Sleuthsperts

Ryan Serhant from Million Dollar Listing New York shares some AMAZING advice on buying a house, achieving your goals and just getting in the motivational mindset!

We have an update on Tanya getting hit on by a “hit and run”

And, find out why everyone needs to befriend a doula! (And what exactly is a doula??)

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rad and I
Heart Radio and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast.
Hello everybody, We're scrubbing in. Happy Monday, Happy Monday. I've
got some I've got some energy today, some energy. Yeah.

(00:23):
Why why why do you have? Then? Is it different
than normal energy or is it you're just a little different? Yeah, yeah,
I do have to say because I feel like I've
been um, I've been like just kind of going out
of town a little bit more. I haven't gone on
a plane yet, but I've been trying to venture out
a little bit more lately. And this weekend I went

(00:44):
to um this place. I went with a couple of
girlfriends to this hotel over the weekend, and I just
realized that, like I miss community and connecting with people. Yeah,
I feel like during quarantine and we've all like we're
all a little like socially awkward, nobody wants to talk.
And like we were out at this pool and obviously

(01:06):
socially distance and we're outside of a pool and like
nobody was there and this really like cute girl and
this her like UM friend get in with us and
they start talking. It was so funny. Because my girlfriends
that I was with, she like kind of panic because
we didn't have our masks. So she turned around, you know,
like she like turned around, and it was like, I
don't know what to do. But they were so far away.
I was like, it's fine, we're you know, we're good.

(01:27):
And so we started talking to them and they were
just so fun. The girl is a dula and so
you know, me and I like, I just love all
this stuff. I've never even heard. I didn't know what
a dula was. So she's explaining to me like how
a baby is born and how it like torpedoes out
of you and the benefits of standing up while you're
giving birth. And I was just like, oh my gosh,
I'm gonna stand and I give birth. And then and

(01:48):
then I decided that I'm not going to get an
epidural while I'm okay, but I like fully we got
her number her Instagram, and I was like, I want
you to be my dula when the time comes. Like
she was just so cute and her friend that was there.
We just all were just like talking about our lives
and it just felt so Her name was Becca. That

(02:10):
was the way that you do and I was like,
oh my gosh, like my best friend is named Becca,
Like this is so fun. It was just just I
don't know, it just gave me this like I don't
know how to explain this energy, you know, like I
just miss connecting with people and they all are from
l a m. Her fiance is just like so cool
as a businessman from here, and we're all gonna like

(02:33):
reconnect again and like have you know, socially distanced drinks
at some point because we just got so invest in
each other's lives. It was just like playing in your
future birth, like that's a good thing, that's all sorted out,
and now I crossed that one off the list. Never
knew I never. I didn't know anything about childbirth truly, honestly,
And I feel like and we bonded over pelvic floor

(02:54):
and like menstrual cups and just a soul mate. We
spent so much time with these people outside and it
was just so fun. I think, I think, why no epidural?
Well so because the baby. So I don't want to
speak on it too much because I'm obviously not um
an O R, you know, trained professional, but um she

(03:16):
was saying that the baby torpedoes out of you. And
there's a lot of benefit to like moving your hips
a certain way or something, and when you get the epidural,
like you can't you can't move it. And so there's
just like there's benefits to not having it. Um, there's
also benefits to having it, but to me, in my opinion,
that the benefits of not having it seemed better. Quick story,

(03:40):
my wife was given an epidural and by a trainee
and it didn't take, and so she was feeling everything
and they had to come in and do it again,
which it's an unpleasant experience. And when we see how
the older guy teaching the younger guy were to stick
it into my wife's spine, I was pretty uncomfortable with that.
And then it didn't take as we had feared, and

(04:00):
then it happened again, and then it started to take,
and then it was time and then took her to
the delivery room and then it wasn't connected anymore anyway,
and so she felt everything. So, um, I'm a proponent
of epidurals because the second time went fine and it
was a much easier experience. Oh really, yeah, But well,
I think everyone's I mean, and I think everyone is
different everyone has their own plan of how they wanted

(04:22):
to go, and sometimes it doesn't go the way that
you plan. And I think the whole thing with pregnancy.
And obviously I'm also not a professional or someone who
has experiences, but from what I follow a lot of
moms on Instagram, and I've learned that, like, you can't
plan how it's going to go, but you have an
idea of how you wanted to go, but if it doesn't,
you have to be prepared to embrace the Yeah, and

(04:44):
that's what this this this Duela that that's kind of
what she does. She kind of just like helps you
plan with you and who knows. I mean I've honestly
never given it any thoughts, So who knows when the
time comes, like what I'm gonna want. But I've never
really talked to somebody that's super knowledgeable in that space before.
And you know, those people just have cool Like she
just had cool energy, and I was just like, I
want to be your friend. I need to be your friend.

(05:07):
So I have a new friend. I'm just so funny.
I mean, just like a lot of people don't talk
about their birthplan before they're like pregnant, you know, I
like in your mind, you're like, well, you know, that's
the first time I've had the opportunity to talk to
someone and get that knowledge as if you're on the

(05:27):
custom of don't. Well, no, we've definitely got there because
we were just talking because so her fiance was also
divorced with um a child, and so we bonded on
that because so and I told her I was like
I'm not having it, you know, like I went their
breakup or whatever. So we definitely got there. But um, yeah,
it was so funny because it's just like total stranger

(05:47):
and we got into just like everything under the sun,
and like it was one of those things where I
just missed. I just realized how much I I love
meeting I love meeting new people, I love connecting with people.
And like something about that weekend it was just like, um,
I saw this couple that you know, um, I had
run into before. They're like this old couple that I'd

(06:08):
run into this same at the same hotel. Just everything
felt very kismet and hopeful and just butterflies, just butterflies. Yeah.
So I have like a good energy right now today.
That's good. Can you seem refreshed? As if the weekend
was a good, uh breath of fresh air. It was

(06:28):
is it weird that she's found the new Becca? Is
it weird for me bother you at all? No, you're
gonna You're gonna love her. I feel like if you
found a new Tanya that you thought was so cool
and so awesome, it would bother Tanya. Oh, it would
be like a full blown situation argument. And yeah, well
as she as cool as me, Like no, no, no,

(06:50):
I no, I was saying, that's yeah, no, I'm I'm like.
The last time I felt like jealous over a friendship
I think was in I think I was in fifth grade,
my friend Sydney and Leslie and then they if they
hung out about me. I felt like we betrayal. But yeah,

(07:11):
it's the last time, So I'm happy for you. I'm
I'm honored that her name's Becka. And she was so
cool and effortless or whatever he says, cool, just cool.
You know those girls that are just cool. I was like,
you are. And then her friend they were, um, this
gay couple who we actually have some friends in common,

(07:32):
and they were just as awesome too and just like
so in love and everything. I don't know. It was
just everything about it was just awesome. I love that
so happy. So did you watch the Super Bowl? Uh? Yeah,
I mean I I mean I didn't really watch the
plays and stuff. Yeah, the play, yeah, but the halftime
show you watch? I watched it. It was but like,

(07:54):
I don't say I didn't. I don't know who it was,
this new Fest so I heard what do you think
about the Weekend? Though, hmm, I liked it. The setup
was cool, Like I thought the set up the production
of it was really cool. And I thought how they
utilized like the spaces, like the stands and stuff was cool.
But I don't know. When I think about my favorite

(08:16):
halftime performances, it's been like multiple people that come out,
and I guess it's different with COVID, but like, do
you remember the Steven Tyler Britney Spears one where she
came out. Yeah, that was like epic, and I think
all of even j Lo and Shakira last year. It
was just cool because there was like two people feeding
off their energy and then he was just kind of
by himself, so like for what he had, I thought

(08:39):
he was great in the sense of he was like
entertaining for however long by himself, but I don't know,
I was kind of indifferent. I guess. You know, it's funny.
I think that was like the big debate of like
it was kind of womp womp, a little like lackluster. Yeah,
but you know what, you know what, Oh, okay, scraping.

