#13 Maybe the World Sucks at Dating

Dean is back in the New Year, and ready to continue his journey to suck less at dating.  He gives us a teaser of his experience meeting Bachelors and Bachelorettes from all over the world on Bachelor Winter Games.  Then, Dean is joined in studio by Diann Valentine, love and dating expert, and star of “To Rome for Love”, for some tips on what to look for in a healthy relationship.  And after that, Dean gets a surprise visit from Becca Tilley and Tanya Rad, from the “Scrubbing In” podcast, and the group helps answer some questions from listeners who may suck at dating more than Dean. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Help I Suck at Dating with the Ungla and I
Heart radio podcast. What did you say? I still hate
the name of that, this podcast every single time. It
just kills me a little bit more inside. What do
you want to change it to? What? I was thinking
about this a lot over the holidays. I'm over the
help I Suck at Dating. I've just I've had some time.
You feel like you're better at dating? Now has just

(00:22):
served its purpose, and I feel like this title just
perpetually locks me into sucking at dating, just just through
self fulfilling prophecies. So if you could call it anything,
which I'm not even sure as possible with the podcast gods,
but what would you call I've been prating to the
podcast gods every night and that's all I asked for Christmas.
I was thinking, we're going to rebrand and this is
non negotiable to help dating sucks, Dating Dating sucks. Yeah, Okay,

(00:47):
it's a pretty easy photoshop job on the logo. I've
already talked to all the higher ups at I Heart.
They're on board with it. I can just tell by
Mark and Eston's eyes they're on board with it. Thanks
guys for that approval. You're shaking her no, but they're
gonna have to email. I think everyone's yourn email I
Suck at Dating at I heart media dot Com with
their ideas of what this show should be called. Now

(01:07):
I love that. Okay, So if you're listening, and thank
you for listening, tuning back into the two eighteen episodes
of Help I Suck at Dating. If you have any
new name suggestions, please email them to us. You'll get
the email at the end of the podcast. Um again,
I think it should be help Dating Sucks, because not
only does it suck for me, it sucks for everyone
that's doing it. So we have to change the email
address because the email is I Suck at Dating and

(01:29):
I heart can keep the email address. I'll give that
one to Amy. We can keep the email address. Just
just something to consider, you know, I don't. It's a
new year, it's a new meat. It's we're all gonna
suck a little bit less at dating, so why not
do it together instead of focusing it all on me.
It's kind of the thing, But that's the idea. It's
not you sucker dating, it's I sucker dating. The listeners suck.
Everybody sucks at dating. That's the idea, I know, but

(01:51):
there's just something like it's it's say I meet a girl, right, okay,
I say I go on a date, and they're like, oh,
what do you do? It's like, well, every you know,
once a week for a couple of hours a week.
I were order podcast. Oh my god, I love podcast.
What kind of podcast is how? It's a dating podcast?
I don't know, you know, I just you know, give
some advice, kind of give a twenty six year old
perspective on the dating pool nowadays. Oh my god, I'd
love to listen to it. What is it? Oh, it's uh,

(02:13):
it's uh. It's called help I Suck at Dating? And
then you get the side like, oh, what's he gonna do?
Is he gonna pick his nose? Like what's gonna happen?
Is he gonna cheat on me? Is he gonna check
out other girls? Talk about it's like that type of
like tentativeness, a reservation that goes along with being associated
with the name like that. But if it's help dating Sucks,

(02:36):
then it's like it's not just I that suck it
or me that sucks at dating. It's it's the collective
group as a whole. It's a brand. You feel like
you've had this branded on you. Yes, And I feel
I'm okay with being the sponge in a lot of ways,
I'm okay being the guy that's like, I'll take the
blame for sucking at dating, like we all suck, but
let's just say that I suck the most and then
we can talk about it from there. Let's talk about
Winter Game. And here's my transition. Right going into Winter Games,

(03:00):
you had to be nervous because of what happened in Paradise. Sure,
you had to be nervous thinking I can't not that
you messed up necessarily, but I can't do anything that's
going to allow them to show me in a bad
light on television. Did you go in feeling nervous like that? Yes? Well,
so those for those listeners that are are lesser informed,
I did go on this new show, Bachelor Winter Games.

(03:22):
It's the first season. Uh, we just got announced just recently.
And what it is is a show that will air
alongside the Winter Olympics that are happening in South Korea
over February. Think air two episodes for two weeks in February,
where a lot of former cast members not just from
the USA, but all over the world are going to
be competing in winter sports with each other. Uh. And also,

(03:43):
as Bachelor always loves to do, there will be a
love component involved as well. And and to Mark's point,
he's absolutely right. There was a different feeling going into
this one than there was Bachelor in Paradise because going
into Bachelor in Paradise, I was still kind of like
an unknown in the sense where my season with Rachel
was still airing. Uh and a lot of the I
guess cast members that were going into Paradise that were females,

(04:03):
you know, they probably had heard about me through Rachel
and see maybe like an episode or two, but they
really know anything about me. And going into Bachelor Winter
Games and and seeing how kind of all the drama
unfolded with Bachelor in Paradise, there was a bit of
a a stigma or target on my back because of
all of that kind of stuff. I would think it
would really freeze you on a reality show if you
have to overthink everything you're saying and doing and the

(04:25):
way you were interacting with people. It wasn't really that
I was overthinking anything. It was just I feel like,
for some reason, yes, I made a lot of mistakes
and Bachelor in Paradise, but people took that and ran
with it to the sense where, oh, he made a
lot of dating mistakes. He's a horrible person and he's
a bad guy. Um. And it was great to go
into Bauchelor Winter Games because I had some friends by

(04:45):
my side, like a bend or like an Ashley or
an Eric or Josiah, who who know me as a
person and can vouch for my I guess character and
not just the foibles that I've had in the dating realm,
you know. So I can understand as a girl going
into that. And then because the cast was kept entirely
anonymous up until the day of the first day of filming,
and I could see as a girl going into that

(05:07):
seeing me for the first time and be like, oh,
I don't want to date that guy. I saw exactly
what he did in Bachelor in Paradise, like he was
kind of an ask uh, And I absolutely wasn't asked
Bachelor in Paradise, And I do deserve kind of a
bit more hesitancy before jumping into a relationship or anything
like that. So I don't want to say it was
like a matter of like reproving myself or anything like that.
But there were a lot of hurdles that had to
be overcome because of that. So you so you it

(05:28):
first saw as kind of redemption. This is your chance
for redemption and to show people that you're not a
bad guy. It's not even a shot at redemption, it's
just the The appeal of Winter Games to me was
obviously being able to compete in the Winter Sports UM,
the ability to meet a lot of international cast members,
because not only is Americans in US USA competing, but
I think there was like eight or nine other countries
that we're going there as well, and in Japan and Australia.

(05:50):
It's it's quite a Zealand, Sweden, uh, Switzerland, Germany, a
lot a lot of them, And you don't really get
an opportunity like that to meet a lot of those people.
So it's a great opportunity for that, UM And I
guess it was just it was just a great opportunity
I couldn't really say no to. And um, you know,
I was single obviously at the time when when we
left for filming and all that kind of stuff, and

(06:12):
obviously the kind of the scars from my most recent
relationship going into that, we're still very present and I
was very very reserved going into Bachelor of Winter Games,
and of course I can't talk too much about what
happens at Winter Games, UM, but it was a very
it was a great experience, and again being able to
spend a lot of time with my friends that that
I grew very close with, Ben Ashley, Eric, Josiah Um.
I met a lot new friends and all that kind

(06:32):
of stuff there. So I'm excited for you guys to
be able to watch it. It was quite an experience.
I would say it was very different than Bachelor in
Paradise for a lot of reasons. It's interesting too. There
there was a sport component to it, so it was
nice to kind of have a bit of structure throughout
the weeks. What sports are we talking about here? Well,
I can't give up out. I can't give all all this.
You can't say any sports that you do on this thing.

