Take the Cough Drop

Tanya is really feeling the BDE (book distribution eve)! But Becca feels like she lost her mojo... what can we do??

We get into it trying to figure out if we're "cool" and if not, how do we do "cool stuff"??  

And we learn the power of "wait not!"

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya Red and I
Heart Radio podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. Scrubbing In.
Today is the eve of Tanya Is and Raquel is
a book released, The Sunshine Mine. It's a day before

(00:26):
Where are the zomies? Where? Oh yeah, yeah I love
that Where Yeah. I was gonna ask, like, where's your head?
I've never released a book, so I don't know what
this is, what you're experiencing. My head isn't a million
different places right now. So let me just preface this
by saying, like this weekend, I wanted to do my normal,
you know, like before big things. I want to work out,
and I want to sleep and I want to go

(00:46):
into a sauna and like do all that stuff. I
did none of that this weekend, And well, you know,
I look at it a sign of maturity because I
did a deep dive cleansing of my apartment robbing and
I went, oh, here she goes, You're gonna blow you away. Sorry,
it's gone, okay, okay, um. We did like a deep

(01:10):
dive deep clean of my apartment and like went in
like and gutted everything, like went through my kitchen and
all my clothes and like just really it was exhausted, everything,
every room, everything. Yeah, the full weekend was dedicated to that.
So but I feel very accomplished. So that what I'm
saying now, going into this week with everything coming up,

(01:31):
I feel excited. Um. I also feel a little bit
nervous because everybody that's read the book so far has
been a friend of mine, you know, Like, so even
if they hate it, they're gonna be like, it's great.
But now that it's out, what if somebody doesn't like
it and then they message me and they're like, I
don't like this, And then you say, I'm sorry, but
thank you for supporting me, thank you for the twenty

(01:54):
four nine. And I mean, you can't control how people
perceive certain things. So if anything, it's like, hey, thank
you for giving me a shot, and maybe you like
the next one. Yeah, And it's a devotional it's not
like it's a story and like they didn't like the
story or they didn't like the ending or something. I
think it's I think you've described very well what it
is and people are gonna like it for what it is.

(02:16):
Thank you so much, I think. So I have I
have high hopes that it's gonna and I truly feel
like it's gonna do really big things for people that
are struggling in different areas. So I'm excited about that.
So like the excitedness over comes over Trump's over overpowers

(02:38):
over powers any other feelings they are a little bit there.
I mean, I think with anything, when you put your
heart into something and it's vulnerable, there's always that of
the voice in your head that's like, what what if
the negative? You know? But um, I even in the group,
there were people who were like, I'm not like just

(03:00):
and I don't really have any interest to read the book.
I want to read it could for someone like is
there anyone? And I thought that is so cool because
like even if maybe they don't resonate with it or
have any interest in a devotional they want to support
you and like do it for someone else, which is
really special, I really really special. I saw that Haley
goes this will be the first God book I've ever read.

(03:23):
I literally was like, I wish I could have I
wish she could have said that six months ago and
I could slap it on as an endorsement for the book,
because that is so freaking funny. Yeah, I was like, well,
this will be great, a great start, I think, you know,
you know Toni and Raquel and you know, um, so
I thought that was cute and she was like she

(03:43):
was like looking down at it, and she was like
I said it so casually, and I was like what,
Like I did I hear you right? Just like yeah,
so good. You know, it's funny because Riquel is the
perfect person to partner with because she really like, she
knows the Bible, She's had a relationship, she grew up
in church, so she this is this is like who

(04:06):
she is at her core, and um, anytime I was struggling,
especially at the beginning stages of my career, like if
I was dealing with bullying or anything like that, I
would always go go to her and she would come
back with a scripture that would always make me feel
at peace. So in a sense, the book is kind
of like that, like my you know, she had stories too,
but like storytelling, but also just kind of these verses

(04:26):
that are going to make you feel encourage, encouraged and
that peace hopefully. Yeah. Well, I your book signing is
tonight at the Grove, So if I don't know when
this is going to come out. But if it's out
before then seven pm, seven pm at the Grove, Baby Grow.
It's a big deal. Like I think sometimes, especially you,

(04:47):
of all my friends, You're always doing such like crazy, big,
like cool exciting things, so I almost feel sometimes I
get jaded of like, oh, like you know, Tanya's hosting
Harry's Style, you know, like I'm like, well, of course
she is. But this one feels really cool because it's yours,
it's mine, and it's a book, like I think so too.

