November 22, 2024 • 42 mins
Tanya and Roby are heading to Mexico for a big wedding planning weekend! Some of the major details are falling into place… but she still has to figure out a band or DJ and where will she spend the Bachelorette party??
Find out why Roby needed a toolbox to help Tanya with something below the belt.
And, we have more Dear Banya! Becca and Tanya share how to get closer to your in laws, how to let go of friends from high school, and we share a refresher of our origin story for any new Scrubbers!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, scrub.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
A dub duve and the tub a.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Tub tub Another day and now the dolla. I was
gonna say podcasts but not too Another day another dolla?
When are you heading off to Mexico?
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Right after we wrap this baby?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
We are flying off to Mexico to do what taste
our wedding food.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
That's like, it's kind of crazy to think about the
what you the planning of a wedding and thinking of
a destination wedding and like you either go or you
either just don't taste the food and you trust that
it's gonna be great, or you have to make a
whole trip.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, I mean there's like a lot of stuff that
you don't really think about because we're we're it's literally
like a business trip. So we're going out there just
for the weekend, and we have meetings, walk throughs with
literally every single vendor, flowers, rentals, food, music, wow, like
(01:14):
staff of the hotel because we want to look at
like some of the room one of the rooms that
we might stay. So like we literally just have meetings
back to back to back. But what's really cute is
that Robbie's parents and my parents are.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Going, oh my gosh, that's so fun. Yeah, So they're
not going to come to all the meetings because that feels.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
They're just gonna get to go on vacation.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Basically, they're gonna yeah, they're gonna go, but they're gonna
do the food tasting with us.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
That's so fun.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, So they'll be there for the food tasting, but
they're not going to do any of the other meetings.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (01:40):
So the food our hotel is.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Like really really good, but we were going through the
menu because we have to pick like two I think
we're picking like four past apps, two appetizers, two mains,
two desserts. So we're going through the menu and I
was like, we should I just put like a chicken
option because I feel like you always have to have
a chicken option because it feels like universal. And Robbie
(02:03):
was like, we're not chicken people. We never eat chicken.
And we're like at the ocean, why don't we just
do surf and turf, Like, We'll do a steak option
and a fish option. So that's what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I don't feel like I've been to a wedding with
a chicken option. In a minute. It's always fish or steak.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Really, Yeah, sure, I thought I was so irreverent. I'd
be like, we're not having chicken.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
No, I have chicken tacos as one of the like
past apps.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
So whatever you want to do, that's right, that's what
I think too.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Oh wow, he.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Seriously, I can have Yes, I'm not gonna eat the steak.
I'll have the fish.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Fine, great, it'll be a fish of the day, so
whatever's fresh that day, and you'll have a vegetarian option.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
It'll be yeah, vegetarian option. I don't know what that is,
but yeah, we'll have one.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
I might have that. Who knows, we'll see you knows.
But you gave us options. That's all we can ask for.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
I felt so irreverent not having chicken. It's your wedding,
your party, get rid of the chicken.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah. You know what is interesting though, because I always
see these controversial takes on TikTok about, like when people
are like, it's your wedding, like, don't think of anybody else,
and they're like, but there are a lot of people
coming to celebrate you, So you do, in a sense
have to consider them, and it is a little bit
about them because they're coming to celebrate you.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Right, It's like if I made the whole menu gluten free. Yeah,
Like it's like, that's so rude.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I would never do that.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Finding the balance of it being your day and in
certain decisions being like, Okay, this is what I want
and it's not the tradition, traditional route, but it is
what I want to do, but also being considerate. I
think our world do you feel like our world has
beencome very like me, me, me? And this is like
off subject from the wedding, but I was thinking about this,
(03:43):
how like for a long time. It was, especially growing
up in Christian culture is very much like serve others
before your self type thing. And so I've always had
that mentality of like thinking about others, which I think
developed into like people pleasing to an extent mm hm.
But there's a part of me that is grateful for
that mentality of like not always thinking about myself first
in situations, because I think our society has become so
(04:05):
like I do what I want and only what I want,
and I don't consider people because like this is what
I want to do, as opposed to just being like
if we all just like work together and helped each
other out, you know, yeah, and obviously took care of
ourselves because you have to put on your mask before
you help others. I don't know, it's interesting. It's become a.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Very like I see your point. It's true.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
It's like and it's so funny because that's the one
thing everybody tells me about the wedding. It's like, do
what you want, it's your day. And I'm like, well, yeah,
but I want people to like be happy, Like if
our guests are miserable, then like, how am I gonna
have a fun day if everyone's like, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Well, That's what I'm saying. It's that balance of like
you getting to make the decisions that you want to
make in details, but also like wanting everyone to have
a good time to celebrate, which makes you happy right
in return? So right, like everybody.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
So we're not really gonna do speeches at the wedding.
We're gonna do them the night before mm hmm. And
it's for two reasons. One, there's nothing more buzzkilly to
me at a wedding than sitting through many speeches. I
feel like, when I'm buzzed, I want to like get
the party going.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
You know what I mean. And then once the speeches
are over, I'm like, I'm ready for bed. So it
was like that.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
And then also I feel like there's a like the
person you're asking to give a speech, they're not going
to enjoy themselves until their speech is over. Yes, so
I'm like, I'd rather my friends and my family just
like get down and like have fun then be like
stressed about giving a speech.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So it's kind of the the two tiers there. But
I don't know where I was going with that.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Well, you're just saying I think you were saying that's
not something you're that's something you're doing that's not technically traditional.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Right, right, right, right right, But that's what I want.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
I want my friends and my family to just like
go gangbusters on Friday.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Are you doing band or DJ?
Speaker 1 (05:48):
We haven't decided yet, Okay, so I'm hoping this weekend
we'll have a lot of clarity on stuff. But I
love a band, but if the band's not good, then
it's bad.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Yeah, DJ is pretty safe, right, Yes, Like you can't
go wrong with the DJ Right band.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
We had a.
Speaker 5 (06:08):
Band, but we also went and saw them beforehand and
we knew these days like fun eighties songs and they
were a blast.
Speaker 4 (06:13):
It's like done.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
So we can't go see them. That's the problem.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
They have sent in videos so like we can watch
videos of the bands and then they have like like
a list of all the music that they all the
songs that they can do. And they also said to
a lot of these things because we want to do
like strings for the ceremony. They said, if you give
them enough like lee Way or Headway or whatever it is,
that they can pretty much learn anything.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
So I don't know.
Speaker 5 (06:38):
By the way, I've been married for twenty two plus years,
that band is still around. They're still doing it. Yeah,
that should you guys google them. They're still still happening.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
That's so wild.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
You should have them come for like a INNIVERSI you.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Should shout out to the barbies and yeah, bring them out,
bring them out?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
All right? So are you doing are you going to
do a cake? Are you going to do something different?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
I think that we're going to have like a ceremonious
cake for like visuals and stuff. But I think we're
gonna have we picked out the desserts and they're they
I haven't tasted them yet, but they sound so bombed.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Oh so you're good. That'll be this weekend that you're
tasting this.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
One of those like a chocolate like hazel nut chocolate option,
and then the other one's like adult chate de leche
like cinnamon option.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Yuh yeah, sounds delicious. Yeah, this is great. This is
this is giving forward momentum.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Oh yeah, I know everybody is like I met this girl.
I was at this charity event this week, and this
girl's getting married next year, and she's like, what are
you getting married?
Speaker 3 (07:41):
She's like, oh my god, that's so soon.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I don't say that.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, please, I'll stressed. Yeah, the anxiety is already there.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
It is. Is this like something about getting older, where
like these months are going by so fast that I it,
my mind is blown that we're like talking about like
that Thanksgiving is right around the corner.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
March is tomorrow, like literally it's tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Mark, Well, March is like two weeks from now, basically.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Yeah, like we'll give it a month.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yeah, yeah, it'll be a.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
Months the blink of an eye. Yeah, it's so.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Fast and then, but no, I do. I do feel
like January lags.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
It does forever. Yeah, January feels like two months. Oh
so you gain a month. Yeah, so I feel like, yeah,
it's like daylight savings time. Yes, yes, yes, okay, this
is great. Speaking of okay, I started thinking about this
when Robbie was trying to get your pants up with
the tools, and I was, well, I went into like
(08:37):
thinking about your wedding dress and stuff and like needing
to make sure we have all preparations on deck, you know,
just in case it doesn't above, just to be overly prepared.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Oh yeah, because when you zipped me up in it
at the place, it was quite hard.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Well no, I mean I think that's just the structure
of the dress is like stiff. But so what happened
because it looked like a challenge.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
So I had like ten minutes to get ready to
like leave the house, which is poor planning on my
pot a choice, poor planning on my part. And now
I took a nap and I was like deep in
rem like I had drool all over my pillow, Like
I was deep in my sleep.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
So it took me a little bit while to come to.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
So anyways, but I had to like leave for this event,
and I have that my outfit picked out in my head.