(06:54):
I don't think that's why people are tuning in. I
guess you saw something that you saw some in the preview.
You saw something downhill skiing really which I was surprised
by two and stuff like there was gs course they
set up I'll be watching for the sport component. You know,
I will say it was a little bit bummed that
it was. What was fun about it was that the
producers really didn't have any idea what they were doing either.

(07:15):
So you know, you're going into the show for the
very first time not really knowing what to expect. But
typically they kind of know what to expect, but in
this case, no one knew what to expect, so they
were making stuff up on the fly. They were like
just trying to figure things out and run with it
as as things kind of progressed, and they were pretty
vocal and open about that. They're like, yeah, we're not
sure what we should be doing, but we have an
idea of where we want this to go. And it
was fun to kind of be able to like be

(07:36):
part of that with them. Um, sports were a large,
a large part of it. I would say there was
maybe like four sport competitions, five or five sport competitions
all of them or how did that work? Well, again,
I don't know. I'm scared to share information information, but
but I just feel like you could fall and break
your leg downhill skiing. Well, we definitely signed waivers before

(07:57):
we got there were there injuries. Can you tell me
that anybody get injured? Yeah? Accent and the very first
competition every first day, I think someone someone rolled their
ankle really really badly. Miss the first episode of februuh
seven PM. I don't know exactly what it is, but
seven Central, but it was so it was a lot
of fun. And uh. I think from my what I

(08:20):
learned from Paradise going into that experience with Winter Games
was I didn't want to jump into anything too fast,
and I really wanted to take my time and assess
kind of everything and and you know, work slowly, because
what I've done in the past is dive into a
relationship very very quickly, and for better for worse. It's
I wouldn't say it necessarily a bad thing. It can
be a good thing so many times in so many ways.
But I just wanted to be um very patient this

(08:41):
time going into it. And I think that I did
a good job of that. Again, I can't really speak
too much. I think your patients paid off, and I
think and you know why I think that, And I
think a lot of listeners picked up on it. As
you said that when you went there, you were single
at the time, and that's an interesting way to phrase it. Shoot,
so I'm just I'm just just throwing it out there.

(09:02):
And I think a lot of people picked up on
that phrase. Well think you're the only person that picked
up on that. But that's I mean, that's very observance
of you. Um. Yeah, it's gonna be fun to watch back.
I uh, I don't know. I can't wait. I can't wait.
I can't wait either. It's gonna be fun. It's fun
for us because now we know you, we know you,
we know band, we know Ashley. Like, this is gonna

(09:22):
be really fun to watch. I can definitely say that,
although I hate the name of this podcast, it has
helped out quite a bit with communication, with relaying feelings
and emotions and all that kind of stuff. And it's
it's nice to get a constant woman's perspective, like through
the listeners, through calls and emails and all that kind
of stuff. That helps shed a lot more light onto
what I guess it's required for me in a relationship,

(09:43):
both early stages, middle stages, whatever, wherever, whatever stage you're in,
it's nice to be able to kind of experience all
that I think you're thinking about this all wrong. I
think that's great that you've learned so much. But if
you keep it help I suck a dating and you
meet somebody and she thinks, oh, he sucks with dating,
you're lowering the bar for yourself. So then when you
send her a nice tech thinking about you, she's like,
oh he after you send her flowers. Wow, I expected

(10:06):
nothing from this guy. I don't know if I necessarily
strived us at the bar low for myself. You can't
go wrong. I've made a career out of under promise
over deliver. I can get on that. Yes, exactly, Um No,
I just yeah, We'll see, We'll see what this turns into.
I'm still I'm still gonna be lobbying for help. Dating
sucks with the angler. Maybe you know, fast forward two
or three months. I have a girlfriend at the time,

(10:26):
maybe if she wants to be a co host, will
see what happens. I'm just saying, I don't want to
get too far ahead of myself, but you never know
what could happen in two or three months. Possibilities around
with exactly, especially especially but while we're still in the
single mode. Huh, we have a love expert on today? Yes,
ringing the new Year two eight team, we have a
very special guest by the name of Diane Valentine. She
is a relationship guru, a wedding wedding planner, and an

(10:50):
author of the book called Going the Distance for Love,
twenty two tips on handling your issues and finding love wherever.
Maybe she's also from the show To Roam for Love,
which airs on Bravo every Sunday night starting at nine Central.
Why don't you tell us about threat Up and then
we'll get her in here. Yeah. So, I don't know
if you guys have heard about this great new website
called threat Up. Um. So basically, I don't know if

(11:11):
you guys know this about me, but I love shopping
at thrift stores and discount stores for clothing because that's
often where you find the best deals and the most
unique looking clothes. Um. I get a lot of people,
I guess interested in my clothes, not necessarily admiring it,
but interested in where I get them and why I'm
wearing what I'm wearing and I can vouch for and
a lot of them come from drift stores. And what

(11:32):
thread Up is is basically an online thrift store, so
you don't have to go into you know, uh, a
local thrift store and kind of search around and dig
through endless pile after pile to find something that you like.
You can just kind of go online, browse through the website,
pick out anything that you want. You're typically gonna get
off the retail price. You could find like a fat
for fifty dollars on threat up um. Every item on

(11:55):
the site goes through a twelve point quality inspection process,
ensuring that the items are like new condition. So you know,
maybe someone bought Louis Vuitton bag, used it a couple
of times, decided they didn't want it anymore. That's out there.
Up gets it. It's it's all lightly lightly used but
very very um good quality clothes, bags, jackets, whatever it is.
So show your wallet who's boss, and don't wait another minute.

(12:16):
Go to thread up dot com slash dean. And on
top of all the savings of shopping at a discount store,
you're gonna get an extra off if you go to
the thread up dot com slash dean website. So t
h R E d U P dot com slash d
e a n for next rat off and again the
savings are already gonna be huge and h stuff, brand

(12:39):
name stuff, from Gap to Gucci, From Gap to Gucci,
You're gonna get everything you want. And there's no A
and thread. Remember that t h R E d thread
up dot com thread up. I wonder what the thread
up as a play on, so thread up dot com
slash dean thread up. That's no A in the word
thread I'll spell it again for you. Th h R
E d up dot com slash dean. I actually for

(13:00):
the holidays because I'm such a great guy. I don't
know if you guys knew this about me, but I'm
super nice. Um. I bought a coach sweater for the
producer Amy and studio here. I bought denim jackets for
Mark's wife Amy and Easton's wife Alison. Thank you know
I'm always thinking about you guys. You know I'm not around.
You know you don't suck at friendship. That's what I'm

(13:21):
here for, and honestly, that's all that's all I strive for.
Just want to be a good friend. You know. I
hope that Allison and Amy like them, and Amy, I
hope you like your your new sweater that I got
for you. Um, you guys are great and I'll promise
every every single time we get a holiday coming around,
I'll order something off the threat much rather get a
gift for my wife than for myself. So that's very nice,
absolutely all right. So, like I said, joining us in

(13:42):
studio is Diane Valentine, UM, author wedding planner relationship guru. Um, Diane,
how are you. I'm good, I'm good. Thanks for having me.
Oh my gosh, thank you so much for coming into
the studio. So Um, Like I said, Diane is from
the show to Rome for Love on Bravo Sunday nights
at Central, but also an author of the book called
Going the Distance for Love twenty two tips on handling

(14:03):
your issues and finding love wherever it may be. So, Diane,
can you tell us a little bit more about what
kind of relationships you specialize in, because it is a
special kind of relationship right, Well, I don't know if
it's a special kind of relationship, but I do work
with women that are having trouble or struggling to fine
love in the US and are interested in dating um internationally,
particularly in Europe, and I'm kind of Italy is my specialty.