(09:00):
Oh she's adjusting in her seat. I get it. The
super Bowl performances are like big and lavish and like
fun and energy, and I get that. But if you're
going to hire the Weekend, I don't really know how
it works, but if you're gonna hire the Weekend to
perform at your super Bowl halftime show, the Weekend has
a brand, and his brand is exactly what he brought,

(09:22):
you know what I mean, Like, that's exactly what he brought.
And I respect the hell out of a man that
goes down with his brand like that. Well, I mean
it's like it's some I mean that what he has
a great he's a great singer. The production was cool,
but like, what else was he supposed to do? That's
what I'm saying. But like people were saying, he could
have brought other people, he could have done a cover

(09:42):
and like done some aerobics or things like that. But
It's like, that's not the that's not the weekend, and
if you're going to hire the weekend, you're going to
get the weekend. And I respect it. I was just
upset that they didn't do like the TikTok dance to
the blinding light. A number of people make that same complaint. Well,
I'm just like, so, I don't know if there's legal

(10:03):
reasons or something, but I'm thinking, you have all these
dancers masked on the Super Bowl field and you're not
just going to throw in a little routine for us. No,
y'all know you know what I'm saying. You know what
I was googling was did the Weekend get new teeth? See,
that's not good if you're googling that. During the performance,
it wasn't very compelling. It was compelling. I was just

(10:26):
very curious. They looked a lot different. No, but I'm
with you. He did. He did what he does. My
test is I washed it with my daughters and halfway
through my youngest was doing handstands and my oldest was
staring at her phone. So that's my test. I think
it was a snooze. Oh yeah, but I would hate
to all I would also hate to be someone performing

(10:47):
at the Super Bowl and have to hear the critics.
So it's a thankless gig. It's like hosting the Oscars.
You can't win exactly. I was gonna say, like, no
matter who it is, there's always a group of people
that are like, no, I feel like Shaqui and Jaylo
got a pretty kidding The whole conservative like nation was
like talking about how scandalous the dance dagas. I feel

(11:09):
like Gaga's was pretty wildly wildly not wildly widely widely
thank you widely raved? Who did she bring anyone else? All?
But she's dance, I mean she's I mean she jumped
off the Yeah, she's like sky skydived. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(11:31):
Like from the straight beginning, it was entertainment, I know,
but that's not what the weekend is. What I learned
about the weekend with the memes. The memes afterwards were hysterical.
Credit for that. Someone said when I'm trying to what,
I'm trying to find a bathroom poop or something, and
it's like him like frantically roaming the hallways and then

(11:54):
like the close ups where it's like all distorted, and
they were like it was like in quotes like hey
the bers here, they're funny. I do. I will say
when dog got did it? When she did jump off?
Remember people were it was like the same thing like memes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

(12:15):
it was funny. So there you go. I have a question. Okay,
so Tanya, you have decided you're not going to call
the guy in the car. Last week's episode was called
Sideswipe Right, very clever title at Eastern came up with,
I thought, very funny, and the big debate was whether
to call him or not. You've decided not to call

(12:35):
him for now? For now? What does that mean? I
don't want to call him? I just don't want. I
think that I'm kind of leaning into this space of
wanting to be somebody be intentional and thoughtful and pursue me.
So I'm kind of wanting to take my hands off
of the wheel right now. Well, we did pursue you. Yeah,

(12:57):
that's that's I didn't mean to go down this road.
But I agree with Becca, that is pursuit. Yeah, but
it feels to me like I'm forcing it, whereas I'm
just everything else that's going on just feels more natural.
So I'm just kind of leaning into that. So next
time if he do, he has to like run over
you and then will film a little more day if
he gets a toe next time and I have you know, yeah,

(13:19):
I love that story because it escalated to like, oh
my god, he didn't almost he didn't really almost him me.
I just was like jumpy to like when he almost
killed me, Like it was like escalated quickly. You know
what's funny is the difference because I told the story
on the Morning show. The difference in the response from
scrubbing in listeners versus Morning show was drastic. It was

(13:40):
scrubbing and listeners were this is fate. Think of the
stories for your kids. It's so beautiful. Blah blah blah.
The Morning show listeners were all like, this man's a stalker.
He knows your run route dateline, like don't go there,
stranger danger. And I was like, and it's very obvious
because of the time, you know what I mean, Like
the but we're reaching out was just different, completely different days,

(14:03):
and it was just so funny to me. That is funny. Well,
our scrubbers, like especially the ones who identify as Tanya
is of course they saw like the romantic comedy aspect
of it. Cute. It's interesting. You're not closing the door
on him, though. No, I'm not closing the door on anything.
I don't close doors anything. You said for now, so

(14:23):
you might call him in a month. That's kind of weird,
isn't it. It's already been over a week. Yeah, but
guess what marked you know what Tanya is trying to do,
um live an intentional life in the present, in the
present for today. We're not calling him, got it? So
that's why what I suggested we call him since you
don't want to. I still got the look of death again,

(14:43):
because you're keeping an option open. Yeah, all right. What
if we called and we said, hey, we found this
piece of paper on the ground with this number on it.
What's your Instagram? Messing with my fate? Oh? Okay, okay,

(15:04):
thank you very much. Okay, well you're not you're This
is my thought, and I have one question and one
question only, and you can answer it however you want.
If he was immediately attractive to you but you didn't
have to think about it, you turned and you're like,
oh my, wow, would you call him? I don't know, right,

(15:25):
it's dev Patel. Yeah, he had a little Dev Patel.
It was like Dev Patel meets Adam Brodie meets Nasarie
from Magic like it was. It was I'm not gonna lie,
it was my type for sure. Yes, scrubber, she really
did just reference the lead singer with a bad Magic.
He's this is the most publicity he's gotten in a

(15:48):
long time from the song rude from six years ago.
He's actually a very well known songwriter in the industry.
I'm sure he is. Well. I love that song, so like,
no hate towards any of that. But but what I'm
what I'm trying to get at is he was very
much He was my type. I just was Tanya No,

(16:14):
Mr Wilsher compared to what you have dated in a
car situation? Could you see how I could have been? No, Okay, no,
I felt like a reach. I like the idea of
calling him and saying that you found it on the ground,
because then it turns into like a Cinderella thing, because
then you you judge his reaction. If he's like, hey,

(16:36):
I found this snowe on the ground. I thought I'd
give it a call. If he's like, hey, you want
to meet up and like this man is just down.
But if he says, this is my man and my number,
and I had given it to any of you freaks,
and that something is if he says, no, this is
for a beautiful blond girl. Man, yeah he saw this
is for the girl I almost ran over. You say like, yeah,

(16:58):
oh that's so weird. I gave that to only one
woman ever, Or if he said like, oh yeah, I
give those out sometimes. Yeah, we were you venturer, And
that's what another on air on air listener said that
this seems like a move and he just hasn't like
in his car and he just like does this That
chicken scratch how it was written down was on the spot.