(05:08):
And I think because it's been so long in the making,
you know, like I've been talking about I've been talking
about and it's like here now, it just feels very weird.
I know. So Robbie's coming, my parents are gonna come up,
you all my friends are gonna be there, and they're
just gonna stay the whole time. I kind of I
don't really know people are going to show up, Like
we'll just continue going around on the line, maybe bring

(05:29):
some outfit changes, different hairstyles. Yeah. Um, well, it's very excited.
I'm very proud of you, very excited for you. Thank you. Um.
And then I'm getting my period later this week. High
mother Nature can bring it back low, she'll humble you quick. Yeah,
don't get too high in mighty on the sunshine mind,

(05:50):
because your period, aunt flow is coming to town. I
think we're sinked. I think I'm going to also start
my period this week. Nothing makes you happier. It makes
me happier than that. I don't know how it happened either.
I mean we've always been a couple of days off. Yeah,
we might still be. My cycle is pretty strong. Twenty
seven days okay, just right on the market. Right on

(06:11):
the market. Yeah, mine's kind of like maybe a couple
of days off here and there. Yeah, or twenty eight
one of the two. Alright, Well, we'll see you. I mean,
here's to hoping. Here's to hoping, even though you'll be
gone on Good Morning America, A Good Morning America. I
don't have a pre interview this week. I'm like, I
can't believe I have a pre interview, meaning like the
producers of Good Morning America. You're gonna call me any

(06:33):
question that's like official, that's like a big deal. You
only get pre interviews for like really big I know,
very exciting. Oh my gosh. Right before we started the podcast,
Tonya was like, what did you ask about Oh, she goes,
I can't believe you were in the same room with
Alex Earl and you didn't say hi. It seems so
wrong because why because I'm obsessed with her. I we

(06:56):
should have run the podcast, but I feel like we
gotta get in, you know what I mean, Like we
havent DM her. Well. She had said like she went
through a breakup and kind of did like a live
about it, and she was like, if I can go
and call her daddy, I'll talk about the breakup. So
I think her she's really shooting for the top. Girl.
You know what Choice awards exactly, and you know what, mhm,

(07:23):
there's plenty to go around. Why don't she have to
limit herself to one podcast? I don't think she did.
I think she was just saying, like, I'll talk about
my breakup, and if I get to go and call
her daddy, why not scrubbing in. It's a perfect place
to talk about your breakup. We can put you back
together again. Girl. I don't know she I don't know
she knows about us. Well, if he would have gone

(07:45):
up here at the party, she would have This is true.
I think that I was thinking about that this morning.
Like our podcast has been consistent for almost six years. Yeah,
this year will be six years, you know what? Not
a lot? How to like that? What again? Like that?

(08:08):
Not a lot? Not a lot or like that? Right,
Like we've had the longevity consistencies. We are the Quaker
Oats of the podcast. Yeah, I don't know if that
will draw people to us, but that's great, Twayne of

(08:30):
podcasts keep going. Okay, I was just thinking, I see
what these other podcasts do as far as like how
they're always like looking to do new things to promote
the podcast, whether it's like new really cute, like cool merch,
like they're like cool, you know, like vibes, Yeah, their vibes.
And I'm like, I think we've got to really like

(08:51):
increase our coolness because I feel like we're really like nice,
but I don't know we're like cool. But I think
I'm just gonna throw the out there, I'm not cool.
You're the cool one, so you're gonna have to like, no,
not cool, And like I don't think I don't know
that anyone is cool with the air quotes, but I

(09:13):
don't think they did. They're like doing cool things so
like as a podcast because like into like you're you
literally have a book coming out, like you're doing really
cool things. But like as the podcast, it's like, how
do we be nice and also elevating because I don't.
I don't want to just be cool like I don't.

(09:33):
I'm not trying to get people to think that we're
like something We're not right, because that would be But
it's like, how do we elevate our brand as a podcast,
Like how do we have people wearing merg being on TikTok,
posting our clips on TikTok, just things like that, I'm
ready for it, I'm down. I'm just not cool myself.