(14:26):
So how did this all come about? How did you
become an international relationship expert. Um to fold. So I
have a long standing love affair with Italy. I discovered
the country maybe years ago in my early twenties, and
I started going there frequently frequently, and eight years ago
I got married there in like como, um, me and

(14:46):
my husband. So I've probably been you know times um.
But then my work in the wedding space and working um,
my entire career with women that are in love and
fallen in love and fallen out of love of and
making good decisions and sometimes making bad decisions has taught
me a thing or two I think about relationships and love.
And so about five years ago I started a new

(15:09):
company in which I started taking women to date internationally,
particularly in Italy, that were struggling to find love. Got you,
And so, if I understand the show correctly, what you
do is you take five women each episode to Italy
to explore international relationships. Is that kind of well, well,
what it is. It's five black women specifically, and we

(15:30):
take them to Italy. They stayed together, they lived together
in novella for five weeks, and they date Italian men.
So the show follows their journey over those five weeks
in Italy in Rome. And is there any common denominator
of these five women besides their single and there looking
for love? I guess yeah, Um, they're all black. So

(15:51):
I think in particular, this show revolves around the struggles
that black women have with dating in the US. And um,
there's a lot of net the stereotypes that are tied
to black women and like we're too bossy and we're
too aggressive, and we're too driven, and we're too loud
and all of those things where you take those same
women and you put them in Italy, and those characteristics

(16:13):
are incredibly attractive to Italian man. So suddenly we're no
longer like, oh, not her again. Certainly we're like, oh damn,
what's your name? Which is great, Yes, I mean, and
it is funny And it's very interesting to think that
you could have two women of different colors that are
acting exactly the same and you'll have different adjectives adjectives
to describe them exactly exactly. And I think we see

(16:36):
that more and more now. Um. I think you know,
black is popular. Things about us are popular. Big booties
are now very popular. Uh, something we've we've been born with, right, Um,
And you see that now and I and I get
it because there's still culturally some major differences. But I

(16:56):
think that if you look at the at the sheer number, right,
if you look at the number of available black women
in the US and available Black men in the U S,
there's a disproportionate there. So the odds are not in
our favor. So why is that though, So you're saying
there's more single black women than they're more single black men. Yes,
that is true. Well, there's a number of reasons why,

(17:17):
starting with you know, the mass incarceration of black men,
to the number of educated black men, um. And then
you talk to look at the number of black men
that are choosing to date and marry and start families
with women that are not black. Right, So I'm all for, like, hey,
love who you love. When love finds you, love doesn't
see color, right, But traditionally Black women are just so

(17:40):
incredibly loyal culturally, very very loyal. And so I meet
women all the time that are like, oh no, Diane,
I am holding out. I am gonna find me my
black man. He is coming, he is coming, he is coming.
And I'm like, well, just look at the numbers, because
he ain't really coming. Well, so let me ask you then,
what he ain't coming for you both makes a What

(18:00):
makes a black man so much more willing and ready
to date outside of the race than a black woman?
You know, that's a that's an interesting question, and I
don't I don't have the answers. I don't know if
it's that the desire to assimilate and to fit in
in in a world and in a country where we
were black men have such a um uh challenging relationship

(18:25):
with the US, you know, just being in the US.
There's a struggle of being a black man here, and
so I think that they in are in all fairness,
they're just trying to find their way, like, how am
I going to be most accepted, you know, in this US?
And maybe they see that acceptance as having, you know,
an interracial wife or in a racial marriage that somehow

(18:45):
that might give them one up. That's interesting, and I
guess it's This podcast has kind of turned a little
bit into a conversation of race, which is perfectly fine.
It's just something we've never really talked about before. But
so coming from my experience, I grew up in Colorado,
which is predominantly white state. For you know, for whatever reason,
especially up in the mountains and Aspen, I think there
was one person of color in my entire high school
that I went to high school with, uh college, it

(19:06):
was a little bit more of the same, a little
bit more exposure. But now obviously out in l A
there that it's a healthy mixture of everyone. Um. And
so now my my roommate, one of my best friends
for the past two or three years, is a black man,
and it's interesting to be able to I guess I've
into his experiences that he's had as as a black
man growing up in the U S. Specifically because it's
things that I've never had to experience personally, like when

(19:27):
he talks about getting pulled over and how he gets
like terrified right away, and I'm like, well, you're you're
getting pulled over. He's like yeah, but it's waiting to
people like me, were some people like you. And that's
the thing. I never really understood it to the to
the effects that I do now, and I still obviously
will never fully understand it. And I'm learning every single day. Um,
but that's very interesting. Okay, So, and I think it's
really healthy. I think the problem in this country is
that we don't talk about race. We want to pretend

(19:49):
like we're all we're all the same and we're all
treated equally, and we're not. But it doesn't get better
because we don't talk about it, right, And that's the
that's the funny thing too. It took me a little
bit of time to be comfortable with scheme questions that
I wasn't sure if I was allowed to be asking
him or not, you know, but all all it's coming
from as a point of just wanting to be more
informed and more educated, which is great. Um So okay,
so back to back to this, back to the love

(20:10):
component of the show because it's already get off topic. Um,
So it's great to have you in studio today because
you know we're coming out I guess I'm specifically coming
off this patchoor Winter Games Show where they bring a
lot of us in international contestants together. So what do
you find that's most important or best suited for um,
people that are living maybe in different countries than than

(20:31):
one another, to to really make relationship work if that's
really what they want to get out of it. I
think the greatest thing that I've noticed about dating people
of other cultures is that it really teaches us tolerance
and it teaches us to how to be more accepting
of people that just are not necessarily like us. You know, love,
as I said before, it's one of those things you know,
it meets you where it at. It knocks you off

(20:52):
your feet when you find it right, and you don't
see color, you don't see culture right, But there are
distinctive cultural for instance. You know, there's similarities, but there's
also differences. And I think the more that people start
dating more and more internationally is that they ultimately makes
the world a better play. Oh yeah, absolutely, everything kind
of comes together as as a bigger melting pot. I

(21:14):
don't see what's there's absolutely wrong. That is all good
for all of us. So that being said, say that
you're you're maybe like just starting a relationship, do you
do you how do you encourage a long distance relationship
to kind of be able to to build the momentum
to be able to continue kind of progressing towards that
that ultimate thing which is love, which is love? If
you don't know right away, I guess it is my

(21:34):
question because sometimes you know right away and in Marks
case or Eastan's case, um well, I guess Eastern was
friends with his his now wife for a while, so
maybe not right away, but sometimes it takes a little
bit of momentum for people to get to that point, right. So,
how how do you kind of encourage people to keep
that spark ignited, ignited ignited for long enough time to
make sure that long distance relationship is gonna work. Well,

(21:56):
I think communication is key and and there's so many
any ways to be in touch now when you're dating.
I mean, you know, when I was dating, we didn't
have FaceTime, and you know, in all of these ways
to just to kind of stay connected to the people
that you are interested in. So communication, um, face to face,
even if it's iPhone. The iPhone communication certainly is what
is great. And then I tell people like, just think

(22:19):
about traveling today versus you don't look at out, but
maybe traveling twenty years ago. It's so easy now, right
plane tickets are cheap, Like I could hop on a
plane to Rome, you know, on a good day on
a great deal for five round trip. That is not
a lot of money to go for love, and cheaper
only gonna get cheaper. So the distance is shrinking, you know,

(22:40):
with this digital world that we live in, the world
is getting smaller, and it's great because people are now
not looking at long distance relationships the way they did. Maybe,
you know, like I said twenty years ago, so long
distant relationships aside just relationships in general. What is some
advice that you could give our listeners to to help
their relationships at whatever stage you're in. And what's great

(23:02):
about you is you help everyone at every certain stage
that they're in, um, from from meeting people to to
kind of keeping those relationships, to getting married and so
on and so forth. So what's maybe like a good
word of advice you could have for our listeners who
um kind of span all of those ranges as well. Sure, sure,
let's talk about dating tips because that is really really important. Okay,

(23:23):
My number one tip for the new year is burn
the checklist, Ladies, burn the checklist. We put such unrealistic
expectations on the men that we're looking for. We they
now have to make eight figures. They have to be,
you know, have three degrees, They cannot have any children,
They must love their mother, they must love the Lord.
They must have a credit score of eight hundred and

(23:45):
it is completely impossible. So I always tell women like,
make sure that the checklist that you've created that you
actually can live up to that one. Okay, okay okay
um number two um. High standards lead to big wins.
People should not fall in lust and have sex too soon.
It always always, not always most cases, it ends up bad. Right.