(17:20):
I feel. I hope if he planned him out, he
should do printer paper like printer letters or whatever, because
that chicken scratch written all over it and not gonna lie.
Have you found anything out in your research on him?
Just where he just where he resides and yeah, city
and potential job. That's pretty that's a lot from we

(17:45):
know who he is. Yeah, we'll have to get down
to this. Okay, So you had if you got a
first name in a phone number and you use the
internet to get his city and possibly his employer. Correct,
pretty good pretty good. It's pretty good. I'm not gonna lie.
I can't take the credit. It's not my sleuthing. I'm
I'm a terrible sleuth, but I have people in my

(18:06):
life that are sleuth, the Spurts. Sleuth the Spurts, but
we have a title. Um, did his city and job
make you less or more interested in him? More? She
just said, she said, y'all missed it because she said
a while east I was talking about she said, this

(18:27):
is my man and my number on a piece of paper.
She's claimed him. Can we get a clue of to like,
what field, what general world of employment he's in? He's
a businessman? Is a broad it's broad? Okay? I said general?

(18:49):
That's general? Okay? Yeah, yeah, well no, it was interesting.
So it was a coinci and said he happened to
be over here? Yeah, or I don't know, you know?
And yeah, because like, yeah, what's the area code by Coe.

(19:13):
We're gonna narrow it down, bye area code. Can talk
to my dula about it, okay, talked to her dula?
Cool Becca, Um, talk to my dula about it. I'm
going to bed a bumper sticker talk to about it. Wait,

(19:34):
speaking of businessman, we have a businessman coming on the podcast.
That's our guest today, and he is a real estate expert.
He's written a book. He's just like got a lot
going on. You may know him. He's on a million
Dollar Listening New York, which is very popular show on Bravo. Yes,
which is very popular show on Bravo. His name is

(19:57):
Ryan Sirhan and I'm very excited. I because in the
process of buying a house, I have a many many
questions for him. So um, he will be coming on
next And before we go on a break, I want
to talk about our Galantine's Night in because we're doing
a virtual night with our girls and love it or
hate it, Tanya and I have your heart and you

(20:21):
don't need a significant other for this party. This is
a different type of party, not Galantine's Day. So it's Wednesday,
which is like not today and tomorrow, but the next day, Um,
February ten, and it's gonna be at five pm Pacific,
which is eight o'clock Eastern. You can get your tickets
at on location live dot com slash scrubbing in A

(20:41):
portion of the proceeds will go UM from the live event.
We'll go to save our stages and we have a
really special treat you guys because we have a reunion
of sorts and this is gonna be a reunion that
I don't even know should we. So we have Sabrina
Carpenter coming on, which she has been very relevant in

(21:05):
the headlines lately. Yes, she's not only super relevant. But
if you will recall our episode from Palm Springs, Rebecca
passed out in the middle of an interview. Never before
happened on scrubbing in in the time of this podcast. Um,
we were doing interview with Serrenda Carpenter. Rebecca had too

(21:26):
many spicy margaritis and passed out during the interview and
just disappeared. And we never and so I kept going
with Sabrina. We never mentioned it any I need to
know what her team told her, like if she even
knows what happened or if she has no clue. It
was so embarrassing looking back, Um, but she was just

(21:50):
a professional. She she got through it. If she saw
me in distress, she never missed a beat in her
interview with Tanya. It's like a little relid. Becca just
falls out of frame in the middle of the interview
and Serena doesn't scoop a beat, She just keeps on talking.
It was so I didn't just fall. It was strategically
leaning to throw up into an ice. But I want

(22:14):
to show her the video for sure. We have to
and then ask her like if she knew anything was
going on or she just was like doing her thing. Well,
I just imagine because I was during the time where
she was to impress, so she was probably doing like
back to back. She was just like, Okay, she's still there.
But in the video, your eyes are cutting to Easton

(22:37):
like looking at everyone panics. Both of y'all were absolute
professionals though, so I'm very excited to talk to her
for the first time since. So get your tickets. Um,
you won't want to miss that. Yeah, so on location
live dot com slash scrubbing in for your tickets. It's

(23:01):
gonna be so fun, so fun. Um, Okay, we're gonna
take a break. We'll be right back with Ryan sir hand.

(23:24):
All right, you guys, we have someone um in the
o R today that is honestly someone I specifically really
need in my life right now. So this couldn't come
in a better time. We have Ryan sir Hand in
the O r scrubbing in you're our your our official
first guest. Yeah, well not technically because you weren't here

(23:48):
that week with Matthew Hassey on Oh okay, well with
both of us together. Since I've been back, you're you're
my first guest. That's awesome. Tania really reigned on the
prede there. You know, I checked the facts on the
fact checker over here. Where have you? Where have you been?
He said? Since you been back? I just went. I
went to Louisiana for Christmas. So when I came back,

(24:09):
I got it. Yeah. So we had to adjust a
few things, a few things. But um, I for those
who don't know who you are, you're basically just a
mogul in so many, um different areas. Where do you begin?
Like when you introduce yourself and someone says, what do
you do? Where do you start? Well? I start with

(24:29):
real estate. Um, I'm a real estate broker and I
run a real estate firm in New York. But most
people know me from Millionaire Listing New York on Bravo
or sell likes her ants. Uh. And then we can
get deeper there if they've read the books or watch
logs or social and you know, yeah, I like your
book set up behind you. Behind you. There is that

(24:51):
the big big money energy. How to rule at work,
dominate at life and make millions on Amazon? Yes, yes,
yeah you can. You can get it on Amazon now,
how to make millions on Amazon? Yeah yeah, um, yes,
it is stacked up behind me really good. Yeah. Because

(25:13):
my first book that came out, I was I spent
two weeks like traveling the country, you know, sales team, salesforces,
book signings, Bravo stuff right everywhere. It was crazy. This time,
I'm like stuck in this chair, which is I mean,
it's fine. I don't know, it's it's it's good in
some ways. It's but it's not as exciting in every

(25:36):
other way. But it's kind of cool that I get
to meet so many different people that otherwise would not
be able to travel to. Yeah. I I've had that
same thought of like when we've gotten to interview people,
it's been cool because some of the people we wouldn't
actually be able to have the chance to talk to
just because schedules and being able to come into the studio.
And so it's been nice having guests that, um, like

(25:57):
a broader range of guests. I guess because everyone's at
home or you know, they should be at home. Um.
So I'm currently in the process of looking to buy
a home for the first time in l A. Are
you Yeah? And it is the most um, humbling, competitive,

(26:18):
intimidating thing that I've done in my life. To be honest, Um,
I've put in an offer on two homes and it's
been like, there's been over twenty offers on each of them,
and it just kind of feels where where are you
trying to buy? I'm in Los Angeles, so in the
Los Angeles area. It's crazy. Really, there's over twenty offers.