It's perfect black pants, black blazer, or black shoes out
the door. I don't have several black plase are the
perfect black pants. They're like tight and they flare. They're
so crue Reformation, but shout out Reformation because your zippers
are horrendous. Yes, And so I cannot get them up,
(09:42):
and I'm like I had to humble myself and I
was like, Babe, I need your help. I need to
like hold this together and you need to like zip
me in. And he's like giving it literally you can
see like the veins in his head popping out.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
He's giving it his all to like get it up.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
And he's like, Babe, it's not that it's too tight,
it's the zipper.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Like he kept saying, it's the zipper. It's not you.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
And I'm like, I don't care if it is me
or if it's a zipper. I just need it to
come on, like I need it to zip up. I
have to go and I'm wearing these pants. So he
brings out the toolkit, like a legit toolbox, like it
like puts on the table and it's like.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Sump'm oh damn.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
You know.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
It's like it's black like a young handle, and I'm like,
what isn't there that you're going to use on me?
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Like I was concerned, And he pulls out.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
These flers to put supplier them and like like lift
it up and he's giving it again all his MND
like he's like out of breath at this point.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Spoiler alert, he did not get my pants up. The
zipper never got up. Yeah, And the worst part is
he goes just wear them like that.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I'm like, because you're not jacket. He goes, you're jacking
and goes sit down, crush your legs, crush your legs.
You can't see it. And I'm like I'm like bulging out,
like my underwear is like exposed, God forbid. Someone hugs
me and like my ass is out, Like I just
can't do that. So we had to find these other
pair of pants, and I was laughing so hard because
(11:06):
they're like they look like pedal pushers on me, like
they're supposed to be pants to the ground, but they
like cut off like above. So I felt like I
was like, yes, I felt like Serena Carpenter and her
good Grace's little number like these like.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
High water type pants.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Anyways, I made it to the event, but yeah, I
wasn't happy with my outfit, but.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
You know, Robbie really gave it as all.
Speaker 6 (11:32):
Yeah, I was moment I got you, I messager and
I was like, you hate to see the toolkit come out,
not the toolkit, the tool box, the tool box.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
So yeah, I will be going back to the store
and telling them, showing them.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
These videos that I posted.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
That was smart.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yeah, you literally tried everything, tried everything to get this
and the thing is they zip.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
I was gonna ask me, which is so irritating.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I had a skirt like that where I would try
and I couldn't get it up, and then I'd take
it off and it'd go perfect and I'm like okay,
and it wasn't that tight.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
I mean, these are like stretchy pants, so they're like
meant to type, but they're not. I mean it quote
like I could pull it, you know, Chris Cross, Chris Cross.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Anyway, but I got a lot of tips.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I've never seen more d ms about something in a while,
Like it was a very hot topic that I will say,
but I got a lot of suggestions of things that
you can like rub onto zippers to help them go up,
Like I don't even know deodorant and like all.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, leave it to the scrubbers.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Yeah, I know it all. Yeah, I'm so bummed.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Well, I'll be prepared with a kit and sort of sorts.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Also, I heard that wedding dress doesn't go up.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
I'm just I'm just saying I will be prepared for everything.
And also I saw this thing where if you wear
if you use chalk.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Was one what put chalk on the zipper?
Speaker 2 (12:57):
No chalk, Like if you get a stain or something
on your dress or so much or like you know,
just something gets on your dress. You couldn't use chalk
on your white dress and it covers it.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
You know, who's gonna bring the chalk to Mexico?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I got it. Thank you, I'm on it.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
But we were trying to figure out Bachelorette Yes, which
is still in the works.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
It's still in the works, but I feel like January
is the perfect month because it's so long.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yes, we just have to figure out where we're going,
because you don't want to go somewhere cold.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Correct, So we might end up being somewhere cold. Oh,
in this here city of Los Angeles.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
We could do like Aspen or something she can cute.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I don't want to be cold. Oh, I don't want
to be cold. Okay, I'm not a cold girly. That
so I'm getting married in Mexico.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Okay.
Speaker 6 (13:47):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
The whole thing was not to not be cold, not
be chilly. I don't want to I don't want to cold. Wind.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
Well, Los Angeles in January could potentially be cold.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Cold, yeah, be hot though.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
It could be you never know.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I have had February's where I'm on a beach in
Los Angeles.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
I've had Februaries with rain.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah yeah, we have, yeah, a lot of rain.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
So that's the thing about Los Angeles here.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, just unpredictable. Okay, we have some dear Bonnie questions
that we're going to get to, but first we're going
to take a break. All right, we are back. So
(14:41):
last week Tanya and I were on the phone and
I don't know, we were just having it was just
a random conversation and okay, we go to say goodbye
and I'm like, okay, love you, and she's like, love you,
and then she goes cheers and I was like, oh,
that was weird, and I hang up and then I
was like, did she say cheer? Like did I hear that? Right?
It felt like very like wonk, like forced, And so
(15:06):
she texted me She's like, I'm working on a news sindal.
I'm trying to say cheers at the end of like
my calls or like it sound. How did it sound?
I was like, I think the more you say it,
like it'll start to sound a little more natural, but
like it didn't sound supernatural. And last or on Tuesday,
I went to get drinks with or I went to
dinner with Keana, and she would say cheers like at
(15:30):
the end of like if she said thank you or something,
and it sounded so effortless, and I was like, Tanya,
you have to you have to just practice it. So
it started.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
So it has evolved since i've since we've spoken.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Laugh Oh wow, okay, because I.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Heard this man.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I was at the vet actually and this man was
outside on the phone and he was like, I get
a may Chess And I was like, oh, that is
so much cooler than by, Like By is such like
a blah word like goodbye bye, Like who likes that?
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Nobody likes goodbye.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Till we say love you bye.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Become bye bye is not great. You're right, it's very
final and morbid and negative.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, So I'm like, I want a new sendoff. So
I was like, I'm gonna adopt this cheers. So I
tried out the cheers with you. I tried it out
with Robbie. It wasn't like hitting no, but I have one.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Now, what is it?
Speaker 3 (16:29):
To be continued?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Big? It's a long TBC?
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Oh, TVC. It isn't really are your closest friends? You
can do TBC?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Yeah, to be continued to.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Like the person that the phone company, you could just say.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
To be a continued I think that's gonna be really
hard to sound natural and effortless.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
Let's practice it, can You and I just having Hey
tomorrow morning, can you get in a little bit early
because uh we need to do some extra stuff for
the holidays?
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Sure?
Speaker 4 (16:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Else like five sounds good okay?
Speaker 4 (17:02):
And the trending and easy to send me three trendings?
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (17:05):
Is that fine?
Speaker 3 (17:06):
That's fine?
Speaker 4 (17:06):
And none none about Kristin Cavaleri fine, fine, okay, great,
all right, I'll see it in my morning.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
To be continued. It's so good.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I would almost feel dismissed by it.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
To be continued.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah, it's so good because it's like I cannot wait
to continue this with you next time.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, I know something about it feels dismissive, like I
wouldn't like it, so don't use it on me.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Well, I'm going to use it on you.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Well I'm gonna feel like you've dismissed me.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
But the idea is I can't wait to continue this conversation.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah, it's not goodbye to be continued.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
It feels like.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Okay, to be continued.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Yeah, that's better the octave.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Yeah, to be continued, to be continued.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
I can't wait to see how this works out.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
This conversation isn't over, it's to be.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Continued, exactly. It's not goodbye, it's to be continued.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Okay. Oh yeah, that's going to take some practice. That's
not something you ever say.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
To be continued, to be continued.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, I love it. Yeah. Well, I can't wait to
hear it in action. Yeah, real action.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Well shall we help the scrubbers with their question?
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
I'm thirty five I've been divorced for two years. I
have a three year old who lives with me full time.
Speaker 5 (18:29):
Her dad isn't a supporter at all and has two
supervised visits a month. He seems to be happy with
the status quo and has not been pushing me on this,
but he's made plenty of threats in the past about
taking me to court, even though we already did that.
I've been dating someone since September. We are exclusive. He
hasn't met my child yet, but I plan to introduce
them soon. My boyfriend asked me about posting a picture
(18:49):
of us together on his Facebook, and I said, of course,
let's just please don't tag me because I feel like
I should give a heads up to my ex first.
Not that he has any saying what I do in
my personal life, but if he were dating and that
person would be around my child, I would want to know.
Everyone I've talked to you about this says I shouldn't
tell my ex because it could cause him to overreact
and start making threats again and cause me stress.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
I'm weighing both options. What do I do.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I don't think you tell him. I mean, if that's
how people view your ex and they think he's going
to cause you stress and make threats, then I don't
think you tell him.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
I don't think you tell him at all.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
It doesn't sound like you're divorced and he gets two
supervised visits. He doesn't support her at all or have custody.
So what I mean, I don't think that he, like
I hate to say, deserves to know who you're dating,
But I think he kind of lost that privilege.
Speaker 5 (19:46):
Right if you had your custody, it might be different. Yeah,
but since you don't, does he deserve to know? Is
the howe you obligated to tell him that there's another
guy in your life that might be around your kid.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
And he's gonna find out. Like if he finds out,
then it's a conversation of like, hey, like you know
we're divorced. That's not I don't feel obligated to tell
you that. But yeah, this is who I'm dating. And
he hasn't met our daughter yet, but he will eventually.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
I threw away the sheet with the with the paper
on it.
Speaker 5 (20:15):
But does she respect this guy?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Sorry with the question does she respect the guy?
Speaker 5 (20:22):
Yeah, she doesn't seem to, but she doesn't say really, I.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Think that there might be a sense of not fear,
but just like worry that he will overreact, will like
go crazy. So I think that there's hesitation in that.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
And also they haven't met your child yet, so I think, no,
like you don't know this. This is not he's not
your dad, he's not your husband, he's not your husband.