(24:09):
So my thing is like, if you meet someone and
you're automatically in love, Oh my god, Diane, he is
the one. I had to sleep with him. I knew
it was gonna work, and then thirty days later you
find out maybe he's a bit of a jerk. Well,
don't be mad at me, because you gave up the
good Eastern soon. So so on that note, can we
talk about that for a second? Expand upon it for
the listeners. How soon do you think is too soon?

(24:30):
I mean, obviously it's it's kind of a case by
case basis, But what's kind of your general rule of
thumb for that? You know? I like to think two
to three months is a good rule. You know, because
on a first date, on a first few dates, you
don't even know who you've met because you are dating
their persona and they're dating yours as well, and you
need you need time and and nothing eradicates time, right,

(24:53):
everyone wants to be in love. I get it, but
everyone wants to be in love right now in a
microwave society, and particularly in you know, in Hollywood, we've
seen a lot of love affairs come come real quick
and go real quick, you know. So I think it's just,
you know, pace yourself. Two to three months is a
good time. One week and first date absolutely not, absolutely not, absolutely,

(25:17):
regardless of chemistry, regardless, regardless, because if you have chemistry
on the first date, you're going to have it on
the tenth day, right, I agree, And sometimes it is
nice to know that the good things are worth waiting
for and if you feel like chemistry to start play
or I just feel it out for a little bit longer.
So when you say high standards, you're you're bring to

(25:37):
your own absolutely, because what was the high standard lead
to what big wins? Big wins before they said get
rid of the checklist, but have high standards. So that
could be a dichotomy. It can. I don't think checklists
are bad. I think that a lot of checklists are unrealistic.
So I think you should have, Yes, absolutely have high standards.
But what are your top five most important things. It

(25:59):
should not be whether or not he or her is handsome. Now,
I'm not saying you shouldn't be attracted to somebody that
you are dating, but you fall in love with the
heart and soul of someone. You don't fall in love
with how beautiful they are, because beauty faiths. You can
only get so much plastic surgery. You know you want
to if you really want to be in love, You
want to be in love with somebody who's going to

(26:20):
go the distance with you, right, And that speaks to
your second point too, I think, because you can fall
in love with the way someone looks in an instant,
but it takes a little bit more time to fall
in love with someone's soul in their heart. Yes, And
isn't that what we ultimately want? Don't we all want
happily ever after? Not happily right now? Absolutely? All right?
So what's number three? Number three? Social media plus dating
equals potential disasters. Wait, this is big for me because

(26:44):
social media is a big part of my life. So
let's talk about this. So social media plus dad disasters
potential Yes, because people have a tendency to overshare, okay,
and I tend to speak from perspective or women, right,
But so often times women meet a guy, they start dating,
they start posting, they start sharing a lot of information

(27:06):
really quickly, and then a few weeks later they realized
that there's eight other girls also posting and sharing about
the same guy. Now, she might be angry at that point,
but from his perspective, he's like, we just went on
a few days, you know, like we're not in this
committed relationship. Like what are you thinking? So you're saying,
don't share much information about the relationship, but continue sharing

(27:29):
as much as you want to about yourself sort of thing. Yeah,
I think relationships, I think should be kept private, right,
And I like to say it's nothing wrong with the
you know, man crushed Monday, women crushed Wednesday. We've all
done it before. But take a little a little advice
from Beyonce. She shares a lot of photos and she
never gives commentary in regard to what her life, her

(27:52):
relationship right for. You know, she post stuff about her
and jay Z, but there's no commentary, So you don't
know if they're fighting, you don't know if they're a
great place. You don't know if lemonade is about to drop,
like you don't know anything because she's so brilliant at it.
And another thing is that oftentimes when people break up, right,
then they will get on social media and drop, you know,

(28:13):
like a subliminal, shady message, right, and then they do that,
But then what happens if the guy collapsed back? Now
you're embarrassed, right, and now you're like, oh my god,
so what do I do? Do I post another one?
You know what I mean? Looking for example, Sierra and
Future right, they broke up. It was a nasty break up.
We all knew that because it was very public. But

(28:35):
then she did a song and then he did a
song and it was like, oh my, and then they
were in court. It was like I was feeling for her,
like if I take her phone, just stop. Um. I
will say that that must be the extreme example, because
most people aren't able to come out with songs about
their former Well, I do see a lot of that,

(28:55):
and I've heard a lot of that from friends of mine,
Like they'll have like a new Tailor Swipt album dropping there,
Like I'm gonna be sub tweeting all those things that
that she's saying about my apps, and I'm like, okay,
I guess if that's what you want to be doing. Yea. Um,
but it is definitely interesting when you think about the
social component of you know, especially when people jump into
relationship quickly and they're posting a lot of pictures of
them and their significant other, and then what happens if

(29:16):
it falls apart for one reason or another? Then Um,
I don't want to say like public shame or anything that,
but it kind of adds a lot more pressure to
the relationship because of that. But how is that? Is
it kind of the same thing over in Italy? For
the show? Do do you notice social media having as
big of a presence out there as it is over here?
It doesn't have as big of a presence out here,
but it's it's growing by leaps and bounds and and

(29:36):
and apps like Tinder are incredibly popular. Do you suggest
using those apps for any of the women that you
work with? For sure? Like? Why not? Right? I think
that again, technology is on our side now, so women
have and men have so many more available options and
it gives you a chance to like connect with men
or connect with women that you might not run into

(29:56):
with the grocery store. Our option is good or bad?
Do you think options are Options are great. Options are
great because love again, we want love. Love is not
something that usually happens overnight. Lust happens overnight, but maybe
not love. And so the bigger the pool of your options,
the better your odds at finding it. Well, that can
be paralyzing though, right, Candle, like dean situation, Dean was

(30:19):
a guy that had a limited amount of options, goes
on national television. Suddenly that pool is really why and
it can be intimidating. I would think, yeah, oh, yes,
you're talking about like like people that slide into the
dm s and all that kind of stuff. All of
a sudden, wherever you go, women are coming up and
introducing themselves. Suddenly there's so many options women to talk to.
I would think it'd be intimidating and paralyzing. Well, I

(30:42):
think that. I agree it can be. I think for
men that can't handle that kind of attention, and we
see that a lot in our in our city, right,
But I think it's nothing wrong with it, right because
you are you're figuring out your life, You're figuring out
who you want to spend your life with, and it's
a big, big, big decision that I don't think people

(31:02):
necessarily always enter into it having really clear thoughts about
what marriage means. Do you think sometimes people put an
unnecessary amount of pressure on that decision though, Like I
feel like a lot of times people and I think
we talked about this maybe in our last episode thou seventeen.
Is when people think about marriage like I have to
be married when I'm this age, and I have to
have this like two kids when I'm this age in
the house, when I'm this age, And I think by

(31:22):
doing that, you're kind of like putting an unfair amount
of pressure on yourself and even the person that you're seeing,
like your significant other. Yes, I agree, I I agree
that people do put a incredible amount of pressure on
each other when it comes to wanting to be married. Um,
but you know, in the same token, I feel like
you you you have to really think about this thing, right, Like,

(31:44):
it's so easy to get married, it's so easy to
get divorced. My parents weren't like that. You know, you
got married. I'm sure your grandparents parents probably weren't like
that either. You got married and it was this was it,
there was no turning back, right, But now it's just like, well,
if it doesn't work, we'll just get into wars. So
I think I would rather people put the pressure on
the front end, right and deal with all of that

(32:07):
and deal with you know, like I like to say,
really hard questions. I just tell people that are getting
married or getting engaged, if you do not, if you
cannot tolerate and love the three worst qualities about your
may the three worst qualities because they are likely never
going to change, you should not get married. So can
we ask you some personal questions? And even eight years