(09:55):
So I need your help on how to be cool.
Like that green screen TikTok, I didn't that was all
you and that was fire, absolute fire. It's just a
last content over there. So that I was thinking about
I've done on TikTok since I joined in twenty I
think we need Hanna to like really help us because
it was like really cool. Yeah I'm not. She's so

(10:18):
cool and it's like effortless, Like she posts a photo
of her meal and it like I'm like, how it's
just like a photo of her plate. But you know what,
I realized what and I think we need to come
to consensus as a family here no more Zoom interviews.
I did J podcast last week and it was such

(10:38):
a great conversation, Like it was so fun and it
was so great, and I was like, you get and
we'd just done K t L A like we did
K in the morning and then we did JS podcast
after and KTL was on Zoom and it was just
it's just such a different energy. It's completely different vibe.
And I was like, you know what, we should have

(10:59):
all of our podcast guests be in studio. It is
totally different. So here's are your thoughts. Well, I'm one
thousand percent on the same page as you. I think
having face to face time and in person connection you
can't match that over a screen. It's just the facts,
Like even our energy with the four of us when
we're not marked today, but um like typically when we're

(11:22):
all in the room together, it's been a different energy
for the podcast. So I feel like, here's a butt
coming here. There's however, Okay, if we have a guess
that we are like shooting for the stars for Patrick
Dempsey in studio, but if he is in Maine, Okay,
let's say he's in Maine and he's willing to do it,

(11:44):
but he's in Maine. We go to Maine. What are
you talking about, like Mark Wahlberg, Yeah, we went exactly that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we went to like where elseo we go? We went
to San Francisco for the what team was that Giants? Yeah,

(12:08):
we can go to Maine for Patrick Dempsey. Okay, so
you're saying we only do interviews in person no matter
what the scenario is, and we say, I'm just floating
it to the team. I'm just I'm with you a
thousand percent. I am so tired of Zoom interviews as
a producer, but also as a podcast listener. Yes, as
my dog listen to podcast and I hear a guests

(12:30):
coming on and they're on Zoom a little bit of spirit,
it's not as exciting. So I'm with you a thousand percent.
We need to get all of our producers on board.
But I'm with you, I'm with you. I'm one percent
in tune with you and what you're saying. So I

(12:50):
think that's just a conversation we have within internal and
internal combo with the team. Yeah, because you know, like,
let's think about who do we have last week Candice
Killing She lives in Nashville. We may have had to
wait on her a bit when she came to l A, right,
but it would have been worth it totally. I agree.
I think maybe if there's a guess that we really
want and there's someone who could potentially come to l A.

(13:13):
We floated to, hey, will you be in l A
anytime soon? Yes? Would you like to? And I'm fine
doing multiple interviews in a day if we need to have.
We used to do it all the time where we
have to guess yeah, just confirming with correct and head nods.
She's okay, cool, I'm down. I like it. That's cool.
That is cool, that is cool, and that is forward.

(13:36):
We are not in the COVID era anymore. Actually, I
want to shout out a little bit still. I mean,
it's around, but I did um. We had a scrubbing
and listener DM me and she said that she spent
the last six months like binging the entire podcast from
the beginning, and so I did like a little what
is R and D research with her and I was

(13:57):
asking her questions like what was your favorite part, what
are your favorite episodes? Which era did you not like
And she said the COVID quarantine era, but everything was
on zoom. Yeah, no one liked that era. Like that
was a tough time forever the zoom. The zoom has
lingered on from the COVID era, and the zoom cannot

(14:20):
linger anymore. We need to put a hard stop now.
I was gonna say, um a cough, drop in our
mouth and cure boy. If I had to guess a
thousand words, not even made the list. I was like,
I thought I had a brain like glitch and I

(14:40):
had missed half of the sentence. I literally was questioning
myself like I was like, drop, I'm on a weird
energy right now because I don't think I slept well
last night because I'm like excited and all the anticipation
of the week. So I think I'm a little like tired.
But I have been to a lot of adrenaline. I
also didn't sleep we all because we had I had,

(15:03):
I woke up. I'm in a depressive stay right now. Okay,
so yesterday I think I was doing I should read
my book, an Instagram live or something. This is a
different depressive so you'll understand. I think I was doing
Instagram live and I'm gonna text. Yeah. I got a
text and it kind of opened and it was John
Danielle's husband, and I, because I had seen it opened,

(15:27):
I didn't read the text, but then it wasn't like
not a notification anymore. So I kind of forgot about
it because I kept doing the live. So this morning
I wake up and I'm like, just going through my
text froom yesterday and I read his text and he's like, Hey,
I know it's last minute, but um, tonight is Harry
Styles last night at the Forum. Um, if you and

(15:48):
Haley want to go, I have two tickets. I'll take
care of your parking. Oh my heart sank. You don't understand.
I have been and last night was his best outfit
of the whole. Then I texted on and I'm like,
I cannot believe I missed this text message, Like I
I'm going to be thinking about this for a very
long time. And he's like, oh, it's okay, like he'll