He is the father of your child, and that's where
that's where it lies.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
But I think he's going to make this an issue.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
But he's gonna make an issue no matter.
Speaker 5 (20:56):
What well that could be. But maybe you tell him first.
He won't make it as much of an issue. He
won't make it seem like you're doing it behind his back,
that sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
But her friends seem to think that he will make
it an issue and cause her stress. So I just
don't and I'll go with your gut on that.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Good luck though. That is very hard and stressful and
I'm sorry you're having to navigate that.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Yeah, I am really sorry.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
This is from Yasmin Dear Banya and Meston. It's cute.
I'm at day once grubber from the Netherlands. Oh you
watch uh Love Island, Netherlands. I wanted you to know
how much you're weekly and now two times a week.
Episodes have meant to me. Since the pod started, I've
gone from a single girl to meeting the love of
my life, to getting married and now the mom to
(21:39):
a one year old boy.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Wow, that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
It's a long guy.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
The Netherlands isn't that big.
Speaker 5 (21:45):
But since getting married three years ago, I've moved to
another city an hour away from my family and close friends.
And I know what you're thinking, that's nothing with la traffic,
but it's still a decent distance from where I used
to live.
Speaker 4 (21:54):
We understand, we get it.
Speaker 5 (21:56):
By the way, it just sounds beautiful, doesn't it, wherever
she lives in the Netherlands an hour away?
Speaker 2 (22:01):
But that job is just gorla.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
I've tried getting closer to my sisters in law, not
having any sisters myself, but they're not as social as
I am.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
I'm a Tanya.
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Every time I suggest going out for dinner, crickets in
the group chat. I keep trying, but they're all busy
or they don't react to my messages. I think I've
tried to set something up like six times this year.
My husband says, let it go, stop trying.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
It's fine.
Speaker 5 (22:24):
But I really want to have that relationship with them
for our kid's sake.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
What do you think? Should I just let it go? Ps?
Can I just say that I'm so.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
Very happy that you both found your people. You've grown
so much and you deserve all the happiness.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yes, we love you. I think we're gonna have two
different opinions on why because I say let it go.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Really, yeah, suld let it go.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
I just don't like putting energy into people who don't
even give me anything back. Like, I don't know why
you continue to I don't know why I would continue
to put energy into people who ignore me, who don't
put in the same effort or even like minimal effort
to hang out with me. It's like why I get
for your kid's sake, and like they're your family. But
(23:17):
I don't know. I just don't know that. I think
you have so much to give to people just from
your email and like you just seem very kind and sweet,
and it's I just don't want you to give your
energy to people who don't really respect it or deserve it.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Yeah, spoiler alert, you agree, I don't disagree.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Oh interesting, I.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Think she's right too. Whoa cultivating a friend group.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
That's what I think. That just is good for your
chosen family and people that live near you and that
like are excited to hang out with you and make
plans with you, as opposed to like continue letting yourself
get rejected because I I just don't want them, them
not responding or not making an effort to dim your
(24:06):
light and your your desire to have relationships with people. Right, so,
I think you're better than them, and you deserve better
than them. You're sure again you deserve better than them.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
A blast comes beck A eight. All right, let's say
mel Hi scrubbing and FAMU for such a bright light
in my day.
Speaker 5 (24:35):
I am so happy that you provide two podcasts a week.
I can think. I think I speak for all the scrubbers.
Keep in coming, y'all the fabulous at your job. I
need friend advice. I have four friends that have been
my friends since high school. We were all on each
other's weddings. We've been chewing each other on through many
life events. We each live in a different state, and
each woman is in a very different season of life.
(24:55):
One has multiple kids, one is a newlywed, One is
very career focused, one is struggling within for et cetera.
The past few times I've gotten together, I have had
the worst time, and I find myself being happy for
the weekend to end. We used to say we'd address
one another as auntie to our children, but none of
them ever want to acknowledge my children and make me
feel bad when I have to miss something because of
being a mom or a wife. I get super anxious
(25:17):
every time I text them, but I still make the
effort to check in, but it takes them days to
respond and they'll leave me on red. They never like
anything I post, even when we're on the same picture
for a wedding, but I see they commented like each
other's posts all the time. I'm a people pleaser. The
thought of confronting them about my feelings is not an option.
I find myself wanting to keep the peace and slowly
(25:38):
fade away from this friendship. I know this is normal
with longtime friends. So my question is, how would you
start to remove yourself peacefully? Any tips on how I
could be a better friend. Maybe that's a different option.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
I don't think that you need to put this on yourself.
I think you're wondering if you can be a better
friend I don't know the ins and outs of everything,
but I think I think it's just natural, especially when
people are not in the same place physically, yeah, where
they can because especially I think when you start going
(26:12):
you're in that journey, in that season of life of
having kids, it's very limited time that you have for
yourself to put into your friendships. And if you're taking
that time to spend it with people where you dread
it and you're looking forward to it ending, I don't
think those are your people anymore. And I think that's okay.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
I think that there's so much like emphasis on like
the you know, the people that you grew up with
and stay with the people that you grew up with.
But I think that you grow when you change, and
it's okay. And like Becka said, I went to college
and I had a group of best friends, none of
them live in La now or anywhere near me, and
they all had got married and had kids right after college,
(26:52):
and I was like doing all my career stuff and
we just kind of, I don't say grew apart, but
just it just kind of naturally happened. There's no hard
feelings on any other side. It just kind of happens
and you gravitate to people that are in the same
season of life as you are, you know, and it
just again there's no hard feelings. You don't have to
like peacefully remove yourself. It can just happen. You don't
(27:12):
have to like there's no intention behind it. Just start
spending more time with other people and like not committing
to these things and eventually mm hmm, it just makes
its way.
Speaker 5 (27:22):
And also life is long. You may go back, yeah, yeah,
back with these again. But right now it sounds like
this is kind of toxic and not for.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
You, and that's okay, yeah, totally okay.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
There's there's people. There's so many people in the world,
and there's so many people that you can give your
time and uh like your time and your outside of
being a mom and a wife, you have yourself and
it's like, where are you spending that time that is
like precious to you at this time and it's not
You don't want it to be with people that don't
(27:52):
make you feel.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
When you're wishing the end of the weekend to come brutal. No, no, no,
I am not giving them any time.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
And I do. There is like a different I think
it's hard when you're the first one to have kids,
because if everyone's not in that season of life yet,
it does feel you probably feel lonely too, because you're
going through something that they're not going through or can
relate to. Right, And I'm feel like I'm about to
enter that because I feel like all of you Ali Jojo,
I feel like all my really good friends are about
(28:21):
to be like pregnant at the same time. And I'm
just gonna be like, I have no idea what you'll
are talking about, but I can't wait to be an aunt.
But you know, I am like, oh, oh, I gotta what. Well,
it is like I'm gonna have to if I.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Want to go to your friends.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
No, no, no, not magnant Well, I mean making new
friends is a bad thing, but I'm saying, like, find people. Well,
when you find people who run the same season of
life as you, and like it's like, oh, we want
to go get drinks, I can't be like, let's go
get drinks, but bring my baby. I'm saying, when you're pregnant,
that does.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I'll get a mocktail. Yeah, it's just be in the mix.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I know, I know do that to me. I know
it's y'all all feel the same way. I just won't
tell you. I'll just I'll just do that with other people.
It is different, though, and it's I think it's okay
to acknowledge it from both sides. Like I think it's
so exciting and like, I literally am so excited that
I'm going to get to be like an aunt to
all of my friend's babies and like go and relieve
(29:23):
you or Ali when when y'all need a break or
like just want to talk about something that's not baby related.
And I cannot wait for that season of life. I'm
so excited and I'm so excited that I'm going to
get to hold the baby and smell the baby and
then go home to my quiet home.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
You know.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
But I like look forward to that because I'm at
the age now where I'm not like outraging every night.
I'm like excited to be a part of that with
y'all without doing it myself.
Speaker 5 (29:49):
I can't wait to see who you replaced Tanya with,
and that's gonna be.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
That is so dark replaceable fantasy. She can't be Yeah,
maybe a fantasy. No, there's no.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
There's no replacing Ty.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
What their sign office, It's as good as to be continued. No,
you will never be replaced.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
You think that's gonna happen.
Speaker 4 (30:17):
That's the show. It's not the Bachelor.
Speaker 5 (30:19):
It's the Bestie and you're you're trying to find a
new best friend. I'd watch that show.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, I'm not finding a new best friend. I'm not.
Don't worry, all right, I'm not Mark is Mark is
getting you riled up for no reason. Don't let him
do that to you. Don't let him stir.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Okay, we like, I'm not going to be fun for
a minute, so sober fun. I'm so fun sober. Look
at me right now, I'm so fun.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Yeah, you're so fun sober. Nothing about you not being
fun sober. It's about the act of like having like
good fun, getting all cute and sexy and going out
having a drink in the barn, just sitting there with heartburn.
And it's like it's like eight, and she's like, I
(31:12):
don't know if I can.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Stay awake much like I'm already Yeah, why Brami, that's
for sure.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yeah, I'm not gonna see y'all past seven thirty in
the next few years.