(32:29):
you said, does your husband know your three qualities that
he that you hate most about him? He absolutely does,
and he's and you're okay with them? He I'm okay
with them. I'm okay with them because the sum total
of who he was was better than his three worst qualities. Um, okay,
I got you. That makes a lot of sense. And
I would assume that you he knows yours for you,

(32:52):
Oh of course, okay, Okay. That's interesting. Leads us to
the next tip. Let's hear it. You cannot rehab a
whole one to a husband. Wait, say that one more time.
You cannot rehab a hoe into a husband. Okay are
you saying? Okay? E in the urban dictionary. I got Okay,

(33:15):
you cannot rehab a home into a husband. Let's expand
upon that first. For example, if you're dating somebody and
you just you are so infatuated with him, you're so
in love. He is the finest thing you have ever
seen in your life. But he has a tendency to
disappear from time to time. Right, he disappears, you can't
reach him for a few days. He's like, oh, my

(33:37):
phone was out of reach. Oh I called you back,
you didn't get it. Like all of these excuses. He's
probably a home and that's okay, but you cannot rehab him,
so just move on. Always a home luck here. Men
men change when they are ready to change women. So
then they are rehabable, aren't they. But it's self rehabbing different, right,

(33:58):
because that's self rehab But it a lot of times
women love taking on new projects, right, Like, oh, no,
he just needs me. I know he didn't care about her,
that's why he cheated on her. But he really loves me,
and I'm gonna be so good to him. He's never
gonna want anyone out. Uh. That is wrong, bad, bad
thinking on their parts. So what about Cardi b Oh

(34:21):
my gosh, I was just talking about this last night
on Twitter. Okay, I'm too far behind a pop culture.
I don't people cheated on twice Cardi B Cardie, I
don't know if you Okay. So for the listeners that
are unaware and and me who was also unaware, So
Cardi B cheated on her? No, Cardi B H is
the female. Okay, she got cheated on by Offset her

(34:42):
fiance second time, and her attitude is all guys do.
It happens to everybody, and they're still together Offset. Okay, Okay,
So what's a take on that? Then here's my my
feeling about that is that if he's not ready to
be in a committed relationship, he has every right, but
he should just say that, right, And then she has

(35:03):
a choice to say, Okay, I'm gonna hang in here
with this guy because I really love him and maybe,
you know, maybe it will grow into something more. But
it's the deception that I don't like. It's when somebody
is cheating and somebody else is completely in the dark
and unaware of it. Right, So that's what appears to
be the case with Cardi being Offset. Then you have
to think about is like, what makes a woman really

(35:26):
believe that she's not worthy of something better. Like, that's
the really deep seated issue with those two is that
at what point in her life does she start believing
that she just wasn't worthy of someone who would be
faithful to her, commit his life to her. I mean
they're engaged, right, You would think by this point, by
the time you buy the ring and you're engaged, you're

(35:48):
kind of ready to settle down, right. So my heart
it just breaks for her because I I want her
to win, just like I want every woman to win.
And it's like, what makes you think you have to
like be really okay with that kind of acceptance. And
then let's say that everyone cheats. Well, I don't believe
everyone cheats. I know plenty of women that I think
are in very committed, loving relationships. I think I am.

(36:10):
Now if I wasn't, that's a whole different story, right, right,
because it's the deception part, right, Like, I don't get
why men are so deceptive just to be like, you
know what, I really like you. I'm digging you, my
chick and all that, but you know, I'm not really
ready to settle down because now that's empowering because now
women can say, Okay, I respect that I still want

(36:33):
to be with you, or they have the choice to
say I don't want to be with you, and I
think I'm gonna try something else. See. I think I
took that approach once upon a time. It didn't really
go so well for me. Why didn't it go well?
Because you lost I stuff that I lost. It's just
that I don't think I was as clear in my
communication as I as You're definitely seemingly telling me to

(36:54):
be or everyone every all the listeners for that matter. Um,
but I I can agree with that. I think that
that makes a lot of sense. I think back to
your very first point you made. I think communication and
honesty are that's the most important things. And to who
was this guy forever? Offset? IFFT was open and honest
with Cardi B then then there and she was still
comfortable with that, then that would be kind of a

(37:15):
non issue sort of thing. But the deceit is really
aware of the underlying issue. It's her life. She has
the right to the side whatever kind of relationship. We shouldn't.
We shouldn't shame people for staying with cheaters. No, we
should mail or female now However, a few weeks ago,
she was on stage at a concert and quoted Beyonce
and said, if he do that again, he's gonna lose

(37:37):
His wife said, as many times you won't just believe
it out. I think, what would Beyonce do? It all
comes back to her, comes back to Beyonce follow her lead.
She said, nothing created a whole album. Could I read
you an email? Just because she sent it to Dean
and I and I don't know what advice to give her.

(37:58):
Since you're here, I want to take a manage of that.
And Dean, I don't know if you've read this one
or not, but it's from Bell. I'm nineteen years old.
I've never had a boyfriend, which has never felt like
a problem, and still I don't deem it a big problem.
But my problem when quotes is that I'm always a
guy's best friend, even when I have feelings for him.
One of my good guy friends has even called me
one of the guys. I know it's a good start

(38:20):
being there for him as a friend and maybe progress
out of the friend zone, but I never feel like
I ever do get out of the friend zone. And
if I even really know how to, I don't know,
but I appreciate any advice anyone in the studio has.
That's a bell, hey bell. That's a tough one, I
think because I've known girls like this that are are
the you don't want to say tomboy. I don't think

(38:41):
that's a very sensitive phrase nowadays. But one of the guys.
They played video games, they watch football with you, they belch,
they do whatever, and they fit right in and the
guys see them as one of the guys and they don't.
It's hard to get out of that, hard to escape that.
I I do understand that being a dilemma, but I
would just say, stop being your guy's best girlfriend. Just

(39:01):
stop being that. There's nothing wrong with having guy friends,
for sure, but if you want to get if you
want to find yourself in a great relationship, then stop
being Stop being a female version of all of his
best friends. Don't clean up after him, don't go over
his house and you know, bring taco bell and veg
out Netflix and chill like, don't do those things if

(39:22):
you don't want to be looked at in that way. Right,
show up and be the cutest girl in the room. Right,
show up at the club and be like aren't you
gonna buy me a drink? I really would like one.
That does kind of set the precedent for for future
romance if there is going to be like it does.
And I think that sometimes we we can be like
a guy's best friend, and in her case it backfires, right.

(39:45):
I think she needs to escape this group of guys too.
That's interesting that you. I'm glad you asked that question
with Diane here because I was going to have a
completely response. Well, I was gonna say, just speaking from experience,
that I have a friend, I've had friends, and one
specifically here in Los Angeles that comes to mind, who
is very ingrained in our friend group, and she is
kind of like one of the guys. And there was

(40:07):
a point I think like a couple of years ago
where she expressed her her interest in me specifically. Um,
and well, I guess the advice that I was going
to give to Bell is express your interest, but maybe
doing a more subtle way where you go to a
bar and be like, oh, you can buy me a drink,
are you gonna take me out to dinner? Whatever it is.
But this girl specifically came out and said, Hey, I
I like you have a crush on you. I want
to see where that could lead romantically. And in my situation,

(40:28):
I said, I said, I'm sorry, I'm just not interested.
But there was no it didn't harm the friendship at all.
And so I was gonna say to Belle, if you
do kind of state it, whether it's very directly or indirectly,
that you want to pursue something romantically, then I don't
think you should have to worry about the friendship being
her at all. If that's what she wants to maintain
after the fact, I think that's good advice to No.
I do think that that's good advice too, because sometimes
there's nothing wrong with the woman saying what she wants, right,

(40:50):
But the bigger issue is that the way she's positioning
herself amongst men in her life, and that has to change. Okay,
I agree, No, I think that's a that's a refreshing
perspective too. Yeah. Alright, so thank you so much for
coming into studio. Diane. Um you guys obviously can't see here,
but she's wearing a black beanie with the word boss
plastered across the front, and I think that perfectly exemplifies

(41:12):
her and her personality and who she is Um again.
She's on the show to Roam for Love on Bravos
Sunday nights at Central. She is the author of the
book Going the Distance for Love, twenty two tips on
handling your issues and finding love wherever it may be. Um, Dan,
do you want to plug anything else before we move
on to the next thing. You can find me on
all social media platforms at Diane Valentine. Perfect. It's Diane

(41:34):
d I A N N Right, okay perfect? Um. Well,
thank you so much for coming in the studio. It's
always great to have a new perspective on everything because
I still suck at dating, but you really have it
figured out. Um. Well, yeah, thanks again. We'll tell you
back soon. While Dan was leaving, we were fortunate enough
to have Becca Antonia rad walk into studio today. Fortunate.