(26:39):
That's wild. Uh. You know, I thought that that type
of market was really only in low tax states. Um,
but it is. Uh yeah, listen, it's COVID. Right, was
a flight to land, a flight to homes. Nothing better
than being stuck in your current house to realize how
terrible it is if you want to go get a

(27:00):
better one. That's that's all. That's what Quarantine did. It
was a multi trillion dollar pr campaign for the value
of a of a new house, right of a better house,
especially like because it's oftentimes out of sight, out of mind.
Right if you're working if you're running around all the time,
you're like, I should move, but al right, it's such

(27:22):
a pain in the ass you just don't do it.
And then when you can't do anything and you're like,
I should probably move, and then Zillo is so easy.
I don't know if you saw that Saturday at Live
skipped this weekend where like, uh, it's like Zilo porn.
You should check it out. It's funny. I did see.
I saw a lot of people talking about it, but

(27:43):
I haven't seen it. Yeah, because everyone's at home, like
late at night, you know, they're like scrolling through and
then they quickly go over to Zillo and they start
checking out houses that they can't afford hern on for people. Um,
but yeah, that's it's an exciting process. It's awesome. You
have are paying a mortgage or you're paying someone else's

(28:03):
mortgage up to you. If you have to down payment,
that's a decision you really have to make. Like you
have a down payment, Are you going to pay your
on mortgage and build equity and build a future or
do you want to pay someone else's don't do I know?
And that's what but it is, it's I I guess
my question is how do you in this type of

(28:25):
market when it's like this, and you know, a lot
of people are saying in the next few months, more
homes are gonna go on sale and there's going to
be more options apparently, But then it's and then you go,
like what if the interest rate raises? And there's all
these questions of do I need to just do my
best to do it now or do I wait so
that I'm not over paying for something that? Yeah, you know,

(28:49):
you you can never time the market. It's impossible. People
have tried. Can't do it. Um. But if you feel
the market is too frothy and tot then you shouldn't
buy it off more than you can chew right, be
careful about overpaying, um. But oftentimes you're not just overpaying. Right,
there's a market for it. There's there's people who want

(29:09):
to buy the houses for a reason. Don't be worried
about interest rate's. Interest rates are going to be where
they are, uh plus minus a few points like for
the next couple of years. So yeah, so do not
be worried about that. Just try to find an house
that you love. I mean, that's that's that's the toughest
thing to do. And if you can get a house

(29:30):
that you like but you don't love it, you know
that you can learn to love it. You can make
it your wrong, you can learn to love it. The
key to life right there. Yeah, like listen, I know you.
You know, yes, I could go into there's you. You
get what I'm talking about. So yeah, yeah, you could
learn to love them. Uh. But buying a home is terrifying,

(29:52):
totally scary, and insane amount of commitment. But it's also
it's fun and it's that kind of important next step,
right most people will like My life sort of changed
mentally when I bought my first place because and it
was like, damn, now I'm an adult. There's a lot
of things that that make you feel like you're an adult,
but nothing more than getting a mortgage. It feels very

(30:15):
significant in my adulthood, this this step. And I'm you know,
I'm in my head, I'm I'm looking at other markets
in different cities, wondering if I should you know, move
out of l A or where the value is. And
I get overwhelmed because I start looking at what's available
in other areas for you know, my budget, and it's

(30:39):
a little discouraging seeing what what we pay for in
the Los Angeles area versus elsewhere except for New York.
Of course. I was about to say, like, I'm in
a townhouse right now that's probably worth ten million dollars
that has no bedrooms. Um uh. And the views are
of brick. So right, it's all relative, right, But there

(31:05):
is uh intellectual curiosity and excitement and energy and buzz
and even now post COVID incredible networking opportunities in l
A and New York that you just can't do by
zoom anywhere else in the world, right, um uh so,
and so you pay for it, right, Yeah, No, you're right.
I mean I have these moments, and I've talked to

(31:27):
Tony about it. Where I go. You know, I could
get this if I moved to Nashville, or I could
get this if I moved to Texas. And then I
go somewhere, I go to the beach, here, go do something.
I know. I know you is great, and you'd be like, yeah,
all my friends are, all my friends are in l A.
Like cool, I'll let me go like walk my dog

(31:49):
for twenty four hours, I know. But then I have
a beautiful home to sit in my misery in yeah,
I don't know about that location. Location location, That's why
they say that, right, you live in the neighborhood. That's
that's honestly what's stopping me. I I was started starting
the process of buying a home last year right before

(32:11):
COVID hit, and then I was starting to like look
around because this is I know, I wanted to live
around here because I'm close to the studio, this is
like where all my work is. And then and now
I'm working from home, and I just was like, maybe
I just table it for a minute because I don't
know if necessarily this is where I want to buy
my home, you know, So I just completely stopped the
process because I just was like overwhelmed. Yeah, which is

(32:33):
totally fine. I mean we when quarantine happened last year,
every buyer dropped out in New York. Everyone waited because
people just didn't know, why am I spending this amount
of money to be an apartment if I don't have
to go back to work for two years? Is that
why you started? Is that when you started writing this
new book? Because I feel like it's all about kind
of shift, because all of our routines got shifted, and

(32:54):
so it's kind of like starting to make new goals
and how to figure out that is that when you
started writing this book. Yeah, actually, um, I was speaking
to so many people because we do a large online
uh sales. We have a large online sales platform. We
have a course that's got over We've been doing it
for about a year. We have six one hundred agents

(33:15):
and a hundred and ten countries, and they and everyone
was going through the same thing. Right at first started
in Italy and then it wrapped through Europe and then
slowly it hit us. And I was talking to so
many people that were having a hard time, who who
are connecting their self worth to their income right and
social media has a big role in that, Okay, Um,
but people get so self conscious and so down on

(33:37):
themselves if they're they think they're they're not making enough
money and they're supposed to be doing this and they're
supposed to be living this way. Um. When you cannot
connect success to money, right, money is is energy. Right.
Success is a state of mind. Um. And if you
can and if you can project yourself to be the

(33:59):
future you that you want to be, you can start
being that person tomorrow. You do not have to wait
um And as I was just talking to more and
more people about that and the ways to do that,
and how to start taking a note of kind of
who you are today, what the perception people have of
you is today, and how you can start leading a
more confident, fulfilling life so that when you take control

(34:22):
of the energy that you put out into the world,
you can really change your life. The book just sort
of came out that way and wrote it in like
two months. That's wild. That's actually, that's one of the
things that my mentor taught me from the very beginning.
I met him when I was eighteen, and he always
told me, he said, chase, chase your passion, not the paycheck.
He's like, trust me, the paycheck will come if you

(34:43):
are chasing your passion. And he was right, crazy, yeah,
And you just have to put the work into the passion. Right.
What we say around here is pretty similar. But it's like,
you know, because there's so much that we can't control
in life. There's so much that you know you can't.
You think you're gonna book this and then you don't. God,

(35:03):
and so much is up and so much is down.
But if you just if you have a routine and
you stick to it right, and you take care of
the work every single day, the work will take care
of you. So just take care of the work. The
work will take care of you, and it removes a
lot of the pressure that you put on yourselves. You

(35:25):
go out and make something happen every day. And I
got to do this and I got these goals. It's
great to have goals. It's great to have visions. I
think they're really really important. Um But at the same time,
you just know that by default, like we live in
a time where if you put the work in, the
work will take care of you and you will make money.
Um Uh, you know, if if you want it right.

(35:45):
That's the hardest thing to teach us want do you
do you think it's this year and the like? After
what we've been through with the pandemic and people losing
their jobs and people kind of spending so much time
with themselves in their own homes. Like do you think
starting up a business during this time? Is is financially smart?

(36:06):
Or should people wait? Like? What would you advise that
if someone is looking to start up their own business.
The greatest businesses and inventions have come when people's backs
were up against a wall. It's what produces the most creativity,
the most ingenuity. Um. And if you just look like

(36:28):
Isaac Newton discovered gravity during a pandemic because he was
quarantined in his house. That's the whole reason he was
sitting under that tree, right, Like the guitars. Electric guitar
was created in a recession. Basketball was created during a quarantine.
Like it's you know, um uh? And so I think.
So I started my own real estate company. I've been

(36:50):
a broker at another firm for twelve years and I
left on July one and my own company and built
it over the summer and announced it in November, sorry,
in September, because I knew. As scary as this is,
and as many people are leaving New York as they are, uh,
everything is going to get better. The future is always

(37:11):
brighter than the past, right, and no one else is
going to do it, so might as well be me. Right,
it's at the bar, and I said, love, you know,
if you start a new business when everyone else is
starting businesses and everyone's like, okay, cool man, good job, nice.
But if you start a new business when everyone else

(37:32):
is fleeing, scared, terrified, stuck inside, everyone was like, whoa,
are you okay? That's awesome? Really wow? Like you sure,
totally different reactions. Um, it's been great, you know, it's
been great. So I think anyone with that entrepreneurial bug

(37:53):
or or spirit probably I think gets gets gets a
lot of adrenaline from times like these. It's uh, there's
no better time than now. And like you, just like
you just said, like why not me? When you when
you first started in this industry? Did you? I mean,
did you have instant success? Was there that you know?