Speaker 4 (31:24):
Fortunes on Mama's.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Got I do feel like I'm gonna have people over
more often, Like I'm gonna host a lot.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Yeah, and it's gonna just be like a screw like
we're gonna be like, okay, like we're going over. Let's
go relieve her. She needs us. But y'all are all
gonna be doing at the same time. I'm gonna be
like juggling new moms. True, Hey, can you come over? Sorry,
(31:53):
I'm I booked with Ali. But what about tomorrow? Do
you have an opening for me? Anymorrow? Was a Puerto Ricoh, okay,
we have one more question, but we'll do that when
we come back. All right, we're back, and this is
(32:25):
our final question.
Speaker 5 (32:27):
It's an interesting question because she is a new scrubber
and she has some just very basic questions she has
and maybe this is good. We should do this every
so often for new listeners to the podcast, because I
can't believe a lot of people start from the beginning
in Binge. That seems like a tall order because what
has it been seven years? Yeah, yeah, that's a lot.
That's a lot of episodes, hundreds and hundreds if you
(32:50):
are new, like Lilah is. Lilah says, I've been a
listener since April. I love your team dynamic. A few
questions for you so I can get caught up tyyan Becca.
How did y'all meet and become friends? And we've been
down this road many times. Maybe just did a sentence
or two.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Yeah, we met at a iHeart School Farmer party in
Vegas and I went with Robert and his friend Zach
and Tanya loved love Robert and Zach and love. This
is how you tell her? How you told it. She
was so excited to see them, because she when she
sees people that she knows and love, she just gets
(33:25):
like really excited, Kaylor just a couple of yes, A true.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
I left gen Tram feeling very.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Yeah, I was jen and I felt very forgotten him awkward,
And I would say she wasn't warm to me, but
I say that in a way that she just wasn't
excited to see me because I was with people that
she was really excited to see.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
But we didn't really become besties until we shared a wall.
So Beca moved into my apartment complex complex.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
That was a coincidence or you got her.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
In there, but it was the apartment. Literally we shared
a wall, and that's when I feel like the friendship
really blossomed. That's when I it really took on a
life of its own. Yes, it was like real life friends.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yes, yeah, that's when we like really became close and
like we literally lived our lives together because we lived
next door.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
We come home from work and go I wouldn't even
put my bags down in my apartment. I go to hers,
and I'd just sit there on your like big ball,
your big workouts, like furniture, furniture.
Speaker 5 (34:31):
She also wants to know where then was scrubbing incomes from,
which is a fair question because it's really we were
so far away from that original meeting.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
The name came from when I started the I originally
started the podcast. Tanya wasn't my co host yet, and
so when I started the podcast, it was supposed to
be almost like a TV show review type podcast, and
I was so obsessed with Gray's Anatomy at the time,
and I thought it would be a fun play on
(35:01):
my favorite show to call it scrubbing In. And then
Tania joined I think four episodes into.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
It, something like that, four.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
Or five, and I remember we did that podcast and
I was like, Oh, this is like the dynamic that
I like envisioned this podcast being and the name just stuck.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
The rest is history.
Speaker 4 (35:20):
Every show is better when Tanya rad has added to it.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
And thank you sure, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
Uh for Tanya. She says that Netflix, that I see
you wrote a book. Can you give a high level
overview of what it's about, how it came to.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
Be high level? Let me give you a high level here,
So thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
The book is called The Sunshine Mind and it is
a one hundred days to finding the hope, enjoy you want.
It's a devotional and basically it's bite sized, so there's
like every day there's a scripture, an analysis, and then
how it applied. I wrote it with one of my
best friends, Rackkeel Stevens, and she's one of the people
in my life where she's like a rock, like that
girl if.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
I'm going through anything in life.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
It was a lot more early in my career when
I was dealing with like people that were not nice
to me in my career, I would always go to
Raquel and like just like unload and she would always
have like a scripture. She would always have some way
to like find the hope and the joy in situations
and so she was always my go to when I
was going through relationships stuff for dating struggles, Like she
always had that element, and so I was like, she's
(36:21):
the perfect person to do this with because she's so
knowledgeable and I feel like she's that person. I wanted
that book to be that person for the people that
read it. So it's basically encouragement in your life. It's
focused on family dynamics, friendships, career and and yeah is
that a high level.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Very thank you by the.
Speaker 5 (36:42):
Way, you didn't I remember, and I mean to bring
upset memories, but you didn't make the best selling list.
I know you wanted to have. You kept track of
sales since then? Is it still moving or people still
buying it?
Speaker 3 (36:50):
It's still moving.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
It did well, like the publishers were happy for first
time authors, like it did really well. But it's it's
crazy how much books like just don't sell these days,
Like it's hard to sell a book.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
Yeah, if it's the best book, right, So yeah, I
was disappointed.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
Stocking stuffer.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
It is a great stocking stuffer, Thank you so much.
And it really wasn't even about like it's not a
big money maker. It was like something that we really
felt passionate about and it took a lot of time
and energy, so we hope it brings you some hope
and some joy.
Speaker 5 (37:24):
And then a question for Becca. You've mentioned your family
dynamic on the show. I know you have sisters and
with kids and with partners, some with clothes. So when
you travel to how many siblings.
Speaker 4 (37:32):
Do you have?
Speaker 5 (37:32):
Where do you fall in the birth order, And would
love to hear more about your family dynamic whatever you
feel comfortable sharing.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yes, I am one of five kids, so I have
three sisters and a brother, and I am second in
the lineup, so it's two girls, a boy, and then
two girls. My two younger sisters both have girlfriends and
the three of us are part of the queer community.
And then my brother is married with two kids. My
older sister is Mary Read with five kids. She has
(38:02):
four boys and a little girl.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
The fact that your brother is married with two kids
is so wild because if you will not remember, early
in the days of the said podcast, we tried setting
me up with Becca's brother.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
We also would like call him to get like yeah
and then yeah, that's it. I don't, I don't really
I talk about my family. I share like photos and
stuff but I don't really talk about it because I
a lot of times I don't feel like my family
chose to be a part of this crazy world, like
when I went on The Bachelor and stuff, like, they
(38:36):
didn't sign up to be like in anything public. So
I've always kind of respected that, like tried to find
that fine line. My sisters when they moved to La
lived with me, my younger sisters for a period of time,
and so we have a very close dynamic. And actually
the reason why Tanya came on the podcast was because
(38:57):
I had my two younger sisters on and I thought
that they would be like really funny and charming and
like a great guess and they've totally frozen for the microphone.
But I found out it was because I was asking them,
like what kind of guys they liked, and they're both gay,
and they were like, we don't even know how to
answer these questions. And so then I brought Tanya on
because I needed to fill in that episode or redo
(39:18):
that episode basically, So that was the beginning of yeah, yeah,
and so yeah, that's about that's about it about me.
Speaker 5 (39:29):
And then she says hi, Mark and Easton, and then
there's the end of it.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
It to be continued. It is interesting because it's like
you're right, like, you know the same with me. I mean,
I guess I talk about my family and stuff, but
like they didn't sign up. They didn't sign up for
any of their personal stuff to be out there. So
it's like a fine line of like.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yeah, well, I always felt like when I went on
The Bachelor, I made it to hometowns and I felt
like the edit of my family made them look very
it just looked very like cold. I don't know, it
did not represent my family in the way that I
know my family, and I always felt a lot of
guilt about that because it opened them up to so
many opinions, and so I've always been like, I'm not
(40:08):
going to bring them into that into my world without
them wanting to be part of it. So I've just
always been cautious of that.
Speaker 4 (40:16):
Yeah, So I have a question for Lila.
Speaker 5 (40:19):
This will be one sided, unfortunately, but I'm curious how
you found scrubbing in and started listening if you don't
know what scrubbing it means and what drew you to
it in the first place.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Raise Our guest in April was Shannon Beverage, our guest,
because it's t to.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
Say that feels like a mark question.
Speaker 5 (40:35):
I can look it up and tell you exactly what
was going on in April, but that was you know,
eight to ten episodes.
Speaker 4 (40:39):
So we'll see.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
I think we could narrow it down.
Speaker 5 (40:42):
We're going to try to figure out what drew Lila
to this podcast in April.
Speaker 4 (40:46):
Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Yeah, Well, I'm just like, was there a guess that
she was like a fan of and then she listened
to that episode and was like, oh I like this.
Speaker 4 (40:52):
Well let's give our theories. Here we go. April fourth,
Kathy Schwartz and Susan Knowles.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Oh, Golden Bachelor interview.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
I'm gonna say it probably wasn't that one.
Speaker 4 (41:04):
April eleventh, Alexia Yumanski.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
That one went viral on TikTok okay.
Speaker 3 (41:11):
So that's a contender. There's a contender.
Speaker 4 (41:13):
April eighteenth, Ali Grant.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Oh, she could be an aligrant van.
Speaker 5 (41:17):
Yeah, let's see April twenty. April twenty fifth, Rachel Rogers
talking money, Oh, business and financial expert.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Yeah, Liola, We're curious.
Speaker 4 (41:31):
Shannon Bevery was made first, so not quite. April is
very close close.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
But if she found us in April. There's no way
of Shannon that pulled her in.
Speaker 5 (41:38):
No, so it could have been late March. It could
have been someone like, say Jason Tarctic on March twenty,
report on March twenty. Okay, okay, Chelsea Blackwell on March eighteenth.