(41:55):
Thank you guys so much for just dropping in and
surprising me with the visit. I know you're here just
for me. I've always wanted to be on your show
the first time. I've just never been early enough or
on time enough to make it happen. I feel like
I usually come into studio after you, so I'm always
you're here before, but we don't see and Mantania will
stay because she's my only true friend, and you like,
let's go home and watch I'm always here. So yeah,

(42:17):
Antonia is a much better friend than me in general.
I've noticed because I'm trying to make plans with you
this week and you're completely ignoring it. Once I suggested
the hike, and then he suggested skydiving, and then turned
into hike to skydive, sorry, bungee jumping, and it just
sounds like a lot. Have you guys ever heard of
this bridge snowhere hike? So it's bridge to nowhere, you like,

(42:37):
it's like an eight mile hike and then you bungee
jump up. I can barely hike to like up my
stairs in my apartment. Because we went from like conversation
talking like via text, and here responses were like within
thirty seconds, like where should go hiking, Let's do this,
let's do this, and I was like, let's go bungee jumping,
and then it was like one text every six hours,
one text every because it's different. I just wanted to
go on like a casual like maybe mile long, and

(43:00):
then it turned into I didn't even know it was
eight miles. Definitely not happening unless someone can helicopter me
to the location. But do you jump things in aggressive?
It just seemed like a fun thing to do with
my sis. I'd rather do skydiving with my bro. All Right,
we're gonna go. We're still gonna hike later this week though, Yeah,
we'll figure it out. Okay, Well, so we have some
listener emails that, UM, I think you guys would be

(43:20):
great to jump in on and help out with because
your perspectives are so refreshing. Let's start with Josette. Um,
this is more for a guy perspective, but I think
we can all jump in on there. Two weeks ago,
a guy that all my friends think likes me. He's
twenty two, when a junior in college just like me
asked me to go to a light show with him.
What is that? What's a light show? Like a laser
show or like like Disneyland. Okay, no, I don't think

(43:46):
that's the one that was done. Maybe like a lantern
lighting where they like the lanterns so many abilities. Anyway,
he messaged me saying his older sister and the guy
were going and he didn't want to be a third wheel.
Would you like to come I'm I'm I interested in
this guy. He's tall, smart and nice. Chack check check.
He met me in the lobby of my dorm. He

(44:06):
opened the door for his car and such. It was
very date like. The big butt was that he didn't
make a move. I didn't even reach from my hand.
Josette is wondering was this a date? Yes, this was
a date. I agree, Yes it was out. And I
respect this guy that she went on a date with
for not making the move, because that's very much something

(44:26):
that I would do. I think it's yes, he's thinking
of it as a chivalrous thing to not push things
too fast, even though some girls don't like that. Guys
have we said on this show many times and on
your show many times, guys are woos is. They're very
afraid of rejection. They go to hold your hand, you
pull it away. Oh, it's gonna be a long time.
They go to kiss you. Oh, it's embarrassing. But not
only that, I can empathize with his his ability to

(44:49):
be not nonpresumptuous. I guess like he doesn't want to
just presume that Chassett wants to hold his hand or
kiss him at the end of the night. He's trying
to be respectful and and give her space if she
wants it, and maybe something can come come about later.
That's on the way I look at it. I feel
like your your way of dating is not so much
that it's more you like for the girl to make
the first move. I can't with you, like, I feel

(45:12):
like we talked about this several times. You like, it's
not even about making the first move. It's about being
comfortable with each other to be on the same level
as that. And I think that that's what this guy
is doing. Again, we don't have enough specifics about it,
but it sounds like he's like playing it slowly and
I don't think you can do anything but respect that.
Oh yeah, I agree. But I think if he took
the time to ask you to go with the sister
and he didn't want to be the third wheel, that

(45:33):
was basically him saying I want to go on a
date with you. Yes, yes, yes it is. It's a
worse way of doing it, but yes it is his
one of his guy friends. If you was just like,
I don't want to blame, well, let me tell you
what it is, because I look better her Her original
email before we kind of cut it down. And it's
called the Trail of Lights, and I looked it up.
It's in often and it's a Christmas light walk. You

(45:54):
walk through a bunch of beautiful Christmas lights. Date. I
did not want to invite a guy friend of that.
I think that would have been a great opportunity to
hold a hand. Yeah. I feel bad that they didn't,
but we also have to keep in mind that he's
twenty two and she's twenty, so maybe they're just a
little young and she was nervous. I think it's sweet.

(46:16):
It's all good. The question is where does she go
from here? She lets him plan another date for them.
I was going to say she well, I think I
hope that she let him know that she had a
good time and really enjoyed it, and then she gives
him the confident if she did, which it sounds like,
she gives him the confidence to make a move for
the second date and maybe get intimate with the hand holding,
because she could she could say to him, hey, that

(46:41):
was great, thank you so much. Next time, I'll plan
something for us to do. Like, couldn't she like kind
of take some initiative? Yeah, I think maybe third or fourth,
like once he's made made some sort of move to
let her know that he is definitely interested, than maybe
she could do something. But I think until he, like
for sure lets her know, so there's nothing she can do.

(47:02):
She just had to wait for him to do the
next thing. But I think she can like talking and
if they're it sounds like they're are they friend? I
can't tell thinking out more than just like like if
they hang out on a regular basis with multiple friends.
If he you know, I think that. I think to
your point, she should express her gratitude for being taken
on that day, and then he should be the one

(47:24):
that makes it takes the initiative to take them on
a second day and preferably this time just them too.
I'm gonna okay, Hey, jose I've had a great time
at the light show with you the other night. Did
you have fun? I had so much fun. We should
definitely hang out again. Oh my god, it was so cold,
But I just you know, I really want to hang
out with you again. You want to go see a
movie with me? Maybe? Yeah, I'd love to see a
movie with you. Do you like popcorn? I really want

(47:46):
to see? Uh? What do I want to see? I
really want to see the new Star Wars movie. Do
you like Star Wars? Um, Well, we'll talk about what movies.
That was almost awkward. I'm gonna requested Jackman thing. They
should go see that the musical with You Jack the
Greatest Showman Greatest. That's really good. Actually, And if he

(48:07):
does ask her out again, is it incredibly wrong that
she might grab his hand? Would that be okay? I
feel like that'd be okay. Yeah, maybe because he like
initiated a second day, he's let her know he's interested.
Maybe you just ease him next to each other. Who
makes the move there? Yeah, that's true. You can position
your hand to be held, that's true. Just put him
right next to each other, and maybe she'll just put

(48:29):
her hand on top of his hands. Right, there's a
way to do it by letting and let him know
what's okay to do. Ready break and you know, like this,
she goes in for the handhold and he gets a
fist bump. Alright. Um, Bianca, Hi, Dean and everyone else
that might be in studio. Bianca, I'm twenty five years old.