(38:18):
You didn't you weren't someone who was like an overnight sensation. No,
no, no no, no, I uh it was slowly, but surely. Um.
I mean I am incredibly persistent. I will follow up
with you until you die, and then I'll come to
your funeral and I'll sell your estate and I'll follow

(38:40):
up with your kids, right like I am in this
business until I die. Um, but I'm very persistent. Um,
And I just knew that I don't know, like I listen,
I grew up very nicely, like a good upbringing, great parents.
You know, they were uh really not too excited that

(39:02):
I decided to go to New York City without a
job to be an actor. And then make no money
and then get into real estate to pay the bills.
They just sort of assumed I would go get a
real job eventually. Um, and being a realtor they did
not consider a real job. Uh you know thirteen years ago, um,
and the world's different now. And uh you know. I

(39:22):
started by just doing little rentals. I was just trying
to pay rent. I didn't want to move home. That
was it. Like the biggest fear of my life was
moving home. It's like, if I move home, I will
like it's that is failure to me. I can't come
to New York and then move home, so I'll never
come back. I'd have to go do something else. So
I need to just make it work. Um, I just

(39:43):
need to stick it out and make it work, and
I'll figure it out. And so kind of I would
just go month to month trying to figure out how
to pay rent, rent departments for college kids, make some money,
put a little bit of money away, make some rent,
and keep going and going going. But I knew that
with every deal that I did, as long as I
talked about the next best deal, those are the types

(40:05):
of clients I would get. Right. So, if I was
doing a thousand to three thousand dollar a month leases.
I would only ever talk about and promote the three
thousand dollar a month deals because those people would get
me the thirty a month referrals and friends because no
matter how rich you are, you have problems, and rich

(40:26):
misery loves company more than anything, so those people want
to hang out with people who understand their problems, you know.
So uh yeah, So I would just I kept kind
of pushing myself up in the price category that way,
and then I got my first building to sell, and
then from that I got my next building. And then

(40:47):
I randomly walked into a casting call for Millionaire Listing
New York for Brava with three thousand agents, um, and
they asked me why I was there, and I told
him because I was the greatest in real estate broker
in the history of the world. And they were from
l A so they didn't know, so I uh and
so they were like, really take it till you make it.

(41:08):
It's sort of But I also if they asked me
how many listenings I had, I would have said one.
Like if they asked me how many deals, I doubt
I would have said like four, Right, I think A
lot of people fake it till they make it and
they lie or they're disingenuous, and that's I don't I
don't preach that. Um, I believe that. At that time

(41:30):
on I looked around at this crew of three thousand
agents that were trying to get onto the show, and
I was like, dude, I I am way better than
all these people, whether they know it or not. Eventually,
one day I'm going to sell more than all of
these people. That they're going to cast the best real
estate agent under the age of thirty and I was
twenty six at the time. Um, Uh, they should cast me.

(41:54):
So when they asked me why I was there, I believed,
even if I wasn't it today, I will be it shortly, Uh,
that I was the best and you should have you
should you should cast me. Um. And then I took
them around and showed them what my life was like
for six hours, which was just mass craziness. And I
think they were just so confused, uh rolling around New

(42:16):
York um getting car sickness in the back of the car.
And I didn't really know how to drive in New
York City. Uh. They were like, Okay, well we'll he'll,
he'll do. Um. But that's kind of how I how
I how I got onto the show, and that's how
I've gotten most of the clients like I, um, you
know a lot of the big deal I sold a place.
I don't do deals in Florida. I met a guy client.

(42:39):
He asked me if I did things in Florida. Said yeah, absolutely, Yeah.
It's like, all right, well, I'd like to go find
a place in Miami. No problem, okay. I learned the
Miami market and one day sold him a place for
thirty three million dollars two days later. Um. Because he
believed in the energy right energy energy right. If you
if you feel like you shouldn't be in the room,

(43:03):
the people in the room are going to know that
that's how you feel, and they're gonna treat you that way.
What's like a like a typical like a typical work
day for you, like rise, grind, like and I go
through like I want the details of just like what
you eat. I just feel like you're kind of one
of the I don't know, you're one of those people
that I feel like I can I'm like vibing with
I just would like to know a little bit of

(43:24):
your day to day. Um, so Monday, so Sunday through
Friday when I'm in New York. Um, I wake up
at four, I do email still for thirty. I go
to the gym from five to six thirty. I get
the baby at seven, put the baby to her mom
with milk. Right around then, Um, a shower, get ready.

(43:46):
I go to work around seven. Um, My day is
booked kind of on the fifteen minute mark. From eight
to eight. I intermitted fast. So I eat starting at
twelve and I stopped eating at six. I use a
service called food adders, and they come in little cartons
this way, so this is my steak. I gotta finish
eating here. Um uh. And I'm in appointments or calls

(44:10):
or filming or creating content. My number one focus all
day long is brand. I gotta push brand in any way,
shape or form. If it's from a sale, I'm pushing brand.
If it's from X, whatever, it is, pushing brand, brand, brand.
Because real estate is my oak tree, right, that's the tree,
Like that is it nothing I will never do. I
mean I don't want to say never, but the oh,

(44:33):
the tree and the roots are real estate sales. Everything
else is my branch. And so I've always got to
bring it back to the real estate. And then they
do other things, have the sales, course of the books,
of the different TV shows, the content studio. We put
out tons of content across all platforms, and now I
have the new brokerage, um uh and everything else that
kind of comes with that. I'm like, I'm like kind

(44:55):
of obsessed with you. Your hat has gratitude, Yeah, it does.
Her own hats, my own hat. Yeah, that's awesome because
my last name is rad you know, so it's like
Tanya's gratitude. Get it. But I love when you say
a routine. I think that was something that really, uh,
you know, struck people when the pandemic happened, because a

(45:16):
lot of people are shook from their routine. And I'm
I'm such a creature of habit and I'm not gonna lie.
I lost a little bit, even though I still have
my routine, because you know, it's hard, it's really hard.
And the fact that you wake up, I mean, you
don't start your day job, I guess whatever until eight o'clock,
but you're up at four to em Jim baby, like
that you have given me. I I needed some of

(45:38):
that right now, and you just gave it to me,
so I really appreciate it because I needed that. Well. Thanks, Listen,
I am the stame way. I have a lot of
friends and all the clients who are way more successful
than me, and no way ever what they wake up
it for. So that doesn't work for them. But I

(45:59):
know it worked for me. And what works for me
is is kind of what you just said. Right. I'm
a creature of habit I need that routine. So even quarantine,
we left, right, We left New York because all the
police in the city, Um, We're saying, and they were
dead serious, We're locking down the bridges and tunnels, right,
We're going to close down Manhattan, um. And that was

(46:20):
what the word on the street was. Because if New
York City is the epicenter, new York City is this big,
why let it continue to spread and people are going
to keep leaving, so let's lock it down. They didn't
do that, right, they just did shelter in place and
really advise you not to um. So we left that
Wednesday before the city shut down. On Sunday, went to