(16:09):
be back at some point, and I'm like and so
then I go on TikTok and see his outfit and
I'm like, I just saw his outfit and I've gone
into a deep, dark, depressive state. He just didn't like
laughing about cheese. I wonder who those tickets went to.
I hope they enjoyed it, whoever it was. But um,
I was gonna say, as we had like a game

(16:30):
night last night, and I don't know what I ate.
It was either chicken or charcuterie. Is that it char charcuterie?
Is it called cured meat? It grosses me out saying okay,
like salamis and delicious. I know, But I got so
sick from something last night. I was like fighting, throwing
up all night. So I slept horribly. Um. And so

(16:52):
I think I'm off meat for a minute, because that's
what I have to do. I have to give myself
a break. So I'm vegetarian for so much. But welcome
to the vegetarian club, thank you so much, just until
I recover. Um. So that's a little bit about me
and when I went through the past twenty four hours. Okay. Um. Also,

(17:15):
I had a moment this weekend where I really got
in tune with my feelings and my emotions. Oh yeah,
I wanted to talk about it because are you okay?
I'm fine, But we're gonna take a break and we'll
be back we'll talk about it when we come back
from this break. All right, we're back. So before the break,

(17:48):
we're talking about being in touch with your emotions. Tanya
has really been checking in. She feels like I'm unwell.
I don't really feel unwell because Becca is like posting
stuff on Instagram about journaling in her face hitting the sun,
and I was like, are you good right now? You know?
I think that I feel What do we say? I

(18:10):
don't feel like I'm a mojo? Remember how you still like? Okay,
So I think I've lost your mojo, lost some mojo
and I feel it. It's like sometimes I feel like
I have things that I need to share with someone,
but I'm always like, oh, what if I don't even
know what reaction I want from someone if I were

(18:30):
to tell like a person like a friend or someone.
So I just hold it inside because I'm like, well,
I can't be disappointed in a reaction that I don't
even know what I'm expecting if I don't tell anybody.
Going deep, No, I'm just saying like, if you don't
tell anyone, then you're not gonna get about You're just
like yeah, I'm fine, Like okay, yeah, Because I'm like whatever,

(18:51):
I'm just processing in my mind. But then I was.
I went to the park and I got my favorite sandwich,
went to the park and I brought my journal with
Haley's always Haley loves journaling, like she journals almost every night.
She's always like, you should just write your thoughts down.
It feels so good to just like get it out
and write it down on paper. I'm always like, no,
I'm good, I don't want to. But I did it,

(19:12):
and I felt so much better. And I realized this
because there's no reaction. You're just getting out the thoughts,
but you don't have to worry or expect a reaction
from anyone. And I felt so much better. I literally
felt like my headspace was like clear. So do you
want to share what you wrote in that journal? Well,
I just wrote down like things that like things that

(19:36):
I want to work on as a person, in like
as an individual and in a relationship, and then work
like dreams. Um. I think just being like like feeling
secure in a relationship because I've always felt secure because
I've always felt like I kind of had the I
think when you're not in love, you feel secure, right, yeah,

(19:59):
like you have the upper hand. Yeah, like when you
give your heart to under a relationship or to a person,
you kind of lose some of that like control or
power because you're I mean, you just have to trust
that they're going to take care of it, right. So
I think, Um, with Hailey, you know, she's like about
to go on tour and like she's gonna be really

(20:20):
busy for the next few months. I get like really
in my head and I have this voice it's like
you got to protect yourself, and it's like she's not
she's she's just leaving Physically, She's very communicative, she's great
when when she's on tour, like she has a really
good job. But I think I get my head where
I'm like, you're you don't have control over this situation,

(20:40):
so you don't really have control over any situation, over anything.
So I think I was just writing those thoughts still,
you know, you don't have to have control over everything
to just like be secure preach sister. But yeah, I
think the best way to tie it into the podcast
is I feel like I've lost my mojo, but I
get it back. I think I just kind of felt like, blah, blah,

(21:03):
I hate that blah, feeling Amy Sugarman. I remember one
time we were walking and she called it the feeling,
and I was like, that's a perfect description, because I
hate the feeling. And you can't escape the feeling. You
just have to sit with the feeling and try to
do things that make you feel better forget the feeling.
Uh yeah, I just feel distracted from the feelings. But

(21:23):
you know, sometimes it's going to just sit in it.
I think I've done a lot of sitting in it,
and I was ready to like not be sitting in anymore.
You know what I found this weekend? Yeah, your love word.
Oh yeah, yeah, I found that obviously, But um, I
for some reason, I couldn't remember when I did the
calling in the one work book. Oh yeah, so you