(48:52):
I've had a couple of relationships in the last two years,
but nothing this lasted too long. The guy I was
dating recently ended things with me over attack. We've both
been through really tough heart breaks before and promised we
wouldn't do that to each other. Long story short, The
breakup text said he wasn't over being hurt in the
past and that we may have moved too quickly. I

(49:13):
proceeded to text him, pouring my heart out, saying how
I would have supported him and all his dreams, and
reminding him all the things he said to me first,
like that he was falling in love with me, that
he wanted to meet my parents, saying that I wanted
he wanted me to meet his parents. This was two
days before the breakup. My question is what could have
changed in two days after pouring my heart out to

(49:34):
him in a long text, he never texted me. I
feel like anyone with a heart, especially one who said
so many amazing things to you like he did, would reply.
Why do you think he wouldn't reply? Sorry for this
being so long. Help I suck at dating. It's catching
on that phrase sucks. I can relate to this. This

(49:55):
happened to me in my triple I talked about my
triple ghost in the A Ghost When I was ghosted
by three consecutive girlfriends. One of them was like, this
said all these wonderful things. Oh, let's do this together,
let's make all these plans. I wasn't initiating the plans.
She was initiating the plans, and out of the blue
she was gone. And this was the one that got
back with her ex boyfriend or something that was Darby

(50:17):
that was different. I'm thinking of Ann. Anne was very
all in and then suddenly she was gone in two days,
and I don't know what happened. No, we never spoke again,
except to exchange some CDs that we had left at
each other's apartments. This was the ninth and then you
guys were trying to get coffee or something, and then
she ghosted you again. It was also dark anyway anyway,

(50:38):
So I think my only thought on this, and I
can't wait to hear what all of you have to say,
is did he meet somebody? Did he find somebody else?
It sounds like why is it so night and day
with him? I'm leaning towards all the things he said
were lies, Like all the nice things, I think he's
just saying it to get an initial. It sucks, but
I really think that's what happened. I think he liked

(50:59):
saying it, liked how it elp. They didn't actually represent
how he felt. It got him too deep and suddenly
he got scared. Could be the case. I don't I
don't think this is something that just happens overnight. It's
hard for me to see someone lying about saying those
things that are necessary, like to what veil? Like what
is he trying to get out of it? Though? You know,
some guys get a rise out of that, like saying like,
oh my god, I want to I want to taking
on these trips. I want you meet my parents, like

(51:19):
just to see that reaction in a woman and uh.
And then then he met someone else and just like
all right, I gotta get out. They like they like
the test of making a girl fall for them, and
then once they do, then they're out. Oh yeah, I
feel like that's probably very common. I don't think that's
even just like a guy thing or a girl thing.
I think that's just a human thing, like people make them.
I'm not saying it's good. I'm just thrill of the chase.

(51:40):
Like you you meet someone you really liked them initially,
there's like that challenge. You don't know them yet, and
then when the words start, you start saying these intimate,
deep words, You're like, I gotta get out of this,
out of the next This was fun in theory, but
in fact it's not the best. Maybe I think that
there might be some some traumatic event that might have
happened in his life that made him flip this way

(52:01):
in those two days. Yes, you and Mark love these
like psychological breakdown. Here's because this happened to me. It
was literally, I'm reading these text messages. One day it's
I love you, I'm moving, I can't wait to be together,
like asking my dad, you know all these things too.
We're done. And it was a very traumatic. There's like
a family sickness in the family, and I think something

(52:24):
I don't just a big breakup. It was that quick.
It was sudden, like it was it was like God
didn't like so sudden to the point where I like
vomited prof This was a five year relationship. That's what
do we know that? Um So I think that it
could be. I think I think that's obviously a possibility.

(52:47):
I think that's the least of the possible of the possibility.
I think I don't know who said it, but I
think that I think that the uh, the overly majority
possibility of this is that he was doing the same
thing with another a girl, decided he like the other
girl more, and then decided that this girl is no
longer going to be part of his roster. Could be
or I also like the idea I'm falling in love

(53:09):
with you, and then she says, oh my gosh, I'm
following with you. I love you, And when he hears that,
he's like, oh gosh, oh what have I done? Oh
this is too I meant to go. It's really scary
when someone I mean, it really is like if you're
not on the same page and you know someone has weight,
deeper feelings, you kind of yeah, it is sad, but
it's like life, and I feel like you could have

(53:32):
handled it much better and just said I feel like
we're moving really fast, and maybe we slowed down and
figure it out. But I think maybe when he heard it,
he either freaked out and was just not mature enough
to handle the situation, or he just didn't like her enough,
which is hard to hear a breakup over texts. If
I give any advice, don't don't no post, it's no

(53:53):
text messages. It's a step above ghost but not much.
What's okay? So, if you're unable to meet person in
person for something that like say they live in different
states or something, do you suggest facetiming phone call? Yes?
I mean, of course, I think texting is the worst
way to do it, of course, But do you think
it's still okay to do it over FaceTime or something
like that? This would have been a good question for
Diane because she's the long distance relationships a good point.

(54:13):
How do you break up with somebody? Do you think? So?
Say you live in California and someone lives in New
York and you're gonna break up with him, do you
think it's worth flying to New York to break up
with them and then flying back to California? I think
it depends on how relationship is. If you're together for years,
you absolutely mail a flight. I'm sorry, it's my mark
right flying across the country just to break up of

(54:35):
respect for your years and years in a relationship over,
It's over over. Marcus a Savage Derby did a number
on a savage? What do you do? You break up
as soon as you land, like in the airport or
do you have like a couple like you got what's
going to happen? I don't over I don't know. It

(54:58):
all so bad. It's like I just after after being
with someone for so many years in investing your time
in life, especially if you thought you were going to
end up with them, to have it and over a
phone call seems so depressing. Yeah, but I guess the
whole thing is that I think it definitely depends on
the amount of time you guys spend together. But I
think the main takeaway from this one is don't break

(55:18):
up with someone over a text, if not for the
fact of how rude it is because you can't see
their face when you do it, but also because Bianca
has a lot of unanswered questions that she was able
to and if you do it face to face over
a FaceTime any other way than just texting them, you're
able to get those answers and get a little bit
more closure because now she's holding on to this to
the point where she's emailing random podcast trying to get answers,
which we we we are devistated for um, but yeah,

(55:42):
we're all single. So it's like when you're you know,
like she has so many questions that she's emailing us
who don't have a whole lot of them. LEXI do
as we say, not as we do. Let's empower Alexei
shall Way. Hey, Dean, I could really use some more
advice because I'm in a bit of a difficult situation.

(56:05):
If I had the biggest crush of my best friend
for a while now. A few months ago, we had
an argument, but we sort of things out really quickly
and we're really close again. But I've realized I need
to get over him. It's been really difficult because I
don't want to lose my friendship with him, but I
really don't think anything will happen romantically between us, and
that breaks my heart a little bit. We see each
other really often, we're really close, we have the same
group of friends. So I was wondering if you had

(56:25):
any advice on getting over someone, Lexie. I think that
one of the girls should handle this one in terms
of getting over them. I did have my best friend
in San Diego, um we did literally everything together and
he I do think it's hard when you have a
guy and a girl best friend relationship. For it's hard
for one person at some point not to develop feelings.