And here's a contender March fourteenth, with poverty shallow. She's
a survivor fan. That might have brought her.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
Into the fur traders.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
Yeah, give to us, Please get back to us. I
need to know the answer to this.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
All right, Well, we love you so much. Have a
great weekend, and.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
He continued, because we're doing it again on Monday.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
To be continue to be continued TBC.
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, scrub.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
A dub duve and the tub a.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Tub tub Another day and now the dolla. I was
gonna say podcasts but not too Another day another dolla?
When are you heading off to Mexico?
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Right after we wrap this baby?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
We are flying off to Mexico to do what taste
our wedding food.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
That's like, it's kind of crazy to think about the
what you the planning of a wedding and thinking of
a destination wedding and like you either go or you
either just don't taste the food and you trust that
it's gonna be great, or you have to make a
whole trip.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, I mean there's like a lot of stuff that
you don't really think about because we're we're it's literally
like a business trip. So we're going out there just
for the weekend, and we have meetings, walk throughs with
literally every single vendor, flowers, rentals, food, music, wow, like
(01:14):
staff of the hotel because we want to look at
like some of the room one of the rooms that
we might stay. So like we literally just have meetings
back to back to back. But what's really cute is
that Robbie's parents and my parents are.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Going, oh my gosh, that's so fun. Yeah, So they're
not going to come to all the meetings because that feels.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
They're just gonna get to go on vacation.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Basically, they're gonna yeah, they're gonna go, but they're gonna
do the food tasting with us.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
That's so fun.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, So they'll be there for the food tasting, but
they're not going to do any of the other meetings.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (01:40):
So the food our hotel is.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Like really really good, but we were going through the
menu because we have to pick like two I think
we're picking like four past apps, two appetizers, two mains,
two desserts. So we're going through the menu and I
was like, we should I just put like a chicken
option because I feel like you always have to have
a chicken option because it feels like universal. And Robbie
(02:03):
was like, we're not chicken people. We never eat chicken.
And we're like at the ocean, why don't we just
do surf and turf, Like, We'll do a steak option
and a fish option. So that's what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I don't feel like I've been to a wedding with
a chicken option. In a minute. It's always fish or steak.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Really, Yeah, sure, I thought I was so irreverent. I'd
be like, we're not having chicken.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
No, I have chicken tacos as one of the like
past apps.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
So whatever you want to do, that's right, that's what
I think too.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Oh wow, he.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Seriously, I can have Yes, I'm not gonna eat the steak.
I'll have the fish.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Fine, great, it'll be a fish of the day, so
whatever's fresh that day, and you'll have a vegetarian option.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
It'll be yeah, vegetarian option. I don't know what that is,
but yeah, we'll have one.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
I might have that. Who knows, we'll see you knows.
But you gave us options. That's all we can ask for.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
I felt so irreverent not having chicken. It's your wedding,
your party, get rid of the chicken.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah. You know what is interesting though, because I always
see these controversial takes on TikTok about, like when people
are like, it's your wedding, like, don't think of anybody else,
and they're like, but there are a lot of people
coming to celebrate you, So you do, in a sense
have to consider them, and it is a little bit
about them because they're coming to celebrate you.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Right, It's like if I made the whole menu gluten free. Yeah,
Like it's like, that's so rude.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I would never do that.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Finding the balance of it being your day and in
certain decisions being like, Okay, this is what I want
and it's not the tradition, traditional route, but it is
what I want to do, but also being considerate. I
think our world do you feel like our world has
beencome very like me, me, me? And this is like
off subject from the wedding, but I was thinking about this,
(03:43):
how like for a long time. It was, especially growing
up in Christian culture is very much like serve others
before your self type thing. And so I've always had
that mentality of like thinking about others, which I think
developed into like people pleasing to an extent mm hm.
But there's a part of me that is grateful for
that mentality of like not always thinking about myself first
in situations, because I think our society has become so
(04:05):
like I do what I want and only what I want,
and I don't consider people because like this is what
I want to do, as opposed to just being like
if we all just like work together and helped each
other out, you know, yeah, and obviously took care of
ourselves because you have to put on your mask before
you help others. I don't know, it's interesting. It's become a.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Very like I see your point. It's true.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
It's like and it's so funny because that's the one
thing everybody tells me about the wedding. It's like, do
what you want, it's your day. And I'm like, well, yeah,
but I want people to like be happy, Like if
our guests are miserable, then like, how am I gonna
have a fun day if everyone's like, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Well, That's what I'm saying. It's that balance of like
you getting to make the decisions that you want to
make in details, but also like wanting everyone to have
a good time to celebrate, which makes you happy right
in return? So right, like everybody.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
So we're not really gonna do speeches at the wedding.
We're gonna do them the night before mm hmm. And
it's for two reasons. One, there's nothing more buzzkilly to
me at a wedding than sitting through many speeches. I
feel like, when I'm buzzed, I want to like get
the party going.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
You know what I mean. And then once the speeches
are over, I'm like, I'm ready for bed. So it
was like that.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
And then also I feel like there's a like the
person you're asking to give a speech, they're not going
to enjoy themselves until their speech is over. Yes, so
I'm like, I'd rather my friends and my family just
like get down and like have fun then be like
stressed about giving a speech.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So it's kind of the the two tiers there. But
I don't know where I was going with that.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Well, you're just saying I think you were saying that's
not something you're that's something you're doing that's not technically traditional.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Right, right, right, right right, But that's what I want.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
I want my friends and my family to just like
go gangbusters on Friday.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Are you doing band or DJ?
Speaker 1 (05:48):
We haven't decided yet, Okay, so I'm hoping this weekend
we'll have a lot of clarity on stuff. But I
love a band, but if the band's not good, then
it's bad.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Yeah, DJ is pretty safe, right, Yes, Like you can't
go wrong with the DJ Right band.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
We had a.
Speaker 5 (06:08):
Band, but we also went and saw them beforehand and
we knew these days like fun eighties songs and they
were a blast.
Speaker 4 (06:13):
It's like done.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
So we can't go see them. That's the problem.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
They have sent in videos so like we can watch
videos of the bands and then they have like like
a list of all the music that they all the
songs that they can do. And they also said to
a lot of these things because we want to do
like strings for the ceremony. They said, if you give
them enough like lee Way or Headway or whatever it is,
that they can pretty much learn anything.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
So I don't know.
Speaker 5 (06:38):
By the way, I've been married for twenty two plus years,
that band is still around. They're still doing it. Yeah,
that should you guys google them. They're still still happening.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
That's so wild.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
You should have them come for like a INNIVERSI you.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Should shout out to the barbies and yeah, bring them out,
bring them out?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
All right? So are you doing are you going to
do a cake? Are you going to do something different?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
I think that we're going to have like a ceremonious
cake for like visuals and stuff. But I think we're
gonna have we picked out the desserts and they're they
I haven't tasted them yet, but they sound so bombed.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Oh so you're good. That'll be this weekend that you're
tasting this.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
One of those like a chocolate like hazel nut chocolate option,
and then the other one's like adult chate de leche
like cinnamon option.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Yuh yeah, sounds delicious. Yeah, this is great. This is
this is giving forward momentum.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Oh yeah, I know everybody is like I met this girl.
I was at this charity event this week, and this
girl's getting married next year, and she's like, what are
you getting married?
Speaker 3 (07:41):
She's like, oh my god, that's so soon.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I don't say that.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, please, I'll stressed. Yeah, the anxiety is already there.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
It is. Is this like something about getting older, where
like these months are going by so fast that I it,
my mind is blown that we're like talking about like
that Thanksgiving is right around the corner.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
March is tomorrow, like literally it's tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Mark, Well, March is like two weeks from now, basically.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Yeah, like we'll give it a month.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yeah, yeah, it'll be a.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
Months the blink of an eye. Yeah, it's so.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Fast and then, but no, I do. I do feel
like January lags.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
It does forever. Yeah, January feels like two months. Oh
so you gain a month. Yeah, so I feel like, yeah,
it's like daylight savings time. Yes, yes, yes, okay, this
is great. Speaking of okay, I started thinking about this
when Robbie was trying to get your pants up with
the tools, and I was, well, I went into like
(08:37):
thinking about your wedding dress and stuff and like needing
to make sure we have all preparations on deck, you know,
just in case it doesn't above, just to be overly prepared.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Oh yeah, because when you zipped me up in it
at the place, it was quite hard.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Well no, I mean I think that's just the structure
of the dress is like stiff. But so what happened
because it looked like a challenge.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
So I had like ten minutes to get ready to
like leave the house, which is poor planning on my
pot a choice, poor planning on my part. And now
I took a nap and I was like deep in
rem like I had drool all over my pillow, Like
I was deep in my sleep.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
So it took me a little bit while to come to.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
So anyways, but I had to like leave for this event,
and I have that my outfit picked out in my head.
It's perfect black pants, black blazer, or black shoes out
the door. I don't have several black plase are the
perfect black pants. They're like tight and they flare. They're
so crue Reformation, but shout out Reformation because your zippers
are horrendous. Yes, And so I cannot get them up,
(09:42):
and I'm like I had to humble myself and I
was like, Babe, I need your help. I need to
like hold this together and you need to like zip
me in. And he's like giving it literally you can
see like the veins in his head popping out.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
He's giving it his all to like get it up.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
And he's like, Babe, it's not that it's too tight,
it's the zipper.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Like he kept saying, it's the zipper. It's not you.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
And I'm like, I don't care if it is me
or if it's a zipper. I just need it to
come on, like I need it to zip up. I
have to go and I'm wearing these pants. So he
brings out the toolkit, like a legit toolbox, like it
like puts on the table and it's like.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Sump'm oh damn.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
You know.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
It's like it's black like a young handle, and I'm like,
what isn't there that you're going to use on me?