(46:41):
New Hampshire and the first thing that I've realized when
I got to New Hampshire was weight. That's not vacation,
uh crazy. I still have to deal with work clients
like what do I do? I do this, and so
I just kept with the routine. I did like FaceTime workouts.
They sucked, like well, right, I ran around the lake

(47:02):
in the snow. It was terrible. Still did it, um uh.
And then the day was just the best part about
it was I just didn't have to do dinner events
or anything. Right, So my day is just sort of
quote unquote ended early, which was kind of the nice
part about it. But I think the routine is really
important because it keeps you focused in the work. And

(47:23):
I'm the type of person where if I don't have
that routine and like, all Hell's gonna break loose. So
I gotta like, I gotta keep myself in my lane. Yeah,
That's what happened to me in the beginning of the
pandemic because we would do so I do a morning
show in the morning, so I'm up early, and then
we did the podcast in the afternoon, and I was
just kind of sitting around the house like doing nothing
in between, and I would get into do the podcast

(47:44):
and I would be so just like drained and sad
and like had no energy, and I was like, I
need to like shake up my routine because I can
like this isn't me, Like I need to figure this out.
So now I like put my runs in the middle
so that I can go out and get air and energy,
and like, yeah, it's figuring out what works for you
for sure. Yeah, I'm I'm not committed to any sort

(48:05):
of routine. I do best with no routine. I like
get just like I get bored with routines. So like,
even if I try to do it consistently, I'm like,
I don't like it, and I think it's important now.
And I did this a lot during UM and talk
to a lot of people about it. I would spend
during the day either thirty minutes or an hour, right,

(48:28):
you call it kind of call it like your future hour,
right if you have the time, or your future ten
minutes or your future thirty whatever it is your future
fifteen where you just sit by yourself and think about
the future and what you want, right and just imagine it,
just think about it. And I am telling you there
is no better way to create your success than thinking

(48:50):
about it every day, just a little bit, just forcing
yourself to think about it like if you want that
island vacation or that thing, and it can be material,
I don't care, like it can be stuff like you
want that tesla, you want that thing, you wanna, you
want a million dollars, you want whatever it is, right,
if you want your podcast to be talk, whatever it
could be. Just think about it for ten minutes. However

(49:13):
much time you have um and write down what comes
to your head. You'll end up manifesting and brainstorming so
many things that you hadn't even anticipated because you're actually
going to ask your brain to wait, stop thinking about
all the bullets for a second, and just think about
the future, and it will change your life. I'm telling

(49:33):
you this is so I'm literally gonna put future five
I think future five five or fifteen minutes, which I
give it. It's gonna take you five to get into it,
and then the last you're gonna be thinking about getting
out of it, so you'll have a good five in
the middle. Okay, I'm gonna put future fifteen in my
calendar every day for the next two weeks to get like,
to get it in my retraine and then email me, Yeah,

(49:56):
what's your Well, I guess I can I can figure you.
I'm like, what's your email. I'll I'll get your email
from our producer. But yeah, honestly, I'm so grateful. I'm
sure you have other podcasts and other things to do
because you have such a routine, but I'm really really
grateful that you're on on the podcast. I know. I'm yeah,
I have something to say. I need to say something
before we let them go. I want to know, like,

(50:16):
what are three things that someone needs to get the
big money energy and like get kind of in that
space of thinking and future thinking and success thinking. Sure, um,
well so three things. Listen, There's there's a lot to do, Okay, Um,

(50:38):
but if I had to break it down into three steps, uh,
you First you have to remember, okay, that we all
have the raw material needed to be the absolute best
version of ourselves. We just most often than not, we
keep it inside, right because rather embarrassed of what we
think the best version is, we feel like we have

(50:58):
imposter syndrome. We don't feel ready. I still want to
wait to know I'm not there yet, whatever it might be.
And oftentimes, right oftentimes maybe that best version of ourselves
existed for a moment in time, but then someone took
it away from you. Maybe it was a past boyfriend
who was a dick. Maybe it was a teacher professor
who was an asshole. Maybe it's your parents who told
you weren't good enough. Whatever it might be, right, but

(51:21):
there's three things to start doing kind of get that
back right, because we all had it when we were babies.
Like I have a two year old she's and she
doesn't give it about anybody. Only later, once we start
to understand social pressures and the habits of others, do
we start to kind of keep that on the inside
and kill it a little bit? Um So first, right,

(51:42):
big one the energy is knowing about is knowing what
you want and actually getting it and devising a plan
to go and get it. Because nothing is out of reach,
so why not you? So you write down, like literally
right down to determine who is the future you and
can be ten years out for you, It can be
two years, it can be a year, it could be

(52:03):
five years, it can be whatever you want for me.
Right now, when I think about future Ryan, I think
about that's a that's an easy date for me to
think of, right that's ten years from last year, and
ten years goes by like that, So I think about
who is that guy? And what am I doing today?
So that when I become him, which is going to

(52:24):
happen before I know it, he's going to be so
happy and whatever I went through today that he's gonna
go back in time and shape my hand, Like what
can I do for that? So figure out who that
future you is? Right, then you need to do an
energy audit. So an energy audit means you got to
get comfortable with criticism and embrace self awareness, which a

(52:44):
lot of us also shy away from. Right, we're all
way too nice to each other because we don't want
to hurt each other, right, we don't like confrontation, So
everyone's always great and he's a do you, oh my god,
you look so beautiful? You don't look beautiful? Right, today's
an off day, But you don't want to say that
to everybody, So when you're ready, you ask for it. Okay,
Like I made one big deal when I was younger,
when I first started, and I thought I was the man,

(53:05):
but I absolutely was not. I had to get real
about how I looked, how I communicated, and how knowledgeable
I seemed. And so a way that you can do
This is you can ask a friend who you honestly trust,
or a family member or anybody and to say, hey,
if you were to describe me to someone else without

(53:26):
using my name, what would you say? Am I the
funny one sentence to humor? Who's lazy? What? What? What?
I could be honest with me, just be totally just
let it rip. Be prepared though, because what they're going
to say is now your definition to the world, how
the world perceives you. And if what they say to

(53:48):
you is okay, great, now listen. They might say things
that you don't agree with. It all okay, ask somebody else.
That's totally fine, right, but you need to be very
well aware of how you're perceived to the world, how
you look, how communicate, and how knowledgeable you've seen. Right,
So that's a little exercise. And then third is you
need to stop waiting for opportunity and start becoming an

(54:10):
opportunist because you have the power to make your own magic.
I mean, my career really took off and I realized
I didn't need anyone else to provide me with opportunities
because opportunities were everywhere. If you're comfortable with being uncomfortable, um,
which means having that future right, Like, let's go and
actually create things. You know, how many cold emails did

(54:32):
you send today? You know you want to do interviews
with crazy people, ask them, just reach out. What's the
worst they're gonna do? Say now, okay, follow up in
a week. In a week the best deal I ever did.
And I guess we could we could end it here.
Um uh. I met a wife who wanted to buy

(54:53):
a place. She was from New Jersey on the Upper
East Side, a budget up to around a million bucks yourself, um.
And she never ended up buying anything, but I followed
up with her and her husband. Um. And I followed
up every other week for seven years. Seven years later,
the husband wrote me back um and asked to reach
out and talk. And so we talked and he said

(55:15):
he had gotten divorced. He said he remembered when his
wife was looking for a place and said that he
was kind of looking for his own place. And two
days later now I guess it was four days later
Monday Thursday. Um, I saw him a place for sixteen
million dollars and so um. But it took me seven
years sending emails. But emails are free. It's free. Yeah, right,

(55:40):
so what's to stop me? So what's to stop anybody else?
Be opportunity what you want? Those are free ways to start.
Those were really I am re listening to this podcast
and taking notes once once we're done for today. So good. Um,
Like on you said, I know that your schedule and

(56:02):
what you said is booked back to back, but we
so appreciate your time, like you were so informative and
I feel like everyone listening will take something away. So
thank you for your time and um scrubbing in today. Yeah,
and I am going to email you, so look for
that email. She'll email for seven years, so make sure

(56:22):
line subject line gratitude, So I'll make sure to look
for it. Okay, make sure your publicist tells our book.
I don't even know how it happens, but make sure
that they know that I'm cool. All right, Thanks Ryan,
thank you so much. Bye bye bye. You're like, I'll
find me. I will find you. That's crazy, though, sent

(56:45):
an email for seven for seven years, and then he
sold a sixteen million dollar home worth the efforts to say, so,
I don't know that I have it in me to
be that like persistent, Yeah, persistent and um hm confident,
I guess because it takes like a certain level of
just confidence that you're gonna wear that like you're gonna win.