(56:48):
So he told me I had feelings for me. Um.
It was awkward for a little bit. We didn't talk
for about a month, which was you know, selfishly, I
was like, this sucks, Like this is my best friend,
the person I choose, you know, we do everything together,
and like I have to give him the time to
move on past his feelings for me. Um and so.
But then after that time where he we didn't talk

(57:10):
for a full month, didn't hang out or anything, and
then we were friends again and he was like, you
know what, I decided I'd rather have you in my life.
And it'd be a little difficult in that way, but
you know, I'd rather have you in my life than
I'll have you at all. So you kind of have
to decide is it worth being around and maybe struggling.
And I think it's so hard because I think when
you have a best friend, I mean I did have

(57:32):
a best friend that was a guy for a really
long time in my life and we never had feelings
for either one of us, neither had feelings for each other. Um.
But I do think it's tricky because if you have
someone that is your guy best friend, like why wouldn't
you date them, you know, well, that's what we asked
you about him, But when it's not there. But I'm

(57:52):
saying it's hard. If she clearly has feelings for her
guy best friend, I think it's hard to stay friends
with them because you're still going to keep wanting to
have those You're still gonna have those feeling, all right.
I want her to go find somebody else. I want
her to who date someone else, which will either make
him insanely jealous and realize how much he loves her,
or it won't and she could be done with that.
I feel like friendships a little overrated. I think there's

(58:13):
a lot of people out there, and you don't need
to be friends with this guy that's just going to
torture you because you have these feelings for him that
they're never going to be reciprocated. You gotta move on
and let him move on and if it's meant to be,
it will happen. He's very steadfast. Yeah, he's away. Yeah. Um.
I will say I can't really speak from experience. I

(58:33):
don't really have much, uh like information to give out,
but I have had girls best friends, Like when I
lived in Denver, I hung out with this girl probably
like four or five times a week strictly as best friends.
And I don't think either of us really had any
love interest in each other. But I think that there's
a lot of like benefits to having a girl or
guy best friend, you know, like an opposite sex best friend,
because you're able to kind of pick their brains within
like dating whoever else it is that you're dating. And

(58:56):
I think back to Bell, who we talked about earlier.
She said that she has a crush on one of
the guys and her friend group. I think that she
should just come out and tell him how she feels,
and if it works, it works, and if it doesn't,
then they can go back to being friends like Becca
and her friend from San Diego did, or they can
just move on. Or she can just say like, hey,
I need to We can't. You can't be my best
friend right now. It's too hard for me because what

(59:16):
if this guy's just being a wolf like that other
guy like this, like the lights Walk guy, and he
does that feelings because guy's bottle this stuff up. Guys
don't even realize that. You know what I did. Actually
two years ago, I went on like two days with
this guy and he um. He basically just said, like,
you know, I just I'm not in a place to
be in a relationship and can we just be friends?
And I literally said no. Every time I go with you,

(59:40):
I like you more and more. So, No, you don't
get my friendship if you don't want to date me.
And guess what keeps trying to text me every like
six months? Hey, how's it going. I'm like, no, we're
not friends. I have a lot of friends. Is there
any chance he's reaching out because he realized what he
had with you? Then he's more than welcome to tell me.
But no one, no one's holding them back. Dean and Becca,

(01:00:03):
are you too that for each other? Could you go
to each other about relationship issues and seek the opposite
sex's advice? Yeah? Becca sometimes burns a fire in me
with the stuff that she tells me about her not. No,
I guess maybe we should. Maybe I shouldn't say that,
but like, there are moments that you've texted me and
you're like, what do you think about this? And I'm like, oh,
you son of that? You're bringing that up right now?
I can't believe and you know exactly what I'm talking about.

(01:00:25):
I'm not going to talking about but we have had
conversations about our past relationship with each other, and we
kind of I would say, I challenge you a little
bit more and you're thinking, but I feel like for nothing,
for no benefit though it's solely like to overthink and
make each other like, Hey, did you see this picture
that got posted? Yeah, sleep on that and wake up

(01:00:46):
and keep super piste off about it. It's all that's
not what I say. I just bring it up because
I'm like, I wonder if Dean had these same thoughts
about this photo, and normally I didn't until she brings
it up, and they did continue to eat away at
me for weeks and months and to this day, well
say so, wait, we'll talk about on the outside of

(01:01:09):
the It's nice to have someone that can be in
the same situation as you and empathize with you. But
it's almost like you we like feed each other, like
we add gas to the fire sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, Like
it's not always like beneficial. It's the opposite. I think
more often than not it's quite the opposite, but it is.
I will say it's nice to have someone where I
can text and be like, hey, like, what do you

(01:01:32):
think about this like I would. I would feel comfortable
texting Dean and saying, like if I guided this as
this normal, not that I like really trust Deans. Like
dating from a guy's perspective, totally a lot of girls.
You know who has like a lot of girls that
are interested in him and how he would handle a situation.
It's nice, that's good. I don't know if I should
be flattered or upset with that last statement. You have

(01:01:52):
a podcast on for the sequel title it's gonna be
what do you think it's should be? Because okay, and
and to preface it with I think the title should change.
I'm lobbying for a title change of the podcast. What
are your what are your suggestions for the new name?
Um mine was help Dating Sucks with Young Layer. I

(01:02:15):
think that is what I'm pushing for. It's like I
thought you were trying to change like that. No, no, no,
it's still going to be central around the whole time.
You should say help, I'm going on four shows on two. No,
I'm thinking four this year. You need to up your game.
No, no no, no, let's just hope three is a success.
We're asking people to email in who I Suck at Dating?

(01:02:38):
And I heard media dot Com with ideas for what
Deans Show should be called. That's fun. I like that. Hey,
I'll think about it. What about like we all need help,
that's why help. Dating sucks, and it's just like, oh,
we all suck suck and Becky could be a regular
because she sucks the most. True, she just doesn't do it. Yeah,
it's more like I don't try, right, Like, oh, mission,

(01:03:01):
what is it? What that's kind of sucking at dating?
I think to not try? Don't you think to not
even be in the game. Don't feel no, because I
don't feel like i'd be bad at if I don't.
Why don't you want to try? What's stopping? What's stopping
you from trying? Just like Lazy and My Dog. Yeah,
it's really it's really initialing you're fulfilled enough in your
life to where you don't you have any like curios

(01:03:22):
to seek out. It seems like so much work going
on date from like having small Oh my god, I
feel like I'm in a relationship with Tony was so
needy this last week. I was like I was not period. Sorry.

(01:03:43):
Honesty is one of the central points that we're finding
in all relationships, so it's true. Do you guys know
about threat Up? Yeah? What do you know about it? Um?
It's like it's almost like a thrift shop online, right,
nail it right on the head, uh, threat Up. For
those of the you that are not familiar with it,

(01:04:03):
like Becca, thread Up is basically an online thrift store,
like a discount store where you can go and shop
for your favorite brands and items without having to sort
through pile after pile at these you know, kind of
play it again stores like a Good Well or whatever
it is. I guess we can need names, but um,
so what you're allowed to do is just jump on
the app, jump on the website and kind of just

(01:04:23):
start scroll and see what you like. They have brands
from like Gap to Gucci. You're gonna be spending probably
fifty dollars item, but if you go to threat up
dot com slash Dean, you'll get an additional fort off
those already incredibly reduced prices. So again, it's thread up
dot com, t h R E d up dot com

(01:04:44):
slash d e A N and you'll get an inditional
off those already incredible prices. Threat up dot com slash
Dean off. Um, I promise you won't regret it. If
you want to find some unique clothing and save some money,
check it out. They you so much to my guest today,
Diane Valentine, and again you can check her out on
Sunday nights on Bravo at eight seven Central on her

(01:05:07):
show to Room with Her Love. Thanks again to Becca
Tilly and Tanya rad for coming in and drop it
in and saying hi, and don't forget to listen to
their podcast, Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and now with
Tan your ad. It's a great podcast. Check it out.
Keep the emails coming. It's I Suck at Dating at
iHeartMedia dot com again, emails some of your new podcast
name ideas. I think it should be help Dating Sucks.

(01:05:28):
Becca thinks it should be um help Dean Okay, Tanya
thinks it should be help So cute. Anyways, love you
a lot. Donna was talking about much you loved you
that I really do like. I think you're so special. Thanks.
I think you're special too. I'm actually really curious. Maybe

(01:05:49):
not today, but I would love to catch up on
your dating life because last time we talked to you
were talking about how you've kind of shifted all of
your priorities with the relationship, not all of them, but
the key ones. Yes. And what's crazy is I've really
kicked it up a notch. Okay, we definitely have to
have you on at some point then, um okay, So again,

(01:06:12):
that's the first episode of two eighteen for Help I
Suck at Dating. My name is Dean. Be sure to
tune back in next week because maybe I will suck
a little bit less and we'll have your name for
the podcast. Follow Help I Suck At Dating with Dean
Anglert on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen
to podcasts.