(21:44):
have a physical book, but all the journaling and all
the homework and stuff. I didn't like a separate journal.
And I haven't been able to find the journal. And
this weekend when Rob and I were going through my apartment,
like we were going through every bin, everything and like whatever,
and I found my, uh my journal that I did
all that work in. Please let me read, I know

(22:05):
I was thinking about. I didn't go through it. I
didn't read it. Or anything, because time was of the essence.
But I know exactly where it is now in my apartments,
in this bin, and there's not much in there anymore,
and I feel like I should grab it and take
some photos and maybe like read a little bit of it.
Can we do a second where you read excerpts, because
I want to compare, like a little bit, like what

(22:27):
was I like, what kind of mindset was I in
at that time? Manic manically searching for the one? Yeah,
like I don't know, I have no idea what to
expect reading back that stuff. No, I feel I would
just like to hear you read it where it was
kind of like seeing what came to fruition now. Yeah,

(22:51):
I'd be so curious to know. I have a question.
Do you still write in your Dear Future Husband? I
haven't written it and a very long time because that
journal is also at my apartment, which I am not
at much. So the answer to your question is no,
I'm not. But I'm not like antie it. I just
it's not near me, so I'm not thinking about it

(23:13):
and I'm not like going on bad dates. You know,
when did you When did you stop writing in that?
I'd say probably maybe a year into dating Robbie. Okay,
I'd like some excerpts from that too, please. I found
like the I found that the our first night that
we uh that we met, and I took a picture
of it because it was like, I met this guy

(23:37):
and I didn't want to go on the date, but
Sierra said I had too, so you went. We do
have Sierrara think, Yeah, it is crazy, you know when
I think when you think about it, like we all
started off as strangers. And I've been really in this
process of trying to be um grateful for the season

(23:59):
of why that I'm in because I'm always so rushing
and ready to get to the next season of my life,
and so I've been like really just like focused on
that theme right now. And I'm like, it's so crazy
because I vividly remember the night that I met Robbie.
Did I ever in a million years think that this
dude unhinge was going to be the love of my life?
Like no, and then just you meet him and then

(24:22):
it's like boof, and everybody always says, you know, like, um,
I always I feel like at that time I was
doing a lot of work stuff. It was people's choice Awards,
and I was going to New York and back and
I was like, you know what, I don't have time,
and then it's the holidays and don't I can't date
right now. So I was going to start back on
the apps in January. This is your sign if you're
listening to this and you're saying, I just gotta wait
till I finish this big project. Wait not wait not Well,

(24:48):
I think you can always find an excuse to put
things off for other things you have going on, because
like putting yourself out there to date is kind of
a vulnerable, scary thing for I think a lot of people,
most people, So you can always make an excuse like
I have too much going on for work, I have
too much things going on to like put my time
and energy into this. But I just gotta do it. Yeah,

(25:09):
because like around Thanksgiving, it's like Thanksgiving and then the
holidays and the New Year, so it's kind of then
what Valentine's Day, St Patrick's Day, Tony's favorite, So there's
never really a good time. So this is just the
sign if anybody's out there, go for it. Take the
cough drop, take the cough drop. Wait not wait, not wait,

(25:31):
not Haley and I have watched started watching Chris this
season of The Bachelor Crystals, the one that I was like,
oh wow. We watched the first episode, like the Limo entrances,
and it is just crazy, Like even seeing myself, I
was like, who is that Robbie and I we are
you watching? Who? Amazon? Amazon? Prime Video? Yeah? Prime video? Okay, okay,

(25:56):
should we watch it too? Yeah? That's fun. I'm not
really into anything right now. We finished Bad Sisters and
we're back, we're dabbling back into the recruit, but I'm
not you know, well, it was interesting because Haley was like,
I feel like I don't know that, Like I remember
she was like I remember watching this and thinking you
were like like that you popped off the screen, Like
I remember thinking that, But I just didn't know her,

(26:18):
and like, even watching it now, I just feel like
she just seems so like young and shy. You Yeah,
And I was like, well I think that was kind
of like the edit I got anyway, So yeah, um,
but yeah, that should be interesting. Nothing happened in that
first episode, like we didn't kiss or anything, so we'll
see how that goes. Yeah, we'll watch it. That's fun. Yeah,

(26:40):
that's fun. Yeah, whenever. Yeah, so we're gonna we'll see
how consistent we are with that. But oh wow, the
drama of him looking at the road. But you know,
like ever since the seasons I was on, we we've
watched The Bachelor. Like Haley and I we watched The
Bachelor watching this season. We weren't going to because we