(57:08):
After seven. I was gonna ask him if he was
an impatient person, but I feel like I feel like
he's not. I think I could see him. Yeah, I
was gonna say I could see like with long term
goals he's patient, but with like everyday things, maybe he's like,
I need it and I need it now. Oh my gosh,
that was crazy. Yeah, that's really cool. I I think

(57:30):
because I'm in this headspace and wanting to buy, which
I had so many more questions for, it's like I
could have I need to do, Like I might have
to send an email to with a lit some questions.
He's like, who gave her the email? But we should
get somebody for a million dollar listening l A since
they like probably know the l A market, you know. Yeah,
I think just talking to someone though who's in the
the space. Um, it's just interesting and I like that

(57:53):
a lot of what he's done has been focused on
your future and what you due to reshift your attitude
about you know, or if you're in a mundane spot
of just feeling like everything feels repetitive and you're wanting
to feel boost of something new. I like that. That's
kind of where his where he's spocused. Yeah, there is

(58:16):
something about that because when you you always talk about
imposter syndrome, and I think I have it too. I
just have never identified it or no, but I think
a lot of people have that feeling of like, oh,
I'm not supposed to be here, like why am I
here of other than someone else? And having like him
going into that casting and being like, well, I'm the
best agent there is while he's still very new to it.

(58:39):
It's a powerful tool to have that. Wow. Yeah, it
was really cool. He's got a new fan in me.
All Right, we are going to take a break and
we'll be right back with some emails. Okay, we are back,

(59:06):
and we have some hard hitting emails. Mark. All right,
this is from Alicia. She says, I'm thirty two. I
live in Dallas. The last month or so has been
the hardest of the pandemic. I'm feeling overwhelmingly lonely, and
I'm finding it harder to be happy. I have great
friends and family who I talk to you daily, but
that can only replace in person interactions. For so long.

(59:27):
What do you all do to fill your days, specifically
the weekends. I mean, I think this is really good
for you to take the lead on answering because you
you live alone and I don't. On my sister lives
with me, So I like, I actually constantly a people around.
But it is it is related, believe. I mean, I've
got a wife and two daughters. But I gets, you know,

(59:49):
the week with the work week is over and like yeah,
work weeks over in this Saturday afternoon, like so there's
nothing to do, nothing to do? Who wants to play
you for the fiftieth time? You know? Like yeah, you know,
I do think and again it's just like, you know,
very tanya of me. But I started doing festive Fridays
and I would get dressed up. I'd pick a theme

(01:00:10):
for the Friday and I'd get dressed up and I
would order that specific food whatever is UM. And you
can zoom with people if you want to FaceTime, do
FaceTime with people. If you do have any friends that
you have seen like a part of your quarantine, UM,
you can do it with them too. I found that
to be really like fun and something to look forward to.
UM during the pandemic. So I suggest festive Fridays and

(01:00:35):
then I don't I mean, I don't know. I don't
want to encourage people traveling, but honestly, being away for
the weekend, really it just brought me energy. You know, um,
even if you can go somewhere where you're outside and
just connecting with people, UM, I don't know necessarily like
what's open around you and you can wear a mask,
but I do think that there's something, um, really energizing

(01:01:00):
about energy from other people. So whether it's through zoom
and just like making a plan to do that and
like setting a day being intentional about it and making
it fun versus just like rogue face timing and like
you know, doing just talking to people. UM, I found
that to be really fun. So festive Fridays were like
a big thing for me. I also think I know

(01:01:20):
a lot of people who have been really really um
like quarantine and not leaving their house or seeing anybody
who live alone. And I think a few of them
I know have done things where they have made plans
with a friend and decided to quarantine for whatever the
suggested time frame is, like ten days or whatever. State
quarantine don't see anybody and then meet up and see

(01:01:42):
each other so that there's like even if it's in
a park or an outdoor location or um, but just
knowing that you've both taken the time to quarantine, because
I do think, like for mental health, I really think
it's very important to see people and like have these
interactions and if you're just alone and all day, like
I think all of us here have at least some

(01:02:03):
human interaction most days. And I think that getting that
even if it's going socially distance outside, which I don't
it's probably cold in Dallas, but making an effort to
see people, even if it's in once a week, one
personal week. It's just like we're not meant to be
isolated like this. And I think there's a way of

(01:02:25):
being careful and respecting you know, the pandemic and COVID
restrictions and everything, but also taking care of yourself because
you have I mean, this is it like you have
to take care of your mental state and your emotional state.
And it sounds like you're kind of on that decline
of kind of at your wits end, which I'm sure
a lot of people feel too. So I would say

(01:02:47):
make a plan and talk to, you know, see someone
outside and make an effort to have some sort of
interaction because we're all going to go crazy at some
point if we don't do that. It's true. And one
other thing that's good is is getting together with one
of those friends and just walk in someplace, just having
a destination. You're not facing each other, you're wearing masks.
You know, it's safe, you're outside. We've been doing that.

(01:03:09):
Starbucks about two miles from here, and we walk there
on a pretty regular basis, just because it's something to do.
You know, it's a quick thing, but you can make
it into an all afternoon thing if you want to.
And then you're getting exercise and fresh air and it
makes the day go by. And it's all about killing
time these days. All right, let's see who's next. I'd
say it's Dr Rachel. Rachel says, my best guy friend

(01:03:30):
of three years is in a year long relationship with
his girlfriend, but he still somehow keeps me as an option.
He's flirty just enough to give me the attention I
need or want. He tells me I love you often,
but I never say it back. He's never crossed any
major physical boundaries with me, but just enough that if
I were in a monogamous relationship with him, it would

(01:03:52):
upset me. I would love to still be his friend,
and but I want to stop picturing him as a
potential future partner. Is this possible or do I have
to just cut him out of my life? I imagine
we're all kind of on the same page here. I think,
I don't know, you don't even want this guy's your

(01:04:14):
future partners? If he's nah hard pass Like, if he's
doing this to his girlfriend that he's been with for
three years, he's going to do it to you too.
That's just so much better than that, like wolff, Yeah,
that's right, your first choice potential And he is not

(01:04:35):
respectful of either of you. Really, he's not respectful of
his girlfriend. He's not respectful to you as his friend
or whatever. Y'all are okay? So you know what though,
because I think it's a lot again, we say this
all the time. It's easier when we're not in this situation,
So I understand. And I think the reason why you're
so attached to this is because he's familiar and you