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Like I was concerned, And he pulls out.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
These flers to put supplier them and like like lift
it up and he's giving it again all his MND
like he's like out of breath at this point.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Spoiler alert, he did not get my pants up. The
zipper never got up. Yeah, And the worst part is
he goes just wear them like that.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I'm like, because you're not jacket. He goes, you're jacking
and goes sit down, crush your legs, crush your legs.
You can't see it. And I'm like I'm like bulging out,
like my underwear is like exposed, God forbid. Someone hugs
me and like my ass is out, Like I just
can't do that. So we had to find these other
pair of pants, and I was laughing so hard because
(11:06):
they're like they look like pedal pushers on me, like
they're supposed to be pants to the ground, but they
like cut off like above. So I felt like I
was like, yes, I felt like Serena Carpenter and her
good Grace's little number like these like.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
High water type pants.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Anyways, I made it to the event, but yeah, I
wasn't happy with my outfit, but.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
You know, Robbie really gave it as all.
Speaker 6 (11:32):
Yeah, I was moment I got you, I messager and
I was like, you hate to see the toolkit come out,
not the toolkit, the tool box, the tool box.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
So yeah, I will be going back to the store
and telling them, showing them.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
These videos that I posted.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
That was smart.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yeah, you literally tried everything, tried everything to get this
and the thing is they zip.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
I was gonna ask me, which is so irritating.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I had a skirt like that where I would try
and I couldn't get it up, and then I'd take
it off and it'd go perfect and I'm like okay,
and it wasn't that tight.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
I mean, these are like stretchy pants, so they're like
meant to type, but they're not. I mean it quote
like I could pull it, you know, Chris Cross, Chris Cross.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Anyway, but I got a lot of tips.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I've never seen more d ms about something in a while,
Like it was a very hot topic that I will say,
but I got a lot of suggestions of things that
you can like rub onto zippers to help them go up,
Like I don't even know deodorant and like all.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, leave it to the scrubbers.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Yeah, I know it all. Yeah, I'm so bummed.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Well, I'll be prepared with a kit and sort of sorts.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Also, I heard that wedding dress doesn't go up.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
I'm just I'm just saying I will be prepared for everything.
And also I saw this thing where if you wear
if you use chalk.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Was one what put chalk on the zipper?
Speaker 2 (12:57):
No chalk, Like if you get a stain or something
on your dress or so much or like you know,
just something gets on your dress. You couldn't use chalk
on your white dress and it covers it.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
You know, who's gonna bring the chalk to Mexico?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I got it. Thank you, I'm on it.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
But we were trying to figure out Bachelorette Yes, which
is still in the works.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
It's still in the works, but I feel like January
is the perfect month because it's so long.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yes, we just have to figure out where we're going,
because you don't want to go somewhere cold.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Correct, So we might end up being somewhere cold. Oh,
in this here city of Los Angeles.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
We could do like Aspen or something she can cute.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I don't want to be cold. Oh, I don't want
to be cold. Okay, I'm not a cold girly. That
so I'm getting married in Mexico.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Okay.
Speaker 6 (13:47):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
The whole thing was not to not be cold, not
be chilly. I don't want to I don't want to cold. Wind.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
Well, Los Angeles in January could potentially be cold.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Cold, yeah, be hot though.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
It could be you never know.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I have had February's where I'm on a beach in
Los Angeles.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
I've had Februaries with rain.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah yeah, we have, yeah, a lot of rain.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
So that's the thing about Los Angeles here.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, just unpredictable. Okay, we have some dear Bonnie questions
that we're going to get to, but first we're going
to take a break. All right, we are back. So
(14:41):
last week Tanya and I were on the phone and
I don't know, we were just having it was just
a random conversation and okay, we go to say goodbye
and I'm like, okay, love you, and she's like, love you,
and then she goes cheers and I was like, oh,
that was weird, and I hang up and then I
was like, did she say cheer? Like did I hear that? Right?
It felt like very like wonk, like forced, And so
(15:06):
she texted me She's like, I'm working on a news sindal.
I'm trying to say cheers at the end of like
my calls or like it sound. How did it sound?
I was like, I think the more you say it,
like it'll start to sound a little more natural, but
like it didn't sound supernatural. And last or on Tuesday,
I went to get drinks with or I went to
dinner with Keana, and she would say cheers like at
(15:30):
the end of like if she said thank you or something,
and it sounded so effortless, and I was like, Tanya,
you have to you have to just practice it. So
it started.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
So it has evolved since i've since we've spoken.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Laugh Oh wow, okay, because I.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Heard this man.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I was at the vet actually and this man was
outside on the phone and he was like, I get
a may Chess And I was like, oh, that is
so much cooler than by, Like By is such like
a blah word like goodbye bye, Like who likes that?
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Nobody likes goodbye.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Till we say love you bye.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Become bye bye is not great. You're right, it's very
final and morbid and negative.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, So I'm like, I want a new sendoff. So
I was like, I'm gonna adopt this cheers. So I
tried out the cheers with you. I tried it out
with Robbie. It wasn't like hitting no, but I have one.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Now, what is it?
Speaker 3 (16:29):
To be continued?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Big? It's a long TBC?
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Oh, TVC. It isn't really are your closest friends? You
can do TBC?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Yeah, to be continued to.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Like the person that the phone company, you could just say.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
To be a continued I think that's gonna be really
hard to sound natural and effortless.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
Let's practice it, can You and I just having Hey
tomorrow morning, can you get in a little bit early
because uh we need to do some extra stuff for
the holidays?
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Sure?
Speaker 4 (16:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Else like five sounds good okay?
Speaker 4 (17:02):
And the trending and easy to send me three trendings?
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (17:05):
Is that fine?
Speaker 3 (17:06):
That's fine?
Speaker 4 (17:06):
And none none about Kristin Cavaleri fine, fine, okay, great,
all right, I'll see it in my morning.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
To be continued. It's so good.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I would almost feel dismissed by it.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
To be continued.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah, it's so good because it's like I cannot wait
to continue this with you next time.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, I know something about it feels dismissive, like I
wouldn't like it, so don't use it on me.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Well, I'm going to use it on you.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Well I'm gonna feel like you've dismissed me.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
But the idea is I can't wait to continue this conversation.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah, it's not goodbye to be continued.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
It feels like.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Okay, to be continued.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Yeah, that's better the octave.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Yeah, to be continued, to be continued.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
I can't wait to see how this works out.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
This conversation isn't over, it's to be.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Continued, exactly. It's not goodbye, it's to be continued.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Okay. Oh yeah, that's going to take some practice. That's
not something you ever say.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
To be continued, to be continued.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, I love it. Yeah. Well, I can't wait to
hear it in action. Yeah, real action.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Well shall we help the scrubbers with their question?
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
I'm thirty five I've been divorced for two years. I
have a three year old who lives with me full time.
Speaker 5 (18:29):
Her dad isn't a supporter at all and has two
supervised visits a month. He seems to be happy with
the status quo and has not been pushing me on this,
but he's made plenty of threats in the past about
taking me to court, even though we already did that.
I've been dating someone since September. We are exclusive. He
hasn't met my child yet, but I plan to introduce
them soon. My boyfriend asked me about posting a picture
(18:49):
of us together on his Facebook, and I said, of course,
let's just please don't tag me because I feel like
I should give a heads up to my ex first.
Not that he has any saying what I do in
my personal life, but if he were dating and that
person would be around my child, I would want to know.
Everyone I've talked to you about this says I shouldn't
tell my ex because it could cause him to overreact
and start making threats again and cause me stress.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
I'm weighing both options. What do I do.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I don't think you tell him. I mean, if that's
how people view your ex and they think he's going
to cause you stress and make threats, then I don't
think you tell him.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
I don't think you tell him at all.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
It doesn't sound like you're divorced and he gets two
supervised visits. He doesn't support her at all or have custody.
So what I mean, I don't think that he, like
I hate to say, deserves to know who you're dating,
But I think he kind of lost that privilege.
Speaker 5 (19:46):
Right if you had your custody, it might be different. Yeah,
but since you don't, does he deserve to know? Is
the howe you obligated to tell him that there's another
guy in your life that might be around your kid.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
And he's gonna find out. Like if he finds out,
then it's a conversation of like, hey, like you know
we're divorced. That's not I don't feel obligated to tell
you that. But yeah, this is who I'm dating. And
he hasn't met our daughter yet, but he will eventually.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
I threw away the sheet with the with the paper
on it.
Speaker 5 (20:15):
But does she respect this guy?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Sorry with the question does she respect the guy?
Speaker 5 (20:22):
Yeah, she doesn't seem to, but she doesn't say really, I.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Think that there might be a sense of not fear,
but just like worry that he will overreact, will like
go crazy. So I think that there's hesitation in that.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
And also they haven't met your child yet, so I think, no,
like you don't know this. This is not he's not
your dad, he's not your husband, he's not your husband.
He is the father of your child, and that's where
that's where it lies.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
But I think he's going to make this an issue.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
But he's gonna make an issue no matter.