(27:01):
didn't really have any interest, but we watched it the
other night and we were like, it's good. I'm fine
with it. Like Chris was such a great Bachelor, like
taking me out of Like the show just felt different.
I guess that's what it is. Like the show felt different.
I haven't watched a single second of his season, but
I met him a couple of times. He's always been cool.
I don't know, he's just well, I don't know. Even

(27:23):
Haley was saying, she was like, I feel like he's
just very himself, Like he doesn't feel like he's trying
to be the Bachelor. And every time we were watching,
like the Limo entrances, and he looked at every girl
in the eye and was like so personal and genuine,
there wasn't that, Like I don't know, there was just
something different about how it is now. Interesting um, we're
going to watch that. Maybe not tonight because of the one,

(27:47):
so I could do it tomor night. Okay, should this
be an assignment for the scrubbers? Maybe they should. As
you have to buy it though, I feel you have
to buy it because I was trying to do I think,
like TikTok, this is like forever ago, and I think
I just was like, oh, you can buy the season.
So I just bought it. But I don't know if
people cared that much by it. I'll and I have

(28:11):
the same birthday. I just want to do Remember six,
he's six years older than me, but we have the
same birthday. Are you a scorpioio? I didn't even realize.
I didn't really know anything about zodiac signs, so I
didn't even know that dogs a scorpio. I mean she's
a water sign. Yeah. Can you relax? You got two
scorpios sitting right here. Scorpios and I are good good Matt,

(28:32):
like good friends. Yeah, that's why I am Sunny connect
Sunny doesn't seem scorpio vibes. Yes, she is. She seems
like a leo. She gives you no, she's like, gives
you no attention. She tries to make you want her.
She's very Scorpia. We really can apply the zodiac traits
to animals too. You can do whatever you want. That
as humanity, we're accepting that we can do whatever we want. Yeah,

(28:56):
this is my world. You're just visiting in. You know.
I think Phoebe's a Virgo. I don't know much about virgo's.
I don't really they're very organized. If you've never seen
Phoebe Tillie eat dinner, let me tell you. She's come
over and she's had some of Sunday's dinner before, and
she's not a fan of carrots any vegetables. She takes

(29:17):
it out. Okay, my dog's food is mashed up like
it looks like if you took mashed potatoes and everything
and literally cut it up into very tiny pieces and
mashed all together, like it literally just a giant mashed potato.
Phoebe Tilli eats Sunday's food and you will see a
little pile of carrots that she has taken out of
the food and put on the floor next to the bowl.

(29:39):
And I'm like, that is some skill that she can
even get the carrots away from the rest of the meal,
Like that is skill. Isn't that the most me thing
that she takes out the veget She did it with
her food, with the celery, she just puts it off
to the side. So it's so funny because when my
dog eats, she just it's like she inhales it. There's

(30:00):
not I don't even think she realized what she's doing.
It's like she just drop the hungry girl. Don't she
might be underfed? We're not sure. Um, I don't know.
I think we need to take a break and then
come back with emails. Does that feel Does that feel right? Yeah?

(30:34):
During the break, Tanya has discovered that the Jonas brothers
have been giving their Hollywood star on the Walkome Walk
of Fame. Congratulations to the Joe bros. They finally got
their star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. But I mean,
we're doing this in real time, and the speeches are
going on and I can't seem to find on the
internet who gave their speeches. And but you don't feel
happy that you weren't included. I mean, I feel like

(30:56):
that was an oversight. You know, maybe they were like,
she's got a lot going on. Oh yeah, yeah, it
feels like a missed opportunity. You know, I agree. I
that's a missed opportunity. Like me going to the Harry
Styles concert was a missed opportunity. You know, I'll be
thinking about for years to come. Congrats to you guys.

(31:17):
Congrats Joe Bros. Kevin and Joe and Nick. That's them,
the brothers Jonas. Moving on, Moving on to emails, Mark
take it away, Well, thank you very much, Becca. This
is from Patrese. She says, how do you know what
It's time to tell the brutal, honest truth and move

(31:39):
on from a friendship. Nicole and I have been friends
for over twenty years. We've met his kids in the
soccer field, grew up in school together. It became travel buddies,
became roommates who slammed beers together. Throughout our twenties. Last
three or four years, there has been a struggle as
our lives have grown in opposite directions. We were in
our early thirties. I have a great career, I got married.
I'm looking to start a family. The coals bounced from