(01:04:56):
have a friendship, so you know he's not a scumbag.
And I think and this is sad, but I think
a lot of women just are fear dating or fear
getting to know other people because they think that men
are just going to be sleazy scumbags. And I'm just generalizing,
but I really believe that to be true, and I'm
here to tell you that that's not the case. And

(01:05:19):
there's so fear is such a strong thing. It's like
it's crippling in so many ways. And that is something
that I think cripples relationships because you just don't think
you think this is the only man that it's compatible
with you, or has a good job or whatever the
things that you like in him as a friend. You
think that, like, there's not anybody else out there like that,

(01:05:40):
And I'm here to tell you that's not the case.
So step on the other side of fear. Don't you
deserve better? You really, really honestly do. And you know
it too. I think you're just letting the fear cripple you.
And it's not a bad thing because everybody does it.
But at the end of the day, what you want
is you want to partner that is loyal to you,

(01:06:01):
loyal and that's not asking too much. You want a
partner that's a teammate and a partner to you, you
don't want to that's playing checkmate with other people. And
I think, I mean, I think those are the two
biggest things. Loyalty, respect and trust. Yeah, And I also
think that if you keep him in your life and
don't keep having this friendship or whatever is going on

(01:06:23):
when you if you are able to meet someone in
your head, like if you're able to meet someone else
and start a relationship, he's not going to want you
have in this relationship with this guy who's larring with
you and sending texts, So like you're limiting yourself from
first of all, meeting someone amazing because you're settling for
this guy, and second of all setting yourself up to

(01:06:44):
make your future partner feel insecure with the relationship with
this guy who's doesn't have boundaries. Boundaries are very important,
and you need to set someone with this guy because
you are a bad be and you are first choice

(01:07:04):
and not side whatever fling. Boundaries are like the key
to life. They're hard though, it's hard to set, and
normally we have to set boundaries with the people that
we love, like the people that we care about the most,
Like those are the ones that we actually have to
set boundaries for a lot of the times, and it's hard,
Like I'm really working on learning to set boundaries with,

(01:07:27):
but it's with people that I don't necessary. I don't
want to have to set boundaries with. But it's tough
because she likes that there's no boundaries here. She likes
that he says I love you. She likes that he's
a little flirty and a little physically flirty, but not
too much. She likes that. So and that's the problem. Well,
we all like that, we all like attention in that way,
not from not from a guy with the girl, imagine

(01:07:49):
a girlfriend. Yeah, it's just not good. No, I'd be like,
don't touch me. What's your girlfriend's Instagram? Because I'm gonna
let her know. Oh, there was this. There was a
post in the Facebook group about uh. I don't know
if any of y'all saw it, but basically, um one

(01:08:10):
of this a girl that's a scrubber, her friend her
the guy and the girl are both like good friends
of hers, and she found out that the female is
having a cheating on the fiance and they're supposed to
get married, and she decided she's just going to go
through with the wedding, and so the scrubber was asking, like,
I don't know what to do because they're both my friends,

(01:08:32):
Like do I just stay out of it? Do I
take myself out of the wedding and hope that she,
you know, eventually that forces her to tell him, because
he asked, like, why are y'all not friends? You know?
I was like, that is tough. There was a lot
of mixed reviews on like people saying saying, stay out
of it, it's not your relationship, and then people saying

(01:08:52):
you should let him know so that his life isn't
you know, ruined by this girl. She's friends with both
of them, she's both of them. I would encourage my
girlfriend to tell the guy that she's been I think
she did. I think she's told her and she said,
I don't care. I think she's just kind of she's
pretty casual about her from what she said. I was

(01:09:15):
in this very situation a number of years ago, um
where the guy was cheating on the girl and they
were in a very serious relationship, and I was friends
with both of them, and I remember talking to someone else,
come like, God, I feel like I should I should
tell her because she thinks this is this great guy
and he's acting like a piece of garbage and and
I understood It's like this wasn't my place. I figured

(01:09:38):
it will come out, like it will resolve itself, you know,
because these things always do. And that that was almost
a decade ago and they're still married, and it doesn't
seem like it ever came out. And so maybe that
secret dies with me. Who knows. God then that was
in the pot. Did you like kind of remove yourself
from the friendship or did everything just stay normal. I

(01:09:58):
distanced myself definitely from the dude because I was like,
I told him, I was like, this is this is
horrible and uh, and you should tell Monica what you're
doing and uh, but he he didn't want to hear it.
And so I'm not his friend anymore and I don't
talk to her very much. Uh, they seem very happy.
If all him on Instagram. It seems like we're having
a nice time. Wow. I know, it's weird. It's like

(01:10:22):
you and I know we always have a kind of
differing opinions on different relationship advice of like when to
stay out and when to speak up. But I do
think it's it would say a lot without you saying
anything if you backed out of the wedding and said, like,
I'm not going to be a part of it, I
don't support it, And it almost would force her to
answer the question that he would have of why that

(01:10:43):
happened without you having to be the one to tell
I don't know. It's one of those where I go,
I'm not a professional, seek professional advice or listen to
Easton it's essentially professional advice. Um. Well, on that note,

(01:11:07):
I'm gonna go sit and think for fifteen minutes about
what my future looks like. I wait to put that
in my calendar every day, my future fifteen And you
want to know what's crazy about that? And when he
said this, I've actually started to do something with my
neighbor Aaron. We both were just kind of talking about
how we have a hard time like working in our homes.

(01:11:28):
Now like we can get through the work that we
need to do what we can't we're not like inspired
to you know what I mean, like push the envelope
a little bit. And so we're tag teaming and we're
doing we're like like, um, you know, people do like
future planning and they have like their like baby classes
and stuff where they do lamas class and like future
family planning or whatever like that. We're doing future planning

(01:11:51):
and we're keeping each other accountable. We're gonna do it together,
um somewhere outside like at like a park or something
nearby where we just like carve out like once a
week time together holding each other accountable to plan our
future for doula classes and stuff. For doula classes and stuff. Rebecca,
Rebecca cool Becca, Yeah, cool Becca, not to be not

(01:12:13):
to be uh confused with me. No, it's very different
than you. Yeah, because she's cool, because you're cool. That's great. Yeah, yeah,
very different from you. Becca, you're my best friend. I

(01:12:33):
obviously think you're the coolest person ever. But she has
like a different like energy, Like she's very calming and
just like cool, and there's like no way for her
to dig herself out. So like we could just let
this continue as she tries to explain, but my feelings
might get hurt at that point. Um her, when you

(01:12:57):
meet her, you'll understand the energy. Okay, can't wait beca
the dola, the cool cool Beck of the doula. Um. Okay,
on that note, we have to go, but I really
hope that we see a lot of you this week
for the Galantine to Day event. Um, we have some
fun guests coming on. We have a best friend competition

(01:13:20):
Tanya and a best friend of hers versus me and
a best friend of mine competing for who knows each
other best? Oh, that's what we're competing again. I don't
know something I didn't know. I asked like the newly
Wed game. I think O type thing I asked for Quel,
and I was like, I don't really know what we're
gonna be, like the Selina lyrics verse Taylor lyrics. Yeah,

(01:13:42):
I don't know what we're gonna get so great, I'm
feeling great about it. Um. Anyways, I hope you all
have a wonderful Monday and Tuesday. We'll see you on Wednesday.
We love you, guys, Love you. Or maybe I can
aske Becca my new best friend, y'all. Probably. I mean,
I don't know how much you told her. You might
be able to. I don't know she might know enough

(01:14:03):
to compete if I know you and I know col Becca.
She naptily knows the size of my menstrual cup. Okay,
well then she okay. On that note, we'll be back
next week. Love you all, Love you bye.