Speaker 5 (20:56):
What well that could be. But maybe you tell him first.
He won't make it as much of an issue. He
won't make it seem like you're doing it behind his back,
that sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
But her friends seem to think that he will make
it an issue and cause her stress. So I just
don't and I'll go with your gut on that.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Good luck though. That is very hard and stressful and
I'm sorry you're having to navigate that.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Yeah, I am really sorry.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
This is from Yasmin Dear Banya and Meston. It's cute.
I'm at day once grubber from the Netherlands. Oh you
watch uh Love Island, Netherlands. I wanted you to know
how much you're weekly and now two times a week.
Episodes have meant to me. Since the pod started, I've
gone from a single girl to meeting the love of
my life, to getting married and now the mom to
(21:39):
a one year old boy.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Wow, that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
It's a long guy.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
The Netherlands isn't that big.
Speaker 5 (21:45):
But since getting married three years ago, I've moved to
another city an hour away from my family and close friends.
And I know what you're thinking, that's nothing with la traffic,
but it's still a decent distance from where I used
to live.
Speaker 4 (21:54):
We understand, we get it.
Speaker 5 (21:56):
By the way, it just sounds beautiful, doesn't it, wherever
she lives in the Netherlands an hour away?
Speaker 2 (22:01):
But that job is just gorla.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
I've tried getting closer to my sisters in law, not
having any sisters myself, but they're not as social as
I am.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
I'm a Tanya.
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Every time I suggest going out for dinner, crickets in
the group chat. I keep trying, but they're all busy
or they don't react to my messages. I think I've
tried to set something up like six times this year.
My husband says, let it go, stop trying.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
It's fine.
Speaker 5 (22:24):
But I really want to have that relationship with them
for our kid's sake.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
What do you think? Should I just let it go? Ps?
Can I just say that I'm so.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
Very happy that you both found your people. You've grown
so much and you deserve all the happiness.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yes, we love you. I think we're gonna have two
different opinions on why because I say let it go.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Really, yeah, suld let it go.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
I just don't like putting energy into people who don't
even give me anything back. Like, I don't know why
you continue to I don't know why I would continue
to put energy into people who ignore me, who don't
put in the same effort or even like minimal effort
to hang out with me. It's like why I get
for your kid's sake, and like they're your family. But
(23:17):
I don't know. I just don't know that. I think
you have so much to give to people just from
your email and like you just seem very kind and sweet,
and it's I just don't want you to give your
energy to people who don't really respect it or deserve it.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Yeah, spoiler alert, you agree, I don't disagree.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Oh interesting, I.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Think she's right too. Whoa cultivating a friend group.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
That's what I think. That just is good for your
chosen family and people that live near you and that
like are excited to hang out with you and make
plans with you, as opposed to like continue letting yourself
get rejected because I I just don't want them, them
not responding or not making an effort to dim your
(24:06):
light and your your desire to have relationships with people. Right, so,
I think you're better than them, and you deserve better
than them. You're sure again you deserve better than them.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
A blast comes beck A eight. All right, let's say
mel Hi scrubbing and FAMU for such a bright light
in my day.
Speaker 5 (24:35):
I am so happy that you provide two podcasts a week.
I can think. I think I speak for all the scrubbers.
Keep in coming, y'all the fabulous at your job. I
need friend advice. I have four friends that have been
my friends since high school. We were all on each
other's weddings. We've been chewing each other on through many
life events. We each live in a different state, and
each woman is in a very different season of life.
(24:55):
One has multiple kids, one is a newlywed, One is
very career focused, one is struggling within for et cetera.
The past few times I've gotten together, I have had
the worst time, and I find myself being happy for
the weekend to end. We used to say we'd address
one another as auntie to our children, but none of
them ever want to acknowledge my children and make me
feel bad when I have to miss something because of
being a mom or a wife. I get super anxious
(25:17):
every time I text them, but I still make the
effort to check in, but it takes them days to
respond and they'll leave me on red. They never like
anything I post, even when we're on the same picture
for a wedding, but I see they commented like each
other's posts all the time. I'm a people pleaser. The
thought of confronting them about my feelings is not an option.
I find myself wanting to keep the peace and slowly
(25:38):
fade away from this friendship. I know this is normal
with longtime friends. So my question is, how would you
start to remove yourself peacefully? Any tips on how I
could be a better friend. Maybe that's a different option.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
I don't think that you need to put this on yourself.
I think you're wondering if you can be a better
friend I don't know the ins and outs of everything,
but I think I think it's just natural, especially when
people are not in the same place physically, yeah, where
they can because especially I think when you start going
(26:12):
you're in that journey, in that season of life of
having kids, it's very limited time that you have for
yourself to put into your friendships. And if you're taking
that time to spend it with people where you dread
it and you're looking forward to it ending, I don't
think those are your people anymore. And I think that's okay.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
I think that there's so much like emphasis on like
the you know, the people that you grew up with
and stay with the people that you grew up with.
But I think that you grow when you change, and
it's okay. And like Becka said, I went to college
and I had a group of best friends, none of
them live in La now or anywhere near me, and
they all had got married and had kids right after college,
(26:52):
and I was like doing all my career stuff and
we just kind of, I don't say grew apart, but
just it just kind of naturally happened. There's no hard
feelings on any other side. It just kind of happens
and you gravitate to people that are in the same
season of life as you are, you know, and it
just again there's no hard feelings. You don't have to
like peacefully remove yourself. It can just happen. You don't
(27:12):
have to like there's no intention behind it. Just start
spending more time with other people and like not committing
to these things and eventually mm hmm, it just makes
its way.
Speaker 5 (27:22):
And also life is long. You may go back, yeah, yeah,
back with these again. But right now it sounds like
this is kind of toxic and not for.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
You, and that's okay, yeah, totally okay.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
There's there's people. There's so many people in the world,
and there's so many people that you can give your
time and uh like your time and your outside of
being a mom and a wife, you have yourself and
it's like, where are you spending that time that is
like precious to you at this time and it's not
You don't want it to be with people that don't
(27:52):
make you feel.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
When you're wishing the end of the weekend to come brutal. No, no, no,
I am not giving them any time.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
And I do. There is like a different I think
it's hard when you're the first one to have kids,
because if everyone's not in that season of life yet,
it does feel you probably feel lonely too, because you're
going through something that they're not going through or can
relate to. Right, And I'm feel like I'm about to
enter that because I feel like all of you Ali Jojo,
I feel like all my really good friends are about
(28:21):
to be like pregnant at the same time. And I'm
just gonna be like, I have no idea what you'll
are talking about, but I can't wait to be an aunt.
But you know, I am like, oh, oh, I gotta what. Well,
it is like I'm gonna have to if I.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Want to go to your friends.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
No, no, no, not magnant Well, I mean making new
friends is a bad thing, but I'm saying, like, find people. Well,
when you find people who run the same season of
life as you, and like it's like, oh, we want
to go get drinks, I can't be like, let's go
get drinks, but bring my baby. I'm saying, when you're pregnant,
that does.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I'll get a mocktail. Yeah, it's just be in the mix.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I know, I know do that to me. I know
it's y'all all feel the same way. I just won't
tell you. I'll just I'll just do that with other people.
It is different, though, and it's I think it's okay
to acknowledge it from both sides. Like I think it's
so exciting and like, I literally am so excited that
I'm going to get to be like an aunt to
all of my friend's babies and like go and relieve
(29:23):
you or Ali when when y'all need a break or
like just want to talk about something that's not baby related.
And I cannot wait for that season of life. I'm
so excited and I'm so excited that I'm going to
get to hold the baby and smell the baby and
then go home to my quiet home.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
You know.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
But I like look forward to that because I'm at
the age now where I'm not like outraging every night.
I'm like excited to be a part of that with
y'all without doing it myself.
Speaker 5 (29:49):
I can't wait to see who you replaced Tanya with,
and that's gonna be.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
That is so dark replaceable fantasy. She can't be Yeah,
maybe a fantasy. No, there's no.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
There's no replacing Ty.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
What their sign office, It's as good as to be continued. No,
you will never be replaced.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
You think that's gonna happen.
Speaker 4 (30:17):
That's the show. It's not the Bachelor.
Speaker 5 (30:19):
It's the Bestie and you're you're trying to find a
new best friend. I'd watch that show.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, I'm not finding a new best friend. I'm not.
Don't worry, all right, I'm not Mark is Mark is
getting you riled up for no reason. Don't let him
do that to you. Don't let him stir.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Okay, we like, I'm not going to be fun for
a minute, so sober fun. I'm so fun sober. Look
at me right now, I'm so fun.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Yeah, you're so fun sober. Nothing about you not being
fun sober. It's about the act of like having like
good fun, getting all cute and sexy and going out
having a drink in the barn, just sitting there with heartburn.
And it's like it's like eight, and she's like, I
(31:12):
don't know if I can.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Stay awake much like I'm already Yeah, why Brami, that's
for sure.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yeah, I'm not gonna see y'all past seven thirty in
the next few years.
Speaker 4 (31:24):
Fortunes on Mama's.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Got I do feel like I'm gonna have people over
more often, Like I'm gonna host a lot.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Yeah, and it's gonna just be like a screw like
we're gonna be like, okay, like we're going over. Let's
go relieve her. She needs us. But y'all are all
gonna be doing at the same time. I'm gonna be
like juggling new moms. True, Hey, can you come over? Sorry,
(31:53):
I'm I booked with Ali. But what about tomorrow? Do
you have an opening for me? Anymorrow? Was a Puerto Ricoh, okay,
we have one more question, but we'll do that when
we come back. All right, we're back, and this is
(32:25):
our final question.