(32:00):
job the job. She can't figure out her passion. She
has had any luck in the love department. I've done
everything I can to listen and be supportive and try
to give advice. But she's going through these struggles and
her depression and anxiety have taken over. It has become
hard to spend time with her. As we're changing as people,
She's become very opinionated. Are you ineditive? And I know
it all. It's been frustrating to deal with over the years.
I try to ignore it and let it go, but

(32:21):
I found myself starting to argue back. One time, we
even spent thirty minutes arguing about Taylor Swift, who I
could care less about. Sorry, girls, just because I'm sick
of her always thinking that it's her way or no way.
I'm tired of feeling anxious about what she's gonna do
or say next. What do I do? Do I tell
her the truth of how I feel. How do you
tell someone you don't like the personality? And is it

(32:41):
time to let this friendship go? Well, it's not so
much her personality, it's her character different. Well, I think
real hard, But I also think when you're going through
stuff like dealing with depression and anxiety, you're not yourself.
Like I don't think that that's who she is because
it sounds like the person that she is was someone

(33:02):
that Patrice liked being around at one point. I think
either way you're gonna lose, like you could lose this
friendship because you're either going to lose it in a
way that you quit responding and quit hanging out and
it just eventually ends with maybe no closure because I
think you're going to get tired of hearing and arguing

(33:22):
and all the things that you listed. UM. And then
the other option is that you have an honest conversation
with her and say, I find I know that you're
going through so much, and I'm trying to be supportive,
but I feel like you're negative. I feel like you're argumentative.
It's hard to want to spend my time and energy
putting effort into this friendship when you know you're not

(33:45):
um reciprocating or putting in the effort back. But she
isn't saying she's not participating or reciprocating. She's saying everything's
always her way or the highway, and she's like argumentative. Yeah,
I would just say I feel like everything every time
we talk it's an argument or it's only your opinion
is the only one that matters. Doing it where you're

(34:08):
not blaming her. You know, you can blame the relationship.
You can say is it me or we arguing constantly lately,
and maybe the other person is feeling it too, And
maybe that's a starting off point where you're not saying
you're argumentative, you're awful, I don't like being around you.
We could say what's going on with us? I feel
like we're arguing all the time. It's not like it
used to be. What's happening? And maybe there's a that's
a starting point to getting somewhere. That's great advice. Yeah,

(34:31):
I definitely feel like you have to talk it out
and kind of try and figure it out if you can,
especially if you guys were so close. But also at
the same time, I think that sometimes if stuff is going,
if life is going not in like a positive direction
for some people and it is with their friends, some
people tend to react in a very negative, bad way,

(34:53):
and I feel like that can really bring you down.
And so maybe you don't break up with her, but
maybe you distance yourself a little bit to to not
let it kind of get in the way of you know,
what's going on in your life, and give it a
little distance, a little space and then come back and
kind of have the conversation and just say, you know,
we were getting things were getting really negative and and

(35:13):
I want to just give it a little space before
we communicated. So you're not giving up and breaking up
with her, but you're just giving yourself a little distance.
I also think sometimes people are in your life what's
the quote for season or yeah, And I think sometimes
we are evolving as people, like we hope to evolve

(35:35):
as people, right like and grow and change, and sometimes
it doesn't line up with the person who is in
your life at that season where you all really connected.
Sometimes you grow out of those friendships and relationships. So
I don't know. I think if you're if you want
to put an effort, I think you have a conversation
like Mark said, and just say like, what's going on,

(35:55):
Like this doesn't feel like our relationship and I feel
like we're arguing a lot, and approach it more from
a we standpoint, so that she might get defensive, but
at least you're not saying like you you you, or
you just say you know, I've grown, we've grown, and
we're we've grown in different directions and that's okay, that's okay,

(36:15):
you're going east, I'm going west. You're going north, I'm
going south. But you know what, we're all going in
a direction, as long as you're going in a direct,
as you're going in a direction, all right. This is
from an anonymous listener who says, I'm a long time listener,
first time emailers, So I really hope you can read
this email. My boyfriend of almost three years this proposing soon,

(36:37):
and I'm worried because I think I know when I've
told him. I wanted to be a surprise, but I
think he's so excited. These kind of brought it up,
but as slightly hinted as to when, at least I
think that's what he was doing. Do I just forget
the movie? Like ideal I had in my head that
I would be shocked during my proposal? Will I still be?
Since like I don't really know exactly what it's going
to be. I feel like nowadays maybe that doesn't even

