says,
I'm old school. I would never put myself out there first.
I never text twice. I mean, no, I'm married, I
can text him whatever. But before we were together, at
the beginning, I would always follow southern girl etiquette. That
is the anti Tanya. And we're saying that you'd be
(15:28):
the aunt ebrenet Yeah, get out there.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
So was it called southern girl?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
What southern girl etiquette? Yeah? You know, she's sounds a.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Pretty girl etiquette. It must be nice to have.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
It is like falling all over your over you.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
No, no, no, I'm not going to text twice. Meanwhile,
I'm just like pinging left and right, ping, ping, ping, ping, go.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Ahead, poke ping whatever you gotta do on Facebook?
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Why not?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I just don't see the why not?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I kissed so many frogs who cares led me to
my prins?
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Fine? On a sim note, a smitten scrubber says, dear
Eastern Mark, tiny and Becka in no particular order, A
little hope for anyone still waiting for love. A glimpse
in how mine unfolded in the most unexpected way. See
this is inspiring to Renee. I'm thirty one. I've had
my heart broken more times than I can count. After
years of healing, I was finally content being single, and
of course the cliche proved true. Just when I wasn't looking,
(16:21):
love found me. My aunt introduced me to a guy.
She knew we had a lot in common and he
was incredibly kind. But I wasn't attracted to him at first.
No vagina tingles if Tanya would say, oh still, I
gave it a chance. After a few dates, I told
him I just wanted to be friends. But we kept
hanging out and slowly something changed that I got to
know him and I got to know his heart. The
spark grew. Now six months in, he is the best boyfriend.
(16:45):
He's kind, funny, attractive. He makes me feel so safe
and yes, the tingles showed up big time. Ladies, give
the good guys a chance, or real connection can surprise you.
I love you all. Your podcast is the highlight of
my week. See last week we had a dear BONDI
from somebody who said, should I date my friend? He
(17:05):
doesn't give me the tingles. This is the sign tingles
can be earned, Tingles could lie dormant. Tanya doesn't agree.
You're making the face that you don't agree.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I don't agree, but I can't discredit this email. I mean,
who am I to discredit someone's email?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
It worked for a smitten scrubber.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
A smitten scrubber. I'm happy for you, but I'd like
to challenge you a little bit.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
I think it's true. I think if you have a
good guy friend, couldn't that grow into something. You've had
good guy friends over the years. Obviously nothing ever grew
into something. But else you never made that effort.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
I don't think I would have had the vagina tingles
with any of my good guy friends. I just don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I don't know. So we have differing opinions.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Here makes the world go around.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
No, you know it's so true.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
YEA one man's trash is another man's.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
We're unanimous on renee. Go for it, ye message him,
nothing to lose for everybody else Like last week's scrubber.
You know, I say, I say kiss the guy and
see what happens. That's what I say.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Kiss the guys, see what happens.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Sometimes it's not that they're lying dormant, it's just that
they're like they need they need to be woken up
the tingles. Well, then and a good kiss can wake
up the tingles. No, I just don't think so they're
just asleep.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I just don't think so they don't sleep when they've
been awoken.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
But I think sometimes when you're if you're not thinking
of someone that way, there's no tingles, right because it's like,
I don't know, there's people in your life that don't
give you tingles because you just know them too well.
There's no tangles happening because you just do mundane stuff together.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Oh wait, I had this far was I I don't
know where I was, and I don't know what the
context of this was. But somebody asked us. They were like,
if you were married and you started to develop feelings
for somebody else outside of your marriage, would you tell
your partner.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Feelings? Like, I think we need to be more specific
about feelings.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Okay, like you want like you I don't know, I
can't remember what this must have come from, some show
or something. I'm like blanking on how it came up,
but it was something The premise was like this person
was married, and I think it was a coworker somebody
if they saw often and they started to develop.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Is it just like a crush?
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yeah, something like that. Okay, they didn't they weren't going
to act on it, right obviously, But don't tell your
partner that, like, you're starting to feel something for somebody else, Well.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
I don't if you're not, If you're not going to
act on it. Well, what did you answer? What did
you say?
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Well, my whole thing was like, I mean, I've only
been married for five months, so I can't like, I
can't really speak on it, but I feel like I've
been with him for six years and there is a
chip in me that switched off the minute I started
stating him that would not like, I just can't see
that happening to me again. I say this now five months,
(20:14):
I've heard.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
That there's a thing I forget. There's a name for
it too, for I'm going to look it up in
a minute, but I don't want to take everyone's time
doing that. You were a harmless crush on someone in
your life, even though you're married. There's a name for it,
and I forget what it is, but I've used it
before and putting stuff together for the radio show. But anyway,
the point is they say it's it's common, it's normal,
(20:35):
it's no big deal. But I think if you do
confess that to your spouse, it becos it becomes a
big deal, right for sure? Right, So would you tell
him or not?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
That's what I'm saying. I'm like, I just can't even
put myself in that position because I just again, like
I feel like I just turned something off in me
where I don't see men Like, yes, I can a
hawkeye can walk into the room and I can acknowledge,
but oh, like I's hot whatever, But I don't let
myself go there.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
And Robbie is the same way. He's like that that.
It's exactly. It's like a switch that you just like
switch off. You know.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
It's an interesting question.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Yeah, ponder it. Maybe maybe perhaps we can discuss the
next time.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I'll look forward to that, all right.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
All right, that wraps it up for today's Dear Bonya
slash Manya slash we out here. Hopefully we will be
back next week with Beca Tilly herself.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
That would be great, that'd be ideal. Maybe even East
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Maybe even East until then, we love you and goodbye
continued
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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