Speaker 5 (32:27):
It's an interesting question because she is a new scrubber
and she has some just very basic questions she has
and maybe this is good. We should do this every
so often for new listeners to the podcast, because I
can't believe a lot of people start from the beginning
in Binge. That seems like a tall order because what
has it been seven years? Yeah, yeah, that's a lot.
That's a lot of episodes, hundreds and hundreds if you
(32:50):
are new, like Lilah is. Lilah says, I've been a
listener since April. I love your team dynamic. A few
questions for you so I can get caught up tyyan Becca.
How did y'all meet and become friends? And we've been
down this road many times. Maybe just did a sentence
or two.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Yeah, we met at a iHeart School Farmer party in
Vegas and I went with Robert and his friend Zach
and Tanya loved love Robert and Zach and love. This
is how you tell her? How you told it. She
was so excited to see them, because she when she
sees people that she knows and love, she just gets
(33:25):
like really excited, Kaylor just a couple of yes, A true.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
I left gen Tram feeling very.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Yeah, I was jen and I felt very forgotten him awkward,
And I would say she wasn't warm to me, but
I say that in a way that she just wasn't
excited to see me because I was with people that
she was really excited to see.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
But we didn't really become besties until we shared a wall.
So Beca moved into my apartment complex complex.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
That was a coincidence or you got her.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
In there, but it was the apartment. Literally we shared
a wall, and that's when I feel like the friendship
really blossomed. That's when I it really took on a
life of its own. Yes, it was like real life friends.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yes, yeah, that's when we like really became close and
like we literally lived our lives together because we lived
next door.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
We come home from work and go I wouldn't even
put my bags down in my apartment. I go to hers,
and I'd just sit there on your like big ball,
your big workouts, like furniture, furniture.
Speaker 5 (34:31):
She also wants to know where then was scrubbing incomes from,
which is a fair question because it's really we were
so far away from that original meeting.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
The name came from when I started the I originally
started the podcast. Tanya wasn't my co host yet, and
so when I started the podcast, it was supposed to
be almost like a TV show review type podcast, and
I was so obsessed with Gray's Anatomy at the time,
and I thought it would be a fun play on
(35:01):
my favorite show to call it scrubbing In. And then
Tania joined I think four episodes into.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
It, something like that, four.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
Or five, and I remember we did that podcast and
I was like, Oh, this is like the dynamic that
I like envisioned this podcast being and the name just stuck.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
The rest is history.
Speaker 4 (35:20):
Every show is better when Tanya rad has added to it.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
And thank you sure, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
Uh for Tanya. She says that Netflix, that I see
you wrote a book. Can you give a high level
overview of what it's about, how it came to.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
Be high level? Let me give you a high level here,
So thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
The book is called The Sunshine Mind and it is
a one hundred days to finding the hope, enjoy you want.
It's a devotional and basically it's bite sized, so there's
like every day there's a scripture, an analysis, and then
how it applied. I wrote it with one of my
best friends, Rackkeel Stevens, and she's one of the people
in my life where she's like a rock, like that
girl if.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
I'm going through anything in life.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
It was a lot more early in my career when
I was dealing with like people that were not nice
to me in my career, I would always go to
Raquel and like just like unload and she would always
have like a scripture. She would always have some way
to like find the hope and the joy in situations
and so she was always my go to when I
was going through relationships stuff for dating struggles, Like she
always had that element, and so I was like, she's
(36:21):
the perfect person to do this with because she's so
knowledgeable and I feel like she's that person. I wanted
that book to be that person for the people that
read it. So it's basically encouragement in your life. It's
focused on family dynamics, friendships, career and and yeah is
that a high level.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Very thank you by the.
Speaker 5 (36:42):
Way, you didn't I remember, and I mean to bring
upset memories, but you didn't make the best selling list.
I know you wanted to have. You kept track of
sales since then? Is it still moving or people still
buying it?
Speaker 3 (36:50):
It's still moving.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
It did well, like the publishers were happy for first
time authors, like it did really well. But it's it's
crazy how much books like just don't sell these days,
Like it's hard to sell a book.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
Yeah, if it's the best book, right, So yeah, I
was disappointed.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
Stocking stuffer.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
It is a great stocking stuffer, Thank you so much.
And it really wasn't even about like it's not a
big money maker. It was like something that we really
felt passionate about and it took a lot of time
and energy, so we hope it brings you some hope
and some joy.
Speaker 5 (37:24):
And then a question for Becca. You've mentioned your family
dynamic on the show. I know you have sisters and
with kids and with partners, some with clothes. So when
you travel to how many siblings.
Speaker 4 (37:32):
Do you have?
Speaker 5 (37:32):
Where do you fall in the birth order, And would
love to hear more about your family dynamic whatever you
feel comfortable sharing.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yes, I am one of five kids, so I have
three sisters and a brother, and I am second in
the lineup, so it's two girls, a boy, and then
two girls. My two younger sisters both have girlfriends and
the three of us are part of the queer community.
And then my brother is married with two kids. My
older sister is Mary Read with five kids. She has
(38:02):
four boys and a little girl.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
The fact that your brother is married with two kids
is so wild because if you will not remember, early
in the days of the said podcast, we tried setting
me up with Becca's brother.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
We also would like call him to get like yeah
and then yeah, that's it. I don't, I don't really
I talk about my family. I share like photos and
stuff but I don't really talk about it because I
a lot of times I don't feel like my family
chose to be a part of this crazy world, like
when I went on The Bachelor and stuff, like, they
(38:36):
didn't sign up to be like in anything public. So
I've always kind of respected that, like tried to find
that fine line. My sisters when they moved to La
lived with me, my younger sisters for a period of time,
and so we have a very close dynamic. And actually
the reason why Tanya came on the podcast was because
(38:57):
I had my two younger sisters on and I thought
that they would be like really funny and charming and
like a great guess and they've totally frozen for the microphone.
But I found out it was because I was asking them,
like what kind of guys they liked, and they're both gay,
and they were like, we don't even know how to
answer these questions. And so then I brought Tanya on
because I needed to fill in that episode or redo
(39:18):
that episode basically, So that was the beginning of yeah, yeah,
and so yeah, that's about that's about it about me.
Speaker 5 (39:29):
And then she says hi, Mark and Easton, and then
there's the end of it.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
It to be continued. It is interesting because it's like
you're right, like, you know the same with me. I mean,
I guess I talk about my family and stuff, but
like they didn't sign up. They didn't sign up for
any of their personal stuff to be out there. So
it's like a fine line of like.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yeah, well, I always felt like when I went on
The Bachelor, I made it to hometowns and I felt
like the edit of my family made them look very
it just looked very like cold. I don't know, it
did not represent my family in the way that I
know my family, and I always felt a lot of
guilt about that because it opened them up to so
many opinions, and so I've always been like, I'm not
(40:08):
going to bring them into that into my world without
them wanting to be part of it. So I've just
always been cautious of that.
Speaker 4 (40:16):
Yeah, So I have a question for Lila.
Speaker 5 (40:19):
This will be one sided, unfortunately, but I'm curious how
you found scrubbing in and started listening if you don't
know what scrubbing it means and what drew you to
it in the first place.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Raise Our guest in April was Shannon Beverage, our guest,
because it's t to.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
Say that feels like a mark question.
Speaker 5 (40:35):
I can look it up and tell you exactly what
was going on in April, but that was you know,
eight to ten episodes.
Speaker 4 (40:39):
So we'll see.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
I think we could narrow it down.
Speaker 5 (40:42):
We're going to try to figure out what drew Lila
to this podcast in April.
Speaker 4 (40:46):
Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Yeah, Well, I'm just like, was there a guess that
she was like a fan of and then she listened
to that episode and was like, oh I like this.
Speaker 4 (40:52):
Well let's give our theories. Here we go. April fourth,
Kathy Schwartz and Susan Knowles.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Oh, Golden Bachelor interview.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
I'm gonna say it probably wasn't that one.
Speaker 4 (41:04):
April eleventh, Alexia Yumanski.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
That one went viral on TikTok okay.
Speaker 3 (41:11):
So that's a contender. There's a contender.
Speaker 4 (41:13):
April eighteenth, Ali Grant.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Oh, she could be an aligrant van.
Speaker 5 (41:17):
Yeah, let's see April twenty. April twenty fifth, Rachel Rogers
talking money, Oh, business and financial expert.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Yeah, Liola, We're curious.
Speaker 4 (41:31):
Shannon Bevery was made first, so not quite. April is
very close close.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
But if she found us in April. There's no way
of Shannon that pulled her in.
Speaker 5 (41:38):
No, so it could have been late March. It could
have been someone like, say Jason Tarctic on March twenty,
report on March twenty. Okay, okay, Chelsea Blackwell on March eighteenth.
And here's a contender March fourteenth, with poverty shallow. She's
a survivor fan. That might have brought her.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
Into the fur traders.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
Yeah, give to us, Please get back to us. I
need to know the answer to this.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
All right, Well, we love you so much. Have a
great weekend, and.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
He continued, because we're doing it again on Monday.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
To be continue to be continued TBC.
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.