(36:59):
happen that much. We're very open about getting married and engaged.
I helped choose the ring. I love him so much
and I want to be surprised, but I also don't
want to let him down that I figured out when
it will be m iem like a good problem to have. Yeah,
the Champagne problems for everything's going just how you wanted

(37:19):
to go itself. But I will say she she really
hit on something that is, like, um, something that I've
had to deal with a law in therapy, and that
is getting rid of that fairy tale expectation that you
have in your head of whatever it may be X
y Z. Because I had that fairy tale expectation in
my head for my whole life. You know, I thought

(37:41):
there was going to be a prince charming on a
white horse and he was gonna have the exact same
slipper that was going to fit my foot, and like
it was. It is this unrealistic expectation of how things
should be in life. Just isn't that way, do you
know what I mean? Life is not this unrealistic expectation
movie fairy tale. It is in so many ways and
it's bliss and it's amazing. But sometimes things life doesn't

(38:04):
always turn out the way that you expect. And I
think everybody in this room can agree to that in
every way, shape or form, whether it's career, whether it's friendships,
whether it's romantic relationships. You know, like They're all these
expectations that we have that we put in ourselves that
just are unrealistic, and so I think that coming to
terms with that reality is so beneficial for your mental health.

(38:26):
It's just like something that I wrapped my head around
a while, like a year or two ago, and I
was like, you know what, my journey and and it's
going to be a little different than I had imagined
for myself, but it's equally as amazing, and like the
challenges make it that much better in the long run.
So I'd say, just get rid of that expectation in
your head. I think when the moment happens, it sounds

(38:49):
like you've been anticipating it for a while. Now we've
been helped to pick out the ring, you're going to
just be so excited that you're engaged. And I'm in
the same boat as you, girl. I think you're going to, like,
I think all these things that you're like in your
head about are going to totally fly out the window,
and you're gonna be like, why did I even spend
my energy or time worrying about this. You're in a

(39:10):
really good place to pick out the beautiful ring you
want with the man that you're like, even though I
don't know exactly when it's coming, Like I don't I
don't know how pinpointed the day or whatever, I feel
like it is coming and I don't feel like it's
ruined at all because I know that it's coming. Yeah,

(39:31):
you're just like ready for it to get here, so
ready for it. You know, nails are popping. She's ready
at any moment, just ready, you know, just living in
that state of ready. But already. I think, no matter what,
even if you do, even if she knows it's going
to happen Tuesday at seven pm on whatever, you're gonna
be anxiously awaiting, being excited and like, yeah, it's gonna

(39:55):
be gonna be fantastic. You'll pick out the ring. You
weren't going to be that excited surprised in the first place.
That's great, Just go with it, have a great time.
It's okay. Yeah, at least you're gonna like the ring.
I've talked to some friends who didn't necessarily like the
ring that they got proposed to with, So at least
you know you know what you're getting. At least you
know what you're getting when you're getting it. When you're
getting in. Oh, I was gonna ask you, this is

(40:17):
following up from something else. Did you like Bad Sisters? Yes,
it got a little snoozy in the middle, a little
bit like there was like an episode two were like interesting,
but I loved it the ending, Yes, unexpected. Is he
not the most infuriating character that you've in the world?
I cannot imagine has anyone else watched it? Very good,

(40:39):
very recommend Before we go, I did want to send
a big congratulations, a big scrubbing in congratulations to our
OSCAR nominated Sophia Carson. So congrats to her. Congrats to
her everyone. Tania's book, The Sunshine Mine comes out tomorrow. Um,

(41:00):
we're so proud of you. She sent me some of
her vision boards from over the years that predicted this moment. Now,
some of them are a stretch, but one of them
from so wait, you know what, that's three years ago now,
It said New York Times bestselling author Tanya at right

(41:21):
there on the vision board. You can't be any clearer
than that. And here we go. I know. I sent
him a couple of stretches because to share the stretches.
One was Carrie Bradshaw was on her vision board and
Terry Bradshaw is an author. Yes, okay, whatever, right here.
One was the words sparkle and shine where it was

(41:45):
on the vision board and it is the sunshine mind
and seen the word light was on her vision board.
So really that was a direct work in the work
since twenties sixteen. You didn't know what it was, but
you knew the feeling light, the sparkle, the shine was
coming through Carrie Bradshaw Vibes, which is an author to

(42:08):
the New York Times best selling book The Sunshine Mine.
There we go, There we go. Yeah, those are some stretches,
but I appreciate that per at least you had like
a legit one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you. Um that's
all for today, folks. We love you, We love you.
A great week, and we'll be back next Monday.